DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL: How an Ego Death Feels Like

[@chelseahenry5990]

Oh my goodness........finally someone put into words what I've normally feeling and couldn't explain. Jim Carey said depression = deep rest....your body and mind needing rest of the character you've been playing....

[@RegardsRei]

Ooohhhh… I love that! Depress is “deep rest.” 🤯

[@patman2438]

@@RegardsRei Yeah well to get closer to the spelled similarity: To be depressed means you need deep rest. I like your videos very much by the way.

[@Mandance]

Jim Carey didn’t come up with that, he was quoting Jeff Foster

[@jagodabuszczak1880]

I felt exactly the same!!!

[@miaalbert7155]

I like this description of depression= deep resting ❤… puts a. Little light 💡 in a dark place for me at least. Ty for sharing and I like your video. I am experiencing my dark night of the soul now. It feels very much like you experienced and I had no clue this is what was happening to me, so thank you for your perfect timing video.

[@WillsEasyGuitar]

Mine started when I had a realization that my self-worth and identity were attached to what I did and I produced. If someone insulted what I thought, did, or created I would see it as an attack on myself. I saw this as the main reason for most of my suffering. I began killing my ego and shortly after it caused a nervous breakdown. I became paranoid, depressed, I didn't know what was real anymore. Everything seemed false to me and a dream state. I didn't know who I was and if I was going insane. It was a very dark time. As time went by I had to work out past trauma, and accept certain realities that seemed like only I could see. When I explained it to others they just looked at me like I was insane. I didn't realize it was actually the beginning of enlightenment. I too like you have always been spiritual and am an old soul in a younger body. I have always felt a connection to nature and all human existence from the beginning of time to now. I feel like the universe speaks to me (not in words) but in motivation, attention, actions, and destiny. I feel separated from everyone else. Like I am different. I am alone but at the same time never alone. Enlightenment comes in layers or stages. It only happens when you are ready for the next step. It is out of our hands. One cannot be 100% enlightened as it is a process, a journey. The more you become enlightened the more distanced you become from everyone because you see the dream state they live in and you cannot go back. you cannot unsee what has been seen. You also become more empathetic and understanding of the workings of human behavior and psychology. Things appear to you that have always been present but you were never able to see them or understand their implications. I feel more like a guardian over life whereas before I felt like a tooth on a gear of life. I find I must stay silent to the things I know now. As no one would understand what I am trying to tell them. They are asleep and do not want to be awakened. This is a private journey. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@thechronicsurvivor]

❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@heidiwaits6987]

Thank you so much to Rei and GelvinCustomGuitars for sharing! I see, like Rei stated, both the similarities and differences in mine. The biggest thing I think is the hardest for me now is seeing the “unnecessary” suffering of those I love around me, and understanding through love and compassion that it actually IS necessary. Being a mom, a teacher by occupation, a wife, sister and daughter, allowing others to experience their pain and suffering, and just quietly providing a safe, loving, unconditional presence is the best I can give of my heart center. Allowing them to have that journey ‘alone’ but also feel heard and understood.❤ Thank you both so much for sharing…you provided the same love, support, and compassion I was needing. 🥰♥️

[@glowingbuddha]

GELVIN! thank you so so much for sharing this, it's a paragraph by paragraph account of my own experience as well. just wow❤ -ashli

[@editboris]

"I find I must stay silent to the things I know now. As no one would understand what I am trying to tell them. They are asleep and do not want to be awakened. This is a private journey." Gelvin Costom Guitars. Hi :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):) :) :) :):) :) :) :):) :) :) :):) :) :) :):) :) :) :) S p o t o n I woke up 3 month ago and I have not been able to talk to ANYONE that is awake except my mentor but I have so much respect for him so I feel like I have to be calm and use few words with him. Stay silent is such a big thing about it :(((((((((( I want to freak out totally sometimes. but I ALSO KNOW ITS A PRIVATE JURNEY. But since I have not had the opportunity to just put random words on it. I feel like I just want to ::::::: TALK about it for FUNNNNNNN. But I feel like we are just. Not. And I AM SO SO SO EXITED TO BE MEETING A PERSON thats awake and see that in thier eyes? Can one notice that? Im like. Walking around sleeping people :( im 23 btw Also in sweden religion and believing in things that is not sience is totally stigmatized so I appreceate all tips on any secret non-religious-bound communities IF ANYone wants to be my friend let me know:))))))))))))))))))))))))) or litterally, soul mate :) hmu

[@hannalove6048]

It is a private journey, but it can help many people if it is talked about... If Rei had not made this video, many people would not have realized that they are not the only ones going through such an experience. I personally write about my experiences (for now still under a pseudonym) and there are many who find themselves in it. More and more people are awake and talking more openly about spirituality - it is no longer as difficult to connect with each other as it used to be when there was silence about this topic. My dark night of the soul peaked twice and changed my life significantly - and apparently it's still going on... The first time was terribly difficult because I had to accept the fact that none of my previous beliefs were real. I literally didn't get out of bed for a week and just cried. That was the first time I learned to leave the past behind. The next time was more of a spiritual than an emotional experience; I felt even worse than the first time... Nothing of the life I was living fit into my new Self, and the worst thing is that I didn't even know what could fit in - because everything mundane had lost its meaning. Then I came across the Samadi film and it made such a strong impression on me, as if someone had finally put the pieces in place. The closest I can describe the feeling; I am an observer who is separate from the physical world and at the same time a part of everything ever created. Right now I'm obviously going through that last stage because I'm in a state where I no longer want to wear a mask to the world around me - I just want to BE. ..without having to explain myself, justify myself or pretend to be something I'm not. There comes a point where I simply stop trying to fit myself into the environment I live in; it takes too much of my precious energy - whoever doesn't like me the way I am can move on. And I have no intention of hiding anymore.

[@harryhagerman3763]

It’s scary how you basically just described most of what I’ve been feeling, and I just randomly clicked on the recommended video

[@SagrarioTarot]

Explaining a spiritual awakening is very hard to do without sounding like you are on drugs 😅

[@Willow_moon364]

I'm going through this at the moment and feel very lost and disconnected. A lot of previous friendships have ended. I feel like I'm just going crazy. When i am around people i feel like a robot having conversations, i can't imagine feeling like this for years 😂

[@leacyt389]

Many relationships do end, my DNOTS has lasted over twenty years and is I guess still going on. However, I have come to realize that I was not honoring myself or my boundaries in any of those relationships so the best part of each one of those instances is that I have so much more of myself for myself, truly becoming my own best friend and treating myself with respect and compassion where I used to put others first. I now try to salvage the relationships if possible, but it is not always possible. People who have not gone through a SA are used to the old me and have difficulty accepting the new me, they like the old me better. I like the me that is sloughing off the "not me" and allowing the real me to shine through. I hope you are in a better place now then when you wrote this, I hope your DNOTS is a gentle and swift shift for you! Peace

[@Willow_moon364]

@leacyt389 Thank you, it goes up and down a lot. I relate to what you're saying about being kind to yourself and setting boundaries. I have periods of doing this, then I guess I start to feel a bit better and try to be the old me/see old friends and if doesn't fit and I end up feeling "wrong" again, like trying to force the wrong puzzle piece to fit. You're comment was very well timed as I've been going through it again in a similar way to my first comment and I needed a reminder what it's all about and that I'm not alone in the journey even though we do go through it in an isolated way

[@robertmartinez2790]

I experienced ego death with the help of hallucinogenic mushrooms, it was all fun and games until my consciousness detached itself from my physical self and in an instant I literally had no idea who I was, where I was, how I got there, and no perception of time. It instantly humbled me, it made me feel like I was the puppeteer of my own puppet (my body) without knowing what my next move was gonna be. made me realize this physical world we live in isn’t our main existence but almost like a level in a game where we are put into a world with physical limitations to reach our max spiritual potential in preparation for our next life outside of something physical. Ego death put me in check and I’ve been a changed person for the better ever since.

[@jabezmwaniki3148]

I had my ego death when I did 5.5g of mushrooms 🍄. I felt like nothing and I was nothing. My existence did matter and I didn’t feel tethered to this world. I completely lost sense of self and my ego was completely dissolved. I can’t lie, I felt at peace, a beautiful experience if you ask me💯❤️.

