Despite Not Liking You, Narcissists Need You

[@BaraSchmidt]

Recognize their game. Refuse to play. Life is brief, find Healthy and Authentic! It's out there!

[@iyounghuang5433]

Yes, thank you. It's true. ❤

[@HAYDENKISHAYINEW-i8q]

👏

[@Catina-jz1tp]

🎯💕

[@stevegibbs7811]

Still waiting for the authorities to wake up to the seriousness of the damage that is being done by this unacceptable nightmare that this creature next door purpetuates on the tenants that reside here. I still have hope. Thanks

[@aaronkwolfe]

A clue to when you are needed but not liked (wanted)? You come away feeling used.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep!

[@a.pieceofpie]

And confused

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed!

[@rebekahhawkins1318]

No even used… you feel “dirty” you feel yourself holding back…holding in YOURSELF… it’s like you change when you are around them… you cannot be real… you feel fake and dirty trying to “fit in” to get along when you know you still will never get “along” with them. It’s weird and now that I’m away… it’s GONE!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes and it's an awful feeling and awareness.

[@aaronknight9759]

They will treat you with contempt, and try to convince you that you’re lucky to be associated to them.

[@samdevallance1527]

So true!

[@CPE1704TK5]

When they prob stink and look like crud too

[@TrentAdam]

That's what I told my mom. I asked why the hell she expected me to come over and spend time with her if she is purposely going to leave me out of 95% of activities.

[@tombuddy100]

Narcissist: "I don't like you, but I need you" Self-confident person: "I like you, but I don't need you"

[@well_weathered]

Oddly, this was a reason we took a break when dating. I didn't need him, enough.

[@stephanieburgess8217]

This explains his adamant belief that we can and should be friends even though he’s married now and my future relationship shouldn’t have any problems with it.. went no contact a month ago and am curious how his control on me went to her.. hopefully it was redirected so she will see how crazy he is.

[@anneyoung2310]

Self-confident person to a narcissist: I don't like you, and I don't need you.

[@HAYDENKISHAYINEW-i8q]

Yeah that's true

[@alejandrarmzo]

@@tombuddy100 A narcissistic former partner asked me constantly if I loved him a few months into the relationship, once I answered that I loved him, chose him everyday but didn’t need him, and he reacted as if I had badly insulted him; I tried to explain myself and added that there was no reason for us to be together except for the love between us and both of us wanting to be together, that there were no ties between us except our feelings for each other and the mutual choice of being a couple, and he behaved as if all I had said was: “I don’t need you”, and he took it completely negatively. Sending blessings, light, resilience and strength to all survivors, and to all children being neglected and abused hoping they don't develop this condition.

[@lindaadams1008]

When your family members have been dysfunctional since your childhood, there's nothing you can do except distance yourself from that kind of energy... Twenty years of peacefulness is a blessing...🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I get it.

[@HAYDENKISHAYINEW-i8q]

Yeah no kidding

[@lindarizzute9910]

Amen!😊❤🎉

[@kimmae9283]

This gave me the ah ha moment I've needed for a long time. It finally all makes sense. He needs me which is why he continually breaks no contact and wants the relationship, but it never works out because I won't conform to be a mindless follower of him.

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissists want you to function while they are in the process of dismantling your confidence, it’s baffling 😮!

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Oh yes 🎯🎯🎯

[@Martina-wn1sr]

Each arrack breaks me down and rebuilds me stronger than EVER❤😂🎉 I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU abd your timely messages...you have a sincere and beautiful ❤️

[@Martina-wn1sr]

Beautiful energy ☀️

[@mhba4866]

​@SandraII-in9sl. Yes. And anger.

[@shannon6574]

Perfectly said. 😢

[@Chanelle247]

In August 2023 my ex husband said to me, “sometimes I feel like you’re my enemy.” He also said, “what if I don’t even like your daughter?” twice (note: he was her step-father.) We (daughter and I) packed our things and left him on October 5, 2023 while he was at work and have not looked back.

[@Daysleeper1000]

That's so sad. I hope you're doing better now.

