Self-Reflection is Not for the Faint of Heart!

[@martinestarot4703]

I used to be pretty proud of myself for being so self-aware, but I am so tired of the loneliness that comes with it.

[@sixtysense]

Yes, exactly

[@Nailfusion]

Yes! I was not prepared for the loneliness.

[@jennw6809]

It gets worse by leaps and bounds every time one's awareness does.

[@evesorto531]

The biggest parts of our journey are taken alone- birth, death, enlightenment. How courageous we are ❤ for undertaking the journey of self awareness

[@tnt01]

you can be alone and not lonely.

[@a.m.9115]

"Being honest? Being honest can be like a death sentence in the family system, even in the cultural and religious systems of our world" 👏👏👏 Bravo, Daniel! Thank you!

[@alstewart3540]

I think the hardest part about self reflection is what it means you have to change about yourself.... and sometimes realizing you dont know how to change or even feeling like you cant change. I realized recently how many times as a child I had my boundaries violated, I literally wasn't allowed to have a single boundary as a child, not mentally (rejecting things I knew were bs), not physically (getting hit all the time, moved across the country away from my family and friends, etc.), and definitely not emotionally (I felt my real feelings too much and too often, and it threatened my parents or they were too inconvenient, so they needed to be beat, hidden, or shamed away). Unfortunately this is the reality for many in our world, not just me. Reflecting on this I've realized that I've violated the boundaries of others near constantly in my life, and it has made me come off as an awkward, direct, abrasive person. But I realized I've done it mainly because I have no idea what a healthy boundary even is, because I was never allowed to have them. And it scares me because I dont know, and no level of communication with others is organic, it feels like a constant state of meta cognition, or thinking about how i'm thinking or what I'm about to say. Its like I'm not allowed to live in the moment because I dont know how and I might mess it up and estrange myself and others

[@Dystopikachu]

My experience of learning boundaries as an adult is that there's really no other way to learn healthy boundaries than to test them, just like children do. With your recently gained insight about your past and how it has shaped the way you've behaved as an adult, you now have the ability to learn. Especially if you make mistakes going forward, that's just a part of it. That feeling of being in a state of 'meta cognition' is what I think most people experience when they are outside a social group looking in. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, just that hopefully it doesn't last forever.

[@Swaddle_Brow83]

I feel this. I don't know how to articulate myself, but I feel this 💜

[@Coconutoilcrazy]

@Al Stewart Your not alone, alot of people are in the same situation. I dont know that I have crossed anothers boundaries, I have had some that crossed mine. One individual really believed that "Perimeters" as he called them didnt apply in his life. It was baffling at first. I learned they had alot of trauma and didnt recognize personal space, personal thought or feelings. So, for you, just a thought, whatever action you consider taking but fear crossing a buindary, how would you feel if it was you someone was approaching.

[@flynnzilla8796]

Very well said! i believe that those people that are also trying to get back to their “true selves” will be able to meet you where “you live” - in an honest, fearless and expansive place! It is clearer and clearer to me when i try to interact with those that are not there yet and who may not even be conscious enough to step into the arena of honest connection.. good luck to us! : )

[@Sketch_Sesh]

I reached a point where I Had to look within and sort myself out. I was emotionally disregulated from bad habits, toxic family and inner circles, lies, false paradigms and ideologies

[@ritevibe]

Thank you for sharing! How long have you been on your journey of sorting yourself out? Im on the deeper inner journey now too.... and i find its a long slow process. Is there anything that has been of significance thats helped the most with emotional regulation and other stuff? I can very much relate to your post. Blessings.

[@Sketch_Sesh]

@@ritevibe Hi! About 2012 I really had to go deep with regular journaling and as I followed the breadcrumbs back, a big branch invariably led to toxic family dynamics. Around that same time I found Daniel’s channel which has been a big help. It is a long slow process but that’s probably good as too much revelation too quickly could be overwhelming. Sorting myself out logically did help some emotionally but I needed more. What helped a lot was taking concepts from Reiki, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Yoga, Martial Arts(Shaolin Kungfu/BJJ), Christianity and hobbling them together into a personalized daily program that works for me. Herbalism and finding herbs for calming, relaxing, lowering blood pressure, sleep aid is also helpful. Oh and cleaning out your inner circle of toxic people and frenemies and removing bad habits like alcohol also helps.

[@nicholasburch2122]

oh god i am realizing the same now fuck

[@luizscheuer670]

@@ritevibe IFS therapy, psychedelics and Idela Parent Figure Protocol.

[@michellecardenas6072]

Haven't we all❤

[@mysnackr]

This is so true. In all the systems mentioned here. Family, cultural, career, and religious systems. It's easier to go along to get along. We really live in a delusional fairytale in many ways in these systems. Most people can allow themselves some moments where they peek outside of the box, but most of us quickly shut door again. It's too uncomfortable. Also, telling the truth gets you in trouble. In the workplace it will probably get you fired. It will probably make your family disown you. Probably get you kicked out of the church. Or at least shunned. So dedicated self reflection can be a lonely journey. But it's worth it and we have allies in this world too. Thank you!

[@nataliewantscookies]

Yes 🙌🏽 We have allies.

[@rabbitcreative]

> Family, cultural, career, and religious systems. Also food. Eating murdered animals is bad for the soul.

[@shadowsta9]

I've always been very introspective, at least since kindergarten. My teacher would say "Treat people the way you'd want to be treated" and it seemed like I was the only one who actually followed that in life. I just felt so different and confused about why people acted in the ways they did. My self-awareness skills have gotten way more advanced in my 20s and now I can't stand being around my family and friends. I just hate noticing all the toxic patterns and knowing that my attempts to help will only cause conflict or end in wasted breath and a headache. I understand now that you can't change people, you must find like-minded individuals and peace within yourself but it's easier said than done. Ignorance is bliss and I kinda wish I could be like them.

