Dealing With An Absent Father And Handling His Second Marriage: Chloe Abigail | Ask ZULA | EP 13

In this episode of Ask ZULA, Chloe shares her experience dealing with an absent father since her childhood and finding out about his second marriage.
Here are the timestamps of the topics covered during the episode:
0:00​ - Intro
1:19 - Parents’ divorce and dynamics with dad
3:11​ - Finding out about dad’s second marriage
9:29​ - How it affected her mental health and learning how to cope
16:54​ - Having her mum as a support system
19:20​ - Relationship with dad now
21:00​ - Advice for others who may be facing similar problems
22:59​ - Message to her dad
24:00​ - Final wrap-up
About Ask ZULA:
Ask ZULA is a brand new segment on the channel where we ask people in our office to share their life experiences as well as their perspectives on the talk of the town.
About ZULA:
ZULA is a website catered to Singaporean female millennials. We cover lifestyle, perspective and inspirational stories of women in Singapore.
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Host:
Leah Shannon - / mizchiefmagik​
Featuring:
Chloe Abigail - / chlobigail
Edited By:
Yeow Jia Yi - / yeowjiayi​
Filmed By:
Yeow Jia Yi
Business & Sponsorship Enquiries:
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[@ZULAsg]

Thank you Chloe for being willing to share her story with us. If you feel that you can relate to any of these experiences and am comfortable sharing with us, feel free to leave them in the comments. Please do respect Chloe’s experience and also know that if you're going through something similar, it’s okay to be trying to figure things out and we hope that things will get better for you. Let's keep this a safe space for everyone!

[@asian6oy]

Admire her bravery so much!

[@JuzNicky]

Abigail means "father's joy" in Hebrew. also Abigail is a Hebrew name meaning "cause of joy." There will be a listening ear for those who need one. Every one has their own problems, and everyone is figuring out their own. Thank you Chloe for sharing a kid's pov in this, as you also said just like most dramas its always the parents pov. One day you will get that chat hopefully.

[@cwxgamingchannel8661]

I have almost the same story as Chloe but in this world nothing is perfect. So just stay strong and cherish every moment even is good or bad 💪🏼

[@asian6oy]

Absent fathers club, where y'all at? 🙋🏻✨

[@TheMichaelCheung]

High 5️⃣

[@NatashaLuvsMusic]

Thank you Chloe for sharing ❤ This is a conversation I appreciate and relate in terms of having an absent father. My situation with an absent father and divorced parents since I was 12 had been a big issue for myself as well and affected me as well in school, past friendships and relationships. I'm proud to say though when I started therapy a year and half ago, I was able to help myself to face the issue and better myself and relationships 🥰 Those affected with absent fathers and divorced parents, you're not alone and hang in there! You got this! 😊

[@yxtan2427]

i can definitely relate to how chloe feels even though we have different circumstances but i believe the world will be a better place whenever someone makes the effort to reach out to the person that’s hurting, be it just listening to them or asking if they’re okay. i was also in chloe’s position in school last time and it definitely sucks how teachers around us judged us on the surface instead of actually caring to find out the root of our behaviours. things shouldn’t always be taken at face value. chloe, i empathise with how u feel and appreciate u for speaking up about your story! 🥰

[@omnommich7904]

Ive been thru a divorce too so I completely understand. Thank you for being so open about it

[@mapleleaves7345]

I tell u, auntie is the most worst. Some are gossip monger. As much as yr parents don’t want you to find out to prevent you from being hurt, the gossip monger will go tell u straight upfront. 😡 you are really brave than you think you are. Jiayou girl ! 💪💪💪💪

[@imloving__kpop]

thank u for this. Please continue sharing these stories. So so important ❤️

[@ivytan5229]

I'm genuinely curious if there are people who are neurodivergent in the ZULA/TSL office who can share their stories of growing neurodivergent in Singapore, where neurodivergence isn't really understood. Especially with Singapore trying to be more embracing of neurodivergency nowadays (eg. See the true me), what might their thoughts on that be? In other words, this was a great video and having a neurodivergency episode (from a Singaporean's perspective) would really provide valuable insight!

[@tulipsandpeaches1834]

Chloe you are brave to face your past and emotions face on and even braver to talk about it in a video. I think at one point while growing up, one will realise that even adults dont know what they are doing. Most of us are trying as we know how, though it may not be good enough. If your dad sees this video, I'm sure he will be proud of the woman you have become, and hopefully admit that while he may have tried his part as your father, it's still not good enough for you. I hope one day in the future, both you and him will be mature and ready enough to talk about each side's story and shortcomings, and move on as a father-daughter pair. Don't think that being 30yo and only starting to know your dad is too late. It's only too late when he's too old and frail and you regret not having tried to make this work earlier.

[@alvinterence]

Chloe, you're the pillar of strength to many watching this!

[@iLuvWaffle09]

Thanks for making this video. I relate to it and see some parallels to how Chloe has been dealing with her r/s with her dad. In my personal experience, being a kid from a divorced family made me feel lonesome and I grew up being unable to understand and express my own emotions. However, my dad didn't remarry and I feel like he's trying to reconnect with me by buying me gifts (which aren't cheap) I didn't ask for... But it's hard when he was also the one that kind of sparked my childhood trauma which then manifested into becoming a lifelong fear of abandonment. Also, all the TRUST ISSUES that an absent parent creates. My god... I have 0 trust

[@jim4lee979]

Thanks for sharing with us your life. I think to tell others your problem is something that everyone must learn. Our society is not open to vulnerability. As a man, I can say that your dad is not aware of the portion that you want to address. You need to lead him into it. He will address it. I can tell that he try to connect with u in the ways that he knows. Honestly, man is not good at the emo department.

