Demetri Martin - These Are Jokes(Full)

So happy to have so many views and great comments on this video. Glad to see people like him, now go buy his CD! P.S. He has a new special on netflix. I tired to upload it but it got taken down for copyright reasons. My upload of stand up comedian also got taken down.

[@ForestDewberry]

"owning a dog in a city is like saying, 'my need for companionship outweighs my dislike for picking up shit.'" pure gold

[@hexonatapeloop]

Frankie Boyle: "I have failed to find love amongst my own species, and have instead turned to the less judgmental animal kingdom"

[@Mj0Skyver]

"Every fight is a food fight... if you're a cannibal."My sides...I'm super duper glad to have seen Demetri perform live at least once in my lifetime.

[@JumpinJAKEFlash]

One of my all time favorite comedy albums. Demetri Martin is hilarious.

[@VICTORIAMAKESYOULAUGH]

Genius...brilliant..this was one of the best comedians I have ever heard...very similar to Steven Wright who is one of my favorites.

[@ccharvey2882]

victoria arnstein I love Steven Wright! SO GEWD.

[@xxwantedxx]

victoria arnstein dig your sense of humor! ha

[@VICTORIAMAKESYOULAUGH]

xxwantedxx thanks!

[@richardmcdonald6237]

Mitch Hedberg

[@spike24.7]

@@richardmcdonald6237yes!

[@nobodysomebody546]

"a squirrel is the same as a can, when theres a B-B gun in my hand" 😂😂😂

[@goodbrothermusic2740]

I love that he brought Will Forte up, I never knew they were friends.

[@joeyfrevola927]

Favorite comedy album of all time. Just flawless.

[@roccoramos1358]

Who else watched his comedy central show?

[@phoenixpayne7642]

important things?

[@michaela998]

solid clean comedy. him and John mulaney are my favorites.

[@MrMrSPRIKE]

U have good tast my friend

[@ianmichelm]

Those are my exact favorites and I even put them in that order

[@ianmichelm]

***** Lol I know but it just happened to be in my order

[@SeigmeyerFreud]

+Gael Martinez Gomez well, I mean, it was a 50/50 chance.

[@aqualitymagentachickenmask3298]

Norm, Demetri, and John are my personal favorite comedians

[@aaasubs]

Ice Bear likes this

[@vimgeer]

Pretty spot on Will Forte impression

[@MeganPerry]

I bought this when it came out, and saw him live. NO idea what I did with the CD so thank you!

[@tengumandwn57]

There, sea jokes

[@TenNineD]

Lmao I saw that too also how is 2016 going?

[@zekesgrowroom370]

Sea, there jokes

[@666firechic3]

Demitri's jokes are starting to remind me of Mitch Hedberg. Keep it up!

[@nicko3272]

yep, and both were influenced by steven wright

[@abstractinterviews7371]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@vegasvanga5442]

Very very very Mitch Hedberg-like!

[@manpoopdump3]

always got a lot of respect for comedians with this style, just fires off one joke after another like Mitch hedberg not easy to do or remember all that material

[@Assdafflabaff]

The singing guy was the funniest part lol.

[@bradlein1474]

He was singing like he was the last man on earth. Beautiful vocals

[@johnnunya5428]

This s the hardest I have ever laughed at a harmonica. Take that as you will...

[@MsRogerbannister]

mitch hedberg lives on.

[@Juan_rivera]

Steven wright😐

[@RantTherapist]

+rodger bannister Yes he's got a similar delivery, but he's more straight edge. They're both damn good though.

[@Tocy777isback0414]

He is like a sober Mitch :D

[@superfreegoat]

this is when will forte says "fuck you fucking sharks, fortnight!" 37:07 i made this so i can find it later

[@SomeRandomPuzzlePiece]

I was litteraly just looking for that XD

[@colemccollum6264]

Want a Not Denver shirt? check it out here: teespring.com/notdenvershirt

[@IWasAllLikeG93]

57:11 We should have selectively bred purple carrots instead of orange ones. Then we wouldn't be in this predicament, they'd just be called purples.