[@Chanelle247]

@@Daysleeper1000 Thank you. It took several months to get back to “baseline.” Went completely no contact, dodged attempts from him and his family to contact me, filed for divorce. Now my girl and I are living our best life while my ex is out there desperately trying to get laid and/or look for his next victim (I heard through the grapevine.)

[@Daysleeper1000]

@@Chanelle247 You escaped and made the right decision. You're strong not allowing the hoovering to suck you back in. I wish you and your precious daughter happiness and healing. ☺️

[@Chanelle247]

@@Daysleeper1000 Thank you so much! I wish you all the best, too! 🩷🫶🏽🩷

[@annjohnson8437]

I'm glad you made it out! I'm saving up to do the same thing.

[@tombuddy100]

They do not quit using failed strategies. That's probably the most puzzling about them.

[@violajoseph8549]

It's like Wiley coyote trying to catch the roadrunner, his schemes neva works😂

[@fred.k9875]

I don’t like you = I don’t like myself.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Also...spot on!!

[@denisemarsack6604]

Yes this is true

[@juliewestover9774]

Yes & they lack insight as to WHY they dislike you... if only they could dig deeper than their reactive emotions. (Nope, not likely to have this awareness)

[@KathieMihindukulasuriya]

"I don't like you, but I need you." reminds me of the title of a book on adolescent development called, "I hate you. Can you drive me to the mall?" Makes you realize how narcissists are stuck in immaturity.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Wow, I'd like that to still be in print.

[@katrina3560]

​​@@Rachel-mz8koI found this on Amazon: "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated" ❤

[@elcee7800]

Yes! Good way to put it. It’s funny with a kid, sickening with a husband.

[@annjohnson8437]

So true!

[@annjohnson8437]

​@elcee7800 Agree!!!

[@Hatbox948]

I felt used by the ex narcissist. You never get back what you contribute.

[@tombuddy100]

"I don't like you, but I need you" 😄😂 That attitude is pretty much the opposite of self-confident or self-reliant.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on.

[@roxymovie3938]

Not liking you but needing you. This is a big controverse. This is maddening.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@roxymovie3938 I would sooner do without!

[@HelenaSL360]

This is so true! They dont like me (the way they treat me) but they need me (to listen to their monologs)

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you, Dr. Carter..i didn't know what was going on in my relationship with my now ex-husband. The more i learn from you, the more i understand what i was dealing with and also validating rwo other people who are narcissists, too. The more i learn and heal, the quicker I am at identifying a narcissistic person. Each person is different in their approach, however the abusiveness remains the same. It's an epidemic.

[@jwrobin21]

The best awareness this video gives is thus. ONCE YOU RECOGNISE THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR PERSONALITY: LET THEM FALL BY THE WAYSIDE.

[@tyremanguitars]

I like to think of it as a bit like being a punch bag for all their issues, we can only take so much.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

A healthy individual can dissipite a little incidental aggression, if interspaced with longer streches of positive time. However, on a chronic basis, no one can endlessly digest large chunks of this, with no intermediate time to relax. Both mentally & as well as physcially, it starts to wear you out from the inside ....

[@ETalamante]

It’s funny… in every narcissistic relationship I’ve experienced, I recall asking them when I get to the end of my rope, “What do you want from me?” The answer is always the same… “Nothing. I don’t want nothing from you.” So what’s up with that??

[@blue.5058]

Narcissists need the non-narc to do what they can’t do (or do poorly). The narc will screw up everything they touch (at least in my experience with them- and includes family as well) so they need someone who is more capable than they will ever be. They’ll get the codependent enabler to go along with their plans to boot, using things as gaslighting and hoovering to get their way. (This happened to me growing up- my useless narc father used me to get his duties taken care of, while he used my equally-narc enabling mother to cover for him) Making them take care of their OWN problems is the only way to deal with them.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Spot on dr Carter 😊 when you discern you are dealing with a narcissist, look for the exit. Thank you 🙏 God bless you ❤

[@Lennonk2024]

I love how you always label Gus, too. ❤ I look for it every time. 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You may notice his name is always in a different font. He insisted on that in his contract.

