Declutter the Extremely Hoarded Basement | Tough Love doesn’t Work for Hoarding Disorder

On this episode, we are going to talk about how Tough Love does not work with someone with Hoarding Disorder. This could actually intensify their hoarding behaviors! I explain the emotions hoarders struggle with while they are Decluttering.
#home #mentalhealth #cleaning

[@ShatteredRippleBooks]

You're bravery in opening up is helping others who hoard like myself..thankyou for sharing your journey. It has encouraged me to open up to my psychologist and I am doing well at decluttering myself 😁.

[@julievw6520]

Great job!! 👏🎉

[@ahoardersheart]

Ohhhhh, thank you for sharing your story with me!! This is my why!!! Letting others who struggle with hoarding know they are not alone!! And that we can heal, we can recover and we can DeClutter! I will always be cheering you on 🎉🩷🌟

[@bethstratton3391]

The more you open up and begin the journey, I promise you the better your life will get over time, I admire you for starting the journey.

[@marieschmidt5550]

You don't know how proud we all are that you could let such an emotional item go! 🎉🎉🎉

[@ahoardersheart]

That means so much to my heart, to my recovery 🩷🙏🏼✨ Thank you for being my friend through this!!!

[@pamelagarrett3754]

I am a minimalist turned sentimental hoarder. I was homeless for most of my childhood so in my younger years I always traveled light. After having children and finally putting down roots, I started buying and saving all of the things I could never afford growing up. You have helped me take the first steps in my recovery. Thank you for that.

[@SalsaNube]

You go girl! You will find your balance back again and will enjoy an amazing life with your child! Cheering for you! ❤❤❤

[@susanmunoz7688]

Tough love is not love when it comes to trying to control someone without working with them, it’s just perceived as a threat to them, not safety ❤️

[@ahoardersheart]

You wrote that perfectly!! You are exactly right, it’s more of a threat than working with someone 🩷🙏🏼🩷

[@lysem4392]

I could not agree more on the tough love. My oldest brother did that to me (partly). He threw out my jewellery and my collection of vintage buttons, which I still mourn. He threw out a lot of other things too, but I still get angry when I think of these things in particular. I still love my brother; he thought he was helping me, but he will never again set foot in my house, never ever ever.

[@Peanut11111]

I think of Pepper when I was going thu a room letting stuff go the other day.What a good feeling 4 full bags of trash, 5 bags give away. A joy.😂

[@ellenwelander1193]

I’d love to see an overall of the basement so that we can see the great progress you’ve made, as well as what’s left before it’s completed!

[@ahoardersheart]

Great Idea!! I am definitely going to be creating that video in September!! I think that’s great idea to show that progress we made in the summer ☀️

[@taschab4661]

I experienced a lot of childhood abuse, and also have that blanking of memories unless I see a physical item. What I did was create a private Pinterest board and post photos of those items, so I don't have to keep the physical item but can still remember. I never had hoarding, I know some of it is the holding of the item. But just an idea for things with less sentimental value perhaps.

[@annegariepy3823]

I'm proud of you, for letting go those baby bottles. Good job as always ! 🙂

[@ahoardersheart]

Thank you so much 🙏🏼🦄🌟💜 You understand how big that is for me and I’m so grateful for you 🩷🙏🏼🩷🙏🏼🩷

[@lisab9541]

I've suffered from depression since I was 17. Someone told my mother to use tough love because I was lazy or combative. Well, I was traumatized by my parents' relationship and being put in the middle of it or losing sleep and anxiety as their fights were late night sometimes all night blowouts. Back then nobody really saw the psychological harm. If I can't force myself to do things or not be grumpy when I'm depressed and in pain, tough love wasn't going to help. That depression has led to my clutter problems. Partly because of the anxiety and plus I have physical limitations too now. Tough love only works if someone is getting you therapy or medical help or something. You did a great job handling the bottles. Lots went out!

[@jessicajames4493]

The support is vice versa ❤🎉❤

[@ginagonzalez6547]

Hi, now I understand what happened to me. I used to be able to deccluttered with ease but one day my ex-husband and my dad came up with this great idea of buying a trip to Florida for a week. I thought it was strange and at the same time nice. Long story short, (back then, I was a teacher and most of us have paper all over til there is no space left. When I came back. The space was organized and changed. I was traumatized because all my work was thrown away. It was horrible. I know I was way too busy to take care of it and they just wanted to help. As a result, things went spiraling down from there. Now I'm retired and still dealing with papers and books. Someday I hope soon I will be able to breath a breath of freedom from complete declutter. I will celebrate big when that happens.

