Do you have an emotional addiction?

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[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

#selfhealers, I really hope you take the time to listen to this one. It might give you insight into something that I see as an unknown phenomena. Let me know what you think in the comments! Nicole

[@JohnSmith-vy4lh]

We call it making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just chill.

[@allisonsiddonswalker7938]

This is so amazing. Agree this is underrepresented and so fundamental to real change. I'm addicted to shame and it's exhausting. I've made a ton of progress in my life, but it was through trauma therapy - getting in touch with how my body felt as I re-experienced a trauma - that this connection was made for me. Keep talking about it! It's HUGE for finding the tools to make real change. xoxox

[@islagrace9960]

Hey Nicole! Please can you do a video on intrusive thoughts and maybe one on dreams? Thank you for all your help. Isla x

[@ranirathi3379]

Hi Nicole! I've been following you on insta and your posts are so valuable in their relatability and easy to identify with, and your content here builds on that so much more. I LOVE your energy.

[@toughsoftieyogi]

Thank you for leaving this comment on here. I honestly was about to click out of the video a few seconds into it because I didn't want to know what my addiction was and be told to work on it. Self-healing is not an easy task. But, thanks to this comment, I watched the video and learned valuable information from it. Thank you, Nicole!

[@katedoesthings]

I think my "hit" emotion is helplessness - feeling like I can't do anything for myself and have to rely on an outside parental figure to "save" me and take care of me. retreating into this child-like state feels comforting even though in reality it is self-sabotaging.

[@melisaakan846]

❤

[@ellacorrigan7935]

You are not alone - I think lots of people can say the same!

[@tanukisoba5662]

Same same!

[@Svengalish0000]

Kate Johannesen good job on being self aware and good luck on your recovery from learned helplessness

[@saffamaw]

oh my goodness! this is what i go thru and i get so upset with myself. so good to know im no the only one. I need to heal this part of me fast.

[@RemiePascua]

Im addicted to sadness. I listen out for things that people say that can make me feel sad and insecure. They’re all I focus on and I find myself thinking about them even when I’m happy.

[@JazzSongs1234]

I think in the past I got addicted to feeding a self deprecating self talk and self sabotaging behaviour, because I became so attached to the identity of being the one in my family with “low self esteem” and “issues.” It became my whole identity. Now I can catch those thoughts through meditation and going to therapy, and I’m realising I’m so much more than that identity. Thank you Nicole for covering this important topic 🙏🏽

[@TheFearGuy]

It's really cool that you've recognized this pattern and are a #selfhealer - way to go!

[@benjames648]

Yeah, I have the same. My self talk is really nasty to myself and to others.

[@dreakaliarodriguez481]

Wow same here. Work in process

[@krystalsparkles]

I've become aware that I am the creator of the chaos and discord in my own life. It's crazy because I actually have a good life but it's like I can't allow it to be good and peaceful. As you said, it like I need a hit. It's very very evident in my marriage.

[@ciruelaciruelita1379]

I was addicted to sadness and pain. I really want to break these patterns.

[@TheFearGuy]

You can do it! Use her tools and guidance 🙌

[@ciruelaciruelita1379]

Goalink Group 💜

[@Abyrdie10]

I think I’m addicted to fear/panic from childhood trauma but it manifests itself as anger/aggression. Thank you for sharing! A lot to think about. ♥️

[@TheFearGuy]

Love that you're here learning, healing, and growing 🙌

[@Adam326]

I’m like this too. If you feel constantly under threat, anger and aggression can be a sort of defense, reacting to the trauma of past. Hope you find peace

[@annadelledonne9704]

@@Adam326 I experience the same thing. How can I start change though?

[@Adam326]

@@annadelledonne9704 Learn to feel safe in your body. Peter Levine's work on trauma has helped me.

[@mallorysanford6317]

i see this now in all my relationships that i’ve had in my past. i think i am addicted emotionally to feeling misunderstood or unheard. i constantly feel like i’m having to explain myself or when i feel misunderstood or that i’m unheard, i lash out in anger. i’ve done this in every relationship in my life. sometimes this lashing out of anger has caused relationships to end, although in the long run it was probably the best thing for me. i’m struggling with not being so defensive. i guess i have been so unheard and misunderstood all my life that i’m on the defense most of my time. this video helped so much with helping me realize my emotional addiction so now i can consciously work through it everyday. thank you 🙏🏻

[@wyni5614]

Although I am answering 8 months later lol but I literally go through the exact same thing like I had to end a relationship due to me constantly lashing out. It’s so draining yet I still give into it. But I am getting better at not doing it and calming my nerves. I’ve been unseen and unheard as well as misunderstood my entire childhood so yeah

