Did They Go Missing For A Few Days? This Is How A Secure Person Would React | Relationship Advice

Join PDS for free with our 7-day free trial
university.per...
Emotional Mastery & Belief Reprogramming
university.per...
In this video, we talk about a scenario where someone you are dating stops contacting you and essentially goes missing for three days or more. How would a secure person handle this? What are some of the behaviors we can adopt to handle potential hurtful situations like these? Watch the video to find out!
---
Never miss a life-changing lesson from Thais Gibson and the Personal Development School by hitting the subscribe button here - / @thepersonaldevelopmen...
Public Facebook group:
/ 461389461257253
If you want to listen in, check out Thais' podcast here:
pod.link/14785...
Do you know what your Attachment Style is? Take my quiz to find out now, and begin healing your relationships! Click here: attachment.per...
I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
---
#SecureAttachment #BecomingSecurelyAttached #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #SecureAttachmentStyle #CommunicatingNeeds #CoreWounds #LimitingBeliefs #AttachmentStyles
---

[@masmodiba]

I really love these "How a secure person would respond" videos because they validate those of us who are doing the work to heal. We are given a benchmark of some sort. Thank you for your videos ❤❤

[@sophiafara5997]

so true x

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Of course! thank you for letting us know what you find valuable :)

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Very true Masego :)

[@masmodiba]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool ❤❤❤

[@ksref]

Yes! There are lots of videos regarding red flags but precious few it seems about green flags or what healthy relationships are like. If we grew up not seeing what healthy looked like in our home we really need to see it or hear about it to know it's more than possible

[@AL-qd6lb]

I vote for more secure videos too! It's validating to know you are not over reacting and having a secure balanced script for trying to work on issues instead of immediately moving on is great.

[@masmodiba]

Yes!! Absolutely 🥺❤

[@vanessakaliwo]

Really loving these how a secure person would respond videos Thais! I would love to see a video on how a secure person would communicate that decision to walk away to a person that they are dating as a follow up to this video 🤗

[@CSG1994]

When I started watching your videos about 4 months ago, I was a combination of AP & FA. And it brings me so much joy as I type that I can relate to this video now, I never thought it was even possible! I’m leaning so much towards being secured. My DA partner is also trusting, showing up, expressing so much more. Thais, you have had such a huge impact on my life and I’m forever grateful. An AP can become secured and an AP & DA can have a wholesome, fulfilling relationship. All it takes is rewiring the brain and working towards it constantly. Sending you so much love & gratitude ❤️

[@saltandlight93]

Several days???? I would break up with them that's creating anxiety in me. I like sleeping in peace.

[@jillianelise5]

I LOVE that part about differences. It's not about the differences, but whether those difference allow for growth or separation!!

[@ImmanentizeTheEschaton]

Here's one that I am often puzzled about, "How would a secure person respond to being ghosted?"

[@L1ND5A7]

Thank you, next.

[@alinecardoso9668]

My response to that was saying that is something that I don't like it and I said that I wish the best to him but I'm searching for someone that can be present, and it turns out that he disappeared forever lol.

[@bellaapple2166]

This was so helpful. I always ask people in long-term seemingly healthy relationships questions about how they knew this person was good for them. Or I ask how did you get him to be good to you? They could never really answer in a way that helped me understand what I was doing wrong or how to get to that point where I communicate my needs and a preparedness yo walk away. I think I just realized how scared I was to walk away like I would be a failure at keeping a man if I just walked away. Or scared they won't chase me to come back. Very unhealthy pattern I had going on there.

[@asinsodojrn]

I agree with the others... having these "How securely attached does XYZ" is amazing! As a 58% secure, it's more what I need... the hour to polish myself as a person.

[@jenaya_laila2442]

But how do I know my needs are appropriate in the moment? It's a general question. How do I know I'm not over reacting or that my needs are socially/culturally accepted? I've been told a lot that my needs are not appropriate/ acceptable. I have to be more self sufficient and not care so much weather other people will be there for me or not...basically not care if they ghost me/ vanish e.t.c

[@dloaded]

The first tip, self-reflecting about what’s right for you, is where you’ll find the answers to your questions. As is step two, healing/reconditioning. Actually, this entire video is your guide to finding those answers. There is someone out there willing to meet your needs, regardless of what they are. You just have to get to a point where you trust that. It’s up to you to walk away from people that won’t meet them. And with time and practice you’ll gain confidence in that. You’ll know what’s right for you because it will still be a need even when you’re calm/not triggered. And it not about *not* caring as much- it’s actually about caring *more* about yourself and your needs than you have been. Putting yourself first 💚

[@KP-mw6cx]

