Crappy Pasta III: Hear Its Cry

For the final story, enjoy a blogger's descent into madness and ascent into faked vocabulary skills. It's THE BLOOD WHISTLE.

[@mansendwish]

Then I heard a blood curdling, terrifying and demonic voice... "Gra ha ha, it's me bowser" I feared deeply for my livelihood

[@Ayahuasca98]

Electricalbeast would own the fraud who wrote this

[@PlayingWithMahWii]

GRA HA HA, THIS IS BOWSA 'ERE.

[@hashbrowns137]

@@PlayingWithMahWii Telepor'!

[@CorporalGrievous93]

@hashbrowns137 Ee’s a teleportin’ tricksta fo cryin out lowd

[@julianqinn]

"I've seen Mario truly happy" like when he says wah-ooo "and I've seen Mario express real depression" like when he says mamma mia

[@djoshawott2850]

True hapiness, with “Thanks it’s so nice!”

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

I’ve seen him happier than that. “Welcome! WELCOME NEW GALAXYYYYY!”

[@Kuroganekisaki]

I've seen Mario truly happy "SO LONG GAY BOWSER!"

[@fabzzpagano8635]

tha'ts Mario 64 though... we are talking about 3! Keep up!!

[@fabzzpagano8635]

Now I can just picture "and then the blood whistle stabbed mario" followed by "mamma mia!" lol

[@QXZ]

I love this kid's tin ear for words. He replaces every common word or phrase with awkward syllable bombs. A non-horrible writer would say something unobtrusive like "I heard whispers," so this clown honks out "Demonic whispering was clearly audible". He fears for his "livelihood" instead of his "life", like the BLOOD WHISTLE is going to fire him. Every adjective in this story sounds like it wandered into the sentence accidentally, got hopelessly lost, and decided to move in. He used a thesaurus to build a linguistic obstacle course.

[@Heathenfidel]

I've seen worse. I've seen stories where the writer not only uses big words unnecessarily, they make sure to never use the same adjective more than once. The worst one was about the Smurfs. I didn't read the whole thing, but I'm guessing that it ended when the writer ran out of synonyms for "blue".

[@JWtheMighty]

Heathenfidel That sounds absolutely hysterical. Link plz? :D

[@LongfellowLP]

Heathenfidel Oh please, if you have a link to that I'll be so happy.

[@SlamminWolfgang]

I once read a published novel that was the exact opposite. They had no synonyms for anything, especially not "said". In a murder mystery with a lot of round-table discussions, these facts got really annoying.

[@BlueWokou]

SlamminWolfgang Actually, in professional writing, one is advised not to use any speech verbs *other* than said. Now, I haven't read whatever it is your talking about (Probably), but trying to use to many synonyms results in this, so, even if the author didn't use *any* synonyms, it's still on the better side of shit.

[@Jazzypants2007]

"DSP Whistle. Hear its whine." I CAN'T... LOOK! I CAN'T FUCKING DODGE THIS WHISTLE MAN! WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

[@HyperSonicSquall]

I like in the beginning the author says "I can think of some scary occurrences with emulator games, just look at BEN" when Ben Drowned wasn't even about an emulated game

[@SamTheMarioMan]

I like how the narrator here is so much more terrified than the narrator of Ben Drowned, even though the cartridge in Ben Drowned was actually haunted while this one is clearly just a normal, non-haunted gory romhack

[@connorwelch6843]

My grandpa died but it didnt upset me nearly as much as all this 8bit hyper realistic blood and a sad mario sprite.

[@AtlanticSpamHammer]

>sees bloody Toad in fictional videogame *I KNOW THAT AS OF WHAT HAPPENED TODAY, MY LIFE WILL BECOME AN INFERNAL HELL IN WHICH EVERY DAY WILL BE A FUTILE STRUGGLE TO RETAIN MY OWN SANITY. AFTER FINISHING THIS WRETCHED COLLAGE OF ELECTRONIC DEJECTION, I WILL EMBRACE DEATH LIKE A LONG LOST LOVER WITH OPEN ARMS.*

[@TheGuyinShades]

>sees pentagrams and "other satanic symbols" in said videogame COULD THIS HACK BE THE WORK OF THE ILLUMINATI?

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

Narrator: _(sees splotches of red on a bridge texture that may or may not be blood.)_ Also Narrator: *_I AM NOW COMPROMISED, THE DETAILS WOULD ONLY SCAR YOU, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WALK AWAY, NEVER WAS THE EXIT CLOSED, BUT GOD HELP ME I WANTED TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. THIS KNOWLEDGE WOULD COME TO CONSUME ME, WHAT OTHER EVILS HAVE I BORNE ALOFT PURELY FROM AN UNQUESTIONED DESIRE TO "SEE THINGS THROUGH?" WHAT ELSE HAVE I BLINDLY JUSTIFIED? THIS IS THE LAST SORRY DISPATCH OF A RUINED SOUL. LET MY CARCASS BE A SCARECROW. LET IT WARN OTHERS THAT THESE FIELDS ARE FALLOW, THAT ONLY A DEAFENING BLEAKNESS GROWS HERE, THAT THIS IS THE LAND OF THE EMPTY, WHERE THOSE WHO ASSUMED GLORY WAS THEIR BIRTHRIGHT SHUFFLE FOR ETERNITY- THEIR AGONY IS SILENT, THEIR PHOSPHOROUS TEARS BURN, OH GOD, MOTHER, HOW THEY BURN._*

[@Protantical]

"Good-a luck with life, Bradley." Bradley then proceeds to commit suicide even though this ACTUALLY REAL LITERAL PERSON just told him to live on.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

Brandon J.S.R *_"FUCK YOU MARIO, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!"_*

[@Indecency562]

Not to mention the fact that someone called the police on him out of concern for his wellbeing, who Bradley immediately banned.

