Extreme Limerence Needs Strong Intervention

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

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[@maralov9]

It’s two things that are the hardest to cope with the post-limerent experience: the humiliation of being obsessed and the awareness of wasting ones’s life

[@elvan5922]

Yes

[@heymanhaha]

Agreed. 😢

[@mauricette6565]

23:45 "limerence is addiction to hope, you must abandon all hope in order to let go of this" that hit hard not gonna lie

[@c.s.102]

Hope/expectations are killers..

[@buddyneher9359]

26:26 "When you have joy and fun in your life, limerence completely loses its power over you. ... your job is to have a rich life." So many gems in this segment 💥💎

[@sheririchardson7480]

Being friends with benefits is a dangerous game to play.

[@katey614]

So very true...and I love that Anna talks about this a lot in her videos, because it's SO important! 👍

[@lizaloren5865]

It sucks!

[@britanicajohnson]

It sure is!!!

[@evoz4489]

O yes indeed! NEVER settle for being someone's side piece, or worse, being hidden from friends and family. (Hint: if you ask them why it's happening and they get evasive, you're in for a nasty treat)

[@LydiaKettle]

Friends with benefits sets a woman up as an unpaid prostitute

[@ourbeach4001]

Dang, I've experienced the exact same thing as the woman who wrote the letter. I hope she can can heal herself and get better. It is truly awful to be addicted.

[@thatraccoonqueen]

Limerence is a horrible monster for those of us who rarely have ever been romantically interested in anyone. We have very limited experience with feelings of attraction and romance, and nothing but the unhealthy wounds of childhood to draw on. I hope this woman gets the help she needs. If you're reading this, know that you have to decide that you want to be free, and really mean that. Because all the healing in the world can't reach you if you are subconsciously pushing it away because you really don't want it. Take it from someone who knows, who dealt with truly intense life destroying limerence for the better part of a decade, how you're feeling right now is a choice that you're making, and the truth is that you have the power to choose to let this go and be free. It's hard at first, but I promise that you can get your life back and it will be even better and stronger than before, but you have to want it, and you have to fight for it. I believe in you!

[@KelleyBroussardMackaig]

Lots of powerful wisdom in this comment!!!

[@britanicajohnson]

“Because all the healing in the world can’t reach you if you are subconsciously pushing it away because you really don’t want it.” WOW! Girl this needs to be a quote, YES!!! I will have to use this with my clients! WOW!

[@222universegirl]

so true 😊

[@fiction589]

Anna's advice is pure gold 💛 I was also limerent over my gym trainer 😅 he flirted with me but he is emotionally unavailable. I was hooked 2.5 years until I let go of him, went no contact. I went into a depression for like 3 months, then it got better. I now am free from limerence and enjoy life soooo much more without this fantasy love! The way to heal limerence for good is: working on your abandonment wound.

[@buddyneher9359]

8:15 "Knowing what causes it doesn't fix it" 21:25 "There's no other way for you to get happy but to face reality here - and STOP" It was brave of this woman to write to Anna and I hope she is able to take the advice and move forward with her life.

[@narolinreyes1378]

My eyes almost popped out their socket as she continued reading. I pray God heals her heart ❤️

[@thethreadedtarot777]

For those of you who struggle with limmerence, I found a mantra that helps me a lot: "I like him -for now". Not as a pessimistic view, but as in a cautious one. It has made wonders for me delaying the need to attach immediately. Hope it helps someone else too! 😊

[@caroleminke6116]

The black or white thinking that kept me stuck in limerance as I looked for a safe person led me directly to the most harmful sociopath since my father & I don’t date anymore but try to discern people who may possibly be friend material

[@amandagarcia9022]

Cool

[@tregna6818]

This is great. I also remind myself that I didn’t love him too, limerence is basically us being dopamine addicted to a person , we are unknowingly using them as objects so that we can be happy. We didn’t love them

[@tregna6818]

So whenever a voice in my head says “he doesn’t love me” I say “ I didn’t love him too” this has helped me a lot

[@amandagarcia9022]

@@tregna6818 nice!

[@thewanksta36]

Been in limerence, like too many. This is really such a relief to hear. The popular analysis today is to dehumanize the other person as a narcissist (which I've done, regretfully), but all that does is excuse our own accountability.

[@elouiseee]

Abandon all Hope, ye who Limerent here

[@karlareadstheclassics217]

😂😂😂

[@sarahstone1957]

Lmao I needed that, thanks

[@varsha8592]

Exactly what I was thinking of!

[@MrLetmein2011]

The first story in this video is very similar to my experience several years ago. The details are so close and similar but now I’m free of that horrible destructive obsession. Anna’s videos became a lifesaver to me in that awful time. She gave a name to my feelings and helped me more than I can say . The person I was obsessed with has gone back to his home country and I do occasionally get tempted to message him just to ask how he is but I know it’s not a good idea, rather like an alcoholic thinking they can have a few beers . Anna literally saved my sanity 🙌❤️

[@minniemueh9813]

I experienced a similar thing after loosing my child. I am nearly over my limerence after 4 years. What helped despite a lot of therapy: stop thinking by retrain my brain. Instead thinking of my LO I think of a feather of a phoenix or a stop sign. Doing things I always wanted to do or try. Meet new people. Knowing myself. Learn the recorder. Learn how to crochet. Cutting the cord exercise. You dont have to believe in it. Just by visualisizing the disconnect I feel less trapped. Taking the good out of this by acknowledge his good qualities, that i want for myslef. And feeding this qualities. A big relief was the realisation that I'm whole and I always will be. There is no flaw or a missing piece in my soul. He is not important, not necessary, not needed. His absence makes no difference in what I am.

