Do 100 Women See Consent the Same Way? | Keep it 100 | Cut

[@kathleengonzalez205]

"Over communicating will never do the harm that under communicating would." I loved that. Never thought about it that way, but it's so true. Worrying if the mood in the moment will be killed will only last A MOMENT. There's always another opportunity. But I'm sure the harm of not speaking up will last far times longer.

[@naynay-fi7iv]

felt that in the pit of my stomach.

[@cookiegirl891]

This

[@addyaddy614]

“There’s always another opportunity” well if you think like that there won’t be another opportunity. The thing is everyone is different and they have different perspectives about things, look in the video for example everyone had different views on the topic except for some similarities. In the end it depends upon your partner if they have established that giving non verbal consent is their thing then it’s ok. Or If they say giving explicit consent is what they feel like then do that.

[@Kirbystare1992]

@@addyaddy614 the problem is you could always revoke non verbal consent it’s a lose lose for men.

[@rustybookshelf8566]

@@Kirbystare1992 its not a lose lose at all.

[@patkaiersonkapeimberg4543]

I just wanna give that blonde woman a hug. That was very brave of her to say on camera, especially since she said she hasn’t talked about it.

[@DA-js7xz]

Also, she needs to talk to someone to accept the fact that she was raped in order to move forward. Super sad.

[@Chad-wb7du]

Only if she consented to it! But yes so much.

[@JB-rp2ej]

Agreed, she showed incredible strength and sincerity. I really hope she gets support, in whatever form that is for her, because she deserves to be heard and have her needs met

[@iamgoo]

A consensual hug right? 0.0

[@elim02]

You need to ask for consent first though

[@kung-fukennyfamily]

Consent is like boxing If one party doesn’t agree, the other one is committing a crime.

[@KiahMonique]

Very good analogy 👏🏿

[@loclebao1409]

Hey nice! Amother fellow John Oliver enjoyer :D

[@mostblunted_211]

The only thing is no one goes inside a boxing ring to not fight… and when you fight in the streets it’s illegal no matter what, atleast in California there is no consent to fight if the boys catch you fighting y’all both goin to jail consent or not. So yea it’s a good analogy but it’s not realistic.

[@KiahMonique]

@@mostblunted_211 it's illegal in Philly as well, especially if your hands are under a contract. I have seen a few videos were people was more focused on the fans or twerking than fighting. But those was amateur fighting.

[@flickanrimsky]

@@mostblunted_211 the only thing is that you can always change your mind

[@Keziah2447178]

“Two to consent, but one to reject” is so beautifully respectful.

[@majak5752]

Blonde woman made me tear up because I find it hard to admit that what actually happened to me was rape because I blame myself.

[@Rin-jy9gg]

What happened to you wasn't your fault and it shouldn't have happened. I know that may not change your mind because we have such a victim blaming society that can bleed into our personal life. I know I still blame myself for my sexual abuse sometimes. I just want you to know I see you and your experience is 100% valid.

[@DA-js7xz]

Most rape victims think the same.

[@Rin-jy9gg]

@@DA-js7xz very true and it's so sad and unwarranted

[@youtubetrash3196]

I was statutory raped by an ex and it took me a long time to talk about it to others

[@Rin-jy9gg]

@@youtubetrash3196 I hope you've got help now to heal because you deserve to feel peace

[@ellsjells]

'over-communicating will never do the harm that under-communicating would' - love love LOVE that, so well put

[@beee5465]

PLEASE DO A ANOTHER VERSION WITH MEN. I know no man in my whole life that was ever asked, by a women, wether or not he gives his consent for sexual activities. This could show some parallels between the experiences men and women might share.

[@choosehappy9224]

Yeah I remember seeing a Jubilee video about that. Men were asked if they've ever been asked for consent and most if not all said no.

[@missindia6275]

would love to hear their perspective

[@kelvinopara7297]

Men don’t care. And even if they do, no one cares, a woman grabbing a man’s butt, or dick without consent is seen as funny. And if U’ve ever been to a club with drunk women u have probably experienced how girls make groping a random cute guy a game.

[@2.fatducks]

in the best way possible, I love you so much for this comment.

[@monicamacneille3372]

YES, THIS!

[@NeroMai]

4:17 - 4:58 We really need to discuss coercion in relationships more. A lot of people feel entitled to break one's boundaries and bypass consent simply because they're in a relationship. It's more common than we think... I hope those two can recover, it's a long process and we often blame ourselves for what happened. :/

[@_mchy]

This really resonated with me. I was in a relationship and pressured to do things just bc we were dating and he convinced me that it was “normal” for us to do sexual things right away. It took me a while to realize it wasn’t my fault after I realized what happened to me.

