Never Date Anyone Without These Green Flags!!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

My Cat joke wasn’t fair, they can be very lovable 😂 Sorry my feline friends!

[@danielar3716]

😄😄

[@shannonluck5066]

All in good fun! 🤣

[@TheYangnyin]

Very lovable. No love for cats then no love for me

[@cherrylane79]

Cats can be more loving than some humans.

[@kdeest9925]

I've had many cats and many dogs in my life and I can say BOTH make wonderful furry friends🥰

[@Mama.bear.]

“The best apology is changed behavior.” 🤯

[@a.b.2850]

“Changing behaviour” can be tricky though. Some will weaponize this. Be aware.

[@Mama.bear.]

@@a.b.2850 True!

[@Avery_4272]

@@a.b.2850 I understand your point. Maybe it should be tweaked to: "The best apology is a lasting change in behavior."

[@EllysaE]

I guess I told my mom after she’d done something wrong “don’t say sorry, just don’t do it again” I was 12. I wish I would have kept that clarity into adulthood.

[@LunnarisLP]

100% agree. If you apologize for raising your voice once, thats nice. If you then raise it again what worth does that apology still hold. Zero. And most important to achieve this is to take accountability. Don't find excuses all the time. Plenty of people are in the same situation. If you are always late and others can somehow manage to arrive in time, maybe you should instead start leaving the house a bit earlier for example rather than always being apologetic about the traffic and whatnot.

[@Janedoe74756]

Communication Accountability Empathy Vulnerability Celebrates your wins (without taking credit) Growth Mindset Sees you as an equal/respects boundaries/respects others Trustworthy Independence/Purpose in their life Flexible/appreciates life And of course, if they like dogs Don’t just read this comment, watch the video it’s really good!

[@alycewich4472]

I did and thank you for writing it down for us.

[@ThePublicHealthHarlot]

This is a great list! It’s not mononormative either.

[@M.m222]

This is a great comment 🔥🔥✊🏾

[@RavenzFlight]

This is quilt helpful, thank you.

[@priyankadeyray243]

U r kind fr saying the last line

[@jackiemeador6989]

All joking aside, cats are actually a good example of what healthy boundaries look like. They are very choosy about whom they will allow to get close to them, and when they meet someone new, they hold off for a while until that person proves that they are worthy of their love.

[@BreMue]

And they make sure you will respect their boundaries before they trust you!!

[@judewuski]

To a certain extent, maybe… cats are not a prime example of a social species. In fact they are arguably the opposite… cats are kind of analogous to the avoidantly attached portion of the human population…

[@carinawulff1673]

​@@judewuski You clearly have not had or lived with cats for any real length of time.

[@ohlottie]

Very true too!

[@conny.rapp.tattoo]

@@judewuski no way lol... they are, like humans, on a spectrum of social. There are cats in my house that want to be alone/only with certain other cats and cats that want to cuddle and interact constantly, not only with me and other humans but also among the other cats. 13 cats, all european shorthair and one half-maine coon.

[@haminbushu]

It's important to develop these green flags within ourselves, too. I recall my mother's words: when seeking admirable traits in others, we should be able to find them reflected within ourselves as well.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

That's not entirely fair. People are not perfect, so maybe you have a problem with patience, would it be good to pair up with someone who's the same or one who has patience?

[@Echidna7095]

@@ASMRyouVEGANyetNo not unless you are seriously working on your own patience

[@beeankha]

Agree. And when you develop them in yourself, you'll likely be in a good place to attract a partner in a similar position.

[@pancakelord6495]

@@ASMRyouVEGANyetI feel like it’s mostly true but also that we need to understand where we and our partner falls short and whether we can work together to improve it. Basically we might not be perfect but can we complete each other like puzzle pieces without enabling their bad behavior or shortcomings if it exists

[@beeankha]

@@pancakelord6495 I wouldn't say we complete each other. We are whole persons on our own.

[@peaceloveandunderstanding]

"the best apology is changed behavior"...that hit really hard.

[@PammieWW]

Really … it’s the only apology that is genuine - at least a very sincere concerted effort to change behaviour

[@bad.chickie66]

If it hit hard then you need to fix your head lol

[@TheEllaTB]

But it doesn't replace the words. My stbx wants to show he's changed but refuses to acknowledge how he has hurt me and the children, much less actually apologize for it

[@peaceloveandunderstanding]

@@TheEllaTB Definitely. That has to come before any other steps. He has to say the words, make it real for all of you.

[@Ag.317]

My ex-husband would apologize and still do the same hurtful things over and over.

[@_Katta]

Let us not collectively forget that ALL of this applies to us too, and not only hold all these expectations for a prospective partner without doing the work ourselves : *reciprocation*

[@ВаряВетренная]

Watching this rn to see if I am a green flag... Though I know already that I need therapy

[@VenusianLissette]

absolutely true

[@troybaxter]

Not going to lie, I am actually watching the video from that perspective. I know I fulfill some of these Green Flags. But I definitely come up short on others. But hey, that's why we grow.

[@brunocromia]

Ironically, all my absolute worst relationships were with extreme dog people. I ended up realising that they liked their dogs because they were a source of supply, control and validation, but they didn’t actually cared enough to groom, and take genuine care of them. I also realised they kinda viewed me as a loyal puppy too. And once I started showing my own personality, goals, wants and desires, they punished me as if I was a bad mannered dog…

[@cornwallismorgan874]

My dog-nutter ex threatened to spray me with the spray bottle that she used on her dogs when they misbehave. Also honestly expected me to react to her the way a dog would. She ended up dumping me because she couldn't control me the way she did her dogs.

[@ElvenSkywalker]

Yes, the whole “loving animals equates with being great people” thing is really childish black & white thinking. Almost everyone has a dog or cat and they aren’t all nice people 🤷‍♀️

[@alexandreayoung7920]

Yeah, my narcissistic ex was a cat lover. His cats were extensions of himself.

[@crimsontech0000]

That makes a lot of sense. I briefly dated someone who (correctly) identified me as a people pleaser who he could control. It’s so obvious and sick looking back at it. I felt this sense the entire time that he was actively trying to gain full control over me. Fortunately I snapped out of it and got away from him after 2 months. One of the big red flags was that he had a little tiny breed of dog and when he got drunk (daily), he would be aggressive with the dog. The poor thing would sleep on my side, probably hoping I would protect him. I’m not really a dog person due to some trauma from my younger days but I’m getting better now that I understand why.

[@ezogh3826]

I guess the thing is though is that I would argue they don’t really love these animals. If they did they would treat them better too. It seems to me that most people treat other animals with less respect; humans have a history of believing they’re better than other animals (so much so that we don’t even call ourselves animals, despite the fact WE ARE), that we deserve to use other animals however we please, treat them as lesser etc.

[@TheRockInnRobin]

A big one I learned yesterday is that truth should never be used as a weapon. That hit home.

[@chippychick6261]

I dated a couples psychologist briefly. In our first disagreement he used a vulnerable share against me. That was a clear message.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@chippychick6261 That's the cruelest irony I've ever heard of. I'm so sorry that happened to you. :(

[@BlinkinFirefly]

Wow...I really like that one.