[@mallorysanford6317]

W C i completely understand. it got draining to be myself and to live with myself. i’m getting better too! i’ve really been working on myself in these 8 months so thank you for letting me see how far i’ve come 😊 keep up the good work! sending you love 🤍

[@taylordfghfh]

i feel this way so intensely too it feels like nothing i do or say is never enough for anyone nor does it make sense so it feels completely helpless and i don't bother even talking

[@Hellohannieh]

I think my hit emotion is stress coming from a place of rejection or fear of rejection or vice versa. I’m really struggling with rejection, especially in romantic relationships. Sometimes I want to reject others before they reject me or when I feel they are going to reject me. Rejection is just so hard and I’ve been through it so much. I wonder if it’s because it’s my hit emotion. I’m going through my feelings and observing. Praying that I break this cycle and can accept myself and others. It’s a work...

[@TheFearGuy]

You can do it! the fact you are here watching this video shows a lot. Your comment shows a lot too 🙌

[@Hellohannieh]

Goalink Group thanks for the encouragement❤️

[@allisone5804]

i have heard that the way the world treats us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves

[@TheFearGuy]

@@allisone5804 Yup!

[@TheFearGuy]

@@Hellohannieh most welcome!

[@toughsoftieyogi]

This reminds me of the saying "we live what we learn". We unconsciously run back to or replicate what's familiar because it makes us feel safe. I believe I'm addicted to feeling unworthy or not good enough. I was raised by parents who expected *a lot* from me as a child. I remember delivering a long speech in English (not my first language) in front of adults when I was six. I worked hard on memorizing that speech and managed to impress the audience. But I don't remember receiving any direct compliment from my parents about my speech. It was like I was expected to do well because if I didn't, what were they raising me for? This went on until I graduated from college and got a job. I constantly topped the class and excelled in interviews and examinations but never got any "I'm so proud of you! You did great! You're amazing!" reaction from my parents. They were so indifferent about it. I still notice myself recreating that feeling up to this day. l would not allow myself to accept compliments from my boss or my clients. Even if it's clear that I'm doing a great job at work, I would still tell myself that I did nothing special (therefore not worthy of recognition) and that I was not good enough. I need to break this pattern. I am good enough and I am allowing myself to see and acknowledge that. Thank you, Nicole. This video was very helpful.

[@Snowystardust12]

toughsoftieyogi your sharing is helping me open my eyes to how these patterns play out. Thank you. I never thought I would replay my childhood in adulthood, but alas, it happen without me noticing it. Early years are deeply formative! Congratulations on your self awareness, may you open to the admiration and praise you deserve in life.

[@toughsoftieyogi]

@@Snowystardust12 Thank you! 💗 Good luck on your journey. May we all heal so that we could make this planet a happier place.

[@yinyang75]

I am so proud of you for sharing this!much love friend ❤️

[@toughsoftieyogi]

@@yinyang75 Thank you *SO* much! 🥰❤️ I've healed quite significantly since posting this. Thank you. ❤️ Much love back to you as well. 💖😊

[@yinyang75]

@@toughsoftieyogi aww ,wow god bless yo 😭❤️

[@marym.h2533]

I think i have had amnesic dissociation.. from trauma an out my parents. Lack of support form my mother. And emptiness from not having a father in my life. I would have like d to have someone to have told me 'I am proud of you'. But now I know I can tell myself. I think my mother shamed me and guilted me. But I have to forgive and be responsible for my actual life, which I wish to be the best part. I am 52. Thank you Dr. Nicole for all your work and support. I love your community!! ❤️

[@TheFearGuy]

Mary I'm proud of you for doing the self healing work. You are here learning and engaging. That is something to be proud of!

[@marym.h2533]

@@TheFearGuy thank you!! I am happy to belong to this community!🙏

[@karyn8371]

Wow. This is me. I was just telling my husband that I feel my worst when I'm not stressed. It sounds crazy, but sometimes I'll recall anxious moments, or scenarios that haven't even happened just to feel better. I never connected the dots on this. My mother had cancer since I was 6 and ultimately passed away from it when I was 18, so stress is all I know.

