Diary of a Columbine Fan

[@Bianca_Toeps]

With that blog completely in 1999 aesthetics, it almost feels like an art project, or something surreal.

[@jackiej8615]

Toeps I literally had to make a project like that in art school

[@bojackhorseman363]

It even says 1999 at the bottom of the first page

[@RainCheck797]

Weird. For me its creepily nostalgic as that was how i learned to make web pages (in the 90's)

[@lidahall5928]

Oh, it was an art project, alright... It seems to me such a shame that nobody in this clearly clinically depressed (certainly she was unhealthily fixated on such a morbid topic so it's not a stretch) or otherwise probably very treatable, yet mentally unwell young woman's life was either able or willing to get her the help she so clearly needed as a child. You would imagine, wouldn't you, that a _gun retailer in Colorado so close to the 20th anniversary of this event_ would at least try to dissuade a freaking teenager from interstate from buying a weapon from them - but no, the sale was evidently worth much more than any number of lives.

[@Starae336]

I was in year nine in 1999 it wasn’t that different tbh just glad there was no face book bullshit

[@NotJessH]

I went to Columbine. I didn’t go to school on 4/20/99 because it was my 15th birthday. I’ll never understand this bizarre fandom of killers. People are sick.

[@alison560]

on an unrelated note: your b-day is on 4/20???

[@alexcremen8902]

God damn what a day to be absent...I couldn't even imagine how that felt for you.

[@MDArts666]

Jess H damn... Glad you ended up okay. Columbine was a horrible tragedy. People who don’t treat it as such are sick

[@fuccwit9098]

violet columbine yes, the innocent people that neither of the killers knew deserved to die. How edgy

[@fuccwit9098]

violet columbine yeah ok. No use arguing with a troll

[@Force-hiddenmasquerade]

We need to normalize - recognizing you have a problem And - seeking professional help

[@thotrot8262]

Also getting help to people instead of punishing them and giving them more issues. And mourning over bad people. Not like mourning over killers you didn’t know but if someone close to you kills someone then you should absolutely be able to mourn and be sad over their death. They weren’t 100% bad 100% of the time!

[@leskeith4314]

@@thotrot8262 Dylan klebolds mother wrote a book it's an amazing read of you're into that kinda stuff. It talks about grieving her son who was one of the Columbine shooters. She is a mental health advocate now.

[@isitoveryet9525]

@@leskeith4314 I watched her Ted Talk, and an interview she did, and they were both amazing. I'm definitely going to buy the book. I was shocked by how many people in comments were telling her she had no right to "whine about losing her son", because he took so many lives and it was probably her fault anyways. Absolutely insanely insensitive, cruel stuff. It wasn't her fault, and I'll never understand the people who will blame an entire family for the actions of one.

[@juanpablorobayo3437]

But if I don’t blame someone else then it’s my fault!!/s

[@saltysketch361]

when your parents -don’t want you to have a problem and -shame seeking professional help

[@sweetillusions5495]

The words Columbine and fan don't belong in the same sentence like ever.

[@annie-dx7zg]

They never d9

[@melissaaugusto268]

The only place it belongs together is when you’re a fan of the French rap band called « columbine » ;)

[@dominicorser1957]

how bout "I'm not a columbine fan"

[@honey5623]

Code: Zwei if it has to do with the shooing yes. The school isn’t a bad place.

[@ItsJustMe0585]

@@dominicorser1957 I don't think, even to this day, that's context that normal people have had. Who has regular conversations about it? :P It seems like only fans in denial have: "I'm not a columbine fan... But...". *shutters*. It's hard to even type that out.

[@skeg8599]

I'm getting married in one hour, why am I watching this Edit: thanks everyone for the kind messages. It's almost a year later and just to let you know it's all going well - marriage is great. 10/10 would recommend

[@Tiny_Koi]

I hope you had a lovely wedding

[@ollisayshi9017]

congratulations!

[@Angela-sv2vg]

Hope the wedding went well (:

[@emmaq3250]

Congrats!

[@LambentLight00]

skeg How was your wedding omg

[@Nova-xw7qq]

"I'm referring to the florida teen-" of course its a florida teen

[@Gymnasticgirl2013]

philbyification something’s in the water

[@isitoveryet9525]

Sadly, mental illness isn't just a Florida thing. It seems to be a Global epidemic, at this point.

[@zen-nb2fd]

As a Florida teen I can confirm there is something in the water... I think

[@tiredestbean]

@@Gymnasticgirl2013 alligators

[@buuutt]

florida teen here, honestly you're not wrong

[@thefreakybean2495]

When she wrote about life glitching and not supposed to be here that felt weird. When I was mentally deteriorating the beginning of ninth grade I felt as if the world accidentally put me in the wrong dimension and started to believe it.

[@kirstenc6221]

Ayy yo, if it’s okay with you (and it’s totally fine if you say no) can you go into more detail about it? I’m trying to wrap my head around what she meant by glitching and being from another dimension. Also, I’ve seen some people who think she was having delusions of grandeur and that’s how it manifested, but I don’t think that quite fits the bill, so I just wanna know what you know from your experiences I guess.

[@0205-z9y]

That's actually me but for political reasons

[@kaitlynzuniga]

i've always felt that too, like maybe i'm meant to be here just not now, not in this body or this form

[@SesamUbe]

I felt something similar when I was in seventh grade. At that point, I quickly became the outcast that not even my old friends wanted to associate with, going as far as to pretending not to know me when asked by their new friends. I felt like I’d accidentally stumbled into an alternate dimension or something and was really distraught because it made my isolation and disconnect from other people that much more taxing. I became increasingly distant from my family during this time as well and really fed into what would eventually become depression and severe social anxiety

[@cadavric]

ay same. i feel like this world isn’t meant to welcome me, like i was born in the wrong universe and in the wrong body.

[@joaomartins814]

Diary of a Whimpy Kid really got dark in the later years

[@bellad3568]

*Dang. It really did.*

[@Atomantia]

Lol

[@carrotzzzz4618]

The Legendary Horse Man shit that’s kinda funny

[@backwashh]

Whimpy

[@pieofchart]

Hwimpy

[@JayDonagh]

This girl really went for that "90s HTML page" look. Like damn.

[@sarahboyette9172]

nice pfp dude

[@stellas9787]

Jay Donagh i like ur pfp

[@kidfriendly5774]

i love the way it looks. makes me feel nostalgic

[@maddyjackson9821]

She was trying to copy the original columbine guys website I think

[@canavero4288]

@@maddyjackson9821 yep, columbine took place in 1999 and the shooters had their own website. it probably looked something like this.

[@keybyss98]

Jesus, the website looks like something made by a serial killer in 1998. I'm surprised a modern-day teen made this, honestly. Now that I think of it, the last time I researched Columbine (not like this chick), Eric (or Dylan's) old personal/Doom websites almost looked exactly like this. I wonder if she took inspiration from their sites.

[@nenadelinfern]

Probably.

[@kavlara]

Duh.

[@ihatemickiegee]

REDLADY 1982 i lowkey would, maybe cause i was born in the mid 90s and was a myspace kid when there were still sites and blogs like this around (i used to make so many websites tbh) but this kind of format is still pleasing to me, the icons and all. obviously not this fuckin specific example lmao but the layout itself is still appealing i mean. again though different gens different tastes and regardless if she based her identity off columbine then either way i think she def got the design inspo from them

[@orls9068]

Same, I love that look,90s kid too, nostalgic looking at her site

[@laurenbray8314]

Most definitely

[@AndreaDT15]

Ready to glare: *uploads* My faith in humanity: Ah shit, here we go again.

[@sopholmes939]

*me:* jesus take the wheel, here we gooooooo

[@angeloffish]

Andrea I’m the same.

[@TheOneTheyCallTim]

Facts

[@skaterccchick]

It says 666 like til I click on your comment then 711 comes up haha

[@kornilious]

Literally 😂

[@i_will_not_elaborate]

"I'm referring to the Florida teen..." *me, a Floridian* Aw, shit. Here we go again...

[@obamacare9755]

m. If you search ‘Florida man’ and then any day of the year (and any year) it is almost guaranteed someone from Florida did something stupid on that day

[@Sandvichman.]

"Floridian" sounds like the name of an ancient forest guardian of something.

[@DillonsGirl09]

@m. This is mostly because florida publishes their police reports, as opposed to basically all other states.

[@bubblyvoid]

Arcane Heart right ! Lmfao

[@mimicatmoon]

@@obamacare9755 i searched up my birth date and it says "Florida man kills girlfriend with a bible" ??!!?!!?

