HOW TO protect your energy and peace of mind from narcissists

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

“I study this Shit” lmao 😂I love you!!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

😂

[@evelynross6144]

Love it!!!!

[@mkultraviolenc3]

She's phenomenal!

[@benjamin734]

I live it

[@stillirise6086]

And she gets it 100%

[@TuerlingsTim]

I have experienced this for to long. Your positive feelings are not allowed because negative energy is their fuel.

[@luismiguel69able]

omg Totally!!!!

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yup, that's why I didn't invite the narc in my life to my doctoral graduation ceremony.

[@JuliosStudio]

So draining

[@mkultraviolenc3]

They're demons.

[@christelleny]

Totally. A Narc mom, for example, will be "nice" to you only when your life is a complete mess and has nothing to be jealous of...

[@christelleny]

"Your good news is their shame activator". So true. Whether they're your parents or your partner, the minute you're scared to share good news with someone is the moment you should reconsider the relationship. Not much of a relationship if we can't share anything with them, is it? Not our good news, not our problems, not our feelings, not our needs. That's the ultimate lack of reciprocity.

[@christelleny]

No Narc is ever going to recognize your contributions or value. I wish we understood that earlier so we stopped chasing the impossible. Peace and growth to all. ❤

[@DominieRobinson]

I wanted to believe the 'Best' about everybody too Dr. Ramani. It Cost me dearly too many times. Maya Angelou said it best, " regardless what somebody Tells you about themselves when you first meet them, Believe them when they SHOW you Who they are, the First time ! "

[@sbg4ever120]

My fav is when my husband refuses to ever celebrate anything in my life from birthdays to career achievements, but I overhear him bragging about me to his friends! 😂 I just don’t share anymore and keep my accomplishments to myself. I have a smile on my face and just let him wonder why. It’s all good! God sees my achievements and I give Him the glory! Thank you for your awesome content always, Dr. Ramani! ❤

[@Greenwings701]

Double supply from you -

[@mkultraviolenc3]

That's right! The good Lord sees our hard work, our efforts, our sacrifices made to loved ones, etc. He's the only one that we should be bending over backward to serve.

[@caroleminke6116]

He’s just using you for the third part of the narcissistic trifecta: sex/cash/show 🤷‍♀️ you’re mommy supply 🤦‍♀️ nothing else

[@nikoushayan9960]

My husband also brags about me in public all the time. But in private he devalues everything about me. It’s all show off for his grandiose self and his goal is to make other people jealous of him. He sometimes exaggerate about my accomplishments and social/ career status. In private, he just devalues me entirely.

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

I truly believe the system is built to support abusers

[@benjamin734]

Special the ones who are women

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@Smartbeautifulawesome the system is full of abusers

[@mariagill7129]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2y enabling poor or terrible behaviour is like you dig a new hole everyday and covered it with a grass and never thought you can fall into it just like anyone else. Once you do FALL you do FEEL how terrible the feeling must be for other victims.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Agree

[@DianeR-h7v]

Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do!

[@johanna11980]

I'm really glad you are in the world Dr. R. ... you are validating so many of us.

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

yes, I second that. Hugs xx

[@CathAlexandra]

Don't be too happy, either. I hid my life from my parents and only showed the personality they approved. I eventually had to go no-contact.

[@MLP8044]

Sending virtual hugs? Need one myself

[@alema309]

I'm getting ready to leave my boyfriend.(he's the scapegoat) I live with him And his twin brother(golden child) I'm just over it. Their mom is too overbearing and she doesn't even live here. He knows that his mom is toxic and keeps his distance. But her control has made its way in the house.

[@benjamin734]

​@@alema309 yeap had one of those with a narissist for a wife her mother was the devil and she the spawn of Satan

[@karenkuske5567]

I like the way you said this…”I only showed the personality they approved of “😶 This hits super hard…. It would take me 3-4 days to start to be happy after the last round of bullshit …as soon as he saw any happiness it was squashed and start over every couple days.

[@sushmayen]

They train you not to rely on them. You can't ask them for any help. So we shouldn't depend on them for anything to keep our peace of mind.

[@raingaming8]

In my case it's the opposite. I was conditioned to be dependent on my parent but in reality she's being dependent on me. That's why she explodes or panics each time I talk about living separately after getting married.

