The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@sunnydaye5942]

I told myself to put all that love and effort I put out to these toxic relationships including toxic family, into my life instead. Now I have more energy, more self respect and way more money to use for what I want and need. Let these people fend for themselves. You didn't break them or make them, you cannot fix anyone but yourself.

[@Sezfluffy]

Its so true re money it really is

[@msc-wn5og]

Yes!!!

[@twovirginiacats3753]

So well said! I got a divorce because I literally couldn't afford him! :)

[@antoneydilley1670]

Since my Ex Narc the money thing is true always been able to spoil my daughter I shouldn't but she's my girl now I can take her to the toy store and let her pick whatever she wants sometimes we buy up the store get rid of that Narc let them drown in their own reflection of what they truly are your life will be abundant on so many levels & they are all scum I Hate All Narc's,& I'm being polite in this comment not actually saying what I truly think of them,I wish all luck in what situation you may be in 😎

[@crystalcleveland756]

Yes!!!

[@The_authentic_queen_]

FOR EVERYONE WHO IS STILL IN THE UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT... DON'T SETTLE FOR BREADCRUMBS WHEN YOU ARE WORTH THE ENTIRE LOAF!

[@Jdrummer77]

Well put.

[@madamejaysynstarot]

PEERIODT

[@AdZS848]

That's very nice but some of us don't have a choice.

[@nicok2131]

a DIFFERENT loaf!

[@pixieezakura9421]

​@@AdZS848what do you mean? I also thought that a long time, that I'm not worth more than crumbs, but I'm getting better. Is there a similar reason for you to think you don't have a choice but eating crumbs?

[@bettybodemeh3949]

"Allowing yourself to be harmed in the name of love isn't love" Thanks once again Dr Ramani.

[@dionross1241]

No it most definitely is not the time and if I'm honest 2 years down the track I still really love the girl

[@ShahrezadNorMohammadiy9116]

Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you-to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

[@juliekswanson]

This is terrible advice. As the victim of narc parents I was conditioned to be empathic, to be understanding and non-judgmental to my own detriment. Discernment is a survival skill. A life without it makes you a target for predators.

[@malwads1836]

I 💭 1 of the things I'm most proud of about myself is that I didn't allow my narc father to strip my empathy & humanity away from me😊... I've just learned to be discerning & not give my empathy to toxic manipulative types like narcs and to just simply stay away from toxic people in general👍🏻👍🏻.

[@jaykay415]

@@juliekswanson Well, I'm not in this situation exactly, so you may know better. But it seems like you could have empathy and understanding of why a person behaves the way they do, while also choosing not to engage with it?

[@tlove6932]

@@juliekswanson Absolutely agree 💯💯💯

[@zestygurl]

Go whisper that to a nuclear weapon see how that goes for you. It won't end well those who built them also thought that way at one time. Now, look around at this polluted trashed planet. I'd rather have clean water, air and soil. As for that posting considered that device you are using to post that message is made by slave labor exploitation. Just pointing that out. The hypocrisy of that. Really detest homosapians. Human trafficking any slavery. I don't want any of my products made by slave labor exploitation. None. Words are very cheap and pointless now. I'd say that message isn't working in a country that's had over 200 mass shootings with the largest prison population in the world while most people are literally outpriced from living. See how that goes when you need medical care from say cancer for example as your driven int further unnecessary debt receiving subpar care. Meanwhile the very companies polluting everything causing unnecessary illnesses globally are valued at several trillions. I'm past this false positivity crap in this society.

[@x-2954]

They will lovebomb you to begin with. Nice gifts. Nice dates. Charming. Funny. Affectionate. Compliments. They will tell you that they have strong feelings early on. All of this is fake!! Done to lure you in. They cant love anything or anyone (appart from themselves). I felt there was something off at the start. My gut was screaming at me to leave but i didnt listen. You will see the red flags. But choose to ignore them. When everything goes there way everything is good. But if they’ve had a stressful day at work or something happens to p*** them off they will be moody and misserable. They will play hot and cold. One day they are lovely other days they are cold and distant so you never know where you stand with them. Leaving you feeling confused, hurt and not good enough. Dont ever pull them up on their bad behaviour. If you do they will end the “relationship”. They manipulate and gaslight you into taking their bad behaviour and disrespect. How dare you stand up for yourself! You should bow down to them and be a door mat because they are the best thing since sliced bread and you should be greatful that they chose you! They will blame everything that goes wrong in the relationship on you. They are never to blame. They will never appologize. They will manipulate you into thinking its your fault and you will end up appologizing for your reaction to their bad behaviour. Everything will always be on their terms! You will do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. If its not something they enjoy doing they will not do it. And on the off chance that they will they will be misserable the whole time. They will see you when it suits them. They will never plan things in advance or make future plans. They will never fully commit. If your going through a hard time in life they will never be there to support you. They will avoid everything that involves emotional connection. Dont ever cry in front of them because they will think that your crazy for having feelings. They cant even give to a hug if you were to cry in front of them, they will just look at you blankly. They have no empathy what so ever. They are very selfish and only care about their own needs. Your needs mean nothing to them. They are dead on the inside. No feelings. No emotions. Just an empty soul. They are addicts. They drink too much. They gamble too much. They are stuck in their ways. They will never change. They will lie. They will cheat (mine had been a serial cheater in past relationships and i though that he wouldnt be the same with me. I have no proof that he cheated but from his past its very likely). They will use you. All of this will have a negative effect on your mental health. You will loose so much of yourself with a narcissist. They will drain the life out of you. Save yourself. Love yourself. Leave these toxic human beings. Moreover, I could've gotten hurt from the impact of been cheated on. I'm glad that i got to know ASAP, through MetaspyHub@gmail. com and I appreciate the content you put out for us .

[@JustBE_U]

It's sad when you've been surrounded by narcissist your whole life... like I have... I am just disgusted and heart broken...

[@juliekswanson]

I had to cut off the five closest people in my life…when your mother is a narcissist, you’re just trained from birth to be comfortable around toxic, miserable, selfish abusers. I got to the point that it was them or me, and I finally chose myself. It’s hard but I hope your heart heals. ❤️

[@JustBE_U]

@@juliekswanson and that's exactly where I am mentally. It's a hurting thing to get over when you loved these people and were honest with pure intentions for these people ... but they kept hurting you abusing and misusing the love you gave them. Doing everything but loving you back, but you have pain and hurt because YOU had to cut them off! I had to tell my mother and a host of other people that they weren't good for me too. How do these people go around giving out treatment that they wouldn't themselves accept... then we end up damaged and deprived and neglected when we never treated people like that... I can't even wrap my head around this... 😩

[@JustBE_U]

@@juliekswanson thank you I hope your heart never gets broken to heal.

[@bluecollarlit]

Same.

[@JustBE_U]

@@bluecollarlit I am so sorry about you experiencing this. Its painful I totally understand. I just pray we heal 🙏 😔.

[@erinward2983]

If you can run from a narcissist, get going!!! If you don’t have children with one, never do!!! If you do have a child or children with one, GO FOR FULL CUSTODY AND PROTECT THOSE CHILDREN AT ALL COSTS!!!! They’ll steal, manipulate, betray, and exploit.

