CPTSD: What If Someone Doesn't LIKE You?

[@Antoniaxdowney]

I’m really amazed right now.. I still don’t understand how this woman can understand me so well!! thank you so so much for this I hope you release more videos on neediness or defensiveness or selfCenteredness

[@go-dog-go]

I felt like i was watching the MLB 'Home Run Derby' and she was knocking Every ball out of the park :)

[@smallstudiodesign]

Well ... take heart in knowing how we’re *not* alone. 💖

[@suzanntudor5051]

What if you ask a few of the people you think you’ve pushed away, and they can’t , or won’t tell you the truth? They’ll usually say “ I don’t know what you’re talking about”. And you can never get answers for this important question

[@angelmossucco]

It is very painful to be honest with people who we care for so much, but who are hurting us

[@gardener5857]

42 years ago my best friend told me I was negative, judgmental, depressing and full of rage. She let me have it for a good ten minutes. Then she cut me off cold. I never heard from her again. She was one of the truest friends I've ever had and those very painful very harsh words were a true gift to me. I have been so grateful ever since. This is my way of telling her thank you for being brutally honest with me. I wouldn't of been able to hear it otherwise.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I understand as few others can!

[@cyndimoring9389]

\so how did you deal with it at first? How long did it take you to come around to your current viewpoint?

[@pinkrabbit7672]

What an incredible perspective, way to go! My best friend told me (24 years ago) that "I'm fake" .. It saddened me deeply because I knew she was parshly right; and I knew it was because I had to survive and if I won't behave as if I'm extremely happy - I'll fall into a bottomless pit of depression. I knew she cannot understand because I have tried to explain to her many times about the broken and depressing home I grew up in but she couldn't understand.

[@gardener5857]

@@cyndimoring9389 I realized during that phone. Call she was right & I needed to change. It’s been an ongoing process. Actively concentrating on my blessings has helped so much.

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@gardener5857 did you discuss it with her later? And did your viewpoint of yourself change as a result? I ask because I tend to be very defensive at first and have to force myself to see it from the other's point of view.

[@idape2331]

So interesting, those of us who had crappy childhood care more for external validation, any invalidations are more painfull cause we didn't have the chance to develop self worth but in the same time our childhood trauma put us in chaotic internal state, we become needy or frustrated and we are more likely to recieve invalidation from others. Even if we are people pleasers, we get dissapointed often cause we don't get respect in return, just the opposite. And because of that inner fear of invalidation and shame, it is super hard for us to recognise our own flaws and start changing from the inside out. I can imagine how confused people get when they are around someone who is suffering from CPTSD. Even we cannot understand our behavior sometimes. But hey, thats why we have our fairy :D

[@melindak.21]

Wow! I’ve only been able to be my “TRUE SELF” for about the last 3 years-And I’m 73!

[@SofDiane]

Me too! I don’t feel so old knowing there are others that are also learning at our advanced age. I’m 73 and I have just recently understood why I feel the way I do and why my birth family discarded me at age 58. Anna’s presentation and knowledge and empathy has shown me how narcissists have “triumphed”. Thank you Anna. Thank you Melinda

[@clarekelsey2774]

@@SofDiane I just want to say thank you, Deborah. Not sure u will ever see this. I am 70 and not new to researching CPTSD but also thinking I'm too old and too alone to do something meaningful about it. Thx for sharing ur age and insights. It would be nice to have a connection with other older people who are learning to make fundamental changes at what seems like such a late time and when, in real life, they actually may be becoming more needy due to natural age limitations. TY again.

[@clarekelsey2774]

Not sure u will ever see this, Melinda but thank you for ur comment and connecting it with ur age. I'm 70 and have been researching CPTSD for many years but just not knowing what to do specifically to change whatever it was that I was doing "wrong" especially when I seemed to be so popular and well liked when I was younger but maybe I was just unaware then. Confusing sometimes. Thx for sharing.

[@clarekelsey2774]

@William Sharman not sure u will see this a yr later, but what a kind, validating thing to say.

[@sunshinecompany1]

I had to move away and be in celibate isolation last 4.5 yrs...no friends/family /sex...just trying to understand and heal me...and I'm 59...better late then never!☺

[@stepintoflow]

I do miss cues. I feel so embarrassed later. You are gentle. Lump in my throat. Thank you.

[@1631ss]

You're awesome.

[@mswriter3612]

Ugh I do all 3 ... I'm trying to learn to see Christ as the person I am bonded to and will be leaving the room with...so i dont feel so alone, when I'm with others, and need to break away from

[@jtrose6995]

sweet Steph

[@leeboriack8054]

I get missing social ques. I've gotten help from KZbin videos on micro expressions.

[@christinedawnbrown8248]

'Avoid people altogether'...that is my coping strategy...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That makes sense with no solution, but now you have access to more kzbin.info/www/bejne/aX_CpWOQiNuhlbs -Cara@TeamFairy

[@vivio2852]

I love how she says the most brutal things but in a way that makes me want to lean into it instead of bracing for the pain.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's a deep compliment. Thank you.

[@surewhatever8843]

Beautifully stated. I agree wholeheartedly!

[@C.S.99]

YES!!!

[@stellaariano7720]

I love this comment well said

[@biondna7984]

Neediness, self-centeredness, and low-burning anger. Oh yeah. This is all me. I figure I have long-term friends because I manage to be pleasant company every now and then. Bless their hearts. Now I can move forward and get better. Thank you.

