Disciplining Children: East vs.West

[@local8457]

i am a white american, i grew up with an INCREDIBLY abusive father, and a mother who turned the other cheek. i moved out on my own at age 15 for my own safety. my mother felt so bad, and did so much to try to make it up to me once i was 19. it was because of this that we were able to mend our relationship alittle, and now we have a stronger relationship than we ever had when i was a child. my birthfather was just an awful person in general, who took his pain out on others. any contact with him would be so bad that i chose to cut him out completely- and my life has gotten much better as a result. to put things im perspective, if i accidently lost an 80c plastic waterbottle, i would get the shit beaten out of me. nobody is perfect, including pur parents. but i think there is a BIG difference in trying to discipline, and just being a negative/awful abusive person in general.

[@bepopxxx]

Brittany Brown feel sorry to you

[@local8457]

don't be, i became a stronger person for it. A lot of people assume that white people have it easy, just wanted to state that people from every race and culture can have the same difficulties in childhood.

[@n.fer.2596]

I admire your courage! One day I will move out too and I won't have to deal with the abuse.

[@local8457]

if you are an abused minor, report it! i never did because i was so afraid, and had been brainwashed that no one would help me and it would only make things worse. if i could go back, i would tell myself that everything would be ok. i knew a lot of people in the system in high school, and don't get me wrong- it's still difficult. but nothing is as bad as having to barricade your doors at night, sleeping with knives, and having PTSD for much of your life because you had to be so on edge. i moved out when i was 15, and it was difficult- but it was the best decision i ever made in my entire life. now i am 22, and the only thing i would change if i had to- is to have made that leap earlier. go to the police and report it- they will help you. in my experience schools never helped but only made it worse for me, so go straight to the police. there is a way out, don't ever think you have to stay because one day...you may not be so lucky :/

[@TheLivingDeadOne]

+Brittany Brown Im with you Brittany. Same passive mother as my father beat me for any reason he could think of. For me it was because I reminded him of his brother, and he doesnt like his brother. Surprised your experience was fairly recent. My daily beating were 7 hours long every evening, more than 30 years ago and started when I was 10. I wish I left at 15. Good luck to you.

[@bw2082]

Asian parents arent afraid to beat the hell out of kids.

[@tiffanynguyen9908]

So true

[@tycko4]

bw2082 its smart, Western parents need to beat their kids, just a bit, or just teach them, so they dont end up being stupid

[@bw2082]

Phil Singh I agree. I'm CHinese and had "Tiger parents" and am proud of it!

[@tycko4]

strengh of duh tiguu, U all should check out DavidSoComedy or JustKiddingFilms Same with Indian parents (restriction)

[@Brianna58321]

My father is Japanese and my mother is British; my father won't even shout at me whereas my mother will pick up a bamboo stick. My dad only frowns at me and I feel so much worse than when my mother disciplines me.

[@TheDrakon]

I agree with Yi that making mistakes having experiences is the best way to learn. It's better to get curiosities out of your system rather than growing up wondering if pursuits would have worked out but never knowing because you never tried. What works / doesn't work for one person could be and usually is completely different for another person.

[@excellero9766]

really, its not if so i was going to go to prison and learn from that waste years of my life before and in college work in shitty jop then getting sick of it quit then get back again because i need money, merry a woman i thought i loved without being able to affort it having manny kids struggle to give them what they need like home and food and i can go on and on with this. iam not saying my father did all these mistakes but to get you the point. its true that it is the best way because you will never make that mistake again ever, but you cant afford to suffer the consequences.

[@justanotherhumanbeing7119]

Hugging can actually make your brain release hormones that calm you down and can even reduce your chances of getting mental disorders such as depression and social anxiety. If your parents never or rarely hold you and stuff, they're basically neglecting you of mental health.

[@miyacao2015]

The Weirdos really? My mom has never ever hugged me

[@justanotherhumanbeing7119]

Miya Cao yeah technically. Like I usually don't like being touched but there are times when you do need affection from your parents.

[@khaipi]

I myself a Burmese male from South East Asia. I live in United States now, I can totally relate to all of you guys are sharing.

[@lekre8421]

I didn't become best friends with my parents until after I had graduated from college, and had worked for a while. Then I became addicted to their friendship; a friendship that comes with so much knowledge and advice.

[@ofwandering5639]

I used to get hit too, but I don't think my parents ever pulled the "it's for your own good" deal. At one point, my dad admitted that he got frustrated and let his anger get the better of him, and he wouldn't apologize outright, but would do so with gestures, by like taking me somewhere cool or buying me junk food I normally don't get. They only did the "it's for your own good" thing when it came to stuff like school, but even then, they came to realize that pushing me too hard did NOT do me any good (probably because whenever I came home for the weekend during my undergrad, I looked like a zombie).

