CPTSD and The Sense of Disconnection

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If you were neglected or abused when you were a kid, and you’ve struggled all your life to feel like you’re truly included in groups, this is a classic trauma symptom. Feeling like you don’t belong could happen to anyone, but it’s especially common in people who didn’t receive adequate time and love and connection from their parents. In this video I talk about the way this sense of disconnection begins, how it manifests in adult life, and what you can do to begin healing it.
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[@donna.downey]

OMG! This is so me... I'm going to listen to this again. Been listening/watching your videos for a while. Thank you for what you are doing for so many others. Please keep it up.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@asr328]

I'm tired of "showing up" and being disappointed.

[@elminero49]

Give yourself credit for "showing up".

[@asr328]

@@elminero49 thank you 🙂

[@brknnphx]

💯

[@brknnphx]

I told my partner it's almost like the animal kingsom,people sense you're weakness etc and attacks I can't even work because it happens there and I've had supervisors in front of everyone say oh be carefull we don't want her to go all woohoo. 😢yet,guess who most of the coworkers came to for most everything? Ugh

[@torduck4804]

People can sniff out that you don’t belong too. I was always left out by friends, never in the centre, having to work harder to fit in. Honestly, I’ve met fellow ‘weirdos’ and feel most at home with them.

[@chatryna]

yeah, I thought that could be a thing. But isn't that like packing crystal without bubble wrap?

[@annadonahue4119]

Fellow weirdos are people too 😉

[@torduck4804]

@@annadonahue4119 the best kind

[@evajawidzk2068]

Not weirdo we walk to our own 🎶🎵

[@teresacroft7409]

You're so right here. It's like you have a bullseye on your back and they all see it. Even though you're not acting like an outsider they somehow know. I actually prefer this. No phony friends, just a couple good true ones. You get used to it, make the most of it, and enjoy your solitude

[@JustaNobody-j8x]

I was just having a conversation with someone earlier about CPTSD, and how it really is like carrying a heavy backpack full of toxic memories where you are constantly revisited and haunted by old ghosts. It’s a silent battle where there is a deep longing for peace within our lives.

[@AnnaD25]

Well stated😢

[@jodybean3099]

What's funny is the people who tell you it happened years ago get over it but you don't get over it's just there affecting you like it happened yesterday I hate it so bad

[@janec1489]

Yes! And it's like differe nt ghosts keep popping up randomly out of the backpack like jack in the boxes

[@sashavjs]

Yes! And then even sleep doesn't offer respite. I have such disturbing dreams about my parents and old friends who aren't even in my life. It's relentless.

[@melissilem2610]

100% to all the comments here.

[@beanutbutterbaus]

I can’t ever get past a surface level friendship. It’s hard and I’ve tried! But I mean as long as people are kind to me I’m just grateful for that 😊

[@Okini_Hasa]

I completely agree, I'm feeling you. 🫂

[@marciamcgrail5889]

It's the getting ppl to be kind - genuinely kind, not just the superficial foam that says 'look at me, as kind as kind can be - that's the difficulty, in my experience.

[@manasikashyap]

I hear you. Sending you kindness 🤗 🌸 💫

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I hear this! I've got friends who I've known for 30+ years (I'm 45) and we're STILL only surface level!

[@ra_zane7032]

Same here

[@thekinginthenorth3222]

This resonates. I’ve felt like an outsider my entire life

[@maryrichardson6029]

I've had this feeling all of life. When I feel off, I just walk away. I'm great at ghosting people

[@JC-justchillin]

Absquatulating. The Irish exit. Love it!

[@SinaLaJuanaLewis]

As a former people pleaser I am proud to say I am selfish. I am picky about who I connect to because my energy is precious.

[@kgemz6922]

❤

[@MegaMarVerde]

Congrats! Me too!

[@annbaker2950]

The older you get the more difficult it gets. Social groups are already set, neighbors are already in a clique. Then, you lose people and acquaintances to death.

[@lovingjesus5184]

Omgosh.. I too often say the same thing.

[@elminero49]

Attempting to mend old bridges to former friends seems impossible. It's depressing to feel like a stranger and total outsider among the people I once knew. I've changed and made myself a better person, but even 20 years later no one is interested in my apologizes. My only hope of having friends is to make new friends.

[@sunphoenix1231]

​@@elminero49 same, it's frustrating as well as dealing with friends that have their own families they're growing and don't want to deal with old wounds.

[@johnmarkhatfield]

i don’t know why i only like being around people that are either not my race, children, or animals. my family went to a church 40 min away. there were 300ish jr high and highschool kids. i was friends with none of them. i spent a lot of time wandering around after waiting for my parents to get out of some kind of bible study. i started playing piano in the basement or played games on my calculator. i went to a wednesday small group and felt on the outside. at college i felt on the outside. i often left my friends to be alone. the only person i always liked being around was my wife. she left me because i was too depressed after losing my job. she stayed home and made mom friends. i wasn’t friends with their husbands. so now i have zero friends. males that are unmarried don’t want to be around males. males that are married don’t get outside their families. only women will hang out with me. platonically or not. i’m cautious because i am nice and usually not romantically interested in women. ive had bad experiences with that. i also disliked people in sports, but my dad was a sports coach. all my hs friends were band and choir kids. as people get older (im 40) they stop playing music. at least when they have little kids. i was a music major. i play guitar, piano, cello, and violin. being middle aged has perks, but can suck for divorced males.

[@Cynthia-Landers]

Ouch. Blunt. But yeah.

[@ericcarr4evr]

Don't want to belong. Been there done that. Learned to find my safe space and i found it when i broke from the crowd.

[@manasikashyap]

That’s awesome!! 🎉

[@DMAC1301]

Friends are wayyyy to much work and disappointment. I have learned to just not do that. It takes too long to recover.

[@mindibear]

If you didn’t feel safe then you didn’t really belong.

[@Abe-rz1nm]

In groups I always feel as though I'm observing, but never part of them. I've gotten to the stage where my social skills are ok and I can put on a good act, but it feels as though I'm not the real me, and I always leave feeling uncomfortable: did I talk too much? Did I offend x when I said y? Someone might irritate me to the point it ruins everything. Sometimes I think I've made a friend and it never quite happens. All of this adds up to make it 'not fun' so I tend to avoid groups.

[@Justyouraverageguy172]

This is exactly me! Glad to know I am not alone 😢

[@ladybaabaa3294]

Yep. I'm similar, except these days at age 45 I don't care about how I appeared or what I said afterwards. My problem is I've been putting on a facade since childhood so I REALLY have great difficulty dropping it. I don't know how to, even if I want to. I actually don't know if I even HAVE an "authentic self".

