Do women work harder than men?! The Myth of "Women's Work".

[@jenniferdarrell7224]

Thank you. I have been wondering for 24 years why a partner wouldn't care to help with something that bothers someone they love.

[@brittg6148]

I have to say I disagree with the comment about husbands with the yard, the weeds, the repairs like old chipping paint on the mailbox etc. that they are tasks they LOVE to do and that they “have the privilege of doing ONLY the things they love to do”… then saying “how cool it is to do everything he loves to do I’m so happy for him” but being sarcastic as if they do nothing without knowing her or anyone else’s husbands. I’m going to be honest I know it was said to not get man bashy which I appreciate Cas saying but just because this is a cleaning podcast doesn’t mean that it’s the only work that exists. My husband works 12 hour night shifts in a hot warehouse to provide for our family, helps a ton with our baby, our pets, running errands, Drs appts etc and when he’s outside sweating exhausted mowing the lawn in the 100 degree heat advisory with mosquitos biting him on a swollen ankle it isn’t because he loves it. It’s because he loves his family and wants us to have nice things. He also does all of the repairs for example things like last week which required him to spend most of the day going in and out of the attic in said heat, being covered in cobwebs, sweating and researching things to try and fix and update things for us around the house like the air conditioner thermostat so it runs more efficiently and for the baby’s room to stay as cool as we want. So just because it’s what they notice and may take pride in the completed result as we also do… unless they’re just a chronically lazy person the average man has his fair share of things to do too even if a lot of it is seen as outside of the house or goes unnoticed.

[@monicarichardson1712]

Thank you for recognizing his hard work. He must be exhausted.

[@brittg6148]

@@monicarichardson1712and thank you for this comment! 🩷

[@marinriver]

Well said.

[@hillary7010]

Agree!

[@Jennuine_food]

Well said. The idea that all the guys out there mowing the lawn are doing it because they love it is just completely false.

[@bekkil9024]

Loved this interview. It's not about don't acknowleding "mans work" but to look close at "woman's work" and to look how to manage the home together in a way it works for both and to have a happy healthy home that both deserve. ❤ There are so many ways to get to this as there are people out there. So everyone needs to make what works for them. 💚

[@JulieSmith-i5u]

Cass so appreciate your practical ideas and dedication to your audience. I appreciate Dr Regina Lark’s perspective that household tasks should be the concern of the entire family and not just the designated “homemaker”. What is important to one member of the partnership should be of concern to both.

[@hillary7010]

Hey Cass! Loved this episode but wanted to point out one thing. I live in Windsor so very close to you just for reference of how the economy is and what things cost. I'm a stay at home mother of 3, and my husband makes well under 100 grand a year. To say it is a privilege to stay home and not work undermines the sacrifices that I make financially and the work I do to try to buy everything on sale or consignment. I haven't bought make up in 7 years as one example, because it is a way to save money. So yes it is a privilege to be home with my babies but that word really irritates me since it discounts what I do give up financially. I also know this is a choice and I have fully accepted what we give up as a family for the benefits of not having to work alongside being a stay at home mom.

[@milster7]

Cass, I listen to every podcast you put out and I love them! You are so motivating to help me achieve my goals. However, this episode felt off and I couldn't finish it. I felt less motivated and less positive energy. I still think you are "amaze balls" and I look forward to future episodes!

[@melinabarry9527]

Ditto

[@toby-jeanne_almy]

@@milster7 same... so much negativity I had to bail and start a new one while I cleaned!

[@Rapunzel122-s9w]

Agree with you. The negativity this woman sheds is too high for me.

[@cnbdragonflie2259]

Cas I love this podcast. The guest is hitting some great points. My husband didn’t help with much around the house or raising our youngest who is turning 20. Our other kids are grown….Yes I worked full time and drove 40 mins one way to and from work. He works 60 hours a week and had more freedom to leave work. I did the mom things, did all of our daughters activities after work including parent teacher meetings and volunteering, all the cooking, grocery shopping, laundry and it was the happiest day in my life when she learned how to drive!! Thank you!! I just retired!!!

[@jonelledavenport8701]

I'm going to say "nothing at all" regarding this guest. Cass I so appreciate you❤

[@rosiehelminiak2947]

Well, i may get stressed about running my home...but there is no way i would want the pressure on me that my husband has to provide for our family the way he does. We are dairy farmers and that man works sun up til sun down and nothing is perfect in the barn or with the crops just like its not perfect in the house that i take care of. Its about the perception of perfection. Live a life of gratitude imstead.

[@Karen-pe6oc]

Yes!

[@plantyfan]

@rosiehelminiak2947 your message is good (gratitude) but not everyone is in the same position. My husband and I both work outside the home, the same amount of hours, and we both provide for the family. Neither of us can quit to have one person stay home. It's absolutely fair in our situation to have a more equitable* distribution of home labor. The most important message here, in my mind, is that it's OK to evaluate one's own life as an individual and recognize whether this is meaningful for you. *Equitable insofar as no work is for a specific gender. All of the home labor is up for grabs. I mow, he cooks. That kinda thing.

