Psychoanalyst: “Children need a childhood!” | Erica Komisar

“Children need a childhood where technology use is regulated… institutional care is not and never will be a good option for children under the age of three”
Erica Komisar LCSW is a clinical social worker, author, psychoanalyst, psychological consultant, and parent guidance expert who has been in private practice in New York City for over 30 years.
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Find out more about Erica's ideas in the accompanying ARC Research paper: www.arcforum.com/research-pap...
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[@robmccormick8155]

"Mothering is the most imporant and valuable work." Amen, sister.

[@giselaa358]

This brought me to tears. The society is discouraging moms from staying at home with children to such an extent that I never hear people saying that to moms😢.

[@Joshukend]

We definitely need a healthy family overall, but as far as life results go, good fathering has a far greater impact on what becomes of kids

[@andrewthomas695]

​​@@JoshukendI think you will find it's both mother and father. It ain't a competition, mate. It's a collaboration. 🙂

[@hitchwagster]

​@@Joshukend I think what really is happening is that the first generation of fatherless children still had relatively typical mothers, and all the downstream repercussions of fatherless childhood have been front and center for decades now. But now we will have generations of fatherless children whose mothers grew up in broken homes, and as a result will be less and less able to fulfill the obligations of motherhood. So this issue will compound over time, and I think it is a mistake to detach fatherlessness from the greater issue of healthy family formation because it seems to preclude it.

[@fayececco3787]

So true! I've stayed home working part-time only as my children got older, so I could be available physically and emotionally😊

[@delicatelace8830]

Lots of parents love their career over the child.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

You are so right! That statement isn't said out loud enough!

[@robertthomas3777]

For many parents children are either an accessory or an impediment.

[@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401]

Due to negativity by feminist movement.

[@laurak.3059]

You know, as a mom who has now stayed home for three years - and so far hated pretty much everything about it - this narrative makes me quite emotional. This idea that if only you made that right decision, it's going to be alright, and if you don't, you're just being egotistical. No wonder women tilt towards the left no matter how crazy it gets when among conservatives you can't even say what you would rather be doing right now. You can't say that you actually hate it without being looked at as a bad mom. Everyone calls it a sacrifice, but don't you dare say it actually felt like one. Oh no! The "sacrifice" we want to hear about is that you "couldn't go on a vacation but it was soooo worth it, you know, I wouldn't wanna have missed a single second."

[@priusa8113]

@@laurak.3059wondering why would you stay home if you are miserable doing so😢?

[@ForestSchoolLou]

“Without community children feel untethered.” I feel this to be true - the modern world has lost the 'village' it needs to raise a child.

[@Thetruthmatters154]

Thank you for your wisdom. I gave up my career for my children and I honestly have never looked back. I have now been a mother for 10 years and while it was a very difficult adjustment period in the beginning, I can honestly say that I love every day with my beautiful children and I would never give it up for any career in the world. Society is so cruel to women who decide to be full time mothers. But in the end, I believe, that we have made the right choice and I am looking forward to seeing the fruits of my labour.

[@bellelacroix5938]

I did too my ex was financially abusive he wouldn't even leave me $5 he left me for a week with a 1 year old and no vehicle then the judge let him off the hook regarding child support even though he fully abandoned us coming to court claiming indigence when he was making $80,000 a year in 1980 the judges favor these guys just let him lie and lie and lie because of course we're so crazy we made the bastard rape us postpartum still on our bleeding birthing bed

[@user-od5fh3gn4d]

Must be nice having a rich husband. Most of us don’t have that.

[@AllenaVastgota]

Over 40 years ago I too made the decision to stay home and look after my own children after a ten year career. At that time other career women scorned me. It gave me freedom to help my husband begin our family business that operated for nearly 40 years. It gave my children stability, made them into responsible adults who look to give back to those in need. My contribution to society does not require medals. Just look at the ripples!

[@user-od5fh3gn4d]

@@AllenaVastgota that’s nice. Many women who stay at home have their lives destroyed once their husbands leave them for their mistresses. It’s hard to pay for a divorce attorney if you don’t work.

[@Thetruthmatters154]

@@user-od5fh3gn4d I don’t have a rich husband. We have sacrificed a lot for this lifestyle and have quite simply chosen the well-being of our children over material possessions.

[@bryanhaycock672]

"Zero tolerance for bullying" should not mean zero tolerance for conflict. Learning to deal with conflict is important for adulthood. Actual bullying should be defined and dealt with appropriately by adult caretakers.

My sentiments precisely

[@marcocorreia4794]

This is the one point I am most picky about. While I agree with there being no tolerance for bullies, that is but one side of the problem. However a huge shift should be made to strengthen bullied children in order for them no to be so. I am sure the most effective way to stop bullying is to make the bullied better equipped to respond to the bully. The approach to make the bully stop bullying has never been so openly advocated and enforced and still what happens is that bullies keep finding ways to do it away from the eyes of adults. That's just how it is. Promote and strengthen kids response to being abused, either physically or mentally and DO NOT, for the love of God, stop kids when they are being confrontational about this problem. Most bullying stops the moment the bullied kid confronts the problem head on.

