DETACH YOURSELF FROM YOUR ADULT CHILD'S STRUGGLES (4 TRUTHS)

[@sallyharriscoach]

When you are ready to learn more about 1:1 and group coaching; reach out to me here for a 30 minute consultation! (Not a coaching call) Discovery call link: calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@michaelmahoney4057]

@@sallyharriscoach Maybe that would be a good idea.

[@Beencouraged777]

I’ve done all I can do . I’ve gotten to the point where I could care less, literally, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. My peace is of the utmost importance to me. I’m done being used.

[@Jenjenn1111]

Same…I love my adult son. I don’t know what else to do. I am over it and I wish him the best!

[@Tflyisme]

Exactly.

[@larsandradouglas3119]

This !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@nickyannajones]

I'm at the beginning of this journey. I help him and help and help and all he does is find ways to blame me so he can continue to use me.

[@andreahageman1270]

Same here.

[@margaretbradley6693]

These children can put you on this life depleting roller coaster. It is my experience that one should not allow it. They know they have us by the heartstrings and have the power to treat us poorly, take more emotionally than they give, ghost us , give us silent treatments, not show up when planned etc. It is super important to operate with dignity and self respect in these situations. We would not tolerate this kind of shoddy, inconsiderate treatment from anyone else in our lives. Every mother desperately wants that loving relationship with their children. However, if you see you are not being valued and respected, you give way more than you receive, you must take a stand. Every human deserves to be treated with kindness, love + respect. Don't allow anyone, even your children, to breadcrumb you. Cause you to question your worth and value and that heart full of love. If the dynamics are off, you owe it to yourself to take your love and power back. Otherwise you will be depleted + destabilized.

[@talulatree5297]

Wow. Your comment is exactly what I'm going through. I'm newly sober, and my son is almost 24. I'm doing my best to let God handle it. I just keep thinking I messed him up somehow by my choices in life. I think I was a good Mom, minus the drunkness. ( I was functional)😢

[@missmoxiemaesmith8287]

Oh my goodness… thank you 😢

[@BarbaraMacDonald-bq1lb]

Thank you for that, I needed to hear your comment 😢❤

[@michaelmahoney4057]

Very well put. Actually makes me feel better ! I’m a good father and always have been.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

Best comment I've read on this issue. Thank you

[@allcoolnamestaken4672]

True. It'll break your heart to let them go but at the same time you understand that you have to get off of that unhealthy life sucking rollercoaster that you've been on with them.

[@ashatan4554]

You said it perfectly ❤️

[@danettehoak1115]

Life sucking rollercoaster is a perfect way to describe all that we have gone through.Well , I'm no longer buying a ticket !!

[@Ricki_Ticki_Tavy]

Omg yes ❤

[@deechamberlain2327]

Yes I know wht it feels like

[@margaretbradley6693]

Absolutely, it is a life sucking Rollercoaster. These children know they are in the power position. You cannot let them drag your heart around. You are disrespecting yourself and destabilizing yourself by allowing ghosting, slent treatments.

[@loragray5243]

Just found you this week! Wow so much I could say. I have one child, a son 27. I feel so blessed to have found you and realize I'm not alone. There are so many moms and dads hurting and struggling down a road we did not expect to be on. Thank you for your help.

[@ashatan4554]

You are definitely not alone ❤️

[@danettehoak1115]

I'm right there with you

[@anneamerican]

Praying for all of us! You are not without hope!

[@elainedemers9892]

U are not alone ..i did it not enabling .anymore ..guess what .she got a job and got on with her own life ..and place too live..your job is done .even a mother bird .knows when too kick her chick out of nest

[@Geez01]

This has been a blessing for me. I'm sort of a dad mom. I'm raising my 29 year old son as if he was still 9. I blamed so many of his problems on the separation from his mother when he was a young child. To this day I'm consumed with trying to motivate him to keep a job, get out of the house and start his life. Hearing this lets me know this is a problem for a lot of people who don't know when to let go. Thank you.

[@cc967]

This is truth that I needed to hear. It’s 3 a.m. and I’m losing sleep again rehashing conversations with my 3 children who have very little contact with my husband and me. I’m so broken hearted but there is nothing I 0:11 can do and I need to just let go, and let God.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Praying for you!

[@adrianwalsh7344]

I understand this is directed to Moms, but I must say, I sooooo appreciate everything you say. I am a 59-year-old father, and my daughter is 32 I have provided a financial cushion for her over and over. She could be in some serious situation at this time. I know I have been codependent with her, thinking that she would grow more. And nothing has brought me so much sorrow and pain. I know so much of this is my stuff.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. It's important to understand that we as parents are enabling the behavior to continue.

[@Fegga1955]

Yes,fathers are included since children treat most parents causing sorrow and disappointment 🙏

[@lilaj2908]

It’s very popular these days for kids to cut parents off and it helps to know that it’s not always so personal. Painful tho 😢

[@prophecyrevelations5653]

It's what I'm trying to avoid. I'm a dad, my daughter got pregnant at 18 no job her or the boy! 1st month I get a call "daddy my baby needs milk" I said to myself I sew how she thinks this thing is gonna go...it was hard but I told her NO! I've helped with other stuff of course but I'm beginning to see providing & bailing her out financially isn't creating a better her! So I'm done. Anything she needs or wants the answer is no! She's gonna have to suffer for a while before she steps up & grows up

[@brendareed5050]

@@prophecyrevelations5653 I hope you continue to verbally express your love for her while saying no.

[@kims1912]

My kids haven't spoken to me in almost 4 years and 3 years. I've learned to focus on myself for once in my adult life, to work on myself and reparent myself and prioritize self care. I love my kids and some of their adult choices definitely break my heart. They are their choices, and I will no longer allow their choices to control my emotions or actions.

