Childhood Isn’t Supposed To Be Stressful. Here’s How Parents Can Help.

Psychoanalyst and licensed clinical social worker Erica Komisar explains how psychoanalysis really works and how it can help parents better understand and support their children. Contrary to popular belief, psychoanalysis goes far beyond the Freudian theories you may have heard of. The field offers insight into the emotional intricacies of anxiety, attachment issues, and the pivotal role parents play in their child's development and mental health. Understanding how a child’s needs evolve as they grow older is crucial for parents to adjust to each stage and avoid either being emotionally neglectful or becoming overbearing helicopter parents. Childhood has become increasingly stressful in recent years, but with the right approach, parents can course-correct to counter the current cultural tides.
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Outline:
[0:00] Psychoanalysis vs CBT
[5:56] In defense of Freud
[7:41] What is narcissism?
[10:01] Why Erica became a psychoanalyst
[11:43] What is anxiety?
[15:53] Attachment issues and child development
[20:52] Parents guide their child’s mental health
[27:14] The genetic component of mental health
[29:49] Provide sensitive, empathic nurturing
[35:09] School is broken for both boys and girls
[41:16] Adolescence is complicated
[45:14] Emotional refueling still matters for teens
[51:29] High school didn’t used to be stressful
[57:45] Can parents course-correct successfully?
[1:06:43] Be optimistic, but also do the work
Dad Saves America is a channel dedicated to celebrating heroic fatherhood while teaching the next generation of fathers strategies they can utilize in parenting their children. We believe strong children come from a strong family. We’ve had many experts in the studio, including Jonathan Haidt, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Troy Kotsur, John Mackey, Ben Askren, and Adam Carolla.
#childdevelopment #mentalhealthawareness #psychoanalysis

[@Joyfulminimalist]

My family guilt trips me for not having a career and tend to treat me like I have free time - I should accommodate them, because I don’t work. I have a 3yr old and a newborn with a degree as a psychotherapist. I myself had anxiety, depression, phobias and so forth as a child. I don’t want this for my children. I’m very fortunate and grateful that I can stay home for my children at least in the very young years. I just shake my head at how little even very educated people understand child development.

[@DadSavesAmerica]

You are doing the most important work any human can ever do. Your family is confused even if, I assume, they have the absolute best of intentions. Being a mother is being a creator and a servant leader in the most beautiful and powerful way possibly. Cherish it. And find the strength to roll your eyes at your family’s silly, childish confusion.

[@anajarrin5043]

Being a stay at home mom is the most important work you could possibly do. I have a masters degree in mental health counseling and BECAUSE of it I chose to stay home with my child. You are making use of your degree every second of the day, how beautiful. I also wonder how people without this knowledge go about doing this all consuming difficult work😅

[@jennmcdavitt3782]

You are doing right. I promise! My daughter is now 21 and no drugs no alcohol nothing. Totally worth it. And if money becomes an issue you can always provide online mental health care when they are in school or even asleep for the night. There's ways to make it work where you don't go without and your kids don't either. But the kids should def come first. Don't trust them with public schools either. Charter school is where it's at. 15 kids. Reading at kinder. Parents required to be involved. And free.

[@RationalNon-conformist]

@@DadSavesAmericaI love your comment.

[@woodysbarndominium]

I have had similar experiences as a nurse. My old coworkers think I’m insane, my family thinks I wasted money on my education, and often I find the only people building me up for choosing to be a homemaker are on the internet. Nevermind the fact that my child is wildly healthy, has never had to take antibiotics, eats fresh meals every day, and plays outside every day… I guess in their minds I should be taking care of strangers?

[@TephaRhi]

My advise as a mom of two is don’t listen to the authorities - every suggestion/demand is the opposite of what you should do naturally as a loving parent. Keep your babies with you, next to you, on you, as much as they want it. They’ll naturally on their own feel safe enough to be independent. Pushing someone away will make them clingy.

[@ari3lz3pp]

Right. ❤ When they are little. But also if you need time, take some reasonably. Most kids will naturally want to explore. My mother pushed my dad away pushed me away, then would randomly expect me to see her as my diety. (Narcissist) It worked. I was extremely co-dependent. I remember being sort of excited to to go 6th grade camp because my friends were excited to go. My mom asked me why I thought I would be going? Why would I want to do that did I *really* want to be away from her for two weeks??! (Ironic since much younger she was fine sending me to girl scouts for a week at a time and off to relatives for several days). But she said we could instead go to the mountains just me and her. She just wanted someone to do that with. TBH it was one of the best times we had though I hardly saw her during the trip. Lol But I grew up as a push over, even when I thought I was rebellious I actually was just letting others decide things for me and accepting abuse. It's society and the public schools as much as my mom and etc. If you send your kids to public school you're not the main caretaker anyway....that's just reality. I was raised by the school system and my peers, my grandparents next, my mom least but she took all the credit for good and it was "who raised you?!!" When something bad LOL At least I am grateful I *wasn't* raised by her since she is toxic. But my husband and I have worked hard to stop the cycle of trauma we both went through. It's been a learning experience, we started as liberals sending our kid to public preschool and myself looking into a job while I studied at college....and now I am extremely grateful to be a full time mommy and homeschooler! ❤ And my husband helps too! Like today. 😊

[@TephaRhi]

@@ari3lz3pp Yes! Homeschool is the way to go. ❤️

[@twomindmethod]

Most well-researched authorities on attachment theory will absolutely support everything you suggest here. 🙏

[@BlorkTDork]

Idk my mom kept me close when I was little but then my dad would abandon me in the swamps with a single shot 20 ga and 3 shells for a whole day sometimes and I don't mean the side of road either my uncle let me take the john boat out totally alone into ocean and mangroves now I never panic when I'm alone even in the most brutal environments so there is something to be said for letting kids wander the wastes.

[@TephaRhi]

@@BlorkTDork Starting at what age?

[@sarahg1077]

My husband and I were talking to a neighbor and he was talking about his HS daughter and about how she is taking 6 AP classes this year. He added that she needs to be in the top 10% of her class to get into college. All I could think about was how stressed out that poor child probably is. 😢

[@jiujitsubeast15]

My husband and I decided that no matter what we’d keep our kids home. We paid off all our debt prior to our first, bought reasonable cars and don’t get to buy everything we want when we want it. But we made it work on a small amount of income. If you want it, you make it work. If you don’t, you’ll just make excuses and then criticize people like Erica who tell the truth about what parents are doing. If you’re doing things right and not making choices based on fear or selfishness, you have nothing to be offended by. And to all the women and mothers, I will never regret the time I’ve sacrificed for my children. There is nothing more meaningful in my life as a woman and mother as holding my kids who loving run to embrace me every morning when they wake up. Sacrifice for your children and you won’t never regret the outcome.

[@Dunbar_Dynamics]

Right! I became and RN so I could work 3 days and be off 4. They went with family and then small private at home day care with ppl we still have a relationship with to this day.