[@RHatcherMD]

"Actual bullying should be defined and dealt with appropriately by adult caretakers" - the fact that 'adult caretakers' often fall so short in that department is a big part of the problem in the first place. Sometimes the adult caretakers ARE the 'Bullies'. Ceding more authority to them, without oversight, would only make the problem worse.

[@user-ch4mm7dy3g]

This is what an old-school ted-talk would look like addressing a problem with scientific data and providing mutliple actual solutions,by far the best speech arc has produced last week

[@hospitalsgivingpatientsdan8894]

I don’t need science JESUS CHRIST taught the best morals off all that’s been scientifically verified ❤

[@julieshaffer7140]

The community cannot supersede the parent. Pediatricians and teachers have to deal with parents as individuals rather than force families into molds with policies and guidelines. In our city the local hospital system is being sued because pediatricians were trained with strict guidelines that they applied to all families and involved Child Protective Services without good reason, resulting in families devastated and torn apart. We must be very careful not to give power to institutions to fix problems created by society.

[@russhurst4551]

So glad our family chose to homeschool. Yes, even on a very limited budget, it is possible.

[@orcanerdc6204]

I'm a first time mom. Any time I feel lost as to what I'm supposed to be doing, I listen to a Komisar talk. I couldn't be more grateful to her for her guidance.

[@nickymooney9424]

Never thought I’d consider home schooling but - this honestly seems like an option I’d prefer so much when coupled with community involvement.

[@alaia-awakened]

I’m PLASTERED to this channel. I’m there next year in that crowd, mark my words 🙏🏻❤️

[@RugbyMom40]

I wanted to go so bad this year but just couldn't make the finances work. That this exists gives me hope.

[@wendykirbymedium7596]

@@RugbyMom40 …if it wasn’t for this channel I’d have never known it was going on, and I’d like to go next year myself,as I’d be giving them all a standing ovation 😉🙏🏼✨

[@captainsensible298]

Mothering is the most important role, the most important thing for children's health.

[@user-mk9qy4yd5t]

This research confirms common sense.

[@julietbowden6189]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! My degree is in early childhood dev, marriage and family therapy, and I have felt so alone in sounding this very horn for the past 20 years! So validating to hear it declared so well on an international stage!

[@chrishodgkinson3039]

Please say more. What insights can you share?

[@MS-ez1pe]

Everything she discusses can be obtained through the beauty of homeschooling!

[@angrytedtalks]

Two problems with home schooling: 1. Most parents are not the best teachers in all important subjects. 2. Lack of social interaction with peers. Parents are already responsible for providing social and ethical education to their children, but they are not necessarily well suited to helping the child to reach their potential in academic subjects. Social time _away_ from parents is an essential ingredient to well socialised citizens.

[@thenettekovens]

You are obviously not very familiar with homeschooling. Most homeschoolers are part of co-ops of various sorts. My high schoolers go to a full day co-op, where hired qualified teachers fill in the gaps in subjects I cannot teach. For instance, a chiropractor teaches science and a former middle school orchestra teacher (now sahm) teaches music/violin, ect. They also participate in a homeschool band with over 100 families as members. In addition, we are part of an a la carte co-op (with 200 families) that provides swimming lessons, ski lessons, public speaking opportunities, etc. If I wanted, we could be gone every day of the week involved in activities and having other people teach my kids. But, I enjoy teaching and we all enjoy being home and together. The most important socialization skills they'll ever learn are with their family. Are there homeschool outliers who never do anything with anyone and kids who fall through the cracks? Of course. But, they are few and far between.

[@angrytedtalks]

@@thenettekovens Sounds like you are talking about cooperative private schooling, not homeschooling. Nothing wrong with private schools with qualified teachers, so long as they deliver the national curriculum without political indoctrination and get fair results.

[@thenettekovens]

@@angrytedtalks like I said, you are not familiar with homeschooling. This is what the MAJORITY of homeschoolers across the country do. It has absolutely nothing to do with a private school.

[@thenettekovens]

@@angrytedtalks also, what do you mean the "national" curriculum? Are you from the US? Private schools are not required to deliver a "national curriculum."

[@Jackjohnjay]

Schools are doing too much. They can’t replace parents. Kids need families, church, a few friends.

[@odette8905]

This woman is a visionary and has the right formula to save our children's decaying mental health. Wish i could be at the ARC conference as she'd have a standing ovation from me. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@vivienneb6199]

Given what she says, I'd say women just need to stop having kids, period.

[@odette8905]

​@@vivienneb6199I believe she's advocating for best possible outcomes for children and her ideas are worthy indeed. It's a very personal decision to have a child and needs to be done in a way which offers the best possible environment for the child.

