How To Know Someones Attachment Style Right Away

How to know someone's attachment style right away. If you can figure out someone's attachment style quickly, you can learn how to proceed with that person. Knowing how they attach in romantic relationships can indicate that persons mental health and how they will behave in relationships.
When you learn about someone's attachment you will almost immediately understand many of their behaviors in relationships.
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[@CoachCraigKenneth]

Every day people ask me what they can do to better themselves and do the work. The Knowledge workbooks are going to help you immensely. 350 questions that are going to change your life.

[@PianoMan4Life1982]

I will be purchasing these soon Coach when my finances get better. Your videos have helped me through one of the toughest times in my life.

[@MG-qv5is]

Coach I purchased the series but I'm having a problem. What's the email address to contact you?

[@Rameneater84]

This channel is so much more than coaching. Its like a mental health clinic lol.

[@anewman1976]

Agreed!

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

Agreed to the T❗❗ 🙏🏻👊🏻🤗❤

[@AshleyLebedev]

God it so is. This is actually picking me up after two full years of PURE confusion around a dismissive avoidant so sure that nothing was wrong so it must be me. I love these two together.

[@AshleyLebedev]

@@s.a.9503 yeah they are wayyy too expensive agree

[@katerinakassiotes8983]

Lolllololol that made me laugh, but you’re so right

[@sshuteandrew]

Short version, ignore someone’s text for eight hours to find out if they’re anxious. Tell someone you want to have a talk about your feelings to find out if they’re avoidant!!

[@princhipessa1969]

Stacey Swope good one! 😂 I think my ex is both 🤔

[@sshuteandrew]

Ces 😏🤷‍♀️😉

[@leez8446]

*Talk about their feelings.

[@mathews0618]

You don’t have to ignore an anxious, they will blow you up all their own!

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

Damn! 🤣😂🤣😂👊🏻🌟

[@android1012]

I find that us primarily-anxious types are more open to personal growth and solving the relationship problems than our primarily-avoidant partners. This is problematic because it takes two people being aware of the issues, and both being open to tackling them, in order to make it work.

[@TheLasthope141]

Yep, last 4 women i met where all avoidant, with all of them their fathers left in early age... Guess what, they all said the problem is not within them and they don`t think they have to change something in their behavior!

[@PieterFret]

That is EXACTLY the problem. I really believe an anxious-avoidant relationship could work, were it not that only one of the two is actually able to put in the self work and introspection required to make it work. I tried to work things out with my avoidant ex sooo many times, and it only caused her to become even more distant because she couldn't handle anything emotional. After 3 years of constantly running after her, I'd had enough. It takes two to tango. It's sad really, because I really love her and I know she loves me. Knowing it could work if only she were able to deal with her own issues is so tough. But she left me no other choice. We've been broken up for 1,5 months now, I'm trying to move on but it's hard.

[@sensortowerrush]

​@@PieterFret DUUUUDE i feel you. I wish you luck and honestly just keep at it. Almost the same situation and timeline for me. It gets easier until they reach out and are rude. But time will heal everything. Maybe one day you guys will reconnect. She needs to realize something in herself first :) you're on the right path if you're watching these videos

[@PieterFret]

@@sensortowerrush Thanks man! I wish you strength in dealing with this difficult time too. Just as I was starting to get better, my ex also reached out. She wasn't rude though, she was very kind. But that's the problem: this gave me hope again, which has set me back in the grieving process. But somehow I don't think she's actually coming back, it's just crumbs... She's an avoidant after all :p I've started dating other women recently, which was weird in the beginning because I still felt emotionally connected to my ex (still do, to be honest). But experiencing that there are other pretty and fun women out there who are interested helps me focus on the future instead of the past. In the meantime, I'm trying to improve at work and personal growth as much as I can. I want to be a better man for myself and for whoever is going to be my next girlfriend - be it my ex or someone else. Good luck on your journey!

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

Sorry but not sorry all anxious types are freaking Gems on this Earth.. And all dismissive avoidants should just kill themselves.. They will be doin this Earth a favour🙄 The lack of empathy and selfishness in these fuckers is beyond anything 🤬🖕🏻 Fuck y'all 🖕🏻🤬 Bloody narcissists! 🤬🖕🏻

[@paulsell2438]

To all who are recently dumped and in a NC, congratulations on making to the point of looking to grow emotionally moving into what life has next for you

[@masoben]

I'm going through a ruff time right now and these videos are keeping me grounded.

