Understanding Attachment Theories, Attachment Styles, And Relationships

[@brettgarrett6076]

Most helpful lesson for me here after watching many. I can accept that my ex has an avoidant attachment style and myself an anxious attachment style. I pushed beyond a healthy concern for her out of my anxiety when I found her detaching herself. I blamed it on losing attraction when it was really her avoidant behavior with everything that was going on in her life. Then I went and made it worse by trying to fix it and getting all up in her business.

[@PoppaRocks87]

Same thing here, how has it worked out for you? Has she reached out to you after the break up? Mine has completely shut me out of her life. Will not respond, unfriended me, blocked me, everything. I even went NC and she did it a week later.

[@richardmartinez2973]

Dude, my ex did same, a week after brk up and not contact at all she went and made restraining order to get over emotions, she told them I stalked her when, I had nc at all nothing. We were together 8 yrs. This maybe 6th time we broke up like this minus ro. She contacted me only to say was be ku for our daughter . She accused me of being with someone during nc, and that why I was not contacting her when she had told me only contact my daughter. This so confusing, it's like bizarro world🙄 .

[@WatchingPlanesnbirds]

I am anxious. It's so painful when I don't hear from the person for a day. Your mind thinks you'll never hear from them again and you start to panic.

[@azevial]

Ugh omg I know what you mean

[@davidspeight8456]

Omg I just found out I am avoidant attachment style . I thought I was just very laid back . My ex of 5 days is anxious attachment style. I feel terrible at the amount of pain I must have caused her without realising it . She always said how I was unable to talk to her about things

[@leslieknighton8962]

I appreciate your comment. My ex was Avoidant, myself anxious, and he always got upset with me for wanting him to open up. I doubt he'll take the time to understand himself or come to the realization. But, your comment gives me hope.

[@040stonehill]

Amen to this video. I am really heart broken after my ex girlfriend leaved me for about 4 months ago, and after hearing you describing exactly her personality and my approach to her way of beeing, I feel so illuminated and I can see and understand everything for what it is and understand what the Problem was. God bless you and your loved ones. I can't describe my appreciation.

[@callumwalker8183]

I am definitely an anxious person whilst my ex was clearly avoidant. My behaviour clearly pushed her away further and I didn't even realise. All I could think of was that she was going to abandon me, and she did because I pushed her to it.

[@MiMi-ks8qq]

Avoidant people can be seen as secure, yes. For all throughout our relationship, I thought he just didn't love me because it felt like he doesn't care about me. With 2 girlfriends prior to me, he didn't learn how to deal with women, so it's correct, avoidants don't learn because they don't think there's something wrong with them. His avoidant stance made my anxious state skyrocket! I showed a lot of toxic behaviors I was not aware of. I hope I knew about attachment styles before. 😞

[@gladiolaulqinaku]

There you have it: a free lunch on the dynamic of the relationship, and an insight on past trauma. This video is not a quick fix band-aid after a 30 day noble silence which once completed takes the majority of us back to square one. It is an in-depth analysis of the choice for a partner (who and why) and understanding the Work we must do within ourselves to have a happy and (why not) a meaningful life. Craig, this could be without a question one of your best videos. Maybe you should start offering couples therapy. Thank you for this work.

[@robertjelinski5113]

Just about everyone I know from my baby boomer generation seem to have a anxious attachment style including my sister (and my ex) IMHO This video explains why. (I believe as most of our parents were involved in WW2 suffered from PTSD at some level) I had a hard time pinning my attachment style until watching this video...my sister and myself are text book anxious. We now have a blueprint of our attachment style thanks to you Coach Craig, I can work with my anxiety now...before had no idea what was going on. Thank you again for your time and passion. Rob

[@grapeapeordie4939]

Apparently I have avoidant attachment style, and I see now where a lot of my relationship issues may stem from. Thanks coach, defiantly gives me some new perspective.

[@rubyjean]

Wow. I’m the anxious person but instead of being out loud I keep it inside. And my dude was avoidant. No wonder we didn’t communicate very well!

[@deniseodendaal5824]

Omg Kenneth I just got shivers down my spine .... this is a fantastic explanation This is so good . Thank you

[@amandableicher3443]

Wowsers.... I definitely have anxious attachment style and my ex has an avoidant attachment style. No wonder we struggled. I know what he did that increased my anxiety and my reactions pushed him out the door. The question is, how do we work on this!