[@stephbyerly9491]

​@@chippychick6261therapists are definitely not perfect! Using your own vulnerable shares against you is a HUGE red flag! First couples therapist with my ex couldn't see who he was at all, actually took his side against me, which is not at all what they're supposed to do (remain neutral). The second one was very experienced and saw right through his narcissism but he was balanced about it even then. I didn't know this until years later when his wife (also a therapist) was counselor to me and my new partner. I said can you ask your husband if he knew was ex was a cheater and a liar? She came back and told me "oh yes, he knew 100%."

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

jeez, yes. That's a good one.

[@ilovedesserts1792]

The only people that punish you for communicating boundaries respectfully were the people that were planning to take advantage of you

[@IrisAsuras]

So, when I was watching videos from psychologists who specialize in narcissism, one talked about how narcissists will be animal lovers, particularly dogs because dogs adore their humans. Love of an animal is not necessarily a green flag. I dated two abusive men who loved animals.

[@PaintingandExercise]

I do agree although I have noticed that the narcissists in my family currently do not have pets. They each had a dog a long time ago who was the best dog that ever was and reject any other pets entering their lives. No other dog can be good enough and cats do not worship them.

[@vernetta111]

I had an ex who loves dogs I guess it's cos they give unconditional love no matter how good or bad they treat them an endless supply for a narc 😂

[@Annie-td9zz]

Exactly !! Had a friend tell me it was a great sign that he had a dog …nope!

[@cornwallismorgan874]

"Love of an animal is not necessarily a green flag." ESPECIALLY dogs, because they're easily manipulated. My worst relationships have been with dog lovers/owners.

[@BlinkinFirefly]

Hmm...I get what you're saying, but I don't think whether a person has a dog or not is THE telltale sign to look out for in a narcissist. I would say it can help solidify that conclusion if it's in addition to the more glaringly obvious signs. Simply because all kinds of people love animals. Definitely not just narcissistic people.

[@janetm6325]

I wish I could have learned this at 18. I'm glad to have seen this at 65, LOL.

[@teresataylor8509]

I understand what you mean. I'm 57 and could have done with hearing this at 18 too

[@Tomisinshalewa]

I'm 20+. You guys will be fine. Trust me, the mindset if very powerful. If you guys believe you can, then you can.💯

[@victoryamartin9773]

I've never learned these things. I hope this old dog isn't too old to learn new tricks.

[@CeciledeLuire]

you're 65 ? 😲 You look SO pretty and much younger!!

[@Tomisinshalewa]

@@victoryamartin9773 Don't call yourself an old dog😕 You're not too young, trust me. Besides,you don't even seem that "old" in your profile picture 😅

[@baidarmh7015]

I love how he summarized the reason I clicked on his video, “if you’re worried that talking to someone about your boundaries is going to turn them off, then that’s not your person.” So true! I started to stop being heartbroken, and instead act on what I can improve on going forward. Being pragmatic, honest and unapologetic about what you expect in a partner is something I had to learn over and over.

[@adeliecn1763]

My partner’s green flag is that he makes me cry. In the right way. I’m so used to being on my guard, not letting any vulnerability show, being the upbeat, strong friend / partner / sister, the one in charge, in control, the one you can go to in a crisis… I’ve been going through depression and not letting myself feel anything because feeling down was absolutely terrifying. My partner makes me feel so safe and loved that I can let myself cry when I’m feeling bad, because I know I can be vulnerable, that he’ll catch me when I fall. He makes me feel so safe and loved that I can let myself feel everything again, and the relief of being able to feel joy without being scared of the sadness is enough to bring tears to my eyes. I wish everyone gets that someone who makes them feel safe and loved enough that they can crumble.

[@alexelion7084]

I'm glad you found someone like that! From what you said I wouldn't say he makes you cry, but he creates a safe space for you to cry if you need to. It's just semantics and I don't want to take away from your point at all, but it can be an important distinction

[@flipphone4755]

I love this! Someone you can be truly vulnerable with is the most precious thing.

[@amyproudfoot6611]

Love this ❤️‍🩹 amen amen amen 🙏

[@sumit_yadav_7-0]

W

[@Christina-cf9ot]

I know what you mean. I'm dating a wonderful man who is so gentle when I get teary eyed. He has such a big heart and I feel so safe to be vulnerable around him (well safer, it's taking a while for me to unlearn throwing up a shield).

[@rachelhayhurst-mason7846]

Three things I really like about Jimmy on Relationships: 1: Your profile pic includes your wife. 2: Your advice is broader in scope than other channels. 3: Your sense of humour is hilarious! 😂

[@burnyizland]

4(which is actually #1 for me): He exudes compassion.

[@mariarusek1851]

and likes dogs

[@rachelhayhurst-mason7846]

@@burnyizland 💖

[@rachelhayhurst-mason7846]

@@mariarusek1851 🤣

[@Christian-gb8zf]

Unfunny people need love too 🥲

[@Zen2Dao]

My husband and I both really appreciate that you talk about this. Especially the segment when you mention that instead of learning the characteristics of a narcissist, it’s better to really learn the positive traits of non-narcissistic people. There’s plenty of people making videos about narcissists and how to spot them. I can’t think of any I’ve seen that present the opposite traits as the focus!

[@AuraPayawan]

I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS - “ Whatever happened to us is not our fault, but healing from it is our responsibility!!! “ Thank you!

[@ancientafricanblood1547]

Sadly most people don’t take the time to heal!

[@Sunbeam_4_Jesus]

I was married to a covert narcissist who had no problem admitting when he was wrong or saying sorry. Problem was, he was only saying it to keep me hooked so that I would stay but he clearly had no intention of changing his behavior. Overtime he kept adapting it to play his mind game better. Tears, love bombing, telling me he had truly seen and understood his errors and it was followed by a couple weeks of “good behavior”, ultimately he would fall back into his verbal, emotional and sometimes physical violence. So apologies for hurting your partner and admission to wrong doing isn’t always a green flag. Discernment is needed. ❤️🙏🏼

[@kittylemew]

I know this to be true! This particular flag of emotional vulnerability applies to Grandiose Narcissists, but the more insidious Covert Narcissists pull you in with their one sided tales of woe. They activates a woman's mothering instinct and you are bonded to him as you seek to heal his pain with your lavish love and attention.

[@theladyamalthea]

100%! This was my experience, as well!

[@Cookiedesigns254]

This is true! I learned that communication is also ammunition for a narcissist to use to keep you gaslit and manipulated by using what you’re communicating to them against you. As long as I listen to the way I feel, I won’t even communicate. I just ghost and narcissists who thrive on gaslighting you NEED you to “communicate” so they know how to flip the script. Once you stop communicating, their games can’t work!

[@avianna7738]

It’s a green flag *if* it’s true. Lying about truly being sorry and not actually doing something to fix the offense is just lying. Red flag.

[@reneecaines9097]

That's why the only sorry you accept is changed behavior.

[@privateeye2490]

Abusers know these things and will use them to manipulate you. They key is watching for contempt and repetitive "mistakes" they apologized for but didn't stop doing.

[@EbonyS-v7w]

YES!!!!