[@sierrawei2876]

I appreciate my mom so much more. I think she has an appropriate amount of discipline and a huge buttload of loving and caring. She would never beat me she just gave me the silent treatment.

[@carollynch8319]

Yes African Americans do spank their children too. I was spanked and sent to my room. Later I got the do you understand why you were spanked talk along with hugs. I've never heard of calling parents before visiting. You just go. If they aren't home use your key go inside raid the fridge or whatever. My grandmother got a curtesy call because she had a three story row house and needed the extra time to come to the first floor. As for being independent my parents said stay until you absolutely know that you're able to take care of your self. The only person I know of who was forced out at 18 was a foster child. I still don't get how you can raise a child for 18 years and then say times up. My 34 year old daughter still lives with me. We do things together and I love her dearly but she's not my best friend she's my daughter. Sorry for the book.

[@psycholilly1250]

Carol Lynch I got the soap in my mouth didn't work ass whooped no TV no dessert

[@layladantour6542]

I had to tell my mother in law to call and give us 10 minutes warning because we were tired of her showing up knocking on the door with the 2 year old in hand, while he and I were in the middle of having sex. Seriously......a phone call IS appreciated!

[@marclabrie6027]

@@grim.sweatshirt nothing wrong with that

[@luckyguy71]

why is Dan in his underwear?

[@dfjulesful]

Guy Mats Coz he just don't care!

[@candicehoneycutt4318]

Not even gonna question it

[@tiffanynguyen9908]

Just very fashionable shorts, jeez! Don't judge!😂

[@Aytrex87]

Guy Mats Its Dan. Lol. Nuff said

[@Racye-bf7vn]

I was wondering the same thing.

[@jkdn]

I feel like for a lot of Korean parents, they tend to baby their kids (sometimes a bit too much) even when the kids have all grown up. I'm 24 and my mom still calls me princess and wouldn't let me do anything hard/tough/strenuous. She wants to do everything for me. It's like she can't help herself. And I see the same thing in my roommate's family. Her dad tells her your highness princess.

[@kennethferland5579]

Parenting has changed soooo rapidly in the US and Europe, and in different ways for different racial groups, different social classes and in different regions that it's hard to say their is any single 'western' style of parenting. I think their is a universal pattern that over time physical discipline is in decline globally and smaller family size leads to more 'bonding' activities, in the west when family sizes were larger the discipline was more like classic Asian discipline, smaller family sizes in Asian are causing changes in parenting style. Also note that Southern European cultures, Spanish and Italian notably follow the pattern of the parents living with the married children, the children moving out very late or never from the household. The separation of the child at 'coming of age' was a Northern European tradition. The availability of housing has a strong effect on this and current housing costs are moving the US towards this Asian/Southern Europe model.

[@thecuteproject]

Very well said! I'm from Portugal and it's like you said. About the physical discipline it's still used but very moderately like when the child is being very naughty or very disrespectful. But unlike asian parents portuguese parents are very affectionate and try to be your friends too. So, I guess we're in the middle!

[@nizwu4216]

Am I the only one who signed my own report card so I don''t get beaten?

[@Frebik]

+niz wu same

[@Shrew-22O1]

~U r not alone.... M here with u~🎼🎼- M.J

[@Say_No_To_e-Girls]

+niz wu Yeah, but I would just get caught and get my ass beat more.

[@urmom-uy8rt]

NAMJOONIE

[@jackychen9347]

yeah i do that i just put my mom's name on my report card if it has a bad grade

[@TheJamglam1]

Having grown up with an ultra-conservative Chinese grandparents, I have seen all my unmarried uncles and aunts lived under one roof. And all of them were already professionals that time! And even when one of my uncles got married, he decided to live there along with his wife and kids until he died. Affections were rarely given, so when I was a kid, any person outside of the family who tried to give me any form of affection, a buzz on the cheek, or even a weak hug sent me into shivers of discomfort. Affections mainly came from my grandma's cooking. Every meal should have at least five different courses and every time I do well in school, entitled me for a treat and/or a prize. Praises were not given in front of you but I often overheard them regaling my exploits and achievements to their friends/acquaintances. Respect, discipline and not sullying the family name are the virtues that I remembered even as a child. And the worst night terrors that I have until this day(other than involving zombies who are chasing me) will be showing up in a class on a Chinese exam day, unprepared.