[@reggier2343]

Wow good for you.

[@MontalitaRed]

Omg girl you preached to me today. I have 3 adult children who I am not on speaking terms. My husband stay telling I did nothing wrong they are just entitled. I have picked apart our relationship dissecting year after year trying to figure out what happened. There were no abuse, no drugs no nothing and it makes me mad they did me like this. The oldest girl is the ring leader. She always hated me and I thought it was some teenage stuff she would grow out of. She is 34 now and is a horrible daughter to me. I’m sad I don’t have my kids in my life but the peace makes it worth it.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad it helped and continue to take care of yourself!

[@aliceterrazas708]

Truly sorry I have a daughter that's horrible to me I have done so much and she has cuss and curse me even wish death upon me I have been right all my life more than 45 years and I have been right all my life more than 45 years and We have both have been great parents never drank around my children have a lot of respect towards the children and gave them everything they needed and occasionally what they wanted This Daughter is so angry it feels like she hates me at all times She has cursed me cuss me Continue to help her for the grandchildren

[@sammnew]

It’s the same for me. I need to learn how to let go. I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to for years😢

[@bevb752]

When I read this I thought “did I make a response to someone. This is me” the only difference is my husband and I divorced. 3 kids. Oldest girl is ringleader. All estranged. I know what you’re going through

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Your husband saying you did nothing wrong is a bit of a red flag to be honest. He is not the ambassador for your children's experience of you. My father backs up my mother 100% even though she made the choice (consciously or unconscious) to shut me right down the first time I tried to communicate something important to her. that was; stop labelling me sensitive. She has always done this because she can't face the truth that she has no empathy and can't bear to listen to me when I'm upset and never could.

[@Sandra-k4o7c]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. My son is 28 and is totally reliant on me financially. He doesn’t work, hes not in a good place mentally, he hasnt been for quite a while. The pressure is getting to me...if i didn't have God to lean on..i don't know where i would be..

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for sharing your story. It can be incredibly challenging when a loved one is going through a difficult time. Hang in there, and remember that you're not alone.

[@Lainieb329]

Omg! I’m going thru it right now with my 39 year old adult son who has lost his job, apartment, and only car due to bad choices and now he’s back here on me for his total support. I messed up and put his car in my name, now I’m on the hook for the payments left on the car after he totaled it out! He has totaled out five vehicles in his lifetime. Three within the last four years and is trying to drive MY ONLY Car to go hang out. I let him drive to his doctor appts and that’s it. He has the sheer mitigated gall to be mad because I won’t allow him to joy ride. I feel so lost and unappreciated and financially drained! I need help!

[@marym.s.8862]

@@Lainieb329 Oh my God, I am crying right now.Thank God I'm not alone I have 2 sons.One of them ISO K and the other 1 uses any excuse to be bitter and angry and cynical towards me 😥and he's living in my house hat I pay for in another state.. Their dad died about 13 years ago and I promised myself at the time I would help them how I could.. I remember he was angry at me after his dad died... We were divorced a couple years and we're gonna try to get back together if my husband would stop drinking... I have since remarried and moved to another state.And I regret not selling my house before I moved up here... Because my bitter and angry child has gotten comfortable. And nasty towards me, My heart is broken... I'm sixty seven and I can't take this pain & anguish and uncertainty

[@WavyMidnight]

@@Lainieb329 and @user-ed9oy6ey3t Heartbreaking! And you don't want him to end up on the streets but this is way too much! Going thru a similar situation. They only feel their own suffering. Self-centered, bordering on or quite possibly, narcissists. I see no light at the end of this claustrophobic tunnel! Praying for all of us.

[@L.W.4269]

@@Sandra-k4o7c Me too

[@ToFightTheGoodFight]

A dad here✋️I've done all you have said. I moved on & no pity party whatsoever. God bless everyone

[@deirdremorris9234]

A mom here: How did you deal with any anxiety? Did you have any? Im really trying to let go.

[@willyorfanos]

@@deirdremorris9234 you must realize that God is here for you, turn it over to him and pray for them.

[@johntuohy1867]

​@@deirdremorris9234 Realize your value is NEVER based on your adult childs ability to recognize or appreciate it. Best wishes to you.

[@vicrig4474]

I cannot believe this video popped up for me today. I have a 42 year old son who cannot get his life together. He’s an an emotional, physical, and financial drain. I thought I was the only mom in this situation. Thank you so much.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad to help! Don't forget to subscribe :) Thanks for being here!

[@Gracie3282]

You're so right on all of this. It's so hard. I have 1 estranged adult son and 1 adult daughter that is always there for me and I for her and the grandkids. But at 41 yrs old she has been through alot of trauma and I've been the only one there for her. She at times makes scary decisions and it scares me so much that now I have anxiety every day ..all day. I've been praying and trying to let it all go and put it in God's hands but I still have the anxiety. I'm 67 yrs old and tired of the stress and anxiety. Please pray for me.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@Dog_kicker_5000]

You sound like you're in a very similar situation to me. You're not alone!I understand your struggle. Sending love and healing. xxx

[@amrasangaran6041]

Hi it's me like my story. She is 45 years old and I'm 72. I'm so tired I don't have the strength anymore. My husband was my life and my anchor but that he's gone I'm totally alone. He passed on 15 years ago. She is an only child. I have questioned myself where did I go wrong. Now I found that she has narcissistic behavior.

[@timelessbeautiesbyjacqueline]

Well I do have to make a comment here too as far as the similarity. I too am 67 and my daughter is 42 going through a mental breakdown from trauma and she also makes scary decisions and has my 1 year old granddaughter. I have anxiety and am drinking daily trying to cope. I pray every day for her and her children. I am so tired on the stress and anxiety too. I will pray for you Gwen as I do understand. Never thought I would be going through this at this point on my life.