[@hungerstrike4557]

I was good friends with Sol before she passed. She never was violent or homicidal, always told me she had an interest and did not condone the behaviour of Columbine. She was a good friend to me and very kind, always was there to help me out when I was not doing well. I am very sad she could not get the help she needed, I don't think she wanted to harm anyone.

[@lo4568]

But what was the reason behind her diary?

[@hungerstrike4557]

@@lo4568 She never wrote about a plan to kill anyone. Or hurt anyone. She did not write about anything other than being in pain, and wanting to die, right? She died before the FBI even looked for her. She was suicidal and felt alone, finding solace in something like Columbine. She was obviously mentally ill but not homicidal. Her diary was to write about how she felt. She didn't put it out before she passed, I never saw it until after she died. I think it was a safe space for her.

[@hobolove2468]

@hungerstrike Good on you for standing up for your friend. Thank you for maintaining her honor in her absence. You are a good friend.

[@sicko033]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a shame about what happened.

[@sunlightnskulls2060]

Thanks for confirming what I thought. I hope you and everyone close to her are doing okay. People should be able to mourn people who did bad things, too. If you read Brooks Brown’s book on Columbine, he talks about how after losing his best friend since childhood - Dylan Klebold - and not even being able to mourn his loss was really awful. You don’t really choose what your family member or best friend does. When they pass away, you’re gonna feel bad. Even if Sol _was_ a bad person, you deserve being able to mourn her passing. I wish she wasn’t so villainized.

[@dlwlrma3649]

can i just say ??? she has the best voices on yt like..... it’s so calming she never raises her volume... i could watch her all day

[@carolined3610]

dlwlrma I sometimes listen to her to sleep 😂

[@ItsJustMe0585]

@@carolined3610 I've done that. Not intentionally, but it happened. It's very soothing.

[@Vampress09]

Angelika Oles' voice is also very soothing.

[@ZoeF.O]

Totally agree. And her pronouncing is so clear and melodic and soothing...

[@FluffySweetsandCake]

And when she speaks in Italian 😫

[@alphabetazeta5373]

“Everything I criticize I end up becoming” - well shit I didn’t expect this to come for my neck but ok.

[@rachelnephilim4682]

Hi, Sol’s friend here. I’ve known Sol for almost a year now and she’s been suicidal since I’ve met her. I met her through the true crime community and she’s always felt a connection to Eric Harris; she related to him and his thoughts. She was genuinely the kindest and funniest person I’ve ever met. Yes, she wanted to go back to when Eric and Dylan were alive because she felt like she had a place among them. She shared so many interests with them (music, film, fashion, etc.) and didn’t identify with anyone here, in this time. She went to Colorado purely to kill herself. That’s it. She wanted to die where Eric and Dylan went shooting after they purchased their guns. That’s it. As long as I’ve known her, I’ve never ever heard her mention hurting anyone else. Ever. She didn’t condone what Eric and Dylan did. She didn’t really focus on the shooting itself, she focused on Eric mostly: who he was, what he was into, and the image of him she created. She was an incredibly tortured soul and I’m happy she’s at rest now, even if how she went was awful. Also, another thing to add: she didn’t make any threats towards the schools, police just said she was a potential threat and people misconstrued that as her making threats.

[@someothername7886]

I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish she got the help that she needed.

[@nicovargas7776]

That is so sad 😔 definitely reminds me of me when i was that age which was when Columbine happened.

[@samclarn]

Thank you for your insight. I think it’s important to point out she never intended to hurt anyone else.

[@Lexishness2010]

My condolences to you. I honestly just think our local police and media made her seem like a monster before they could really know why she did anything. From her content in the online diary she never mentioned hurting anyone but herself if you really paid attention to what she was trying say. Again my condolences and I hope she is at peace.

[@jamieplatt9238]

rachel nephilim holy fuck. This is sad

[@Prescilla24]

I feel like the 90s site design could be telling of what time period she thought she belonged in.

[@skinni_the_P00hBear]

Prescilla24 Yeah you're probably right. I noticed the design, too.

[@Prosegoldmusic]

police and fbi recently admitted she never made any threats whatsoever and it was all based on assumption after they found her journals when she was reported missing . she seemed more likely to want to commit suicide than kill anyone in my opinion . obviously she was obsessed with harris but wanted to die where he did ? that’s what i’m guessing .

[@bellicosehippie9141]

I seriously need you to have an interview similar to the pedophile interview but with a true crime fanatic or a columbiner

[@bellicosehippie9141]

So based on what you said you are in the true crime fan base out of ten how many people do you think are the toxic fanatics who glorify murderers that I was referring to? Ps: all respect if you’re interested in only the psychology but I’m genuinely interested on how prevalent they are in the community?

[@forsythpazdalski7766]

I think the true crime community on KZbin vs tumblr are basically completely different things. The TCC on tumblr seems to be mostly girls obsessing over these guys and infatuated with the crime they committed. While the TCC on youtube (from what I follow) is mostly about researching interesting cases and trying to understand the motive and psychology of these people and crimes. Some great examples are Kendall Rae, Eleanor Neale, and Bella Fiari. If you're interested in the case study side of things you should definitely check them out. Edit: A lot of them also do videos and outreach about missing people to try and help get the word out

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

I Was A Cringey Twelvie True crime on tumblr is toxic as hell and definitely not the norm for true crime people in general

[@katc2040]

I Was A Cringey Twelvie most of them are like 13-15 Idk if that’s a good idea, maybe if she finds some adults

[@startingtodecay1540]

@Al X. Andra that is not true at all. None of them were popular. Please read Brooks Brown's book. They were badly bullied. Eric wasn't an athlete. Idk where you heard this but it's misinformation

[@misscarlyvic]

I’m so glad you’re covering this. I cried when I found her website. It’s so sad. Obviously not condoning or being an apologist BUT it’s so obvious she was really mentally ill.

[@ghosty6258]

Carly Victoria her notes on the website remind me of Dylan’s journal entries he wrote before the original massacre. You can find examples of them in the book Columbine by Dave Cullen. Dylan talks a lot about wanting to die, how he is suffering mentally, how he wants to love, and how he wants to love somebody (specifically a girl named Harriett who he wrestled with back and fourth about whether she liked him or not).

[@SunflowerSpotlight]

I agree. It sucks that it’s “lucky” that she ended up hurting “only” herself, that at this point it’s so bad we’re expecting more graves. She was in so much pain. I wish there had been a system in place to help her. I wish she had been caught in time and could have had her condition improve. I wish she could have been able to get treatment and to then find her passion and follow it, and see how fulfilling it is to be a writer, an artist, a doctor, a traveler. I wish there had been no shooting for her to get enamored of in the first place. I wish we had a system that supported people and lifted them up based on their intrinsic worth, regardless of how easily they can pay for life saving treatment. I wish we didn’t have to keep being strong. Boston Strong. Chicago Strong. Orlando Strong. Thousand Oaks Strong. Charlotte Strong. I’m so tired of seeing that the real danger is in the minds of shooters more than their guns. That if we helped these people and took away the pain they want to inject into others, we’d be unloading the weapon of their rage. I’m tired of us having to rouse ourselves in our community and feel resolve and brotherhood after the graves have already been dug. It feels like it’s been enough, it’s happened enough. It feels like we should have learned this lesson by now. But we aren’t learning, and more bodies are put into the ground, heroes who prevent more death like, Riley Howell, and the shooters that put them there. I want us to reach a day when we find out in time when someone is suffering and drowning in their pain and be willing to help. A day when we don’t just suggest suicide hotline numbers. A day when we keep it to ourselves because it’s not our business. A day when we can honestly say we’ve done all we can in good faith go stop this absolutely senseless violence, when everyone has all the resources to keep themselves above water at their fingertips. I want us to reach a day when we stop digging graves for our teens. Last year we had hundreds of shootings. On average 164 girls also tried to kill themselves via poison every day; the rate keeps increasing. We say the youth is our future but it’s treated as a commodity, one valued far too cheaply. I want to reach a day when we don’t have to be strong in the wake of a tragedy. I want us to earn peace. It feels like we should have learned this lesson by now, that we should have understood the problem, addressed it, and progressed. But we have such a long way to go, and in the meantime, grass grows and more graves are dug.