[@socialside5332]

My teacherd said that too but also turn the other cheek 🙃

[@tahiyamarome]

I have been a stubborn self- explorer since i first learned to read. I was 6 when i realized i would not follow my parents or believe them. I had to become the adult and take care of my younger brother and my parents growing up. I think i was born 100 years old and have been reclaiming my life all along. The trauma was bad. My family of origin was a terrible place. My competence was just bare survival. I couldn't really raise my little brother. Best i could do was make sure he didn't die or run away. The mental and emotional torture, the neglect, the disrespect, definitely left marks. However, unlike people I've observed who couldn't face reality, my life is now really mine. Yes my ACE score probably explains why i have stg 4 cancer but it can't take away the fact that i rescued myself from sleep- walking through my life. It was worth it. I am deeply and profoundly satisfied w my choices. Hope you all will be too.

[@inybinygirl]

Wonderfully expressed - thank-you

[@carl8568]

It's tough when kids are expected to raise kids. I hope you are on the mend with your health struggle.

[@michellemathers4529]

I'm grateful that I found this channel. There's a whole community of people that just get it. Being self aware and corageous in a family full of people without any trace of self knowledge and full of hate and injustice is something that has always caused me trouble.

[@patbasse7]

I came very close to going crazy from self-reflection. I actually had a therapist who was a great listener, and once I started talking I just couldn't stop the chain of thoughts that would flow out. I was an entirely different person during those sessions. 5 sessions and I was going absolutely insane. I wish she stopped me and said I'm not supposed to open all this up so quickly, as you've warned in a few of your videos. I'm traumatized by how overwhelming it was. The worst thing is, I had absolutely no suppoet network to fall back on after those therapy sessions - just had to deal with the feeling of going insane all alone. That's why I think therapy is an extremely reckless practice. And yes, I also believe I have this bizarre spark in me that has always spurred my unrelenting desire to look within - coming from this desire for the, purest, most self-reflective, authentically intelligent, and most repressed parts of myself to be loved unconditionally in a depressing world of people who are content with cheap, disappointing, unloving, calloused interactions... This fascination with trying to discover the inner genius and potential - the Leonardo Da Vinci that lurks within some alien part of myself (though one can only guess what Da Vinci's traumas were like). I was also not fooled by the "smartness" of other people.. getting good grades from copying and memorizing. My spark, whatever it is, hated that fake "smartness" of school and university students. I just wish someone had warned me to slow down and take extremely small steps. If anyone wants to take me out in nature so I can SCREAM my lungs out.. it would be so appreciated

[@ScottishTerrorsInLA]

The good news is those states of “feeling crazy” can be really healing, probably the most healing of anything. Your brain is willing to do the work and you can’t do it alone. I know from experience. You have to find a therapist who is willing to support you through those times. They can last a long time but at the other side is growth. The therapist also has to have the ability to process some of your projected elements which scares most therapists and people. Next time talk with your therapist about all that. Psychoanalysis is good for all this. You may feel psychotic but you aren’t. You’re just getting in touch with the psychotic part of your personality (which everyone has) so you can work on old stuff. This video says it perfectly: this isn’t for the faint of heart. Some states can get really hard, have a backup plan in place if you feel like it’s too much. Don’t harm yourself.

[@trinleywangmo]

When we self-reflect... we instantly become a society of one. But the deeper we go, the more universal the truth is that we uncover... Just knowing that we're basically all made of the same cloth, was a comforting thought through many a terrifyingly lonely time in my life. Maybe I don't matter. Maybe no one knows I exist, nor ever will. I'm a bug on the windshield of this planet... but I will never be alone! That insight has been what's saved me.

[@caijon123]

You can go into nature without anyone taking you! I know how important belonging is, but we can get a sense of belonging from connecting to nature. I think you're on the right track

[@Tinypurpleflowers]

Ill scream with you. There’s a road by my house that no one is ever on and there are no houses- and I will just scream driving down it sometimes. Its amazing. Lol

[@isabellekeyzer]

try to find an IFS therapist. the purpose of that therapy is to help you to get to know all your Parts , to welcome them and to help them have a relationship with your Self, the peaceful essence within you.

[@terencehennegan1439]

This has to be the most influential channel on KZbin. It’s gets right to ones inner truth.

[@ot6960]

My life has been wholly 'devoured' by this internal searching. Yet I also have a degree of empathy for people who don't 'go inside', because I wouldn't have, except it has been a life or death scenario! At the same time though, people who live unexamined, end up projecting all their shadow and destroying others in both small and also devastating ways - the thing I myself wasn't prepared to do - hence the introspection!

[@Ana-q5u2x]

Oh, dear! This is a third video of yours I have watched, I have watched your video, why you don't work as a terapist anymore, And I can tell you I admire you, I have lost my trust in any kind of "psy therapy" since I have been for my traumas given more traumas by the pichiatryst that are even teaching young doctors... Now I am taking homeopatic medications every month... I have 8 years experience with medical sistem in East Eeuropean country, they diagnosed me with a lot, and all time I knew they don't have an idea how to at least not harm me. Second video I saw from you is about the woman with beauty "advance"... So it gets more lonely... But, like I have so much in my life now, as it is an ongoing fight... But, finding your channel is like one of those moments when you meet someone new and you instantly know that you have made a friendship that is going to last. Thank you. I wish you all the best!

[@emmanuellacontopoulou]

😭 It is so painful. It is so lonely. There is no one I can share this experience with. It feels impossible. But there is no way back in the lies and the liars.