[@shannonmarie2963]

Menopause and limerence seem to be buddies. Been there!

[@StarOnTheWater]

For me limerence really loses its grip the moment that I accept my limerent obsession as a mechanism caused by trauma and stop blaming myself for it. The moment I stop feeling guilty for loving, wanting and needing someone. The moment I stop believing that I am worth less the moment I have desires and needs. The moment I create the space within to embrace all my thoughts and feelings. That's the moment when I start feeling whole and enjoying my life experience, rather than placing that feeling in someone else. But it's hard. It's not I point I have reached and now I'm there. It's something I have to cultivate over and over again. It's so great when I am there but I keep losing it. The perceive it more like a flashback. The feeling that my life depends on the other person and I am really in danger if I don't secure that relationship (by way of obsessive thinking). It's on and off. But some real life situations can really trigger that addiction reaction, eg the person being unpredictably available/unavailable.

[@flower_7890]

He's just not into her, she called him avoidant but that's not what's going on here, if he chased her and then pulled away then yes but he makes zero effort to contact her. She's the one obsessed with this man, chasing him etc, she's delusional that they have some sort of relationship. Time to wake up😢

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Exactly what Anna said in the video.

[@GreenTara2010]

It is called an imaginary relationship

[@tigress5173]

A long video from Anna? I call that a treat!

[@georockstar09]

One of my friends to me, when I was going through a limerence thing: "hmm... you need other options." (in terms of guys I could date). That has kinda stuck with me. Now when I find myself limerent towards someone who is not interested in me I repeat that to myself, "hmm... I need other options."

[@danielwright6277]

At 50yrs old myself, ghosting was kind of foreign to me..until recently. Someone I love very much did this. The profound depth of loss and pain? It's like a death in the family. Particularly having known her for decades. Then ejected like a star in a binary. Lost in a void forever 💔. No words. I feel it

[@confessionsofanavoidant]

While a decade long friend ghosting you is understandably a death... A guy this woman hooked up twice shouldn't be a death.. It should be a bummer, a shame, a disappoint, an ego burn due to incompatibility when you had hope of an outcome, but it's a completely different situation from a decades long friendship.

[@danielwright6277]

@confessionsofanavoidant that's very true. I empathize with the stream of emotions, and she has my sympathy. Human beings are so complicated, particularly in romantic relationships, as a human man, I feel it's prudent to treat others as I wish to be treated. Hurting someone might be unavoidable sometimes, but I'd rather minimize that outcome..being genuine, honest, that helps, compassion always.

[@danielwright6277]

@@confessionsofanavoidant I got this awful feeling my "friend" feels I've wronged her, that this is all somehow my fault

[@deansongs]

@@danielwright6277 thank you. Ridiculously hurtful the people that jumped on what I had to say but maybe it will help me understand people that are terrible and things that are within my own control and my own fault

[@danielwright6277]

@deansongs I suppose part of being human? Is risking getting hurt, particularly in relationships. The only solution I can think of, for minimizing the sometimes negative repercussions? Is repairing my own blind spots, or faults. (I most definitely have flaws) fixing me, I have some measure of control over..the other Individual in the mix? Not so much! The old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make'em drink!"

[@WolfieWoofWoofMeow]

I really love that Anna speaks the complete truth to the people who need it the most. Most therapists will do the lightgassing thing-trying to make people feel ok about their actions by telling them what they think are “helpful” lies.

[@olivianabs6523]

I have been going through the same experience for almost a year now. Circles of no contact, intimacy, chasing desperately back and forth..etc.. It will pass. Just keep pushing... I am free and determined to continue moving, and my mental health and memory are getting better.. Sending you courage😊

[@sakunikaperera6213]

Girl, as a person struggling with the same situation, try these as well. Ask the questions from yourself, is this sustainable, is this the love that I wish for my life, am I happy to run after him for live forever in my life, just reflect your life with him how miserable you’ll feel letting yourself crying for attention and love from such avoidant? Thanks a lot fairy, I love your tough love, I’ve improved myself a lot listening to your podcasts. ❤️

[@yasmina1560]

It was so brave of you to share your story. I can recognize myself in part of your story. Sometimes we can be so harsh towards ourselves, accepting behaviors from others we wouldn't wish to our worst enemy. I wish you all the required courage that you need to cut him off definitely from your life. I send you a lot of love & strength for your path towards recovery!

[@LOD50]

Been there done that bought the t shirt. At least she's asking for help. Best of luck to us all. ❤❤❤

[@perplexiglas1]

I love your brand of love, Anna. True, honest compassion. Always. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@louise_8546]

I love Anna's advice in this video and I could relate to some parts of it. In my case, the 'connection' (I hesitate to call it a relationship) fooled me in the beginning because he did show signs of caring about me and wanting to protect me. Then the vibe changed and it became casual and I didn't initially read the signs (or ignored them). With everyone online being so obsessed with 'hook ups' women particularly need to heed Anna's wise words to avoid being catastrophically hurt - and it's essential for those who have low self esteem and trauma.

[@thetopofthebottom]

Omg, there is so much pain in it! I almost feel woman's desperation. If you are reading it, I want to hug you. You need you, your own love and attention! 💗 I've been in limerence too, I can relate, now I'm participating love addicts meetings and learning how not to be one.