[@judithvillegas4471]

I started watching your videos two years ago. My ex boyfriend is an avoidant and I'm secure but with some anxious tendencies. He reached out to me over the summer after no contact and now we're slowly talking again. I agree that we both need to understand our attachment styles in order for the relationship to work. He's a fireman and is gone a lot and is extremely independent. I'm also independent, but need reassurance sometimes that we're going to be ok. It's not an easy task my friends out here, but Coach Craig and Margaret are a huge support. For those going thru a breakup, know that I NEVER thought he'd reach out to me because he's an avoidant, but he did after a year and three months and has expressed how much he thought of me and how he missed me. It takes time my friends.

[@gew977]

i m so glad about you. i wish i will be there too

[@christirb1]

I'm anxious style by birth and have worked on myself for the last 5 years to become more secure. I've learned the patterns in my behavior and thinking that leads me to anxiety. You certainly can become more secure and happier. I remember being so anxious I would drive by my boyfriend's house in the middle of the night to see if his car was there if he didn't call me back that day (because I was unable to sleep thinking that he was cheating). ‼️‼️ I have so many stories of craziness! 🙄 So glad I'm not there anymore! Now if I can just shake my habit of falling for avoidant men! Working on that now. 😂

[@joshschoenly2777]

I have anxious symptoms and was with an avoidant.. I actually prefer someone with traits like you mentioned. There are a lot of qualities as well, I think.

[@christirb1]

Joshua Schoenly you prefer which traits ... someone who stalks their significant other??

[@oraleeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

Honestly.. if I'm in a relationship and i love my woman and she did that i would be flattered. I'd tell her to do it again only this time bring her crazy ass to my door lol

[@Zo1963]

@christirb1 a year later I hope that you have become more secure. But I recommend reading the book Attached that deals with these issues. Also in the book it recommends that effective communication about your needs is best for anxious attachment.

[@christirb1]

Lorenzo Moore thanks! I have that book and loved it. ♥️♥️♥️

[@LordTails66]

I am secure, ex is anxious. Its about to have been a year since the break up. I am alot better than I was at first. I do still hope for us to end up together.

[@DaLastMonster]

LordTails66 you think your ex still has feelings?

[@LordTails66]

@@DaLastMonster Yes, I was her longest relationship and we were engaged.

[@CorporateQueen]

I am slightly anxious but mostly secure and my guy is fairly avoidant but not too strong - I've talked to him about touch recently because sometimes we don't touch each other or hug ... but it's one of the things I can't live without .. so I told him I needed it and and he took it on board and we touch a lot more now. Good communication and expressing your needs - very very important. Great video guys, as always.

[@cindyg3396]

I had a guy ask me to marry him on the first date. That was my first and last date with him.

[@dominickmilano4858]

Lmao🤣

[@joshuawentz7723]

I must say, this is much better explanation than the video about attachment styles in Workbook 1.

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

Coach Craig, you are right about what people say about avoidants. My fiancé has an avoidant attachment style and I have an anxious. To say that our 7.5 year relationship has been easy would be an understatement and we try to meet somewhere but it has been super tough! He also has commitment issues. However, I understand him so much more from watching your videos 🙌🏻 love you and especially Margaret! She’s an angel 😇

[@robinforrest1736]

I really love your dedication to helping us cope with our relationship struggles. And even your readers have some really good advice, so I really want to thank you all for your positive support. Keep it up.

[@justgo5529]

Margaret, You are so sweet and caring to tell everyone to sleep well today! I love You both! You are truly my secure base

[@leube13]

I loved a beautiful human being who was disorganized attachment. I found this channel far too late. As the new stranger, I made her comfortable.. But when i became her committed partner- all of her past shut her down... I have never felt a pain and inability to help someone who is so amazing.... But, thank you for these videos. I learned who I am, who I see was, and I guess that's now a chapter in my life

[@louisetaylor6921]