[@paniq_fnite]

same 😞 did you ever figure it out? Did your story have a happy ending 2 years later 😭💁🏻‍♀️

[@amandableicher3443]

@@paniq_fnite 2 years later I am single and happy lol, that relationship ended but two years later and we are now friends. I’ve been working on my attachment style for some time now. I learned a lot in the last two years!

[@elizabethannemartinez2532]

I have anxious attachments & David is an avoidance. He asked me to leave 2 months ago & I can't stop crying. I am a wreak! I don't want to be here on this earth anymore. I'm tried & I just want to fall asleep & never wake up

[@amandableicher3443]

@@elizabethannemartinez2532 Have you tried counseling? That really helped me. It will get better. I promise. Things happen for a reason and although it doesn’t feel like it, you are better off with your ex.

[@lblake11]

Took notes. Life changing advice for every milennials love life

[@ebonistarr]

THIS. IS. THE. EXACT. REASON. MY. RELATIONSHIP. ENDED. OH. MY. GOD. EVERY. EXAMPLE. WAS. EXTREMELY. ACCURATE.

[@joannamario7759]

You are undoubtedly the best on KZbin with psychoanalysis of behavioral traits and characters of individuals in various types of relationships. Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@esahoosa]

I have a mixture of both anxious and secure attachment style. Once I get into a relationship I want my significant other to be nurturing towards me and vice versa because subconsciously it reminds me of my grandma who raised me and was there for me and my needs all the time. It's difficult to say this, but I feel like I set up negative scenarios in my head about my partner that causes me to get anxiety, which isn't even their fault. I've gotten better at dealing with this and I'm continuing to improve myself since I recognize this now. I believe I was with someone who had an avoidant personality because they didn't know what they truly wanted in life and didn't truly understand themselves emotionally, causing them to not form new friendships. Whereas I'm focused on building new connections and make friendships easily, ever since I was a kid. The downfall of our relationship wasn't anyone's fault, my partner just felt as if they didn't know themselves well enough and were always trying to become something that their significant others wanted them to be, so they decided it's best if there was no relationship.

[@rayf5360]

Watching this video made me realise my mother has an anxious attachment style and my dad is an avoidant, the pattern is as clear as day. Now I realise I've been anxious myself for years because of my mother's behavior and level of distress. I really had to work on it to lose her "projected anxiety". Now I'm secure, but it has cost me years of my life to realise what was going on and how to correct it.

[@PeteAndersen]

Hi Craig. We really need a video on how to become ‘earned secure’. 😀

[@milaalt1141]

Soooo, how do you heal from an anxious attachment style.....self love?

[@adrij4961]

Yes. I have earned secure attachment and have done so by turning to myself as my primary care giver and god. You and god (if you believe in god) cannot possibly leave you so fear of abandonment leaves when you always have you to turn to

[@gvigilgem]

Sweet Jesus, my ex has many of these!!! Literally just scared the crap out of me as I had no idea what I was involved in until after seeing this video. Man oh man, I’m actually worried for her future lovers and really really feel bad for them and the struggle they will be encountering. I love, feel and empathize for her but damn She will never change. This is confirmation that her leaving me was a blessing in disguise. I gave her my best shot and am now an even better man but I wish her well and hope she finds happiness and peace. Unreal.

[@tammik4652]

gvigilgem so crazy! I just learned too. Wow

[@goduxunike]

Wow, I have an avoidant attachment style. Damn, my ex had good reasons to breakup with me. This is so sad to acknowledge.

[@Banana-lk7tf]

Now that you know better, do better! :-)

[@RenskeLogie]

same

[@kimberlys4075]

My parents divorced when I was very young and I was taken from my mom and raised by a dad who worked too much and a very critical grandmother. I’m sure I have this anxious attachment style. You have helped me through my breakup with my long term verbally negative BF as I ignored red flags for years and now a year later I’m struggling with dating. It’s very frustrating. I’ll keep watching these videos until I figure this out. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. ~Kim from Indialantic FL

[@monicapiper333]

I definitely have anxious style, my mom was disorganized and was adopted. I had to take care of her and she was always trying to leave. But also feel avoidant as well.

[@elexismarie4943]

This reminds me so much of my current situation! My ex boyfriends mom got so anxious about my ex leaving with me or being with me. She loved me and all but she would get upset if he would leave with me. Apparently the mother her grew up with, is a different mom then what his brothers grew up with. Before the break up, he would constantly call me crying about his mom and how she was being to much! In all reality her actions started affecting his mindset in our relationship which resulted in our break up.

[@kourant]

Wow. This video just opened my mind. I just have a, question... Could a person have a combination of 2 attachment styles?