[@mariamasadi6575]

@@sushmayen I believe being independent and resilient are our superpowers, after experiencing these relationships.

[@mariamasadi6575]

@@raingaming8 absolutely true. They are little children desperately, destructively and invasively in search of the love and attunement, they never get, but as they never got it they can't give it to anyone, not also themselves..

[@erikainiguez1314]

"Your good news is their shame activator" Wow! Auntie Dr. Ramani leaves me profoundly enlightened once again! We become groomed to minimize ourselves and conform to them to a point where we literally become sick and lose our essence. Sadly I see myself like King Triton (Little Mermaid's father) when Ursula turns this big powerful king into a decrepit polyp. That's truly how I see myself. Nothing I've done has ever been good enough. Not only do we conform to them but also have to predict or anticipate a sudden unexplainable mood change and be able to accept responsibility, cater to them, adjust accordingly and even then we'll still be wrong even if we do what they need or what's worked in the past or do what they say but honestly...."it's not you".

[@alexm.7781]

Came here to wish you Happy Birthday Dr Ramani! Thank you for sharing your kindness and wisdom with us. May you be blessed with health, joy, happiness and abundance ❤

[@patrickbinford590]

The definition of insanity is expecting what you will never -- EVER -- get -- with a narcissist!

[@KathySalcedoBeal]

I have experienced a level of selfish negativity that kept me from celebrating the holidays and even my birthday. This year my craft group had a birthday party for me. My 60th was better than the last 25.😊

[@Paula_66UK]

Did you find, when it came to his birthday, that he expected a nice day ? Or moan because no one does anything special for their birthday ?? Mine just had his birthday/family meal. And every year for 7 years, I’ve been moaned at the whole way home. This year … I refused to go 😂. I ‘ruined’ his birthday. I ruined Christmas. Oh dear. lol. Congratulations on your 60th. I’ve still got 2 years to go. 😦

[@Sues007]

I believe God sends people to us to help us. That is you, Doctor! You're a lifesaver and I appreciate it. I'm an authentic, anti narcissist person who see you as someone who helped me so much! Thanks for being a great woman! You are a great woman! Thank you!

[@meltherecafe2394]

but then who sent all those narcs?

[@chrysalis-sanctuary]

I’ve lost all my chirp. I don’t give one flying chirp anymore what people think of me. I’m finally publishing my book about having to deal with so much bull-chirp, I almost lost my life over it. I finally get to speak my truth after years of being silenced while just getting sicker and sicker. Your channel helped save my life. ❤

[@mjrhodes]

I was once criticized by my therapist as having "commitment issues" after leaving yet another abusive relationship. I didn't have a clue about narcissism back then nor why I kept getting deceived and trapped with these psychos. Oh the excuses she made for my abusers! This video really hits home, grateful for your wisdom Dr. Ramani 🌄

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s so scary as well as sad that therapists are the worst dupes when it comes to narcissism! I’m 66 & it was never mentioned until a hospice art therapist mentioned my shaming after the malignant narc father finally died. I started to follow those breadcrumbs back to both parents & their mothers then 7 generations of the maternal line to Ireland. It’s simply not going to stop until we change ourselves & refuse to enable anyone

[@sharynmain]

Sadly, those that don’t know or have experience with these types of antics played by these personality types… cannot give advice or validation. And sadly some , including therapists are guilty of being the offender. Just because a person works in an altruistic vocation , that evokes a mature, sound , compassionate and professional mastery, does not guarantee that that person has done their own inner work on themselves nor are they either is a sound character to learn from. Don’t feel the need to put any one on a pedestal…. Every one puts on their pants one leg at a time. Be thankful for the solid and steadfast folks who follow through on their words and actions.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@caroleminke6116 about 16 years ago I brought a small saying about gaslighting to my therapist for help. She goes what is this . I told her I didn’t know but I was going through it. I really needed the help back then but I was just a beginner myself.

[@hannahfeghaly1994]

As a therapist myself, this phrase should not be used because it's a label. It's ok to struggle with commitment and just about anything, but using common phrases short-changes people who are truly trying to process their lives and grow.

[@The_Variant]

😂 “How dare you be happy!”

[@The_Variant]

A step further, “How dare you be happy about something I can’t take credit for!”