[@kz8006]

She has some very good points, but I don't agree with her 100%. Also she is speaking from a point of stability and liberalness. A lot of her ideas are great in theory, but life is messy and if we go by her ideas, humanity would depopulate. No one in the western world other than the top 1% can do what she is prescribing unless they want to live in poverty and asking the government and employers to step in and make this happen only puts them in the driving seat of your future. I agree mothers or fathers should be in the home during critical development, but if a poor family has a child and there is only 1 income, those children will not have what they need to get a leg up. And if the income is low in that family, it is because the parents don't have the understanding to teach their kids how to maximize their time and value because they don't understand their own value. It's a complex 1 size doesn't fit all situation. In theory, marxism is a good idea, but in reality it will never work.

[@mumstheword8851]

You are SO wrong! 1% ? 😂 Having lived on 1 LABOURER'S income while bringing up our children, 5 of them, ALL of them are the most well-balanced and valuable assets to society. A big part of the reason for their 'xell-balancedness' is that they grew up having to SHARE - rooms, toys, clothes (didn't ALWAYS get the brand sneakers) time (learning to play games TOGETHER)..... Sharing is so important for children growing up. to teach a child that 'I'm not the centre of the universe.' All good stuff...nothing but good. So much fun to look back on- and they do! That's the wait for the benefits of a long-term investment. THINGS don't make children happy. Short term yes, maybe. The way I see children open presents nowadays......disgusting. Wrapping off...next one please.... Or I would have preferred money..... They grow up into adults who have everything and nothing is left to satisfy. And learning to share is only a fraction of what's important about having your mum around full-time.... It comes down to what's important in life.

[@mumstheword8851]

​@@kz8006Whatever 'get a leg up' means...

[@AG07077]

For the first time in 12 years I feel appreciated as a mother and by the words of a total stranger. Unfortunately, this year I felt strongly the struggle within due to the lack of appreciation in proportion to the strong feeling of responsibility. For the first time I realised that stress coping mechanisms is the luggage I never left home with. Happy to know it is something I can still acquire.

[@ingridcope3323]

A beautiful speech! I stayed home with all my 5 (now young adult children) when they were little till they started school. It takes creativity, cost cutting, living simply, enjoying nature, lots of outdoors exploring, eating together, supporting and loving one another through life's ups and downs.🏘️🙏❤️ n i

[@captjack2112]

What’s being done to our children is disgusting and disturbing and highly dangerous. Pathetic leadership and no excuse for lack of mental health either. Bless us all

[@margaretwhelan3459]

B

[@margaretwhelan3459]

Step in if you are a parent,save your children from thes wolves.

[@y.peffle2802]

leadership can't go buy kids good parents

[@amexicanladyonthesoutherncross]

Mothering is the most important job. Well said.

[@pingpong9656]

Compare this to WEF's child sacrifice and drag queen school hour... NIGHT and DAY!

[@wendywilson1537]

Good luck getting media to press the message that work outside the home should not be the goal. Also they won't ever say that marriage should be a goal, especially for women. I think she is great and totally correct. I hope ARC can find a way to get this message to everyone.

[@glimmrgirl]

I agree with most of her points. But as a mom and a teacher I can honestly say that the pressure on kids as far as grades and academic excellence goes has never been lower. And by never I mean in the last 30 years. My grandparents were better educated than me, I’m certainly better educated than my kids. And it’s due to the fact that they we were expected to do well. By both the school and the parents. It all started to come apart in the 90s and in 2023 there’s literally so little actual education at school, I’m scared to think what the new bridges and buildings are going to look like. I’m worried about the future surgeons, lawyers, nurses and yes, teachers. But hey, at least they won’t be stressed about the grades!

[@RickGeddie]

I guess I'd say emphasis (stress) can be placed on doing the best work that the individual child can do, without over-stressing grades. Though this is easier in a homeschooling environment because the parent can intimately know the individual child. Even though our homeschool co-op requires every-other-year standardized testing, I do not grade my children's work other than a review of it for proof of learning. I have two sons doing well in college and an 11 year-old who can write better (not in terms of penmanship) than the average high school graduate. I wish their mother could have homeschooled them, she would have done a better job than I have, but the economic pressures ensured that the higher income won out. She worked outside the home, and I stayed home. I can honestly say that I am the least successful home maker in the world, but I made sure the attachment relationships my sons had were as secure as I could make them. Sorry for the rant...

[@Atomb]

Well said. Also a teacher. I am deeply skeptical that high academic standards sre possible while having the sort of therapy culture in schools she advocates for. In theory, sure, but what I see in practice isn't working.

[@louis-vd3ur]

all future jobs with be robotic. That is the goal.

[@porkchoppeaches]

@@louis-vd3urTrue , but we have witnessed the product of algorithmic medicine during covid and it’s a nightmarish death cult .Time to start creating the alternative society.

[@porkchoppeaches]

@@RickGeddieThanks for sharing your own experience homeschooling . It sounds like you did a lot of good for your sons.

