Darna Vs. The Planet Women - The Cinema Snob

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Website: www.thecinemasn...
Twitter: @thecinemasnob
Writer and Creator: Brad Jones
Illustration: Shaun Millington
Theme Song: Sad Panda
End Stinger: The ToonWerks
The Cinema Snob reviews Darna Vs. The Planet Women.

[@jollysword]

Just like what some Turkish Snob fans did, I will graciously translate the actual lines, as a full-blooded Filipino. Note that I can't translate all lines accurately due to the shoddy audio quality. 3:40 "Indeed, if you would insist, I will wholeheartedly offer my life and humanity." 4:13 [can't hear the line clearly, but I can tell the boy was teasing him for trying to flirt with the girl] "Why?" 4:21 "Ow!" "What did you say?!" 4:44 "We have nothing to drink [alcoholic beverages] here. Well, let's just head over there." 4:49 "We do have something to drink here. Pulutan." [Pulutan refers to foods that are usually served and ate during drinking sessions, like what these guys plan to do] 4:52 "Oh Joseph, you." 5:06 "You should be stopped!" 5:47 [can't hear the line clearly] "Hey! Son of Judas! Let go of my grandson!" [Being called a "son of Judas" is considered an insult, but not considered foul language] 7:07 "What is that?" 8:34 "He will not be seen by those outlanders." [The original was "mga taga-ibang lupalop na iyon", and I wanted to keep the translation brief and not literal; hence "those outlanders".] 10:03 "I need an approval if I want to leave." 10:07 "Huh? Where will you go?" 10:59 "...and there are no vehicles discovered yet in order to travel this far. Where can I have that?" 12:14 "THIS LOVE OF MINE YOU WIIIIILLLL..." 12:37 "My love is great..." 12:44 "[this] song that is great..." 12:55 "[Then why] am I here?" 13:51 "And that!" 18:03 "Big sis!" 18:09 "This is the metal that comes from our own galaxy, that even you cannot cut." 18:21 "Finally." 19:17 "I failed, but I will leave happily. Because I'm sure that what happened between the two of us..."

[@greenkoopa]

You're my hero

[@ravensthatflywiththenightm7319]

Ya learn something new every day. Or in this case, a lot of things new today.

[@VirtualBoy500]

Well, it's official: "Do you like bubbles!?" is no longer the creepiest Brad Jones moment.

[@theNewBee]

My cousins showed me a Darna movie when I was vacationing in the Philippines way back when. it's exactly as I remember.

[@trishahernz7809]

According to Mars Ravelo's kids, Darna is supposed to be a female equivalent of Superman, not Wonder Woman, inspired by his own mother who single handedly raised him.

[@MrSafior]

Do you have more information aboot Ravelo and his creation in general? I'm honestly really interested aboot the history of "pop culture", especially comics one, from country like Phillipine and other, but it is really dificult to have information aboot it.

[@No1ofConsequence]

Your strawman characters always leave me with a "I have children buried in my basement" vibe. Though I'm sure that is intentional.

[@gerythionargarys7848]

Makes for a better strawman.

[@thepurpleshade486]

Jack D the fuck is. A straw man

[@Tyler-sy7jo]

@@thepurpleshade486 "Setting up a strawman" is a dirty tactic to make your own argument look better by essentially making up an opponent or opposing position, then making them look bad. It falls into the category of "I don't need to make my point look good! I just need to make the other guy look really bad!" The strawman created normally has a ludicrous, extremist opinion that no one would logically hold. Edit: not to be confused with bringing up counterpoints to your own argument, as doing so with respect to the opposing position can justifiably help your point.

[@OwlEye2010]

For a strawman, it's actually pretty spot-on.

[@uselessDM]

Wait, does that mean we dont get ten new episodes this week? Now I believe in nothing anymore.

[@planescaped]

Yeah, remember when Brad actually uploaded a decent amount a day?

[@johnt.campbell316]

Yea... Brad's a *horrible* human being!! Getting our hopes up, expecting 10 videos a week from this point on!! If he was Ben Phillips he'd have 10 videos out *a day!!*

[@josephrouleau9259]

Every time that kid does something irritating, I start wondering how Gamera hasn't shown up yet.

[@JohnDoe-wz3jq]

Brad you beautiful bastard, wasn't expecting an episode this week. Awesome

[@SciFiFan2012]

There's SO much Darna on YT! I looked her up, and the later versions are pretty darn attractive.