[@ari3lz3pp]

Amen!!! ❤ It's very heart breaking how many excuses are made. There are funds in the public school district from our taxes for donating to homeschool families and even old school materials. If they are willing. 🙄 Usually it's if your child participates in the system with sports etc which I rather my kid wasn't involved with at all. There are co-ops for home-school/ groups and charter schools and private is an option, especially if you can get a grant/scholarship. ❤ IMO home-school is ideal. It's what the vast majority of children have been through throughout history. (Yes in loose terms LOL😅) But really we have more resources than ever to teach our children ourselves and to do oceans better than the public schools do. No doubt. They deserve full time parenting from a committed loved one. ❤

[@ari3lz3pp]

@Dunbar_Dynamics ​❤ That's awesome. You puzzle-pieced it together. So many people seem to not understand/don't care enough....that there are many ways to make it work. Kids don't need to be in public school in 99% of cases. Don't forget if you have the time; you can attend school district meetings for sake of the community/your kid's peers...it's your tax money that funds the schools even when your child doesn't use them. 😢 We all have a voice! 🎉

[@jercasgav]

You are completely correct! My husband and I graduated from nursing school with a bachelors of science and tons of student loan debts. We lived on one income as newlyweds and paid our $130k in loans off and bought a little house. Kept driving our high school/college cars until our early 30s. Once the student loans were hammered we had our son 13yrs ago, I stayed at home with him, and have always homeschooled. He is a wonderful, smart, well adjusted, mature 13yr old and will be ready to take college classes a year or two sooner as we are ahead of schedule. When you make a middle class income, the second job is lost to taxes, time, daycare, and extra expenses. Not only is staying at home good for the children, it keeps a marriage going too with more time for romance. We found it less stressful than pre-kids when we both worked full time. We have been married 17yrs now, and married at 22yrs/25yrs old. **The system lies to parents because they don't care for you. They care about generating tax livestock to be wage slaves that cannot critically think. Separating husband and wife helps them get to the kids easier as they become more vulnerable. Two parents is a much better hedge to protect and give what is needed to the children.

[@candyluna2929]

​@@jercasgavyup ❤

[@AlyseNicoleO]

I'm a pregnant woman who worked in daycares for 8 years. They wanted to be called early childhood education, not daycare. But it it is what it is. The amount of behavior problems in such young children is astounding. We had many trainings on biting. Many trainings on problem behaviors. But put a 12 month old in a room with 13 other kids and two adults and expect them not to eat or be eaten. It's insanity.

[@ari3lz3pp]

Seriously. Not only the numbers but honestly daycare was meant for desperate poor people. Not everyone. Parents should be PARENTING LOL Go figure. 😢 It's sad how often we have been brainwashed to play "mommy going to work *kiss kiss* be good!" When kids deserve full time parenting from loved ones close to them. Not a stranger. Not denying your work ethic or care for these kids....but it's not the same! Or shouldn't be.

[@candyluna2929]

I have my girls in a montesori day care. It is great. However, being aware of these things I still had to do it bc I had tonfind work (and it turns out no one hires you with a such a strict schedule especially since kids get sick so often). They base their work around reaching milestones and they don't pressure us as parents but I feel as if the kids are being made to hit milestones before they are ready...at the same time, they do go with what the child wants. Hopefully by next school year I am settle in a work from home and won't need to send them. Though I am grateful bc it is montesori and I do not pay for anything. The teachers are awsome

[@candyluna2929]

And no, they don't have that problem with bitting and the likes. The kids have a lot of things that keep them busy.

[@fredalackenspeil9371]

Yeah that’s cause they belong at home with their mothers. It’s a shame that we shove our kids into the arms of strangers and then are surprised at the outcome.

[@heatherowl]

100%. State certified lead preschool and infant/toddler teacher here. What I saw in group care convinced me I would NEVER put my own child in a large group setting under 3. Kids and adults are getting traumatized by student-teacher ratios that are the bare minimum to keep your child alive, not anywhere near what is needed for healthy development. And we were taught to hide it from the parents. It’s so messed up that people think it’s normal to leave kids under 3 in large group care for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. You are literally asking for emotional and behavioral problems that could have lifelong impact for some children.

[@Famr4evr]

I LOVED staying home with my children. I also love being able to be there for my teenagers when they need me. High school is hard enough. Being able to come home and vent to or celebrate with a parent is so important.

[@ari3lz3pp]

Aren't they in Homeschool if you're at home anyway??????

[@Famr4evr]

@@ari3lz3pp my children go to public school.

[@FortunateSon-re9bh]

Yes, being there for your kids at any age is important. Our role changes but even as teenagers and adults we need someone that has our back and parents help to lighten the load of life where they can.

[@CrazyLadybug]

Those teenage years are very important they are going through major transitions where they really need you good job momma

[@Famr4evr]

@@CrazyLadybug thank you. 😊

[@visualapologetics4891]

I spent 25 years in the autism spectrum kids communities. There was good discussion that never became main stream about women being highly stressed during pregnancy. Several doctors felt that high stress while pregnant resulted in the child being born highly stressed and highly sensitive from the get-go. I would like to hear more discussion about this. I know so many women who continued in their highly stressful jobs right up until birth time-made even worse, because most are not physically well at the end anyway. We almost treat pregnancy like it is nothing.

[@ari3lz3pp]

I'm autistic and my mom was in heaven when pregnant. She used to brag about it and how she bullied me about my pregnancy which was highly stressful. My child is severely ASD. But also had a severely stressful childhood. I think it all contributes to symptoms but it's likely genetic. Since we started to homeschool and not bother with the scheduling and rate race of the system we have been doing immensely better. Stress contributes to disease and many psychological symptoms etc. For everyone. So it's not suprising. That's why I caught myself stressing at the start of the scamdemic - I have auto immune issues and was worried with a special needs child that literally had a habit of licking the bottoms of shoes at the time, railings etc. and wouldn't wear a mask. Well I realized the chemicals I was using to clean and the stress were going to kill me faster. I let go, I started to actually look into what chemicals were in my hygiene products, food, the home and car.... can't get away from them all when not wealthy but can do a lot. PEG (which was also in a vaccine of theirs), endochrine disruptors in the face masks if not organic cotton or genuine silk), soy and lavender even....in so much today. I stopped wearing make up that wasn't natural and I rarely wear make up at all. I feel a lot better. We work on stress management and during the pandemic we went to parks and stores and etc and only wore a mask when enforced. We lived life. I was going to rush to get the vaccine too, But I had not only studied nursing but also pharmacology and pharmacy history. I knew that the first line of most drugs even vaccines are tested on the public more than they are ever tested in a lab. Discovering my sensitivities to different chemicals I decided that I would be waiting. As time went on I was villanized for stopping to think. It was creepy so it turned me off to vaccines at all until this year. We didn't get flu shots a COVId shot etc and we didn't seem to get COVID until late 2021. It was like a bad flu for three days. That was miraculous for me, it hit me a bit harder than family but even a cold virus in the past would've left me sick for weeks. So a lot of it has to do with the chemicals in our lives, even natural endochrine disruptors (look at how common processed food has become in only a few generations, and soy is now in so many different products You have to pay a good amount of money most times to get things that are claimed soy-free....) AND stress of course. Wym Hoff with his legendary immune system is all about managing stress and appreciating what is natural. I don't agree with everything he says but he's onto something there. My family still gets less sick than most, and my child does way better if we get into a cold pool also. Neighbors think we are crazy but we love swimming in the winter. ❄️ We aren't in the rat race, we found Jesus about 6 years ago and that's helped in every way, but in a non-religious way, that's probably also due to how the Bible is much about managing stress and one's emotions, and health. My child and I still have symptoms of ASD of course. But it's nothing like it used to be most times. ❤ I recently got a tetanus shot after years of nothing. It triggered my mono and IDK if something else too, but I've been having more intense ASD symptoms as well as been more sick in general the month since. I was put on antibiotics for the Mono by mistake so that definitely didn't help. But I'm working my way back to better health. I had major inflammation before the antibiotics after the shot. And many in my life warned me not to get it. 🙈 Even the doctor was apprehensive in behavior but said it's a good idea also "just in case". I hope this somehow helps you! ❤ שלום

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

Autism is genetic, stop villifying us.