[@loovejewellery6431]

Thank you for your interviews. My toddler started nursery at 2yr8montbs. Seeing your interviews confirmed to me what I had thought all along. I took him out just before his 3rd birthday. I am now planning to home school and look after both my babies till they’re at least 5yrs old. I know I’m very lucky to be able to have this choice. I never thought I’d even think about home schooling but now being a mother, I question why am I giving one of the most important responsibilities to strangers. I will try and do it where I can.

[@TephaRhi]

Right on!!!! Great decision

[@cateb7276]

Good for you! Great decision that will have positive ripples for generations to come!

[@rhyde0731]

I’m so proud and glad that I have been able to stay home and raise our 4 babies. Our children are happy and secure and have a childhood filled without confusion and stresses that adults bare. We are a screen free home and that has been vital for them learn and grow naturally.

[@pinyao1]

Preach! I have long suspected that early childhood stress due to our society not supporting the family was the root of our kids mental health crisis

[@joycegifford8826]

I did not become a mother until I was 21 then 23 then 26 and seriously I was not ready. I was not mentally mature enough to have taken on this sacred task. Even though I stayed home with my children, volunteered at their schools and in the community, I did a great disservice to my children. They all have struggled with addiction and mental health issues. Two have not had children at are in the mid and late 30s and one struggles with her role as a parent even at the age of 33. I may have been home, but I was not present. Ms Komisar thank you for pointing to the light at the end of the tunnel on this.

[@askhollyhall]

sounds like you did the best you could do

[@jonnyrush1]

What I see in North America 🇨🇦 absentees fathers are big problem mothers being home and mothers not being home she is talking in this world we live in. Nothing about spirit soul(mind will and emotions

[@SelenaSea]

You were very young and did your best at the time. You're present now, and that still matters so much. 💗

[@joycegifford8826]

@@jonnyrush1 Their father and I stayed together until the youngest was 16, that again did them no favours. 2 parents does not equal success especially when neither are mature enough to have taken on the sacred task of raising children.

[@michaelfranklinwhibley2935]

What do you think of a mother that can't remember the weight of a child cuz I was sisters child?

[@Baby-BoomersDown-Under]

One of the best talks in this conference. As a mother and grandmother, I disagree and believe those important year's go all the way to 5 years of age. The second stage from there is up to 13 years of age. The third stage is up to 21 years of age. Being an active mother to a child is important, but so is being an active father in a child's life. Being an active grandparent is also just as important in a child's life. We need to bring back education on how important the family unit including grandparents are to the future of humanity. Just like we should not be putting children into institutional care, we also should not be putting the elderly into institutional care unless there is no alternative. With the technology we have today, some people have the option to work from home. We can also educate our children in the safety of their homes. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. Let us bring back the nuclear two parent family of the Baby Boomers, and stop the division. Bring back education on relationships and stop the vaccination and medication of children and let them be children and play.

[@maryj7423]

The quote at the very end gave me chills. This is all true and much needed. I took notes! It's a life or death matter. Now I know why I grew up completely screwed up and how to fix it before I screw up my own family

[@rosaleengrace]

Wishing you well! Your children will bless you for it!

[@celestialmorpho]

“Without community, children feel untethered.”

[@wendykirbymedium7596]

To be a parent is an absolute blessing and privilege that should never be taken for granted. So, to be an effective loving caring guiding role model to children is to be taken seriously. I’ve always said mothers are the nurturers of the family,fathers the ones that go to provide whilst the mother begins her nurturing career, and that means that she nurtures the relationship between the child and its father too,regardless of what happens (abuse being the only time the mother separates child from father/vice versa). Our Ancestors said…”it takes a village to raise a child “, but I agree it takes extended family (grandparents etc) to help raise a child/children with a healthy foundation to who they are and who they can become. We are all role models,even to people we don’t realize observe us,so be good role models to all children,they are our next generation.🙏🏼

[@Ajax-wo3gt]

I’m hearing a lot of government regulations from this one. We’re actively trying to avoid big brother from getting into our personal lives. Not sure how I feel about this one.

[@syloui]

Half of this lady's solutions are nuts, and ignores the cultural problem. Politics is downstream from culture, change the culture before you can have any hope that regulation will do anything. Today's parents are too often involuntary, hedonic, and just as addicted to instant gratification as their kids, and some are as helicoptery as this lady would like everybody to be. If parents changed their behaviors first maybe they wouldn't fuck up their kids, but that's just as much of a tall order as any of this lady's solutions

[@Ajax-wo3gt]

@@sylouiYeah she's a questionable speaker.

[@kerryswier4173]

Agreed! I was onboard with many of the points she was making until the emphasis became the government or employer should provide this or that. The main thing the government should provide is to be fiscally responsible and collect as few taxes as necessary in order to increase people's take-home pay so they can save more towards when they might take time off of working to be at home with their children. With the high cost of living (especially housing and higher ed), I do feel for today's younger generation who might desire to stay home but may not fiscally be able to. I feel very fortunate and blessed to have been able to stay home full-time in the early years with my kids and, then, only working part-time until they graduated.