[@anettemandthvambsal5239]

This was a joy to listen to. I’m a psych nurse, and have worked as a therapist for 11 of the 22 years I have been in this field (mental hospital in Norway). I have much of the same experiance with the health industry as you have described earlier, and I am so happy to be out of that system now. But it is really mind blowing how bad people are treated. I also did a lot of self reflection from an early age, and saw at how distant most people seem to be with theire true inner self. It was quite sad and disheartning to observe. Sorry if I explaine myself in a confusing manner, english is not my first language. Just wanted to say that it is like a breath if fresh air to hear someone speak about selfreflection in the way you do, and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They are somimportant. ❤

[@Medietos]

Anette Andt Hvambsal: And hearing the compassion and understand9ing from a nurse and therapist is soothing on the soul, thank you very much from Sweden. do you think the harsh (mis)treatment is decided by the head dr, government/ the world's ruling so-called elite? Or by the individual's not having got therapy to heal themselves? Just as Alice Miller writes that unhealed therapists prevem¨´nt their patients from healing by steering them away from the pain and main material? Once I asked in a locked ward (after 20 years of insomnia, anxiety, fear, etc), why7 they wer harsh and unfriendly on sensitive, vulnerable souls like me. The answer was, so that I should not come to like it there and want to stay on t break loneliness! As though one doesnät want to heal/recover and be able to have real, natural relationships and life! They should at least ask and check each one, since I get it that there are soem lazy ones who don't do anything to self care and self-heal but consume. A head Psych. who mistreated me in front of colleagues to show thenk how it can be done, said afterwards "You do need psychotherapy" I had sought that for 20+ years then, no need to repeat that. Provide the therapy instead! He then threw me out after the staff hindered me from learning to sleep! in worse shape than I came in. And it was so quiet there, everybody except I medicated. I am calm and positive, hopeful upon arrival and could have slept, at least some. The staff "forgot" to order my diet, and with sugar addiction and underweight anxiety, the regularity and fod is very important for stabilizing. I still haven't filed a report, for fear of worse harm or egtting killed for real. Because I am slowly getting killed. Little by little, by innumerous staff in and endless desert wher life drys out more and more and my resources dry out too. I'd be grateful and glad for your reply, what a CPTSD Aspergers can do now? They took my home, honour, legal rights and money unlawfully. 8 years ago. An orderly, helpful, responsible, educated, gifted individual. Homeless. Why? To eliminate middle-class? I haven't been even like working-class, withheld real therapy 42 years. (I was cheated getting support-therapy for 6½ years as a teenager, with apsychologist who only had step 1, did not examine me, never understood my problems, and said she lacked competence and that I needed to work deeper in psycho-analysis. She had thought it was only a normal identity -issue. Should she not have had me examined? I was all trusting and loved her, believeing she would help me heal. Had no knowledge as a teenager, had heard only good by a classmate in therapy, whose mother was a psychologist. I have kept being invisble all my life. How do I get visible to doctors? Should they not THINK when someone seeks help for 42 years? That care and thoroughness is needed? What rights of damages does one have, please? (To get all the help I now need, physical-practical too.)Many Thanks.

[@anettemandthvambsal5239]

@@Medietos Dear Claudia, your story is so utterly sad and I wish I could give you a decent and good answer to all your questions. I have seen so many similar stories through the years, and I think it is tragic how poorly the system that is ment to help people, many times have made it worse. Not only beacause of wrong doing concerning diagnosis and treatment, but also because it shatters the hope when you are constantly beeing let down by those who is suppose to help. I am so sorry to hear that your experiance with healtcare system, psych and staff has been so horrible. And very glad to hear that you, despite everything is able to stay calm and meditate! But I understand that your grief and all your worries makes everyday life far more difficult than it should have been. I wish I could express myself better, but english is not my first language. But I hope you find someone who can make a real difference in your situation, and that you find peace and happiness in your life. Kind regards, Anette

[@christopherfritz3840]

@@anettemandthvambsal5239 Man. Both testimonials were.. remarkable. Prayers 🙏 to both from afar..

[@michellecardenas6072]

You spoke well my dear! Just sayn❤

[@tonyr2365]

80% of people would fry your brain if an authority figure told them to. I assume every person I meet is crazy. It is very helpful.

[@rabbitcreative]

or wear a muzzle

[@SisypheanRoller]

Convenient that you're the special one, huh.

[@Journey2NNERPEACE]

😂

[@TomHuckACAB]

Rock on Mackler

[@MA-iw6og]

Yes , inner work and Self Knowledge is not for the sissies. It takes the utmost courage to look within and to tell the truth about who we are and what we see beyond the veil of falsities and illusion. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with an open heart.

[@randa9093]

Its an honor to be your ally Daniel, thank you

[@Treasure_Tshabalala]

Last night, I went for a walk and contemplated how different my life would be if I had not begun looking inside. A part of me did wish I'd remained oblivious. Bringing everything to the surface is so *painful*, I completely understand why such a few number of people do it. But I wonder if things would've genuinely been better if I'd remained ignorant. I look at my peers who numb themselves with substances; repeat the same patterns, look outside to find explanations when the answers are within. I hope I'll look back with joy one day, that I chose this path instead of the comfort that is offered by lies and dissociation and all other forms of escapism.

[@pod9363]

I often wonder the same thing but ultimately figure it woulda been 10x worse while being more comfortable.

[@Earl_E_Burd]

Same. That sweet, sweet blissful ignorance that kept me 'winning' in society while unconsciously emitting my pollutants for others to absorb.

[@treasuretrovel3816]

Facing the ugly truth is always better in the long run than reveling in the pretty lies. I've been on this healing journey for 40 years. I am the 58 year old middle child of two very toxic, narcissist parents. My two siblings and I have struggled with adult, generalized anxiety disorder because of our disordered, emotionally abusive childhoods. Good for you for stopping the toxicity of your family tree.