[@Blankenshipable]

No one considers a Biblical perception of husband and wife and even family. I didn’t like the reference that was so descriptive of another amazing and worthy of honor mother and wife on You Tube. I don’t like the criticism of her having multiple. Children, making granola, making cheese, sewing and on and on. She doesn’t suffer from ADHD. She is living her dream. She’s training her children - they already cook and sew and do farm chores. There’s such a wrong perspective that women are complete martyrs. I am a stay at home mom, now a stay at home grandmother. Your family won’t ever feel like the have a mother or grandmother because she is gone all the time. If you’re gay and never have kids, first buy a clue! No wonder Americas kids have no respect for Fathers. I personally hated this episode. I’m sure my comments will not be up long!

[@plantyfan]

@@Blankenshipable are you gay-bashing when it has nothing to do with the video? I feel like I must have misunderstood. Gay people can in fact carry children, and they can be parents.

[@Blankenshipable]

@@plantyfanI just feel like perspectives would be more realistic from women who have children. I can’t say I know Regina - but I get a vibe from her that is against men and the true role of a mother. That’s all.

[@celestialgardens4380]

Doing "outside work" isn't something that happens daily. Yet women are overwhelmingly expected by society to cook and clean daily for others, even when holding down a full time job outside the home, often at the expense of taking care of our own needs. It isn't "toxic" or being a "victim" to expect to be treated with fairness and respect. To think otherwise is toxic.

[@amandaheselmeyer9968]

Outside work happens everyday at my house. Between the yard, garden, cars, and kids outside toys my husband is always working on something outside

[@smeag9280]

When I first heard the concept of “tomorrow me” on your channel, that really resonated. As someone with extreme anxiety, I use this thought process all day, every day. Now the kitchen is clean everyday. Thank you, Cass!!

[@seriouslysighs]

I appreciated the conversation. When I was younger, I thought I had to do all the things. I changed my perspective and my expectations that the entire household can help manage the household tasks. It’s doesn’t have to be my burden alone.

[@plantyfan]

32:40 ok I'm gonna push back here. I do have executive function challenges but I don't have trouble PLANNING anything. I have trouble EXECUTING it because literally everything is important and I'm bad at knowing how long tasks take. Executive dysfunction takes on a lot of different shapes and sometimes, the thing that's real hard is motivation.

[@MimiJ-f4n]

Something that has really worked for me is to run the house like it's a business in that I do a workflow study and write down all the individual steps involved in, say, cooking a dinner. It helps other people know how much I do. I have a workflow for grocery shopping and saving receipts - in other words EVERYTHING connected with the shopping task. I'm 80 and often sick or not feeling up to par, so having a workflow is helpful to anyone who helps me. Wonderful video - thank you for this.

[@heathermoreland6015]

Cass loved this interview, women’s invisible and visible work is hard with ADHD. I understand why that is in a different way now. I love the historical and analytical way this conversations tone took and really appreciated how we as women are groomed to accept and base our value on this work that isn’t paid. 😊

[@beverlyness7954]

Cas you're one of the most amazing strategists on how to make things work no matter what the roadblock. You're all about overcoming 'whatever' and making it work. Your internal conversation tells you otherwise, and I'm sad for you that you have to deal with that, but truly you do great work for yourself and all of us. Regina was able to pull some good things out of you and even turn the mirror around so you could see your own good qualities. Great podcast.

[@ashleyoconnell6886]

Cass it meant so much to me to hear you talk about the stress of being a SAHM. I’ve never heard anyone with a platform say how I was feeling before and I was sitting here crying because it was just amazing to hear someone say how I feel. I appreciate you so much.

[@KADONAOrganization]

Yes, nobody talks about the mechanics behind the “beauty” of a simple life. You’re so right. Social media doesn’t portray it all. Thanks for this perspective! 😊 I agree on changing the verbiage. Household management is definitely full time for every SAHM I know and for working women as well unless they have help. Communication is key for figuring out role division. It’s great to keep your partner’s preferences in mind. It’s not male bashing Cas. Encourage them to step up. This was such a lovely conversation! Thank you both!

[@robyngarrett6477]

When we blame someone else, we give them all our power. I’m a much happier person when I take responsibility for everything in my life. Cass, love your work and attitude!

[@Zoe-wl3uw]

Thank you Cas! This is a perspective that is never discussed or shown in decluttering or house cleaning videos but is important for everyone to understand. I hope you and others do more of this. Thank you!

[@maryanncerato-dominick]

My response to the person who claims incompetence is “well I’m happy to give you the practice to become competent”.

[@tainoaquarian]

EXACTLY! I don’t want to (unconsciously) enable learned helplessness/ handicapping, for a fulfilling adult life ahead 💛

[@tainoaquarian]

I LOVE the “…my best friend…” thought!!

[@julianabradfordmusic]

I could see and feel the frustration, girl. I love the way you handled this! I don’t think I could’ve handled this guests attitude 🥲 I didn’t feel any validation or her wanting to understand your perspective at all. I couldn’t finish this episode 😅

[@robinartemis8695]

This is topic that had to be dealt with in the 80’s, 90’s and beyond.

[@plantyfan]

28:07 Cas -- yes, you are correct that women do tend to put more pressure on themselves; but I think that's still a systemic issue and we can't correct it if we don't recognize it. She's right, and also you're right too.