[@susieare]

It really struck a chord when you said we treat pregnancy like it's nothing. I think motherhood is also treated like it's nothing! Get back in the office - now! No thanks...

[@susieare]

​@@ari3lz3ppgood for you.

[@genelle1959]

As a child , when in a group of people where a pregnant woman was present I would often hear my grandmother or the other older women say “ Don’t scare her, you’ll mark that child”. 3 months before I became pregnant with my 1st child my husband and I were following behind his mom,dad,sister,brother and brother in law when they were hit and killed by a drunk driver. 7 people were dead at the scene. My daughter was born and has struggled with anxiety and uncontrollable crying over potential loss on an almost daily basis. She has her Masters in anatomy and physiology and biology and studies epigenetics. Which is basically what my grandmother was saying all along.

[@user-hw2sz5jh1d]

Almost never comment on videos. Father of 5 children. Tremendous interview. Helpful, challenging, encouraging. Bravo to you for the great interview - no easy feat. And bravo to Erica for accumulating and sharing her hard-earned expertise in this field.

[@DadSavesAmerica]

Thank you for this encouraging comment! I really appreciate it. My goal is always to try to have these shows be as enriching to viewers as possible. This makes my week!!!

[@curlyclouds9]

This is on my mind as well. I don’t have kids yet but I have an intrinsic disgust of the thought of dropping off a baby to a stranger

[@lilafeldman8630]

I had a stressful childhood. I was deprived of the right kinds of hardships, and given all of the wrong ones. My parents dumped the burden of all their stuff on me. Left me limping through life.

[@robyns.1431]

I pray you break the cycle and find peace and joy!

[@jp5419]

I will never regret pulling out of workforce to be a SAHM. It’s been the biggest gift to my child and me. Such a gift. Forever grateful that my spouse provided for this. We need to get back to extended family model and broader community.

[@noire9601]

Very privileged POV. So don't brag

[@isJudgingYou]

⁠@@noire9601She said it’s a gift and she’s forever grateful for what she’s able to do. Just because you’re envious doesn’t mean somebody’s bragging. And don’t assume it’s “privilege”. Most people have to make sacrifices to make it happen, and not everyone is cut out for that.

[@CorneliusWellingtonIII]

@@noire9601 sacrificing her income and professional endeavors to be able to care for her home and children is to be praised not denigrated. Using righteousness to condemn sacrifice in the name of “social justice” is peak cognitive dissonance. 😂

[@marziyashaikh3748]

as someone raised in eastern culture i can tell how western psychologists are over-romanticising the way we raise our children, one parent usually stays at home but theres no such thing as emotional bonding. Most of us do not have a secure attachment style once we are adults and due to our culture we are not even allowed to move away from abusive/neglectful parents. We have a huge envy for western kids as they are allowed to do so and eventually heal. For us, therapy is a taboo and even as adults ur not even allowed to buy a dress if ur mom doesnt like the colour, so even when mom stays home, theres no such thing as emotional care.

[@zaramuravenko2312]

Sad😢

[@ari3lz3pp]

That's very sad. Honestly abuse from parents is very common in the West too. Most of us don't have secure attachments. That's why we have so many people having inappropriate sexual relationships etc. And the cycle continues until someone works hard to break it! 💪 Abuse is glorified here in media and our legal system. Law enforcement rarely helps and the schools perpetuate the issue. Most kids go to public school which is not healthy. A young child especially should be supervised by a loving parent most of the day, not a stranger or someone more detached. The understanding in our culture in the USA that mommies go to work and play corporate boss Barbie while their kids are with someone else is terrible. Then the moms start to feel it's popular to say "UGH I have to be with my kids! When is school break over! " Etc even though they hardly spend time with them. It's akward but I stopped playing that game a while ago. I mistakenly put our first child in preschool for 2 years before we found abuse and have been teaching them since. And before that we rarely had help either. My oldest is eleven and we have had two nights completely to ourselves, about 9 years ago. We had a handful of nights "alone" (at the caretakers home, we were too poor to live on our own so were with my husband's abusive grandma). So I'd still be the one being told to care for my child through the night if my child was not sleeping. We had maybe another handful of dates for an hour or two also through the years. My point; we love time with our kids (most the time 😅) and we are grateful I can stay home with my child. I planned to have a clinical psychology degree but I never continued when I realized how important parenting full time is. We usually hear moms, that maybe spend 5 hours of quality time with their kids/week if that; complain as an ice-breaker "I'm so sick of my kids! Aren't you just looking forward to school starting again?" It's even in a popular Christmas song.... They send them away when they can, they can't stand them. My sister in law complains she doesn't know her kids and why they do x/y/z but she doesn't bother to know them. She could be at home. I have witnessed a lot of child abuse by my cousin, cops and protective services did nothing. My grandmother worked with those organizations too, doing paperwork but talking with the psychologist etc, and horrific things some parents do. Most of them send their kids to public school too.... because we devalue children in this country and look at them as a burden most often. So neglect and abuse are common here too. We do at least have traditions being revived from some communities, from the 60s and before that....when more families bonded when they could. But even in the 50s the split had begun. Lots of socialism and communism was also being pushed in universities at that time, and the ideology of broken families and "sexual freedom" etc. Along side the push for public school k-12. So it's not a coincidence in my eyes.

[@abcdesara]

That’s a different context. You are half way thru in the right direction: you have a parent at home but she’s loveless and/or abusive. I guess this overomantization is just the ideal scenario, but we know the world is far from ideal. After learning more and more about this topic, so far I can conclude that even if you have the best system for raising a child, it’s a matter of sin in the heart of a person. A mother that doesn’t know about her sin and hasn’t had her heart transformed by the love of God (thru Jesus) (NOT religion) will never love others and her children well. A mother whose heart is transformed knows that those children don’t belong to her, but to God who created them (she just receive them), therefore should not manipulate them to do her wishes (this is just Satanic) actually, but to serve, love and educate them. Everything changes when the heart changes. ❤

[@ncpk9565]

Spot on​@@abcdesara

[@candyluna2929]

Thank you for this comment.

[@katieociardha2196]

My mom told me when I was pregnant and planning to stay home full-time that I would need a job because I would hate looking after babies and being "only" a mom. If that doesn't sum up how she felt about us kids I don't know what else will! We always felt like a burden and uninteresting compared to her work. I will not be leaving my children with the same feeling of not being enough.

[@DadSavesAmerica]

I feel sorry for your mom and grateful that you’ve got more appreciation for what truly matters in life. Nobody lies on their death bed wishing they had worked more.

[@katieociardha2196]

I feel sorry for her too and try to encourage her because it's clear she has so much doubt and anxiety about being a mom even now. That generation had a really tough time of it, the women being told being a mom was worthless and they should work, yet having to fight their instincts every step if the way and feeling not good enough no matter what they did. Thanks for your content! ❤️

[@happycampers7889]

I raised two children I adopted from foster care. I tried for 11 years to get help for them. I told everyone that would listen that they have attachment disorder. All I got was “that’s so rare”. No one helped them. 3 years of talk therapy where they learned to manipulate and triangulate. Something needs to change.