[@albertchen2020]

This episode is totally different than what I expect it, because I thought that would be the funny video, but it's episode is kind of sad (not in the bad way) It's sad because it's so real...

[@laura1443]

Me too.... I did enjoy it, but was hoping for the blonde wigs 😄

[@johnliao6036]

my parents used to be that way when i was little, and i do have to be honest - it did have a lasting impact, both positively and negatively. i never really got to understand my parents, and it seemed more like they were just authorities looming ahead than the friends that my non-asian friends' parents were. it did teach me a lot of discipline, and i do think twice when i do things now, though sometimes i feel like it's for the wrong reason. if my parents were gone, i feel like i'd slowly kind of lose that discipline, which was mostly rooted in tough respect and almost a sort of fear.

[@bibianabarboza9650]

Really interesting video! I too experience the shaming tactic throughout my childhood. My parents were from Mexico and never any affection shown. But this all change when I got accepted to med school, so my parents saw that I am going some where in life (even though I've always made straight A's since kindergarten, never a bad kid) So they started to respect me and begin to show affection and the shaming decreased drastically! So now instead of having a relationship with my parents that was respectful and distant I am now very close with them.

[@mariamamarble2000]

I don't care what anyone says, there is a difference between discipline and abuse. Getting a wooping for raising your voice at an adult or doing something you have no business is a parent's disciplinary right. They don't beat you to the point where you're black and blue or bleeding. That is abuse. People just need to stop being so sensitive. When a child knows the consequence is a meeting with the good ol wooden paddle or leather belt, they'll make better decisions. I'm 15 and I have had a total of 8 woopings in my life and so have others and they are fine. Not saying you should but if a parent decides to do so, it is in their rights.

[@KeepItSimpleNailsbyAllisonSoto]

Not sure how to make this short lol but will do my best. I was adopted at almost 8yrs old. Western parents, but man, they might as well have been Eastern. I'm now married to an Islander, their beliefs are mixed EvsW. We now have 2 daughters and after watching this video, I realized that we (now) as parents are the same. We've mixed the E. & W. styles of not just love but discipline as well. I could go on, but like I said long story short. Great video! Would love to see more like this and the foodies!! Hugs (got yourselves another sub)

[@lucky_lola]

Thank you so much for opening up about this and bring so authentic and honest. It's fascinating to hear about your culture and your perspective on it.

[@herhairhisglory]

I love this channel. I always feel like in in a really cool class. haha

[@subodhmanandhar7519]

That's true man.

[@hearmeroar6691]

This is so true...I am Indian and my parents and siblings still live with my grandparents

[@VirgusMaximus]

Great video! My wife is from China and I'm from Spain, and we always compare our childhood and the different experiences we had. It helps understand each other better and why we act differently if face with the same situation. Since we known each other for 15yrs and living with her family in China for some time, I understand her family very well and know that they love in their own way. Which is much different from my family, but there is no right or wrong way to love. As long as there is love. ^_^

[@lizzettmtz000]

Preach!!! Westerners are like that! I'm Hispanic but I feel like I relate to the easterners disciplines. My parents don't like saying "I love you" unless it's a super precious moment. But....that rarely happens. Tough love is kinda accurate for me xD But preach this video!!!

[@michellepechie55]

I think the whole idea of treating your children as more of a friend is a fairly new concept. My parents, and those of most if not all of my friends growing up, did not look at us like peers or equals. They may not have been as heavy-handed as the Asian parents you are describing, although some certainty were, but the line between parent and child was very clear.

[@KahlanShepard]

I'm from Germany and I got beaten by my mother a few times, but only when I really messed things up. When I was a kid, I sometimes got jealous of my friends whose parents made them their favorite food, bought them stuff or went to places they chose, because I felt like my parents would never show any affection to me. But to be honest, now that I moved out to study, I couldn't be more thankfull towards my parents. They may have been not my "friends" and they raised me and my siblings in a strict way, but I genuinely love them for what they sacrificed for me and I'm convinced that they raised me exactly the right way. Some people may see things different, but in my opinion a stereotypical chinese parent is a better example of a parent than a stereotypical western parent: It is not our parents job to be our friend, it is their job to raise and educate us right! That's how you learn responsibility and become a decent grown-up. And despite my mother beating and scolding me, I still know that she loves me.

[@karenpowell7597]

Its not only Asian parents that does these disciplinary measures, I grew in the caribbean and the discipline is exactly the same and we are in the west.