I just love you two. The warmth that emanates from you both just makes me feel better and more secure. You are a blessing, I wish I'd found you earlier. Unfortunately I found something else first and ended up sending a handwritten letter to my ex after we'd been broken up for 6 weeks. It was an 'accountability letter' I thought it would help as that's the advice another relationship channel had given. It didn't. He replied and said thankyou for the letter, that it had brought up some feelings of anger and frustration for him but had helped him understand more. However he also said he didn't want to have anymore communication with me. I replied and said it wasn't my intention to cause him feelings of hurt and frustration but I can understand how that could've happened. I said thanks for being honest. I should've left it there.... But oh no. The next day I got freaked out that he might get coronavirus and die and I wouldn't know. So I text him and say 'can I ask you a favour?' he said yeah I can but he feels anxious about what I'm going to ask. I said 'can we agree to tell each other if we get the virus because I'm worried that if something happened to you I wouldn't know about it. Well.... He replied and said that basically every time he hears from me it makes him feel anxious and that he's tried to gently tell me he doesn't want contact anymore. I realised I'd blown it so did my best to repair by saying I was sorry if I'd been blind to the obvious. But that I accept and understand his decision. He said 'I know it must be hard to hear so thankyou for accepting it. Take care of your heart. With gentles, D' I replied thankyou for being kind. With gratitude L. That was two months ago now and I haven't heard anything. I'd say we're both somewhat anxiously attached and we did have an intense relationship which became quite dependant. But we also have an amazing relationship up until a month before we broke up. I am really doing the work now and preparing myself to be given an opportunity to reconnect and for our relationship to repair and be better than ever because I really believe it can be even better than it was. Sorry for the ramble. Writing it down kind of helps. Thankyou again for the information in your videos but most of all for your warm and understanding style.

[@johnnypreer5276]

I was on this channel every day years ago when i was going thru the toughest time of my life. Now i dont at all care about getting back together, i just want to learn the attachment styles and find someone fit for who i am today. Go to therapy, learn to love yourself and the life you live. Make the best choices. Find better. You do NOT need to get back with your ex to find happiness, and sometimes you’ll find out you were never really happy with the person at all.

[@megan5873]

So lovely to have these videos of Margaret. You and Margaret helped me get though my last break up five years ago and it was so comforting.

[@Zemohc]

I was just thinking about love languages. But it's understanding someone's attachment styles are the most important. Cause then you'd know how to use love languages once you understand your and your partners style.

[@thetransparentjerseygirl]

I wish i wouldve known about attachment styles years ago!!!!! Now im sharing what im learning with others ❤❤ really is eye opening and life changing!!!!! Thank you coaches ❤ive been watching your videos every day and tell my kids not to disrupt me im in my therapy session 🤗❤

[@lisasunshine7654]

Coach Margaret gives a ‘things to look for’ list when dating, for all 3 types. Priceless! Thank you both very much!!

[@tuperladelcariberodriguez8453]

Thank you and Margaret for your videos due to them I have survived a terrible breakup but most importantly, I have learned so much about myself and others. Thank you both.

[@DumblyDorr]

A very interesting topic for you and Margaret to discuss would be the relation between fearful-avoidant & disorganized attachment and complex post traumatic stress disorder, as well as the strategies for dealing with it in the context of a) a relationship and b) reconnecting with a cPTSD (fearful-)avoidant ex. It has a relationship to BPD but is still distinct (and will likely enter into ICD-11), and IMO it would be worthwhile to discuss, because it is a not uncommon consequence of repeated trauma (including abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment and general attachment trauma) during all phases of development and even in adulthood.

[@Samuel-tw2oy]

This is just the video I needed. I'm an avoidant and my ex was anxious. We were together for 3.5 years, lived together 2. The past few months of our relationship I became stressed due to university and job hunting. I unintentionally let this affect our relationship and pushed myself away for a few months. I had trouble opening up to her and communicating how I felt. Eventually I 'recovered', but by then it was too late for her. She lost attraction towards me, didn't feel like things would change, and decided to leave me 3 months ago. Soon after breaking up, she jumped into a rebound with somebody she met online. Since then, I've been working incredibly hard towards becoming confident and more secure with myself. I do believe that her and I could reconcile, however I know that I'll be okay whether or not it does happen. In the end, I'm just happy that we were able to be a part of each other's lives for these past few years.

[@anewman1976]

I've been watching your videos for months and always thought I was anxiously attached but today for the first time I realise I was always Avoidant!!! But also with a touch of Anxious... I've been thinking I was anxiously attached for months.. since July!!

[@christirb1]

😱

[@alivargas4756]

Perfect timing for this video! I have been really working on myself, but sometimes slip. I feel like everything you mentioned in this video made perfect sense and spoke to me. Thank the both of you so much for what you do!

[@DaLastMonster]

That’s interesting about still carrying a torch for a past lover for the anxious. I think they are most likely the ones to comeback as long as you weren’t an ass.