[@h.r.c.2829]

I've worked in the foster care system. 'Group homes' (STRTP's if you're in California) only contribute to the disordered attachments. I cannot draw to mind one successful placement in the 3 years I worked with foster youth. There was no trauma work, no EMDR, no psychoanalysis. Only CBT/DBT and man, did they teach the kids how to work the system/ other people effectively. I firmly believe the dysfunction you and I witnessed is one of the most significant causes of the current homelessness and addiction epidemic. Something absolutely needs to change

[@kevinevejoykbmarks4838]

my

[@KayCeeTX21]

Not rare. It’s not just happening in kids being adopted from foreign countries. Don’t let them, hate this term but it applies, gaslight you. Parents who suspect this must Be the squeaky wheel. Don’t stop until you get the grease of support and discussion about what is actually happening!!!!!

[@Julie-fp3bn]

Rob Henderson talks about this in his book “Troubled,” and its scary the constant stress he was under in group homes.

[@bigbabyjordan]

Not sure if they’re still with you presently, but this link below is a wonderful resource. I work as a family therapist specializing in attachment. Bryan Post has practical, grounded application of attachment repair. God bless. youtube.com/@postinstitute?feature=shared

[@elizabethhufton5514]

So well spoken. I have followed this type of parenting at a huge sacrifice financially, but the product is 4 amazing emotionally strong young men which is the next generation. And that was worth the sacrifice. Becoming a parent means doing everything for your children. Thank you.

[@ranjana843]

In this day and age most parents don't have a choice and have to work to put food on the table. I had to go back to work when my baby was 10 months old. My husband was trying to find work after being made redundant. It was a heart wrenching time for all of us. We made a choice to cosleep with our baby. We cuddled her throughout the night. She is a very happy 8 year old now. We are mentally exhausted after a slave day at work. Cannot play dollies with her but over weekend, holidays, and vacations it is all about us as a family. Modern day living is not easy, especially when you are on your own. Would I stop working to be a stay home mum ? In a blink of an eye. Alas! Most of us are getting by just with 2 people working. We try our best and I can only hope our daughter grows up to understand we did our best. She loves us to the moon and back and she is the center of our universe

[@Mirjam444]

I'm a Mom who is at home. Call it old fashioned. I felt it's my God given calling. It makes me sad to see the Academic pressure on kids in our Country. But I'm hopeful for change and see more Tradeschools in the future. Great interview!!

[@DadSavesAmerica]

You’re doing the immeasurably valuable work as a mom! My (and I) are SO LUCKY that my wife chose to stay back and raise him in the early years, I had morning duty, but didn’t get home until 8. It was financially difficult to be one income, but that’s life.

[@kristinmac4559]

Pay attention if you discover your child is a “ mean girl” or a cruel “ smack talker” to their peers- They may be under their own stress if they’re lashing out at peers to feel better about themselves or accepted by a certain group

[@IntrospectiveHousewife]

A sister of mine was like this in middle school and high school. Our mother was an undiagnosed borderline (we didn't know until recently), and my sister was the main scapegoat. I knew my mom was emotionally unavailable and mean, but I guess I was spared because she was married to my dad, so I was unaware of some stuff happening in the background as the youngest oblivious loner child. It's been about 15 years since she graduated high school, and I finally understand why we both had different yet had severe issues when socializing. An emotionally absent parent (towards me) or one that is outwardly emotionally and verbally abusive (towards my sister) will have a huge influence on a child's behavior in school. The overachieving mean kids and underachieving/inconsistent loner kids tend to have stressors related to bad parenting. Those both desperately looking for attention or trying to avoid all attention are probably being neglected or abused at home. I can look back and see this in some former classmates as well. It's actually more prevalent than people realize.

[@shannonjohnson5879]

I’m a nursery teacher, (and a Waldorf trained kindergarten teacher). I have studied Gabor Mate and attachment theory. Am in full agreement with all your guest said. I’m also in agreement with Abigail Shrier which would seem like a contradiction. Would you please have Abigail on your show. I do believe these two women’s views can be reconciled but with a great deal of nuance, which podcast style can flesh out. And I think you’d be a great one to hold that conversation✨ Love your podcast!

[@annmihut665]

I'm glad to hear your content and your continuing education in listening to interviews like this. You are truly a good teacher if you build your knowledge on such views like this ...as well Gabor Mate who I've been listening to as well a few times.

[@Usernameprivate2023]

Waldorf was very traumatizing for me as a child. It places children in boxes. It’s almost like a cult. I actually used the teachings of Gabor Mate to heal my trauma from that school.

[@monicasmadeinmaine1114]

I think it all boils down to narcissism. You want to be there for your teens as an emotional touchstone, let them explore without being a helicopter/devouring mother. Having the meaningful conversation by being there but let them try out some confidence.

[@dlo8796]

“Whenever the child has an issue, it’s the parent that has the issue” This is Psychology in a nutshell!

[@theinnerlight8016]

Unless the child is a psychopath... 😮

[@mr.r2362]

​@@theinnerlight8016Ok troll. Children don't inherit psychopathy out of thin air. It comes from parents.

[@theinnerlight8016]

@@mr.r2362 That is sociopathy. Read a book.

[@ivan_says_hi]

​@@theinnerlight8016you are both correct even if just on technicality 😃

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

​@@ivan_says_hi God bless you Ivan 😂

[@vernonbacud]

it’s this society that teaches the parents to let their babies cry themselves to sleep

[@Dunbar_Dynamics]

I was definitely thinking about that listening to this. My first child was so fussy and I’d always soothe her. Dad didn’t think we should but I did.

[@davidm1149]

Sounds perfectly similar to the insane mindset becoming increasingly pervasive, likely brimming over from elitist schools with no connection to real life.

[@mimiruss8444]

@@Dunbar_Dynamicsyou will find a balance and yes you do need to let them cry themselves to sleep sometimes

[@fswan1944]

​@mimiruss8444 no you do not "need to" let them cry themselves to sleep sometimes 🙄 Goodness gracious.

[@Dunbar_Dynamics]

@@mimiruss8444 she’s 10 now 💗

[@ChrisPatrick8199]

Fascinating video. I am 42 and I had great parents and family. We had our disfunction, just like every family I think. Problem was I went through sexual abuse by a male gay babysitter (not family) and that triggered Bipolar disorder which had me hospitalized for a psychotic break when I was 25. I had dropped out of college because of my mental health. I was made by society that had pushed the message that "you'll be nothing and will be an absolute failure without a college degree. It is the ONLY path" to feel that way. I also have ADHD and that also has made me a complete failure in societies mind (and my mind), and the literal only thing I can remember from 1st grade is my teacher screaming at me for daydreaming and humiliating me. Thankfully I had loving parents and a very loving brother who helped me get my life together. If I hadn't had their support I probably would have caved to societies pressure and killed myself so I wasn't a burden to society. I recovered from Bipolar disorder, but it wasn't until 21 years had passed that I had told anyone about the sexual abuse that I even got diagnosed and began to do so. I been stable for years but I need to do more work on myself. Even though I am doing fine in life, really good actually, I still feel like a complete absolute loser because I didn't finish college. Then I have people tell me bullshit like "college isn't for everybody" which makes me feel even worse about myself. Nice channel I have subscribed. Thanks for the reassurance that this isn't all my fault.