[@ashley-marie7122]

definitely have anxious attachment style.. never knew that or understood why i felt so much anxiety and insecurity and feel sooo controlling all the time when i dont really wanna be that way. emotional meltdowns and arguements. I acknowledged to myself that i have a control problem and i feel bad abt it bc idk how to fix it. I am extremely hypersensitive to my partners changes and im always feeling abandoned and like they dont love me or care anymore. I used to have panic attacks in my sleep and nightmares of my mom leaving me and idk why! My grandma watched me all the time as a kid when my mom was in school and working and i really dont remember much abt it but maybe thats why. I’m also scared of being alone ive been a relationship for 3 years and we were living together and since we moved in we started having problems and we broke up and i moved out yesterday and im trying to not always worry abt what he’s doing and i dont want to text him or smother him. I did push him away though and he pulled away from me emotionally and as soon as i started to see that i always argued with him and tried to tell him how i feel bc i was scared of being abandoned and idk how to change

[@sacrealen]

Ashley - Marie heey, how are you now? Did you solve your situation? :(

[@ashley-marie7122]

Maybellyne no. we live together and are broken up. like weve been on and off but its hard living together

[@doctormox93]

Ash, any better now? I can relate to your situation. Sounds like you are not getting your needs met even after many discussions. Are you aware of the different love languages?

[@ashley-marie7122]

raine moreno somewhat aware. and things are better but it goes back and forth a lot

[@sshuteandrew]

I can completely relate to the anxious attachment behaviors and fears. Self-love and self-care have helped me tremendously to find security within. Anxious need to focus inwardly instead of seeking validation from another. Maybe a good attachment counselor can help you with this? It would’ve even better if your partner is willing to seek help for his avoidance.

[@thepinkyoyodoll]

my ex seems to be the avoidant attachment style. since he wouldn't ever want to talk to me about anything and when I was upset he would dismiss it or get mad at me . that's why we broke up because he had enough of me

[@brettgarrett6076]

zlannys me too

[@emave8694]

Same here

[@peachblossom.phlox3403]

Same. He got tired of me being sad from him not giving me attention and he would never want to talk about anything. He was the one to break up with me and it feels awful everyday 😞 hope you're doing better now

[@ewljr]

Same here

[@henssku]

I'm so sorry for you all

[@jdanistheman]

This was so informative. I thought I was more anxious but now I’m thinking that I may be more avoidant 🤔

[@aceshigh4113]

I thought I had avoidant attachment style, but I recently started getting in touch with my feelings. Perhaps I'm the 25% who changed.

[@Banana-lk7tf]

For your sake, and the sake of your future partners I sure hope so!! :-)

[@armytank65]

Wow.. very informative has made things a lot clearer!

[@jimbobc1572]

HOLY CRAP! My ex gf is Avoidant. You describe her so well. She compartmentalized everything and swept anything unpleasant under the carpet. She also was constantly busy with everything on the planet so she could ignore our relationship and never wanted to discuss any issues. I called it manufactured business. Totally fake. We did connect on an emotional level so she wasn't full blown. She just ended things 2 months ago (December) because she detached from me/the relationship due to my wanting to talk and gain an understanding as to what was troubling her. I had hoped that I could make things less stressful for her and work things out. A month after she broke it off (in January), she took back her ex husband after being divorced for 2 years. She supposedly is talking about getting remarried to him after being together for 3 weeks. We were supposed to get married this coming November. She's effen delusional! I want to vomit in my mouth. Great stuff Coach!

[@Moosemanmoses]

You won't want to admit it but you are definitely better off without her. She was not a keeper.

[@NarutoGee1]

This video makes so much sense for my recent relationship

[@TwoGendersOnly]

I have an anxious attachment style. Mostly everything was me. Even down to the neglecting the needs of your partner because you're too focused on your own anxiety. That's exactly what my ex used to tell me. Even the talking fast and loud and the fact I don't stop talking. That's something I do generally, even not with a partner. I am so upset. I don't even know why or how this happened. I didn't have a bad childhood. I had both loving parents, I always had good friends, etc. I didn't even have anxiety as a young person. I don't understand how I ended up this way.

[@YT.26]

How have you been ? How do you feel now?

[@MooseDriver204]

This video hit me hard. It made me realize that I have the anxiety attachment, but without the constant neediness (I was never like that). From what happened to my parents when they split, it made me fear the same thing. Still having a hard time deciding if my ex was avoidant or anxiety. I miss her so much, so much we can learn from our mistakes to have a new healthy strong bond. I try not to hope, but maybe one day we can work things out.