[@mariagill7129]

2 step further "how dare you be happy about something I can't get the credit for and I envy about it and feel insecure 😂

[@The_Variant]

@@mariagill7129 😂 So true!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@The_Variantgood one!

[@LPoppy2023]

Well said!!!

[@detjaggillar8081]

I did and I survived. The narc died last February 2023.

[@regwindham]

This was kind of cringey for me, Dr. Ramani, since most of my life I was that Pollyanna. I believed that 90% of humans were good. I looked for the silver lining in every dark cloud. What a burden to carry! Thank you for your insight and for sharing your knowledge. Gaining insight into where I came from, accepting how I behaved, making amends, changing my thinking, throwing out beliefs that are harmful to me, and how I will live the rest of my life is my Recovery.

[@Mo-vl7xz]

That's my family. I need to be perfect in everything and still I will never be enough for them

[@ANaturalLife777]

Buy yourself flowers and gifts on your special days. Keep important stuff secret and tell them about unimportant stuff. This is no way to live so plan an escape but be ready for them to leave you suddenly. Secretly start getting healthy and taking care of yourself by emotionally detaching .

[@LipstickNsofrito]

Everyone..have a wonderful day ..blessings and much love to you all ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@jswan312]

Wow. This explains so much about my narc mother-why trying to please her was always a losing battle.

[@helenwashington6212]

Absolutely , they make any environment dangerous !

[@celestesaunders2858]

My brother graduated from chiropractor school and I graduated from medical school the same time. My parents had a party for us. My mother introduced my brother as "the real doctor " and ignored me for the whole time. He was always the golden child. I was always told too bad you're a girl 😢.

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Id be tempted to remind mom she is also female, and one without a medical degree.😂

[@christelleny]

I'm so sorry. The Narc mom-daughter dynamics is founded on shame, jealousy and competition. The Golden Child very often doesn't even know what's going on. It takes a lifetime to come back from that kind of abuse but don't let her "win" by distancing you from your brother. In situations like this, there's a lot of triangulation that goes behind your back to keep the Golden Child resentful of the Narc's victim. Make sure the dynamics at play don't cost you your entire family. If it's worth saving, that is. ❤

[@StrawberryFieldsNIR]

It's not always (but sure, sometimes) because you are female. From a family of two daughters (mother covert narc), the golden child was the younger sister (and still is to this day, half a century later). I think the roles (golden child, scapegoat) were chosen on personality (perhaps too on academics, given this scapegoat was always straight-As and golden child barely scraped by). Golden child ended up being a Narc-Lite.

[@RMSecurityGroup]

Wtf

[@iloveFreedom.]

Horrid ! Well Blinkin Done You!!!! Incredible I think an entire generation globally was brainwashed into shaming little beautiful intelligent girls Mad!!! Really Mad !!! ❤anyhow Rock On 🎸🎶🌟HapPyNewYeAr🎉🎉🎉xxx

[@JAYNEYOUNG-z1o]

Oh wow! My soon to be ex would always disregard my good news. And the terrible thing is that I'd start responding to him the same way. But no more. I'm on the path to progress. Love, peace and harmony to all on the receiving end of a narcassist's disdain!

[@leecotton3242]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani It’s the time of year when several of the narcissist s in my past have come sniffing around, hoping for a second chance. Your wise words give me the tool -and the backbone - that I need.

[@caroleminke6116]

NEVER break no contact plz because there’s a gun trained on your back & you just loaded it!

[@leecotton3242]

You are so right! I spent such a lovely Christmas with my big doggie, eating apple/ pear crisp and Facebooking my friends!

[@Pyxius]

I might be recovering ‘Pollyanna’ @22:10. It makes me ill to think I played a part in their scheme. It also makes me SO angry, I NEVER meant to hurt anyone. Thank you for making this part so blunt, clearly I needed therapy long ago. I believe I’m in a narc family and went thru most of my life making excuses for everyone. My younger self was always that über happy and positive outlook. I felt like it was my job since a child to make everyone happy, their life easy, play telephone, etc. Now I’m grumpy af and chirpy peeps piss me off. I turn 40 soon and have chronic lifeline issues. Well it stops now. I’m taking my life back…. quietly.