[@melinabarry9527]

Cas is right. The "lady" is wrong.

[@plantyfan]

@@melinabarry9527 it's not a binary, and no one has to pick sides. Remember that the reason it's important to have tough discussions is to help people discover what they think, and choosing a side shuts down the conversation. By doing so, you may condemn a lot of women to feeling unnecessary shame that keeps them in a bad mental headspace. Remove your ego and embrace that you really only get to control yourself and your beliefs. By coming here to tell me that the guest was wrong, you are invalidating me and trying to shut me down and feel shame, regardless of whether that was your intent.

[@micheledaly3351]

Cas, every time I hit a wall, you introduce me to someone who offers a ladder. You are a true blessing❤Many Thanks🎉🎉🎉

[@pennyobernyer7914]

Oh my gosh, all the thoughts in your brain this morning, is just like my brain most of the time, while my husband plays games on his phone while eating his breakfast !!!! It's just not fair !!!!

[@marinriver]

I'm happy that you halted the man bashing...my husband is a super hard worker in and outside of our home. The kind of work he does I would never want to do. He's such a blessing to our family. Still appreciated the discussion. We stress ourselves too much with insignificant things.

[@GreyeyedBeauty]

Dear Cas, thanks so much for this deep and thought provoking chat! What a guest! And what a talented interviewer you are! I'm working on a PhD in women's history too😊, concentrating on the role of unmarried women in the 19th century society and education, so this chat was one more piece of inspiration for me. You're the best! ❤❤❤

[@geobus3307]

Thank you for guarding against man bashing. I was feeling like I needed to stand up for Joe! Let me just add here, Yay Joe! Joe is awesome!!! ❤❤

[@mackenzier23]

This is a topic I have thought about a lot and so Im glad I got to listen to this this morning! While I dont agree with some that was said, it was still super interesting to hear. I think we do need to normalize that while a woman may do a lot for the family and the house because its her desire to. The man should also have that desire to, and it should be a team dynamic, even if they take on entirely different tasks/roles.

[@aoreliasamantha5339]

Thx Cas ❤ What you said in the end is mindblowing. To think of your future self as a seperate entity and best friend. It activates the heart and I suddenly feel love. And as Byron Katie says "Love is the Power" - "Love moves".

[@isabellaross1472]

I agree with Cass from a previous podcast. My husband has clutter blindness. I care about the state of our home wayyy more than my husband and because of that I naturally take on most of the cleaning in our home and I have used the idea that I deserve to have a clean space, regardless of my husbands input and I can’t wait for him to magically start caring as much as I do. With that said we both have full time jobs outside the home and 3 kids, but when we are both home he naturally takes on other jobs (we live on a farm) that I physically can’t handle or just don’t want to handle and his list is just as much as mine but filled with different tasks. Marriage is not about being equal/ fair, or keeping score all the time, as long as I don’t feel taken advantage of by my effort then we are doing ok.

[@Alaska2024-AS]

Did you jump into my brain?? haha . This is so good. I was a sociology major and am so interested in this topic. Thank you for diving in :)

[@clairehartley860]

I did find myself getting a little irritated at the beginning of this podcast because the guest did not want to acknowledge that there a tasks that the partner did that add to the family functioning well. However, when she was talking about making a list of all the things that are needed and then dividing them up it made more sense and it should include things that the man does to make the house work. Sometimes the having to ask, or remember to ask, for something to be done just adds to the mental load. If it is on the list, it can be allocated beforehand. Maybe they just hadn’t thought that particular thing is part of running the household. I think the guest was trying to say that, in a true partnership, we all end up doing jobs that would not be our choice but we do it for the good of the partnership. If something is making life harder for your partner, do what you can to help them out and if you are finding something is too much, ask them to take it on.

[@terrinoggle3893]

Every family/couple is different. Polarity thoeries have shown me that differences can be balanced differently...i appreciate the guest's point of view. I'm reminded that we all are uniquely wired. I actually enjoy the "traditional" duties. I learned to ask for help when needed.

[@ritaalbrecht6422]

I love your podcasts and your guests. I have them playing while I'm working around the house, cooking, baking, or when I need a positive message. Thanks!

[@sigridflora]

Cas, I'm laughing so hard not to cry, this is how I start my day, all those thoughts!!! My God!

[@lisajoy9588]

I think we as women actually SEE what needs to be done more so than men and kids do. It’s not necessarily that they don’t want to help, they just don’t see it. Also we like things done OUR way and tend to have a hard time delegating things because we don’t like the way they do it. We have to make ourselves be okay with Good Enough!

[@lousiekhan]

This guest was all over the place! I wouldn’t want her to coach me in anything. I ❤️ Cas. I check to see if there’s anything new everyday, if not I watch something old again 😆

[@xtina1610]

Thanks for publishing this cast, Cas. I appreciate the guest shining light on the idea that we as women put way way too much pressure on ourselves to be "perfect," 24/7. And to a degree, men have less stress. Not because they don't work hard or don't have their own struggles. BUT because they don't spend all day beating theirsselves up internally like we do. I also agree with her saying "why can't he see how important a clean house is to you and help you." I agree. Being married is being on a team. When one of us wins, we both win. Yes, he should be stepping up and wanting to help if he cares for you. BUT. The same is true for us. What's frustrating him that you could help out with? Maybe he needs a night in with no kids so he can spackle that corner or set up those shelves.