[@pault9544]

This is hard for me to resonate with in the moment. Because for so much of my life, I've hid my true self from the world. Hid my talents, hid my real thoughts. I was raised by a narc, and have worked through codependent tendencies. I'm not a rude person, as far as I know, I've always been kind to other people, as codependents can be, often overly. But I'm trying to break out of that, because it's not the true me. One of the things I want to do is start sharing my talents with the world, sometimes it goes well, I get validation, and sometimes when I don't feel like I get the recognition, I ruminate, It took so much courage for myself to put myself out there like that, I feel rejected and even angry. Yes, there's the anger, but being raised by a narc, you can get narc "fleas" and you can't just disconnect from those thoughts right away. It's taken me years to start to heal from narc abuse. People share themselves everyday, and get validated, It has taken a lot of courage for me to do so, but I don't get the same, and so It makes me feel unequal, not worthy of love of others. Perhaps this is even a text book example of what youre talking about, but when you haven't completely healed, in the moment it's very hard to disconnect from the shadow aspect of yourself.

[@lillygardens1]

@Paul T Narc fleas. I Love that!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@s.haan_]

I understand what you mean. I was raised by a narc too. Validation is very tricky thing to handle while healing. Because it's tied strongly to your perspective of things, but your perspective has been impacted largely by the nar abuse over the years. Read up as much as you can on narc abuse and cptsd. Maybe we can talk about it if you want to. You can reach me at my insta @shaanclickz Drop me a message. Cheers 🤗✌🏼

[@charchar7119]

Hey!! This sounds like me 😱😱😱

[@purpleice7277]

I can identify 100%!!!!

[@elostio]

thank you for sharing, looks like I'm not alone

[@samanthajones4928]

I'm always being told (after losing friends) that I'm seen as rude, obnoxious, arrogant & stuck up. I had no idea I came across this way, but agree that I have a LOT of anger of the injustice of how I've been treated through life.

[@Rebelz173]

Same as me.. but I see that Iam really off with people I got a lot of pent up anger

[@Paarthurnaxdova]

Me too! I don’t care if people like me now

[@Nikki-xx3gq]

Same

[@jtrose6995]

Samantha Rose lets form a club of super heros with big Js on our capes cos i cant stand injustice! Either to me or anyone else

[@karenlawson5325]

Kudos to you Samantha Rose for being brave enough to take a peek inward. You are already on the path of awareness and healing to not be defensive but be willing to hear some feedback. I'm sorry too for whatever it is you have been through too. Hugs

[@danielc5205]

If burning bridges were a felony, I'd be severing a life sentence right now. Back when I was a codependent and a human doormat, I tried be everyone's friend. But, as I got older, I stopped caring about if someone hates me, I just delete them from my life if they do.

[@roberthickey2618]

I was very angry from an early age. At the age of nine I threw an egg on another kids house in the neighborhood, for no apparent reason, other then he was the kid most all the other kids made fun of. The other kids were the ones who told on me for what I did. Kid stuff, I know, but It was from the way my father raised me. I hated my father most while growing up. He treated me extremely harsh, being mean all the time to me. So I would treat everyone 10x worse in order to feel better, so I thought... It caused just about anyone ive ever known to not want to be around me. I never gave anyone a 2nd chance. Looking back, my perception was way off most all the time. I wish I had a quarter for every time someone said to me, "you have a chip on your shoulder" or, "your thin skinned" Now I'm realizing how destructive that was to my well being of my life today. Because one thing is certain, I was around many good people in my life, and the truth is I miss alot of them! The result of many bridges burned. smh

[@fredworthmn]

I think I have more fear than anger, but my solution is very much like yours.

[@jtrose6995]

*puts the matches back in her pocket....i feel ya bro. but question, is it arrogant to think "howcome they dont like me? i care, i listen, im honest, thats hard to find!"

[@effiebug4278]

I did that. I am now alone.

[@effiebug4278]

@@roberthickey2618 For all those kids out there that you teased and tortured: I'm one of those kids (that you don't know) you treated miserably. I don't care if you actually liked me. Fuck you.

[@TheFabricTeapot1]

"We blame ourselves too much and then sometimes we blame ourselves not enough" I have learned that we all trigger others at times and others trigger us. I will continue practicing love as we all are damaged to some degree. Those that would lead me up the garden path and do me deliberate harm, I will keep away from.

[@lynneivison5773]

I agree. However, there are also random bullies out there who pick up vulnerability - if it is only occasional, then just talk to someone else.

[@sagenerd419]

Those times I encounter when someone doesn't like me... I'm actually perfectly fine with that. Something I struggle more with is how to tell if someone really likes me at all and they aren't just performing being a good person in society. Anyone else feel like this?

[@tracik1277]

Yes, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. I don’t have to bother with them then.

[@JamieMitchellDesign]

Yes. Same here. Humans are very confusing.

[@fredworthmn]

Yeah, I do understand. I have gotten to the point where it easier to assume a person DOESN'T like me. Saves a lot of back stabbing, which I also have experienced a lot of because I am so naïve. Better to lose a possible friend than to be betrayed.

[@hazelbrownn]

@@tracik1277 Yes, I don't know when somebody genuinely likes me.

[@suzanntudor5051]

@@hazelbrownn neither do I. And I can’t ever get anyone to tell me the truth, except my husband, and sometimes I think he enjoys telling me how difficult I am.

[@evakatz6351]

I think it’s really important to see clearly that the people who hurt you were wrong, but some channels do this at the expense of ignoring how you affect others. I think I was abused by my parents, but I also know I have really similar characteristics to them (though I hope I’m more aware/ willing to take responsibility for those aspects of myself). This stuff is so necessary if I want to address why my relationships haven’t been working and I’m very thankful for this video, even though it’s humbling to acknowledge.

[@aknox8440]

I’ve never thought of myself as being self centered in conversation, but the way you explain it makes a lot of sense. I constantly refuse to talk about anything I’m not interested in and force people to indulge in topics only I feel comfortable about. This is truly an eye opener for me. I’m really learning to stave off negative manners and trying to listen to people better. Your videos mean a lot to me, I hope you know how greatly you affect some people (in the best way possible) ! ❤️

[@Coryraisa]

Well said! I have ADHD and autism and have lots of intense interests. But I have to safeguard to make sure that I don't bore people who are not interested in those topics and to insure that I never come across as pressuring anyone to share my passions.

