dissociation episode caught on film

One of the symptoms I deal with from PTSD is dissociation. I made this video while in the middle of a dissociative episode to just talk about a few aspects of it and show what it can be like. EVERYONE who dissociates has a different experience, different tells, triggers, severities, symptoms--and even someone who dissociates regularly can have different levels/types of it at different times. This is NOT a description of all the ways it can feel or manifest. Everyone's experience will be different.

[@PsychsolutionswithDrK]

As a psychologist, I want to say thank you. I have many clients with dissociative disorder, but I have never actually seen it or been privy to the experience in the moment. I really appreciate you educating me.

[@faithsheehan2544]

That is precisely the problem I have with psychologists. Like having a problematic intermittent with a vehicle. As soon as you take it to a mechanic the problem if by magic disappears on the work shop floor and you leave embarrassed only to have the car break down on the way home😶

[@kmckinlay8070]

@@faithsheehan2544 Brilliant analogy!

[@doloresinkenbrandtanddawnc9212]

I believe she is very brave..

[@matthew321123]

@@faithsheehan2544 I worked in the medical field a few years and got to interact with a lot of doctors. This right here drives them off the wall. My dad has a heart problem and goes to the heart doctor. The professional does some tests and asks my dad to wear a heart monitor for a few days. That heart monitor might as well be a wonder drug because my dad's heart behaves and works better than ever when he wears the monitor. Take the monitor away and has issues but the doctor needs to see the abnormal readings in order to diagnose. This sort of thing with things disappearing as soon as a professional looks is something doctors are aware and annoyed by. Same things with some mental problems and other ailments. Do the best with what we got and what we see.

[@faithsheehan2544]

@@matthew321123 thankyou Mathew. I have reconnected with my psychologist. We are very close and although our views often conflict we have very open and honest dealings with a new another. My issue is complex PTSD starting from abuse in church....anything is likely to trigger me...even smells. Good news is solicitors are now representing me and psychologist very confident that he's able to get me through. Victims of such sinister abuse all have the same symptoms....there's a plus for anyone working with us. I find people's opinions and views so helpful so I would really like to say thankyou. I took a lot from your msg. Lots of love and appreciation. Faith🤗

[@mae9911]

My dissociation is random but it’s mostly triggered by anxiety. I go all numb and I question reality and myself. I can get into a pretty dangerous headspace, willing to do things that may put me in danger, because I don’t feel like I exist. It’s crazy.

[@jokesonyou222]

Literally me and I’m bipolar

[@Twilightsummerbreeze]

What is your experience when you question reality? What does that mean?

[@goodknight37]

Exact same with me

[@GalXZ42081]

This is delusion of nihilism

[@stillnate]

How did u treat it? Currently so out of it

[@RalucaBlajut]

I think the main reason I’ve been so isolated in the past years is this - I hate dissociating when I’m with people and I use up so much of my energy to try and be in the moment for them, but I can’t and it’s a complete struggle! Also, it might sound weird, but I dissociated while watching your video.

[@shahilagh]

But I like it. It makes me feel less affected by their worlds

[@MasteIsIllmatic]

@@shahilagh I think everyone disassociates it’s just a spectrum.

[@NevaJWilson25462]

I can just be talking on the phone and look down and see my left arm grabbing tighter and tighter on my right arm squeezing it really hard. Sometimes my right arm will turn red.

[@NineToes821]

I think I did once or twice too. I had to back it up a few times and start certain parts over because I suddenly realized I didn't know what she was talking about or how she got to talking about it.

[@amandasauve7081]

Sending light to you darling. So many of us are suffering in silence. Relating to you big time.

[@mossvibes]

Sending lots of light and love back to you too! We're all going to make it through these things together. I'm proud of you!

[@a_diamond]

❤️💜❤️

[@popflickbogeypoo]

I get this too. I used to call it “falling asleep with my eyes open” as a kid I would be so scared to go to school I’d dissociate in my room then I would be late. Causing more anxiety. Yeah I never told my teachers at all. I mentioned it years later to a friend to find out that not everyone has this is scary. It’s like being on drugs when dissociating sometimes. Know what I mean everyone?

[@mossvibes]

It is!!!! It’s often like being high or drunk or muffled by a fishbowl except you don’t actually get any of the fun parts 😓

[@flameepidemic4839]

I have OSDD 1-b snd thought it was normal and my friends called me crazy when i explained it and i was like welp somethings up lol

[@ZJT-hi8gq]

One of my coworkers thought I did drugs because I would dissociate a lot at work. I didn't get into my mental health with her but I was just like "what?? no i'm not on anything!"

[@windwhisprz]

I know what you mean, for me it feels like i was drugged, in a bad way. And its scary to experience.

[@LinnChanett]

@@flameepidemic4839 they called you crazy? im sorry :(

[@poetfriend]

I suffer from Complex PTSD and dissociation is definitely a part of that struggle. I was looking for more information and insight about what is happening to me, and you gave me that. It is a gift to see another person make such a bold and courageous confession, and that inspires me to want to continue my work in letting other people know about what is happening to me. You made me feel less alone and less desperate. Thank you for this video.

[@dmc1806]

Well said pall 👏 ✌FROM DUBLIN CITY REPUBLIC OF IRELAND 🇮🇪.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Christina Lopez have a video about about this topic.

[@mossvibes]

Thank YOU so much for this lovely comment!

[@dmc1806]

YOU'RE A REALLY BRAVE AND TOUGH KID. NEVER GIVE UP. PRAYERS AND LUV FOR YOU. FROM DUBLIN CITY IRELAND 🇨🇮.