[@cultofgiygas]

"For those of you following these posts, read tomorrows and share with your friends" I can't believe a creepypasta basically contains a "Like, Comment, and Subscribe. Share this video" in it.

[@theyurireviewer]

Does this person look at his cereal in the morning and say, "The white liquid poured out of the plastic container and into the concave vessel. My Captain Crunch cereal fell deftly into the white, viscous liquid and separated consistently into the edges of the bowl. As I dipped my stainless steel spoon into the milk, I picked up the sweet, mouthwatering pieces of heaven into my bottomless abyss." I know I didn't mention blood in this so it doesn't work as well as intended.

[@nextstone7]

"as i was crunching on the sugary sweet morsels that was the Captain Crunch, a gold, diamond encrusted spoon with crimson stains of blood and a voluminous smell of the red liquid quickly went through my chest"

[@dinkules]

hi im chris hansen with dateline nbc "my plasma splattered across the table, tainting the tantalizing breakfast cereal and dampening the positive vibes of the morning"

[@theyurireviewer]

No? I thought everyone did that...lol

[@lucina056]

+alice margereta I know this is completely unrelated but... What's your profile pic of? I kinda want one... :I

[@juicedup14]

+alice margereta Take your captain crunch propaganda and leave! bring back some captain crunch while you're out there...

[@AkkaOniVA]

DSP: "Dude! How do I even play this stupid thing?! (To a classmate) How do I play Mary Had a Little Lamb!? wwwwwhat?! I have to LEARN it? That's bullshit, hahahahahaha! (Throws it and impales someone) "Pfffffaahahahahahahahah.......Wow, dude, this flute is bugged."

[@ViperAcidZX]

Okay, this made me laugh harder that it should have. XD

[@SSJRandomMaster]

...I am now wondering what a DSP creepypasta would be like...

[@Psyhic]

SSJRandomMaster One day I decided to watch a dsp video and freakiest thing happened. He was actually good at a game. He wasn't screwing up, blaming Kojima or begging for views. "What is this?" I screamed.

[@SSJRandomMaster]

OH MY GOOOOOODDDDD *kills self with PS3 controller*

[@Gemidori]

@@SSJRandomMaster I watched a DSP video and I was forced to watch him spontaneously swell up and explode in blood and gout.

[@JSHADOWM]

This creepy pasta in a nutshell: Friend: lol, pal, i got you a scary mario romhack. Writer: okay whatevs, link me. Writer: -plays- Writer: -suicides- Friend: WHAT THE SHIT???

[@thezec]

"could this hack be the work of the illuminati?" is my favourite line from this...Bowsers 8-bit roar is a close second.

[@SlamminWolfgang]

monstrous 8-bit*

[@DanDoel]

Every time I listen to this, something new occurs to me about how terrible it is. So, he believes that Mario is an actual person suffering all these terrible occurrences, and is sickened by it. However, the only reason those occurrences happen is that he continues to play the game. It's not just like he's viewing something that is happening independently of him, and he doesn't need to continue playing for any reason but to make 'famous' blog posts. He's (by his own logic) repeatedly choosing to torture someone for essentially no reason.

[@WeCareAlot4693]

Dan Doel Shut up and HEAR ITS CRY

[@JustAndre92]

So, I looked up the story to check whether it had a section for World 7 that slowbeef somehow missed (no such luck). However, it turns out he did skip over the opening sentence of the World 5 section: _"Today being D-Day fits, because I’m fighting one hell of a war against this game (and a losing one at that)."_ You can't make this shit up, folks.

[@miaouew]

Hyper Realistic Horse Shit

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Hyper-realistic possible Nazi-sympathy

[@poppistarr]

It's 2023 and I still listen to these, it's like slowbeef reading you a bedtime story. I love all the creepypasta readings, they're less like horror stories and more like character studies of different types of nerd. Ishoy was like a nintendo wiki editor missing the point entirely and turning himself into an action hero, Yellow Devil was a depressed guy who just wanted a big bro to take care of him, and Blood Whistle was a kid who tried way too hard to sound smart so he could make a popular creepypasta blog with a million followers. Case in point "In 4th grade I used to play the recorder" yeah, every kid in elementary school learns the recorder. You get a cheap plastic instrument to learn how to read music and play basic songs, and then if your parents can afford it you can move up to an actual instrument that costs money. Usually 4th graders don't carefully consider the "method of play, appearance and sound" before picking the same $5 recorder they give to every kid in beginner music class.

[@katanatsunami]

What about Sanic.exe?

[@poppistarr]

Sonic.exe is a guy who’s spent so long on sonic fan forums that he has no point of reference to anything in the world outside of the gamefaqs top 10 list. When asked to come up with a scary story he wrote “what if sonic had impossibly good graphics and borrowed music and sound effects from silent hill and earthbound”

[@restlessdreams17]

@@poppistarr And Ladder to Hell?