[@wongxinhao1996]

This is legit some 7pm Taiwanese drama shit man. Kudos to Chloe for having gotten through it so bravely.

[@StyleMeChummy96]

Thanks for sharing your story Chloe, really appreciate it. Could totally relate to this, especially on how the whole situation would manifest in toxic relationships around you (including friends and family on how they be treating you) because you would feel that you deserve lesser than everybody else and that you’re not worthy enough. But things would definitely change when you realise that you are worthy and deserve so much more in life because it has nothing to do with you when your parent’s relationship falls apart.. 🥺✨ And also totally relate to being included in my mom’s group of friends 😆 And on the bright side.. Perks of all of these is being able to grow up faster mentally and forced to be independent in an early age 🖖🏻😆

[@cwxgamingchannel8661]

When I was young my parents also kept fighting until they choose to divorce. And one day my dad ask me if I want him to get married again even though I wanted my parents to get back together. But is his happiness right? So I told my dad is okay to do what you want as long as you are happy. So I know how those people feel. Stay strong 💪🏼

[@x3zaizaizai]

So brave of you to share! I lost my mother when I was young and it has been the hardest thing to talk about growing up, even after more than a decade since I am still having a hard time opening up and being vulnerable to the people closest to me. :')

[@Jyjfsc7]

Good video

[@plop9148]

Mine was completely opposite HAHHA since young i knew everything my dad did i rmb during one of my uncle funeral (father side) my mom and my aunt (ex wife of the uncle who passed away) were talking and i was sitting with them and my aunt tried to like talk abt my father ( cuz she had went thru divorce so she was concern abt my mother) i saw her trying a few times like she did some word replacement and at a point of time she was like " she know or not ahh " then my mom was like ya

[@kevjumbaz]

the 5 stages of grief clearly displayed here with everyone taking different amounts of time to go through each stage. you're strong chlobigail, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, glad you've come to become accepting of the situation!

[@seanlee3363]

I'm a divorcee, my child stays with me whom I always try to make time to spent quality time with him. Cause I feel his childhood is only once and I didn't get to let him have a complete family. I wish I know what he is feeling and share it with me.

[@studytimelapseforyou]

I will honestly cry if I am her...

[@vontayyuman4478]

stay strong i feel you

[@awoooooo]

thank you all for having open conversations about these difficult topics!! hope chloe and anyone facing a similar situation finds the time/space/resources they need to heal and live great lives ahead 💗 if possible, i'd love to see a video on sexual assault victims in sg? it's a tough topic but it'd be great to let victims know that they're not alone, they have a voice and that there's hope for them ahead 🤍

[@wooxiangjun1752]

When chloe said at the end, she wishes for her dad's kids to have the childhood she never had TT

[@limx6065]

do one for Leah

[@ghostghost9969]

Dear Chloe, remember the comment that got deleted? About the girl named Kim who you relentlessly bullied for 2 years in Secondary School? She has decided to forgive you for your actions that contributed to her suicide attempt at 15 years old but where is the comment now? It seems her hopes that you have become a better person is for nothing because I found it similar to my own experience with you :) We worked together and I considered you a friend but then you, without any warning, distanced yourself from me and started spreading rumors which made any work at all difficult. I started questioning every friendship I made and your actions gave me anxiety because I couldn't think of a single thing I did to instigate your viciousness. As Kim said, having an absent father doesn't excuse your bad behavior. I want to say I hope you have learnt to be better. But I'm not hopeful at all.

[@abigailchloechew7275]

Hi ghost ghost, the above comment hasn't been deleted there's just some visibility issues with KZbin that we can't fix but either way, I've responded! Sorry if I caused you distress in the past but I'd like to reach out to you personally so we can both have greater clarity and hopefully closure of the situation. Please let me know the best way to get in touch.

[@JohnDoe-bq7vj]

ghost ghost created today..?

[@snowangeliquexx]

I've had worse and it sucks too. Damn it

[@damienlee927]

Before anyone berates her teachers for not understanding her, and yes, they should be better trained. But it is also highlighted that the teachers did not know about her problems. And again yes, they are at fault, but as said in the video, you should try to tell people your problems instead of expecting people like your teachers to read your mind. It takes both hands to clap

[@arianang8243]

I don't think there should be an expectation to tell people your problems especially when they have not earned your trust. Simply being a teacher does not mean a student should automatically respect them, and even more so entrust your feelings to them in such a tumultuous state (e.g. having panic attacks etc). Although I agree that no one should be berating the teacher bc it's not their fault that she is going through such a difficult time, but the teacher should defo have treated her situation with a lot more compassion instead of solely blaming her academics on her behaviour. Life is so much more nuaced than that. Also, no one has berated the teacher at all, at the time of my comment.

[@akeilus]

I place higher expectations on teachers.. maybe because my relatives are educators in MOE also la... before they blow up on the child, seek to understand... So too bad.. the teachers are at fault also... period...

[@kyliejay4170]

Funny how Chloe is in numerous anti-bullying video but she herself is a bully

[@clothingclothing3937]

Omg Chloe is so chio. Is she single? Asking for a friend 🙃🙃🙃