Do Narcissists enjoy the pain they cause? - The Narcissistic Smirk

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

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[@meaghanhalkett3495]

I am absolutely convinced they do enjoy the pain they cause. If they didn't then their pupils wouldn't dilate because they are getting a rush of pleasure. An adrenaline rush of pleasure. When I watched the narcissist abuse animals, their pupils would dilate with pleasure, it looked as if they were smiling with their eyes as they smirked. The same way they would dilate with an adrenaline rush of pleasure when they smirked while, during, or after hurting people emotionally, or financially. It's the only time their eyes show any real happiness or emotion. They never really smile with their eyes, if they can ever really show any emotion with their dead eyes at all.

[@peacefulguy4145]

I was only joking sorry

[@therealwewin]

Narcissists laugh at other's pain. Worser is they portray good people. Fooling everyone they can.

[@spiderok8663]

No excuses these people ruin lives and enjoy watching others pain and distress.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I think it's more complex than that personally. I think at times there are elements of that, but I think the majority of the time they are out of control and making decisions out of desperation.

[@gracepowell5868]

I think even when you high light your pain to them they continue or do worse..iv just had that horrible smirk and it makes me feel so sick..I stupidly had a baby with this dude.what a mess

[@MJ-tl6vp]

Seeing someone else feeling bad, sad because of the narcissist doing makes the narc feel powerful and makes the narc feel better about himself that someone feels worse than he does.

[@lidiatavella277]

I’m very aware and familiar with the “smirk”

[@KatesTake]

I'm enjoying your videos and especially how you deliver the message with compassion. I saw the smirk enough times and it is very scary and sadistic.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Thanks Cathy, really appreciate the feedback.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

@Fiona It's quite possible about being wrong regarding shame. My ex was NPD and BPD comorbid, and BPD has a huge underlying element of shame. Sometimes it's hard to know where they crossover.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

@Fiona I've thought about it, but I don't think it's meeting my mother's emotional needs, maybe more guilt/sympathy for seeing my mum struggle as a single mother. My mother is fairly stoic and quite selfless, but I definitely grew up feeling bad about how difficult her life was.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

@Fiona No, of course I don't mind you saying. It's something I've thought about alot, but I just don't find it fits. Of course, it's hard to be impartial on the inside, but I just don't think it was the case. It's something my sister and I have discussed a lot coming out of this, but the reality is, both of my parents were fairly well balanced people, albeit ones who made the wrong choice of partner. Strangely, my sister is far different from me, and 100% not codependent (albeit she has her own issues). There are a lot of other factors I suspect come into play, including growing up poor and feeling 'less than', but I honestly don't think my mother plays a major role.

[@biashacker]

The short answer is yes. It has been my experience that some will even admit they enjoy the pain they cause. The Narcissistic grin has also been referred to as the Alpha Grin.

[@serenityfields7514]

I havent even gotten through your whole video and I all ready like you. Youve got it!!! Ive been studying my abuser on video and I can only gasp at stopping the timer and freeze framing his uncontrolable dupers delight. Most people dont know what this is so they dont know what to look for. Once you see it, you see it. I feel so alone in this because I dont have a lot of people I can share this with. I can only see evil in this, to see someone delight in mis leading people only for their own secret agenda they think no one else can see. We see it and Im going to share this video far and wide in a Narcissistic recovery group. Thank you for your contribution.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Glad you found the video helpful, but sorry you are going through a similar issue. I don't believe it's evil, I still think it's routed in pain and insecurity, but the feeling of being in control feels like success to the person doing it. However, the impact of the behaviour can be highly destructive, and well worth avoiding however you can.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Mine enjoys me suffering

[@jmfs3497]

That is a great analogy. They experience temporary relief while suffering with the dread of being trapped by their addiction. I watched a crack addict interview, and he even says crack doesn't help him, but it always feels like it will him, and then the dread of reality sets in... that he is wasting time and money on something he knows doesn't work.