[@mothgames9466]

Hey I totally agree with you and also it'd incredibly unlikely that she would have hurt anyone else just because of the fact she's a woman. Studies show that woman when sick are much more likely to hurt themselves than others and also according to the FBI's school shooter signs checklist, one of the key characteristics of school shooters is they are male. There has never been a female school shooter and whilst there's obviously room for that to change, I doubt it will anytime soon. Women are a lot more likely to get depressed and obsessive than to actually go through with the act. Also people have talked a lot about Dylan's character, his behaviour and his journal. most professionals don't think he wouldve hurt anyone if he was alone. Like with the James Bulger case, Jon Venables is still HIGHLY dangerous and a risk to the public, he was the more dominant, abusive, smarter and more manipulative of the duo. Robert Thompson on the other hand was basically a normal child, average to low intelligence and also very vulnerable and gullable due to his home life. This made it very easy for Venables to terrorize and bully Thompson and if you read the case files online and the interviews you can see that Thompson did very very little in the killing and abduction. His problem was that he went along with it. Obviously V and T were children and had very different brains to teenagers. But Dylan was of the same type( submissive) vulnerable and seeking the feeling of power and resentful of his peers. However all Dylan's behaviours had always been inner so he would take everything out on himself (much like teen girls do) and Eric had a predominantly outward expression of emotion and projection. he had a dominant controlling personality. Together the two were a deadly mix. Eric alone could have been deadly but I think having Dylan under his wing made him feel powerful enough to act out his plan. Dylan on the other hand, in my opinion and lots of others probably would've have killed himself or gone on to lead a normal life.

[@LegacyXJudah]

Carly Victoria same! She was a tortured soul. 😢

[@ghosty6258]

@Al X. Andra yes, Eric just wanted to get laid but, for years a deal and wrote about his infatuation with Harriet. He also discussed many times in his journal that he desperately wanted to love someone, and wrestled with the thought of Harriet not liking him. Remember, Eric was the psychopath and Dylan was suicidal and depressed.

[@MsBlackestHeart]

As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I know exactly how she felt. It was very scary for me as you were reading this, that I understood exactly what she was saying. I don't glorify the Columbine shooters, I think that it was an awful point in history. I in no way agree with her idolization of them. But I know the feeling of feeling like I was put on Earth at the wrong time with absolutely no concrete reason as to why. I'm 20 years old, I have a decent job, people who love me, a brand new car. I have no reason for feeling out of place, I just do. So I think this girl may have had a severe personality disorder, much similar to me. That being said, I have also read Dylan's diary before, one of the shooters. And I also related to many of his entries. Again, I do not believe in murdering people, I think it's awful, I do not condone what they did. But I think she may have learned about these two young men, and realized the same thing I did in which we have very similar feelings toward the world, and maybe felt that there is no hope. She thought, "A human being who would do something so awful, feels the same way I do, and he ended up killing himself." So she though that was the answer. Because her entries seem very similar to Dylan's, so I think she was trying to copy him. I don't think she wanted to go back in time to when the shooters were alive, honestly, having this feeling of being put on Earth at the wrong time doesn't really mean that I know which time period I belong to, I just feel wrong. And I think she felt the same way. I am not a psychologist of any sort, I am just someone who listened to you read these entries and somehow understood every word of it to almost a logical level, so these are just my conclusions.

[@kirstenc6221]

Honestly, if I had to put my money, I’d go with this theory. People who knew her have said that she didn’t condone what they did. She was mentally ill and needed real help, but for whatever reason, didn’t get access to it. It’s sad, honestly.

[@melanieketchum3754]

There is a lot of speculation that Dylan May have been suffering from a disorder involving being detached from reality, like Schizophrenia or Schizoeffective disorder. I can see some parallels between her writing and Dylan’s but it’s hard to decipher whether that’s genuine or something she emulated after reading his diaries.

[@zoefinch8631]

im glad someone else relates to her, i was scared i was the only one

[@Worthless_Toaster]

I can very much relate to this. Thank you for explaining it, given that I have no words to better explain it than you did.

[@mattsaracen7]

Her diary style is like a lot of what I wrote as a teen. Abstract, vague and dramatic and ultimately very embarassing to look back on lol

[@sepporahk6102]

Same. The stuff I wrote at 13-16 was so cringy.

[@Tamara-lg4nd]

SD me too

[@mariamendoza2102]

Same here, I wrote some pretty cryptic things during my teen angst. When you add a gun into the mix though, sometimes it’s too late for help.

[@Em_Elizabeth]

Ikr. I kept diaries as a teen. 🙄

[@AnthonyetMelanie]

I was thinking the exact same thing, lol

[@MisaoHelloween]

"I could float here forever, anemic and sweet" it's Deftones' lyrics in Knife Prty. Interesting song in this case.

[@Pseudo_Nymph_94]

I noticed a Smashing Pumpkins reference as well

[@andreakoroknai1071]

yeah, as a fan of the band, I find that super sad :(

[@pinki825]

I hate that she quoted Deftones tbh. Everyone interprets things differently in music, how she fucking got violence from deftones(esp. their newer things) idfk

[@erincostello7792]

I came here to write this :)

[@MisaoHelloween]

@@pinki825 if you are new to Deftones, it's common to think that their lyrics are very violent, but it's because you're not getting the message right. I must say though that some of their albums - the old ones - are kinda sad or show a lot of sorrow and regret. It's part of their charm :3

[@only_with_my_thoughts]

I graduated class of 2019 from columbine and I lived through this event. Growing up I always knew I’d graduate on the 20th anniversary and my friends along with my whole class had a bad feeling towards that. At the beginning of the year at school one day someone called and claimed to be in the school with a gun and it was huge. We were locked into the school all day and I had to go to the bathroom at one point so a teacher walked me out to it and I saw the swat team walking through. Later in the year when Sol called and claimed to be coming to the school huge precautions were taken since the actual 4/20 was only a few days away. All school were shut down for days. And a huge thing people miss when it comes to this case is that she bought 3 plane tickets to Denver so it was presumed that she brought 2 other people but of course she was the only one found. Many kids including myself were scared to go to graduation because we assumed the “2 other people” from the Sol case were planning on shooting up graduation since it’s always held at the popular venue Red Rocks. It was a very triggering event for a lot of staff who either taught there at the time of the actual shooting or attended as students. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

[@staticforest1197]

Emily Gallagher that’s terrible, I feel so bad for the staff who had attended as students during the shooting

[@kirstenc6221]

Have you talked to anyone who knew her? I know at least one person who can apparently verify to knowing her online. If it makes you feel any better, according to everyone, she had no intentions of killing anyone.

[@Abhsgvahah]

I’m really sorry to hear that. Sound awful. I can’t even imagine to be in such a situation. Isn’t it always kind of a weird feeling to go to this Highschool? I mean it can’t be ‘normal’ with al the people taking photos and talking about it and the whole ‘cult’ around the shooters. How did you experience your time there? Why did you decide (if you had the choice) to go to Columbine and how does it affect the School nowadays (except for the fear thing)? Do the teachers ever talk about the day or related stuff and does the school still look the same (library etc.)?

[@catmat9672]

@@Abhsgvahah theres a video on youtube that showes the school right before opening it again in like august 99. You can see that they put lockers where the door to the library was so it looks like theres no room at all. I dont know if it was changed again later though.

[@only_with_my_thoughts]

Adja T I mean yes but I don’t believe that any student who attends the school is apart of that cult following. It is a weird feeling the school looks completely the same except for the library. It’s weird knowing many people have an obsession with the school. However it’s in a nice neighborhood where I grew up my whole life. I lived down the street my whole life so it was always the plan for me to go to columbine. I actually had a great time in highschool! The school is very good at keeping things on the down low and giving a pretty normal highschool experience except for the occasional lock in or lock down. The shooting has completely affected the school since. It constantly gets threats but most of the time the students don’t truly know. My mom is a teacher there so I find out details that most don’t know. I’d say almost everyday they get some type of threat. And teachers do talk about it openly for the most part. Some teachers less but most do. All the teachers that were students during the shooting did talk about it openly especially after the girl flew here from Florida, but I tend to notice teachers who were teachers in the shooting dont like talking about it or don’t. And not only are the threats constant, but the 20th anniversary was really hyped up all over the news. And the year prior, the parkland students actually showed up on the anniversary without saying anything causing them to fence up the whole school. It’s sad to think that horrible people have a legacy because it disturbs a whole school till this day, and many other schools have joined that fate

[@kieranduffy2899]

Scary. I actually threatened to do a school shooting. I was never obsessed with any sort of killer, I just felt like doing it. I got help and I'm doing pretty good. I hope everyone who looks up to school shooters or any sort of killer gets help and gets better.

