Maybe You Haven't Met The Right Person Yet | An Asexual Video Essay

[@Furore2323]

Thank you.

[@DavidJBradley]

You are ever so welcome.

[@Furore2323]

@@DavidJBradley I was going to write you don't know what this means to me just to be seen even by a complete (parasocially related) stranger but I think you do know. I really enjoy your channel and I hope it brings you happiness, as it has many of us..

[@DavidJBradley]

I am glad you feel seen and very happy I could help in any way.

[@Zoltiboi]

Just wanted to comment the same haha :)

[@MusicMan27_]

It’s really helpful going through these videos and learning more. Thank you.

[@leximay508]

"Maybe you haven't met the right cactus yet." AAAAAAAAAAAAAA THATS EXACTLY WHAT ITS LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@redlightning6243]

Exactly! I hate that Fucking Phrase!

[@DocKrazy]

Obligatory "everything is a dildo if you're brave enough"

[@luciussakura5031]

I laughed so hard.

[@elwynmckenzie6027]

I get, "How come you don’t have a boyfriend?" As if having one would validate my existance. My (estranged) father was worried that I hadn't had sex at the grand old age of 22. He has since passed on so he must be tossing in his grave that I'm now 50 and haven't had sex. Doesn't worry me in the least. All I need now is to meet a flat earther to tell me I don't exist because I'm Australian. Yep an Ace Aussie I'm doomed!

[@S0rar1a]

Elwyn McKenzie haha, I feel yah! I’ve actually seen a flat earther in person before (didn’t talk to them as I was kinda busy at that time) and we both live in Australia. It’s just a wild concept to me. Sorry that your dad didn’t understand btw, I haven’t told all of my parents yet, but I’ve already gotten The Phrase from my mum when I first told her and gave a (albeit) brief description of what it means

[@Zed9659]

@@S0rar1a omg srsly meet to I met a flat earther

[@alegria1813]

I absolutely LOVE your name it sounds elvish!

[@elwynmckenzie6027]

@@alegria1813 thanks. Depending on which what resource you use depends on what my name means. Either 'White Browed' or 'Friend of the Elves'. I know which one I like. (You can spell it Elwin if you are male)

[@elwynmckenzie6027]

@@S0rar1a I don't think I'll tell my mum. She's 91. She doesn't need the concept. If I told the rest of my family, they'd think I was making the whole thing up. And I don't need the aggravation of explaning to concept.

[@tobeseve4020]

"Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." Um. I have a boyfriend. I HAVE met the right person. I just don't want to have sex with him.

[@moonshadow1795]

@Edward Palafox they normally mean the "Maybe you haven't met the right person yet" as an explanation on why Ace dont want to have sex.

[@GrayeIra]

Moon Shadow yeah. Though i will never understand the appeal to having sex

[@thisisyourusernameondrugs9373]

@@GrayeIra as a resident allosexual, it's because it's exciting and it feels good (both mentally/emotionally and physically)

[@rayenelarguet3350]

They might as well tell a heterosexual guy “maybe you haven’t met the right guy yet”🤡

[@tobeseve4020]

@@rayenelarguet3350 I'm saying that the next time someone says "Um, I'm straight actually."

[@Zeturic]

How do you know you're not polyamorous? Maybe you haven't met the right people yet.

[@pugjuice8462]

goddamn, underrated joke

[@kaiyodei]

it's about love and relationship anarchy and smashing monoromanticsm, not about "i need more people to fuck I can't stick with one. I have lots of love to give"

[@thallh]

kaiyodei the point is people will already know if they want to pursue a poly relationship. Some people are strictly monogamous so it’s an alright comparison

[@MalaMala-os2no]

interesting!

[@QuantumFluxable]

for real though, many people who decide they want or would be interested in a poly relationship don't quite realize how much emotional work and other things it entails. (that's probably part of why the "jokingly-asking-for-a-threesome"-joke is so popular...) I've seen and heard about lots of examples where folks were fairly unhappy with their poly relationships because of their partners' disregard, and because of the way poly works for most (with a lot of honest and open talk) it is kind of a meeting-the-right-people-thing. This doesn't apply to people who operate under the "don't ask, don't tell"-principle I guess. Or this could just be my perspective having transformed my long-term relationship of 10 years into a poly relationship...

[@metra8604]

If you're an asexual only child, a way to come out is 'THE BLOODLINE ENDS HERE' Edit: Wait this comment exists? Damn..

[@chocolatez9042]

*murders family*

[@sakurawitch1303]

pretty much (but I have two half siblings, my sister is bi leaning female and my brother is unknown atm, so we'll see if the bloodline actually ends on both sides or not lmao)

[@lokimemes4694]

I'm one of three kids, but none of us are having kids (I'm also asexual) :) I can use it :)

[@lenoralee9553]

@@welshieranger4697 Awesome.

[@hugenerd97]

OMG I LOW-KEY WANNA DO THAT IF I WERE TO COME OUT LMAO. Like, ik some ace/aro people have kids but idk if I would want kids so...

[@conspiracypanda1200]

The ace flag really is visually appealing, which is funny because that also seems to be the only compliment I can give to an "attractive" person: they're just visually appealing and that's the end of my train of thought... :V

[@schale8051]

Same here. I have a close friend who tends to get frustrated with me because I never have any strong reactions to the guys she and other friends fawn over (She probably thinks I have crazy high standards or something xD) and I just can't get her to understand the concept that I do recognise these men as attractive/good looking but don't feel attraction towards them. I'm not blind and we all know what's considered attractive in our society (thanks every medium ever for hammering it home constantly) but that doesn't mean I'm obliged to have any sort of reaction to that

[@Mathee]

Sometimes I wonder if it's a coincidence that I'm aro-ace and my favorite colors are purple, green, and blackXD

[@BlueGuyTube]

It's such a great coincidence, i'm a male and always loved purple, especially with black, but would obviously never use it, much less wear it. Now I tend to use it (with black) as much as possible, it gives a distinctive look without being too excessive

[@ascung]

I knew this man who in my opinion had a very symmetrical face, and I would bring it up saying how is face is visually appealing due to the symmetry.

[@princessthyemis]

OMG ME TOO! I feel so RELIEVED!

[@scabual]

“Wait till you hit high school” is what my mom said When I came out. Nope still asexual sorry mum no grandkids for you 😂

[@xRainings]

😂 The only grandchildren my parents will get is a cat and a few other pets

[@terminaldeity]

I came out as ace at 27, and had been in several allosexual relationships at that point, so at least my parents couldn't pull the "it's just a phase" thing.

[@galeforce3192]

Pff~, high school is when I started to realize that I just don't care about that stuff. I got a crush on a friend in junior year, but the idea of having sex with that guy was completely awkward. It wasn't until shortly after college that I tried explaining to my dad what asexuality is and that I don't care about sex. I think I summed it up as "I don't give a fuck about giving a fuck." I'm 28 and still have yet to get into any sort of relationship, but I know I'm not aromantic.

[@chaotic_enby2625]

My parents still say that “it’s just a phase” and “you’ll meet the right person eventually” and “you’re too young to know” shit... I’m 19.

[@Spider0Web]

@@chaotic_enby2625 Don't expect that to stop any time soon. I'm 32 and still get these things said to me by people who really should know better by now.

[@remington8617]

I was once talking to my mom about Sherlock, and I told her about how he isn't interested in women (or men) and she laughed and called him a robot. About a day later I mentioned the word 'asexual' to her and she burst out laughing... lol now I don't think I'll ever come out to her.

[@mousebee5568]

Yipes; I'm sorry ;-; I hope you'll know you're still valid and your feelings matter no matter what anyone else says 💜🖤

[@mariafausti3128]

Your mom is close minded I guess

[@remington8617]

@@mariafausti3128 definitely

[@annjay2581]

What about Irene Adler? Sherlock is clearly interested in her. I'm pretty sure he's demisexual. Not that he really needs romance, I think he needs mental stimulation from someone whos as smart as him to be sexually attracted...

[@mayaklast6334]

@@annjay2581 In the books, Sherlock isn't at all interested in Irene Adler in a romantic manner : she has him fooled, he is grudgingly impressed and say something like 'what a woman!' and that's all it is. He is, in fact, never attracted or in a relationship with anyone (same can be true of Hercule Poirot, by the way... might be a genius thing... or a detective thing ^^)

[@racheln8563]

The “just try it!” argument really infuriates me. Just how much more condescending can a person get? As if I were a five-year-old they’re trying to persuade to take a bite of broccoli.