[@maryros3249]

I did lost my son to a narcissist 😢😢

[@tlove6932]

Been trying to for years now after learning a lot of truths. Soo difficult when a Narcissist especially is Financially Abusing someone onto of all the other types of Abuse. Great comment!👏🏻💯💯

[@erinward2983]

@@maryros3249 I’m very sorry to hear that. Hopefully it wasn’t a complete loss and you can still reach out to make sure he knows you love him dearly. I’m the child of a narcissist and it took me 39 years to realize the gravity of all of it. And bless my mom, she’s embraced me and my newfound respect and appreciation for everything she went through and all the love she continuously showed despite all of the damage due to the way my father convinced me of her always being the bad guy. Pssssst….secret….the narcissist can be great at telling on themselves with the way they tend to be everything they accuse others of being.

[@tlove6932]

@@erinward2983 Yes💯 "Projection" .

[@melodyal3357]

@@maryros3249 omg this is so sad💔 I am so sorry.😢

[@laurawilliams7407]

His devaluing began hardcore as we were arriving home from the honeymoon in the form of downing my family. His was splintered while mine was not. I remember feeling so confused about it all. That marriage began 45 years ago today and officially ended a year ago. To be able to awaken every single day without the barrage of insults and put downs is relief that I cannot describe. It’s everything.

[@marymotherofgod4861]

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@zoradougherty5080]

Wow. Congratulations to you. I just started experiencing that sense of peace - I had only 23 years of marriage under my belt - this process of healing is a journey. Thanks for sharing

[@DeeLite220]

I know that feeling and it’s great! I hope you live in peace and joy every day. You deserve every happiness ❤

[@donnacole8305]

45 yrs. me too. Ya just keep hoping things will get better. Reality is so hard to find some days. It is hard to believe a person can cause so much turmoil to one they are in a relationship with

[@sunray8136]

Omg I finally stood up and walked away from a narcissist youngest sister who always kept weaving me back into her life. Propped me up then nothing I ever did for her ever pleased her. She always bitched about me to her friends and family and made up lies about who I am. The day I finally said no more I felt my wall came down off me and I was finally able to just be myself out in public and feel good about myself. I never realized how much she was squashing my confidence

[@kirstypendlebury3327]

I remember asking my ex narc to go back to being the person he was at the beginning....I didn't realise what a narcissist was back then!! Thanks for the life lesson

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I did the same. I loved the person in the courtship. The person I married was different. 14 years insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. He almost broke me. Happy joyous and free since June 2017

[@nikan6872]

What did he say? What was he reaction, and what was the outcome? How did you get away? I'm trapped with a child

[@insideAdirtyMind]

He said to me: "I am the man I always was from the beginning." I did not get it at that time, now I know that he was right that one time he did not lie.

[@Miniver765]

The person he was at the beginning never truly existed. He was putting up an act to lure you in. It's amazing how quickly they can change into who they were all along.

[@79bull]

For me this is when what I can only describe as ‘the curse’ began. Because everyone is a bit more excited at the start of a relationship, so when things settle a bit your guard comes up… then you might even change a bit yourself through fear of repetition. Confusion sets in as to what you might be dealing with and you can’t (or I can’t) easily move forward. The only way I can then decide what to do is judge 💯 on actions and not words. For me these never seem to align, so I gave up on relationships and have been living alone 6 years now (age 44). I’m much happier this way. It’s simple and peaceful but I guess can be lonely sometimes. The occasional emotions of loneliness are far easier to process than constant negative emotions from living with the wrong person.

[@wendiyee6442]

After being married for 25 years, I got divorced. Started seeing a guy, & realized within a matter of a few months, that he was/is a narcissist. Master gaslighter…Mind-blowing! 🤯 I’m so happy to have come to my senses, & ended that mess. Never again!!!

[@EN-ne3hu]

What was the first sign ?

[@wendiyee6442]

@@EN-ne3hu ~ Getting loud & angry with me, because I said he never mentioned “such & such“ before, when I wanted to make plans. For instance, he got loud, saying, “I told you I’m on-call once a month! I can’t make plans with you.” He’s a mechanic, for gods sake! He’s the first mechanic I’ve EVER heard, was on-call. He had a habit of making himself seem more important than he was. As well, I have a very good memory, & knew darn well he never told me so. After a few times of this treatment, I started figuring-out that he was actually lying, of sorts. His deal to me was, “I’m not going anywhere.” Meaning, he’ll always wait for me, if I needed a break. I finally told him, ”Well, I’m going somewhere…Away from your lies.” He about blew a gasket, & I just turned & walked away. I dodged a major bullet, for sure!

[@shannon8315]

Are we just naturally vulnerable to narcissists? Like they seek out empathetic people?

[@wendiyee6442]

@@shannon8315 ~Apparently. My friends keep praising me for never taking another moment of his abuse.

[@parrymylogicthen290]

​@@EN-ne3hu love bombing.

[@lilmissunshine83]

I promise I’m not a needy person but after three years it broke me. After a full year of healing (went no contact) I’m just now getting me back.

[@dalibor257]

🎉

[@emilyr6456]

I lost myself as well.. my spark for life was dull… getting myself back with you!! we got this 🩷

[@DirtyWellington]

I feel the same way. My relationship only lasted 3 months, but the love bombing, future faking, manipulation, gaslighting, devaluing, cheating and then getting discarded 2 weeks ago. All done by a “Christian” woman that wouldn’t date me unless I went to church with her.. The love bombing and future faking worked so well on me that I thought I had found my soulmate and I was begging her not to leave after all of that. 🤦‍♂️ I couldn’t imagine dealing with that for 3 years

[@heatherfeathers]

3.5 yrs & still dealing with him, & I hate myself for the life I wasted. I lost all of me, & I feel like I'm too old & defeated to even try to get me back. I was so outgoing, social, funny, cute, stylish....I barely brush my hair now.

[@kjvxox]

@@heatherfeathers You will make it. And you will learn to love and take care of yourself again, I promise❤️ Everything seems to much effort and not worth it anymore. Take care of yourself like you would’ve for them. Keep telling yourself it’s not your fault, they are sick. You will get through this

[@dollyrama1132]

The narcissist hates u. Never forget that.

[@emmarae4322]

😂😂😂Thanks.

[@elenacharalampous209]

They want seeing you to be suffered...

[@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu]

Important point because it can be easy or tempting to think they dont hate you during love bombing

[@betsysorrell1357]

Very true , love bombing becomes a guilt trip. It won't happen. They're ready to discard. They decided that they didn't get their money's worth. They pretend that you are abusing them.

[@raydromeda3777]

"You're really not gonna talk to me forever?😢" Would that be a guilt trip?

[@nurfacealways]

I was called a bully after being threatened to get lit on fire lol

[@terrid.9204]

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.

[@juanderuano8969]

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@Bufekana]

​@jay pritchett so witchcraft?

[@Bufekana]

​@@juanderuano8969 look ma dude, dont listen to him, move on and live your life as best as you can. some people are just not meant for each other.

[@GreeneChakra]

Therapy helps

[@istateyourname4710]

So much of this rings true of my two decade marriage. Post divorce~I recognize that my dog 🐕 loved❤ me more purely than my former Narc spouse ever did.

[@bluecollarlit]

I realized at one point that the only one in my family who was not taking out their frustrations on me was the cat.

