Dealing With My BIGGEST Insecurity

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00:00 - 01:24 - Intro
01:25 - 02:19 - Style in Music
02:20 - 03:20 - Evolving Your Style
03:21 - 04:08 - The Strokes
04:09 - 05:29 - Alter Ego
05:30 - 06:09 - Lady Gaga
06:10 - 06:59 - Phoebe Bridgers and Vivienne Westwood
07:00 - 08:34 - David Bowie
08:35 - 08:54 - Newsletter

[@cantamusquerbeat]

I doesn't matter what you wear, Mary, You're just the nicest person around and we all love you as you are!

[@DavidsonHartmanDecor]

hear hear

[@blogz]

Not only that. David Gilmour did pretty well in his black T-shirt and jeans... just sayin

[@guyincognito320]

Black t-shirts are for guitar store guys. I don't even think guys should wear them. It's a no-confidence piece of clothing. The same thing with buttons looks way nicer, and is often more airy under the warm glow of my computer screen.

[@VandimFerreira]

As a male cyclist myself, I can say that all my insecurities about anything disappeared from years walking into public places wearing nothing but lycra and shaved legs. There is nothing more reassuring than this.

[@jozsefizsak]

For sure! You do get ridiculed occasionally, but only by people who know nothing about proper cycling, so that's fine.

[@SongwriterPlayer]

As a cyclist, I wear black lycra shorts and a tee shirt and I shave my legs, but I have never been ridiculed or made fun of when I'm out cycling. As a musician, I have always made a point to wear a suit with a loose tie and I try to make my shows an event. I am not a fashion guru or a stylish person, but I try to buy well-made clothes and that fit properly. I sometimes splurge and go to the Thrift store to search for bargain Hugo Boss, Versace, or Armani shirts and pants, but mostly I look for clothes that look good, are reasonably priced, and fit well. I guess the adage of dress for success is quite important in the music and film industry. Wear what makes you happy and dress appropriately for events and shows!

[@peterlewis3621]

@@SongwriterPlayer As a male (previous) London cycle courier, i would agree.

[@Slinkypossum]

As a cyclist that has participated in 3 decades of races...you say goodbye to all the embarrassment every time you find yourself 90% naked in a parking lot before or after a race 😊

[@gwaptiva]

I've cycled my entire life and never changed clothes for it

[@natalievelasquez2664]

Bjork is someone who definitely blows my mind with her sense of expression; incredible visual album covers as well.

[@mattw.6726]

To be honest, you always looked great in a black shirt and jeans. IMO, that look was approachable and down-to-earth; a real person and not some inhuman, porcelain icon. With that said, it's awesome that you've become more confident in your image and have been able to branch out.

[@zebfox011]

Hey Matt just to be on the safe side, please do not do anything that scammer says!

[@triplejazzmusicisall1883]

I agree completely. In mu post I mention that Mary has such a pretty face. That fact combined with an approachable down-to-earth that you mention does indeed make her as both an individual and a musician someone I am more interested in. I share your view about porcelain dolls and all that. Mary is real and likeable and very talented. What more does a fan need. However for many clothes etc...can be an extension of an artist's creativity and in such instances I think that is a plus not a negative. P.S. These scammers are everywhere these days.

[@ChristianGrafvNormann]

Dear Mary I don't know what amazes me more. Your profound and well researched knowledge on basically every subject you talk about on this channel. Or your magnificant voice and crystal clear pronouncian that just makes it a joy to listen to you. Thank you so very much!

[@BaBaBaBenny]

As chubby guy with a skin condition, I've often felt uncomfortable in my own skin. However, earlier this month I took to the stage for my band's big annual local headliner in a frilled cowboy shirt (inspired by Jack black in the opening of school of Rock) and I've honestly never felt like such a fucking rockstar. Great vid Mary!

[@_Messag__me_mary_spende]

📤Let’s talk⬆️

[@cockysonuvaB]

The "CLOTHES make THE MAN" as they say

[@isabt4]

Way to go! 😀

[@kevinb3812]

That's so cool! Own the rocker inside you!