[@youtubetrash3196]

Exactly. I was groomed by my ex when I was 17 into thinking I had to do sexual favors for him, because he was violent and I was scared. He would also bribe me by buying me things if I did stuff for him, he was 3 years older than me. I was groomed into also believing it was normal for me to want to do stuff, but I didn’t realize I had been conditioned into doing what he wanted

[@KaoLeeVang93]

Yes!!! Coerced consent is soooo subtle too. It’s often little pushing of boundaries and not being quite ready for things. This coerced consent can make people feel shame and it’s a form of manipulation

[@solar0wind]

Yeah, that's what happened with me and my ex. But luckily, he eventually understood that he had acted in a bad way and got way more mindful around consent. But getting him to this point was very frustrating and contained lots of fights. He didn't want to hear that he had done something wrong because he hadn't hat a bad intent and hearing that you basically did something that's just below r**e accidentally is obviously not nice for your self-image. There was especially one instance that slightly traumatised me for a while when I didn't dare to say no because I thought it would end in another fight and I desperately needed sleep. But still, even though in the end he tried to prevent it, he still got moody and upset when I didn't want to sleep with him after a while. And that still made me feel pressured. This pressure almost completely killed my libido. Now that I'm single (broke up two months ago) and have slept with two other guys, I feel way more empowered. However, one of them reacted in a kinda annoyed way recently when I didn't want to do se*ual stuff with him anymore when we met, and that made me feel pressured again. So basically, I'm not that interested in sleeping with him right now. The other guy is completely cool with me saying no, and it makes me want him way more often.

[@fry5544]

Pressured from Day 1 to do what I didn’t want to do. Coercive control. Coerced consent. “I said yes in my mind at the end” I said about it earlier. Well that was a No. Groomed, plied, bribed, love-bombed, manipulated, isolated, controlled, demanded & CONDITIONED to do what he wanted me to do. My family lay the fertile grounds for his abuse, by abusing each other, then abusing me, after they were abused by their own parents, which broke my spirit down & crushed my spirit first. Now we lay the blame squarely where it belongs.

[@sarahdemartin1183]

It’s weird to me that people think it’s a mood killer. The first time I slept with my boyfriend was the first time I’ve ever been asked if something was okay and if I wanted to do something. It was super hot to me and that was one of the moments that I realised he was the one.

[@aa-cx8nc]

depends on who you are

[@francescamazzonelli1670]

I don't know, my first time was actually me sayung "Hey, I was thinking, if you wanna do It and you have a condom we could try" 😂

[@nimbzclowd]

@a a if you're super into the person it's probably gonna be hot either way.

[@blackfoxphotography7672]

If a guy would ask me if I wanted to.. the evening would be over... either you get my body language or you can go home.

[@martinvanburen4578]

What if after a date, everything is great and the man asks you to pay for half? Is that a mood killer? How about if after sex the man says, I have to go. Is that a mood killer? Does that change the dynamics? Certain things seem to be non-mood killers and other are...even though it is all free choice and the ability to exercise one's agency. When one person acts in a way that destroys the intimacy, it can be a mood-killer for the other person. "Can you check off / sign off on this NDA?" "

[@kyaahikyaahi]

I didn't know what consent was, so it took me 8 years to realise I had been raped when I painfully lost my virginity at 18. I developed a huge fear of men and was unable to have sex and relationships during those 8 years. This year I've finally started therapy and learning a lot about consent. I had to be told by my therapist that I had been raped to believe that what happened wasn't actually my fault, and that there's nothing wrong with me physically or mentally.

[@gabriellastauffer]

I’m really proud of you, stranger ❤❤

[@kyaahikyaahi]

@@gabriellastauffer thank you so much, your comment made me tear up 💕 I'm proud of myself too!

[@justabout6979]

It's amazing that you've started your healing journey 💖, I hope you continue to be kind to yourself!!

[@snusenjoyer33]

4:33 This part was hard to watch. You can see that it's physically hard for her to talk about it. Genuinely hope she can heal after opening up.

[@_Lou____]

She seems like such a sweet person, breaks my heart to see her like that.

[@DA-js7xz]

She won't unless she gets therapy.

[@nyakuekastephenbar]

Any sexual activity without consent constitutes sexual assault. It is important that we educate ourselves and our children on what sexual consent is.

[@quetzacotls4555]

Hi, i dont want to provoce you. But i think it is so weird to ask for consent. We had this conversation many times in different friend groups and the opinion was mostly unilaterally that noone really asks for consent and this is kind of weird. It is weird when a lady or a man asks you, whether they are allowed to do this. This means, that he or she isnt smart enough to read the room. Encounters have to have a certain flow. Start kissing. Hands toucching the body etc etc. ....when something goes to far, you can adress it and then you can go on, stop it, talk about your boundaries or whatever (especially in the beginning of the"get to know phase"). When someone like you say, that this is not normal behaviour and me and most of my friends are automatically commiting sexual assault, i get confused. If oyu have made bad experiences with predators, i understand your strict argumentation, but i wouldnt say, that this scenario is close to reality. Furthermore i think it is not right to compare a real s. assault with forgetting to ask for consent. s. Assault is something else in my eyes. Again: if you got hurt in the past, i understand your problem with this, but this demonification of a natural flow is weird for me. Everbody: always have fun with your bumbum!