[@Jules-Is-a-Guy]

Glad ppl are getting the message now, but we already raised broken ppl for decades, gonna have to deal with social consequences.

[@spartakos3178]

She says people were repressed but ignores the damage done by sexual "freedom."

[@Veracityseeker7]

She talks about that in other interviews.

[@DylanJo123]

She was talking about what freud was experiencing. There was no need to mention todays troubles

[@jessthecactus]

She has already mentioned that in many other podcasts

[@vintagejaki751]

Louise Perry discusses thoroughly on sexual 'freedom' and its damaging effects.

[@dr.dragon8322]

This was very eye opening as a newer father. My wife and I are balancing someone always being with our child. Trying to balance because we do need two incomes. So one of us is working off hours while the other isn’t. It’s a challenge but we have such a happy boy.

[@CathAlexandra]

ADHD has a legitimate genetic component. It's not just from anxiety due to poor parenting. I stayed home with my kids, loved on them, played on the floor with them, did baby-wearing, breastfed, and devoted all my time to them, and they still have ADHD and mild Autism as adults. I love being their mom, and they trust me with their feelings. The thing is, my husband, his father, and his father's father all have/had ADHD, and this was likely passed onto our children. The Freudian idea of the "refrigerator mom" as the cause of ADHD or Autism is passé. I do agree with the premise that we need to refocus our attention on our children's development as parents and as a community, especially in those early years. I don't agree that modern parenting causes ADHD with only small exception as Ms. Komisar stated.

[@DadSavesAmerica]

Agreed. There are several people in my life with ADHD. It’s complex. But what makes things so hard now is the over-use of these categories by schools and the victimhood culture creeping into psychology. Challenging times!

[@consciouspreconception334]

Diet, nutritional deficiencies, and heavy metal exposure (preconceptionally, prenataly, from food, water, air, medication), also play a major role in ADHD individuals. Increasing nutrients and a heavy metal detox can really make a huge difference. ❤

[@Goldie32057]

Vaccines maybe?

[@laurahuston2187]

I think genetics, parenting, and environment (toxins in the air, water, food, medicines, education paradigm, etc) all play into it. So much more processing in food and other factors which have increased in the past decades.... and more and more ADHD, autism, anxiety...😢

[@isJudgingYou]

Haha yes it is very much genetic for many kids. My son has been hyper since he was in the womb. Now that he’s 9- the excess energy is leveling off somewhat. But he’s always wiggling and tapping and bouncing and crashing… The school did not enjoy him and the feeling was mutual. 😅 So, he learns at home now and is doing awesome.

[@ideaWorld403]

The message Erica talks about is so important. I encourage everyone to read her first book, and buying a copy for friends or family in your life who are about to become parents. Im a mom to three young kids, and wish I had read this book before my first was born.

[@susannapichula9947]

This is so good. Something that I will definitely be implementing in my parenting journey. I know it's not to late for me to make changes in my parenting journey.

[@Tm-gg2mz]

Thank you for this interview! I am a stay at home mom to my 4 incredible children under age 4. Its amazing and also so hard some days. These types videos really help reassure me on the days I am doubting myself or have been getting an earful from some of my working friends. Thank you!

[@adsf6033]

Just tell them the cost of daycare for 4 under 4 lol. I have 3 under 3 and I empathize, people are insecure and selfish

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

A word of advice, they are not actually your "friends"

[@leahbarajas2082]

I need this entire lecture on paper. Beautiful solutions that would make the most upward change in a society that is malnutritioned in this kind of nurturing care. Oh, how I wish there was more support in the raising of our children. In fact, I wish I had this support as a child. Being raised in this ineffective system really is showing in our society that I am 100% a part of. Mental illness has been my struggle for most of my life and the consequences I struggle with as an adult is painstaking, especially now as a mother to a son. Thanks to Erica Kimosar, I have been able to be more proactive in my efforts in being not just a more wholesome person, but a mother who is able to be more mentally and emotionally available for my son. I couldn’t be more grateful.

[@krsnapremidevidasi282]

Erica Komisar and Gabor Mate are the biggest discoveries of my life. Thank you for speaking about these topics loudly and clearly!

[@rishnix]

It's a weird feeling to listen to things like this and hear about all the things that are messing up kids now and they're just the same things that messed me up as a kid and for as much effort as I've put in to better myself and get over this stuff, a lot of it is just permanent damage that there is no getting around now.

[@RealElenaDiaz]

This is what should be viral ! Great information and video! Thanks

[@DadSavesAmerica]

Glad you think so!

[@SJBeck-yd1zt]

As a german cbt therapist I always look at the background of the symptoms. We talk about "schemata" and meta beliefs systems, which were developed in the childhood. That's an important part of therapy here!

[@amandakate1247]

I am seeing such an extreme opposite where our oldest doesn’t want to go school, doesn’t care about grades, wants to play games and be on their phone all the time, staying up late, sleeping in all day to avoid interacting with others. There has to be a balance of pushing kids to do what they don’t want but is an inherit responsibility and seeing the small joys in life. So many teenagers aren’t getting that sense of reward achieving their goals because they have none. It’s all on their phone and feelings are overcompensating reality. We can’t constantly be in our comfort zone.

[@adsf6033]

He said young kids not teenagers don’t need stress... those teens on their phones probably spent their first few years in front of a screen and were taught that’s what life is bc the parents were too busy on their own screens to give them attention. So the cycle continues

[@madisonminkin8201]

Low key that sounds like a form of teenage depression to me….. thought about taking the phone away and doing a tech detox for a bit? Coupled with some intentional one-on-one time with mom or dad doing a fun or meaningful activity together? Teens should be bubbling with life and energy and contributions, not apathetic and reclusive and run down. Your oldest sounds like they’re crying for help they might not even realize they need.

[@NiinaSKlove]

Great conversation! - It would be interesting to hear Erica in conversation with Jordan Peterson and Gabor Máte.

[@Veracityseeker7]

I bet it will happen.

[@NiinaSKlove]

@@Veracityseeker7 😄

[@karinturkington2455]

This is the best interview I've ever seen about the emotional needs of children. Also, such a great explanation of the importance of looking into the past to help us understand our present and future fears. I've been told by a social worker I was seeing, that I ruminate on the past. I knew she didn't understand what I was saying or feeling. Thank you for this. I am a very fear-based person who has lacked strong family attachments throughout my 64 years. I'm always trying to understand why I'm the way I am.

[@sheilabadeau9449]

Im so glad a friend sent this to me.. i have a 15yo girl and 17yo boy and I've been struggling... i get frustrated trying to communicate with them. This is making so much sense... i wish i can get a redo 😩

[@DadSavesAmerica]

You get a redo every day!

[@erindabney2758]

Many of my childless (including me) friends really wanted to have children… Most of us could not create stable enough partnerships to justify having kids. Now that we’re post-fertility and all this research is widely available, we’re all regretfully glad that we didn’t create more broken humans. As for me, I’m to a point where I hope something kills me soon. I’m tired of being here and doing everything alone.

[@jackpotbear4559]

Cool story

[@monicatorres4686]

I lost one of my good friends to su*cide during my adolescent years.. I will never forget that!