[@gabrielle3542]

Wow. I understand this so much. The pauses. The ums. The description of how it feels. Wow. It's like I'm hearing me when I'm dissociating and still here enough to somewhat process lol. Same type of thoughts too like whaaat

[@faithsheehan2544]

Why would anyone be watching this you say?.......because we are hyper sensitive like you and we care, and we understand. We are hurting too. We hate seeing others who are hurting as much as we are. We want to grab through this screen and hold you and take away your pain. Just like we wish someone could take away ours.....we love you and support you honey xxxxx🤗😪😶

[@heytherenordic7230]

Yes, me too.

[@sml91085]

So we’ll said Faith!! I right there with you guys. Hugs!!

[@JodylM]

Very well said. Love to all who has this. Someday we will have peace, I promise you.

[@davidf2244]

@@JodylM could you not I literally JUST stopped crying before reading this.

[@barbaranocente1629]

Thanks makes me feel betthat someone cares

[@GoOnTravelGetLost]

Thank you for posting. My daughter has dissociation episodes and feels like she is the only one who goes through it. Being able to see you is helpful to show her she is not alone in the world. Thank you.

[@haidenjoudrey4263]

I get lost staring, or I catch myself staring at the steering wheel and I yell at myself wake up haiden from inside

[@CoraDagger84]

same :(

[@user-ke4hi2el5k]

Saaaaame

[@cutevibez9142]

Wait wait same

[@cutevibez9142]

Damn maybe i do disassociate-

[@TruckerNyaG]

Same

[@amarantheinwhite]

When you said you were detached from your body and could barely feel anything, I was just like, YES there are words for it! Just every thing you used to describe it made so much sense

[@Singingbutterflies]

I really struggle with dissociation, to the point where I’ll completely collapse. I didn’t realize until watching this that the picking and scratching is a consequence of it.. and like you said, it doesn’t hurt until later so you can do quite a bit of damage. One grounding technique a therapist JUST shared with me is tossing a ball back and forth from one hand to another. It works better than just holding/touching something hot or cold or with a lot of texture, because it requires proprioception. Your brain has to be aware of where you are in space in order to catch the ball, which forces you further back into reality. Just thought I’d share :)

[@AA-vr8ve]

Ty for sharing, I just found out this is something I do- like, the name for it yknow? Usually i just smack myself as hard as I can (which is obviously not good) but thank you for sharing!

[@carole1864]

Thank you so much for sharing. I did not know that trick.

[@raeikou6740]

Thank you for sharing such an intimate window of your life. Life is hard, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has trouble staying /here.

[@mossvibes]

You're definitely not! I'm rooting for you. Thank you for the lovely thank-you. :)

[@illagaitskill7361]

Hey ❤ This happens to me too. It's scary for me during these dissociation episodes. Dream like, underwater feeling, slow motion, dazed. Glossed-eyes. To watch this video, feels like I'm not alone.

[@mossvibes]

I’m sorry that you experience this too. You’re definitely not alone, and I’m super proud of you!

[@Emmasama240]

It’s so easy to read about stuff like dissociation and panic attacks and go “huh, that sounds kinda familiar, but I’d *know* if it happened to me, right?”. Watching you, I can see exactly what dissociation actually feels like, and realize maybe it happens to me more than I ever thought? More evidence it’s probably not “just” depression that’s giving me a hard time. You have no idea why anyone would watch this, but it’s still helping people 2 years later. Thank you

[@ka342]

Yes

[@daveperryman291]

Don't be afraid to share. We need to hear this. Thank you.

[@nireshnr]

Doing self care and jouranaling and nature and avoiding psychopaths narcissists and other abusive people made it mostly go away for me. It's from childhood trauma.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Those ppl drain your energy, want's to take your peace and dim your light.

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

Exactly!

[@deeanaholyoak3127]

What do you do when you breed with them? That's the worst conundrum.

[@staceymoral4289]

Best solutions EVER!!

[@mariebernier3076]

@@deeanaholyoak3127 Limit or end contact with them, use 3rd parties if possible to manage things like custody exchanges. Also, work with a good therapist on your reactions to them, reduce your ability to be impacted by their words and behavior. Peace and love, hon.

[@tamsinturnbull3661]

Thankyou so much for this I’ve been dissociated for the past 4-5 hours and I’ve been terrified I thought I was going crazy so I started doing quizzes online for psychosis but I couldn’t even figure out the answer to the questions. This has brought so much reassurance to my mind as I’m the exact same multiple times a day recently and I don’t feel as crazy anymore, just praying this passes soon it terrifies me. I’m the same when it comes to being around people like this, I’ve barely left the house in a few months for fear it will happen and then other people won’t understand so in that sense I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I don’t know who I am right now this is horrible

[@kyraphillips6819]

As someone who has DID, thank you for this video, so many people are uneducated about what dissociation really is. Even channels that are specifically intended for educational purposes often give misinformation. We need to remember that our experiences will all differ in some ways, we are so proud of you 💖

[@lisa.lemons]

I just came upon this video. I am borderline and have been having a hard time lately, so I've been on KZbin exploring. I know when I'm doing it and understand why I'm doing it, but its such a good feeling to see others as well. I know others do it but it still feels lonely and unstable. Thank you so much for stepping outside your comfort zone. Being raw and vulnerable and showing this had to have been extremely difficult. I'm so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. You are helping so many!!

[@tovenrvik6336]

I have Borderline too. Borderlines are daughters of Narcissistic mothers, and are destroyed and fragmented inside. Recommend you to see the videos of Dr Judy Rosenberg. Persons wt bpd needs to avoid stress.

[@mossvibes]

I'm so glad I was able to help you feel a little less alone! Thank you for helping make it worth it for me to post this. :) I really hope you're feeling well lately, but if you're not then I hope you're just doing what you can and taking gentle care of yourself!

[@sunbear2051]

I can recognize myself in your example, it's almost freaky (not in a bad way) I often wondered what people saw when I'm dissociating and is to a point I can't quite control it in front of them. Are you exhausted af too after a dissociative episode ? especially if you had to keep it normal in front of people ?? anyway thank you for posting this video.