[@Newfiecat]

Holy cow, yes, that's EXACTLY what it's like!

[@AegixDrakan]

Ughh...god yes, I feel you. Really, this kind of thing is why I'm ok with the fact that I decided to allow it to happen to me to fully sate my curiosity. So I can then rebut that garbage with "Tried it, was boring, awkward and honestly not worth the effort. Next argument!"

[@nataschavisser573]

@@AegixDrakan "...let it happen to me" That is also how I approached my singular experiences in this area. It was weirdly dissociative and also boring and awkward. Cannot recommend.

[@Weather-more]

I still don't like broccoli.

[@moonrya]

'Just try it' I'm not even asexual and this sentence is bs, it isn't that easy to get laid and sex sometimes can not be appealing to anyone. Screw aphobes

[@AsusNoctu]

As a asexual, aromantic woman and I don't want children: "Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." "You don't need sex to get pregnant." "Have you tried sex? Why not? Maybe you will like it." "You will be lonely when you are old." "Why would you NOT want children?" I hate all these phrases. And yes, I was also ask about 'self love'. Just because I CAN have an orgasm and it CAN feel relaxing having one doesn't mean I WANT or NEED sex with another person. And I love that these days there are videos like this and website and such things. 10 years ago I though something was wrong with me. Healthy 20 years old girl with no sexual interest in another person? Who never fell in love or something like this? Who never unterstood why theshirtless guys of that boy band are that great? I was really lucky that I have a GP who learns constantly about such things. She did a blood test (free healthcare yay) to check some stuff, but after the results came back and all was normal she took the time to have a talk with me about asexual and aromantic people. I never heard these words befor and I was so happy to learn that no, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just asexual and aromantic. Thank you for such a great video.

[@WillowLemmons]

I'm a Demiromantic so I'm probably not going to have children either but it might happen

[@dannythekingofchaosandkitt4892]

yeeeah I know that feeling... I, fortunately, heard some of these questions too 😭

[@gamewrit0058]

You have/had an awesome GP! 🥰👍💜🖤💜

[@connerblank5069]

Personally, If asked about why I don't want children, I'm more likely to get into a 30 minute political debate about how the world is doomed and I feel it would be blatantly immoral to bring children into it while it only ever seems to get worse, rather than insisting on my asexuality. "I'm still not sure society won't collapse in MY lifetime, thanks. I don't need kids that definitely don't have to worry about that question because it's no longer in question." That's just me being pedantic, though. In reality, I probably just haven't met the rig-

[@gamewrit0058]

@@connerblank5069 😆🤩👍💜💜💜

[@candylover1232]

I'm using the cactus line from now on!

[@DavidJBradley]

You have my blessing.

[@directornie5091]

Same 😂

[@redlightning6243]

Same!

[@Ranahi_Itma]

I saw a video about an acephobic asking a couple of asexual women during a _Pride parade_ that how many times do you have sex in order to be considered asexual.. (This was after the women telling him that there are asexuals who have had sex and have partners who are allosexuals, and there are asexuals who don't have intimacy) My reponse to such a question would be: Have you ever fell so hard it was painful? Have you ever broken a bone? Have you ever burned yourself so badly? Have you been stung by a bee? Have you cut yourself and started bleeding? -Yes. Would you like to do it again? -No. (There's your answer) This goes as well if the acephobic in question ever asks: how would you identify asexual when you have given up your viginty? (Or have had sex before?)

[@DeRien8]

I can imagine finding some interesting/strange answers with it too 😅

[@tickytickytango5634]

"I'm worried that you'll be lonely" Do allos not have friends? Are they okay? Should I be worried?

[@nessa-parmentier]

Last time someone said to me that i must be lonely how I am, i responded that I have my family and quite a lot of friends, and I already don't have enough time for all these people, how the hell could I add a significant other without damaging several friendships I have ?

[@connerblank5069]

See, I'm ALSO asocial. I ACTUALLY don't have friends. It has nothing to do with my being ace though.

[@jan-pi-ala-suli]

allos scare me

[@nuclearcatbaby1131]

I don't even have friends. I'm too schizoid to mind though.

[@onion1780]

Here's how I found out I was ace: My friend: ...so basically I'm demisexual, meaning that I only feel sexual attraction when I'm emotionally connected to someone. Me, in my head: That's stupid. That's not real, it's how everyone feels. Isn't it? (Turns out it's not)

[@kaiyodei]

Fraysexual is one I think is not real and stupid. it's the reverse of demisexual. it sounds like being a jerk and having a novlety fetish.

[@MezephelesArt]

@@kaiyodei I think the jerky thing is policing people. Who are you to tell people what they are, even if it sounds weird to you?

[@pinkpepper5030]

That's very similar to how I discovered I was ace, actually. When I first heard of Demisexuality I was genuinely confused since I thought that was how everyone experienced sexual attraction "People don't just feel sexual attraction without knowing someone pffft, what they're describing is how EVERYONE is!" Is how my inner monologue played out. Yeah, no it's not ha ha. I got a very rude awakening when I hung out with some girls my age and realized "Hey, they're all gungho about boys, I don't get how they want to make babies with this dude before they've even spoken to him- am I just weird?" Nope! Just ace.

[@onion1780]

@@pinkpepper5030 I think many people just assume that the way they see the world is how everyone else sees it, too. Especially in little ways that others take for granted. When I would see sexuality in movies and books I always assumed it was beefed up for drama; no one actually feels that way. But turns out people do! Anyway since then I have always tried to reflect about my own identity frequently, and ask questions. Mostly about gender identity stuff. I think it's good to do that, since if I hadn't back then, I could have lived my whole life without knowing I was Ace!

[@magpie322]

I told one of my friends that I very rarely felt anything sexual towards people. She said I was demisexual, but after an explanation, I was like "no, that's not it..." Grey ace, that's what I was looking for

[@MythicalHex]

all this is why I get pissed when people say 'normal doesn't exist' like if it didn't bloody exist then why is anything that is different treated like it's a bad thing.

[@chocokittybo]

A better phrase is 'nobody is the expectation of normal' or something to that extent.

[@Ranahi_Itma]

Oh my goodness riiight!! Like especially in literature or in movies (romantic-comedies mostly) there's that _one_ idiot that says "I'm not like other guys/girls" And you see them getting praises, attention, people just accepting them for who they are. But then in reality, asexuals aren't actually like other people who are allosexuals but we get hate, we get laughed at and no one wants to take us seriously.

[@dreamingwolf7521]

One way to put it is that there is no objective normal but everyone seems to have their own idea of what normal should be and when some people’s idea of normal is challenged they react to the existence of anything or anyone that contradicts that idea with hostility or by trying to convince the person they consider outside the norm that they actually are inside that norm they just don’t know it yet (or the various other ways to deny people’s existence)

[@bugjams]

It's almost like "normal" is a fictitious (and often absurd) set of standards used by hetereonormative people to discriminate LGBTQ! Who could've seen that coming? 🤔🤔

[@snowblood74]

"Normal" doesn't exist, but normativity does :(

[@tovekauppi1616]

Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet? No, I have met the right person before. More than once. I have even kissed them. And nothing. No feeling thrill or feeling of joy or nervousness. No dopamine. No sudden urge to do more. No understanding of why people like kissing. Hugs and cuddling is great, but it doesn’t make much difference to me if I’m hugging “them” my mom, a friend or my cat.

[@mer_acle8101]

Thank. You. For. This. I was in a relationship with a straight sexual for a year and I like him, still do, we've been friends for years. I feel exactly like this and I'm like the most hug-loving person ever. Great to know someone feels the same.

[@elieli2893]

Yesss someone who understands! Hugs are great with anyone I like, as a friend, a family member and so on! Just, kissing is deadly boring 😅 And no experience with further stuff with someone else, since I seriously find the whole thought outlandish and kind of like a breach in my privacy..? :'D Still kind of contemplating where I am on the ace and aro scales, but I figured it's fine to take my time. It's just a great feeling there's other people who get me :D

[@blinded6502]

I wish I also had no such urges. They just squeeze all different attributes a human has into a single glorified 2D representation of some of their qualities for the sake of you mating with them and making your shitty genes survive. Sex is ugly and I don't want to be a part of it.