[@h.m.d5264]

This resonates a lot. I am realizing that I do the same. I lived alone for so many years and it got stressful and I forgot to function without stress, worry and fear. I am slowly starting to heal form within. ❤️

[@TheFearGuy]

Love it! Keep healing and growing 🙌

[@josiahr.73]

Thank you so much! I've never thought about an emotional addiction. I grew up in a family constantly being tortured by my father. When he was around I didn't feel safe, never. He didn't beat me but always yelled and was displeased with just my existence. I pretended that I was nothing hoping he wouldn't notice me because it was enough for my knees to start trembling just seeing him frowned. I guess I've got used to that fear and insecurity. Now, these feelings come up in almost every situation i am dealing with but thanks to your explanations I've realized it is not okay. Thank you.

[@yourehereforthatarentyou]

this is how i feel. ive never been able to do anything right for either of my parents, so i end up doing the same thing, trying to keep my head down and keep to myself as much as possible so i dont get yelled at or shamed or whatever. idk you but i hope youre doing alright

[@bindu996]

this makes a lot of sense. Especially if you experience loss or trauma at a young age. It’s like it’s dictated my life and I’m so angry that I’ve allowed it so much control over how I see myself, others, and the impermanence of everything. I’m literally in a constant state of internal stress, even when I’m the outset I appear as perfectly calm

[@pvonich6202]

nimbu so proud of you for naming & recognizing this. huge step in shifting and transforming this. xo

[@TheFearGuy]

It's cool you have recognized it. I hope you can forgive yourself because you're always doing the best that you know how to do at the time ❤❤

[@ebbenielsen7]

It's fascinating to think that emotions are chemistry too. And that we, as with other chemical substances (alcohol, drugs, medicines etc) can of course risk becoming addicted to them. That’s definitely part of the explanation for why we can get incredibly stuck in our old patterns. But it might seem that it is not just real emotions that we can become addicted to. Also something that is not really emotions, but perhaps rather inner states and sensations and associated thoughts and beliefs about it such as helplessness, loneliness, hopelessness m.m.

[@maria.1c1313]

Thank you so much for this, it's so clarifying. I've actually been on an emotional detox for months now, reading through the comments I can recognize a dozen, at least, of emotions I was addicted to. I've been healing a lot, energy work is so helpful along with everything else. I'm grateful to be able to now use my experience to support others. Healing is such an intense, raw and beautiful experience. Its so needed and totally worth it tho. Much love to all 💛🌹

[@Tegann]

How did you begin your emotional detox? I want to do this so badly.

[@aldralee]

This plays into confirmation bias as well, yes? We keep looking for those things that affirm our emotional states or thoughts. I never realized I get an emotional “high” from it was well. Lightbulb! Thank you so much for these videos.

[@arianalynette4502]

ANGER. Whew - I am 4 whole months late but I’m so glad I found you. Thank you so much for this! Very much needed

[@marianapretti2866]

Dr Nicole, I love your videos and I loved this one in particular. Hearing you say that there’s a way out of emotional addiction really motivates me to continue the work that I’ve been doing on myself with the help of an amazing therapist. Just wanted to say THANKS for all the content you share regularly. I’m not sure if you know how much they help. 💜✨

[@sonercetin7568]

wow that is really really one of most original pieces of information that I have come across recently. Thank you.

[@danalouise12]

LOVE. I fall into any relationship- romantic, friendship, professional - due to the other person loving me in one way or another. I ignore what I truly feel - I may not even truly like these people - but since they show me affection I cling to them and even change my behaviour to further suit their needs just to receive their love. Once I fully drain myself from this act, I cut them loose, question my actions and fall into a depression until the pattern repeats. I'm aware of it, I can't seem to break it

[@coxE450]

HELL SAME STORY!!

[@coxE450]

People pleasing

[@coxE450]

You can break it

[@coxE450]

I think im also addicted to feeling loved. The love i used to receive from others!

[@NanaN495]

i watched one of your videos, and now i am n my third. your content is really healing, and your energy and delivery is veru assuring and calming. i am so grateful you decided to publish these on this platform, and i am grateful for all this free self healing guidance from you. i have been healing myself, and recently got a therapist. so much of what you say, and what she say, is exactly what i need to hear, to be affirmed in. it is okay to feel certain emotions, and it is good acknowledge the emotions, and to act upon them, to heal, and eventually let go. thank you for your light, beautiful soul.