[@petianeandressapetinellemo5520]

I just bought some, I’m living in isolation and dealt with alcohol and nicotine addiction my whole life, I quit alcohol cold turkey 4 years ago and for the last 6 months I’ve been in isolation figuring things out, now I’m gonna do some shrooms and try to kill all of the ego 😅

[@lisarae3373]

I have been going through this for years and finally come to the realization and understanding that trauma throughout childhood made me disconnect and dissociate as a way to protect my child self.....stuck Struggling to reconnect with myself, I don't know who I am or why I'm here. I know I must do the healing work to get through this process but how to do this when I've spent since my early years trying to shut it down and out 😒 being triggered constantly everyday even though I keep myself in solitary confinement 24/7 as I'm too sensitive to energies around out there. Your video has resonated strongly with me, thank you for your time and energy in producing it and helping a 34 year old woman from the United Kingdom through a very uncomfortable healing journey 🙏 gratitude to you 💜

[@lyndaphoenix_]

It’s so comforting to hear exactly what you’re going through being put to word’s especially when you feel like no one would understand. I feel so much better just knowing what it is I’m going through thank you for sharing.

[@KOOP888]

In the beginning, it will feel like no one understands. However when we see it in a birds eye view. It connects and makes sense

[@mayo45671]

Taking on personalities was my FAVORITE part prior to my awakening. I found it so much fun and exhilarating. I was motivated by becoming a person I decided I wanted to be 'BY CHOICE/ DECISION' now I feel like I'm just floating and being nothing and noone. No excitement. I have no ambitions. My family looks at me weird.

[@Bobbys119]

Yeah that’s not ego death

[@PreetisuveNinnanu]

​@@Bobbys119why

[@MykianaRichards]

Life gets better when you learn that you don’t have to be liked by people

[@K9possibledogtraining]

I literally woke up one day last year and didn’t recognize myself, didn’t know who I was (not in an amnesia way but lost all sense of self), and everything felt unreal. I went into several weeks of panick attacks which i never had before, because I couldn’t grasp what was going on. I was so strongly engrained in my identity structure that it was a shock to my system because it came out of nowhere in such an intende way. I went into a deep depression and DNOS. It was extremely intense. It’s been almost a year since this started but I’m in a much calmer place now since I understand and can make sense of it. It’s always comforting to hear others describe these intense signs especially the “just a pair of eyes looking out and basically not identifiying as a human cause theres nothing attached”. You think you’re going insane until you find the resources that can explain and guide you. I’ve really enjoyed Mooji’s teachings as it very much helps resonating with this

[@gabidaariel]

I'm going through it at the moment, and I must confess it has been pretty difficult to take anything seriously ever since I realized nothing is as real as I deemed it to be. Also, this feeling of being a pair of eyes observing a dreamlike phenomenon, always leaves me questioning: ok, now what? Much love to all ❤❤❤

[@jameshersom2536]

I’ve been going through this for about a month and a half. I kinda turned to solipsism? Like what if everything I view was created by me. All I see is my thoughts.

[@gabidaariel]

@@jameshersom2536 I understand you. Solipsism was my first reaction too. But sometimes I feel like I am a character in a multiplayer videogame designed by own mind, where most of the beings I see are teachers I chose to bring because I needed to learn from them. I know I don't know much, but one thing I truly know: the mind that projected this videogame is pure love and everything is going to be alright.

[@rorythompson864]

​@@gabidaarielhave u looked into derealization/depersonalization, if find these concepts rather similar

[@gabidaariel]

@@rorythompson864 I've heard about it some time ago, but haven't really looked into it yet.

[@rorythompson864]

@@gabidaariel too me it's strange because some of the symptoms are every similar, feeling like the world is fake, feeling disconnected from the world, other people, feeling disconnected from the self. The symptoms are similar yet dpdr is a mental disorder and ego death is some sort of spiritual awakening? Doesn't make much sense to me atm

[@Joeyjdj]

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”- Ramana Maharshi

[@koga-420iga6]

I’m going through this right now. My dark night of the soul about 2 months ago and people all across the world are having these experiences right now. Humanity is waking up to their true inner divine nature. That being said, I have no idea who I am or what I’m supposed to be doing in my life either. It’s kind of disheartening that this happened at 42 years old, but I guess it’s never too late for a spiritual awakening, which for me started 3 years ago around Christmas. Everything was total bliss at first and certain events in my life recently triggered my dark night of the soul. Great video, by the way.

[@RegardsRei]

Oh interesting.. it makes sense that a lot of people are going through their dark night of the soul. The cosmic energy is intensive right now ( it has been intensive for a while now) and I find that a lot of people are going through internal struggles. I understand how you must feel, going through a confusing time. Maybe it’s like how we get in the morning right after we wake up. It’s disorientating and it takes a while to truly adjust to reality. Like that, maybe going through the dark night of the soul is our authentic self waking up from sleep. It just takes time to reorient ourselves. Please come back and let me know how you’re doing time to time 😊

[@koga-420iga6]

Thank you for your reply Rei. If you want to check out my KZbin channel, I have posted one video about myself and what I went through. My channel is called “Corpus Psychedelicum.” It’s a podcast. I’m getting ready to work on the second episode. Your story was very inspirational. Thanks again! 🙏🌺

[@RegardsRei]

@@koga-420iga6 I will, thanks 🙏🏻

[@Nico-cn6yb]

You're absolutely right about age not being a factor. I'm 39 and going through it now. It hasn't been a linear journey and not at all pretty or euphoric. In fact, it's been completely destructive. I have always been a very strong, independent, self motivating, and achieving woman known for my high vibrational energy; with my fair share of depression spats along the way. About a year and a half ago it began. However, in retrospect I had already been feeling the discomfort of internal and external inauthenticity years before, cutting ties to relationships that no longer served me and working towards identifying core causations to my internal restlessness. About a year ago, I had a major disruptor occur in my life that didn't shatter me - I turned into dust. I was no longer able to coast and manage. I had to face it. I was no longer traveling to escape and find peace, I became a hermit signed a year lease and stayed in my room. In that time I worked on my spirituality and found solace in spiritual communities talking about this "dark night of the soul". I found comfort in this community because I felt depressed, yet I knew it wasn't depression and others were speaking upon it. I enjoyed being alone. I felt an intuitive need to distance myself from other people's energy as I described it as "nothing fits", "nobody fits". I began my Masters program in this time and made goals, so I know it wasn't a traditional depression. I was happy alone, yet going through such turmoil within. I began doing shadow work to deal with everything that was surfacing and to deal with this space and time. I was forced to reevaluate all of my relationships and by the end knew I had to let them all go, with the exception of a few. Fast forward to today, I just disconnected my strongest life relationship about an hour ago, and I feel a bit numb yet oddly on track. In search of existential authenticity to match my inner transformation I await my departure flight to start a new life in another country. I board in 23 days. I feel peaceful, calm, and assured in my decisions. I won't pretend to know what this all means yet, but I'm gravitated towards this journey and I will find out. I wish you all the best of luck in your own journeys.

[@sharon_rose724]

@@Nico-cn6yb Same for me. My awakening started three years ago while living my egoic 'dream life' in San Diego. When I saw that everything I was doing was the opposite of my true nature, my life fell apart and I moved home to Massachusetts. My mom and stepdad allowed me to stay with them, they're here half the year and winter south. The hermit mode in my room is where I've been. While being home, I experienced betrayal and toxicity from two people I didn't expect it from. The pain had been immense. It's been such a rollercoaster ride. I'm in the spot of knowing I'm not my name or experiences, but I have no idea which way to go in, ESPECIALLY because of the nature of the world situation right now.. we're in such upheaval and turmoil and if you're not participating in certain 'requirements', it's going to get a lot harder. I wish you all the best as we cartwheel through these purgings and purifications. 💜

[@YakibombROMhacking]