[@mossvibes]

Oh yeah, I’m almost always super exhausted after dissociating or having a flashback! Not just you. I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this too!

[@mariebernier3076]

Always exhausted when you have to hide it. 🙄 I'm over it, already!

[@carole1864]

I think people don’t notice it really.

[@SureHowDoYouKnow]

You are a beautiful person for sharing this important part of your life. Hope your new puppy is learning and supportive.

[@itsalwaysemma9803]

I try so hard to explain to everyone they don’t understand then I feel like I’m trapped and it’s hard to breathe. I’m so sick of not being able to go through a day without thinking everything’s a dream and I’m in a different universe and my real body is somewhere else

[@premalmartin3246]

Thank you for uploading this. I'm in my last year of college with a psychology and pre-med degree because I really want to help people and the best way is to see the life of what my future patients live and to put myself in their shoes.

[@makennajones7583]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am a trauma therapist and psychologist and this is so helpful for me to see so I better know how to help others that struggle with this. I appreciate you for being so vulnerable and open about this! 💗 you are incredible!!

[@trumpetgirllindsey]

It’s nice to see someone who understands what I go through everyday... people dont understand that you can look and act normal and completely not be ok...

[@mistypfitzer111]

Oh hunny, thank you so much for making this! I struggle with disassociation too( thanks to my BPD, and my severe PTSD) and I do the face scratching/touching too! Like far too much lol especially if I'm really anxious or upset, I'll constantly be picking at my eyes or my lip ring. And I completely zone out and stare blankly without blinking for up to an hr straight, unless someone notices and gets my attention. It's super embarrassing, because the people who are around me, aren't kind to me about my mental health struggles so they are always making me feel like a freak and asking me "what is wrong with me" 😣 your approach to integrating a support dog to help with your disassociation episodes is absolutely BRILLIANT, and u helped me to even connect some dots between some actions of mine and the possible reasoning that fuels those actions. You're wonderful! ☺️🥰

[@kathyberney5093]

Thank you. My son struggles with dissociation. You are brave and helpful to shed light on something personal and not widely understood.

[@tamarahoward1285]

I have complex ptsd severe depression and anxiety and ocd. I dissociate after severe emotional stress. But my dissociative states cause amnesia. Like I wake up and I’m driving or just going through the motions of just being. I hope you start feeling more grounded

[@mossvibes]

I hope you do too!!!! It’s scary when dissociation is so strong that your memory is gone, I’m so so sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope it eases for you very soon.

[@c17kelley21]

❣

[@donnaroachdonna65stars37]

I also have this while I'm driving. The only way I can describe it is sleeping with my eyes open and a lightness to my body, almost floating. I know part of this people don't understand.

[@TinasCrazyLife]

I do this as well. My thoughts with everyone

[@debbieflaherty4846]

Tamara, Do you have trouble keeping track of time? I have zero concept of time. I just go through the motions. I’m not living...it’s more like I’m just existing.

[@fayehermans188]

You are explaining exactly how I feel. This episode is going on two solid weeks with no relief. It feels like experiencing the world through saran wrap, mentally and physically.

[@MaddiesThoughtsandFeelings]

Thank you for sharing this. My episodes have got so severe lately and it's really scary. At least we know we're not alone.. currently sucking on an ice cube!

[@mossvibes]

ice cubes are fantastic! I hope you're feeling a little bit better now, I'm sorry you're going through this.

[@tipontoe]

Thank you for posting this, it makes me feel less alone in this state. 3:06 - I also have a squishy toy like this, it helps me realise the tension in my wrist and makes my hand busy. Your video also showed me to pay more attention to the fact how much I'm too scratching my face, especially my eyebrows and eyes, I don't know if it's allergy or I'm being nervous, maybe both. Take care!

[@leoshort7457]

I guess I just learned what is happening with me... It's one thing to hear about a state of mind from a professional and another to see someone go through it... Wow this really blew me today. I literally didn't think it could look so "normal". Thank you for "exposing" yourself 😄 it was perfect. It is a vulnerable state.

[@amandacoral1083]

I was purposely looking for a video of someone being dissociated on cámara, because I found out in 2019 that I had this, but I never ever seen someone else with it, so thank you I know it’s hard. I still do the balancing thing. I have eight tattoos and they all had to be balanced out on my body. I do things for to long and don’t even notice specially showering- I could be an hour or three and it feels like 20min to me. I have to constantly remember what I have to do and when I do this I still forget. I don’t feel anything when I dissociate it’s like I’m not here at all. I constantly zone out ( conversations,doing homework,at work,on a date, having sex) but for some reason my body knows what to do without the help of my brain. I have to doubled or triple check myself to see if I’m here or not.

[@tovenrvik6336]

There are a lot of videos about Dissosiative Personality Disorder on KZbin, in them there are a lot of switches in front of camera. Litterature in the topic are: Jean Darby wt Jeans Three faces. Trudy Chase wt Rabbit Hole. Sybil, Evas Three faces etc.

[@bonmercer]

Your eyes look like you have been crying alot. God bless you child.

[@mossvibes]

you are so sweet....this made me almost tear up when I saw it the other night. I had been crying a lot that week, but luckily I'm doing a lot better now! Thank you so much for the kind, kind words. I hope you're doing well!