[@haru4328]

I'm glad you're doing better

[@AshRenee0424]

I am glad you are doing better now. Stay safe

[@monkeynumbernine]

I totally understand. When I was *TEN* years old, I spent the entire school year suicidal, hating the school and everyone in it, and fantasizing about shooting my classmates with my mother's shotgun. Ugh- I hated being a child. I hated living there. I was so relieved when we moved...

[@monkeynumbernine]

@H Ch hahaha hahaha...the US is less to blame than the cumulative effect of extreme poverty, relentless bullies, and a miserable home life...my mother was a terrible drunk. This happened 40 years ago.

[@WhoamI-su7pg]

Good for you man. That takes a lot of courage to admit. To recover from too. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone but myself but I can see how easy it would have been for me to start thinking that way.

[@maudethilde3612]

I went on her website and scrolled to the last page of where she shows her journal stuff and the last page is actually dated 3/30/2019 with a poem "now I just stare into the sun and I see everything ive done, i think i could've been someone, but i cant stop what has begun. when everything said and done, and there is no place left to run, i think i used to be someone, now i just stare into the sun." And most of the gif's and pictures on the home page you can click on and it takes you to the secret pages. There was also another page from her journal that was intresting..? idk but this is what i think she wrote since this was kind of hard to read. " 9/14/18 i had a dream last night about the future.. eyeopening. I was only one week away from the day, and i had my fucking shotgun already. and i just remember the constant lies to my family, friends, police, teachers... the fucking stress of it all. but the most important part was knowing that it all didnt matter, just soon everything would be the way it should be. that was the first dream ive really had about it about that day"

[@princessfiona9928]

That first part is a nine inch nails called sunspots

[@rustysnake8374]

Princess Fiona no wonder it sounded so familiar

[@allisonnicole1659]

Yeah I went through all of her “secret pages” the soulmate thing on the bottom is one, her baby picture on the about me is one, the book on the link section is a really disturbing on, and the grim reaper at the top is one, along with a couple more.

[@naomijenkins1100]

"bought a gun the day she died" HOW IS IT THAT EASY FOR SOMEONE TO BUY A GUN ITS BEYOND ME

[@masked8256]

back then it wasnt as controlled. She prob bought it from a random person not a store

[@lastspringanimations]

@@masked8256 off topic and 2 weeks late but i love your lum pfp😳

[@masked8256]

@@lastspringanimations omg tysmm

[@NaschAzure]

‘Murica

[@oldmanstan-brickhill5057]

@@NaschAzure fuck yeah

[@EllaStone]

the 'despite all my rage' part makes reference to a Smashing Pumpkins song that goes "despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage"

[@yveltalsea]

i noticed the "despite my rage" part. definitely seems like these are other people's deep thoughts and maybe not hers.

[@mascara1777]

Bullet with Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins

[@crappyaccount]

the "push back the square" is from Pink Maggit by Deftones too

[@MarMoif]

She also wrote “love is” and left it blank, and I immediately thought about the verse from SP’s Bodies, “Love is suicide”

[@Nilbog_ECNIV]

@@crappyaccount I originally thought "Back to School", because of your comment and the video

[@goaway_imreading480]

Ok so she was mentally ill. The cadence of her speech/illustrations to me pretty much screams that. This individual could have latched onto just about anything, but she latched onto Columbine and identified with the perpetrators. She needed mental health assistance for a long time, that much is clear. I'm sorry for her parents.

[@strawberryhoney420]

“Anemic and sweet” don’t romanticize my low presence in red blood cells honey LMAO

[@nautcious]

they're lyrics from a band called Deftones.

[@strawberryhoney420]

Jay S. was a joke, bud

[@danielflanard8274]

@@strawberryhoney420 I don't think it was

[@strawberryhoney420]

Daniel Flanard wtf are you talking about. I made a joke.

[@strawberryhoney420]

Daniel Flanard good for you? This isn’t up for debate you dense fuck.

[@lee-isaacfranklin874]

Another diary to read. I went from reading one of a wimpy kid's, to a Columbine shooter Fan's.

[@itsokneisha]

ZOO WEE MAMA

[@AndreaDT15]

Spill the tea ☕☕☕

[@lee-isaacfranklin874]

Y'all need to watch that one video about the diary of a wimpy kid fanfictions

[@Vixa_Jaz]

Angela Kimberly -oh boy

[@ceren1830]

Technicolor Snail I-

[@CJ-ge5jm]

I live in Colorado and I remember just feeling very scared while this was going on.. (also I want to say, thank you for sharing your guys stuff from that day. I was in school and was kept an hour after the regular let go time)

[@kashinimeyo]

Citrine Asmr I was in school when they found her- all my professors cancelled class mere minutes before it was released that she was found. Kinda freaked out for 30 minutes because I was one of the few people on campus and, you know, she made a threat to every public school pretty much including higher ed.

[@K8_bman]

Yeah my little sisters high school got shut down even tho it was like 3 hrs away.

[@ajxsher83]

Citrine Asmr I’m in Colorado as well. Westminster to be exact

[@emmapierce2807]

I live three hours away but no one was allowed outside while it was going on.

[@Tafara7]

Unrelated, is that Keith from voltron in your pfp

[@novac2232]

Honestly, seeing the entries of her journal gave me chills for obvious reasons, but for another reason too. I believe that I know something similar to how she felt. It may seem like abstract rambling to others, but I know it all too well. I had a bad episode of that exact thought process and kept insisting to my friend that this wasn't my reality, this wasn't where I belonged, and that I needed to get back to my home. To me, the time thing sounds like a longing to go back before all of this started hitting her, before she felt like she was meant to be somewhere else. It's truly such an incredibly terrifying feeling and I feel so much sympathy for her and deeply empathize. No one deserves to feel like that. Losing touch with reality and not knowing why or what's going on must have been horrible, even more so when you feel like you can't tell anyone else. I was lucky to have my best friend realize and recognize that I was not only dissociating, but suffering from delusions and paranoia. I've been getting more help recently, which is good. I just wish she was able to get that too. I hope she's at a peaceful rest now. We should take this as a lesson to really check in on people, even if they seem fine. Anyone could be struggling and you wouldn't know. For me, the only person who ever knows about my episodes and feelings is my best friend. Nobody else in my life even suspects a thing. Either way, this was an interesting and sad look into what she was thinking, and a good video and analysis. Thank you for not outright diagnosing her with anything. I hope no one thinks I'm diagnosing her with anything now. I just want to share my own personal experience that relates to hers and hopefully help people feel like they're not bad or alone in this. These feelings are scary, but that doesn't make the person themself scary or bad. It can be eased with patience and help, at least in my own experience. Much love. 💖

[@caitlinbarker645]

I'm glad you're in a better place and getting help. It sounds like you have a really great best friend. Stay safe.

[@maynardsasshole3047]

I wish i could get help.

[@Mentallymuzz]

Evan C I understand you so much

[@Mentallymuzz]

I feel connected to your story as I have been in your place and hers

[@maddiehalter810]

Evan C oh my god I found someone that’s actually been through this too. I just commented something extremely similar to this. I’m so happy you’re getting help. I literally just broke out in tears reading this knowing that there are people who feel this way. Whenever I tried to tell people this they would act like I was fucking insane. I have over 10,000 words on one of my sections in my notes app of just manic ranting and when I read it I sound like a completely different human being. It’s so scary and I don’t know how to cope.

[@leiasart4610]

So, I've read Dylan Klebold's diary and it seems very obvious to me that she was trying to copy dylan's entries. They look extremely similar, that's definitely no coincidence. About the vagueness: I could imagine she tried to copy Dylan as well, perhaps she was really just trying to seem as edgy as possible. She was most likely aware they would be "published" (don't know the proper translation here, but u know what I mean), there's a good chance most of that stuff wasn't reflecting accuratly on how she truly felt and thought.

[@silversoul9683]

Her handwriting reminded me of his too. It's been a while since I've read it but that's exactly what I thought of.

[@Angela-sv2vg]

So maybe she’s dramatizing? Because also it’s kind of a lot to scan and upload pictures of your own diary, especially if you’re saying “go away no one understands me”. Or maybe it’s more like she’s so deluded that she’s from that time that she copies to try to feel connected? Idk

[@leiasart4610]

@@Angela-sv2vg I think it might be a little bit of both.