[@susanmunoz7688]

I am sorry to hear about your ordeal but it sounds like you’re going forward and with Ms Hearts and God’s help I am sure your going to make it through. Have you thought about having little celebrations as you move forward?! 🤗🧁🎈

[@ginagonzalez6547]

@susanmunoz7688 no, not yet. Even though I'm slowly moving forward, I don't feel I should celebrate yet. With me is all or nothing. Not a good thing, but that is the way I grew up with.

[@SalsaNube]

You arrived at an amazing point! Nothing anymore can stop you! And thank you for helping us, that struggle, to see the light and how beatiful our homes can also become! A big, big thank you from the bottom of mu heart!❤

[@a24-45]

wow Ms Heart, when you said that your 3 miscarriages were in 2019, I was shocked. I thought you were going to say 10, or 15 years ago. But 2019 is only 4 years ago. That's like yesterday, no wonder your feelings about those sorrowful events are still so raw. I think you are amazing to be able to release some of your baby things.

[@jackiew.9470]

Wow! Baby bottles and My Little Pony memorabilia! I'm soooooooooooo proud of you. Great episode, you are so inspiring 👏 ❤️

[@ahoardersheart]

Thank you so so much my friend!! Your message made my heart so incredibly happy 🦄💜🙏🏼🌟

[@leezasims9959]

Great job🎉 Not just on todays effort but your unfaltering consistency and the courage to slowly continue down your chosen path 🎉❤

[@rachelburgener819]

👏👏👏 you are so correct! 🎉💐🥰✝️🙏🏻. ❤️😀

[@megan2176]

Maybe you're already planning this, but it would be so cool, once you've cleaned out the basement, to put up some display cases or shelves to display all your sentimental knick knacks and figurines, so you can enjoy them! ❤😊

[@tessadunkle1831]

Love seeing Miss Pepper explore the new opened spaces you are creating! Wonderful job, as usual ❤

[@ahoardersheart]

Yes!!! I just love seeing her little curiosity and exploring the new spaces!! It makes me so 😸🩷😸🩷

[@brittanyk3241]

Hearing you talk again about your miscarriages again had me feeling all the feels 😢. I also didn’t realize they were only a few years ago. I’m so sorry, I know the pain. I had two back-to-back miscarriages in 2020 and haven’t been pregnant again since. I luckily have one healthy, beautiful 5 year old daughter but still always wanted more but I’m not sure that will ever happen. My attic is half full of baby stuff being saved for future “someday” which may never come, so I can completely relate to the struggle of decluttering baby stuff. To this day, it can still be very emotionally raw for me at times as well ❤

[@alicialacroix]

I would keep the plastic bags, since they're saving you money! As long as you know where they are and can get to them. They'll last you a while and help with your no spend challenges!

[@LoriMcCord-ec8ce]

Yes I agree. The bags will be used for the dirty cat litter and will eventually get used up. Otherwise you will need to purchase small bags to dispose of the litter 🐱

[@Janneli2024]

WE LOVE THAT TIME OF THE WEEEEEK ❤❤❤❤

[@kaymyers4766]

I am so proud of you, Mrs. Heart. Decluttering is a journey that takes time.

[@ahoardersheart]

It absolutely is a journey!! Thank you for being my friend through this too 🦄🙏🏼🩷🌟💜✨

[@dutchen39]

Wow...just wow! It is a joy to watch you grow and become stronger with each declutter. That was a big step for you. 😊💕

[@Turtle4Cats]

Thank you for sharing your thought process and emotions as well as the decluttering itself. So many channels just focus on the physical stuff and I really appreciate you showing how it's not that simple.