[@denny3460]

@@quetzacotls4555 the thing is without the language of consent in those sexual situations, there could be one or more parties going along with it because they feel like they have to. Some victims fight and some try to leave, but many end up not doing anything for fear of getting hurt even worse if they did try to stop anything from happening. Language about consent is very important. I would suggest you and your friends stop having sex in such an irresponsible way and learn to respect consent and boundaries. Whether it’s violent assault in an alley with a knife or if it’s with a loved one, sexual assault can happen. It doesn’t have to be life or death to be sexual assault. You will never truly know if an interaction was consensual unless you asked permission. Do not assume you and your friends are blameless.

[@quetzacotls4555]

@@denny3460 so i am not sure if you want to play devils advocat or you mind is unwoldly. Try to follow my thoughts: scenario 1: two persons, one is a predator. If you verbally consent, or not the predator will make a s. assault. (the consent doesnt make a difference). scenario 2: two persons, both just want to have fun. If they verbally consent, they can have fun or are turnt off by the bureaucracy of agreeing to have fun. scenario 3: two persons. One perrson says in between the sheets that they doesnt want to have "fun" anymore. Normally it stops, even if someone gave you the permission in the beginning. Those are the possibile scenarios in my mind (if we are speaking about normal encounters). I dont understand why it should be a s. assault, if you dont ask. I even dont understand the point of asking, bc. it should be established, that everyone should end the interaction immediately, iF Someone doesnt want to continue playing. So why asking? I cannot see the logical reasoning. Please keep in mind, that the s.assault shouldnt be normal and if you say stop the bumbum the person HAS to stop or otherwise it is s. assault (kinky games aside).

[@quetzacotls4555]

@@denny3460 The next step would be, that i have to record my se...x partner before a s. encounter to give me permission, or signingn a contract in presence of a officiating notary, to avoid a situation, where i can be charged afterwards. This is weird. A colleague of mine got accused of having an affair with an employee. This took such an enormous mental toll on him, that he doesnt dare to take an elevator alone with a female colleague and likes to wait for another when where potential witnesses are around or leaves the door from his bureau open when he is having appointments with female colleagues. This weird unnatural behaviour makes people sick, that they get paranoid and i think asking for a consent is another unnatural behaviour.

[@wurmhole]

@@quetzacotls4555 what you just described is consent

[@isabelstott9437]

none of us want to call it rape but unfortunately it is. Lady at 4.33 is so so strong for speaking out.

[@benperreth1532]

You are Gaslighting yourself, but you won't listen to me, so...Cherrio.

[@daniellemcleod2980]

I love all these women❤ I also wanna hug that one woman who started crying. You’re all so brave to tell your stories and you’re not alone.

[@happinesspridejoy7394]

Continuous enthusiastic consent from both parties regardless of gender 💯

[@prestona9658]

Sounds good but does that mean you always have to be enthusiastic? What if your tired, relaxed, or just neutral and truly do want to have sex? I don't think it should be restricted to just enthusiasm. Imagine being an unenthusiastic person and everybody just leaves u alone💀

[@yessica5231]

And conscious. They gotta be aware and awake to know what's going on.

[@happinesspridejoy7394]

@@yessica5231 facts

[@OmgitzM4J1K]

Enthusiastic consent is a flawed concept because it's entirely possible to consent whilst not being enthusiastic - for example, if you're autistic or have some other disorder which makes you unable to express enthusiasm, if you're asexual and not particularly enthusiastic about sex, or if you're trying for a baby (and have been for a long time) and the act of sex is just a means to an end which you're not particularly enthusiastic about anymore

[@happinesspridejoy7394]

@@OmgitzM4J1K agreed

[@TheMrCC21]

I give the woman credit for saying that women can also be predatory. That issue is swept under the rug. A friend of mine had experiences where he didn't know how to say anything because he wasn't comfortable with it. It goes both ways.

[@chasti5754]

It does. I do believe most predators are men, but not all. And we indeed should provide a safe space for men to speak up about their traumas. Especially because men can be raped also by men, while talking about it is more stigmatized then talking about rape for women.

[@choosehappy9224]

Sorry about your friend.

[@Philipp287]

I love how you show different perspectives. Like being verbal. Some say it’s mandatory to verbally say yes while others might consider it a total mood killer. Consent is a really tough topic to argue about as it’s so different from person to person.

[@dragondfp]

One of them said it perfectly I think "Over communicating will never do the harm that under communicating would"

[@Chill_330]

@@dragondfp THIS IS SO TRUE!!!

[@BonShula]

@@dragondfp There are people who think it is a mood killer if your partner have to ask for every single action in the bedroom.

[@BonShula]

@@j_m12341 Because this is perspective from a female perspective.

[@Chill_330]

@@BonShula exactly

[@THEGIRLDAS]

0:26 “ full willingness to participate “ she said it perfectly!!!

[@Thankyouverymuchfriend]

having a trauma-informed sexual partner really helps a whole lot. it makes the experience better in my opinion. my ex partner would say, "is it because you're not attracted to me??" when I wanted to stop in the middle of sex, and take it out on themselves, making me feel bad. ugh it was a whole mess. always felt like something was wrong with me because sex felt too much sometimes (ive been assaulted twice).