[@tiffanymarquez71]

Thank you, Dr. Nicole! I've enjoyed when you've created visuals on this topic and it was so nice to stop and listen to your experience with it and feel the relation to my own. I definitely recognize the stages here when it comes to my anger. I remember years ago, the first time I became conscious of this, my partner was listening to me "vent" about being irritated at a friend with complete patience, and I was floored when I was done, he didn't agree, he simply asked - "Do you always need to be mad at someone?" - He asked it kindly, with true concern, and instead of being offended by the question, as I so often was at that time, I actually heard him. I think this was when I started noticing as you mentioned that I didn't actually need this, but my body was seeking it --- "What can I be frustrated with now?" - This is something I really pay attention to when my irritation level is high~ Am I really irritated or is my mind and body seeking irritation to feed the need...?! Relating this to the process of addiction really helps me understand how it can sweep me back into the waves even when I'm "thinking" I'm doing just fine and do not need to consciously notice my irritants. Viewing this through a lens of addiction, I no longer see myself as having "no willpower" or just being a "shitty person with anger issues" as my mind will throw into the mix, I see these as real emotions that I have gotten used to, that once felt safe, that I once I identified myself with ("I'm a bitch, deal with it." or "I don't like people") and now see instead that they are patterns that I wish to discontinue. And through self healing, I know I can recover from this addiction, It is not "who I am" but simply "how I've coped" --- For that I am ever grateful. Thank you again. You are a Life Changer, Dr. Nicole.

[@TheFearGuy]

Thank you for sharing your self healing process. You're awesome!

[@sarakh9261]

Wow, I relate to this. My mind too is always on the look out for something to be frustrated at. Now that we know our patterns, we can heal ourselves🌺❤️

[@Snowystardust12]

Thank you. Hearing about the various steps of your self awareness has given me helpful insights.

[@karenperez707]

Wow! As I was thinkng of this I got a notification. Perfect timing, it’s no coincidence, thank you for opening our hearts and minds. You truly helped me get through a lot of self destruction moments, your words have impacted tons of ppl please keep changing others lives thank you 😊

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Karen, this means a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time.

[@karenperez707]

The Holistic Psychologist thank you for being who you are

[@TheFearGuy]

Always perfect timing 🙌

[@timdowns8077]

Thank you, awesome i for and beautifully framed. Crazy thing is, I knew this but hearing it today it feels different. I will now start noticing, connection, acceptance, humour and proactively compliment myself for every little victory.

[@yulinsu1969]

I'm addicted to guilt- and what comes with it which is "if I take the blame, all the bad things will go away". When I feel guilty, I feel sadness, and sadness brings emotional breakdowns. I look for things that can possibly be my fault, or if I was triggered, I find myself making everything my fault. Then I apologize to myself and others as a way to break away from the actual situation in its merit. The cycle brings a sense of calmness and feeling of starting anew when nothing gets solved, I'm just rid of my triggers which oftentimes are people close to me or things I deeply care about. I find myself rid of those triggers but all alone.

[@Snowystardust12]

Yulin Su thank you for sharing this. Your awareness is helping me identify similar patterns in myself. Best of luck to you!

[@Fuentes2722]

Meditation helped me to enable better self awareness, and the more I could study myself the easier it was to interrupt these uncomfortable emotions and practice seeking gratitude, joy, and love more than I was used to which I would rather be addicted to❤️thanks for the simplification of this process, very helpful!

[@tamarabucic]

Perfect timing for me, too. I was just thinking that maybe I'm addicted to sadness and drama and that some situations are really not THAT hard! And from that point of view, that what you're talking about really makes sense

[@gturcott1]

What an amazing lady. She seems like she really cares

[@denisecooper2469]

This behest sense to me. I’m addicted to the highs and lows of a toxic relationship. One just ended, not in my control and I am so lost. I’m working on it and am glad I found your channel.

[@blaina]

Nicole, thank you so much for all of your knowledge and wisdom. It has truly helped me identify and work on my own emotional addiction and issues with boundaries. I show my therapist your graphics and they are so useful to better depict what is going on in my mind. I am currently pursuing my Master's in Social Work and (similarily to your previous work) am working as an intern at a substance abuse facility. A lot of what you discuss here not only resonates with me, but also greatly with the clients I work with! Knowing this will help my work with myself and work with them. Thank you again, you are a gift.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Hi Blaina! Thank you so much. You will be a gift to our field.

[@Sweetlilyshow]

This was awesome... abused and stressed out kid here.... this explains a lot not just me my partner too... 30 year combat veteran... now I get why he gets so wound up over nothing... ie who put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way? I’m going to hide all the toilet paper if it doesn’t get done right...... now I know what attracted me to him in the first place and why I never noticed he was so negative many years back when we met. I am healing and growing he doesn’t get it and I am really having trouble getting him anymore. Just watched your video on being misunderstood. The combination of the two of them opened my eyes up. Also short and to the point... I love that about your videos. Sometimes the best teachers are the ones who say less. People on here with the best of intentions however they sometimes over explain.