[@caitlynv1167]

Me. Absolutely. Went a LONG time thinking something was wrong with me because I didn't feel a damn thing when I kissed someone and (honestly) spent a lot of time lamenting that maybe I **hadn't** met the right person yet, because shouldn't I feel butterflies or something when I kiss them??

[@kateh.9861]

Same here. I was a little nervous when my ex suggested kissing and I said sure, but felt absolutely nothing afterwards. I started panicking and thinking I was broken

[@esyrim]

4:54 "I'm just worried that you'll be lonely." Mom, I'm not the only asexual out there. There will be ace guys- "Can guys be ace?" MOM. I swear. I came out on Coming Out Day (October 11th of course) and she's clearly still worried about me. Understandable, but chill, mom, I'll be fine. Another thing, I have never heard that the middle-finger-right-hand black ring is a symbol as well. I definitely want to wear one now.

[@ariadne0w1]

A lot of people at my college wear the black ring, which is the only reason I knew about it. I also heard that a white ring is for aro people. I really lucked out and got some silicone ones for cheap. Now I wear and black one and a white one on my left ring finger to signal that, as an aroace person, I'm really and truly unavailable. (...and they're too small for my middle finger) My mom is also a bit concerned so I know the feel

[@xxfelix_fatalxx]

ariadne0w1 coming Out day is Oct 11? A DAY AAFTER MY BDAY LOL

[@ariadne0w1]

@@xxfelix_fatalxx Mine is the 14th. October B-day pals!

[@sarahm4669]

I've worn the black ring on my right middle finger for... god has it already been 5 years now? 25% of my life jeez I've gotten a couple of knowing remarks on it over the years, and I've seen some others wearing it too but pretty rarely

[@gabriellebragg7097]

I get annoyed with people who seriously don't know what it is or react that way. It's not hard to do a little research. C'mon people lol.

[@Picdo]

"Straight until proven fabulous" Definitely going to use that phrase in the future. Nice Video. Saw it a few weeks ago, but had been thinking about it today after hearing the 'right person'-phrase from someone.

[@liltomboy2593]

I feel like a part of asexuality is either you didnt know sexual attraction was a thing or you thought it was made up. I thought it was made up and when I found out people are actually turned on by smth sexual it was like I got hit with a reality truck.

[@cyndra3792]

same xD

[@shinypie1111]

Before NOT BEING A MORON, I thought sexual attraction was a huge Internet joke and people just got pregnant randomly lol

[@liltomboy2593]

@@shinypie1111 the internet joke was me too but nkt the second halt lol.

[@TheFox517]

I thought people just liked staring at that stuff for no reason. When my friend showed me a screenshot of a tweet saying that allos get turned on by sexual ads, I just sat there with a surprised pikachu face for like 10 minutes.

[@terminaldeity]

It's funny, I remember back in high school, my friends would comment about a girl having big boobs or something, and I honestly wouldn't have noticed if they hadn't said anything. It's just not something that registered for me, and I always found it kind of weird that people noticed that kind of stuff. It would take another decade or so before I figured out I was ace, but in retrospect, it all makes sense.

[@coldhazzard]

Unfortunate. The memory of my asexual awakening is tied to a 3 hour porno I watched all the way through.

[@notinorder9630]

That ... Is strangely relatable.

[@FileCode1459]

LMAO IKR

[@FileCode1459]

coming back to this comment and i just thought of a joke that reasonates with my experience: it's okay you can say blue it's the warmest color we're not gonna judge you

[@thekarategirl5787]

I still watch porn even though I don't get anything from it. I honestly don't know why I watch it.

[@AlastorChevreuil]

They make 3hr. porn? I'm an ace that's not fond of porn so I wouldn't know lol.

[@mizzsparkle3421]

"We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" is our anthem! There are so many other more fun things to do! Can we not with the sex.Great video!

[@varvanie]

Yet, his tie looks like he haphazardly tried to put it back on after... you know :P No, for real, great video :) Aces are valid and do definitely exist!

[@redgreen2453]

How on Earth did I not know there was an 80s synth-pop song about not having sex? Finally I can take a break from pretending that's what "Cake by the Ocean" is about

[@Spats2Bats]

When I first heard that song at work, it was like a damn breath of fresh air for me. Amongst the barrage of songs that tell you how good sex is and that toxic relationships are fun, comes this validating masterpiece of a song that lets you know that HEY! it's ok not to want to have sex on a date! Instantly added that song to my playlist let me tell you.

[@XenixEffect]

I have to say one of the phrases that really gets under my skin as an ace person is, "I don't want to see you die alone." Assuming being anything other than married in a sexual relationship is "alone".

[@sharonoddlyenough]

Yeah, it's possible to be married and still die alone in circumstances beyond our control.

[@martinacalcagno2126]

One of the things that scare me the most about being ace is dying alone, but that's mainly 'cause I don't really have "real friends"

[@ArDeeMee]

If your spouse dies before you, you‘ll also die alone. And it’s usually us women being left behind, because men have a shorter life expectancy… I mean, I‘ll finally get to go full ace (love is weird, don’t ask). But I‘ll also miss the hugs and cuddling. =/

[@cosmicrows]

I hate how I've been told "you're too pretty to be Asexual" like what does that even mean

[@magpie322]

My mum said "she's such a pretty girl though!" When I mentioned that one of my friends was questioning if they were trans, so I guess that's common?

[@miratarnish6316]

""No don't be single you're so pretty haha"" I think they might have a weird notion that asexuality is like being an incel, where noone wants you. I can confirm, not the case, I have accidentally messed up my small friend group by having to turn down almost all my male friends in dating propositions, and having to dance around the idea of not being attracted as not to be further of a social outcast. It creates this awkward ""nah, I like (this gender) but just not you"" thing that's even worse than just being honest.

[@nessa-parmentier]

I don't see the point either It's like good-looking people NEED to get into relationships or else it's, idk, wasted potential or something like that (which of course is not excluded by being asexual) I accidentally turned down a girl several years ago, because I just had no idea she was hitting on me. For other people when they learnt about it they were like 'oh that explains how she was around you' and i was like wtf did she do anything special ? I think she just bothered me by being regularily too close to me, in my personal space, and i made it clear, and... that's all I did. Maybe i'm just blind though :'D

[@NoOneReallySpecial]

I've gotten "LOL OF COURSE YOU ARE" because apparently there's a "type" of person who is Asexual. -_-

[@ChrisTredoux]

It means others find you attractive. You just don't have those same feelings toward others. I have a similar experience

[@NirraClaw]

"being hungry but not being hungry for any food in particular" is the perfect example for this. Loved it. Like

[@CN24026]

So, I just found out about asexuality this year. I've had a black ring that I have worn on my right hand's middle finger everyday for 2-3 years now. Everyone always asked me why I worn it on that specific finger and I never had an answer for them other than that's just where it felt right. My body knew I was Ace before I did.

[@magpie322]

I don't want to come out to my mother as ace, but I asked her for a black ring for my birthday. I'm hoping she doesn't know what it means/doesn't try to learn what it means

[@donotperceiveme6198]

same!

[@ARandomSpace]

I am currently a repulsed ace, and when I was young, I tried to start a war against sex in general. My phases, cringe, and body seemed to know I was ace before I startling labelling myself ace.

[@thepip3599]

Cool! I have a fun story a little like that, with being ace seeming like destiny. It’s actually the story of how I first started questioning my orientation. I accidentally wandered into a LGBTQ+ club at my highschool and stayed because there was food. For some reason someone asked me what my sexual orientation was and I had the sudden epiphany that it would feel weird to say I’m straight, since I’d never been attracted to a guy before. But I’d never been attracted to a girl either (or anything else). And so, in an attempt to avoid the question, I said “I’m just here for the cake.” They had other food there too! For some reason I chose to specifically mention the cake! It was destiny!

[@Klebkatt]

"Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet." My brother can't wrap his head around being on the asexual spectrum, so this is what he said to me after I mentioned that I seem to lean demisexual. He also got a bit pissy and said he 'hated labels'. And yeah, you shouldn't try to shove your whole life into a label, but when that label is you're sister explaining to you why she's not attracted to anyone, she doesn't want to hear you get pissy about a privet part of her life that you don't really need to know about. So yeah, I feel you.