[@marciahammond9735]

Thank you for that, the hardest thing for me is not interacting with my friend because I can feel his pain and it's too heavy for me and watching him trying to carry it is so painful but rather we don't both drown. I agree the narcissist is not evil but a product of their childhood.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I'm the same. I have to be clinical about who I engage with as I tend to add weight to myself by assuming a feeling for other people's feelings.

[@emmanewton1482]

Just found your channel, you are very insightful and so humble and not a drop of self pity for the abuse youve been through and youve learnt from the experience , thank you for helping others wuth what youve learnt

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Thank you for the kind words, they are really appreciated.

[@melaniemiller7013]

My ex use to shout at me all the time, when I told how he made feel, he smirk at me. He also was saying nasty things to daughter behind my back.

[@jacquessmith9734]

I love the way you reflected on both Narcissist and ,Narcotics. Both take away from and will kill. Beautiful oration. Thanks to you

[@djangoapple8230]

I see it as similar to a person cutting themselves to get a release from painful feelings.

[@cristinoestrada9865]

I believe the answer to this question varies on the Spectrum of NPD I believe I was in a relationship with covert narcissist psychopath and there's no doubt there was pleasure and enjoyment in the punishment and the abuse a demonic spirit

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Agreed. I do believe in their worst behaviour there is satisfaction derived from the control over others, but I don't think it's the primary reason they do it.

[@poocumber7806]

A rumination I still have is one of my ex’s callous laugh when I called her out on deceitful things she did, this does shed some light on it and hopefully my brain won’t be replaying it now, it was one of the most baffling things I’ve ever come across and luckily something I don’t have to hear ever again.

[@lezah0825]

I don't think I have experienced the smirk until the last few weeks of our relationship. That, or I didn't recognize the earlier ones. In our last few weeks, after I had already discovered his affair, not only was the smirk so evident but there were shrugs and scoffs as well. I agree with you, I think this is the best way they know how to cope. My dilemma is, is it really his lack of empathy, or is it just that he has simply fallen out of love and distanced himself emotionally a long time ago. And it is because of that that he feels no remorse and no guilt about what he has done.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

The most difficult thing to understand and accept with a narcissistic partner I think, is that they haven't fallen out of love with u. Rather, they never really loved us in the first place. Not the way normal people love people. It's a one sided thing, where the most important thing is what you provide them.

[@jennihj]

The werid thing is when my ex got arrested he slapped me after I called him a narcissist amoung other things after i snapped and couldn’t hold it in any longer, I called the police and when he came back he said I looked like his mother like I was pleased with my self and smirking, I thought this man is insane !!! No you slapped me I was crying , but this video got me thinking ?? Was this something he was projecting onto me as I honestly think his mother who is dead now was a narcissist!!

[@machstem2536]

I swear to God she did it twice during the discard, I called her out on doing it and she denied it

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Mine does the same

[@emmanewton1482]

You have so much empathy

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Possibly, or a lack of personal boundaries!

[@ebill66]

Hello. This is a helpful video, giving context for survivors of narcissitic abuse. I had a brief (3 month) but intense relationship with a covert narcissist, experiecing all phases of the narcissist relationship cycle a little over a year ago. I'm now at a place where I'd like to feel as nuetral as possible about my narcisstic ex. Some may call this a form of "forgiveness", largely for the peace of mind of abuse survivors. Your analogy of a narcissist's quest for "supply" being akin to herion addiction is insightful, where the addictive behaviori s largely driven by the avoidence of pain (the underlying psychological problems of the narcissist.) I don't forgive the manipulative and cruel behavior of my ex, but at least I can give it some context when thinking of things in this light. Thank you.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Sorry to hear about your experience. Forgiveness is a point that seems to trigger anger in a lot of people, but there are many layers to it. More important than forgiveness I think, is understanding. Once you truly understand where the behaviour comes from, you become free to see it from a different perspective. In a sense, you can 'forgive' the abuser because you understand where it is coming from. Although I don't ever think the behaviour should ever be accepted or excused. I forgive and feel sympathy for the childhood version of my ex that was damaged at an early age, and I hope one day she can find a path back to that person. But until then, she is someone completely different, and can't be trusted. I hope you find peace and contentment.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