[@milkandmatcha]

I agree. I'm from the Caribbean as well but my parents have a great balance of western and eastern disciplinary ways and they've made me into the person I am today who makes them proud :)

[@exoizb6442]

My parents are from the Caribbean also, but the way they're raising me is like a good mix between the parenting in the Caribbean and the parenting in America. I'm very thankful for that cause the friends I have who have Caribbean parents are put on lock down. Their parents are very strict and are appalled that their kid Identifies more with American culture. Unlike my friends I have more freedom. They honestly get shocked when I tell them my parents allow me to do certain stuff that would get them a beating in their household.

[@milkandmatcha]

Yeoh Jen Shen Oh, I watched the whole video :) I was just agreeing with Karen Powell

[@AlaiyahParkinsonpokemon]

I'm also from the Caribbean and the discipline was similar to eastern way

[@myuraindropp]

Wow... First off, thanks OTGW, I love all your videos! Second, Dan said exactly everything I felt but didn't know how to express. This is such a well-worded and genuine video that a lot of Asian kids can identify with. Like you guys said, sometimes it's difficult and damaging to navigate growing up with Asian parents, but gradually I realized, that even though they're the "parentals," they're humans who make mistakes too, and are just navigating their world the best way they know how. Sometimes the most important thing to remember is that you really ARE loved, even when it seems least like it :p

[@lillylunapotter8079]

my mom is my best friend and her dad is her best friend. That is why we are taking care of my grandparents. When I get married I will be moving my parents to the other side of the house and caring for them just like my mom did with her parents.

[@jordyortizrivas4032]

Your right, in my culture it's very common for the parents to move in with the children after they move in( mostly the mom ) so that they can help you take care of your kids. My parents are immigrants and they got beaten when they misbehaved and they did that to me multiple times.

[@sakuramikan28]

When I was little and asked what I want to be when I grow up I said artist and my dad always told me that I'm gonna live in a cardboard box and no one will buy my work until after I die It was pretty discouraging but now 10 yrs later I am still like I do still want to be an artist after all

[@brandonlin8625]

Wow. I really like this series of talks you guys are doing, I feel like you are offering great new perspectives and explaining things that I have always kind of wondered about in terms of differences between east and west, and also just perspectives on identity and image in general through Vids like this one, and the trends, Ms. Japan video, Asian identity, so on. This is a great quality series of Vids you guys have done with these, keep up the good work, I'm a huge fan of the channel! Looking forward to more great discussions!

[@akiko2289]

Dan's point of "tough love" reminds me of what my Chinese teacher said at the beginning of the corner. She told us that her and the TAs will be strict in correcting our pronunciation (important though), just like how our "parents spanked us because they love us." They discipline us because they love us . . .

[@surajbhat5447]

For me, the biggest problem was that,map until I was 10,,my parents raised me like that, to the point where I viewed my parents as simply an avenue to get money and food. Once they realized that I would literally flinch when they preached me, they decided to change their parenting style, turns it a full 180 to western style. Problem is, my personality already formed, so at this point, I just find incredibly annoying when they try to comfort me, or spend time with me, even though I know it's from a genuine feeling of kindness towards me

[@MeiWang]

I love when you guys talk about these issues, I think it can help some people understand more the situation they are in, and learn to look at it from another perspective. Thumbs up! :)

[@HuangYanPing]

1. Physical or emotional/mental abuse is not called discipline. Feel free to make the argument that it's to teach the child, even with studies showing that said abuse actually hampers the child rather than help teach the child. 2. It has the same underlying concept as religion. Is the child's outcome the result of their moral integrity or was it because of the threat of fear and/or coercion?

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

HuangYanPing Strangers should not dictate how other people parent their own children.

[@HuangYanPing]

Lulu Barretta I'm not sure your statement addresses any part of my arguments. Feel free to make one and I will reply further. "Don't tell me what to do" is not an argument.

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

Yes it is. Way too many people want government to get in everybody's business and control how they parent. I do not spank my kids, but I don't think we should be sticking our noses in other parents' parenting.

[@HuangYanPing]

Lulu Barretta I have said nothing of government. Social ostracism works great as well. The parents are not the focus, it's the children. The hitting of children should not be tolerated. The philosophical principle would then be this: It's okay to physical strike another human of lower intellectual capacity to correct or modify behaviors. Edit: "sticking our noses" is a loaded term; equally loaded term would include "too caring" or "prying". I'm not sure why that term is being used. What we're talking about here is the observation and communication with other individuals in our social circles or community.