Hi Rei, This is eeriely similar and surreal to what I've experienced as a child. From "being alone", "being in a new environment", "the perception of self as if 'glass' was breaking", the way you described ego death... it all hits home. You could say you were describing me in childhood before your ego death, except I wasn't a straight "A" student; I did get great scores on tests, but not homework or classwork. Everything else is the same. And yes ego death is hard to describe, but you did it very well. You even gave it a name. And you clarified you didn't do drugs! (Essential in this day and age, haha.) I didn't do any either. Before I get into the story of my ego death, I have some backstory. To summarize, I had been spiritually awakened, THEN a few weeks later experienced ego death/dark night of the soul. Here goes my story telling: I had experienced something akin to enlightenment that I couldn't easily explain, outside calling it "Perfection" as a kid. I was 13 years old. I was being home schooled after difficulties with turning in class work. At the time, I was working on myself rather than my school work. During that time, something kind of hit me: I didn't have to worry about any thoughts I was having. I decided... I was happy! And a burst of warmth came from my chest. I saw the brightest blue sky I had ever seen! And I believed I could remember everything I was by looking at the bright blue sky--What that was, I didn't know, yet I was grounded and fully present. It was all very sudden, too. The best way I can describe it now is the following: It was normal life, except I felt 2 feet off the ground. My energy was clear; I was sensitive to energies as well and from that point knew how to differentiate ones that were mine and others' energies. I wasn't afraid of death. It was like "the wind was blowing through me"--I was the world. I "knew" everything, in a sense that nothing was restricted or hidden in my mind. I didn't live in my mind; I was experiencing through my soul. So deep, so deep... Isn't it all just? A few weeks after this, I would be transferred to a new school completely, due to my classwork still being an issue. This would turn my world topsy turvy... I would forgot everything, as you described ego death. Even the brightest blue sky I had ever seen. I had told myself "I would never forgive myself [for leaving this state of being]" and this broke me for years. I was alone because I couldn't tell anyone what had happened (the above written); no one would understand because it isn't something you understand with the mind, and I knew that. I could not tell, in those final moments before ego death, whether the universe was telling me I was going to be destroyed, or if I did it voluntarily. Regardless, I think I sort of just leaned into the death to forgot everything about myself. I let myself succumb to a new order of "depression," "disorder," and "disability," all of which I suffered from for the rest of my schooling years and most of my adult life. It led me on some dark roads, but I believe it's the universe telling me I'm on the right way. Anyway that's my story. I had spent about 10~ years and counting living the dark night of the soul. I'm out of the thick of it. And life's good! Still difficult and uncomfortable sometimes, but hey that's life. Best Wishes, Jason

[@alexandria3004]

I feel reassured that the dark night of the soul can be in years.

[@queen_minnieme8321]

Thanks for sharing Jason… damn… I hope you feel better… I was so depressed and suicidal (not attempting to) but decided to search for Ego death and here I am… it’s nice to see that everyone here is experiencing something that I am experiencing and the loneliness is crazy. And yes I felt so destroyed as well. Trying to figure things out as I heal. I know what you mean by the destroying part. I feel the same. But I know that it’s intentional as there were some hints and synchronicities as I look back at those situations. It’s almost like my soul planned for it

[@YakibombROMhacking]

​@@queen_minnieme8321 Hey, I am transmitting some love and gratitude from me to you through this message. Thank you for messaging me. I am actually better than I was a few weeks ago! It's kind of a shock but I can actually see my progress! I wasn't able to before. Ego death is one of those weird spiritual experiences that lingered and bled into everything I did. Like I was being told I should do x y z and I had no choice against it. And worst part of all, I thought I couldn't talk about it because it involved experiencing God (esoteric, enigmatic, basically hard to describe, and at worst foreign to the people I talked to). What a load of crap not being able to talk about it is! It was my own damn fault for choosing to not be able to. It's just I felt especially careful of scrutiny, and I believed I was alone for the longest time. And I never tried!! 😵‍💫 Here are some friendly tips of wisdom: - You have a tribe or group of people out there ready to help you, and not all teachers are masters (they're just people, like you!) - You are not broken. Not now, not ever. - Soul always has a way to bring us back to center. This is called hope. - The ego tends to want to protect the mind with choices of how you believe in yourself, and it *will* use mind to create as many excuses as it can to keep you back to how you believe you were. It's not against you, it just really likes protecting your beliefs. Accept yourself now, choose who you are and move forward! - Your choices really are the biggest deal breaker to getting out of this. If you feel destroyed, I would say you just have to believe that maybe, you were right with how you behaved, you are right with how you feel. There is no shame, and you don't have to reject who or what you are. There is just no room for shame. It's your truth, and nobody has any right to dispute your feeling destroyed. To feel those feelings--isn't that honoring them..? Choices are your power because nobody else can live your life. - The greatest weapon and gift you have to heal yourself is your choice of interpretation. This is a totally different ballgame, because this power is so profound it applies to every human experience. They are the building blocks to your life--Your context in all things is the relationship to everything you can think of. So where are you? Who are you? Honor them with life or break them to death, it's on you to choose. Just choose wisely. Above all, listen to your soul. They give wisdom. And if you were like me who had a damaged relationship to your soul, figure out who is making the choice to hate your soul here and make choices to restore that faith! Your soul always wants you, like an undying romance till the stars blow up and time ends. However, if you don't believe in you/it, your soul is going to keep showing you the same things over and over till you get it right. It wants you to love it because you're that cool. Do anything to keep your goals clear, and never give up! You got this queen! Believe in yourself! -> Transmission out, bweeeoop!

[@polskiobywatel553]

It's normal for enlightenment state you described to last for a few weeks. I've experienced similar thing. It just undergoes hedonic treadmill. Your mind slowly gets used to the enlightment state, it slowly becomes normal. Personally I don't feel depressed, because it has ended. I constantly gain new knowledge about the world, which makes me interested and satisfied. I notice patterns happening in our world. I think you call yourself "depressed", because you constantly compare your current state to the enlightment state that happened a decade ago. Find pleasure within the present, not in the past. I know I am responding to a two year old comment and "depression" you described may be outdated by now. If this depression is a thing of the past, just ignore my comment.

[@nancyrupp5893]

Yes, I went, and still feel as though, I am still going through the dark night of the soul. It is said to be for our own good, but it is a super difficult thing to deal with. It is quite a long process, years for me also. Even though I now have an understanding of things, it is and can still be very hard to grasp the feelings of it all. Self love is not an easy concept when you've been told to think of everyone else first and put your self last, this I now have realized came from a narcissistic parent. Unless we finally realize otherwise, we will always be under the control of others and their destructive ways on our mental health.

[@listener3845]

Yes. So true! Self love breaks the spell. A spell you have ultimately put on yourself. Self love sets you free! Thank you for your comment!

[@lenakrupinski6303]

I agree I've been through he'll with family members but all the trauma did I think put me on the path of seeking the truth behind this life and what it all means. I try and meditate daily and remind myself constantly this is all an experience in having.That there is no death and most of our lives we have been lied to.it's like my ego still hanging on but whatever happens this life time has started the search for the truth and I've had some bliss in meditation why I probably won't ever go back to not meditating. Love your story, fact we are still hear to tell the take makes us winners!! Peace and love from another soul seekrr🙏🙏🌏🌏🙏🙏💚💚💜💜💛💛💙💙🌷🌷🌷🌷🌹🌹🎻🎻🎻🎻🌍🌍

[@hrenee84]

Unfortunately some people fall victim to drugs in the during the dark night of the soul 😓😢 I have truly have had the most chaotic life and am a ghost to my family unless they’re trying to control me or share drugs with me. I am seeking drug addiction help. The Dark night of the soul is very stagnant with me and I just want it to be over!! Thank you for being here to support and help me! I don’t have much of that. I’ve been feeling extremely lost and alone 😞

[@mitchiehewer]

I hope all will be well with you

[@Noluxarch]

I was at the state of ego death for a while. Note that I was extremely suicidal, trembling with guilt, shame, trauma, and a deep sense of hatred towards the world for what it did to me, but the results of patience, not ending myself, listening to God, I feel a sense of divinity within me that I could only describe as invincibility against evil forces, the ability to shift my carnal mindset to stop sinning only increases in levels as I noticed positive changes in life.