[@lisaklein664]

Thank you for your support, explaining that the manipulation of others to then dump a load of guilt on their target is what they do, so true

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

In their company, you feel like there is never enough oxygen/ space in the room. You always have to shoe-horn yourself in, in some way, as they never spontaneously make room for you...

[@roxymovie3938]

@@PantaRhei-wz5zn Very true 👍

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

This was certainly the case with my mother-- everything definitely revolved around her (selfishness reigned). With my husband he was too busy controlling you-- right now, he's mostly dependent.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

literally that. There's no room for me & my things in HIS house - this after 33yrs married! Been here 4.5yrs & NO place for my things, so they're in den (some stuff) - a chaotic mess & I hate it! Gives him reason to bitch & causes me MUCH stress - 2x win for him. No room in his ❤, or in "his house" .

[@JB777z]

@@SnarkasticSunnywhy do you stay with a person who treats you like this?

[@yellowbird5411]

Narcissists will suck the air out of a room, just like a black hole. Being needed is not the same as being loved and needed also. And we can stay in relationships for years not really knowing we are not loved. I did. By the time I found out, I was absolutely floored. Looking back at certain comments he made, I realize now that he can't love, at least another person. We mistake dependency for love also. Narcissists can be both dependent and needy, but love doesn't ever show it's face. They can do an occasional gift on special occasions, and that's about it. Sometimes it's not even wrapped. My ex fiance used to have a business, and he would go to trade shows, where he was given little products to try for marketing. For Christmas, these marketing products were what I ended up with as gifts.

[@joannejohnson7006]

Your videos have made it clear to stop and listen for the clues that alert and transmute their dislike I know and love myself Thank you Dr for your important work here ✌🏼

[@CH-1984]

Dr.Carter almost everything you said is true about my 85 y. o. mother! She is covert, people think she's so sweet to bring baked goodies around, etc. Chapter 3 in the book of James describes the bitter envying & strife, I want peace. It's only because of content creators like you, that I figured it out! I was super shy in school. Do you know that poem " If a child lives with... he learns to....??" Well, the "shy" child line says they were ridiculed. In adulthood, I became defensive to her passive- aggressive jabs. Now, as I try to get out of this web, I appreciate these videos! Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it helped!

[@carlasalas9374]

Yep..I was wt a guy for 10 yrs, the last 3, he just wanted to be only friends, he kept saying , your my best friend, because every time he got ill and needed someone I'd come running....I finally woke up n said no more, bye bye...Omg that was my whole relationship wt that guy!! He never could say he loved me but always taking n NEVER giving back

[@elizabethbettencourt1116]

Like trying to hug a cactus 🌵

[@roxymovie3938]

@@elizabethbettencourt1116 Indeed 🤭

[@sturobertson6791]

Brilliant analogy

[@jenifernjeri9866]

Or a porcupine 😢

[@carolynrichards9124]

@@elizabethbettencourt1116 So, so true!

[@elizabethbettencourt1116]

😂​@jenifernjeri9866 good one!

[@HEisWorthy-4C]

They truly don't know what they want thus creating confusion in those they think they need?? We need to be cautious, our body keeps the score of the abuse when we fall into the trap of trying to unscramble the tangled webb. Thank you for some continued clarity Dr C. ❤

[@well_weathered]

That first sentence 💯🎯

[@hjtres7261]

The day I picked my covert narcissist mother up from the hospital after driving her there, waiting for the entirety of the surgery, then driving back 100 miles to pick her up was "You're hard to live with ". This was perhaps one of the first times that it really hit me im dealing with a narcissist.

[@debbiehardy40]

I'm not trying to make anything work with a narcissist!

[@cindyreinhart9552]

I've got one who sees me finding joy in gardening and wanting to make my happy place because when I'm in my element he hates it. He started destroying things behind my back 2 years ago right down to spraying weed killer on my heirloom roses. Then in the winter it became destroying my things inside such as my earbuds, humming bird feeders etc. Denies it all when no one comes to visit anymore...no accountability. This year my garden is unkempt. One less thing he can take from me.