[@edu.monstrik]

This subject should be teached in high schools on this way. Excellent explanation!

[@joicebernardesjacinto666]

My therapist one day told me , “JOice, I don’t think you really feel bad when you have to apologize to your son, or partner because you became good at this... “ This really made me think .. This video came as a very important complement. So good to know that I have a bit of control of myself And how interesting it has been to look at myself daily, in such small things that actually means so much. I am such an interesting person and I rather pay attention to myself and try to be better to myself than stay wasting my time pointing fingers to the other. That’s so powerful. Thanks for this video.

[@TheFearGuy]

Yes! Ownership is the best. Love your thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

[@jennifernolen8111]

Wow, I needed this. I just experienced the biggest a-ha moment. Thank you so much, what a blessing you are. ❤️

[@calikatsai]

Big epiphany, thank you! I'm addicted to disappointment. Each time I reach for something I want, I look for all of the reasons why it's not going to work out. Funny thing is, more often than not when I reach for something, it DOES work out. So great to be able to recognize that!

[@coxE450]

Woah, i think im addicted to the epiphany feelings. Damn i usually seek the happiness that come after

[@cierrabernae]

my hit emotion is definitely loneliness. i sabotage myself by getting triggered from small instances with people and then defending or comforting myself by isolating or telling myself in my head that no one wants to be around me.

[@blueshoes915]

This made so much sense to me. I get so easily stressed. It’s completely out of proportion for the situation. Small, everyday things make me stressed. Very interesting. I have noticed I have a constant low level anxiety/stress going on. It’s my “normal” state. That has to be wreaking havoc on my system. I can’t seem to figure out how to get rid of it though. Thank you for the video. Simply put but made so much sense to me right away. Good, relatable story. Thank you for sharing. 💕

[@dougarnold7955]

This is a really good way to approach addiction. 🤘 Thanks.

[@dandandydan]

Omg...I’m SOOOO glad that you did this video. I’ve struggled to explain this to people for such a long time. Thank you for breaking it down in a more objective, clear, and succinct manner. You rock. 🤗

[@clairhoman9085]

Spot on! Emotional addiction to Stress! Then add on becoming an ER nurse ... being a nurse in general...stress is "normal"... now your profession validates it too... first step is awareness but it's hard to change.. Thanks for today's message!

[@priancavail6520]

So true doctor and great video! My brain and body (RAS) was emotionally addicted to anxiety and stress. My cortisol levels were impacted, negatively! I also lost “impulse control” in my relationships! I am now on a healing journey, and I have to consciously choose differently, rather than function on auto-pilot. Pretty difficult, but can be done, with practice, patience, learning to breathe correctly and time. I must learn to love myself FIRST before I can love others appropriately♥️🙏🌈

[@s.confidential3993]

This really hits home. At first I was scared to listen to this, so I left the video and came back. I managed to listen, but it did make me cry. I am addicted to sadness and not being good enough. But what I don't get is how to fix it. I will listen a few times and maybe I will understand what to do next. Thank you for all of your videos- they make me face reality.

[@YouAreGettingBetter]

Thank you so much Dr. Nicole! Your videos have become a staple of my mornings. It’s so nice that they are short and to the point. Each day I feel like I’m learning a little bit more and that much closer to becoming a better human. You are truly appreciated and a light in this world! Thank you!

[@YouAreGettingBetter]

Do you ever talk about HSPs? I’m one.

[@kourtneysanders1357]

Thank you for this!!! 20+ years ago, when I was really going through a rough patch with panic disorder, I always said that it was like my body was addicted to having a panic attack. I said this because, I would have an attack because I wasn't having an attack! Crazy how our bodies do these things! Especially when, on the surface, this was such an uncomfortable sensation (panic attack).

[@missfrostproof07]

Wow..

[@mallorysanford6317]

i totally understand this! i was always a nervous kid and growing up in an unstable home made my anxiety take over my life the older i got.

[@Snowystardust12]

Kourtney Sanders I thought i was the only one. When I was overcoming PTSD, noticing the absence of panic in myself would start to trigger an attack. “I’m not in panic, something must be reeeealy wrong.” Now, thank God, I can smile about that transformational past.

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

My coach listen not react not absorb he emphasized to much on dynamics. He realy helped me with this because cause and effect major in my life. I would almost cry when he taught me this emotions are important to manage . Timing and fortitiude is mentioned . Timing is everything . Thanks

[@michele_1_L]

THIS.... I've thought about this for years. Watching your video, hearing "emotional addiction", seeing the steps and knowing it's real is validation for me. It's something I recognized years ago in myself and actively work on. This is so prevalent with so many people I love. How to address this with them is a challenge I'm not sure I'm capable of.