[@CorporalGrievous93]

@restlessdreams17 That one was obviously written by an older sibling that really dislikes their younger sibling but doesn’t want to talk about it.

[@OldIronJohnson]

"Mortality will not escape him" That phrase means the exact opposite of what the author thinks it does.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

_As hard as Mario tried, he could not spontaniously achieve Immortality..._

[@lazarusrat6159]

@@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225 Same, brah.

[@Gemidori]

WHICH WOULD MEAN YOU ARE VULNERABLE TO DEATH

[@kaihedgie1747]

Nine years later and I'm still tryin' to figure out what the hell does he mean by "incredible feats of acrobatics and *medical possibility* "

[@calibricalypso]

Seriously! I wanna pick the author's brain to find what the hell went wrong in there to come up with that (and, honestly, the whole story). "Incredible feats of acrobatic and medical possibility," dear god. I have a counterpoint, Bradley: what the fuck are you talking about

[@restlessdreams17]

I like to think the koopas and goombas are forming a human triangle and others are performing backflips. And one of them also discovered the cure to alzheimer's

[@yurifairy2969]

he probably plagiarized it going by his other works

[@SamTheMarioMan]

I'm assuming it was a typo and he meant to say "medical impossibility". Still sounds completely ridiculous though (as does everything else in this story)

[@Aliibox]

"I ingest infallible and discourteous phallic members" - Bradley a.k.a.NewShakespeare a.k.a. Thesaurus-man

[@WonderfulWocket]

The most unbelievable part of this entire story is that he claims 5,000 blog followers within the first two days.

[@DanDoel]

+WonderfulWocket Nothing had even happened at that point. It was 5,000 people subscribed to a blog with entries, "I'm going to play a Mario 3 rom hack," and, "The first three levels are normal Mario 3."

[@WonderfulWocket]

Truly terrifying.

[@vissova]

"Incredible feats of acrobatic and medical possibility" "A Koopa was bashing his head on a pipe"

[@JustAndre92]

I mean, that definitely is a medical possibility...

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

_I'm hardcore empathic for that Koopa right now...!_

[@miaouew]

Their remains were upchucked from the trench.

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

Mario flipped over the table several times before deploying his anti-viral capsules.

[@PwnedintheFaceStudio]

"I payed the personal price" If he believes the characters are real people thats super selfish. Someone just died and his response was "why did this have to happen to me"

[@FoxKit]

If this guy is so terrorized by the image of a video game character being murdered, just imagine what would happen if he ever learned that there were people in real life dying right now.

[@SlamminWolfgang]

"The soldier in front of me crumpled to the earth, his sanguine innards initiating their egress from his capillaries, oozing red onto the brown. I brayed a fearful cry as a powerful fear of the unknown gripped me, and I feared for my livelihood and well-being. It was at this point that I began to regret my past transgressions, having dropped out of college and joined the Army. I began to wonder what I would have been doing at that moment if I had stayed in school. But I digress...back to the experience. I had seen this soldier truly happy and truly sad..."

[@calypsokiosko9067]

I'm thinking he'd care more for Mario than a real person.

[@SamTheMarioMan]

Not even that; how would he react to playing something like Mortal Kombat, where blood and death are commonplace?

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

I want this author to stream himself playing _Outlast._

[@SamNaz065]

@@SamTheMarioMan one screenshot of a fatality would probably traumatize him for life

[@giygas79]

"MOM GET THE THESAURUS"

[@anaktis]

"He plunged a recorder through his trachea." I keep imagining the noise that would make and I can't stop giggling.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Like one of those screaming rubber chicken dog toys.

[@WolfWalrus]

One of the things that I hate about this story is the way it flip-flops between "This should have been impossible on an 8-bit system but it happened anyway" and "Graphical/sound limitations, 8-bit roar of pain" and stuff. Like... You can't have it both ways, guy :/

[@NotSkywalker24]

Bunny (∞) The author wants to have his 8-bit cake and eat his impossibly realistic cake too.

[@HuskyVerbatim]

The secret ending reveals that the writer was actually a drop of blood the whole time.

[@Schlgrl_]

NSFW COMMENT ^

[@ConnorHully]

+HuskyVerbatim lol

[@videogamenostalgia]

+HuskyVerbatim *shines torch under face* Beware! There's hyper-realistic blood inside you right now!

[@ConnorHully]

XD

[@Mikeoneus]

I come back to these videos every few months and every time I'm amazed by how awful the author of this story is. He tries so hard to write how he imagines someone with a large vocabulary would write and ends up churning out some of the most stilted prose I've ever heard. Christ. A "wretched collage of electronic dejection" indeed.

[@FhtagnCthulhu]

This kid gets so much use out of his thesaurus, you'd think he would know what the word 'Melodrama' means.

[@chidagamer6497]

Every vital artery one could think of? I'm having a fun time imagining what sort of position you'd have to bend yourself into for something to pass through both your heart and your femoral artery (which is in your leg).

[@nickfarmer2452]

Somebody once took the time to go through the Sherlock Holmes stories and piece together what Doctor Watson (who, if you remember, was invalided out of the military) said about his war wounds at various times. Apparently the only consistent scenario was that Watson had been squatting and someone had shot at him from underneath.

[@tehdii]

@@nickfarmer2452 "Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f-ck is that?! What is that, Pvt. Pyle?!"