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

It's "too caring" to look from the outside to another family and judge that they're doing it wrong? Ok, use whatever words you think work best. Parents love their children and do what they think is best. They know their children best and are perfectly capable of raising them as they see fit without you telling them they're doing it wrong. I may not spank my kids, but I do things outside of the cultural norm and I have plenty of people deciding I'm doing it wrong - in fact, there will ALWAYS be someone saying you're parenting wrong, so let's just leave it up to families to live their own lives.

[@tanishasandhuts]

A lot of the things they talked about not only applied to East Asian parents, but South Asian parents to. My family is from India and a lot of the things they spoke about like physical and mental discipline and the hitting applies to myself and my other south asian friends

[@enochbrown8178]

I'm a few years late to the show, but your video is great! Thanks for spending the time to make it.

[@ghizbinthuda9917]

I'm not asian, but I got to experience the exact same thing, I can totally relate to the East side, and this is very interesting because both styles have their own pros and cons

[@Jess-tl9it]

I was raised by my dad as a single parent. My punishments always depended on what I did wrong. They would range from grounding to timeout to a spanking and after I calmed down enough to talk to we would discuss why I was punished. The only reason I called to visit was because I needed to be picked from the airport. Also pretty much every phone conversation was if you need any help let me know and if you want to come back we will figure out a way to get you back here. I would ask to borrow money but wasn't ever allowed to pay it back. He wasn't my friend until he knew he could trust me and I had proved to be a capable person. Though we always had lots of bonding time and affection as well as respect. I also was never forced out... Most of my friends were allowed to stay at home as well... My dad wouldn't always agree with my choices but he did support me usually with an, "I don't think that's a good idea but you can make your own choices. Though talk to these people that support what I'm telling you."

[@kewkiee]

Yea my asian parents pretty much wanted me to go a certain direction. Although, they were never too strict. I asked my father once if it'd be okay for me to do whatever I want, and he said he just wants me to have a happy life. I still ended up following their advice :P but now I realize after trying their advice, it isn't what I personally want. So I am now trying to achieve what I want. Also, yes when I was younger, I got beat.

[@kimlinda8296]

my dad always dicipline me use west style while my mom east style xD

[@tycko4]

I am Chul Same, tho i'm half Asain

[@kimlinda8296]

Phil Singh but im asian...hahaha

[@tycko4]

Asian moms are amazing, but the metal part of the belt :(((((((( :OOOO

[@kimlinda8296]

Phil Singh pity you.. but i never had the belt yet :/ but i had with hanger ToT

[@tycko4]

lucky, it stings, at least she cooked food after she did it. She can cook amazing. always with roti. Always made me feel better...

[@kulupingerzi]

It will come full circle once you become a parent.

[@danny7218]

Lol my dad tried to bond with me when I was 4 tried to teach me to ride a bike, I fell down he walked away scowling said if I wanted to go home I would have to learn to ride my bike home by myself. I was probably about a mile or two from my house so for a four year old that was a lot of fun =D

[@SotSabahan]

I'm Asian living in South East Asia, Borneo Island to be exact. My Parents very open and let me and my siblings do whatever we want. If they found out we made a mistake instead of lecturing us. They just smile, gave 2 thumbs up and say "That's reality, you did mistake. Serve you right!".

[@ShoroukA]

Yup... I'm a middle eastern (Half Kuwaiti, half Moroccon) & both cultures discipline in a similar way + Might live with parents + Have their kids live with their parents until they get married!

[@SJ-di2iw]

my parents definitely influenced my career decisions. They did it in a certain way though, like: "you can pick whatever you want, but if you pick this thing you wanna do, and you regret it, don't come crying to me"

[@karens3437]

I can say that way they described the discipline in Asia is very similar to mexico.

[@mav1877]

I think my childhood more closely resembles Mike. There was no sorry even a hitting would be followed by you are "worthless". Took me years to overcome that emotional damage.

[@ziyanglow289]

the respect less affection is true, my mom and my aunts and uncles on my mom's side was told to call my grandmother "ah sam阿嬸" which is one of the names for aunty bc my grandma didnt want them to call her mama or mummy bc the philosophy behind it is if you get too close with the kids, they might start to not listen misbehave. but its not a bad thing at all bc rn all my aunts and uncles and my mom have the best relationship with my grandma, they still have the same relationship of mother to children except they dont call her mama so they like know where they stand and respect and listen to her. and for disciplining, my grandpas and grandmas generation was BRUTAL to my mom and dad's generation. whenever i misbehave my aunts and uncles and my parents would tell me if they did that during their time they wouldve gotten beat all over the body and my grandpa/grandma wouldve thrown the wok across the room and they wouldve stfu immediately or stuff like that, ofc my parents dont throw woks now bc we dont have anything to use for cooking if they broke the wok. but ofc as an asian, i got beat and "shamed" but it pushed me further so im thankful that my parents did that to me. oh also it pushed me bc i was put in all these situations when i was young not only at home but in school too like the teacher beat and "shame" us so its smtn im very used to and is smtn that helped make me want to work harder. (im still a lazy ass tho)

