Covert Narcissists: The Effects of Having A Covert Narcissistic Parent or Spouse

[@dingdongdigital7011]

when dealing with a female narc you have the false domestic claims where you get thrown in jail. you lose your child, house, car, job and your belongings delivered to u in garbage bags on the street. you lose friends and family because they don’t understand or help. there is no 50/50 i have to settle for the occasional 5-10 minute facetime conversations on her way to school. parental alienation is a big problem but ive yet to hear anyone talk about real solutions. to add salt to the wound when you feel comfortable enough to share your story woman will often laugh at the thought of a man being abused. in all this mess i’m still refuse to be the victim and i will continue to create a better life on the other side of this darkness and try to help other when i can. stay strong brothers and sisters the pendulum will swing back and the tides will eventually turn in your favor 🙏❤

[@HeatherHennessey-zq4ou]

@HeatherHennessey-zq4ou 0 seconds ago @dingdongdigital7011 , I am sad to hear there's no 50/50! And I find it extremely uncommon, as I found were the norm and trends, when I had to fight for our daughter's safety. So I wanted to at least mention that, because it seems you got unusually scammed! And hope it can be redressed./modified... Men/bio dads seem to always get at least 50/50 time, even if violent/abusive. That's the painful reality in at least my state, and many others is what I learned. Weird! Good luck!! (I find the worst part to be that we can't move out west to NM now! Which I've longed for and planned for my entire life. Even if her dad is violent and toxic, I apparently can't legally move to a new state, with our daughter. Very Weird!) Anyway, good luck brother. That sounds very, very tough.

[@MB-sg8dx]

Im so sorry. I have a nephew in an abusive marriage with a narcissistic wife and i think he’s reluctant to divorce her until the kids graduate HS because shes likely to pull out all the stops. Its demonic; it really is. 😞

[@robertlennihan3113]

I’m going through this now

[@spe-entertain]

You're the woman I found first when I figured out this is what my wife was. You got me through the painful first phase.

[@skidibidup]

True that

[@toddandersone]

Agree 100%. Things are even clearer after seeing some of her videos. Covert narcissism is very hard to deal with when you have a child with a covert narcissist who is hellbent on ruining you. It has been a battle for me for years. She tried to destroy my relationships, reputation and who I am as a father in my children's eyes. Thank you for your videos!

[@wendeezy456]

💯 percent agree with you all

[@derekwfrazier]

​more time

[@jezbezzer4277]

Me too in 2018 ❤

[@paulasussman4751]

I have been learning about emotional neglect in childhood and I believe that sets us up for this abuse

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya good food for thought! My husband's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type to me, not kids of course, he even went as far as to put locks on the kids' doors so I couldn't go in and clean, they've moved out as they're older and all ok now, hubby's too learnt to be polite, he has less stress that way! 😊

[@flyincosmo9356]

"Counter-parenting" is the reality when your spouse is a covert narcissist... 19 years of this.

[@MB-sg8dx]

41 years for me. All three of my kids are married now and i just learned that what i endured all these years has a name…..

[@-LSTR-]

At 42, I am happy and grateful for not having kids after my 7 year 'relationship' with a Covert narc ex, but now I feel destroyed and I don't have kids you know... I let her take my best years

[@joseenoel8093]

Kids are a wonderful challenge, my husband forced me to have 1 after the other, women should have their pregnancies 18 months apart (didn't know then in '97) for their health and the well-being of the unborn child. I b-fed 4.5 yrs straight, all through my second pregnancy and kids get along wonderfully but, as professionals; my daughter's a biologist and my son is a nurse, find life expensive (it always was). I help them out even though I never went back to work, screw that s**t, I'm sitting pretty, I think all narcs have bucks!

[@-LSTR-]

@@joseenoel8093 might be, but with a narcissist you will be fighting an uphill battle and the slope just increases. Im sorry you couldn't get out on time. Wish you all the best, keep learning and stay as strong as you can be.

[@derekwfrazier]

Have one dont bE lazy😂

[@LastingHope]

You are a man. Meaning your best years are ahead of you! ❤

[@HeatherHennessey-zq4ou]

There's more good years to come, I promise! (But i get this.)

[@artluvr6170]

This video is fantastic! It not only describes how I was treated in adult relationships with narcissistic women, but also how my mother treated me as well. I had been so trained by my mother’s manipulative behavior that I was easy prey for narc women in adulthood. I have been ‘no contact’ with my mother for almost seven years.

[@Technoriety]

Michelle - please make a Part 2 for this video, to explore these concepts in more depth.