[@vettie]

I relate to this so much. As an addict, the only substance that can make me stop using all the others is romantic love. I don't feel anything from platonic or casual connection at all, and am mostly detached from life in general unless I have a promising romantic interest. Even if I'm the one to hold boundaries and walk away, the separation still sets me up for quite a lengthy and incredibly painful bout of withdrawal when the relationships ends where every moment of the day is spent endlessly ruminating about that person. Mindfulness techniques, exercise, travel, hobbies, etc, do absolutely nothing to ease the symptoms. I end up taking any opportunity possible to induce sleep just so I can have a break from the unrelenting and uncontrollable thought pattern. This usually continues for at least a year with me white-knuckling my way through it the entire time, just trying my best to survive my own mind. It's absolute hell and I don't wish it on anybody.

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

Yes same level limerence...I've now had 2 bouts of it in my life. Derailed my life for nearly 3 yrs solid, each bout. Unfortunately for some people it's a huge struggle...it is something that can take a grip over the mind...almost like a demon or something. I was trying to find an energy healer when I was in the thick of it but couldn't find one. Anyways I am at the end of a 3 yr cycle now. And never went on another date in last 3 yrs. Actually considering maybe packing that in as the risk for ill health seems too high since it is connected to romance.

[@vettie]

@@juliaskagfjord6207 I'm sorry. Three years of that sounds absolutely unbearable. I'm quite hesitant to attach to anyone romantically again as well, so I can only imagine how you must feel. Unfortunately for me, genuine romantic connection seems to be the only thing that I've found so far that makes life feel real or otherwise fulfilling. I'm sort of just numbly floating through life without it. Derealization/Depersonalization/Dissociation in essence -- just an utterly apathetic detachment from everything and everyone that I can't seem to overcome without having romance involved.

[@WolfieWoofWoofMeow]

I think you need some microdosing or a couple of regular dosing psychedelics. Helps break you out of those destructive patterns and break addictions.

[@vettie]

@@WolfieWoofWoofMeow I used to have an annual ritual where I ingested LSD to remove all of my unhelpful attachments, but I don't have access to it anymore and I'm trying my best not to rely on substances at this point anyway.

[@Katherine-em4fl]

My LO ghosted me during a hard time in my life and it sent me further into a serious anxiety spiral, I actually had to start taking meds (I had developed an anxious attachment towards him). I'm proud to say I didn't text him anything after that and after about a month of silence, deleted his number so that I would not be able to contact him. It was SO HARD. The withdrawal was so wild I actually felt empty, lost and suicidal. It's been 7-8 months now, it's still difficult sometimes but I am proud that I kept my dignity and that I set my boundaries. He's someone I'd like to have in my life as a friend but maybe he actually offered me a precious gift and lesson with this ghosting, that I deserve better, someone who can communicate!

[@tregna6818]

When I was limerent about someone and he would pop up in my thoughts, I would imagine wings jutting out of him and him flying away. I would imagine myself feeling free and light and the room to be empty of him. I did this for many months and noticed a significant improvement. You can get creative with any kind of scenario which pops in your head.

[@Ericka11111]

It sounds like he may be married. Thank you for sharing this message. I'm so sorry for your pain💛💫💛

[@DSmith-ph8hk]

I’ve found that when childhood wounds rear their head in dysfunctional dynamics, we give the object of limerence all this unwarranted power as if they hold the key to our self worth; it’s a trance that can only be broken with fierce love for self (removing focus from the obsession) & initially that can look a lot like loneliness & confusion until it comes from a real place of respect for your own experience… then boundaries, discretion, etcetera can follow… There isn’t a fast track through this territory yet the more you travel a healthier path the more familiar it becomes & dark alleys (unhealthy choices) have little lure. We have to be (relatively) whole to be in a working, worthwhile relationship.

[@marinaaing5467]

Listen to Anna I was doing what she was doing since I met a man at 8 years old , thru high school, thru college, thru , employment, thru marriage, through divorce. I thought it happens to everyone. I went through pain like wearing an open wound. Until I found Anna the Crappy childhood fairy. It was hallelujah when she labeled my addiction as LEMIRENCE! I had therapy because name all the abuse from my mother I had it, except sexual. But only Anna had given me the healing I needed. I’m so proud of myself now all because of Anna and I’m forever grateful she is Godsend ❤❤❤at 66 my life if full of joy and hope thank you is not enough what Anna has given to me.

[@nicolameikle8737]

Lack of self love / anxious attachment is a killer in r’ships - my maladaptive coping strategies were awful - still carry shame about them 😢 Hope this lady is alright ❤❤❤❤ Abandonment depression / Freeze mode too gets you… 🤦🏽‍♀️ Hugs to this lady xxxx

[@NoLOVEinFEAR333]

"Be rigorous with those you choose to help you" - such incredibly wise words. thank you, Fairy & Co

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Sld14423]

Anna, I need to share my story sometime , and what have dealt with and AM dealing with. This video is so far the closest example . So far I haven’t heard anyone’s “story “ quite like mine . I know we all have different stories but I will say mine is pretty intense , and I need out of it now. Some things like my childhood and current family members who are still here on earth who affect me , I cannot change too much I suppose , I am so grateful for you and your gifts of help and encouragement and wisdom . Ty

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching! Feel free to send Anna your letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