[@Coolshark24]

that pretty much summarises my dad. It was difficult, still is. but I'm glad my mom left him

[@LoisRich]

100%. Their apologies will drip in honey and be very convincing, then they just keep doing it. When I brought this up to a manipulator I knew recently he flipped the script that "I wasn't forgiving enough and hold all his mistakes against him" when I was calling attention to his pattern of apologizing then doing it again over and over and over.

[@ashwaganda]

@@LoisRich 100% - They'll blame you for "keeping the count"...

[@syebethel]

Well put. I wd say every narc finally revealed had displayed a number of green flags previously. Love bombing in the beginning and after every "mistake", with few-to-none red flags, which clouds judgement. That's why we go ahead with the marriage, or family, or big mortgage. And that's when the mask falls. They also watch these videos.

[@lisinbondi1240]

Biggest green flags. 1 kids were properly comfortable with him and 2 3 weeks in we were sitting on the back step discussing if we should be worried about being so comfortable and relaxed. Not love bombed just relaxed. We are 28 years in now and we are still relaxed and on the same side

[@gypsygirl6010]

This was huge. I spent the first 6 months waiting for the other shoe to drop as it had in other relationships. I realized with this guy, I was more relaxed WITH him than when he wasn't around. One year in and we've never had one argument! 🎉

[@patrickbonham949]

Arguments are at times part of most relationships it's normal,and both can grow and learn from them ☺️​@@gypsygirl6010

[@christinagracewhite]

This is me now. Known this guy for 2 weeks and the feelings of comfort are off the charts. Feeling so peaceful near him, feeling peaceful when not with him but thinking about him. He asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday. We both know it’s unusual to feel this good so soon, but are just going to go with it and see how it goes.

[@J.F611]

Still together? Hope so ​@@christinagracewhite

[@RealRandomVideos]

@@christinagracewhiteAll the best! hope everything is going well 3 months down the line

[@gabrielalucas5581]

There is this thing a teacher said one time and it just stayed with me forever "when you're meeting someone for the first time you should pay attention in how they treat people like the doorman, the cashier, the waiter etc, if they treat them bad for no reason or treat them like they don't exist that person is probably not worth your time."

[@thankfully1202]

my ex treated everyone outside better than he treated me. No one could understand why I couldn't get along with such a great man, but they didn't live with him.

[@gabrielalucas5581]

@@thankfully1202 that's sad, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Seeing how they treat others is just a peek into who they are, but when in a relationship the one who really knows it is the partner, there are times even the kids of a couple don't really know what's happening between the parents :/

[@balkogirl91]

Mine is a great actor. Telling the waiters... you're the bestest!😂 He tells me that as well

[@babl3243]

I had a music teacher who told us girls once: "If you like someone, please pay attention to how he's talking to his mother, because he will talk to you the same way someday." I think there's something to it.

[@SchoolOfUnlearning3]

I don’t treat any one bad but I don’t like to acknowledge people because I’m shy 🙈! I’m an extreme introvert who wish to be left alone/by my own! So everyone looks at me as a bad person?!

[@wendyferrergonzalez3103]

Watching your video I realized I was the red flag. I'm already on my path of healing and self improvement. I hope to find the right person and actually deserve them ❤

[@AmayaBrave]

You are not a red flag. You have some patterns and behaviors that are red flags. Seeing them now and working on them is a big green flag I'd say. Be kind to yourself. :) all the best for your healing and growing journey.

[@wendyferrergonzalez3103]

@@AmayaBrave thank you 🤍

[@ricardajames5769]

Your jokes about pets are actually true. I experienced a bad relationship and realized it was bad because my dog didn't like him AT ALL. I got rid of him. Best thing I ever did. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏 ❤

[@aazhie]

Dogs read us almost entirely on emotions. If anything, your dog knew your feelings, and theirs before you did!

[@AxelLovesSomeone]

I had a Chihuahua that would hide behind me when my then-boyfriend would come in the room. Dogs can certainly be a good judge of character.

[@angieblake3424]

I agree! My ex was so jealous of my cat and actually get me an ultimatum- I either had to choose him or the cat. Given that he made my life a living hell and made me cry and the fact that I love cats, guess who I chose?? 😻

[@GellaHumbug59]

@@angieblake3424 The moment a person declares “You have to choose: Me or your pets,” I can tell them they are wrong-choosing implies that I would have to think about it.

[@amandakesterson224]

@@GellaHumbug59yeah if you make me chose between you and someone who is not violent/emotionally manipulative, I'm always dumping the person giving the ultimatum.

[@anneyoung2310]

"We prioritize what we value." Holding out for that!

[@YrimuMay]

I just realized the green flags were present in my previous relationship under false pretense. I was love bombed until we finally lived together, then everything came out in the open. He became abusive soon after and everything went downhill, he turned out to be a narcissist and psychopath (stalking and cheating involved). 😢I left him 3months ago and never turned back. 💃🏽

[@ashiff7781]

"What happened to us isn't our fault...but healing from that is our own responsibility" ❤ Thankyou to put the struggle and frustration in to perspective 🎉🎉

[@nixm9093]

I learned this as a teen. Everyone should, it's empowering.

[@EC-xc9gy]

I so appreciate that this indicates acknowledging and validating the experience *before* taking responsibility. I was told as a young adult that my actions were my responsibility, while my experience was waved off as inconsequential. Getting validation so I could start to move out of damaged patterns took another thirty years.

[@catabat49654]

I wish I could tattoo that phrase onto some people’s foreheads 🥴

[@annahappen7036]

Jimmy, you just officially set yourself above a majority of KZbin therapists and coaches with this one. 👏 They are helpful but no one is talking near enough about what to look for and what a good relationship actually looks like. It's just what not to choose, to do, to accept, to mistake for love. But those of us with CPTSD and other relationship set backs, we desperately need to know what the real thing looks and feels like because our love detectors are so broken. Bravo!!!!! 💖

[@MT-tx7bu]

Great observations, especially the part about the love detectors. Learning to see things with honest eyes and an honest heart helps both partners.

[@Neknee88]

Agreed

[@wittymystic7361]

You hit the nail on the head! Those of us with CPTSD have often been so messed with in this area. We were told to ignore our feelings. And while I've had many therapists condemn me for making bad choices, not a single one offered me tools to make a better choice. All they said was to look for red flags, which usually didn't pop up until later in the connection after a bond had been created and was difficult to sever.

[@ralucasanduofficial]

Look also into Amy Kerr's work. Her videos are gold on healthy dating structure. Sorry Jimmy for promoting others here😅 your work is amazing and very on point every time.

[@Bruno-tm3xo]

One detail…..he is not a therapist……just another snake oil,doctor

[@TrineDaely]

Between you and Brian Knox I'm learning more about choosing and making relationships work than I've learned in the last three decades and two divorces. Thank you.

[@chiaraA.]

the growth mindset is the most important thing for me that I only recently considered that tons of people don't live this way

[@nixm9093]

I didn't realise there was a name for it until a few years back, after I ended a good 7 year relationship because he just wasnt growth minded and I outgrew that.

[@florenciaatria]

I recently ended a significant relationship in which he said to me, in the very beginning, that he was not going to change for anyone. I misjudged that for acceptance; when he actually was meaning resignation (he is not willing to grow one bit, even though he is miserable). And if you are someone who is constantly trying to learn and grow, it is crucial for compatibility that you are someone who is like that too (or at least curious about it!)