[@we_want_chilli_willy]

oh so much like the late Mitch Hedburg ad Stephen Wright. I like this guy.

[@WestSideRida420]

Ice Bear agrees with all of this.

[@samuelj.s3955]

Hedberg lives on...

[@okfilms8290]

shakespeare Spence this made me tear up a little

[@joshodisher204]

shakespeare Spence Yes! Two of my favorite comedians

[@backspaceninja9860]

I found this video after watching Mitch Hedberg's stand up and I love this. He's great.

[@foxlikessapphics]

Ice Bear enjoys these jokes.

[@reversefulfillment9189]

Love this guy!!

[@ac1dman]

* chokes on his drink for an hour *

[@undergroundswamis4350]

the best. That bit about batteries slayed me.

[@pisforpearl]

4:47 i had a manager that did that, he said "but don't worry all our shoes stretch."---ahahahahaha

[@christopherpena7742]

I absolutely enjoyed it. I highly recommend it. Thanks for the share!

[@mrbeard6263]

That first song got some Beck influence. that's amazing

[@WhisperLeo]

Mr Beard more like ween vibe

[@mrbeard6263]

recommend me an album of the band

[@WhisperLeo]

Mr Beard chocolate and cheese, the pod , the mollusk, pure guava

[@mrbeard6263]

i just hear the mollusk and it blew my mind dude, thank you so much.

[@mrbeard6263]

WhisperLeo it's funny because as i was listening to the mollusk i sense something familiar about the voices and the style and then Ocean Man plays and i couldn't stop smiling dude, thanks

[@mindyshoemake-oxford2061]

Comedy gold, yes sir.

[@dustinclark3390]

Great album all together

[@catherinebecker4728]

I appreciate and approve of Ice Bear. ✏

[@Rbl7132]

It's so sad that these artists are getting ripped off and they're copyrighted material that they should be paid for is being posted on KZbin by individuals illegally posting copyrighted material and KZbin is not enforcing it. If you listen to this without paying for the CD, you are stealing I hope it ruins your enjoyment of this album I'm not going to listen to it. I like this guy I'm going to go buy the CD

[@foxbutterfly-eden8715]

This video was posted almost a decade ago. Clearly Demetri isn’t concerned about it being posted or he would’ve had it removed by now. In fact, it remaining posted and watched helps build a bigger fan base, especially considering how little of his stand up is on KZbin.

[@Rbl7132]

@@foxbutterfly-eden8715 Good job lying to yourself.

[@foxbutterfly-eden8715]

@@Rbl7132 what specifically is a lie? You do realize not every artists cares about copyright, don’t you?

[@BookimCrocker]

Saying I'm sorry - I apologise is the same....unless you're at a funeral :o)

[@dougc4302]

Where is this guy today? He is a very talented comedian. We need more like him

[@andyk6792]

He's out on tour.... I'm planning to see him in January!

[@vegasvanga5442]

He's doing Netflix specials now

[@simondesmet1121]

That advice song on the end is genius

[@jonnyboi2536]

heard this guy once ages ago and really liked him but could never remember his name! Glad to jhave finally found him (via mitch hedberg)

[@Robkinggozer]

A dreamcatcher works, if it's your dream to be gay.

[@paystarbuzzy]

Like the feminine Indian boy in LITTLE BIGMAN. That describes Dimitria. She's a little big girl.

[@staceywooddell3181]

uR m👴🏻mZ gAy, A'G.A.Y.L.😱.R.D.f.o.c.k.'R

[@RantTherapist]

LOL love it.

[@HeidiSvenson]

pure genius

[@slowfreq]

47:30 fun fact: pride rainbows have pink; regular rainbows do not.

[@crispypops]

Good stuff

[@cheetosugar695]

Maybe I have an obsession with secret messages, but the colors in These Are Jokes make me think he's saying There seA Jokes. Well red's on top, so it could be seA Jokes There. Either way, I am currently single gents so... you know.