[@crowquilltarot]

One of the reasons I isolate so completely is because I’m surly all the time. I’ve got to get less angry if I want people to welcome me. Thank you for reminding me that this moment is all I have - and I have a choice about how I interact. It IS getting easier with this work. I want to change.

[@aj32384]

Same! I know my tone can be harsh, abrupt, and yes, surly and I don't want to subject people to that.

[@sunshinecompany1]

And being that way too I've always atrracted unhealthy people. I need to learn to be healthy so I can attract healthy people into my life.😉

[@chrysoulano-name4033]

Why yes Anna, I have felt this, but it is far less disturbing than coming face to face with a man who I detect is pretending to listen to me but who dismisses what I am talking about and begins to give me the feeling that he could care less about what we are talking about, because he is searching obsessing over where he opportunities lie to approach me intimately. I can “feel” those machinations going on in his head, and I know it is hopeless to continue interactions with this type and I pity his significant other.

[@travelbug4536]

Narcissists are very disturbing. l have found the key is to accept that they are very disturbing. l was struggling with that.

[@powers6253]

1. Anger 2. Self-centeredness 3. Neediness Let people be themselves. Admire others. Admire this moment just how it is. If you wonder whether something is bothering someone, ask them and listen openly without arguing - take it into consideration.

[@calimathews1039]

How can I have a good life and self respect when I have built my entire life on fear, bad choices and toxic relations? I have watched my mom self destruct her whole life to the point where her body no longer functions well and she is on a sick bed and I have followed in her footsteps as if I have no choice and I have resentment towards us both. Today I have a choice and that's all I have, but thank God for that grace. It's hard to let go of the intense self-hatred and disrespect in order to embrace something I believe I do not deserve... compassion and true unconditional powerful healing LOVE. God please grant me the humility, ability and sinceruty to receive and give love and to never give up through this process of growth and healing. I forgive my mom and I forgive myself. I have been so bitter and unteachable. I want to grow out of this pain instead of medicating and running head first into self destruction like my mom. I feel no compassion for myself at this time and keep seeking to punish me and others. God help me. I will get back up and try the daily practice and stay connected to God and healthy recovery family. I keep falling but I also keep getting back up. God help me do no harm.

[@cookies4isaac522]

You are being honest with yourself. That’s a lot more than most people do. I agree with you in your prayer. God Bless. 🙏🏻

[@calimathews1039]

@LouriElleGiveEmHell 9 oh, man, your words were so honest and kind. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and I love how you said that doesn't have to be your story. I am so feeling that! We are not alone in the struggle and theres healing and hope even in the middle of the most painful things, thank God. Thank you for sharing your story. I believe we are healing. I'm praying. My current relationship is very immature and toxic as well and it's so painful. Not just in the day to day but in the realization that I've chosen to participate in this sick game I want to call a relationship. It's like trying to heal in the midst of an injury being made. Idk how to deal with those dynamics, but I'm ready to learn and Im praying and seeking God's continued wisdom and guidance for us both and courage to set boundaries to protect that new growth even if it doesn't get any easier. I know it will be worth it. Jesus knows it too. Take care, my friend. God bless.

[@marchiespianoschool3800]

You are not alone, Beautiful Soul. You are strong, stumble, get up, stumble, get up. You are doing it. Many perhaps don't.. But you do. There is no such thing as only up.. You are doing it.. called life. In the interim, every day you have the opportunity to accept, respect, love, forgive and appreciate yourself a little more! This IS the Sacred Process! Much Love - to Us All. 🌍🌈🤗🙏💌🌹

[@leeboriack8054]

Her diplomacy with presenting difficult realities removes the barriers to facing the truth about ourselves.

[@aryanahartwell3801]

Since listening to you I’ve recognized all three of these qualities in myself and understand now why I have only two friends, both from childhood. I’ve broken up with girlfriends that I thought were too needy or self-centered and I just had a girlfriend of 8 years formally break up with me because of all my ‘drama’. I am humbled by this information and I have the courage to face it and do something about it. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you are here! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Spoeism]

CPTSD + ADD - I define the Angry edge. All my friends have always compared me to Bender to the "Breakfast Club" or Will from "Good Will Hunting" Personally speaking, the combination of childhood abuse, plus my natural analytical skills, especially for recognizing Micro-expressions and cues, really compounds the struggle. And most people who are not that perceptive, they don't think others can be THAT aware, so processing the negative cues on top of the common social deceptions, takes its toll.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Interesting superpower @PD_S!

[@yfa6244]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I imagine P.D.S had to have those microanalytic powers in order to survive.

[@vladynick]

At times women won't like us upon meeting us because they are jealous of our looks, our success, our vibrancy, it's not always us pushing them away as you are discussing. Sometimes it's us, but you are overlooking the petty insecurities that other women can have upon meeting a woman that is attractive. It's important to recognize the difference and to recognize when to walk away from anyone who doesn't "like us" knowing that it's "them" and not "us"! .

[@punkofmudd]

That's what I was wondering. I find it hard to accept someone can sense all of that from a 1 min introduction when I'm just saying hi and shaking their hands with a kind smile. Their blank stare and upturned nose doesn't compute...

[@BrandonClappr]

Recognizing that, and acting on that are very different things. I think part of healing includes being aware of the potential threats around you, without letting them deter you from your destination. I think you might be projecting this onto the people around you more than you’d like to admit.

[@elstoniobanderas4091]

Its the same with men. Trust me.