[@cc1k435]

Your dog was better wired for love. ❤

[@susanotero6431]

So true😂

[@laurenwillardson9907]

My dog is the best thing I got out of the relationship 💯💙💙🐶🐕

[@madamejaysynstarot]

Damn…

[@loverlytoday]

I endured years of subtle cruel covert manipulation (through exclusion) in a large friend group of ladies in their 50's. My dignity had been chipped away slowly. At first it was a one off, the next time a coincidence, and then a clear pattern. I slowly stepped away from my friendship circle. But when one lane closed, another opened. Then, within weeks of my absence, her manipulation magically appeared in the form of a "friendly invite" to my husband alone. My husband, was in shock, brought the "friendly invite" immediately to my attention. All communication and ties severed immediately.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I have a friend like this... She belittles me as often as she needs to feel superior.... Then when I don't respond for a few days she is nice to me again.... She Hoover's me back in just so she can abuse me some more.... I have items in her house from leaving my husband which is another story in itself but as soon as I get my stuff out going No Contact with her

[@michellesimmons3150]

Oh, so your narcissist friend was a whore… let’s call a spade a spade, shall we

[@angiehayes7397]

Damn!! That's a new low right there!!! I'm 55 & could never be that cruel to Anyone!! Wow,,,talk about insecure & miserable!!

[@if-not-now]

Wow… can someone be any more passive aggressive than that? These people have serious issues…

[@renzlo9747]

I believe you.. women are so cruel towards other women... the girlgang that bullied me isolated my former partner from me aswell... the only thing is it worked on him...they love bombed him as a group and i alone couldnt make up to this... of course he chose them

[@user-or5vq4fj3d]

20+yes of my narcissist husband has kept me on am emotional roller-coaster ride. His love bombing seemed to last no longer then 3 to 6wks, then his whole demeanor changed to where he acted like he'd rather be any place then with me, and he'd rather hear finger nails scratch down a chalkboard then having to listen to me talk. He's so emotionally unconnected with me. He has absolutely no concern with my feelings in any shape, fashion or form.

[@TaylorFuqua7]

This reads exactly like my experience only mine has been six years.

[@dianetobin]

Went from a BPD Dad to a NPD husband who started devaluing after getting engaged, and really turned it up as soon as my son was born...I feel like I could write a book. From international travel, being told he was "marrying up," an engagement in Paris, to being told to 'Starfish and take it' when s*x hurt too much after having a traumatic birth, being moved into a house far away from everyone and getting ranted at for not cooking and cleaning for his friend during my second pregnancy, being told my emotions don't matter and being ignored for his phone and his 'important' work obligations... its only recently that I've snapped out of it.

[@bee12355]

Are you still in this relationship. It sounds awful. I hope you get the peace you deserve

[@dianetobin]

@Beverly I am still in it. I'm seeing a psychologist and working to build my self esteem, my biggest hurdle right now is the guilt hoover. My self loving side knows I need to get out, I'm a work in progress.

[@evoz4489]

Not trying to make light of your situation as I was also in a narcissistic relationship and can relate, but I found the statement "starfish n take it" by itself quite funny. I'll use it with chuckle in response to a particular someone who refuses to help with household chores lol.

[@L5biszz]

Simliar, I was raised by a Narc, to then find out she was one after getting engaged. Really odd engagement experience. Imagine 4 years with someone and then booom, it took me getting engaged to her to find out who she really was. God, that was the best thing that happend to me in a way. But then it was a soul-drain-experience at the same time.

[@dianetobin]

@@evoz4489 I mean, it's so ridiculous it could be seen as funny, I get that.

[@Thisisme2306]

Just got out of a 20 year relationship with a narc, he's grandiose when on top, covert when down and with malignant undertones. I've been through this cycle many times, both with breakups and without, I assume depending on if he had new supply lined up or not. This is the third and final breakup. He did half-heartedly hoover before christmas, I think he was hoping to keep me as some sort of supply on the side of the new girlfriend, or backup. But I have worked on myself alot, give myself self compassion and setting up boundaries. Gave me one last punch when telling me he was moving in with new girlfriend 2 months after he moved out from me and the kids, and that he had been seeing her for a while before we broke up (when I do the math I now understand I was love bombed right after they had started seeing each other). I am out for the last time, thanks to you Dr Ramani ❤

[@cc1k435]

Working on getting out of it now myself, and that's pretty much how the story has gone.

[@nowfree31]

Wow. There are so many of us. I could have written the same thing. 30 years of marriage. He moved out and then insisted he was moving back in so I left. Six weeks later he had another woman living in our home. He showed me how much he really loved me...NOT. I am working on my healing. Thanks to the Lord, Dr. Romani, Dr. David Clarke and my therapist.

[@maevebutler4641]

! This is me Congratulations on getting out Try not to break if he returns hoovering you Believe St cycle just continues and the price you pay is your self - worth and mental,emotional abuse. Stand firm & stay strong Enjoy your freedom & a decent life worth living. Best wishes for a happy future ahead 🎉

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,

[@apollothirteen9236]

What would happen if a narcissist married another narcissist?

[@shivanimistry5317]

Narcissists are materialistic.

[@bluecollarlit]

- Narcissists do the opposite of what is right - Such an important truth that normal people need to learn so we can stay safe from them.

[@reinapaloma422]

40:00 the answer is yes. Today was the day I finally sent my husband packing. We have 4 kids together and it’s been hell. Every time something good happens in my life he destroys my happiness. I’m trapped like a puppet on strings or like I’m in a box. I can’t take this cycle of abuse. I can’t be my anymore. I got to a point recently where I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. He constantly provoked arguments and play mind game word plays and rile me up and then record my reactions on his video camera. I can’t take it anymore. I’m 3 months postpartum and I’m getting so depressed. I felt like if I stood in this relationship any longer I’d rather kill myself. And I want to live! I want to thrive and I want to give my children a future. I am sooo grateful for this channel. It has helps me separate myself from the insanity and be able to get a grasp on reality. Thank you for all of this it really truly helps

[@bluecollarlit]

Good for you! Turn up the music and enjoy.

[@bridgetmcbride6634]

Keep going. It will get better. Just keep going and don't look back.

[@diane5522]

Good for you. You should watch HG Tudor on you tube too. He is also an expert on narcissism and could really help you to understand more.

[@Greenawareness188]

Devaluation & discard works to punish you.The narcissist loves if you try to come back for more. That's when you have to apologize and modify your behaviors.

[@samanthamansi1184]

Yes 😢

[@ceyciemateo9411]

Right. I was manipulated. I thought it was my fault. I changed my behavior and thought if I changed… he would be nice to me like he used to be. He would build me up, to tear me down

[@Greenawareness188]

​@@ceyciemateo9411The good news is that you are now armed with knowledge . You can begin to look at your situation.I believe you are capable of growth and change . That's where freedom and healing begin.

[@kms5306]

I agree 1,000,000% that drama is ALWAYS preset! Ugh it’s so frustrating. Thanks for the confirmation!!!

[@juliekswanson]

I told him to please not put me on a pedestal on our first date...four years later, after being relegated to the "devalue" bin, I've finally left him for the last time.

[@traceyhinkle3214]

This should be required training for every therapist and for every marriage counselor. Divorcing my narcissist after 5 years, and we had businesses together. So difficult and painful. Everything Dr Ramani outlined I experienced. Wish I had this information earlier in my life. Having a language for what you are experiencing is helpful. Church leaders need to be educated as well. The traditional approach for counseling couples does NOT work in a relationship where narcissistic abuse is happening. This video is wisdom. Share it.

[@BamaBelle4U]

20 👍...... I would give this comment 20 thumbs up if I could....