[@_matti_1797]

I'm italian and I got beaten A LOT when I was a kid, especially by my grandmother, but her and my parents always said " I beat you because you have to understand that what you did was wrong, and I'm sorry because I didn't want to do it" so it's not that they shamed me, but I know a lot of friends whose parents went like "Shame on you! You have to be ashamed for what you did, that was a bad thing and you are a bad person!" in my opinion this tecnique is not the best, but it works with really bad kids. By the way, great video!!

[@layladantour6542]

"If I did not love you and worry about you, I would not take the trouble to scold you"

[@MariS1980]

Layla Dantour It's true, you put your hand to the fire you will get burned. As a parent we shouldn't want our children to get burned by bad decisions, Parents should instruct their children which way they should go. Help them in their journey to adult hood.

[@joannehopkinscreative6792]

We just had this conversation last night. I'm white, my partner is a immigrant (born in Shanghai moved to the U.S. At 13). Our 8 year old son experiences the push and pull between western values (mine) and eastern values (his).. It's a struggle we combat in our household all the time. Our son thinks dad is "mean" and mom is "nice" and trying to explain to him the cultural differences creates a weird dichotomy in parenting.

[@nastjas527]

most of the points you made about the east also apply to a lot of slavic (east european) countries. our relationship with our parents is quite similar to what you described.

[@onejourney]

...support your parent's life guidance and continue your dream by adding on more study in the area of your interest. At 21 years old you should be able to guide a 12-year-old. Therefore, your parent's guidance is SPOT On!

[@ArtTasticCreations]

I think a lot of the difference comes because in the east, people are taught to treat elders with respect. In the west, there isn't a lot of respect for older people. I know this first hand working in a retirement community. The kids would never visit their mothers or fathers. And the grandchildren would also rarely visit. It was really sad.

[@08fighter08]

I know that for the majority of people I know plus me and my siblings we got whoopings for doing bad things. It was not just the regular like 'I'm going to beat you just cause'. It was always because we did something wrong like talking back to an adult or messing with siblings or being disrespectful in public. Nice video. I like learning about other cultures other than my one.

[@Straddllw]

Broomstick? LOL I got the belt. The metal parts hurt!

[@tiffanychow7093]

I used to be spanked when I was younger if I did something wrong but now my mum just explains what I did wrong and suggest ways to make sure that doesn't happen again. I prefer it now.

[@aleksilaiho6016]

Everything you all said is damn true! My people are exactly the same as you all said about Asian Parents! Each and every word came out of your mouth fits for my people as well! I got a lot of beating and now I'm 25 and my mother still scolds me and Sometimes beats me when I go back home late night! 👍👍

[@serena1725]

I got that tough love too..well it's always at the end that I realize that it's my fault. My parents would physically discipline if I answer them back. When I was a kid I really wanted to go play with my neighbors but I was told not to so one time I did went out and they found out so scolded me then I answered back. My mom would pinch me before, I even knelt down on mung beans, standing with books on both hands. And a lot of words. After that incident of escaping I would always asked my parents to let me play outside of the house , they would let me but not all the time coz I have to study

[@ArashidDeDemon]

Lol just rewatched this and i like how Mike starts with *it's good to have the ladies back* gotta love the ladies ;)

[@ronzac55]

My case is that my parents raised me with the western style, like best friends thing, hugging, they allowing me to pursue anything i want or letting me or my sisters do mistakes. But the only thing that matters is that they seem not want to let me go. it's like "you're obligated to live in this house before you get married, if you go you're a bad bad kid." Idk, maybe that was what their parents taught them too. Basically people migrated from China leaving their families behind a hundred years ago and they're terrifying of people leaving the house. Thankfully though my parents very rarely hit me with anything. My dad said he knew what it's like to get hit so he doesn't like it at all.

[@poisonandmore]

I could totally relate to some of this! My parents are Rssian and they're sort of inbetween what you guys described.

[@zeinab265]

Im western and my parents totally are/were like you discribe asian parents! Youst spot on 😆

[@annieshaluantony279]

Every word u z wer true. I'm An Indian, you literally explained my parent's attitude

[@joey_bookworm6169]

My mom also has loads of different kinds of punishments. Eating the small hot chillies, the cane, the kneeling, etc

[@Round-Circle]

My parents are both Japanese and when I was younger I was beat more than when I was a teen, but that shaming stayed the same up to this day. I have a better relationship with my friends parents than my parents it's pretty sad I think.