[@Mgenao76]

You’re doing amazing work in the world!! Thank you! 🥰👍🏼

[@erinm3567]

Thank you for this video Anna. I'm sure it will help many people. I personally however am not interested in twisting myself into a pretzel in order for others to like me. It's not worth it to me.

[@Kimosabe-]

same. I like me. that's enough.

[@kareeb6080]

I SO see myself in some of these behaviors! I have whittled my circle down so far there's no one left in it. Not sure I can fix much at this point but must do something.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I"m glad AND sorry you can relate so well :)

[@chrysoulano-name4033]

As a matter of fact Anna, I am-for health reasons-in the process of losing weight-staying fat and comforting myself after too many emotionally draining interactions with others is part of my physical mental and emotional process in my struggle to lose weight. The weight has protected me sometimes from men who would (even subconsciously) place a higher value on appearance; however, in the ongoing struggle to maintain my dignity and self-love, reality of my age catching up with my psyche demand that I shed the weight not only for health reasons but also to prepare myself to engage with a higher standard of man who deserves a woman who is beautiful inside out and well self protected/comforting. As you can now see, in order to do this in the most kind, loving and self respectful manner, I am pacing myself in this process respecting my subconscious which demands I walk this tightrope carefully and with great skill. It is turning out to be many greater self discovery levels of deepening appreciation while preparing for higher and greater love levels within and without. Slow, and I am so worth it, as is HE.

[@theodoraproust6716]

Chrysoula Caragonne-chilcott Άρχισε να περπατάς λίγο κάθε μέρα και μην τα παρατήσεις .Be consistent . Μην πνίγεσαι σε μια κουταλιά νερό ... Πάτα γερά στη γη , και, σκέψου πως να βοηθήσεις τον εαυτό σου , σαν να είσαι η καλύτερη φίλη σου. Ξύπνα. Μην δίνεις ιδιαίτερη σημασία στα συναισθήματα σου γιατί αυτά πάνε και έρχονται . Αν πιστεύεις στο θεό δες βιντεάκια στο γιου τουμπ όπως αυτό της Τζόις Μέγιερ (στα αγγλικά , και του Τζόελ Αυστιν ... Μικρές προσπάθειες αυτοβοήθειας και περιποίησης του εαυτού θα σε κρατήσουν . Άσε τα βαθυστόχαστα προς το παρόν . Αγάπησε πολύ τον εαυτό σου και δος του το καλύτερο που μπορεις. Γίνε η μαμά σου, η αδερφή, η φίλη για τον εαυτό σου. Καλή επιτυχία . Άσε τους άνδρες για αργότερα. Τώρα είναι ο δικός σου αγώνας. Μπορείς

[@bonniewienke7196]

I was raised by a N Mother, who my psychiatrist says is also a sadist. She is 93 today and I dread calling her. I see myself in so many of your videos I work very hard at being kind and loving,a good listener, but sometimes I know I am just obnoxious. My husband is a wonderful man and I appreciate him every day Keep making these little jewels of insight and wisdom❤️

[@toni-annleone780]

I experienced this recently but unstead of being upset about the brutal honesty, I was filled with gratitude.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Great attitude! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@ambrosiarudolf9382]

This video was like the gentlest slap in the face ever. Gentle, due to your explanations. A slap in the face, the fact that this is something I have to change myself and not depend on anyone else to change it. Thank you

[@405OKCShiningOn]

Aww, it's not a slap. It's friending any difficult emotion, event, era, personal trouble with friending it.

[@anncassidy5071]

Ambrosia, That’s a good way to describe it! 😊

[@RR-qu2oz]

I'm always told that I'm too difficult and flakey, even when i try to be helpful, kind, sensitive. I've been a recluse for 4 years

[@jtrose6995]

R R flaky to me means unreliable? Like you say youre meeting me for coffee then stand me up? Thats an easy fix right? Just keep my word if i say im doing something. As far as difficult goes...id take it a hundred times over dishonest. Hard to find honesty.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@R_R it is really frustrating when the world isn't receiving us the way we think we're presenting. Glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

OmGoodness. I'm guilty of the anger vibe. I thought I was being observant and wise when really I might seem defensive. Maybe folks can sense I hold back bc I don't trust right away. Trust is earned. Would that push people away or would you consider that what healthy relationships automatically do? Gosh, the damage crappy childhood has done to so many of us that led to such narcissistic abuse,... It's left a damaged world Anna. I would love the healthy friendships but quarantine has shown me some very unhealthy people too.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

There is work we can do to know ourselves better- and then we are easier to be around. Glad you're here.

[@AA-il1we]

I have no idea what to talk about when I’m around people . I have nothing to say except for being polite . I’m not interesting or charming or witty or anything. Plus being needy of course .

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is a lot of fear blocking you- that's what Crappy Childhood Fairy can help you with! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@evanfirebrand]

Anna, your honesty is so healing. And your compassion so infectious. Thank you so much.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's a very kind comment. Thanks!

[@lisztomaniacenid]

Whoa. Im just googling something like this earlier (googled "why do it feels like everybody hates me"), and now this video's on my notification. im on a new job and this is exactly what i fear. verytime im with my friends/public and most especially when im in a new environment, i feel like they don't like me at all. I know those feelings aren't logical, but still. So excited about this, thank you!!

[@roberthickey2618]

I used to wonder that too why everyone hates me. Been like that since the 4th grade, I'm now 56, nothings changed. I thank God I never had kids! I'm sure they would hate me too. Friends, neighbors, co workers, family, they all hate me, or they just can't stand to be around me. Probably both. I never get invited anywhere for over 25 years. The only real quality time have with another person is the very short experiences, the people I just meet, anywhere from the first 5 minutes, to about 3 days. Those "relationships" are as good as it gets. My "crappy" childhood truly left me with the personality of a mean, sarcastic, asshole who really does mean well. I couldn't always admit that, but its true. Looking back I'm amazed I did ok in life, no felonies thank God. With All Due Respect, I haven't killed anybody. I was in a lot of bar fights that could have easily ended in a fatality, many times. God must need me for something good, that's all I can think. These days rather then make the effort for people to like me, its so much easier not too. Now I'm ok with being a "loner" .....I got no choice.