[@davidriggs8196]

As a newly minted 70 year old I wish that I had been as self assured in my 30's as you appear to be. Strange that our impressions of other people can be so misleading. Conversely one of the great things about being 70 is that you don't care about the things you worried about in your 30's. I hate to say it Mary - you are cool just as you are.

[@dtonesmith766]

✌️✌️Dont reply to this scam

[@vze2gsgr]

It's a really nice jacket. Well done.

[@timothyclaffey9138]

Love that last photo of Bowie and his unmentioned gesture to whomever took that photo.

[@robertgoyette5863]

i really like the simplicity of your look mary! whats most important is how they make you feel though!

[@Wolverine3660]

Mary, you are a great musician, so, you do not need to be insecure about anything. You are good at what you do, so dont let your own thoughts slow you down or stop you. Best of luck.

[@guitaring1]

I love how well researched your videos are. The fun, geeky stuff!

[@stewartmproductions]

A fantastic treatise as per usual. YOU are style Mary, your brilliance always come through. Thank you again.

[@northsongs]

I really enjoy your insights into these things. Thanks Mary!

[@DafyddBrooks]

Thank you Mary and Well done for sharing this us. Its not an easy thing to talk about with most people

[@mikeweber5362]

Mary: Every topic you take on is interesting and well-presented. Good job!

[@edh329]

I just recently found your channel and have enjoyed it very much. Thank you. I was taken aback to hear you talk about your insecurities because to me you are the picture of elegance and calm confidence. Keep up the good work and thanks for the honesty.

[@Theweeze100]

We all love you Mary! Thanks for sharing your heart😊

[@brucelittle3958]

Your personality makes you most beautiful, Mary! I enjoy your well thought out videos and discussions!

[@seancostello7608]

Love this video, Mary! Really well researched and written.

[@jpeaston477]

I identify so much with this video. Thank you for sharing it!!

[@stephenedwardleemusic8997]

Thanks for sharing this story !! I have struggled with stage fright all my life. Perhaps this a key to overcoming parts of it.

[@T_Mo271]

In addition to the thoughtful content, the dark tones and excellent lighting make your videos quite visually pleasing. Someone has a good touch for style.

[@seanhallahan14]

Well done! Very informative, entertaining, revealing. God bless.

[@rheinhardtgrafvonthiesenha8185]

I think you do a great job speaking. You’re a phenomenal communicator.

[@joeokabayashi8669]

You have nothing to anxious about in your looks, let alone your amazing voice and talent! YOU ARE A STAR!

[@DriftMusiK]

Hermosa! I've actually always appreciated how you present yourself, black tees and all. What a great ending with the appreciation for Mr. Jones. I managed to see "David Is" during it's final showing at the Brooklyn Museum, and saw many of his costumes, right in front of me. So much of it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding me of his exquisite tastes, and dazzling stage presence.

[@PhilDonaldson]

Style sets the mood as well as the stage. Greetings from Fort Collins, CO! 👋🏾

[@luiscuevas327]

I really enjoy your style as you being authentic and genuine! That's the best for you and suits you really well! There's a Dominican saying that: "no es la ropa, sino la percha" can be translated to "it's not the clothes, but the hanger." This saying is often used to convey the idea that a person's worth or value is not determined by their outward appearance or possessions, but rather by their character, personality, or inner qualities. In other words, it's not what you wear or have, but who you are as a person that truly matters.

[@brutuslaurentius8729]

I love your music, the fact you have a great sense of humor about yourself, and because you're just very genuine and thoughtful. That said, for things that matter, I have others pick my clothes also. Nothing wrong with that! I've done a ton of public speaking engagements where I'm expected to speak for an hour or so, and I'll admit I'm a bit less nervous if I'm wearing something other than my usual clothes when doing it.

[@Hahvayz]

I am glad you have a friend like Loulou. It is wonderful to see you comfortable in your element 🙏

[@mikel3188]

Great video and topic Mary... Loved the image of Bowie on the streets of NY flipping off the photographers. LOL

[@Reindeer-ry2lf]

Awesome kit of clothes, yes having the goods is a great attribute. Thank you for the great information and efforts you put into this. I really appreciate it. Keep the signal 📶 going strong 💪 ✌️😍

[@johngoncalves]

What a different but great episode! Thanks

[@Simon_Hawkshaw]

I follow you for your music, but feeling comfortable in your own skin is an important part of translating your talent into your performance. You are looking and sounding amazing. Thank you for sharing.