I am the Scapegoat child and my brother is the Golden Child. Every Christmas he got what he wanted and I never did. Once the disappointment was apparent in my face, that Grinch like narcissist smirk would appear on my mother’s face. Every single Christmas.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Very sorry to hear you have experienced that from a mother. That must be unbearable.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 Oh that’s nothing. My stories get way worse then that. Like, when my mother harassed me for weeks at 15 yo because she wanted me to get pregnant by her 37 yo married boyfriend because her tubes were tied, mind you I was a virgin. I have a book. But at lease I made it though ( it took forever) and am healing. My mother is actually clueless as to why I don’t deal with her anymore . She really believes she was a great mother.

[@dodibenabba1378]

@@CatEyedGoddess that's appalling, well done for surviving.

[@machstem2536]

Yes I got the narc smirk at discard I almost slapped the face off her

[@nagammahill7886]

I think the smirk is from the power rush they feel. They feel like God and when they crush you they feel an adrenaline high. I think they are addicted to pain and inflicting pain. They feel a euphoric sense of achievement, grandiosity, domination and control. Controlling you to a point of utter submission and pain is like a drug to them. Narcissism and narcotics start with the same letters. The irony is not lost on me. Your pain is what makes them feel alive!

[@DANFLIX98]

Great video!!

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Thanks Danflix!

[@julialights6139]

Their negative way is their choice though isn't it?

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Hi Julia, this video was actually inspired by our last conversation:) Of course, it's a choice they deliberately make. It's learned behaviour. I literally don't think they know how to behave any differently.

[@julialights6139]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 thanks for the video... I guess I'm trying to convince myself that he did this to me on purpose and perhaps that will make it a little easier to forget about him and erase the pain. I'm the kind of person who forgives easily but not if I know that people have made a choice to hurt me... That's why I keep asking I guess whether they were aware of the hurt they cause us and that it was still their choice... Trauma or no trauma.. Coz there are people who have been traumatized too but they are not like these narcs. Thanks again

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Well I think you can console yourself that it was done on purpose. It's definitely a deliberate choice. The key thing is that while they might be aware they hurt us, they are incapable of understanding the hurt they cause because they lack empathy. Think about it this way. When someone with empathy is hurt, they try to resist hurting someone else in return because then know the pain and feel bad about causing that to someone else. But when the narcissist feels hurt, they solve it by passing it on to someone else because they can't care how others feel. That's the nature of abuse.

[@julialights6139]

@@midlifemeltdown9028 so true.. Thank you. It makes more sense to me now. God bless 🤗

[@ditchdogger1]

Midlife Meltdown I can’t agree. They know exactly what they are doing.

[@serenityfields7514]

Thomas Sheridan says its like a feral response.

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

Google 3 words: "Amber Heard Smirk" for all the visual conformation ever needed.....

[@PaperKitty99]

I disagree. They are sadistic. They enjoy the suffering they cause. They r evil. Even if they r doing it to avoid their pain. The definition of evil would apply because they r behaving so immorally at the expense of others suffering.

[@emmanewton1482]

I think it veries depending where on the spectrum the narcissist is and what type of narcissist and also if they are causing pain as a reaction to a narcissistic injury or purely hurting someone purely for sadistic reasons. For example a malignant narcissist who is sadistic and feels you have wronged them in a major way could enjoy hurt you , or sexually sadistic malignant narcississist most definitely hurt you for their pleasure. A large majority are not doing it for pleasure but to get supply like you said.I have experienced both ones who are gemuinely sadistic purely for the enjoyment of it and the otger kind who its not the goal to hurt you but if they do hurt in the process of getting what that want then they dont care about it but its not the goal just a by prodict. This is just what I think, I could be totally wrong about it.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

I agree, and I could also be completely wrong on this subject as well. I 'believe' my ex's underlying desire wasn't to deliberately hurt me. I believe she was just so consumed by her own issues that I was an afterthough. But, during the extraction, there were definitely actions taken that were deliberate that were intended to do harm which I could tell made her feel powerful.