[@mhjj78hola]

Circe Yeah, I agree. I've read Dylan's diary, and it looks very similar to what Sol Pais did, she probably related a lot to Dylan, and got inspired.

[@Deeegenerate]

I don't believe she wrote like that to be "edgy", I think it comes down to what another person said, that it inspired her in a way, she liked how it sounded and realized that expressing her thoughts like that brought her closer to those she related to (the shooters) and was an effective way to sorta "get it all out". She was just trying to explore who she was

[@angelwings6186]

I remember Columbine. I think it says a lot that I remember the perps but not a single victim. Same with the OKC bombing. Same with most mass level killings. Maybe if we stopped giving attention to the people doing the crimes and started giving the attention to the victims and survivors only, it would help decrease the instances.

[@giuliamiranda6009]

Makes Sense

[@angelwings6186]

@goodbyehoes I see what you are saying. We do know that a lot of mass murders are attention seeking and utilize social media to try and gain that attention long before they act. There is a huge difference between the mentality of a mass murderer and, say, a serial killer. Even just to profile.

[@alexcremen8902]

That's why Dylans mom has fought to keep all of the basement tapes from being released. She doesn't want people glorifying her son for what he did because ultimately that's what these killers want.

[@angelwings6186]

@@alexcremen8902 I truly feel for her. She has faced some brutal criticism over the years but stood against it and still done a lot for the suicide prevention community.

[@Tamara-lg4nd]

emmyfayebeauty I remember Rachel and the (P.E?) teacher

[@kylie42069]

i remember when all the schools (even mine) in colorado shut down because she was running around sending threats to shoot the schools...pretty scary. i went to her “dissolved girl” website and her diary and entries were pretty heart breaking. even though she did cause a bunch of chaos, she seemed to have a lot of emotions that messed up the way she thought about herself and others

[@deedleus6631]

kylie perez yeah same

[@Madison-ok4sc]

Emily every time there is a shooting we say “the signs were obvious, this could have been prevented”. And being obsessed with the columbine shooting and then buying a gun is kiiiiinnnddddaa one of those signs. If she did end up shooting up a school, then we would be saying the exact same thing “the signs were there, this could have been prevented”

[@RealTswizzle]

I remember that. I was pretty scared

[@Prosegoldmusic]

an interview with a fbi rel representative was recently released in which they state she never made any explicit threats to anyone or any school. the media came across her journals after she was reported missing and deduced she had gone to colorado to murder people . understandable , but largely assumed. she seemed more suicidal then homocidal imo

[@s0lastsummer7]

@@echo5855 did they ever tell everyone how much ammunition she purchased? That alone could tell us for sure whether she meant to hurt just herself or more than that.

[@kayancaramakeupgirls]

I think that Columbine High School should always be closed on 4/20.

[@charlies4ngelz]

Kaya Ashley it literally is

[@BellaSttClair]

it is closed but the students do a day of community service to give back to the community

[@thatrespectablehuman1884]

@@BellaSttClair lol that's fucked up tbh, close the school but make the students work instead

[@AIexOtto]

Hitler's birthday

[@maggieann6437]

@@thatrespectablehuman1884 they dont make them, its if they chose to volunteer

[@ceuti]

I just watched Ask A Mortician's video on Columbine and what most people get wrong about it so this video is good timing! note* some people in the comments are saying her video still contains some inaccuracies

[@claireeebee]

Her channel is AMAZING! One of my favorite :)

[@MidnightChan94]

I love her!

[@monadaeon]

And that video is so very on point and factual

[@peachy8729]

I love how much care she puts into her videos

[@abigaillively5891]

Learned so much from her video

[@hannahluv24]

I was Sol’s friend, and I can tell you that she never wanted to hurt anybody. She and I met through the TCC and as we got to know each other i can tell you right now that she would never hurt anybody. She felt very connected to Eric and Dylan, mostly Eric and i truly believe that she went there specifically to die where Eric did. If she wanted to hurt anyone, she would have. She was quiet, but she was so sweet and a relatively good person. She needed help, and i regret not trying harder to make sure she got it. I’m sad shes gone. She was a good person, and it pisses me off that the media will do anything they can to portray someone as a monster when they weren’t.

[@hazelnut20030]

she literally portrayed herself that way i’m-

[@Chrryc0la]

Thank you for trying to shed light on this completely vague case that has been said to be 1 thing when it is clearly not...

[@Chrryc0la]

@@hazelnut20030 Though she didn't really cause the Media if fake...

[@shabnaks8893]

from what i can gather from her journals, sol was suffering from some very clear delusions. delusions of grandeur in believing that she is above human beings, belongs to "the other"; somatic delusions in the sense that she felt like something was wrong with her in the way she was currently existing, and that she was not meant to be in this life. she wasn't okay in the head, and it's a genuine shame she wasn't able to get the treatment she needed.

[@VictorNewman201]

@Alisa Michelle I dont think that's fair, it was her personal journal where she wrote out her thoughts and emotions. If she was focused on herself, i think it was because she felt that no one else really was, a feeling that her depression would have magnified, and would have caused more depression and anxiety in a vicious circle.

[@oliviawolter-cook]

A girl that was a “columbiner” came to my hometown mall in Halifax Nova Scotia and was going to shoot it up. Luckily got arrested and her bf that was going to help her shot himself before the police showed up... So honestly these people can be super dangerous and super scary

[@oliviawolter-cook]

Edit: she was also not from there she flew in and had a journal as well super similar

[@ryanlewis6983]

Omg I completely forgot about that. I never got the whole story but I was working in the mall then and called in sick. Crazy

[@calamitynatalie8590]

Omg when was this? I grew up in Halifax but haven’t lived in Canada for like 10 years

[@ceren1830]

her name is lindsay souvannarath, she is sentenced to life in prison

[@oliviawolter-cook]

Calamity Natalie it was in 2015 on Valentine’s Day super scary

[@katie-yk1es]

There's a page in her journal where she says "Soon I will be back home.... back with you (E)" I think she means Eric Harris. Chilling to read honestly.

[@katie-yk1es]

@Amanda B thanks for your insight :)

[@celajony8057]

The page where it’s a cage and it says despite my rage might be reference to the Smashing Pumpkin lyrics in Bullet with Butterly wings “despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage”

[@allisonnicole1659]

That’s on her songs page, most of the quotes are. The “I could float here forever” and stuff. If you go to her songs page she pulls a quote from every song she mentions under the video for it. The quotes she picks are quite disturbing.

[@letmetakeajormungandrattha8591]

Those are quit the bars, though.

[@TwentyPaphonies]

She honestly sounds schizophrenic. A family friend of mine was in this kind of mindset before he got diagnosed and started getting help.

[@boysbruises7442]

Twenty Paphonies as someone with schizophrenia I don’t think she does, at all, but hey I could be wrong but let’s not try to diagnose xoxo

[@crikeymikey4966]

@@boysbruises7442 Then as someone with schizophrenia you should know there are multiple types.

[@river689]

That is EXACTLY what I thought. Columbine doesn’t even belong in this picture. This girl was probably suffering from schizophrenia and while I was reading it reminded me of the things someone I knew with schizophrenia would tell me. Not saying this is the case but sad to believe it is.

[@TheHedgehogGiraffe]

Less like schizophrenia and more like psychosis, to me. as someone with psychosis. the feelings of disassociation and misplacement, the talking about a portal showing up in her bedroom, etc all seem very close to certain thoughts and delusions I myself have had before. I've had periods of time where I feel like the universe is trying to tell me i'm dead, or that i'm going to die soon, or that all of this is a dream, stuff of that nature. sometimes i'll go to sleep and expect the world to be utterly different when i wake up, and breaking those thought loops is hard but it can be done. from her writings it definitely seems like she was dealing with some form of delusional psychosis, but i think that saying that its schizophrenia is a bit assumptive seeing as there isn't much to go on.

[@hiemily7603]

Ri well yeah but I feel like also people tend to portray a image of schizophrenic people being “ creepy “ “ crazy “ and not all of them have this weird image like that so you should probably think it over and look up the definition.

[@heimdallscooter2598]

Shes copying Dylan's and Eric's journals. 🤯 this chick really went off the deep end didn't she? I feel so sad that she didn't seek help.

[@caroline-nq2mc]

My. theory: she thought that going and killing herself around the day and anniversary of the shooting shed somehow be brought back to her time or forever connected to the shooting. she would go down as some sort of legend or figure and remembered alongside the shooters, especially if her diary was found if she died on/around the shooting. She wanted to be seen as a beautiful tragedy- just like she saw the shooting. just a theory tho

[@skrttskrtt8355]

I mean wouldn't it be better remembered if she died on the same day of the shooting? Why did she khs before the day? Why not the same day?

