Damian Lewis reads a hilarious letter from a girls' football team coach

When he sent the letter you're about to watch in March of 2009, Michael Kinahan was the coach of a football team in Massachusetts consisting of seven-year-old girls. Sadly for him, many of the letter’s recipients-the girls’ parents-failed to see the funny side of his “playful” letter and complained to league officials. Kinahan resigned from the role days later.
Damian Lewis joined us to read Michael's letter at a Letters Live show on March 6th, in the week of International Women's Day, at London's Royal Albert Hall.

[@lisamedici5670]

This letter was my introduction to the wonders of Michael Kinahan. I was a youth coach in RI when this letter was written and the controversy hit the papers. I immediately knew I HAD to know him. Shortly after we were introduced to each other and he has been a friend ever since. I have no idea how this letter resurfaced all these years later, but it is the GREATEST thing I will see all year! #GreenDeath4Life 💚

[@mattiemathis9549]

My granddaughter played soccer this season for the first time. Everything Mr. Kinahan was criticizing was her team. The coach only coached his kid, the super star. No structure during practice. No keeping score, like the kids don’t know who won. No discipline and no demand for self discipline. She will not be in soccer next season unless my daughter can find a coach like Mr. Kinahan.

[@susiew2521]

Tell him from a mother of two daughters that have been brought up to take no shit from anyone, but to be kind and fair also, that he was definitely on the right track. We need more people like him in the world.

[@tessiepinkman]

@@mattiemathis9549 Find another team. Don't have her quit just because of a shitty coach. There are loads of great coaches out there for kids, ask around, Google a bit and see where you get from there. I had the *greatest* time of my life playing football when I was young. I started when I was 5 and played until I was 18-19. We had terrific coaches all the way. When we first started out we had parents of some of the kids in the team as coaches. But then the team got better and better so when we were around 12-13 _(we were girls born 1990-1991)_ we got a semi-professional coach. Then, for a few years, we had the semi-professional guy and a girl who played football herself in one of the top leagues, until I got picked up by the largest and by far best club in my region _(this is in Sweden)._ I played there, in the B-team, for a few years _(got to play a few games for the A-team too)_ and then my body just gave out. I had played football since I was 5 and for that entire time I had also danced several different styles at a fairly high level too. Some days I had 3 different trainings to go to, and that's when I was 12-13 all the way until I stopped. I basically trained way too much waaay too early. My knees and my back more or less just gave up. I still struggle with my knees today, but I don't regret anything! The club and the team I had been playing with since I was 5 were my entire world for so many years, and it was an amazing childhood and something I wish every girl gets the chance to experience! So please, keep looking for a new team for your granddaughter - if she wants to keep playing, of course. Football teaches kids *so* much more than just the game. It's an amazing sport.

[@mattburgess5697]

Lewis knocked this out of the park. Fantastic actor, perfectly playing the role.

[@francoislarose6108]

The letter itself is brilliant but it's the performance by Damian Lewis that really sells it. It's a fantastic performance! Go Green Death!!!

[@kinadog123]

The coach’s’ daughter was on the team. It was all tongue in cheek. The girls had a blast!!! I was there!!!

[@THE-X-Force]

Well.. I don't know where you were.. but Green Death had no fun with him, because the parents overreacted and he resigned as coach.

[@RAD6150]

@@THE-X-Force He coached the previous season as well...

[@THE-X-Force]

@@RAD6150I'm glad some girls got that benefit. Too bad it wasn't the girls being written about in this letter as well.

[@RAD6150]

@@THE-X-Force What does that have to do with this string? You said the coach never coached and basically called the OP a liar. He coached the year before, so that may be where OP is talking about... if you mean this "specific" group, the letter states there are returning players.

[@Vee_of_the_Weald]

@@THE-X-Force😮😢

[@samuelfinkelstein804]

There are certain actors that just own every scene, every line. His acting is just next level! I can go on and on! Ty DL

[@plankface]

“There is no testing policy” 😂😂😂

[@jakelecroy5553]

IKR?! 😂

[@marymccluer1630]

More than entertaining, Damian Lewis's reading of the letter got the audience pumped!

[@ella17734]

Whether you agree with his views or not, that letter was savage!🤣

[@gloryliberty]

This letter has very big Roy Kent Energy and I am here for it!

[@jasonkrantz3643]

Way to put your body on the line out there.

[@LuiWallentinGttler]

What a passionate letter and what an excellent reading ... Only sad for Michael Kinahan that the parents couldn't see why he would probably have been a really good for little girls.

[@rosemarylusty8045]

Yeah right - go kill, kill, kill. I was the only coach in about 15 years to have the regional hockey cup won by our village - through team spirit and cohesion so that the lads played as one.