[@Yogoda127]

10 years seems fair, experimenting life in 3rd person, not able to relate to other people, no real interests, depression. Now I am 15 years later and feeling so much better and connected, all the pieces of the puzzle came together and the Light is often so intense I often have to close the connection for a little bit. Enjoying pretending to be a normal human. I see the miracle of life and to be present in this particular time and space in human history, it's amazing to witness the changes we are going through. So happy so see so many others realize their true self, sorry for all of you that still experiment a dark time, it gets better. 1:27 we are truly in God's Image I am the Light and so are you, love you all :) Regards, Joël

[@ParlorMan_Acoustic_Guitar]

Thank you so much Rei. I’m so happy to have discovered your videos. I experienced an ego death, but mine was much more abrupt and wrenching. Three years ago, when I was 68 years old, I was diagnosed with an aggressive prostate cancer and hearing my doctor say “This can kill you” shattered my ego. I had been in a seeking stage for many years and described myself as a failed Buddhist who lacked the discipline to live the principles I admired. My ego death lasted for another year and a half and was entwined with a more intense seeking stage. It feels that my ego death was complete when my wife of over 20 years told me she wanted a divorce shortly before I started three months of radiation treatment. Moving out and living on my own allowed me to fully engage in seeking and self awareness and helped my true self to emerge and begin living a life of alignment. Your video of the stages of awakening capture virtually everything I’ve experienced in the last three years and the part about living a life of alignment perfectly describes my life today. I’m so fortunate and grateful.

[@mitchiehewer]

You are so loved

[@dontttalktostrangers]

I’m a traditional Catholic, so the Dark Night of the Soul (written by St. John of the Cross) is very relatable to me. It appears that I went through it between 2019-2022. But, it can go for years, or in waves over decades…can’t be predicted by time. I’ve read all the Catholic spiritual masters…many times over. The same ego death occurs in each system or method! Amazing, this life!

[@iami2596]

Wow is all i can say. This video may be a life changer. I have been struggling with who i am for so long, now, I finally realized that i have been in my dark night for a couple years now. I feel that the message in this video resonated so strongly in me, that it may result in the death of an ego that has been years in the making. Rei, you put in to words how i feel, “I” am an abstract thought, I don’t know who “I” am or for that matter, what “I” am. I have a silent witness within me, i can feel it, it is the real “me”. My life has been so devoid of meaning, and i don’t know how other people are so invested in things that really don’t matter in the long run. I hit rock bottom a little over a year ago and feel that i have been healing since then, the words in this video describe how I have felt. Thank you!!!

[@sharon_rose724]

The void of meaning and all personal "beliefs" going out the window.. is exactly where I am. Dark, empty, disconnected.. and this emptiness is much different than depression. I was in a blissful, happy life and after my awakening, it fell apart. It's been about three years now and I really don't knoa what direction it move in, especially with the delusion that's blanketing humanity right now.

[@RegardsRei]

Yeah, it really is different from a depression, isn’t it. That’s how I felt too. People who haven’t gone through it might say it’s just a depression, but it’s actually different.. it’s disorienting. And yes, just like you said, the life I knew changed after awakening. Thanks for sharing your experience. It really helps.

[@marniefriedman9564]

I was a similar child to your description. Empathic,quiet, never got into trouble. My awakening has occurred off and on over 4 decades I am alone after my husband transitioned at the beginning of Covid. My head is still under water and meditating is a Struggle.

[@callinhinze3732]

Finally... i have found validation. Every single detail of this is a 100% accurate description of what I have been going through all of 2021. Thank you for putting into words what I've been unable to.

[@tracieyudichak2315]

I've gone through ego deaths. I got a lot of ego, eventhough I don't appear to be that way. I get picked on by people thinking I am an easy target to dominate and my ego comes out in these moments surprising their consciousness, as well as mine. They either get flustered in embarrassment or double down on their behaviors to hide their embarrassment. Rarely do they think to apologize and take accountability for their actions with me. Through repeatedly going through this process in my life, my ego has spun out of control, flown off the handle, and essentially brought the worst out of me. I hated myself for my ego. I hated because I didn't understand the point of my ego. I faced many ego deaths and a whole lot of confusion. I like the way you ended your video because you show and explain how to deal with ego when ego gets that way. Killing the ego and facing ego death doesn't get rid of ego nor the problems I am assigning to my ego. Ego is always with me as long as I am alive. Learning to love and respect the ego inside of me is a generation of power. When the ego spins us out of control, then it's telling me that I am doing something to hate and disrespect myself and the ego is getting my attention in the only way I know I will listen to myself and my needs. The point of the ego is to protect from harm and ultimately physical death until it is really our time to transition on to the afterlife. The ego helps us reach our dreams in this life when we allow it to. That's pretty much the essence and my understanding of ego death and why we experience it in our lives.

[@Roobs86]

Wow that makes since I'm thankful I'm going trough this now it is saving my life I don't want to die young it's not meant for me to die at a young age but at an old fragile gray hair on my head with wrinkly skin of a long beautiful life I have lived ✨️ living many Blessings for my Beautiful Children and their children's children children ❤️ and finally finishing paying off my karmic debt in this dimension forever more Ase Amen So Be It ❤

[@tracieyudichak2315]

@@Roobs86 Godbless you through this process. It's totally worth it!

[@cil3074]

My story: i have always been spiritual, and had out of body experiences during dreams, know about my very special soul connection to a certain person, but couldnt define it, and in general i didnt belive anything written on the internet but what i experinced. My dark night of the soul took 5 years preparation. My life was expanding, reached all of my dreams, i was in the best place ever, everything was amazing and perfect but the void was louder than ever. It was clear: even if living my dreamlife, it worths nothing without my special person. I started looking for the reasons, why i think certain things as they are, and when i found the last piece, it just happened. So suddenly i even couldnt follow, i just know it happened. It was a really logical process, nothing spiritual. Felt like my whole life got revaluated, all of my memories got overwritten and i became the early childhood version of myself. It was a really happy process. The spiritual awakening happened a month later when i discovered what is really special person is for me. He is my twin flame.

[@ghelfling_bunny]

My childhood and personality were similar to yours. It seems to me that when we are so constrained by parents we miss the opportunity to develop as our authentic selves. Oddly, it only starts to show when we get some distance of the previous environment and family. I'm 41 years old now and I wasn't so lucky to have a "natural" ego death. I have a good job, but I've been on and off antidepressants. I guess that if we don't know ourselves, it is hard to know what we want and what we like, so it is harder to get motivated to do things. Well, after a year reading about spirituality, ego death and such, it is all prepared for me to try ayahuasca next week. I'm excited but also little anxious.

[@iambellhere]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did it go ?

[@PAWright2770]

Idk who I am anymore. Nothing feels right. Thank you for putting it in words. My ego death has been going on for a while and it is getting to the point where I just feel done. I give up. No one I know questions everything as much as I do.

[@SighDown]

When you give up, you’re finally in a state of surrender, and that’s when the magic happens…letting go is the key.

[@meditationamsterdam]

Damn, this story sounds so familiar it's crazy. It's almost like a preparatory pattern playing itself out that leads to awakening taking place. Sometimes I feel jealous of people who can 'be normal' and just get on with it but, even thought this is more painful, it's also much more interesting! Mine included a brush in with a narcissist, which I think it's kind of emptiness personified and ego shattering. Every personal preference is used against you, and no place is safe.

[@yonsubae]

The way you described it literally gave me clarity that my ego death happened when I was 15 I am very spiritual now but weirdly enough I never really pinpointed when I changed so much. We are obviously always changing and evolving and I love that. My ego death happened immediately after I watched this live on TikTok of this young adult guy doing tarot readings. Me and my sister both decided to say say our names. And when it was my turn I started crying because what he said what too real and it just jump-started everything. I went through the ego death many times I believe It lasted a couple months the first time but then I would have mini ego deaths every once in awhile when I learned something new and began questioning the world again. Its a crazy path but so so worth it. Thank you for sharing your story !!

[@johndoe7270]

My ego death was completely by accident and I was unprepared. It wasn't with psychadelics but very adjacent. I had read about people using MDMA to help PTSD, so I used stimulants, started meditating, and accidentally triggered a PTSD flashback. I used the flashback constructively and that's when the ego death occurred. Being 30 years old and turning on full emotions with no psychological/emotional callusing, it completely derailed my life. It felt like being a child stuck in adult situations. My wife left and that sucks, but I love having emotions now. I can go watch my baby ducks and both laugh and cry in the same moment.

[@christopherwoods6777]

I’m so glad you shared this. My ego death started when I went to a psychic who claimed my parents were watching over me. I thought, “I had parents?” Logically, yes. But it took a long while to feel that was true. I also had no real feelings about anything. Nothing was exciting. I certainly had no idea who I was. I knew how to act and be sociable, but I felt it was a lie. I couldn’t care less about interactions with others and yet it’s been incredibly lonely. Just recently, I feel this phase is passing and a new me is coming alive.