[@brownshugakale2410]

Everytime I feel a moment of vulnerability or start gaslighting myself, I can tune in to your channel and immediately snap out of it. I am so grateful for your work , thank you for being married to your purpose - to help us survive and thrive after narcissistic abuse. Blessings 🙏🏾❤️

[@Bike4Life231]

"You may get addicted to the love bombing cycle... The longer you're going through the cycle, the weaker the love bombing gets." Omg YES. He did just enough to keep me "happy" and believing he was trying to change and meet my needs. But then he'd just manipulate/devaluibg and discard again. I would get frustrated and not feel like I could talk to him because he'd get upset with me and call me next and insecure. But it would get to the point where I would feel so abused and neglected that I would get upset and try to have that conversation all over again. Then the love bombing, manipulation and devaluing, and discard would come again. This happened literally quarterly throughout our marriage of almost 20 years. It was incredibly exhausting.

[@jacnbcc]

Same! I averaged out every few months, the cycle. At the end of it, I kept a journal. He'd treat me like shit, go off doing whatever he wanted to do and leave me wondering why he didn't want to be with me and why everyone and everything else ranked higher. I'd get to a point where I'd had enough and try to break up. That's when he'd swoop back in with all the attention and affection he knew i wanted. Flowers and more flowers, doing yard work for me, etc etc. Great sex and then gradually, within a week, I'd be discarded again (not in a break up sense, but emotionally, he'd withdraw from me again)

[@parrymylogicthen290]

​@@jacnbcc it's a cycle. I caught onto this when I got back with my narc gf. Only reason I got back with her is cause of the child we have together. I just grey rock and give her no emotional reaction most days and let her get supply and validation from socal media. I'm thinking about my child safety and health more than anything right now. I don't want her to abuse, neglect, or cause trauma to my daughter. My plan is to leave/ghost her once I get full custody of our daughter. Only then will I able to fully go no contact with her. We was co parenting for a few months but she was blowing through my money so fast that some days I was broke asking friends and family for money. She actually slip up and told me a few days after we got back together was... "I was running circles around you." In her very own words! I thought she more so meant it in the sense that she was blowing through my money on purpose cause of the breakup. At the time it didn't really click but later when I started reading into narcissism it finally click. That's all narcs do is run circles around people they use. They're very predictable and so are their patterns, how they act and think. They love bomb, devalue, and discard. They gaslight, lie, project, manipulate, and feed off people energy. They'll be on good behavior for a few days then always go back to their narc behavior later. It's a neverending cycle with them and that's why most people leave them. He's running circles around you cause you're giving him the supply he needs. He'll continue to do this to you to you actually leave him cause you're allowing him to do it to you. I don't know your whole situation with him but trust and believe. They will drain your health.

[@yaminiayachitam]

My narcissist gives me gold jewelry and treats me like crap when I am alone, and expects me to flaunt that gold in front of others.

[@Eluderatnight]

Same with clothes with my ex. Wear rags unless I am on their arm in public.

[@Jeanninecomeau]

When he would get real quiet, I would start getting very anxious because I knew the discard and "punishment" was coming.

[@septemberdawnluketz]

That is precisely how it started for me… The first red flag I ignored was when he got angered when he couldn’t get ahold of me as quickly as he felt he should have even though I told him I was getting in the shower.

[@hopeinhumanity.]

Dr. Ramani is right on point with the devalue beginning once they feel they have you. I’ve observed it to happen as soon as you move in with them, or they feel they have the upper hand in some form, who they really are will magically appear.

[@HannahMitchell-Art]

I believe that romcoms teach us it’s ok to fall in love fast. That it’s ok that things move quickly. I don’t think there are many movies that teach about taking things really slow.

[@juliettailor1616]

Great observation! Hollywood is so toxic.

[@Bike4Life231]

Our relationship was long distance during college and he love bombed me for almost three years. However, the moment we got engaged (literally), he became less chivalrous, hurtful with his words occasionally, and I thought it was just pre-wedding stress. If I can't be committed and do the work before I'm married, how will I do it afterwards? I really believed in "forever" so I did everything I possibly could. I worked on myself for over 15 years and lived through 19 years of verbal, emotional and financial abuse with two kids. It wasn't worth it to ignore the red flags (except for having my kids, of course). If you aren't married yet, GET OUT. LEAVE NOW. The longer you stay, the worse it gets, and the more difficult and horrific it is to get out

[@Hatbox948]

I'm so glad I never married my nex. We were together over 20 years, but he had so many tax and financial problems. He never could keep them straightened out.

[@martaboceanu6014]

I went through two different versions of this story within a year, precisely because I’d suffered from cold, unavailable partners before. Love bombing felt like I was finally being admired and desired. Instead, I was being trapped, bullied, and put on a pedestal of impossible expectations. It hurts just to hear their words and behaviors again but it’s also refreshing to hear I’m not alone. Let’s unite and use our love and energy for healthy, respectful relationships 💝

[@mbm3099]

Write down and keep...so that u don't doubt yourself and go back

[@amandaantico78]

Looking back I think my ex husband’s version of love bombing was different because he bombed me with my own love language. I grew up with a narcissistic mother so I didn’t get the words of affirmation, physical touch or sense of security growing up. He honed in on those and completely won me over. I wouldn’t have been impressed by lavish trips and extravagant gifts because my mother constantly showed off so all I would have seen were the strings attached. They are wolves in sheep clothing.

[@DirtyWellington]

Mine did the same thing. During our courting process she asked me what my love languages were (physical touch and quality time) and then she turned on the heat and made me feel like I found my soulmate. 🙄

[@ENDOPLAGUE]

I went from thinking she was the best woman i had ever known to feeling like she's my worst enemy and kryptonite. I only say kryptonite because we have a daughter. The only control she has over me now is by my daughter. The first couple of months as you said was literally like a fairy tale. Thought i had shared so many moments with, finally, that special someone. Time stood still and i cant even begin to tell you at how special it felt. That couple of months ended quick and 15 years of hell later, Shave two months off of that, and i dont trust her, can't stand her, can't share one thing with her. The final straw is my daughter feeling the effects because she's getting older, and coming into her own personality. Shes been struggling with depression and now i know why. She told me all she needs is a hug. I let my narcissist know, and she flipped the situation, made it about her and in the end go to my daughter, yells at her, calls her a liar and says "your making me look like a bad parent". Im to the point I wouldn't care if she gets hit by a MAC truck, but i dont want to be that petty. My concern is for my daughter and im trying to figure it all out. My daughter is what's important and im going to do my best to raise in the midst of a basket case.

[@angiehayes7397]

Women narcs are #1 on the list of evilness!! I'm a 55yo lady married to a demon man for 30yrs. It's awful for sure but my daughter in law is the epitome of evil!!! Like your ex, she uses my 2 grandbabies as pawns in her twisted, warped mind. They are only 6 & 4yo 😢 And they are my heartbeat. She hurts them (emotionally) for the sole purpose of hurting me and it breaks my heart 💔

[@mday3821]

Just let your daughter know you love her...that she is special...and can come to you about anything...say anything to you. I say this as a daughter of a narcissistic mother and wished my dad would had given me these things. That he was a safe person to talk to. Just be there for her. You need to be her rock.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I feel your pain.... I don't have children with my husband thankfully, but I know the cycle all too well right down to the mack truck... And then I feel petty.... Something in our hearts won't allow us to hang onto these types of thoughts.... It's not in our DNA. Best wishes for you and your daughter... If it's at all possible find a suitable therapist.... When I had insurance and could afford it, it really helped, wish I could go back

[@nordicfrost]

‘Til All Are One

[@sanjmalik6282]

I feel your pain, I have 3 children with the narc and he has caused so much pain and as their mother I felt so much guilt of not being able to protect them from his evil manipulation and games. He poisoned their minds against me and I most nearly lost them. Its so heart breaking to watch the other parent do this and your unable to do anything. Narcs are truly so evil they don't even spare their own children.