[@mariaazevedo3417]

You are very courageous to show people how hard it is to live with that problem. You helped many people that are suffering in silence. Hope there is something to help you deal with it. God bless, ❤👍

[@mossvibes]

Thank you so much for the kind comment and good wishes! I'm doing much better now that we found medication that helps me, and I'm using a lot of coping skills that help make my life a lot easier. I really just want everyone to know it's not just them, they're not alone, and people understand! God bless you too

[@staysane8590]

Thank you so much for posting this. This is me to a "T". I never knew why I all of a sudden, a few yrs ago, started picking and plucking. Totally injuring myself. Like a purposeful punishment. I even yell out loud at myself and say "JUST STOP!".."STOP!"..but it took forever for me to stop. Making myself bleed...I still do it but not as bad. The topic changing, not rmbrg thoughts..off track, wide eyes and staring. Certain noises trigger me soooo bad. My bf's recliner going up & down...OMMMGGG. And when he sneezes. I literally get angry. I hate this so much. Great video. Take care! :)

[@Raphaelo325]

Thank you so much for such a special window into your world. I have had dissociative moments in my life, however mine are much more mild in intensity. Most times I can't tell people because they look at me weird. Wishing you some peace and comfort.

[@magix8wings211]

You’re so brave to post this and I want you to know you are a beautiful valid and amazing powerful human being. I suffer all types of dissociation disorder and have experienced it from the heaviest/worse to ‘lighter,’ modes in many many aspects. I’m still dealing with it to this day and funnily enough I’ve realised I’ve had it from a baby, due to isolation & other things happening growing up and can become aware of symptoms from my memories. I also have taken photos or videos when I’m aware enough to do it. It’s so great that you can share and take vids or photos because it’s crucial to healing and it’s scary and hard, but there’s something you can’t imagine at the end of the tunnel until you finally go thru the experience of it. It makes me feel so much joy and clarity to be able to relate to how you speak, your energy, eyes, movements, and so many aspects that come thru with dissociation so thank you for sharing this. ♥️

[@thegreattheterribleme5113]

You are stronger then me for being willing to post this and thank you. I hide my shames... No more!

[@bryonyhutt]

Thank you for posting this. I've been trying to understand if what I'm experiencing is disassociation and this video, plus some of the comments below, have helped me see that it is. Mine rarely happens when I'm alone, as it tends to be triggered by interactions with people, and I've never felt able to say that it's happening, partly because I've had no idea what's happening except that I feel totally removed from everything. Like I'm watching myself keep up an act for other people. Thank you for sharing the things that help you, like the stress balls and cold things. I will be trying these out for sure!

[@arlenef3934]

Very powerful. Thank you for being brave enough to do a video while a dispositive state. You have daughter us what such an episode looks like. I have severe depression and anxiety. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Blessings!

[@ChrM1694]

thank you for helping to put words to actions, i feel like everyone has their own vocab when it comes to mental health (at home) and we can learn how to express ourselves in such better ways by just listening to each other. thank you for helping me.

[@a_diamond]

❤️ it can be hard to put things into words, but it's worth taking the time to find them. Whatever they are for you. You end up with new insights.. and new ways to work with what you are dealing with.. so it's fine if vocabularies don't quite match up, we can usually understand the feelings behind them and identify with them.. *Have an online hug* 😊

[@mossvibes]

You are SO RIGHT about that! That’s exactly why I find it helpful to watch other people’s experiences too. So glad I could help a little bit for you! Thank you very much for taking the time to reach out and comment back. Hope you’re doing well these days.

[@Cnotte99]

Thank-you for sharing this. I'm almost 50, and I still learn new things about my dissociation by hearing others talk about theirs.

[@mossvibes]

I’m so glad I was able to help a little! You’re definitely not alone. Thanks for taking the time to share your own experience. I hope you’re doing as well as you can be right now!

[@confrontational_spoon4987]

For the longest time I didn't know what this feeling was, I called it being "in a daze" or "too tired" because everything feels fake. It feels like I'm just dreaming and none of its real. It's very upsetting as an almost 17 year old to not know what's happening or how to make it stop. I appreciate the tips and methods you use to help it

[@theescapistpoet]

Thank you for being brave enough to do this ❤️ I recently got diagnosed with borderline and have been trying to understand what dissociation even is...now i know that I do dissociate because i feel just like you when I do. I do the skin picking/scratching alot and am on meds to help with it. I think they are a little bit, along with doing actually positive things for my skin. I ramble alot. But you seem really cool and good luck on your journey. 💕

[@jennieforsberg4415]

Wow. I am so greatful for this video. I dissociate, have been since I was a toddler, och but I just recently found out that my weird experience had a name. So I am still discovering my episodes now that I am aware of them. You sharing about scratching to make even…wow, It bloss my mind that anyone knows what it means…I am so shocked. I have never heard of anyone else doing that, and I didnt know it could be dissociationrelated! And then you put your hand to the metal on the window and even before you start to explain I know… I just know. Sometimes I stand barefoot in the snow to get the same sensation as you describe. Thank you so much for this video. I am so glad you shared it.

[@asdfghjkl87619]

I’ve been going through this since last February,.. it was after a “bad psychedelic trip” or trip in general. Before that I was smoking weed constantly for 2 years. I was so scared from these feelings that I just completely stopped weed and definitely psycadelics. My understanding is that I had such a traumatic experience that it put my brain into the feelings of dissociation to cope with the trauma. I was raised Catholic but had lost most of my faith.. I can honestly tell you that leaning back in to MY faith, has been the only thing keeping me sane. I want to say that feeling this way has helped me make many lifestyle changes. Besides the people that can relate to HOW you’re feeling, nobody is really there going through it like you are. Only God can see that. Just try to talk to him, like reallllllly talk to him . This is just in my opinion, but I’ve only been dissociating for 7 months ....

[@pidge165]

Thank you 🥺💙 I know it's so hard to share and try to express what it feels like. I've felt like such a freak lately with my ptsd and my dissociating.. I'm even trying not to dissociate right now 🥺 it really helped me to see someone else who can relate 🥺💙

[@lulukallinen3057]

I just found Your Channel. Thank you so much fo sharing this. Right now i am really Bad dissociating and it always leaves me feel so,so cold and empty. To see i am not alone on this actually gives me comfort. Thank you.