[@Splyceboy]

Rei, Thanks, for posting this video. I rarely, if ever comment on videos on KZbin but the video you have created truly resonated with me. I had never heard of Ego death before but I have been going through this exact thing for a number of years. It was as if this video was describing my own experience and was shedding light on something I couldn't understand or explain. This video has given me hope that I can find a path to resolving this problem. You have no idea how impactful this video has been for me. I can't thank you enough for posting. Keep up the great work looking forward to more videos on your Channel. (Just blown away)

[@RegardsRei]

I'm really glad my video helped! When I made it, I didn't think anyone would understand me when I say that my whole identity was wiped clean, so I'm so glad that I'm not alone in this experience. For me, after my ego death, I slowly started rebuilding a life around more authentic things that resonated with my soul rather than what society expected of me. And for that, I'm so glad I went through what I did.

[@earth2jennyl]

Hi Rei, I just found your channel. Wow. You really explained that amazingly, and I am SO relieved to hear you say this process took at least 10 years for you. Because I feel like I have been in this place forever and like something must be wrong with me for never coming out. I started waking up in 2009 but it really kicked into high gear at 2013. 2017 onward has been my dark night with things only intensifying. The looking out from my eyes with no place, no reaction or desire to anything. Lost. Not able to dream the dream because I know it is a dream but there is no other place for me but inside the dream unless I am literally wandering alone (I have not had my own home since 2017 and since beginning of May 2023 am traveling place to place with nowhere to land). Yet. I have hopes this has all just been a process and that a shift is on the horizon. Your video was so helpful, and I experience you as a steady, loving presence. Thank you.

[@MacFrausty]

4:15 I think a whole lot of people can relate with you there. I know I do, and I’m seeing my wife going through it now. That deep rooted depression, in hindsight, becomes a sort of landmark only visible to those that recognize it. It’s like a splinter that you didn’t realize you had, once you notice it near the surface though, pushing it back in is more painful than letting it out. Letting it out is no picnic either. I remember finally letting myself feel the pain and fear I hid as a 12 year old boy. It was a long journey to that point but in therapy I realized that I had a STRONG fear of authority. Therapist asked me why I would be afraid of someone with power over me. I was completely stumped because suddenly all my fears and experiences of anxiety fit into that question. In a confused and somber voice I said “I don’t know…”. At the time, she didn’t realize how deeply that question penetrated me. The virtual session ended a few minutes later and I sat there disoriented knowing I had a fear with no clear anchor attached. I had always pointed it at my boss, my dad, or someone in charge. I kept sitting on my chair and leaned my elbows onto my lap and closed my eyes. By then I knew my thoughts were not really “me” so when I heard my voice say “it was your fault” I didn’t deny it or believe it. I then instantly connected to a time in my childhood and I heard the phrase again. This time I heard it as a 12 year old boy. I was in my parent’s bedroom and my mom was asking me “if I leave, will you go with me or will you stay with your dad?” I remember feeling fear of losing them both, he was my hero and so was she but for some reason I chose my mom. The fear in my heart turned to disappointment in my fathers eyes. I was empathetic then like I am now, but in feeling his disappointment I “knew” I let him down. I knew that my decision not to choose him broke his heart. In watching his heart break I broke my own. But now experiencing this as a 39 year old, I first fell into the fear. I felt it deep down in my lowest energy centers. It climbed up and up and up just beneath my heart. This time the fear was not overwhelming but clearly vivid, I saw my disappointed father and felt the sadness of the situation. “It’s your fault” popped in again and I believed it for a fraction of a nanosecond. That was long enough to know it wasn’t true… because after that I felt the most expansive compassion I’ve ever experienced, it was like a supernova exploding. I cried for about 10 minutes straight and several more on and off after. It felt like an uprooting of energy, especially in areas where I would feel anxiety the most. The more I cried the more I fell in love with little boy, it was like experiencing all the stages of grief at once. Now, this is 2023, 27 years later and I forgave myself, my mother, and my father (even though he had passed in 2021). When it was over, it was like the moment after you pull out the splinter. You inspect the little piece of wood or metal and wonder how that could have caused so much pain and then you feel around and poke at the area testing for that sharp familiar pain. I went into my mind and intentionally thought of things that would easily trigger me. For the first time as an adult, I felt nothing. I guess in other words, the thoughts didn’t trigger any negative emotions, I felt around and poked using familiar thoughts and triggers… but absolutely nothing 😊 Soooo yeah, that was the beginning to my awakening. Going back in time to that moment, I regained my power. I finally knew something and not just “believed” in something. It’s hard for me to put into words, but knowing yourself is always a good place to start and finish. The more you love and trust yourself, the more you can experience that with others. Just in case you’re wondering my parents never split. We never talked about it again which could be why the memory was repressed, forgotten, or hidden.

[@dawnmillward9335]

Thank you so much. I'm older , and been like this since , pre birth (adoptee, adopted) and reading these comments, as I've lived my whole life for everyone else, which I've known a long time. It's been and is horrible. Thank you for your words . Light is real.

[@jackcool1101]

I going through it. Yes, it feel like nothing in the system mean anything anymore, but once wake up, I feel better. You can see everyone around you are more like sheep like and you are the odd on out.

[@Gabriel-wn9ms]

I dont know if I went through ego death but i do feel similar ways, I questioned about life and death, religions and systems or socities. I felt as if everything about me if meaningless and my sense of time also changed. However, I started to enjoy present more than ever and I start to have optimistic view over my future. I start to believe that everything I strongly believe will happen no matter what the odds are. It's been one year since I felt these kinds of feelings and I am turning 18 this month. I am glad I get these feelings at this age.

[@heatheroyler8676]

I've gone through the same thing and still am going through it. I'm happier but also deeply saddened by how hurt the world is, watching people around me perpetuate cycles and act ignorantly. I still have ego, but it isn't how it used to be

[@Heykay34]

Mine started after binging near death experiences on KZbin, which are so lovely to listen to, my fear of death was none existent by the time I felt my pure consciousness one night at 4am. Everything became so clear, every question I had, I immediately had the answers to, I woke up a different person. I’ve been so happy and free, I feel so tapped into source/our creator 😌 you explained it so beautifully, I feel crazy when I say it out loud. 😅 my fear of bugs like dragon flies etc vanish overnight I lay with them in the park as much as I can now, a completely changed whatever we are 😅

[@isthereabirdinhere]

I went through a very similar experience, university included. It is only now nearly 10 year later that I believe I am finally coming out of it, more secure in who I am and doing what is right for me not everyone else. Thank you for sharing your story

[@jshields_STX]

So happy for you...so happy that your experience has catapulted you to the realizations that it has....even deeper is that you don't exist! YOU ARE the SELF!

[@emmabeltran9550]

I am going through it now…. I feel nothing, I lost my way, my path …. thank you for this message. I was thinking what is going on with my mind, my life …. This was happening gradually the last year probably after many years of being depressed 🤔

[@GalaNebulae]

I think i have been going through it for 6 years now. I appreciate knowing that others might be experiencing the same as me and that I am not going crazy.

[@xwpqieia6597]

The ego never dies .it is a part of who you are. And it's a nice video thanks.

[@natdev6342]

Hi im Tash! I love the way you explain things. My situation was very dramatic. I had to come off a long term medication & my body basically went through a terrible withdrawal that wasn’t really seen (docs say but it’s known) & whilst I was super sick I had my awakening. So I was aware & severely sick, depressed (su*cidal) etc. extremes. AND aware. I’m well now, still loosing friends which is hard & at times very very lonely. But never depressed. I’ve also very very rarely have anxiety now, where as b4 I couldn’t leave the house. I see & work with my guides, I can channel, mostly do not lead with fear. & when I am fearful I auto correct & lead with courage or adventure🤣. I love it. I hate the process I went through for how close I was to not being here (I am a single mum) but I love how I guide & support my boys & ppl now. It’s a mixed bag🤍. I’d Love to connect with others 🙏🏻

[@zoesen]

Dearest Rei, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work here on KZbin. I can relate so much to your stories in your clips. There are few, better said no close friends or family that understand what I’ve been through going through a major ego death and the rebuilt of my life afterwards. They are great and try to understand, but do not comprehend the severity of the feelings I experienced. I can relate to your blissful period of isolation and the complete change of frequency. Thank you so much again. Kind regards!

