How to "firewall" the narcissist

[@DavidDrummondTX]

Dr. Ramani is like the Windows paper clip toon that used to pop up. "I see you're dealing with a narcissist. Do you need help with that?"

[@nahmastay7497]

I love the visual of this concept!

[@gettingbett]

The difference: Dr. Ramani is actually useful.

[@C.Church]

Lmao. That made me lol for real. :)

[@gailcapshaw397]

@@nahmastay7497 Awesome visual! My pop up is Dr Ramani’s face while she whispers these words: “Slowly, slowly, slowly” like the Reverend Mother in The Sound of Music when her Sisters are rushing to the front gates to approach the military narcissists outside. :)

[@dawnrobbins5877]

Ha! Perfect analogy!

[@alwayson6516]

I learned to not share with my narcissistic abusers anything in my life that was meaningful to me.

[@davidhinkson8856]

I agree because they always find a way to denigrate it.

[@joseenoel8093]

Don't worry, theyre too self engaged to notice! Hhhmmm, I'll bet they're the best whoooers and hhhaaaers around when they're not liking what they hear!

[@suzannesmith5339]

Everything I shared, asking that my conversations be between us, got repeated within a day or so to other family. I didn’t even have anything exciting to repeat!

[@solidstate9451]

I'm working on my second degree and nobody of them knows...

[@josephinebrevig8748]

Wise

[@Whatsinaname_]

The D.E.E.P. technique don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, don't personalize

[@nilgiridreaming]

Excellent technique i agree

[@RodneyKimbangu]

Oh boy, they hate that... But it works like magic.

[@deborahbrown2799]

Brillant

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

I ❤️❤️❤️ That Technique !!

[@maevey3]

@@zoundstreetop Sorry to hear it. That must be very draining.

[@jarocats]

"Psychologically hacked" = perfect phrase.

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Reddit and Reddit-KZbinr may also very well help you with all this. No kidding.

[@jessicapeebles]

Everyone needs to know about narcissistic abuse! It could literally change the world. It has helped me with my career as well. Thank you for everything!

[@predley]

Agreed. NPD needs to be more prevalent for sure.

[@xHaniffax]

@@predley you mean "knowledge of..." right? NPD is already prevalent enough!

[@LyndieLouWho]

💯🎯👍

[@predley]

@@xHaniffax yes…knowledge of…agreed NPD is very prevalent, however feel it’s important to be more mainstream.

[@C.Church]

Ah yes. It would have to be done in a sane way though. Extreme people (enablers vs crusaders) tarnish most issues for those who don't understand, creating reactionary factions. And real people stay harmed as the racists, sexists, phobes, and now narcissists get to paint themselves the "real" victims to those who are "trying to see this from both sides and both sides are abusive it seems." And the bad people laugh "That's a WIN enough for me!" Enablers vs Crusaders wreck a lot of progress. I'm just just so weary at this phenomenon.

[@wolfgangk1]

I've been accused of being "too reserved" or "private' because I don't indiscreetly share my life stories TO THEM for data

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

You win. I wasn't so smart.

[@DrMoorehen]

Very wise

[@herertolearn3418]

Exactly. I find people that use what you say against you not creative at all..it’s so obvious 🤯…

[@TheMuslimThriver]

Omg so true!

[@cherylsibson2529]

Good for you.

[@goldilocks3593]

My safe word is “STAY THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME!!!” 🤣

[@KEESWAY]

🤣🤣

[@LoweringMyProfile]

🤣🤣😂😂😂😂 I’m dead.

[@bluedaisy4828]

😀😀😀

[@rowdog9994]

But why though

[@joseenoel8093]

@@rowdog9994 possibly because it's the only way they will!

[@glorrioussgg8412]

ALWAYS view the NARC as a computer!!! Non emotional

[@gailcapshaw397]

Great concepts to describe narcs, especially it helps to view them as a non-emotional computer.

[@solidstate9451]

I see them more like savage dogs...

[@srubabotimukherjeemusic]

The best comment ❤️❤️❤️

[@mammabear4334]

Yeah, The Terminator 🤦

[@MrNikhilgherwar]

Haha computer

[@yaffaNC-17]

Gray rock is extremely painful to be. You do it long enough and you start disappearing all together. Firewall is a better concept as I’ve been visualizing a shield of light around me every time I’m around certain people.

[@javiervidal366]

Yeah, Grey Rock only works if you really, truly don't care. More often, we do care and when we go Grey Rock, our inner self begins to disappear. Because we're not being true to ourselves and we're lying that it doesn't matter when it does.