[@LisLara]

Oh, Dr. Ramani, thanks so much for this video. It perfectly summarizes those 19 years of marriage. Now I'm taking a "sabbatical" year, learning, processing, and healing from all that sh*t, with all hopes of not finding any other 🐀 in my path...

[@tonyascreativespace3067]

omg! This is my life with my narcissist human! 😢 We moved so fast and before you know it...we moved into!we were together every single day from the first day we met! 25 years of marriage later it was hell! The verbal abuse was violence. my children were casualties of war!

[@XXX-ru1kk]

Once I was introduced through a friend to her friend. I was so impressed, she was sooo nice and it struck me at the beginning. She cooked very good, she's inviting us for meals and asked what we'd like to eat. Her situation was, that she had a boyfriend, he broke up with her, then they back again a couple weeks later. When her relationship restarted, she started criticizing us, things like, why are you single so long, why do you still live with your parents, and so on. At that time I told to myself, how an awful person she is. I think, she felt very lonely after brake up, so she love bomed us and when things went well, she started to devalue and discard us. Now I know, a typical narcissist.

[@liz.mt1]

It's scary how true this is. People around you will gaslight you while you're already being gaslighted and then you gaslight yourself. This is why the brain fog comes in... It starts to feel like a life blur. I would literally feel dizzy... And once the devaluing kicks in you just take the fight and stay even when you feel like it's gone too far because it's too tiring to dissect it all...

[@butterflylove906]

This is true...I feel I'm still married coz of my family 😢

[@mistycowles229]

I love doctor Ramani but it seems to me we all have the love bombing tendencies. When I am not nice to my spots because I am humane and I feel bad I am extra nice and loving to him because I am inperfect and lashed out. Please people you cant tell me you have not all done this. Or we been neglecting our partner because of stress work etc.. We all love bomb. All of these people her on this board they cannot all be Narcists. Geez. I do it love bomb and I am not a narcist. I am not just responding to you per sa its everyone on this board.

[@blee9304]

I really needed this tonight. Seeing her with her new person and insinuated me not accepting her bs like her current partner, first did make me feel devalued but at the same time I feel sad for her she is still living in the past of how I treated her "badly". It's very painful to accept the person who initially attracted me was never existed. Yes, every time I returned, I thought the person who I longed for would return too. But no, there were more criticisms, devaluing and the controlling manipulative behaviours almost turned me into an insane person. She's very interested in her phone otherwise pick fights or rage at me. Dr Ramani's healing programme helped me to walk through the difficult times and from crying after watching her videos to clear my fog and confusion, accept the nature of this personality. I still have my bad days but for sure I don't love nor miss my ex. I am just missing that illusion.

[@journeylvr]

I believe it’s grieving. I was married 23 years before leaving. I still think back to when we were first dating. I mourn what I thought I would have had. But, reality smacks me in the face and I realize that I finally have serenity in my life.

[@blee9304]

@@journeylvr I feel for you. I still remember those "good times", short but sweet.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

Dr Ramani ticked all the boxes regarding the beginning of my relationship with my narscissist husband.... I only wished that I had known about this a couple years ago

[@kelkrote]

I hear you. We can all wish we “knew it before”. But looking back, I have no regrets. I mean, the knowledge ABOUT narcissism would have spare us all the pain we went through. BUT, without this suffering I wouldn’t have known why my childhood was so chaotic, I wouldn’t understand the twisted world we live in today, etc…. Now, because of the knowledge I have, I can smell a narc from afar! Whether in our direct circles or through TV!

[@aprilwilcox5065]

@@kelkrote you are so right... A lot about my childhood started making sense,... And I never would have known as much as I do now. I'm like you as well, I can spot narscissism even through the TV.... if I weren't so old, I would pursue a career in teaching others about narscissism

[@susanjones8489]

Exact same script. The year was 1976 and all I heard was “ OMG what a catch. Flowers regularly delivered, nice dates, vacations. It ended 4 months later when the abuse began.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

@@susanjones8489 mine ended within 2 weeks of saying I Do... He figured he had me after the wedding so there was no need to worry about how he treated me

[@GabeOwzer]

My old roommate’s schtick was to meet girls and go on cross-country road trips with them just weeks after meeting them. He did this with three different girls over the year I had my lease signed with him. I remember the time he went on a Tinder date and didn’t come home for 3 days. He told me that he stayed the night at her place two nights in a row, and when she told him, “hey, I’m leaving for the weekend, you should probably go” he replied, “that’s okay you can just leave your spare keys.” AND SHE DID 😭😭 Of course they broke up a few months later and he went on to complain how he, “always ends up with the toxic ones.” 🙄 Glad I don’t live with him anymore. SO much drama

[@turtleanton6539]

Oucj

[@bee12355]

The ex narc was hovering when he found out I was dating. Meanwhile he was married with a family. He wouldn’t stop hovering and when I made the mistake and took his call, he told me I was cheating on him. Mine you it had been years since we broke up. And this fool had gotten married with children. Apparently he saw me as his property. These people need serious help. It is so sad. His wife left him, I guess she couldn’t deal with the craziness. Now she have to coparent with him. I had to block him.

[@sheliasmith2884]

Yep they always think you belong to them I deal with that also it's crazy.

[@aseelaladwan3869]

00:00 love booming 23:33 devaluing and discarding 39:56 hoovering

[@Rose19695]

Narcissistic cycle can be longer drawn out and hidden, especially if chronic pain and illness and other mental illness is involved. In fact, if they can't blame their bad behavior on some external source and can't blame you, they'll blame it on their chronic pain and illness or mental illness.

[@billymckay9624]

I’ve got rid of a toxic person after 15 plus years. And he knows it. It’s fantastic.

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

My mother in law said on a visit years ago, "hes a narcassist". It stuck in my head. He had a toxic relationship with her so I wasn't sure WHO really was. Fast forward 7 years cheated on, found out he's Bipolar 2, had to go to rehab, he adopted my biological children. I know realize it was to make HIM look good. He had no clue how to be a parent. I'm slowly planning my escape. Financially we are entangled together. Not sure if it was HIS plan or my lack of. Im angry at myself. I feel like I'm playing a part, "the good wife" underneath I'm seething with anger, resentment and disgust.

[@a.k.ferrara9433]

Sounds like at least you might have an ally in your mother-in-law though!

[@rachelhanna7718]

Be careful though with the mother in law. Even though they know he lies, manipulates, abuses etc, in the end I have found out not only will they most likely of course choose their son but the narcissist will tell them lies and lies and half truths to them so much that they forget who YOU are. Even after they have known you for over 20 years and have seen. thee pain, horrors, and betrayals he put you and your children through. Master manipulators seem to win in the end😞. Getting his family to believe insane lies about me has become his new punishment for me😭. Like betrayal and constant abuse wasn't enough.