[@mattiemathis9549]

There are so many things learned through sports other than the sport. Not only does it promote physical fitness, it helps develop self discipline, self confidence and self control. It helps develop empathy and emotional awareness. It shows how determination and practice leads to improvement. All these things transfer to other areas of life. I could go on but I don’t want to rant. 😂

[@Laria28]

⁠​Will you learn those things from someone who calls others “yuppies” or makes fun of political correctness? There’s humor in this writing, but there’s derision not even pretending to be hidden in there, too. Being part of a team should mean respecting others as well as working hard, and the writer of this letter isn’t doing a great job masking how little he respects those who are different than him.

[@prun8893]

@@Laria28 Socially, sometimes "different" means "worse"....and therefore shouldn't garner the same level of respect as "same".

[@susboigaming1982]

@@Laria28terrible opinion.

[@kevt5251]

Was lucky enough to be there on the night to see DL read this absolutely brilliant…😂😂😂

[@thuurmichels763]

His use of pauses and careless delivery are what it makes so good.

[@Vera-kh8zj]

not careless at all

[@patriciabeller64]

Mr. Lewis is a talented treasure!

[@desertcat4193]

Such an American letter. Well done Damian.

[@linengray]

Wonderfully hilarious. Wonderfully delivered. Too bad the humour was not appreciated. This was his response: Team, After careful consideration, I have decided to resign from all coaching responsibilities related to Team 7 this season. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that some parents and the Board of Scituate Soccer failed to see the humor in my pre-season email.

[@ronobrien7187]

He could have known better than do this in Massachusetts. Uptight and humorless wienies.

[@EthanKristopherHartley]

That's genuinely sad to hear. I hated football growing up and the PE teachers didn't help to challenge my opinion. But a coach like this, who's clearly passionate about the game *and* (more importantly) the players could have made a huge difference. I think it's a pretty safe bet that the blue slushies were ready and waiting at the end of the game regardless of score. And that anyone having difficulties knew that there was someone there to help. The faux-meanie approach is regularly liked by students when clearly done in fun. This handful of parents have deprived the whole team of someone who seems to have been perfect. 🤬

[@leondamarkee]

Damien Lewis' accent is priceless!! 😂😂😂

[@R1ckDeckard]

Bold choice, paid off

[@S_J_banana]

He is an actor so it’s make sense

[@davidthomas6681]

Is it just me or does he sound like Trump in some parts? 😂

[@johnsteiner3417]

Reminded me of an exaggerated George Carlin, which works here.

[@Peter-ji5pk]

Scituate was WAY OFF. Its Sitch You Wet

[@HeavyZeppelin68]

What a travesty that those parents couldn't see what a gold-mine this coach would've been for those girls!

[@JBaxter-pi8oj]

Love that letter! Beautifully performed by Damian Lewis!

[@tonyroberts7481]

Okay I’m going to go ahead and say it, and say it loudly! This is the best reading so far.

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Agree completely. The audience roar in response was unprecedented. Go Green Death! ⚽🏆

[@jq8974]

💯 agreed! I’m an actor and director and I’ve been watching for 3 years. Best ever.

[@sigil8386]

I'm cheering here!

[@MelissaThompson432]

Lewis: "Who's with me?!" Audience full of Definitely Not Soccer Moms: erupts in mad approval. Go, Green Death, indeed.

[@tinaperez7393]

Now I i want to play for Green Death.😂

[@boblekich4565]

That hits too close to the truth. Great letter and phenomenal read...i was rolling...

[@MLeibs]

His British accent is undetectable! 😂 👏🏼

[@tessiepinkman]

The majority of American parents seem to be completely void of a sense of humour, especially when it comes to kids. This is an amazing letter, and I would have *loved* for my kid to play football and have a coach with this amount of respect for young girls, and I imagine that it would be pretty fun to go to games and practices as a parent when you're having a coach as involved and funny as him and - most importantly - it would be incredibly fun for the kids.

[@janelliot5643]

The majority of the blithe blamers of all post-modern ills on Americans seem to be ill-informed. It's a class thing, Don't be a good tool

[@lancelotdufrane]

This man is always a pleasure. Great talent.

[@MartinandFreddie]

Damian Lewis - one of this generation's greatest actors. This is just a small example of his humungous talent!

[@bobsyouruncle3075]

His character is spot on!

[@kmars21]

that guy can be anybody he wants ,he's that great..when he looked at the screen as Steve McQueen in OUTH and said like one line it was perfect

[@hollienelson6738]

I think we need more of these people, the kind who tell it as they see it.

[@coleengoodell7523]

Love it! Great writing and such a perfect reading of it by Mr. Lewis.

[@jstone247]

This guy is just wonderful as an actor and a person.