[@racoimbra]

Although I deeply agree with practically everything Dr. Komisar said, understanding the focus she gives to the role of parents in the education of babies, children and adolescents, I think that Judith Rich Harris' warning carries greater weight: more determinants in socialization of children are peers of the same sex and approximate age. Komisar touches on this issue when dealing with the school's role in the excessive stress on boys and girls, but bets on an impossible intervention (or guilt, which she rhetorically avoids characterizing) on ​​the part of parents. Harris warned: parents can do very little in contrast to their children's peers. I emphasize: the institutions of the school, the community, places of coexistence and leisure are collapsed; In our eagerness to avoid conflicts and monitor children and adolescents, we destroy imperfect institutions (the groups or even gangs of "unsupervised" children and adolescents of our own childhoods and adolescence... I am a child of the 1960s, a teenager of the 1970... just a little younger than Komisar), without better institutions to fulfill their functions. My generation still had plenty of space to play, fight and be spontaneous or even wild. Not a few collapsed in the process. The process was not perfect and already suffered from super new and untested interventions, such as the excessive urbanization and atomization of families, the massification via television (as before through cinema and, even before, through radio... very different from the relatively more rooted in multigenerational families, in the religious parish of a more or less exotic denomination, even in the Catholic (etymologically "universal") version, quite local and personal, in the influence of a specific priest and integrated (influenced) by the small community of the parish. Today's young people do not have a broad aggregating factor, such as television imposing the same models or musical styles, or heroes from half a dozen films or series, or soap operas... Nor do today's young people have local (in-person) spaces. recognized as “unsupervised” coexistence. Social networks are left to unify very specific groups of interests into a multitude of identities, musical groups, films and cult series. Put together ten teenagers from a suburb or school and they share little with their local peers. This is excessively disruptive, stressful and has led a greater proportion of children, adolescents and young adults to collapse, including fatally. Yes, parents can influence. But very little and against pressure from institutions such as schools, the State and WHO...

[@adalynnlanette6193]

This is such a great comment. As a parent, I do all I can but I know the culture and my child's peers have the potential to be far more influential than I am. A great book on this is "Do Parents Matter?" by Sarah and Robert LeVine. In the West (the US specifically), we hold the parent responsible for the childrearing. But in other cultures, children may not even be raised by their biological parents or they may be raised in ways that the US would consider negligent or abusive, yet the children grow to be successful adults within the culture they live in. We have to be wary of looking at child-rearing from a strictly WEIRD (western, educated, industrialized, democratic) perspective...because the raising of children does in fact take a village and it extends beyond the hands of the nuclear family.

[@racoimbra]

@@adalynnlanette6193 I agree. What motivated me to comment was my background as a psychoanalyst, with Lacanian training, still very fixated on the myth of the extreme importance (or guilt) of parents, but already with a certain transition (somewhat theoretical and not so integrated into clinical practice... ) for recognizing broader phenomena or influences from culture or history. Thus, I saw in Komisar's argument many points of contact with my position, but with an excessive focus on something like parental voluntarism or exceptionalism. My perception is that although this can help (or hinder), it still corresponds to a very limited fraction of the influencing factors... which is at the basis of the recurring phenomenon of two brothers, even monozygotic twins raised together, having very different outcomes - be it in professions, marriage, sexual orientation, criminal involvement, etc. The explanation for this from Harris' perspective, especially in the book No Two Alike, is the pressure to find a specific role in a group. If one of the twins is the goofy one, or the nerd, the other will seek to differentiate themselves, being the fearless one or the nihilist, etc.

[@mommybreakdown]

I’m so inspired as an educator and mother myself to learn and grow even more. Notepad ready! Thank you for thought-provoking content!

[@DadSavesAmerica]

Mom Saves America too!!!

[@mommybreakdown]

@@DadSavesAmerica🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

[@lilijimenez3629]

Thank you for your courage and bravery to share this information for the sake of our children. You’re the best, Dr. Komisar!

[@carolynm8350]

I am agreement with the therapist. It has enlightened me as a mother and I will implement it in my walk with my little girl.

[@VRK76]

This is my first time listening to this channel. I have listened to various people interview Erica but this is my favourite thus far. Thoughtful questions and lots of time for Erica to explain her knowledge and experience. My children are four and under but the information about adolescence helps me prepare for the future.

[@alyssawelch3845]

The perfect conversation appearing at the right time. Thank you

[@KraziAnnRKissed]

I grew up with both parents working from home and unfortunately, it was a horrible experience. My mother felt inclined to take care of my father, who was abusive and very angry all the time. I have odd phobias that I don't even know how I ended up with. Driving, calling people... I'm not sure why. Also depression, ADHD, general anxiety and CPTSD. My adulthood actually ended up being worse for me (from both parents) so I'm in a constant state of hyperactivity out of fear. I tried to shield my children from this, unsuccessfully so far. I latched onto a narcissist and he, in turn, ended up neglecting and abusing our kids after he left. It's a shame that I can't break a cycle of abuse. I personally could but I know now I can't make someone else break their own.

[@Keynote24]

What a great conversation, really enjoyed this! Inspiring & helpful guidance to parents.

[@aliciamarana]

Thank you for sharing this great conversation.

[@terrytsai3586]

Erica Komizar is amazing, such good information!

[@Thea118]

I love Dr. Komisar. I've seen her on a few shows recently. She's a highly intelligent and articulate woman with terrific messaging!

[@JJtvee]

Can someone please set up and interview with Erica Komisar and RFK Jr please!

[@MelissaWelsh-vb2bo]

Both are amazing thank you for the reminder that I have done as a stay at home mom for 3 girls best thing

[@cben4239]

Thank God this came across my feed. And just at the right time. Wonderful interview and very informative

[@DadSavesAmerica]

Glad it was helpful!

[@lahmyaj]

Quite enjoyed this. I think Erica says what everyone knows to be true - parenting or lack there of is responsible for a lot of what we see now and if we only humble ourselves enough to say we need to address our own shortcomings and ourselves then maybe those around us could greatly benefit too.

[@J-S.I]

I was born on the in the 70’s In Europe to both working parents. I was in a day care from infancy. My mother was a teacher and my father was a policeman. I was often forgotten to be picked up on time and police station needed to be called to remind my father to collect me. I was very lonely and shy child. I did not know how to fight for my rights and occasionally would bite other children out of frustration. I was like an orphan who had parents whom I never knew where they were. When I became a parent myself at the age of 21 in Uk I was determined I didn’t want to leave my baby ever and I suffered various intimidation and been looked down at for being stay at home mother. By embracing Islam in 2003 the society guilt tripping became irrelevant to me. I was content with my role. I understood the motherhood was a noble job of rising a human being. I am in my mid 40’s and have 6 children . Moved away from the toxic west and currently living in Africa. Good luck to the rest of humanity in a rise of new era of freak control state rising there where child abuse now is made compulsory by law.

[@jimmysblacksmithing462]

Excellent, excellent presentation!! Personally, I am not a formally educated person in this field, however, I advocate for the same reasons she explains if anyone pays attention to life, they will understand what she is talking about, however, she gets into some very technical details, which is really cool! I have been trying to nicely guide and advise parents as well as others in the society along the realms, children’s well-being and so forth. For the last 40 years, This woman speaks my language, 1000%. Thank you so much. Look forward to seeing some more of her presentations. Stay well keep up the great work and have a beautiful day!🙏

[@jennmcdavitt3782]

I was in a therapeutic community That used cognitive behavioral therapy. And I'm sorry it gave me the Worst p. T. SD in my life, I have Lived on the streets. I've been a heroin addict. I've been r worded and I've never experienced p. T s d like I have from the use of cognitive behavioral therapy

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

Say more.

