Do Looks Matter When You're in Love?

Steve Ward ("Tough Love") says looks matter more than anything, but Nicole Murphy ("Hollywood Exes") disagrees.

[@aliyae23]

I feel like men are brought onto this show only so they can be ridiculed. You have to give someone a chance to speak before you boo them! I totally agree with him. Looks do matter but he didn't say it was the be all and end all of a relationship- these women aren't really listening to what he's saying!!

[@ZYaKnoe249]

I agree, if the man who comes on the show isn't kissing ass, he gets boo'ed

[@nightlight3990]

So proud of women like you mam, I salute you 💪 more power to women like you, Equality for all

[@emiliasvensson6125]

I totally agree with Steve on this one. I whole heartedly think you approach someone because of your attraction to that person but you stay for the personality.

[@fightfannerd2078]

indeed thats how most relationships & most couples like 85% of them tend to match each other in looks

[@hurlentropy6866]

@@fightfannerd2078 Yes, it eventually tends to level out.

[@agentsmith8568]

Exactly 💯

[@penwrites6006]

Absolutely

[@provrr]

This guy is just real, and some people can't take it .

[@SirBrucie]

exactly

[@NoName-mm6gh]

@Logan Heckathorn Nicole works day and night to keep fit

[@therac2770]

hang in there steve, you are 100% on point, these reactions you got are either dumb or hyprocritical ....

[@armarelder7260]

Women cant take the truth.

[@missmimi6817]

Exactly

[@defiantlypinki1107]

I agree with the man. Your personality isn't written on your face, but it is one of the first things people see. You don't have to be one or the other; be a double threat. Look amazing and have an amazing personality to back it up.

[@jessicaarmy-animegirl9454]

MissSweatpants I same

[@user-iw7cq4dr3e]

You do relize that you can't just look amazing if you want to. It's mostly genetic.

[@user-iw7cq4dr3e]

@She Rolls It's not great but it's the truth. Looks are mostly determined by your facial bone structure. You can't Change that unless you use plastic surgery.

[@user-iw7cq4dr3e]

@A.J Yeah that's bs. At Most you could say that good looking people tend to be a little more narcisisstic.

[@NoName-mm6gh]

How can you see a personality? 😂

[@sbkpilot1]

I agree with the guy. In my anecdotal experience with dating both women and men place a good amount of emphasis on physical attraction. Most women in the audience are just trying to be politically correct and not seem superficial.

[@haitamboussanya8104]

sbkpilot11 11

[@beautifulsoul1239]

These woman are delusional. The guy is being truthful.

[@notwerkinginthishouse8634]

@@fauxpaux5239 ? beauty is not about looks ... and everyone is beautiful, just some people give up to show it and desperate for others to approve them

[@rodw.9050]

Vivianna Low you must be unattractive

[@fauxpaux5239]

@@rodw.9050 ofc that goes without saying or not why would I have that point of view?

[@fauxpaux5239]

@@rodw.9050 And so this is one of the many reasons why society 's standard of beauty has caused so many pyschological problems for people e.g. eating disorders ,body dysmorphia and whatever so just stop with using the word unattractive or ugly. And it really irks me that there are such men existing trying to bring down women's looks just because they do not meet society 's beauty standards.Using words like "ew she looks disgusting ,she is unattractive " SUCH MEN NEEDS TO BE GONE FOR GOOD. MEN are disgusting if they act in such a way or maybe to defend themselves they will just say they are being honest af with stupid excuses just to support their reasons for saying their claims. We women dont need to meet society 's expectations to be considered as beautiful.

[@notwerkinginthishouse8634]

@@rodw.9050 and u figured it out by her one comment?

[@dorcas706]

ok if looks don't matter ,how come evry woman in the audience is wearing makeup?

[@trailerkeller6760]

Dorcas Kafula thank you 🙏🏻 for proving the point.

[@Alkole666]

I know cause apparently they do it for themselves cause they do that when they are home alone just so they feel good

[@kristinewashington4242]

That’s so true. Looks does matter...

[@ericrood4100]

Very good point. Joe Rogan came up with an awesome analogy. You have this car. It is free. But it starts out pretty plain. You have the choice to turn it into something amazing. The sky is the limit. You can beef up the tires, tune up the engine, give it awesome exhaust, paint job, etc... The only catch is that it requires effort. If you, decide to make the engine baddass, then why not have the outside clean, looking polished. You'd take pride in it, and take care of everything together. You aren't going to have the car look and sound incredible, but have the upholstery smell like piss and sweat. Everything is connected. Everything works together. This amazing car is going to cruise with other amazing cars. But if you don't put much effort into your car, you will cruise around with other car owners who also haven't put forth much effort.