[@WolfWhite-kj1nr]

She needs to learn to set boundaries before getting close to someone, protect yourself first girl!! Let them know what you want and need before getting intimate, protect yourself and your heart , no one is more important than that remember that...douch-bags are not worth your peace, live and learn from this experience and most importantly learn to just let go it's ok letting go it's the most freedom a person can experience imo 🙏💜

[@sheriasha18]

So true, I am now learning this the hard way

[@Forgot_We_Were_Human]

Love you Sheri! It's gonna be okay my friend! I believe in you ✨️💖 I'm recovering too. We can do it 🔥

[@sheriasha18]

I'm sheri too, thank you 😊

[@hippiechick2112]

To be fair, true tarot card readers don't do that. We actually use it for guidance and we ALWAYS say that we DO NOT replace real therapy or medical attention. I use mine regularly and the messages are the same as in any 12-step program, religious book, etc. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. 1 of my decks as Mother and Father Healing. Tarot and oracle cards are not toys. Anybody using them like that, especially to those of us with trauma, is wrong, and it's manipulation It is like the snack charmer, the minister with the mega church, just taking your money. Thank you for bringing this up!!!

[@kuma9771]

Oh my god. This is so true. Limerence can be deadly. Mine gave me psychosis and I tried to unalive my parents (abusive dad, emotionally neglectful mom, but my brain still didn't know at this time) because I thought my crush's family would adopt me and we would be together after that. I was 12. I'm much better now though, don't worry guys :) And my crush never knew about this incident, but I was kind of stalkerish during middle school to him and I have since apologized because I realized the way I behaved was super wrong when we were no longer in each other's lives, as we went to different high schools. And yes, as such with limerence, we didn't actually know each other very well and almost never spoke because we didn't have the same classes or the same friends. I think I felt such limerence for him because his life was perfect in my eyes from so far outside his inner circle, he looked similar to me in terms of hair color, eye color, skin color, and his family life seemed perfectly healthy (to my 11-13 year old eyes). I didn't love him, I was obsessed with him because I wanted to be him. I'd aways wanted a sister as a child, and especially a twin, and he had twin sister. At the time I didn't realize any of this, I just thought I was in love with him.

[@coach_amy]

6:52 "Sherry" said "partial reinforcement." I am guessing she meant "intermittent reinforcement."

[@dinner-at-the-diner]

22:47 me. wild shame to tell you how much I spent and what I believed. I am ashamed, yes. But relieved to have found/ be finding sanity.

[@bitchenboutique6953]

I was the same five years ago. He was only a friend, or so I thought, but he was abusing me emotionally and I had no idea. The “twin flame” idea got hold of me, and there are so many people out there being told the obsession and misery we go through means they’re THE ONE and we need to be patient and just BELIEVE. I was lucky that I only watched KZbin videos and didn’t throw money at anyone. We are so much wiser than we used to be!!

[@ellensherfey4061]

So appreciative of the truths being spoken.

[@SE45CX]

Also I hope this woman can hold on to her job despite her breakdown. I also believe an intervention is needed but before that starts to work she needs to keep it together.

[@Shan0714SLS]

Damn! Thank you for the hard truth, this was me a couple of years ago and I found it happening with my next relationship just in the last two months. Thank you so much for this truth, I absolutely needed it. ❤😊

[@turquoisetoile-universalethics]

He clearly wasn't capable of interacting with her. His behavior was unacceptable too. Recently and I only texted her once. But it does hurt and she did not contact me. I had to step back and process my feelings it still hurts a lot. I had to leave the program I was going to with her. I had no support whatsoever from them. It was awful. Right now I'm getting away from it and away from her and I'm not texting her anymore. But I really feel for this person that wrote to you Anna. This reminds me of earlier times when I was Limerent on people.

[@haryel5058]

Thank you Anna. I went to a similar situation with a guy but I didn’t let myself being used by him. Early on , I noticed that he wasn’t caring about me and wanted his cake and eat it too. If she had boundaries and didn’t budged when she expressed her wants , she wouldn’t have been in that position. I send you a lot of courage. Ghosting is really not as simple to deal with but it gets better with time and you’ll feel stronger you didn’t take breadcrumbs from someone who didn’t value you. ( OMG the car thing! I went through it too. Seeing the brand and the color everywhere I went !) Thank God that situation is behind me. I didn’t let him come into my life again and I stand on that!!

[@jaymhill]

Similiar experience, except no physical intimacy was invovled at all. He was manipulative, he would send messages and talk to me intimately as if he were interested, but never took action to building a relationship. When i caught on and stopped messaging him, he would reach out and make it seem as if he were interested and of course i fell for it and continued to talk to him. He would say hurtful things that would chip at my self esteem. So i pulled away. He reached out several months later and appeared sorrowful but i wasnt smart and called him and he end up blaming me for how i responded to his treatment. I havent spoken to him in a year. The pain is still there, but im choosing to focus on healing, God, and my future. I'm still grieving but moving forward.

[@littlenanuk]

This video hit me. A lot of similarities to my situation. I feel shame. It wasn't a good situation. I was getting advice from a friend (now ex-friend) who I shouldn't have been getting advice from. I know how I've come across now and it's embarrassing. This situation I was in was my breaking point. I need to heal and move on. I just feel shame for my behavior. It's not easy to deal with that.

[@TheBaba1920]

You ate me up with this one.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Limerance is damaging to my life!!