[@solar0wind]

I don't have as bad experiences as you, and I still want to stop in the middle of it sometimes. But I tell my partners before it happens that I need to know that they're fine with me stopping.

[@datekaname2246]

I want to cry for the older blond lady in white, I hope she's able to get into a better situation.

[@Roxay05]

"Over communicating will never do the harm that under communicating would."

[@ReaCreates]

Consent can be very powerful in long-term relationships too. When my partner and I got together, we were 16, and there were definitely times of saying eh idk, maybe I don't want to have sex, then kinda being talked into it. It was upsetting on both sides. But now it is a straightforward line saying, "can I touch you" or "can I continue." Saying yes means game on we are both all in, and saying no is fine because it stops it right there, and no one needs to be led on.

[@stuts527]

I was a little nervous to watch this video because I have had a bad experience with consent not too long ago. Still healing from that. It took me a long time to even process what happened, and what I made myself go through. It happened with a friend, someone I trusted, over multiple occasions. There are days when I still blame myself a little bit for not realizing it sooner that I wasn't okay with that. That moment when i was physically in that room, but just mentally not there is one of my lowest moments. But I am healing, and working towards being more assertive :)

[@carlie4964]

I can relate to this. I'm sorry that happened to you, I hope you know that it is NOT your fault. Be gentle with yourself, healing takes time and there may be a lot of ups and downs along the way, but that's okay

[@judyudyy]

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It makes others like me feel less alone in own experience, full of complicated emotions. When I was younger, I always imagined non-consensual scenarios as evil strangers hiding in the dark outside, waiting to ambush you. But most of the time, it's rarely black and white like that. It usually ends up being someone you know and in a lot of situations where you weren't screaming and shouting "No!" like in the movies. Often times, you try to rationalize to make yourself feel better about the situation, trying to tell yourself it was somehow okay when it wasn't. Then, when you realize it wasn't okay, and you begin to blame yourself. Perhaps, if you were more clear that you didn't want it. Perhaps, if you had just done a better job of stopping it and protecting yourself. I had a very similar experience to yours, and I never feel more empty and hollow in my life going through that experience. I hope one day you will fully recover from this experience, with only scars reminding you how strong you were to live and overcome this ❤

[@qwerty2322]

I liked the comment from the mom saying she won't hug her kids if they don't want to and I love that. I work with kids and I practice that a lot. "can I pick you up?" "can I hug you?" and I notice they are so much more excited after saying yes and I pick them up. they feel like they have control of thier lives.

[@stickwittaglocc7563]

“A full willingness to participate”💯

[@mimi-xx]

i really appreciate the mom being protective over her kids' ability to consent to physical affection. consent isnt just sexual/romantic, its about bodily autonomy as a whole.

[@ni_hao_shailan]

Whheewww this video triggered me in ways I didn’t expect to be triggered. Thank you for continuing to make videos like this with women that make other women feel less alone in our experiences. Even up to 6 years ago consent wasn’t really as big as it is now so I could never put a word to what happened or how to feel but now I do especially hearing these other women’s experiences and point of views!❤❤❤

[@artemuycaro]

Feel the same way, some tears were shed 🥲 i just want to give all y'all hugs 💗 edit - if consented to, that is :+)

[@yungmunyxo]

"maybe", "I don't know", "let me think about it" THOSE ARE NOT CONSENT

[@RegardlessRecords]

It’s a fine line between doing something you consented to and regret and looking back at wondering if you truly consented or not. This is a tough conversation clearly and that says a lot. Very interesting

[@lschantz64]

I would be interested to see this same question posed to men and see what their thoughts are.

[@clamhammer2463]

Men don't matter. Their consent/safety/opinions don't matter. If you are told otherwise, consider the source. Follow this matra with everything that you do and you'll stay safe.

[@TheGeneralpacman]

@@clamhammer2463 Wow, if you are/ will become mother ( I hope not) and you have son just tell him he doesn't matter and you don't care about him as human. Get help jesus.

[@peterlewis2178]

That final note about asking a man for consent is also very important. In some ways, society still doesn't consider that men need to consent as well. Male sexual assault victims are frequently laughed at or shamed, and many people think that it's impossible for a man to be raped, either because of their physical strength or because of the misconception that all men always want sex with basically anyone. It's even somewhat common for movies and tv to portray rape of men in a comedic or positive light.

[@kayday93]

Thank you so much for creating space for this conversation. I would really love to see more videos centering child abuse as well, as this often gets left out of conversations about SA. It's such a rampant and pervasive issue and yet few get the opportunity to share their stories on a public platform like this. Just some food for thought!

