DM Gets Bullied For Running Terrible D&D Game

The entire party was annoying as hell to be honest. Still DM deserved it in a way.
Thanks to u/midrys for the story!
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[@Nerobyrne]

"Are you threatening me? I'm 5th in line to the throne!" "Well, whoever is 6th in line is about to have a really good day."

[@RaphBlade7]

Now that's what I call a great comeback! 😂

[@Rofflestomper]

I’m stealing that line

[@WarriorBorn100]

I freaking love that line! 😂😂😂

[@booklover7889]

​@@Rofflestompernot before me! 😆

[@pokesaurusinninjago9631]

Perfect line

[@3XC4L1B3R]

"Every NPC you will meet has a detailed backstory" _DM realizes he didn't come up with a life story for the boat captain, kills him when someone attempts dialogue._

[@pogggaming4470]

That’s a red flag

[@Germanica1871]

Their first encounter with the DM and a few back and forths were enough to warrant a leave... The biggest red flag I've noticed was their Session 0s Like... 4? I mean I would understand 2 if you really need it to be a year long campaign right, like very carefully plan it all out? But 4? Damn...

[@linkfan160]

Bruh, it's not that hard. For NPC's I usually just make up something on the spot, unless they're important to the plot, then I make it a bit more detailed, but it's not really that hard to give NPC's a random background and personality. This guy is just lazy.

[@kman9884]

“I was an old shrimp boat captain with my friend from the war. He lost both his legs, but he was one hell of a navigator, always in the crow’s nest; even challenging the gods when we were in the midst of a squall. Somehow, I think all of his blasphemy saved us, because we were the only shrimp boat that made it through the night.”

[@Nekrotix12]

He actually did, the captain just had really bad social anxiety and when someone tried to interact with him it sent him into a violent fit which lead to him crashing directly into the docks.

[@personwholovesailorm]

"I sit and wait for the plot" I don't know why this tickled me but the image of a rogue just popping a squat into a chair and stone faced staring off into the distance, waiting for something, anything interesting to happen is hilarious.

[@VidelxSpopovich]

This happened to our party once. We were in a cave full of water and were told by the DM in no uncertain terms that we had no choice but to take the rowboat across as a group and weren’t allowed to really do anything other than that or else insta death by crocodiles. So we just sat there while the villian monologued at us from somewhere deeper in the cave. DM got mad when she realized we weren’t responding to her big bad evil speech and threw a hissy fit.

[@personwholovesailorm]

​@@VidelxSpopovich This has some monty python energy

[@VidelxSpopovich]

@@personwholovesailorm I’ve only ever seen clips of it but it is funny you mention that. My character later found that universe’s equivalent of The Holy Grail and proceeded to use it as his personal wine goblet.

[@shishsjxnsnzns]

​@@VidelxSpopovichSorry, i might be misreading your comment. What did the DM do wrong? (before throwing a fit)

[@VidelxSpopovich]

@@shishsjxnsnzns Extreme railroading. You are NOT allowed to do anything but get into the rowboat which will take you directly to the BBEG. You may NOT swim underwater to try and sneak up on her as that will result in instant death by omniscient crocodiles who, like Schroedinger’s Cat, will only actually exist when you try anything but getting on the boat. Apparently the crocodiles can distinguish a boat from a person just by the feel of the water AND know for some reason to not attack the boat and only swimmers. In other words the DM started just making shit up so she could have the villain do her stupid monolog and berate us before getting off a free fireball on us because we were all stuck on a boat.

[@malbogia8003]

Dude:" hey cap, how close are we to tittyville?" Boat: crashes into docks Cap: "that close, apparently"

[@spectralknight7142]

That got me belly laughing. Imagine asking your mom how far you were from grandma's house as a kid and she crashes through the building

[@luigiboi4244]

@@spectralknight7142 That has the chaotic energy of a meme edit of Pokemon where James is driving a truck, Ash and Pikachu try to attack Jessie with Quick Attack, and James responds with “Turn Attack!” and proceeds to make a quick turn. The edit then adds on to the scene, where James apparently rolls the van into a park and FLATTENS AN ENTIRE KINDERGARDEN CLASS. It makes much more sense watching it than actually describing it.

[@Kinkylords]

​@@luigiboi4244 Yo that sounds insane, could you link it?

[@bigshot2123]

@@luigiboi4244 like someone else said, can you send a link please or find the title? I wanna see it

[@TheEmeraldWeirdo]

That reminds me of that one bit from the Rankin/Bass Rudolph special: (Ice raft crashes into the shore, throwing Yukon Cornelius, Hermie, and Rudolph off) Yukon: LAND HO! Hermie: No kidding.

[@TheGreatZamboozo]

Everyone was "playing" D&D while the gnome was playing leisure suit larry

[@HeadlessClient]

Glad I'm not the only person who had that visual every time the gnome spoke.

[@gliscorpropagandaaccount1764]

Honestly. I respect it within the context.

[@anthonybramante2921]

I completely forgot about that series until now

[@JmancoolJ]

Typical gnome bard

[@seanderickferrer7268]

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[@Nick-zm2vm]

"You're ruining my world!" The world with only two NPCs in it.

[@xxhobocatxx2869]

To be fair it used to have three. At least before the captain's tragic demise.

[@TheCorsair444]

@@xxhobocatxx2869 RIP Captain Cap Tain, so bad at his job he forgot to hire a crew, and steer the ship, which somehow made it to it's exact destination down to the foot without him noticing, and then crashed into the pier of a swamp village port city.

[@hugofontes5708]

@@TheCorsair444 hey, now, they didn't check for a body, the captain might have just disappeared as well - potentially still 3 NPC

[@dr.anderson1847]

"Oh no, not captain, person, and woman living in my walls"

[@RaphBlade7]

Also a world where the capitol is apparently still under construction 🏗! Also he should have probably should have tried to keep them in the town! I mean he could have said that a storm was coming & they'd be stuck in a tavern or something! Or have some combat encounters planned just in case! Of course, a better idea would he shouldn't try to alter characters backstorys without consulting them! From what I can tell as someone who is an outsider who is only somewhat familiar with this stuff, the guy was obviously out of their depth & after that interrogation, if I had been a player I would have just been honest with the guy & told him he doesn't seem to have any idea what he doing as his world isn't even fleshed out beyond one sparsely populated town & an unfinished capitol city! Also forced role play for that long a period doesn't sound fun (unless you really enjoy role play) so I'm out!