[@ntgrtyllc1470]

YES! your video was very helpful, thank you for sharing. I went through a similar process regarding my "ego death" I did go through a depression and when i finally was able to shake it off I simply remember looking around at work one day and realizing that life wasn't happening to me and that everyone has things that they go through and a story to tell. Before then I was very critical and unkind to myself due to the poor choices i had made in life and didn't understand how to have compassion and forgive myself. I'm now the observer of my thoughts and the creator of my own life! Grateful to have found your channel Rei

[@sayidahwoods8350]

It feels amazing to know someone else experienced the same thing! I experienced ego death during my early teen years, and I've only come out of it recently. It was a numbness I can't explain, almost like trying to touch a cloud while it keeps slipping though your fingers and disappearing. However the process of coming out of it has been almost euphoric, or at least in my experience. I appreciate you for making this video and I hope it gives hope to others in their dark night :)

[@firetoad93]

Watching this video answered my questions on why I was feeling the way I have been feeling for 2 and a half months now. Nothing felt interesting anymore, nothing I did had meaning. This really helped me learn what Im going through right now. Thank you.

[@mueltenius6952]

Ty Rei, For sharing, it very helpful for all who listen. Your voice is balanced. That is guiding for those who are seeking assistance and understanding. Please proceed forward with sharing, i will listen . My experience in this transition is challenging-/ rewarding stressful, trying, exhausting. My wife and i are both experiencing this. Not exactly at same time,,,, Our human experience helps us help each other as a soul - spirit being. The balance in your voice is gift to my being. Ty

[@RegardsRei]

❤❤❤

[@Qrr0wned]

I love these videos! Ive been practicing stoicism and it's kickboosted my ego death, thanks to my boyfriend. Mine started once I moved to the other side of the country after living in the same city my entire life from 3-17, when I moved I left my entire family to go with my dad(I wouldn't go with my mom because we didn't have a very good relationship) and I had a severe culture shock and ego death because I realized that my identity I had stuck to my entire life was nothing but an amalgamation of my past experiences and ideas. My dad was not emotionally present, and barely talked to me. And I ended up turning to the people for reassurance. I called it "derealization" and tried to watch videos on it to learn how to get out of it, to feel normal again. But they never got it right because that's not what I was experiencing. I ended up meeting a friend who mirrored me perfectly, she looked like me, had the same mannerisms and everything, along with a similar past. She introduced me to her popular clique and I tried to thrive there, I would force myself to interact even though I was extremely uncomfortable with the things they would talk about or do, it wasn't my thing at all, I could see right through everyone around me. The friend had tried to get me into gossip, and further perpetuated my addictions until I realized she was never really like me at all, and only mirrored the old parts of me that I missed. it was meeting my boyfriend who had just gotten out of his ego death that really solidified my progress. He asked me to define who I really was, and who I actually wanted to be. He taught me about philosophy, and his idea of the meaning of life. And I discovered I was really into those discussions as well. After meeting him it was a strange journey of feeling conflicted, going to hang out with my clique, adopting their traits before going home and disowning everything over and over again. After summer passed I stopped texting people first and lost about 90% of my friends after that. Me and my boyfriend started to show polar-opposite traits to do with our personalities that we both find really gives meaning to our relationship as we grow, and are trying to learn from eachother all the time. And since then, I've been in an isolation phase that has been slowly and slowly getting more enjoyable, I have a journal where I write whatever's on my mind, and a book I'm working on that documents a characterized breakdown of my ego. I learn from everything everyday and it's been a really crazy rollercoaster, I'm 18 now, turning 19 in March. I've quit my (drug related) addictions, and I can't wait to move out of my home from my dads and further my progress more.

[@regularskeleton]

I think I'm going through something similar right now, and it's nice to hear a more... dark side to this. Thank you for being vulnerable about this.

[@heidiwaits6987]

P.S. I just found your channel 2 days ago and have been binge watching your videos as much as I can fit in, absolutely LOVING them! Thank you so much for being here! ❤❤❤

[@RegardsRei]

Wow, that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard! Thank you 💕💕💕

[@crosbielucadiamoody]

Love your videos Rei! They make me happy and feel less alone. I believe I was hit very abruptly by a dark night of the soul a couple months ago. Easily the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through but I have faith that this is something pushing me to my true purpose. Wasn’t really a spiritual person before all of this and now I am and feel like a whole new person! Still going through lots of confusion though 😅

[@Jenny-vm3yu]

Wow, yes they can absolutely happen gradually. Thank you for sharing your experience. I realise now that I’ve been through this multiple times. Each time shedding another version of myself, or a new ego. The first time was gradual, painful and more out of environmental trauma. Feeling like I was gradually dying, until the ego death fully hit at 16/17. I completely reinvented myself and my new ego/identity sprang up and lasted for a decade. During that time, I cultivated a self image around achieving and validation I received from others. I achieved so much academically to prove people “wrong” and that I was worthy. When, in reality those people probably didn’t even think twice about me lol. I lost who I was completely and engaged in a lot of toxic behaviour and mindsets. This included political idealism. The second time it happened, the consequences of my actions came back with karma. I had a tower moment and a massive sudden ego death and dark night of the soul. I started searching, improving and finding a new self. The third time, it’s like I realised that new overly happy self was also a mask. Underneath a lot of fear, anger, panic and trauma hid. I became very depressed. Then meeting someone actually triggered my third one but this time it was way more positive for me. I was able to get perspective, purge out all the rage and pain through talking and lucid dreaming. This went on for months and afterwards I felt light and at peace. Over the past year, I’ve gone back to my original self but an improved adult version. I know that person was never to be hated and I should take pride in what makes me different. Every area of my life has improved because of it.

[@darbydelane4588]

Yes, I went through the exact same experience, but much later than you (I think). Also received ADHD+autism diagnosis which helped me understand what I went through at an even deeper level.

[@Veed.l0]

This is astonishingly close to my experience! In 2012, i entered college, and shortly after, i had my mental breakdown. Now that you mention it, I, too, probably felt so numb and disassociated because I was seperateted from the habitat I'd known. It was also really debilitating being around such inconsiderate roommates and thrusting myself into a major i didn't truly want but was pressured into because i didn't have any real ambition. I blew it out of proportion by questioning myself and my emotions automatically and constantly when i first start looking at myself and who u was, then it turned into an obsessive clinging to the past feeling it was the best version of me. The thick of it lasted about ten years, too. I slowly started to rebuild my life and live in the moment, despite my flawed negative mindset because I figured; that was how I started out in life. All the years I revered were just me living naturally in the moment.

[@nekomancerkasi]

Your experience sounds so much like mine. I had nothing to define it until now. I experienced similar when my friends and I split up and then grew so far apart that we no longer spoke even a little. Then they started dying or changing so much that it broke me and I suddenly lost who I was. My best friend and I used to challenge each other. We put each other to the test in healthy ways. When he died, I lost that. We hadn't even spoken in years, but I always thought maybe one day we would be best friends again and my life was still defined on how I could be even better than him like some friendly contest we used to do to each other. We loved bouncing ideas off one another and such and coming up with ways to better ourselves and telling the other about it. When I lost all of them for various reasons, I suddenly lost myself. I now realize that I was defining myself on them being around even if just in spirit which isn't the case anymore. It caused massive anxiety in me. I suddenly was no one, and on top of that, I was suffering survivor's guilt and started chasing medical symptoms left and right unconsciously beating myself up for living longer than he did, for doing better, for being in a happier safer position in life. Now, I am trying to figure out who I am and fighting all this horrible anxiety and tension it caused me.

[@SY4E1]

Your video helped solidify my ego death… listening to your experience I hear how different our experiences have been but also so similar at the same time. I was never a depression person, I was an anxiety person, and the ego death began with complete panic, because like you said, life for a little began to feel not real, almost like a simulation which felt extremely scary to me. But I know it happened for a REASON. It was necessary for me to experience it so I could move on. Thank you so much for your videos. 🤟

[@TheYellowshuttle]

Wow! Finally some beautiful and not hard to understand words describing the otherwise ineffable. It would be a treat to hear more about it in detail. After all this experience is not very common. And even rare is someone who can digest it and put it into beautiful & meaningful words. ❤️

[@dominic.isidore]

This is just amazing. THANK YOU! It's exactly what I've been going through! And what makes it hard is that everyone expects you to be the same person you were before and I don't want to be the same! Maybe similar but not the same!