[@caroleminke6116]

Learn to discern as you gray rock out of that dysfunctional family! I went no contact @ 40 & still have issues @ 66 but you can change the course of your life NOW

[@deemaysie6568]

The making excuses for everyone was me too!!

[@Pyxius]

Glad you were able to stop also! :)

[@HammockQueen]

Happy Birthday and thank you for the good cries that came as one by one you have taught me that the things that have brought me to my knees are the result of narcissistic abuse and manipulation.

[@ryanbeauregard2631]

My ex always created an issue whenever good things happened to me. And even when I would get upset for him not contributing to the relationship (little things - putting away clothes, putting dishes in the dishwasher) he always turned my request into an argument about something I did many moons ago - things so petty like when I had a car loan “yeah well you don’t even own your car, and you lived at home until you were 26 with no responsibilities and I grew up in a trailer and then had to move out at 18”… Ummm I only asked you to put away your clothes. But ok. Thanks. Finally broke free 3 weeks ago after 5 years of covert narcissism.

[@patrickbinford590]

I like the analogy of the pollyanna -- duped person -- putting their fingers in their ears (regarding the narcissist!) and going "la la la la la la la I am clueless!" #GettingReal One DOESN'T want a therapy which gives one a Bambi-oriented approach.

[@NancyBrown1975]

I so appreciate Dr. Ramani’s logic with her factual, reality driven videos.

[@DominieRobinson]

Dr. Ramani you are amazing ! Your clarity, depth, and insight are healing millions !

[@aatt3209]

Yup, at my graduation ceremony from graduate program, in front of the family of origin and other attendees, my biological mother blew up and threw a temper tantrum while attending this event. My siblings learned this so well, they learned over the years not to include her in graduation ceremonies or other important life events.

[@ChristaHahn-p1h]

22:26 Yahs! Get in line 🤘🏼 So tired of it, after 5 years with the Cluster B father of my 3 year old, this has been the worst year of my 37 years of life. I was so stressed, I became paralyzed by fear and started losing my hair. I'm done people pleasing. Time to become unacceptable to toxic people. I love good news. Thank you Dr.Ramani, you have helped me save my life 🙌 The work you do is so important, for real, get nominated for a Peace Prize, you are worthy of being celebrated.

[@marysisak2359]

Few people might remember this however at 71 I have a clear memory of it. The "bad people have good in them" started in the 70's, There was a Catholic nun who befriended an inmate on death row. She saw the "good" in him and started the campaign against the death penalty. They even made a movie about it. The truth of this situation can be summed up by a quote I heard from a corrections officer - "There are no atheists on death row."

[@DaisyNatalia-dd6zd]

I honestly understood narcissism through your channel. Wise woman.

[@rwoodyk5112]

So many things to comment on, I can’t choose which one! Thank you so much for being angry with the enablers!

[@angellollar1083]

After 45 years of marriage, this subject is being brought to my attention.

[@amarbyrd2520]

Doc Ramani - I *cannot tell you* how much we appreciate your deconstruction of the "Denial with Fiction On Top of It" enablers WHO ARE IN DECISIONMAKING POSITIONS!! 13:03 It's the absolute worst thing precisely because of what you say about that particular kind of insanity being strongly socially supported. Please keep talking about this. We need and hear you!!

[@aliceroberts1980]

This is so true don’t tell them anything. I have regretted ever time I have told them something good they destroyed it . I remember my daughter showing my husband something she learned in Winter Guard he was so nasty and said well can you do a double?? I felt so bad for her . I remember my whole having to not tell or show my mother anything I had learned or got made fun of her, put it down like it was nothing and I learned through my whole life to hide my light under a basket because if you show too much she thought you were being conceited.

[@marysisak2359]

My mother said that my father really did not want to drive the 400 miles to attend my college graduation. I had a trip planned after my graduation so I decided to forgo going to my graduation to leave early for my trip. Later she said that my father was very disappointed about missing my graduation.

[@mariamasadi6575]

My father replied to my sister 's invitation to her PHD- Ceremony in Europe: it's cold! I can't come. But he went to visit his enabler-my cousin- in Canada in winter!