[@YouWinAFREEiPOD]

I'd like to imagine the author, a fully-grown college attending adult, viewing Deviantart one day and deciding to commit suicide because he happened upon gorey drawings of Nintendo characters and mistook them for real suffering sentient people (and mushrooms / dinosaurs).

[@alphashitlord1446]

I'm surprised the author even got _into_ college in the first place if a *SCAAAARRRY* ROM hack was enough to drive him to suicide.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

@@alphashitlord1446 it was one of those creationist "colleges" where some guy in a trailer just prints fake degrees for a few thousand dollars a piece.

[@Phucketmcsucket]

I was playing fallout 4 and I decided to name my character after my first name. Everything seemed normal until Mr. Codsworth spoke my name. "Mr. Fuckface!" he exclaimed. How could Codsworth possibly have spoken my real name? Has some supernatural being somehow infiltrated my copy of the game in with hostile intentions? Or perhaps... no it can't be... but it might very well be... I don't want to believe it but this might be a sinister plot formulated by the illuminate! As I sit here in front of my electronic computing device I can't help but ponder upon the possibility of this and the more I ponder the more responsible it seems... but... why?

[@sewertendo]

I would crack up when he starts narrating in Mario's voice. His happy goofy Italian demeanor just blends wonderfully with the story.

[@SlamminWolfgang]

WH-WH-WHYYYYY

[@bruh-gn5kc]

Biggerboot Ya mean 48:40

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Petition to have Charles Martinet record a full audiobook of this shit

[@StevehPokeProf]

You know what I like to think about every time a part where Mario is killed is read? The yell Mario makes when he falls from a high place in Super Mario 64. It's actually quite funny.

[@kiraina25]

Steveh For extra fun, imagine the scene accompanied by that yell Goofy makes whenever he gets catapulted through the air.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

_~AAAAAAAaaaaaaalivealifethatsbetterthanmineaaaaa~~!!_

[@SamTheMarioMan]

Or imagining his grunt from when he takes damage in SM64 every time the Blood Whistle stabs him

[@madmallet9565]

There's something wrong with this video. I heard slowbeef's voice like usual, except it was strangely slowed down, and there were some demonic whispers in the background, which sounded a bit like Diabetus' voice, but in reverse. Creeped out, I tried to close out of the window but my mouse was covered in blood for some reason which made it slippery like an ice level. Then I was impaled by the Blood Whistle.

[@MSF_Soldier_Alligator]

"Please, don't let your life be as painful as mine!" *Impales self with whistle* Wow. Way to ignore the guy you said you cared so much about.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

The narrator empathizes with Mario's plight, but he _Draws The Line_ at people telling him how to live his life, no matter who they are!

[@GarudaRamudasRumpusRoom]

How the hell do you not get bored of making Mario go right in a flat level for 20 minutes until he dies?

[@jesustr0n494]

Very easily.

[@clanofclams2720]

"Pure sable white" Sable, according to heraldry, means black. The snow was pure black white.

[@tehdii]

quaint :)

[@Ayahuasca98]

Snow White remake

[@Somebronysomewhere]

blood sausage: hear it fry.

[@F1areon]

+SBSW Blood pudding: hear it splat.

[@meowistforlife]

I can’t like your comment, it has 69 likes

[@basedokadaizo]

blood math: hear its pi.

[@streeterville773]

bollocks

[@DarkArtistKaiser]

>person reports you have suicidal behavior >Ban them so you can keep playing the game that is giving you such behavior I see this man truly was a smart one.

[@JustAndre92]

15:42 "Skeletons of Koopas littered the bleak landscape." So... Dry Bones? OMG4SPOOKY2ME.

[@F1areon]

Not just Dry Bones, but Dry Bones covered in HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD.

[@KrankuSama]

I literally shouted "WHAT?!?" when he said ' was this hack made by the illuminati?' how the fuck would you come to that conclusion?

[@spencersdh1]

It was clearly created by the Rothschild family.

[@InsanePsychoRabbit]

He doesn't know that SMB3 is possessed by Satan?

[@LvLupXD]

You know the crazy satanic romhacking illuminati. That secret society that everyone knows about.

[@thezec]

yeah,there was nothing in the lore of illuminati that would easily connect it to this story, he might as well have said fucking mole people. I still enjoyed listening to it though, in a tommy wiseau-esque sort of way

[@NoxVulpine]

Okay, I'm not sure if anybody's mentioned this yet, but somebody's uploaded a version of this story to Trollpasta with every mention of the word "Blood" replaced with the word "Poop" and the word "Red" with "Brown". It is awesome.

[@OhShitSeriously]

POOP WHISTLE HEAR ITS SPLASH

[@Eviled]

@@OhShitSeriously into the toilet

[@BolverkAtlasia]

These stories have no sense of tension building. There is literally a paragraph's difference between "Nothing wrong here! Good old Super Mario 3." and "Oh my god, this game is absolutely mental and sickening! Why did I sign up for this?!" He sounds like numerous people that have been retsupuraed before.

[@SlamminWolfgang]

"Why did the KZbin Emperor *make* me play Hostel Mario?!" is probably what slowbeef would be saying sarcastically over this guy, if this was a VLP instead of a written story.

[@juicedup14]

It took him 4 hours to stab himself with a recorder! "I have to do this for my followers!"

[@Popebug]

To be fair, it would probably be hard to stab anything with a blunt object made of wood or plastic. It's kind of one of the worst suicide weapons imaginable.