[@tracik1277]

Liking yourself helps other people to like you.

[@MR-ho3mo]

I think there are certain people who are jealous upon sight of you. That’s their problem not yours. Trying to win them over is almost impossible. Been there, done that. Move on to more secure people.

[@Ishtar2419]

I don’t know"? I’m definitely not angry and I am a very empathetic listener, I never talk over people, I’m never all about myself, I don’t criticise, I talk about what they want to talk about and I am very sensitive to people’s emotions and it can get really draining for me a lot of the time. But then when I go to talk people just turn off and don’t want to listen or ignore me or talk over me. I know sometimes that says more about them than it does about me and also that they are probably picking up on my energy and that energy being low self esteem and unworthiness. I’m trying to not take it personally if someone doesn’t give me the time of day and that I don’t know what they are going through to make them act the way they do but it just gets so hard to socialise and I end up isolating and avoiding meeting people or just even hanging out with friends. I have had to let a few friends go because I tend to attract toxic personality types that are just downright draining.

[@julie198]

People pleasing is so draining. I’ve been where you are.

[@mnikaluza4]

I have experienced some of what you are talking about and i had a suggestion once to keep talking when someone cuts you off in a conversation until you finish what you were going to say.... rather than stopping what you say in the middle of a sentence when interrupted ... so i have done that and i was really suprized to find that ... when i kept right on talking ppl respected me more and the person interrupting stopped doing it so frequently ... i think for me it is believing what i am saying has value and that is worth finishing my sentence and thought even if i have to talk while other person is talking...

[@erinm3567]

I can't believe how much this resonates with me

[@CompostWatcher]

It’s not you. Most people are like that.

[@Paula-sv6vg]

I feel the same way

[@brianarbenz7206]

Some superb observations in this vid and wise advice offered. Thanks! In the last couple of years, I have been asking myself, “Why am I losing so many friends?” I have been working on precisely these things you cite - being more aware, less needy and ending my excessive people pleasing.

[@katharineellis3809]

I know what i'm doing that chases ppl away. Accidently on purpose, i assume they dont like me which makes it worse, fear of abandonment, negative needy energy. F---that! i deserve it!

[@cherylcowan7131]

There’s nothing more Noble - or more Holy - than GETTING FREE. ~ Anna Runkle 💖🦋🌟

[@anncassidy5071]

Right?! Wasn’t that so well put? 🔥 We were sent here to this life to show ourselves in all our glory. Her words are helping me to have the courage to do just that. Not to bring a broken me, but to bring the healed me to the table. The true me. That’s holy

[@Fefe559]

omg. thats me...! I I am too angry and too self centred and too needy! except I didn't clue in unfortunately until late in life. When I was younger I felt justified to hate people they were dumb and I was needy and I so traumatized I was desperately self centred. It is embarrassing. I am better but this is SPOT ON...! so SO true. I am different person, but I have to watch myself daily. I do ice baths and Wim Hof breathing this year and always trying to breathe in peace and I exhale so much anger thats been there since I was like? 6 years old. yikes. This is BRILLIANT. TRuth!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wim Hof has some great techniques.

[@puggirl415]

This is such a lingering problem. I know I have a hard time with an angry edge. That is something that is very hard to control. I literally make an intention to stay awake and aware each day and then have to constantly stop myself whenever I begin to get frustrated, desperate, angry etc and remind myself that I don't know what's going on with the person who is doing something to help that reaction to come out. Then I can let it go. Doing that 20x a day is exhausting. It works though. The self centeredness is also a thing but I spend time in every conversation wondering if I'm talking too much and if I decide to just ask about others and listen to them actively, I notice not one person asks me anything. This really happens almost every time. So all this is very confusing. Trying to be aware of these things and act differently is possible. Question is how long before it starts to feel better or at least become more automatic?

[@drebugsita]

I'm glad you covered this but I wish you would have elaborated more on the first one, "leaky anger." I think this is very relevant but I don't actually know what that looks like

[@00008Amanda]

I just love you. You are a blessing to the thousands or millions of people who need help. You give us hope. Thank you.

[@stateofbecoming]

I just have to comment and say thank you so much for your videos. I've been watching your videos this past year, and they give me such great insights that really cut to the core of the issues I'm experiencing and struggling with. You get it, and I really admire and appreciate you. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are so welcome, thank you for the kind words!

[@JackSquat336]

This makes sense of my life, i wish i had learned about it 40 years ago.

[@vladynick]

I found your correlation of "internal anger" to CPTSD. I am incredibly angry inside, but it rarely shows, and I hear what you're saying about how that anger, which seems like nothing to us, is incredibly off setting to others when it does come out - even if in a mild form. They simply aren't used to it. I know that's something that I've committed myself to handling. But when someone does unfairly attack me verbally, like what just happened to me on the streets of NYC a few hours ago by a street serving waiter, and I didn't react with anger,as I'm working on not doing so, I then feel like a "chump" for NOT responding with justified anger!! Need to work on some things that I can say when in such situations that will still make me feel like I've protected myself and defended myself without responding with anger or cursing for as you say, angry leads to dysregulation..