[@ashuggtube]

Where did he pull that voice from? Damn! Actors be actin’. 😄

[@Scepticalnotcynical]

I live in Scituate and my daughter played for the Soccer Club mentioned at that time, but not for the Green Death. Lewis did a perfect job except for mispronouncing the town's name. Given my experiences, this letter was a good send up of the attitude I saw - taking the sport and winning overly seriously, but I think it was the accurate description of us parents that really upset them.

[@AngelicusImmortus]

I had a rugby coach like this!

[@loraineriddell7157]

No-one better could read this letter 🤣🤣. And BTW, I agree wholeheartedly with the coach 😉.

[@lesleekahler6514]

Sounds like my old high school hockey and soccer coaches

[@paolagrando5079]

I would have loved to been in that team. The coach sounded really passionate and funny.

[@Ms.Murchison]

I laughed so hard-- Lewis totally nailed this. And then I laughed harder when I read in the notes that it was a letter for a team of seven year olds. SO funny. :)

[@sharonkaczorowski8690]

This reminds of the reaction to Jonathan Swift’s essay “A Modest Proposal.” Most humans have never been particularly clever at recognizing irony or sarcasm. It seems particularly difficult when the sarcasm or irony is directed at said humans.

[@fatherburning358]

Give this coach a role in the big league 💪👍

[@valswhitewolf6611]

Exactly! Players need to play to win.

[@erykaton170]

I would have loved this writer as my coach!

[@R1ckDeckard]

Did Ron Swanson write this?

[@ginaheller333]

I love that so much! You made me laugh hard! Thanks for the P & R reference!

[@manicmechanic448]

This needs to be read in every school in the world.

[@marynorbury-glaser182]

If only he pronounced “Scituate” correctly! But amazing letter!

[@Peter-ji5pk]

Hello fellow masshole!

[@JacobinShepherd]

Just plain awesome!

[@marieuk01]

Best dad/coach ever 😂

[@aeneas-sails]

Scituate, Mass., is a lovely little seaside town south of Boston, and for years, it was the home-port of my little sailboats. It is a genteel place with a splendid sidewalk cafe culture. The mouth of The North and Herring Rivers can be a bit tricky, especially when the weather blows from the east. This letter wel and amusingly read, is very out of sync with the vibe of the town, and I can see why it led to alternate choices for its writer.

[@thesoundsmith]

Hilarious? Sometimes. But I want that coach on MY little girl's team. Indeed, on EVERY little girl's team.

[@triggerbunny]

If I was one of those parents who got the letter, I would have loved it- it's clearly satire. Poor coach got done dirty for a harmless prank.

[@butchbinion1560]

Thanks, that was great. ✌🏻👊🏼

[@ElizaBlue-o1i]

👋👋👋 To the Coach and Mr. Lewis.

[@stu1037]

3:47 guy in front determined not to laugh at letter he agrees with

[@BradTheProducer]

Expected Damien, got Bobby.

[@beeggamur2112]

That’s my dad’s letter…

[@GordonHouston-Smith]

This was written by the R.C. priest who refereed some games when I was a kid! Wonderful humour, sad some parents didn't see the comic genius in the letter.

[@THE-X-Force]

They had remote controlled priests back then?

[@aaronleverton4221]

@@THE-X-Force Indeed, piloted from the Vatican.

[@AnonymousOnimous]

On one hand: a deep conviction in the capacity of young girls to triumph. On the other hand: a potentially casual approach to the risk of 7-year-olds getting concussions.

[@allansbullet]

The parents were obviously a bunch of humorless bloody wowsers - and their girls would have been worse off for it!! Hilarious letter, and EVERY kid I ever knew or played sport with when I was younger would have LOVED to play any sport for a team called The Green Death!! We once had an Australian Rules football team called the RAMS, sheep being fairly prevalent here in New Zealand, but it was nothing to do with male sheep. My girlfriend named the team - it stood for Randy Aged Mens Society - and EVERYBODY wanted to play for us!! Those kids missed out on having an absolute gem of a coach - their season would have been a riot, and the lessons they learned would have been carried throughout their lives. Shame on those parents!

[@prun8893]

Forced to resign over a tongue in cheek intro letter. Welcome to the USA.

[@SGTH11b0811]

Best...coach...EVER

[@Vesnicie]

SIT-yoo-it.

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

Although I spent much more time at Children's than I would have like with my daughter, I would have loved to have this guy as her coach. She would've thrived! haha!

[@EmpyrionBlackthorn]

It is truly a shame that the writer of that letter was pushed to the point of quitting what he so obviously loved.

[@TK_Brainslug]

Holy Fuck Yeah

[@patrickwheeler5701]

i fucking love that Sam Jackson bread advert

[@sudipchatterjee]

How can a Brit sound so American?!!! His application of phonetics is astounding!