[@magpie322]

My mother doesn't understand trans or ace, my brother thinks he might be trans, I identify as biromantic grey ace.

[@asmi3424]

I feel you. I once told this woman that im ace and she imediately started telling me how im limiting myself and that she doesnt like labels and that i shouldnt label myself so easily either, even though i kept telling her that asexuality is fluid and im not really restricting myself and stuff. She proceeds to tell me that you should only label yourself by adding your interests and not be subtracting them, like "oh i like men, so im straight, and later i find out i like women, so im bi" but you cant say that youre ace just because you dont like anyone yet. What if you ended up liking someone later on? I said, by that logic nobody would be able to call themselves ace, and then shes like, exactly. She studying to be a psychologist. And shell surely be a "lgbtq friendly" psychologist. Hows she gonna make anyone feel safe if she doesnt even have the most basic queer ettiquate? Its like anything beyond the l and the g and the b does not fucking exist

[@table2.0]

Sexuality is like chocolate. Some like milk, some like dark, some prefer white. People can like any combo of those. Some people just don't like chocolate.

[@AegixDrakan]

Or cake. I find I actually, surprisingly, get more shock from people I meet that I don't like cake than when I say I don't care about sex, lol.

[@corvus9918]

@@AegixDrakan lol

[@IAmARandomGhost]

But I like chocolate and asexual

[@table2.0]

Hel that’s valid lol

[@caitlyn6303]

I think of it like Tea and Coffee. Some people like tea. Some like coffee. Some like both. *And some like neither*

[@AiyanaForrest]

I'm not asexual myself, but I'm always happy to see more videos on asexuality. Asexuality is valid, and it's a shame that so many people don't think so.

[@audio4642]

Me too

[@floralspectre]

I like how you said the "Do you masturbate?" question as if it wasn't one of the most common things allo's ask ace's. Because it is such a weird and personal question to be asked, but also because it isn't even that shocking to me anymore...

[@1greninjawolfbossdeath648]

On top of it you don't have to be attracted to a person masturbate so that question is invalid to the asexual identity.

[@AlastorChevreuil]

I never understood needing to be attracted to pr0n or pics to get off lol. I can just stare at the ceiling haha.

[@magpie322]

When I realized that some people masturbate to things, I was absolutely baffled. Then I was like "I've GOT to try this" thinking it would be better or something. Nope. It's not even any good! If anything, it's worse. I keep my eyes shut, not because I am imagining something, but because I think it's awkward to just stare at my ceiling

[@toothless3835]

I've been told "Everyone masterbates and watches porn." I'm demi at the very least. I like to say a low demi or a grey demi, as there are just rare occasions where I want to just be with my Hubby where as 95% of the time I'm like, "let's watch movies and cuddle. Just cuddle. with our jammies on." I know I'm on the ace spectrum and it's not zero, Okay, moving on. Much of my life has been a "nope, not super interested." I still don't understand celebrity crushes. I think porn is dumb, personally. Because I'm not attracted to bodies. I've read fiction that has sex scenes but they often bore me if there's more than one in a book and has no real relation to the plot. I think I prefer the ones that have the fade to black type of writing. And I never had an urge to masterbate. I don't think any of this makes me better than those who do, because I've also been called a prude, told that I think I'm morally better, or I'm stuck up. No. I don't care if you talk about sex in a clinical type of way. Sort of a sex education because that's fine. But I honestly don't need to hear details about the intricacies.

[@nuclearcatbaby1131]

My cat masturbates on blankets but it doesn't mean he is attracted to blankets.

[@MochiFowl_4412]

"Straight until proven fabulous." I'm using that from now on

[@The_Keeper_of_Names]

You ace that outfit Edit: I just wanted to make the pun becaused no else has that I've noticed.

[@metra8604]

BAHAHAHAAA TRUE THO

[@magnus1383]

I am tired of all the ace friends who have been assaulted or pressured being invalidated by people claiming aces have no harm done to them for their sexuality. How is it that I am valid when I say I never want kids, but people saying they never want sex are not? People were surprised that I never had a partner. I never wanted one. I never saw the need for one. People seem to believe lack of visibility is a privilege. It is not. Too many people feel broken, and that is no privilege. Anyway, thanks.

[@samlieneck6943]

Isn’t them saying that just prove them wrong because they are doing it to you?

[@marukochan13]

"You haven't met the right person yet" Bold of you to assume I was ever looking for the "right person" at all.

[@nessa-parmentier]

Most people just don't understand when i say i'm not looking for it at all. I just don't care. I have a friend who just recently found a girlfriend (i was in shock as I thought he was asexual, that made me realize that my assumption of "everyone is aro/ace until proven the contrary" was untrue), he told me that "[I] was right, searching for it is not the right way to go", implying that it just happens at some point. Implying i want it to happen, though. Which I don't.

[@jaja-wf5wx]

Happy Pride! There is no greater feeling that truly understanding yourself, so congrats! As an aromantic woman with no interest in having kids, I hear The Phrase a whole lot and I just wish people would stop.

[@DavidJBradley]

I hear you. Everything said to me when in front of the wall in the t-shirt is a thing someone has actually said to me. People just really struggle with understanding things they haven't personally experienced.

[@gabriellebragg7097]

Yeah, it's pure ignorance on their part. There's really not an excuse to not educate yourself.

[@nikk-named]

@@gabriellebragg7097 well if you haven't heard of something you can't really look it up... But I agree that you should educate yourself after hearing something instead of saying that it doesn't exist and has to be wrong because you don't know it...

[@TheMissileHappy]

Instead of thinking something was wrong with me, I always thought something was wrong with everybody else :D

[@TiffanyRay]

sex is not manditory despite what people tell you

[@metra8604]

LMAOOOOO

[@xRaiofSunshine]

RIGHT??? Honestly, it feels like the whole world has a sex addiction or something geezums 😤

[@snailofkale]

I feel like the ace flag is grape flavored.

[@metra8604]

*grape juice*

[@JQ3B94]

Grape cola ☺️

[@Dash67682]

I've been struggling with my identity of being asexual for nearly 7 years, and recently came to accept myself the way I am, when I came out to my parents the first thing they said was that phrase. Seeing this video takes the sting away just a little bit and makes me feel a bit more validated. Thank you.

[@DavidJBradley]

Glad I could help in any way, and great to hear you're becoming comfortable in your identity. The only reason my mum didn't say the phrase to me was because I told her not to after she said she was worried about me being lonely...

[@leorose863]

I don't know you, but I'm so glad you made this video. When people talk about asexuality ( at least in my experience ) it was always a topic for biology class, Thank you so much for making this video and bringing light a topic not well talked about. To all the aces out in the world - You are not broken, you are just perfectly you. I hope this video gets more views

[@DavidJBradley]

Glad the video worked for you 🖤

[@Fevideos10]

I mean, if the cactus was nice and shaved once in a while...

[@DavidJBradley]

I'm not here to judge, my dude.

[@miratarnish6316]

I do have an aesthetic attraction to cacti, but not much else

[@ActingNT]

"Some asexual people are aromantic" *puts the asexual flag on screen* Hmm 🤔

[@DavidJBradley]

Fuck. That's entirely my mistake. I'm really sorry, I didn't even notice I'd messed that up.

[@tuesdaywithanh]

I'm pretty sure I'm not aro, but the aro flag is an absolutely beautiful color combo and I love it a lot Edit: it's been two months, and I'm pretty confident I'm aro now

[@LadyGrayce]

wait, there's an aro flag? I didn't know that and I am aro

[@hauntedshadowslegacy2826]

@@LadyGrayce The Aro flag is like the Ace flag, but green instead of purple. As a recently-realized Aro myself, I'm turning as many things around me as I can a brilliant shade of Aro-pride green.

[@unintentionalmishap.]

A few of the phrases are also used at aro people. For example, “You haven’t met the right person yet”, or, “You’ll feel it(romantic attraction) when your older/You’re just a late bloomer”.