[@evemcfarland8159]

I'm so sorry. I totally get that your garden was your happy place 😢

[@JB777z]

How do you stay with this toxic person? You deserve better! ❤

[@zeykriid]

as a fellow human, my heart breaks that he cares so little for your happiness and peace. as a fellow gardener and rose lover, I would like to get my bypass pruners and have a lil “chat” with him.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

They need you. You need them like a hole in your head!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Haha. This really made me laugh 😂🤭 Thank you, Amanda 🤗

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@roxymovie3938 🤗🌸

[@angelanicoletti3330]

@amandaliverpool3374, You made me laugh out loud with your comment. Thank you Dear😂Amanda💜

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Laughter is the best medicine 🤗🌸✨️💕

[@JB777z]

So true! Why do we put up with this? 🤷‍♂️

[@dianahogg6164]

Thankyou for your help. It's wonderful being free from the Narcissist I have time to think and try to make sense of my life. Husband walked out of jobs. His story was he had an argument with his boss many bosses many jobs he walked out. I was only been given his side of the story. All these bosses did something wrong against him. He was the victim. I had steady professional job I just kept working cause I had five children to feed and a mortgage to pay. Looking back he was the problem bosses found him out. I became self employed with little shops later in the years he tried to mussel in. He could turn on the charm when needed, and tried to push me out of my small sho His favourite word to call people was waster. A horrible word. He was the waster. Time and knowledge is strength.

[@cymbolichuman433]

A close relative told me that their nightmare said: "I hate you, don't leave me" The kids are grown now.

[@frannavin3165]

My late husband couldn’t be around people without me but he would always say i was a loose cannon, crazy, etc. but i had to be with him for any interactions even with his own family, he thought i was him.

[@sharontalley2155]

They need you so they can have somebody to bully and feel better about themselves.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

At work its obvious: They cannot do certain technical tasks, so therefore need others - but then are angry & frustrated for this dependency. They also dont have the capacity/ motivation to plan ahead, so lack thereof then impedes the required work that follows. They dont take any accountability for this, and are hellbent to try to shift both the blame + surplus work to compensate for this onto the coworkers on the receiving end.

[@yukio_saito]

They are incompetent in their main tasks, but skillful in bullying.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@yukio_saito Aint that the truth ! The Truly Surprising Part is how much/ how long they can get away with it ....

[@garrimic3]

That sounds like my ex wife who is a hospice nurse. Complaining when she had to go out. Especially when there was no other nurse to go for her. Did she ever curse some of the patients and patients family members when she was home.

[@sangar463]

My father is malignant narcissist they programmed me to get approval from them , they need me but I feel I need approval and they devalue me and destroy me.

[@merin797]

I love Mel Robbins’ “let them” theory. Easier to provide a stepping stone to something healthy and joyful, for your “self”.

[@karenyounce1192]

You help me so much. My daughter is the narc in my life. And I can’t just break it off so you help me cope and remind me I’m not alone here! ❤❤🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I stand with you!!

[@JB777z]

Karen I hear you. Thank you Dr. Carter! My daughter is the narc too in my life. It’s very difficult..I’m not getting any younger & feel I’m at a breaking point some days. Detachment helps. Avoiding her phone calls helps. Less contact is the only way I cope with the constant stress. Take care! ❤

[@well_weathered]

I've just realized that what the narc half heartedly has started compromising on isn't substantiated when he is with the adult children. This is an eye opener for observing true intent. Ultimately it is the action/or inaction and not the intent (George K Simon). Something that has really helped me focus.

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup 🤦‍♀️ if we’d just focus on what they do & forget about what’s going on inside their craziness it would become a lot more clear what they’re really capable of or not! George is right to focus on character because narcissism begins in early childhood & shows up in their personality but true character is formed by 7 then good luck with changing that ❤️‍🩹

[@donnalindakelley3402]

Thank you for this video. I always learn a lot from your videos. All I wanted from my Narcissistic parents was simple love and basic respect. It is like the day I was born my mother decided to hate me and make my life miserable. I wish I could understand her contempt for me. She liked the other kids in the family. It was just me she hated. But like you said here, "I don't like you but I need you." That was exactly her. I somehow managed to grow up in spit of her and make myself into a fairly normal person. But there are always the memories that pop up at the most stressful times. I know I need to forgive, but it is almost impossible to do that.