[@chriscullen5500]

Mary looks great in anything!♥

[@gregmccoy5948]

Hello Mary, Thanks For Your Spin on this

[@rydavis]

Hey you, be well with many blessings. Nice work you do...cheers/smiles

[@alanhirayama4592]

The relationship between music and fashion is a deep topic, thank you for your perspective. Bottom line for me, as primarily a jazz musician, is the clothes should be comfortable and free you to do your craft. And I do gravitate towards to understated, but cool look. However, with other music genres, the visuals are as much a statement as the music, so each require similar efforts. I'm glad you have a fashion mentor who will hep you express yourself! Thanks for sharing!

[@workdogwern4716]

I like the history focused videos. Thnaks.

[@scottkidwellmusic9175]

My philosophy on live gigs is that the audience paid to be entertained, and they deserve a show. It's much different playing solo acoustic these days, but in the days when I was playing bass in rock and metal bands, black cargo shirts, Doc Martens, and a variety of "loud" shirts; not to mention shaving my head (thanks, male-pattern baldness) and using hair dye in my beard. It was the 2000s, and somewhat expected... and it worked. Putting on the "uniform" helped get me in the mindset to perform. There may have been a bigger-than-life personna that I adopted, too. But, hey... bass players. Thanks for this, Mary!

[@lloydluokkala4274]

Another extremely informative video packed with interesting historical trivia so well organized. It doesn't matter what you wear, when you look like you're having fun. It make whatever you wear look good

[@Mrjdmichaelson]

Well Mary, you have come a long way. Your well-rounded musician and a good-looking woman! I've never understood people not being confident in themselves when it looks like they should have all the confidence in the world. But I definitely can understand not feeling confident in myself. Cuz I remember when I was young and also a chubby little kid, confidence was not in my vocabulary at said time.

[@jeffreybennett8893]

Love ya Mary, from Syracuse NY area. You and Rhett are the best.

[@AJontheguitar]

I'm 38 and the only photos of myself on stage that I like are ones where I still don't like a lot of what I see. Kudos to you for this video, I can't imagine the strength it took to post it.

[@terenzo50]

Journalist: "Are you a mod or a rocker?" Ringo: "Umm, no, I'm a mocker."

[@johndoyle325]

When younger, I suffered from terrible stage fright and was always focused on how I looked. There came a point when my will to be a performing musician overtook my insecurities, and at that point I know longer gave a crap about how I looked.

[@WalkingmanPattaya]

Lovin the conversation. Bowie segment near the end is awesome, a talent and performer so rare. Peace and Love and Entertainment

[@MrRafaztar]

I totally agree that it’s cool to make decisions regarding what we wear and particularly on stage.

[@DorGreen1]

You're as insightful about presentation as you are about making music! This video is a bit of a departure from your average video but I loved it! Keep making 🔥

[@kathowed]

Whatever job I've had - and I've had more than my fair share - I've always found a sort of security and confidence wearing the 'costume' I've chosen for the role. It still surprises me how the choice of outfit for a day can influence the way I approach it. Fabulous piece, Mary. Thank you.

[@tedequi1]

I have always admired your style.

[@nikyv3984]

It is inspiring how you keep on coming with interesting and not rehashed videos. Good work* :-) !! (*and it's hard work)

[@chrisk3754]

Great video great content interesting. Look at a wide variety of performers. You are really a great performer and I think you’re such a dedicated musician now the outside may reflect some of the beauty that we see in your eyes and your great smile and your great attitude.

[@alefone2]

I have to admit, most soothing voice I ever heard. I can listen to you talk, or sing, about anything. Love the accent and love your personality. Never cared what you wore...Keep it up!

[@danherrick5785]

I want to give you more thumbs up but can't figure out how.

[@delcorporation-qmsvideos5140]

Mary... I don't even know you and you are absolutely one of my favorite human beings... EVER!! I've always wanted to be a guitar player, but I'm a used to be trumpet player who is now a keyboard player and I love it like I can't even tell you. I've spent a ton of time in the studio in my life and I think recording with you would be just an amazing experience. Insecurities are brutal, just know people see you for who you are and appreciate the gifts you give.