[@kamilasmosna5821]

Anna, as usual, right time and right place. Thank You for this material and many others.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@deansongs]

Okay, this is dumb. I am dumb. But I'm still going to say it. Ghosting is not okay. And even though stuff like this is all about the idiot on her side, which is who I am, but as a fellow human being, would it be too much for the other person to say, I'm not into you at all? I truly believe that as human beings there is a bare minimum that we should do okay, that's all:-(.

[@Wtfluff1510]

Sometimes people need to take care of themselves, and not the other person’s feelings. Sometimes people need to disappear and not explain themselves. It hurts, but that’s our hurt to process and deal with. No one owes anyone anything. Of course basic human kindness and respect is appreciated, but no one owes us an explanation, even if we think it’ll make us feel better. We have to give ourselves closure.

[@deansongs]

@@Wtfluff1510 and while it is true that nobody owes anybody anything, other than of course a parent or, some other relationship where you have committed something, I don't think owing is the right word. At least maybe you don't owe another person but maybe you owe god, the universe, your fellow man, all the people that have to live with the damage that a person has done to themselves :-). I guess to some extent you owe Society

[@Lin_Eileen]

Would it be too much for you to take a hint & not need everything spelled out for you? Like honestly I get it... I am autistic, I struggle with social cues & socializing, but c'mon... if you are getting ghosted the message is clear that they are not interested for whatever reason & that's fine. You aren't owed a response.

[@Lin_Eileen]

I just don't get why it's so difficult to just move on with your life or why ghosting is so not ok. I guess it's because a lot of ppl say about how ghosting is not ok but when they do actually get a response spelling it out they get upset with that too

[@lauraanon23]

Unfortunately we can't control the actions of others. We can only control our reaction to it. Much love!

[@DaSkarekrow]

i just know this hurts more than to feel all alone...seem to constantly fall for someone that i know will hurt me and harder to let go

[@DoodleToast-c4o]

I relate so much to the woman who wrote the letter. And after listening to Anna, it gives me a measure of relief in knowing that I have started setting strong intervention (through friends) so I can stop going back to this one guy. And I'd been doing this subconsciously; I have to wonder if my self-preservation is finally kicking in when it comes to these shitty hook-ups I have with certain men who trigger limerence in me.

[@NoLOVEinFEAR333]

it sounds like your self-preservation instincts have a lot of wisdom.

[@danielwright6277]

@Valiantiron I understand. I just hope the one that ejected me doesn't feel I wronged her so, not sure I could live with that. She's chosen to go..hurts. but I'll have to get right with it.

[@BeauWolfe]

Desperate creature that really hit home. You are a Gem, and chasing after toxic seems my standard at this point I am laughing at this point the more toxic the situation it seems the more adventurous!

[@BeauWolfe]

I am a dope for hope holy crap!!! Lol

[@MayThereBeWorldPeace]

This type of addiction-of-hope sounds so awful. At least if one has a crush on a TV star or actor, you know it's not a real relationship therefore you will never feel rejected. (Well okay, some people unfortunately do become dangerously obsessed and imagine all kinds of things are real) . If you know a real person and you either are, or percieve you are rejected, even though you never really had any sort of normal relationship in the first place, it's a recipe for disaster. I had a friend like the woman who's letter you are reading. What made it worse was because she was religious she had every excuse under the sun to pray for the man she was attracted to, to finally reciprocate. She asked everyone she knew to pray for their romance. It got so weird. The man eventually told her he was gay. She even said she forgave him for being gay and didn't care and wanted to marry him. Sheesh! I don't know if he really was gay or not but the woman mercifully moved on with her life.

[@natzkispionen]

This could be me (minus the contact). I am so thankful for this video!

[@fremmer007]

Luckily, luckily I got rid of being Limerant. It was a defence mechanism. Now, I have to found out how to fill that heart sized hole..

[@robynmarler1951]

Dear God please send this poor lady a good man who will love her and marry her, amen amen amen. Mama Mary, pray for her🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

It’s hard finding a therapist who actually know what limerence is , that’s the part that annoys me lol

[@natureflowadventure4158]

And to add, you can have a friend who continues to talk about that person, still wants to play match maker for you. You will need to tell them to stop mentioning the person.

[@JcJc-x4w]

I went to a psychiatrist and i started taking sertraline immediatly. That was the only thing that got me out of that black hole. Don't know if id still be here if it wasn't for that. I understand how the writer feels. I also understand Anna's advice. But im gonna be honest, i couldn't do it alone. It was really like an addiction. I don't remember a darker time in my life. I wouldn't eat thinking about my ex. I can't describe how terrifying it was, i felt like i was dying by drowning. The pain was so intense it really felt like i was drowning for real. I couldn't breathe, like my lungs were full with liquid. My friends and siblings were great, but i just couldn't get out of that hole. That addiction withdraw was eating me alive, i only saw black.

[@vettie]

I know exactly what you mean, twin. I'm on the back end of my second limerant experience -- both times lasting just about a year before my subconscious would start letting go of the attachment even just a little bit. Every hour/minute/second/moment wasted helplessly ruminating about things that I can't change about my last relationship... It's even more painful the second time around. I can't imagine going through this again.