[@mossvibes]

I'm so glad I was able to help just a little bit! You're absolutely not alone. I'm so proud of you and I hope things are a little easier for you these days.

[@coltonpenn]

I sit like this for hours, it’s incredibly physically painful but I don’t feel it at the moment until I come too, leaves me feeling weak and exhausted.

[@mistypfitzer111]

I DO THE SAME THING!! 😣🥰

[@mariebernier3076]

@Izaak Woodruff Stay strong, Izaak. Have you told your girl about it? It helps SO much to have someone who understands. Good for you that you went online and sought this out, kid.

[@benjaminmichael2007]

I haven't found anything I relate to as well as this. I call it "doing the in between." Generally it happens for me in large social situations, and I just want to be alone, as caling any attention to myself just makes it worse. Thanks for sharing.

[@mariebernier3076]

Thanks for being so brave to show us. Vids like yours helped me realize that I've been doing this for 30 years, but just worked around it. I appreciate you!

[@elizabethdean5999]

I think you are a very strong person. I want to thank you for putting yourself and your experiences out there. It helps others know that they aren't alone. Wishing you love and light.

[@mossvibes]

Thank you so much for the kind words! It helps me too to get comments like yours and know I'M not as alone as I feel either. I hope you're doing well!

[@kacyjean8818]

SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE LONG COMMENT. Dissociation often times begins shortly after a tramatic experience. My experience was I had been drugged at a party when I was 16 and was sexually assaulted later on that night. Maybe a week after is when my dissociation started, it felt like I never really sobered up. Like I was just very uncomfortably high all the time. I suffered from Derealization Disorder for 2 years strait. No one knew what I was talking about when I tried to explain it and it took me forever to figure out even a name for it. I described it as being like, remember when you would rearrange your room as a kid and wake up in the middle of the night still half asleep and for that split second you were trying to figure out where you were? That's what it felt like but instead of lasting seconds it would last minutes and it was like being thrown into hell and you're trying not to show how much you're freaking out on the inside. I considered maybe I had brain damage or maybe I had sugar problems either way It was the most depressing and quiet time of my life. I barely remember anything from that time. What I do remember is walking down the hallways in highschool and seeing everyone laughing, smiling, kissing, whatever, and just being so envious that they got to "be here" and I didn't...anyway, I'm just wanting to tell you it CAN go away. I believe you can get through this. There must be an underlying issue dear, you have to get to the bottom of that and start there. I know first hand how terrifying and depressing this is for you. Just know that you're NOT crazy and this is a real thing, your brain isn't messed up, it's basically on auto pilot to protect itself from stress.. I got mine to go away when I took up smoking. I don't recommend that as it is a bit unorthodox but for me it was like a light switch. Try and find your light switch. (hopefully without the use of nicotine products) find something to stimulate your mind maybe like a good hobby (I know it sounds stupid because literally everyone suggests that) but it could help. Some things I would do during an onset would be to close my eyes count to 10 and list things off to myself in my head I'd tell myself what I'm wearing, who I was with, where I was, how long I'd been there and how I got there. Best of luck to you dear.. P.S. I used to do the scratching thing too. It helped me keep the imminent panic attack from arising once a disassociation onset began.

[@mossvibes]

Best of luck to you too!!! You're so strong and you've worked really really hard, and I hope you feel proud of yourself and have an easier time lately.

[@darkreunion8929]

So I dissociate which causes me to have these delusions I’m out of reality the word is fake and I’m in like some weird simulation. The part I don’t understand is to have a dissociation disorder is there some trauma needed? The mental health I currently suffer with BPD, intrusive thoughts, crippling anxiety, OCD, eating disorder, suicidal ideation but I’m not too sure could other mental health issues cause me to have that Truman in which I dissociate or could my mental health team have it all wrong?

[@sonjatedrick5994]

@@darkreunion8929 hey! i also suffer from horrible anxiety and ocd as well as depression without trauma and my dissociation is still really bad, it’s totally normal

[@odizaii1700]

Hey. I'm inspired by your story and gave me hope that I can fix this and be fully present again. Thank you so much for sharing this 💙

[@stevemorse108]

Thank you for your courage and for a very interesting video. I take vigorous showers on the head or get under several duvets to feel comforted as to why anyone would watch your video simply because it is more authentic than most of the other thousands of videos one finds on KZbin. It conects people to real human unique and valuable emotions.

[@monicalittleton1711]

Thank you thank you thank you for being so brave to make this video. I have this disorder but I’m only recently able to articulate it. I’ve spent many years behind a facade. Your video helps to create a dialogue about the experience.

[@tinydiamond255]

Thank you for sharing your truth with the world. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Please know how incredibly helpful this is to so many people.. those enduring what you do, and to those of us with people we love who are enduring this. You have given me personally ,insight that I needed to understand and help my daughter. Thank you Better and brighter days are ahead!!

[@lovelyella]

I watched this because I dissociate too, you did a great job dear, 💟 I get very spacey and ruminate or zone out, can’t finish my thoughts or sentences… I feel very alone a lot… I resonate a lot with your experience. This lets me know there are others that are struggling with this too and I’m not alone. Praying we find solution so we can be present for our lives again ♥️🦋🙏🏻🧚🏻‍♀️

[@AgentSoz]

Thanks for posting this. I got diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago and am still trying to wrap my head around what dissociation is (because I definitely do it, I'm just trying to figure out which set of behaviors/experiences is dissociation), especially when I do a good job of seeming normal even when things are happening in my brain. So this is actually really helpful. Very grateful!