[@akmi1931]

The whole “I only planned for the first village” reminds me of the Futurama episode where Fry says “it’s all I have. It took an hour to write, I thought it would take an hour to read”

[@the_death_knights]

Got to love Futurama

[@corey4370]

As a writer, I wish it was like that. But typically an hour gets me maybe two pages

[@cqbjones4861]

@@corey4370 honestly, I write content for a friend and I put in like a week of labor for six hours of content for him to read.

[@marcush4741]

I've definitely told people "Hey guys. I planned for A, B, and C. I didn't even know D was an option. But I always followed that up with "Let's vote. I can take 20 minutes and wing it or we can call the session and we'll be fully ready next session" But this was DEFINITELY more common in 3rd edition, when there were SO many optional rulebooks and I didnt have the courage to limit the official rulebooks allowed in a game.

[@corey4370]

@@cqbjones4861 as long as you enjoy it

[@darko-man8549]

“All dragonborne are evil” “Well, mine isn’t. perhaps mine has fled the continent on which they live having seen the horrors of war and become disillusioned. That could even tie nicely into a story thread” “Nah, too much effort, you’re evil. No evil race can ever be good”

[@twistedmezelf]

I play a good guy goblin trying to make amends for goblin kinds agression. Only to then find out all other goblins in the campaign are bloodthirsty maniacs. And the one other friendly goblin we find was a god damn succubus sent after me by the BBEG........ Ima have a talk with my deity soon cus ohh lorde am i gonna sin soon

[@Bored339649]

Sounds like LS.

[@bestaround3323]

@@Bored339649 Not lawful stupid, just ignorant.

[@Bored339649]

@@bestaround3323 you'll get no argument from me.

[@psychocircus8988]

He does realize that metallic dragonborne topically range from lawful good to chaotic good right?

[@CrowePerch]

“My character farts nervously” is the single most cursed sentence I’ve heard uttered on this channel and I can’t unhear it

[@CptPipebeard]

Dad, did you fart nervously?

[@CrowePerch]

@@CptPipebeard H-hey son *shits aggressively*

[@LucyBean42]

It's not inaccurate.

[@kalajel]

@@CptPipebeard T'was the dog...

[@spacewizardpip1111]

That’s bogus and you know it Crow!

[@ricblu]

Unless I missed it, is no one really gonna ask how and why the boat just flat out crashes into the docks lol. The captain just watches his boat speeding into town

[@inkdash2341]

the captain took his out from the plot as soon as he got his chance and I can't blame him

[@Ashai]

clearly because he didn't have a crew to handle the rest of the boat

[@thatbachus]

@@inkdash2341 that's the best answer anyone can say

[@animeotaku307]

@@AshaiHis crew suddenly vanished right as the game began. His bewilderment at this kept him from noticing that they were going to crash.

[@hugofontes5708]

@@animeotaku307 there was no stopping the crash in a unnamed boat, captain sinks with the ship, the badass NPC lady probably snatched them away to jumble everything Axolotl and Ilumise had planned to settle the magic realm, story solved

[@BiggestGal]

Absolutely LOST IT at "she just doesn't remember what we talked about" like bro you really just gaslit your player like that holy shit.

[@allsnuf]

I personally liked being struck blind and needing to go to a temple.

[@drayiskewl]

I was so worried that I'd be a horrible DM, but this guy is giving me all the confidence in the world

[@theduckyninja1086]

I've never played DND before but I'm confident that if I decided to dm a game rn, it'd still be better lol

[@4mobius280]

@@theduckyninja1086 Savage and probably true. The same thing can apply to me.

[@throwscats]

If you DM'd since your comment, hopefully it went well and you all had fun! DM'ing is really hard, and a lot of pressure, so I just wanted to randomly encourage a fellow DM.

[@brandonedwards1181]

Me too

[@j.o.s.h.]

Bro. Same.

[@SugaredViolette]

The sorceress was completely on board the railroad until it applied to her 🤣

[@BadassHater1]

Yep. I think she thought that DM considers her a main character and she can do whatever she wants. Either that or she plays the "rich bratty princess" part really good.

[@SugaredViolette]

The "rich, bratty princess" archetype *could* theoretically work in a game too, if established between player and DM what outcome would come from the player's journey. Basically, everything this DM and player did wrong

[@shadowrose8907]

@@SugaredViolette I mean, I have a DMPC that's a spoiled noble, but she's *very* self-aware and actually resents being considerably less competent than the other party members (also she's got a massive inferiority complex stemming from that combination of traits, but then I like to think character writing has always been one of my strong suits)

[@Mr.Pancake-7092]

@@SugaredViolette I actually played with one of those types of characters, and they were super fun to play with! Their character took stuff seriously but the player didn’t, making really good gags and one liners about her background.

[@AuntLoopy123]

@@SugaredViolette Oh, yeah. "Rich, bratty princess forced on an adventure and has to face the consequences of her actions, and learn how REAL LIFE is for other people, thus learning empathy and an understanding or cause and effect, so that she finally becomes a capable ruler" is a great trope.

[@user-te5nh3li3f]

this dm isnt playing D&D, he wants to direct a play

[@deen7530]

But he is so inept at everything storytelling related I fear he would even fail at that too.

[@TalonBrush]

A terrible play, one you'd only send people you hate to watch.

[@ScreamsGeo]

@@TalonBrushI don't think I hate anyone that much, and I wouldn't want this play to make any money anyway.