[@Prettyboyred336]

I've been self aware, since the age of 8. Surrounded by people who abused and violated me in so many ways. Everytime I tried to communicate, what's happening to me and how it's shaping my life. No one listened. Shunned me. Beat me. Called me crazy. Then encouraged others to ignore me. I was papular at the earliest part of my childhood. By 8 started feeling myself beginning to shut down. By 10, I had become mute. Didn't realize, till people began to judge me. The more I've tried to communicate, the more the people around me shut me down. I struggle to keep a job. I will be 40 this year. The years of constant stress and neglect, has caused me to have physical health issues. The physical health issues started around 9 and a half and 10. Tried communicating to them. No one listened. Instead they mad fun of me. One unresolved issues caused another. Consciously aware of everything that's happening to me, but powerless to do anything about it. None of my relatives ever put forth an effort to get to know me. They constantly pushed me away and they chose to be ignorant to their behavior. Throughout the years they judge me for no longer coming around. I don't know them. They are all strangers to me. The person they think I am, is who they forced me to be for them. They have never been satisfied with that either. My life has been a very lonely life. I try to have a positive attitude, considering everything. My life is hard.

[@Misses-Hippy]

@@Prettyboyred336 All the world's a stage, and we are only players. I was about 5 when I becaame aware of my inner voice. And I wondered if others also had this voice.

[@stellaswancounselling]

Thank you Daniel for being my ally. I am a Self Reflector and I salute you for your courage ❤

[@homeiswheretheharpis.u.]

Thanks, I too struggle with all the dishonesty in the world. I do try to be the most honest person I can…..not sure what I think that achieves? Am I a better person because of this?? I have truly been self reflecting since I can remember. It’s hard, and relationships shine a light on all of our imperfections….and we ALL have a lot of them. I believe life is hard for everyone, life itself is not for the faint hearted! I will self reflect til the day I die, it’s in my nature now, but the best thing about me is the way I’ve laughed at my own stupidity and ridiculous decisions over the years. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself, we really are all a bunch of idiots trying our best to get through each day 😂

[@patbasse7]

I agree that laughing at ourselves sometimes is probably super important for mental health. You reminded me of caricature artists... Screw relationships though. Don't need someone retraumatizing me and giving me even more shame and self loathing tyvm. It's weird though, because some people I get along with very well.

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

You are changing the world! We are your allies and you are ours. Thank you. ❤

[@physicianskitchen]

Your photos from childhood resonate a lot with me. I don't seem to have a single photo of me smiling or being uninhibited and happy as a kid. It reflects my inner state at the time and for so many years after, until I started self reflecting. And yes, it is not for the faint of heart.

[@RKTGX95]

Holy shit !! Sorry for the profanity but finally another soul who noticed such a thing in their childehood pictures. i also rarely smiled (mainly when holding animals) and intuitively i realized, and cried a lot at the moment, that i was miserable. even as a baby i had a face filled with terror and loss. i was dead inside and completely numb to survive nd the pictures show it. and now, feeling all of this rejection and neglect is almost unbearably painful. thank you so much for writing this, because now i know i'm not alone.

[@scarecrowprowler]

As an autistic I felt forced to smile in pictures. I masked. I saw a photo recently where I was maybe six, and grandmother had spilled cake and they all laughed, except me. I looked scared. I guess my thoughts were something along: It's only okay for others to make mistakes. Or this is an after construction and I didnt laugh because I didn't know what was funny about it, being nervous in social situations. Both work.

[@migol1984]

My sister (42)and I (38), (both youngest of 5) had been dealing with my dad ever since my mother became disabled from a stroke back in 2013. Just recently my dad and disabled mother moved in with my other sister (47), who'd built them a tiny home. My sister and I had been feeling a bit heartbroken over my dad's behavior with us, as if we never did enough for him and my mom. Despite the fact that we were the only ones here attentive to his needs for the past 9 years. There was no closure. No reward. Instead, just a lot of guilt trips and still constantly making us feel as if we don't do enough. The past several months, since his move, my sister and I had been having so many conversations about it. And on one occasion, in a conversation, I called my dad a coward because he never wanted to confront certain situations, and he often made me feel like it was my responsibility to face his fears. I don't know why. I wasn't expecting it, but my sister started to cry, and I'd never seen her that way. I thought I'd offended her, and I apologized, but as it turned out, she'd been bottling so much inside that when I said that, it really connected with her. I hate family get togethers because I hate the fakeness of it all. I hate their politics and their religiosity. Oddly enough, I wouldn't mind it if they spoke about the Bible and the deeper philosophical subjects about it. But they don't talk about that. They just talk about their dogmas and their disdain for society's state of affairs and who to vote for. The irony of it all is that my family is by no means perfect. Yet they never have the courage to be self reflective like you talk about here. I know I have so much work to do on myself, and I'm rather glad that i clicked on your video that randomly popped up.

[@Sunshine74444]

I commend you my ally. Thank you for doing the work of healing and helping us to do it. ✌🏽

[@AngelWings144K]

Good Morning Daniel!!!! ❤🎉😊 So great to have a new video from you!!! Please feel my gratitude!!!!

[@methoxyll]

There was a time in my life where I wanted to become a therapist and I stumbled open your video. I could tell by the way you articulated things and your open honest way of expressing yourself that you are a genuine soul. I love watching your videos and I have been watching them for years now , thanks for another lovely post Daniel

[@Uusernameeee]

Hey, that's how I found him too! So happy I've found him and can relate and understand things in ways we might not have been able to with others before Cheers

[@maureene2729]

Thank you Daniel. I am crying as I write this. Thank you for saying you are an ally. Self-reflection is so hard and lonely in this world. And I know that this alone can bring me further in my life. I have done a lot of it and continue to do so. Been going to the next level (reflecting on self reflecting) with the guidance of my spiritual practice..and oh boy. The can of worms that opens up is indeed not for the faint of heart! I can only do it with that guidance, love, comfort and trust. But it sure does help to have people like you to acknowledge it is hard and rare. I forget that sometimes. Major conflicts with my parent and siblings because of asking self reflective questions and they absolutely do not want to go there. It has become (for lack of a better word) normal for me to self reflect, but learned the hard way that that does not count for the majority of people I know and meet and they can get agressive and very emotional. The jouney continues. Thank you, I am your ally too🙏🏾❤