[@missie.ann.317]

Well articulated! That's exactly the experience.

[@dpistoltube]

I agree... firewall is very do-able for me.

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Friendly Reminder: Evolution does Exist. And the Earth is not Flat. Fun-Fact though: Its possible and currently a Debate if maybe the Universe is actually Flat. What an Irony, considering Flat-Earthers... if you know what i mean...

[@eloisem3214]

"A shield of light". I love that. Thank you!

[@glorrioussgg8412]

“Healthy state of mind earns trust over time”

[@john7148]

Nice...I need to remember it.

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Friendly Reminder: Evolution does Exist. And the Earth is not Flat. Fun-Fact though: Its possible and currently a Debate if maybe the Universe is actually Flat. What an Irony, considering Flat-Earthers... if you know what i mean...

[@joywebster2678]

Today is day one of freedom. Moved yesterday. Now a new journey begins and its daunting, and holds potential. Thanks Dr Ramani and support in this community for the last couple of years while I planned.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Take care! Good luck!

[@tennysoneffie6943]

I wish you many years of happiness.

[@dorotheemackenbach4808]

Congratulations, well done! Wish you a very good life!

[@susanbaumann2199]

Good luck to you!

[@angieshelley4901]

Awesome good luck to u.🌹

[@misguidedpearls7456]

No benefit of the doubt I'm careful w new people Its not a fairytale world Just like little red ridinghood Wolves r real Gotta be intentional

[@herertolearn3418]

And remember work on Yourself. It’s not easy admitting your own faults. I’m finding this process difficult especially since I have bi-polar . Everyday is like groundhogs day. I wake up happy, he does something that gives me some optimism & then when things go South I have a major mood swing. Therefore I lose my temper and look and act like a jerk.

[@anitagill8455]

I agree, all it takes is that one bad experience and it changes you.

[@wildeasage]

@@herertolearn3418 I know that pattern. The only way I was really able to make great progress through it was with a counselor; specifically spending lots of time working on that particular issue, developing my own skills for regulation, learning to see the flags, and then LOTS of practice on handling it a little better each time. Every little success is exciting and keeps you moving forward.

[@joseenoel8093]

Talk about being able to let your guard down with amimals and not people, weirdness thing!

[@maribelsantana157]

So sad, but so true.

[@anitagill8455]

As someone who is in a close relationship with a narcissist I find it all too easy to overshare with others because at that point I'm just craving the need to be heard. Sadly I often regret it after the fact. I am grateful for this video because it reminds me of the need to be cautious and be more selective when choosing confidants.

[@carlamurrell2647]

I am there with you on that. I am like a plant so desperate for water! The narcissist comes with that pitcher of water because they see that I am so thirsty! However it’s piss the in the pitcher. They take so much glee in destruction.

[@Picca65]

I hear you. Some friends do understand and just let me talk🤭

[@empress_highpriestess3307]

Realize you are heard here- or anytime you journal with yourself.. you ARE craving to be heard .. by those who can benefit by your experience.. as I explained. The need to not be invisible may also be present- good news there too!!! Millions of people are literally seeking this same thing- exchange pleasantries on the street, get to know, without your ‘ drama narrative ‘ your neighbors, lonely people are everywhere- and offer validation without any price or pain

[@pisces_chick2511]

Facts! I understand where you're coming from 100%. I have felt invisible for years. I have craved the connection with other normal human beings but it seems I keep finding manipulators, fakers, disordered, dysfunctional men that just want to get in your pants. They come off in the beginning that you might have found someone that wants what you want, someone to spend the rest of your life with, a partner, a best friend. I have a huge wall of protection in place and it's not hard at all to see thru them at a certain point. I've learned you cannot give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. Not in today's world. There are too many conmen & conwomen out there. It's sickening. Feels like no one is normal or real anymore.

[@MrNikhilgherwar]

I test before sharing! Trust but verify

[@LyndieLouWho]

I wish I had learned yeeeeears earlier to stop denying what was happening right in front of me. Now, at the very first sign of toxicity, I'm outta there.

[@design401]

Me too.... if you hang around that stuff it really affects your mental health.

[@angelaspeer6386]

It's the only way

[@DeletusTheClown]

YES, THIS.

[@Battledrone]

I do this too, but I always see red flags. I can't distinguish between narcs and other people anymore.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

My god yes!

[@RodneyKimbangu]

Disengage to stop giving them an emotional docking, and their ship won't attach to your station anymore. They hate it.

[@cairosilver2932]

No dock for eso there. But Rodney: yeah, I've thought in terms of airlocks on space ships, it's funny and affirming to see the same analogy. For myself I feel kind of that they don't attach - that you open up and all your air and heat flows out - I might be thinking more of neglectful narcissists though. Same analogy, but different bad outcomes.