[@caroleminke6116]

She needed a scapegoat ❤️‍🩹 I was the scapegoat among five siblings & even found her only son whom she’d given up for adoption in order to marry my father 🤦‍♀️ needless to say that action pushed her over the edge into hatred while he became her golden child late in life

[@JB777z]

Sorry both of you had to go through this. My husband was the family scapegoat as well. What makes people treat a family member this way? It’s been so hard to deal with..very stressful over the years…and now my own daughter is doing this to us. We are very fortunate we have a great marriage. (he’s my 2nd husband..the first was a narc as well).I think that’s the only way we’ve been able to cope with so much toxicity over the years. Right now we’re in the process of detaching from my daughter ..she’s been so disrespectful for so long. We don’t deserve this. I feel like a narc magnet sometimes! 😅

[@PatriciaJhonson-r5i]

"Common Sense is lost on them." "Their Anger remains intact" "IF we make yiu look worse than us that's all we need to feel better about ourselves". Criminally insane!

[@user-lz9wj4xs5j]

So disturbingly honest ! Thank you for being a truth teller! I’m going to have to listen to this a few times before I can full absorb this alternate universe. 🙏💕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@lorinotarius]

I think they just hate their abusive parent(s), but they need their parents, so they keep playing out that dynamic for the rest of their life. "I hate you, but I need you." I've seen 103 year-olds do this. Even if they become somewhat aware of the dynamic and even if they wish to change it, they absolutely cannot stop doing it. Their brain structure is too altered from too early an age.

[@cherylnathanodette]

If you know someone dislikes you so what, there are some people I don't liks but abide to keep the peace way too often.

[@bossytruthy1573]

I ran away to an ashram for meditation and yoga from them and my mother and father was like i will inform police if you don't come back😢😤 they are cruel people 🥺😤😤

[@MisssAnthrope49]

NRC Boss hates me, resents that her tricks, rudeness, undermining gives her no supply. Annoyed I prevail & have much success.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Question: The narcissist's perspective is actually quite logical: If I can control you, this means I can get what I want or need and I am secure. I will not be threatened by want, desire, emptiness or need. Faith is the opposite of this, but what kind of faith? What does that look like? What is the logical statement for the "faith" position? Religious faith could be a starting point, but my experience with this channel tells me its also bigger than that. Even as a non-narcissist, I find insecurity to be an issue.

[@RoxanneSchmidt-c9t]

Dr . C , truly needed to hear this today . Bless you and thank you for all this support and therapy you provide for us viewers out there .

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@carolynrichards9124]

Dr. C., you perfectly described my ex. I feel sorry for him, and at the same time I'm so relieved to not be with him anymore.

[@deelehey2827]

I tolerated an acquaintance for 20 years until she cussed me out. I have tried to go no contact so she now calls me “passive-aggressive”.

[@maryamgermany9424]

Thank you Dr. Carter, you helped so much working through the healing process. I went "no contact" 3 years ago. Still I am gang stalked, threatened and being triggert.... Greetings to You and Your family from Germany.

[@tammyhollis1519]

How many times does this narc have to ignore my concerns and ignore my requests to ask him to explain something until I understand that he WILL NEVER answer anything that requires him to pass judgment on himself?

[@cherylcampbell7495]

Gus looking good with his haircut.👍💕

[@leilagomulka5690]

☺️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You noticed!

[@southerngal4655]

Ohhhh, that's why he looks different! Good looking Gus!!❤

[@gjthomas9770]

He is face first 😂. He's showing off ❤

[@Truthtoat]

Huge respect for you and Gus

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I thank you and Gus does too!

[@fred.k9875]

I don’t like you = you are not doing things according to my standards so let me to reprogram you to be my robot.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on, Fred.

[@jane2390]

Bingo

[@wifferstess2824]

That says it all. There are 3 main reasons people hate: 1) they see you as a threat 2) they hate themselves 3) they want to be like you.