[@noratodorovic1780]

This was very helpful. In my past I had a lot to do with stress because of my mothers illness. I can feel how one small thing can make me feel extremely stressed out and anxious. I can feel how my body is responding and how It's almost feeding itself with any possible stressful situation. Hard working on this one! Also the videos and you mentioning how to tackle the core of the issue gives a lot of insight, thank you!

[@marcizbuff]

For me, I relate to this video with my experience in therapy as well as AA. Thank you for your time and keep up the good work.

[@ketophoria2587]

So good!! Once again so relatable to my experience and learning. It’s so interesting now to me when I observe it in my family. At first I got a lot of push back. Like I’ve changed. More selfish. Not as invested in the family. Distracted. But then as I continued to bring the calm no matter the storm.. everyone else started to calm a bit too. I find that as I’ve learned to use consciousness and choice to identify the HIT and reduce its power to elicit a reactive and disproportionate response, everyone else around me respond in like too. Modeling and leading by example. Where my attention and intention flows, that’s where my energy goes.. and the universe mirrors it back. Thank you for giving me language around my learning. So helpful as always! Thank you! ❤️🙏🏼

[@alexiacorsetti1791]

You're great, you make me relax and accept myself. Your explanations are so clear! I can use your suggestions to feel a little released from my anxiety

[@saracombs2908]

Dude... You are amazing! Thank you SO much for your experience and for putting emotional addiction into perspective for people like me (us). 😊

[@anitawbrown]

I hope we can get free of these altogether! For decades my normal was 'drama' and controlling the conversation with needing attention. Now it is often grief but I see it lessening. And If I focus on joy and laughter, it does manifest

[@TheFearGuy]

It's crazyyyy how it can be there for decades. Happy you are living joyful and full of laughter now!

[@billbirkett7166]

This is a really interesting concept, I think something similar might have been manifesting for myself, as I consider myself an 'HSP' or highly sensitive person. Of course that comes with a lot of other labels from psychologists, such as ADD, emotionally disregulated, and having some form of personality disorder--maybe in my case avoidant personality disorder. I became addicted to seeing myself as 'authentic' and feeling a sort of persecution complex that went along with my nonconformity. I think there were elements of truth to what I realized about myself, namely that I am an open person and I enjoy genuinely connecting with others as they are, and I'm not judgmental. BUT...the way I chose to go about dealing with some of these traits was absolutely crazy, and horribly self-destructive. There arose a dynamic of, "I'm an authentic snowflake, and you are an oppressive, robotic mouth-breather that can't see the beauty in life." Yet for most of my twenties, I really was sucking wind. I didn't advance at all in life, I became a burned out loser in retrospect (I know that's not kind to myself, but I have to be honest). I developed an attitude of contempt for taking care of the basics in life, for pursuing success. I have since then had a 180 in how I approach life; I value success, manage my time well, and have learned to have respect for every one's story. And also I saw that when others were judging me, maybe it might have been unkind of them...but it was an opportunity for me to take a look at what I needed to work on...not for their sake, but for my own.

[@trishwest1809]

Excellent explanation of the 'emotional addiction' cycle and how they transfer to inside the body and give us poor health. Great diagram on the whiteboard. Thank you! 🌞

[@KellyWilsonVO]

Omg. Your story about stress and needing more of it to feel it, hits close to home. Thank you for your content. Saw your stuff through Mel Robbins. So glad to find you.

[@Thefitty]

*I have maladaptive coping mechanisms that is affecting how I feel about myself and how j show up. I'm working on this.*

[@TheFearGuy]

We're all a work in progress, all the time. Love that you're here!

[@Thefitty]

@@TheFearGuy thank you for the encouragement! I feel super cruddy about myself sometimes.

[@TheFearGuy]

@@Thefitty of course! We all do at times, so it's ok. The fact you are here learning to evolve is amazing! Give yourself props for that.

[@Thefitty]

@@TheFearGuy thank you for acknowledging my journey! :-) hope to see you around the common my channel.

[@KMediaTVChannel]

love you so much Nicole

[@eganmay11]

Much gratitude for the amazing knowledge & wisdom (from your own path) you share with us Dr. Nicole!!! I'm aware that I've experienced this. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! ✌❤🌞 ❤❤❤ much love to all the self healers. Keep going, Never give up!