[@RodneyKimbangu]

@@cairosilver2932 I can see that, and I agree with you on it.

[@RodneyKimbangu]

@Esoterique I don't know what you are attempting to accomplish here. A narc never comes to you with a doctor's paperwork and says they are narc... Did you see yourself in my comment??

[@MaineEmOcean]

No diagnosis needed, toxic a Is toxic! Great analogy. "I am not a dock x100" 😂

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Reddit and Reddit-KZbinr may also very well help you with all this. No kidding.

[@80islandia]

I love the firewall concept because it reminds us there are things we can do to be proactive once we understand these personality patterns. Thanks Dr. Ramani!

[@sheilapearson5508]

I damn near have no one left in my life lol but true I’ve identified these people and didn’t even know they were narcissistic. I refuse to deal with family members neighbors and ex friends and they are stunned. I’m getting older and unfortunately sicker and can’t afford the nonsense. Thank you Dr Ramani

[@taralilarose1]

I hear you Sheila.

[@jdmarr2259]

Freedom & Peace.

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Reddit and Reddit-KZbinr may also very well help you with all this. No kidding.

[@Seamonkies321]

After firewalling always remember these two things. Back away and stay away. Never become part of their narcissistic supply again. It's liberating.

[@PrettyLittleLiar4]

Perfect timing. Don’t know what would I do without your videos, seriously.

[@MrNikhilgherwar]

Oh man... Still recovering

[@AFRICANfindComedy]

“Firewall” great development idea for the channel. Keep it up Dr Ramani. You’re beautiful!

[@sofiacardiente7078]

I’ve been watching Dr. Ramani since Dec. 2019 and she has helped me A LOT. THANK YOU, DOC!

[@predley]

Ditto Sofia. Being awake to the destructive manipulation of Narc's is a game changer.

[@suzyhomeacre]

Agree! My therapist now watches her too. Dr. Ramani so awesome!! What a protective, informative, & giving human! 🥰

[@recolopa5972]

Heard her this year (2021) in the midst of discarding phase. I regrouped quicker and 6 months later i feel more alive than ever before with my narc co-parent.

[@Mohamed-ui8yz]

Sooooo true for me as well

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

Lifesaver!

[@suzannesmith5339]

I think it’s important to not talk about our children. Mine are young adults now, and I think it betrays them to talk about their lives to extended family. They are old enough to do their own talking. My children are appreciative that I don’t see them as extensions of me.

[@gooch2353]

This should extend to any person who isn't in the room and deserves the benefit of the doubt.

[@gayanngodfrey2824]

Facts

[@jim5461]

Love the analogy about explaining your humanity to malware, and asking it to stop being malware. Narcissists don't speak empathy. No reason to open up and get vulnerable.

[@gayanngodfrey2824]

Facts

[@naveedrehman2987]

It’s much more difficult to cut the narcissist off if you are still in a “relationship” with them or have children with them but otherwise GO NO CONTACT....FOREVER.

[@joniangelsrreal6262]

There was never a relationship it was all fake wrap your head around this monster… it happens to the best of us

[@joywebster2678]

That's why I prefer grey rocking so you can function when you must, but you keep your interactions cool, polite, dull.

[@EbonySeraphim]

Agree with both. There was never a positive relationship with the narcissist

[@Ireneseesthru28]

I agree in a perfect world we can. Bit there are situations where unfortunately we can't go grey Rock forever

[@anaphylaxis2548]

Permanent no contact with my toxic sister. She has brought only stress, sadness, and abuse to my life. Bye!

[@chilubachukwuba5810]

Nice to be here. If you're seeing this may you never encounter a narcissist.

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

I agree it works, but I'm not so sure.we can avoid all of them, there are lots

[@simonecrevecoeur7737]

Thanks, but too late, far too late...

[@genevalawrence801]

Narcissism is common enough that avoiding those with this personality style is impossible. The key is understanding what it is you're seeing and being able to protect yourself.

[@Lola-mt1ne]

In the culture we live in, it is impossible to never have been exposed to a narcissist.

[@javiervidal366]

@@Lola-mt1ne agree 💯. I believe there is a culture of narcissism, that is creating more and more narcissists. You can't avoid them, but you can find ways so that don't trap you into their manipulative, toxic world. Not easy.