[@fredworthmn]

I'm an old geezer with that crappy childhood you talk about. Recently I discovered one put off that I do that I was not aware of doing. My parents were VERY manipulative. My body seemed to know this before I did so I have been in a FREEZE response for almost 70 years. (Neither here not there, just a comment.) What I discovered was that my way of dealing with people mimicked my parents manipulation. I was not aware that I was manipulating anyone which is why I was such a failure at interaction. (I was waaaay too obvious because I was not aware of this trait in me!) I just grew up believing that this is how people acted. I did not feel that I was manipulating anyone, nor did I realize that others would think I was! I got a shock about 5 years ago when my sister started using her manipulation techniques on me and I started remembering what my parents had done to me. I was shocked to see these actions in myself and started to understand some of my put off actions. The problem goes back so far in time that I have to rethink everything I do.

[@cjolena]

Really good video about self awareness. I finally blocked someone recently but it wasn't because i disliked her. It felt like such a struggle for her to tolerate me. Hopefully my comment will let her and other people know that this is a possibility. I'm afraid if i write to her it will make her feel worse.

[@Maria7Maria]

I realise your comment was a while ago, but I’ve just gone through something similar. I pushed my friends away, but I later realised I was feeling relieved that I didn’t have to keep up the act of being fine all the time around them. It was exhausting

[@rfarrow3483]

Great video, really insightful content, but one thing that needs to be addressed is how neurodivergent people may experience social interaction differently. So for example in the self centeredness segment, some of the things mentioned such as ignoring social cues that someone needs to leave, talking more than your fair share or missing conversational cues are also common difficulties experienced by nuerodivergent folk. In these cases it wouldn't be entirely accurate to describe these behaviours as self centeredness because there's an underlying medical issue affecting the ability to follow these conversational rules correctly. In those cases social cues aren't being ignored, they're going unnoticed.

[@er6730]

I see what you're saying. However, I see it as neurodivergence makes it more difficult not to be self centered. Does that sound too blame-y? For example, my ADHD makes it difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when I have an idea. That doesn't mean that I can just talk over everyone and expect to have good friendships. I have a strategy, where I first ask follow-up questions to what she shared last time we spoke, and catch up with how and what my friend is doing now, I make sure that she feels heard, and then I relax a bit and if I talk too much... Well, I'll try to do better next time, but it probably hasn't damaged the relationship. She felt heard, appreciated, and seen before I then steered the whole conversation into a series of rabbit holes. Often the strange turn of conversation is something that friends actually enjoy. I guess what I'm saying is, it's harder when your brain doesn't work like other people's (now I'm thinking about something that I learned recently, that when I'm trying to relate to a friend's experience by telling my own experience, it's perceived as one upping, or self centeredness! So now that I realize it, I can do it a different way for people who need it a different way.), but that doesn't mean that I can just say, "oh well, it's harder so I won't try." We still have to learn that way if we want people to feel important to us.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Rachel_Farrow we acknowledge that there are a lot of reasons, not just CPTSD, people may find social interaction challenging. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@nicolephillips2312]

It’s crazy to think that there are people out there who don’t have these issues (cptsd). What’s it like to walk around everyday with a clear mine lol??!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Haha, weird right? Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@anncassidy5071]

Anna, this is so helpful. My whole life I could never figure out why I couldn’t make friends. Totally clueless. I used to pray for God to send me a friend. 58 years old and I’m just realizing that I do all three of these things. I always knew I was the common denominator but could never identify why. I just felt like there was something wrong with me. But I realize also that there is nothing wrong WITH me, there was something wrong done to me that made me act this way. It’s not really who I am and I’m excited to get to work on changing it! Thanks 😊

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

Anger, self centrednedss, neediness. SO TRUE! Ooozing anger! lol, that's me! Love your accuracy xxoo

[@merrym7174]

I don't show my anger to people . Instead, I get passive-aggressive. That's how I push people away.

[@karensnelson]

You are such a gift. I find it hard to resist ( telling those I think would benefit from this) badgering those I love to sign up.

[@lillygardens1]

Good tips. I will try them. ty. "Pretty is, is Pretty does" was the mantra of my parent throughout my childhood. Ugh. That doesn't work out so well as a way of life.... Fast forward to People Pleaser. So.... when that fails, anger steps in to make its home. Ugh again.... and I'm left asking, "Really??" "Really!?" lol Thus Navigating carefully on my path. Not too positive, not too negative. "Just, right." Some days are good. Some days are better. 😊👍

[@clarekelsey2774]

Anna, u r somehow so validating and gentle when saying things like this. Thank you.

[@FreeToBeMeIn2024J]

This was what I have been desperately needing to hear, watch, comprehend! Thank you! The 2 videos I watched from you have been truly life altering. Now to do the work!

[@donnaemerson1008]

I was just told recently that someone didn’t like me. I have felt this for years at family dinners. I am working on me.

[@RosePetal17]

Anna, your video is incredibly eye opening!I I have been the people pleaser, and in recent years, have become more and more aware of my anger and bitterness. I am in so much pain because I just don’t attract people. My neighbour does, and I am envious. I do feel so needy so much of the time. I will check out your free course, because I want to be free. Thank you so much for the work you do🙏🕊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you @Rose_Petal, I appreciate what you're saying and am glad you're here! See you in the free Zoom calls, I hope!