[@MeTheMeZ]

I nearly died at that apathetic, "Yeah, he killed himself with a flute." That dead pan was hilarious!

[@SamTheMarioMan]

This is still my favorite bad creepypasta. The ridiculous amount of purple prose, the narrator deluding himself into thinking Mario's a real person, horror cliches up the wazoo, and the fact that a romhack - a normal romhack, with no apparent paranormal occurrences - was the reason he (somehow) killed himself with a recorder... You just can't help but laugh Also, at 1:01:14 I love the perfect timing: "Yeah, he stabbed himself with a flute" *Mario's death music plays*

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

I'm starting to think this was written as a parody of the AVGN episode where James says _Mario 3_ is a product of the Underworld and makes it fight the Super-Mecha-Death-Christ-3000.

[@seanmatyas3938]

The thing is the stories can only work if they either reflect things in the real world...or at least stick to the technology. How are we supposed to see tears flowing down his face in an 8 bit game. These writers are so clueless

[@Krbyfan1]

Unless this guy was internet famous, there's no way he'd get over 5000 followers on his blog. This is the most unrealistic thing I've heard on a creepypasta.

[@Tachii31]

I dunno...Sonic.exe has a person that liked Sonic '06.

[@Kuuenbu]

Tachi Now that is some scary shit right there.

[@anueutsuho7425]

Bot accounts clearly

[@eldrichnemo9312]

4:55 it took me five years, dozens of replays over that time, and being awake at 3:30am to finally realise the word this guy wanted was "exposed," not "exploited."

[@Delcat42]

I listen to this every Halloween and I keep expecting it to get old, and yet The ice/blood physics murders me every time, I can't help it Mario just slammin' into the walls five times before he even opens the chest Blood Whistle. Hear its cry vOv

[@ganondorj2]

It's almost routine for me to put this on when I can't sleep. I've listened to this more than most of my favourite albums.

[@xxProjectJxx]

I mean this story would definitely put someone to sleep lol

[@irrationalxlpsr]

This story had a crappiness that SHOULD have been linguistically impossible for a race such as humanity to have written.

[@cousinted]

I love the stupid wish fulfilment aspect of this stupid story with the dude's blog getting a ridiculous number of followers. It's like the authour going "This story is so good it would totally get me 8 million subs"

[@malevores]

Even though he was supposedly "depressed"

[@abonnybunny6647]

I had that Blood Whistle pic open at work and I got fired. It really was NSFW...

[@Schlgrl_]

I had the blood whistle pic open and was suddenly hired by the illuminati

[@abonnybunny6647]

So that's what I was doing wrong...

[@videogamenostalgia]

+Maybelle Summers My boss saw me looking at it from across the office and loudly yelled "WOAH, THAT'S NOT SAFE!"

[@HuskyVerbatim]

+videogamenostalgia "That's not safe! Someone could slip on that blood, like in an ice level!"

[@acw215079]

+Maybelle Summers OSHA Is on my ass now because of that picture fuck im gonna lose my job

[@alphashitlord1446]

Let me get this straight. A college attending adult was so utterly horrified by a Mario 3 ROM hack, that he killed himself *despite believing in Hell, and thus most likely knowing that **_you go there if you commit suicide?_* WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS SHIT

[@MsMoonDragoon]

An edgelord.

[@alphashitlord1446]

...Makes sense to me

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

To be completely fair, being in actual Hell is infinitely more preferable than being the protagonist in a shit story like this.

[@1NameGoesHere]

"Campus Police gave me a visit today. Someone reported my suicide and called me insane. As a result, I removed all personal information and banned the person." Wow. So he banned the person who sounded concerned for his health? All right...

[@ShadeKirby500]

I don't know, it doesn't seem that believable that someone would just purge their personal info because someone was concerned about his well-being.

[@CrystalTheErudite]

Well this guy sounds like a 55 IQ conspiracy theorist

[@Indecency562]

Wait, yeah, that's a really good point... He talks about how his life's an abyss and how he's losing his sanity pretty early on, but as soon as someone gets him the help he is in dire need of, he gets all defensive about it? You'd think he'd have dropped the ego at that point of his descent. I guess going mad with depression in a blog was his biggest ambition.

[@malevores]

This jerk also thought a video game was worse than his grandpa dying

[@Takimeko]

I've been aware of this story for years and never thought about how toxic that is. "NO DON'T GET ME THE HELP I NEED. I NEED TO MILK MY OWN DEPRESSION AND RIDICULOUS SUFFERING FOR *BLOG VIEWSSSSSSSS"*

[@Valkiraun]

The guy tried so hard to make it sound as eloquent as possible by placing obscure adjectives everywhere. even when 90% of them are literally the opposite of what he meant, or just not real words "a careening halt"

[@readyorgormotti4714]

Ma Bu "initiate the genesis of" > "it started"

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

“Pure sable white” (pure black white)

[@SaintCharlos]

@@readyorgormotti4714 "begin the beginning of"

[@Otakupatriot117]

The one question I'm surprised nobody's asked, is what if you played this expecting something really scary and fucked up, but you never got the whistle and just ended up being incredibly disappointed at how it's just normal mario 3?

[@myuphrid]

Not to worry, all the other power-ups are related to a scary hyper-realistic bodily fluid too. There's the Saliva Mushroom, the Bile Leaf... and the less said about the Fire Flower, the better.