[@saschafarnell7717]

She could be fearful avoidant (also called disorganised attachment) which is 5% of population. Fearful is a combination of both anxious & avoidant. Can swing to either end of spectrum depending on the relationship dynamic.

[@sheepgray08]

This is greaaaat..! i've seen classes about psycotherapy and read about it on my own but this is the perspective that i needed to understand it better and to know how to apply it to my situation. Thanks so much for this videos.!

[@firsthelix6726]

Great video, Craig. Would be helpful to know also how to soothe the symptoms of the attachment styles... At 20:30: you might add that they might be interested in sex but not to experience joy and fulfillment so much but rather to minimize their anxiety!

[@richardsullivan2749]

In working on my workbook and educating myself in regard to attachment styles I have come to realise that I have a secure attachment style and my wife is dismissive avoidance, that is an interesting combo

[@jacobs8102]

amazing , it took me 8 months and lots of pain I didnt understand to figure it all out , its is better later than never , otherwise I would never understood myself and why my future relationships could fail. Life saver. Good job Craig. God bless youtube.:)

[@adrybernal]

I got a Disorganized Attachment Style. I was unaware it has been so many emotions and feelings to see how I have been living my entire life, I am trying so hard to transform my attachment style. It's not easy 😔

[@azevial]

Holy shit. I'm an anxious and my girl was avoident. I was raised by a single mom, so she was always working and I had to seek love and affection from others when I could get it. My dad abandoned us when I was 3 so that fucked me up. But I also sometimes avoid issues and didn't listen to what she was saying until it's too late. She kept feelings to herself and didn't talk to anybody about what was going on with us. After my brother, cousin and 7 uncle's passed away she was there for me and comforted me during those hard times 10 year relationship.I started really abusing alcohol and drugs to cope and that made things worse and I took my anger out on her. I suffered from depression and after this last break she wanted I had a belt around my neck so I can feel something to snap me out of it. She called me while I had it around my neck and I made the mistake of telling her what I did and that's when she wanted out. now she recently told me she was falling out of love with me 2 years ago but didn't tell me cause she thought I would hurt myself like my brother did. Full circle cause my bro went through the same thing. Girl left him, tried to drink bleach, didn't work...couple days later crashed and died. Fuck alcohol. I quite this December, January 14 will be a month, I need to change and grow to get her back. She's an angel but I must stop talking to her and trying to convince her that Ive changed, I have to change so she can see that hopefully someday, I really wanted to marry her and still do. Thank you Craig, I'm learning a lot.

[@kintuinka]

Omg thanks for all this info craig. Trough seeing your videos im getting to understand everything i need to....

[@susanc.2207]

I'm adopted, so I guess I'm disorganized?!?! I grew up with secure parents but My Mom was kind of anxious and narcisstic. I'm not sure what I am because I'm a high stabilizer, an empath who has many who project toxic behavior on, and INFJ on MBTI. I am everything to everyone by nature and I have low self esteem. and I'm very afraid of disharmony by nature. In fact, harmony/disharmony is my#1 core value. I would love to hear what you think I am.

[@ponokunishima1]

That Anxiety Attachment is more of my exes father, not my ex. She told me all her life it was yelling and lashing out at her and the mom and wondering if they’re going to leave him, if my ex would leave him if she and I would get married, controlling on the mother not working, she has to stay home and all that. I didn’t know about all of these different types when I was with my ex, and now I know. I myself was a little anxiety attachment to my ex towards the end, because we were kinda locked down, so I didn’t know if she would be talking to someone else or something.

[@rajharell]

Great video Craig. Very insightful.

[@noraa2497]

I guess I have anxious attachment. Am well aware of it so I keep myself on check all the time! I have learnt to be independent and to give people around me space! Also learnt to get my emotional needs met by different sources so I don't bankrupt others emotionaly! My ex, dumped me 5 days ago! I guess I pushed for it as it got unbearable. His style of attachment is avoidant! Boy talk about curtains down. I have tried to have conversations few times! These words came up! Am asking him what about the elephant in the room! He dosn't know what am talking about! Another time the words smothered came up and sweeping things and the carpet and the words you are shutting me out! I backed up so much and started mirroring him! Hoped he can see and we can talk and reconnect! Nope it back fired! On the day of the break up! What hurted me the most was his unwillingness to bring issues to the table so we can work on them! I kept on saying let me in! The horror in his eyes was enormous! I could see he was switching between anguish and anger and going in circles and then he flipped it and said it's not working! I felt that this relationship is so unimportant to him that's it's not worth working on or a try! I have let him go. I did tell him "babe when you wonder why all your previous relationship didn't work, it's because you shut people out in the cold" I could see he was pondering that. Yet he decided to sweep it under the carpet! By shouting and walking away! He never ever shouts! He usually shut down emotionaly and physically. I guess anxious and avoidant style can never work! No matter how much love there is! Until both side are willing to work on their issues it's doomed and exhausting! One partner can't carry it all! I wonder: would it have worked if both of us had avoidant attachment style?