[@allisonmarch3783]

This is 100% what I have done. I cut my sister out about 5 years ago... but at family gatherings I am totally cordial and have service-level conversations with her, BUT that is it! I do not call her to wish her happy birthday, I do not set up a one-on-one lunch with her or anything else. This way, I do not experience the emotional abuse and fighting, yet their is no drama either. She reached out for the first year or two trying to get me back in her life, but that was a no-go for me. My boundary with her is only spending time with her in social settings where other family is present. #firewalling!!!

[@shoshanas5251]

Thank you for giving me an idea. I will deal with my narc-sis the same way.

[@allisonmarch3783]

@@shoshanas5251 it is encouraging to hear this resonated with you. You are strong and stay that way ;) Enablers in my family always come to me asking that I make up with my sister.... but they have been blinded and I do not waver in the reality I experience. Sending love

[@pujina3196]

Just done that last Sunday...after years og greyrock and all, she keeps intimidating to cross my boundaries...so I have to cut her loose....but, I'm grieving now, my other siblings turned into flying monkeys...and I'm so sad....hopefully, I will recover soon

[@halensunday2016]

I'm a psych nurse of 16 years and until recently I had been redeployed into frontline covid testing nose and throat swabbing in a drive through test centre. We tested clients in their cars. It was busy so we had a security firm to direct the traffic. There was this one security guard who had done an online course in psychotherapy and he was appalled that I as a psych nurse was there swabbing. He refused to communicate with me on important matters would not look me in the eye would speak to everyone else accept me and was juts filled with rage and snap on a professional instruction I would give. He was sabotaging my work. Turns out he had applied for the role but he did not have any medical background so when I came in he directed his anger towards me. It was uncomfortabe but thanks to Dr Ramini I kept a grey rock in my scrubs and didnt engage. It was a horrid experience but you helped me so much. Thank you. Sorry for essay.

[@keariewashburn4680]

I'm nurse too, and its really nerve wracking in the workplace.

[@halensunday2016]

@@keariewashburn4680 huge power struggles and covid had intensified it. Hope all has been okay for you. Frontline solidarity x

[@2blackcatz426]

What a horrific experience when you are out there giving yourself like that. You did well. Once I won a management job which I thought was my dream job but it became a nightmare because of a person the same as your sabateor. Hope you have had some repreive

[@halensunday2016]

@@2blackcatz426 thank you. No fortunately enough I spotted his toxicity off the bat and never engaged and remained courteous and focused on the service I was providing. Life will teach him his lesson in due course x

[@CarolXiong]

He's jealous and couldn't face his jealousy so instead projected his sense of shame onto you. Don't let him get to you. You did well!

[@fiona1723]

Dr Ramani, I've downloaded you as my virus protection. Each video you put out is a little software update each day.

[@p.w.352]

@"Don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, and don't personalize." I've been doing the first three all of my life with my narcicisstic sibling. I need to work on 'don't personalize. That part is hard when someone has a whole lifetime of personal information to use against you.

[@bokkunaa]

I hear u the sibling narc is a lifelong struggle to deal with. My brother is 27 years old and has never worked a day in his life. Always home 24/7 obsessed with me.

[@carriesteward4987]

My mother is a narcissist, it’s so hard to not personalize things she says.

[@starrycrown]

Very true… and society (outside people) think you’re somehow weird or wrong or pathetic if you go NC. I stopped telling people I have a sister to avoid this. No judgment then.

[@keltirowell]

I wouldnt even consider defending myself to anyone.What a waste of time. I just dont give a damn what others think about me in any circumstance, ever.

[@bluntdkripy7372]

@@carriesteward4987 same

[@dhanyaslifeventure]

After we know it's the narc we are dealing with,we have to be mentally strong to heal ourselves from the damage.I know its difficult, yet with this kinda education we are moving on,although it may not be understood to others,we know how far we have come. Thanks Dr.Ramani

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

YEs !!

[@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918]

Word !!!! This is real life !!!!

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Reddit and Reddit-KZbinr may also very well help you with all this. No kidding.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Yes agree ❤

[@loturzelrestaurant]

@@keariewashburn4680 Can i ask you something? Have you ever thought about using the reportsystem 'actively' to destroy some Spam-Bots or p0rn-Spam-bots (the cousin of the spam-bots)? ?

[@justanothermaid]

Have to admit that the firewall technique feels intuitive and easier to readily conceptualize. Thank you for your videos and information.

[@rachelrmcbryan525]

Toxic people disappear in the presence of boundaries... I really like this direction you are taking this channel. We can't just hide from difficult people. With this skill we can navigate the world despite their presence and not change who we are (which is what grey rock forces us to do.) It is much more healthy to be authentic.

[@CanadianBear47]

i hear u so hard its insane. lols i am currently using more bounderies and man is it effective.