[@radaka]

Believe me, keeping you tied to and dependent on him is his plan and exactly what he wants. Do not blame yourself for loving and trusting someone that was supposed to love you. And we do play our part in it but we do out of pure and loving intentions. Their part has cruel soul crushing intentions. They don't deserve pure unconditional love and it will never help or rid them from their demons. As we're trying and trying and getting the same results, they're crushing all those wonderful God given qualities you have in you. You can not lift them up but they will drag you down and then they'll kick you while you're down. I was hating myself alot more than him for allowing it to happen again and again and again and..... but I've had to work on me and my mental, physical and spiritual self to get stronger because you're never going to get that out of them. Ever. And I had to learn that I needed to work on beginning to love myself more than I loved him. I had to be more gentle with myself and more forgiving of myself so I wasn't contributing to abusing and gaslighting me too because if you do not work on treating yourself like you do them or anyone you love and care for, you will never get it from them. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this hell. You don't deserve to be and they're incapable of truly loving another so they destroy the love you have in you.

[@cc1k435]

Don't be angry at yourself. The term narcissist doesn't mean much until you've lived with it a while, and even then it's more confusion than clarity. You keep waiting for someone you thought you knew to come back to you, and they just don't. Everyone is susceptible to that kind of situation, and even pros can be fooled for quite a while. Give yourself some grace, because it has happened to a lot of us, some more than once. ❤

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes😊

[@SupremeAtheist]

Yes, all the text messages in the beginning make us feel intensely loved.

[@meuresouza1880]

So many messages messages durinho the day. The vídeo calls at night. He used to call me almost every 30 minutes during the day. Got mad when I told him I was not going to his place every weekend. He gave me the silent treatment after that.

[@karriebouissey8775]

I never got that grandiose lovebombing but I remember when he said "we might as well move in together, I don't want to pay rent for my own place if I'm gonna be at yours all the time" and "you're gonna need help with rent anyways" bc I was starting over. I wish I knew then what I know now. It's been 4 yrs of heartbreak and I don't know how to leave

[@MD-mg2bj]

Just rip it off ,like old band aid

[@JaneOlson-gj7rz]

Leave quickly-that's how to leave. I did that after 4 years of his manipulation, cheating and insults. I got to a point where I hated him, but I wish I had done that after his first insult or first cheating. Now that would have been perfect.

[@Hatbox948]

Leave when he's not there. The abuse only escalates.

[@debraannedimezza8075]

He was too cheap. He never bought me anything of value I’m born on Valentine’s Day. I never got a birthday gift or a Valentine’s Day gift. I got one Christmas present and for Christmas and nothing else the money I went through I showered this man like he was a king fancy vacations, five star hotels gift being delivered to the house the whole week of his birthday yeah, I was the fool a fool in love

[@carmitakfeld5735]

כצצכצכצכצכחכ7צצצצהצהצהטככה,צכ צההצצה

[@ericalashay0209]

I met a guy off a dating site and it didn’t take me too long to realize I was dealing with a narcissist. I called him out on it and he disappeared and would come back like nothing happened. I always felt like he was hiding something from me and the more I was asking him what’s going on, he kept doing this push pull dynamic. He didn’t want a relationship with me. Swore up and down he was single, which I believed, so I knew it was something else. I did a background search of him and found out he was an aggravated child Abuser and a felon. Mind you I have 3 kids. 😭 I was petrified 😢 I still am. This just happened a couple of days ago. 😭😭😭

[@astrialindah2773]

You are so amazingly intelligent for doing a background check!!!!! I'm 64 and my children are grown but I would still do a background…..... Smart Mama Bear!!💪

[@carolinechadarevian115]

My covert narcissist husband got me a very expensive rolex watch after 30 minutes of our bonding conversation .. unfortunately i didn't consider it as red flag .. i paid 29 years of my life in return

[@celiamurray]

Same. Just... 27 years. And a lot of heartbreak.

[@MeghanNystrom]

😮😂

[@firatbaran8634]

Reading the comments, I feel like I was so lucky to have suffered only for a year in the hands of a narcissist.. After 3 years, I am now fully recovered and achieved healing many of my traumas that made me accept that relationship in the first place. Believe in yourself you will achieve 🎉

[@heatherwatts2005]

Amazing. Your deep detailed knowledge of this blows my mind and fills so many gaps of unknowns in my life. This is life changing work you’re doing. Keep up the amazing work ❤️

[@lostoffgrid8927]

I am stuck in one of these long term relationships. I am a HSP and empath. He dismisses that, says he is sensitive too. It seems to be getting worse as we are older now. Finding your channel is helping me realize it is not my fault when he attacks me. I am learning a lot about how to cope and let go of my expections for honesty and fair treatment. Thank you.

[@Ma-Says]

I know where you are coming from! I'm also in a long term relationship and finally am figuring out what in the world I've been dealing with for decades. It's a huge relief to KNOW it's not my fault. My brain knew none of the bs was my fault but now I know it with my whole self. My spouse claims any emotion, feeling, progress with our kids, breakthrough, etc as his own. They are sensitive too, they are an introvert too, they saw the problem too, blah, blah, blah. I guess that's the lack of self-awareness and competition in action. I've been working on slowing down, yellow rocking, not going DEEP, and watching/listening for their patterns. Now it's like watching a play because it's so predictable. Unfortunately it's a play I'm still in. Good luck!

[@Miniver765]

Ending that relationship seems to be the wisest course of action for your own well-being.

[@79bull]

I’m always very wary of people who claim to be empaths. They are often narcissistic imposters - I believe because the empath badge is considered a prestige status.

[@BamaBelle4U]

I'm there too..... Mine is a generous narcissist..... Love bombed me with daily phone calls, wanting to be with me all the time, bought a new car for my exclusive use, expensive dining out, on and on.... we married 9 weeks after we met.... I was 19 .... a shy girl from a sheltered background.... He was 40...... I didn't realize I was his supply......I was on the pedestal for quite a while but eventually fail off and now 37 years of a lot of strife........ I have witnessed his love hate cycles many times..... as he ages (77 now) he gets worse..... Even though I have supported him through multiple health crisis and thought that being there for him would have brought us closer to each other, I think it made him more secure in treating me like a doormat even more and getting away with it...... I hang on..... I hope he will change but knowing he wont...won't.... I guess I hang on to this life because this is the only life I have known for 37 years...... This is my home and family...... it's really a painful predicament.....

[@upasanagupta8780]

Yeah. It did hurt (and continues) a lot after falling from the pedestal..! From an important person in a covert narc's life to a disposable trash crazy neurotic person that i have turned into now after this traumatic experience...! Yeah, it hurts a lot.

[@caromitgeige]

As the daughter lf a narc, i only realised today that my ex bf was a narc as well… the first months were perfect, but then he had to go abroad and quickly lost interest. I held on for dear life and he moved in with me after coming back. He never readjusted, only complained about everything i did and wanted. In the end he forced me to break up by telling me for months he did not really love me anymore. But he wanted to be the good guy. So he got a job in a city far away and didnt want me to come along. He made me out to be clingy when i wanted to see him every weekend and only wanted to see me once a month.i broke up with him, packed up his stuff and kicked him out within a week. I felt the pain for many years and was sure i would never love like this again. Today i know that that was not normal. After going no contact with my narc parent and observing from afar that my narc ex did the same cycle with 3 other women after me did the healing start.