[@sshuteandrew]

Nora A No, two avoidants rarely work or two anxious. Two avoidants give up and walk. The relationship isn’t sustained by either partner.

[@raulcastillo9600]

i feel like my ex is a mix of both. they aren’t in touch with their emotions and never have been. have always avoided acknowledging them. but she would make all these small things so big. she wouldn’t be like super jealous or anything but i also purposely didnt talk to my friends that were girls anymore cause she was my priority now. but she was always so anxious about everything and always moving fast paced and would get upset easily and has always had more guy friends than girl friends. she always had someone hitting on her, always talking to someone, always hanging out with some guy. so i was jealous when she would talk to guys that she used to have feelings for or vice versa. i didnt see why she would talk to them. and when i would bring it up to her, not accusing her of cheating or anything, she would just flip out and start shouting and yelling at me and saying how she cant talk to anyone because of me and cant have any guy friends. but its like, its not that she cant have guy friends, just not old friends where feelings were involved. cause i dont see the point in that. even though she would say “ nothing happened and we are passed that now “ its still like a why question to myself of why she would still talk to them every once in awhile. she would say it was to catch up but then they would still be talking for like a week and im like how long do you have to catch up for ? even our mutual friends who went to school with her have said she was always with some guy or talking to some guy. but i think she gets a lot of her issues from her childhood. her parents divorced when she was born. her dad spoiled her cause he wanted to be the better parent. and that made her into this “ my way or no way “ type person. which her dad has even told me thats how she is and her nana has told me that too and saying they know how crazy she can get cause she would flip out on them when she didn’t get her way or something small was an inconvenience. but her dad would just let it happen and not say anything to her cause he wanted to be the better parent. her mom on the other hand is pretty crazy. her mom is very controversial and controlling. her and her mom always fought growing up. her mom had lots of different boyfriends and they would always be moving in with the new boyfriend then having to move out when her mom left the boyfriend. her mom is very two sided and can flip easily. her mom didnt even like me because I have the same name as one of her ex boyfriends… like HUH ??? how is that fair lol. but yea so i think her mom moving from guy to guy created this attention seeking personality in my ex, which could be why she is always talking to guys and things like that. even not in a romantic way, but she would be flirty without even knowing it was flirty… which then gave the guys an idea that maybe she wants him, which then usually wasnt the case because she just likes the feeling of knowing someone wants her. we met a year after highschool. and she had already slept with 4 guys…. 4. i think thats pretty wild for just being out of highschool. but i just feel like it shows how easily she give in to attention and then leaves. she also is very independent which i think is because of both of her parents letting her down. she would get upset when her dad wouldn’t have time for her. and her dad was flaky. and her mom just wasnt a good mom and more like a boss. i sympathize for her but still. she needs to acknowledge these things. we met at 18 and 19 and we broke up at 21 and 22. lived together for most of the time. lived through the pandemic together, on our own which i think created little issues and was the start of the downfall. but she was always about herself and always interrupted me or always had to repeat myself because she wasnt paying attention. or i would be talking to her about my day or whatever and she just wouldn’t say anything back… it was always about her. she would be fine with me going to hang with the bros, but then she would be texting me the whole time. then my guy friends would get mad cause i was always on my phone. even when i would tell her i would text her later. she would wait like an hour then text me again and then again and again just talking about all kinds of things going on in her day. she would easily stress herself out. and just avoid acknowledging her feelings or mine. so i feel she is a mix of both.

[@andrewg9787]

Craig. You are a blessing man.

[@ts3708]

I'm curious, in your experience, what are the odds of the same attachment styles attracting one another and having a long term/healthy relationship? I don't imagine avoidant/avoidant would work long term, however, could anxious with anxious be successful with mindfulness and professional assistance? I just discovered you yesterday and these videos are fantastic! I've always been fascinated with human behaviour and personal growth material so I'm totally geeking out here. Thank you for sharing these insights! New subscriber. :)

[@johngarbarzyk5549]

+Tammy Lynn Great questions. I'm thinking the same thing. It would be really useful to know what attachment style a potential partner is before you get involved.