[@cece9770]

There’s so much truth here. Jimmy, you need to be doing TED talks, and reaching a wider audience.

[@favored6007]

Agreed 💯

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Agreed! I'd love to see a TED talk from him!

[@johanna77777]

Ted is dead

[@gwendodarose5889]

Jimmy has 174,000 views on this one -- that's a pretty BIG audience I'd say!😊

[@taraelizabethlivinglife4094]

I love the humor mixed into such a serious subject 😊

[@kaizen_5091]

Game changer! Often, as a result of trauma, a person will become hypervigilant and look for red flags to navigate their way to a safe person or space. This can become a very destructive symptom of trauma and if we replaced looking for red flags with green flags I believe this could truly help calm the nervous system down and focus on positivity whilst still helping find that safe person or space.

[@kathiejl1]

I agree! This is the first time I’ve watched a “narcissist “ video and actually felt a calm kind of 🤔 well that’s interesting. Instead of feeling like crying.

[@Justanothercog24]

Absolutely agreed! Another thing ppl don't think about & is rarely mentioned is the element of confirmation bias... IE what you think of, you become subconsciously primed to find. It's the same concept as how social media algorithms work. If you go into every interaction already believing everyone is a walking red flag, you're going to find reasons to confirm that belief while rejecting any information that opposes it. I think this is partly what drives much of the hyper-use of the narcissist/ toxic label these days. I know when my ex had been freshly diagnosed & I started learning more about the disorder, I got a bit freaked out because I was seeing red flags in everyone, all the time. I wouldn't let myself trust anyone new because I thought everyone I spoke to was narcissistic. It wasn't until I found an article about how confirmation bias can play with your head that I realized what was happening. I was able to see things more clearly & started delving into the nuances of spotting the flags instead of reacting. Not too long ago, I heard someone say their therapist told them to "assume every man you date is a narcissist until proven otherwise". I couldn't help but think "well that sounds horribly irresponsible & a recipe for cycles of self-sabotage."

[@RaelynnHaughian]

It’s super important to be asking ourselves am I doing all these things? It’s easy to point out everyone else’s flaws vs seeing our own. I’m working on me post a break up, when I first watched this I listened to it looking at what my past partners have or haven’t done and how I do want these things. I realized though working on me is asking, am I doing these things? What do I need to do to do them? Why am I not doing them? The relationship we have with ourselves sets the standard for how we let others treat us.

[@TamaraSL]

Thank you.

[@alnsubuga]

100% agree!

[@marykatepicard3065]

Exactly

[@andreas.healing.journey]

100% very wise!

[@Katrn30]

You are on the wrong video…victims of narcissistic people are constantly blaming themselves, so your comment applies more to the narcissist. What those of us who survive these monsters need to do is learn how to create boundaries, not examine our behaviour any further. We need to learn how to gain self esteem, and learn how to avoid narcissists in the future.

[@tiffany64871]

5:28 but do they MEAN it when they say sorry? That word is used to shut me up. “I said I’m sorry! Drop it!” Saying sorry with a smirk, or you’re picking up a callousness, a lack of remorse, or blaming you follows… it’s deception.

[@irlandaise5631]

I think you can sense and trust your intuition if the sorry feels right . Some people never say sorry juts like people saying sorry all the time , it can be fake but they could also say sorry a lot and have a valid reason . It’s more about trusting how you feel if it’s genuine but clearly if someone never says sorry when they are doing something wrong it’s a red flag . However in your situation they aren’t being genuinely sorry . You need to communicate that you don’t appreciate this behaviour and if not rectified you need to walk away .

[@NijiTime]

I just had to break up with someone I gave my heart to for 5 years. And less than two minutes into this video I started crying because everything you started listing (hot and cold, if I feel prioritized and respected, if I am scared to be honest with him with how I feel) had been my reality for at least* two years. But I had convinced myself somehow it was my fault, that I could fix it all. That it was me. Even asking to be treated like at least a friend over the past few months was "too much to ask for." Thank you. This video was so important to me. All of your shorts had helped me figure out that I hadnt been being treated like a friend or even a partner anymore.

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

Sending you empathy ❤ I was in a three year relationship in which the mask finally slipped over the last six months to a year. He’s not evil, but he isn’t capable of a mature relationship and I’m sure he’d say the same about me 😅

[@mypupismup]

I’m in the exact same situation. 5 years spent pouring my heart into a relationship only for him to put me down again and again. I ended it largely because my family finally realized what I was going through and pushed me to break up with him. I’m left feeling worthless, confused, unloved, guilty and remorseful.. I’m in therapy and it’s as if I won’t be convinced that I did the right thing until my therapist validates each shitty thing my ex did. He did such a good job convincing me that I was the problem 😢

[@vixter28]

@@mypupismup😢💔 I’m sorry sweetie I can totally relate I was only in my relationship for a year and a half, but it was off and on I wish I could find a man that Jimmy is talking about Are there any out there?

[@yippeehaha24-y1y]

Excellent metaphor referencing counterfeit money and spotting what's real

[@EmpressChan]

Narcs are absolutely capable of mirroring, faking and masking making it very difficult to Id them upfront. But as an empath I am now zoomed in and focused on discernment! Thank you for this!!!

[@Cy-bz9jh]

You may wonder why after 46 years of marriage I'm watching this channel. It's because we can always learn something and because my husband is important to me, more important and even more loved than 46 years ago. The first time I said "we need to talk" and sat down with my young husband he was fearful! When I said "what, if anything, am I doing that drives you a little nuts?" he looked at me like I had lost my mind. I said "we all do things, little things, that can get annoying". It is just part of the way humans are. And things that are cute or funny may become obnoxious over time, so it's best to let each other know *before* it's making us grind our teeth every time. We called it "monthly check in". It works!! We agreed that we would never argue unless we were naked. 46 years later... if we start to argue, one of us will start removing their clothing. It breaks the tension and lets us discuss things, even the most difficult, gently and respectfully. And you are correct - being trustworthy is #1. An omission is still a lie and if trust is broken, the relationship is broken. Thanks Jimmy. Keep explaining, you are doing important work here. Maybe you should go for a license in this stuff.

[@halliadams5987]

Congratulations! 🎉 👍🏾💓 46 years of a 'good' marriage is remarkable. Years and years of simply enduring and putting up with a partner is considered the norm (unfortunately). What things does he do for you that you still consider green flags?

[@Cy-bz9jh]

@@halliadams5987 where would I even start? Mainly - he specifically sets aside time - every single day - to just sit down and talk about our day. And it's not just a "how was your day?". He tells me about what he did at work that day (and I listen with careful attention) and he listens to what I did. We talk about things that are on our minds or we talk about nothing at all. But for 30 minutes or more we *_connect_* . And this is all his thing. He started doing it years ago. If there's not really anything to talk about sometimes we just hold hands and I know his focus for those 10 minutes to an hour are all about his love for me and the motivation to keep the love and intimacy alive and well. If we need to vent about something, if we need reassurance or guidance, whatever it is, I know that we are going to connect - almost every day. Some days are 10 minutes, some have been 3 hours. It's our time. He is the one that makes sure it happens and he listens. Everything else takes care of itself because of that time together.