[@lttlod1]

Forget Macafee!!! I've got Dr. Ramani!!!

[@sheilapasquini6232]

The best advice for anyone involved with a narcissist is GET OUT...if you can. Nothing good comes from that kind or relationship.

[@noirmaste7767]

This makes a lot of sense. I have a hard time not spilling my guts out when I'm hurt or angry because it usually feels so much better to get it out, but I have realized that it is actually just giving him more material to contort and try to use against me.

[@LeilaJane]

I'd say polite and cheerful firmness. Smile and wave. Know that you don't need anything that doesn't enhance your already great life. You don't need to let people that could be toxic into your personal space. Radical recognition of your higher priorities. I always say, take what works and leave the rest. Sometimes when narcissists detect your boundaries they actually do nice stuff for you because that's the only thing left that makes you notice them. So I just take it and smile and be on my way and then I can feel grateful that I have something good and can read the situation well enough to know exactly where I stand 😅😊

[@jessitabonita]

Good reminder! After noticing all the manipulation, I’ve become overwhelmed and anxious of just not knowing what to say anymore so I pull back and become avoidant, and it’s difficult for me to fake a positive mood- so now it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have to say anything and the narc ends up bringing up past conversations where Ive shared too much, and guilts me with his toxic positivity. So polite and cheerful firmness. No matter how much I feel the opposite and want to run away from him and hide. Noted!

[@katye02]

The firewall and VPN compairison is juicy, you are on another level 🐱🐾

[@alinaigrad]

I have dated three years ago a narcissist. It ended a few months after because I recognised that he was not good for me. To the day he keeps sending me emails or messages. I have blocked him countless times and yet, he still makes new other accounts. I won't cave in, but it's annoying.

[@xlovex4740]

They can’t accept the fact that you’ve moved on and are better off without them. I can definitely relate to those irritating fake accounts and numbers. Regardless stay strong 💪🏽 it’s so much better on this side anyway

[@DrMoorehen]

Stick to your guns! Avoid!

[@jordanbrown6253]

I've experienced this email abuse as well, it is very annoying. It's also predictable that it will keep happening. I find it a reminder that I made the right choice to distance myself.

[@lisarodriguez6966]

You're strong and admirable!

[@vanessajones8774]

Don’t reply but save them!!! You may need it for proof later for a restraining order. I hope it doesn’t go that far. Stay strong and it’s better on the other side.

[@SSJ0016]

As a tech nerd, I love this!

[@raquelpamanes3868]

Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain and don’t personalize

[@genevalawrence801]

The firewall analogy works really well as a map for how to deal with narcissists. We can't avoid them, so knowing how to make our way through the world safely while surrounded by them is key. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, and thanks to those in this community whose idea this is. I appreciate y'all!

[@collinr811]

Dr Ramni has gone through it and came out on top. The narcissist really has no chance against knowledge.

[@jodyayers4592]

You can almost lose yourself trying to grey rock until you get out of a situation. The firewall is active, the grey rock is passive?

[@cardinalflower6959]

Remember how, in the movie Jerry McGuire, the Renee Zellweger character shut the Tom Cruise character down with a simple, "Let's not tell each other our sad stories" on their first date? I have used that line more than once!

[@lynn2551]

I've been firewalling narc people for years. It can be tricky at times, but worth it.

[@dragon2195]

Just knowing that the person is mentally ill and can't come out of their behavior is enough for anyone to want to firewall a person with N.P.D if you're a normal person and know you deserve better.

[@dawnrobbins5877]

I like this concept a lot. It drives home the point that monitoring your psychological health is a 24/7 endeavor. It should become a way of life until it becomes habit.

[@PenninkJacob]

Can we make a "narc free" and protected living community I want to live there...

[@sunshinelove8488]

Omg! Me to 😊

[@gailcapshaw397]

I’d like to wish for a Senior “narc free” community, but I have serious concerns that there would be enough residents to qualify. Lol

[@_helmi]

Create your own VPN!

[@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918]

Or just send all the narcs to a concentration camp . I think so !!!!

[@tariqahmed7244]

Simple make an underground prison lock Narcissist of each family down there . Just ask family members of there doings and these ones to reflect here after . Till death . Bury them once gone . Atleast rest of family and society will be at peace . No escape at all These are orycopaths basically . Keep them there . 👍🤔😂😂yr say

[@mindright9771]

This has to be one of your best videos yet. I am a computer systems analyst and what you said perfectly describes what a firewall is and how it works. My daughter has benefited tremendously in dealing with her narcissistic husband through advise from your videos. You have opened her eyes to the years of abusive, lying, gas-lighting and deception that was taking place in her life thus she has now taken the proper steps, after 4 1/2 years of torture to remove herself from this toxic and destructive person by filing for a divorce. Thank you so much for saving my daughter and bringing her back to our family who love and appreciate the wonderful, caring, loving, compassionate person she is.