[@SciFiFan2012]

More superheroes from the rest of the world, please?

[@EricSam97]

Is it bad that I automatically assumed that this would be a porno?

[@andrewgwilliam4831]

Eric Sam I assumed it would be too. Nice to see something different!

[@andrewcoleman5775]

Eric Sam I did too, good thing it was’t.

[@NemoNautilusEra]

Yeah, I'm disappointed too... what am I to do with all that hand cream now?

[@dimitrescu182]

Darna is suprisingly the Philippines' own Superman in terms of popularity

[@DanielPerez-eo2pv]

As a Filipino, I approve of this review.

[@TheRagnel]

The Buttercream Gang really got you good Brad for you to talk about them everytime you can, may you find peace one day.

[@mikethegrunty5968]

Am I alone in thinking fedora brad looks like frank miller in a sweater?

[@Elitistangkevs]

Wow a Filipino Movie Reviewed by Snob? AWESOME!

[@multi-voiceentertainment7013]

Kevin Duayan Big deal I reviewed Darna along with 10 other Filipino Superheroes.

[@Cpt_nice]

Multi-Voice Reviewer You dont have to reply to every comment, desperate fuck.

[@multi-voiceentertainment7013]

Maybe but you never know.

[@alvinderama3196]

Wonder what Cinema Snob smoked to suddenly review Darna, I just have to double check just to make sure I wasn't misreading it. Not to mention that false subs, made me burst laughing.

[@mathieuleader8601]

fun fact the actress who portrayed the most recent incarnation of Darna on television Marian Rivera-Dantes is a current senator from the Philippines and is the ambassador for women for disabled people in the Philippines

[@TheKML777]

I thought this week would be about a Wonder Woman porno spoof. I'm gonna assume that exists somewhere, because in a world where porno spoofs of E.T.s, yetis, turtles, cartoon characters, a talking racoon and a sentient tree exist, it's a frakkin' given that Wonder Woman would at least have one!

[@Johnny0lovely69]

Kemal Alis there's one with Kimberly Kane where Lois is afraid Wonder Woman would take superman from her

[@JohnHummel502]

There's always the Larry Niven essay about how Superman would wind up killing Wonder Woman if they ever had sex....

[@ApesAmongUs]

I'm confused, wasn't this a Wonder Woman porno?

[@romeojavier7997]

Kemal Alis This Ain't or Wood Rocket will make Porno Parody version soon.

[@humanconvertile]

John Hummel -- Or we can go with Frank Miller's interpretation of Superman banging Wonder Woman where they fuck so hard it causes tidal waves and earthquakes, killing millions!

[@agentleman4610]

You know, the police should look into that fedora character. I'm betting they'd close more than a few missing persons cases if they'd look in the multiple freezers which he undoubtedly has.

[@OwlEye2010]

That, and I bet he's leading a cult, too.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

I call dibs on the blue woman.

[@JoeyJ0J0]

Darna looks pretty cool. I need to read the comics or watch the tv series . The movie looks like a really cheesy tokusatsu. I love it

[@JoeyJ0J0]

Strider VM I saw that already lol. I am trying to watch Darna 2005 but there are no subs and the footage is hard to watch

[@Syoma]

2009 version is subtitled at Viki

[@JoeyJ0J0]

syoma fukasaku awesome thanks

[@dimitrescu182]

There's gonna be a new show coming out on August 1st of this year I believe

[@stuffyroom173]

I'm Filipino.. this epusode is great.. and is a very dated movie.. i would suggest Kapitan Barbel if Brad is gonna go gor another filipino classic.. a hero who gain powers with a dumbell.. theres a steroid joke there somewhere

[@HistoryVM]

Yeah, I suggest the version with Herbert Bautista / Edu Manzano as it's easier pickings for a joke or two. =)

[@stuffyroom173]

You gys have to excuse my fellow Filipinos.. we dont have much to be proud of.. so whenever we find our culture spolighted by foreigners, we get very prideful..

[@itscarlosreally]

I agree with the Herbert/Edu version.

[@FelisTerras]

Wait, beautiful landscapes, intriguing language, delicious food, fun, cute people...sound good enough to me^^

[@stuffyroom173]

FelisTerras not much on landscapes.. garbage everywhere.. every country have unique food.. as well as cute peepz.. and fun.. nothing really unique..