[@katecastreviews4639]

Throughout my less then a decade of adult life I've come to a conclusion. Sexuality and the labels associated with it are vast and complicated and are getting more specific as new terms are added every year (though this breakdown is one of the more helpful I've seen). Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, if you're not hurting anyone, do what makes you happy. Embrace who you are whatever that is however you choose to. It may be confusing from the outside looking in, but it's still valid. I'm not really sure if I fit the ace label, but honestly the line "We are not broken. We're just not that interested in sex. And that's not weird." really spoke to me. As did that running joke of "Maybe you haven't met the right person". Both hilarious and painfully accurate...

[@DavidJBradley]

The important thing is to not hurt anyone. As long as you stick to that then things can be OK.

[@gabriellebragg7097]

Is having a huge distain or adversion for promiscuity/promiscuous people an Asexual thing? Honest question.

[@kramenisfalling]

@@gabriellebragg7097 No, judging what other people want do sexually is not specifically "an asexual thing". What could get a distainfull reaction is the way some people assume that's how EVERYONE wants to live life, but they're just holding back.

[@rosalindhoffman6175]

Gabrielle Bragg no, I think, since being ace isn’t about not liking something per say. It more about not wanting something, not having sexual attraction. Having fear/being uncomfortable with sex may have similar results as being ace in daily life, but it’s not the same thing. Some people don’t want sex; some dont see true necessity for it and don’t have any notion to do so. You can be neutral to/like sex but still not see why for other people it’s a specifically wanted experience. Like with ice cream - some people don’t like chocolate, some people don’t want chocolate. I hope this helped, I’m relatively new to all this (2 years realizing I’m Ace, yee).

[@gabriellebragg7097]

@@rosalindhoffman6175 I have experienced what you are describing. For me I think it's a general dislike of sex and being disinterested in it. My feelings towards sex fluctuates but I never feel completely sex-positive. I go back and forth from being sex-neutral to sex-repulsed. It just depends on the day. In general, I don't understand why people seem it so important because I don't see it as a necessity and can survive without it. Also, our society is so deeply programmed to be sex-centric and I think that's another reason why I feel the way that I do. Edit: I don't experience sexual attraction but I experience other types of attraction which made me come to the conclusion that I was Ace.

[@Dee-pv8cy]

43. I was 43 when I finally worked it out. And no one is asking me if I haven’t met the right person yet. I’ve been married for 14 years. The assumption of heterosexuality bit really got me, because that’s what I did. I was romantically attracted to women and non-binary people, but I didn’t want to have sex with them, so I was obviously straight. Never occurred to me that I didn’t want sex with the men either.

[@runefaustblack]

So how are you doing now?

[@yumpjeb9089]

I am 45 and I recently found out that I am asexual! I have been married for 21 years and have 4 kids! I thought there was something wrong with me for not enjoying sex. I just realized it because my daughter came out as ace. I never heard of it before. So I guess I’m a hetero romantic asexual. This makes so much sense now!

[@ArDeeMee]

I‘ve been married for 15 years now, and have two children. I love my husband, we’re on good terms. But having all feelings of arousal go poof! whenever I get touched is utterly frustrating. =/

[@factualmyth5861]

Wow. Wow. Wow. As a fellow Ace I want to thank you so much for making this video. Your essay video was brilliant and I definitely feel more empowered to tackle the misconceptions people have about Asexuality as an orientation. 💜🖤

[@DavidJBradley]

Glad I could help at all.

[@Nicole-mm4dg]

I spent a long time thinking I was broken. It was such a weight off my back when I realized I was aro/ace, and I wasn't alone. Before finding who I am, I forced myself to go on dates and kiss people. When I never felt anything I would break down and cry cause I thought I was unable to love. But, I can love. Just not the way society wants me to. I like platonic relationships just fine. Another thing I'll never understand is why people get so defensive and try to become doctors when someone comes out as asexual. Like, it literally does not affect anyone that I don't want to ever have sex. So back off with the hateful and ignorant comments.

[@cyndra3792]

I feel the exact same way! I went on dates with a few guys cause I thought well I am obviously hetero (so stupid but well, society)... before I suddenly realized that I've never felt anything and kissing a boy (or a girl) never seemed to do anything for me. At first I thought it's because I just don't like those particular guys, but then I came to the conclusion that it was in fact ME who was different, and I'm okay with that. My (straight) sister helped me a lot with figuring everything out cause she told me in a certain conversation what it "should" feel like.. and believe me, I was dumbfounded at first. And then I did my research... and found myself.

[@Nicole-mm4dg]

@@cyndra3792 It's really freeing when you realize who you are, and you're not alone or broken. And it's great your sister helped you out! People around didn't believe me, and some still don't. But I have friends who now see that I am who I am. Still baffles me people wanna do things like kiss and have sex though!! lmao

[@cyndra3792]

@@Nicole-mm4dg Ahaha, I love how this comment is so cute and then in the end like: "but really wtf?!" 😂👌 I'm a very sex positive ace, but I after all understand those thoughts of course😄😉

[@Emily-ce7hd]

Same. I tried for years to not be ace and it ruined a lot of relationships. Once I accepted it I was able to find a partner who understands it and accepts me (and also happens to be ace).

[@Nicole-mm4dg]

@@Emily-ce7hd I'm so happy you found someone, I'm really hoping I'll find someone like me someday, and we have a good connection.

[@ezrenficker4502]

Part of me wants to have sex just once out of curiosity because I can't wrap my head around why and how everyone enjoys it so much so therefore I want to see for myself whats so great about it, but the other part of me would much rather die a virgin. I don't see the appeal of having sex at all, I'd much rather cuddle or actually sleep.

[@Nerobyrne]

ACE people: Exist Everyone else: I'm going to pretend I didn't see that

[@metra8604]

LMAOOOOO

[@emperorkumquat]

It is so nice to hear someone say that they are asexual. Feels good. I was in a four-year relationship with this guy and I stressed from the start that I was asexual and he would have to be okay with not having sex. He said that he was, but then this year he tried to pressure me into having sex, called me selfish, wanted to know what I was "afraid" of... He said he looked at other couples and was jealous because "we would never have a relationship as good as theirs". That sex was the most romantic and intimate thing... You get it. He put sex on a pedestal and broke up with me when I didn't budge. I wouldn't have been so bothered that he discovered he wasn't asexual, except all that glorifying of sex and saying our relationship wasn't as good as others still has my blood boiling months later!

[@YuubiTimberwolf]

Asexual and xeno-/demiromantic here. "You havent met the right person yet." *KAREN, I HAVE TO WAIT TILL NASA FINDS THEM*

[@kaiyodei]

dosen't that mean you are either romantic for xenogenders or have a fetish for aliens? that is the NASA joke right? can someone have fetishes/paraphalias and be asexual? if someone only wants sex from elves, then they want elf sex, but cannot have it. then they are not really asexual. right?

[@hauntedshadowslegacy2826]

@@kaiyodei There are categories for Ace/Aro people who experience sexual/romantic attraction but only for fictional characters (or those who think about sexual/romantic acts between fictional characters without themselves inserted). You can still be asexual even with fetishes. The desire for sexual pleasure or having sexual thoughts does not mean one experiences sexual pleasure. Remember, a heterosexual person can have sex with someone of the same gender without experiencing pleasure from it.

[@delliapasti]

“How do you know you’re not lesbian, Karen? Maybe you haven’t met the right woman yet."

[@AegixDrakan]

@@kaiyodei So, yeah, hi! I happen to be Ace, with a fetish. So while I CAN thus "get off" on something...I have no interest in sex with anyone, not even in combination with the fetish, nor do I experience sexual attraction/desire towards anyone else. Yeah, it's weird, I don't get it either. But that's just how I'm wired. **shrug?** So yeah, I identify pretty strongly with Asexuality. Also, Elf Sex is totally a thing you can do. Get the right role play going on, with someone with Elf Ears and the right demeanor and elf-related props, and voila, you have yourself Elf Sex.