[@cremetwirl1859]

God Bless you. Keep praying and trusting God. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Try to get out of the house everyday. Walk if you are able. Try to get your mind on some positive things. Maybe set some goals.

[@natsdaley9615]

Needed this ❤ I have a 28 year old daughter living at home. Was a single parent for years and now I feel I have no purpose at 51..... I got divorced 5 years ago trying to navigate this season. Thank you for this x

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@jeanjeang8914]

Omg I have a 20 yo at home in college and it's so difficult

[@cremetwirl1859]

You had a purpose before your marriage and before you had your child. You are still an individual. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Pray about all things. The sun will shine again.

[@yajairatorres8552]

I feel SOOO SEEN!!! My son (23) has been struggling with mental illness since he was a child. Now, he's had a psychotic break, and I'm his target and his trigger, and yet he will not let me just be. It's a lot to get into, but my guilt wouldn't let me detatch from him. He refuses to get help, and I don't feel safe until he does. I needed this today, thank you.

[@sallyharriscoach]

I am so glad it helped. Please take care of yourself and stay safe!

[@cardinalsellingservicesvic9867]

Please be ready to protect yourself if needed physically. My mother became abusive when first being diagnosed as schizophrenic 35 years ago. I was much smaller than her. It was a fight or flight time.

[@lisabrown9286]

Thank you!! It nearly killed me, literally. Thank you for the understanding and encouragement ❤

[@mamarobyn]

This is a hard hard subject I never thought I would be googling... I am my single mother my daughters are 26 and 18... I thought we would always be Best friends especially my older daughter as I had her when I was seventeen. We are not Even remotely friends right now. She Insist on painting me as the villain in her story and I'm over it..... Thank you for mentioning your addiction i've been in recovery for over 7 years..nooone can understand what addiction really is...until you have lived it.

[@sallyharriscoach]

I am so sorry for your pain and happy that the videos are helping!

[@KarenMacDonald-o7g]

I am going through this currently. My 35 year old son has abused me verbally emotionally financially and recently physically because I won’t help him financially anymore. He blames me for all his faults and failures and because I am widowed and have some trauma from my own dysfunctional siblings I feel it must be me but I know it isn’t. I have done my best and supported him in every way but he is not progressing. It hurts so bad he is my only child. Recently he tried to take my grandchildren from me thankfully his ex is allowing me access to the grand babies. Recently he started telling the grandchildren lies about me. I am mad now no longer sad and I am happy with myself now.

[@handlebarstached7272]

And that’s just what most moms need to do, one way or another. I despise people who don’t grow up from being financially dependent. Because it doesn’t do anything for them. My mom and dad tried to keep me in that position, not realizing that it was stunting me more than helping me. I know it’s not the same thing, but I understand where you’re coming from. you’re doing right by Not giving in to your son. Keep going, you’ve got this.

[@doctortechobgyn4282]

Sorry, but many of us are facing this.

[@vicrig4474]

I thought I was alone in this struggle.

[@QueenBeesofKlean]

@@KarenMacDonald-o7g I’m so sorry ur going thru this. I understand.

[@methoticaarts1787]

This made me bawl. My daughter lives with me she’s not launching . She just doesn’t really do anything with herself except socialize and smoke pot

[@ashatan4554]

People say that pot is not addictive but I know that not to be true. When my daughter started smoking pot in highschool she went from an ambitious, athletic young woman to a high school dropout within a year. It took away all her ambition and all she cared about was smoking pot. She has stopped a few times in the past decade by going to rehab or being hospitalized and having no access and has come back to life but she always goes back to it and she’s 31 now and it still causes her problems and problems for my grandson as well. It’s legal here so nothing I can do but accept that’s the way she wants to live her life and pray she doesn’t affect her son too badly.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I'd move to a one bed place to force her in to action!

[@loro1rojo]

Stop enabling

[@rubenslawnservice]

I really don’t know how to let go ! I’m so busy doring the day! But at night I keep having terrible dreams! That keeps me awake! I don’t know how to stop worrying

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear that; for a lot of people, night time is when things get worse. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me

[@MikeCoon-yi4gz]

This that "we" are doing here I think help us more than any shrink can. I needed experience, strength and hope. Listened to most but not all of the vid. Sharing among us is very good for me. 30 year sober. I raised my children well they are successful in life so that part o did well. And with out my money. So I don't take much blame now after 10 years of it.

[@codzy3532]

sweetie im 60 a woman and my 2 adult kids never liked me they love their dad whom walked out on them when they were little and as a mum i tried my best with both of them and now their both 38 an 43 i have no closeness to them ive reached out so much to them and dont get nothing in return im not allowed to babysit the grandkids i dont know what ive done to them so as of april this yr 2023 ive broke from both of them and ive been questioning myself too like do i like my kids nope i dont sorry might be surprising to other mums but ive tried for soooo long with both of them i give up i just pray ask God to intervene i dont know i leave it in his hands i cant do no more God bless parents an ppl that are being abused used for no reason God loves us an cares for us if nobody else does amen keep the faith ppls 😌💔🙏👵

[@MsAlexis]

🙏🏾🥲🙏🏾

[@codzy3532]

@arcana_mystery yes thank you 😊 🙏 sweetie cling to God he comforts an strengthens our walk

[@charde9739]

Would you still have children if you could go back?