[@TheFearGuy]

Self healers for life!

[@sheenapearlbarandino3776]

This makes good sense. Couldnt point it out before but you opened my eyes so thank you.

[@ThatRedhedd]

I can relate to this, and the first step (consciousness) is a piece of cake. My hit emotion is sadness/hurt related to a sense of unimportance/irrelevance. When you mention step 2 (body regulatory tools), I'm not sure what some of those might be.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Hey Janelle, this is the video I'm referring to: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mKTMlJdreLmUntE

[@PinkFish404]

I have the same emotional addiction too. I've really found refusing to feed it by being in bed too long / eating heavy foods & going out in nature / exercising. Also weirdly doing gratitude meditations too. So like cutting down the emotion so it doesnt take over the day, and then as it gets shorter and shorter, learning to recognize when I'm about to spiral and then going outside/those techniques BEFORE it happens. So that way I am essentially going through the withdrawals of not getting that hit and so when sufficient distance has passed, it now feels more weird to me to be sad/hurt and I can snap out of it without getting pulled in with my body also. Hopefully that made any sense 😂💁‍♀️

[@TheFearGuy]

@@PinkFish404 That's cool! Thanks for sharing.

[@ThatRedhedd]

@@TheHolisticPsychologist You're awesome, thank you! 😃 By chance would you have an opinion on trying to help a loved one shift their mindset/spot and stop their ego or take responsibility for their circumstances - specifically when the person can't see their own issue or recognize room for growth?

[@kim03berly]

@@PinkFish404 Practicing this same method myself. I feel this my learning from my previous and first heartbreak. Thanks for sharing. I connected well.

[@coachsangeeta]

Whatever you experienced, I also realized this the same way.. I was addicted to certain feelings and emotions...alongwith working on mindset we need to heal emotional wounds..

[@judichristopher4604]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... You are an Angel

[@majidiqbal8947]

yes consciousness and observing emotions are key

[@ryanzink3238]

Hello. I just had an awareness of my addiction to Pain, emotional pain. I feel having this awareness to this will help me shift this energetically.

[@MijoShrek]

Ooh my gawed.. madam you played the entire behaviors and the throwing a fit at little things and wondered why looking back but not stress over bigger things. Why seemingly conjuring up drama in my head of life happening when it's actually not that bad and push myself to an edge with actions..and then addictions to numb and masks the pains and consequences you end up with,and plays on this loop..I got more work to do..alright going to healing inner child video

[@Snowystardust12]

Mijo_ Shrek great observation about overreacting to small incidents, while not stressing over the big things. I do something like this with rejection. I get really hurt over insignificant rejections. But when big, unjust rejection comes, i outwardly get cool, calm, and collected. But now I’m thinking that outward cool is maybe my nervous system going into a numb, “freeze” mode.

[@MrsF37]

🙏🏻 thank you Nicole - this really made sense to me and has massively helped

[@AT-ct4yi]

This really hits home for me. As I go through my healing journey, I find that I go through internal battles when things that in the past would have triggered the "hit" emotion no longer do, my ego jumps in to say "hey isn't this going to frazzle you?" I then have to find that conscious space to say "No, I don't need to have that reaction to protect myself/my loved ones."

[@nikim8287]

You are such a gift! Fantastic explanation as always. 💖

[@TheFearGuy]

Agreed 🙌

[@DoesItReallyMatter25]

Wow! I’m going to have to write you privately about what this video just did for me. Thank you SO much!

[@jamiejam93]

Just got a flashback of having emotional/mental breakdowns when i lost something and feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest 😂 thanks, Nicole! Youre the best 💚

[@sabbatical8]

I just realized what my main challenge is.. Thank you so much 💞

[@Bubble__Bri]

Thank you so much. It all makes so much sense now.

[@TheFearGuy]

🙌

[@masterblaster345]

Wow! This totally resonates and explains so much!! Thank you!!

[@Michael-fn2fu]

I can see it in myself, others, family and even my 12 year old son 😢

[@eskay1107]

This resonates so much with me. It was a real 'Ah Ha' moment. I was at boarding school from the age of 5 and it was chaotic and scary and hugely emotional to be away from my parents for months on end. I'm slowly beginning to see patterns that formed in me during these younger years and are only emerging now. Thank you for all your help.

[@TheFearGuy]

Interesting. Thanks for sharing this ❤

[@SearchingForTimothy]

Can the “hit emotion” be something positive? I think “validation” (i.e., I “feel” validated.) is my hit emotion. Every time I do something as simple as “cook a meal” I rush to text my mother in the hopes she will say something positive about it.