[@kaiyodei]

@@AegixDrakan but fictosexual is attraction to fictional characters

[@jillianj1231]

I made the realization when I was 20 and I also just assumed I was straight and that something was wrong with me. But finding the ace community and realizing that there are people like me and I'm not broken has been so incredible. It's like there was a weight on my shoulder of worrying if I was broken that I got used to then when I realized I was just ace that weight was lifted. :) still figuring our my romantic orientation though lol

[@kateolivia6027]

I've had "nobody will want to sleep with you if you say that!" GOOD THAT'S WHAT I WANT 😂😂

[@averyeml]

The thing that got me is when I was in high school I always assumed everyone was just experimenting with sex and relationships because they thought it’s what they were “supposed” to be doing. You know, peer pressure. Turns out, that was just me projecting lol, they were all just a bunch of raging hormone bags 😂

[@nuanced1]

I always used to think being ace wasn't such a big deal. After all, like you said, no one's really trying to take away your rights (except for the grapey ones). However, I find it interesting how your description of what it's like to be ace parallels a lot of my experiences as an atheist in a HIGHLY religious country. At least regarding the annoying comments you get from people.

[@Melissa_939]

"I will forever have to live with the fact that my sexuality is tied to the minions" *screams* Only a few minutes in, and I'm already laughing. Thanks for making a really good and often entertaining 101 video! I'm going to send this to anyone who is confused when I tell them I'm ace from now on

[@Kotifilosofi]

"I'm just afraid you'll end up alone." Yeah, me too :(

[@ninawth]

Painfully relatable

[@magpie322]

I have my pets. They cheer me up when I cry. They are enough for me.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@@magpie322 I have petso too and they give me so much. But it's still not the same as human company.

[@komitarz]

I was asked the same question once. When I said no, the person said, she thinks that an asexual can't mastu*bate, because they don't feel sexual attraction. And I was like "what ;-;" and I literally didn't know how to respond

[@ragatrix]

im demi. so the "maybe you just haven't met the right person yet" phrase isn't wrong. the issue is only that an allosexual person has an infinitely higher chance of finding themselves a life partner because you can basically just sleep around until "one of them sticks". or at least that's how I always imagined it to be like. whereas in my (demi)case that's not an option. so sure. i haven't met the right person yet. which is neither here nor there. the chances that i ever WILL meet someone where the feeling is mutual is so incredibly low that it might as well be none-existent. so no. i haven't met the right person yet. i have managed to turn 40 without meeting "the right person" so you haven't "fixed me" with that phrase. you have just rubbed it in some more.

[@ninawth]

As a fellow demisexual, I feel the same way. I really want to have children with a partner, but I'm starting to think maybe it's not meant to be, because I have no clue how to find said partner. Perhaps I have more luck when I'm in my thirties or forties, but people my age usually aren't really looking for a soulmate yet, so they can just fuck whoever and see where it ends, while I sit here, waiting. Perhaps I'll go for becoming a crazy cat lady with 10 cats...

[@ragatrix]

Nina Nina I’m 40 and I still feel that way. I’ve been married and divorced now so back to the drawing board again

[@LoreMTD]

Me to my parents when I realized I was ace, "Your grandkids are gonna have to be cats."

[@magpie322]

I told my mom that her only grandchild would be my cat, and she said that she was okay with that. But if I say that I don't want children, she says that I will change my mind

[@lyndonwesthaven6623]

My mother has a granddogter, and she's very happy with that

[@jestfullhypnotist705]

Thank you so much for the words you used to describe demisexual. So often I hear it being described as "only having sex with your partner" which is.. Yeah.. No shit.. most people. To me demisexuality is feeling no sexual desires at all, porn does nothing for me, I don't see a hot guy and thing "Oh I'd want to sleep with them" and if I don't know you very well and the conversation starts to get flirty, wanting sex wouldn't be on my mind. Outside of a relationship there's just nothing. I get into relationships without any sexual feelings (Which sometimes makes it difficult to know if I actually really like that person or if it's just a really close friend, made the mistake before) and after a while they'll finally start to come up for my partner.

[@daybreakharp1703]

Seeing this video really made my day. Just this last weekend I was dealing with a guy who didn’t think asexuality existed. Hearing that a KZbinr that I respected also goes through the same stuff as myself (corny as it sounds) makes me feel at ease. P.s. Happy Pride Month

[@DavidJBradley]

I'm mostly just amazed that someone respects me... Glad the video could help. Happy Pride 🖤

[@purple4216]

"Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." HELL! I didn't even know I was in the asexual flag and that phrase ticks me off to no end! I have heard "Maybe you haven't met the right guy?" From Someone I know back in high school. "Then you will be addicted to sex" I have heard. My grampy said "Oh once you get drunk you will probably be asking for it" don't know if it was a joke, or if he was being serious. But judging from his type of humor I think he was joking. Still didn't like it though. I am Bi Grey sexual apparently. More on the Lesbian side than the straight, but still kind of attracted to guys. I found that out in this video. That term fits me well. Thank you. My friend sent me this video and she is asexual, and I KNOW she hears this ALL the time from her family. I know this because I have heard her family say it multiple times, and my other friends have said that to ME about her "Not meeting the right person yet" Back when we were 13,14 I thought that she might find someone she likes eventually. I thought that for, like, a month maybe more. Then I was like "Whatever, if she doesn't find anyone,I don't care. As long as we can still be friends, she could be a dragon if she wanted to and I would still love her" Sorry... long comment. Again Thank you! This was helpful to me, and I will show my other friends and family this video.

[@magpie322]

I'm in the bi grey sexual area too, and my mom keeps shutting me down. I told her that I might be attracted to girls, and she said that I didn't even know what attraction was, even though I had brought up guys several times. I later said that I didn't want children or marriage, she just said that I would meet the right guy eventually, or that I would change my mind when I'm older. Now I bring up the fact that I barely feel attraction to people, and she says that's because I'm too young. But I'm a teen. You know, the people who are usually classified as creatures that will screw anything that walks? Yeah...

[@laurenm2000]

“she could be a dragon if she wanted to and I would still love her” made me smile

[@jq762]

So uh... this video kind of made me realize that the whole reason I've been hesitant to identify as ace is because in the back of my mind I kept thinking... maybe I just haven't the right person yet. But yeah, you're right. I don't think I'm ever going to want to fuck the cactus.

[@mari13ssaTheStrange]

I'm 25, never gotten asked out, never kissed anyone, never nothing. I've never "liked" anybody. It's always been annoying, I've had conversations with my friends about how I can't just kiss anyone and get it over with or do it. My friends have desperately tried to set me up and think because I'm nice and like talking to people that I like these people. I love this video, I'd heard this term used by one of my friends. I've looked into it more and more and I always felt like I identify with it very much. I've tried online dating and dating apps because I like the idea of romance but don't want to like date and fuck as most people do and sometimes I'd say I'm not comfortable meeting after trading 2 sentences because I've never been on a date. I had the masturbation question asked and it was so uncomfortable. I like watching romantic movies and shows and couples and reading stories with adorable cute moments. I don't really know what I am exactly but there's something comforting about knowing other people deal with this. I hate the maybe you haven't met the right person yet phrase, I love your take on it. :)

[@annas.5972]

One of the things that should have made me realize I'm on the ace-spectrum earlier than I did, is when a friend told me during a conversation about dating apps "You know, you are allowed to experiment." (that was still during my questioning phase before I had dived deeper into asexuality). And I thought about that. A lot. And in the end I thought "Well, I don't want to experiment. I'm fine without sex. " Still needed me 1 1/2 more years to identify as an aro grey ace

[@jan-pi-ala-suli]

“maybe you haven’t met the right person yet” *suckerpunches* maybe you haven’t felt the right punch yet

[@GameGod77]

2 things: 1. I've asked the masturbation question before. I understand how it can be seen as rude and invasive, but I maintain a sex positive mindset so it's in my interest to make sexual questions less taboo anyway. 2. I'm genuinely baffled how anyone can be mad at someone who effectively just doesn't wanna have sex. Like what kind of psycho lashes out because someone DIDN'T do something?!

[@sparklysprinkles5973]

THE CACTUS LINE I CANT BREATHE IM USING THAT NOW!

[@aurascade4465]

wow, great video, I didn't actually know some of this stuff. as a person that loves rings, I am so gonna get myself a black one at some point now lol as for "The Phrase", I've definitely heard that before, from almost everyone in my family. It's so annoying that everyone seems to think sex is such an important thing, especially since I just don't understand why everyone thinks its such a big deal

[@facelesscat1138]

We are not broken, society is broken

[@snaresnake6905]

I feel like this is asexual and aromantic (lack of romantic attraction) :3 Some story time: I was coming out to my grandma that i was aro she had no idea what it meant so i told her to look it up. In the middle of reading what it meant she paused dropped her phone on the counter and walks toward the stove (we were in the kitchen) and said "do you know what it means". Shes more understanding now but still adults, kids, and teenagers dont give anyone this reaction when they come out to you!