[@dreamarcher4018]

​@syloui I don't think you listened in detail to the WHOLE lecture.

[@SaltyShaman]

@@kerryswier4173you can tell that up until recently, she was a lefty. And possible is still captured by many of their mind viruses. I think she's well intentioned and what she says about mothers and small children is true. They are hugely under valued in our society and need more support. I think this can happen organically with child care co ops and gardening, community centers, etc. Combine with elder care :) All generations again like 'back in the day'. But we can't go back to those days. And it cannot be forced. People 'hafta wanna' (to quote George Carlin).

[@senorjp21]

How lost we've become when it's uncomfortable to hear what everyone knows

[@SuperAngela1226]

How profound this comment is.

[@yasmeenaaviles8506]

"Every person is a bridge spanning two legacies: the one they inherit and the one they pass on. Family pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods taking down everything in its path. Until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares all the children that follow." - Terry Real, couples & family therapist & bestselling author.

[@CryptographyFan]

Such a beautiful quote, thank you for sharing. Fully agree

[@Opeyemi-Falore]

How can I like this a billion times. I'm blown by everything I'm hearing. Thank you madam Erica and the whole ARC team ❤

[@arc_conference]

Thank you so much for your support!

[@janetpattison8474]

Here’s my take on the institution of the foster care system. Every geographic area will vary, but, I fostered for 3 yrs & here is some of what I witnessed: 1. The foster agency had zero oversight once a child is in a foster home. 2) There’s a lack of training for fostering emotionally disturbed kids, 3) Doctors prescribe dangerous, adult medications to young kids, 4) This is a 24 hr a day job, & the “system” has pathetically low stipends for care providers, 5) The agency placed sexually abused kids w/ other kids, & the sex abuse continues , 6) The foster agency withholds & actually hides critical info, like the fact that a child has dangerous behavior due to fetal alcohol syndrome, 7) The “system” Allows the foster child to determine when a placement will end, resulting in one 12 yo being in 24 homes. And 8) There is No psychiatric help for very seriously disturbed kids. Due to the severity of their mental problems, and the complete absence of psychiatric care, (other than drugs), it’s sad to say, that the kids I had may very well be the future inmates of our prison system. And here is why; one child burned a house to the ground after leaving my care, & he was violent w/ other kids. And one 12 yo girl was a pedophile & criminal charges against her were pending, And another 10 yo girl physically attacked an adult male & her acting out included compulsive lying & stealing, All were seriously abused for years, and all had reactive attachment disorder, so it makes sense that they have major problems that are not addressed by the “institutional” foster system.

[@Muninn801]

It shocks me how no one ever talks about the horrors of foster care systems. Please keep speaking out and thank you for trying to help kids.

[@kimberleyfloyd8179]

Unstructured outdoor play dropped down in the 90s. The kids' lives are over structured. This was not mentioned by her at all. Her other points are obviously true.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

Public schools in Commi California don't even let their elementary students play football, at all. No 2 hand touch, no pass back, nothing. 😢

[@skylinefever]

I often think about the destruction east Asia's children suffer by being stuck in cram school all day. It probably has similar negative effects. Oh well, gotta have more corporate drones.

[@populargeometry]

Thank you for saying unequivocally that the stability of children is more important than their parents' happiness and success and that more parental time with children is better. Period.

[@Zzz-ij4ck]

Absolutely fantastic speech. Thank you Erica.

[@user-kp8ps9zz4r]

If you were to clap every time she made a good point your hands would fall off. What a great and informative speech. Erica Komisar wow!

[@user-yc8ok5rf8h]

With an abusive relationship, I still feel grief that I had to go to work when my daughter was 3 months. Broke our hearts.

[@wendywilson1537]

Government could easily support Parents/Mothers staying home for a year and it would most likely be cheaper. They spend a lot of money paying people to do things that don't actually fix the problems.

[@hayleys1260]

As someone who has worked in Montessori and play based early years education centers for almost 20 years, I would caution those championing completely 'play based' learning. That is simply far too loose a term, and the value of it is almost totally dependent on the individual practitioner in the room. It very, very often is nothing but a frightening free for all, where the only goal of the adult in the room is 'keep the tiny humans alive' and the only thing they learn is a very real, very extreme survival of the fittest, hard, anti social mentality.

[@RosieJ7223]

YES. I would like to add that the term “Montessori” is grossly misunderstood. All the blogs say it’s “unstructured.” The children may get to choose which items to play with, but the environment/ classroom has been fine tuned and completely structured to foster a certain type or way of playing. It’s “hands off” a bit in the moment, but very “hands on” in the preparation! I have tried to do “unstructured play time” with my kids (in a non-Montessori way) and found it was total chaos. The adult has to do a significant amount of work in the physical space and WITH the child in order to foster the child’s independence and creativity. Please let me know if my perspective rings true to you, or if you have a differing view. I know play is so important for kids, but I feel a sense of “free for all!” in our culture and I don’t think it’s going well!