[@nabilsh9347]

I just saw and answered a question about this on Qoura... I really wish you mentioned something in your video... I believe there is a thin line between who is the right or wrong in these situations. Who needs to change and who needs to embrace themselves. We have a saying in my language which says 'people's satisfaction is an unachievable purpose'. In my 27 years of living, i realized that no matter what you do or change or act like, people will always talk about you and judge you for who you are. Maybe until they become comfortable around you (but this is their problem not yours). For example my family has issues and they are all angry and sad all the time. And all my life i was kinda the opposite and different... And oh how many times i heard them say u r cold u don't react u r bla bla bla... While external people would tell me i am sensitive and too much outgoing (ofcourse i was people pleasing then) but you can see what i am tryibg to say... No matter what u become, i realized that people will always find a reason to dislike or criticise you IF THEY WANT TO... again, this is their problem.... Now, that being said, if someone is abusing people, a jerk, an arshole, then yes these kind of people really need to let go and change so they live better for the people around them and for themselves. My brother needs this, he is constantly angry and recently he started abusing his wife, kid and us (his family) we told him how horrible and angry he is, but he is not listening... Therefore, like i said, the line is very thin, so please if you are in the first category like i was in, don't feel pressured to change. Instead reflect and find out who you are. If you are in the 2bd category, then again reflect and try to work on yourself, which this video may come as very helpful. In my opinion, 60 or 70% of the cases come from the 1st category, so don't blame yourself and think it is your problem (like i used to which made me try to change myself and blocked my sight to accept or find myself)... So be careful!!!! This is what i wished you would have explain about this in ur video

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

If it's working for you to assume the problem is other people, then the problem is probably that -- other people. People who find themselves lonely and isolated, with a pattern of alienating others, often find it helps to look within.

[@aboycalledfish]

I am now aware of just how much people are put off from me, but this is an issue that has existed from my early development. I tried to change it. I tried to be a kind and conscientious person in the way that people expected me to be, but after multiple burnouts and depressive episodes, I've realized that I really can't do it, at least, not the same way as others. My version of kind and conscientious just looks awkward. It looks self-centered and analytical, but you know what? That's just how my brain has been wired from birth. The trauma I experienced was from people rejecting that (true) version of me, and now I'm working to set boundaries that make sure the people in my life understand that.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I know exactly what you are speaking to, I've gotten a lot of help for this through the techniques taught here and the changes have been pretty much miraculous. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@KC-xl7gl]

so far every video I've watched of yours hits the bulls eye.. It's like you understand me through and through

[@nicolameikle3976]

After my abusive relationship I have become all 3 💔💔💔💔💔 It’s so shameful on my part Maybe I have always been negative, depressed, critical of others due to my own self hatred, 💔💔💔💔💔

[@avp6730]

Oh this is so hard! I moved to a different city and had to meet a lot of new people and this really hit home. I think what really devastates me is when I realize that the interaction isn’t going well and I can never fix that bad impression. And this helpless screaming inside that I’ll do better next time but nobody’s interested in a next time at this point...

[@terryanngallagher3605]

Using their opinion to always express your opinion....that is what Facebook thrives on, unfortunately. I MUST stay away from it.

[@dianahoward9738]

You explain this so kindly while absolutely nailing it. Thanks!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're very welcome!

[@shannoncoller]

You make me feel like I’m not crazy, you understand why I am the way that I am and why I do what I do, you make me realize that I’m not crazy, thank you

[@payelacharya2937]

Thanks for putting it out there. No frills but will all the compassion and understanding

[@dianar.2990]

I feel that a co worker doesn't like me and it's truly hurting me. It's affects me at work because I need this co worker to help with patient care. I can feel her bad energy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Start trying the Daily Practice- it helps so much! Free course found here courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy

[@mnikaluza4]

I appreciate the depth of your understanding and the ability to be straight with us so we ca be straight with ourselves.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you, I'm glad it's useful to you :)

[@ak5659]

'Leaky anger': I spend a lot of energy to keep it in check, especially when when I know the person I'm facing is most likely not connected with the problem. Wish there were a way to check if I'm doing a good job of it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Great that you are aware it is probably not the other person! -Cara@Team Fairy

[@number1english1]

I love your videos. The topics you discuss really jar something inside me. It's what I lived as a child, and it's what haunts me as an adult. One day God willing I'll have the money to take your course.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Come take the free course! It's called the Daily Practice. It's on the Free Tools page of my website (also the courses page)

[@rebeccahergenrader1804]

The easiest way to deal with people who don’t want to be around me is to not be around them. All of the above, I have worked on, thanx to God’s word, but it does not change the fact that I’m not a very interesting person. I ask questions and keep the conversation on them, mostly. Or I just keep to myself.

[@grandiesgarden175]

Isolating people pleaser here and i need to know! Thank you for the great advice. I needed it yesterday!

[@ChandlerSavage]

Thank you so much for this wonderful video! I really connected with everything you said and felt validated and encouraged by your words. Thank you so much for all of the wonderful work you do! You are changing so many people's lives and know that you have changed me and my Mom's life through understanding our trauma and behaviors in a shame-free, practical way. Much love from Tucson

[@christinhoschain6862]

Everytime I've had an issue in my life, your videos are On Point to what I'm going through at that exact moment!! Thank you for explaining how I can improve!!

[@davidhuston495]

Wish I came across your videos sooner. While I do understand this like I was making journal entries about two of these things a few days before coming across your video today.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you came across them! Please subscribe, more to be released this week :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@marinaaing5467]

Hi from childhood to 21 yrs old I was verbally and physically abused by my mother. Among four children, she would violently beat me. I did not understand why, there’s no trigger, I wished so many times that I will just die. Until this December 2021 at 63 yrs old I came across Cinderella syndrome also called Target child syndrome, and now I understand that I was that child she targeted. I had one divorce and many failed relationships because of my past abuse that I just now realized after coming across, coaches and self help gurus like you. Thanks so much and Happy Holidays 🎄🎄🎄

[@nedargiordano7018]

Being goodlooking, helps being liked a lot

[@mistwalker11]

Your ability to connect your experience with knowledge and explain things is astonishing. :) I am so very grateful for the ideas that you shared here. I have never thought that my anger can actually affect relationships this way but I think you are right, it is a vibe that people read no matter how hard I try to _deliberately be safe_. I was told more than once that people find me intimidating even without dealing with me. Same things with being considerate on purpose. I am, because I want people to feel good when they are with me, but I don't think I am always authentic when I am asking them questions. Same thing with neediness, when I am with someone who is kind to me. I tend to overstay. And when I abstain and cut this down deliberately, people probably still feel this through. Seems I still have lots of work to heal. :) Thank you for this food for thought!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for your kind comment. As you heal (and practice social skills that weren't taught to you) it gets easier to just be yourself and let things flow.Sending love!