[@squidpile]

A straight friend of mine who’s very big on romance told me “just you wait until you’re my age…” He’s only 2 months older than me and has been rejected by every girl he’s asked out

[@cinmussi]

"the correct response should be 'ok'" the dream, so far i've never gotten an "ok" as a response

[@FriendlyKitten]

Well, I definitively agree about the spectrum through life. Great content, and even I started getting annoyed with "The Phrase". I do hope you won't mind me making a suggestion, have you considered having some echo dampening for your sound? Sometimes I have trouble picking up what is said (and YT text is atrocious at subtitles).

[@DavidJBradley]

I got a new mic for this video, so had some kinks to work out. But I've updated the subtitles myself, so they're accurate for anyone who needs them.

[@FriendlyKitten]

Thank you kindly :)

[@MagpieInGravesfield]

I had an ex girlfriend who kept telling me if I kept sleeping with her I’d start to like it eventually. (I had told her I was asexual before dating her and she said she was ok with that, but she kept pressuring me into sex so I guess she wasn’t.” If I started kissing her and then didn’t sleep with her she’d say I was leading her on and shout at me, so I kept doing it out of guilt. She even tried to do something to me I said was out of limit completely and I had to scream at her for her to stop and she didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. It’s only now years later that I’m starting to wonder if that was actually rape or not

[@MagpieInGravesfield]

Kath thank you. I don’t even know how to feel about it or if that’s rape or not. Because I didn’t explicitly say no, but then she’d get angry if I didn’t do through with it, so I don’t know. I feel like I should have said something :/ I was also at her house in another country so I had nowhere else to go if she turned on me so I didn’t feel like I should make her mad

[@MagpieInGravesfield]

共産ロリ a girlfriend who is straight ? She was a lesbian, I’m a woman, please don’t assume genders. Also she was the one to ask me out, she said she didn’t care about sex anyway and could do things herself and it was not an issue. But thanks for telling me it was my fault for going through that 👍

[@taramcanuff4709]

It was rape.

[@Mathee]

I discovered my identity thanks to tumblr. I know a lot of people find tumblr cringe, but it can be a useful tool for discovering your identity, since people talk about that kind of stuff very openly there. I basically didn't know that I was aro-ace (my current identity) because I could still feel some kind of attraction to people, which I thought were romantic/sexual (because I hadn't learned those two things different from each other), but I couldn't understand why then I didn't feel the desire to do sexual or romantic things with those I felt that attraction too, and when I even thought about it, it gave me all these feelings of wrong, wrong, wrong! Then I discovered a post on tumblr that talked about how there exists three different types of attraction, distinct from one another: romantic (wanting to do romantic things like kissing, cuddling), sexual (wanting to have sex with someone), and *aesthetic* . Aesthetic attraction is basically what we feel when we see something like a beautiful sunset or rainbow; it can fill us with awe, and we are not in doubt that it's beautiful, but we aren't romantically or sexually attracted to it. That's when everything made sense to me, and I finally realized my identity:D Also, I know for a fact that sexual attraction equals sex drive is bullshit, because despite being completely aro-ace, I have an INSANELY high sex drive

[@gamewrit0058]

tumblr communities and friends are how I learned to feel safe, loved, valid - and learn words for how I've felt all my life! 🖤

[@NecromanticWater]

So far I've never had someone tell me "you just haven't met the right person yet" but if someone ever does i am so gonna use that cactus analogy omfg that was so funny 😂

[@kloggmonkey]

me neither, but i have gotten "aaw don't say that, i'm sure you'll find someone" when simply stating i'm ace. which is sort of the same, but also implies that i have "given up".

[@lilybirdflowergum8683]

@@kloggmonkey I’ve gotten a mix of those responses. People really find it hard to wrap their heads around the idea that I think having sex with another person is disgusting. Usually they don’t really mean it in a bad way. Like, they just want to understand a little bit better because they don’t know anything about asexuality. However, it still stings when they act like I am not mature enough to know what I want and wave aside my thoughts on sex and marriage because I’m too young and will eventually want to marry. I hate that feeling.

[@acereporter266]

It took me over half a century to realize that I wasn't just a straight chick who couldn't get a date. I liked guys and they liked me, but the guys I liked were never the guys who liked me, and the guys who liked me I thought were unattractive. Which most people would take as a clue, but it just made me feel unattractive. After years of frustration, I decided to let the right person come to me ... that worked out well. So now I'm embracing being ace and living a rich, full life. I still would like to think all this would change if I met the right person ... but I have met many who have met the right person and it still didn't change.

[@Lady_Di42]

“Not everyone is not attracted to the same Gender.“ Yeah, that's the point most of the people I talk to don't know what I'm trying to tell them anymore 😅 Great video!!

[@LiterallyLike]

“Straight until proven fabulous” quote of the century, tbh, I’m 100% using that

[@rowanwax]

🌵 .... probably. 🤣🤣🤣

[@DavidJBradley]

🍆 🌵 🚫

[@erilassila409]

Holy crap you're handsome! Also I'm ace, in a polyamorous relationship with an allosexual person, and I think I might send them this video so that they'll understand my sexuality better.

[@craftymuffin3066]

The one you forgot is “oh ok what medication are you on?”

[@kaiyodei]

my mom thinks mine is why i freak out over being with someone my own age or older, as if they were older I think them a caretaker/parent/what not. and i'm encroching an age where it's unacceptable to be with certain ages, even if I'm mentaly stuck as an 18 YO.

[@ninawth]

Last week, someone explained to me that because I can't masturbate, I *must* be depressed and should seek help immediately. I told my psychiatrist about it and she also thought that person should not randomly diagnose people on the Internet.

[@NoOneReallySpecial]

LOL WUT? I've never heard that one? And If I did I'd tell them Uh... Asexuality has nothing to do with medication. it's a sexual identity, not a disability like my Fibromyalgia or my ADD.

[@bearo8]

@@NoOneReallySpecial actually depression can play into sexual attraction and libido. Mainly because it kind of deletes your interest in anything. Also antidepressants can lower the libido. However the lack of sexual attraction and/or libido alone shouldn't leed to a "diagnosis".

[@M-CH_]

Nice Contrapoints reference. See what you did there.

[@pavender3073]

This is the video that youtube recommended me to me in late june of this year that made me question if I was asexual. Welp three months later I finally know that I'm asexual. Kinda weird how a recommended youtube video could make me realize or know the word of my sexuality. I knew from middle school that I wasn't sexually attracted to people since everyone around me was worried about sex or cared about loosing their virginity. I didn't realized that I was asexual until June 26th of this year and I'm so glad I was recommended this video, it really cleared some questions of mine.

[@nessa-parmentier]

For me it's not that exact video but a lot of them, i suddenly found lots and lots of videos about asexuality several months ago, and it blew my mind. I'd already heard the word before but I had never really thought it out (I didn't bother thinking about sexuality, to be honest xD). But otherwise same, I knew from middle school that what other people were talking about just didn't apply to me. Each time a new friend had a girlfriend or boyfriend i was like "what, they too ? But how many of them will do that ? Why ?"

[@aim0404]

Me: I'm asexual and have a black cat to! Me: playing "girl like you from barbie princess and the pauper" in my head

[@HyLo-rule]

STOP I DO TOO WHAT IS HAPPENING

[@mariaedut15]

Great Video 🥰! I really hate when people say I haven't met the right person yet. When I tell them I'm Ace, people worry about my hormones! They never ask the same for Allos (Don't they have hormones either!?)...

[@ASingleMind]

About the ring thing: I sort of heard about it offhand a few years ago, and have since worn one on my index finger. Do you have any references for it needing to be on the middle finger? Find wearing rings on any other finger other than my index is uncomfortable as heck.

[@DavidJBradley]

wiki.asexuality.org/Black_ring There's a bit about it here. I've got used to having it on my middle finger. But, honestly, I think whatever you find the most comfortable for yourself is good. There's no hard and fast rules about any of this.