[@ryank6322]

​​@@ladybaabaa3294 I've done a lot of journaling and goal setting this past year to try and figure out my authentic self. I've been a people pleaser my whole life and don't even know what an interaction with others should be like. I've come to the conclusion that *my people" are rare.

[@tulip5210]

I understand entirely

[@sharondoan1447]

I have tried and tried, but never succeed in quite making the grade with groups. I did not have a “ home town” because my dad was in the Air Force and we moved several times during my childhood. If you do not become part of a core group early on in life, you find yourself forever on the fringes. I guess. It’s the only tangible explanation I could come up with. I never belong.

[@spiritualmatterscda1309]

I just did 4 months in self-imposed isolation. I literally spoke to no one (hello to cashiers don't count) because in my town most people go into hibernation in the winter. It was extremely difficult to reach out to my doctor & say I needed help, but I did. Two weeks later, I've got a counselor, a psychiatrist and am working hard to pull myself out of depression & anxiety. At 68, it's hard to reconnect with friends or acquaintances... especially because of my childhood trauma. Everyone is so busy, hustling to just make ends meet while I have tons of time, but steer clear of groups. I'm not giving up thanks in part to Anna's videos. Thank you! ❤

[@yvonneb-t3d]

I often think how wonderful life would be if having a pen pal was still a thing.

[@manasikashyap]

I’m 46, happily married & still feel the same. Also joined a childhood trauma group & it’s helping :) You did the right thing for yourself!

[@Di-Pi]

I feel you, same here!❤️

[@KassiusFineArt]

I understand. I love you. Please take a good B-Complex and additional B1...a B1 deficiency can cause anxiety & B-Complex is great for your nerves.

[@yvonneogorman7112]

Dear One I am 68yrs old and every trauma I experienced from the womb to now is staring me in the face...I was in some kind of a dream until now and it's time to wake up.When I drown in self pity and who is there for ME I realise a higher power an inner knowing has always saved me..I should be dead but for this inner strength that helps me to stay alive and make the most of the life I have been dealt.Focusing inward and invoking that inner voice has given me confidence and peace.You can and will come out of this..Blessings❤

[@bbeth7092]

People of faith with CPTSD face an additional challenge. Biblically, we need to fellowship with others, and I understand the spiritual directive for this, but for me, it is disregulating. It takes several days to recover from group involvement because I spend so much time analyzing what I said, how it was received, whether or not I could have said it better, what others said, how I received it, and so on and so on….Exhausting. Simply leaving this comment has taken a ridiculously long time. Thanks for your videos. They have been helpful to me.

[@shewho333]

Lots of churches have an online component now. You can join a live stream service and be in fellowship, without having to be in the same physical place with others.

[@kathyingram3061]

~I found what you described as being a factor in me leaving the church~There were other things, too, but all of the uncomfortable social dynamics seemed to pull me away from my relationship with God~I feel it has improved just being on my own~Do you know what i mean?~

[@keithstoeckle7350]

Not a religious person, but I think I understand. I could barely handle one-on-one therapy. The idea of group therapy (which was often offered or suggested) seemed like a nightmare .

[@keishagbwrites]

I can relate. I like going to church, but forced fellowship is completely disregulating to me. Currently I attend a small Bible-believing church, but many of the members were friends and family for years, and after three years there I don't have one close friend. My husband can't understand why I leave to go to the car as soon as church service ends. It's because the people are all right, but I don't know them very well and we have no opportunity to get to work on things together. It's frustrating.

[@shaeholden1743]

​@@kathyingram3061 I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm a Christian with genuine desire to love Christ, but have not attended church service for 5+ years...and I do not miss the "entertainment" that church has become. Yes, I know what scripture says about fellowship...but I have been reading my Bible everyday and listening to solid Bible teachers and actually growing in my faith. I know, it's frustrating.

[@jackfenton2271]

I've been a "shadow" my whole (hole) life. It made me an easy target.

[@Crownd1_]

After living with CPTSD for most of my 64yrs I have absolutely no need to be part of the pack. I enjoy being a lone wolf.

[@cherylmockotr]

Ditto. It's probably a "use it or lose it" type of thing. Live alone long enough and it becomes unimaginable to share life with someone else.

[@vikingprincess634]

Same age and same sentiment. At this point 99% of people are just annoying.

[@elminero49]

@@vikingprincess634 In other words: 99% of people find the VikingPrincess634 annoying.

[@rchi3906]

Yep , Lone Wolf King of the Mountain , I hear u , makes life much simpler

[@kathyingram3061]

~Yes, same age, same experience, only now added in is, i get sick from vaxx shedding, so im adapting to isolation even more~Its nice in many ways, and drama free~

[@henryvanveen5365]

I hate groups. I prefer 1 on 1 situation with someone I am comfortable with. Went to a group event with friends. I felt so uncomfortable I went and sat in the car until it was time to leave

[@chatryna]

I get it. Maybe one day you can laugh about that. Warm wishes.

[@DesertNails]

I take crochet with me. I get a lot done on crochet projects that way. Is it too revealing to say yarn is nicer than many people?

[@katella]

​@@DesertNailsa lot of us say animals are nicer than people.

[@DesertNails]

@@katella A lot of us have allergies

[@dixienormous6969]

​@@DesertNails 😂 "yarn is nicer than a lot of people" lmao sounds so funny but yes it's true 🧶

[@Avi_Z.]

I have lived alone and 99% isolated from others and am finally content. For some of us isolation is the only way to find peace of mind.

[@ryank6322]

I think the endless desire to connect with others is codependent. Your own company should be enough.

[@Avi_Z.]

@@ryank6322 thank you! I find myself to be good company 😎

[@tonymanuge1932]

Are we speaking of real or imagined disconnection? Because most of the, "We should grab a coffee sometime..." stuff I get is disingenuous. Or better yet I was asked to take someone ice fishing, arrange a day only to have the person cancel. I tell people who express concerns about me going out in the bush alone, "If I waited for someone to do things with I wouldn't do anything ever. " ADHD and Autism plus CPTSD, my counselor says is the perfect storm. I never have real understood humans, the dishonesty and ego baffle me.

[@kathyingram3061]

~Yes, the neurodivergent brain symptoms, seem so similar to the CPSTD symptoms?!~

[@keithstoeckle7350]

This resonates.

[@tonymanuge1932]

@@keithstoeckle7350 I am not without friends, I am very selective these days who I invest in. Take care!

[@pam164]

I find I get bored of small talk, and I just can't be bothered to talk and look at my phone for time so I can go home. I just don't enjoy a lot of people's company.