[@brooke_22328]

Cas, you have such great ideas and are so inspiring. What I was missing with this interview is the we're in it together attitude. I'm not really the enemy that Regina thinks I am.

[@dianamcmahon51510]

Perhaps the first episode that I find myself not wanting to finish watching. "I dont blame women for anything." Really? Women are totally blameless just because we're women? Barely halfway thru, and I'm done with this episode.

[@lowcarbsocial1248]

Cas..you are so freaking awesome. That being said, this video just didn’t motivate me but made me feel women are oppressed. And in my opinion, that is entirely not true (at least not in Western Society). It’s not just women who feel different pressures of life. Men do too 💗 not a favorite video but will always LOVE your channels.

[@luciaramirez7402]

This woman is a genius and gets it. That is my issue in my home. No one cares about the state of the house or if it matters to me. I can delegate all I want but I’m tired of asking, reminding etc.

[@melinabarry9527]

She actually tried to deny that it was DNA that makes women want to be nurturing. What???

[@HistorianMom]

Some men are naturally more nurturing than some women.

[@fredas-t4890]

Byw, Cass - THANK YOU! LOVED this guest! Challenges my old thought patterns! Which IIIII think is a Good thing! Bc i have Always been one who wants a Partner in my life, not the all-wise one, not another In Control of MY life. We r a Team, NOT a boss and servant.

[@susanguppy2231]

What is happening?! Cas's husband is partnering! He works, and manages everything yard and outdoors. Men and women operate differently. This lady has a lot to offer about executive functioning but she's dysfunctional in the relational/marital advice arena. If we focus on fairness we will always feel like victims. Victim mentality is toxic.

[@celestialgardens4380]

Sorry to disagree. Doing "outside work" isn't something that happens daily. Yet women are overwhelmingly expected by society to cook and clean daily for others, often at the expense of taking care of our own needs. It isn't "toxic" or being a "victim" to expect to be treated with fairness and respect. To think otherwise is toxic.

[@universaltruth2025]

Actually - my father and my husband both were/are the ones that did the yard work. Mowing lawns, trimming hedges etc. The fact is I know they LOVE this work. This is not a chore in their eyes. They see it as a chance to get outside in the fresh air, and get some exercise in at the same time. They likely felt much better doing physical work in the fresh air than say doing a sink full of dishes, cleaning toilets, or folding laundry and making beds.

[@natsmipla]

The patriarchy is toxic. Weaponized incompetence is toxic. Men have benefitted from women's unpaid labor for centuries. They run countries, companies, the world, etc., but you're telling me that they can't clean a bathroom or cook a meal to help the woman they supposedly love? Let's stop enabling men and realize that they know exactly what they're doing.

[@torial2249]

My husband doesn't love cutting grass any more than I love cleaning a shower but we both love the result, and that is why we do it. Neither one of us get to just do what we love to do. If a woman wants to listen to pressure to be perfect, it is up to her. She is an adult and can make her own choice, not a child who points at a man and says, "it's your fault". Come on, grow up. I love your podcasts because they encourage me to be a better me. This one doesn't. I couldn't make it through the whole thing.

[@florenhart]

Thank you Cas.. I love listening to you and great guest!! Thanks guys, Amazing info. Any advice on decluttering, organizing and cleaning while taking care of a newborn and a 4 year old?😅 I’d love a video on that! Kisses from Argentina

[@marisolboone5404]

That is how my son and I do it we share the chores I tell him we live this life together so we should share the daily tasks and since is is a kid I tell him if you don’t want to take the trash that’s fine but I need to fold laundry we can switch tasks and I do this because it doesn’t matter who does it but it just needs to be done

[@tbryan5437]

We frequently do the Bob Newhart "stop it" comment, lol.

[@cheryltaylor1104]

The reference to that video made me ridiculously happy! lol!

[@lifesabundantjourney]

Omg i need to see her react to watching it! One of my favorites

[@intherockies]

As a single woman after 26 yrs of marriage, there's always a lot of stuff for both spouses to do. More women work outside the home then ever before so the work from inside and outside the home needs to be shared. Mowing the grass and fixing broken items and keeping up maintenance on the house is not as much in comparison to the daily dishes, fixing meals, doing clothes, cleaning etc. (unless you have a farm/ranch). Men need to help inside the home. Women need to let men help and not fuss about how things are done but instead be very kind and show them how you would like it. Always thank them because you know how good that feels and would probably like to be thanked too. Taking care of children also needs to be a joint endeavor. I think as women we think our homes are a reflection of us as a mom and wife, but, the truth is, we as women do this to ourselves and also to other women. If anyone has seen the comedian that talks about how women's brains are connected to everything and men have seperate boxes? Well, that comedian stated it perfectly. Cass, you mentioning your thoughts from this morning, that is what the majority of us women think about, all the stuff we need to do and men are only thinking about that one thing they are doing in that moment in their little one box 😂. Men and women are different but we are both capable of learning and working together. It shouldn't be a woman against a man or vise-versa, but instead it should be a man and a woman together against the world.