[@BobfishAlmighty]

The best part of this, is that my wife is Filipino. So she could tell me what was actually being said. That just made it funnier

[@michaelvale4473]

i didnt know Lupa was secretly a planet woman

[@redcomet_622]

snob you should review some of the many Filipino Batman films from the 60s

[@Lakitu1134]

2:09 My God I love the side characters that Brad plays

[@rezandaigotsu4250]

CHRIST that Walt Right character was fucking terrifying. Your crazy eyes are top shelf Brad.

[@PRDGchannel]

Can you review more Phillipino superhero films?

[@multi-voiceentertainment7013]

Neon Infinity I beat him to it I reviewed 10 Philipino Superheroes.

[@DarkKnightTrinity]

I doubt you are 1/1000th as funny as Cinema Snob though. Go advertise somewhere else.

[@mst3k3000]

a Snob episode with fake subtitles throughout the review? i thought we learned our lesson after The Passion of the Christ review. JK, i missed those type of episodes too. ^^

[@Eluxor]

Fake subtitles are the best.

[@mastermarkus5307]

That was NOT the problem with The Passion of the Christ review.

[@Ratciclefan]

I love the fake subtitles too.

[@Takeshi357]

You should try youtube's generated captions. "Warren Buffet looking fuck about"

[@DieHardAlien]

First Eddie from the WHO REAMED ROSIE RABBIT II episode and now The Black Hat guy in this? This truly is a Christmas and New Years worth remembering!

[@super_shag8685]

OMG Your're Finally Reviewing Filipino Movies? DO WENG-WENG!

[@TheRealLazerBlazer22]

Veteran Viewer Not sure what Weng-Weng is, but now I want him to do it too.

[@sillygrl23]

I don't know who this new character is, but he meets my approval! How the hell is a guy like Brad so good at playing over the top creepy guys?

[@Cludensyo]

I would so love to hear the story of how Brad stumbled upon Darna

[@sailoritaly]

If Snob reviewed this movie, he now has to review the Zsazsa Zaturnnah movie

[@pinkdebugger]

That Walt Right character is spot on, but you really needed fedora and trench-coat for him.

[@burntgrahamcracker2866]

pinkdebugger who's Walt right?

[@cambellfan22]

a parade of the alt right

[@NinjaLawyerSteve]

I think it's a play on the title "alt right". Because the alt right have been throwing a huge tantrum over Wonder Woman, Walt Right is there to spew every stupid right wing criticism. But damn did he look creepy in the first shot!

[@Rendo86]

as long as he has the dead unending stare of absolute hate, That and a Starbucks drink.

[@burntgrahamcracker2866]

pinkdebugger ah was worried there for a second the way these things usually go with regards to woman related issues a mgtow says something crazy and then people call it an mra criticism that's what I thought the guy was

[@GleeChan]

Whoa, a Darna review. NEVER thought I'd see this.

[@DasKame]

I too...because i've never heard of Darna

[@spookyweedwitch]

i loved this episode! would love to see more of these films from other cultures, i learned so much about filipino superheroes just from this video

[@kira1898]

Sweater-Dude needs more Skulls.

[@JoeyJ0J0]

Charlie he knows all the keyboard shortcuts

[@poindexta770]

I blame the commulists

[@jeffreycoogan09]

Darna's powers and even her origin are more similar to Shazam (Captain Marvel) then to Wonder Woman. Although her custom and her look is clearly inspired by Wonder Woman.

[@iwasanangryyoungman]

Yes the WW analogies are on the nose, but she hews closer to Shazam when it comes to her powerset

[@CactusJackIV]

I am in need of a laugh, I am very lucky that there is another new Cinema Snob video up. Thank you for the help in this crappy time.

[@strongblade]

OMG! I was totally falling for the subtitles being actual "engrish" subtitles of the movie for a while... :P

[@MarquisSmith]

I fully expected you to take time off after ten new episodes. So props.

[@johnwhite5663]

2:15 Who is that character? Has he appeared before? Because I love the idea.

[@JCWolfwood]

I have no clue, but I'd like to know myself

[@iamwontolla]

how is he so good at being *fucking creepy*

[@RiverTheOneandOnly]

John White nO. he's new

[@ReyFlama]

The new porn icon of this decade!

[@fuckoff8388]

John White Heisenberg

[@Azrael666Azazel]

Huh, a Darna film where the lead villain looks like Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah. Huh, I'm disappointed that there's no Hagan cameo.

[@naurmael]

if you're here for eternity, I'll be here to watch!!