[@codzy3532]

@charde9739 nope the only happiness I get is from the grandchildren.....that's it....sad thing is what come from my morbid kids is happiness from the grannies it's catch 22 situation

[@charde9739]

@@codzy3532 🩷

[@cm-kn9cd]

A lightbulb moment hearing this. Crying so much at the moment. I have always been a people pleaser. All my friends tell me to put myself first for a change. Estrangement is a grief that has rocked me to my core. I have never felt so much pain. I lost my Dad when I was young. The son that is estranged had childhood cancer and I thought that was the worst I was ever going to feel. He is married and has a toddler which is used as a pawn to hurt us. The estrangement is on and off depending on their needs. We had an amazing relationship until he married. I call it the Cult of One. He has estranged himself from his brother. They were best friends. Lost most of his friends. He is not allowed to see us on his own or come to our place. You are so right. Need to put ourselves first. The door will always be open. At the moment the pain is unbearable.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. :( But I hope you found my video helpful! And if you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@cm-kn9cd]

@@sallyharriscoach Thank you this is very helpful. Today we received a phone call from our on off estranged son. I would normally answer straight away. I decided I had to be strong and not to be available when it suits him. I have been ghosted by him. He sees my messages and then decides 2 to 3 weeks later to respond. I've had enough. Can't do it anymore. Always says he is too busy but spends every Sunday with his inlaws. I guess our relationship has no importance to him anymore. No longer going to play the game.

[@bf6048]

There in the same boat. Feel your pain. It’s excruciating. But we will survive. This is an epidemic in our society.

[@shirleyac12]

You’re amazing . Stay you

[@WavyMidnight]

@@bf6048 Yes, an epidemic in our society. It's out of control.

[@colleenlois8943]

I appreciate you, knowing I'm not alone. For 8 years I have cried 99.8% of those days and it literally almost took my life. Only by the Grace of Gad am I still here and getting stronger. I feel the only thing I am guilty of is loving my adult children too much.

[@PammieWW]

I totally understand. I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through x

[@fionamort5837]

Thank God ive just came across your channel as a single mother ive done everything for my son, from the age of 3 hes been a problem child I want to make this clear I totally devoted all my life to my son was always there never drugs drink nothing but hes now 25 coming 26 & hes becoming more abusive to me hes verbally & psychically abusing me ive gave him everything, ive got fibromyalgia & within the last 3 & half yrs ive lost both my parents, am 55yrs old & I am at the end of the road with my son, I never ever brought him up to be this way it hurts & I love him but i cant keep going down this road with him anymore, he doesn't work, hes got severe social anxiety & hes totally dependent on me am at my wits end, from Northern Ireland 🙏🌹❤️☘️

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@harmonylight1137]

Thank you, Sally, for all these powerful reminders of truth shared🙏 There is definitely an epidemic of parental estrangement with their adult children. I am starting to listen to more folks such as yourself, who offer wonderful insights and support for those of us who are experiencing this heartache and confusion, while trying their best to find a healthy balance, care and nurture themselves through it all. I pray for more empathy, love, and unity within families and for all of parents going through this terrible chaos and hurt of separation.

[@GrammyA55reads]

You are my person currently! Watching your videos have been so helpful to my Husband & I. Thank you for speaking these honest truths :)

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your encouraging comment! I'm so glad you found my videos helpful. ^_^

[@joanteal6623]

God bless you for your encouragement! Thank you …so many of my friends are not able to be there for any negative conversations re: Adult Children either they have “perfect relationships “ or don’t want to hear of anything less than perfection-> too depressing to them. Thank God for your honesty! 💜

[@Gem0674]

I’m a single parent. That’s about it and we’re not getting any younger and we need to know who will be there to help us when sick.

[@malusa9508]

I have found this process more difficult that anything in life. we face divorces, the death of our parents, getting older etc, but letting you adult children go and no interfire in their lives, probably the most difficult things in life.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@mercedescue1655]

My son has not been in touch with me for 7 years and did not invite me to his wedding which is today He invited my brother who has spread awful things about me and even stole my money. I feel awful, sick, guilty, disgusted. I know I cant change it but I feel betrayed, stepped on and I cannot find any peace

[@mare2723]

❤️

[@danettehoak1115]

Who cares what he thinks ? , No need to put yourself down. And , don't be sad , if you are not at the wedding then curl up and watch a movie .Take a walk , do something fun : ) Ps weddings are stressy

[@MontalitaRed]

F*ck these ungrateful entitled kids. I’m pissed off because I was a good mother not knowing I was raising demons. The only thing I regret is the more I did the more I was accused of not doing and should have done way less. My faults were magnetized and my love and sacrifices were minimized.

[@Bea768]

Think about it this way: you wish your son well, you love him and will never stop. But he did what he wanted and you have no choice but accept it. Accept it and move on... You matter to you!

[@bf6048]

Prayers for you. I feel your pain. Hang on. You deserve better.

[@coleary4009]

Thank you!! You just saying right off the bat, it’s not going to last forever, lifted me up. I’m at a good place in life now. But it was hard, confusing and excruciating at times when this whole mess started a few years ago. My 27 year old daughter started informing her siblings I’m a narcissist. I had to look it up. There’s about 20 videos of narc parents to every 1 of narc adult kids. Of course after I figured it out, I thought there’s three fingers pointing back at you. But like a good soldier I did the whole don’t speak, listen well,see it from her perspective, apologize, but she got worse. She started coming up with stuff that never happened in her childhood. Even ran that non-sense by her siblings. They tried to help her recall reality. By the time three years of this had passed, she told us we were all toxic and would have no contact with us. What bothered me more than anything was how relieved I felt. I pray for her everyday. I trust Jesus will restore our family. I really like your attitude of keep going, life’s still happening, make the best of it.

[@memewinton2302]

I just came by this video today and I'm learning. Since my son moved out earlier this year, I have been in a down spiral . He's doing great, and lives 3 miles from me. I'm still worrying about his well being.