[@bellaiswierd]

Imma be honest, I may have only had a SINGLE year of screenwriting classes, but I can say this guy is entirely inept in even writing a damn book/play or whatever. Case in point: the constant breaking of the "show don't tell" rule, AND I AM NOT EVEN A FAN OF THAT RULE, ironically

[@TheTrixyLeStrange]

The best thing for me is how the bard and sorceress would have been the problem players in another game (not irrevocably so, but we have the "do I find any wenches" guy and someone who is super down for main character syndrome), but the GM was such a problem themselves that they didn't have a chance to become problems for the other players

[@shieldgenerator7]

its like that trope where the guy is being chased by a huge monster, just to get saved by an even bigger monster that eats the one chasing him

[@Infovorousness]

It’s hilarious how the first thing we learn about the DM’s “amazing homebrew world” is lore ripped essentially 1:1 out of the Dragonlance setting

[@Dragondan1987]

I imagine there are a lot of people who don’t know some of these old settings, and companies and DMs alike just copy them for brownie points.

[@Rhyusfox]

Less Dragonborn, more Draconian in his case, as I recall.

[@pst5345]

so?? Every goddamn fantasy story is ripped off or "inspired by" something else... big deal

[@KnightsRealm98]

@@pst5345 That's not the point. You are correct that there is no such thing as an original story, but the point is that the DM claimed his story was awesome and original when it was not. Taking inspiration or leaning on tropes is not the issue, even Tolkien, Lewis, and Mallory did that

[@solouno2280]

@@KnightsRealm98 this, inspiration is way different from ripping off. "Corazón de lotería" is inspired in "Sakura Card Captor", but Sonichu is ripped off from Sonic.

[@zachvaughn8582]

You know, this is one of those horror stories where I’d say the DM should just write a book…. Except dear gods that’d be a terrible book

[@RedStripeMedia]

Aw yeah i cant wait for the Circle of Crap 12 book series

[@aleksihakli1125]

"The legend of tittylaville, Stories from the swamp villagecity capitol under construction"

[@clericofchaos1]

Damn dude, i think he did everything wrong that can possibly be done... Bravo. It takes skill and commitment to fail that hard.

[@abbeybelanger8118]

I thought I was a bad DM (I'm just really inexperienced rn) but wow, that's a bit rough. One of the most important things in DMing is being flexible and filling the gaps when players do something off track.

[@Tresson]

He didn't everything possibly wrong. I mean there was no sexual assault in game or creeping on the female players. Not that it makes him any better of a DM.

[@PrimalRockSlapper]

@@abbeybelanger8118 taking a step back from that, one of the most basic important things in DMing is to not change your players backstory (or anything on their sheet for that matter) without telling them.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@Tresson Sorceress. That is all.

[@clericofchaos1]

@@Tresson I thought that's what the sorceress was? Either way he didn't forget much did he?

[@Reddotzebra]

"You are in awe of her otherworldly beauty, she has a 25 in CHA!" I seriously started chuckling at this, that isn't even how the stat is supposed to work, charisma in DnD is basically supposed to represent force of personality, ego power, basically.

[@n0etic_f0x]

I found that odd as well. I wrote the same thing, but it was about how someone was completely unphased why what was a rather frightening display of power and said they should join his theatrical troupe, and "everyone was simply *dying* to see their new acts!" with a very large emphasis on the whole dying bit. Same effect but it actually fits the stat.

[@SaittaMicus]

It's actually surprising how often I see people think that CHA is based on looks. Another rpg that has very similar stats as D&D, there was an elf npc who's CHA stat was either a 7, or 28. 7 was without makeup, 28 with makeup.

[@dosde8391]

@@SaittaMicus The plus 20 charisma hat

[@glasshorse6893]

charisma is partly that but its more the social awareness or charm to compel others. it hardly ever refers to plainly looks, its what they say and how they say it. saying your girl just instantly has your devotion cuz she looks hot is missing the point a lot lol

[@Dragondan1987]

3.5 charisma did include attractiveness. Don’t know about 4, but this isn’t a completely foreign understanding if you have played RPGs longer than 5e. Lots of systems still factor attractiveness under charisma.

[@nathanross5527]

I shouldn't laugh at the goliath player being stuck in his own house with the guy, but I did. I think I probably would have found an excuse to kick everyone else out

[@sanfransiscon]

I think the Sorceress was going for a love-to-hate-them princess kind of character who constantly bluffs about how powerful and important she is. "Why yes, I *am* the most beautiful person in the world. I definitely *can* cast fireball, and it's *true* I'm third in line for the throne." The problem was that the player was self-aware but the DM took it at face value.

[@samaustin339]

Sorceress: “All rogues are evil thieves.” My foppish noblewoman swashbuckler: “am I a joke to you?”

[@PTp1ranha]

You say that like she's supposed already be familiar with your character. That's usually what that copy-paste comment implies. But yeah, she was really prejudiced. I'm hoping it was just some immersion roleplaying on her part.

[@psychocircus8988]

DM: “all Dragonborns are evil” Sorceress: “all rogues are evil thieves” My chaotic good brass dragonborn swashbuckling pirate rogue: “am I a joke to you”

[@Thatwalrus27]

Does robinhood mean nothing to him!?

[@psychocircus8988]

@@Thatwalrus27 funny you mention that, because the idea for my pirate rogue was that he was supposed to be kind of a mix between jack sparrow and Robin Hood. Long story short he’s a pirate but he only steals from corrupt politicians or other pirates to help the people affected by those groups

[@animeotaku307]

@@Thatwalrus27Well, to someone who is rich, Robin Hood is evil.

[@hanabananarama]

"I sit and wait for the plot" got me lmao

[@LucyBean42]

The DM gives the players information they're not supposed to know, and tells them to just ignore it. It's like that episode of Venture Brothers with the giant alien shouting IGNORE ME!

[@DragoSonicMile]

Abridged Yami Bakura: "Sometimes, I wish I could."

[@arukana7761]

Man, now I wanna watch Venture Brothers again.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Which episode is that? LOL.

[@LucyBean42]

S2 E5 Twenty Years to Midnight

[@benitoswagolini3410]

Or that episode of south park where the prince of Canada and his wife go on a world privacy tour where they shout and hold signs while telling people to give them privacy

[@biffwellington6144]

"He has a +20 to Intimidate. He intimidates you. You are now scared of him." Uhh... didn't you just say he has to do what we tell him to do, because we're descendants of the gods? I tell him to knock that off and apologize to my companion.

