Divorce Lessons: What Our Divorce Taught Us About Relationships

[@JClouseauB]

You are a living example that divorce or breakup isn't the end of life. I hope you're going to be well and I wish you the best.

[@MendedLight]

❤❤

[@trinaq]

While divorce is hard for everyone, I find it admirable that you're being constructive about your experience, and not viewing it as a "failed marriage", but sharing what you learned.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you so much for seeing this and saying this.

[@lozer93gurl]

Honestly, there is this better level of authenticity and ease in your videos that I think make them that much better. Glad to see a positive divorce story.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you ❤

[@SaucyJTD]

Okay, this went from gut laughter to raw and emotional real quick. This is, by far, my most favorite episode so far. Thank you, Jono and Alicia, for continuing to be vulnerable and sharing your story while also answering questions. I truly wish the best for both of you ❤.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you for your kind words! ❤️🙌

[@SaucyJTD]

@@MendedLight Any time. They're well deserved ❤️.

[@diannholland]

My Ex-Hubby and I are good friends. I love that he found a great woman and that I found a great man. But there was a Long road to get from there to here. And as I once told him, if we had stayed together, I would not have been able to experience the awesome things that I got to experience. Our divorce gave us both the freedom to do what we needed to do to find out who we really are. I wish that for EVERYONE.

[@anjelica948]

I’ve only had one serious romantic relationship in my life, but boy did I learn A Lot from it. One evening after much crying, I was pacing around my kitchen, talking to myself, trying to work things out in my head, I said “Why can’t I like somebody normal!!!!!!!” And then I just stopped, leaned against the counter, sighed, and said “Because if he was ‘normal’ you wouldn’t like him.” It wasn’t the first time I’d had the realization that I had a hand in developing feelings for dysfunctional people, but it was probably the clearest. The second thing was, much closer to our breakup, I was pacing and crying again, I finally said to myself out-loud “You’re doing exactly what you did with your mom. You think if you’re good enough, you’ll earn his love and attention and THEN the relationship will work and you’ll be happy. And you know that’s not true. Because you were always worthy, that’s their problem if they don’t see it.” And then after we broke up, I told myself “Until you deal with your core issue of unworthiness, you’re not allowed to date anymore. Bc you keep picking people that feed that negative cycle.” I’ve been single now for about 5 years, and honestly, I’m okay with it. I’m taking the time for myself to really truly work on facing what I have to face and processing whatever comes up in doing so, and it’s still a long road, but I don’t believe I’ll be single forever. And even if I am, I’m much more at peace with it than I used to be.

[@user-zt5yv6qz6l]

I`ve never been in relationship (I almost was one time) but I also had similar lets say pace. One day I caught myself crying over another failed romantic pursuit and saw cycle of me over and over chasing unavailable men and that addiction to fantasizing over someone and then waiting for rejection. I told myself that I`m banned from doing that 4 years ago. I tried since then to not seek romantic emotions at all. Now I know myself so much better and I grown a lot, I`m surrounded by greatest friends because they are the outcome of the inner work and I feel the best in my life yet. Recently I almost fallen into the same cycle (but in much improved version since the guy wanted me this time but had some other issues that still made him unavailable) but now I was able to recognise it and walk away much easier than earlier. My standards are getting higher and higher because if you love yourself you naturally choose better. I would like to be in relationship one day, but now its not in my top 5 dreams haha and I see it in more realistic picture so I cherish the time I have now as a single much more than I used to

[@laurenl720]

Thanks for being so vulnerable.

[@MendedLight]

❤️

[@gracep2910]

broke up with my partner last year and now our relationship is better than ever. i want to get back with her but i’m worried we’ll just repeat our patterns.

[@MendedLight]

Glad to hear that is going well with her! What has been the best improvement you have seen in your relationship?

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

Sounds like prime time for an authentic and accountable conversation. It's okay to communicate your wants, even if you're not sure it's possible. Whatever your relationship is meant to be, that's a collaborative growth opportunity. Excited for you both to continue working on it like you have been. :)

[@melodycook4561]

As I walk through my divorce, this series is a lifeline. I may never have the relationship with my ex that you two do, but that's ok ❤️ My question for you two is what is a healthy process for moving on, and how can you know you're ready for something (someone) new?

[@brandycarr5378]

I appreciate both of you talking about your experiences and being candid. Personally I think it is therapeutic for you two, but helps a lot of us to understand the dynamics and complexity of relationships.

[@babak-k6t]

One of the most educational videos out there. Must watch.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you for the kind words

[@jauntydamemusic]

As I told a divorced friend, the Beatles also broke up, but that doesn’t mean they failed!

[@MendedLight]

Amen!

[@barbelarmbroster6524]

Great example! 😁

[@Ricky.Z]

Yeah

[@mpet483]

Thanks Alicia and Jono. I’m really trying to use some of these lessons to strengthen who I am and how I show up for the people around me. ❤

[@MendedLight]

Thank you for the kind words! How are you applying them to your life?