[@deeburrows6197]

To be honest I dont mind how I am. I have accepted that I have to do what makes me happy and keeps me safe. I love boundaries. I agree with self management or emotional hygiene. I strive better as an independent person.

[@deeburrows6197]

When it comes to other people I just keep it basic. Then I go on to live my life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's so great :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@fluffyclouds555]

Anna this is so helpful. It may be my favorite video of yours. Lots of gems in here. It all applies to me. I winced at times. It’s good to know there’s a path forward. I’m ready to drop the baggage & get going on that new path.

[@drewdemien481]

this spewed forth from my fingers this weekend. i am not sure if it was a venting or a channeling. please dont be disturbed by it. it is on my fb page. its ok, you tried. you did your best to help. Nothing you could have ever done, can fix the scars and damage of those who passed their emotional and psychological baggage onto you. you have always been aware, but harbor the memories of those you love with their negative sentiments intact. stop looking for those similarities in people. they are not your "fam", or "people". they don't care like that, regardless of how hard you try, it may never happen. know, that they are with you, and that's really what matters, isn't it? everyday you awake is a tribute to those people. now let them be dead, and live your life to the extent you know you deserve, not expect. hold your head high! I've seen way too many of my peer-set, STILL beating themselves up emotionally. i am tired of it. just hope that someone sees this, and can relate and finally finds some solace. i am not a panacea. i am a superficial fix. i need that hug now, dad.

[@amberscottcmt7400]

Talkative, loud and funny. Yep. My narcissist wanted me to be a confident leader. I had to be everything she wished she was, so out in front of the crowd was the ideal I was given. I did fairly well socially. It was with guys that I kept getting discarded eggs I says I feel like I'm the wrong end of the magnet like there's just something admit me that repels a man from wanting to be in relationship with me. They just want what they can get from me, but not actually me... So I wonder what I did to make a guy come close and then leave? That's been how it's shown you for me.

[@EM-ps4kr]

#4 slander / rumors behind your back because of a negative family dynamic and a way to punish.

[@colleenwatch]

Quit trying to will the conditions....that really resonated with me. It encompasses all of the weird responses in all areas. Yes. Let go. Thank you.

[@jax3065]

11:11 got my attention and I needed to hear this

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Sadly many people can't deal or don't understand how CPTSD effects us..... And it makes it harder for us to connect as well as not being able to trust others...

[@RS-ru5ds]

I am So Glad to have found you! Thank you! I really appreciate the picture in the background! It helps me to be able to focus on that while listening.

[@suzyvanderkarr5436]

Why I smoke weed in social situations. It makes me so likable

[@Catbooks]

Ugh. Yes, I've done all 3 of those things, mostly #s 1 and 3. Anger leaking out in the form of sarcastic humour. Not aimed at the people, just in general. The neediness disguised my real self, and that's never attractive. While it's not easy to confront our behaviours the CPTSD has caused that have caused us problems, and we may want to defend ourselves because most of us have already been over criticised, and tend towards self-blame, this isn't about that. This is self-understanding and, really, self-love. To be done gently and lovingly, with an open heart. It's a gift, the keys to our freedom.

[@luciamixon8119]

It's hard making friends or at least have a social group. First be your own best friend. Seek guidance from higher power, God etc. True we get caught up in our drama but so do others. Now with the current situation of social distancing its worse. Many are saying it's a reset. How to find well enough people may the question? Give and take with similar values and interests. KZbin is my social for now. Some make me laugh! 😄

[@constancedenchy9801]

I'm so past trying to be what others want me to be. I'm not responsible for their faulty perceptions of me, nor am I responsible for their projections onto me. Instead of making me the problem maybe they should try to communicate their needs instead of assuming I can read their minds. I read body language now...when I see the snarls or crossed arms I leave. Bottomline is when I think about it why I respond to them the way I do is: I DO NOT LIKE THEM. So i don't need to adjust to be who they want me to be just so they'll be happy to see me. I have a circle of friends who "get me" and "I get them"...done with people pleasing

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Amen sis!

[@celesteinman56]

Oh my God.. That's me. I'm bossy but I want to help as a rule. My 39 year old son, even say's be nice.

[@celesteinman56]

I am no longer a people pleaser. I see it in others so clearly. I see when people apologize all the time, where they shouldn't. I used to think if I don;t move no one would see me.

[@raiderlove5923]

Thank you for all the work that you do.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for listening

[@Jane-mb8jj]

This video helped me have an important breakthrough, I’ve been working hard to change all of these things because I do all of these. I love your videos so much, the daily practice and videos have helped move my recovery forward

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You've made my day @Jane. Not everyone welcomes some of these tough love truths; you're courageous and brilliant to work on these things. Please keep me posted on how it goes!

[@Jane-mb8jj]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'm happy it made your day! My mantra for self-growth motivation has been what you said in this video, "If childhood ptsd is keeping you from seeing something that you're doing that hurts people or pushes them away and you could change that then wouldn't you want to?" I've already noticed a positive change in the dynamic within my friendships and my interactions with others :)

[@lanishortsunshine5773]

interrupts yes, avoid both. I didn't see...wow, thank you sigh...feel lighter

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

:)

[@Fefe559]

Sorry Anna I cant stop commenting on all your videos because you keep blowing my mind...! and my ADD makes me blurt out every single thought. shit I need to do this work. lol

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Come on over!