[@notwerkinginthishouse8634]

@@trailerkeller6760 how is a point proven? That sounds ridiculous

[@SinfulSnickers]

I agree with him to a certain extent. Let's face it.. Looks do play a part. But you cannot love someone based on good looks alone because personality goes a long way.

[@williamwykoff2044]

Kartika Jasini looks natter first tho

[@rjbatz2623]

I dated a girl for a month through online dating she looked no where near as good as she did in her pics, but her personality was awesome but It didn't last long because she could sense I wasn't really physically attracted to her. Even though I was kind, I never told her I wasn't I lied. Personality does make you more attarctive but let's face it nobody wants to hear that personality sugar coat crap where " your goodlooking now", cause let's face it if you don't legitimately feel like your physically attractive enough to your partner for at least something you feel like crap, and I felt horrible ik she was hurt and that ripped me.

[@rgchrono]

"Looks" still is the major thing that gets someone to notice someone else. Of course, there will be a time when you find a person attractive based on who they are, happened to me with my current gf. I could find other women way more attractive than my gf, but since I've had a harder time attracting women in the past. I pretty much had to curve my preferences in women attractiveness and give my gf a "chance." True, that if the looks are there, but if the person's character sucks it makes it a lot easier to break up with them. BUT! when the looks are not there, but the person has a great character. Breaking up with them is totally difficult, and one begins to connect more with the ok looking partner on a deeper level. Happens with me. Personality does go a long way, but it is the person's looks that get someone notice in the first place.

[@kujas]

he's not saying "love" only what "attracts" and looks is the biggest factor.

[@theuglybeing4673]

Kartika Jasini np not for me only for you shallow ass people out there

[@Rose_16-123]

I'm a woman and I totally agree with the man. Humans are shallow creatures, maybe men are a bit more sometimes, but either way, looks are what first attract you to a person on some level. Every woman in that audience was either lying to themselves or just everyone else. And to Bethenny talking about this man with all of this confidence coming up to a woman and catching her attention- what made that "confident" man want to go talk to that woman?? Her looks.

[@SirBrucie]

''men are a bit more sometimes'' bull fucking shit.

[@wiseman4160]

It's rare I see a thin women or a little overweight women holding hands with an very overweight or obese man. It's not rare to see these same women with overweight man or healthy normal weight. Women giving men a hard time for something they also do almost as often. I could see if he said he doesn't date overweight women, then all the hate he gets on the show might make sense. Men and women usually don't marry someone that has a very big weight difference from each other. Back in 1950s when women were less independent it was not rare for a women that's normal healthy weight or a little overweight to marry a man that's obese. Nowadays it's not rare for an overweight man to marry a women that's not overweight and is normal healthy weight.

[@mileovereducation7085]

Have you heard about a term called maturity?

[@hurlentropy6866]

Women get to chose the highest quality mate. It is clear women have a much higher bar to induce physical attraction relative to a man..This is why men approach women at such a high frequency after the advent of cosmetics. At the same token, women swipe right to very few men on dating apps..Once physical attraction is skewed upward, the demand increases. .Since women have a plethora of options, it makes sense to raise the lower bar (weed out the lower quality) rather than lower the upper bar (not natural). If there exists a pool of men with equivalent personal value, it is evident that the most physically attractive mate will be selected if there is NO bias. Also, cheating is running rampant these days....Increasing the number of options raises the probability of cheating when all other factors remain constant. Since there exist more opportunities for reward feedback than previously encountered, there is a higher temptation to follow the wave of euphoria...

[@krissmiley7519]

Why do you think its shallow for a man to want. His woman to be attractive ? Its wired into our very dna as it is with every other mammal on the planet , to say that is shallow is to say that the continued existence of life is a shallow desire , And by the way, no one said that a man does no. Also won't a woman with a great personality , they are not mutually exclusive traits

[@ximenakelley]

tbh I would be heartbroken if my S.O didn't find me visually appealling and only liked my personality (which is nice and all) but even if I knew looks didnt matter, I'd still feel like a failure.

[@Cougarqueen]

Omg I'm sorry but I feel sorry for Steve... He goes on the show and he can't even talk

[@marcusmelton2295]

Paula Pinto-Ohlson its mainly the host, she's so quick to say something.

[@jennie20able]

Lol

[@francescamuddaris6121]

Of course looks matter!

[@bishopmaster1706]

So lets fuck then, we both are good lucking!

[@King123-r1u]

Looks matter to women to

[@lanesansom9209]

Yeah I'm sorry but if I don't think a girl is pretty I just wont talk to them

[@leviackerman-nq9vk]

That's the only thing matters

[@ericrood4100]

I guess to each their own. But if someone fails to present themselves attractively, then they can expect to attract someone with the same mindset. If a person decides that he does not need to dress nice or take showers because he has such a "wonderful" personality, then he can expect to attract a woman who is the same way.