[@elisabethhansen3590]

Thank you for this. This past week has been extremely hard, I was forced to face my mother about the past familial incest that was going on. As she screamed at me about having false memories , I couldn't help but realize how cowardly she was to be so unable to face the truth because even a moment of self reflection had hurt her this much. I think you're right about it being even harder to face if you've never done it before. I think it feels like a curse sometimes that I always had to be the one to do it, but I'm also glad I'm not the same person as her

[@flyingfig12]

Self-reflection is Not for the Faint of Heart or the Cowardly or the stubbornly rigid, laden with unhealed traumas but for those who are open & loving & caring.. just bringing it inward _finally_ to heal themselves rather than everyone else who happens to pop into their path and their dog.🤗hugs to all of those who took the long way around and finally were face-to-face with self tender care/loooove~'~💥💫

[@motatheautist2225]

I have no choice. I am always in pain. I must self reflect

[@ReedOnTV]

Thank you friend. A true mirror for me undoubtedly in ever single statement. When the enemy of this world is literally the master of deception pained(ps. I typed pain simultaneously as you said it haha!) as we are we are also the devils greatest of enemies.

[@aceshigh5157]

this explains why i started reflecting in my mid 30's. i never achieved societal expectations and i overall felt horrible, so it wasn't an obstacle to self reflect. my obstacle was that i felt that i couldn't self reflect because i was stupid.

[@traditionalteas1171]

I am only 16 years old but i am so so Thankful for every Video you made ! It helped me so much with myself and the people around me 💗

[@HeleneOl-os3uq]

I am 19 and I really love this man’s videos❤

[@tsengting2367]

I really appreciate what you said at the end of the video. I felt so lonely when I started self-reflection. It felt like I had no one to talk to besides myself, so I was very touched to hear that you referred to us as “allies”. Thank you for all your inspiring videos! I have never wanted to talk to someone on KZbin so much haha

[@ronwisegamgee]

This was basically the bread and butter of my sessions with a therapist who used the psycho-dynamic approach. Lots of sessions where I would sob and even others where I unleashed my rage. It's not something I can do in the presence of others or to others, as I would be accused (probably rightfully) of abusing them. People, by and large, just want to place others in a box rather than engaging them without some sort of selfish agenda.

[@patbasse7]

Though I bet your rage would be completely justified in so many cases. I like to think anger is the most vital emotion and also the one that society loves to suppress the most heavily.

[@rmguest]

Your observation reminds me of the night I had finally beat my depression. After working with a therapist for a time, I began to notice that I wasn't making as much progress and was becoming frustrated. One night as I lay in bed, trying to sleep, I could feel the anger in me begin to well up, and out of desperation I think, was able to focus all of the anger I was experiencing, put a face on the depression (perhaps that of my abusive mother'?) and repeatedly screamed at the top of my lungs for it to f$ck off and never come back. I finally fell asleep and when I awoke the next morning, the depression was gone and never returned. A truly cathartic experience.

[@rmguest]

@@patbasse7 I definitely agree. I read somewhere that anger is actually a healthy indicator that one's needs are not being met and makes perfect sense to me now looking back at all the suppressed anger I had at my abusive mother as the cause of my depression.

[@patbasse7]

@@rmguest I'm desperately in need of some space to scream my lungs out. Daniel even had a video where he mentions going out in nature and doing this. Let's just say I've been going absolutely nuts the past few years. It's a cold, disconnected, touch-deprived world. I bet getting the privacy to SCREAM really would be cathartic.

[@rmguest]

@@patbasse7 I hope you can find a space to do so. I wish you peace and healing.

[@muskanjon5085]

Hey Daniel, I don't know whether you will read this comment or not but i am saying this without any sugarcoating and without any pretence. From some time you have become the most important part of my healing and developmental journey. Your insights feel like first breath after long duration of suffocation, like light after long dark night, it is fresh and full of spirit. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me. I cherish the fact that there are people like you and that there is authenticity such yours. Infact i feel gratefull about it. I hope i get to meet you someday. Til then please keep it up.

[@sixtysense]

Thank you Daniel.

[@Vanillababe7]

Thank you for being our ally 🧡

[@treasuretrovel3816]

You got that right! Not for the faint of heart which is why my sister, now 60 years old never broke from our abusive parents (my brother and I went full no contact with our toxic, malignant narcissist parents years ago). I just found out that my sister is now living with our parents and taking care of them in a little two bedroom condo. The reason why this is so unbelievable is because they are multi millionaires and could have easily afforded an apartment in a retirement village that provide all kinds of services for the elderly. Instead, they recruited my sister to provide all those services in addition to serving up emotional abuse daily-- Narcissists get much worse with age. When I started self reflecting in a deep way in my late 30s and then really deeply in my late 40s, I tried to bring her along on this healing journey and even gave her books about boundaries (so she could deal better with mom and dad). Because she did not have the strength to set up even the most basic, adult boundaries with them, she grew to resent me for becoming a different, more happy person. She turned on me and went full no contact with me. It gave me great sadness and then I was angry for a while that our toxic mother had succeeded in driving wedges between us (she has been doing that since we were infants) and that my sister let her do it. I have come to accept that it just is what it is. I am mentally healthier than I have ever been and my own husband and kids noticed that I blossomed.

[@ronnie1638]

if self-reflection, self-actualization will help me avoid energy vampires and masked people - then it is worth it

[@MohammadGhannam-ge9ug]

We love you Daniel ❤❤

[@frankstared]

Sounds like a really, really good friend. So often it is not about cowardice proving to be a barrier to the self-reflection but rather that we are locked in a perspective that predisposes one to such an orientation.