[@SigEpBlue]

Brad, you are an inspirational workaholic. :)

[@chrishodgson5430]

Every time I think I've seen every Cinema Snop episode, youtube shows me a new one from 6 years ago.

[@rafaeltrivino1790]

"Music was my life, and now you made it my death." Fucking hilarious

[@phantomzone2725]

Now with a new Snob review, my monday (and the rest of my week) is saved!

[@ericzephyr]

I can 100% guarantee that the subtitles are accurate. Trust me I'm a Filipino.

[@realitysfrank1695]

so is 80's Dan ever coming back or is he still in prison?

[@HolyknightVader999]

He's probably still in the hospital thanks to the McDLT.

[@superj1e2z6]

I did not realize how much I need this kind of reviews to Filipino movies. There is so much movies to pick on.

[@lizzychrome7630]

I may finally have to join a patreon now, because as a kid we watched a mummy slapstick comedy on the bus during some field trip, and for about 20 years now it's driven me nuts trying to figure out what that movie was. Now I know it's "Laurel and Hardy." Thanks, Snob! Also, I have no clue who your new fedora creep character is meant to be, but he's fantastically creepy.

[@z.adkins862]

OKAY so two minutes into this review and Brad has already terrified me more than at any other point in any of his productions. Holy HELL.

[@dreadstheheart]

I wonder if there's a new ep- >GAAAAASP

[@freddymentos8378]

That kid yelling "double cunt!" is priceless. And Darna has had 14 movies and 3 TV shows? I have never heard of this character.This is so weird.

[@goregrindisthebestgenre]

I love all these new characters he randomly does.

[@BobbyDrake2000]

I'm going to take a stab and say that the Laurel & Hardy movie will win out. Good God, that movie was a slap in the face to the duo's legacy.

[@spideyfan1990]

I was hoping it would be related to the Mummy. Oh well. Can we get a review of Indonesia Friday the 13th?

[@TheKML777]

Now this is news to me. When was that made? Did Suzanna play Mrs. Voorhees?

[@spideyfan1990]

Kemal Alis 1981.

[@pmejac9353]

Hell yeah! Cinema Snob been grinding. Appreciate it

[@AlysterJohnEstur]

This is insane. How did you even get to know Darna? This was a fun watch!

[@nowknowthis]

This looks like it was written and shot all in like one day because all of the references he is making are like only a few days old. He made sure you knew this was written just recently.

[@Bejiboy2930]

More FILIPINO movies please. i have waited so long for this day! sa wakas! nagrebyu ka din ng pilipino na pelikula.

[@amandabraun4588]

10:20 The diamonds MAHGOD.

[@OllieMendes]

Great thing about Cinema Snob is that while I'm up in the mountains with bad internet every youtube video is grainy 240p but the Snob looks the same :P

[@Dreadnaught1Aw]

Thank you for a relatively quick video Cinema Snob. ^_^

[@sfighter0085]

Great Episode, I remember when you brought up "Darna" in your "Wonder Woman 1974" episode. I was thinking you were gonna do the one you brought up, "Darna:Ang Pagbabalik". But this one was interesting. I almost thought this character was just a Philipeno version of Wonder Woman myself, but after learning a bit of history, I've got to do some more reseach. This movie looks like your typical campy fun superhero movie on par with Batman 66 and The Adventures of Superman. And is it me, or did the Cherry Vanilla alien remind me of Starfire from "Teen Titans".

[@RDMacQ]

Until September! UNTIL SEPTEMBER!!!

[@bryedtan]

Fun Fact: The actress who played Darna Vilma Santos was elected Govenor for a province in the Philippines

[@fiddlewheelx]

i seriously want to see brad do something on Olsen Banden from Norway, Denmark and sweden. its actually really fascinating, the Danish started their seires, then we Norwegians made our own version, and then the swedes made their own version with a somewhat different title, "Jönson Ligaen".

[@akosbarati2239]

Thanks for the input, I always thought it was strictly Danish. Possibly it would be full of Olsen twins, Avengers and NCIS jokes (oh, and Party Cop).

[@LillyCharlotte7]

fuck yeah....

[@Inspectornills]

ahh Darna, nice to see her make it on to this show. Kinda makes me want to see Brad take on other Filipino movies like She-man, the story of a man who has to transform into a woman to become a superhero, or even the Shake, Rattle and Roll horror film series, which I believe is to its 14th film in the franchise. Or maybe even Zuma, the Aztec god with ,snakes protruding out of his shoulders, who terrorized the islands. Kinda like the Mummy.

