Storytime : Bad Time Taking A Crap At The "Old Food Buffet" (EXPLICIT LANGUAGE)

What a mess...Had to share it with you...

[@maplehouseknives]

Dude, this story had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off! Not just because it was a funny story but because I am totally the same as you in the fact that I will drive 30 miles to use my own crapper before I use a public one! I had basically the same experience as you told here, only difference was, it was in Frankfurt Airport and I was super late for my flight because I had the trots! So, I totally sympathize with you man, thanks for sharing your story! Greetings from Germany

[@James-C-Callan]

If it’s not a funny story then I’m turning it off now.

[@James-sb2lm]

Boss makes a dollar I make a dime and that's why I poop on on company time

[@Wannagobackto1980]

HAHAHA I like that dude!!!!!

[@emilyfrugalsworthkiang2324]

James Green That's the spirit!

[@JLConawayII]

You're going about it all wrong. When "Grand Central Station" happens, you don't try to be as quiet as possible. You need to make as much noise as possible, howling like a banshee, thrashing around and banging on the stall, and as much "explosive decompression" and ballistic water impacts as possible. Ideally it should sound like a whale raping a wildebeest inside a crashing airliner. That should clear the place out and then you can enjoy your public bathroom experience in peace.

[@Troacoli]

+JLConawayII HRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!ROOOOOOOOMP!!!AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!MOOOOMP!!

[@GldnGod]

You sir have just made me shit my boxers

[@willhoward3052]

I read that in Hunter S. Thompson’s voice

[@codwizard7526]

This is halarius

[@JohnDeerTXKid]

Lmao "the corn taste like shit..I don't know how you f up corn." I died right there funniest line I have heard In a while.

[@AppRemb]

8 years later I am listening to this for like the 10th time. This one as i go to bed lol

[@jojo73ful]

Going to the bathroom without ass paper is like going to war without a gun Jeff lol

[@thealp777]

In sweden every public bathroom door is a real like door, no gaps or anything. Gotta love Swedish bathrooms

[@SHADOW-ke6xz]

Heltkördihuvudet we should all try to be more like sweden.

[@Biggchad]

@@SHADOW-ke6xz why

[@bighoss7603]

Lucky

[@chriscross2222]

"how do you fuck up canned corn?!"lol

[@DiJonMusTard97]

one time when i was in high school (probably one of the very few times I've taken a shit at school ever) like you found no toilet paper in my stall, ended up calling the school from my phone to deliver some

[@TheCorruptNation]

"It was a sexual shit" - CutleryLover 2014

[@Toki52]

If they're not cleaning their bathrooms, they're not cleaning their kitchen.

[@JacobWard101]

"tying there shoes while having explosive diarrhea." #LMAOROF

[@biohzrd1x1]

I don't quite get what's so bad about cussing I mean yeah its not something I would do in front of my mother or my grandmother but they are just words like anything else

[@airthrow]

It's a way for usually religious people to feel superior while chastising others for "bad words" like they're a little child with virgin ears, while they go home and beat their wives or neglect their kids etc. Control freak hypocrites.

[@cutlerylover]

Its not a bad thing, the reason I try to not do it much is because I know there are some younger teens that watch my videos and their parents might not let them watch if they heard a ton of cursing, beyond that I dont think its good to curse a lot, cursing when mad or being funny is one thing but if you curse often for no reason just makes you sounds stupid...

[@BreakingMoto]

airthrow go fuck yourself, sincerly a Christian

[@randomfingerboard]

Ya

[@airthrow]

randomfingerboard I like your name, reminds me I need to order some more

[@drockn666]

We had a bathroom door at work that wouldn't lock, nothing more embarrassing than someone walking in and then you get to see them everyday. Funny stories Jeff, I plug the phone into the truck and listen and crack up. Thanks for making me laugh.

[@thepenultimateninja5797]

I hate taking a dump in public toilets, but I went to a Chinese buffet a few years ago, and I had no choice. Not anything to do with the restaurant itself, just because I had eaten so much food I guess. Anyway, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been desperate, so it was quite an unpleasant one. I was sitting there with my stomach cramping and my forehead sweating, and gradually became aware that the restaurant's sound system was playing an instrumental version of "Smooth Operator" by Sade.

[@ColonelRichardHunter]

Quote of the day "I'm sure I'm making shit up" LMAO!!

[@edrodriguez7801]

Jeff, this is got to be one of the funniest/entertaining videos you've done to date. Had me laughing so much that my wife wanted to see the video. She hates when I'm on KZbin watching knife videos. Great piece can't wait to hear another funny story time.. Thanks -Ed

[@highdesignfool]

Dude! You were on a roll! I still have tears running down my cheeks. So stinking funny. I feel for you. The public bathroom scene is a bad deal.