[@Jazzypants2007]

You mean the DIAR Flower. ...The Diar is Diarrhea.

[@PointsofData]

@@Jazzypants2007 I would have gone with menstrual blood or gonorrhea bits but that works too

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

@@PointsofData We all know it's chlamydia discharge.

[@DaRkLoRdZoRc]

Hilarious plot twist: He only got the Blood Whistle and condemned Mario to Hell because he cheated. Had he not skipped 1-4 and beaten the Fortress normally, he'd have continued playing a normal game of SMB3; iIf he went the whole game without skipping any levels, he'd have gotten a good ending and learned what 'SMB3:BW' REALLY stood for: "Baking Whistle. Eat its pie."

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

“With a bark from their twisted father [...]” No, Bowser becomes a cat, not a dog.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Only when has milk though.

[@Gemidori]

I mean, he has a dog name?

[@countesschewi2399]

The writing makes me think someone cloned H.P.Lovecraft, lebotimized him to the point that he could only write purple prose, and then gave him a mario game to write about.

[@OhShitSeriously]

Lovecraft invented purple prose. This story is clear and concise by comparison.

[@targetbuddy5]

+OhShitSeriously Lovecraft had tone and atmosphere down pat, though. This guy just has fancy-sounding words.

[@OhShitSeriously]

Kurt Eichorn I didn't say this was competent. I just said that, compared with Lovecraft, it is at best a pale shade of lavender.

[@CatCheshireThe]

People apparently have some REALLY strong reactions to their fictional characters being hurt in video games. Sonic.exe had the same thing! "I felt so bad for tails being trapped with that evil sonic". Yes. You felt bad for the cartoon fox being pretend murdered in the romhacked game. Not like "Oh, that's such a sad story", but as if he was like, an actual friend of yours that was suffering. I think the authors of these stories are revealing a little bit more about their emotional maturity than they really intended.

[@zigisamblak]

It's not that weird. If you consider this to be a warped form of fanfiction. They are trying to make you care as much for the character as they do, in sick ways. :)

[@calypsokiosko9067]

Zigi Samblak The furry in Sonic.exe probably was sad he didn't get to fuck Tails or something and cried.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Okay, but how many times have you gotten super pissed about your characters repeatedly getting killed by the same enemy?

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

'Emotional maturity' is such a strong word here... If I remember right, the creator of Sonic.exe called for his fans to rise up and take over the Internet because his shitty story was taken off of the Creepypasta Wiki.

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

@@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225 oh yes indeed. He revealed himself to be a nutcase too.

[@CanalDoRyu]

The funniest part of this story is that the guy is just overreacting to a creepy Mario 3 hack, there's no ghost haunting the game or anything of the sort, he could have just stopped anytime he wanted and played the original Mario 3 instead.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

I like to think that was really the intention all along: It's not a supernatural horror story about a haunted FamiCom game-it's a psychological horror story about an unmedicated schizophrenic having a mental breakdown and imagining the scary ROM hack he's playing as if it were real, culminating in the narrator's own suicide as he becomes completely divorced from reality à-la Chris Chan.

[@HarpsiFizz]

At first, i couldn't understand why I hated this story so much. It wasn't scary and there were too many mentions of blood for it to be taken seriously, but unlike other badpasta, I wasn't laughing or amused. Finally, I realized that it's just _unpleasant_. Not in the "Oooo, so edgy and sick, look how twisted I am" creative way. In a "why are you doing that? Knock it off, nobody is even slightly impressed" way. I feel like the author is shoving a bloody rag in my face and going "Look! I can tell by your expression that this is upsetting you!" Well it is upsetting me, but not in the way you were going for. The author just wants any kind of attention and resorts to the cheapest kind imaginable.

[@joao20able]

Touché my good friend. Touché

[@MrSpookersMcGeeThe1st]

It's not only that, but fucking hell is his narrative over the top. I have never heard such a ridiculous cavalcade of flowery nonsense to express a video game Creepypasta.

[@phsycospacezilla]

NocturneofSerenity It's so needlessly verbose it kinda makes me miss Oiram.

[@SpookySkeleton738]

It's not just that it's that he obviously comes from the school of too much thesaurus, and overreacts grossly to an 8-BIT video-game character being murdered.

[@slowfreq]

i like how he keeps using the word "realistic" like he's trying to reassure the reader, like "trust me, it really was realistic, i promise"

[@NelsonJ]

Realistic 8-bit blood, which means it's kind of a rusty brownish red rather than bright red like most video game blood is. HEAR IT'S CRY.

[@dragonempress8367]

I promise XD

[@SukiTheHedgehog]

Wtf? BEN wasn't even an emulated game?! It was the cartridge that was haunted. Anyway, loved the moments when Slowbeef laughed so hard it sounded like he was crying! That's my favorite kind of laugh, keep up the good work you two!

[@Barrelwood64]

This story's prose is so purple, I swear the author was once part of those writing classes in school that encouraged using big words and descriptions when in reality it's a bore for the general audience.

[@HusbandofLois]

It's because most schools teach now that the best horror is neo gothic and the best feature of this is super over description. If you read things in this style like a screenplay it's not so bad but it only works onscreen and most creepypastas would be shit like that anyway

[@skellingtonsroundabout1137]

"If I spoke prose, you'd all find out. I don't know what I talk about!"