[@lisamcnally1526]

Authenticity. Reciprocity. Very hard to find. I am right there wandering around in the woods with you. ;)

[@scottmcphee7714]

My Tribe of people & my group are you guys commenting here....where we all have something in common & relate with each other

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a wonderful thing to share. Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@zomerbloesem9371]

This thing kinda makes it sound like feeling isolated is entirely self-imposed while I think many can attest that being different will make you be excluded no matter your best effort. Sometimes feeling disconnected is because other people won’t let you in rather than you being the one to blame.

[@mysticpizza02]

This exactly ^^

[@09BiGDylan]

Maybe someone in that situation is trying to be apart of a group which isn't great for them.

[@zomerbloesem9371]

There’s fitting in a friend group and there’s fitting in in daily living. Whatever the case you have to live in this world and if general society considers you undesirable, it’s gonna feel alienating. I don’t think that it’s fair to put it all on the person. If you’re gonna be marginalised or dehumanised by society, it’s not weird they gonna end up feeling a distance from it. Even if talking about finding the right people, I think it’s fair to say that some groups of people may have a harder time finding those if only because there’s simply less matches and possibly because it’s something that’s generally kept quieter.

[@sabserab]

​@@zomerbloesem9371​@zomerbloesem9371 Exactly. I did so much therapy against my "percieved" rejection as an undiagnosed autistic back then, yet never belonged and learning that ppl do reject autistics based on thin sliced judgement (there is a study about it) I was right, and CBT felt like gaslighting. So many years wasted on masking my authentic self, now I'm burned out. But knowing I can better connect with other autistics helps

[@zomerbloesem9371]

@@sabserab Mhm, exactly. Hope you manage to work things out. Sorry you had to deal with that 💙

[@johnloftin2461]

The high school analogy fits me perfectly. I have always felt odd, less than, not good enough, worthless, etc. It's so hard for me to make friends of any sort. It's painful.

[@kimp7977]

67 still feel this way

[@donwade9905]

69, and can't name an actual friend

[@roses6564]

@@donwade9905 That’s because most people do suck, no matter how much we’d like to beat about the bush.

[@wmh1626]

I fully support you saying we get "weird" in isolation. I have gotten so weird I don't dare speak to anyone. My goal this year is to get over my agoraphobia, have some fun and embrace the weirdness 😅!

[@lovingjesus5184]

Mee too.. I even find myself avoiding people when I'm out and looking down instead of it people very unlike I used to. I think there's something spiritual going on. This is not all coincidence that people are becoming so disengaged. It's important that people engage with other people . Thinking back years ago we used to have small villages and people would all help each other. I almost had an accident trying to get a motorcycle into a trailer yesterday... partial fall... a few neighbors were outside and it's hard to believe they didn't hear what was going on. I had hoped someone might come over to help but..... nope . I'm just the opposite, in spite of my avoidance I still and will always extend a hand when in need.

[@JC-justchillin]

What is "weird". Different? Less adept at the plethora of social rules someone else made up? Once I gave that up and fully embraced my "weirdness" my quirks and eccentricities I found peace and joy that leaks out of my pores. Ironically, it often has made people want to be around me more, they admire my self sufficiency, my personal strength.

[@TriAngleMassage]

They say that, “you are the sum of your five closest friends” … but if you don’t have any close friends because you always feel like an outsider, what do you do? I always wonder what normal feels like .. the disconnect and isolation sucks! 😔

[@crocadoodle7101]

❤️

[@sharondoan1447]

I have felt that way for 81 years.

[@donwade9905]

69, same

[@TriAngleMassage]

@@sharondoan1447 how do you handle that feeling when it creeps in?

[@TriAngleMassage]

@@donwade9905 has there ever been a time when you were “connected”? 🙁

[@mickan.5559]

It’s unnerving how your videos are so spot on. This is a constant feeling after spending most of my childhood in foster care and being told I did not belong either by the biological children or the women of the household. The feeling follows me everywhere. Wow.

[@jillgriffiths1420]

I'm sorry for what you are carrying with you. You have value and you found your way to this youtube channel. Good for you. 🙂

[@manasikashyap]

I am so sorry you had to go through that! You have a great deal of value 💛

[@evajawidzk2068]

Yes you are valuable I'm sorry for the way people made you feel.

[@JaffaCakes-c7d]

I wish you well on your journey to healing. 💚

[@mickan.5559]

Thank you all so much for your kindness.

[@annettestephens5337]

You somehow explain perfectly what it’s like to be me...thank you xx

[@pam164]

This is me. This is why I always like maybe 3 to 4 people if im out for meal, etc, and no more than that . Even then, I feel sometimes not part of the group. I tend to isolate, 62 now always done that.

[@nancybartley4610]

I prefer one person but can't find that. Once I felt part of a group of four, me being one. Sadly, our connection was how mentally ill we all were.

[@greenness7387]

I do this. Under therapy I have only just realised how hard I work to be accepted and loved, in groups including my immediate family. I have decided to let go of trying, to just not expend the energy of 'keeping the balls in the air'. I'm not sure how this will go, but it feels extraordinary. I will only expend energy on things that make me happy - and that is mostly animals and nature.

[@airforce79]

I'd like to say that I agree with what is being expressed here. But, I can not. One can try their best, be truly genuine, true to themselves, and authentic toward others. All the while, hoping that you'll be included in the tribe. But, what I've found is that you can not force people to like you, to draw you into their group. In reality, what happens is that others don't make a concerted effort. So, you try again, and after three or four attempts, you realize that they have no intentions of ever making an effort. So, you walk away disappointed.

[@kle1701]

I was trying to come up with those words! Can't even count the many times I have poured myself into others, been genuinely hospitable, genuinely interested, or invested in others. But it doesn't come back. I've learned not to grasp onto relationships, or have expectations going in, so I honestly don't think it is something I'm doing. But I have definitly done my part in attempting to build relationships. In the groups I have tried to socialize with (mostly church groups, and my inlaws) they typically already have their established community of people they have either lived around forever, or are related to, and they literally do not realize that they are excluding others. Doesn't seem intentional, they just have certain people on their radar and no one else even catches their notice. I no longer even hope for genuine connection with a group.

[@donwade9905]

Exactly

[@0114855]

This. I've tried everything and people just don't care. They say they do, but then they never have time, never ask how you are, never help you when you need help etc.