[@lucretiatucker4560]

That guy IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!!! Lol I'm a woman but at first ESPECIALLY MEN have to be attracted. They are physically beings much more so than us. It just is!!!!! Women need to get a clue. It is so funny we want to know how men think, then once we hear it we're like NOOO!!!! Yeah right! Get outta here lol

[@fauxpaux5239]

So those who are no up to their standard of good looking will normally be not given a first chance. Think about it ,if a person was good looking but their face was ruined in a car accident ,i bet that person wont be attracted to him or her anymore . One day, if all the good looking people had their face ruined, their boyfriend or girlfriend would break up with them because of the MUCH emphasis on looks ? What a stupid world we live in

[@danxikak2115]

@@fauxpaux5239 exactly.that is on point.

[@Yalonda24]

hes so right!!

[@fraddi]

Most of the women in that audience spent like 3 hours on their face and clothes and yet they say looks dont matter.

[@King123-r1u]

Look matter to women and men who need a ugly partner

[@CuteBrunette1992]

he is so right omg... people are delusional ! its looks first and personality keeps you together

[@nightlight3990]

The guy is right, people get attracted to physical appearance first, then comes after that is the personality

[@sarithajagajith6568]

Yes but that's only attraction. That's not love. Love is when you like the person or soul. Not their looks.

[@currycel470]

@@sarithajagajith6568 living in fantasy? Do you know there is nothing such as soul?

[@Jezabel-in-Hell]

LOL at the women in the audience shaking their heads like, oh...nuh uh....my man doesn't like me for my looks. wtf

[@ZYaKnoe249]

Steve killed that crowded. I knew it was going to one sided as it usually is in all female crowds. The truth hurts, alot of woman just want to hear what they wanna hear and want someone to kiss their ass. People like Steve and Tariq Nasheed tell the truth when it comes to relationships.

[@christianorosales]

the dude is right

[@pokeyourpoke3398]

Every one is sooo politically correct all the time. But the dude is right. All those women trying to be 'better' than 'normal people'.... Please, I hate people that lie to themselves. It's like those questions; would you lie to the police- or give your life for a friend? NO YOU WOULD NOT!!! But everybody all acting high and mighty..... Haha

[@Zakariya03]

victoria Sunshine pretending the perfection

[@callmeb793]

Facts

[@bettymekonnen2231]

he is being honest and it is true

[@kundaimasunda5293]

in a way he is telling the truth. sexual attraction in a relationship is important although personality is more important. But look at it this way in order to have a relationship with someone you have to picture yourself being intimate with them

[@futurehotchickin2009]

I HATE to admit it as a woman, but Steve is right....I mean, look at Nicole...she was married to a comedian, so OF COURSE she would say personality (not like Eddy is bad looking), and Nicole has a beautiful personality & everything, but notice that Eddy & her now fiancé are marrying Nicole, and GORGEOUS ass woman WITH personality, not an ugly woman w/ a personality. All in all, BOTH are right....you need BOTH #JustSayin

[@Signedthesavvyexpat]

Sorry, Steve makes good points. But since he is in a room full of emotional women he comes across as a jerk.

[@sweetheart037]

The dude was right!! He was talking about what INITIALLY attracts a person to someone. If you've never heard that someone speak, then how can you feel their energy or know about their personality? It IS the looks that initially attracts people. If a not so attractive person is starring at you from across the room, most women are like "Ew", but if a nice looking man stares, they most likely smile back.

[@hurlentropy6866]

Correct. I am the ugly male who often gets a grimacing expression in return every time I make eye contact.

[@explosivebest3703]

FYI women, for men, looks are the MOST important attribute that we look for first. Having a great personality can come later, but looks matter.

[@eddiew2325]

WRONG looks are important but so is physical attractiveness

[@VienVie1]

I totally and unashamedly agree, looks are important, not the end all be all but definitely a factor. Some people's personality just isn't enough for them to escape the 'friend zone'. It doesn't mean your superficial or haven't dated someone you deemed 'not good looking', but at least be honest. Attraction is a personal opinion of what characteristics you find appealing.

[@Carissa99Xo]

I think people understand the word "matter" differently. Yes, you do approach people you find physically attracted, but you're not going to get interested in them and keep talking to them if they don't have the personality. A guy with good looks with no personality isn't going to make you stay, but a guy with a good personality and just okay looks is a keeper. So in that sense looks are not the thing that matters, even if they play a part in the beginning of the process of getting to know other people.