[@jennmcdavitt3782]

@user-he6rs8xi7u I was in a cognitive behavioral therapeutic community in a prison. It's not what people think. Yes they teach you how to think. But they also break you. They break everything within you and rebuild you the way they want you. They make you hopeless. To the point where you'll do anything too avoid that place. So yeah it works. I'm sober. But broken inside. Can barely listen to music. They weaponize even that. Now it can be used in a more gentle way but the thing is its just not used in a gentle way. We had to go 6 weeks with no speech even to counselors. No music except rehab music. People confronted you on every action or inaction in a circle of 30+people with everyone attacking you for what you did. You weren't allowed any human contact. Not just sexually but handshakes, bumping into someone, anything. Humans need contact. You couldn't trust anyone. Constantly told how bad you are. Constantly told your thoughts were wrong your feelings wrong. By the time I left I was a silent shell of a person. Took years to think I wasn't going to be verbally attacked for thinking and feeling. I can't trust people. I have no friends. Can't get close to people. Can't sleep near anyone. Like I've been thru a lot in my life. Heroin addiction at 14. Homeless at 15. R@p$d for years. Geez you name it. Nothing I've gone thru gave me ptsd like this therapy did. It was 9 months of hell. I'm sober so I don't go back. But can I ever really live again?

[@samoothoo]

How so? In cbt now and not feeling great.

[@jennmcdavitt3782]

@samoothoo it was a therapeutic community that practiced cbt. We went 6 weeks without being allowed to speak- even to our counselors. We couldn't have physical contact in ANY WAY- hand shakes, bumping into someone, hi fives, literally no contact. No games. No books. No music except therapy chants in the morning. 10 months long. It was a prison as well. So the guards were another element. You couldn't breathe without being confronted on your behaviors thoughts and feelings. I was made to reevaluate every action I took in my addiction and what my thoughts were, what they should have been, and how I was sick for feeling the way I did. I'm sober now. Yeah. But only because I refuse to go back to that. I flat out refuse to go back to that. It was awful. I never felt so ashamed or horrified about myself. I have since found real healing in starting a farm and caring for abused animals. Learning to trust again along with my abused pig friends. Doing the physical work helps the restless feelings and over whelming emotions. It's helped me have hope and find my purpose and heal in a self made loving environment. I think it's important to learn how to think but the way cbt does it keeps you in the negative space. It doesn't give you hope. It breaks you down and makes you more depressed. The most fulfilling way to heal in my opinion is to find your purpose. Your driving purpose. Then do it. Live it. Give yourself a reason to be happy and wake up with a purpose every day. It's not easy and you do have to fight your own thoughts and the people that tell you that you can't get better without treatment. You can. But you have to want it with every fiber. You have to want to learn and grow and live again and that's not easy to jump start. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I hope you discover a way to be at peace again. I'll pray for you and send good vibes your way.

[@nancylpr]

I love this woman! ❤ she is saying things that I have always suspected.

[@jayleon2894]

I love this woman! We should be shouting this from the rooftops and doing it ourselves. If more did, society would get much better, and work and wages would become more competitive esp for our lower earners.

[@WitchOvTheeWood]

This is an amazing and deeply helpful interview. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m going to buy all of her books now!! 😂

[@ingridlarsen1299]

Great interview! Thank you

[@Lisa-qt7pw]

Truly great interview! Thank you

[@catherineokereke6497]

Such an interesting conversation. Erica has strong views - that I mostly agree with and some of them are very hard to swallow. The part I don’t feel as realistic is this idea that women staying home in the olden days used to stand around baking cookies. It seems like a glorification of the past. It is quite a lovely picture she paints - but it doesn’t seem like that was probably happening much. I am working mother, but my child went to care outside of the home when she was 16 months old. And I am able to pick her up basically every day and drop her off and she has reduced hours. (8:30-3:30 m-th & 1/2 day Friday) it really resonates with me how much I think people dismiss children’s feelings. And how much they want things to be convenient for themselves as parents. Having kids is not convenient! And that is why we only have one child - or part of why. The portion at the end where you discuss how burnt out adolescence are these days. I work in higher education, and it is such a horrible epidemic where students are so exhausted and don’t understand that learning should be an incredible experience. Hopefully there can be some real systemic changes in the coming years.

[@monicatorres4686]

She’s so right!! I’m trying to Re-parent my self as I’m parenting them .. We’ve also suffered through a divorce and having to navigate through that .

[@packattack931]

“It’s not about fault. It’s trying to understand the connections between things.” 26:43

[@vegacardullo1917]

Such an insightful show thank you!❤

[@tyshanbroden5583]

This was very good conversation. As teachers of 6th graders at a Fine Arts School we talk about all these topics this often. We have had a rough time with a few parents this year that have attacked us for every little thing we do. Very stressful. Either way. I’ve been talking about how we teach boys for a while and changed my teaching to cater to them instead of girls. With society having both parents having to work to survive I wonder what will be our breaking point. The US current system isn’t sustainable

[@Rosa12Teresa]

I love this lady! She had another wonderful interview with Lila Rose! Highly recommend!

[@margarita8416]

thank you. indeed staying at home is a good choice, providing there's a roof over head and basic food on the table. it's not really recognised & looked down at. often it comes with negative images of far from perfect teeth or no plastic surgery and so on. imo we are loosing a lot when we don't let people get older. it's okay to have short nails or not full lips..... wrinkles and grey hair are markers of experience (and hopefully wisdom). just one more thing, parents are parents (not friends, not classmate, not teachers, not housemates, not colleagues, not party buddies). once we understand that, we will get fun of playing simple games. just saying...... thank you again. very thought provoking

[@aniqabano1582]

Success is mental health Success is relationships Success is balance. Wow

[@JJtvee]

I cant believe he didn't put her name in the title.

[@sandyoptimismrules2512]

Can't listen all at once but the first 30 min. Very interesting.

[@bernadettesandoval3990]

Another form of child hate in our current society is the single/two child family. Siblings are an important part of child/family development.

[@ari3lz3pp]

HUH? My husband and I get tons of actual hate for having only two. Worse when only one. I thought you were going the opposite direction with your comment. A lot of kids with many siblings get abused so they don't want to perpetuate that. 😢 If we could afford more kids (physically and mentally more than financially, with myself and my child having ASD and my husband having significant ADHD....and other health issues) . I am sad to think we will never have another kid TBH but we have to take care of the ones we have. Siblings shouldn't raise one another either. It's disgusting that parents shove off their responsibilities onto their children. It happened in my husband's family. Most of his siblings and he don't have healthy relationships and don't talk much. My father is the same way. I had step siblings and we were all neglected like crazy. So it's hate to judge either only for the numbers game. If a family has more than four kids at various ages it's definitely a warning sign if they can't manage them well. Bad days happen, but we should be responsible. We don't have people to help us with our kids, we have had maybe a handful of one to two hour dates in the past decade and two nights without the kids at all. Yet we make do. If someone has more kids I definitely hope the kids have other family that can step in and help. That's a different story. For us to have more in our situation would be unecessary chaos.