[@djbj9632]

As a dude to other dudes imma say don’t do it if you are not getting “fuck yes” vibes period. Never worth it if not. Sex is only good that way. If you give her her space a maybe will turn into a clear yes or no anyway. Verbal or nonverbal cues I think depends on how close your relationship is. One night stand and no explicit said fuck yes - hell no. Don’t roll the dice if the stakes are too high. In a relationship you want fuck yes still but hopefully you know her well enough to judge non verbally what that means. Again though if in doubt ask. If you’re driving on a foggy road and you see a figure tumble into the road and you feel that there is a 1% chance its a child you slam your brakes on.

[@DA-js7xz]

That you for being the first non incel male comment after scrolling for some time. You're a gem.

[@tomriddle8933]

So if it's an adult you'd run them over?

[@djbj9632]

@@tomriddle8933 Fuck yeah 🤣

[@AlexanderBrando]

I was on a date once and my date randomly kissed me and I remember not liking it and not knowing why even though I was interested in the person. Later on, I was flirting with someone at a party and he asked “can I kiss you?” And I said yes and I thought that no one had ever asked before. Such a small question but makes a world of a difference. Also, it makes me so sad that so many people say “well, I didn’t say no so it was my fault.” Whoever needs to hear this…it’s not your fault!

[@solar0wind]

Oh my God, this is what happened to me. For a long time I thought maybe I don't like men that much because all the first kisses that I had with men were kinda bad for me. It took me so long to realise that the reason for that was that they kissed me at random times when I didn't feel ready. The first kisses that I recently had that I initiated together with the other person were so much better.

[@lizzlb]

“Over communicating will never do the harm that Under communicating would”. ❤

[@c333.]

as someone who was assaulted at a very young age, I wasn’t even old enough to know what consent meant. consent is powerful & needs to happen even more.

[@MrBebopChamploo]

For the people who feel it ruins the mood in the moment, you can still have a broader conversation in advance about boundaries, general expectations, desires, wants and won'ts, discuss how you might handle a situation where one person doesn't want something that's happening, or what things do and don't need to be asked about in the moment. That way - and to use one of their examples - you can decide in advance that if you're making out, your partner doesn't need to ask to "grab a titty" (and have a mutual understanding and trust that if for any reason she changed her mind about that at any point, that new boundary would be respected). That's what consent feels like to me at the moment - an ongoing conversation that helps each party form and understand a trusting and respectful dynamic that balances each person's needs even as they grow and change. It's not just an in-the-moment affirmation (though it includes that).

[@Whirlbee]

This! Communicate outside the moment and discuss boundaries and limits!

[@adoro-ble521]

4:45 I wish I could give you a hug🥺

[@erinwhipple4666]

Ongoing consent is absolutely required. You can decide in the middle that you no longer want it to continue. Having said that, you have to communicate those feelings. The person you’re with can’t read your mind, so you can’t just accuse them of assault afterwards if they had no idea you were no longer consenting.

[@BrandonCiCi]

I love the last woman’s answer the best, and I agree with it because it works every time for me too! 😂😂

[@nicolenico6177]

I'd love to see this same concept but with men being asked about how they view consent too.

[@Lavenderluvsbooks]

I hope Cut got resources for the people who were visibily upset and clearly experinecing a traumatic feeling

[@alexh2065]

I like the woman who said she doesn't force her kids to give hugs if they don't want to. It's kinda insane that we were "forced" to give hugs and kiss when we were kids. Especially for someone like me who isn't very comfortable with people touching me, being in my bubble. Consent isn't just for sex and for adults.

[@im_just_vidu]

"Two to consent, but one to reject"

[@theknoxussy7191]

you should do other genders

[@CassieAngelica]

They probably will.

[@ToasteredBread]

It happens to men too exactly

[@ToasteredBread]

@@CassieAngelica they probably won’t.

[@Calamity8]

Males only

[@CassieAngelica]

@@ToasteredBread why do you think so?

[@ilyforevr8602]

“May I... can I.... don’t worry” Is so so so attractive. Consent is attractive bc of respect and making sure everyone is ok 👍

[@island97]

That might be attractive for you . But there are a lot of women( and men) who would find that a complete turn off . Everyone's comfort level is different .

[@ilyforevr8602]

@@island97 ok kink master (jk I understand what u mean) Lol

[@island97]

@@ilyforevr8602 yep . From my personal experience, I've never been with a woman who verbally asked for consent when they initiated sex . My current gf would be totally turned off if I said " May I...can I".... I just asked her . lmao

[@nandanie3239]

Consent must be asked and given both ways, regardless of the gender.

[@sol-8340]

I work third party for a company. I recently had one of the male employees demand pictures of me playing with myself while at work. He said "play and show me". I had never flirted with him and saw him more as a mentor and uncle. That night my best friend and I had just had dinner with him, his wife, granddaughter and two great grandkids. I knew him for five years, and he did this. The trust never comes back. Neither does the safety or respect.

[@debbienehikhuere]

I want to get "It takes two to consent But one to reject." Tattooed

[@SpiderJesus26]

Off topic, but I love Evie's take on just about damn near everything. Such a gem of a person.