[@rgchrono]

Well..technically..to a lot of women "ok" looking may not be enough, to a lot of women just being "cute" is enough. And btw! women tend not to find a lot of guys "cute" enough. On an online dating survey, most women found 85% of men in the site to be unattractive. That is huge! you might say that online surveys do not count? but it is in the online world where both men and women can be honest and answer a survey truthfully. In my experience, being a 6/10 in a woman's eyes is enough for a man to get a date...yet! for a lot of women I came across I wasn't even a 6/10 in their eyes, reason why I was single for a long time. I was nice and a good person to them, but my looks kept me in the "just a friend" zone. In my experience, looks are a major big thing that get woman to notice a man. Character keeps a man inside a woman's personal life, but if the "looks" isn't there then the man is only good enough to keep as a friend, not a "dating option."

[@hurlentropy6866]

You are generally given the benefit of the doubt when physical affinity is strong. It skews the perception of all traits in the positive direction and often negates negative traits. If you reside at the absolute max position on the scale of attraction, negative traits are generally less depreciated relative to someone who resides at the absolute minimum position. The receptivity to personality changes as a function of looks. Therefore, they are NOT mutually exclusive but rather work together to create a positive feedback loop (chemistry).

[@jeanalegado3377]

They’re not even letting him prove his point with them cutting him off

[@lajellybeans]

I dated a guy who I was not physically attracted to at all, but I really liked his personality and at the time I was desperate for love. It wasn’t worth it...I felt that eventually I’d get attracted to him and would enjoy being intimate with him, but I never did. So I broke up with him 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t let anyone guilt trip you into getting in a relationship with someone who you don’t find attractive just because they are nice to you. You NEVER own someone a date. Ever

[@edwin5289]

I always have this argument with my female friends! Because I don't think you look at a person that is unattractive and think "omg he is so ugly!!! But I bet he has a great personality! " that's bullshit!!! If a person is ugly you will judge them by their looks before you judge them by their personality.

[@hurlentropy6866]

Exactly! Tinder is proof of such behavior....They will say "aww, he looks so nice". A week later...."man this guy is an asshole". Clearly, most women are seeking men who yield the most options, which reinforces their behavior..... Personality is an illusion that is distorted by the external expression and ego. Since the gap in attraction is spreading further apart, it will only get worst and more men will be deemed unattractive...

[@kujas]

steve is right on this most of the women on this show are fakers, even the one who is married for 25 years just confirmed it. When I first met my husband he was "gorgeous" thank god he has a personality to go with it. So essentially she just said she was attracted to him by his appearance.

[@rgchrono]

WELCOME! to the world of hypocrisy of women's opinions. I once remember that the first teacher's aid I had my first years of teaching, I am a special education teacher, and we were talking about relationships and the hardships of it. I decided to state something I feel is true about women and how they pick their partners, and my belief is that women pick men based on looks and how attractive a particular man is in their eyes. She then tried to debate me and stated how "looks" didn't mattered and how it was about "Confidence." One day she stated how she was happy that her husband was fit and thin. And how it was a very important expectation of hers, a preference, and very important for her in the past that the men she was selecting be thin and slim. Due to her not finding "fat" attractive at all. Talk about hypocrisy? And yet...she would point out how looks didn't mattered and it was all about "confidence" ??? -_- Fucking confusing there! imagine if a man states a thing like that?? He gets attacked and insulted by women....-_-

[@SirBrucie]

@@rgchrono They will never admit reality until it hits them.

[@hurlentropy6866]

Appreciate the honesty.

[@acaciamagee4866]

I agree a hundred percent with Steve if I'm not attracted to you even a little bit then im not going to walk up to you and try to talk to you on that type of level. Now well looks keep a man no, but they definitely will get one.

[@rjbatz2623]

Acacia Magee respect keeps one, and making a women feel wanted will keep her.

[@highgradechub]

the first thing ppl see male or female is someones looks.....that's simply what the guy is saying ...if someone has a great personality u would not know until u talk to them.

[@tinambok8808]

I'm just going to say when I see someone good looking I'm instantly attracted if I find out they have a crap personality then I move on but what I mean is that I don't date based only on looks buuuttt they are the first impression and kinds matter

[@makeupmina3800]

I agree with the guy. No one is going to be with someone they don't find attractive. Sure they may not be "attractive" to other people, as long as they are attractive to you, with whatever makes them attractive, their personality, smarts, or whatever. You just can't be with someone who you aren't attracted to. Idc.

[@jlprescott7243]

He is absolutely correct. Cheers!