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

Barney the Dinosaur in the Third Street Saints pulled up to him and said, _"you are wearing too much damn purple, tone it down."_

[@SamTheMarioMan]

I think my favorite part about the "Blood whistle - hear its cry" screenshot is that the UI on the bottom is still a bright cheery blue. Like, he made the color palette dark and """creepy""" for everything else but completely forgot about that part

[@EarthLordCJ]

43:10 "As of today's gameplay, I fear for my life." ...Dude, author... You fracking said earlier you were going to commit suicide anyway!

[@UCCWgsVjLmr8LURB4JD8RCHw]

my laptop is full of blood

[@Samagachi]

At least it still works

[@Ashtonyss]

This creepypasta is scary as fuck and my cock is huge.

[@fullbepis4677]

This creepypasta has amazing (totally not stolen) music.

[@emporbooty]

I open my laptop And it's full of blood

[@jackg3344]

emporbooty Can you hear its cry?

[@uthertheking]

Equal parts head-up-ass writing, part loveletter to the deep, deep richness that is Mario's character.

[@NarcoBlitzXtra]

One of my favorite things about this is that the narrator starts off talking normally, and then when the creepy stuff starts happening he shifts into using the purplest prose you can imagine

[@restlessdreams17]

Higurashi: When the Blood Whistles Cry

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

You know, this guy's method of suicide is even more hardcore than Rikka's...

[@BRD-Senpai]

this explains so much

[@restlessdreams17]

@@DistractedGlobeGuy Not even Lady Bernkastel can help the author out of this one

[@MissyR]

is there any sentence in this creepypasta that wouldn't feel out of place in an evanescence song

[@toddzelin4103]

Missy R. LOL

[@Firedawn73]

+Missy R. I'm imagining Amy Lee singing "could this hack be the work of the Illuminati?" and laughing now thank you

[@1HomuLeo1]

+Freckled Jesus same

[@F1areon]

+CheezeFox WAKE ME UP (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

[@drjoshfox]

+Missy R. Hmm... Nope i think it all fits...

[@RaijinKlaid]

I always love the throat clear Betus does when he dies in a really stupid manner.

[@treemasterbob]

drinking game: take a drink if you: -either hear big words used wrong, one after another or both -the author uses useless or multiple adverbs in a sentence -the author assigns emotions the characters can't pull off being 32bit -you tune out the story and become more interested in gamplay -you remember the author said this was a MODDED game, not a haunted game www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=alcohol+poisoning+treatment don't die of alcohol poisoning, i don't want someone to write a shitty comment themed creepypasta about this. -drink if someone writes a shitty comment themed creepypasta about this.

[@Phucketmcsucket]

Me and my friend were playing this drinking game and he died of alcohol poisoning. 666 days later at 12 AM I was awoken by a familiar voice coming from my study. My computer was on but I hadn't touched it since my friend died. This very video was playing... And there was a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and two shot glasses on my desk, one empty, the other full... OF BLOOD

[@СтепанХудяков-у1д]

was it hyper-realistic blood though?

[@AceTobin]

+Степан Худяков no it was pixelated blood

[@thomasjenkins7506]

it's fine then. if it wasn't hyper realistic blood, then there is nothing to worry about.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

I would but i've only got 8 bit alcahol.

[@BirdKingJay]

Allow me to sum up this entire story in one sentence: "CRAAAAAAWWWWLLLLIIINNGG IIIIIN MYY SKKIIIIIIINN! THEEESE WOOOUUNNDS THEEEYYY DOOO NOOTT HEE-AAALLL!"

[@mrkalius1926]

True, true.

[@chadschmaltz9790]

I need a bandage after listening to an hour of this much edge.

[@BRD-Senpai]

well two sentences but who gives a shit

[@Dasyati]

Betus's skill took a nosedive in the last 10 minutes. That ending sure must have rustled him good.

[@TobiiVII]

I'm guessing he states the evil in the game is 'extraterrestrial' because he thought 'unearthly' was too small a word and didn't realise the thesaurus was actually giving him a more literal version of the word, although aliens would be a much more interesting way to take this story, as would anything.

[@EdanR]

You may not have liked it, but I thought Far Cry 3: Blood Whistle was fantastic.

[@TheTankbus]

The book was better.

[@LuigiRocks0700]

I make a pilgrimage to this video every Halloween

[@nickgreene9456]

Me too

[@BlueWokou]

ALL THE BIG WORDS... umm I mean... THE ENTIRETY OF THE ELEPHANTINE VERBIAGE!

[@Witregel]

The Shade Sorcerer More purple than Dino from the Flintstones.

[@Weegee905]

Mario: "Do not let your life be as painful as mine was!" Bradley commits suicide. Good call, man.

[@SickoLP]

What is it with these "writers" and their constant focus on exact time? "I did this and this for 15 seconds/30.5 minutes" Why?

[@readyorgormotti4714]

I ate (a necessary function for an organism's continued survival in which said organism uses an orifice to insert edible matter, known as food, into itself to digest it for its nutrients only to later expel via the process of waste removal, being a different process depending on the organism) the burger.

[@djoshawott2850]

Ready Or Gormotti (A meal that is typically consumed with cooked meat between buns, and can be built with lettuce, tomato, cheese, and many others that can be put in, based on preference.)

[@ShadowLeggy]

They're desperately hoping that someone with talent will make their story into an actual romhack.