[@buckrogers3727]

I’m jealous

[@zomepeople1315]

"We agreed that we would never argue unless we were naked." That is the funniest things I've read today, that's amazing! Probably a good reminder that even when you get angry at each other, you still want to be vulnerable and on the same side.

[@SuperDflower]

Seriously, have you actually argued while naked? You have to reply

[@janemarlo4978]

Having a "green flags talk" is just as helpful as warnings and red flags... because I (and a lot of us) don't know what healthy and respectful is... thanks Jimmy!

[@katewiese5892]

Absolutely awesome! I love your content🤍🫶

[@RodeoDogLover]

I went on a date with a guy and when he picked me up at my door my dog didn’t like him. My dog likes EVERYONE. I did go on that date, and it turn out my dog was 100% correct!

[@melissaj.corbin7675]

Absolutely! Same thing happened with me and my Golden Retriever.

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

excellent! I never trusted anyone my Lab didn't like. Well done you for trusting your dog.

[@gabrielamiki83]

Exactly! Been there... a narcissist could never endure the torture of your cat ignoring you cuz the cat doesn`t feel like it right now... lol.

[@glasgowbeck]

Justin Bieber song, "My Dog Don't Like You And He Likes Everyone"

[@anndixon4577]

I read that dogs pick up on the unconscious reactions of their owners to other humans and that is why dogs sometimes don’t like people.

[@lastplusfirst]

Man, this video started with me thinking about “does my partner have these”, but quickly went to “do I have these”? Thank you for making this, I think more than anything it has motivated me to reflect upon myself and what I can change ❤

[@Limpbiscuitprince]

I admire your self reflection

[@heather9130]

Self reflection is a huge green flag! One of the first things that interested me in my husband was realizing he's very self aware and always looking to improve in general. It's ok if that's a learned skill. We all could be better

[@mayame7966]

I see it's already been a month since this comment was posted but it is beautiful and encouraging. Definitely not as popular as the self pitty comments that are full of blame but empty of taking responsibility.. But different and beautiful.

[@talonthorn]

Wow. You are a natural at this. Thank you especially for your encoraging words, but also for your guidance and thinking outside the box.☺

[@queenprotein]

I think i need to listen to this one every day until it sinks in.

[@alycewich4472]

Me too.

[@gracesellars4568]

Same

[@philippbrogli779]

That is a good strategy. This comment of mine is meant to remind you that you should watch it today.

[@char6081]

do itt

[@lelawells4673]

Me too!

[@kealani6535]

"We all prioritize what we value." The top take-away!! Very good vid -- thank you

[@ThePolaris87]

"The best apology is changed behavior." Interesting! First time I've heard this one and I will have to contemplate that 🙂

[@yamlwoz]

My mother is great at 'apologising' for things so that people will grovel all over her, reassuring her that she didn't do anything wrong. She laps up their humility as she sits on her virtual throne with an evil glint of joy in her eye. Don't always believe people who apologise, that can be weaponised as well 😢

[@edennis8578]

I agree. An apology alone means nothing. What matters is, do they change the behavior? Or in your example, is the apology real? Fake apologies over things they didn't do takes the cake.

[@hiddenechoes]

I had an interesting partner who would never tell me he was sorry, but would genuinely change his behaviour. It wasn't a perfect relationship, but it was really informative and interesting.

[@yamlwoz]

@@hiddenechoes that's really good. The change matters more than the apology IMHO. Though of course both would be better.

[@andrealewis2501]

That almost sounds like this person couldn't handle facing their mistake or didn't want the confrontation and so they just decided to change because it was easier for them. I don't know for sure but that's what it makes me think of. 😊​@@hiddenechoes

[@demondogmom7221]

Are we related? My mother would "apologize" and then cap it with "I guess I'm just a burden to everyone". Your job was to tell her she wasn't. I would tell her "well, if you know you're being a burden, stop". Then it was "I wish I could just die". I'd tell her, "So you'd rather die than change? Seems a bit extreme." How to not get sucked into narcissistic parents.

[@VeyaMeow]

Most cats I've known have cared very deeply for their humans and were very social. I've also seen something about how if someone dislikes cats they just don't like others' boundaries - cats have clear boundaries and respect themselves. A narcissist would be a chihuahua - who wants all the loves and pretends to like you, until their fears and feelings of inadequacy suddenly get triggered and they will attack their own favorite person.

[@aligensa]

OMG that's so true.

[@thrill102]

🤣

[@neuralmelody4459]

Completely agree ❤

[@KrimsonKatzchen]

I was about to comment myself about the cats/respect for boundaries connection, glad someone beat me to it!

[@DW-yo4eb]

There's something vile in a man who really hates cats. A guy doesn't have to like them, but if he hates them, watch oit!

[@Sacrednightrosehealing]

Thank you so much! I have been thinking about this and I was telling a friend of mine. It was something I have noticed that and I have wondered why we don't hear about green flags

[@davidsutliff8312]

I just discovered this guy and he is the BEST! He has the perfect mix of humor, compassion, and getting down to business when needed. And he really makes you feel like he's talking directly to you. Man I really wish I would have had this KZbin page many many years ago, could have saved me a lot of heartache!

[@margret2844]

This video will be on repeat for me. ❤❤❤. Feels like I need no other video/advice. ❤❤❤

[@mammajamma4397]

I've never had an example of healthy relationships in my life, so I've been STRUGGLING to identify green flags in my romantic relationships. After watching this I've realized that the man I'm with has all these green flags and that makes me really happy 😊

[@fleurpeffer5212]

Thats wonderful!!

[@amakanwosu2764]

Love it¡!!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@sapnapaul5430]

There's a Chinese drama, "You are my glory", which really gives beautiful insight into what a healthy loving relationship looks like. Highly recommend watching it.

[@RM-jm4ku]

Aww that's so good to hear! Happy for you!😊

[@maggiemoomoo4022]

Love that you noted the training of learning counterfeit money! Focusing on what is authentic and valuable is SO underrated!

[@oliverows]

These are great points. I would just like to remind myself that it doesn't take a nsrcissist to be a bad partner or have red flags. It's harder to discern whether your partner is good for you or not when they're not exactly toxic, just incompatible. I came in looking for green flags but I hear and see the word "narcissist" so often that it throws me off. I've been looking so hard for narcissism that I pass up the fact that most people are just normal and not everybody gets along. Much harder to break up with a good person (but unsuitable partner) than a person you've deemed to be a narcissist.

[@TXoilrises]

Truly, everything is on a spectrum. Except pregnancy. Pregnancy is definitely not on a spectrum.

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

Yes, exactly this.

[@jop9090]

True - it's equally important to spot if someone is incompatible, even if they don't display narcissistic behaviours.

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

This is a good point. Not every emotionally immature partner is a narcissist

[@EwokyBalboa]

People overuse "narcissism" and it gets thrown around like any other buzz word, generally by people with no qualification to diagnose it, to cover any level of selfish behavior. It's my least favorite part of this video, that he uses it so often to compare to the "green flags". It could be very easy for me to say "oh my wife does that, or doesn't do this, she must be a narcissist" if I only thought about it at a surface level, and didn't account for my failures in our relationship as well.