[@reinapanda6852]

It's interesting to see from the video and comments how dissociation affects everyone differently. For me I cant speak or move. When it starts Im similar to u in that I speak slowly and take a while to form a sentence. My brain is split in two places like Im here realizing what's happening and Im also starting to float away. My body vibrates all over and I slowly start to feel my body less and less until I fully cant move or speak. My brain goes into a sort of euphoric state like its drawing me there and I can keep floating for hours if I let myself. And its so hard to not let myself. The floating feeling feels just as good as it is scary and it feels like its pulling me but Im scared of what will happen if I just let it and completely let myself fall into it. Dissociating be really scary so Im glad u shared this and I was able to see and read how everyone experiences it.

[@jshields648]

I am 71 and I have suffered with this disorder since my teens. I was in my late 20s before I new what was happening to me !! I don’t like it but I have learned to cope with it after really a good Dr.s help!! Wish the same for all who suffer with it! We are not crazy and it isn’t our fault!!!

[@joanncoopertroupe3506]

How i know i am 63 , i have been like this ,, i also self isolate

[@GCXperts]

I admire you for being 71 and still being strong.

[@Twinmama143]

What kind of dr do you go to for this? Primary or psychologist?

[@katiebenson1215]

You are a strong woman I can feel what you're saying don't ever put yourself down. I'm the kind of person that feels other people's feelings and always wants to help I think you're pretty courageous to do this. You'll be in my thoughts and in my prayers God bless you

[@mossvibes]

Thank you so much for these kind kind words! I appreciate it! 💖

[@breebrat56]

I don’t know if you’re planning on seeking professional help in training your puppy to task for you, but I found a great resource. I’m currently working on finishing my service dog’s PTSD training and I talked with K-9 Off Leash. They train service dogs, specifically PTSD service dogs. They are in lots of locations in the USA. I hope this helps, disassociation, flashbacks, and the other things that can come with PTSD sucks. I’m in the struggle to get better too. So glad you have your puppy ! She’s a dear, sweet, & beautiful girl ❤️

[@billc9178]

I understand your pain. For the last year I’ve been saying, “people can’t hold me accountable on my facial expressions (or non-verbal cues). Only my words and actions”. When reality is I need reciprocate more in line with how people react around me. As of this comment, I’m choosing “the lesser of two evils for myself”. Dissociation over “typical” generalized anxiety. It’s like a never ending battle between caring too much about what people think or not at all. For me, trying to explain myself all the time and over thinking stood in the way of my own goals. Getting back in tune with nature helps. Best wishes in your struggle. I hope you find fulfillment in whatever you do.

[@mossvibes]

I hear you on sometimes needing to choose the lesser of two evils with dissociation over more generalized anxiety symptoms! I hope things ease for you sometime soon and you keep finding yourself moving forward, tiny bit after tiny bit. Nature ABSOLUTELY is healing-I hope this coming month you can get outside as much as you want/need! 👍

[@windwhisprz]

Thank you so much for posting this and sharing your experience with us. I have episodes where I dissociate and it feels like I was drugged in a bad way. Also I don't feel attached to my body, my voice doesn't sound like my voice and its a scary experience especially when you don't know that what you are experiencing is dissociation. You are so brave. Much love

[@mossvibes]

That's definitely dissociation and I'm so glad you at least were able to get a name for it and learn about it yourself! I'm sorry you go through this. Wishing you lots of easier times and good mental health and happiness!

[@windwhisprz]

@@mossvibes thank you, blessings to you💚

[@Brendallynn77]

You are so brave You are so powerful You made me cry and we are crying, I feel so heard The cold glass helps me too and feeling the moist dirt while gardening heals my soul. I wish you everything good with love, happiness, and healing

[@1sweetea]

For me dissociation is like involuntarily or voluntarily separating from your being. Like there is another part of you trying to tell you that their tired sitting with you and they need to get going for now. Almost like the incredible Hulk effect.

[@nathandouvier1976]

This was so helpful, I never (knowingly at least) get to see from this side.my favorite part was how similar your speech is to mine when I dissociate. Eg. losing train if though, slowed speech, the struggle to even remember what or why what’s going on (is). I just don’t feel alone for now, so thank you so very much. I am sure that a lot of us appreciate your courage. Keep on keeping on, as they say lol

[@tessjones5987]

So brave of you to share this so others can see and get help of understand. So unconditional on your part.

[@alfiepeters8507]

This is literally me. I've always been so weird and secretive about it, not wanting to talk about it. All the time as a child, I understand it more now. Thanks for sharing.

[@mossvibes]

Thank YOU for watching and taking the time to share your own experience! I hope you’re doing well.

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

I have this while going through trauma after trauma. I never knew what this was. I describe it as being in a trance. And it's embarrasing when I realize what I'm doing. I had no idea this was a thing.

[@80023375]

Thank you for this. I dissociate due to my PTSD, and to have someone say they have the scratching thing too really helps me to not feel alone. I'll scratch the back of my shoulders and neck until they bleed without feeling it.

[@mossvibes]

Oh, friend, I've done that a couple times on my arms and ankles, I'm sorry you go through this. I'm really proud of you for making it so far and I wish you an easier time from here on out!!!

[@patjohn775]

I had a dissociative episode one time because of an adverse reaction to medication. I didn’t realize it what it was called until I watched this video. I felt like I was trapped in a dream. I tried to turn on tv to bring myself back to reality. I can’t imagine having to go through this often. It was a terrifying experience for me

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

I totally trained my dog to help me in these moments!! You can do it! Mine is trained to sense from my breathing, words, or sighs to tell when I’m what I call “stuck”: either lying down and feel like I physically can’t get up, or stuck in-motion doing something that I feel like I can’t stop. She then does a series of actions depending on the situation. Making me sit up, pulling pillows out from under me, confiscating whatever I’m holding, even tugging on my clothes to make me get up and physically engage.

[@mossvibes]

That’s amazing!!! Thank you for sharing this, I love it for you. I’ll have to try to get my dog to work with me on this too!