[@CroWn3611]

I just subscribed to you maybe a couple days ago and I love your story time vids! hahaha!!

[@l.truran3417]

Dude you had me rolling with laughter. Thanks. I have been watching your knife videos and came across this thanks.

[@SupaFlyFatGuy859]

LMAO!!! I'm 10 minutes in and I'm dying laughing! "Idk how you can fuck up corn." I like this potty mouth Jeff! Hahaha Man idk if it's a chain restaurant or not. But we used to have an "Old Country Buffet" in Florence KY. And it was EXACTLY like you're explaining that one! HAHAHAHA

[@DavesRange]

Little update here everyone, the Old Country Buffet in Dickson City is now permanently closed. Must've really been bad!

[@ChannelTheron]

That was hilarious.I remember the glory hole story too.

[@adamwright9790]

How did he wipe the seat if he had no toilet paper 🤔

[@ChristianConstructionWorker]

his hand

[@GuitarPlayingMan24]

I couldn't stop laughing man, I love your story time man! Hahaha

[@Adeerinheadlights]

Thank you for sharing Jeff! I love you and your videos! Keep it up

[@ahyeah2770]

Great video. Totally agree about the 10-inch gap between the door and hinge.

[@pikkukippari]

I had one of the worst days ever when I watched this video. I was tired and felt like crap. When I saw this video I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes. Made my day. Thank you for sharing this...

[@Dookiii]

This "series" should be called Pipe-Time or Cigar-Time. Or maybe just "Jeff smokes some shit and curses a lot while telling a story" Anyways, love these kind of vids keep em coming.

[@spraynub]

I second the second choice here

[@opichocal]

I can't even touch the door knob when leaving the restroom. I use paper towels and try to throw them in the trash can. Love the story time videos and congratulations!

[@megamanX992]

Hey man, love your videos. Got a few Old Country Buffet's here in New York. Almost everytime me and my family have went there, it's been bad.

[@natef126]

Congrats on the wedding!!!! And I just wanted to say this was the funniest video I watched a day and I just wanted to say thanks for Bringing my day :)

[@AdDawg10]

This was just hilarious man. Couldn't stop laughing cause we have all been in that scenario. Love it!

[@keegangroves2472]

This is by far the funniest content I have seen you put out. Lord, I spit out my water.

[@gaijinbonsai3975]

When you were describing the handicapped stall, the picture that came to my mind was the stall in the movie desperado. Top to bottom just crusted in crap. Too funny. Sorry that happened to you but it's a hilarious story. Thanks for sharing. PS Gus is just to cool. I've always wanted an English bulldog but I'm worried about all the health issues I hear about.

[@codyhamilton7822]

my mistake was eating & watching this at the same time lmfao, Larry the cable guy poops at Lowes!!!! so freaking funny i loved it

[@DAS-Videos]

I went to a restaurant once and I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. Well someone stunk the bathroom up so much of bad shit that I could not eat there. I left. The shit smell made me think the food was made out of shit. I rarely crap in public. But if one has to, there are three things you must do. 1) Always use the handicapped stall. It is the only toilet that is high enough for you to get off of when done. The other public toilets are like 6 inches off the ground. 2) Always line the seat with toilet paper. Jeff would not have had the toilet paper issue if he followed this. 3) If someone comes into the bathroom, hole up in your stall. Wait them out and only after they are gone do you proceed to wipe wash and exit.

[@doctorwhofan1989]

I know that this sounds odd, but I'd probably watch a 20 minute video of you smoking that pipe. For some reason it's relaxing to me even though I am not personally a smoker.

[@jokeer3127]

Same here

[@tonycmopar457]

Jeff - That is one of the funniest bathroom stories that I ever heard. LOL!!

[@manuelamador9407]

Crock pot? Skittles? Lol, this video was truly funny.

[@Ed_cb64]

Jeff this has to be the funniest story you have every told on youtube storytime lol

[@yellowx22x]

"I don't know how you can fuck up corn" that had me dying XD

[@____stu____]

I bet Eric Frein used that toilet, and took all the paper! Very funny story time Jeff!

[@machockey1]

i lost my shit laughing with you said, "how can you fuck up corn"

[@27dcx]

Have you ever been to golden corral? It kick's old country buffet's ass.

[@skillage18]

Going to the bathroom feels nice sometimes. :) Except when you get the squirts and your ass looks like the Japanese flag. And they do put stuff in the food to make you full. You pay full price to"eat what you can". It feels like your full but your not. So they make profit

[@gaussiancannonoperator5930]

Gross

[@OnsideHaddock72]

So is your profile picture mate

[@tylerbrock7242]

I died when he said "my ass"hole puckered!!!!