[@Coconut_Prrson]

it's also such fucking lazy dming. instead of making him a character or explaining what he does to intimidate he just goes "he intimidates you and you are scared"

[@pogggaming4470]

@@Coconut_Prrsonwhat better examples you have?

[@Coconut_Prrson]

@@pogggaming4470 build up a scene. Don't just say "he intimidates you" but expand on HOW he does so. Like maybe he threatens you by throwing a knife an inch from your face, or have him say something cool, or explain how his dead stare is that of someone who you just know you're but a slight annoyance to him and he has dealt w huger enemies in his past. Idk just do something!!

[@santinogirado5487]

​@@Coconut_Prrson Even something simple without any sort of physical movement would work, like just an extremely large murderous aura would work, even for non-arcanists

[@PanCake-td3nu]

"You are in awe of her otherworldly beauty, she has a 25 in CHA!" Anyways, do we ignore that crashed ship and death of the crew?

[@alarkhar]

Of course you do, they're just NPCs. And besides, according to the DM, the crew didn't even exist...

[@TalonBrush]

There was no crew. Just a nameless captain. I'm still wondering how the fuck it crashed into a dock. Or how it sailed. Or how it got this far. Or why any of it was happening. Or why do we care?

[@craftsecond]

Y'know, I do remember in Red Box DnD, Charisma was described much more as straight up character attractiveness. But fully agree, this is outdated at best, and a pretty minor point...especially as they just Jack Sparrowed onto the dock.

[@sefatsilverlake3816]

@@craftsecond It did? because I remember it said Adolf Hitler was an example of a character with high charisma

[@craftsecond]

@@sefatsilverlake3816 I admit I'm working from memory here; haven't had a Red Box in a while. I can't remember what examples they might have used.

[@birdgvee4982]

"He asked if my mom could call him, too, to get out of there - only it was his house, so he was stuck" - that got me 😂

[@fulanodominicano]

"I sit and wait for the plot." Savage.

[@menschgebliebenergossenpar9213]

>This campaign is my magnum opus and life. > Has a town with the name of "Ticklethicktits" in it. Im confuse

[@Mrinsecure]

Tip for fellow DMs just starting out: Lore is not the same thing as World Building. Your characters' backstories and history exists to inform their words and actions, not to be explained in long exposition dumps. If you have hundreds of years of history for your fantasy civilization but no idea how that affects their behavior, beliefs or customs, *you have not built a world yet.*

[@andrejg4136]

The lore are the building blocks for the world. The world still needs to be arranged, built, and the internal connections ran. It's like you have the parts of a computer, but haven't assembled it into a working machine.

[@GrndAdmiralThrawn]

This is one of the things I actually love most about worldbuilding. My world has a lot of circle imagery because the binary moons play a large part in the lore. It has biases based on past wars, and urban legends about lost civilizations. It has cultural misunderstandings and faux pas. Certain legends are embellished in the world’s present from even the way I have them set in the lore, because of the tradition of oral history. One of my favorite things in any otherworldly work is seeing the small details, the insignificant but logical outcomes of the lore.

[@TheBennyBoi876]

I often will write a timeline of events for my world settings, detailing the history of how it came to be what it currently is when my players start. From there, I'll use the lore to establish politics, culture, and racial demographics

[@BlazingKhioneus]

Step 1 of lore writing: What do i want? Step 2: hiw do we get here?

[@JustToSaveYou]

You can see the progression of the entire party from trying to play the game to trying to have fun at the dumpster fire.

[@marybdrake1472]

I can't decide if this D.M. was just hostile, or incompetent. So I just settled on him being both.

[@TigerW0lf]

Both. Both is good.

[@marybdrake1472]

@@TigerW0lf Eeyup.

[@TalonBrush]

Deluded and oblivious to others' wants and needs.

[@elhoteldeloserrantes5056]

The answer is YES

[@SaliasLeRounard]

I call a referee for a chromosome recount!

[@YouW00t]

I'm surprised this session didn't involve sexual assault considering all other Bad DM checkmarks were hit effortlessly without sweating.

[@TheUnoriginal2394]

considering sorceress was the "main character" im sure it was going to head there at some point

[@firstnamelastname7244]

Frankly, it makes me doubt the story a little. It just seems like too much of a perfect storm of bad DMing traits.

[@YouW00t]

@@firstnamelastname7244 You would be surprised how possible it is. Still, you're right, so much went wrong within the spawn of that session it sounds like fantasy. Horrible, dark fantasy.

[@illseeyaonthedarksideofthemoon]

DnD is all about sexual assault, including the players.

[@jas-c3610]

Professionals have standards.

[@maddie6589]

I've never been the DM before because I'm not confident enough but this guy suddenly gave me that boost and the will to be a better first-time DM. I can't even imagine coming up with a boring "plot" and then railroading the players.

[@karlnapf5812]

I stumbled in that role as well, and to me, the DM-guide in 4e put it well: Know who you're playing with! I got a lot of people who like playing card games, games in general. So, I knew, they wanted something with "win conditions", listen to them - got a buddy of mine a ship adventure, after we wiped in a group earlier - and try to avoid spiders, because one of the group has an issue with them. Oh yes, and of course: session zero! Good luck and most importantly: All of you have fun!

[@Kino_Cartoon]

I planned a one shot for my family who are huge pirate fans. They were suppose to be part of a crew that overheard some very drunk navy guys that there was a rumor about a treasure hidden in an underwater cave but that there exist an exit on the surface of an island close to it and that it is possible to find it when you follow a line of magnetic stones. The first challenge would be to get the name of the island from the drunk pair and the rest of the adventure would be on the island as the players would arrive first with the Navy in close pursuit. The ship is commanded by NPCs and the players are the group of people who is suppose to find the treasure, burn some firework at its location and kill those who come before the ship arrives to give them an out and huge ropes with rakes that they are supposed to put on some of the treasure, hold on to and be pulled out with from the water entrance. They are huge curse of the carbine fans so I thought it's something that they'd enjoy if I weren't ill when I visited. Maybe you can use that idea for your story. You can create some jungle encounters, fights with the navy, strange traps at the treasures entrance, fun escapes and an awfully snobby noble captain of the marine that your players can make explode out of anger XD

[@PipHalsey]

I think some of the official starter adventures from WotC are great starting points for new DMs (Such as The lost mines of phandelver), as they contain a lot of decent tips for new DMs. Another tip I'd give is to not overplan like this DM did with likely unimportant details for NPC background. If an event happens that you didn't plan for, improvise, and don't stress if you don't do things perfectly. Just stay light hearted, jokingly admit when you make mistakes, and try to keep the plot moving forward.