[@monicarichardson1712]

My husband doesn't get to do the things he loves hardly ever. He loves me, sex and video games, but he puts so much pressure on himself to excel at work. That man works full time and comes home and studies so he can sharpen his skills. He still does laundry and dishes, vacuums the house and mows the lawn, he doesn't enjoy any of that or working. I work full time and I cut myself probably to much slack. My house is messy, but I am on my feet all day at work so when I get home I just want to sit down.

[@melinabarry9527]

This is the result of the women's liberation movement of the 1970's. Women like this guest thought she should speak for everyone based on her dreams and made life horrific for the future of families. That movement was a mess!

[@CatherineCarlson-dw2qs]

One of the things I had to do, at 64 years old, how much time do I want to give household chores. I started with my priorities. I rather spend time with my family than be cleaning for them. What is important gets lost in the maintenance of things.

[@bonnied.3051]

I agree with Regina that we need to change the language! This is not man-bashing, but the patriarchy does need to crumble! All humans would benefit!

[@pat56458]

I'm crying through this so far. Looking forward to a resolution...

[@lyndacatch4554]

I needed to hear about 80yr old me, I’ve decided to start exercising to help me in the future 😊 thank you 💜💞

[@Rootude]

It is not inherently demeaning to be a traditional wife nor is it inherently liberating to be free from “women’s work”. Your identity and value as a human being should not come from the money that you make, the prestige that you gain, or the role you take on at home whether you are male or female. My husband and I are equal in value and choose to take on more traditional roles because that is what works best for our family in this season. In other seasons of life it may look different. Aspiring to be a traditional wife & mother is a good desire. It isn’t the only path one can take in life but it should be valued and women shouldn’t be sold the lie that true fulfillment is personal fulfillment. True love is sacrificial and the value of “women’s work” is incalculable.

[@towritemichelle210]

Loved this so much!!

[@YogaTipswithStephanie]

This is terrific, thank you!

[@ElizabethChronis]

I really wish that she’d said more about How to change our language around “women’s work” instead of just complaining about it. What’s a better way of saying “I’m a stay at home mom” or “I’m returning to the workforce” … I’m all for changing the language, but everything I’ve heard that feels more accurate is also awkward and long.

[@torial2249]

There is no better way of saying it. We don't need to change the words, we need to change the attitudes of WOMEN who think that those words are demeaning. It is not demeaning to take care of a home, a husband and/or children. It is the backbone of a well functioning society and something women should feel proud of that we excel in.

[@MamaTracyAnn]

Her hubby prob doesn't "love" painting the chipping mailbox, and doing yardwork but probably loves to keep the property maintained in a beautiful way. Much like some of us wonen love having a beautifully organized and tidy home...do we always "love" what it takes to maintain that. I don't... but i do it.

[@olderendirt]

I've had to force myself to finish some other podcasts or regular videos because they didn't sit well with me, but I would because sometimes I learn even from those I disagree with. This one was really foul and did not speak for any man or woman that I know. Tasks aren't done based on gender, but on need of a task to be done. In other cultures whoever was the hunter/gatherer didn't do the domestic jobs. It equalled out unless there were extenuating circumstances. My biggest dream when I was young was to be a traditional homemaker and especially a mom, and I was blessed by God to be able to do that for many years. It's the most important job I could have ever had being responsible for someone else's growth to adulthood. Yes, there are some things my husband doesn't like doing, but he does them anyway and I'm the same. This was a very difficult interview for me to listen to because it seemed to push a divisive agenda.

[@Elizabeth-490]

Interesting conversation.

[@deannaholm3799]

LOVE the Obliger analogy SO MUCH!!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@karenrich9092]

It's not his work or her work. It's the people who live in the house work.

[@peggylamoureux]

Cass I understand the frustration. I hear it in your voice. Shift it- I try and learn a thing or two from men Ie: husband, brothers, nephews, uncles, friends. Yes, they seem to have this thing of dare I say , nonchalance. Aaaah… the art of nonchalance. Feet up- cup of coffee…. Classic scenario! Sounds like a title for a book! the Art of Nonchalance by Cass Ummmmm… how does the man’s nonchalance translate into the woman’s ways? Kind of like finding a synonym for a word. Same idea but different. You’re smart Cass. Smart people get frustrated rather easily. Be kind, be gentle be resilient. ❤

[@fredas-t4890]

Interesting that so many saw this as ‘negative’. I think it is more a matter of living MYSELF enough to be able to work ToGether to get OUR home in order/ functional. 20 years ago i would Not have been able to Share the house-care load. Society says it MINE. But i believe that goes along with men in smoking jackets and their brandy’s while the women are doing dishes, caring for the kids etc etc. Many societies even today feel that man Owns his wife, that he is responsible for Nothing inside the home. The challenge with this podcast is seeing that we Can change this image - and in all honesty we SHUD change this image!!!!