[@pattybenefield680]

You really do speak with truth. You will be sorely disappointed if you put all the eggs of your happiness in your kids basket! You really shouldn't either, you were a person before them and you are still one after they are gone. Concentrate on yourself! It will be the best decision ever.

[@tracyj.8488]

OMG...you hit Everything on point for me!! Thank you for sharing. I enjoy watching your videos. They really help. Thank you! 💞

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your encouraging comment, Tracy! I'm so glad you find these videos helpful. :)

[@tracyj.8488]

@@sallyharriscoach Absolutely!!! No....thank you again for your knowledge, encouragement, and sharing with us such a touching, but important topic that a lot of us are going through 😊 Its rough and its hurtful going through this with my 2 adult sons, but neccessary...so I can establish more firm Boundaries to protect my peace! I'm trying....but they know my real spots for them and play on it.

[@ldelangis]

Thank for this message because it is right on. We worked to give them everything. They worked to earn things in their life and blame us for not getting their way. Yes we were strict but they are highly independent young adults and steps ahead of their generation. Why are we the bad guys? Thanks for letting me vent, doing my best to move on point forward.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment!

[@patriciajordan4077]

I really needed this tonight. Thank you for your videos. I just found you a week ago and I’m very grateful. Keep up the positive messages. We parents need to be reminded that we weren’t bad....just human. Making mistakes along the way. 💜😞

[@Gem0674]

My adult child has cut me off completely blocked me on everything just because she said I was texting her too much. Her sister said she doesn’t know if she wants a relationship with me. I absolutely lost it over the holidays because I didn’t hear one word from her.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment, Mary! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I know the feeling well. :( It's so difficult, especially through the holidays. If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/discovery-call

[@mare2723]

❤️

[@Gem0674]

Still the same this year!

[@mare2723]

@@Gem0674 ❤️

[@MsAlexis]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@MA-ee1jq]

Reading all these comments are very helpful I’m glad I run into this video . After 18 years my son decided to move w narcissistic father. I am dealing with all sorts of feelings but I am strong. Thank you for all the comments to out everything into perspective to look after myself only moving forward and god bless everyone!!!!

[@reneec4711]

It’s so not easy bc I love my son but I must let him go. Thanks for wonderful words of wisdom. ❤

[@NA-rx2fy]

No false hope. Some women actually experience parental alienation. Sometimes you will never speak to your children again. I agree with everything else. The intention of parental alienation was to destroy me. Also bad parents do not think they are bad parents and they surely wouldn’t be watching your videos.

[@SavageMinnow]

A lot of bad parents watch videos like this to convince themselves they aren't bad parents.

[@marypiper8161]

​@@SavageMinnow No one is perfect we all make mistakes, the effect of those mistakes depends on individual differences in temperament and 'goodness of fit' within families. I know several families coping with estrangement, they all did their best for their children. Yes there are some truly awful people who should never have had children, but most people love their children and do the best they can.

[@mgkos]

@@SavageMinnowtroll with few interests 😂

[@BarbaraMacDonald-bq1lb]

​@@SavageMinnowwow your comments are abhorrent 😢

[@nothanks5846]

@@SavageMinnow Yes, indeed! 🎯

[@DiscipleEssi1996]

Completely agree with you. Truth is often hard to hear because it's weighty. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

[@joannehelm4432]

It saddens me to realize my 43-year-old son is drug addicted comes from a good family background and holds me by the heartstrings😢 his sister is hard-working. His father died. I have a business and hard-working neither one my daughter or myself do drugs. We are at a loss. We have cut him off after spending thousands and thousands of dollars trying to help him. I wait for the call telling me his passed away. I want to thank each one of you for allowing me to have Hope in your comments. Amen.

[@ruthdouthit2842]

I’m so sorry about your son unfortunately he’s probably not ever going to change. All you and your daughter can do is pray for him.

[@CJ-jq4lv]

Hugs. This life is truly hard, but you are not alone.

[@joannehelm4432]

@@ruthdouthit2842 I know you’re correct😢 so much for replying. I reached out unwillingly, wanting to expose myself and I’m so glad. No I did. Thank you again.

[@joannehelm4432]

⁠ I am alone in all of this because it is only me that can detach tonight. I had to call the police. It is -36 below in this godforsaken country called CANADA) and he’s back on the street after calling me asking me to stay so he didn’t freeze the cold, that was at three this afternoon as I’m typing ithis the police just picked him up and removed them from my home. I’m only a mark something to be used I am only a resource by his standards😢

[@markmalinowski6975]

Behavioral boundaries are extremely important, especially with regard to spending more time focusing on yourself.

[@roxanneschmidt8192]

Such a potent message. So appreciated.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your encouraging comment, I'm glad you found it helpful!

[@thequeenofwitches7943]

I totally agree. I have 2 kids, 21 and 23 yrs old. My daughter is married and lives in another state. My son lives with his girlfriend. So is just me and my husband. I miss My kids so much and wish I could turn time back. This video is perfect. Thank you so much. Sometimes listening to other people situation helps you deal with your own.❤

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

I don't know what sort of children this targets, but I would never, ever detach from my child. I have to step back and let her make mistakes and suffer the consequences, but I love her unconditionally and let her know constantly that I'll always be there. My mother emotionally abandoned me long ago, and I'll never let my own daughter feel that.

[@McD-j5r]

Parents are humans too. Not always the fault should go to parents.

[@sallyharriscoach]

So very true!

[@barbaravermeulen9624]

I’m so glad I found this channel!! You are litterally a good send right now

[@suzanneadamson1306]

For a young woman, you are very wise. TY for this.

[@dammar117]

Young woman? She has adult children.