[@nguyenhoangnhi4989]

We were anxious/anxious. I thought he was secure but now when I think about how he asked me how I wanted to carry with the relationship on our first date and how he switched from being not jealous when we're physically in the same city to be extremely overthinking when we started long distance... 2 weeks of NC and I think and dream about him every day...

[@cozettem8226]

I’m anxious and my ex was avoidant and that just didn’t work because I craved intimacy, affection, intimacy, etc and only got that for about the first 4-6 weeks then he started avoiding intimacy and pulling away, not wanting to cuddle, pushing me away physically, etc. I begged him for us to go to Couple’s therapy because my anxiety was going through the roof from his avoidance and convinced myself he was about to leave me so I just left him instead out of fear and anger. But I would have never known he was avoidant based on the way he treated me in the beginning because he was mirroring me the whole first month or so and in fact love bombed me and wanted to spend all his free time with me. If only I had known he wasn’t going to dump me he was just an avoidant style I wouldn’t have dumped him because after doing that things were never the same he didn’t want me back and was very angry. I became his number one enemy and also he thought I was crazy for dumping him then two weeks later begging him back. I have been a wreck ever since unable to move on unable to find someone else I like because I can’t get over him. He was not right for me since he refuses to work on our relationship and can’t forgive me but how do I move on when my heart is still so torn he’s the only thing I ever think about and it’s unhealthy and I know my desire to have someone back who doesn’t love me anymore and has totally rejected me opened up childhood wounds of rejection and abandonment by caregivers during my first 5 years of life in multiple foster homes until adoption. How do I improve my attachment style to secure with men especially since I’ve had so many exes who’ve either cheated on me or dumped me? It seems impossible to find someone who can tolerate my anxiety and insecurity that doesn’t show up until after I have feelings for them.

[@LM-cy4xe]

Cozette M, I understand how you’re feeling. My ex-girlfriend has an avoidant attachment style while mine is secure however, she also love bombed me and spent every free time with me during the first year of our relationship. There’s a big age gap since I’m 49 and she’s 28. We were together for 2 years and during the last year, she became more avoidant by spending more time with her friends and family without making any compromises, even after I told her that we needed to spend more time investing in our relationship. She tried to make a little change but ended up having a 2 month affair with her ex. All those times I was giving her space and independence, she took advantage of my understanding of her avoidant attachment personality. When I found out, my style changed from secure to anxious immediately and I hate feeling this way because it’s not who I really am as a person. I decided to go to Therapy and have begun working on myself. The first 2-3 weeks were probably the worst times in my life where I sunk into deep depression, pain, anxiety and confusion. I can tell you that it gets better but if you don’t take any action towards personal growth, the healing process can take much longer. It’s been a month since I did the no contact and my ex did the “indirect direct” approach by leaving me a note and a box of my favorite candy on my doorstep this past Saturday. The note read that the candy was a leftover from a fundraising event and thought she would share it with me. I texted her expressing my thanks but didn’t come across as too anxious or desperate. I also suggested we should catch up some time. She responded with a “yes” and when she asked if we could see each other the following day, I told her I was really busy (even though I wasn’t) and scheduled it a week in advance. She agreed and has texted me a few times this week, leading up to our date for this Saturday. I hope you get help and start focusing your energy on creating a better version of yourself because if worse comes to worse and you don’t get your ex back, then at least the next person will appreciate and learn to love the “new and improved” you! Stay strong!!

[@cozettem8226]

L M I’m never going back to my Narcissistic ex he’s hurt me way too much. He is attracted to every pretty woman he sees including his cousins and cousins wives and has no morals. A 21 year age gap will never work she will always be attracted to men her own age especially as you get older and less attractive. She’s probably using you why would you take her back when she cheated on you with her ex? I draw the line when it comes to cheating that’s completely unacceptable.

[@wendyoliva2779]

Thank you so much, coaches! It's become so much easier to tell right away my dates' attachment styles thanks to these videos. The past year has been hard sitting with myself and coming into my own, but it's soooo worth it - I really want to become more secure. I used to freak out all the time because of my anxiety - a late text would send me into a frenzy, but now I go about my day whether the text comes or not. I handle everything with ease and calm. I do freak out/get sad from time to time about the past but I think it's because I still hold much anger inside of me. Something I have to work on. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@Romie15]

This is one of my favourite videos of Margaret ❤ Love you forever

[@mhill88ify]

The idea of knowing their past relationship history is all well and good...but a lot of people with attachment issues will lie or tactically not disclose valuable details. So that's not going to be something you can always count on.