[@Flowerpot24]

I've got CPTSD and PTSD from trauma three years ago from nearly dying from brain tumour. One can't be fixed without the other gone. I'm stuck. My therapist bless her heart is so upbeat and positive I wish I had her optimism. After a lifetime of CPTSD I don't know who I am never have, ever, I'm an ignored child listening to my alcoholic father argue contantly with my absent mother, scared, ashamed, embarressed, lonely, guilty, anxious, desperately lonely desperate to be loved, held, told its ok. I'm 63 yrs old, no friends, I try and make one then push them away before they hurt me. My family just accepts I'm a loner and not a gushing grandma, I so want to be but its fake, a pretence and they know it. I want to feel, I'm sick of feeling numb and empty I want to be normal 😢

[@jamimccormack9220]

❤

[@user-cj2kt4gg2r]

❤

[@nothanks5846]

Sending you lots of love and healing energy 🤍

[@annadonahue4119]

The grandkids can be a source of total acceptance if you give them all the love and emotional support that you never had. Don't spoil them with money. Give them what you didn't get. You'll be a true gift to those kids.

[@YourgrandparentsfavRNMSN]

You are safe now & a safe place for others 🙏🏽💕 sending you lots of love

[@Joanna-hq2el]

This is my biggest concern right now. It’s extremely taxing for me to socialize. I truly don’t know if I can.

[@alessandradevitofrancesco9819]

Same bere and it hurts tremendously

[@ra_zane7032]

Same , I'm challenging this in this time, I feel good when I'm alone and I've never been in deep relationships with others but I think also that I should push a little bit, idk how but I'm trying ( even if I return 2 steps when moving 1 step forward) but I'll keep trying and challenging my self

[@captainshiggles]

If there was a way to indicate that you scored a bull’s-eye on my life, I will tell you. This is hands-down, my life since I was a little boy. I’m 48 now. And I don’t want to be alone.

[@user-cj2kt4gg2r]

❤

[@MarsPriest]

Acknowledge the spirits. Don't be afraid.

[@katella]

❤️

[@apegrasshoplizard]

Adopt a dog. Best company and ❤

[@lw6138]

Goodness, I have given up the hope that I will ever feel included. I absolutely can't enjoy myself in a group. I feel so much pressure to bond right away to avoid the cliques setting up without me. But I'm coming to accept it. I find that I have trouble being comfortable with myself when others are around. Maybe if I become peaceful inside, the pressure will be off.

[@greenthumb8266]

I think trauma ages you, being the youngest of 14 , and the scapegoat/target, I spent a lot of time alone in the woods, building forts and befriending wild animals. I was horribly bullied at school too, I think the dysfunction in my family left a target on my back that others could sense and take advantage of. But, for me anyways, everyone just seemed very immature, unevolved, childish, gossipy and petty and quite frankly I didn’t need more drama. I enjoy my own company and that of my animal friends (beardies, birds, dogs and cat and a dwarf rabbit, most I took in from people who couldn’t take care of them) I still like to hike, kayak, rock hunt and camp, I know there are other people that like to do these things but I don’t know how I’d meet them, the thing is most people already have their people group , so I’ll just stick to myself.

[@RootBound505]

❤

[@dixienormous6969]

WOW THE YOUNGEST OF 14?!?! 😲😵‍💫

[@Askalott]

I agree that trauma can age you. It can definitely stunt you in some ways, but I always feel like I have a different level of understanding of life than most people because of the immense suffering I’ve endured. Really hard to relate to people after lifelong abuse, heroin addiction, and homelessness. I feel like I have a bird’s eye view of life while most people are lost in the day-the-day and living under illusions. Not trying to sound like I’m better than others-I’m definitely not. I’m very lonely and crave belonging. I guess sometimes you have to come back to Earth and get lost in the day-to-day just to connect. But I often feel as though I live in another dimension entirely.

[@greenthumb8266]

@@AskalottI’m glad you made it through and thank you for responding to me.

[@PandolfoCarla]

Hey! I think there are APPS for people getting together to do stuff and Go places! Were you can also create the event or the activity for others to join. I dont recall the name of it but there is a thing! I used to be like that too. The thing is that when I grew up I realised that I was leaving me out instead of my group of friends… I was the one expecting the call from others when the other people would just pop up in the house of the most popular and the other ones will call to know what they’re going to do that day and later join etc…. And I was like feeling outsider and left behind but then I discovered it was my attitude that put the distance. The others were much more spontaneous and proactive! And I was somehow too rigid and constricted because of the way I PERCEIVED things!! Everything is always in our mind… when we change the attitude the people change towards us. Later in life when I learned about myself and fully developed my skills (I’m an abstract artist & DJ) I understood my value and when I was proud of who I was, people sticks around like bees and honey 🤣🤣 When we feel weird we act weird. When we feel RIGHT and accept our own good stuff everything gets easier. It’s better to be in a group where we respect the people, because if we think they are dumb/silly/superficial etc it won’t work. 🩷😘

[@smileeveryday421]

Yes! I often hear myself wishing i felt like i belonged, somewhere, with someone. In my family, i never felt good enough, and at school i never felt i fit in. My son recently left the nest(I've been a single parent since he is born) he moved on the other end of the country, lives with my nephew(a 4hour plane ride), to study, and work. My sister lives not too far from him. As proude i am of my son, i feel excluded and left out, like when i grew up. Its only been 8mnths, and inside im very down. 😢 Dont worry, im careful to nevet make him feel guilty, i realise he needs to make his own life, we do not own our children, and he does Not owe me anything. But i do encourage staying in touch regularly. I just keep quite about the sad lonely feelings. At Easter, he and my sister and nephew had Easter day together. I made sure to work so i dont feel the horrible feelings in my heart and gut. 😢😢

[@niftydom]

My whole life I've tried to fit in, to belong. I've made "surface" friends but no real connection. I subconciously stopped trying over the years, I gave up. At 49 years old, I can't be bothered anymore. Travelling and outdoor sctivities are done on my own in my terms. I actually enjoy the peace and quiet surrounding me. I've become unattached to others.

[@solutions4tenants141]

Anna I am in hiding in a new small town from a death threat from 22 years with a narcissist partner I am suffering with severe spinal fractures and am struggling to pay my utilities (keeping heat level at 55 to keep that utility bill low) and living with bare necessities like just rent no internet, no TV, etc… no car no health insurance etc…I have become paranoid to get out into my new small town and join a church and meet people for fear of small town gossip and my Ex finding me. None of the utilities are in my name and I only work for cash 60 hours a week minimum wage and pay cash for my rent and utilities. It’s been like this for 2-1/2 years. To make matters more weird… I am Aspergers and an introvert (INFJ) I was raised with 7 other kids in server poverty with an alcoholic single mom. (Did lots of John Bradshaw stuff in the 1990’s about shame) thank you again for your free content and keeping your channel fresh.!!!! ❤ Your videos are my way to heal. I cannot afford your boot camp but wanted to really thank you for your free content. It’s helped me immensely since I found it several months back.