[@julieclifford7698]

The videos you make.. the You that you share.. is soooo hugely important and sooo helpful.. i so admire and respect your authenticity.. and being open.. and vulnerable to share sooo much.. big big gentle love .. joy and happiness to You 🤍💚💙💖💜 yes.. a courageous little boy.. 🌸

[@bartjohnston]

yupp , thanks Daniel

[@divergentmind2023]

“i am not who i want to be, i am who i can be”

[@treasuretrovel3816]

My dad, an overt narcissist sometimes has those little bursts of self awareness/truth. But, as was the case with your parents, Daniel, his reflections never elevated him, never resulted in him apologizing or changing his angry, bitter ways/thoughts. My mother, the covert, narcissist, borderline never can let her toxic guard down. Thank you for this insightful video. I am always self reflecting and always trying to be a better person. I have no contact with anyone from my origin family.

[@eg-cv3bz]

Just when I’m about to lose my mind you drop another gem 💎 thanks friend

[@laurar.2866]

Thanks for being our inspiration 🙏

[@gracesanity6314]

Spot on Daniel. Its beyond tough. But we as Jesus said " leave your family" cause they cant go where we need too with baggage. I have been graced by going it alone....this is essential. Razers edge the old movie....sums it up.

[@rockefeller13]

Are you a christian by chance?

[@deegee6684]

Thank you ☀️

[@mobina4569]

the amount of honesty in your videos is definetly inspiring

[@rose4490]

I love the Sacramentof Reconciliation, it's like free therapy! 😇🙏🏻🕊🌹💓 I've never seen my mother darken the door of a confessional, and she has always acted like she was perfect. 💔

[@bluemoony102]

Thank YOU for existing Daniel.

[@Doug-k1z]

Daniel, thank you for another thought-provoking and inspiring video to so many. When I was a mere teenager, in middle and high school, I began questioning everything. Initially, like you, I struggled in agony and emotional pain recognizing the lies I came to believe were not MY truth. I knew I was on the right track when my parents knew that I was rebelling against almost everything I had been taught. Not that they were bad parents. They were doing what they were taught and what they thought was best for me. However, the more I questioned, challenged and disputed my beliefs, especially those that seemed not to connect with who I knew I was, the more independent I became in my thinking and behavior. And, the more I came to realize how emotionally disconnected people in the World really were, and still are. I made my own choices in life. I’ve made some mistakes, but with deep reflection learned how to grow stronger from them, and become more of what it means to be “human.” No matter how much work I have done, and continue to do, I find that I’m always working on myself to overcome my dark side while shedding any remnants of a social facade to become more of my authentic self. And, this is where I find my love, peace, joy and happiness. I have found that after my early years of agony from self-reflection, and enjoyment that later came from when I was in college studying psychology and psychotherapy, I literally spent hours alone in deep reflection and self-discovery. I learned, for myself, that being in a place of nature and first connecting my senses to everything around me, helped me to connect more to myself. Sounds crazy, but often, this came from smelling and tasting the salt in the air while feeling the sand while sitting on a high dune on the beach. Feeling the warm sun and the rays of sun penetrating every cell of my body to cleanse my soul. Hearing the rattle of the wind blowing the tops of the sea oats. Hearing the sand pipers chirping while scurrying for food as the waves washed the shoreline. Seeing the horizon at the point where the water met the sky, understanding the infinity of possibilities and opportunities. Some of my greatest learning came by truly hearing and listening to the messages that came to me while listening to the whistling of the wind blowing through the many pine trees that surrounded me. My 9/11 experience in NYC was another growth experience. Several years after, learning how it prepared me for a cancer diagnosis and how to see every step of the medical treatment process as just another “project,” and what opportunities it provided for me to be present for others, by just listening, struggling with their own diagnosis. Helping a firefighter to overcome his worst fear (of dying and wanting to give up), while also advocating for him with a State Congresswoman to influence his insurance company to pay for his only hope for life - a second stem cell transplant. I was committed to doing this for him, all while being connected to my own IV bottle of progressive chemotherapy. Seeing him walk into a room for a monthly maintenance treatment, months later, brought tears to my eyes. I am eternally grateful for all of the experiences I’ve had, good and bad, and now enjoying my self-reflection living on the Ocean on Miami Beach. No matter what we’re going through, or how difficult it may seem, it important to remember to be present and great full in every moment - fully conscious and aware - to fully enjoy this beautiful life. And, no matter what, remembering that this World is still a beautiful place.

[@LearnGrowwithAnn]

This is so very true! 🐛🦋

[@sukhmanicambridge]

Thank you for your perseverance... I love the way that you are always so honest and open. It causes me to reflect and quantify which is very valuable. When I first started doing inner work, that was the term I used, I would go off for a period of intense inner work and then 'present myself' again in the outer world as if nothing had happened. Even rewriting my CV to cover up the periods of time I had spent doing the inner work. Much later on that begin to feel unsatisfying, I didn't want the gaps; didn't want to continue running. It took me a long time to realise that this is an ongoing situation, and I now honor the work I've been doing and the way I have kept going with it. I see it has empowered me, and one of my best feelings is that I am not required to hold things together all the time. Or spend all my energy in convincing myself and others. And something about life itself has begun to get my attention. Tough, sometimes beautiful, sometimes heart-wrenching; deeply compelling.

[@desireecarey5805]

Thank you so much for being such a great ally! As someone on the self reflection journey, it definitely isn’t an easy one, but very empowering. It can be isolating to see aspects and cycles in those we care about that they do not want to look at. But I agree, the self reflection is so fruitful and definitely worth it beyond words! I just found your channel yesterday, and I’m so excited that I did. Watching your videos is so validating and helpful as well. Take care!