[@dollypeeps]

Early on in a relationship say the word no and see how they react to it. Case in point I has plans with friends and said no I can’t and an ex threw a tantrum over it hence now the ex.

[@alycewich4472]

Good choice!

[@Katrn30]

I really wish I knew this very important tip when I was dating…it would have saved me a lot of heartache and drama!

[@MoonFlower721]

This man is the brother I needed. I’m so glad he puts in the effort to create these videos. So much essential wisdom I wouldn’t have access to otherwise. Thank you!

[@PatriciaMartin-gp2zq]

My high school students in Psychology class love your work! Thank you for your talent!

[@MrCopierre]

This video came in such a specific moment. I just cut off someone because during our 2,5 weeks dating I felt something is off. All Jimmy says here I stood up for and in the end all the lack of honesty, strangeness, immaturity made me realise that I gotta run. I am happy to see that I am healing. ❤❤❤❤

[@alycewich4472]

Good. For. You!👍💪

[@truthseeker4504]

Thank you for making these videos. I am just learning about healthy love and this video definitely helps.

[@RaelynnHaughian]

This had me thinking/realizing It’s super important to be asking ourselves am I doing all these things? It’s easy to point out everyone else’s flaws vs seeing our own. I’m working on me post a break up, when I first watched this I listened to it looking at what my past partners have or haven’t done and how I do want these things. I realized though working on me is asking, am I doing these things? What do I need to do to do them? Why am I not doing them? The relationship we have with ourselves sets the standard for how we let others treat us.

[@alycewich4472]

🎯💯

[@Dice-Z]

Yes absolutely. Most people will watch that video and think "yeah! i gotta get all that love and respect and admiration and affection and dedication and blablabla that i 200% deserve!" but not stop for a second and ask themselves if they aren't setting the bar all the way up to perfection while have no intention of setting theirs anywhere near as high.

[@grace.1123]

9:07 my ex used to question why I would follow therapists, self help channels, etc. on KZbin and read books and things about self help. He never saw it as a bright green flag about me and instead saw it as that I'm emotionally weak and need to depend and trust what other people say over, well, what he had to say (AKA which was always putting me down and saying I was emotionally selfish/excessive, condescending, and very often would tell me things I would do/say were 'annoying'). He literally never once came back from any conversation we had and would say something like "so I thought about what you said and..." it was only me ever doing the self-reflecting in the relationship, yet he always framed it that I was the one who wasn't in control of my emotions. I've been consistently going to therapy for 3 years now and it made me feel batshit crazy.

[@alycewich4472]

BIG RED FLAG! I too was in that sort of relationship and it took me several years to find a therapist that believed me and not him. Best decision I ever made. I WASN'T the crazy one. But it takes years to undo the damage. Sill working on it and, by the grace of God, getting much much better.

[@grace.1123]

@@alycewich4472 it was so baffling to me that he thought it was WEIRD that I was constantly trying to work on myself and grow as a person! Like you are literally weird if you think someone going to therapy is a negative thing!!

[@samex8275]

I’m sorry you went through that. He’s jealous that you’re actually bettering yourself and are responsible for yourself, which is something he wishes he could do.

[@AlannaKingrose]

Your description is almost exactly me, and I just came out of almost exactly this same type of relationship. Now that I'm out, I don't know how I could have stayed in denial for so long. He explicitly said my "emotions are a weakness", and that he "didn't believe in therapy", and never attempted to participate in conversations I initiated to try to 'reconnect', instead he framed it as me "looking for an argument" each time. (Who likes arguing?! no one!). I hope we all remember this lesson forever!

[@grace.1123]

@@AlannaKingrose​​⁠I’m glad you’re out of that relationship! The thing that made me really upset in my relationship was my ex also didn’t believe in therapy and thus was not open to going to couples therapy. His response was that he felt it was better for us to just break up and find people “better suited for each of us” rather than to be willing to work through our issues. Also my ex was a Republican/Trump supporter and I tried so hard to try to give him the benefit of the doubt for those things but honestly his mindset was just so fucked. You can’t get these people to ever hear you out about anything. Hindsight truly is 20/20

[@SuzannaLiessa]

Thank you for this. Between my family and an abusive ex, I'm just learning what it’s like to be healthy, spot healthy people, and interact in a healthy way. By definition, I have to learn from other people. I'm going to flip this right over and use it as a tool for self-awareness.

[@Nadi-n2x]

"And even if Ive never met you I really do care about you and I want you to be set up to have the most fulfilling relationship possible and some of that is becoming the right type of person and some of that is chosing the right type of person"

[@user-wh9sv7nd2y]

Geeze, this guy has a lot of plants! Ahah...it is green flag video ;D Thank you. For someone who has difficulty with listening to abstract ideas, giving examples of things people say or do is very helpful and relatible.

[@jenniferfuertes2668]

He has often talked about how they are his wife's plants... or emotional support plants maybe! Lol

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

YES!!

[@TRuh4You]

Green! Get it!

[@carriebarba6980]

"What happened to us isn't our fault, but healing from it is our responsibility" Truth!!! 100% I also love the dog jokes as I'm a dog person 🐕 Thank you Jimmy. God bless you 🙏 ❤️ 🙌

[@JIF930]

JIMMY HANDS DOWN IS THE BEST!! There are other KZbin videos with male "therapists" telling women to adjust THEIR behavior to accommodate the damaged man. WHAT???? Crazy if you listen to them. A grown woman shouldn't have to coddle, baby, and tiptoe around a grown man!! Ummm, 🤪

[@stillwatersfarm8499]

Liking cats is a definite green flag. Cats require unconditional love, unlike dogs who seek to earn your affection.

[@voyance4elle]

Exactly 👏👏👏

[@peachminx]

It's very tricky. My soon to be ex-bf of a decade (who’s def a narc from all literature and analysis I did in last years) loved both our kitties and payed for expensive surgeries and urgent care every time no question asked. Bills were huge, we were fighting PCR with a sweet angel, most gentle and loving baby-boy of 3 month, and after that here was an expensive teeth surgery for the baby girl that survived (both Abyssinian and they’re predisposed to gum and teeth problems). I tried to do my part as best I could, by doing the middle-of-the-night taxi rides and doing all the talking, researching and getting things that hospital required to save him, like when I had to urgently go panicky search for and buy a blood pack from another cat donor which I was told to fucking held in my arms while owner did blood transusion,, literally having another cat feel pain for a chance to save our boy (which never was even used as he passed just moment before I arrived, and I was trying to be so fast....I crashed right there) My point is I know he loved them (although idk about conditions, they were sweet and loving back). He always spoiled them, bought them the best food and other stuff that I carefully picked. Loved to spend time with them. Never rude with them, very patient and forgiving any scratches. now the plan is to transfer the girl cause if she needs another surgery, he will have the funds. I also am positive that baby loves him more, 😭 and I wouldn’t want to make her loose extra snuggles on his hands (mine aren’t wide enough for her loving) I’m rambling but I only hope he will be brushing her little teeth x2 a day as we were instructed (since it was my job to this day cause I’m smaller and it’s easier to curl over her to see where I’m brushing). Such a polite patient kitty she is 😣

[@phoenyxpetersen4551]

Right on! 😻

[@hardkore918]

Kitties also require patience and the ability to EARN trust.