[@kimberleyshott8970]

Being in long term narcissistic abuse felt like when I was a cyclist climbing a long, steep hill with my toes clipped into the bike pedal; at some point the work requirement became so heavy that I could barely make a rotation, my arms wobbled because I was mobing too slow to keep steady momentum but prevented from simply stopping on the slope by putting my foot down, as the release mechanism of the toe clip required a twisting effort that, while wobbling slowly, felt impossible to maneuver leaving me two options: keep grinding/wobbling or simply crash and walk the rest of the climb. Somethinh about even a slow crash "felt" like the worse option. For me, narcissism feels like this impossible choice played out minute-by-minute for every moment of relationship.

[@karenhennings451]

Thank you for work! I would have never figured it out on my own. I watched many videos and it was like checking off a list, undeniable. The good new is, all of a sudden I knew their next move .I'm stopping trying to fix things or expect empathy. There will be no closure. It won't be easy or pretty but there is hope now. Wish me luck.

[@JuliosStudio]

Thank you for teaching me. 29:11 your videos helped me stop blaming myself and move forward. Business partner took all my money. Called himself my brother and now I have to sue him. I wish they taught this stuff in school. But I’m happy now to know I can move on now.

[@JuliosStudio]

30:04 all the above. After 5 years gone and a lot of money out the window, He said “you’re young, you’ll recover”

[@mjaye1712]

I learned to share nothing. And I learned the hard way. My last straw was sharing some great news via text. The person responded a few weeks later, saying congratulations and that they had been busy. They asked nothing about what happened. Yet sent me a flurry of photos of the event that had them busy. I ended contact with them.

[@ninashirley432]

I would tell you if I got good news. You are a lovely woman. Happy New Year to you and your daughters

[@wiGoGale]

Rich- and so true! Scripting joy or delight out of the interaction = no triggers, no eggshell walk of shame

[@katilotfi4115]

Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year 2025 to you 🙂

[@andron967]

I can only dream of having people as bright as Dr. Ramani in my group of friends. I'm catching little hints from her of a extremely deeper spiritual perspective that outstrips conventional psychology . I get flashes of higher consciousness but pale compared to her ability to stay on point and communicate. Wow!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Dr Ramani knows this stuff! I agree it would be nice to break bread with her.

[@christelleny]

She's my personal hero. Literally saving millions of life and inspiring us to respect ourselves, trust ourselves, love ourselves and recover your self. ❤

[@wild_rasp]

My great doctor ramani I think people especially those with childhood issues really need a video about how to survive the internet narcissism or all the kind of narcissism from strangers that just come to you with no part of you like a bully

[@wild_rasp]

The only comments (very few) that I published got responded by narcissists. Just in completely non-controversial video, with pure positivity. I ve learned to not look at the comment but KZbin show the highest rate comment automatically and 100% of them are from narcissists

[@annakrajan]

I've got one question...My husband came back from his therapy claiming he is autistic. In fact, there has been written on his card from the hospital: the recognition: autism- for diagnosis. And at the end : diagnosis in the scope of the autism spectrum, in terms of the patient's needs. Now he justifies his behaviour with autism. He was arrogant, demanding, unempathetic, malicious, full of anger, and manipulative- all of these because of...autism?

[@kathleenferguson1593]

My best friend and nephew are on the Spectrum. They are empathetic and overly honest. They have issues with food, eye contact, and trust issues. My Narc mom and brother are liars, cruel, and twist logic and emotion to get their "supply". Nothing like autism, which is often misdiagnosed.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I wonder if one of his parents or both were narcissistic?

[@caroleminke6116]

Nope but you have the most dangerous type of narcissist: the covert vulnerable martyr kind & you need to go gray rock NOW then plan on no contact eventually

[@honeybeejourney]

Nah, not buying it.

[@nermeenali9769]

Maybe u think the term ((Therapy)) should be a perfect experience, bit unfortunately no. There are people in this field sort of help others feed their entitlement other than the authenticity of healing

[@honeybeejourney]

When I asked my mother, "Mom, I noticed you never ask me questions." "That doesn't work for me," she replied. That was about 8 years ago and I didn't understand exactly what she meant. Now, I am crystal clear on her narcissism. No more. No news.

[@StrawberryFieldsNIR]

My narc mother generally only asked questions, for the later weaponisation of the intell. Memory almost like an elephant that one, will bring up stuff from 40 years ago, 50 years ago. Does it to pick her moment to make you feel bad. Likes to bring you down.