[@brknnphx]

I don't know if you're ware but I was told when I was hiding from my ex that I could change my name and social security number to give. I didn't bother because his godfather was cop and would've found me , though. They don't tell you about it but wanted to tell you it is an option.

[@MultiDonna26]

I really liked this video. I have CPTSD and while my relationship with my husband is great, outside of that I feel very disconnected even though I'm friendly to everyone I meet. Once I had a colleague say 'I don't know how you can just go up to people and talk to them.' She had no idea that me touching base with people did not result in friendships but in me knowing little bits about everyone but never really divulging anything about myself. I seem to be an outsider no matter what I do. :)

[@delphi-moochymaker62]

This is the feeling I have had since the first day of elementary school. Seems all of the kids would play together and I was on my own. I was always last to be picked for a team like working / playing with me was a huge inconvenience for others. It's possible to be surrounded by hundreds of people and feel alone. I always thought the other kids were just mean and rejecting and couldn't understand why they were treating me that way. Then teachers would lash out at me when I dissociated in the classroom. It just seemed like a cruel world. No mother at home to talk to so I had to just deal with it. I still look at groups of any type as something to be avoided. Now I have real difficulty understanding why I would want to be included in anything. I also tend to resent others who have the power to hurt me through further rejection so I avoid joining anything and live in my own world. Then the feelings feed on themselves and grow. It's also not conducive to a good dating life. Never married, no long term relationships, no kids. I wish this information was available 40 years ago. I saw a psychiatrist with 27 years of experience and told her about my childhood. She stopped writing, put down her pen looked at me and said "Wow!" Thanks for the video.

[@knottynumbers44]

I have struggled with every kind of relationship my whole life, I'm middle aged, I know I have CPTSD and was frustrated that I never seemed to "improve" - recently realized I'm neurodivergent mostly in the Social category and that explains a lot. Not an excuse, but it's a good explanation for sure. I don't expect things to turn around, and that's fine. There's a lot of us doing the best that we can.

[@kathyingram3061]

~Yes, same here!!!~

[@Juniperus_Godegara]

Not specifically in your case, but just in general, I wonder if people get neurodivergent because of CPTSD. Yeah they can surely occur together but maybe CPTSD induces the process which eventually manifests in neurological abnormalities

[@Justyouraverageguy172]

This has been my whole life since childhood struggling to be part of groups and find a place in the world for myself. I always find myself just looking at life and others as if I am invisible with craving intimacy despite my terrible social and conversation skills

[@pankochanko]

It’s eerie how spot-on this is, especially the part about being an active participant but slowly withdrawing. This happens to new friendship I make. Yes, I was the common denominator but after learning from CCF that my red-flag detector was broke, I learned those people truly were bad for me. I have a small, but strong group of friends now and I’m thankful for that. I am biracial so I don’t feel a sense of belonging in either half of my racial identity and was bullied by classmates and even a teacher for it. When I go back to my home country, I am snubbed as being too foreign but in the USA I notice when I’m excluded from Caucasian groups. Thankful I found a therapist that actually helps specifically with biracial identity. Thank you so much CCF for the hard work you put into this channel. Growing up in a home where emotions were not allowed, I didn’t even know the words to express all this. Now I have the vocabulary to explain what happened to me and feel so much less alone.

[@janicestevens8469]

This really hit home for me. I never felt part of any group, even if I headed up the group! I always felt that I was too different from everyone else, not at ease with them, not able to make small talk. I’m not comfortable in groups to this day, but do better with just a few close friends. Joining groups isn’t the only way to nurture yourself. Just having loving people in your life is wonderful too.

[@pambrown5382]

I gave up on groups, at age 60-65 though I invited three potential friends (people I liked) to walk with me. None took me up on my offer. So Im all done.

[@kburke9615]

I am so sorry. Stuff like that happens to me as well & while I too say I'm done, it still hurts.

[@localreviewer5939]

Me too, I always thought people who are friendly to me wanted to be my friends and I try to go out of my way to establish friendships and to no avail. and after three times getting turned down, I stop bothering them. Why do they make me think they are my friends by being nice and all? Very strange. I’m a single mom and well off financially and don’t date and am fine by myself all my life due to my mom not alive at young age and dad neglected me with new wife. Wd on my own always. But I am very loyal and selective in picking friends but when I invite then over or go out to lunch, they reject and we stop interaction. Weird. I don’t get it.

[@donwade9905]

So True same here. I can't think of a single person I could call and invite for coffee.

[@deWolfe1066]

This hit hard..... im glad i watched this vid, even thoigh i cried through all of it. Im so ashamed to even acknowledge to myself that i dont even have anyone to put on my 'in case if emergency ' form for work.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You aren't alone and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@bf6048]

I felt like this all through high school. As an adult I’ve healed and now have no problem fitting in.

[@sweetsavour6174]

When I was a young girl, I tried to join the women (mother, grandmother, aunts) in the kitchen, to feel part of the "in" crowd. My mother always sent me away, harshly. That dynamic has followed me my entire life. Always with women. I do have one fairly good female friend, however.

[@lindahall3546]

Yes!!!! Me too!!

[@sweetsavour6174]

@@lindahall3546 🫂

[@JaffaCakes-c7d]

Same with me. It keeps on happening to me with them from 4 years old to now 35 years old. I wish I could have the persona of being done with it all and strong independent lifestyle. But I'm not, I wish to be loved an have a kind husband who has friendly female family members. It's a shame that I'm a magnet for men who hurt me all the time 😢 Leaves me feeling isolated and alone all the time

[@sweetsavour6174]

@user-vu8pm4dw6d 😔 If it makes you feel any better, my husband's only sister was hateful and non-inclusive to me from Day One. You are not alone. 💕

[@JaffaCakes-c7d]

@@sweetsavour6174 my friend is going through this too. She says that her brothers wife tarnished her marriage and left a negative strain between her and her husband.

[@deirdrelewis1454]

This is absolutely true for me. Fortunately, I’m totally happy on my own. I just find that I’m uncomfortable around most people. All my relationships are very superficial.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I understand but we need people to live a healthy life. I encourage you to try Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- that provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@Cacheola]

Embrace independence and socialize sparingly. Love, respect and connect to animals and nature :)

[@Askalott]

I definitely still want to try connecting with people, but I agree that connecting to animals and nature can be very comforting when you’re alone.