[@MC-mf8rl]

I'am so grateful i found your channel im struggling with my adult kid thank you

[@sallyharriscoach]

You're welcome glad it is helping!

[@Jade-902]

Good points. I wonder if you have addressed how social media has played a part in turning young adults against their parents? I’m learning to detach my two “adult” daughters without feeling bad for it. Without caring what other people have to say about it. Kids who were raised in good homes can turn out to literally hate their parents. It’s really sad. But you know what? My adult daughters made their own choice…. Now my husband (their dad) died suddenly and unexpectedly…. Do you *think* that would have made them realize life is short? And to grow close to family? Nope. Instead I have two adult daughters that want nothing to do with me or any family members at all. Blocked me right after the funeral and everything for no apparent reason. One has BPD and another is in a cult. I’m trying to learn to live without my family. It’s taken time away from the grieving of my husband. My friend came over and we boxed up everything that belonged to either daughter and put it in the attic. It’s better to not have constant reminders of them. Honestly at this point, I wish I could have my memory erased of them. That’s a horrible thing to say, I know. I am in THAT much pain.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment, Jade! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. :( If you ever want to set up a call, you can check out my scheduling link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! www.sally-harris.com/work-with-me

[@mercedescue1655]

Kids who are raised in good homes can hate their parents. This is so true. I was a good mother. Did all I could within my limits. Both my children are super stars in their field and one (the girl) is nice to me but the boy is completely estranged. I guess I am not a super star to him

[@ashatan4554]

I’m so sorry you lost your husband so suddenly and that your children are behaving this way. My daughter has BPD as well (not sure if you mean borderline personality disorder or bipolar but mine has both). That only makes you feel more “needed” because their lives are often in turmoil making it harder to detach.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

It wasn't social media that turned me against my parents although they might be how they see it because I've got a lot of comfort knowing that other adults are going through the pain of estrangement. From my perspective, I tried to communicate something really important to my mother, ie, that something she was doing was hurtful and that it should stop. She skipped the part where she listened and went straight to victimhood, saying ''it makes no sense, why have you turned on me, after all we did for you'' and my Dad backed her up in her distorted narratives about me 100%. All I wanted was that she understood that she hurt me and that she just properly listen to me. But her most precious 'child' is her ego. That must be protected.

[@georgiannmaloney6594]

I would have put it in the trash. I would redo my will, as your money will probably go to the cult of inherited. BPD who knows what will money be spent on. Consequences

[@cecillyrowe6339]

I LOVE the pie analogy !!! my daughter, (+ grandson), are 7/8 of my pie. THANK YOU SALLY!!!! so glad l found your channel today!!!

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@rhondaroles1633]

❤wow, just found this video. God has a way of putting things/people in front of you at just the right time. God bless us moms everywhere!! Thank you

[@sallyharriscoach]

Yes! Thank you!

[@ChristianMusic852]

Hi Sally Thank you for sharing this ! I'm loving all your videos. I'm dealing with all this stuff with my daughter. I like the comment you made in one of your videos about how if that experience any kind of trauma at a young age, that they stay at that mindset. My daughter's Dad and I divorced a long time ago when she was 7. This comment made a lot of sense to me.

[@deedeeward3685]

You are Golden my dear! So excited I found your channel. 🥰

[@lilyofthevalley7413]

I came to this channel to find help in dealing and coping on how to retreat or detach from one of my sons. I feel he doesn't give me the love and respect that as his mother I deserve. He treats me like I am invisible sometimes. Maybe he also wanted more out of me, but I give what I can according to my strength. I do not want to be where I feel rejected.

[@angelawise8070]

Yes mom and auntie need support we get also about those grandkids disrespectful to us so we kick them out I support you as well you are a smart person they coming over on Friday I don't think so so

[@gracefulxit5650]

What I find so mind blowing is how these adult children are all about boundary setting strictly for their benefit only, yet as a single widowed parent they crossed every imaginable boundary set by me for years on end. Yet they are the boundary experts now? For example: both my girls on 2 different occasions when I attempted to address a huge boundary they crossed, I was told by both of them, “ there is nothing you can do to stop me” You know what? They were right, there was nothing I do to stop them without the risk of 1. Being a runaway or 2. End up in a physical altercation. Right now they’re all puffed up and on a mountain, then comes the valley. God’s got this. No worries.

[@beyondwords2909]

Youre so right my life is totally out of balance. I have such poor self esteem and cant get out to enjoy life. My kids were my everything and now they dont want me either. I am not needy with them its the other way around.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! I'm sorry to hear about your pain. :( If you want to set up a call, you can check out my link, and we can have an initial call to see if we'd be a good fit for each other. I hope to talk to you soon! calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@phoenixd9679]

The need to be needed it’s my problem! Thank you I am taking notes how to get unstuck…. 💜🙏

[@suzanneadamson1306]

I'm addicted to that, too.