[@annemilner3188]

Thanks

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Anne.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

I'm starting to really appreciate how important it is to go back and view some of these videos a second or third time at a later date. The first viewing only elicited an "ouch" response. With the second and third viewing, I realized that this is really where I'm at. In reviewing my past, I couldn't find any action my husband had taken that included a sense of mutuality. Pretty sad, I guess. This is a video I need to outline and remember; it's so easy to get dragged off center. The review of other recent videos helped me pick up on that maintaining a neutral relationship may be the best that's achievable. So, I'd better shoot for this and be cautious about any positive signs as well as keep a handle on my own negative emotions/responses. I'll also watch out for signs of contempt. I think what has complicated things a bit for me is that you have to see him as "normal" in order to understand how he got into this mess but then understand him to be abnormal in his reactions to you and, in a sense, to life. Ironically, I have "caught" him taking my advice. though he never acknowledged what I was telling him or that he is doing what I suggested. Of course, I'm not going to point it out to him.

[@janebraun4482]

Wow, this talk here, and no one lays it out like Dr. C. So exact, as though he's speaking about family members, he cracked the case, in noting how they 'Don't Love'. That's it, and how they are held captive by their anger always just about to spill over the facade of cool. It a heartbeat zero to one hundred. Madness. I note apart from no love/like, they are so angry. Feeling this way, you have to wonder why they tolerate bad feelings or don't try to look into themselves. Instead just, chase you away. I think somewhere deep down they know it is them, this makes them more angry so you are at fault for their bad.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@NevaWilson-s2h]

My older brother (he died) was a narcissit. He lost weight looked like a skelaton. He had to have his leg amputed and I knew if you hang around with snake your going to get bit. But he was my brother so i gave up my apt to move in with him to take care of him Well its was the worst time of my life. He wasbadgring me he told me 2 or 3 times "its not about you its about me. He didnt care. Gasligting me, backstabbing me while I was going up three fl8ghts of stairs doing his laundry. He would gaslight me until I got mad and yelled. He lied all the time. It was a nightmare. He ask me to pay his two payments on his truck $497 insurance when he was in the hosp So I did and that was all my savings. I went without. So later on he got a $17,000 check so I asked him if he could pay me back. He said somethong like " I cant believe your saying that"

[@texan903]

In situations like this, you love from a distance. Check into any long-term care options that are available through insurance, etc. Never sacrifice for a narcissist. Your kindness will not be appreciated. It definitely won't be repaid.

[@deborahrichardson3731]

They feel entitled to everything

[@Hatbox948]

I hope he did pay you back. He sounds mean like my ex narcissist.

[@janebraun4482]

Lost my younger brother, was estranged for years, mostly due to his woman of decades posing as him via texts, not passing voicemails to him. Hard to reach him. She we think both bad narc and BPD, as the worst. He came to stay with me for a wake for other brother pass for health ruined by substance abuse. This brother, liked having him but he needed a military style debriefing having been in close quarters with his anti-social narc wife. He ballooned to over 300 lbs. drinking, heavily, eating all bad stuff, high BP, he could not decompress in just one week with me. He ran out the door saying he could not sleep, she texted me something dark as though she wanted all the dirt we talked about. All about her, she could not even see, how fragile is life was. He died of HBP 2 mos later after she harangued him about his CPAP. Now she won't talk to us, projecting her guilt.

[@texan903]

@@janebraun4482 it looks like you won in the end.

[@KathrynBriley]

They need me for their greed Not falling for that again.

[@fred.k9875]

Lovers never die, died who ever lived and never loved!

[@chrissemenko628]

Its not that we're "bad" so that makes them "good" Its they have to label us "bad" to MAKE themselves good in their twilight zone reality.

[@shirlspark_stardust]

Gm Dr Les and everyone your doggo is so cute resting peacefully on the couch 🛋️ 🐕.I went no contact I can’t be bothered with the narcissist at all it’s a waste of time it’s hopeless dealing with an evil person.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good morning...and know that I understand your decision. I wish you the best.

[@BobTheSchipperke]

My plan this year is to be on the phone when near several people. If they talk to me I'll hand them a business card that directs them to submit a help desk ticket by emailing a simple address. I do not want any communication with them without it being recorded, or in front of MANY people.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Fully understand only wanting to deal with some people in writing. I have a similar Blacklist.