[@taetm8868]

Yh

[@euthanasia1111]

She didn't want attention, she wanted her pain to end. She was mentally ill, not some edgy teenager wanting to seek validation from school shooters

[@MrBear-kc5ed]

"Columbine" and "fan", should never be in the same sentence.

[@neon4959]

facts

[@UrLocalBandNerd]

I probably shouldn't be being a smartass but "The Columbine High School has a fan"

[@Abby-yk4mg]

The columbine shooters were not fans of black people.

[@batorsagandszerelem4474]

How about "Columbine High basketball team fan"?

[@itspunishmenttime6325]

And what about "Columbine High School fan"? Not the shooting, just a fan of the school.

[@leadvendor]

I won't lie. While I feel a tremendous amount of compassion and pity for this young lady, I also feel frustration.

[@saragrimes7609]

And I think those are both incredibly valid feelings for this situation. I feel conflicted about my feelings but mostly I just feel sad that someone would feel so alone.

[@LightShadowButterfly]

To me, she just sounds like she was really depressed. Much of the journal was references to lyrics of 90s music. The cage and despite all my rage = Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage. (Bullet with Butterfly Wings) The other one, I looked up because I did not know was the Deftones. I think she felt trapped. She could find a connection with herself and the music. The lyrics were probably references to how she thought she felt. Maybe she felt like if she could just have been alive in that time period (the 90s) that someone would understand her. Maybe because the music of the time had a connection to her. I think she solely meant to hurt herself. Nothing she wrote really felt as though she had a grudge or anger towards anyone, it seems to me she just felt out of place in the world. The pictures of guns, while they might have been viewed as a threat, maybe were there to remind her that she had a way to escape and not feel the way she did anymore. It seems just really sad to me. She had feelings she couldn't place and she wanted someone who understood how she felt, but ultimately came to the conclusion that no one did and no one could. Idk because I don't know the inside of her mind, but it just seems she felt really alone. edit: I also think the obsession she had with the shooters was just a form of mild escapism for her. Because they were people many people still know about from the 90s, perhaps that is why she chose them. They were in the time period with the music she liked and they had also felt alone. She probably had no one else she knew who had that "connection" with her.

[@kuliet]

WHY IS IT ALWAYS FLORIDA

[@Sinn0100]

Why Florida...because all the nuts roll down hill. Translation- Most people in Florida are from somewhere else. The majority of the people living in Florida are from New York, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. They come to Florida, don't understand the laws at all, and usually wind up doing very stupid things while they are here (news worthy idiocy). Our state motto is- Come to Florida for vacation, leave on probation!

[@dylanjperri]

That One Weird Chick WE’RE NOT ALL CRAZY I SWEAR!

[@princessofpigs]

@@Sinn0100 It's a Buzzfeed Unsolved reference

[@Sinn0100]

@@princessofpigs I did not know, thank you.

[@Maijolin1]

The heat melts the ppls brains

[@gothamcat]

That blog is some early 2000s Angelfire reject out of my nightmares

[@sylentmari4745]

I misread the address as Geocities and got hit with all the 90's feels (Geocities just ceased to exist last month; I'm getting old).

[@LittleKumari]

Her handwriting and journal style in general looks pretty similar to Dylan’s Klebold’s.

[@koalabearbites]

"despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" those are lyrics from Bullet with Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins if anyone's curious!

[@honeygummy8022]

The 'anemic and sweet' page is lyrics from a Deftones song called 'knife party'.

[@catfacexkillah]

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage is Smashing Pumpkins, I caught that one too.

[@DGD4Landy]

It's actually knife prty

[@HONGRYYYYYYYYY]

Lull Armstrong same shit

[@SLEAZZY.GG.]

This girl liked Deftones and Smashing Pumpkins, that's for sure

[@melloncollie3321]

And NIN and Marilyn Manson and Hole. ...5 of my favorite bands, and a handful of those were also liked by the Columbine shooters. When all this went down a year ago, I freaked because I thought it was going to start another music moral panic.

[@brandi5126]

This is so sad. I wish she could have gotten professional help before she escalated to this point.

[@stansmultifandoms5686]

Not really this dumb bitch took her life thinking she was in the wrong time and some other bullshit like that. Know this dumbass doesn't have any time nonetheless going back to another time. Oh well sucks to be her.

[@kalebsok2947]

She went to the same middle school that I did. It’s disturbing how she turned out.

[@xpandoravampirex1355]

do you remember anything about her?? im guessing she probably didnt stand out a lot but figured id ask anyway

[@cadenj3967]

were there any signs that she’d turn out like this?

[@lucasorice1589]

Can you tell more about her??

[@semicolon5376]

I live in the Denver area, and I remember, last year, everyone freaking out about it. The teachers didn't even like us near the windows. It was really stressful

[@adoor6241]

hey same, there was some columbine fan who was threatening stuff, right? they closed the entire district for me.

[@ownthevoid]

Dara Gopal yeah you mean literally the girl in the video?

[@adoor6241]

@@ownthevoid no, different person I believe. Could be wrong tho

[@ownthevoid]

Dara Gopal well, the situation you described was exactly the same as what happened in the video..

[@adoor6241]

@@ownthevoid oh ok. Idk there's a lot of stuff that happens at Columbine still, so

[@hatz5125]

Girl you need to wipe the dust off the Holy setting spray and give all of us some Wtf 800 likes?! Thx 😁

[@sozuruQ2]

animals animated I don’t get it

[@sozuruQ2]

animals animated I don’t get it

[@tatianabacca2191]

@@sozuruQ2 a while ago she had a thing where she'd spray "holy water" (setting spray) on her face before covering a fucked up topic.

[@Eibarwoman]

Sol Pais is a messed up topic

[@hatz5125]

@@sozuruQ2 oh old videos she used to use setting spray as holy water

[@mintyspaghetty]

Not only were we on high alert that day but ALL Denver metro schools closed that day. I work in the school district

[@timberlyncarthins6096]

I found a hidden tab on the website where she would post "awakenings" they're written like journal entries. there was one last update, dated after she died posted June 25 2019: "I want to spend eternity with you"

[@EXPLOSIVEXPLOSION]

No way

[@flauwegeit]

Can you give me a hint where to find the tsb ? Thanks >

[@timberlyncarthins6096]

@@flauwegeit it's been a long time since I've been on. I'd go check but I refuse to go back on that website. I didn't sleep for weeks, I spent too much time in her head sorry

[@flauwegeit]

@@timberlyncarthins6096 Sorry and it's okay ! I understand perfectly. I found the entries btw, two of them, the second one is some gloomy quote by a classic philosopher. But it was your comment that led me there so Thank you. I'm sorry that stuck with you so long , I've had that happen myself when I researched the Elisa Lam case a little too enthusiastic and found things I should not have seen. It can really get inside of you, not a good thing and as an empath you have to be extra careful and I think you may be. Thank you for your response and let it all go -- Lots of Love

[@STAR-xx9je]

@@flauwegeit I found it and where it has the image/gif of a book flipping pages, click it and it will take you there to the secret entry's

[@Rockamolie]

This video is interesting to me I find the psychology behind stuff like this fascinating I guess it's just morbid crouriousity. Btw I don't support this kind of behavior.

[@LilBlue30]

What is interesting to me, is how you spelled 'psychology'...

[@Max-vl5nh]

You’re good lol. Just because you find this interesting doesn’t mean you support this behavior. You don’t need to put a disclaimer

[@angelinajv7]

Same is that wrong lmao

[@promghost07]

No, as long as you're not trying to justify the shooters' actions, you're fine. It's okay to be curious about things like this, as long as it doesn't become a dangerous obsession. I've been an advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention since my friend committed suicide in 2014. I started researching the Columbine shootings a few months ago because I want to understand how things like this happen and how shooters get to the point of thinking that killing people is what it comes down to. It's easy to look at the surface of the event from behind our screens and say, "Well, they're evil, their parents are horrible people, I would notice if blah blah blah, this/this/this caused it, etc..." and then turn away and pass your next judgement on the next event without looking back at the previous one. That hasn't helped this reoccurring problem at all.