[@srcrz718]

This is amazing. The fact that you had an ego death naturally is impressive.

[@Tara_S25]

I had a similar experience which culminated into a spiritual awakening in 2018. I went through a lot of betrayals and humiliation. The unbearable emotional pain was the last straw. It took me 2 yrs to rebuild my identity. It was really overwhelming coz no one understood what I was going through. Just books ans spiritual teachers on youtube. I consciously thought abt what attributes I want to embody, preferences and values. The book called 'The ways of the Ideal Man' helped me a lot. I thought if I can ba anybody, how can I be the ideal person. Thanks Rei, for sharing your experience and bringing ppl with similar experiences together. I have absolutely no ambition or goals in life and I love it 😂

[@rcantu1204]

Going through it now and i thank you for this video!! You explained it perfectly, luke you are just a pair of eyes looking out and it feels not real.. the world, you, your place in it... definitely anxiety inducing 😮‍💨 and scary at times.

[@VanessaDelCastillo-q5y]

Thanks for your video. Mine happened when I faced fertility issues with no medical explanation. That moment when I couldn’t tick the next box was the trigger to my whole existence. The last drop in a full barrel because I was already questioning my life at that stage but I didn’t know what was happening to me. I wish more ppl would talk about this topic as so many ppl have no idea of what is happening to them.

[@lupereyes3665]

Yes’ 3 years ago i experienced this ego death, i am so grateful and Thankful for channels like yours Rei… sending massive luv to u and all on their journey 🦋💙

[@Brendon_Xu_The_Big_B]

I had a conversation with my family last night about finding the purpose in life and I asked many existential questions about our lives. They just want me to follow the typical norm of getting a degree, find a job, make a living for life. Recently, I had a spiritual awakening and everything I believed is crumbling down. I just feel like nothing even matters to me anymore. I just want to disassociate from the society to live in peace and be aligned with my true authentic self. Everybody calls me crazy. Eventually, the conversation turned into a heated argument, It was literally so depressing that I ended up leaving the room in tears. Later, I ended up spending the rest of the night alone in my room and spent a long time doing meditation to release the negativity. Deep down, I do trust the process. It is all a part of the transformation for the greater good, if somebody can relate to this, I just want to say keep moving forward, the universe will reward those that dares to follow their hearts! Peace! 🙏

[@dghassen]

Hi Rei, I am so grateful that I decided to leave a comment on KZbin, something really hard for me. I believe I went thru the ego death since last year, when my (ex)fiancé left me on a very mean way - in my opinion that time. By realizing my pain was a construction on my mind, I started removing everything of me, physically and psychologically. I remember having the same sensations of being on a void, floating in the universe and observing life passing by, not connecting. I still feel life this sometimes. I still don’t know completely who I am, and I feel like I am rebuilding myself. And that is completely fine.

[@elsenderodemialma]

Wow, it’s the first time I have heard this experience from the outside of my own narrative. Thank you so so so much for sharing🙏 Reminding eachother that we are not alone in this💗 I feel blessed for having arrived to your channel! Thank you for your work, lots of love and blessings to you!

[@christinegorman3629]

In the thick of this right now. It’s been over 3 years of pain and depression. Huge part of this has been losing the things I have attachment to…relationships, stuff, my identity around work, even the connection to my kids and my cats has had to change because i have always been so codependent. All of it falling away. More like being ripped away actually. Some days I don’t know how I’ll survive and I pray the light is near. Have glimmers of seeing and then almost immediately black clouds of fear come in and shatter the peace. Have to just take it one moment at a time. There is nowhere to go. Nothing to do but be with whatever comes up yet I feel so much fear and panic. Sense that if I don’t “do something” or “figure things out” everything will fall apart and I will die. Or worse yet be a burden. Disappoint people. Trauma working it’s way out I guess. It’s so scary and I’ve had lots of physical things happening too. I’ve had moments of clarity where I can see all is well. That I’m ok and this is all unfolding exactly as it should but right now…feel like I’m dying. Videos like yours and reading comments from others experiencing the same things helps. Thank you.

[@cassandres4965]

❤ I relate so much to this

[@rae-ku6041]

Ohh my love you don’t know how much this mean to me, when I saw this video I thought it was going to trigger me because I think I went and still going in a ego death for a while now.. and I thought like that’s it, that’s the peak of it all, the gurus or enlightened ones always say drop you identity, desires, passion they’re all waste… and for longest I was so scared and depressed because I have a vision and desire to pursue something but I kept pushing it because I *shouldn’t have desires”. Now reaching the end of your video saying rebuild your identity part and huge wave of relief felt on me because the thing I wanna do are not based on expectation but something inside me want to my soul maybe ❤

[@Rishort]

I'm so grateful that I found this video!!! I've been feeling like this for a few years now (since 2020 I believe), though it only really kicked in just a few months back when I went into therapy for my pornography addiction. It really helps knowing that other people experience more or less the same. Thank you, much love from the Netherlands ❤

[@ASPsurfing]

I experienced ego death with the use of plant medicine. But in my experience it was the best feeling in the world. My ego was traded with pure love and light. A experience I will never forget! The dark night of the soul came shortly after. 🙌

[@padminivarmasangaraju5542]

Wow 5 years of losing false identity and then next 5 years of rebuilding the true identity… that’s exactly what happened to me. But I never thought in this way till I watched your video. Thank you for articulating the process… it’s totally me.

[@mindbodyspirit1551]

I am going through this right now ..needed to hear this ...thanks

[@JonDeFranza-ky1qq]

Just amazing to hear this in words, what I’ve been experiencing since last year. Mine started with such a deep depression that I could barely make it through the day. By the evening my bones literally ached. Having panic attacks sometimes throughout the day I got to the point where I contemplated suicide. About a year later, I’m in this rebuilding my identity phase I believe. It’s like I have no worries, no stress at all. Feeling blissfully at peace with the present moment. But also no motivation to do anything. Like I just don’t care about things anymore. My old goals and desires don’t align with me at all anymore. I got the big house, good income & all the materialistic things and I don’t want to maintain and keep any of it. I would love nothing more than to sell my house, quit my career, donate 99% of my belongings and take my wife and two kids to somewhere in nature.. but it’s not practical… “yet” 🙃

[@zielkrysteldashielle498]

I didn’t even know I was going thru it. And I’ve literally been a spiritual weirdo since I was a baby child.. 3 years in and yesterday I hear ‘dark night of L the soul’ and I get it.. it’s a strange scary place when you thought death was at your door.. but when it’s put terms fully explained.. that literally saved my life

[@JoF_Havoc]

Well Rei... this video brought back memories and the way you described your ego death very much resembles what I went through during the end years of high school and early years of university exactly because the influence of other people couldn't reach me the same way anymore. The difference for me is I dissociated to the point of creating my own structured belief system that defined and justified anything, there was no meaning, everyone else was wrong and I was right. In my eyes I knew the truth, I had won, I was woke (Far from it in retrospect but ironically I wasn't completely off in some things, heh). Anyway, I rarely I read/watch content that resonates on such a level, liked and subscribed. Thank you for this.

[@RegardsRei]

Wow, that’s so interesting! I’m so glad to know someone who went through an ego death, and about the same time I went through too. So you created your own structured beliefs? That’s really interesting. In the process of rebuilding my identity, I started drifting away from all religion and started accumulating my own truths and beliefs that resonated with me. By the way, thanks for the like and subscribe!

[@macparker3549]

Beautiful and humble description of your process. I respect and admire your ongoing process of realization...