[@OohlalaHolly]

Love learning from yall

[@MrAnimefreak10011]

In terms of sense of responsibility African parents (people who are from Africa), are a hybrid of East and West. When you have reached adulthood (18) they push to be independent (leave the house), but they will always keep tabs on you and pay you visits quite often.

[@debbiechia]

when tutoring a Chinese mom, she told me a story that her son in elementary school was bad one day (not respectful to her) so the Dad came home from work and told him he wasn’t allowed to go to school the next day. That would never happen in an American household.

[@AUSRick12]

Yup.... my siblings and I got the belt.... We would hear the jingling of the belt buckle coming down the hall and immediately each of us would try to remember if there was something that we forgot to do.... My parents did the job that they needed to do to train us in the right way... all part of growing up. We laugh about it now.... We were very lucky to have parents that acted like parents.

[@ASu-qf4ud]

Both parents would "spank" us as children. We didn't call it "beating", that sounds really harsh. They didn't hit hard to hurt, just to sting to teach a lesson. IT WORKED. It is NOT child abuse. Of course as soon as we got old enough to understand the basis behind moral concepts it stopped. And we as Asian children love and respect them completely. It's respect PLUS the affection. And they also gave us alone time, bonding time. I guess the "hybrid" that was mentioned during the vid. Thanks for the discussion Off the Great Wall :)

[@oyonggofomocci2078]

Mistakes, and the accompanying experiences, are what define one's identity and life. If one is shielded from mistakes and pain, then one is shielded from life. Whether that's good or not, I'll let you decide.

[@jannbiclar9782]

This episode reminded me when I was beaten by a bamboo stick sometimes a ruler by my teacher back when I was in elementary for having 7/10 mark because it was shameful since I was in section 1. It was harsh but I think it mold me who I am today in a good way. 😊

[@MyBloodyLips]

Yea Hispanic u_u I got beat with the great ol Leather Belt my dad usually did the hitting and what makes it worse he's like "so you learn" -.- I think it happened until I was 15. I'm sure he meant no harm but everyone has different teachings.

[@sushisushi5862]

I feel you XD... All this time I was thinking about how much Eastern parents resemble Hispanic ones... Guess this video isn't much of an East vs. West huh?

[@allysonmessina9]

EmiCrimsonLips Omg haha I was always threatened with the belt. I had forgotten about that. My dad would even make it sound and would hit the floor or walls really hard to scare me xD

[@MyBloodyLips]

Allyson Messina omg my dad would do that also xO

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

Sushi Sushi Hispanic is different from white. There are subcultures in America of course.

[@anag.9071]

I tried hiding the belts once but forgot my dad was wearing one ( ;-;)

[@uts4448]

4:45 that’s so true. My friend said he was *boxing* with his dad (you know like friendly boxing with gloves), and I’m sitting here like, *wait.. so you swung at your dad?* and also like I hear stuff like *yeah, I was drinking with my dad* ...like... whaaat?! How? No matter what age I am, I will never be that comfortable being “friends” with my dad. And the last thing he wants me to do is drink. I’m not Asian. I’m Pacific Islander (Micronesian), but we kinda have the same *respect* as Asian households.

[@Tenisuhime]

The dreaded feather duster! I remember hiding it from my mom when I was younger.

[@davidCUtube27]

VIDEO IDEA- Table Manners: East vs. West.

[@mariaw.4780]

I'm European American and my parents were not abusive, but my parents basically treated me like Asian parents do, at least, as far as your examples go here. But they DID let me choose my major in college.

[@shotbytim9624]

Some of the characteristics you observe about the relationships between Western children and parents are actually fairly new. The habit of socializing only with age peers and breaking from parents to the degree that is now common has only become the norm since the middle of the last century. Especially in rural areas, it's still not unusual for elderly parents to move in with their children or for 2 or 3 generations of a family to live on the same property.

[@cafezo87934]

when it comes to "discipline", my parents never disciplined me except for this one time my best friends mom called my mom and told her I stole a kids lunch during lunchtime at school. my mom got really mad. the thing is I didn't steal it, the kid asked if I wanted it and I said sure so I took it. other than that, I was a pretty good kid.

[@scarletmoon9256]

I just remembered getting screamed at by my parents a lot growing up. I was always afraid that they'll start nagging me until I get extremely annoyed so I try to do what I need to do to avoid it. I'm Chinese but my parents don't normally spank me or anything unless i really screwed up, which is rare cause I want to avoid they're nagging. Really it's more my mom than my dad... Though I have realized my dad is more strict towards my brother and my mom towards me, why is that?