[@caryisme]

I do think that personality is so important and becomes a lot more important down the line but the first time you meet someone, you are more than likely going to approach them because you are physically attracted to them. I've always said that looks is what draws you in but personality is what keeps you. You can meet the hottest guy but then that attractiveness goes way down when he speaks because he is a douche. The opposite can also happen. You may not be physically attracted to someone at first but once you get to know them and find out their personality they can start to be good looking in your eyes. It's happened to me where I began to see someone in a different light after I got to know him and know his personality in both of the situations I just described. It is like someone commented below, in a relationship you need both. You need the physical attractiveness in order to have the physical connection a relationship needs but you also need to be in love with their personality for the emotional connection that a relationship also needs

[@abigailjimenez2148]

Men and women want some one visually attractive stop lying.

[@kimberlytsan3726]

I don't think it's shallow to say that you're attracted to somebody's good looks. That's just human nature and we're always going to be attracted to people whose appearance appeals to us...no need to pretend like good looks don't matter. It's only shallow if you judge somebody and treat them based on how they look with no regards to who they actually are.

[@undertaker11ism]

Kimberly Tsan Everyone judges eachother based on looks so i guess humans are shallow in general

[@sarithajagajith6568]

Yeah but it is only attraction. In love, looks doesn't matter.

[@pRINCESSnARUE]

Here’s the thing with personality approach is that it will work when people are already familiar with each other. It could be a coworker or friend who you see daily. People that have an established platonic relationship in which personality is the driving force of daily interactions. On the other hand, physical attraction plays a key part when someone is cruising around. Your looking for someone to get your attention. Overall, a relationship based on personality or emphasizes on it usually involve people that already get along despite looks. For most, physical attraction occurs when people are looking for their “fish” you have to pick one that stands out to YOU.

[@FloppaTheBased]

if you're rich, she wants your money if you have great personality, she wants to be your friend if you're attractive, she wants you

[@Blodia1990]

One of my best friend is insanely handsome, dresses fantastically well and looks like a movie star. He can't seem to step outside of his house without women, from all kinds, throwing themselves at his awesome personality that they seem to deduced he possesses without speaking a word.

[@hurlentropy6866]

it's insane because women are attractive to very few men (rate most men as unattractive on a relative scale).....Once a male reaches the upper tier, you notice a majority of women acting way outside the ordinary realm of behavior.

[@Sourpatchmel]

Can we just talk about how amazing that dress looks on Bethenny!

[@poohspaws8976]

I mean, seriously!!!! She is owning that dress!

[@IrishHooligan86]

No !

[@HeeAroo]

Looks matter so much, people lie that it doesn't matter to preserve a good image and feel good about themselves.

[@SuelyPio]

Agree with him. Definitely

[@Bgirl291]

A lot of hypocrisy here of course personality and confidence are important under the first initial condition that you are attracted to them first other wise they are in the friend zone asap

[@annreba]

love him - he knows.

[@fightfannerd2078]

for women it's money & personality Looks also help big time it's not the main main thing but yeah good looks help create more healthy kids aka more babies for men it's looks & personality.... mostly looks

[@paulbarnes9490]

Looks will always matter.

[@kevinwilson3337]

Very true , I can’t understand why we’re still debating this in 2020

[@angelainyt]

Looks do matter! Do not choose your true love based only on their good personality. Because, if you do, you will cheat on them with someone who is easy on the eyes! So therefore, looks are just as important as personality! --You will not fully, completely be in love with someone if you chose them solely for their great personality!

[@PrettyInez]

I like a guy that's attractive but looks definitely go because if he don't have a personality then you boring and we really have nothing in common..

[@ncktyu]

Doesn't matter.

[@reenageene30]

nick ty Many teens are that way, but not all, same with adults. Looks are more about taking care of yourself, inside and out. I have met many guys that would not be considered the hottest, but they take care of themselves, inside and out, and that confidence glows and ones feel comfortable around them. My brother is not the hottest, but he does all of the above, and he is always surrounded by gals for his ways are attractive and it is a confident, at ease, natural type of confidence. Real life is not about sex. There are way more important things, and if you focus on the important things, including developing all aspects of yourself and how you treat people, you will attract someone that is real and has depth. How old are you? Are your parents not teaching you to value yourself, and develop your talents and skills and interacting with people on levels that ones are attracted to?

[@ncktyu]

Reena Geene I don't have the time .

[@reenageene30]

From your other comment, about you wanting to exterminate the human race, you better take the time for you have real serious issues of self hate projecting in very illogical, destructive desire that is very high risk. Your ability to choose how you craft your self, is very deviated.

[@archravenineteenseventeen]

^ look around you. You will realize he's right

[@dubrider]

People really think looks don’t matter 😭😭. It’s possible to get the looks and the personality.

[@theultranationalist]

i agree with the guy 100%. how are you gonna walk up to someone without feeling attracted to them? looks always matter.