[@lars1296]

I was anxious but have become secure. When I was married, I was anxious and he was avoidant. It didn’t last.

[@kathleenhrdlicka6083]

Love this video so much! Gives me so much hope for a anxious/avoidant attachment to work out! I’ve been doing all the necessary changes to better my behaviour! Gives me hope x

[@thelegionary07]

Great topic! I really wish this channel was suggested to me before I met my ex last year. I would have saved myself from so much trouble. Looking back on my relationship, I think my ex revealed that she was avoidant when she told me about her divorce, and family history (verbal abuse from her dad) about 2 months in. She really spelled it out for me the last time we hung out as a couple, when she insisted (multiple times) I go hang out with my brother instead of going to her show the following weekend. At the time, I thought it was so weird that she didn't want my support at her show, but of course, I didn't know about any of this stuff then. Now I know she was likely just testing me to see if I could give her the space she needed. I have to look at the positives though. Some people go their entire lives not knowing this info, so I'm just glad I've been able to work on myself and make positive changes to tip the scale more towards secure, rather than more towards anxious.

[@nicolebrowne3632]

Thanks coach Margaret, I’m definitely an anxious attachment style . I like to be reassured , i disclose a lot of information and thrive for attention , my ex told me I’m needy but i feel when you love someone you want to be around them , but he is an avoidant .

[@Zephirus10]

Hi Nicole. Did anything improve for you since last time? On my side i met my ex with a couples psychologist and she asked careful questions about avoidant behaviour.. My ex agreed and was very uncomfortable. She said after that she wanted to get up and leave 3 times. Sad thing is it showed me that my ex wont face her attachment type and probably wont get back with me. She was happy to go out for a drink after tho lol

[@nicolebrowne3632]

Zephirus10 - no nothing and it will not be me to reach out that’s for sure . If anything he will have to contact me if i even decide to reply . I wonder if they will reach out coming up to thanksgiving ?

[@Zephirus10]

@@nicolebrowne3632 I feel the same i will defenitly not be reaching out either. We dont have thanksgiving where i live but its possible you'll get an indirect direct message... I got one after a haloween party this week. It gets predictable but sad as the conversation seems to just be their way to test if we still answere. So frustrating! I really think we deserve better people...

[@nicolebrowne3632]

Zephirus10 yes they just want to satisfy their anxiety but not considering ours . We been through enough , if he thinks i need his friendship he is wrong ! I don’t need him checking in , if he wants to work on us it’s going to also be on my terms ..

[@Zephirus10]

@@nicolebrowne3632 I am so with you on that! I'll never take an option we do most or all of the work while they don't. I hope he comes to his senses. My ex although I love her... I doubt will ever do the work. Im giving up hope

[@Innerstanding_mind]

Wow... good to know my ex is super anxious. Well at least I understand now...

[@EsmeraldaCortez-z4x]

I love her ❤ I wish I would’ve been blessed with family like you both ❤ thank you

[@wrestlebdk]

It’s funny cuz I was literally thinking about this topic the other day and if you have a video on this and here it is. Thanks, Craig!

[@kayanoreeves1949]

Right away...That's pretty quick. Priceless!

[@UncleBensChannel]

I'm a tad anxious.... been working out and improving my physical AND mental health to move towards SECURE.

[@sentaerbe13]

I love your content and share it with family and friends. I love Margaret - what an excellent decision to bring her on. She makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. Thank you both for such extraordinary work.

[@branimagination]

Can a person have two attachment styles? For example to be avoidant at the begining of the relations and anxious later, if they are together?

[@sshuteandrew]

Every person has a dominating attachment style but it can shift in certain relationships depending on the other person’s behavior and the severity of their attachment style. For example, an avoidant partner with an even more avoidant partner may demonstrate anxious behavior in that particular relationship.

[@jessicaweng93]

Thank you both for this interesting video!!

[@hopeh4289]

Oh my goodness! I love you both❣ thank you so much for this❣I understand these attachment sryles from what you taught. Now the question is...I am curious to know how to tell, or what to look if someone is Bi-polar, or any other non obvious mental illness (within the first year)

[@khaleesio2513]

Great video! Its very simple but gives specific guidance of how to identify attachment styles.