[@nellekx]

Not necessarily. I dated a guy who i thought was a green flag because he had a cat. Turns out the cat was the only thing he loved in this world. He was an abusive red piller who hated all women. Even helped his mate cheat on his pregnant wife

[@cor3944]

Narcissist can be very respectful with their friends or even strangers. And with them they also can be very chatty with no silent treatments at all. Outside, socially, they are acting.

[@mattyconradgrooming]

Hey Jimmy. I just want to say THANK YOU from a guy who had no idea how emotionally stunted and immature he actually was. Your content has absolutely opened my eyes to ways that I have been COMPLETELY BLOWING IT in my relationships. It’s actually embarrassing how little most of us guys even know about any of this and I can’t tell you how many times I have face palmed myself because of all the ways I was accidentally invalidating and disappointing my partner while feeling like she was the one attacking me. I only wish I found your channel and your podcast before my last relationship ended. Also thanks for the book recommendation on “This is how your marriage ends” … it absolutely changed my life and I am committed to doing better. Keep up the great work and thank you for teaching us how to be better men.

[@sammysuetoyou4324]

Cats too, they have to love cats...well, basically animals period. Good indicator of compassion.

[@isbalella]

That rules out 99% of the population then.

[@runr100]

True. Love of cats is a much better indicator than love of dogs because cats need you to be kind and respectful of boundaries or they won't stay around you.

[@OrionOlamPiksie]

Sometimes not.

[@fnffnchfhc154]

Some people love dogs because they can be very submissive and devoted even to bad people. If they hate cats that’s when you know there is a problem

[@joanaoliveira5811]

absolutely,my ex didn't like animals but only reveal that when we were living together because he knew how important animals are to me. I suffered so much the way he treated our dog even the dog was scared of him. When in the beginning they pretend a person that they are not it's really difficult to trust again to meet someone so I'm alone but I'm in peace....

[@MilouAT]

This video is so wonderful, I’m glad I found your account! You’re a great person :) ❤ I’m so thankful for my partner who’s a walking bundle of green flags, and it seems like I’m one for him too 🥰 No perfection here, but being real and connected together and improving our flaws day by day 💪🏼😀

[@sarasuarez5529]

man the ending of this made me cry. You’re a good guy, man

[@madic7813]

same..

[@advaithareddy2763]

"I'm sorry I hurt you. That wasn't my intention. But I care about how my words and actions affect you." is the perfect "Sorry" response! Does anyone else feel like its litterally impossible to get anyone to say and think that way?

[@Alan-lb8ef]

I think it would come across better without using the word "but", it can diminish what you said before.

[@Avery_4272]

Yes, very few people understand and know how to speak genuine apologies, even though it's easy enough to learn about how to do it, as there are some good experts who've written and talked about it. Instead, they speak various versions of non-apologies. Many people who won't apologize see apologizing as something which would rob them of their already shaky sense of self-worth or sense of power.

[@anggorogedewaseso169]

I'm glad I said something along that line to a friend of mine. The way I said things and the words I chose were insensitive to the point that it made him cry, I then realized that it WAS insensitive though I didn't mean it to hurt, simply stating what I was seeing. But, it still did hurt him and I felt so bad for what I said, I'm glad he accepted my apology and understood that I wasn't the most socially adept person.

[@erasylnash6697]

I literally said that to my GF few days ago. However I’m the one who feels hurt in this relationship, I don’t know if this is gonna last

[@Lyddiebits]

When we accept an apology, please don't say "it's ok" instead say, "thank you". When I say, "it's ok" to my husband's very rare "sorry" I'm letting him know, "it's ok, you can do this again and again, and it will be ok" Changing this to "thank you" doesn't let him know it's "ok". This is something my 48 yr old friend shared with me. I'm 50!

[@ioanna_vsl]

You are so right. Everyone tells you that they should be good looking, have a good job etc. They dont question you if they are a good communicator. Unfortunately the society isn't educated on those and they are crucial.

[@diamondstarr7388]

Don't stay with someone who dismisses your emotions by accusing you of liking drama, laughs when you speak, or constantly interrupts when you try to address issues. This behavior is characteristic of a full-blown narcissist, who will stop at nothing to hurt, shame, and manipulate you. It's crucial to recognize these red flags and remove yourself from such a toxic situation. Narcissist are extremely disconnected!

[@Katrn30]

You are 100% correct!

[@directiontonarnia]

I've been in such a situation for two whole years, and only yesterday, had the courage to end it. Never did I think a breakup could feel like a relief. I can breathe better now

[@WendyCarstens]

ABSOLUTELY 💯 and AMEN TO 🙏 🙌 THAT 🎉

[@navyblueskiess]

Absolutely correct, my best friend was like this😭

[@JDoe001]

I was in a couple of terrible relationships with people who used fake “humility” to manipulate a response of sympathy for themselves.

[@TheParanormalWitch111]

Same

[@terrirideout9683]

Thank you for this; I am appreciative. As an FYI, my first experience of love was when I was 52 and a cat decided that he was going to move in with me. Five years and going strong. 🐈

[@OTOWMovingAndGrooving]

Spot on about dogs, Jimmy. I've got a sweet Labradoodle. My ex disliked my dog from day 1, had me lock her up whenever he came over. Huge red flag. There were lots of other warning signs too. I ignored them. Luckily, I opened my eyes after six weeks. Ran in the opposite direction. Btw, your videos are some of my favorites. So very helpful. Thank you!

[@OrangeQT3.14]

On a side note, this video was super beneficial for me. Not only is it showing me what to look for, so I can break the cycle and hopefully find a better fit for me in the future. But it’s also really great and beneficial to see how many of these boxes I check for myself. I don’t want to be a horrible option for future candidates. I want people to see me, get to know me, and then want to commit to me because they feel safe and heard around me. Meeting people’s needs and making people feel heard is important, and I want to make sure I’m effectively doing that.

[@rosalieirenen]

Hey! Cats are mistreated and misunderstood. Properly raised cat is an angel ❤ Thank you for that video. There's so much value in what you say. Your channel is precious!

[@haineko1989]

Yes! My parents are so surprised because their cat used to stay away all the time until he wanted food, but my cats only go out to explore/nap in peace for a while or even hours when they feel like it but they are more often somewhere around. Not necessarily on my lap all the time, but the same floor or room quite often :)

[@maryroper5444]

I wish I could have heard every bit of this at 20, after the first negative pairing. It's incredible to be 62 and just now grasping what healthy can be. Thank you. I seek to live this.

[@stephanieburgess8217]

I love how you add in interacting with dogs and how important it is. I 100% agree here.

[@HeyAnnabell]

This is wonderful! Just this morning I was thinking about how I’m not going to focus on red flags, instead I was going to prioritize the green flags and my must haves. Everyone is a red flag. Until someone who has all the most important green flags comes around, I’m not interested.