[@sunnysunflower5513]

Hi, my Dr. And I have been discussinge going on sertraline. I have alot of severe child hood trauma and my family are really horrible so I have no family (I called them out about the childhood incest and sexual abuse with 2 family members) as I am the only one who is willing to hold people accountable now I'm being rejected and called a trouble maker. I am 38 and heard of this has utterly exhausted me. I feel like this woman over missing my parents and sister so bad (I am truama bonded to them in a strange way) do you think this medication is worth trying ?I am beyond exhausted and have ocd and adhd type of symptoms. I had a phyciatric evaluation and they told me ther ris nothing worng only heart break and loneliness. I am abit of a pick me with trying to make friends and boyfriends. I aware of it I just feel so unlikeable. And really try to make peole like me. Gift giving, baking treats for the work team and trying to bond by getting to know people by remembering all the small things about their lifes. I wonder should I try this sertraline

[@JcJc-x4w]

@@sunnysunflower5513 i can't speak for everyone, but to me, sertraline was a game changer. I had a difficult upbringing, chaotic family, alcoholic father etc. I know where my pain comes from, but even when i was trying to be rational, the pain in my chest and the sadness were so heavy, i couldn't function. Sertraline makes me feel more balanced. I still feel sad sometimes, still miss some people sometimes. Those emotion simply don't eat me alive anymore, don't control me anymore. I don't feel suffocated by them anymore. I feel i can breathe.

[@arzyfakhri]

@@sunnysunflower5513 definitely should.

[@paulasanfilippo7227]

Sure give you a drug to take to ghost your own feeling. … you must do this step by step…. Stone by stone. Whitney Houston’s best song …. That’s not a therapist …just a certified grog lord … don’t take anti depressants…. They should be teaching your about the trauma bond issues like Anna says.

[@lauraanon23]

Oh yeah the stupid tarot card videos. Soooooo much hopium. I hit an all time low last week and found myself down that hole. I was so embarrassed with myself. I know it's BS. That's how bad my addiction is. And I was doing better but that itch started again. I really need to go no contact. Hope y'all are doing better than I am at the moment! Not giving up though.

[@jenmarie2030]

I like the book "It's called a Breakup because its broken" by the guy who wrote he just not they into you

[@ScorpioMarsMotionPictures]

He can still be hurt from his divorce and sleep with people; these actions are not mutually exclusive.

[@tleemf6923]

God ..listening to her mood about herself ,her catastrophizing everything ,hateing on herself reminds me of me at her age ..she is still a young woman .I at just 56 ,and after loosing my son ,to survive myself ,i have nothing but excitement about my future evdn knowing i will continue most likely to have bouts of deppression and emotional breaking gruef in missing my son and moments of deep regret and seeing clearly how different things could have been if only ...but i will NEVER STSY in any of thosd moments and more quickly will return to excitement for what is around each corner✨️🫲💗🫱✨️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this, we're all rooting for you and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

She needs to work on herself and forget about relationships for a while... Maybe forever like I have...

[@karlareadstheclassics217]

It had to be said. Thanks.

[@donnaedwards9687]

I know what u mean.

[@coach_amy]

She needs to find someone who wants her back.

[@EmilyAdams_theAltaCreative]

In the 90s, my mom developed Limerence for an attorney she worked with. He ended up telling her. She was not educated and didn’t know anything about horses, he was big into equestrianism. My mom lost tons of weight; spent all her time in her room listening to music. She got really mean towards my brother and I. She would talk to him for hours on the phone and he even told her he loved her, but it was all in friendship. He actually made up a story that he had incurable herpes in his mouth, and that there was no way he could even kiss her. One of the stupidest lies I’ve ever heard. A few years later, when I was 20 I met a man who would ruin the next 20 years of my life. I developed extreme Limerence for him only to find out after 20 years and I’m not. It’s not a typo. It was 20 years that we were ““friends with benefits, the entire time. He told me he couldn’t be with me, because I was too young, then he told me he couldn’t be with me, because I didn’t have a college degree, then he told me he couldn’t be with me because I wasn’t Catholic. For reference, he started out Presbyterian, and then became Catholic during our relationship. I finally broke it off with him after 20 years. 20 years and within 10 months he was married. In those 20 years, I lost the opportunity to have children. I lost the opportunity to find someone who might really love me. I lost the opportunity to be a young beautiful bride. I wish that I could blame him for it. Hearing you talk about how someone will come around for free sex. It just really astonishes me that anyone could use so much free sex in their life. It seems like anytime he needed someone to travel with or have sex with. I was the go to you. I even met his family and they all thought that I was his girlfriend. But my personal life when he wasn’t around, which was often because we lived in two different cities was exactly as this woman describes. I think I cried every day for three years when we first started ““ dating. He was 35. I was 20.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds hard but we're glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

[@nighttimefolklore]

hi, do you mind if i connect with you? i'm going through a very similar thing, and i'm finding it really difficult to accept that i'm not "the one" for him. I know it's true but my heart won't allow me to let go. I've been through similar things but with this guy he's told me he had deep feelings for me, told me he loves my "smell" , told me i'm the best lover and he's never enjoyed sex so much. I know these are all empty words. We had a long standing friendship and then i got involved with him right after his breakup from his long term ex. He has told me during sex that he wants to be with me and commit, then afterwards changed his mind. Asked me to move in with him then changed his mind too. Now is saying he isn't in love with me and could never see that happening, he just doesn't "feel it". I know you can't help what you feel, but I think it will kill me when he moves on and meets someone that he is in love with and wants to commit to. How do you get past this :(

[@nighttimefolklore]