[@jenniferreyes8564]

Consent is so damn important and people should be taught about it more. Doesn't matter if it's your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, your spouse, etc. No is no, and you can't say otherwise if the person doesn't want to do something with you. Also, communication should be part of it. If you don't like something say it, say it if you are feeling uncomfortable or uneasy or scared, because a lot of the time, many people stay silent because they don't want to ruin the mood or they feel like they are being "annoying" and these lead to the person not giving full consent. Remember, your health matter, you matter too!

[@binx414]

“I think it’s different for two women than a woman and a man” I’d love to hear the rest of this perspective

[@angelmushahf]

Ppl need to learn to speak up. Including myself. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my partner at times but didn’t say anything out of fear of losing them or ruining the mood. Unfortunately, it haunts me a bit, but we’re working through it now. From now on, I’m gonna speak up. If they really love you they’ll understand your boundaries. Don’t rush to charge someone for sexual assault when you could have simply said something

[@dapo3538]

I think you're right. It's very important to speak up because people are not mind readers.

[@The.Painted.Angel.]

I think though that you need to give the opportunity to say something first. One of my SA was an encounter I stopped and asked the person to leave (which they did) but by that point it was too late, I was covered in bruises that hung around for weeks. Too many people act without saying anything first and the other person doesn't have the opportunity to prepare for it or mentally process it. Women are also predisposed to having a freeze response because throughout history thats been their highest chance or survival, and so expecting a woman to fight back particularly when the man is bigger or in a position of power just isn't equal grounds from the get go. Asking for consent both lets the other person know what's about to happen (so they arent caught off guard) and allows that person to think about if they want to do it and not allow it to happen if they aren't down. Of course in a long-term relationship its different but like imagine you've never had jt up the butt and your partner one day shoves it up there. Yeah you can say stop but its already been done.

[@rj-hg1kq]

1:58 every time I see that person, i smile. They’re SO attractive and seem so genuine

[@Clenato]

Woof, to women who think women cant act against someone's consent have never dealt with seniors. I worked at a coffee shop inside a small grocery story that was in the area of a lot of senior homes. I dealt with a lot of shit from creepy dudes as a chick and kind of thought the same way, and then one of the dudes I work with came to ask me for help because he was literally being sexually assaulted by these old ladies. They thought it was funny to grab his chest and ass when he'd bring them coffee, make extremely creepy comments "I'll take you home with me" "why can't use serve us toppless" just creepy creepy shit whenever he was isolated from us. Once he spoke up we kicked them the fuck out and banned them, but it was very very eye opening for me.

[@meganmiller173]

Good for you for kicking those creeps out and taking him seriously 👏🏻

[@DA-js7xz]

Um, that wasn't said here. It was said that most associate it with men, because most perpetrators are men.

[@tammy5466]

There is not a single moment in this video where a woman said men cannot be assault or women can't act against someone's consent.

[@dapo3538]

I appreciate your perspective

[@isachjxzc]

0:51 so true lots of respect for her

[@presidentanp]

not related to subject mater of the video; but I was not ready for that dog with the tongue out at 2:34. Busted out laughing!

[@madsss133]

2:16 she’s really pretty

[@vinityrourth4703]

We need to hear what men think consent is!! Love this video btw.

[@anastasiabogdan-popa4485]

I just need to 2:34 bring awareness to this. Tiny cute dog. Consent is important. That is all.

[@reemmasri9274]

“Women can be predatory too” 100% !!

[@ccch3488]

As a man whom this has happened to, it's annoying to see other people clearly trying to use men's experiences as some kind of cudgel to diminish these experiences. "What about MEN, huh??" Come on, we all know what you're insinuating. You don't actually care.

[@KxNOxUTA]

Yes. I'm a feminist and cis female. It's sick enough that ppl would argue when others are speaking up about their needs and what support would help. But to then abuse the suffering of others - that they do not even care about unless they can weaponize to somehow validate their abusive behaviour - and pitch different survivors and their needs against each other, is enraging. All ppl need support. All ppl should be abl to talk about their needs. And all of us are responsible for our reactions and we're accountable to all the instances in which we learn that we've been jerks!! I am terribly sorry you had to not just suffer through abuse, but also see it weaponized like this by abusive ppl against others. And I hope that - especially with time - you'll be surrounded by peers of any genders, who'll have enough EQ and social skill sets to be kind and supportive.

[@opiniwise]

​@@KxNOxUTAI love this.

[@wellgrilledtoast]

My former partner raped me at a party. It took me a year to realise what it was. I never talked about it with him. I had just thrown up and had a panic attack and he undressed me. My body language must have been unclear. I was so drunk I kept on moving to show I wanted it but actually didn’t. He should’ve never had sex with me as I was so drunk in the first place and wasn’t able to give proper consent

[@CHARmanderLIE]

I'm so sorry to read that you experienced this. Something similar happened to me... I was at a party and drank way too much and texted a guy I had just met that night because I needed help getting home and he was the first person I thought to ask. He had already left but took an Uber there and picked me up and took me home. I didn't realize until the morning after that we'd had sex and some parts did come back to me. But months later he sent me a voice message as a response to something I posted about looking forward to going out, telling me to be careful because he was remembering what it was like to see me as I was the last time, saying that he was really worried about me because I was passing out. You were so worried about me that you saw me dying and still had sex with me? It makes me so so sad to think about. I hope you know you're not alone. I hope you know it wasn't our fault. I'm sending you much love 💕

[@annepickens2042]

This has happened to me more than once with more than one man. I usually end up peeing in their bed as a trauma response.