[@ann-cathrin860]

Thank you, ally

[@jcat7553]

I was destined like you because what I got out of my parents abuse is to striving for truth. Thank you for this and all your videos I am so struggling to find my turf and people. Very lonely journey This was very encouraging and validating that the seeming impossible is possible ❤ 12:21

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

Your insight is greatly welcomed!!!!❤❤❤ it aligns with my own

[@DJPoundPuppy]

What a blessing and a curse! Imagine being aware BEFORE elementary school that your mom is a compulsive liar and you will never ever be able to fully trust her. Then spend life trying not to become like your lying Mom. I'm always checking myself for narcissist traits every so often.

[@mario-ic4dt]

Man i've been binge watching your videos for a few days and i have to say, i really have to agree with so much you say. Many fleeting thoughts i had but could not put into words, but often also new inputs i never thought about before that have given me so much to think about. It's not hard to tell you are a emotionally intelligent person. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm excited to read your books

[@smoozerish]

You are one of the most real people I have ever had the good fortune to discover. Keep posting, my man.

[@tessyong7596]

Very grateful for your talk.

[@joeyhathaway8447]

Posted @ 119 Comments What you're talking about reminds me of Indrajāla: Indra's Net in Hinduism. The net is said to be an infinite lattice of bubbles or raindrops, each of which reflects the totality of all the other bubbles within itself by virtue of the light-reflecting quality of the water: however, because drops of water are curved, each one reflects a distorted version of the whole. This can be used to illustrate how we each are like distorted mirrors reflecting other people and situations, missing the fact that we're all fundamentally the same at heart. 'Consciousness' could be said to be the extent to which a given raindrop realizes that the reflection of the world it contains is not the truth, and-more importantly-that all the *other* bubbles have their own distorted reflections going on, *too*. I really like the work you're doing here, Daniel. Keep it up! It's good for society.

[@hales2756]

Thank you

[@wildphoenix7861]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@de_nicii]

Thank you Daniel for yet another relatable and encouraging video! I'm planning to become a psychotherapist once I've figured out most of my traumas, and you are a great inspiration. Greetings from a Finnish "ally" 😄

[@darcyroyce]

Have you reached that radical acceptance stage whereby no matter how hard loneliness bites,you could and would not compromise your authentic self, and, consequently, do you feel that you have freed yourself from the ultimate barrier that is the need to fit in, to be invited, even? It's the way we chose, Daniel. Not a shred of judgment in me, just this peaceful knowing.❤

[@carriewang3707]

you are amazing, Daniel! Lol, it is weird to watch you pour out thoughts and words, concepts and experience.. . As the ways they are out of me Lol, childhood trauma has been my focus more and more frequently now, with more and more intensity People are struggling to make sense of me and why I am so passionate like a broken record, lol I keep building and rebuilding and sharpening my understanding of childhood trauma Thank your videos to allow my similar thoughts to come back to me in new ways! Thank you !

[@Mr.Giotto]

Thank you, my friend, you are trully my ally!

[@elijimenez7710]

One of my favorite quotes ever is, Ballet is not for the faint for heart ♥️ And it is so true. If you’re seeing this, Daniel. May I request whenever you can. A video on the topic of Pain and the human love of physical pain sometimes in the form of m******sm. And how artists suffer. Physical pain and emotional pain so deeply. But without pain there is no fire and passion? Because the times I’ve come out of pain it’s like I’m a phenix rising from my ashes. 100x’s stronger. But the suffering pain that it took to get there is so painful, why do we do it again and again and again? Until the day we die. We suffer during child birth. Our mothers suffer for 9 months then the actual labor. Then they suffer and we suffer and it’s so much suffering and pain I hate it so so much. It’s so much pain. So much feelings and emotions.. And Artist needs an outlet to express this pain. I suppose. Is all I can say 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Mr.Goose777]

This was really relatable in all sorts of ways. Particularly the part that people (parents) randomly open up to people (like me). At times I think I was born a psychologist (or priest). However, at some point I got really fed up, for two reasons: They become violent, at least verbally, I lost housing in one way or another. Other people beside family started to open up to me as well, and at times confess about weird stuff, like criminal activity. Unfortunately, I have a very good memory and when I lost it (partially due to "virus-Infection"), I started reciting each and every crazy thing they have told me back to everyone. Very very bad idea. I'm glad I'm alive. However, my family and relatives succeeded to blackmail me literally everywhere, particularly the local psychiatric clinic and other authorities. I don't know what or if more is coming my way, because I had no sense for privacy for some months and may have talked about stuff told to me that I totally shouldn't, like gossiping about confessions of things along the lines of actual criminal activity to actual authorities who could do something about it. In any way, I'm screwed. I just don't whether more hell is coming my way, or not.

[@albertkirtlandjr6735]

“Worth it!” Yes!

[@3nrika]

I appreciated this a lot. Cowardice - a recurrent theme in my observations of the world. I understand to an extent how people fail to become authentic selves because of cowardice, but there is a part of it that I'm not sure I will ever understand. For all I've tried I cannot fully empathise with mean-spirited, morally negligent cowardice. I'm beginning to see these people as off on a raft to themselves, self-chosen disconnection, dynamically cut-off from me and others who attempt to do their level best. I think they're drifting towards their inevitable demise. Let's make sure they don't bring too many with them as they go.

[@fraulauf]

In my case, I believe, the self-reflection is in a way a trauma response. I´ve been practising it since ....well, as log as ican remember, and I think I could´nt stop it, even if I wanted to. But in a way I had no choice. It was my abusive mother, who made me question myself all the time, as she was gaslighting me and through it made me question my perception. It was always me who I first questioned, because everything she said and did, however cruel it may have been, was not questionable. And that she taught me with violence. It took me 42 years until I could fully acknowledge that there were things, that she had done to me, that were not right. I´m still struggling to keep up with my perception, my truth whenever I´m confronted with her - and following the laws of transference, all the others. But yes, practicing self reflection also made me strong. I met myself in so many ways that "normal" people never will be able to - because they don´t have to, ans as you say: because they are simply afraid of it. And perhaps, if I had other starting conditions in this life, I would never have started to look inside myself. But I had to, and this made me the warrior that I am. I´m so thankful to have found you, Daniel. Thanks for your work! Listening to you makes me feel so less alone, so less weird, so less crazy.