[@eej1983able]

Same. I don't encourage this stuff but I am fascinated by people who do this stuff. I just wonder what people are thinking who are so terrible

[@korvynknightway]

Hey, Ready To Glare, I appreciate you for not diagnosing her. Misdiagnosis is a real problem. I remember when the police came to my house accusing me of being a psycho after I misplaced my journal at school (I was a poser scene/emo kid). When I opened it, I found highlights and graffitied mess all over my short stories, cringey anime drawings and sappy inner thoughts. They completely invaded my privacy going though my shit and had the nerve to question if I was "not all there". This pissed off my mother and when she threatened to sue them for defamation, those people apologied and started treating me with more respect. I forgive them, though.

[@calmcuke6865]

Clearly none of you knew what defamation means. And while sure you felt your privacy was invaded, you left it at school. And it's literally teachers jobs to report anything they find that suggests possible intent to cause harm to others. If your journal had shit in it bad enough to make someone feel that police needed to be involved then your mother should have been very concerned. Moreover, "psycho" is not a diagnosis. And you can't be misdiagnosed by someone with no medical authority. You can be falsely accused of being mentally ill but even then without legitimate evidence of intent, or you actually committing a crime, the police don't have the authority to actually do anything. Yeah, they shouldn't have marked up your diary (I believe they're supposed to photograph or copy it and mark on the copies) but that's the risk you run when you leave your stuff. Even without cops, had a student found it it would be equally likely that it'd be marked in. Keep your private stuff in private places and you shouldn't have to worry. But also, your story sounds super fake anyway so I guess it doesn't even matter.

[@j-skullz]

@@calmcuke6865 "It doesn't even matter" yet you felt it mattered enough to write a paragraph-long comment about it lmao

[@soniaperezportillo4935]

Two "fun facts": -In the home page of the journal, the round white thingy is a gif from the artwork for Nine Inch Nail's album "The downward spiral" Things like depression, suicidal thoughts, violence, etc, are main themes in this album. -"Despite all my rage im still just a rat in a cage" are the lyrics of a song called "Bullet with butterfly wings" by the smashing pumpkings. Now, facts aside. Both musical references are from bands that were really popular in the 90s, it comes to my mind all this nostalgia thing asociated with this decade, al the "born in the wrong generation" things, the "soft grunge" trend on tumblr, pretty much what some of the pages of the journal seem to reflect, even on the aestethic choices for the web page itself. So maybe, among other obvious things, this is a really bad case of the "nostalgia for times i didn even was alive to see" thing.

[@evilstoat24]

that's exactly what I was thinking, she also has a link to the 'my 90s tv' website as well as seeming to like music from the 90s

[@bornsinner8423]

Homegirl gotta step away from "quirky" "misunderstood artist" and get some professional help

[@Theesleepycat]

The “I could float here forever” page is lyrics from a song called knife party by Deftones

[@obesedog248]

she also added in back to school in one of the pages.

[@Theesleepycat]

ba11tongue I didn’t finish the video lol

[@Eccentricjuices]

“I’ve watched a change, in you.”

[@cyberbxarb]

A few days after SP was announced dead , our dance teacher told us she used to be a student in our school ...

[@user89076]

Everyone is talking about how shocked they are by Sol's diary entries and actions. But I'm more curious about how the FBI were able to gather so much info on her, how they knew where she would be, the fact that she had a gun, etc. I mean, she did tell anyone what she was doing, and also didn't have a gun prior to the day of her suicide. Idk, it all seems kinda sketchy if you ask me.

[@MegD3373]

They probably got a tip about the website with her journal, that was a start. Then they can find the admin of the site through that. They probably looked into her financials and saw she had purchased a ticket to Denver. Given the journal entries and the fact that she's going near to the original site is already setting off alarms. Then she would've purchased the gun and that would be the ultimate red flag that something is going down. If she paid with a card then that can easily be traced back to her.

[@user89076]

@@MegD3373 That's exactly my point. They shouldn't be able to do any of that shit. It's gotten to the point where the FBI will stalk you simply for searching the wrong thing on Google. Complete lack of privacy. Not to mention being able to kill you and make it look like a suicide, even if you haven't done anything bad yet.

[@edgeofsevnteen]

Omg, this girl’s blog reminded me of all the clip art they use to have to decorate your livejournal on aol

[@scott_howl]

I'd imagine she killed herself there as her 'portal' to the time she was supposed to be in.

[@NoName-ze4qn]

This feels like a horror mystery game...

[@JayFLopez]

off topic but you pronounce Spanish names like really well

[@DeniseBobese]

Shes Italian so yeah. Italian and Spanish are super similar sounding in pronunciation so it comes easy to her.

[@Janik-pwoejrur]

@@DeniseBobese She rly is? I thought she was cuban

[@janetownend6624]

List of the "secret pages" I've found: - email me -i found my soulmate -black & white spiral thing -the map -the grim reaper -the book -about me, then the picture

[@zazzy7331]

her site changed, also in the digital entries it says: June 25, 2019: I want to spend eternity with you.

[@kadylynch5110]

Ew creepy, my birthday.

[@coqettish]

oof that's my birthday

[@darkrose444]

some guy hacked it

[@euthanasia1111]

She had set a time for her website to automatically upload journal enteries

[@millllk]

i used to be like her when i was 14. FOURTEEN. i was in a bad place and found a new friend that got me into this really bad stuff, she was so toxic and im glad im away from all of this now. i absolutely hate who i was 3 years ago yikes

[@mazmaryam1212]

Please don't hate yourself ❤️ your struggles three years ago made you who you are today and you're much stronger and realise everything you did was wrong back in that time of your life- it makes you unique. Don't hate yourself for the things you did, because without them you wouldn't be the person you are now ❤️

[@millllk]

Maz Maryam youre so sweet! thank you so much :) im a lot happier with who i am now and surround myself with good people. im far far away from this stuff and have been for about 2 years now haha

[@mazmaryam1212]

@@millllk I'm 19 now and I probably would go back to my 14 year old self too and smack her silly. but at the same time, my struggles back then made me one tough bitch now. I'd also hug my 14 year old self tbh. She was so sad 😂 take care of yourself ❤️

[@sammiee1894]

And now ur into kpop hehe, That's what I call C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T

[@meghanm.6231]

Your videos are always so well put together and informative! Keep up the great work!!

[@GrumbleGamer18]

“Everything I criticize, I end up becoming” that part speaks volumes

[@themrdeadlift]

Reminds me of when i attempted suicide the problem was it was ONLY abstract feelings. I just wanted to die and felt depressed seemly independently of reality. But, i lived a d got put on a few meds feel fine.

[@tessa6911]

I'm glad you're doing better now! Keep it up

[@Tiny_Koi]

Wow, I'm happy you are doing well! even though I don't know you I'm sending good thoughts and vibes.

[@meghan6552]

Happy u r still around ❤

[@jam5533]

I do try to help anyone especially those who depressed even I'm still dealing with severe depression since I was a baby literally. I'm a troubled soul, but I always try to get through life and try to help others' lives better than mine.

[@Theleahmurr]

I almost choked on a hash brown, I’m never this early. ❤️❤️

[@MickyChickyy]

Theleahmurr currently also eating a hash brown

[@brandi5126]

Now I want a hash brown

[@nature_fiend777]

Jason Croft DICK

[@MickyChickyy]

Jason Croft dirty birdy

[@sneepsnorp1404]

Sounds like you avoided *natural selection*

[@abbeyk6064]

she took "i was born in the wrong generation" to a different level

[@lovelee4956]

Stopped an Atozy vid for this 😅never clicked so fast

[@nicolefancy69]

Dude same, wtf i just found his channel today

[@lovelee4956]

@@nicolefancy69 he's amazing ! Lol that's so cool

[@esther1586]

@@lovelee4956 atozy needs to make a channel for Gary💙

[@yikeslol838]

Courtney Elizabeth he already has a channel for Gary

[@potatopaced2353]

How dare you

[@muleofmoscow584]

Hi, Psych major here. I have to say from a psychological standpoint, this is a fascinating case. I went through all the digital journals, and I believe I found all of the "secret pages." I am by no means have the ability to diagnose her, but it is obvious there are serious issues at play. Even in her bio, something I found interesting was the picture that she chose, the toddler with the melancholy facial expression. Most would use a recent photo, but she picked on from childhood. Maybe it signified a turning point in life for her, or perhaps she just liked it. Just things to think about. Looking in her journal, though, as you stated in your video, she did not need to say much verbally, or even words at all the drawings made it clear. What got me out of all of it was the page that in the top corner had a mountain view with the sun and two little trees with "I don't fucking belong here" in the middle of the page. Maybe that struck a chord with me because that is something similar I have seen in my own journals. However, I think this is a good example and moment to reflect on how important mental health is and that it is never too late to get help.