[@sailorspills3025]

Him , “how many people have you slept with?” Me, “you are the 2nd one” Him, “I like that you arnt very experienced” *a few weeks later* Him,” all my ex’s are the same as you saying I’m only the 2nd guy, even the professional ice skaters . I didn’t like it because they became too clingy” Oh I see how they use your vulnerablities against you.

[@Lola_Leo777]

Oh so I see you’ve met my ex!! Narcs are very miserable people!

[@cairosilver2932]

IMO a red flag that he said he like inexperience - that's not saying you like the person involved, IMO.

[@sailorspills3025]

@@cairosilver2932 also a red flag that he wanted someone for their job title and position instead of recognising someone’s individual strengths and talents

[@Bodangers]

To him, inexperienced means he can manipulate easier

[@AshlyRa]

Their clingyness is off the chart ewww...

[@jeny1312]

I made the mistake of letting my narc mother know I have memory lapses... of course she figured out a way to use this against me. I’m learning a lot here.. thank you. 🙏

[@moodyonroody5313]

Nothing like the 'memory lapses' of a narc I'm sure! xxxxxxx

[@jessajeff5232]

6years in narcisstic relationships. I have no idea it was narcissistic abuse throughout the years. Found your channel and all the answers to my questions. Now, I'm leaving for good, knowing that it's okay to leave him. I was able to breathe.Finally.Thank you Dr for providing such a really helpful info. 🥰

[@kristins4494]

One of the best videos on narcissism that I've ever seen! Perfect analogy.💯

[@rypoelk997]

This channel is such a valuable resource

[@ee_podcast]

The narcissist's personality is self-destructive in and of itself, it sounds like they have been infected with malware themselves

[@jayashreeacharia6782]

I had no idea that Narcissism is so prevalent in today’s world and I have been dealing with such individuals until I bumped into Dr. Ramani’s videos...what a relief that there is a way to deal with them without having to feel guilty and confused!!

[@BobTheSchipperke]

If you go slow and someone shamed you? Think red flag, or if you are me it’s probably a deal breaker. Normal people won’t pressure someone to open up.

[@phoenixsun6956]

Brilliantly explained ‼️empaths should journal 📓 triggers and bad days, and dates /times that the narcissists has emailed you /text/called and words they use. In part of the healing process

[@arcticdaffodil280]

I was told by the narcissist that I was the narcissist!! He even said that to others and pretended to be the victim to them. He flipped and portrayed the conflict that HE STARTED, (and I stupidly reacted to), as one that I had started, to our colleagues and friends. I checked online resources such as your videos to see if I did have narcissistic tendencies and also consulted my therapist. Thankfully, my therapist said I'm not a narcissist. But how do I clear my name at work? Anyone have any suggestions? Why is it that narcissists get away with calling others the narcissists and people actually believe them?

[@Jens0215]

They LOVE to accuse others of being narcissists! Also: if you’re asking yourself if you’re a narcissist, you’re not one ❤️

[@karishort1891]

I wouldn't even try to clear my name. Be professional and leave the games to the immature!

[@jessitabonita]

SAME! 😩 I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s quite exhausting. 😔

[@thomasmcnerney9745]

Just ignore them. You have NOTHING to prove to anyone in the workplace with the exception of the person who signs your paycheck. DONOT fall for the questions or mind games...you are NOT there for their entertainment but to do your job.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

I went through this for years with my family. In the end I just walked quietly towards the door, apologised (for almost being driven to suicide) let them hear whatever and was gone. I had tried everything. No more contact

[@margomazzeo1680]

Did my firewall tonight: .muted his stories and any notifications about his posts..I dont want to see him or what hes doing online..not interested anymore at all..and protecting my emotions..I want to just forget him..and the harm that he did to me..

[@garycordle5295]

DR RAMANI you have taught us how to firewall the narcissist 👍

[@shelbiefinch2175]

Dr. Ramani is the Aunt ive always wanted

[@jenni4claire]

Same.

[@aparsons6495]

Dr Ramani you have helped me so much! I have used your Grey rocking and firewall techniques and it truly does work. It's almost like your armor suit!

[@aprilhancy7277]

I was wondering as I was watching this if there might be a small place for grief as we realize that we have met yet another predator instead of an ally. But not to stay in the grief. Thank you for this video, it is brilliant.