[@Dead__Space]

I've been designing a campaign to help with depression, knowing I'll probably never DM out of fear. This story makes me feel slightly better about myself cause this is pathetic...

[@maddie6589]

@@Dead__Space You've got this, my friend! I'm so sorry you're dealing with that though, but I sincerely hope that designing the campaign will lift your spirits for a good while. Show em all what you got, whether or not you choose to be a DM.

[@darkmage07070777]

It's like a new DM from the early 1980s got frozen in carbonite and was thawed out only a week back with the second half of the 5e rulebook as his only real source for how modern gaming was supposed to work.

[@briangang3977]

Brian gang, rise up and remember to not just lie to your players, and don't force them into things!

[@Theokal3]

... Wow... That was something. I do however find it hilarious that the DM picked a favourite witht he Sorceress, then promptly started changing her backstory and arguing with her when she inevitably turned murderhobo. That was actually kinda hilarious XD In his defense yeah, it IS possible to fill a session with nothing but RP by having the characters talk between them or learn about npcs; I did that in my games a lot. But you gotta 1) Give them some signal that they got free time to RP or interact and 2) Spark their interest about the NPCs first. Give the NPCs some quirks or personality traits that make the interesting or make the players want to learn about them. The way this guy was going, all the players had to go with was one NPC has a funny name that kinda sound like Lumière and the other is a snobbish princess. Not exactly much to work with.

[@solouno2280]

Yes, this literally feel like Fallout 4 or Dragon Age 2 levels of railroading... When you're stuck with both Aveline and Preston Garvey but none else, you know this is not going to be in a real wild ride, but in Mr Bones' wild ride. So they did what anyone would do to keep their sanity: rename Preston "gravy" and Aveline "Avakin" and make your own fun by bullying someone who obviously hates games

[@Snommelp]

Yeah, he literally telegraphed that they shouldn't RP and should follow the plot hook instead. "What do I see?" Nothing, get on with it. "Are there any people?" No, get on with it. Heck, when they tried to talk with the captain, the DM crashed the boat and tried to kill them all!

[@LattePunch]

Theses stories are actually making me feel better about my own fanfictions. This DM said he had it planned out for years but just barely had anything ready for session 1.

[@PaladinGear15]

This DM is horrific. Probably the worst "story" a DM ever gave me was "you're in a tavern, go", naturally the questions started pouring in, "a tavern in which town? what's around us? are we here for a reason? do we know eachother?" and came the reply "just play the damn game" from the DM... I'm not sure he knew what D&D is.

[@deen7530]

What did he expect you to do? Just start attacking each other?

[@PaladinGear15]

@@deen7530 I have no idea what he wanted, cause he left the server and blocked us all after like 5 minutes of confusion.

[@deen7530]

@@PaladinGear15 Lmao

[@pogggaming4470]

What is he? Dio Brando from Jojo?

[@CruelestChris]

"He intimidates you. You are now frightened of him." This is how you'd explain a D&D campaign to a dog.

[@pogggaming4470]

Honestly playing a D&D with a dog is pretty nice

[@TheGoodLuc]

@@pogggaming4470 With mabari!

[@somebody4952]

"You guys are too swuishy for any of my world's encounters." Tranalation: "I don't have any fights planned."

[@Micras08]

For once this horror story actually seems 100 % plausible. Problem is that such a fact actually makes it more sad :(

[@willropa4226]

There's some problems with OP being a bit disruptive, but in truth DM did deserve it. There was one check in the entire two-hour session, which was live or die, everything else was plot related roll-play which can be summed up as "Ride the railroad or be annihilated". Guy REALLY wanted to write a book but knew it would never sell, so he kidnapped a group of people to torture into watching. Also, I do support OP's #NotAllRogues stance, I will never be a bad boy with my Tabaxi Scout Rogue.

[@kristhebrownie]

Yeah, if the DM wasn't so bad then OP would have been the villain of the story.

[@Mr.2Dirty]

@@kristhebrownie I think it’s because of the “Save or Die” check a minute into the session combined with the DM just straight disregard for both Sorceress’s fail, and the blatant favoritism for having her survive the failed check and the descriptor of her, is what had OP just say “Fuck it. I can’t take this serious, but I can at least try to give him some tips so this doesn’t happen again.”

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

@@kristhebrownie True, but DM did try to kill his wife, let us not forget

[@SaliasLeRounard]

​@@kristhebrowniehaha, nice try DM 😜 you were so bad, any average DM would had so much fun with a witty and intelligent character like op

[@thomasschafer5939]

Honestly, i would have been out the moment he said "you have to commit to play this campaign to the end right now"

[@zenkaisean8710]

I can imagine Randy Marsh as this DM: "Does he always do as he's told?" "YEAH BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET BECAUSE YOU'RE DESCENDANTS OF GODS GALL!"

[@blazaybla22]

Oh my god I can’t unhear that. That’s fucking hilarious

[@chaoticneutralgamer3022]

Story in a nutshell: DM railroads the players in a terrible world and the players retaliate by getting sassy.

[@LiteraryDM]

CritCrab: It can't get worse. Narrator: Things were about to get so much worse. EDIT: Wow, it actually got so much worse! This DM really needs to lighten up.

[@ByrdieFae]

I nearly broke something laughing when OP said 'Exxon Mobile'.

[@zaniatnik]

At 20:57 I have finally realized how absolutely buff Crit Crab is. Hail to the King.