[@Cacheola]

@@Askalott comforting, period ;)

[@pianovoce]

I do all these things, but at the end, its just painful. Like, I won't give up, but I don't feel that right now there is one person on this planet who is truly conected with me, or desires to make a second little step to healthy non superficial conection with me, or even to talk 5 sincere sentences in that direction, about good or bad... It just gets more and more complicated and more and more painful. The best I experience is that someone likes something I have or am good at, and wants to use it. Sooner or later, it just makes me feel recycled alive, scraped for parts literally, and I just gather last bits of streinght to back up, and don't even lick my wounds any more, I just wear them, and wait... tired... With time, the feeling comes sooner and sooner. Won't give up putting myself out there, but it is what it is for obese, sick, talented and broke 49yrs old...

[@lanasawyer3128]

I’m new here, not to trauma! But it seems we have all had similar experiences and that we can support each other, I’m more than willing to talk, see if we want to be friends? But we are not as alone as I feel. Although a screen does not give hugs 🤗 ❤

[@joellenkane7692]

I have always felt like I didn’t fit anywhere.

[@ggwindham6874]

That’s so heartbreakingly true.😢

[@JessicaMillerNashville]

My childhood was amazing. I’m having more trouble with things like this in adulthood. Thank you for sharing!

[@pdelaprimm]

I feel out of synch with everything, due to dissociation, unmet needs and more - not matriculating then moving through life “properly”. Also, with all this “trauma”, our needs are different, and that shows up in groups, maybe most especially. “Belonging” is essential to one’s emotional and psychological well-being. Essential.

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, I am older, 70's, no one wants me around especially after a grey divorce recently. It is painful and I know I must just accept it. Everyone I know has ghosted me. I have many interests so I will die totally alone and isolated. No one cares about me at all.

[@smilodon87]

i feel your pain, and I am sure others do too.

[@sxwrtr918]

CCF is a supportive community. Though you cannot see or hear us, we care about you. I am in my 60's. My relationship ended abruptly a few months back. I understand that numb, hollowed-out feeling, like you're invisible. Feel much better when I isolate but I try to air out, go hiking, etc., too. Being out in nature helps greatly. Best friend lives in another state but we talk often, it helps. Also have a sweet cat...great company. Hang in there and good luck to you..

[@asparaggus]

I feel this, and just want to say hi. There are lots of mixed up young people around you. Around all of us. . Can you help mentor them? Life is such a strange process, I just wish you all the best!

[@kathymiller2551]

I wish we could connect. Be pen pals or something. I’m in my 79s too. I think there are a lot of us older folks who are lonely and alone.

[@annadonahue4119]

Volunteer. Step outside your thoughts and donate some of your time snd energy to people who really need some help. Volunteer to read to kids at the library or at school. Volunteer to read to or play cards with elders in nursing homes or hospitals. Volunteer for neighborhood clean-ups in your town. Volunteer to help an elderly neighbor get out to grocery shop or mow their grass or put out / bring in their trash barrels. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen or food pantry. Volunteer to spend time with abandoned and lonely pets at your local animal shelter. Unfortunately, your troubles will still be available to pick up again when you choose to address them... but your mind may be clearer for having taken a break from them. You are truly courageous and have made it so very far in life despite everything that's happened to you... choose to make a positive difference in others' lives... give away some kindness. You may feel better for having done so... 💛🌟

[@connectionqueen]

Especially outside a group of siblings

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Me too ….it’s a drag, but really mine are very wounded and have done 0 work…. I am nurturing healthy, reciprocal friendships …..it’s lonely at times, but at least I’m not being abused

[@Eleerm]

Me too - the family completely fell apart after the death of my grandmother, and my siblings were raised without me.

[@v.2080]

I never felt I had time to listen to this kind of stuff, but now I'm glad I finally have, approaching my 70th birthday. It makes sense. Thank you so much! At least I don't feel so weird, feeling that way. That actually helps me a lot.❤❤

[@xoxox.skinnychef]

One of my resolutions this year is to increase connections. Slowly, but so far so good. Making a few new friends a little at a time.

[@scriptedwhirled6313]

This explains why I would go to the bathroom on the hundreds of jobs and walk out the door.. since finding your channel you have helped me so much! Mind you I have been in therapy my whole life but no one ever talked about cptsd..I'm at this very place right now in my life in my 50s still terrified of being a part of but needing it so badly! I have been alone without no one to pick me up from hospital or no one to write down in case of emergency. Greatful I found your channel! You are a god sent thanks so very much ❤

[@lanasawyer3128]

I’m so sorry, I can understand some of your feelings, I have next of kin… they live 1000’s of miles away and I rarely hear from them, so… I guess it’s similar. Anyway I just wanted to to here you deserve unconditional love and support! The same as the rest of us! Now we know we are not alone ❣️

[@scriptedwhirled6313]

@@lanasawyer3128 thank you ❤️

[@jessicaberry87]

I definitely have this. I've even found that by working at companies as a contractor, rather than putting forth effort to be an employee, allowed me to keep coworkers at arm's length. I feel more comfortable being an outsider, yet at the same time, I long for closeness. Thank you for making this video.

[@newlight444]

We always tend to resonate more with the people who are most like us. The issue is that, if we constantly reject those around us because we don't feel adequate (or we don't feel that THEY are adequate), then the kinds of people we will connect with the most are those who do the same - rejecting us because they have similar views and emotions as we do. So how do you form a bond of friendship when both you and the other person want to escape from the bond even before it happens? The answer is, we have to sit with ourselves, get to know ourselves and work on ourselves to heal our hearts. This process has to go hand in hand with going out and searching for a healthy connection. Then, over time, we start to feel like loneliness is no longer something bad, and connecting with someone in a warm and loving way becomes like the icing on the cake. If we can't find that right away, we go on... alone AND happy. There's a concept for ya :) I think that's how it has to be, because in feeling needy we attract needy people and situations in which we kind of set ourselves up to be choiceless. The choice to walk away and look for other options keeps us centered and confident enough to maintain our boundaries and leave the connections that are not for us.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

It's a great one! I am an outlier here...chronic abandonment, and I never pulled away. I, as my therapist said "heal well since I don't avoid, and I also tell the truth, speak my feeling, call things out, etc" ...from childhood to now, 40s. I was left when I died in 2020 and couldn't physically be the person people wanted me to be knew me to be - I was a uniter, the communicator, brought people together. Once I was medically unable to do all that for several years now.....no one has done any of what I did easily (not trying to be 'victim' type but it's reality). I was angry during the lockdowns too because people were so sacred of a virus that they feared people - no reaching out to any one, just them and their fears. Talk about selfish. As a nurse, Christian, woman, HUMAN...I don't bat an eye when some one is in need - friend, family or stranger - doesn't matter. To see people sit home on their devices isolating themselves, it added to my abandonment - they didn't even call. I related to your stint of hospitalizations and no one to even pick you up. With out my parents, I'd have no one. I was a joyful happy soul before I died from multiple toxicities and healthcare medical trauma of neglect. I traveled whether I had people to hang with or not. I met people on the plane, wherever I went! The 'smart' tech replaced humanity for the majority of our depressed, addicted society. When I went off FB, the phone never rang. I refuse to participate in and perpetuate this anti-social identity disorder situation. It's addiction.