[@malumachado4561]

It's like realising the log you're holding onto in the rapids is actually a crocodile 😱 Reminds me of the story of the frog and scorpion crossing the river.

[@maryrichardson6029]

Thank you. Recognizing the behavior. That's the key for Me.

[@pamelalambert3392]

Brilliant! I must try this method. Difficult when you're an open book and try to engage. Never has dad engaged before so why on earth do I always think that "this time will be different?" Pure madness on my behalf. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, so much.

[@warbledurbler7905]

Dear Doctor Ramani, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your work here has changed my life and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say saved it from two narcissistic parents. After a lifetime of abuse I feel as though I'm armed with the knowledge to finally move on and actually begin living.

[@dixiewindrum]

I am married ( 3 years) to a narcissist… I have known for a while that he was.. but only recently started researching the characteristics: I have thought I was going crazy… then listening to their tactics and fully understanding.. they can not comprehend empathy… I have and am experiencing.. triangulation, gaslighting, manipulation… lies by omission…, I love this man.. and now understanding what I am dealing with am wanting to learn to firewall, protect myself and learn to live in a Situationship.. instead of a relationship.. Realizing that your spouse does not and will never have the ability to support you emotionally is a hard thing… but I am a very strong woman … and am willing to weld the tactics that I need to not just survive.. but succeed… I have already found a therapist that I want to work with who deals with narcissist personalities.. from most I have listened to … the recommendation is RUN…someone tell me this desire I have is possible…I know I will have to have a strong network of support.. and am in the process of looking… thanks for listening

[@danchandler7112]

Dr Ramani very good information. I wish I had done this a long time ago.

[@SydneyInTheSky]

Love this term! I used to to what I call “radical un-acceptance” where anything the narc said, no matter if it was right or wrong, would be lies in my eyes. I wouldn’t even give myself the chance to think or ruminate about it. Just chalk it up to “they are a narc” and keep it moving.

[@loverlytoday]

Love the analogy. phishing is love-bombing.~

[@isabellas.c.scanderbeg2670]

Firewalls! Exactly. That’s what we need to build when when we realize that our relationship with our Narcissist is what it is : a relationship with a narcissist. And we need to protect ourselves and move on 🌿

[@kristib1693]

Thank you for this! I would open up too soon for fear of abandonment. I was used to being love-bombed and so I'm trying to rewire my brain to realize it takes time to get to know someone. I have to also work through my own bad habits of expecting so much so soon. I'm staying alone so I can do the inner work and learn how to build genuine and healthy relationships.

[@marilynndiller2377]

tread very very slowly.....best advice I have ever been given on a family member narcissist....never become vulnerable, keep secrets to only those who are not narcissists!

[@joniangelsrreal6262]

The beauty of reclaiming self… knowing the “chump” doesn’t matter on any level.. Then the fun begins…living a life of confusion…no longer …🤣 happy at last

[@joniangelsrreal6262]

Required five years of professional therapy ….🥂🍾 heathy and free at last

[@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918]

🌹✨

[@luluashqar8343]

Urgh Ive been slowly but surely coming to the realization that a friend of many many many years is a narcissist. Ive been watching your videos for maybe 2 years now, every time... you hit it on the nail. I then find myself gaslighting myself thinking 'im mislabelling ' ' i didnt speak up' 'they dont know what theyre doing'. They know. The more I tune out that doubting voice of mine... the more its obvious to me. I have been in a narcissistic friendship for years now. And im finding it soso hard to get out of it. To speak my truth. To set my boundaries. Currently this person is not even physically in my life and yet, the leash is tight. Thank you Dr. Ramani. The first step to solving a problem is to admit that it exists. I hope this is the first step towards my freedom.

[@Lola-mt1ne]

This is a useful conversation that adds a dimension to narcissism I hadn't thought of before.

[@cheeseweedz4157]

The best piece of firewall protection against a narcissistic is to know what this personality is about. To know what it is. Identify the red flags. Understand the justifications they make for their behavior and how they twist the truth for their benefit.

[@loljoyful1]

Perfect timing!!! I took notes!!! I love how educating myself is now keeping me safe! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!