[@lynnemanning9553]

Hi Sally, I agree with a lot of what you say, and of course, sometimes very hard to do. My son is 42! Hard to believe! Yes, we don't want them to feel they have to fill out our life when we are aging and lonely at times. I'm also a small business owner, a very independent woman, who is working on herself everyday, and I like doing that. I am not perfect, and will be the first to admit that...I am a spiritual person, a practicing Buddhist, and am very open with my son about anything he has questions on regarding his upbringing, and anything else. There is a sore subject for me which is, I have supported him in his struggles and hardships, I'm always there to listen, and I love doing it! I'm sure I give too much advice sometimes, but not always. Now that I am 64, single, and feel like my son should be there for me some, he is not always able to do so, and sometimes feels very put out, that he might have to give me some encouraging words. I do feel that all adult children should be able to support their parents occasionally, and have compassion, truly listening and feel it for their parents. I did not say ALL THE TIME, just occasionally, but I find that my son is incapable mostly, and sometimes , he will even get angry. I know there is a lack there in his childhood, so probably why he's that way, this is a sign of his upbringing, I know, partly my own doing. His father and I divorced when he was 4, and I was 28, when I moved with my young son to a new state and I became a single parent and breadwinner, very hard role to do., So, I wonder how to encourage at his age, more compassion in general, for others in the world suffering, without being controlling or obvious....And, it's sad and discouraging for me, I would like to feel more at ease to confide in my son occasionally, about my own trials and tribulations, I have no other living family members....I truly feel that he has a deficit and as I get older and possibly need more help emotionally/physically, he might not be there. I am totally capable of so much still, and have a good life which I have made, and have taken care of myself without a man for 38 years. I'm not relying on him for total support, just occasionally, a little more sensitivity would be nice and also appropriate from my son to his mother. Many times, it's all about him.

[@sallyharriscoach]

I sympathize and totally understand wanting to have your son there for you when you need him. Especially when the need is infrequent. Developing a better support system would be a good place to start so you have other people you could turn to. Praying for you!

[@lynnemanning9553]

@@sallyharriscoach

[@lynnemanning9553]

In other words, get someone else to support you, not your son.... @@sallyharriscoach

[@StephNW]

This was such a helpful video!! I have a good relationship with both my adult daughters individually, but their constant feuding has caused a lot of heartache and stress. This was the message that I needed to hear. Thank you!

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Dkemer-u7f]

Glad to have found your chanel today I believe it's God who led me to it. I have an unhealth relationship with my son. And this is liberating,I ask for the strength to let go

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@9344music5]

This affects Dads too. I'm watching this as a father who is estranged from his two daughters

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! Unfortunately, I only do consultations and coaching with moms. However, I hope that my videos are helpful to you, and we’re glad to have you a part of our KZbin community!

[@ScarlettClark-id5it]

@@9344music5 There needs to be more awareness and support for fathers who are estranged from their children. Dad's have feelings too. My dad was blocked from contacting me for years until I turned 18 and was able to contact him myself.

[@9344music5]

@@ScarlettClark-id5it Thank you Scarlett. We Fathers can love as deeply if not more deeply than Mothers. My kids were my entire life to me while I was raising them 50% of the time and I told them I loved them every single day that they were with me. I cherished every moment and knew I was creating memories with them as they grew up.

[@MikeCoon-yi4gz]

Mines the two sons. One I raised as my son . He came along after I split from my wife as she was seeing some . I wanted my boy to grow up with his brother . And did well. But now no contact or dam little. I did my part as best I knew how. I have turned my energy to myself now. I gave them a large piece of my life the rest is mine.

[@9344music5]

@@MikeCoon-yi4gz Enjoy your life Mike. Don't look back.

[@jen_counihan]

You’re videos are so helpful Sally!! Thank you. Especially because you have been through it yourself I know you understand.

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@lisamclallen7547]

Anyone else worry, if you post somehow your estranged-mean-child will see it somehow and go insane on you? Terrible to try and find help then still be concerned about what you say but I am here as I need support for sure.

[@sallyharriscoach]

It is prudent not to share about your relationship on social media.

[@msfoster2468]

I just found this channel. My son had an accident in my car and it’s totaled. I have no way to work but to uber. Someone hit him while he was taking my grandchild home. (My Job)They want me to keep my job. I only have 2500 to at least put down on a car. 😢😢😢I feel everything you said in this message. I’m worn out. I thought I was helping my son. I didn’t cottle (I don’t think ) because he help me pay where we stay. He keep losing his job & drinks horrendously. By the way, it’s 5:40 am. I listened to my mother who coddled her son ( my brother) tell me not to leave my son (when I was about to move to Georgia). 😢 I’m guilty of letting him live with me as a grown man. He never left actually. But since he contributed to the household, I thought everything was ok. Now that I don’t have a car I feel terrible. I feel stuck. I feel pain.

[@missstarlingdarling609]

This is every thing I needed right now. Thank you with all my heart

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@onethriftykitty]

Your post has been extremely helpful. I needed that more than anything. God Bless you!

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad it was helpful!

[@crisy9046]

Thank you for sharing. Your words brighten my day.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment! I'm so glad you found it helpful.

[@Ssoandswcedits]

This is so hard to do but so right THANKYOU so much for this words I can’t even have a conversation with my daughter with out fighting Or Arguing She’s so disrespectful I think I do too much for her .I see she cares only about her self and about the boyfriend she has is so sad to give your everything to someone and all I get in return is my heart broken I’m so mad and so sad at the same time I know God is in control but unfortunately sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing ☹️I just want peace think I Definitely have to follow your advice

[@elizabethrae679]

Thank you for your commonsense and not falling into the present day narrative that is tearing families apart..

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thanks for listening!

[@GlamCam84]

I have a 21 year old. Very smart and talented in many areas. Was so hands on with sports, orchestra, all type of extra curriculum and programs. Many friends outgoing. Once graduated he told me he is taking a one year school break. I know during him going to highschool he asked to work a part-time job. I told him to focus on his education instead then eventually covid hit his junior year the remaining of school was virtual then in class resumed once he became a senior. That put a stand still of a job even he really did and social life. He's now having interviews. And he has a great animation art passion. I wish him the best with that career path. In the meantime work and invest. I told him when he was 16 he's soon becoming an adult be ready. And he replied i don't want to grow up. I want to see him strive for the best because I know he got it in him. Don't be afraid of the world self love and confidence. And I'm here every step of the way.