[@k0giku]

thank you for documenting this. im going through some sort of disassociation right now, and it’s really nice to see that im not alone in this :)

[@meltemo.4139]

I feel like you’re a very real and authentic person who craves deep connection, and unfortunately the world is not full of very deep people and meaning. I sometimes do this too, and that’s why I paint, just like you, because art allows me to feel alive and present in the moment. I think creative people tend to dissociate more because when we’re not being creative we feel dead on the inside. I think you just have to find people who make you feel present in the world and keep those other people away- don’t try to force it with them or force a job that you hate, because I find myself dissociating more when I’m near people I don’t feel a connection to or I’m stuck in a job that’s a very bad fit for me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you at all. I learned how to stop dissociating my improving my speech and being articulate. I noticed that I was scared to face the world, and thus would dissociate. But when I kept improving my speech and writing skills, I gained the confidence to be present in the moment. You deserve to be present in the moment because this is your life. You deserve to be happy. Please please surround yourself with people who celebrate you and people you have connections with, and pleaseeee pick a job that you feel present and confident in. Sending love your way.

[@meltemo.4139]

Also just another note, learning how to speak articulately allowed me to express myself more- which minimized my dissociating tendencies, because I could actually talk about how I felt and what I felt in the best way possible- which in turn gave me more confidence and lessened my dissociative episodes. When you’re scared to face the world, you dissociate and think that no one can hurt you that way if you’re not mentally there. I also end up thinking that if people dislike me or say something mean to me while I’m dissociating, that’s okay because they don’t know the real me, and the dissociating version of me can take it passively. But that’s a very dangerous game to play in the long term.

[@mossvibes]

I'm so glad that you have art as an outlet! It's really great for that. And you're right, surrounding yourself with the right people makes a world of difference. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't gotten the wonderful friends I've been so blessed to meet. I'm working on building a life that gives me joy and peace, and I wish you SO much luck and ease on your own journey through life too! Thank you for such a nice and encouraging comment. :)

[@mossvibes]

That makes a lot of sense. Was there anything that helped you most when you were trying to learn how to speak better even while dissociating? I'm lucky that my current treatments made me stop dissociating, but I'm sure it'll happen every now and then over the years, and I'd like to get better at expressing myself!

[@meltemo.4139]

@@mossvibes I'm SO glad that you have supportive friends around you. Having people you can actually be vulnerable with and trust is truly a blessing. Thank you so much for your wishes, i wish you the same! Yes this is exactly what you should be doing! Keep focusing on yourself and build a life for yourself that you enjoy and that you're proud of. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life- just do what makes you happy and pursue something that is meaningful to you. You got this. I can automatically tell that you're such a great person with an amazing heart. You deserve to be present in the moment and you deserve to express yourself in the best way possible. So many ignorant and narcissistic people express themselves perfectly. Why can't we? It's because they believe that they are better than everyone and sharper than everyone. The key is for us to be even sharper than them, so no one can bring us down. I'm talking about these people a lot because i truly believe that these types of people is why im dissociating and not in the present moment, because they have emotionally abused me since i was young. But we got this and we can get through this!

[@meltemo.4139]

@@mossvibes I don't know what your political stance is, but I've been watching Jordan Peterson and have been reading his books on the rules of life. He also has a pdf online called the essay writing guide, in which he goes over how to write in the best way so you can express yourself better. He says that reading improves writing and speech, improving these three things will make you more articulate. So when i'm dissociating, i write what i'm feeling and that way i can pinpoint my exact thoughts. If i'm not near anyone, i call up a friend or family member so i can come back to reality. I would let them know that you're having an episode and make a plan with them on how they should help you through the episode. Then if i am near people i don't know or feel scared of, i stay quiet at first and really listen to them to see if i can agree with something or add on to the conversation. If i don't have to be in their presence then i make an excuse and just leave. sometimes if i'm alone i look around the room and find something, anything i can comment on or have an opinion on and just say it to myself, or i feel a blanket or try on some clothes to bring me back down to reality, or i clean my room or take a shower. Just something so you can feel like you're in the moment. I hope this helps and i hope you're doing okay! Sending so much love to you.

[@alexgorron6470]

More serotonin is produced. It's a form of healing if you can overcome the fear. It's a very real spiritual thing in many cultures, and some shamans drink concoctions so they can do it on purpose.

[@SKOLAH]

@@modernprague3266 Research it.

[@teddybear698]

Ok but what's the way to get outta of it or make it better

[@mariebernier3076]

@@teddybear698 Therapy. You'll need to talk about what caused it and work through those feelings.

[@stefanysheard1664]

They should purposely just have a bad trip that’ll do it

[@juliecollins1486]

Wow! I get it. I’m 54. You did a wonderful job of showing what happens! I do something similar to scratching my face and I have to make things “even”. The good news is, the ability to have intense concentration on things can be a big blessing in a work situation. I was able to work in the nuclear hazardous waste industry and did very well. Your video was totally worth it...just so you know.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Yes, the concentration is a blessings, I'm borderline, we dissosiate. Love to read and concentrate very well.

[@mossvibes]

Thank you so much! And WOW what a cool and interesting job-thank you for keeping all of us safe!

[@sleanie]

This took serious courage. Thank you for sharing. Your hair is cute. It reminds me of Daisy Head Maisie.

[@sloane5]

Can definitely relate this. Just by watching your actions and listening to your speech pattern with the frequent pauses to recollect thought, i can tell that what we have is near similar. Though i don't have the balance problem, i have other problems similar to it. Thank you for this video.

[@lotta4925]

I have this and I thought I was a freak. Thank you so much for sharing this it’s so important

[@hunterfrederick2731]

I’ve been in this exact same spot, and I looked like you. Thank you! Because it makes me feel like I’m not totally alone.