[@Draakhart_961]

All right folks, some of the DM lessons of today (buckle up, this is one hell of a ride) that can be summarised as: Respect your players. a) Player characters are amongst the few things players have a modicum of control. Do not change their class, backstory or whatever else: especially without communicating with the player. If they've played within the rules, do not punish them for it. a.1) Do not let your players talk down to others and tell them how to play. It's one thing being frustrated at a bad play or trying to help: it's another to do what the Sorceress did to OP. b) When possible, run a SINGLE session 0, with all (or as many) players present as possible. If changes need to be made afterwards, communicate with your players and allow them to have a say on how to move on forward; if all dragonborn are now evil, let the good-aligned cleric either do changes as necessary or better yet, remember PCs are exceptional and don't have to adhere to expectatins. c) Do not show player favoritism: this is a collaborative game. The game may put more focus on a specific PC more or less at any given arc, but the spotlight towards the start should be on everyone; there are ways to handle different levels in the same party (depending on the edition, that may be part of the draw) but if you cannot be fair about it, use milestone progress instead.kk d) Communicate about table conditions: the party seemed fine about low light, but plenty of players may struggle to see anything with candlelight. This varies between groups, but issues like accessibility can be a dealbreaker. e) Focus on the short term and the nearby sessions, even if the plan is to run long-term. f) If you plan on the party RPing, do not give them an empty box with barely anything present. Give them NPCs, places, activities that allow for these conversations to happen: and have an encounter or two at the ready just in case they itch for a fight, even if the stakes are low. g) Do not, particularly at low levels, put everything behind a single roll. ESPECIALLY if the result may be death. h) Even in a very serious game, there's bound to be some level of humour. Lighten up, it's a good sign most times. i) Show, don't tell. If players are god descended, give them a reason to know this. j) Come with an open mind. Come with at least one way a scenario may play out, but remember no plan survives player contact - the bard using Detect Magic could have been a surprise but if you nod along, the players might feel like they are on the right track, making progress. This is not a thing to be ashamed of: welcome it. k) As OP mentioned, if you cannot allow player choice, write a story instead. l) If an early arc is supposed to see the players go to a different location, be ready. You might not need to have the next entire city ready, but a couple of roll tables for encounters along the way (skill challenges, enemies, even just cool rest stops) and the place they'd arrive to (such as the docks) can work wonders. Personally not a fan of random so early on, but mileage varies. edit for an additional one: If you're so overwhelmed by where a session goes, open up to the players, consider a brief break so you can prepare something and carry on.

[@rossjohnstone4689]

Merry belated Christmas crab king and happy new year.

[@CritCrab]

Thanks Ross!

[@Ceyrenn460]

I always keep thinking I was a bad DM when I first DMed. Then I see stories like this and realised, no I could have been way worse.

[@SapphireDragon357]

Saw the title and thought this was a reupload... I suppose there's only so many combinations of words to title these stories though.

[@Kevinblue035]

i've never had a DM simp over me, but i've definitely been made the "main character" against my wishes, it's totally a bad feeling (especially for someone who hates being in the spotlight like me lol) ironically one of the other players in the group clearly WANTED to be the main character, so idk why so much focus was put on me...

[@сільськаприбахана]

My only version is that DM just acted on opposing (e.g. like sometines kids sticking like glued to person who interacts with them less) and/or by accident your background was fitting in box of his even vague plans better

[@theprinnyranger]

not the first roll of a game, but specifically MY first battle roll in a game. We were playing some clone trooper in a Star Wars universe and had to protect some council member that had just arrived. a group of insurgent ambushed us on the way and battle started. My job was to literaly protect the council member and stay close to her. I'm playing an all-rounder with medium weaponry (small assault rifle type of weapon) and my turn come around. I shoot at the closest enemy... or rather, I WANT to do that. but I roll two 1 in a row and ended up shooting the council member in the foot. My very first roll, I shoot the person I am supposed to protect. Needless to say, I got my nickname the fastest in the group (as clone trooper tend to give nickname to each other based on achievment or random event). Big Shot. While it sounds cool, it is a heavy reminder that I actually shot the VIP first thing. They never relented, and I don't regret any part of this campaign

[@Drakestorm87]

This seems more like a fanfic than an actual campaign. If he wants it to happen in a certain way, write a book!!! That’s a better use of his time instead of making multiple people hate him.

[@NinjaBoy641]

I would've just given the DM my character sheet and leave telling him "here, since you want to play my character so badly"

[@RedNovaTyrant]

I have never laughed so hard from one of these horror stories, dear GOD Every single time the DM meta-gamed I laughed even harder

[@TalonBrush]

Hilarious, cringeworthy, sad and infuriating all at the same time. The perfect CritCrab tale.

[@pandemedley9378]

12:22 - um, a city can't be a village, DM. that's kind of by design??

[@pogggaming4470]

Insert nerd emoji

[@KurvyKirby]

This is probably the most common thing said against heavy railroading DMs, but... He really should have wrote a book, not only does the plot not ever derail, but he gets to flaunt his characters all he wants and still some people would enjoy reading it.

[@ohthreefiftyone]

I don’t think a book written by this guy needs to exist.

[@pogggaming4470]

@@ohthreefiftyoneso there is a problem

[@fyreoblar]

This is absolutely amazing. How can any DM be this insane.

[@Mr_GoR_]

Omg, this DM is just so awful, I almost feel bad for them. *sigh* I've had a few years of DM experience under my belt, enough to develop a measure of confidence. While I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a good DM, I know for sure, after this and several other horror storieslike this, that at least I am not a bad one.

[@nessierey6721]

I‘m sure you’re great!

[@Mr_GoR_]

@@nessierey6721 thanks ☺ Well, my friends keep coming back, so I guess I'm doing something right.

[@kkdewolf1974]

I’m 14 and I just finished my 3rd session with 4 of my friends. I’m the DM and everyone loves it. I just wish everyone had a sense of creativity and flexibility. There is some awesome things that happened that I didn’t even know could happen in dungeons and dragons. I hope this guy got his act together later in life. It must’ve been hard for the DM, but I’m completely on the players side in this story.

[@jaysonklein6018]

I loled that the OP pronounced Tick Titty Oily wrong... if you have to name a city, make it easy, or expect people to pronounce it wrong.