[@YolandaWilkins-zk1nm]

I love the message, but the vibe of the room is amazing! The cozy lighting, the beautiful foliage, your tone, the message....chef's kiss!

[@jtstanley26]

This is more valuable than you know. Fresh out of a toxic on again off again relationship we both had our bad and good and ended in a decent note. I really want my next relationship to be a lot healthier so I’m taking time to be single and learn and grow. So thank you for this channel

[@SisterSustain]

The part about how the person is around other people, their friends, etc…this is a little tricky with a covert narcissist in that they are very good at portraying themselves as someone very different socially than with their intimate partner. I was amazed at how well my covert narcissist partner (once I was emotionally and physically invested) was able to remain so calm and agreeable in certain conversations and situations with his friends. He seemed so caring. I concluded that you don’t have to be in Hollywood to be a great actor. I will most likely pay attention to the other green flags that Jimmy mentions.

[@tahiyamarome]

I'd love you take these themes over into the realm of parenting. So much of what you offer is actually a deep root of healthy parenting. Every time i watch your videos i think "I hope people remember this when they have kids. "

[@alycewich4472]

Or grandkids.

[@tammyb6201]

This is so true.

[@Kurameno]

Or just any relationship in general

[@KarenHeath-j2g]

Perfect explanations for the personal growth journey in redefining what you want in a relationship. Including our live for our pets. Great humour throughout. Thank you 😊

[@CatchMyAxes3848]

This video resonates deeply; not because I'm searching for the green flag, but because I'm the one displaying them, and I now realize the need to enhance myself.

[@mommyscribbles]

I love that you are focusing on the positives!! Too often people talk about the positives.

[@carollaidlaw5653]

Thanks!

[@mimeroo58]

Problem with "feeling safe" is I have no idea how that feels. I was never safe with my parents and have never had a safe partner. I have never been in a safe relationship - I don't seem to have the capacity to feel safe.

[@theladyamalthea]

This is a SUPER important point. I’m currently in a support group for women who are in or were in abusive relationships, and one lady in the group says it’s her current healthy relationship that actually makes her feel weird. She doesn’t know how to be, and in her words, “it freaks me out.” When we grow up in toxicity, our brains become wired that way, and bad behaviours will feel normal, while healthy ones will feel scary. I have found it helpful to withdraw from almost every relationship in my life while I detox. I also read about psychology, so that I can begin to have knowledge of what healthy is supposed to be. It is re-training my brain, and I AM starting to notice that my body feels very much at peace around certain safe people. But yeah, it takes practice.

[@maria-irocharokopou7376]

This hit a spot, it's my reality as well. I don't know what is safe place so that I can look for it or recognize it. Also because of that, I become extremely defensive towards all, demonizing them and picking up red flags constantly, as I foremost can not trust myself that I will ever pick a safe place.

[@kidkanoo]

@@theladyamaltheaI can relate to what you have written, I have recently met a man who seems really nice but I’m terrified of caring for him and I’m finding red flags and trying to push him away?! I just can’t trust and be comfortable.

[@theladyamalthea]

Everyone: Check out Monica Yearwood. She has tips on rebuilding self trust!

[@megzartlife]

I have learned from my past that ‘safe’, to me, feels calm and even ‘boring’… and l now view the feeling of ‘butterflies’ and nervous energy as a warning sign rather than something to be excited about. If we listen to our bodies and have done/are doing the inner work- then our nervous system will tell us- with reasonable accuracy if rest and calm is right or if fight/flight is needed or triggered…

[@dealingwithdane]

Watching and realizing how many red flags I made excuses for and accepted from my ex. 🥺 Lesson learned. And realizing how many times he was steering our conversations/experiences down a toxic, unhealthy path. Accountable for my part in not setting boundaries sooner and knowing my value. Thank you for all the wisdom and advice, Jimmy.

[@wendyg.2664]

Thank you, Jimmy. This was an excellent video.

[@shannonluck5066]

I don't think you're right about cats 😮 They are just more independent... loving and attached... I love dogs too but they need more attention 🎉 Amazing how cats and dogs cuddle up and love each other in a loving family ❤ Jimmy your podcasts are fun and lovely! Thanks for your work... 🙏

[@jenster29]

They can cuddle up to you and without warning scratch you hard. They're narcs 😂

[@Karlien68]

​@@jenster29😂🤣🤪

[@Dice-Z]

@@jenster29 Cats never scratch for no reason or without warning. You're just terrible at noticing the warning signs.

[@angelascott9818]

I agree, and I'm sure he intends the dog rant in good fun. 😂 To me the healthier green flag is if they can be kind/ polite to animals and people they aren't exactly crazy about. Also, do they actually love anything or anyone in a sacrificial and pure manner besides themselves?

[@LaughingGirl88]

I love your videos. Unfortunately, I came across your channel too late to save my past relationship but you helped me realize that it was beyond saving and that I was not in the wrong looking for kindness, love, and mutual respect. Thank you, thank you so much, you helped me to stand up for my needs, not to give up or break down! ❤

[@LizzieGogo]

Love this list! Been making my own green flag list and was told that I am too picky and to throw out my list to find love. But it didn’t feel right for me so I disregarded that advice. And then this list comes along! And it’s a good one!! Thank you for validating my intuition! And for your dogs jokes; my dog is the best indicator of a man’s ability to love and I totally trust his instincts.

[@vhynekervinrepato7117]

This KZbin video is the most wholesome thing ever, it's literally feels like an entire therapy session in a single video

[@salvadorlopez8331]

Thank you, you single-handedly changed the entire course of my life

[@mjosheehy]

People who don't like dogs are off my list! You are the best! Thank you for helping everyone!

[@elinek5470]

I have that with cats 😅 animals in general actually.

[@runr100]

Dogs don't respect boundaries. That objection is reasonable; not everyone likes drool or being jumped on. I've met many narcissists who love dogs because dogs can be abused and they still obey.

[@Dice-Z]

@@runr100 Dogs usually do respect boundaries if they are raised and trained properly. It goes without saying that most people do not do either of those. There are rare cases where training doesn't help because dogs all have individual personalities, albeit there is far less variance in personality compared to cats. But otherwise i agree.

[@Cindy-lt2cm]

I have family members who love their dogs and put the dogs’ needs first and always, to the point of neglecting others and are dismissive and suspicious of anyone who is uncomfortable with their dogs’ poorly socialized and in some cases, dangerous behaviors. I like dogs and have had them most of my long life. However, I do find that dog owners aren’t always the best people to be in relationship with, or even enjoyable to be around.

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

Yes because extremism in any form is sick all by itself. I once went to a persons house for the first time who basically let the dogs sit at the table with us for lunch, then when we sat on the front porch in rocking chairs the one dog kept sitting under my chair, i was told to stop rocking and watch out for the dog. Ever think of telling the dog to go lay down ??? No, not at all. I was all set on that prospective friendship after one visit. I also knew a lady who thought it was funny how many pair of “tory burch shoes” her dog chewed up. She kept buying more. So shes alone with her dog because the dog comes first, In everything.

[@Cargopantcult]

Absolutely, this guy inserting his dog commentary is wild. It suggests a lack of empathy for why people might not like dogs, and invalidates any credibility he might have had on mental health issues.