[@thaislinhares5591]

My parents are two avoidant who work together as a perfect clock. They have their own private world. All of the rest, their children also, are leave outside that world. I was like living in a house with to strangers. They rarely even touch or talk to us (me and my brother). But they are very affectionate of themselves.

[@MRTIBURONTIBURON]

Attachment styles are not set in stone. Although, given the repeated occurrence over the years, it can make it difficult to change them. Additionally, attachments are not either or; there are degrees to them as well as some individuals might have improved their attachment styles over the years if they were around more "healthy" individuals. Lastly, adult attachment styles have been recently began to be studied but overall, what the coach is saying is text book stuff.

[@nathanb2167]

My ex was abandoned by her mother and she would lash out and have emotional melt downs. She would manipulate me to control me. It would drive me crazy and she would always ask me if I am going to leave her. She would dissect fights for hours it was exhausting. It got to the point it made me really avoidant so I did not want to get into a lengthy discussion anymore. I would just be like uuugh every time she complained. She made good changes but it was too late as I got too fed up with all the fights then she gave up on the rs like Craig said.

[@erikajegl2762]

This is how I see it what ever attachment style is given to you that is what you have to live with . Like it or not!

[@NN-et7xt]

Learnt a lot. Thank you 🙏

[@enzoman444]

I had zero love from mother so I think I have an anxious attachment style which killed the relationship with my soul mate. damn it

[@jesgarcia2590]

Lee Cluer sorry to hear that

[@amandableicher3443]

Same! Ugh... it’s hard to hear it but at least we know what we need to work on. I have hope!

[@Tnt74707]

Lee Cluer you have more than one soulmate....learn from what you did

[@edwingaldamez7043]

I have an avoidant partner very annoying and difficult to deal with at this point.

[@mariasolano8047]

Hi Craig, Enjoy listening/watching most of your videos. I took a class regarding developmental lifespan "attachment" I was and still fascinated by the theory. I enjoy(ed) reading about it during my semester with that class. Listening/watching your videos gives me more in-depth of attachment theory despite my background. There was a time I thought of becoming a psychologist/sociologist, but that is not what God gave my heart as a promise I am meant to be nurse/NP. I always use all psychology knowledge source in everyday life. I love Freud theory which someone my friends call me crazy, and I love other theories I enjoy knowing more about it. One day I will send you an email in regards to my story. Thank you for giving me and other an opportunity to know the depth of attachment. Stefanie

[@megja1812]

I know as a baby I screamed the house down and was really demanding but by the time I went to school I recall telling my Mum she didn’t need to come with me on the first day as I was good to go on my own, and I wanted to stay til the end of the day and not go home early on the first day lol. So over time I got more secure .....would this be correct. It’s always amazed me that people hook up so quick.

[@jadpuertorico123]

This was great! Im definitely anxious. Thank you for this, really clarified alot 🙏

[@johnhamilton2438]

Excellent and so true. I have loved an anxious person and she dumped me.

[@TheBaldyheed]

My ex girlfriend seems to have traits from both sides. She would be very avoidant of me or discussing her feelings, lack intimacy and no affection whatsoever, on the other hand she was constantly nervous about most things and therefore would avoid being alone with either me or with herself, she once told me that her belly was in constant tormoil and that explained her endless energy to escape herself. We never sat down together and cuddled, or held hands etc I would try but there would always be a reason why she couldn't 🤷🏼‍♂️😢 it breaks my heart and o feel so incredibly guilty that we are not together now as I can see all the ways she was trying so hard, not necessarily trying hard for me but trying hard to live a normal life, but due to her inability to form connections (unless to her dog or horse) then her whole life always felt like it was fake... Heartbreaking cos ultimately she is a lovely adorable girl but there is only so much after 7 years of no affection etc that I can take.... And now I'm left crippled with guilt and can't stop crying ☹️

[@JohannahArrington1908]

I like every video before watching because you have proved invaluable! Thanks a million! @ Coach Craig Kenneth

[@swim610]

Maybe I don't have anxious attachment. I'm not like this. Maybe I'm intuitive and that's when my anxiety kicks in. I'm secure until I pick up insincere energy.