[@ohthreefiftyone]

It’s just one of the inevitable truths of DMing that if you make up proper nouns, your players will either forget them entirely or turn them into a joke. The best advice a new DM or GM can get is “You’re not Tolkien. Get over yourself.”

[@jaysonklein6018]

@@ohthreefiftyone exactly. Even the players from Cosmic Crit kept calling Chiskisk "Chex Mix" and not a single person got upset. They all laughed.

[@ArcCaravan]

I remember multiple stories of DM favoritism where the target was the OP. One in particular had at least one former party member discredit her at other tables despite said OP insisting on not desiring favoritism at any tables.

[@Zetact_]

I would say that the captain for no reason being unable to bring in the boat and just crashing into the docks was absurd but when finding out there was no crew I guess that makes sense.

[@diogofonseca3161]

I thought I'd be a disaster running my first campaign, but this guy gave me hope. When the players tell me that they were going to visit the village that I hadn't prepared yet I just improv all the thing up and they seem to not noticed. Sorry for any gramatical error, not a native english speaker here.

[@Nazo-kage]

The DM railroaded himself to death. He kept pushing them, wind them to move on. So he gave absolutely no detail about the town, but he expected the players to just talk to each other for the full five hour RP? Why should they interact with each other? They’ve shown that some of them were pretty hostile over caring about the plot. And then the time that the players do want to have some agency, he shuts them down by saying that the characters they want to fight or to important. I wouldn’t even tell the guy to write a novel. Because his level of storytelling wasn’t even to the level, of so bad it’s good fanfiction.

[@DanaOtken]

DM: "You are in awe of her otherworldly beauty, she has a 25 in CHA!" Me playing the Sorceress: "And she is presently farting nervously while looking for any more of the ghostly hands that plucked her and the scarecrow dressed as a captain off the haunted barge that brought us here." I am not proud of this response, but it immediately came to mind. Clearly, already in the appropriate mindset for how this session was about to go.

[@tantryl]

The DM didn't notice they were on their phones because it was dark. Right. Yeah that's how that works.

[@Garrett1986]

I'm amazed by their endurance. When OP said, "We should have walked out then and there,"...like, yup, and then when DM opened his mouth again, and then we he spoke a 3rd time...basically each subsequent time he spoke was another, "we should have walked out then and there." I'm in awe...or maybe flabbergasted?...at their patience and endurance.

[@daviddaugherty2816]

I like to think they enjoyed making fun of the game just a little. Poor Lumiere...

[@Sanodi21]

I count at least 9 red flags before the campaign even began.

[@pogggaming4470]

Like to tell me?

[@wynautwarrior2161]

The first words out of the DMs mouth and the fact he drops that the campaign is a years long commitment would be enough to make me put my coat back on and leave

[@pogggaming4470]

Oh boy, something wrong with those words?

[@citizenvulpes4562]

@@pogggaming4470 Yeah, there is something wrong with the words "Years long commitment" especially if it's the first time I've met you.

[@lowfn]

Oh my god I would listen to five hundred stories of this group desperately trying to do DnD this was amazing. Everyone was such a character

[@jaysonklein6018]

"I sit and wait for the plot!" HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

[@CaseyWilkesmusic]

The DM reminds me of a session that I played in once. It was a one shot and I know it’s helpful to have a few players help move the action along can help so that a new dm doesn’t have to play the “okay and we transition” game. It started in a tavern and my pc (I named him “captain kikkinazz and told them dm that for this one shot he’s just gonna be an old school, kick down the door and get loot type of pc, to which dm approves). What followed was 1.5 hours of waiting around in a tavern while our PCs asked “where is the adventure?” Literally said that in character. DM who sounds a bit intoxicated at this point says “I kinda figured you’d hang out in the tavern and rp with the elves.” I say “dude, if I wanted to hang out in a bar all night I’d just go do that in real life, captain kickass and my new companions here l want to go play some dnd! Session ended at the halfway point, wish I had 90mins of my life back

[@lunaredelvour2972]

I remember my first time DMing. I was so scared of railroading as hard as this DM did that I let my players do whatever they wanted during my first game. We all messed around and had fun, so all's well that ends well with my players, but holy crap my newbie DM skills were *not* prepared for an open world situation 😂

[@scorch2155]

This guy is the poster child for "GMs that need to just write their book"

[@Marius2Rocker]

Genuinely I think a lot of these stories can be explained with autism. Hyperfixation on minutia, unreasonable expectations and having everything 'planned out' and then getting very frustrated things don't go according to plan, seeming inability to know what information to share or not, making up crazy comebacks like 'she has 400hp' and 'he has 20 intimidation', and absolutely no social skills since he couldn't pick up on the fact that no one was having a good time and missing the texting, all sounds very autistic, and the dynamics that play out in the story are identical to how my middle school circle would bully our autistic friend (I dare say friend because we're still friends to this day and we've made amends, but man we were awful back in the day).

[@Oxygen1004]

Honestly I kinda like the idea of going on a ship then suddenly the entire crew is gone and the captain loses his face, only for the next town you go to only has 1 person there despite obvious signs of being lived in, mystery that isn't "evil guy killed people in his mansion that is actually a mimic!"

[@n0etic_f0x]

Okay, I likely would ruin this game as well, I have the same kind of style save the fact my players have an obscene amount of agency rather than... basically none. A new player made my favorite race that have a massive capital city and is a major faction and another that married my beloved PC and somehow did not change his personality. There is just so much wrong on so many levels. I mean, I can not take this seriously. The most moral PC I have is a rouge. The “You see nothing!” quip was hilarious I once said “you see a door on the ground” and I mean like it is off its hinges laying on the floor but I described it like a cellar and that is how the player described “opening” the door so... I tossed up a premade room and now it is a cellar. What was in the cellar? A bunch of ingredients and a kobold reference to Julia Child, she was just a joke nobody was supposed to get as got my story together and they went towards the plot, but someone got the reference and they made friends with the kobold who gave them some very expensive wine and seeing as they are in the basement to an obviously evil lair of Evil McEvilson freed the kobold at the end. Sure it is my world, but it is also very dynamic. Sometimes something unexpected happens, in fact, it happens about twice an hour and as a GM you just have to roll with it.