[@zyonmdc]

consent is consent, no is NO.

[@mostblunted_211]

5:38 I love her 😂❤

[@MichaelHalsell]

Men need to understand that the default position for consent with a woman is no. If she is interested, she will clearly communicate her permissions. Do not approach, do not touch, and do not push your intentions. Such actions are creepy, criminal, and will not end well.

[@casmarie5528]

My partner and I have a baby on the way and still ask consent. Just the other night he told me he didn’t want to do anything and it’s completely fine.

[@TreavorUnion]

Treat everybody you come into contact with like it's 5-star hotel, even people you don't care about. Respect and kindness. Consent is important.

[@Nina-kp6fv]

me realizing that i only truly consented like 1-5 times and allll the other times i was unsure or felt pressured

[@milanmohan7731]

How many of these 100 women would've actually asked consent from a man before engaging? I bet it's less than 15. Hypocrites.

[@blackfoxphotography7672]

I did consent to every guy I ever laid down with.. none of them asked me and I never used the word yes.. if i wouldn't have wanted it.. I would have said no.. daying nothing can DEFINITELY be consent.

[@Cupofgo]

Thank you, this is one of my favorite videos you've done.

[@bobbiandmoo]

The girl at 1:12 was talking about something so important and so common

[@-Bloomingtales]

Halfway through this video I was like “humans really be out here having sex” lol

[@hicrhodushicsalta4382]

Can consent be non verbal: No Deaf people: ....

[@dapo3538]

Sorry man, don't you know that deaf people aren't allowed to have sex lol?

[@music0cool]

So glad the older women talked about how this social caring and awareness is really very recent, and how even just a few decades ago it was legal for a man to rape a woman if she was his wife. Sick, sick society.

[@wonder448]

Not me counting the people to see if its really 100

[@erindeerhart5538]

If you think it's a mood killer to ask "Is it okay if I...?", then you can go with "I want to..." instead. No need to emphasize that every shred of desire is potentially not okay, but that all desires are positive, as long as you respect the other person's reaction to them.

[@KxNOxUTA]

Actually sit down and establish: Please tell me "No" and "Stop" if anything is the issue. I care for your wellbeing. Your "No!"s are safe with me. Let's have a non-verbal safe signal for both, asking and answering. If I tap you elbow twice - even if we are out with other ppl - then that is an "Are you OK?". If you tap back twice, then you are OK and if you tap trice then you are not OK and we're seeing to it that we stop or get out of the situation and check in with each other. And ofcourse also vice-versa, if you tap to ask me, too.

[@erindeerhart5538]

@@KxNOxUTA This is an interesting take, and yes, it can be a bit of a turn on to have secret signals to communicate with each other. It can bring a stronger feeling of intimacy and connection to what can potentially be uncomfortable situations. Very cool idea!

[@bchemptyyeetttt]

3:09 Every word that comes out of this woman has been off-putting. In another video she talked very fetish-like about black men, and now with the "If the girl does X she's consenting you" and teaching that to a virgin guy, it's so dangerous.

[@m4rthaswur1d]

literally

[@andnowwecry9225]

I appreciate the phrasing of over communicating will never do the same harm as under communicating a lot.

[@cociana3670]

2:56 i love her 😭😭

[@Gerulcia]

I remember when with metoo started the discussion about asking for consent. People would say no that is a moodkiller even for women. But really it comes naturally for me.

[@andrequedanca]

Im a man and I had a couple woman at the club getting their boobs on my face or twerking on my lap without asking me and without saying a word, without knowing me. I really didnt like it, it was a bad experience and as a man I felt I couldn't say no. Today that still affects me and I still didn't connected sexually with someone, maybe for fear of feeling that again...

[@cnc_imp]

i’m really sorry you experienced that. I hope you know sexual assault survivors stand behind u in support. I pray you will heal from this with time. take care of yourself ! ❤

[@WATTAFOUND]

@igzema because man don't report or talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It's more often than u imagine. For some reason a lot of women like to touch a man ass. I was 15 when I lost my virginity with someone way older than. I don't know if it's because of that I always stop myself when I think going to lead to sex

[@WATTAFOUND]

@igzema it's not a thing of toxic masculinity or patriarchy. It's just a bunch of feelings that u don't know how to handle.(it's like when people blame themselves when those types of things happen. U are just trying to coup with it and move on.)

[@DA-js7xz]

@@WATTAFOUND most women underreport as well though. This is why so many only speak out 20 years later when another person comes forward first.

[@DA-js7xz]

@@WATTAFOUND it's 100% to do with the patriarchy. The patriarchy negatively affects men as well.