[@sikiescordova1826]

They don’t target weak ppl.I known you for over 10 years and. I think you look amazing 😘

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya Michele, you look amazing but you don't need us to tell you that (although I'm sure people don't tell you enough, in that, they do think you do look marvellous😊!

[@libertycan6959]

My dad had a bedtime for me and my brother during the summer at 7:30. We laid in bed ...sun shining through the window 95 degrees while all our friends were outside on the street playing 😂. Our little brother stayed up until 11:00-12:00 every night with mom. If that doesn't give an idea into that dynamic. Bed time and rules can also be a great way to avoid and not have to actually engage. Control? All kinds of things.... Smoking 😅 both me and my brother got in trouble in grade school because the principal was certain we smoked .... living with chain smokers 😂😂😂 my mom and new step dad took the bathroom door handle off😂😂😂 I love her videos ...its my life

[@joseenoel8093]

Hi hon, sorry for all your mishaps, they're insane,.love from Montreal!

[@libertycan6959]

@@joseenoel8093 ❤️

[@derekwfrazier]

How did you let that go? 😅

[@DiachokDN]

The undermining of my authority as father went on in the most subtle ways. I couldn’t believe it was going on - my wife is just too “virtuous” - until you find one day that your own beloved children don’t respect you!

[@MB-sg8dx]

Wow. Ive never seen this addressed before. 100% described my life raising our 3 girls …. A continual competition and battle with my narcissistic spouse who undermined me in every possible way. Hes the teddy bear, the fun parent, and im the “problem parent” to this day. May God expose the truth.

[@angelamossucco2190]

❤❤❤

[@andynolan8071]

A great description of the way the covert narcissist operates in a family system.

[@FREEDOMGUNNER]

I've been married to a covert narcissist for 28yrs, we have a 14yr old son, and I just learned/discovered my wife is a covert narcissist and my son is has been exposed to her without me truly understanding what the hell is going on and who she really is! I was confused and trying everything possible to make he happy. I finally realized that will never happen because she chooses misery 24/7! Now that I understand she's a covert narcissist, I'm in 'Dad Mode' to protect my son and create boundaries for parenting.

[@greggeer6231]

My wife of 25 years would push my buttons in front of our kids to get a response, and then tell them, "Look how your father is acting. Real fathers don't do this.". She would also be very cruel to me before we had company coming over. By the time our friends arrived, I no longer wanted to be there. This video hit hard and brought up anger in me because I've always wondered why she acted this way. Now I know. Thanks for sharing this video.

[@hjot483]

I think you are wonderful particularly explaining what covert narcissism is. I had loss in my childhood but no suffering, abuse or anything like that. My Ex the covert narcissist from an upstanding wealthy family in the community, isn't suffering from anything & my adult children barely speak to me. My reputation has been ruined by lies. I became the scapegoat, the bad guy ▪︎I disagree that it was something from My childhood. No, God bless my mom.❤ My naivete, trust, integrity is what could be blamed. How did I end up the scapegoat, bad guy? The ex came from the "perfect family!" ▪︎(Alcoholism + denial) + MONEY= Perfection in many people's eyes.

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup my started fatty liver disease as he drank like a 🍸🐟, no kidding, jock thing I think, 15 beers 🍻 a day and a shot of something! Decades of yelling get to bed, or he would even sleep walk, that's due to extreme sleep deprivation, no sex, booze kills your libido! He's so much work, now he's cut booze in half and dieting cuz he just seems to go from one extreme to the other! Hang in there, you may love your narc but you've got to stick to loving yourself more, just like they do!

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

He was the perfect parent and I was defective. I never reacted to the slights, and he demeaned and disrespected me. You are right about how covert the abuse is. I knew if I left I would lose my family. So to try to tolerate it I ended up hospitalized and so I lost my image of reason. And then I left to save my sanity. I lost everything and not only am I too old to start over and have no trust, focus, or tolerance for crap. Once I admitted I won’t get better even though I don’t see my kids, and I won’t get better without them, I reached acceptance that I was screwed over by the person I loved.

[@MB-sg8dx]

Praying for you. God can take our broken pieces and raise us up from the ashes. He will give you a future and a hope.

[@brianmealing1675]

Hi Michelle I’ve been putting up with this for years I have to get out 😢

[@gusp44]

👍🙏 just started watching your videos and wow what an eye opener for my situation 20+yrs thank you

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup some say life's a wild ride, well narcs (short for narcotic) are the drivers, control freaks, adrenaline junkies!