[@RugbyMom40]

It is an interesting take however i am a bit wary of the suggestion of more government involvement... that tend to have unintended consequences

[@odette8905]

Yes yes yes - proper financial assistance to Primary Attachment Figures is key.

[@knwldgtheartist]

Hands down, the most important speech of the 21st century so far 👏

[@rickardotorres]

This should be in all public buildings, medical offices, schools and a regular PSA throughout the world 🌎

[@Joshukend]

"Worst academic pressure in history" Asia would like a word

[@Suzi.M]

I agree - support for Mothers! 😎🥰🌍

[@gergelybakos2159]

What a great lady, a real woman and a responsible scientist, thank you!

[@gergelybakos2159]

Thank you for opening up this wonderful platform in ARC! We badly need this sober, loving, truely caring, motherly voice. And the fatherly voice of those like J. Peterson or J. Anderson. Keep going & God bless you all!

[@whatnextincomo]

She is a psychologist i believe. psychology is not a science.

[@gergelybakos2159]

@@whatnextincomo She is. The question is what you call science. Psychology is certainly no natural science such as physics or chemistry, but since its beginning in the 19th century has been trying to follow very hard the scienticic method (experiments, maths). The American Psychological Association e.g. (with several universities) calls psychology a science. So, I think you may debate with them not me, if you liked...

[@aliciaseagraves5959]

Thank you Erika ! I’m a grandmother of 2 girls and I’m stepping up for my granddaughters and others kids , there is a hope !

[@lindadesrosiers6088]

Thank you Erica Komisar for the "close to heart truth".

[@simonahrendt9069]

I sincerely hope that these recommendations will be taken up

[@anthonyharwin7937]

I am with you and agree on almost every point. My concern, however, is getting the governments involved. They are not trustworthy enough to believe they would do this well or without negative consequences. Great talk!

[@standTrueNorthStrongandFree]

Excellent, and profound. Needs to be the ethos of society.. if we are going to turn it around. Some of the salient points and concepts I noted: "What we are seeing is a rash of disorders of emotional regulation"; "labeling and medicating" "You have to get your house in order before you bring children on the scene." Mothering, particularly from 0 - 3, two parent families and time with your children, throughout adolescence as well.. are critical in developing attachment, a sense of security, and happy, confident and resilient children ..and families, and there is no substitution. In the early school years, "redefine success.. as love of learning, robust self esteem and the leaning to individual strengths, rather than on tests and grades alone." Schools need to be safe spaces, with zero tolerance for bullying. "social media hygiene" - it's toxic, and must be restricted. Thank you Erica and ARC organizers, so very much.

[@SaltyShaman]

If I had a say, I'd ban smart devices for anyone under 18. Too young, it's too addictive and messes up dopamine centers. Perhaps we don't need all that power in our hands, either. At home on the desk like 'back in the day' seems safer in the long run.

[@ROG009]

Thank you for spreading this message. Children need to be mothered. I visited daycares when I was contemplating going back to work out of the home. It was so sad seeing babies as young as 3 months old laying in cribs crying with no one to soothe them because the caretaker was bottle feeding another baby. I couldn’t handle it.

[@marianemashkalo4182]

I love her message and her hair ❤

[@myralewis3944]

in a situation of abuse a single parent home is far better then a family with an abuser. i was in an abusive marriage which included my children. my children turned out to be wonderful adults, if we were left in that abusive marriage they would not have turned out as good as they have.

[@RosieJ7223]

I’m sorry that happened to you and glad to hear you had the courage to get out! I do think that furthers the point though, that there should be strong family ties that span generations. If I were in an abusive situation, for instance, my children and I would move in with my Dad, sister, or my aunt and uncle, or my cousins and their kids. If I wasn’t in the home with them, I would certainly be next door. Although I am privileged in that, it’s also a choice to remain close to the those family members, and I’ve also built deep friendships through a lot of hard work. I don’t think we have a culture that teaches us to stay close to family members on a deep level (like willing to share housing expenses kind of level.) I don’t mean to imply that you didn’t have good relations, only that we should teach young people and young parents to build a solid “tribe” so to speak.

[@izzya8116]

This woman says so many truths I've been saying for years. Thank you! Sincerely, a passionate career nanny and advocate for children and families.

[@missmunikaur]

i can't help what feels naturally right - I'm aiming to stay at home by looking for other ways to be financially secure. I also regularly reflect on my own childhood - the positives and negatives - and try to learn where I can. Talks like these provide more guidance - the advice feels so natural and right, I cannot deny it, Thank you for all of the work you do! also I can;'t stop looking at the glasses

[@mysparky2011]

Kids could start school later in the morning if the summer break was shorter, "professional developement days😂" were ended and unions stopped pushing all the garbage on kids instead of what they need to learn to be sucessful. Thanks for your talk. PS: join Million March for Kids!!