[@andersonpotter2261]

Just love how you are such a dramatic story teller!!!

[@ElectrikHellfire]

Jeff, this was the best vid I watched all week. Literally LOL'd brother. Thanks for sharing.

[@GhillieSuitGUNS]

Dude Gus is the coolest dog ever... he's such a gentleman lol. Btw glad to hear you guys got married Jeff!

[@MattSalgeKNIFEJUNKIE13]

Hahaha I was rolling the whole time and CONGRATES on the wedding you must be so happy I wish u guys the best as always

[@Hirobian]

I have to say your foul language was extremely mild and gentle compared to the usual I've heard. And the story was hilarious, but only because I could relate to it. I smiled every time you made a point about the washrooms. (door hinge crack to large, no toilet paper, people coming inside at the wrong time, toilets in horrid condition...heck even if they are clean looking I lay out toilet paper to sit on, not to mention in the water so it doesn't splash up....*shudders*) The worst I could think of is when someone taller than average walks by and the damned doors/walls are to short.... oh lord.

[@BelViSSS]

oh my god, i was dying out of lough watching this video, thank you so much for sharing it, just the way that you were telling it was awesome :D keep up the good work, good luck with your wife, take care.

[@basedsouljah]

I'm actually taking a shit while watching this. I really dig these videos brah this is pretty cool.

[@tikkidaddy]

My boy "Colonel Mustard" with his pipe, about to get toally pissed over "WhoDumpedIt"😀

[@radi0activedonutsx3]

Thankfully there's these private bathrooms amidst all the public ones in my college campus and I'm deeply thankful they exist Lmao you have some funny stories dude

[@LtDarkstar]

For door gaps... Get yourself a black fabric strip (like 2" wide) and 2 strong magnet blocks (The type that are used for magnetic nametags) and glue or sew the ends of the fabric to the magnets. That way you can totally cover that gap and just roll up the fabric into a small roll for travel purposes.

[@LtDarkstar]

LOL how so? It's tiny and can fit in your pocket. The only jackass would be you since you wouldn't be able to get off by peeking into stalls and watching people take a shit.

[@LtDarkstar]

Oh, no... you get something like this (rare earth magnet for back of name badges): www.amazon.com/totalElement-Magnetic-Badge-Holders-Silver/dp/B00EHK287M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466959018&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=magnetic+name+badge&psc=1 Then sew it into a strip of black fabric - one at each end - then just "roll" the thing for storage. Should be small enough to fit in even the smallest pocket of your pants. Believe me, I decided it was time to make one when we had a trans-gender "guy" at work (all he had was some boobs, but still talked and acted like a guy) and went into the woman's bathroom and LOOKED in my stall when I was going - then left. Obviously he was intending all along to be a perv and not actually use the bathroom. Pretty sad I can't even be safe at WORK from nonsense like that. It got me more worried than "cutlerlylover's" story about when he was a child and that pervy guy was talking to him in the bathroom!

[@raider6714]

Yes... Yes... You almost made me piss my pants when you said "Maybe I could take my sock off and wipe my ass with that?". Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh!

[@alexryherd9810]

Lol what would you have done if a viewer recognized you in the stall??? That's a whole damn storytime in itself. Good video Jeff.

[@mikemck09]

I was crying so hard, dude! LOL I feel your pain... I can not stand dropping a deuce in public... Gus is gorgeous! That face hahaha... I have an Olde English/English Bulldog mix and a Boxer... Underbites are the bomb haha

[@magooosy]

"I don't know how you can Fuck up corn" Hahahaha I almost died xD

[@airthrow]

You NEVER want to eat at a place with a lot of old people there.

[@bobpuvel1]

CONGRATS on the marraige, Jeff! You've come a loooong way since 2007 :)

[@npj2597]

Funniest story in a while and also never noticed you were tied down ;) congratulations and all the best Jeff

[@58_Powermaster]

Congrats big time on the marriage Jeff!!! And my condolences for...well...you know.

[@jojo73ful]

By far the funniest story time from you I have ever heard

[@kendon81]

Congrats Jeff on the marriage. I am seriously happy for you and wish you all the best for the future.

[@canadianhonker2537]

Fricken hilarious! Writing on bathroom wall: some people come here to sit and think but I come here to shit and stink.

[@InoxEdge]

You Sir are a gem, that was f*****g hilarious. You'll have to start edc'ing some bog roll or get the misses to carry some for you.