[@nicklarson6634]

Wow... I am so lucky. Everytime I see these I just feel so grateful for my group. We play every other weekend, 4 hours... Sometimes it's 4 hours of RP and downtime and they all love it. Sometimes it's a grueling trek with encounters and survival and they all love it. I'm extremely lucky to have such a great group of people who take turns storytelling and vibe off each other....

[@Reddotzebra]

I swear... That guy has ruined gnome bards for everyone. Oh well, at least nobody is going to accuse me of plagiarism for playing gnome druids!

[@xxhobocatxx2869]

Oh my god he hit all of the checkmarks for bad DMing so fast it seriously makes me think this story is fake. The alternative that this story is real is just too depressing for me.

[@bingusthealmighty8450]

(Keep in mind I have never played DnD) What he could have done is kill the whole party over the ocean, throwing a lot of unsurvivable things at them until it’s a TPK. And then make the story about escaping a deep sea type underworld.

[@bingusthealmighty8450]

Just thinking of cool ideas based on that opening not the rest

[@professorsponge1554]

modern D&D is less a game, and more about collective story telling. Now, that said, there is something of an unspoken code, a social agreement of sorts. you're spending your free time with these people, friends or strangers, and those that attempt to turn the experience should either be booted, or you should leave. That's the norm. But there's another path. If the entire group is having trouble with that one player or DM, it is totally acceptable to make them the entertainment. This DM? Who takes his world oh so seriously? He's full of hot air and needs to be taken down a peg. I've played in games with DMs who gave me no reason to care about his world. The world was full of assholes, everyone was corrupt, and the world I was destined to save was having world ending threats every. single day. So instead of saving it, we all agreed to escape the planet through a portal and leave a bomb that was powerful enough to crack the planet, much less kill all of his stupid NPCs.

[@HmmWelp]

I constantly "only made the starting village" then we go off the rails and chaos (ie fun) begins, a lot less stressful for me and my players like it a lot more. I spent a lot of time trying to prepare like Mercer and it was super stressful, then I watched the McElroy Brothers and realized I could just embrace the chaos my players put out into the world and suddenly we were all having fun. Been fantastic ever since

[@HmmWelp]

I don't think it was odd that the Dm was oke with the Scamlan bard, only reason I'd care is if we were streaming or otherwise making the game public. In a eraonal game be who you want copy the character you want, eventually your own personality will emerge.

[@jacrispy1150]

As someone whos been watching these videos and DMing for some time, I would say that these are some of the most valuable resources for any DM. There's a lot of videos telling you how to be a good DM, but not a lot of videos showing you what a bad DM is. So thanks for that

[@Tytoalba777]

holy moly, this story is so similar to some of my experiences that it almost feels like the OP actually was part of that group, and changed a lot of details to cover their tracks.

[@Michaeljack81sk]

Normally the DM should have final control of their homebrew world otherwise what's to stop a player having lore wrecking characters? But in a case like this he really could have offered her some kind of exception, it's not like she wanted something stupidly OP or that couldn't have been fitted in with minimal work Aside from that, I want to have been in that campaign! That was the most awesome trainwreck ever

[@florenceb1031]

For the DM requiring that the wife's Dragonborn character be evil and banning certain race/class combinations, I think those restrictions should have been clearly established before character creation. That way, the players would know while creating their characters that certain choices would result in them being railroaded into a build/play style that they might want to use.

[@Evoker23-lx8mb]

Dm: It’s my world. Players: Your world is just an idea without us.

[@theofficerfactory2625]

Wait, so they're playing in a low lit room? How did they see their sheets? How could DM miss them texting as in the low light; the screens shining on their faces should be quite apparent? Plus unless the phones were muted; had to be clacking with fingers on the screens or buttons and be missing the alerts. I call sus on the story.

[@hewkii7157]

honestly, i was expecting an "and everyone clapped" by the end of the story lol

[@BryGoose]

Agree. The way the op talked about his "hilarious" retorts sounded suspicious. Obviously the DM was awful but the player was atrocious as well.

[@FuzzyTrekkie]

I've heard similar stories like this before. Where a GM basically has a full novel written out and wants to drag the players through their story and show them how cool it is instead of letting them actually interact with it. Then when they try to show some independence the DM gets upset and says they're "ruining the story"

[@rockinslugz]

I'ma be real, as cringe as this is, OP is also straight up describing himself as some wise-cracking smooth-talking main character placeholder

[@CaseyWilkesmusic]

When the dm says “I’ve been working on the world/story for a long time.” They are trying to reassure players that they have put thought into the session. More often than not it turns into a crap session. Alternately the games with a loose structure and lots of unknowns are some of the best. So don’t think that time preparing is related to the quality of the session

[@daviddaugherty2816]

Hell, even if they really do a ton of worldbuilding, they're still only halfway there. The campaign needs a plot, too or you end up with this kind of situation.

[@PestilentAllosaurus]

I tried my hand at DMing despite being *_New_* to DnD with only a campaign and a half of experience of just over a year? I did the opposite with giving my party full control and freedom. I had planned for what I thought was everything. Hoping they'd reach the closest settlement and figure out their first opposition in 2-3 sessions.... not... in the first 20-30 minutes because as players do; they think of the 1 thing you don't expect... like instead of their lv 3 starter characters being afraid of a dangerous group of badies to hint of what was going on and why they were mysteriously teleported there by a then dead wizard in a homebrew world. B-but no. They worked together and assassin's Creeded a hostage and forced them to give them a golden ticket to their boss. Despite this, and 95% of the session being pulled outta the blue and on the spot adapting, the party had a huge blast. And as long as the party had a amazing time, that's what matters because I was honestly scared I was underperforming because it wasn't planned

[@bariyou]

You know, often times I think back to the campaign I ran and think I did a terrible job. Then I learn about DMs like this and it makes me feel like I did all right.

[@nutmegdoesstuff1339]

Nah, did he really start gaslighting the sorcerer about the backstory they agreed upon as soon as she tried to attack one of his precious characters?