[@Jesse-ey5xd]

That just twists all the way around doesn't it? 😂

[@ibeetellingya5683]

Well done! His talents shine.

[@THETRUTH-2P987]

Brilliant and what's sad is that this man knows not where in the universe he's situated... A good coach A bad human A brilliant actor

[@DracoInduperator]

1:22 I mean he's not wrong

[@marcpigeon7796]

Roy Kent would be proud. 🇨🇦🏍️

[@pr0xZen]

If they ever play a game in the Arctic gimme a holla, I _really_ wanna see Green Death crush it on the field and hold their well earned blue slushies aloft!

[@marthacastro9162]

Omg! Love it❤

[@MysterySteve]

As someone who would call himself very liberal, this is a prime example of people who I can only assume are conservative but don't sound like insane and hateful people, and who I do hope are a better example of the wider conservative population than the people I most often come across. Dude sounds rad EDIT: Side note, he briefly complains about 'political correctness', while ironically being (for the most part) *wildly* politically correct

[@anitapeludat256]

I grew up in the 60's, I was outside all day, climbing trees, riding my bike and often scrapped and bleeding from my knees to my elbows and hands. Playing dodgeball at recess against a brick wall meant frequent head trauma. Life was great,! Besides, scars are cool.!

[@Elitist20]

It seems like genuine conservatism is dead - there's nothing at all conservative about being a RWNJ, which is in fact being a radical wrecker. Moderates have been chased out of conservative parties in the US, UK and Australia - not coincidentally, all places where Murdoch has exercised his malign influence.

[@pleegjepleegje]

Magnificent ❤

[@samuelgarrod8327]

I saw him and his band last week in Norwich.

[@iancowan3527]

"What's in a name?"

[@MelissaThompson432]

I see why he failed: he went public about wanting to raise a generation of women with the ability and confidence to kick butt and take names.

[@tessiepinkman]

Yup, this would have gone completely different in my hometown in Sweden. The parents would have loved it, *that* I'm sure of. The majority of American parents seem to be completely void of any sense of humour when it comes to kids and, GOOOD FORBID, any change - at all. It's so completely backwards. Even many liberals are conservative by Scandinavian standards. This man sounds like he would have been an amazing coach for the girls. Too bad the parents fucked that up for their kids.

[@theoriginalchefboyoboy6025]

nobody coulda clued Damian in on how to pronounce "Scituate"? c'mon...

[@dee3291]

Have to agree 100%

[@TheRealAntFarmer]

Great, but I think you meant to say SIT-chuate.

[@peterc4056]

"Skituate", lol.

[@James1-9-7-8]

Brilliant!

[@rexochroy2]

How sad , the reality that he proved his point with immediate actuality.

[@kerch-e]

That was so cool.

[@zombi3907]

There are lots of good points in this letter but I have to say, I have coached in leagues where everyone really thinks like this and it sucks, it's totally toxic, and extremely cliquish. Not to mention the parents who love that vibe are just terrible to have to deal with. Acting like their 9 year old is playing for a contract in the majors at a house league game, cheering the opposing team kids' mistakes, screaming at their own kids when they don't perform. It totally exposes the kind of people who seek vicarious glory through the actions of their kid. It also discourages lots of kids from wanting to play sports.

[@laurat7232]

Where can I buy the Green Death gear?

[@gardenjoy5223]

That was hilarious? I thought it was down-to-earth!

[@neuromantic4313]

surprisingly articulate

[@fishlaugh]

The C is silent in Scituate.

[@marinaanais]

You're quibbling with near perfection 😅

[@KB_-_]

I didn’t know Dan Campbell coached girl’s soccer 😂

[@kzkz9496]

This speech was so funny! Loved it!

[@dpault]

Major Winters moves to New Jersey and coaches his granddaughters soccer team.

[@TukikoTroy]

The St Trinians movies should be used as standard training vids.

[@bonnitaclaus2286]

Are used to (I will again) have my own chickens. They were fed an extraordinary diet. People who have tunes that have seen mine have always been impressed with how healthy they looked, and how large they became. I was never short on eggs…. I never participated in force laying. Yes, I did butcher my own chickens. My brother-in-law was disgusted with this and told me one day, "WHY DON’T YOU BUY YOUR CHICKEN IN THE GROCERY STORE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? THAT WAY NO CHICKEN DIES!" 😮😲

[@angelsheart85]

True all this

[@diddyKite2010]

Rousing. Imagine him in the locker room. Go Green Death.

[@peterschorn1]

Was this guy the inspiration for Coach McGurk of "Home Movies?" P.S.: Although this guy is wonderful, I wanna see H. Jon Benjamin read this letter.

[@teslagirl1]

Meatloaf coached girls softball. And I'd like to think that he was a lot like this.