[@dmackler58]

Thank you for sharing. Daniel

[@asherrichards9661]

Thank you Sir 🙏

[@ocytocine96]

6:10 so true I only started to really be honnest with myself at 27, that's tough but I can't go back now.

[@justinplumb]

I just found your channel and your literally the best man.i love your honesty and I appreciate everything you have to say. Your definitely an ally of mine as I I yours. I'm only in my 20s and I can see myself in you alot

[@tmking7483]

Thanks for helping us understand this abuse.Everybody I know hates my self reflection, it is a lonely place when you accept you and your not trying to be anybody else. Thanks for being your you.

[@veganphilosopher1975]

Thank you for your support, Daniel. I think people fail to change cause they lack the motivation. They lack the motivation cause as opposed to feeling guilt and shame they simply deny the truth and ignore the harm they do.

[@LeninRajendraSingh]

Wunderbar content , kudos to your efforts !!

[@ajrwilde14]

Love you Daniel, so glad I found your channel xx

[@thomastaylor4367]

Thanks for your insights!

[@farinshore8900]

Thank you for the inspiration.

[@RandyR]

Had to do when I got into recovery. Is part of the 12 steps. Still in process. Never thought my family was perfect. Always felt like a black sheep. Had deep talks with my mom, after my dad died. Have better understanding

[@RobertLesterII]

Thank you!

[@Lachlans-i2s]

You're a true ally Daniel!

[@asentientgoose]

I feel like majority of people delude themselves, perhaps not consciously, but it’s a way that we as humans can digest society without meaningfully disrupting it. I used to be so adverse to the chaos, doing inner work and self reflection because I was looking to soothe and regulate myself in a world that is seemingly unaware - but only recently did I realise that de-platforming chaos, anger and resentment allows for systemic issues to perpetuate. I think we, as a society, needs to not be so scared of hurt, anger and conflict - and we also don’t need to navigate it through “civil” discourse all the time. Capitalism is truly the death of all things good. I’m not saying I had a matrix “mask off” moment recently but I also realised that doing self-healing and introspection can only do much much when society is diseased and misaligned with your own values.

[@asentientgoose]

to add to this, I grew up in a somewhat conservative household where negativity and complaints were shunned. There was a general apathy toward society where if you yourself couldn’t fix the societal issue, then there was no use stewing on it. Anger existed in interpersonal relationships and not towards the bigger picture. Life can be exhausting, but if not rallying against it, what’s the point?

[@rhysdavies3479]

@@asentientgoose We are creators so rally on! Create the world you want, let them have that world that doesn't work for you and yours as well and if you can convince people to join and be more happy and free along the way all the better I'd say!

[@redplanetaryskywalker1118]

Thank God for ur soul and self awareness 💝 we're from the same family... not blood family but the type of family I can't put into words.

[@mayrose6296]

Absolutely love your content ❤️ God bless you

[@mocerlaalacbaino]

There's a part of me which says " why are you complaining, that is weak, how will someone who has went through worse things than you would feel? Take the responsibility, you could have changed and planned things if you just thought hard enough, Stop complaining and tolerate and suffer through with it. Don't act weak. You're acting.". But another part of me that says " you've went through the worst and still standing, you won! Can't do anything about what's already done, let's just not worry about that." Sayinf exact opposite of the first one. I don't mean it at you, it's just something which popped in my head.

[@hadychantouf9716]

It surely does WORTH IT! ❤🎉

[@Travelingsouljourney]

Some of us have the courage to look within despite the opposition. This is a rare gift. But I believe everyone has the courage to look deep within their lives. Most don’t because it’s uncomfortable. They aren’t forced to by being incredibly isolated, marginalized or have experienced inconsolable pain. It’s my opinion that everyone has the power to seek their own light, but it usually takes hitting rock bottom to find the inner core to who we are.

[@Travelingsouljourney]

I meant to say some aren’t forced to take a deep dive because they have not been incredibly isolated, marginalized, or have experienced inconsolable pain in some way. It takes a serious injury for some to dig so deep and that’s understandable. ❤️‍🩹

[@fathimairfan7254]

I am at the rock bottom now.

[@peace4447]

Great content thank you for helping others👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@christinebadostain6887]

One of your very best

[@juliadplume3097]

I have been a long time journaler with breaks in between but in the past couple of years I had to pick it up again. The time excavation was nigh and many notebooks became my shovels. I needed to know why or how I kept becoming haunted by the same type of flawed people. Why was the same nefarious personality (with variations but consistent) keep showing up wherever I worked or lived. I was able to trace the long line of people back to a nightmare step mother. Doing helped me remember certain things from childhood that I simply forgot all about but was able to look at from a grown ups eyes with decades more experience with living. Jumping into the rabbit hole of self reflection is hard work but it’s worth it to be able to have a more honest and clearer path. By the way…..so far much of what you’re putting out is pretty relatable but nobody is a potted plant. You are going to grow in some direction with this channel and I hope you will avoid any aspirations toward becoming a cult leader and instead take your observations to the world of stand up comedy allow the humor in you life a place to flourish. 🎭

[@dmackler58]

Thanks 😊

[@Nate-ky8qd]

I found this very educational, thank you.

[@tangkimkei8623]

Mel Gibson said u can lie to everyone but dont lie to yourself. It takes much courage to look inside yourself doesnt it? Pretty much summarises it all? So good to know there are kindred spirits n i m not d only one.❤