[@Maryam-111]

Men and women are inherently different, each with unique needs and strengths. When they come together, they complement each other spiritually, showcasing the beauty of their differences. While some may argue for equality between the sexes, I believe that our distinct qualities are what make us complete as individuals. God created us this way for a reason, and it is through our differences that we can unite as one. Men provide emotional, physical, mental, and financial support, while women give life, love, and create a welcoming home environment. By playing their natural roles and supporting each other, a sense of balance is achieved within the family. Blessings love and peace to all beautiful loving souls 💜☮️🪬

[@Mary23_A]

Perhaps it is only when you live without a husband do you realize what a husband does. It is not correct to just measure "minutes spent" without recognizing the difference in the work. Work outside means mowing the lawn when it is very hot out, shoveling the snow when it is very cold. This does not equate to the number of times unloading a dishwasher in an air-conditioned house. It is important that the outside of your house looked good (and in the lazy gardening video, it looks great!). There is also other time you have mentioned like him being a hockey coach that enhances the reputation of your family in the community as that can benefit 20 kids, not just yours. It is hard to work and raise a family at the same time. You bought a house with a lot of space and 6 bathrooms, so that is a lot to do in addition to running a business and raising 3 kids. Maybe the kids are getting older and can take on more. There's a ton of super videos out there like Melissa Maker's Clean my Space that teenagers could be referred to if they don't know how to clean a bathroom :-). And sometimes the only way kids learn is to let them make their own mistakes; let them pack their own clothes, have them make a list of what they are to bring, and teach them to add to the list if there was something they wanted that they didn't have. If they go often, they could have a set of clothes (with a bathing suit!) all packed in a backpack, to just repack when they get home rather than unpack. This was a thought-provoking piece, but just blaming the husband or the kids is not the answer; it may be being realistic about what you can do and prioritize what really needs to be done. Maybe just close off the top floor of the house, and 2 of the 6 baths, so you can have a slightly smaller house within a house would work. It's nice that your husband thinks about mailboxes looking great- maybe I'll buy a new mailbox this weekend as mine's looking a little tired, now that I think about it. Take care and all the best!

[@EastCoasterinthePNW]

I’m at 29minutes in and loving this! So Thought provoking!!! Love that you both could push back with respect and also have Aha moments with each other. Such great sharing! It’s so important to show how different individuals, looking at the same issues, can notice different things and take away different lessons. Well done!

[@LizIsForreal]

Thank you for posting this, Cas! I would like twice if I could.

[@purple289]

weaponized incompetence - as I was going up I am 57 now. I purposely did a bad job since I didnt want to "do" the chore after I have done so many other chores - today I believe I am an undiagnosed ADHD indivivual this seems like a symptoms of ADHD since we are smart enough to "figure out" how to get around doing the task when we knew "it won't be good enough for the persona asking even if we do it as trained" Nothing would be good enough is what I heard growing up even though I did as instructed. So sort of doing it or weaponized incompetence is totally right.

[@babyalikinz]

Ok i have to agree with the other comments. I turned this off after 19 minutes. I cant listen to any more of this lady spew her hyper feninist men are bad and women are victims of the patriarchy liberal crap. As a christian, i believe God created men and women differently and with different innate roles. Men are (by nature) the providers and protectors while women are more of the nurturers and comforters, etc. I used to dream of working at a big corporate job in the city but as ive grown and matured (im 33) i LONG for nothing more than to be a wife and mother and raise a family at home. This nonsense about house work not "earning a wage"..??? I would rather be flat broke if it meant getting to spend my time raising my children and taking care of the home. And for men? *Most* men are strong HARD WORKING men, providing income for the family so that the mom/wife CAN stay at home. Im so sick of this feminism movement, its pity party victim olympics and the sad thing is, most of them spend their lives ranting and raging about "men are bad" and "F the patriarchy" then they end up old, alone, and miserable. I would prefer to be in a matriage with a Godly man who loves and rwspects me, and in return i will WANT to serve him and our family by taking care of our kids and our home while he is providing the finances for that to be possible

[@melinabarry9527]

Cas actually carried this podcast. She gave more input to the real topic. This "lady" just wanted to rant and whine. What a waste. What negativity.

[@ashleyoconnell6886]

@@melinabarry9527yes I loved Cass’ points but the guest wasn’t my cup of tea either

[@krisvonwifey]

Okay, but also as a Christian, it doesn't help when you have no choice but to both work full time and the housework all still mostly falls on the wife. I don't see her as man bashing. I actually appreciated the alternative perspective of asking him to reframe his level of concern for the chores, out of love and respect for my desires. That to me sounds lot better than screaming "YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH," which helps no one and creates an even bigger divide. This isn't just about feminism, it's about cultivating an environment of mutual respect so that no one gets burned out managing it all.

[@krisvonwifey]

Also, you missed her point about house work not having a wage. She was pointing out how house work is often undervalued because of how it isn't attached to a wage, including by the person completing the housework.

[@KristinaHoneyHavenFarm]

I recently read about weaponized incompetence. My suggestion to try is stand over your daughter (not literally, just leaning against a wall in the doorway, for example) while it is her chore time cleaning the bathroom. My bet is that you would not have to say a single word (don't nag) and that you would only have to do it once for her to suddenly become competent.

[@olderendirt]

Or she'll sit on the floor and not do a thing and it will be a silent battle of who caves first. I doubt it would be her daughter.

[@disasterwaitingtohappen6900]

I read the comments, and I wonder how free american women really are that this even needs to be discussed. I think there is a better life for women in other parts of the world too many expectations on women.