[@Marydee0203]

I moved out for a year, he slowly worked back in love bombed me, but never showed genuine responsibility for horrible mean behavior, I then divorced him. He still came back in tears saying I was the only woman for him. I started to believe him. One month later I found out he was already dating another girl with extremely similar background and looks but 15 years younger. I always wanted to believe the best parts of him, but it was an act the entire time. Still hurts, but I knew he had to find the next victim to allow me to move on,

[@lovli31]

Thanks so much for this video! It was like a mini refresher course and reminded me of how toxic the marriage I was in was, and why I would never return. Much love Dr. Ramani❤

[@julierubinov5615]

You saved my life 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@trishbech9082]

You just explained 80% of all my relationships since the beginning. I used to think and believe it was ALL on me, and I was terribly confused with false guilt, until I found out more about the different types of narcism the past few months. Thank You Dr Ramani. ❤

[@juliettailor1616]

This is true of borderline personalities as well. The first night I met him he proposed. He didn't really love bomb, but the relationship was intense and he moved in immediately and proceeded to wreck my finances and my life.

[@laurawerner114]

This is so true on the lovebombing cycle lasting about 6-12 weeks! Then the devalue and discard begins. It took me 5 years to break out of this ADDICTION and learn the very important lesson to respect myself and go NO CONTACT!

[@nomessnostress]

When would you say the first discard was?

[@laurawerner114]

@@nomessnostress He always started showing less interest at the 12 week mark but I was so unaware of the narcisstic personality that I didn't know what was going on.

[@nomessnostress]

​@laurawerner114 ok because I just went through the first discard because he didn't like something I said... I'm like woah lol but I think he wants me to chase now and I'm not

[@petraselah7152]

My narcissist never texts. Doesn't care where I am and what I am doing. He put me where I am. Lost my business of 30 years and now work for minimum wage all the while ghosted me to trade on line and moved in with his boss who is a Christian. Man doesn't know he's being taken advantage of. Bamboozled. They leave a wake of destruction in their path. I had a reoccurring dream where I found myself in the trash. Now I understand it. Run don't walk from these demons. If it wasn't for a dear friend I literally would be homeless. This person took me for everything and still plays cat and mouse. I am no victim however prey. F the narcissist.

[@melissathatcher8353]

I can relate to this SOOOO SOOOO much!!! I am currently in the midst of divorcing a narcissist. I just couldn't take it anymore. He was great with the love bombing. I only lasted as long as I did because he was a state trooper & I thought it was stress related to his job. Once he retired & things got worse that is when I realized he would never change. His actions had nothing to do with his job. Life is too short. I gave him 9 years. I already feel like a weight has been lifted.

[@ritatharp5238]

"Love bombing" is REAL! My ex-husband flew me to Europe. (Grandiosity!!!) Talk about a young innocent girl " being swept off her feet!"!! Devalue, discard, contempt, I get it! I GET IT!! No more crumbs for me! I GET IT NOW! Dumb me, I didn't listen to the warnings but I do now.

[@BamaBelle4U]

Similar situation here...... Much older man love bombed me when I was 19...... married 9 weeks after we met..... swept off my feet..... lasted about 3 months then harsh reality started..... still I was his supply...... he relished the admiration he got from his buddy's about his young wife...... then put a million dollar life insurance policy on me after we had kids...... a little later made me owner of the policy.....took me years to wise up about him and our marital issues and even then wasn't educated on narcissism.... but I woke up enough i realized I needed to get rid of the million dollar life insurance policy and I did just that..... the best decision, most self preserving decision I have made in my whole life....... scary to think I had 100% trust in this person once upon a time.....

[@maraortiz4603]

God!! This is a Masterclass every decent person should listen to Carefully and take into account throughout his/her life!! Thank you again, dr. Ramani!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@frankiew6854]

Even tho she ghosted me 2 years ago I’m still hurting but watching you’re videos has help me understand so much and put things in perspective

[@MARLA116]

Dr. Ramani's voice and manner are so nurturing, I feel as though I am in a therapy session. I need this badly, right now. I am in such a painful season of life, after 30 years of covert narcissistic abuse, and a cruel discard, played out on FB, for a S.E. Asian female three decades younger and the age of our children. I have supports. I do the self care. The pain, though, is relentless. Mainly because I gave all. Fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and received cruelty, replacement, triangulation, ghosting, followed by a malevolent reveal (by an individual who I did not wrong). I could not do this to anyone, so I can not wrap my head around how anyone could feel good about themselves after behaving in this manner.

[@Hatbox948]

Wow, that is bad. I hope you're doing better now.

[@MARLA116]

@@Hatbox948 Thank you. I am. Much better. Getting that malevolent energy out of my life has done wonders.🦋

[@annettebaggett]

Talk about making you physically sick by staying in these relationships... I felt so sick in these cycles, I believed I was being poisoned by my Narc husband.. and in essence, I was.

[@camillegallagher7828]

I get physically sick with trembling shakes and cold flashes.

[@DavidVelasquez9]

Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser,i wasnt going to let my marriage of 18years crash

[@peterwilliams6361]

amazing,i am kinda in a similar situation,how did you handle it?

[@DavidVelasquez9]

@@peterwilliams6361 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer

[@peterwilliams6361]

@@DavidVelasquez9 please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?

[@DavidVelasquez9]

@@peterwilliams6361 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster

[@DavidVelasquez9]

you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.

[@kristynholding4628]

Yup. You go from feeling so loved and connected, to feeling on edge and completely insecure. Still trying to get back to that stage of love bombing. I think this video sums it up perfectly. It never goes back. And if it does, it's for a few hours when they feel you pulling away. Then, BAM. It's back to the criticism.

[@lil--mo2025]

This is the most helpful and accurate description of this cycle of abuse and insanity. Watching this video through and taking notes would do anyone a great service. Thank Doctor Ramani!

[@mml114]

I think my brother in law is a narcissist. Years ago there was an accident and a family member was very delicate and in hospital. They have met few months prior. She was in a very vulnerable place (as the rest of the family). This man saw his opportunity, he would tell her that he was miserable in the almost 10 year relationship he was in, and of course, he would blame everything on his partner. He would say that she was crazy and controlling. It all seemed a bit odd (at the time I didn't know anything about love bombing or narcissism). He would write to her love messages as if he was a teenager, even though he was a middle aged man. He would say to her how in love he was of her and how he would love to have children ONLY with her, and even picked names! He (without the family knowing) surprised her at hospital and visit the family member who was very delicate. He kept this "disney" like story, of him being the poor poor man trapped in this horrible miserable relationship. One day he, somehow, got out of the relationship and the house he was living with his partner and went to live with my SL the same day!!! He then went to speak with the family and told them all about how miserable he was, how good he was and what a crazy woman he was with, but now he was finally happy. They got married a few months later and now have a child. Now this man, who was so outgoing, and involved with the family, wants almost nothing to do with any of us, except a few approved people. After 1 year of marriage he started to complain that he didn't like to do certain things that my SL likes to do. She is a very outgoing, social person. Now she never goes out or see family, unless someone visits her. If he is in any of our presence he would behave in such childish ways, he makes it obvious he doesn't want to be there. There are times that he hates that she's speaking to us and calls her with the excuse that their child needs her. Also he complains so so much about the fact that he has to take care of their child as my SL works more hours than him. Every time we are together, the whole family, he always ends up fighting with her. It's just awful to see her going through that, but I'm afraid that she doesn't realise that it isn't normal. She wanted to be in love so badly, that now she is stuck with a man who controls her and makes fun of her in such a horrible passive aggressive ways. She is not a very secure person and is always looking for reassurance, that he never ever gives her. We almost never see them or her. And when we do we see things that worry us, and we always think that it must be worse behind close doors. I don't think she will ever get out of that relationship by herself, we just hope he gets tired of her and leaves her.