[@rossanderson5243]

I thank God for you Dr C. My love for you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Love received, Ross, with gratitude.

[@jodycasey6936]

I would never move into a house where I couldn’t emotionally connect and have a mutual beneficial friendship or relationship so I know that my next course is going to be Ready Set Connect Got it

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased!!

[@jodycasey6936]

@@SurvivingNarcissism YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@nammyohorengekyo1111]

It. Is. Exhausting.

[@brucefriedman1]

Narcissistic contempt evolves from the futility of externalized self-actualization in which the narcissist eventually comes to realize there are no shortcuts to becoming a whole person.

[@caroleminke6116]

They never separated from mother & cannot even know what it feels like to transition from black or white thinking to a full color spectrum. My narc was actually color blind & faked that he could distinguish colors

[@kat-75]

I neither need nor want them.

[@garrimic3]

2:16 “failure to communcate. Some men you just can’t reach” Guns and Roses 🌹 On a serious note. It’s frustrating to see your ex spouse treating their new supply well and acting towards you as if they are good. Yet when you turn around you realize all the damage the damage they have left behind and will never acknowledge it nor will they ever apologize or reconcile for it.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

😃Cool Hand Luke No man can eat 50 eggs ... True That ! No one can win true empathy/ understanding from an unwilling Narc... True Again !

[@jaialaiwarrior]

Anger covers fear and impairs the possibility of sadness, empathy and joy.

[@regalbeagle2321]

"I hate you, don't leave me"...

[@JennWest-Liberty]

It is weird.

[@lyricmelody8162]

My psycho relatives make me feel like I'm on an emotional lock down...even worse than physical lock down!!!😔😒🥺😣

[@sandyhenry3238]

As long as you do the things they tell you, they are kind until they want to add more things to their demands of what they want from you. If you can no longer do all these things you are back to the bottom and back to the shitty treatment

[@debraybarra5669]

You absolutely nailed it - as usual. Thank you Dr Les Carter!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you liked it!

[@carlasalas9374]

Thankyou, aft breaking up wt him , I hv wondered if I did the right thing, NOW I know I did

[@keariewashburn4680]

I cant and wont give into whatever they want from me over and over. I also decided that im through with studying them constantly. I know now what i need to know about them. So, now, i will be studying myself and reaching a healthy happy ME. My needs that make my life better and whole. They just have to deal with their own mess. Besides, we all live by the choices we make. Sometimes, we know we need a change and we can choose to do so. ❤

[@ReRe_642]

Thank you so much Dr C hi beautiful Gus. It’s very hard to do when that person is your child and needs financial help.

[@anneyoung2310]

I noticed. It's a big problem for Narcy. Narcs. are codependents.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Quite accurate!!

[@poloparker0420]

The epitome of codependency.....

[@MementomoriPTP]

Bedankt

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@judyhogarth80]

I really enjoyed this session. Dr carter described my situation exactly. Firstly I have disowned my narcissist. He is no longer mine, I don’t want him. Through these sessions I enjoy my life and focus on moving forward. So, I AM his narcissistic supply. As I happily get on with my life, and ignore and disown him, he has plenty of ammunition to make up his alternative reality. Of course he can’t do this alone. He has his cronies, who lap up his every word. I do t need him or them. I have loving relationships and good friends. My life is packed full with lovely things to do. He on the other hand drinks and spends a lot of time alone.that’s his choice, but I do t want to play his games. Thanks again. Judy from uk

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Be you! Thanks, Judy!

[@roxymovie3938]

Mixed messages will blow your mind. Mixed messages will drive you crazy. Mixed messages will make you insane. Mixed messages will have the ultimate gaslighting effect: you will doubt your own reality. I was trapped by a thousand mixed messages, the thousand little cuts, of a Sociopath. In my case I know for at least one logic reason why I so fell for these "double messages": I am an analyst and I like to question things beyond things to get a wholer picture. So I was a good target for the Sociopath: He kept my mind busy all the time!!! Today I prefer playing a real puzzle with at least 1.000 pieces to get a real whole picture with this wonderful byproduct: PEACE!!!