[@honorburza9110]

My partner does the dishes. This helps a lot while I juggle work and children.

[@mommy3950]

I sent my 17 yr old to the grocery store and it was a disaster. He got it all wrong and it was a huge waste of money

[@Ellaodi]

I mean you gotta teach them 😅

[@HistorianMom]

Probably he fell down a lot when he first started walking, too.

[@intherockies]

Most men don't love to mow the lawn. I disagree with this woman.

[@toby-jeanne_almy]

I'll be the dissenting vote. I too, am "well educated" in similar fields- this guest is a flop. If you want to be a more traditional housewife, great!!!!! If you want your husband to focus on bringing in the resources and you support him to do so, while he does his best to help you keep the nest easier to manage, GREAT!!! if you have ADHD like me, you build systems and rules to make the house operate on minimal interaction... it CAN be done, it does take trial and error. Man I just cannot get behind this guest. Big dislike from me, but love and hope that the next guest is a hit.

[@susanguppy2231]

Agree! Well said. Your daughter wanting to be a traditional wife is beautiful. Thank goodness the culture is changing. It's a God given desire!

[@susanguppy2231]

This guest had a good "lane" but when she veered out of it it was rough. Cas handled it so very well. How can you know when your guest is going to leave their lane? You can't know.

[@monicarichardson1712]

I wanted to be the traditional wife and mom. My husband worked his butt off to make it a reality. I also homeschooled my kids. Nothing and I mean nothing is perfect, but my kids are amazing! Our family is pretty tight because of the sacrifices we all made. I have worked but always made time for my kids education. It is about give and take.

[@toby-jeanne_almy]

@@susanguppy2231 typically during the pre interview process, there are guidelines and a plan laid out- i have no idea how Cas runs hers, but that's how we used to run interviews like that at the public radio! Plus..... editing...😬

[@kbearr724]

Completely agree, well said. I also have expertise in this subject matter and this guest did not represent women’s academia well at all, in my opinion. This was the first episode I did not finish.

[@mis7089]

I live this, they all try to help as they want and I am left with everything. It is not a fun life style.

[@plantyfan]

28:35 I started only doing the things I love to do; and my home reflects that ☠️ BUT -- I'm almost mentally ready to drag everyone in the family in this journey with me. I just haven't had the mental capacity to declutter, clean, AND teach/harass my children into doing chores. It takes a lot of work to shift the workload and we've "only" had about 50 years of both parents working. The domestic job simply got piled on top.

[@MrsJax304]

??? What was the book Cas mentioned about tendencies?

[@Karen-pe6oc]

The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

[@MrsJax304]

@@Karen-pe6oc Thank you so much for responding

[@sarahe7379]

I know there’s lots of rabbit holes in conversations, I wish the executive function was elaborated on.

[@peacewG]

There are some people who can occupy traditional roles with grace and ease. Some folks manage common sense issues like rearing children and household responsibilities. Us AdHD folks are just not like that.

[@MimiJ-f4n]

For me, the only reason for cooking from scratch is to eliminate salt and sugar while still being able to enjoy my food and to save money, because I don't have any. I don't take pride in cooking from scratch and would never compete with anyone. I'd rather do art or watch movies. If you can believe this, my first husband divorced me because I did not make the kind of money he wanted for the lifestyle he wanted. True love, huh?

[@rosiehelminiak2947]

Did not care for this womans pov, with all do respect!

[@Blankenshipable]

Right!

[@julianabradfordmusic]

Same

[@julier8564]

Cas, I could see you were struggling with this interview. And I didn't much care for the guest's approach and the way she talked to you. I don't care if she's a PhD or an "expert" by her own definition. She was pretty rude and sarcastic to you. And I think you handled it with class while probably wishing you could make any excuse to end the interview. Some of her ideas about not being able to understand why a partner or person you're living with didn't just automatically care about tasks for the pure fact of instictually understanding how the other person feels was mind-boggling. That's, in my opinion, a major source of problems for people today. When one side cares more about how the towels are folded and the other side wouldn't care if they ever GOT folded, that's a point of friction. (I know, I made this up.) But I kind of felt her arguments were seeing the world and relationships as rosy. It seemed she was actually quite blaming about individuals who suffer from ADHD by her sarcastic comments. I'm sorry you wasted your time on this podcast as well, as I'm sorry I actually wasted my time listening. I think I was hoping it would get better.

[@kbearr724]

Yes thank you for expressing that. I also felt her tone with Cass was rude, sarcastic and holier than thou. Totally turned me off. For all the preaching about women you’d think an “expert” would listen to and validate the experiences and opinions of… another woman! 😂 Just absurd.

[@melinabarry9527]

So sad to see her basically trick Cas by making the podcast about something completely different than what she signed up for. Poor character and Cas handled it so well. I would not have been able to hold my tongue! She was dishonest to come on a podcast to push her negative narrative and falsley cover it up as an organizing discussion. Wow.