[@alexandersoltesz8103]

I thought I was a full blown anxious and my gf was a full blown avoidant, now it turns out I'm way more secure than I thought and she's actually way more anxious? Does co dependency directly correlate to anxious attachment style? Cause this one is like a fully grown avoidant with all the lack of emotional expressions/communication etc, still in constant need of a relationship.

[@marylyncrocfer6424]

Another great video thank you guys you guys do great video's

[@tuperladelcariberodriguez8453]

Can you please make a video explaining which attachment styles are " compatible"?

[@breemds]

Margaret is great! 😊

[@moneytime1556]

I rather be with some one anxious or secure. I can’t do avoidance. I like intimacy and avoidance types not able to give that to me.

[@kvs7876]

I used to be an anxious style type.but after my last couple break ups I am now avoidant type. I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t trust women anymore. I could.Point Blame but at this point what difference would it make.Thanks for the video Coach.

[@Monica-te5nx]

Found this video extremely helpful! Thanks coach Craig :-)

[@gregorynelson9682]

Is it possible to be part anxious and part avoidant? I seem to have traits from both. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

[@PianoMan4Life1982]

Thank you both so much. Through your channel I discovered I am an avoidant attachment style. I was dating an anxious attachment style and we just broke up 3 weeks ago. She ended up lining up another guy due to my inability to express how I felt about her. I truly loved her but she didn't believe me when I tried to keep her at the end. I am in day 21 of no contact and have probably lost her forever. I appreciate your videos. They have helped me through this tough time and have helped me identify my attachment style so I can improve myself for the future.

[@agh950]

PianoMan4Life1982 dam that sucks. I’m an anxious attachment style. My ex girlfriend is avoidant attachment. She ended the relationship and honestly I was heart broken really bad, yes I did the pleading the and begging and now it’s been around 2 month after the breakup and no contact as well. No, I am not (lining a person) with anyone. I’m working on my (attachment style) self. Unfortunately, her relationship would end up quick because she isn’t working on herself and by not focusing on her self, she ended up with another person.

[@PianoMan4Life1982]

@@agh950 it sucks man. We are looking at breakups on the other side of the coin. I would say your avoidant gf probably did care for you but just didn't know how to express herself like me. I kept the woman I was seeing at arm's length even though I truly loved her. We avoidants are hard to decode. Hang in there as well my friend.

[@sshuteandrew]

If your ex is anxious, your no contact will trigger her anxiety and she’ll probably reach out. However she may also cling tightly to the new person in her life to seek validation and security.

[@PianoMan4Life1982]

@@sshuteandrew I would say she will cling tightly to this new guy. He is talking to her 3 hours a night and they are going on weekend getaways together. At least that's the last I heard. I've stayed off her Facebook and tried to move on the best I can.

[@agh950]

@@PianoMan4Life1982 yeah, unfortunately, my attachment drew her far distance instead of working into the relationship. We've been together for 2.5 years. As of now, I'm working on myself to understand my attachment style and I want to work things out (with her of my actions).But, It's her decision whether she wants to contact me or not.

[@rededarsho]

hey there Craig and Margaret. many thanks for sharing your absolute essential knowledge. i've got a question if you don't mind? what about our children? How can we raise them to be secured? I think most of it is about us being secure or moving towards being secure. but i very much like to hear your insight on this. many thanks.

[@jonerickcoronel742]

My ex is avoidant and I finally see that I'm an anxious type.

[@richardgulan784]

I know my wife has avoidant attachment style but she doesn’t. How do you tell her? Any thoughts?

[@ola467]

I can imagine that someone who is secure, when dealing with avoidant, can lean more towards becoming an anxious type. And vice versa anxious can turn someone who is secure into an avoidant.

[@erikajegl2762]

This sounds very smart to do but when you meet people you are not going to ask them by the way what is your attachment style, most of them don’t even know what that means unless there Watch your channel , like I do and I love!

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

When you learn it, you don’t need to ask them

[@abcdabcd5108]

Craig, can a person evolve or regress from one attachment style to another over the years? And if so, can one person switch from one attachment style to another and back?

[@alascendente26]

What about the fearful avoidant style?

[@upperiscopeUK]

“It can be done!” Indeed, but it can also be undone, by beauty, “In a Japanese instant.” 😬🎩 I don’t wish to appear frivolous; I’m profoundly grateful for your channel. 🎩

[@Viviennitta]

You laugh and say that it's the worse but I've really had two disorganized case probably. I would like to hear more about that.