[@lanasawyer3128]

I agree!

[@Michelle-06]

I just feel you know you do not feel comfortable in a group. You have to be careful not to start people pleasing and disregarding your own needs trying to please others. I love being an introvert. Less drama and stress especially when people dont want to work own their own issues.

[@cynthiaspurlock7876]

Thank you Anna! I really really need this! I have been alone for years after divorcing a terrible narcissist. No family or friends hurts

[@laurieannJake]

They have worked hard to make you look bad so they could take them from you ..

[@MsVshizzle]

Yes I avoid disregulation. I would like to be more social and "comfortable" in my skin. When I was a teen I had big groups. Now I am keeping that one foot out the door

[@titouille900]

Thank you Anna, really. Your videos have been resonating for around a year now I'd say, and I hardly ever comment on KZbin, but I wanted to let you know that you've helped me tremendously. I'm French and it seems we're a little behing on all these issues here. You've opened my eyes on some wounds I hadn't seen even though I've been to therapy. You have been the start of a deep work I've been doing since, and also sharing with some of my friends who are also grateful for what you share. Keep doing it !

[@elminero49]

Attempting to mend old bridges to former friends seems impossible. It's depressing to feel like a stranger and total outsider among the people I once knew. I've changed and made myself a better person, but even 20 years later no one is interested in my apologizes. My only hope of having friends is to make new friends.

[@Askalott]

This is exactly what I needed. Just searched for “disconnection” and this popped up. Thanks!

[@jamescoler866]

I have watched many of your videos and so far all have been about things I experienced. I want your book! My brother and I are both trying to recover from abuse. I am 69 yo. I am becoming more aware of the damage and actively do self-work to heal. Your site is a real affirmation of what I am aware of and how I have been working on it.

[@kerrymartinez4463]

Thanks for providing this forum to share. To this day a crying newborn freaks me out. I’ll simply start crying and panicking

[@GD-ru7xr]

No thanks. Too many emotional vampires out there. At peace with solitude. A dog, book, some coffee, and I'm fine.

[@TeamCat1128]

Yes! As soon as I stopped trying to make myself do it, the anxiety stopped. Happy to just be alone w my cats.

[@KMBblessings]

That’s what I call people - vampires

[@poppytwist6631]

I used to go to a lot of group activities even though it was hard for me. But since lockdown these activities no longer exist. I have become totally isolated and have no friends. My husband also retired which hasn't helped as I just follow along in his wake.

[@brknnphx]

And able to hug my tress,literally!! Best experience, besides raising my son, was 2 years go. I got to meditate in a redwood and go to my ancestors last stand. I know that I'll be my last trip anywhere and I'm glad it was the trip to end all trips for me.

[@SunnyRain0614]

Every single video resonates with me. Bummer, yes. But I finally found home, to me at least!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you are here! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

[@pault9544]

I feel like this came just in time. I was just feeling lonely today and how I wanted to make more connections. I've always felt like an outsider whenever part of a group interaction, and I think it stems from growing up in a big family but never feeling included in the time we were together.

[@SOLDIER1985R]

Yep I'm 43 and still can't fit in, not even with my kids, I love your knowledge! I pic a loner like me , or someone who would get picked on and make them feel good,

[@Farimira]

How are your kids if you don'tmind me asking? I worry if I have kids they'll learn bad social skills from me

[@smilodon87]

I held several potlucks at my house for friends and neighbours in the past. Now when I send out an invite to join me fror theatre or live music, not only does nobody say yes, nobody even responds. So I stopped doing it. why waste my valuable energy?

[@nattie911]

It's SO painful when people don't want to come to your parties 😥 it feels like such a risk to put yourself put there and then for no response just makes you feel worthless ❤

[@alessandradevitofrancesco9819]

I have the same experience . I feel invisible

[@JAH-iu3yh]

I’m sorry friend 😢

[@juliebraden4865]

I've listened to so many of your videos. But this one hits the most. 😢❤🥺

[@SOLDIER1985R]

Yeah that's me Dear Friend, I always feel alone, noone can feel what I feel,

[@Sisterlisk]

I think one of the reasons I'm so nice and courteous and understanding of public facing workers is that they are the main people besides my immediate family that I interact with. (I have ONE budding friendship right now, but she lives farther away and we see each other maybe once a month). So, workers that I interact with are my "friends" and I want them to like me.

[@jbaltaji5723]

This effects me deeply. I've played many roles in groups, often in the inner circle. On the scale, I am more extrovert....so I "need" or want to be with others. But I've had a high level of trauma, and that has gotten harder to cope with as time has passed. Also as me and my friends have aged, things shift, and I am no longer in the inner circle. It's been very painful and triggering. I just recently learned that my consistent, almost obsessive seeming reaching out stems from my extrovertion...not for some other sick need. But because of life, and shifts, and changes, friends don't seem.to reach back as much. I've very slowly learned to be compassionate with myself, and be patient. I do give a little more, but not so much that I'll harbor a resentment. I try to breathe...and meet my own needs as much as I can. This is a very layered and complex issue.

[@lanasawyer3128]

I completely relate to this! 😢❤

[@fullofhope2222]

PRE VERBAL - my neglect goes that far back. I always knew I was a failed home abortion - Love was not forthcoming- my mom has literally no memories of anything in my childhood - I was fifth of five. Im 58 now - there feels like there's no hope - Ive tried everything all my life - Im just tired now and alone.

[@edatatu2739]

Please reach out dear I'm here you're not alone

[@fullofhope2222]

​@vegandancer4106 Ive tried - hence my name - but Im just sinking further into depression. Once I became disabled family and friends scattered like cockroaches - very hurtful. I do understand that everyone has problems though.

[@fullofhope2222]

@@edatatu2739 My last connection was with my 22 year old daughter (mind you it was one sided really). My mom passed a month ago - my daughter has not been in touch since and although she is a typical selfish, narcissistic Gen Z - I miss her

[@lanasawyer3128]

@@fullofhope2222 I am happy to chat, I have a similar time line with you.