[@Svengalish0000]

I wouldn’t classify validation seeking as “positive”, what would be the net good in that if you do that on a consistent basis?

[@kevinzhang4598]

It is good that you are aware of this validation seeking pattern. Now that your aware your able to consciously interject when you notice this pattern again. Next time you catch yourself doing something and in need of validation ie “finish a workout” and wanting to text a friend, stop and instead give yourself that validation that you need. Tell yourself “good job!” Or reward yourself. Do this enough and you’ll begin to develop a new pattern and would need the validation of others less and less. Change comes from within. Good luck.

[@hollifugate9710]

I blame facebook for this one.

[@katedoesthings]

i have this too. i think it comes from the fear of not having anything to show for myself...the fear of having no value if i don't produce something that others could approve of or praise. and that comes from being a non-conformist with a parent who really wanted their kids to be a certain way, that i never was going to be. i used to not communicate with my parents except when I had something to report that they would praise or approve of, because I believed they would disapprove of my overall lifestyle, habits, relationships, etc. (and I wasn't even doing anything severe or harmful!) thankfully now my relationship with my parents is getting better and i am learning not to need or seek validation from them or other people anymore. it's a long process though! i wish you the best of luck

[@maxmedia4661]

Thank you for this. For as long as i can remember I've tried to escape this reality. I can't remember what started this feeling of isolation but i would hide in my "safe zones". As a kid it was my room,then in my teens it was video games, then gambling and even now im realizing im "addicted" to waking up. My own current situation is keeping me stuck in this loop. I'm trying so desperately to break free. I'm paying for the sins of my ego... I lost the rights to some of my children for reasons i can't quite understand yet cause i know in this reality i didn't deserve this so it must be for a reason. I was meant to experience this suffering for a reason. The universe had enough of my families beliefs and poor programming.

[@Kgknipp]

You rock Doc. Keep up the great work.

[@TheFearGuy]

🙌

[@andreaescobarlogreira222]

Happy I was able to relisten to this today!

[@misotaro777]

Dr Nicole. I love you and all that you do. That's all x

[@Morale_Booster]

Wow, this was really helpful! I also had become used to feeling stressed and only now am I actively working on feeling good and letting stress go. I also love your hair!

[@Zach-vf4ly]

Thank you Nicole, all of your videos are so insightful and have helped me so much!

[@luizwehr5769]

Thank you. I saw myself in the.constant stress experience.

[@rnkarkera]

Makes it so easy to understand what Im going through! Thankyou so much!!

[@lindsayvelarde]

Your videos and Instagram posts have been helping me so much! Thank you!

[@rayel4366]

Very interesting. I can observe myself having a emotional addiction.. we small things like misplacing keys... give myself a real telling off etc.

[@crisrucker850]

Brilliant, brilliant, and brilliant! Thanks so much!🦸‍♀️👏🏿

[@Maria-fm2cg]

This really resonates. Thank you for sharing your experiences with it. 🙏🏼💚

[@Becky-ol4tm]

Wow! Thank you! I looked for this subject matter because I felt my patterns had more to do with my hormones or chemicals than my behaviours. Those are secondary.

[@aliciagiannetti8305]

Wow. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. This was SO helpful.

[@alfredochiari656]

Great video! It really resonates with the power of observing our every emotion on a daily and the impact this has over us. I would really love it if you'd address one like this over sadness in particular. I tend to identify a lot with delusion. Thanks again!

[@TheFearGuy]

She's always on point!

[@missfrostproof07]

as always this is helpful. I recognize this from my 20s, this was my every day life and super extreme. But to this day it's here and I hope I can work on it.

[@haniel_0652]

Thank you! I finally understood why I felt apathy for about 4 or 5 hours without excitement. Anyway I don't think I should change myself cuz I think (at least I hope) everyone feel excitement every single day, which means, me, spending one day without this emotion won't be a problem so I just need to not care about it I guess. Maybe I got the whole idea wrong, but somehow I got this feeling from writing this comment so thanks anyway

[@mmbsosoe]

I feel I might be addicted to all three that you mentioned.

[@adilahaz]

Thank you very much for this. My hit emotion is fear so I would be stressed and started having inflammation and severe back ache and acne. I need to be mindful to reduce my anxiety

[@CT-od5dl]

This is spot on!!!

[@grayrockaroundtheclock9937]

I'm at the first step of being conscious of it. The body regulatory tools are a work in progress.

[@KitoKamiliMusic]

Yes, but not for long! Thanks for this❤