[@plantyfan]

29:17 Tip-toeing on man-bashing; i don't feel like that's it. I feel like it's verbalizing what women feel. Man-bashing would be saying that they inherently don't care and refuse to help when i think the real issue is that he doesn't recognize his unasked-for and unrecognized privilege. We're asking women and men to think about whether it's fair and we can have difficult conversations without casting blame or aspersions. I'm not sure how one can be open and honest with oneself without pulling up the "ugly" to examine it. Use I statements; I think, I feel, when this happens I feel...etc This is systemic and a lot of well-meaning individuals fall prey to it because we learn these "roles" and "rules" when we're too young to think about it and later we get told we're man-bashing even when it's an open discussion. 👀

[@WiseWomanLola]

This woman is bitter and has an anti male attitude. There is a way to discuss and divide tasks within a relationship based on your skills. I'm bot good at money, so my husband does it. I just get to spend it. We respect each others abilities. I've been a stay at home mom. My husband works hard and commutes. I don't expect him to do the tasks that are my responsibility. As for your kids, tell them if you don't have time to do it right, you sure don't have time to do it over.

[@Tha_G0at]

I am so much like Cas that I am wondering if I have ADHD and don't know it.........

[@LauraLowder]

A hundred years ago, women had to fight to get an education and be respected for choosing something other than home and family; now women have to fight to be respected for choosing family and home. There's something very wrong with this picture. And a LOT of it isn't "raising." We weren't RAISED to do it all; it's our NATURE to do certain things, and we're being made to do things we're not natured to do.

[@HistorianMom]

Some women are not very nurturing by nature, and some men really are. It’s a spectrum, not a binary.

[@kbearr724]

Oh this guest was NOT it for me AT ALL. I loved and appreciated your push back, Cass. I have a gender degree myself and I am 100% not here for man bashing. Men are amazing! Women are amazing! Our roles can be different and still valuable and equal. Stop feeding the self loathing victimhood mentality, “doctor” nobody, now that’s enough out of you. This nonsense is why people hate “feminism,” and I can fully understand why.

[@julianabradfordmusic]

💯 preach!

[@peggygibson28]

Apparently, I rely on tomorrow me way too much. I either think too much of her or not enough for her. I wish this worked for me. Anyone got a tip?

[@vickysalisbury8214]

Disappointed in this video. I only made it through about 12 minutes. The guest seems to have one particular axe to grind and over simplifies and makes sweeping assumptions.

[@toby-jeanne_almy]

@@vickysalisbury8214 agreed... her degree leans into that perspective, so I guess I'm just surprised she has a platform at all here-

[@melinabarry9527]

I agree. She is the worst! And even when Cas tries to get her off that topic and back on the real topic she keeps trying to sneak it back into the narrative.

[@vickysalisbury8214]

@@melinabarry9527yes, Cass does a valiant job at trying to refocus. Also I just found this video to be a downer.

[@julicarter]

I couldn’t get through this whole podcast. Not a fan of the underlying anger of the guest. The way to change normal isn’t to antagonize. Maybe it got better, but there is enough negativity in the world that I don’t want to listen to someone who seems so angry and resentful.

[@plantyfan]

I'm not sure where you stopped; but I feel like the guest is frustrated and passionate rather than angry. I think it's frustratuon over the pain of which women carry thinking it's normal and ok.

[@plantyfan]

It's also likely that when I listen to the guest, it resonates with me 27:13 especially here; my mental breakdown in 2021 when I stopped doing much of anything home-related had to do with this exact scenario. I felt like because I was the one that cared that it meant I had to do the work. That's on me and I recognize it now. At the time I was full of resentment feeling like I was the "only one" who "ever" did anything. Now we live in a humongous mess and I'm not sure how to fix myself yet to deal with it, so I watch this channel for inspiration.

[@plantyfan]

29:37 Ok so I'm still listening through it; this point is past the first segment of women's issues of invisible labor and gets to decluttering, if you're still interested in the rest of the interview. If you're not, totally ok!!

[@GailNott]

​@@plantyfan I agree that it's more directed toward cultural norms where women are expected to take on all of the emotional labor rather than share it with their spouse. Also, so what if she's angry? Women are allowed to be angry and frustrated when their expected to do all of that work. Attacking her emotions without giving weight tonwhat she's saying is tone policing.

[@plantyfan]

@@GailNott and that's another thing we've learned from society; women aren't "allowed" to be angry. It's alright if folks don't connect with this guest; not everyone is *for* everyone. It's ok to not like this episode and also, it's important to examine why something bothers us to decide if we have trauma or incongruent truths blocking us from growth.

[@lgraps]

Hmm, I hear the terms "work wife" and "work husband" used equally, so I don't agree that there's just a term "office wife" and no "office husband". Maybe I'm hearing it in different contexts than the guest is.

[@MelissaWorkman-r5m]

You're not messing up the yard. He's not cleaning up after you in order to have a nice yard I'm guessing.

[@HistorianMom]

And there’s some of us doing the yard work, too.

[@HotSzejk]

❤

[@MsJujubee3]

Great podcast! I do not understand the one load of laundry a day. 5 people in the household is 5 outfits a day… so are you only washing 10 or so items a day? Socks and underwear don’t take up much room. It seems like such a small load.

[@karinapraxedesbarnett7155]

There are bed sheets, towels and Linens to wash too. The bigger kids move to full size beds and that stuff can’t be done in one day. So there’s that.