[@99083833]

Hello Craig and Margaret. Margaret mentions in this video that couples who are opposites, spend no time together and live at different ends of the house etc are able to work it out and well done to them. But then I’m thinking is this actually a healthy, loving and wholesome relationship where both parties are genuinely happy, or is this an example of what is seen when people just settle and get comfortable? It just doesn’t sound authentically satisfying. Could you explain further? Thanks.

[@TammyL888]

Some great insights.

[@sonnyh7606]

can someone be both anxious + avoidant? or maybe both anxious + secure?

[@ijustwanttosleepnow]

Sonny Ho think of the four attachment styles (secure, anxious, fearful avoidant, and dismissive avoidant) as scales. You can be a little of each, have some secure, more anxious and a little avoidant as an example. If you google attachment styles, you can see a graph in google images that help demonstrate it. Most reflective work is done on your primary attachment style which is which style you have the most tendency towards.

[@cainthebastard7053]

J Baldwin Perfectly explained. 👍

[@bloss031ng]

Yup ⵊ am avoidant :| ⵊ do open up but only when a very long time has passed with that person. Only one person has got to know me and it was strange that when ⵊ opened up ⵊ became kind of anxious because well, he is avoidant too 😓

[@susanc.2207]

He grew up with a Mom who did drugs, a Dad who wasn't around, and partially by his grandma who had other kids left with her.I'm not sure what he is or what I am. I was adopted by secure/anxious parents at 3 1/2 months.

[@loadinguser9693]

Can’t wait for my Skype coaching with Margaret!!!❤️❤️😃

[@bluenimbus86]

"Hi there, I'm Coach Craig, Savior of the human psyche secret Jedi Knight, Kenneth, and today..."

[@meenakshisingh5551]

Can our attachment type change with a person? Means with some we are more anxious and with some avoidance?

[@deadlyassasin714]

I have Identified myself as dismissive avoident but I tend to talk about myself too much to strangers, usually feel stupid after. I show hardly any interest in others, forget to ask questions about them or even their name. Never dated before, 21.

[@TheBigLegendary]

Dear Coach Could it be that someone changes their attachment style? My ex was super anxious and I was secure I‘d say. Then she started to become avoidant and I became anxious in which the relationship quickly broke apart. She wanted to live her life freely and be independant and started to be quite promiscuous.

[@philipperoache513]

Love you both !

[@tropicalkess5581]

I’m anxious,I need to feel loved. My ex was avoidant he was not as in touch with his emotions like I was lol. It didn’t work needless to say. I am not afraid to show emotions 🙃.

[@carmenvljn]

How does this relate to introvert / extrovert?

[@empathwriter8700]

Is it possible to be anxious and avoidant at the same time tho?

[@MrWildborn]

Anxious avoidant is a thing yes... .m basically anxious but because of my fear to be hurt again i push people away...

[@empathwriter8700]

Maurice Wild Maurice Wild my ex showed signs of both, and I feel like I’m a mix of it too. Like I do get clingy but at the same time I don’t open up as much of fear that I’ll get judged, which is kind of exhausting to be both of them.

[@judithvillegas4471]

Yes, I think I can be that way as well.

[@global2765]

Yes its called disorganised or avoidant fearful but I stand corrected.

[@sshuteandrew]

Anxious avoidant is just another term for fearful avoidant. The anxious attachment style is called anxious/preoccupied. They are two different spectrums. Although a fearful avoidant can certainly have an element of anxiety, thus the term fearful...but it’s not the defining characteristic.

[@loganross4774]

I sent a goodbye poem I got so anxious

[@jjuyjhhj]

My ex had daddy issues and didn’t really connect well with her parents in general. Her dad would hit her when she was younger and I assume this trauma impacted her and made her an avoidant. She has very close relationships with her friends and doesn’t seemed too attached to items.. I’m more of the anxious style unfortunately.

[@TheJunxiang92]

Hey coach, I just found out my ex is on tinder, I know I can't freak out and has to keep my cool, but it really feels sucks. I felt like my heart died the second time

[@tomwaits3780]

When do you have birthdays? You and Margaret? Please tell us.

[@Danash2013]

This is good shit!