[@BobCrosley]

Great video and, as always, well-researched and well-delivered. As someone who has always had a prickly relationship with what I wear, I would love to hear more about your personal journey and how you came to find a style that suits you. I know you have a stylist friend, but the real trick is finding something that’s fashionable, but still feels “right” for you. Hope you visit this topic again.

[@stevehummel8231]

You are a beautiful shining light of kindness and humanity in whatever you wear. The realness of you is the only ‘image’ you need.

[@stevehummel8231]

Done!

[@majpix]

Please come to the Detroit area! Would love to see u perform live! Love your channel!

[@awkipintee]

Interesting as always and that’s a great jacket!

[@RichardPerrymanGuitarist]

You are attractive and you have a cool personality. Wear what ever makes you happy. We all have to learn to live with ourselves. Thanks for sharing with us.

[@kennethjohnsonart]

You just do you Mary!

[@tomcarol169]

You are Beautiful, some times people need to hear that.

[@memphispancho]

I've spent hundreds recently on costumes. It's fun and value added for the client. Go for the sequins, Mary!

[@jasongoddard9709]

Mary Spender--The whole reason I wear Grenson shoes now and I love them! You are a trend setter!

[@lonothegod1876]

Mary, you are an inspiration. I’m a 54 yr old dad with 3 girls. They love watching your sultans of swing video, so do I.

[@jameslabs1]

You'll always be beautiful. Your talent will always grow. You inspire.

[@denisraimbault4799]

Thanks for another great video. Will you tour in France?

[@philiphalpenny9761]

Wonderful communicator...any I securities long since surmounted...

[@Lisztomania1]

Mary .....Always good ❤️

[@micahcabrera4637]

Appreciate/admire your candor, but you always look fly, Mary.

[@IniresMirrors]

Being pretty introverted, myself, and having had a lot of negative experience in school to reinforce it, in my late teens I developed a ridiculous style that took inspiration from early 80s Rob Halford, Alice Cooper, and Spawn, both for the stage with my metal band and for street clothes. (With it being the early-mid Aughts, the fashionable vintage was more 60s and 70s, at that point-at least where I lived.) It helped me to confront the judgment from others that I feared so much by visibly inviting it; sort of a way to expose any disdain people might have for me. Not a healthy way to see people, but that's where I was back then. As it turns out, most people are not so judgy as I feared, and the psychological trick I played on myself with that jacket helped me find the confidence to learn that about them. And it made me look more convincing as the frontman for a metal band. My style has definitely improved with age, but I regret (almost) nothing about my fashion choices back then.

[@fm2dmax]

That black looks GREAT ! Focusing on music and cameras, YES.

[@stefanshelenko4487]

Killer content Mary. I too have clothes issues as a large man. Nice camo jacket as well. Keep up the content!

[@carolynshulman]

I really, really appreciate you addressing this particular topic. As a singer-songwriter who also performs onstage, and who just isn't much of a fashion horse, I've had the same insecurities! Lately, I've found wearing a silky blouse with a fun blazer, skinny jeans, and boots has been a good fit for me. I'd be interested to hear how you went about finding a stylist who felt like a good fit for you. (No pun intended! 😆)

[@DarrynDavis]

Love the Bowie middle finger! 🤣

[@RobetDeWalt]

Portland Oregon, USA. Make a stop here and play at the Keller downtown!

[@loismiller2830]

Nice jacket Mary! When you aren't into fashion, it's great to have a friend who is.

[@VincentDeBellis]

Doesn't matter what you wear, Mary. That smile and your beautiful eyes, with your talent and intelligence, are always enough 😊👍

[@VincentDeBellis]

Oh how I wish you were the real Mary and not a piece of trash scambot

[@rainbow9832]

That really is a cool jacket 👊

[@rayrayokmusic]

Great video.

[@phantomcall]

you should really consider being a journalist or news caster, your voice is soo soothing

[@famatu]

yea it would fit like a VOX video or something

[@stevengmyrek1275]

Your content is such a pleasure! I have very eclectic taste and interest in all things creative; I've found joyful appreciation in 'watching' my music, most so when it seems the artist has lost themselves, and become a channel. Back to your point; Jack White is a great example of "suiting up" intentionally, throughout, and for, the phases of his career

[@jamesspalten5977]

I look and listen to you. I don't care what you are wearing! Great channel!!