[@KayNovember26]

I got fat-fished by a guy! Chatted for a couple of weeks, exchanged pictures etc. Then we met up. He was at least 100 pounds heavier than he claimed to be (old pictures) and completely out of breath walking up a flight of stairs to the restaurant. Just could not so it! No physical attraction from my side. I stated clearly that I needed an active and healthy partner as I thrive on outdoor activities. Why do people set themselves up for disaster?

[@Solja88]

I'm a plus size woman and I support the guy %100. A person can have great personality, but I wouldn't know until I speak to them, and i'll only speak to you if I like the way you look. You don't have to be George Clooney, just look like you take care of yourself.

[@Braselton21]

1:28 "He was magnificent when I met him" She just proved his point Lol

[@shreyamalhotra3724]

I honestly have never met someone that looks didn't matter at all. Physical attraction is the first instinct that people pay attention to

[@ahmedismail6916]

Pretty Privilege is real. That is NOT to say that looks are everything or that everything can be discarded for looks, but as a matter of fact, looks *DO* matter...and today in the Instagram era where everybody is trying to look beautiful, looks matter more than any time before. Let's face it, the first thing we see about people is their faces, and it's the easiest thing to evaluate. We treat good-looking people better, and we think they're funnier, smarter, kinder, etc. The prettier you're, the higher your chances of getting hired, promoted, paid higher, etc.

[@wafiqessop4034]

fax Look matter so does personality. They are not mutually exclusive.

[@penlavits3305]

A lot of truth in what this man is saying. Guys see looks first, before they can see your personality vice versa for women.

[@leelar.3010]

I am a woman and the guy is right. If a man approaches you or you find someone attractive before you even speak to them it's because he or you SAW something that was attractive. You cannot know someone's personality off the bat. Ladies; has any man ever walked up to you as a first time seeing you and say " hey baby I like your personality". NO! He refers to something he saw..maybe your eyes as they're usually the safest bet or your overall attractiveness....and let's not get it twisted...women like to be complemented on how they look....double standards....

[@g.l.shamir2629]

Steve as always is Right

[@user-ib5cs7pt1x]

What the guy said was partially true. I mean, what we see first is the physical aspect of a person. You can't see a great personality by sight.

[@michellesantos9144]

These women are only hearing what they want to hear. They are on the defense and not understanding what he is saying. He’s not saying a woman has to be the best looming or a beauty queen, and he is not saying looks are more important than personality. He is saying men approach women they find physically attractive then get to know the personality. If the woman is beautiful on the outside with a bad personality, then her looks don’t matter at that point and he is not interested. I have had men approach me who weren’t all that good looking but their personality made me see them differently and I was attracted to him physically. It is natural to want to be with someone you find physically attracted to. My ex husband chased me for months but I wasn’t physically attracted to him. He wasn’t ugly but his looks didn’t win me over. The more I got to know him the cuter he became. I’ve also met men I’ve been really physically attracted to but their personality made me unnatracted to them.

[@eddiew2325]

im gonna be honest with you Dr Santos. Looks are pretty important but what matters more is physical attractiveness

[@IHateEverythingInIife]

Yup looks matter and personality

[@GGG-hh5jo]

Personality is useless crap Please deleted Personality

[@aalihte3378]

one thing i've figured out now that i'm "middle aged" is..duuuude, women are sooo insecure. So much so that we lie to ourselves and each other. I mean you don't have to be a model..not at all. it IS possible for either gender to EVENTUALLY fall for the personality but..presentation comes 1st. An average (lets say true curvy like 15-30 lbs over an "IDEAL" cameron diaz BMI) woman who dresses stylish (not outlandish or trashy), with self confidence and a kind spirit, a sense of humor and positive outlook...will win the dating game 99.9% of the time. Like any guy she wants type of win. Ladies..there's no need to make everything so difficult. be you. love you. take care of you and don't be so self absorbed and accusatory. ............just my 2 cents.

[@nmazer]

He's honest and they are liars. He's 100 percent right.

[@ItsKryptick]

They just rip into this poor man

[@juanitathompson6752]

I completely agree with him.

[@Hugulubugulu]

This is true for majority of people. Personality isnt physical and tangible, so appearance gets to people first

[@hoop4ah23]

Physical attraction is a make or break for us men.. no questions asked. Women can build an attraction to a man based on his actions/personality/treatment of her.. Steve was basing all interaction between men/women on a bar set-up, but most women have met their husbands through friends, at their job, school, church, etc.. These environments give you time to make up your mind about how they feel about him. Also, I hate how no one ever comes to an agreement on anything on this show! It's like Congress, sheesh lol

[@mysticstrikeforce5957]

Its always looks cause then everyone would be easy to fall in love.