[@Indecency562]

At one point he said he played through one of the Mario 3 levels for 20 MINUTES!

[@TruddStuddlerucker]

I just realized: the only reason Mario is going through this torment and suffering the writer finds so abhorrent is because he's playing the game. Just shut off the fucking game and Mario will be fine!

[@meowistforlife]

King Christmas but, that would be smart and reasonable

[@C102y]

And the moral of this story is it doesn't matter how many big words or purple prose you use. If your story is garbage, it will still be garbage.

[@MSF_Soldier_Alligator]

Moral of the story: When someone tells you to "make sure your life isn't a painful as mine", impale yourself with a whistle.

[@OttersDen]

"Paranormal ROM Hacktivity." LOL! That is fucking CLEVER. :D

[@DaRkLoRdZoRc]

You know what I just recently realized about this creepypasta that, weirdly, kind of makes it work? There's NO supernatural elements in it. Everything in the story could be edited into the game, or at its most complex, be programmed into a new game based off SMB3. Mario's 'speech' is all done via text boxes. The graphics are almost all 8-bit, but nothing is constrained to that artstyle. The dream that the protagonist had was... well, a dream. Those happen. So, with that in mind, the protagonist apparently killed himself for nothing. This, plus the way he talks throughout the story, leads me to think he has some severe psychological problems. In that scenario, then I have to admit that the idea of a subversive creepypasta that isn't paranormal at all (or even really scary), yet manages to kill its player through sheer chance, is kind of a neat idea and I have to give it some credit for at least being a decent twist. I know this wasn't *at all* what the author intended, but at least it's a mildly amusing thought experiment.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

So what you're saying is that this is the *Vampire's Kiss* of terrible gaming creepypastas.

[@DiggitySlice]

Sometimes I wonder if it's a parody. I like your theory though.

[@chainchomp3500]

Ohhh i saw some pixalated violence on what i clearly know it's a modified game, my life lost all it's meaning and i am in hell now. Like wtf? He was alredy talking as if he had experienced the most fucked up shit ever.

[@TheInker]

No, no. He was a SMB3 super-fan and the thought that someone would want to taint its perfection with a hack made him lose faith in humanity and want to kill himself.

[@KahiaVicious]

"I used to play the recorder... of course you did." I died (which gave me terrible nightmares from the deepest crevasse in hell).

[@dragoonofrivia23]

Through the goombas of future past The Magikoopa longs to pry One chants out between two Worlds, Blood Whistle - Hear Its Cry.

[@bigoafboulderbrain_]

This dude sees cartoon gore and treats it like he started cthulu straight into it's eyes

[@fritzy8318]

Basically. Also stared not started. That makes no sense.

[@EternalGuardian07]

This never gets old. I've listened to this about three times this week alone.

[@VEE-EYE-EM]

you know, when you play actual horror games you never pay attention to the sprites as much as creepypasta writers do, and even if you did or if those sprites are meant to be scary you never point out "he looks emaciated, and irregular, like he'd been in the desert for six years" or that backwards music played. like to explain why the silent hill games, yume nikki, IMSCARED or whatever are scary, you say "the music was creepy and repetitive" or "the music used a weird instrument" or "there's a white face that keeps showing up," like if someone asks you you don't immediately launch into a diatribe on emaciated frames of a character sprite or how the music made your eardrums bleed

[@CorporalGrievous93]

2021 Squad! I still scroll through a lot of the top comments while I'm listening and they make it that much funnier

[@xotl2780]

This one in particular against all others is the king of Crappypasta. Damn it, how the Hell did I get here from 2013?

[@CorporalGrievous93]

It really is. This one is by FAR the worst from a story standpoint imo

[@VideoMeltdown]

Listen to H.P. Bowsercraft over here with this story

[@trilbyquillstroker9101]

Hey now, if your whistle starts spouting blood, you need to get to your doctor. FAST

[@ShtudinerProductions]

"mario's unwilling body", "He kicked and fought, but began to wear himself down" is this still a creepy pasta or erotic fanfiction?

[@giygas79]

Michael Shtudiner "As the blood whistle stabbed him, his hips started moving on their own."

[@madmatrix30]

It's Fookin Raw

[@MrJonezy541]

+Michael Shtudiner It got me hard...anyone else?...

[@OhShitSeriously]

+MrJonezy541 it made my cook steam

[@targetbuddy5]

+OhShitSeriously I hated it. It just wasn't enough to keep me going. 10/10

[@MrCrazyToad]

I can sum this up in one word. Blood.

[@XxSombreroguyxX]

Same blood time Same blood place

[@therealseanw.stewart2071]

That guy across the street same blood time, same blood channel

[@F1areon]

+Sean W. Stewart Nananananananananana BLOODMAN!!

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Hey, wasn't your head split open?

[@Timmoppy]

I'd love to see this kid play Mortal Kombat. He wouldn't be able to stand the first punch hit.

[@ViperAcidZX]

Nah, I think he'll shit himself to death the minute he gets to the Splatterhouse remake's title screen.

[@Gemidori]

He plays Doom and just immediately has a complete emotional meltdown upon seeing the gibbed corpse at the start of E1M1

[@FightkingSNF]

"The horror of Saw must be exploited and never witnessed by another man's eyes of God's green earth." "My grandfather died when I was little, but that doesn't compare to the feelings I've had since watching Evil Dead."