[@MadQuackExperiment]

My parents gave me a weird mix of eastern and western discipline. I received the beatings, tough love, scolding, and shaming in the early years; and then they tried to mimic western parents in the later years while still keeping the scolding and shaming.

[@shadowblade0343]

when i was really young i would get beaten but as i grew older i become brave enough to actually run around until my mum was too exhausted to beat me anymore so from then on i did not get beaten

[@emir2162]

Hi :) will you guys be sharing Journey to the East episode 2? I LOVED the first one!

[@kkuma.s_hairclips]

I live in the Philippines and some of this is true based on my personal experiences. My dad would make me kneel on the floor as punishment or make me feel bad/shame me, and use a stick for the "walis tingting" to hit me and on one rare occasion he would use a belt on me. Though my mom (before my dad died) would just pinch me really hard, shame me or give me the silent treatment till i say sorry, and on rare occasions slap me. The family thing is true and me and all my family (mother side) lived near each other and in my father side... we all lived under the same roof 😂😂 and my grannie (mom side) is living with us.

[@Chet22]

I think its about community rather than parenting because no parents want their kids to be unhappy or not be who they want to be. I think deep down they really want that but the community we grow up has different set of rules or designs that most parents are just trying to fit in. They are worried what others might perceive and they don't want that others looking down on them or their family and some parents sometimes lack that vision and they feel like they really don't have choice other than to restrict their kids. At least that's wat I understand like most of the time.

[@SomaKitsune]

First off, I love your vids. Always really interesting and thought provoking with just the right amount of good, clean humour. In regard to the topic, this may sound weird but I've often said I wish my parents smacked me more. I did a lot of stupid things in my teen years that I honestly think I wouldn't have done if my parents had done more than just told me "they didn't approve but it was my choice". As a pre-teen I had it really easy, so as a teen I always thought if I did something my parents didn't like they weren't going to do anything anyway so I just walked all over them. And it was true. No matter what junk I did or how many trashy girls I brought home or how lazy I was, they always basically said "aww don't do that, darling". Sure I turned out ok, but it was a long, hard road that could have been easier and shorter had my parents used the spoon and some scolding.

[@Way2muchreality]

Our mom and dad used a wooden spoon "named" Mr. Woody. Our parents would say, "Go get Mr. Woody," and it was at that moment... we knew we f*cked up. But i still love them though. 😁

[@allthatsheiz]

I think contrary to popular belief that African / African American Family structures are very simular. When the families aren't severly broken apart for any reason there is the expectations of taking care of your parents, parents sacrificing for the children, the ' I know what's best' theory etc.

[@Mickey-bo6cv]

Very insightful. Thank you for sharing.

[@Ms1112223334567]

my parents are Chinese, but my dad does the western teaching way and he always forces me to go and be social or go figure something out for myself. it's actually nerve-wracking whenever he does that

[@Anoldanimefan]

Really liked this video!!! So good! Thank you!!!

[@Blackswordman001]

It's the same in the Middle East. 70% of my relatives are doctors, lawyers or engineers it's like their parents put them on paths and they tell us what to do and not to do so you never get to do the mistakes on your own. Actually there are so many things that are similar maybe it has to do with the long close relationship Asia Middle East had before because of all the trade.

[@Razear]

I was always a rebellious kid so I got countless lashings and I can't even remember how many bamboo canes I broke. lmao

[@anissofeamdmujait3836]

as a chinese growing up in traditional fmaily who is half strict your right . they will totally tell you this

[@gojinny4238]

Great video! I can totally relate as a Korean growing up under confuscious settings. Can you do a segment about what happened during Chinese cultural revolution?

[@AmeliaEverythingBabyNames]

This is soooooo interesting!

[@morganwheeler3797]

When I was in Preschool, until the end of the sixth grade, my dad was the stereotypical asian dad (He's white though), but after about sixth grade he had completely let me go free unless I got below a B (He scolds me bit if its a C but after that the pure shame and shunning begins lol). I was so unbelievably scared of what would happen if I got below an A when I was six, it was terrible! Also, I went to a private school so the drilling of GO TO COLLEGE, GET STRAIGHT A'S, was a part of my life since I was two. The thing was though, my dad would only shame me! He would never hit me or anything! Oh my gosh the stress back then was bad! Now all that shame, disappointment, and stress is not put on me by my dad but myself! Woooo! SELF LOVE!