[@well_weathered]

I so want to do a puzzle again but I figure I would end up with missing pieces. I actually think about this. 😮

[@roxymovie3938]

@@well_weathered Actually I never thought I would ever do a real puzzle. As a child I hardly ever did one. But now I have discovered it for myself as a great meditation: it helps to focus, to concentrate on one thing - the big picture - by just using your eyes and hands to find the pieces for the connections. I've never lost a piece. - If you so want to do it, then what hinders you? Find a motive that you really like and then start 😉

[@well_weathered]

@@roxymovie3938 I have done a few. One with my dad. I should when I know I can and don't have to worry about all the pieces. It's this way when I find a craft, I end up gifting it. I have a puzzle that was a gift. I will just have to do it. Whatever happens. Thanks!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I do little jigsaws on my tablet. It beats playing games with a narc!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Playing on any electronic will deviate you from your thoughts, which can free your mind for a moment. I myself play a wordpuzzle on my phone. But it has not the same quality of playing a real puzzle. For me the difference is: electronic puzzles give me somehow tension while a real puzzle gives me peace.

[@ricardajames5769]

Thank you very much, Dr. Carter. You are an angel 😇

[@cooperblackburn5045]

Thanks @survivingnarcissism for letting us get reliable info and communicating it so well for us. Sometimes I wonder if some KZbinrs have actually ever had prolonged interactions with a highly narcissistic person before, or if it's just a synonym for "bad person" to them (although they're not mutually exclusive lol) A year after the obessive phase of researching, separating from her, and then recovering, I've relaxed a lot, but continue to enjoy reflecting on and learning about personality disorders. At this point, with youtube and personal experience, I must be one of the leading armchair narcissism experts in the world 😂 Some of my friends who routinely ingest mental health knowledge are quite fond of your friendliness, demeanor, and accent, among the popular mental health KZbin channels. Thanks again!

[@Ayaime7]

Thank You doctor carter. Its painful but exactly knowing when to see the door and exit and not play is ❤

[@stevesolomon8920]

Great description ❤

[@frannavin3165]

You are spot on

[@elainesmith5313]

Just saw this video, interesting! I received an anniversary card from my narc husband one year thst read " I love you more than need you? I replied. " I think you got this backwards, didn't you? He never answered. So question answered, by the look on his face! They work in reverse I believe! Thanks Dr. C. Another questioned answered for me by you! Hugs for Guss!!❤

[@flyinbry]

great skill in explaining this

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@briansaiditsoitmustbetrue4206]

Narcissists are heavily dependent on other people.

[@well_weathered]

...to fail big, and fall hard. Why else would they keep you around?

[@amandaliverpool3374]

For their own sadistic satisfaction!

[@well_weathered]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Yes, so they can elevate themself. It's pathetic. They decimate. They don't care what they do.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@well_weathered It's entertainment. In their eyes!

[@patriciajoseph3035]

One time in anger the narc said to me "I am there to see you fall". Mind you he is dependent on me. How crazy is that!

[@well_weathered]

@@patriciajoseph3035 Proof right there!

[@laurieswann6068]

Your instability becomes part of their identity! OH my Lord. Yes.

[@TruusDeGroot]

Thank you! A million thanks for all the insights!

[@KahnDoo]

Thanks Dr. C. You do make a difference.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great to hear this!

[@seajayart1147]

Dr Carter, your videos are such a marvelous and much needed gift to the world. If you haven't covered the topic of 'bullying of seniors by seniors' or would like an opportunity to revisit this insidiousness, could you offer some wisdom on encountering this is senior's communities? Of course, narcissism doesn't go away with age. I suspect it worsens as the narcissist begins experiencing age related losses of power of autonomy. Could you provide some insight and healthy responses, please? (especially specific to grandiosity)

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

its very hard when it is a parent, and an older sibling. At the moment my sister is trying to take my late narc father's entire savings..not much, but she is happy for both of us to have nothing, as long as it means I get nothing including childhood photos and jewelry. sick as..