[@kimibrown1578]

You did so amazing! I want to share my condolences for your losses of your miscarriages. I also had 2 miscarriages in 2018 and 2019. Those were the hardest times of my life. I was not only dealing with the losses of my babies I never got to meet, but also a loss of my partnership business with my sister and relationship with her. I felt so alone. Luckily I was able to lean on my husband more and grow as a couple. Since then, my sister and I have been able to somewhat mend our relationship. I have kept some baby items and allowed myself baby clothes of both girl and boy clothes in one box each and a box of baby items. I know I’ll be able to pair that down even more as time goes by, but as of right now, I call it a success. I’m so proud of you. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. It touched my heart. 💖

[@kimberlyfoulkrod2229]

You have great taste in music. I put my old cds in a binder with the booklet from each one. I can still play them when I want to but they take up less space

[@alanbirkner1958]

My older daughter-in-law and her sister were talking about the first time I stayed with their mom. We all have memories, but maybe some people need more physical reminders. Humans lived for 1000's of years without all the physical effects we have now. You're doing so well. Tina, Al's wife

[@ahoardersheart]

Thank you for sharing my friend!!! I know I “needed” the physical item for those items! I still have some of those attachments like childhood items or baby items but I’m getting better at letting close of the physical items now!

[@alanbirkner1958]

​@@ahoardersheartsometimes I just listen to your self-talk, see your progress, and find it comforting. Thanks. Tina, Al's wife

[@danacobb2229]

You are amazing! I love your videos and your baby cat everywhere you are!! So just a suggestion, for the photos, I have it in my mind that keeping them in a plastic tub with a snap on lid-like your Christmas decor- will keep the the safest in your basement in your concrete walled area…like the Christmas room!! Why? Because if there were ever (heaven forbid) a fire, the top house will burn and even if the water comes down it won’t get those things in a concreted area 😮 🎉 That’s my logic and 🤞🏻❤

[@pyrobunnymaniac]

So proud of you!!! (As always). I totally understand the plastic bags thing too. One thing that felt good for me was folding them. My grandma and aunt would fold them like military flags growing up & for some reason, even though it takes time like doing the konmari folding, it just processes and puts them neatly & brings me peace. May be different for you, but I would recommend as it saves SO much space & feels more solid. Keep up the great work, always rooting for you!

[@heatherlancaster7063]

🎉🎉YOU GAVE ME HOPE & helped shed and shun the shame🎉🎉

[@jordanvejtasa446]

I’ve watched you for years and you have come so far!! So proud of you ❤

[@tgayer1]

Amazing job! So wonderful that you were able to be okay with just one baby bottle! 💕💪

[@jessicaquiroz7178]

I took an old litter container and filled it with the plastic bags so that way it gave me a limit to the amount of bags that I could keep. Here in Louisiana, we can still get plastic bags at the store so I had to figure out a system so that I wouldn’t have bags every where in my house.

[@JaniceIsLearning]

As I was watching this video, I stopped it to tell my husband about the 1-10 scale for sentimental items. He likes to hold onto things and mentioned a t-shirt that he said was very old, but he didn’t want to get rid of it yet. He said it was close to a 10 on the scale. Thank you for your videos and the explanations as you declutter. It is helping me and my husband. ❤

[@imlistening1949]

I had to laugh when you came across the plastic bags. My home state stopped the use of store plastic bags. When I visit friends in other states that have not put a band on the plastic bags, I raid their hoard and bring tons home. There are so many uses, number one the small trash cans. Also, as you mentioned pet clean up. If you're using them wouldn't worry, they go fast.

[@sevasxtra08]

The music taste 🙌🏼🤌🏻🫶🏻

[@tinkershell1856]

Oh my goodness no! Throwing it all out would make your nervous system explode! You could lose the person. My mom disowned several people for doing this very thing and filled it up with so much more. It just set her back each time. Poor mom 💔❤️

[@tashainjena]

For my old CD's, i bought a zippered holder... reduced the space they took up big time!

[@McCracken257]

When I was little, I lived with my mom and my grandma. My mom was not a hoarder at all. We had a shed out back with some of my moms art stuff, stuff that was my grandfather (who was not with us) and some of my stuff. My Grandma had that "tough love" and had my Aunt and Uncle throw away a lot of that stuff from our shed. It broke my moms heart and really messed her up. I can only imagen what it feels like with someone who stuffers from the disorder. Now that I am older, I do find myself suffering from the disorder. These videos help me a lot.