I first slept with him because I was going away travelling and I thought "why not" - he lovebombed me that night - told me how amazing and beautiful I was. He was staying in my house while I was away and I dreamed about us having a relationship when I got back. We did, but he kept reminding me that his ex was his priority and he wanted to be with her. I tried to set boundaries and kicked him out of the house, but my infatuation with him kept me tied to him and eventually he only had to give me breadcrumbs and i'd come running. I lost all my power in the situation to the point we wouldn't talk for months and he would reach out just as I was moving on, ask me to come round for sex and I'd oblige. He now doesn't have to lie to me about his feelings and can tell me outright that he's not in love with me. He blocked me a few days after our last interaction and is now "exploring other connections" while I am basically begging him to leave the door open for me and let me stay in his life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@@nighttimefolklore ​@EmilyAdams_theAltaCreativ, I encourage you to come to my website and check out the course "Dating and Relationships for People wtih Childhood PTSD," as well as our Real Love Coaching Program for women. Here you'll find real solutions and strategies. One of them is -- if you want to stop limerence, you must stop talking about the person. This is actually feeding your addiction. You'll find all the details at crappychildhoodfiary.com

[@derekspradling7452]

This speaks to my personal sin. I’ve been on a Similar path with an older woman. No sex/cuddling though but a hug or two. A bottle of red pills later, metaphorically speaking, and I accepted the hard truth of it, but they didn’t particularly help. Five years of isolation later, and I’m in this place where there is a bullet proof glass barrier between me and the rest of the world. I lost interest in all of my hobbies during that time and I smoked a shit ton of weed. And a time Was where my naïveté came and the question. The desire to see the good in people. Politics became so polarizing during this time that I just lost faith in humanity all together. Not just presidential politics, but social politics. Feels like the entire world is taking sides, and everyone is shutting down and closing each other out. What I saw as good before I only see corruption now. I still indulge the hobbies, but they feel like chores now. If I’m being perfectly honest, all I want to do all day long is laying in bed in a dark room with nothing on nothing playing nothing being done, but I know better than that. I know people are going to recommend the hell out of therapy, but I don’t really have an option. I’m stuck with this mindset and I have to cope. The wage for sin is death. I have unknowingly started researching psychology, though , mostly through YT.

[@Sweetlyfe]

Talk about timing, I have a situation with a woman we haven’t had sex. But I had dinner with her, and afterwards she said she was pretty busy with her life, which she is. I had dinner with her and another woman I used to know a long time ago, last night after the opening night of her show. We had a really good time laughing a lot. It’s difficult because I lost my soulmate 3.25yrs ago to cancer, and I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be attracted to anyone again. So it threw me for a loop. But I just need to leave her be, she did invite me to a gig next month with her band, but I will be overseas, that week. I’m AuDHD so I have trouble with if someone likes me as a friend, or something more. Argh I hate being in this state. I did ask her for 100% honesty whether me coming to her show would make her uncomfortable and she said no. I know I need to let it go, but it’s hard.

[@heathermjordan-durant8684]

Thank you for your honesty 🎉🎉🎉❤

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I have ZERO faith in Tarot Cards of Fortune Telling... Probably a good thing!!

[@morryswigs2005]

Yes, it's idol worship and no good can come from it.

[@mariavde269]

​@@morryswigs2005there can one idol only and namely - Anna Runkle, that's what she claims here, doesn't she? Therapy doesn't work, Tarot doesn't work, only Anna does

[@Gen-yh1jz]

I have had good experiences with the Tarot. To each their own ❤

[@pmartin6086]

She sounds traumatized 😢

[@janedunlap3518]

SLAA and CODA helped me. Was a journey, but it worked.

[@JoHowe-v5i]

Informative and thorough, thank you

[@gyorgybernard8647]

On her harassment of him. "That is so unattractive and it communicates things about you that I'm sure you did not mean to communicate, but it guarantees that no love is going to come. And what it does is it takes your dignity and it just spends it, just so you can have a little more hope. That's addiction, my friend." Perfect summary. I hope the letter writer can find a hobby or something that gives her joy. Addiction is hard to beat.

[@andrewdean7182]

Tough love Fairy ❤💪

[@KiraHelenRose]

Try going through intense limerence with a covert narcissist. That’s an insane shit show and a complete mind fuck. My therapist said I dodged a bullet.

[@Maxmili4no]

Thanks Anna!

[@kimsherlock8969]

Some dont want to see the obvious 😒 🙄 😕 You dont get always what you're hunting 😮 like prey . This is a good thing 😊

[@MayThereBeWorldPeace]

You're so good at what you do because you state the truth with kindness.

[@tracy3812]

Hooray for the Tough Love Fairy cutting through the BS!

[@DH-dl3ll]

I don't understand the comments saying the man ghosted because he didn't. He said no, he's not interested, and then he tried to communicate that disinterest in his actions too by not responding to her incessant messages. Her actions were borderline manipulative. I say this as someone who behaves as she did. Limerance is such b**** and I get really embarrassed and ashamed once I'm out of it so I do feel for her. I hope she heals and finds happiness.

[@amberm5626]

@DH-dl3ll but he kept sleeping with her and hanging out, etc. I think most people can tell when someone is really trying to make a relationship happen and string people along. For the ego or entertainment, perhaps. It can be very sick. Yes, she's responsible for herself, and at the same time, his human decency was lacking. His actions were all over the place.