[@jasonlamar6347]

Great essay. I gravitated more towards consistent looks. I did wear black band shirts and jeans as a teenager constantly. Johnny Cash is one and I wish I could do hats like Thelonious Monk.

[@WritteninBlood]

I think you look fantastic and I love your voice, both speaking and singing.

[@FaanaMusic]

Thank you for this video, I had been more of a guitar and music geek myself and started discovering beauty in this aspect of performance only like a year ago. Mostly thanks to my amazing fiancee and one of my friends who gave made me see what I was overlooking for such a long time. Exactly as you say a great part of me avoiding getting into fashion was insecurity. Great video, I can relate #

[@aarolecklin8627]

I could watch and listen to this for hours. For me, who wears hi-vis workwear, or jeans and t-shirt/hoodie/jacket this is quite inspiring somehow.

[@patrickjordan2233]

Wonderful video! When I used to perform, the "job" was to entertain, and perform at my best? When I subbed bass, I had wardrobe fitting (somewhat) the genre..? Include some "flare" from other culture. It offers not only "escapism" for the audience, but performer too? Excellent work. Choose your style...and style evolution 👍👍🎯👍😁😁😁♥️

[@BrewCityMike]

I live in Milwaukee Wisconsin, we would love for Miss Mary Spender to visit our city! 🙏

[@thechazdarby]

Come to Nashville on your tour!!!!!!

[@gerokron3412]

I´m 54 and recently discovered fashion to present myself. As the good looks from my younger days fade, I needed something different to feel well among others, which I naturally don´t do. As I also discovered recently it is quite important to be nice to yourself, which I had a tendency to neglect all my life. Dressing well is one way to do so. It´s much easier to be nice to others then, too. Very interesting video from which I still not exactly know what it was really about. Love G

[@MFitz12]

Note how Bowie while walking incognito around NYC kept a certain finger extended, to discourage paparazzi from snapping publishable photos.

[@dougsrepair1060]

What a well done episode…

[@craigclu]

Female image pressures/paranoia are unfortunate. You have a natural beauty and grace that comes across easily to your audience (both live and on-line). Celebrate it! Your age, while young, should have you avoiding overly trendy/teenie looks as that would simply be a distraction to the things you do so well. Cast any insecurities aside and celebrate your gifts. Part of what lets people connect so well with you is your natural, sincere, candid and approachable nature.

[@TheShaneGuy]

Great Video @Mary. Honestly i always really liked the t-shirt and jeans look on you. It made you look more down to earth and relatable. I've just turned 40 and i tend to live in Jeans and T-shirts for most of the last 30 years, occasionally with button up shirts. For me personally life has been so busy and brutal at times, i don't want to give much thought to what i wear, let alone what others think of my outfit. As long as i'm clean, warm and comfortable it means i can focus on being present with the people i'm with, whether it's my kids or wife or clients or friends. When i dress up I get distracted and feel uncomfortable and not fully present. I'm regularly speaking and playing guitar in public and i think dressing down means i don't look different from others. I don't think there's anything special about me that's not special about others and underdressing keeps my life simpler. Steve jobs had a similar approach only with black turtle necks and jeans. He bought loads of the same thing and could then use his energy focusing on his work. Apple store staff also dress down to make their customers feel more comfortable when learning about technology and new features. I think it depends on your values and your priorities. I also don't want to be precious about my clothes as my kids could wreck them at any moment, and being a dad is more important to me than my outfit or appearance. If i can't kick a football or climb a tree, and cook with the kids in my clothes, then what's the point. Keeping outfits simple makes life more manageable especially when it's stressful or my mental health needs more attention.

[@shakipiyopx854]

Same here, i dun pay so much attention on others or myself appearance. Guitarists are all like that 🎉 u are great already.

[@williama-d6]

Yes the jacket looks nice cool too

[@EdHeinzelman]

Robert Palmer could easily be on this list too.

[@MetalicaStalica1]

I remember you showing everyone this picture down in Florida back in 2016