[@dreadstheheart]

Vincent I think it's past 14th

[@michaelclendening2318]

Edgy Alt-right Nice-guy Cinema Snob is the best Cinema Snob.

[@kcgbones]

We've got so much camp in my country's filmography that you're gonna have a field day 😂

[@qazwer333]

I look forward to seeing untill september next week.

[@augustwest5356]

oh snob, your work ethic is unrivaled. you are a hard workin, bad movie watchin, head shavin bad ass. keep up the sarcastic ass good work! also, your hat is covered in fuzz and cat hair. it's a good look.

[@Timic83tc]

your episodes could be a solid 75% attacking strawmen and i'd still watch because you're so entertaining

[@seand7042]

It actually sounds like that episode of Dr. Who where that kid swallows a gem and well you know becomes a superhero

[@gwenwray-samans7121]

@3:37 - Did anybody else think that guy was time-travelling Robert Pattinson?

[@yukiskyzero1313]

Not to be "Proud to be Pinoy" around here but I'm so glad you mentioned a Filipino film here haha. xD I'm glad a reviewer like you has to see this film haha. xD

[@projectmatrix1]

Wait, so Zsazsa Gahborah gets her powers from swallowing a stone...and so does Darba? What's with Filipino superheroines getting their powers from eating rocks?

[@Billy666H]

So, new character is twitter?

[@Lonsoleil]

I didn't know who Darna was before this, now I absolutely must see Darna 2017.

[@gwenwray-samans7121]

@7:54. Epic Voice Guy: "Blue-ooooobs."

[@peterkyrouac]

I love the sweater-man Brad character! It reminds me of some of Mike Nelson's early side characters on MST3K.

[@adamcheek2244]

Creepy Breaking Bad Black Hat Guy is one of my new favorite characters on this show

[@Cpt_nice]

You are a beast, Brad

[@Mrniceguy9148]

The diamonds gag! I love the diamonds gag :D

[@tommytwotone6070]

DAMN YOU! I TRUSTED YOU! I TRUSTED THOSE SUBTITLES WERE AUTHENTIC 1970's! /I still lol'd

[@thenewrobin1913]

Darna 2009 I love that series

[@timd3469]

My favorite quote for the last 25 years was from that bratty girl on Rugrats. "If you have to ask... you'll never know". But Cinema Snob may have just replaced it with, "That's a stupid thing you just said".

[@hellsingmongrel]

XDDD Snob's reactions to the neckbeard-parody character when he cut in to make shitty comments was the most adorable thing ever. "😐 I have no idea who you are, and I DON'T CARE."

[@HolyknightVader999]

Nah, it's because us Filipinos just didn't have as much shits in creating films for female super-heroes. Hollywood had to struggle to create some, the Filipinos just said "eh, fuck it, let's go full-throttle and make a Darna flick". Before you know it, Darna films were everywhere.

[@HolyknightVader999]

It's funny reading the Subtitles while knowing Tagalog. I now know how the Chinese feel when they see videos that put the wrong words over characters speaking Mandarin.

[@akosbarati2239]

They're not faultless either, movies screened in Hong Kong have an amazingly small Mandarin and English font, almost impossible to read.

[@lobsterkun363]

I've seen the movie as a kid. I wish there were these subtitles back then.

[@dybcreations]

5:45 Any review with a reference to War Room and Pierre Kirby is a good review!

[@gwenwray-samans7121]

@8:26. I think that day for night shot might be a direct quote of a crucifixion painting. If so, then it raises the question: satire or sincerity?

[@mrmonty86]

Of course, the Darna movies, English dubbed, would've been great Rifftrax episodes.

[@GennyGen]

Chances of me seeing Alyas Batman and Robin here is improving

[@jamesbevan9939]

15:30 - Not to be that guy, but it's "sherbet", not "sherbert".

[@MisfitBYTE]

I didn't know they were rebooting Nightmare on Elm Street as a web series, and it's a bit odd that they'd inject it into your video. Also, glad it was mentioned that the dump of videos was intentional. I assumed it was an accidental premature release.

[@mooselady1]

I can see where Zsa Zsa Zatturnah got all of its influence. Diamanda and Linkara mentioned it but seeing it is different.

[@dalekanium166]

I really hope he does the Robot vs the Aztec Mummy, that was one of my first MST3K episodes.

[@marclewis5505]

7:47 " I don't know who you are and I don't care!"😁