[@jayaom4946]

"I got a boyfriend!" I told my mom in middle school. I felt proud. My mom kept telling her friends around me, quietly but loud enough for me to hear that she thought it was really great that I didn't care about looks.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences dr Ramani ❤ I can relate in many ways. It feels so good to finally have found people who feel and think in simmilar fashion.

[@bluemoony102]

1:03 Thank you so much🫂 Dr Ramani ♥️ 2:22

[@cherylmendenhall8795]

Good advice. Telling supportive people first.

[@evelynross6144]

Oh Dear, this talk sure arrives right in time. Most very timely, given the holidays. Thanks Doc. Happy 2025.

[@MLP8044]

Hurts so much. Im getting out, making new freinds, playing with my dog, considering going back to therapy, but I still feel like im barely hanging on. I think my Mother is a narcissist

[@amarbyrd2520]

It's really hard. Really hard. Keep going. ❤

[@HammockQueen]

Don't give up on yourself!

[@Paula_66UK]

I never tell ‘him’ anything anymore. I enjoy sharing things with people that are really interested. Instead of someone who will pick holes in whatever it is. Tell them nothing. 😊

[@craig265]

At least you tried... How many people go out of their way to at least try once... But you have to protect yourself before you can protect others... 👌

[@susangoodman2598]

I hear so many woman have had to continue to live with abusers as there is no housing available in the area looking for 10 years it has gotten worse. Homeless people who are seniors on the street living in shelters for years struggling not encouraging enough that senior woman give up.

[@susangoodman2598]

Years of being with a secret man with narcissistic personality disorder compulsive addictions avoiding responsibility has destroyed many woman's life and l recognized denial for years 13 years and seeing Narcissistic personality disorder you educated me to ticking off everything you described. I open my mind recognizing that you explained so well. I am going to court to get attention for his abuse towards me police in Woodstock Ontario Canada with a dangerous weapon throwing things at me. Prosecutor left to determine his fate that court do very little to improvements with assult charges for years 1969 lists of records of complaints. Woodstock Ontario Courts need to be more forceful instead giving excuses to men who are predators and narcissistic personality. Police need to stop these predators over and over breaks like you see the good in these abusive men.

[@Davivd2]

Small problem. I don't have anyone in my life that cares about me. I just have myself dealing with my narc parent's ever present toxicity.

[@mariagill7129]

Please be alert of an individual impersonating Dr Ramani offering private sessions. Profile on KZbin made today and after joining within 5 minutes replied to 15 comments offering private discussions.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I don’t even thinks she personally reads our comments.

[@mariagill7129]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2y I thought so but I decided to inform viewers who may fall for it.

[@vickiegroome3220]

Moderators , is this person on the radar? Have seen the direct responses along with what looks like an international phone number .

[@karunacentrodeterapias9658]

It's the scammers again!😢

[@j.schwartz2355]

This is amazing! My mother was a narcissist! She was mean, nasty, and jealous! She never wanted to hear good news… To her, Life was a competition to see who’s life sucked more… I used to mess with her… And intentionally present my life is being amazing and nothing but positive and good events! Of course, my life had ups and downs also. I had Situations that I had to deal with that sucked! But I wouldn’t feed into her jealousy… Instead… All she ever heard from me was good news… Was just infuriated her! Yep, I loved messing with her!

[@yolondagoode9656]

Just being grateful,no one can take that from me

[@bonnielacombe9835]

Wow. I needed this. Dr Ramani hit so many of my life struggles with family and ex’s. Thanks so much for the confirmation of my feelings and my psyche.

[@jenniferhyde5389]

I like giving good news to a narcissist. It makes me feel like I'm able to show them that my control over my life and my happiness is important. It makes them jealous and squirm and sure they may try to undermine. But I don't let them.

[@maevebutler4641]

Thank you for being our love & and light, DrRamini .