[@m.teresa.r]

A month ago, I woke experiencing a "dissociative episode" (not sure what to call it), but it felt like a bad shroom trip that I couldn't escape. I had to keep telling myself I'm in reality, don't lose your mind. The scariest experiencing and I was even driving to appointments trying to not show what I was going through. I felt wide-eyed and twitchy. No clue what is was I went through, and that scares me more.

[@NineToes821]

It's really weird for me to watch this and realize that I do it all the time. I think I finally get it though, and it explains the memory loss, the "always on autopilot" thing, the way I talk really slow, constantly stray off topic, or lose my train of thought. But I think I must get lost in mine more, because I don't feel scared that the world doesn't feel real to me. I'm just elated, so I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I understand what's going on with me better, and it's also kind of liberating to know that I'm not the only one.

[@itzVictom]

so personally i wanna say you’re solid. I’m 22 and have tons of triggers, trauma and etc from past experiences with toxic people and my balloon string has been broken for a long time. I feel the parts of my brain reactivating when i focus on my body and sensations. i’ve been meditating for years which helped me regain centering in my body is what i’ll call it. but i’m a skateboarder and martial artist so my pain tolerance is really high and it’s kinda hard to recognize the feelings or have my brain respond to them. i end up out of my mind a lot. like really often but my consciousness is still here. i’m just trying to regain track of my thoughts or kinda get back into the moment after entering into a thought and going into my head. My advice for you is to try vapessana meditation. If you still need the help that is. you seem like a smart girl with a lot of self love but the little things affect you. if you can focus on one thing without anything knocking you off then you’ll be good. Maybe try the meditation for a while until you feel a bit more centered/grounding/whatever it’s called then start jogging and focusing only on the motion of jogging. you should see your triggers a bit more actively. I’m extremely social and smart but i have so many mental issues bc i’ve lost my grounding after being psychologically attacked by unhealthy minded coworkers even while i was a manager at one of my past jobs. another tip is to figure out what your personal norms are for yourself and your idea of “normal” people and create yourself off that. highly recommend noting things you want to become the norm so you can build them into mental notes and learn how to deal with the conflict from other peoples! Much love to you and i wish you the best of prosperity! i’m starting my psychologist appointments the 15th from now so hopefully i get a good person and good results!

[@abhipsabehera3742]

I can never thank you enough for this

[@mossvibes]

💖💖💖

[@sandrameza1644]

Good for you! There is no shame is sharing something. Without judging it... Its just a moment.

[@nomadchica]

@ottermelons thank you so much for your courage and kindness in posting this! You should feel proud of yourself for being able to post something so vulnerable. Many people do not have your courage. I know that it was very helpful for me to watch this. I experience dissociation pretty frequently, but I don’t have anyone else in my life who does.It’s really hard to describe it to people. And you’ve done a wonderful job here demonstrating and describing the experience, in addition to showing ways to manage it. I have ways to manage the episodes when I experience them, but I’ve actually learned a lot of new tools from watching your video and reading people’s comments here. I’m wondering if you or any others here experience shaking during dissociative episodes. A lot of times parts of my body shake, usually my arms, but sometimes almost my entire body is just kind of flailing around. It’s such a bizarre sensation. I probably look like a fish out of water flip flopping around on the ground. And it feels almost like being on some kind of amusement park ride that’s tossing my body around, and I have no control over it. It used to totally freak me out, and sometimes it still does. But for the most part, I’ve learned to just let go and let it happen. Anyway, thank you again for posting this video. You’re helping so many people. And I’m very glad to read in your comments that you’re doing better. :-)

[@CandyElektraSpam]

I do this every single day for as long as i can remember. Many many many times a day. I thought it was normal for so long. You sound exactly like me.

[@jolindley9715]

Thank you for your courage in sharing your experience. Know that you are amazing, strong and beautiful, and helping others with this video. Sending you peace and love from England x

[@jayneshort6103]

I get this, thank you for sharing and know it is helping others. Hope you get your puppy soon.

[@ashlarblocks]

First off, thank you for making this video. It shows you are a courageous individual to do this to help others. I hope you do ok & get great enjoyment from your dog. Pets are the best. I was interested as I have a former acquaintance who I could be interacting normally with, then he would suddenly go quiet, is face would go blank & he would stare off into the distance for a short while, maybe a couple of minutes & then he’d come back. I wanted to try & understand it better.

[@allentowngal4769]

Very special of you to share this.

[@cdaviscorona]

Hello, I watched your video about your stay in the psychiatric hospital and want to say you are so very brave and I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your journey with others. I wonder if you were taking meds before you went to the hospital... if so, did they let you bring them in with you, or did they want to prescribe new meds...? if you aren’t comfortable saying, I completely understand. Drink water, unclench your teeth, relax your arms/shoulders, eat, and be kind to yourself. I am pulling for you. Thank you and stay safe.

[@ripj5301]

Thank you for being brave!

[@Glitter_Piss]

Been there girl! A lot.... Sadly. Honestly thank you for making this video, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

[@seliisnotonfire]

You’re the only other person i know besides myself w the even thing situation but idk what it is, it is reassuring to not feel alone in it though

[@LoverScratch]

People don’t realise how exhausting dissociation is for your brain. It takes a lot of energy to keep your brain in that detached state :/

[@mossvibes]

It really does! I can never believe how fatigued and worn out I am after I'm coming down from intense dissociation. It's like my body's been having a continuous panic attack under the surface without me knowing until that moment.

[@unrealnews]

This can be a bit scary, especially if it happens while driving. I know that I can snap out of it if I force it, but it often feels good, like my brain is repairing itself. I don’t want the good work to stop.

[@tabora_]

Same here. I've had highway hypnosis type SO bad I had no idea how I got home so quickly from an hour and a half drive. It literally felt like a blink and honestly if there was a cop trying to pull me over I would NEVER know until I snapped out