[@ANTIPLANETRECORDS]

I’m not really a fan of stand-up, but man this shit is really good

[@michaelloomis9400]

Ice Bear approves of this video.

[@ethancohen5168]

The first song he plays on guitar is like, without a doubt, the stranger song by Leonard Cohen

[@DaGoochie]

I got tired of looking at a painting of his face for an hour

[@pane36]

This isn't the type of video you just sit there and watch. You play it, then tab away and do something else.

[@Profy00]

Tyler Iannucci nope, he's right

[@pane36]

Vítor Guilherme He has nothing to be right or wrong about. He said he got tired of looking at Demetri's face. I provided a solution. Your comment in response to mine makes no sense whatsoever.

[@pandabear69ify]

if you actually did that you're fucking crazy

[@TheOfficialRandybob]

Tyler Iannucci It's great for car rides and road trips.

[@ptanyuh]

Thanks SO MUCH for the upload! Love Dimiitri! His voice and sense of humour are just like those of my crush, eeeeee! :P

[@Emerald_Knight45]

Very very funny guy

[@jkninja9204]

30:31 - 31:10 had me rollin

[@MAMP]

Much like Mitch Hedberg in delivery.

[@JumpinJAKEFlash]

Yes. Demetri Martin also reminds of comedian Steven Wright. Look up Steven Wright if u haven't heard of him. You'll see where Mitch Hedberg and Martin get their style of comedy.

[@musingsandmore8630]

Like Steven Wright? Not even close. To compare this dude and Mitch Hedberg to that lifeless bore on stage is a sin. Hedberg made you laugh. Wright made you want to slash your wrists.

[@savethehumans7300]

How does he do all that without moving his lips? Or any muscle for that matter. Not for THIS matter, but for THAT matter.

[@guycarrwuzright7189]

Lol 😂

[@garyrigby21]

on his Netflix special he said one of the funniest things ever but i can't remember what it was now i'm going crazy listening to every Demetri Martin i can find! it was something about owning a business??

[@bennorton4831]

Was it the “bit” coin bit?

[@garyrigby21]

@@bennorton4831 no it was something about being a Landlord? i can't remember exactly

[@foxbutterfly-eden8715]

Omg yes! Such a fucking funny bit! You should definitely watch it again

[@garyrigby21]

@@foxbutterfly-eden8715 what did he say

[@CloutKamui]

"I'm going out quenched"

[@laneychinlee]

When his Grandma says tasty is sounds like teste.

[@InLainSight]

my friend and I edged to this

[@vegasvanga5442]

Anime sucks

[@CaptLuser]

do you think he ever imagined he'd voice a cartoon polar bear

[@robertdellamotta304]

If he wanted someone quieter he should have gotten Will Piano. Or Will Forte's brother: Wont.

[@zjenji]

17:27: How's the CD? LOL

[@krikstne]

i love youuuu, demetri! ;DDD

[@zizimugen4470]

I love the jokes, but I find it a bit pitiful that audiences often force laughs between every pause between words. "Not a lot of foot traffic..." hahahahaha, "So when they'd come around the corner..." hahahahaha, "I'd get 'em." The joke was at "I'd get 'em." The timing isn't there for laughs at every pause; it's there to build the punch. Let it happen.

[@zizimugen4470]

dineshdharme I've been to comedy performances. It's not. I've heard a comedian finish a bit that had to do with a shower, and then he started the next with, "I saw my grandmother the other day," and the audience laughed. He paused and said, "What the hell? I haven't even gotten to the joke yet, and you people are laughing."

[@dechenkezang4716]

Once a stand up has impressed an audience well, the audience would laugh at whatever he or she does or says.

[@zizimugen4470]

Dechen Kezang Self-fulfilling expectations, really. I've seen it when Michael Richards was trying to apologize for his outburst of rage, but people were laughing at everything he said while Letterman and he was trying to be serious.

