Dealing with an ADHD Spouse in Denial

www.digcoaching.... Jeff Copper is an ADHD coach and host of Attention Talk Video which is part of the Attention Talk Network, www.attentionta....
It's not always obvious to ADHD spouses when it's obvious they have ADHD. In this interview with Diane Dempster of Impact ADHD (www.impactadhd.com), we talk about effective approaches to deal with the situation.
Attention Talk Video (www.attentionta...) is a part of the Attention Talk Network, which includes Attention Talk Radio... Your ADHD Information Station! (www.attentionta...), Attention Talk News... Your ADHD News Source! (www.attentionta...), and Attention Talk Video... Your ADHD Talk Show Station! Follow us on Facebook at / attentiontalkradio .
Attention Talk Video is the leading video resource providing educational information and support for those with or impacted by Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Educational information is intended to help our targeted audience made up of adults and children to manage their symptoms to enable them to function at work, in school, at home, or in relationships. If you are frustrated, overwhelmed, or stuck or if you procrastinate, are not organized, or struggle with time management, consider subscribing to Attention Talk Video at www.attentionta....
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[@sbgonzalez167]

Here’s what you do: divorce them. Not worth it to fight for someone that doesn’t even try to meet your needs. Move on and be happy.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

that is an option

[@waynedecaria9901]

you have an adhd partner

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@waynedecaria9901 I have in the past.

[@JukuduB]

Im engaged and 5 months away from the wedding date. Im so exhausted. My ADHD fiancé, on his own, set an appointment to see someone today about his condition. He said I could attend. I changed my entire schedule today and waited for him to meet me for the 4:30 appointment. He never showed up, he refuses to answer both his phones, its now 5:30 and im at a loss. I just can't do this anymore.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

That is unfortunate. I can see how you are frustrated! I wish I had a magic wand for you and could fix things. Maybe find someone and talk though what your future looks like? Maybe reach out to Melissa with your fiance'?

[@ColliersDesignConsultingLLC]

I cancelled my wedding a month before due to this. We eloped a few months later and now 4 years into the marriage. I’m leaving and have to move back home with my parents at almost 30. Sometimes…those around you that tried to warn were right…

[@sinnyozzy]

Yup, pretty sure my guy has ADD and/or ASD. He's in complete denial and accepts no responsibility or the fact he has poor executive functioning. I feel like the only adult in the house. I'll definitely leave him if he doesn't make improvements in the future. It doesn't matter how many matching symptoms I point out, he denies them all.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

That is unfortunate. Very sorry to hear. The one thing i've learned in coaching is around "free will". At the end of the day it comes down the the individual. You can't do it for them. It is their free will to choose what to attend to. Keep the faith.

[@nicolesseon1480]

My husband has ADHD. Not diagnosed and doesn’t care. He royally fucks up everything. It’s so hard.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

that is the trick! Getting someone to care when they don't care. I know it is frustrating but... do your best to keep the faith!

[@JS-ss6ig]

I hear you. My husband has it and he has ruined my life with all his nonsense

[@GaryPerezSebRod]

Your videos bring so much knowledge to the #ADHD community. Thank you!

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Gary Perez your comments is what motivates us to do what we do!

[@davidcann6021]

Yep living in this nightmare and it really is. No amount of counselling has worked so far as the coach doesn't want to add the label. And so it's a roundabout of trying to keep changes in place with never last. I can only say this, granted it may not be about giving someone a label but when they've had a life of denial and blaming others I can see no other option but to call it out in a controlled counselling environment? Views please? I'm so fed up I feel I need to call my wife out at our next session in a week or so.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

I'm not qualified to advise you what to do. That said, consider watching some of my interviews with Melissa Orlov or checkout her website. Also, i'm doing an interview with Dr. Ari Tuckman on 2/8 about when coaching, counsiling, or thearpy won't work.

[@dirtyandnasty9011]

I would have liked to find "dealing with a spouse in denial of your adhd" before she left !

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Many people feel the same way. Note starting 12/3/21 is couples palooza with a lot of thought leaders on the topic.

[@TheMoonkelly]

What if one parent has adhd (and is on meds and has had treatment for years to successfully deal with the issue), the other parent has adhd and is in complete denial of his adhd and our daughter’s adhd? The denying spouse refuses to get treatment of any kind and refuses fir his child to get any therapy or meds? What if he reluctantly agreed to have the child tested for adhd, the child is diagnosed with adhd, and the denying parent calls the tester basically a liar? What if that spouse allows accommodations through the school but blames the non denying adhd spouse for the child’s decline in academic performance and increased tantrums at home?

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

That is a challenge. Just sharing my opinion (not necessarily fact)... you can't control what others choose to pay attention to. We can try to influence them. In the end "beliefs" are beliefs. Many are not open to change or questioning their beliefs. Translated in my world... i can't coach anyone who doesn't want to be coached. Also, Rick Green at totallyADD taught me... if you start spitting facts to a person who has a different belief... the facts actually push them away from your point. Translated they feel threated and emotionally they become more rooted in the belief. Again, you are in a challenging... delicate situation. I wish i had a one size fits all answer for you. Patients and working with things could be the most productive.

[@MarkDally]

I'm 38 years old and my mum has decided I have ADHD. If this is the case, and I am not willing to resort to Ritalin or Adderal, are there natural alternatives?

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

yup! If they could put exercise in a bottle it would be the wonder drug of the year for ADHD. Don't beleive me listen to my interivew on attention talk radio with Dr. John Ratey

[@Ryan.j.Smithson]

Wouldn't rule out meds so quick bc they have given me my life and thoughts back at 37 it's literally life changing. With the right does or even really small dose with diet and exercise also meditation really helps aswell. Good luck.

[@tyman6708]

I would divorce you if I heard you describe me like this.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

You have me curious, which part?