[@nataliepage6582]

Tonya Stutz exactly how I feel as well. I’ve noticed a huge spike in anxiety only when I notice a change in my partner’s attitude and then the anxiety kicks in waiting for things to fall apart. Coach Craig knows everything lol

[@SK-rs3vw]

Hi Craig, I love watching you talks and listening to you. I have learnt to o much about how to cope post break up and about my attachment style and what I need to do to heal myself. Thanks for sharing.

[@justbecause10000]

This video was so helpful. Thank you.

[@ihelpdogs]

I have an anxious type attachment style but I had a pretty good upbringing... both parents, good middle-income family, nice house/good neighborhood, played sports, camped all summer etc etc. So its not always about having a bad childhood. I think something else happened along the way that caused me to be this way but I don't know what...

[@sshuteandrew]

dogboy Anxious comes from emotional neglect not physical needs being neglected. You can be raised wealthy but have emotional neglect and anxious attachment as a result. Money is not a substitute for unconditional love, acceptance and affection.

[@amarub90rubino43]

I still can’t figure this out I feel I’m 50% anxious and 50% avoidant

[@sshuteandrew]

Amarub90 Rubino There’s a style called fearful avoidant. High in both anxiety and avoidance.

[@amarub90rubino43]

Stacey S Thank you for confirming to me that I have anxiety I have been waiting to hear back from you for two weeks!

[@sshuteandrew]

Amarub90 Rubino I just rewatched this video and stumbled upon your question! I answered bc I knew the info...I’m not the coach.

[@amarub90rubino43]

Stacey S thanks I didn’t think you were 😘😘😘

[@amarub90rubino43]

I would be a great example for the show 😝💜😂🍄🍄🍄

[@KayaL82]

i feel like I am a mix of avoidant and anxious.. :S ...

[@themadmattster9647]

might be fearful avoidant. thats me

[@maya8617]

Makes the 2 of us

[@piccalillies]

It's on a spectrum, right? I feel like it's different with different people and situations.

[@Sara-Eevtea]

I think I had disorganized attatchement. My Mom was physically,mentally and emotionally abusive, my Dad was an alcoholic who ignored all of us and I was sexually abused by my aunt. Its no wonder I used to have an anxiety/panic disorder, severe depression and PTSD. Praise the Lord for psychotherapy!

[@Josh_74]

Thanks Craig for shing a light, it has really opened my eyes and help me to understand what my wife and I did to eachother make us both want to be separated at the same time. Cheers

[@inserter400]

How does limited contact affect a female anxious attachment style what would make them want to break up and reconcile ? This is very interesting CK

[@steveurquhart9276]

Excellent information. I learned a lot. Thanks.

[@nataliepage6582]

When you send a link to videos from Coach Craig to your separated husband and he says he’s watched it 3x and it’s him completely. Made me laugh because I did focus on personal growth by watching all your videos and now hopefully my husband will do the same. Excellent advice as always and thank you for the amazing videos! 😊

[@organicskincarenyc5775]

Wonderful video. Your videos are helping me get to the root of my way of relating to perspective dates.

[@Lisa-ct9qw]

I really enjoy your personal approach at describing what's going on in the people's situation. I find you a comforting voice. I am in the process of healing myself I am a ACOA and suffer from attachment disorder I have tended to attract narcs and am ready to do the work to stop the crazy. but I feel so overwhelmed at all the issues that my childhood and life have presented I know I have taken the biggest step which is seeing it. the trauma issue is where I need a direction which books or self help books I should read, could you suggest some. thank you lisa

[@ponokunishima1]

Watching this again (I may have to again and again) I might have all three? I was secure in my relationship, I was anxious, which drove my anxiety over to my ex and therefore she broke up with me and now I’m avoidant. Or maybe I might only have an anxious style.

[@WuTangYongYuan]

I think this is a superb video.

[@EpicAnimeFights]

Holy shit i am the definition of the avoidant type, especially that part about not learning from experience lol.

[@melanieflynn1832]

HI, I watch your videos everyday and I really appreciate them, I have learned soooo much. Would love to talk private session but its out of my budget... I have a couple topics.. what to do if you already blocked your ex? I blocked him cause I was getting too hurt. Also can a relationship that became volatile and even violent every be reconciled? Especially your talks on attachment styles and how you feel after a break up etc.

[@angelamcallister2603]

Would ne nice to know how to handle the anxious avoidant 😕 who is also a Virgo, prideful and stubborn as hell. Lol. And would Never give in or come back nor admit they overeact or they may have been wrong about what was really going on in the relationship...

[@saikatbhowmik7429]

This was soo much helpful. Thank you so much Coach

[@d.v.k.6592]

Thank you for this.