[@c.mat0]

A ring on the right hand middle finger means “single” for some people so a lot of people wear it there. But technically just a black ring means asexual 🤗

[@lucamorgi8064]

If you check out AVEN you can find the original post where the idea with Ace Rings first came up. It was decided there that they'll be worn on the right hand middle finger

[@sylve2474]

It's supposed to be on the middle finger, as the other fingers symbolize that you're a swinger, but its not like it's some problem if you dont do it, the only difference it'll make is that people won't know it's an ace ring unless you tell them

[@ariadne0w1]

I wear mine (along with a white ring for aromanticism) on my left ring finger because that's where they fit, and it is true that I'm unavailable. I had no idea they were supposed to go on the right hand. If you wear it consistently enough, I think most ace people will pick up on it not being a fashion choice.

[@donotperceiveme6198]

holy... i'm ace, i came out my senior year of highschool... right before i went into highschool my friends gifted me a simple black ring (it had like gold detailing on it too). the only finger it fit on was my right middle finger. i was wearing the ace ring before i even knew about asexuality. i never took it off, only when it got so beat up and i got a new black ring did it come off.

[@terminaldeity]

Funny thing is, I already met "the right person." We were together for two years and it didn't work out. Have been in other serious and long term relationships. I wasn't out as ace until after those relationships, but looking back, it wouldn't have made much of a difference in how I acted in those relationships. I was in love, I enjoyed the time I spent with my partners (especially that "one" person), and value the experience of being in those relationships, for better or worse. Had a relationship with another ace person a year ago and that didn't work out either. In all honesty, it didn't feel any different than the other relationships I had been in. The only big difference was that I didn't feel pressured to have sex, which was great. I haven't so much as kissed another person in about 7 years, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. My parents and older friends definitely still persist with the "you haven't met the right person yet" thing. Had one friend tell his girlfriend, in front of me, that I was "asexual by choice." The reality is, the opposite was true for most of my life. I was sexual by choice, but looking back, I've always been ace. On the flip side, my younger and newer friends tend to have a solid understanding of asexuality, and most of them figured out that I was ace before I ever said so. I don't feel social pressure to be allosexual anymore, and feel much more complete as a person being openly ace. Love to see youtube content from other ace people! Keep it up!

[@kayla33269]

I came out as ace on the fly to my partner when things were getting.... yknow. I hadn't even considered it myself, but in the moment it felt right. I had a poor understanding back then (i thought ace folk just didnt want sex, which i didnt, so it fit) but since then ive done a few years of thinking and ive settled into it :) thank you for making accessible information for people! Its also nice to see another ace man (sorry if im assuming) cause im a trans man and toxic masculinity SURE is a ride

[@endlesswonderland205]

It has been a few months since I knew about asexuality and also my identity as an aro-ace. Just yesterday, I came out to my friends and they didn't understand it at all! I elaborated it and then they said this infamous phrase "MAYBE you HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT PERSON YET". Then I clearly explained how I usually feel or have opinions on sex. They understood it eventually. Their final words hit me hard "Whatever you are, don't force yourself and don't over think. Be sure and happy". I am glad that they are open-minded.

[@KyleRayner12]

It took me about 4 awkward friendships that became one-sided attractions and a lot of reading before I learned the term "demisexual." Amazing how quickly that snapped things into focus. People object to labels a lot, but there's something to be said for just knowing that what you are is so not-weird that there's an actual word for it. Also, kitty!

[@lyndonwesthaven6623]

Ngl, I've always thought the 'You have more free time' folks kinda have a point? Like, I've watched friends, especially ones who are het women and strongly motivated to find a partner treat things like blind dates and dating apps as a really thankless, uncompensated part-time job. It does look like a lot of work, and in a different way than finding friends groups (which ain't always easy either)

[@lunathelittledragon461]

You give me extreme philosophy tube vibes in the best way

[@DavidJBradley]

Thank you. He's one of my favourites, and no doubt I was subconsciously copying some of his style. Also our respective home towns are only about 40 miles apart.

[@lunathelittledragon461]

@@DavidJBradley wow lucky you

[@gracehol17]

This is so validating. Oh my god. I realised I am ace-spec a week ago and I've never been happier in my entire life. I'm 21 and still a virgin. In my teenage years up to 18 I guess I avoided any relationships saying that sex is obligatory in any kind of romantic relationships and I'm too young to have sex (imagine how happy my parents were). But as I was growing up I more and more felt that something is wrong with me. All my friends, even the most modest ones, found boyfriends and talk about sex so easily that it always shockes me a little. They tell funny stories and I just never could understand... Why? Why they want to have sex? It's painful sometimes, there is so much to do, it takes so much time and effort to make it right and I just... Never could understand why it worth it when I can use a bathroom and make myself happy in ten minutes. I'm feminist and I read a lot of stuff and they like to talk about sex and that women should not be ashamed for wanting sex and having a lot of sex... But I don't want sex, and it made me think I'm broken, I'm childish and stupid, I don't have experience etc. It always shockes me, when they say "oh yeah, you should try your boyfriend in bed, because what if you don't like it with him, you'll have to broke up anyway", and I was always so confused, like, don't you love a person for who they are, why does it matter how they are at sex, it's so unimportant... But still I considered sex like something inevitable in my life and I tried to prepare myself mentally that it's going to happen one day, but couldn't imagine a single person in my head, even perfect and beautiful, my favourite actor, that I would want to have sex with. I thought I was a lesbian. Then I thought I was bisexual. Now I understand that I just tried to find someone it would be easier for me mentally to have sex with. And then finally I learned about asexuality. I've never studied it before, because I thought that if I have libido and want to hold hands and cuddle and kiss I can't be asexual. But now everything finally comes into place. It's just such a relief, to realise that sex is not obligatory and I'm not obligated to have it ever! And yes, I'm able to fall in love, I guess I'm panromantic, since I was 12 I've always said I love the person, not their genitals. But then, sex came into the scene and I started to cut off genders based on my lack of sexual desire for them. But now I finally understand that I can fall in love with person of any gender, I just don't want sex! It's so easy, but it took me so long to get it... When I was 16 I told my therapist that I don't want a boyfriend, I want a father ('cause mine was never with me). Not a daddy, because I want care and support, and sexual aspect of that always drives me nuts, like do you really want to fuck your daughter? Wtf?.. I always upsets me, because to me love was never tied to sex, so when people say that they don't want relationships without sex it makes me feel like they are lying that they are in love and it's just lust (not saying it's true, it's just how I always felt). Never could understand that. Now I know why.

[@gamewrit0058]

It was so liberating to me to learn that sex isn't an inevitably, and that there are people out there who accept and respect that. 🥰💜🖤

[@arandomperson7141]

My mom legit said "Oh well, everyone else in the family had to [do the bad], so you're just in a phase" when I came out :/

[@ataylor4489]

I'm not sexually attracted to anyone ---- "Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." I'm in a relationship ----"Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." I have a dog ---- "Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." I'm white ---- "Maybe you haven't met the right person yet." Has nothing to do with anything 😁

[@kimberlykenyon9440]

That's like telling a straight man/lesbian "you haven't met the right man" or a straight woman/gay man "you haven't met the right girl"

[@AmbyJeans]

I’m on the Ace spectrum and my former best friend literally tricked me into getting drunk, then invited her boyfriends sketchy friend over. Her bfs twin brother over heard their plans and stayed to make sure nothing happened. But something did, not full on r* but it was definitely SA, with my friend and her bf in the same room. For years I thought it was my drunken mistake until the brother told my husband what happened years later

[@MrElionor]

When I told the guys at my work place that I was still a virgin in my mid 20's they started to talk about taking me to a strip club one guy went so far as to offer to take me to south America because apparently sex is dirt cheap there it happened so often I was afraid they weren't joking so I definitely get what you're saying about coercion I was lucky that nothing came of their "jokes" but it could have been much worse

[@AmayaElls]

As an aroace woman the two phrases that closely follow "that one" in annoyance are "You'll be so lonely" - like friends and family mean nothing - and "But a mother's love is the most beautiful thing" - I know other people get this one too but it ignores so much, fostering, adopting, in vitro or just plain not wanting your own kids. I'm an introvert and a teacher, my family and a few close friends are enough for me and I have so many children moving through my life who I love that I currently don't see the need for my own currently (though maybe fostering in the future).