[@synupps877]

How is having one or two children "child hate"?

[@dudejo]

​@@synupps877they're getting hate because they ONLY have one or two children

[@isJudgingYou]

I would’ve enjoyed my childhood far more without my siblings.

[@irynasakharchuk7044]

Thank you❤

[@SoniaGarcia-up4tm]

Awesome work you just won a new subscriber.🎉

[@ctclardy]

So many people need "quality" therapy, counseling, and coaching for both present and past pain and traumas... unfortunately, many of these people who would be amenable to that are financially immature and/or unsuccessful because of their past traumas, so much so that they cannot afford therapy, counseling, and/or coaching so, they just forgo them or drop out far too early and suffer through life futilely coping and failing time and again... what is the solution?

[@Veracityseeker7]

A lot of therapists will work with you on a sliding scale, based on your income. Also, sometimes 12 step programs of various genres can be good too. The anonymous groups, along with celebrate recovery. We got to get in what we can where we can.

[@raymk]

This is my first episode watching the podcast, and I'm lovin it

[@BenMorse0]

As economies grow and the complexity of work grows, naturally children will require longer and longer school. This is why “college is mandatory” meme has grown strongly recently. With the invention of computers, complexity of work has expanded exponentially and schooling has followed

[@ruthhugo8935]

Love your channel.

[@invictusbat7225]

WOW THIS IS FACINATING THANKYOU!!!

[@paulj0557tonehead]

CBT is a broom not a shovel.

[@addyzee1335]

Great interview 👏

[@j.o.a.t5497]

My mother mentally abused me and my siblings as she "raised" us and constantly talks down upon my siblings because they don't have jobs she approves of blaming they're education or as she sees it lack there of, and so inevitably she let's all that out on me because I don't have a "real" job when I'm busting my backside to make the money to educate myself which she never bothered to help with. I was taken out of school after 6th grade and "homeschooled" which was I was left to my own devices as both my parents worked.. Yet according to my mom it's all my fault..

[@fredalackenspeil9371]

Ok so my 3rd baby was very much exactly as she described the sensitive baby and I was with her all the time, took her with me even to my one day of work per week, nurse her for almost 9 months, co slept with her for any time she woke up in the night and she has still ended up with depression and anxiety. 😢

[@Graceyoutube]

Madame même dans le passé pas si lointain les parents negliger des enfants et surtout n'avait pas le temps de se soucier de leurs émotions sans parler du nombres d'enfants qu'ils avaient. Donc ce n'est pas un phénomène récent. Les couples n'etait pas en amour avec leurs enfants.

[@biancamacias7476]

How can we use this information to begin change in the world and in our communities. This is all so awesome. Great info. But where do we go from here?

[@jimbo4908]

That’s the trick isn’t it? As with everything else, we seem to not be able to get on the same page as a society due to differing opinions, beliefs, and cultural differences.

[@jp5419]

In France they share the care as well.

[@MC-kt6mt]

Very interesting, it matches other professionals. Though can you bring another specialist about ADHD. She is saying it is because of the environment, but it's a brain development, not environmental, sure the environment can make it worse. Definitely, the stress responses may be mistaken as ADHD in children, though these children may not suffer from ADHD only because of their stress behavioral responses. ADHD brains work differently. This information is misleading... I totally agree with what she is saying about attachment theory. Therefore, I stay with my daughter out of love since birth, and her attachment is secure. She is homeschooled and has no stress, though she is twice exceptional: gifted and ADHD. She learns what she wants, she plays in nature every day, she eats clean, there is nor candy or industrial food, does gymnastics, skating, horse riding, and art. However, she has ADHD and me too. 😂

[@tashhashimi9483]

In my opinion CBT works for vast majority of people but I can understand that some people’s lives are so traumatic that CBT may not be enough

[@Sunsrise7]

Its about stress financial stress causing financial, trauma not feeling safe and secure life and a decent home Have struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood, it sucks, It robs you of life 😢

[@Chelzebelles]

I mean... Most of the greatest humans I have met, or read about, had incredibly "stressful" childhoods. Also important to note that most every child in human history grew up in stressful circumstances... & also that our tax dollars go straight to blowing up little children elsewhere, that most certainly exist in stress. I will agree that the humans that *exist* with the most "well-adjusted" dispositions, under modern cookie-cutter capatalist circumstances are "white-bread" children with helicopter parents ensuring their childhoods are incredibly sheltered... Then again, if/when society falls apart once again, they will not be very well-adjusted to adaptation

[@sarahansen-vm3xv]

I love and agree with everything she says, with one exception. I don't think we should have government mandated paid maternity leave, especially for so long as she wants. So many businesses would have to go bankrupt or stop hiring women. Goverment paid leave would come from more taxes spent poorly by government, wheras individuals, if they want to, are much more likely do do a better job at figuring out finances to let the mother stay home. Would another solution be to encourage people to spend their money wisely, save, and to value their future potential children enough that they save sex for marriage? In my LDS culture, most save sex for marriage, marry young, have children young, mothers choose to not have a career while their children are young, and we have a culture of saving money and spending wisely. Despite giving 10% of our income to our church, most of us can make a single family income work if we want to. But we have a culture that values motherhood and children so much we are willing to make it work.

[@J-S.I]

Love and meaningful purpose of life . We love Allah and our purpose is to worship Him. As Muslims We don’t need to sit on the chair with a person who will listen to us. We have night prayer which is our connection with our Creator, All Hearing, All Seeing, All Knowing , the one who Never Sleeps and Who Has Power over All Things. The All Wise , Who Answers the prayers of the believers. Muslims have firm gender laws in place dictated by their faith and for that reason we are being killed and destroyed by the western powers who want to dominate the world by breaking traditional family structures and introducing feminism in the Muslim lands. Thank to Allah they were unsuccessful in Afghanistan because the women are pious and God fearing and their men are willing to fight for what is wright.

[@user-jb7lo2mw8x]

What is the name of the book

[@terracannon876]

What is a Freudian psychoanalyst is compared to others? Mostly, I'm curious by what Erica meant by her therapist in the past being a Freudian-trained therapist and didn't talk much (around 11:30). What does this mean? Basically that she let her patient talk and work things out themselves?

[@cristinarossi7367]

Great discussion. Thanks, to both of you.

[@Vopraan]

For example a person may had fell from the playground as a kid, hurt themself, and now they fear elevators due to the hight, but they aren't sure why they fear the elevator.

[@Xairos84]

1:01:15 I have an answer: parents pressure their kids from a swelling need to optimize life. Parents look at their current world and think, "if I could do it differently, or better, how would I?" and then pressure their kids to act accordingly. Those parents (really it's us as people) want their kids to have a friction-less, rich future. It's a distortion of parental love.

[@IG88AAA]

Great point. I want to help my children optimize life. My method for doing so will be to SLOW DOWN! Let them enjoy being kids, let them play, learn at their own pace, not take everything so seriously. And then to expose them to many professions starting around age 12 so they can see what fits and what they have aptitude for. I see a dissonance in my plans now that I wrote them out. I might rethink what age I’ll expose them to different professions. Maybe reconsider 16.

[@candyluna2929]

I know mothers that find it ammusing that their kids didn't cry for them when they drop them off at day care the 1st time