[@zealouszach]

I would love to see the colors again, but That palette broke along with my heart and soul. The luscious reds and crisp greens, the lively yellows and heavy blues; they blur into uniformity, and rainbows descend in grayscale. at first, it was only laziness; a lack of focus and clarity blurring into a still image. And the still image stretched along evermore… But now the magic is gone, and I cannot recall what remains. Or what was… might my heart beat again one day, or am I lost to the void until time ends? Each passing minute in the kiss of death, the focus blurs eversomore… the memories fade like an old photo album left too long in the sun. And the images burn one last time through my split mind. In shades of grey I choke on the lethargy of magic’s death, suffocating into quiet solace Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust, I will again await my next incarnation. Hopefully this time, I will remember the magic I found. And hopefully, the hole in my heart will be filled again with the color of your heart. Who are we again? [O_0)

[@Susan-z5d]

I believe I'm 4 years in and battling with ocd flashbacks, exteme anxiety and chronic pain,but I know all that is coming to an end,ive rediscovered my love for art and my wounds are healing, thank you universe ❤️ 💜 😊

[@ishansharma8397]

This was incredibls! I lobed how in detail you went. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@peaceofmind7415]

İt’s like am watching a video ı made, it was the same for me as a kid. Once in college and what i went though I started to question if I ever were the smart beautiful girl I used to be or was it all an illusion of how the people perceived me. Still going through it this is my 3rd year and especially living that in my 20’s while everybody is having some kind of fun, am trying to identify with a lot of things but within a week I know that that’s not it , that’s not what fits in my soul. What’s even harder is not only not having the people i used to have around but also loosing all my hobbies and talents . When you said 10 years I was like oh, it seemed like it’s gonna take that much :/

[@RegardsRei]

Wow, sounds like you’re going through what I went through. That’s how it was for me too. People were having fun doing many things at college, but I couldn’t see what was so fun about it. But you know, I did build my identity back over several years, and now I live a life that’s more authentic to my soul. But even now, I feel more disassociated with worldly things and don’t get upset at things as other people tend to do.

[@marksims9223]

Hi Rei , Wow ,,WOW.. Such a great video , when my wife and I ended on good terms , I went through an ego death . She brought out the best in me , and some how I lost that thread of growth .. I started reading a buddhist based text , and it's been an amazing Spiritual journey since ..tackling things like acceptance , being love , life purpose ...etc Your videos have such a beauty , and Joy , always a pleasure to watch and learn from

[@RegardsRei]

That’s amazing! Thank you for sharing your inspiring journey with me. A big life event like that can trigger a spiritual awakening.

[@nopeacewithoutjustice6133]

My DNOTS was pretty different in some ways. I don’t know if I ever had an ego death, I feel like my ego was super inflated so I can take a good look at it and I was forgiven. I am still rebuilding my identity. Thank you for this video.

[@scottypaz]

Im 44 when i had mine, and kinda in a fog a year later. All good, 👍, I've embraced this change and not scared of it, enjoying this discovery and uncovery! 😊

[@cosmicgamer8991]

A lot similar but a lot more painful for me. You are the first one i am listening to about this. Makes me not alone. For years i thought I am crazy

[@quinnphelps5497]

Your experience mirrors my own but I am in year five and started when I was 49 or so. I am currently rebuilding my identity. Thanks for this message and insight. it really helps me

[@tamikabell6575]

Thank you Rei for sharing your experience with us and putting an ego death experience into words my ego death was different from yours but the feeling and the emotions you described, was very much the same🙌🏾💜

[@Razed1991]

Hi Rei :) Thanks a lot for making this video and sharing your personal experience! My journey through ego-death lasted 10 years as well (though it was very different at the beginning and I only entered the "dark night of the soul" more fully in the last 6 years of that process). It's highly unusual for me to comment on KZbin videos but somehow I feel like I just have to reach out. I'd love to connect and share our experiences in more detail if you're interested! I also feel that maybe we could think of some ways to create a space for people who have come out the other end to connect with each other, mainly because there are so few people who have experienced this type of experience (at least that's how I feel about pretty much everyone that I have known throughout my entire life) and I feel like we could really benefit from having a sort of "tribe" who knows what it feels like. Please let me know if you'd like to discuss that in more detail. Sending you love and light!

[@eieayo]

Hi! I just found this video and reading through the comments has made me feel so seen and I too would love to have a tribe to talk to about these things. I know it’s a year later and Rei never responded but if you’re interested in still discussing with someone, I’d be very happy to chat ☺️

[@joebenzz]

Clicked on this video just out of curiosity and i'm shocked because everything that's being said in it exactly describes everything i've been throught these past years which has been bothering me so much. Now it looks like i have awnsers.

[@Kestas_X]

I also don't do drugs. I feel like my mind and feelings, especially my desires have sustained my injured and traumatised ego. Then I experienced an ego birth, I'd say. Now my ego is in it's right space. It can remove the baggage of worthlessness, weakness and being dead. My ego has healed. And now it can be a more calm helmsman of my life. It is my freind, I will never kill it. And that has made me more respectful of the other egos around me, as well as my own. We are all one. But we are separated and different as Long as we live. That has healed my people pleasing.

[@AubreyJoannaPascual]

I went through it. I think I am still going through it. I am an introvert who got isolated but now reaching out with others I haven't talked to in a while. Soon we're gonna meet up.

[@menushihapuarachchige7503]

Omg so similar to what happened to me ...still can't believe why I went through that

[@skycross2004]

I went through the exact same thing at 55. :) The years it took were worth the journey.. to become authentic to self. Thanks for sharing.

[@RegardsRei]

Oh, interesting! Just the other day, I wondered whether I went through what I did because I was just entering adulthood. But I guess Dark Nights comes at any age. Thanks for sharing that.

[@skycross2004]

@@RegardsRei I only wish I would have experienced it much earlier. ;)

[@KingSheva-sh5qw]

I think the ego death and the spiritual experience are different at least for me. I’ve never really been that happy from the first moments of my life all I can remember is that I was different and never truly fit in, like having memories from before I was 1 that are true because there is no way I could know some of the things I’ve seen in the memory, and figuring out that 1+1=2 for absolutely no reason 3 days before grade 1 I’m also quite disagreeable and usually right so many people did not like my opinions, I’m also quite neurotic making the whole experience much more exhilarating. When I never really had a real me because I’ve done about 3 180s(in personality)by the time I was 20, but once I got the spiritual experience everything just clicked and everything made sense I’m still trying to unwrap what it is I saw but nothing seems the same in the world. What I saw was my/our own nature, the experience was a bright light in the middle of my mind and incredible euphoria, it felt like everything just made sense, I saw myself for what I really am and that’s a animal that’s a product of evolution both within my lifetime and outside of it, I saw how we all interconnect with one another and we are inseparable, I saw the self and god and it’s unity. The moments leading up to it were absolute hell and the time after got worse with the euphoria wearing off made me feel terrible lacking that happiness, before I felt absolutely insane I was hearing voices seeing pictures and characters interacting and controlling me(Jungian archetypes), I knew they were in my head but man did they feel real, the moment after I saw the “dao” felt grate but the next few a day or so my body went into withdrawal from the happiness and nothing I could really do until I reached equilibrium again. The last thing that happened is I saw through the picture of the world the mating dance we all play, and the unspoken bonding rituals we preform, sadness became a ignorable part of life you just kinda know it’s your body bitching and whining not you so you can just figure out why and ignore it until it stops or fix it, and as far as personalities go there are many and they are all real me, I like the jungian metaphor of archetypes because you can replace a emotion with a archetype and that becomes a you, not excluding the primary brain functions(wise old man(your voice of reason/logic), trickster(the way we manifest desires/fears)mother(threat analysis/response)), and how they are guided by your ego+the conscious with the ego taking priority.

[@theanonymoushelpline7248]

Wow!

[@bella-k11]

I went through it. 4th year, I'm at the stage of rebuilding myself now. Crazy how I'm the 888th person to like your video and 143 (which I see a lot) to comment.

[@earthboundisawsome]

Oh man... This is so relatable all the way through. I feel like I've been going through this over the course of a year and I know I'm not past it yet. The weirdest part is hitting that point where the line between reality and mind becomes too blurred to function normally. I have the logical side of my mind that gets me through navigating everyday life and work, but it's become so difficult to even tell the difference between reality and my dreams. It's even hard to remember simple things because none of it even feels tangible. I do think that I learned to handle things like anger and depression better. I would say that over all i "feel" less miserable. It's just all so... Formless, you know?

[@Nattyyyyyyy]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us!❤ the moment you said you felt numb and depressed, it resonated with me so much😊

[@cheyanne919]

I have been spiritual at a young age also. Still going through my dark night of the soul. Mine started as the video starts like a good moment then the painful part kicked in.