[@shecanbudget1170]

Be rightly proud of yourself for letting such an emotionally charged set of items find a new home with someone else. I've recently been able to allow some very emotionally charged baby items (cotbed, bedding & clothing) go to two different friends who have new babies. Your channel has helped me process my emotions (& PTSD) to realise that they're going to continue to get the use out of these items & the items will be helping their families. Letting go to help others is one of my favourite ways of dealing with such items that I know need to find new homes. My house doesn't have elastic sides & I have photos / memories of the items...so don't now need to keep the physical items. The money (not a lot) that I made from selling the items is now going towards making new happy memories instead xx

[@user-bb2vq2qo1y]

Hi from Rome, Italy! You are a very special person, I learned a lot by following your channel. 👏👏👏

[@tinaspencer3509]

Well done, Ms. Heart 🙌 Thank you for continuing to be so open in sharing your struggles. You have helped me so much in understanding my own struggles with my clutter and letting go. Thank you again ❤

[@njmaryannez]

I agree!

[@esthergerrish7380]

You always look so pretty in your summer dresses! 😀

[@user.47221]

Im glad i dont enjoy keeping my old stuff , just a box of items for memory. Then again, i have a curious personality and i have the urge to try out anything that recently comes out, this is my main problem causing clutter (and that little thing called, 'keeping just in case').My suggestion for this sweet lady is to leave the past in the past and keep the memories just in the mind or take a photo of the items before saying goodbye and cherish the memories in a digital folder. Im here for the motivation to delve into the last room i need to declutter and organize. Its been a hell of a job for months for the full house, basement included, and now im trying to find the momentum to finish it with a final action 😊 thnx for the video💜 its time for some tossy tossy🤸

[@3mmamh154]

I dont have hoarding disorder and tough love never worked with me. Through frustration my mom would bin or burn my belongings and I felt all the feelings you felt, when all I needed to learn was decluttering and that everything needs a home. Now I dont have a relationship with my toxic mother. Your videos help to give motivation as your teaching my to be kind to myself and that, for me, I have have the skills just was never taught them.

[@soniespindola]

1. I agree to keep plastic bag when you need them for yard sale...i have two cats so it more scooping involved so it helps. 2. Amazing cd collection i hope you can put those in a bin so they dont get destroyed. 3. I think you should gather all the baby/ toddler stuff and at the very end do a huge decluter after you see how much of that stuff you actually have.

[@emmabohlin3470]

Love to watch your channel. ❤ Wish I knew how to process the misscarriage because my heart breaks over and over again.

[@fotovourtsi4893]

Take your time girl!

[@crimsonrose51]

I love that your decluttering process is slower than others I've seen. I'm so close to finishing decluttering and organizing my late dad's 2 car garage that had been hoarded. The task was seemingly impossible to me but with your inspiration and motivation I've almost gone through, decluttered trash, organized keep, boxed up stuff to sell and gathered scrap to sell. I want to celebrate when I'm done but not sure yet how. And I'm determined to complete the garage BEFORE moving on to the 4 storage sheds on the property that are also hoarded.

[@JodyJoe-JJ]

The plastic bags will be neat & take up very little space if they're folded into little flat triangles 🔺️ & placed inside a basket/bucket/tub for neat orderly storage. I'm also OCPD, ADHD, suffer from severe trauma, anxiety, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, hyperventilate & so on due to pain from childhood unto adulthood. One of the few things that keep me soothed is being neat, organized, clean, hygienic & orderly. It's crucial for my mental well-being for things to be neat. I need everything in my space pristine be it my vehicles, residence, anywhere I'm at.

[@happinin07]

Yes, however some hoarding can be life threatening. Feces, trash, dust, heavy high piles. No one should die because of a hoard. Otherwise I agree that everything should be done with professional mental health support. You are doing a great job. Keep doing the work, inside and out.

[@tee1974]

So proud of you!!! Ican attest to the fact that tough love and guilt tripping definately don't work.

[@flightlessphoenix77]

Great taste in music! Glad that Brandon gets to enjoy those albums now and that the others will be in a plastic tub and easy to find when you want to listen to them. This was huge progress. So proud of you!

[@rebeckamattisson5083]

Yay, I have always wanted you to get to that fireplace, now you qre close. It's great to open up the former goat trail so all of you can move freely in the basement. Great job as always!