[@eleanorwittering3126]

My older brother held a gun to my head (in an escalating situation, amid other abuse). Reaching out to my sister older then him, she didn't believe me! Yeah! Through this series I have come to see that both my siblings are narcissists--and, I have long been the "Displacement Person" for familial 'anything--and, because that role was thrust on me so early in life, it has taken me a lifetime to *recognize* it!

[@Subspace._tripmine]

After healing, in some ways, from Narcissistic abuse, and learning how to stick up for myself and clearing toxic people from my life....I think about how my Going No Contact is similar to Ghosting. Now I'm presently cutting unhealthy relationships off and the people I'm cutting off may think I'm the ghoster. I see how I've put people on pedestals, still making excuses for them. Then, as this healing journey continues, I realized that I became friends with some new people, still allowing their toxic and unhealthy behavior into my life. Because their issues are not our responsibility, which is what I'm reminding myself about daily, how can we learn to feel confident about cutting toxic people off and not feeling like the ghoster or feeling like I'm behaving like a narcissist?

[@Cathyat40]

These videos always hit the target with me. I remember my then-husband looking at me in a public place, in front of his family and saying "we've got to get you some clothes". He moved out of the house and got a girlfriend. He came back when I was ready to leave him (hoover #1); he got his dream job in another state and accepted it without discussing with me what it would mean for our relationship; when I didn't go with him and hired a divorce attorney, he told me he had stopped loving me after the first few years of our relationship anyway; then came the second hoover; I was so fortunate to get away from him.

[@WeComingToGetYouBarbara]

I find effective in assessing a person's character is observing their interactions with their acquaintances, family members, and strangers, in addition to how they treat me. By remaining attentive and discerning in my observations, I gain valuable insights into the character of a potential partner.

[@ernestsantiago2033]

I watch this video like 3 or 4 times already. In the first 30 minutes of the Dr. Ramani talking it was like she was there with me the whole time .

[@JacquelineSanders-zb3jm]

Well, that’s what’s confusing he’s not discarding me. I don’t think I don’t know. He still buys me gifts and stuff and always give me lots of compliments and expects them in return like I’ve been told it is grooming me into how I need to treat him, but again, he hasn’t discarded me because I play into it. I am giving him admiration adoration and being polite and pleasant and trying to keep it that way. But when that becomes exhausting I take a break and it becomes a conflict

[@terrid.9204]

I had a long time on again off again relationship with a narcissist boyfriend. I often said that the only time he wanted me was when I didn't want him.

[@nomessnostress]

How long and how often was it on and off?

[@christipton1075]

I’ve recently viewed the story of the Goose that Lays the Golden Egg as a narcissistic abuse tale. Some level a greed must truly be at the core of the devaluation and discard.

[@turtleanton6539]

What happens

[@firefighterb_0913]

I just discovered your channel today, and this video seriously has me speechless. Thank you for taking the time from your life to put this video out for everyone to benefit from.

[@isis00roberta]

Please talk more about love bombing in friendship. Some toxic friends start knowing everything about you to please you - and it can be really seductive be with someone who hears all your biography, value every taste of yours, etc. But after a while, they begin to weaponize these informations to hurt you and passive agressively put you down, like it was just for your well being.

[@loveli420]

Dr Ramani THANK YOU for everything you do! You have helped me to save myself because you share your wealth of information the way that you do. I wish I could give you a huge hug to say thank you!!

[@benjamin734]

👊

[@stephaniedriscoll4067]

Dr Ramani keeping it real…I guess you will never know how much you’ve changed my life for the better but thankyou anyway x

[@chaiandmatcha]

"all you know is when the weather changed. It went from very warm to very cold quickly" - this is exactly how it was!

[@leenavig6223]

I have been listening to Dr Ramani for couple of years now. After suffering subtle abuse I finally understood where it comes from. The love bombing, the addiction feeling..the stuck feeling.Your clarity is very impressive. I wish that you get involved in making a movie on this..u can even write the dialgoues..it will be so in concurrence with reality and put these points across in a more impactful way

[@darleenmcbride8900]

Again drama allows them to run around and hunt for more supply. I'm so sick of it!

[@unclemonster48]

Right there with you I want a normal life. I guess at this point it will be me and my dog. I can’t do it anymore taking a chance with someone. And end up right back where Iam.

[@katierosealexander8132]

Realising that amazing first stage that you thought were so loved was fake and never coming back while good to know is so hard. Are so right did see red flags but ignored them

[@jeanie5074]

As always, Dr.Ramani, is the best, and the most forefront expert in the narcissistic abuse field. So sad, that so many of us suffered from it. God bless her forever, and give her long life, expansion in fan base, and prosperity in health, body, mind, spirit. soul, money, love, and more love❣️❤️🐯🐅🙏🐘💰🥁👸🏻👑🌹💖

[@circesercy2190]

Yes, I just left 2 days ago. The love bombing got on a rapid cycle. I was sprayed with compliments that got to be so cheesy. was the same thing almost everyday. When I had the chance to share about my life, the compliments were pouring out as a way to put a cap on me. When he was not happy then unleashed his rage how terrible I was, how I hurt him. I started listening to this. It was everything he did to me constantly. Things I was keeping to myself because I didn't want to rock the boat. These we were thoughts and observations. So the fact that he just blasted this and projected to me, he was aware of what he was doing.

[@burymeinbaldwin5896]

Once again, this video is a masterpiece! Textbook explanation and very insightful.

[@derickpag]

This video shook me to the core. Thank you for this. Truly an angel in this world spreading wisdom.

[@carolinekamya2339]

only the beginning my friend, stay well

[@joannap.8249]

This is so empowering being aware of al those aspects and root causes without therapy. Just by paying attention to patterns in behaviour. Going through all steps. I've started asking question:, not "Why?", but "Do I really want it? Does it really make me feel good?" It is not, it lying to yourself, if you think different.

[@madamepiafsteinkitt8941]

💜 Sincerest gratitude for this CONCISE PRECIOUS HOUR covering various Narcisstic Abuse tactics, how to be confident in knowing the truth and leave!

[@lindahaleysabrina]

Unreal how you just described my eight year relationship that I just left last month... love bomb, leave, love bomb, leave...sick sick relationship that I blame myself for being a part of for so long.

[@sienicampos]

I had been married to a narcissist, divorced him, then he started hoovering me back. For a year, we kind of dated. I knew I really didn't wish that to continue but I was unable to do what it took. One day I realized that he was hurting because I had been the one had initiated the divorce, that he wanted an opportunity to "reject" me and I decided I'd give him one. So, I called him and asked whether he would have a night out. He said no in a very haughtily tone, so to speak, and I knew it would be it. And it was it. Problem solved, maybe not in a very straightforward way, but I have to say it still makes me smile when I think of it.

[@Hatbox948]

Smart girl!

[@karlasilis-cruz528]

Thank you again, Dr. Ramani for this great advice!💗I left a 8yr. relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend and it has been hard to be alone. But as an introvert, im also enjoying my own space. Im just no ready to meet new people became i was surrounded by jerks that called themselves friends! So, I rather be alone than with bad company! Its been very hard to be alone but i really want to heal from narcissistic abuse! Your videos, which i watch everyday, have been very helpful!💗