[@DailyServers]

I’m needy unfortunately

[@truffleflowers]

Is there a "crazy" attachment style, because that would be my ex 😝😂😂

[@mathews0618]

Anxious or fearful

[@AndoCan123]

No, there isn’t

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

Yes there is.. It's called DA! The muck of this earth 🤮

[@philtacbobo9241]

COACH CAN YOU MAKE A VID EXPLANATION OF "IF MY EX COMES BACK EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO WORK IT OUT BUT I DONT TRUST HER/HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE/HE LEFT ME" PLSSS COACH FOR INSIGHTS GOD BLESS AND THANK YOU

[@idboo1234]

I can't tell if he's anxious or avoidant

[@candycane6304]

Can someone have more than one attachment style?

[@Dan-rz7pp]

I think my ex is avoident, she distances herself from her family and doesn’t let them help her and always believes there against her, we lived togever and she broke up with me and is currently living at a friends house from work this past month completely cutting off me and her own family, she’s only 19

[@CynthiaWithLove]

Why didn't you elaborate more on disorganized 😌?

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

We have some great exclusive content in the Creative Healing Course on disorganized!

[@douglasdarnell8666]

Ok so my ex that I want back desperately after a two year relationship moved on with another person. I dont know the other person well but I am under the impression he may be anxious and my ex is a severe anxious attachment style, for example after the first time we had sex she was talking marriage, adopting her kids and having kids ourselves. Anyways, if they both are anxious attachment style what are the chances they have a successful relationship.

[@SingingCrowie]

I think that even though an anxious-avoidant relationship can work, it doesn't mean you should fight for it ans adjuat despite it being a struggle. Unless there is something like marriage and children, why not accept you're not a good match and find somebody who is? Isn't that how you become more secure, by accepting that sometimes things don't work out and being OK with single life? I was in a relationship like that, I am still anxious, although less so, and my partner is secure. Even though my ex is not at fault for being avoidant, it is such a blessing to not have to deal with his emotional unavailability. If u stayed with him, my self-esteem would be non-existent by now, but with my secure partner I was able to become more relaxed myself. I do think that anxious-avoidant is a trap in most cases, no relationship is more important than your mental health. If you're suffering, get out, work on yourself and start fresh with someone who is also willing to make an effort for you.

[@SK-nl2kv]

Still watching these videos and hoping to hear from my avoidant ex

[@AshSchultzArt]

I’m 2 months into no contact. She’s fearful avoidant. Pretty sure no contact isn’t going to help much at this point and she’s just going to move on..,

[@tnt01]

Is there anyone out there with a secure attachment style ? Where are they?

[@thelegionary07]

Go down the list of people you know in your life.. In mine, it's gotta be less than 10%

[@tnt01]

@@thelegionary07 We all have childhood wounds. I had one relationship with a 'secure' man. All the others were not.

[@tnt01]

@Katie & Karen :)

[@sshuteandrew]

thelegionary07 And even less single secure past the age of 40!!

[@tnt01]

@@sshuteandrew lol

[@Sarablueunicorn]

I'm extremely anxious and I've never been in consecutive relationships. I had my first bf at the age of 23 and didn't get attached to him at all, had to move to another country to finally break up with him. With my latest partner I was a ball of anxiety.

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

🤷‍♀️If people only tattooed their attachment style's on their head's it would be so Easy because you would know which ditch you are jumping into! 🤷‍♀️😂🙄

[@ameerahrashada4515]

I maybe all 3 at different stages in my life

[@mominator69]

I've taken a few attachment style quizes or tests and they all reveal that my attachment style is 30%secure 30%anxious 30%disorganized and 10%avoidant. I think my husband is dismissive-avoidant. After 30 years I discovered attachment style theory and after 30 years of heartache, I finally realize that I dont have to take his behavior so personally. I also dont react to his avoidance so strongly so he doesnt pull away quite so hard these days. But if one were to describe him as a book, the book would be a diary with a lock and a sign that says KEEP OUT, that sign is for me. Our kids attachment styles are, daughter oldest 28, is anxious-avoidant, my son middle 26, is 25% each and my son youngest 23, is 30%secure 20%anxious 30%avoidant 20%disorganized both my boys have a similar attachment style as me and my daughter is more like her dad. Also when I had my daughter, I didn't have a great deal of a support system. I had moved 2 states away from my friends and family and my husband's mom didn't like me much. By the time I had my boys, I was plugged into.a wonderful church with lots of support and had made some strong friendships with some very wonderful, well grounded securely attached people. So I do agree with you that an anxious and avoidant can do the dance long term but the sooner they both recognize their style and how it affects their partner, the happier they can both be.