[@barbarap6851]

Excellent job! I do always feel so badly for the people on Hoarders. They really are under threat in a few different ways. It is such progress that you kept 1 baby bottle and let the rest go. I often will just keep a part of something and declutter the rest. Then I revisit...amazing when you got through, you can continue letting go!

[@jeannebowes2898]

You are the woman! We are all cheering for you! Pepper is so sweet. We adopted a snowshoe( Siamese with white mittens). She is such a love bug kitty.❤

[@debratakagawa4764]

Another excellent decluttering video in the basement. Good job with the bottles. Just keeping 1 was such a wise decision.

[@goconnor0304]

Good job with letting go of the baby bottles! You're doing great! 😘

[@AtHomeWithAllie]

Hey my lovely friend! As a Nurse & semi hoarder (if there is such a thing lol) I totally agree with what you say! I am on my decluttering journey, but it is really tough and I would not like it if people just got rid of my things. I have to be emotionally ready lol. Oh that mickey was so cute lol. I love decor that is my hoarding hahaha. TFS! I love pepper! Hugs, love & Many Blessings!❤❤❤

[@ingridvanessapapaleon6487]

Hello Melanie, I believe miss Pepper is the best assistant you can ever have 😸

[@kimberlyreiter3213]

I love watching your soothing videos! I hope to soon become a professional declutter and organizing coach and your perspective is very helpful to me. I know this is not easy for you, but your strength comes through and shows others it can be done!❤❤❤

[@ellenstam-mulder3002]

good job, big hug Ellen

[@jennyksslr]

Music collection looks like mine. Our generation has some really great music 😍😁💗

[@ringofphoenix22]

Omgosh, the NYC Underground city was my first ever CD I bought when I was like 9!! I still listen to those songs

[@cherienewlove5666]

Great effort, you must be helping lots of people to declutter and work through this complex issue of attachment to things❤

[@MakeupAgain561]

I loved that you gave yourself grace in keeping some items until you are ready to let them go💕 I am so happy that it is getting easier for you to declutter. Thank you for trusting us to share this process with you❤

[@josephdaly2015]

Well done 👏 and take a bow 🙇‍♀️ Letting the bottles go is amazing. You are so right about tough love because it doesn’t work and can even make depression for some worse. Thanks for always explaining that and proving that with kindness, patience and encouragement we can all declutter at our own pace. You have also proven that practice helps you improve every time. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇‍♀️👏💪👍🤞🙏💐🐈🦄

[@vanessawhitneypro]

Thank You. Always.

[@Patty-vr3di]

Enjoyed this episode so much. It was a difficult decision for the baby bottles , but you are strong and you did it! Great job❣️

[@bunacat1]

Great job with the bottles. That was hard, but you did it.

[@margaret1336]

There are many studies available that prove that throwing out a hoarder’s possessions without their permission or knowledge, results in a bigger hoard within 6 months. You simply become part of the problem not the solution. I know it’s frustrating but people need to educate themselves before they intervene.❤❤

[@MikaDoesStuff23]

Have you watched Midwest Magic Cleaning's channel? He cleans a lot of hoarded houses and always makes a point to explain why he doesn't and can't just throw things out. It always reminds me of the info you share on your channel here :)

[@egr3071]

The cds were a treasure. I would totally listen to them all

[@bethstratton3391]

Well done for allowing yourself to let go of more baby things. You are really starting to make a difference in that area of the basement and making such life affirming progress with processing and decluttering baby items in general. Ms Heart, you are setting a wonderful example to other hoarders and proving to them, that they can do this too; despite any previous assumptions that they may have in thinking they can’t and despite any associated traumas they may have. Keep at it girl, you got this!❤

[@ahoardersheart]

Your message made my heart so happy, thank you so much for that 🩷🙏🏼🩷🙏🏼🩷

[@IrethEaron]

Honest question: I get what you talk about regarding tough love and hoarding. But what do you do when the hoarding level is so severe that it is a hazard /risk for their health and safety? Can you even clean something like that up in small sections? What would you recommend? Love your progress ❤ Keep going, we are are cheering you on!

[@flightlessphoenix77]

I think Midwest Magic Cleaning shows a good job of this- helping people deal with rooms that are totally blocked by putting those items into bins that can be stacked more safely and gone through slowly later, but still allowing trash to be removed and cleaning to happen. I think his unwillingness to throw things out without the permission of the resident is admirable and helps earn trust.