[@tacotacotington3638]

Zizi Mugen This is where the 2 beer minimum takes effect. Demetri is a slower paced comedian like Mitch Hedberg, the silence and their demeanor will make you laugh even though the punchline is yet to come

[@herrtrigger7220]

Most of the audience were his fans and followers at the time, same as Mike Birbiglia, they knew his material and cheered it at all points. Demetri comes from a wealthy family with a decent college following to support his shows. That's why he failed on the real stage same as Birbiglia and all the other campy guys. You'd never have a fresh audience react this way even in a stoned college environment. Still a funny guy-

[@jace7849]

25:10 best joke 10/10

[@guycarrwuzright7189]

Agreed

[@Tocy777isback0414]

Not gay....Butt supportive :'D

[@Carnage84587]

Did this GR: Wildlands say the enemy's name was "El Sueno"?

[@argenisbarrales9859]

i have to listen to this while high

[@foxbutterfly-eden8715]

How did that go? Also, how are your 20’s going?

[@kevinhuang888]

31:20 I love that part So I can go back later

[@mainhoondon21]

I fear dolphins

[@chi-canyoubelieveit]

is the bit about people showing him pics of their kids in this?

[@tredeuce]

'Ponchos, chasm other previous jokes, fortnight.'

[@TenNineD]

First comment since Covid

[@cameronclark5705]

We made it

[@23pounce]

Does anyone know who drew that picture? I like it.

[@nobodysomebody546]

14:42 i couldve sworn mitch hedberge had a joke almost exactly like that one.

[@anthonyeder8360]

Boom Bow stole a Stephen Wright and a Woody Allen joke too.... but hey... still funny

[@josephfolino5734]

Holy hell

[@benestrada2682]

is he making fun of Leonard Cohen at 19:00?

[@bennyvee88]

15:52 Hahahahahahaha!

[@23pounce]

Aw, man! I told my daughter that glitter was the herpes of art supplies. I don't want people thinking I plagiarized his joke. Actually, I made the "what size? 'Actual,'"and conditional identity joke as well.

[@pnutbutrncrackers]

22:52 -- my fave.

[@comfyDev]

At 37:30 you can hear a lady react to just the joke setup alone.

[@IETCHX69]

This guy . This here feller...

[@janX9]

"Steven Wright/Mitch Hedberg rip-off​/thief" if you're​ going to accuse Demetri Martin of playgerism, then post a specific example otherwise *SHUT UP* ... *Yes* there are similarities *SO WHAT?*

[@50629]

25:39 is technically the most integral part for this video

[@maxcrow6392]

What is up with that grape song at the end

[@rayvenskye3274]

I think churches should have checkerboard floors so if you get bored you can just watch the bishop. Genius joke

[@renbelmont]

He sees toke jars

[@bluebear5881]

Everybody's a food fight when you're a cannibal

[@70stunes71]

🌠👍

[@danielburch3377]

"naked.....we'll see". xD

[@tyler8652]

BATMAN SOUNDS

[@TenNineD]

Lmao

[@SomeRandomPuzzlePiece]

My name is also Tyler enjoy some free respect :)

[@jezza5797]

Is no one gonna bring up the fact that im 99% sure plankton introduced him?

[@doctoroctagonapus23]

Eaters, he jokes.

[@josephfolino5734]

My plans are numbers

[@josephfolino5734]

56:20 glitter

[@hexonatapeloop]

6:37 Woody Allen joke

[@koyaux]

Anyone still listening to this

[@garyrigby21]

i'm listening to it with my ears

[@koyaux]

@@garyrigby21 I’m using my eyes

[@sammott8386]

Demetri seA Jokes Martin There

[@OrganizedMadnes]

Apple just released it's latest product aimed toward pirates. The ipatch. Lol I can sound like Dimitri Martin.

[@OrganizedMadnes]

Martin Luther King Jr. was a big fan of Steve Jobs. He gave the iHaveADream speech.

[@FreihEitner]

In a lot of ways, Demetri Martin is a less awkward Mitch Hedberg.

[@maskof]

Demetri Hedberg.

[@sliverfreak9]

Lol at 51:25