[@trailerkeller6760]

The honest raw hard truth is “Yes looks do matter” I’m sorry people but that’s the way it is. At least for men. I don’t think it goes to much with women as men. But then again I’m a man so I wouldn’t know.

[@mvttx9851]

Valeriy Keller it’s ACTUALLY the complete opposite

[@kevinwilson3337]

MVTT X yep it is. Most guys will settle but women don’t

[@johnterry2929]

The white lady said it herself without even knowing! Looks matter initially

[@kevinwilson3337]

Yep , it’s his looks

[@Jazzmynnnn]

Lmao the fact that their going back and forth with him is ridiculous. Even animals judge appearance 😂

[@michellejolliffe3396]

I think we all want to believe were the personality people but he's right, looks matter :(

[@shaunciequinones5077]

There's a difference between being good looking and being attractive. Looks are nice and all, but that's not what preserves a relationship in the long run

[@hurlentropy6866]

True, but strong physical affinity gives the benefit of the doubt. It tends to lessen with age. Looks and personality are NOT mutually exclusive---meaning they both work together in tandem to create a positive feedback loop (reward system)

[@GSE1480]

Trust me ...looks is first thing to women then the other stuff will be attractive to them after that..Men always have to live in pain that is the reality off this life

[@missmimi6817]

Looks matter 90% personality is 50%

[@stjackso17]

These ladies are full of it. I have heard many and many stories and seen it time and time again when a chic picks a good looking bad ass over a good guy with a great personality. Good energy and personality equals friend zone. These chicks need to stop lying.

[@jaimevama]

Look are VERY important. What is wrong is to assume that everybody has the same ideal of beauty. There is someone out there for everybody. I have a friend who only digs bald women.

[@Dancediva240]

Some bald women are gorgeous.

[@YourName717]

I've gotta say... I'm a 100% with the guy!

[@shot1897]

I agree with the dude as a teenager in high school it definitely matters for BOTH genders. Guys and girls do care about how attractive someone is, its such an important factor it gives you such an advantage, you sre more likely to get a better love life, get a strong circle of friends and to be respected, unfortunately people are not born with attractive amazing genes, life is depressing being an ugly person :(((

[@KayNovember26]

You can still make the most of what you have! Maybe you have nice hair? Or good skin? Just keep clean, keep in shape and the magic will happen! I'm average looking but stay in good physical shape. I can keep a conversation going, have great General knowledge and know how to crack a joke. Never had any issues. Just hang in there!

[@ericrood4100]

The guy is absolutely correct. Everything is connected. And attraction is not a choice.

[@KayNovember26]

Yes, absolutely agreed! There has to be SOMETHING to a person that attracts another. Not everyone is drop dead gorgeous or sizzling hot BUT you can keep in shape, keep clean and work on your personality. If you look good, you feel good! You gotta have some game...

[@NoName-cd3xj]

I have a female friend that is really out of the ordinary.She said to me that all people want the truth until the moment you tell them.

[@KayNovember26]

True.

[@invader_whoa3919]

I think all people are just people, they are not ugly they are pretty, I just feel like they are people, love is not based on looks or how *u* look.

[@veronicachristopher9321]

A man who’s rocking the beautiful chick was initially attracted to her physically. The rest fell into place. The man rocking the average or ugly woman, got her out of friendship & fell for the personality. But he wouldn’t have approached her in a bar. Or....there weren’t many options. Women have more, better options. Also the misconception that us hot women don’t have good personalities or brains is ridiculous. A 10 can have the full package. Let men like what they like. Stop forcing everyone to think you’re hot when you’re not. Don’t redefine what is out of political correctness 😉✌🏼🙌🏼 P.S.- hot women actually are far from insecure. Sick of that excuse. Their lives are funner and they see all the attention. We also understand the shit talk (sluts, “eat a burger”, and so on). Our personalities are bigger hence all the attention we receive. Showing skin is actually confidence. Other women just misinterpret it. It takes balls to show so much. Insecurity hides or is loud- there’s no inbetween. #Facts

[@soapqueen2008]

I will say this looks are important but so is the brains

[@mimicrybypravesh]

Looks are absolutely important (Although there are other factors too). Only the comments in KZbin are honest, Quora sucks.

[@kevinwilson3337]

Agreed

[@lenaw.5227]

I didn't find my ex attractive when we first met. Only after the third time we hung out. It became more after we knew each other better

[@lenaw.5227]

I do think that looks matter though. Just not as much

[@hurlentropy6866]

Attraction is NOT so black and white. A hetero woman would not become infatuated by another feminine looking woman or feminine looking man who displays a manly persona. If a male exhibits sufficient masculine characteristics, then there should be some degree of attraction. It would certainly be greater than the scenario that I outlined. The reward system must be sufficiently receptive, which means a positive feedback loop (interplay between looks AND personality) needs to be intense enough to initiate chemistry. Clearly, you had some attraction but it wasn't on the upper end of your range. Looks and personality are NOT mutually exclusive and should not be treated as separate because they work together to fuel interest... The personality maintains the spark that initially ignited the fire.