[@DH-dl3ll]

@@amberm5626 **I want to rephrase my response... I disagree. I don't see how anything he did was lacking decency. He said upfront and very clearly that he did not want anything serious with her. Even Fairy acknowledges this fact. If she wants something serious, WHY would she go back after that? Answer: because she is deluding herself into thinking he could change his mind or develop feelings for her if he got to know her... or something like that. He did her a favor by saying so early on that he did not want a relationship with her because she could have cut her loss right there. I've been guilty of this very same thing... continuing to pursue a man who says upfront he's not interested in me like that. Men will sleep with you even if they don't like you, they just want sex generally. He did not ghost her, he set a boundary better than she did.

[@amberm5626]

@DH-dl3ll I agree with most of what you just said, and yes, I was just like her before. Out of pure ignorance of hook up culture and also my CPTSD. I married very young and was with that man for, at that time, half of my life on earth. I knew absolutely nothing about the adult dating world as I married my high school boyfriend. After the divorce, I was absolutely clueless and got mixed up with multiple men who simply wanted flings. Though it was very painful and confusing, I finally had to hit rock bottom. For me, a boundary is stated out of respect. It's clear he either simply did not care or something because although he said he didn't want a relationship, he was, in fact, doing relationship things at least until he magically disappeared. Surely, you can see how she was confused. I know i was. Just like Anna says, confusion usually means denial. We don't know till we know. As for her being low hanging fruit, nope. She was a traumatized and confused person. They both were irresponsible for themselves. That's something that gets distorted in the growing up years. Being taught you're responsible for others leaves being responsible for yourself out of the loop. It sucks. I hope she gets help and remembers her value soon.

[@riverchick23]

@@DH-dl3ll As someone in a similar situation for almost five years, I disagree with a lot of this. If he KNEW she liked him and wanted a relationship, and KNEW he didn't want the same thing, he should not have been sleeping with her, or talking to her at all. Period. He knew that doing so would give her false hope and continue to drag the situation on and on. He could be uninterested, a severe dismissive avoidant, or both. But on some level, he enjoys her company and attention, and wanted to keep it going. And that's why she got so confused and kept contacting him with the hopes that he'd totally come around one day. It's such a bad situation, I know. But he definitely kept it going, too. Maybe he does have real feelings for her, but genuinely is afraid of commitment. But even if that's the case, he should not be meeting up with her at all.

[@lionhearttt3540]

I agree completely with everything you said... he is partly responsible in the mix here or at the very least he lacks decency and character ​@@riverchick23

[@Lafeolamom]

I learned a lot from this

[@WolfWhite-kj1nr]

I'm digging this tough love fairy version 😊❤

[@ShredderTainment]

You have my permission to intervene!

[@TheActivistOne]

Absolutely bang on, thankyou

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Gen-yh1jz]

I go to a Tarot reader who has always gave me sound advice and will tell me the truth about a bad relationship, not give me false hope. There are some scammers out there but not all are.

[@jayshrutisingh3648]

How will tarot card tell u how he feels , it will tell you how u feel . Hope is our dope 😁

[@sema7197]

I won't give a time or a day to ghosting situations without a serious reason

[@sheriasha18]

Now i realised that I'm experiencing the same thing, limerance. I know that it stemmed from trauma that i faced earlier in the year

[@amberm5626]

Avoiding someone is straight up avoidant behavior. It may be irrelevant because it's not the letter writer avoiding conversations. However, to project onto it that he's trying not to hurt her feelings could be so untrue. He could be just a real jerk getting his ego stroked and taking advantage. What if he's truly avoidant for whatever reasons of his own. I think grown adults who ghost or avoid serious conversation is seriously disrespectful, and I pray this writer looks at it from a perspective of how he is being disrespectful and comes to closure. I don't like that Anna assumes some people are trying not to hurt others by ghosting when ghosting hurts. As for those saying, take a hint. Why do people have to hint and not be straight up?

[@alisoncanty1894]

I agree. This man is a total dismissive avoidant and should get help before being in any relationships or this will be a never ending cycle with other women.

[@bluecandymsp]

From my experience, recovery from addiction (whether it's a substance, gambling, shopping, etc or "love" addiction / severe late stage limerance like the letter writer Sherry is in the grip of), can only begin when we focus on ourselves & our own health & well-being. When we accept that we have a serious issue/problem & we're the only ones who can do anything about it. We can't ever change another adult's behaviour. It doesn't matter whether the other person is "avoidant", a garden variety jerk, a full blown narcissist with a side of chips or whatever, we can only EVER change ourselves. Anna's advice is spot on.

[@SDGlock23]

I've (43M) been pretty much obsessed over a female coworker and it's very clear I have a pretty severe case of limerence. I don't even really know why I feel this way about her, she's likeable and has a great personality (at times) yet she's not even physically that attractive...but she's also not available...yet I get jealous of her when she's not even mine. How crazy. It's terrible and my life has been so much worse than before I started feeling this way.

[@pippilongstocking4ever-ly1he]

Gosh! You're good!

[@heathermjordan-durant8684]

The cuddles, intimacy got her addicted. Its a sad situation. Are you judging her judging him?

[@heathermjordan-durant8684]

The poster, not Fairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

She DESPERATELY NEEDS to get involved in a 12 step group of some sort!!

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I have given up on relationships with women for fear of becoming limerant again...

[@Cybele1986]

That doesn’t work. I’ve never really dated or had a relationship and I still get limerence