[@Ricky.Z]

I really appreciate you guys making this video. Love that you were willing to share your perspectives at this point, and love that you two continue to have a great relationship.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you so much! ❤️

[@vforv9402]

I really love to be one of your people and I’m very grateful you being part of my people even though we’ve never really met.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you for being one of our people! ❤️

[@sleverlight]

Really appreciate your vids before I thought that divorce would be the end of the line, but this shows how it can be "healthy" in a way thank you

[@MendedLight]

Thank you ❤️

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

What's interesting regarding complex trauma is that as we heal, we come home to ourselves and as we come home to ourselves we start to like ourselves and as we like ourselves we want to start a nest with a partner that resembles us. And that's totally ok. Not that there aren't couples who find compromises and are ok with it by meeting in the middle when they're really different as people, but that we tend to create what we like/are familiar with and with self knowledge that becomes: ourselves.

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

I really appreciate hearing more of your story and just seeing the honesty and vulnerability with how you both approach communicating your experience for the betterment of this whole community. One thing I would love to know if it is in bounds is how your children are processing, both those you had together and those who you brought to the marriage? I feel like either way your ability to still enjoy each other is helping them a lot, but also feel that the experience might vary depending on what your kids have already experienced. With how your friendship has been so strong already, I wonder how much do you think the change has registered for them?

[@snakebitepellehue]

I think I can understand why people would see this as a failure, regardless of whether I agree or not. Truth is, divorce is not on anybody's bucket list. No one gets married thinking they'll ever get divorced. I think the proer mindset would be to recognize both the failure of the original plan AND the success of the new one. WDYT?

[@mangobadger]

As a fellow divorcee, I truly appreciate your vulnerability and wisdom. I share some of your realizations and feel them deeply. I think that accepting divorce as a choice is affirming for marriage, not opposed to it. It is unfortunate but possible to one day find that your relationship would be better evolved into something else, rather than stay married and grow resentful instead. The ultimate question is do you see marriage as a gift that you give each other everyday or a trap to bind you together no matter what? Personally I choose the former.

[@KxNOxUTA]

I have (once again) confirmed in this video, that you are incredibly strong people. While there may be things about you and your lives that are normal, you have quite the strength that really - sadly - not the norm at all (then again, a norm where no one HAD to grow this strong, would be preferable, but here we are X'D) We sure as heck are each other's people :'D

[@keepingthepeaks1020]

“Because I’m Mormon and want to get laid again”… From previous videos it seems like sexual compatibility was a problem in your marriage (high vs. low libido) and it is a common cause of divorce. Could you speak more to how you plan to prevent repeating that unfortunate dynamic and how people with a high libido (love language is physical touch) can avoid making lifelong commitments without any assurance their needs in that regard will be met? Also, as an adult with those established needs how do you avoid marrying just to fill them? When you’re starving you’ll eat whatever you’re offered…

[@joanaalmeida6793]

Would you guys say your biggest problem is lack of compatibility? I'm navigating a very difficult breakup with my best friend and these videos have help me loads!

[@hollymonte7456]

Alicia is glowing, as usual!

[@DNA350ppm]

The challenge with many marriages is that they involve one man and one woman, who are so differently prepared and equipped for it and expecting so different blessings from it.

[@oponomo]

i would like to know what are the emotional needs each of you expect to have fullfilled in a marriage, that clearly stand different.

[@fruityeva]

🫶🏻☺️Thank you for sharing!!

[@MendedLight]

❤️

[@ck2d]

I have avoidant personality disorder. Knowing the effect I have on people now I don't even start new fruendships because I know the pain I will cause them.

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

My compassion to you. I hope one day you try again, I believe you can learn from your experience and grow. You got this.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

It's possible, with a good complex trauma therapist, to achieve secure attachment

[@katarzynaskrzypek3731]

Please please please - make a video "update" on marrying your opposite.

[@Vicky_C87]

I hate how people apply the words 'failed marriage' to divorce and separation. In my mind my marriage was far from a failure. From it I have 2 beautiful kids and lots of happy memories. My ex and I successfully co-parent and get along wonderfully. I don't see the failure in that. People might assume that you just give up when times get hard, but they don't know what work and effort you put in to try to make things work. Personally I stayed 3 years longer than I should have because I was trying to make things work, when I knew we had become incompatible. People don't see these things. You know what happened between you and that's what matters.

[@susananthony6071]

How did she let you go?!

[@zetristan4525]

Why don't you two put your Incredibles suits on? - your red tights. For the next sequel

[@kardianos]

This was really hard to watch. It felt like Alicia decided she didn't desire/want Jono, so she gave him a script to internalize that "he wasn't good enough for her". As a man, ouch. It sounds like Alicia decided who she was, entered into a relationship, and refused to change and told Jono he had to do the changing. She married him as much as he married her, then she kept asking him to change, but it was never enough. Is this mind reading/reading between the lines? To a degree, but still, yikes. Jono: I know you want a relationship, but don't take all blame like this. Yes, things can be both a failure and you can learn from it. So what does Alicia want most, that she is giving up her family for?

[@cowsonzambonis6]

Overall a great video, but Jon interrupts Alicia pretty often…😬

[@mm7846]

💗🫶