[@elizabethbrundagemediajour150]

Pepper the cat is always the best inspector ! Letting the My Little Pony coloring booklet was tough but you succeeded!

[@cerridwenrowan]

I can highly recommend when you go through your photos to get them digitised. Even if you keep the physical photos having a digital copy allows you to let go because you have them still, they're just not taking up physical space and it eases anxiety by giving you assurance that you have the memories if something happens to the physical copies, as well as giving you the option of printing special ones again later. I also found sorting them useful...which ones was I willing to pay the service for? It gave me a good idea of what was truly valuable to me. I also just wanted to say again (I'm pretty shy so I don't comment often but I have been here from the beginning) how incredibly proud of you I am. As someone with ADHD myself I want to give extra kudos for the consistency you have shown over the years ❤️

[@nancycosgrove4005]

Great job!

[@melanietrester]

Hello from Germany hi Miss, miouw pepper. 🎉❤ good Job, Be safe

[@julievw6520]

Great job!! 👏🎉

[@lisafinlayson9853]

More great progress! Baby steps are still steps. And I understand about the bags. I've used reusable bags for much longer than the NJ ban, but I do have a stash of Trader Joe's grocery bags and paper take out bags, and a box of grocery bags, folded and rolled up, because they do come in handy for freecycling, etc. Could you flatten and fold and roll up the plastic bags to take up less room and use one of your now empty bins to store them in and take up less room and not have to let them go? For litter, we use potato chip and snack bags and cereal box bags for scooping out the litter clumps. Already trash, so now filled with something going in to the trash.

[@eileenlehonnyberg1576]

I kept a stash of plastic bags when they were no longer used at stores. Then covid and too many plastic bags! Now I take them back to the store for their recycle bins because cannot put them in the home recycle. Found hubby’s supply of waste can liners he had since last century. Still using those…

[@silver_csmith]

Well done!!! 🫶🏻🥰🎉👏🏻

[@brg2743]

Good job.

[@charishurt1768]

Fantastic job congratulations baby bottles big so very proud of you💜🦄

[@jenniferwright8355]

What about putting your old photos into an album, and then storing it on your living room bookcase? That way they won't curl up/get damaged, and you can look at them whenever you want. 😀 I make myself not stress about whether they are in "perfect" chronological order or not. I just stick 'em in there, lol.

[@wendymackenzie3937]

Sentimental is hard...baby steps..that's how I roll..

[@UsernameUnkwn21]

While you may think Tough Luv isn't good for the hoarder, that's a THEM issue ..when the hoard effects the mental health of the family that has to live with a hoard they didn't. create, or causes a safety issue resorting to self help is necessary

[@sheamom]

i'm so proud of you. you have come so far! (I did the Starry Eyed MOPs too!) years ago I didn't like your videos; i think one reason was because your voice seemed so high (i realize now it was because you were so stressed). but then I got addicted a couple years ago and binged them all! anxiously awaiting the finish of the black cabinet in the laundry room! the master! the toy room! the ribbon!! now you are calm and get to work - I always wish you did more, but I love that you understand what you are capable of doing. great job!

[@DocTardis10]

I love that Pepper declutters with you! ❤

[@DistanceTraveled]

You did it!!!!!!!!🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉

[@homeschoolteenswithjenny]

I always look forward to these!

[@alisonodonnell7005]

You have really good CDs!!

[@ncshomevids]

You are amazing!!! You are right. We do better when treated in love

[@ikrobiee]

It feels like you've come so far, that basement is no match! 👊

[@elenaali6931]

Proud of you dear

[@ritavasnanigurbani6063]

Great job Ms Heart!!🎉🎉🎉

[@MrsHerzueberKopf]

Very very proud of you. ❤️ After following for a long time you are doing better in every episode. And it's motivating for me to declutter too, even if I'm on the minimal side of stuff 😉 I'm wondering if you are saving things you declutter for a next garage sale or Facebook market place are you donating a lot right now in your journey?

[@angelarothbauer8096]

Yay on the baby bottles

[@augustineschaefer5522]

Decluttering other’s belongings would be threatening for anyone. I can’t blame others if I’ve not done my own work first. I’m not convinced that’s really tough love.