[@TheRisingIcarus]

It's really weird 'Columbine fan' is even a term

[@piscestheaquamarinedragon1088]

At least when it doesn't refer to the school's sports teams

[@sarena2302]

I feel like in this situation the family must have suffered the most knowing their loved one was like this

[@yellowhouse4911]

Honestly this makes me feel weird. I was exactly like her when I was younger , glorifying serial killers and mass su Shootings. I was so full of hate and had so many violent thoughts. I luckily got over this , I'm in a better place now with my mind and her journey reminds me so much of the person I was.

[@maisiethebabyspider9229]

bless you xxxxxx I hope this world will give you all the love you deserve

[@kintobeamer489]

When this was going on I was at school and everyone was at their lockers and starting to go home and suddenly the administrators were yelling at us to go back to class, we were scared as hell. We only stayed for 5 minutes and we were all confused and thought there was just someone shooting outside because the park next to our school is known for drug selling. We found out it was because of her and everyone was scared and finally relieved when she was gone. Can’t believe this wasn’t talked about as much as it should🤦🏽‍♀️. Same thing with the highlands ranch shooting.

[@killercupcake8912]

"despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage" that's a smashing pumpkins song

[@stratosphere94]

Some of her journal entries like “anemic and sweet” and “I can float here forever” etc are Deftones lyrics from the song “Knife Party” (Which is a great song) but I think I’m that particular part she’s just being edgy probs

[@taylorsfruity]

Super unrelated, but you are so beautiful!

[@zuglymonster]

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" They're song lyrics. It's not as cryptic as it seems

[@piscestheaquamarinedragon1088]

It is if you don't know the song/band

[@zuglymonster]

@@piscestheaquamarinedragon1088 Well, yes it is, but after you hear that its lyrics its not as creepy. Thats why I told people that.

[@raaston9761]

those lyrics explain how i feel in life i am mad that i am stuck doing the same job over and over again caging me in a loop

[@lightbulb7267]

I used to feel this way (kinda), and sometimes I still do. I often looked into the TCC and I would feel empty because I wasn't the victims. I felt empty untill I hurt myself the ways victims were (Cuts, burns, I stole I gun once but didn't get far) but after I started looking into bigger serial killers and/or mass murderers, I finally got help. I was never felt like the criminals, no connection. I felt connections to the victims and in my mind I was the victims. I was really fucked back then and I'm just glad it stopped before I killed myself or others. I can't say the emptiness is gone but it's not controlling me anymore. I know it's not the same as what Sol went through, but I understand how she felt I suppose.

[@mochiroo9929]

my dad knew one of the shooters of columbine, and i go to a jeffco school so i had to stay home. the next day my dad made me text him everywhere i was cause he was scared. thanks fangirls 👏👏👏

[@keybyss98]

Holy shit! If you're comfortable with sharing this, could you share his thoughts/memories about the shooter and what they were like before the shooting? If not, that's totally fine.

[@xpandoravampirex1355]

dude that's crazy

[@eej1983able]

So scary. I can't believe this has

[@rachelsaepharn2804]

This takes me back to when I was suicidal. I feel her pain

[@mrosegold]

I remember my fiance, who lives in Colorado, telling me about this. He said that all the schools in Colorado were closed for (correct me if I'm wrong) a day. The anniversary is a day to remember the horrible shooting, to remember all of the people who were killed, and the ones who had to live through that terror. NOT to go and do it again. Edit: I don't live in Colorado

[@rachelwandrey4114]

Maggie Rose 500,000 students and their teachers did not have school the entire day. One person effectively shut down the entire foothill area based on the threat.

[@HannahBanana4213]

I live on the 1-70 corridor 3 hours away from Denver and we weren’t even allowed to leave our building

[@SovereignRulerDoomward]

We live in a society the book

[@Hmanas14]

This

[@eiedalaceknee8166]

Lmao

[@mx_machine]

TW. In no way am I trying to justify with these actions but this is how Im “decoding” it based on my own experiences with my own mental health, and what I think maybe happened, or just a perspective I can kinda see As someone who’s suffered from pretty extreme depression, when I was younger I had similar just abstract thoughts of nothing felt right or almost even real to an extent, and that I shouldn’t exist , from this came a lot of like fantasy building in my head to cope that was pretty dark ( cough cough early 2000’s goth poetry vampire freaks dot com vibes from myself personally) I think the journaling and creating like a fantasy that was something that made since to her that felt more real and made sense to her why she was feeling this way became too real, and separating that and reality and kinda giving in to escapism, I can see where the fascination with guns in relation to wanting to not exist is coming from like in a ( I want to die way) but imagery of weapons used for mass violence doesn’t feel like imagery used based on the idea of I want to die, and more I want others to die/ suffer bc of my pain, but to me I think there’s some underlying feeling of wanting to maybe get “back” at what ever the force she thinks it’s making her feel this way ie. I think there was underlying feelings of possibly committing an act of mass violence bc of that

[@mx_machine]

Or maybe is fantasizing of an act of mass violence (ex a shooting) to happen to her?

[@lindseymoorhouse8312]

This whole thing just makes me feel extremely uncomfortable

[@winteress27]

That part in her journal that said "I can float here forever, anemic and sweet" is from the song Knife Party by Deftones Edit: okay the more I watch, the more I hear and see random song references lol

[@sethbookwalter6903]

I remember getting a day off school because of her. We were told to stay home and avoid grouping up outside. Did we listen? No.

[@deltacotheladybug]

I’m not a psychiatrist, but she seemed like she had some sort of dissociative disorder.

[@Megan-ir3ze]

deltacotheladybug she had multiple disorders probably

[@thisispointless121]

@@Megan-ir3ze You guys aren't psychiatrists. Please don't comment assumptions like this it's weird and stigmatising

[@Tamara-lg4nd]

noplsno agreed

[@Megan-ir3ze]

noplsno so? She obviously had something wrong with her mentally. And also, I said ‘probably’. I didn’t say it was a fact. I have many illnesses too. I know what if feels like to feel trapped in your own mind. It just seemed like she did. I’m allowed to express that.

[@thisispointless121]

@@Megan-ir3ze Yeah I know you said "probably" I called it an ASSUMPTION. And so???? Because people ACTUALLY DIAGNOSED get mistreated. People will see your comments and treat those people like a columbine fans, do you get it? Generalisations are made. You are contributing. How do you think it would feel for someone with dissociative disorder reading your comments? It doesnt feel great :) And yeah commenting is free reign, doesnt mean what u say is right or having a positive influence

[@claireeebee]

I'm so thankful she only killed herself. I'm not glad when anyone dies but if it's a situation like this... folks please don't take others with you!

[@cassidym2409]

Uh-Uh Claireski “if you’re going to commit homicide, do us all a favor and commit suicide.” -Zug Izland; Suicide Very good advice in that song

[@kenziecazel9982]

she was never going to kill anybody but herself

[@claireeebee]

@@cassidym2409 Agreed! I'll have to check that out.

[@claireeebee]

@@kenziecazel9982 I didn't read all of her journal and have only heard about this here and on news sites. So I might've missed something. Did she say she wasn't going to kill anyone else? Unless she explicitly said that I'd be concerned she was going to. Being obsessed with Columbine, flying to CO, buying a gun. It wasn't looking good!

[@rainyyy02]

Uh-Uh Claireski her friend added a comment on this video. stating that this girls soul purpose to go to CO was to kill herself. that was it.

[@sophoracherry6775]

I think sol listened to Deftones. "anemic and sweet" and "I could float here forever" are quotes from songs by the band.

[@christinakampani755]

I'm awestruck by the richness of her vocabulary, especially at such a young age! I think she would have become an amazing writer, if she had survived

[@Catglittercrafts]

Christina Kambani she just stole song lyrics

[@christinakampani755]

@@Catglittercrafts ah shit. Still, most teens write much more simply

[@mishiwishu7823]

Christina Kambani Most students at my school use a lot of flowery words for essays and reports and all that other school stuff. I guess we’ve all just collectively realized that “To the astonishment of absolutely no one, Zeus couldn’t pass up the opportunity to deflower yet another unsuspecting mortal woman.” is more presentable than “Zeus decided he would have a go at fucking this random lady, surprise!”

[@Catglittercrafts]

Christina Kambani not really true but I won’t argue