[@xox102]

Energy+confidence will get that person attention but the looks will let the others take further actions. Energy +confidence only will get you be in the friend zone. And also looks depend on individual too. You might find that person ugly as **** but other people might be attracted to that "ugliness"

[@tashawilliams8093]

It's okay to be with someone you find attractive but to me it's what's on the inside and in the brain.

[@Lc-gm1og]

Remember we are talking about two different sex here most women are attracted to a man personally, sense of humor and financial status those things attract a woman more than a man looks as a matter of fact most women don't care about looks as long as he has at least one of the qualities mentioned above. For men it's different a woman personally can attract a man as Bethenny said you might in a room a meeting or seminar and a woman display some characteristics that impresses you but as a man the physical has to match our taste.

[@SachinDabral94]

All women knew that he was right but no one accepted it.

[@AlexLoskutov666]

For men, beauty/looks is the most important thing (and that's why the guy says it's the most important thing), men love with their eyes. Women in the video said that personality and confidence is the most important thing, and it is true, because women love with their ears.

[@amasion2882]

Alex Loskutov : Looks matter to women, too. I think the biggest difference is that women are looking for more than looks.

[@kevinwilson3337]

If you don’t pass a woman’s looks threshold it’s over for you .

[@hurlentropy6866]

The perception of confidence is distorted based on the strength of physical affinity. Personality is an illusion....

[@mileovereducation7085]

BEAUTY IS NOT ABOUT LOOKS!!! Honestly however if your immature then problem is with your brain. If your looking for a meaningful relationship then beauty is also a criteria but not the only criteria. Like if I find a boy with good work ethics, good personality, strong morals, spiritual, mature and understanding then I'll groomnap him😅

[@RickyRegal.]

I mean honeslty in my opinion looks do matter why the hell would you date a women/guy who you don't find attractive, you have to date someone that you are actually attracted to.

[@stashar.4535]

I feel like both are important but Personality and the way a person carries themself and treats you is definitely more important. The guy I was seeing when we first meant and I looked at him up close and in person, I didn't "Picture myself making out with him", I couldn't even visualize that Until I fell for his personality and ways first. I think maybe because he (The guy on stage) is a man and by nature, men are more visual than women that's why he has that perspective. But I agree with the woman in the audience, if looks were most important than there would be zero couples that make it to there 30th, 40th, 50th, and beyond anniversary because looks WILL FADE with time, and when they do you must still have something the person that you are with likes. Therefore the perception that looks are most important is incorrect in my opinion.

[@leolee4549]

Totally agree and very objective.We will all grow older and so called "ugly",and if looks really matter so much,does it mean that all marriage would doom sooner or later?I think beauty has so many dimensions,a wise and reasonable person should know how to appreciate different types of beauty(beauty of heart,brain and intelligence and so on), shallow people only see looks,and their marriage is not going to do well because we are all growing old and 'ugly'

[@hurlentropy6866]

Women are far more receptive to facial features such as eyes, smile, and hair. Men are more receptive to body shape. Men often find a large proportion of women attractive whereas women often find very few men physically appealing. I think looks and personality work together in tandem (NOT mutually exclusive) to create a positive feedback loop (AKA chemistry). Most people associate these as separate attributes. Physical affinity is a catalyst that spurs interest or receptivity to all other traits. Hence, why a hetero woman is not receptive to a feminine looking woman who acts masculine. Personality maintains the fire that was initiated by a spark (initial attraction).

[@Mehrunissah93]

The BIG part people miss is the word "love." Looks can get my attention or draw me to someone, but that in no way means I love them. I don't think anyone in his or her right mature mind will say they love a person due to their looks. I may love an ugly or average person because he stayed with me while I was in the hospital or always remembers my birthday. Looks don't mean you care about me.

[@Dancediva240]

I may love an ugly or average person because he stayed with me while I was in the hospital or always remembers my birthday. Is that really love or just gratitude??

[@juliet6630]

why is it okay to say that if you don't have a great personality you're not that attractive, but it's wrong to say that if you're ugly you're not that attractive? you can actually change the way you look by taking care of your body, but what about people who have no confidence, people who suffer from personality disorders, anxiety or depression, why is it okay to say that they are unattractive?

[@leelulove24]

i was attraction to my childs father because his personality and looks arent everything because it doesnt last