[@kerrychandler6740]

She has receipts. Recognize problem and followed with solution. Bravo couldn’t agree more. I will read her paper

[@autumnleaves2766]

Brilliant speech from Erica Komisar, I agreed with everything she said here. Thanks for putting the ARC conference speeches on You Tube for more of us to enjoy, much appreciated. Although I never had kids myself, I hate to see how they are suffering now, the way they are being indoctrinated in schools and universities, the way they are being failed by an education which does not teach most of them the ability to think critically. It must be such a difficult time to be a youngster now. My cousin's 16 year old child has been away from school for months with their OCD and autism spectrum problems, totally unable to concentrate on anything apparently. One wonders whether the child has been bullied at school too and is simply trying to avoid that. My cousin and his ex-wife are doing what they can to get the help the child needs but it takes so long and there are long waiting lists. Hope the ARC conference went well.

[@bfab7036]

Another fantastic talk from this conference. A request to ARC for future uploads... please leave the applause in for longer at the end. It provides a natural moment to reflect on the message in a way that allows me to share in the appreciation of those in attendance.

[@irynasakharchuk7044]

Mothering is the most important and valuable work👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@georgetravers9333]

@ 9:40 'focus on right brain development'. The social complexity of human interaction to be modeled in the emerging brain. Drones in a classroom do not develop it.

[@billbill6576]

A great mother that raises many children impacts society in a vast multiple larger than a “career woman” no matter what she does. He efforts are only her, when she raises a family it is multiplied by the children and the enhanced productivity of the happy husband.

[@TraceyHenderson-ys2iq]

There’s no doubt the increase in “ADHD” or children’s PTSD can be related to broken families 😢

[@SelenaSea]

A succinct, compassionate and thoughtful appeal from Erica Komisar, borne out of deep research and understanding of both children's needs and the broader factors at play. Her solutions are balanced and pragmatic, with one eye on all _our_ futures and one eye grounded wholly on what needs to be implemented in the present. I only wish they had come sooner because: _"...medicating away children's distress, which is what we're doing today. It only causes more illness and more distress."_ 🎯 It's worth checking out the late Ken Robinson's popular talk on "Do schools kill creativity?" for some great insights on the unpredictability of the future and how that can be met by fostering children’s extraordinary native capacity for innovation.

[@spunkitydoda]

I wish that the institution of schooling was required to watch this video.

[@nathanngumi8467]

Word, no job more important than parenting!

[@craigtoth]

It is critically important to acknowledge that societies--even in the West--have become increasingly hostile to family formation. For example, how can a family maintain a happy home when most homes are crushingly expensive. This is true whether the family is owning or renting. Exorbitant costs put families unto enormous financial pressure. Things like evictions destroy a sense of security, work against stable communities, etc., etc., etc. Unaffordable housing is just one example of larger, systemic problems that MUST be addressed to have any hope of stronger families and happier children.

[@SuperBellalucy]

Brilliant 🌱

[@nailsdeb]

Thank you 🙏. I live to protect children in this world in this life. #MillionMarch4Children #EndSOGI123 #FamilyFirst

[@barbarabrooks4747]

If parents don't honor their commitments and build good relationships, most children will not do well. Probably school choice with the option of small schools where everyone knows one another would help. Having mothers stay home isn't enough if the parents don't know anything about childrearing or running a home.

[@Bobi-kw5ec]

Totally agree with her and love her speech ❤ the world will be a much more beautiful place if we have more people like her.

[@Neo_Red_Pill]

Completely agree with this. The mother baby attachment enables the baby to begin to regulate their emotions. It is a vital natural developmental process that if interrupted can cause the child to develop anxiety 🙏

[@EnlivenWellness]

Thank you, JBP and team for creating this alliance. I’m in ❤

[@a8f235]

I was 31 before I was told that my parents should have taught me how feelings and emotions work. We just never talked about feelings ever, and when my dad died when I was 10 I was told not to cry at his funeral. Well, as a child you do as you are told, and that was that. It just baffles my mind that a parent just never talks about feelings at all, and tell a child that crying is wrong even when your dad has died. Oh, and my nanny tried to kill me when I was 5, so... How can you grow up to know what being an adult is when the one's responsible assume that you'll just figure it out on your own... Children are wired to seek advice from the one's that are older, and primarily parents/caregivers first and foremost. So, it doesn't take all that much wrongs before a childs mind has been pushed onto the wrong path, and yet so many parents still just don't give a shit. *_- It'll be fine..._* is a very very poor recipe for taking care of children, and I highly recommend you do a lot better than that. Personally I grew up in a western society, where things seemingly still look fine, except it doesn't take all that much effort to scratch that surface. Even friends up till this day never talked about feelings really, it just never was a subject. It was just barely scraping the surface, just touch and go with anything related to feelings. It's pretty sad that it's so common that most people just don't take care of feelings at all, and I know now that so many people just want to continue this way. That's why I have zero people in my life right now, because I've had to just flush the system completely from any unhealthy relationships, and it's not exactly the thing I wanted the most being a 43 year old man in this day and age. I just couldn't be in a relationship where I never get respect for who I am and the one's on the other end always resolve to excuses, blameshifting and acting innocent and any of the above. I'm just sick and tired of always having to be the one who must be responsible for everything, and it just was enough. Sadly disclaimer of liability is the new global trend that has arrived through this woke bullshit, so I'm just having a hard time finding people who actually take liability seriously. My patience is slim at best with people who just shy away from it, and I spot them from miles away. It's just too easy. PS: The feeling of liability is the main job for any parent out there to transfer onto their child(ren), and because I(as many others) had a big lack of it during my own childhood, I just never want to accept it for my future. *_The sooner we own our mistakes, the less bad the outcome will be._*