I love this question because I can totally relate to this, and I think everyone begins to have this conundrum as they start to heal. I have a completely different take from the other commenter’s advice…There’s two parts. Part one: You can only know the answer to what is “appropriate” when you are no longer operating from a wound, but instead are operating from your loving authentic self. When you are operating from fear, you will seek to control your partner so that your wound will stop being touched (aka attempting to control being triggered). But control doesn’t work (for either party). So the questions are: what am I really needing? how can I give this to myself? What added support can I ask my partner for? If you were initially thinking, “I want my partner to text me every 15 mins.” You can filter that to see that perhaps this is because you are feeling a bit empty/desperate/needy (you know that grasping internal unease). So you’re looking for reassurance from your partner that they’re interested in you so that you won’t be abandoned. Thus, wanting constant connection is a way to navigate the feeling of abandonment. Relationships mirror our internal worlds, so you need to discover how you’re abandoning yourself. What needs are going unmet by you and causing codependency? - This is a sign post that you need to work on living a fulfilled life on your own. You must fill your own buckets, you cannot make a partner responsible for that. Happiness is an inside job. When you’re living & loving from your fullness, your partner gets to be the cherry on top. The thing that makes you happier (vs the thing responsible for your complete happiness). When you’re here, you’ll find you no longer need 15min texts, just talking at the beginning and/or end of the day might work. This is where the need for communication shifts from that wounded place to a place of healthiness. It’ll allow two different ways of being to become a conversation. Vs. You demanding your partner to be the way you want. You’ll collaborate instead, and explore creative solutions. Which brings us to part 2: Learning to have tactful communication so that your partner can actually hear you. That might look something like, “Hey, I really enjoy talking with you. It makes me feel so good when I see those good morning texts. You’re usually pretty good about doing that but sometimes you forget, would you please make the effort to text me in the morning?” This example is a simple request in a non demanding way. Your partner may say yes they’ll do that, or they may say that mornings are hectic for them, but they can text you at lunch. And that’ll be good for you too bcuz what your partner is doing is a bonus and not the key source of your happiness. Hope that helped ❤️❤️❤️

[@roshalllambert]

I love the secure content she puts out!

[@marzs794]

Me too!!

[@kidfazer]

This lady is an angel

[@kellygaitten1551]

Ah yes. I've been trying to go inward before responding to anything, especially things I've had a knee jerk reaction to in the past. Lack of communication really sets me sideways but if I know what is coming- know the plan I can deal with things alot better.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Communication is a big different because secure & insecure attachment styles. For all of us that want to know earlier in getting to know a person if they have a secure or insecure attachment style, I believe a big one is to look for if they openly communicate or not. What do you think? :)

[@hottamaledancer]

Definitely a characteristic to look for and assess! However, it's worth pointing out that in some cases (ie: mine), the DA started out feeling VERY connected, compatible, loving, and fairly open! Which was absolutely amazing. However, about 3 months in...the first shutdown/withdrawal began. This was long before I knew anything about attachment styles (or else I would've responded differently- I'm an FA anxious leaning with avoidants but avoidant with clingy or high AP folks...working on becoming secure!!), as time has gone on, it's been a rollercoaster of on and off, up and down, silence and comfortable talking. Neither of us does conflict very well, as neither of us had healthy conflict modeled growing up, so that's probably the biggest sticking point, however I didn't know to look into that at the beginning. I wish more people knew/understood attachment styles- there would be a lot less relational stress and heartbreak!

[@bunniewood]

A guy I went on one date with was flaky planning our second date. I'd ask time to let me know a time and a place. 2 days later he asks me that night if I'm free. ...um no I've made plans get your act together. I said to him politely that when I didn't hear from him I made other plans but I'm free Sunday. He agrees excitedly. Sunday rolls around and I text him in the morning. Hey what time should we meet up? 4 hours later I'm told 12:30pm for lunch...then sorry no he's got stuff to do make it 1:30...1:20 rolls around and he candles because of a "family emergency" and that he can see me later that night. By this point I felt like my time was not being respected so I sent him a text thanking him for our first date but I'm not interested in dating flaky men but I wished him well in the future. Upset he said "well I guess there's nothing I can do to change your mind then (um yeah there's heaps you could do..this text ain't it) I really liked you bye." I never spoke to him again. I have no idea if I pulled the cord to soon here....

[@matthewilkopaulino7652]

Ditch the flake, you made the right move.

[@theanimator85]

Of course you made the right choice. But if you have to ask then you need to develop more self respect

[@MarianaRochap]

Love it, can we so a series on secure person, makes easier for me to identify my secure traits and so happy that I am evolving from Anxious, thank you Thais you make part of my personal growth 😘

[@CJSmith-ky5bh]

It’s called ghosting and if you aren’t adult enough to communicate what your needs are in an effective way, see ya. It’s also part of causing chaos and drama and making someone insecure so you have control over them. It doesn’t matter how secure someone is, when the other person ghosts you it causes anxiety.