[@richsanch74]

congratulations on the nuptials! hahaha, i did chuckle somewhat at this story time. it reminded me of something similar i experienced in an employee toilet at one of my jobs a while ago. i needed to go but not so desperate. so when i got to the stall i found a surprise. it looked like someone had squatted on the bowl, missed the toilet completely and deposited their soggy load off the side of the toilet and dumped about 2lb of putrid mess on the floor, the bowl was completely untouched. i was a health and safety rep at this job so i felt duty bound to report it. knowing what awaited the cleaner who attends the scene, i give the head of housekeeping the good news trying to keep a straight face. i didnt even bother going for my business, i couldnt bear the thought of entering that bathroom until much, much later!

[@Dymlos151]

Man you tell some of grossest stories but I always laugh. Thank you for that. Also, Congrats on the marriage.

[@MrSkullHead1250]

I lived in PA most of my life, was born and raised. Mostly lived in Wilkes Barre, and Kingston until 2009, now I live in CA lol. I watch you alot for knife reviews, so its cool to watch someone from back home. I did not know you lived in PA until this video though lol.

[@GunGlutton]

I know that area very well. We are getting our first Chipoltle!!!!!!!! I plan on being the first customer they have. I will camp outside if i have to

[@ColonelRichardHunter]

Chipoltle ROCKS!

[@aussiek2000]

Best story ever. Had me rolling.

[@DC3893]

Kind of crazy, first time I watched your videos was about 4-5 years ago, time flies. You're married now! Congrats, Jeff.

[@JCrook1028]

Hold the presses! You said you wiped the seat down before sitting on it. Is that when you finished the roll? Or................... did you have something on you to wipe the seat with and used it all then so couldn't wipe with it afterwards? Halp I'm so confuzzled!

[@nickhenao3414]

great story jeff, but only one question .... how did you wipe down the seat of the second toilet(16:30) if there was no toilet paper in the stall ??

[@cutlerylover]

I wiped the seat down with one of the seat covers above the toilet, although there were some left its like plastic you cant wipe your ass with them

[@greglowe8080]

Congratulations with the marriage Jeff and what a hilarious story

[@EvanCornelious]

Yes! Old country buffet! I used to love it when I was little. There used to be one in balto. Md. But they shut down after someone found bugs in there Mac and cheese! Lol. Love the story!

[@AyeJay99]

You finally tell a story about a town next to mine and it has to be about a bathroom disaster...hahaha.

[@latetodagame1892]

I've been waiting for this video. I knew it existed. I knew you'd have a taking a dump video!

[@RedKeitele]

Just the way you were talking and things you were saying made me laugh so hard Ahah

[@Seakaye2s]

Jeff!!! You got married!!! Huge congrats man. You and Christina seem very happy together. Best wishes!

[@UKMilitaria]

Amazing, There aren't even words. Everything you said was true and I know where you are coming from 100%. Funny as hell.

[@avery349]

"Stocking brown trout in public" that's the first time I've heard that one and it had me dying. Ima have to remember that one.

[@ComedicScents]

Jeff the skittle part killed me!!! Great video

[@Mazxlol]

oh man i almost choked laughing... i was like man... i bet hes gonna say there is no toilet paper... wait for it... no toilet paper lmao. i will tell you though it could be worse! you know when you go in to take a dump and someone else does the same and both of you now sitting there shitting next to each other lmao

[@gabrielsmith396]

Is it just me, or is it ridiculously hilarious hearing Jeff swear?

[@AM2PMReviews]

I can't stop laughing! Best vid in a long time!

[@thejohnnycage]

goddamn you have no idea how excited i get when i see a storytime video in my subscriptions

[@M60gunner1971]

Snapping a yam in public is both a sport and a time of great alarm.

[@codyfarnsworth1514]

Jeff by far the funniest vid you've ever made!!!

[@TheEltopian]

LOLOL..... Great story! If my Dad were still alive he would agree with you 1000% about them putting something in the food. CONGRATS ON GETTING MARRIED!!!! Take care.

[@Mazxlol]

Some people are disgusting, its unbelievable. The crazy thing is when they are in public they act normal... but when they are alone they really show true colors.

[@4nhk066]

jeff, this is the best story time video from you... so COOL!!!! it's amazing when you talk about details like shrapnels, shit, explosion etc. man i want to hear another story time from you about something cool like this! rock on! xD

[@adam35099]

congrats on the wedding jeff hope u 2 are happy now and forever

[@cmonsterz]

Whoa, Jeff. That is one nasty bit of story time. Oddly, it made me crack up. I hate crapping in public. I hate disgusting restrooms. If it were me, I'd complain to the health department about the Old Food Buffet of crap.

[@buddha5003]

11:18 to 11:26 ... freakin' CLASSIC !!! LMFAO

[@BenTheDream1018]

I really needed that thank you Jeff I just died laughing!

[@joeblow502]

great story time jeff, i laughed the whole time... that sounded like a nightmare