[@misiu19772]

Very true

[@mongrelking5667]

Thank you.

[@irynasakharchuk7044]

Thank you❤

[@jonnyrush1]

Many good points her opinion and very good foundation in Canada we have 1 year for mothers and 1-2 months for fathers cost of living in Toronto Vancouver and other cities especially housing and food we have challenges

[@coleenalbin3806]

Thank you for sharing.

[@alexacabrera85]

I LOVE seeing Erica having a bigger platform! All her interviews and content is so enlightening!

[@pelu1015]

So much truth in this!

[@cosmicmuffet1053]

11:30 had me until '0 bullying tolerance'. Teaching children that they are in a police state with an authority that will hand down judgment about all their interactions will predispose them to being helpless. Children need to regulate bullying for themselves and as a part of reliable first principles of behavior like 'never start a fight, but always finish it' 'stick up for the little guy/girl' and 'if you have to fight, fight fair, or people will gang up on you'.

[@SaltyShaman]

It's a complicated issue ;) You've not seen what teen girls can do, I gather. When it happened to me, if the teachers had had a meeting between parents or something, it would have ended. But they didn't want to 'get involved' and just let it go on. Happens far too much :( However, being able to spot bullies from across the room has served me well as an adult. And I did learn that you can't trust anyone, early on.

[@mattisamattisa]

you are amazing. thank you

[@nahiegranabetter905]

Thanks goodness

[@TraceyOlivier]

Confronting and sobering, but I will not look away. Thank you for your work. Outstanding!

[@DocVenabili]

Inagree with 90% . How on earth do you expect and employer to pay leave for 1 year? No small business can afford such a thing. Then, pay for each child. We employ 30 women in our business. We would go broke.

[@davidds1001]

I completely disagree with her prescriptions for the education of children. Our children are not being scholastically pushed harder now than in the past.

[@dehn6581]

More academics are being pushed at a younger age - things taught at 12 in the 90s are being taught at 9 or younger now because governments and curriculum makers think it looks good to have full and busy curriculums with academics earlier looks better. It's just that they're now so busy and doing on a shoestring and a prayer that pushing scholastically doesn't happen, and much has to be repeated as schools have to do so much, so fast to fit it all in.

[@GinKirk7256]

Excellent! 👏🏻

[@estherkingori2169]

Best talk ever.. we need more of this kind of information.God bless you..

[@Mommytomylittle]

I so appreciate this powerful and honest message but this video made me cry because I know none of this will ever happen. I hate to be so pessimistic but I think we’ve arrived at the point of no return.

[@angeladangela500]

Agree with all her points EXCEPT calls for more government intervention whether it’s in the form of more school involvement or increased welfare and subsidies. If you can’t afford to have the kid, other citizens should NOT be forced to pay for your plight.

[@dehn6581]

It's cheaper to pay now for schools and maternity leave, than to pay later for anti social behaviour, crime, prisons...

[@-miekeb-]

👏 Thank you and Greetings 👋

[@chipsandpeasplease]

Oh my word, on one level it is so good to hear this, as a mum who prioritised raising the kids over work, and money. But we're still trapped in a society that looks down on stay at home mums, on childcare or caring roles. Trapped in a society that favours wealth and things to create social status, over 'just a stay at home mum', i have heard that said too many times. If i sent this to all the women around me i would have no one talking to me. Fact. And yet i have been put down continuously for looking after my kids full time, over holidays abroad, fast cars and things with labels. I have no idea how you get this message actoss enough for people to be reflective enough yo want change. Especially when status comes into play. And it has to be said, i know so many men who want their wifes to be bringing in money over looking after their children. I could go on but best stop 😊, but i really appreciate this conversation, even though its complex and hard for all of us. ❤

[@petervanrun4626]

wow, right over the target imo. Brilliant overview n stir to action, like an arc transitioning from a problematic world to a new beginning, be it ever so imperfect. Many would have a lot of trouble both gettin head around this an beginning to implement, but with a societal change, I believe it will occur, tiny steps but. I think diet n importance is also a great part of this better direction, thanks for the forum n vision that is bein presented.Neil Oliver recently said something along the lines of, "these kids belong to all of us n need our help!