[@Shellyshocked]

I hate when I see people/parents pushing their little ones to give hugs and kisses or affection when you can clearly see the child is uncomfortable. I never encourage my children to be affection with other people or myself if they don't want to be. Obviously, I give my kids plenty of snuggles when they want, but if they say no, I don't want a kiss or whatever I say, no problem. I had to tell my little ones grandparents to stop being so pushy with the kisses. I don't think they liked it very much. The grandmother actually said it was disrespectful of my child to say no to them about giving them hugs.

[@eyesburning]

Actually it is quite simple: Consent is saying "yes" when you have the option to say "no".

[@chasti5754]

Thank you, this video is very important. I cried. I feel ya girls. We all have been there. Some were in much darker spaces..,

[@artisttjan]

It's important to ask because some people don't know they can say no

[@dapo3538]

Why do you think that is though? Why do you think some people feel like they can't say no?

[@2crisp63]

@@dapo3538 pressure/fear I'd assume?

[@İnsideeeouttt]

@@dapo3538 I agree with the fear/pressure comment. I would also add that most women/people in female bodies are raised to be people pleasers and to put others needs/wants over theirs even if it hurts them. The world keeps trying to teach women/people in female bodies that they exist purely for the sexual pleasure of men and to raise babies so it can be hard for some people to know/do anything else. Also, people that have previously experienced sexual assaults also have a harder time verbally saying no, as it was previously ignored, so it's also important to look out for non verbal cues.

[@27deathage]

Thank you cut for finally touching on s.a.

[@UpsNdownZZZ]

My first sexual experience was without my consent because I was still sobering up. I just went along with it because I was too embarrassed to tell him to stop. I wasn't even attracted to him.

[@jinannwang7430]

"It takes two to consent, one to reject"

[@hairyfrankfurt]

I really hope people on this show (specifically the women on this one) get given a full debrief and access to resources because the topics can be really rough. And to the commenters, look after yourself.

[@NyxxieThomas]

I got so very lucky to marry a spouse that works hard to make sure he is always checking in, making sure I'm enjoying what's happening, and we always BOTH give enthusiastic consent. I will be honest, I grew up conservative Christian and was basically told my whole life that sex is the only thing that men ever think about, it's on their mind 24/7. As it turns out, I definitely am the one who wants/initiates it more than him 😅😅😅 and some days/times he doesn't want it and I'm just like, “bummer, really wish he did.” But if he says no, it's a no! I don't push it. And same goes for the other way, if I'm not feeling it and I say no then that's that. We always ask and we always respect each other's response. I hope with everything in me that every single person can find a partner that respects them 100% and will uphold their consent, every single time. We ALL deserve that. Never settle for anything less, because every single one of you is so worth love and respect. ❤️❤️❤️ Sorry this was such a long comment! Much love to everyone!!

[@ge0rgialiv]

I asked someone if I could kiss them, just small things like that. Man I love her still so much to this day. Just letting them know you’re there and eased. I’m a 24 year old, virgin and it’s not hard to know so no excuses for men or women or non binary or anyone

[@songsayswhat]

I really hope they got that one woman who started to tear up some counseling.

[@honeyrayen3549]

4:40 poor lady, it’s hard to realize you’ve been R-word or taken advantage of

[@KaoLeeVang93]

I’m grateful for this. Coerced consent is something I’ve come to terms with recently that I realize isn’t true consent

[@estold5463]

I had to write an essay (dissertation to be more precise) for my studies a few years ago concerning the sensuality of women in certains litterary works. A lot of these contained sexual intercourses as far as I noticed and mentionned them, specifying the non-consent aspect. Our teacher (a well known PhD in litterature) at the time whipped clean my ass at the end of class after she gave back the sheets, being very insistant on revising my definition of "consent" as she would gesture. It was like 6 years ago, and I had some time to reflect on it and came upon a more pondered definition of these intercourses we so-call "consent". It indeed implies the full commitment of both parts, but it also included the commitment until the end of it. And then, right after see the video, it stroke me : the blonde woman who was saying she "wouldn't call this rape" etc ... That got me. I would say I get it, but I realize now how such a thin detail can make quite a lot of differences. "I didn't want it and it didn't matter", this phrase made me wish I could slap myself a million time 6 years ago when I was writing that essay.

[@uncrustable9923]

This is the answer I was looking for 1:45

[@mikaylac2047]

When I lost my virginity it was in my friend’s house where everybody could hear. I didn’t say no, I thought I needed to get it over with but I wasn’t into it and he was experienced I didn’t know what to do but to go along with it. When people laugh about hearing us it makes me feel so weird and panicky because I should have said something and not made him think I was into it because I didn’t know what else to do and they laugh about about my fake sounds thinking they were real. Consent wasn’t a even a conversation in my world back then, 7 years ago.

[@GiannaGiordani-lc6uu]

"Can consent be physical? It depends on the person and their boundaries. For me, it doesn't "ruin the mood," it turns me on knowing my partner cares about my pleasure.