[@LeeChrissy]

That's only partially accurate. The last statement. When I was an unhealed attachment I would get anxious and upset. After doing the PDS work and now test secure, I no longer get upset about it. I've done enough work to recognize someone's wounds and triggers that if they disappear, I don't internalize it. Those are their wounds that they need to go work on and they clearly didn't feel like they could in the current situation. It also gives time for the other person to do some self-reflecting on their own end because sometimes we unknowingly trigger others. Just offering another perspective.

[@malindarayallen]

I love this secure response series! Yes! Healthy modeling is so helpful!!!! 💕💕💕👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@TheCoffeeCat]

How a secure cop would respond: "it's been 48 hours already, let's put out an APB"

[@theplaylister]

APB? meaning?

[@naomicampana]

Thank you for providing us tips for our blind spots, lol. Could you develop on how to become more secure within family… Father-son Father-daughter Mother-son Mother-daughter Siblings (brother-sister / brother-brother / sister-sister) I feel like people are so ready to throw away family members… which is fine, because I mean you know what you know…. But… is it the same approach with EVERYONE? Or should we proceed differently?

[@Em-so1le]

This series is great! Good to see not only where programs come from and how to reprogram them (which are great too) but also how it looks when you’re healing. Hoping to see some friendship/platonic videos on this series too 😁

[@jessmars9]

Yes pleaseeee more videos about how securely attached people would respond to/address a situation!

[@hebikapark2144]

Thank you so much for your efforts and these insightful videos on how to heal and become the best version of us. If possible, could you do videos about (1) how a secure person deal with rumors at work place; (2) how a secure person deal with someone who is using a secret or weakness confided to him/her to humiliate that person. I would appreciate if you lecture us about these and more. Bless you.

[@beautifuldreama8714]

Could you also discuss losing weight. Why it is so hard for most people and how each attachment style reacts or behaves when losing weight and how to be consistent with a proper diet and fitness. Thanks so much

[@brianlittle6075]

Yes please…. More “How a secure person would respond”

[@RRthee1]

How would a secure person respond to someone not answering the question about that other person’s communication needs? Saying things like, “It’s just whatever is natural.” Pretty sure that person is FA, too.

[@dloaded]

Could be. That person might lack some self-awareness about what their own needs are. Or could lean towards people-pleasing. Or is comfortable with more space. I guarantee with time and interaction with them they’ll get more clear about they like and don’t like. Checking in on a weekly or bi-monthly basis on what is working for you both could be helpful in providing more clarity.

[@kittycat4378]

To me that sounds more like want to go with the flow more, while not understanding what that means to other people can be ambiguous. They may not have directly felt like they didn't answer the question, but if they lean more avoidant then I would wager to say it might mean them being more comfortable with self-regulation.

[@mailill]

How would a secure person in a long distance relationship react if the other person doesn't answer the phone or respond to mails/texts for several weeks, or maybe even a couple of months? And if that is something that has happened before.

[@Wealth_through_Health22]

Leave

[@Wealth_through_Health22]

How is that even a relationship?

[@debmccafferty1007]

Had failed LDR. Terrible communication including catfished photos. Yikes be careful

[@StratoHari2]

When you said "your needs" it felt like a foreign language to me :(

[@alirh1145]

I dont know how I missed this video this is helpful

[@debmccafferty1007]

My best friend was found dead in her home. I texted my ex the sad news Didn't hear back for 4 days. Very telling

[@theplaylister]

Very helpful!

[@FrankM]

2:03 Is it wrong to want consistent daily or maybe every two days of staying in touch even at the early stages of dating? And I don't mean constant texting and phone chats, but a just a few messages a day or every two days.

[@Corw4808]

I loved this!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

:)

[@ontheturquoisetrail]

Thank you :)

[@Bar_Bar27]

Yes thay are doing dirty, or want you to think that they are.. Conclusion: Either way, they are not healthy FOR YOU

[@leolady8114]

Beautiful!!!

[@annagarnier2234]

Just in time.

[@water2chick]

Well it's been almost a week, so

[@rc2053]

How about 3 weeks… or 3 months? 😔

[@Princess-ef2ux]

How about 4 months 😆that mf I went through hell. Sending you hugs 🤗

[@mathews0618]

I think the title is a little click bait because saying "do they go missing" is what an AP or FA would say if they aren't getting the communication they need to remain regulated emotionally.

[@_beautifulview]

Are you having troubles in your relationship or marriage or partner just broke up with you! here is the solution for you. #dragege