[@sheronrocker]

Great video. At least now I know What attachment style I have

[@MINONELSE]

Thank you for this! I want to share this with my partner (anxious attachment type) without making them feel attacked or that I am suggesting they are all the "bad" qualities you explained. Can you share some of the studies/journal entries you read or use to support your points?

[@user-ft2zz3um6l]

Is there a guide on how to go about people corresponding with these attachment types?

[@bobbykay7334]

Fascinating stuff and very helpful. This may seem like a strange point, but I wonder how much impact bottle fed vs breast fed influences attachment type later in life.

[@zentime8047]

I have the anxiety so bad and what you are describing me exactly. Beyond getting my ex back, I would like to overcome this. How?

[@lemonscented7703]

Y’know, there was a comedian I’ve been watching that had a bit about babysitting a little girl, and the little girl asks “What is love like?” and the comedian’s response was effectively, “You remember the first time you lost your mom in the store? How scared you were? And then you think you find her and you wrap your arms around her and you’re so relieved, and then you look up and it’s *not* your mom?” And the joke was funny, but like.... fuck, she was right, wasn’t she.

[@cozettem8226]

@Coach Craig Kenneth I need help. I know I have severe attachment disorder from being passed around like a stray dog every year or two my first 5 years and basically left in a crib my first two months severely neglected. I’m adopted but was in 4 homes by age 4 1/2 when I was taken in by who turned out to be my adoptive parents. My problem is I keep attracting men who are players or commitment phobes or who simply don’t want to commit to me. When things don’t work out and they dump me the depression and anxiety is so severe I can’t work and all I want to do is sleep or binge watch KZbin videos and obsess about the rejection and getting that person back even though deep down I know they aren’t right for me and the situation is extremely unhealthy. I find myself comparing myself to whoever else these guys are chasing and it’s sick. I have had 3 heartbreaks in two years. I get overly jealous and needy. I’ve been to therapy for years nothing works. I can’t afford your coaching prices but what can you recommend for healing childhood attachment trauma and severe rejection and separation anxiety so I can be healthy and not clingy in a relationship? Do your workbooks help with this?

[@Isachanya]

Is it possible for a person to be a combination of both? Also, seems if an avoidant person returns to a broken relationship, how can the two go on in a healthy functioning relationship unless they are counseled and get help?

[@mutyalaurentia4460]

Hi Coach Craig, Is it possible for a person to have BOTH avoidant and anxious attachment styles at the same time?? Because with the descriptions / symptoms you've mentioned, I feel like I am both... and I feel like my ex is also both. Thank you.

[@beardedadivasibeardievasi4442]

I'm confused about my ex.

[@justinrees2400]

My ex is definitely avoidant. She said she doesn’t have to give me a reason for breaking up with me wtf.

[@amarub90rubino43]

Omg I gave up on my relationship before giving it a chance. I would appreciate your help with this I’ve been looking everywhere. Please let me know how I can reach out for a phone session!

[@rosephillips6547]

I’m a mixture of secure and avoidance because I’m secure in my spot to go without talking to you and when I want space from you to do my own thing I don’t have a problem with that either help me

[@jingleano8113]

I have been with this guy for about 15yrs, he is 38yrs old now im in so much pain now because he brokeup to me a month now, he said he is tired of me, but i dont understand how he get tired he is not the one who provide for us, he is just like a king in our house, for amonth i thought i am the one who cause a problem so he left us... i do no contact for a month so when i decided to bring money for his bill to his mom house i saw it with my own eyes that he is with a girl inside the room. How could her mom tolerate this behaviour......

[@carlosdelcid6841]

Avoid attachment... yeahh my ex was just a freaking nightmare in the emotional part... freaking nightmare...

[@sunflower4418]

So do avoidant attatchment style partners come back?

[@WildandFree4]

Yes

[@peachblossom.phlox3403]

I hope so 😭

[@aksdoty2j]

I'm a fearful avoidance and my ex-gf of 5 years was anxious preoccupied...

[@eddiesantiago7971]

excellent info

[@thtboirich_]

Coach is your relationship good because I'am asking because you tell very great advice

[@williamtennant9927]

Do you suggest ever communicating this to your ex after getting help ?

[@theklitaprice7653]

This is very special

[@jessicajulian4215]

Are addicts avoidant or anxious? My ex seems like he’s anxious a lot but uses substances to avoid feelings. He try’s to distort reality at times to avoid certain feelings.

[@senseijen8963]

Seems like he's an avoidant though~