[@lanasawyer3128]

@@fullofhope2222 Same, now I really am just a waste of space and taxes apparently! 😢

[@biondna7984]

Thank you for covering this, Anna. I SO relate to this, painfully so, even at 70 after significant healing. I still much prefer small groups or just one-on-one contacts, over larger group interactions. Especially now that I no longer drink, "parties" ain't NO party for me. I thought for so long that everyone else in various groups had nothing they were ashamed about, felt fraudulent about. I thought everyone else was "normal." Now I wonder how many people DIDN'T endure some degree of neglect or abuse as children.

[@Marlee82]

I give up .. I’m 62 and I’ll never feel ok in group settings I’m tired of trying to figure out what’s wrong with me .. that said I do enjoy your videos and learn from them ❤

[@onlyvistarick3607]

I would rather just sit there and listen to others . I always think I am making a fool of myself.

[@Tania_888]

Recently realized I'm codependent and a fearful avoidant and I'm so thankful for having so much knowledgeable tools such as your channel as resources. ❤hoping to heal my abandonment and neglect wounds!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@jamiefirenze9394]

Just took the quiz It was never clear why I didn't stay with my mom and it happened so early in my life it's hard to imagine that it effected me so profoundly but, I said yes to almost all the questions. 😮

[@forgesoulfire1320]

Twenty eight years of it, and in realizing I've simply integrated alot of the traits, like this one. I've lived all over the country with exception of east coast states, and every place thus far has been the same, a desire to create a board game group and a TTRPG group, and that was the end of that, my conscious desire for involvement ends right there, which in more particular terms meant.... I never had an interest to reach out further... that is no public works, no clubs, no parties, no social November's, no politics. In or about 2010 and again back in 2022 I tried to reach out again to do more charity or volunteer work but psyche couldn't handle it, so yeah. I'm back to my low investment standards of being. I don't tend to step down when peple are capable of directly asking me for the help and I know I'm actually capable, but trying to get involved in large groups is just not happening.

[@spacegirl226]

I want a D&D group too. I feel that. I can be with people, but pretend I'm someone else and have fun not being me for a few hours. I think that's why I like fantasy so much -- because it's not real and not me. And the dragons, of course.

[@theasianwitch]

Thank you for this encouragement...this has been the hardest part of healing C-PTSD for me. I am neurodivergent also which means I get overstimulated easily in loud, bright, busy environments which is where a lot of socializing happens unfortunately. However, I have found ways to connect with people including my weekly community dance class, vending at markets, and meeting with friends one on one. A little at a time things are getting better and less uncomfortable and for that I am grateful!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're doing a great work! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

[@mariebrown5681]

This describes me completely. Now I know why I've always felt like an outsider.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

[@cindygunn4418]

Oh yes, when friends are sick or having a crisis, I stop what I am doing, take flowers or homemade food, send a note etc. I don’t do it for the “show of caring”. I really feel for them. Yet I have had a few true medical emergencies, and was actually stunned at the lack of any response from friends and family. I still acknowledge people in crisis, but I don’t stop my life to help. And I don’t dwell on lack of acknowledgement from family and friends for when I need caring. This makes me feel outside of the circle, but it also doesn’t drain me of my energy.

[@kerrymartinez4463]

Yes and look for your tribe. After studying animal and people reiki, I remember vividly instead of mistrusting people I could see the beauty in them. It was crazy. I try to chat and compliment things I notice and find how lovely people are.

[@kayladickson8124]

Friend groups ARE the hardships. I have been rejected for different reasons starting when I was a kid. Was part of a weird religion that naturally excluded me from normal social events, and then of course mean girls in middle school decided to not like me because my best friend was a year younger and then two more separate and different situations. I have ZERO desire to try anymore. It takes so much emotional energy that I no longer have. I’ve always been the periphery because I was NEVER INVITED FURTHER IN. You don’t get to barge yourself into the center of a group. You have to be invited. Starting out as the kid with the weird religion and rules, doesn’t help when kids are already mean.

[@Augfordpdoggie]

Anna, you are my thought sister, i was just thinking about this today!!! too much effort and energy to be part of the conversation. yup i have been too isolated for too long. now im old crabby and easy to anger, complained too much......

[@chatryna]

If I can butt in and just say, but there is so much to complain about and so little time to complain about it all.

[@allochica]

Wow thinking back it seemed to have started when I was young. I didn’t like the kids church group and didn’t want birthday parties. My mom forced me to have a party at 10 years old and I was miserable and couldn’t wait for everyone to leave lol. I’m also an introvert but now I think it was both contributing as factors.

[@scottmcphee7714]

This is so hard for me at 59yrs...Then the Toxic Positivity can come from some individual's like blood family members that think I'm a cry-baby over something like this gas-lighting me, invalidating me, stonewalling me ....because I don't think Positively.

[@gailrobey4316]

Thanks Anna. I have had periods of isolation but I've managed to find my way out. Recently retired and felt big-time isolation that I felt too lost to come out of. Your videos have really helped me to see why I've "ended up" where I have. This video is great. I've started back to 12-step meetings, and the connection has made a huge difference. I have a ways to go but I'm starting to feel less weird, and more like I'm coming back to the land of the living. You're speaking my language. Thank you so much.😊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wonderful! Thank you for sharing such a good news! It's a real encouragement for other folks in our community here. Keep up the great work! Nika@TeamFairy

[@TriforceLiz]

I do connect with a lot of this...but it also feels unintentionally like fear mongering- saying that all these negative patterns can lead to health issues and a profound degree of arrested development. It doesn't feel good or empowering to hear this, even if there is truth in some of it. There is also development, fulfilment and blossoming that can only happen when you're alone or isolated, or in nature. For me, I've felt the most peace and contentment in my life when I am alone, even if I am "weird." I will continue to try and form friendships and group support, but I'm trying to do it in my own way, where it doesn't drain me more than it gives me.

[@TheSeedsower107]

Thank you CCF, I too have been able to find a lot of healing of my CPTSD and self esteem over the years. That being said , It has taught me to be very considerate as to whom I allow in my life. They must be people who accept me for me . They also have to be very independent and enjoy their alone time as I do. I have been blessed to have a couple such friends and it is marvelous. We are there for eachother in the important times yet we do not crowd eachothers space. They also have CPTSD. We met through comomon interests , not a therepy group. I still cannot and do not do groups. Way too much drama for me.

[@joeysocks5718]

This is so familiar - I always feel like I'm an outsider, like right now at work. Also in the many musical bands I've been in - I always feel like odd man out and that I don't contribute enough.

[@VitA-Z]

This is echoing a lot of my life.

[@turnthepage867]

Yep. I procrastinate about joining groups.

[@stormchasingirl1133]

Thank you for this. Struggling with this at work, but still think it’s the others. Got a few close coworkers, but that’s all. And I’m ok with it. 🤣😊