[@jangreene7805]

Estrangement is one of the most devastating things I’ve ever experienced. It hurts.

[@anotherrant6688]

I had difficulties discerning whether or not my adult son's issues lay in developmental disorders that he had little control over until this weekend when I found a room for him to rent and he didn't call the landlord. If he'd wanted the room, he would have called - period. That's all I needed to know.

[@maryharris8939]

Thank you for this my daughter who has cancer just stopped talking to me We've both struggled with mother daughter relationship I was a caregiver but made mistakes I'm not perfect and have always apologized but my daughter has also made mistakes and not apologied. She currently took me away with her and we fell out I've tried to apologise for my own actions but I just get stonewalled. I'm so scared of never seeing her again as her cancer is advanced I just dont know what to do.

[@jessie_dreams_]

Ty for this. My 22 year old son just moved out bc I wouldn't let his gf live with us rent free. He was fine with it until she found out she had to pay and straight up just didn't want to, and he changed his mind. Now they're both living rent free with my ex father in-law who is glad to enable him. I never thought we would in a situation like this bc we have always been so close. Now he won't talk to me and idk what to do

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@MaryBartnikowski]

Thank you! This was absolutely gold!!! Appreciate you, very grateful for your wisdom ❤

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad it was helpful!

[@reggier2343]

Father here and I needed to hear this.

[@MikeCoon-yi4gz]

😊Some good stuff here in the comments. We can prep them for life to the best of our abilities. I feel that was my job they we taught to get and hold a job and enjoy life and have morals. After that it's their game. I don't feel like the outside influence helped much. I know I did a good job.

[@dianamaniace3307]

I needed this video! Thank you

[@riverdalepilates9922]

This is such an important video ! Thank you !

[@sallyharriscoach]

You're so welcome!

[@I.d.a.l.y]

You are so right. My adult daughter is living with a toxic partner, he controls her and I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t listen to me. She loves him and defends him. 😢

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@minglee649]

I definitely needed this, thank you.

[@sammnew]

Oh wow! I absolutely needed to hear this. Thank you so much ❤

[@sallyharriscoach]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jennoury249]

Thank you I needed this so badly like most months I put everything I had to mother doesn’t mean it was perfect but I put a lot of work in trying to be the best I could be June 2022. I left my husband we’re in the middle of the doors by 17 year-old son, chose to stay with my husband. ever since I have fought so hard to have a relationship with my children. It’s been such a struggle to go from being so very close to them to have them so very distant a breaking point, so I need to find solutions and ways to toughen up and just accept that I can no longer pay them to be in my life on a regular basis. This is a hard place to move to, but I cannot go like this anymore so I have to accept what I can’t change and welcome them with open arms if they ever decide to be in my life more consistently.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@reneeelizabeth302]

Thank you for sharing. I need help so badly.

[@sallyharriscoach]

You're very welcome!

[@missmoxiemaesmith8287]

This is what I needed today. ❤

[@sallyharriscoach]

So happy to hear it helped!

[@jtempleton1465]

This is great information. Thank you! ❤

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thanks for watching!

[@LindyLouCantu]

Your advice is completely on point!

[@nogimma]

I needed this. 🙏♥️

[@luzlopez776]

I too have struggled with my adult child who moved out of our state in AZ to live with his gf in Massachusetts. I have a beautiful grand daughter and both of them Have not allowed me to meet my grand daughter. My son has has adhd all his life and I am disabled living alone...yes I did put everything in being the best mom possible. I'm glad I came across your video. That's hat I do everyday is blame myself of "What I could've " done better"..I had to be strong as I became disabled through the years...I lost my financial freedom years ago as well as my.lifestyle..I cannot count on anyone in my family as they are all in the east coast. I am the youngest of 9 children and my son is my only child. He has also had a history of seizures...I'm beside myself because he doesn't call me to facetime me and I would be able to see my grand daughter.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@aflutteroffeminineconfusio1986]

Im a physical,emotional and spiritual wreck! My son is my abuser ...and my daughters..he was removed by police 2 yrs ago and has recently returned because his lease was up and he literally had no where else to go...at first it was ok..he hates this house,resents me and his sister and is always talkihlg about suicide..refuses all help Everything i do and say is to prevent that from happening...oh and i got diagnosed with a neurological disorder a few months back. Its a disaster.

[@sallyharriscoach]

Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

[@SongwriterProducerCrystalSHill]

i Just found your videos an thank u !!!!!!!! I needed this I appreciate it .. True eye opener

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@angelmd43]

The only one I'm attached to is Jesus. I love my children but I am not attached to them.

[@DeborahAllen-gt2ic]

Ima bout to do this all I have is jesus ❤

[@survivingonpurpose]

Thank you for this!!!! It came just in time! God knows exactly what you need and when you need it! God bless you, and I will be signing up to speak with you soon!❤️

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome! Look forward to chatting with you!

[@joannesmith2876]

Perfect timing for me- thank you🤗

[@gaddygaddy1916]

Just found you…..thank you! You are just what I need! 🙏💖🙏

[@sallyharriscoach]

Wonderful!

[@shar1999]

This is excellent advice! Thank you Sally.

[@sallyharriscoach]

You are so welcome!

[@SahanaChakrabarty-i9z]

Thank you, Sally Harris madam.

[@pattianderson831]

I’m heartbroken but thanks for this.

[@SisterRose64]

I don’t mind encouragement but as long as it is “shown” out of love & care… not bossy and stern! Anytime I talk to someone like that? I run the other way so yeah I’m dealing on my own, if I destroy myself (fear mongering) so be it. ❤

[@sailingaeolus]

A philosophy truly common to Northern European, Protestant types...who are rapidly disappearing for lack of children. Many thanks for publicly sharing your thoughts.