[@CarolanRoss]

Nailed it, Michelle. Love the ways you explain such deeply complex issues in your unique calm and rational way, one that often gives deeper understanding, especially that time alone won't heal. The subconscious thoughts and avoiding the drama triangle, the inner work to handle emotional triggers and trauma responses. Hard to accept that's become part of the central nervous system as a condition that keeps the trauma alive.

[@mama1bear65]

After 19 years of marriage, 4 kids, I needed this. I just moved out after divorce. My children are doing well, and I am finally feeling like I am finding myself again! You nailed it! He definitely was so very verbally and emotionally abusive prior to ALL events! I stopped wearing mascara and even on our dates in marriage, he'd make me cry on the way to dinner. He always was going against me in parenting! Buying new phones for the kids when I clearly said no because they broke the old one, going to bed on time....he wants to be liked and does not care about the mental wellbeing of the children. And YES! I feel a virtual kick to the gut when I realize and recall memories that I wondered why I felt wrong or bad....I had no idea he was doing this to me until I woke up. He definitely tried to get me to react, too. It made me so numb...so very numb. Truth is, my children know and see. They want to be with me, but for now, is equal. My children have bern going to therapy and thank God, they are respectful to me and have actually been more helpful, extra loving and sweet to me. They know and see how their dad behaves and they are victims of abuse, as well. He has raged suddenly and will micromanage them and they cannot relax. The kids do not create drama in my home and thankfully I've taught them to respect feelings, privacy and need for alone time(boundaries). They are able to just be.

[@remytembe4249]

You're exactly on point. My children were taken away by my estranged wife, it's been over 14 months now, and I haven't physically seen them because she endlessly brings up allegations of abuse against me in court. Projecting her actions on me. I'm currently experiencing everything you mentioned, dealing with my kids when she even remotely allows conversation via video calls. It's a nightmare dealing with the situation. I can't do anything about it because she has labeled herself a victim of abuse, and the court system continues to favor her until we get to trial. Thank you for the tips.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

I'm really going through it now! What an effing nightmare!

[@izawaniek2568]

Everything you said is true and I have experienced it first hand. This is exactly the case. Thank you Michelle.

[@jezbezzer4277]

Yes what you said about the bed time routine was exactly what she did, i was like why don't you put are kids to bed like a normal mother. Yes too be be the favourite parent even at the detriment of our kids education she didn't care. 😢Thank you so much for the great video ❤

[@joseenoel8093]

Mine couldn't put them to bed, too much work as these kids were energy bombs, no prob, better to give them the better parent anyway, covert mom tried to sabotage my education but that didn't pan out for her either! 85 soon and just another day for covert malignant mom's birthday, bro and I were at her 75th (he crashed it) and that was horrible enough, she's right, I'm not good enough nor am I married to her, not my job proving her wrong!🎉😊

[@missmary113]

When I started to gain my footing and was confiding to family and friends I always got the same response "He never says anything bad about you maybe you should talk with him about how you're feeling?" I was confused and that is what he wanted.

[@theeemaven]

Oh holy SHIT you couldn't be more spot on. "...don't care if it hurts fhe kids as long as they're liked more..." ..."going to be really hard/upset you because you're in it for what's best for the kids.." .."long con. Didn't see it til AFTER..."(15 YEARS & if we never had a son I may still never have become aware of it therefore never left. Thank you for this. Very validating. & I know it'll be what turns the light bulb on for many people aka is the first step to uhm...SAVING THEIR LIVES.

[@theeemaven]

I was not even four minutes in when I posted this comment. I just started to type again & then realized I'd essentially be just writing a summary of your entire video lol. Cuz "sets you up to react." omg. I felt like a lion & I was with my cub & this male lion kept coming for my cub. I can't believe I didn't get physical. God that rattled me awake when he tried to involve my son in a con I never knew I was part of...until again...HE TRIED TO USE OUR CHILD. Bastard. Oof. Thank you.

[@joseenoel8093]

Insecure morons,,, my daughter flew to see gnaw, came back saying "She's has no respect for you!" Well that kid's mine, not hers so good luck turning her against me!

[@marthasaunders3844]

I'm currently having a problem with my ex going against me, our court agreement and putting things in our child's head. My ex is in a competition that he created.

[@Specialkfree]

I can’t believe how accurate this is! You are retelling my 21 yrs/17 married w a covert narc. I didn’t know this was what it was until 6 months AFTER we separated. It feels so crazy to even say that. I just signed up for your group. I can’t wait to talk to you and others who get what happened and can point me to the direction of healing from narc abuse. Thank you so much.