[@tulabean2297]

Dr. Ramani, you have been so instrumental in my healing from surviving a narcissistic family. I was the scape goat. Despite years of mental health therapy none of the therapists helped me see the bigger picture, we always worked on me being the problem. I never heard the word narcissism during 25 years of therapy, WTH? Granted I am not perfect, but real healing didn't start to happen until I started listening to you. Now I see the bigger picture and have a lot more compassion for myself and on the rare occasion for the narcissists and flying monkeys in my family. I am forever grateful to you, I turn 60 in a few months and feel like I am finally beginning to live my authentic self. All the pain, self destruction, addictions, anxiety and depression I have experienced make sense now. I stopped all contact with the entire family in 2014. It was the best thing I did for myself ever despite taking 6 years to realize why I am feeling better. Thank you so much from someone who you will never meet whom you helped make a paradigm shift. You are a true blessing to this world and a rare gem. Much respect, love and gratitude.

[@roscluaran]

Dr Ramani, I really loved your video with all the technological nuances as it was really thought provoking and insightful on what goes on when dealing with a narcissist. It is very much like a computer and I really appreciate the analogy.

[@maureengannaway8635]

Thank you so much Dr Ramani... wasting time on a narcissist is draining, especially when u don't know it. Now I do!....Got my power back🙏

[@karenmattice3820]

I understand now the relationship with my husband when we were dating moved forward way to fast.

[@tijeraslack3]

Yup, tools tighter than religion and being kind to one another. That teaching has burned me. Thank you for all that you do! ❤

[@katye02]

Oooooh, thiis is sooooo gooood🤗 I have to work daily with Cruella, with contact several times a day🤦, this really helped. Quitting my job makes no sense at this moment, since god or whatever seems to have sprikled the disordered ones evenly in every corporation. Literally every workplace had at least one of them🤦

[@SailorGreenTea]

Videos such as this is why the medical community, in all ways and levels, ought to be pleased and stoked as how Dr.Ramani is able to make this topic obvious and prudently delivered, with an acknowledgement.

[@SailorGreenTea]

KZbin can give a streamy, but this is very intelligent information and deserves more acknowledgement.

[@mariaisabelfraga7126]

You are so clever..you cannot imagine how much.

[@jdmarr2259]

It's not you.. It's them.. They're like this to everyone.. This is brilliant 👏 !!!

[@jds0981]

This is right on time! I'm currently in Internal Family Systems Therapy and this is the perfect task that I can ask my firefighters to do. Thank you Dr. Ramini from the bottom of my soul.

[@jmcconne2003]

No matter how hard you try, you can’t shine shit. The issue is being able to see shit before you stepped all in it. Thank you for your info. I don’t trust anything right now but you have given me some validation which is rare and needed.

[@mizztotal]

"Malware is malware." A narc is a narc. Narcs are like Smith in the movie The Matrix. Don't let them infiltrate you...beware.

[@sherryripepi6024]

Knowledge is Power. Applying that knowledge is power. Understanding why and when to apply that knowledge is wisdom.

[@anikaweeks1172]

Can you talk about how suffering from narcissistic abuse can lead to people perpetuating that abuse unknowingly or becoming covert narcissists or codependents and how people who want to improve can break that cycle

[@TinaLouise73]

these videos are a life saver to me! every boring miserable n lonely weekend is made so much better watching Dr Ramani self help videos and trust me they DO work wonders!

[@NooraJ-qv7uw]

Lol! That pop up window idea is sooo cool! 😂

[@annaann2910]

'Malware is malware'. The "Firewall" metaphor/method is great * Thank you, Dr.Ramani for all your help 🌹💜🙏

[@christianwalker7895]

Way back ten years ago i got a phrase that came to me ... JADED ...i wont justify...argue...defend...explain...dammit...this helped me even before i knew what term to put on the narc, i just knew it was very toxic and trust me the narc doesnt give up...ten yrs later he is still trying to control and manipulate me

[@loljoyful1]

JADED! I love this!!! Especially the “Dammit” at the end. Thank you for sharing this!!!! I’m going to add this to my toolbox! Grateful to you!

[@christianwalker7895]

@@loljoyful1 glad that this helps a fellow survivor!!!!

[@jillyoung1282]

This will work beautifully. I will watch this video again and again to refresh. Thank you so much Dr Ramani.

[@malaikavida]

Very helpful and uplifting to learn how to armor ourselves.

[@floxendoodle942]

Thank you for this great video! A firewall will keep us armed and ready for invading narcs. I recently traveled across the country for my MIL’s funeral. One of the people that I was looking forward to seeing was my husband’s aunt, who I always loved seeing and who I hadn’t seen in over a decade. When I was visiting with her one day, I noticed that she was subtlety shaming me and that I was defending myself as a result. Then later, I noticed another red flag! I then realized that this beloved aunt that I had held in such high esteem for many years was narcissistic! I’ve been on this narcissism journey for three years now and it is getting easier to spot these creatures, as well as notice when my codependency starts kicking in!