[@IRISHWINECOOP]

so much respect for your work, thank you.

[@traceyalex1722]

Thank you so much for describing the family dynamics in the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse, I was divorced in March this year, our 2 children live with me. I definitely recognise the behaviours and scenarios you describe. I liked your analogy of "narcissistic fleas".

[@hjot483]

I haven't listened to the entire video yet, my children lived with me. I don't know how old your kids are: BEWARE. The manipulation became rampant when they were in mid High School into college. When Daddy buys them a car, takes them on "College Visits" excluding me, etc,etc He's a lawyer so good luck fighting that

[@traceyalex1722]

@@hjot483 thanks for the warning. 😐

[@derekwfrazier]

​@@hjot483they will eventually figure their lives out and watching adult children start to fail thru life, including trusting the wrong people, is natural.

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

I could never put into words how much I appreciate Michelle and Dr. Ramani💖💖💖

[@tzone5951]

Totally spot on Michele. Thanks for putting this into words. It was very hard for me to uncover, let alone describe.

[@aceizhigh]

Thank you so much for these videos. Im just starting this journey. Single parent dad here. Knowledge is helping me stay focused in a confusing time. God bless you.

[@Holly-d1n]

Michelle, both my mother and ex spouse are vulnerable somatic coverts. Early on in my marriage I realized I was mirroring the response I had with my mother on my husband which revealed to me that my spouse was mirroring my mother who he barely knew and that's when I learned how to handle him in turn helping me spend my entire life in toxic relationships until it was breaking me and I was forced to leave to survive.

[@tonyavaughan5845]

I would love to hear more on the coparenting aspect!

[@RandyCrones]

Thank you, Michelle!

[@Dazz3881]

So correct.. can not Relive it 4 sure. Respect.

[@Mike-G777]

This was my experience to the T 🙏 it’s all over the world Ethiopia Japan Korea

[@stillpril8942]

I have been watching this channel since 2016.❤

[@helensmith4126]

Thank you, this is a great video

[@johnnycontreras6307]

This hit home

[@waqarsaleem1412ah]

Thank you Michele

[@lustertone8587]

This is powerful information and very relevant to some of the healing I am working on in my life right now. Thank you so much for discussing this with us!

[@pactme]

I used to coordinate a family court program for parents of 0-5 yos. We were teaching strength based attachment parenting, PCIT, Zero to Three stuff. I was learning it even while we were delivering it, and bringing it home to my own baby and toddler. I was also primary parenting while my then wife was throwing herself into law school. She rejected everything i tried to do as a parent (not even credit for parenting a baby and toddler when she was gone all the times), trying to use skills from these evidence based, healthy bonding focused intentional ways. She said I was being a dick about it and she’s “the mother”. 😢

[@HeatherHennessey-zq4ou]

@pactme, Well she's wrong. And, anyone who speaks that way of, or to, the other parent of their child together, is not speaking with any sort of love or respect. I am so sorry to hear it. 😗

[@R0M4N313]

This was exactly what happened w my ex.and her 2 kids. I thought I was crazy. Broke my heart

[@jaredvidler1242]

My ex wife is exactly everything you said.

[@Michael_Arguello]

My life.

[@AngelCoyoteMusic]

Thank you for educating about this. I hadn't considered that my child is addicted to drama due to conditioning, and that makes so much sense. I'm looking forward to watching this series and will be passing it onto friends as well.

[@אוריתאיזנברג-ג4מ]

Thank you so much ❤ you are helping me so much !

[@jezbezzer4277]

God bless you Michelle ❤thank you

[@FREEDOMGUNNER]

My wife sabotages holidays and reverses my parenting decisions in front of my son, as if I'm a child!

[@andrewbeckman7687]

U RIGHT

[@jen0283_1]

Sounds like my looser husband. My 4 & 5 year old little girls who I adore more then life itself😢 I can tell him & the mother in law have talked bad about me behind my back and purposely so that my little girls can hear it. They even encourage my girls to call their grandma- “mom”! Makes me feel enraged inside! What do I do, divorce him? I can’t understand why my girls even like him or his mother from the way they treat my babies!

[@gabogc88]

This is what is happening to me😂

[@angelamossucco2190]

❤😢

[@theeaviatordreamer]

I need help

[@ribamarsantarosa4465]

Is there a video on the application process of a girl selecting in a Tinder throughout her 200 matches? You, from your position, can confirm what the manosphere says, that any wording is helpless?

[@MrGamman3yt]

3 things. Get off social media, reach out to rational humans, stop watching the news. De trigger yourself. Look up Stocism.