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

I just find if people don’t mesh they don’t mesh no matter what it is. I wish society was more real with these issues

[@molightandlove]

Happy Birthday Dr. Ramini🎉🎉 You are so needed and loved!!!❤❤

[@mariehughey5390]

I am having to face radical acceptance thru this holiday season. My only daughter-adult-child and I have had a rocky go. I thought she would grow up and out of her criticism and devaluing toward me. She turned 50 this year. She seems to be trying, but always seems angry and superior no matter how long or short our conversations. She seems disappointed that I have friends and enjoyed my holidays. She seems disappointed any time I’m happy. I try to make a point of being happy for her in all she decides to do. I don’t believe I will ever be comfortable around her. No hope, isn’t that radical acceptance?

[@yolondagoode9656]

Now I still fight & enjoy my good news for myself

[@warriorwomen9153]

You look beautiful my dear🎉

[@mjaye1712]

And ooof, I saw how much harm is done with coaches and therapists giving uninformed advice. I read something about how positive communication can work well with narcissists. I was like...what the whoa????

[@BeauWolfe]

I have learned that i don't talk about my feelings except to create and maintain boundaries, that one thing is a huge step when a narcissist is trying to make you upset and then gets fed off the turmoil, why because they feel miserable and inept. This is why so much fantasty thinking and why they copy the people they are gaslighting.

[@notagain779]

Dr. Ramani, I so appreciate you. You're doing incredibly important work. I loved your book, "It's Not You." ❤

[@PernillaKarlsen]

Thank you for validation. Especially the last piece was incredible..❤

[@NorinneWong]

Happy Birthday Dr. Ramani! Bless you for bringing essential truth awareness to us all. Your presentation & delivery style reflects an amazingly, loving whole mindset. It is inviting to listen to you because your voice tone is void of anger & bitterness. (similar to Dr. Les Carter) I adore you both. You are appreciated deeply. I have your new book. Cheers!

[@Katie-me5kp]

Don't share good news with them....they will ruin it

[@etl2993]

This is so true: "Don't cast your pearls before swine!!"

[@Siven_W]

It takes sometime to completely out of this, i can do it😊

[@sarahgwenable]

Ja. Thats what they do. With me, IT went so far, that i would'nt even tell anyone what i started, like a class in holistic therapy, or making my drivers licence, back then. Cause i feared disencouraging statements. Minimising words/behaviours.... I just did these things, almost secreatly. So crazy.

[@AllThingsWaldorf]

Thank you so much for all that you have taught me, Dr. Ramani, Lots of love 🌹🌹Saoirse

[@martinaries3293]

The enabler I know will protect the narcissist because they don't want to be dragged into quarrels and lead a quiet life so they'll always side with the narcissist, even play along with them. Two against one, the narcissist totally uses this to their avantage and then truly relishes the game with a satisfied smile.

[@dawntreader815]

You are absolute treasure.

[@marysisak2359]

I don't normally thank you for the entertainment but the section on pollyannas had me laughing. I have known a few....

[@Natalie-lf7hb]

Global paranoia due to the phenomenon and many have it and are instructed to behave more defensive and alert on any sign. Even outstanding Doctors had to fight their way through which in many cases cost years of their life and still it lingers sometimes i have heard you say often. But you are a great Doctor! My compliments! Sincerely!

[@yolondagoode9656]

Omg now after leaving the narc I still hv a difficult time except ing & enjoying good news,he bulldozed every good thing I ever recieved

[@Alison-o9d]

They want you to come groveling and begging to them for everything. Kind of reminds me of a mean kid who has great toys, but would never share, ever. That kind of bully, even in adulthood would rather bulldoze or melt the toys anything, just to see your reaction.

[@susanstatesheale]

My ex always bemoaned that he never had birthday parties as a kid. The first few years of our relationship, I threw him huge parties. Around year four, he was such a grump and embarrassing to me at his own party, which he at one point just left after also coming late. I never threw him a party again.

[@Montana7604-l7z]

Excellent. Thank You. So eye opener.

[@Greenwings701]

Narcs think they own you.

[@PenninkJacob]

Thank you so much!👍❤

[@tulazaz]

Every time! I quit telling him any good news because when I told him I lost 25 lbs, he said, “OK.” When I was all excited cause I was on a podcast and wanted to play it for him, he didn’t care to see it. Yesterday when I came home from a late Christmas with my sons and their families, cause one of my grandkids was sick Christmas Day, (the narc is no longer welcome in their homes) I was reluctant to tell him I found out I’m going to be a grandma again, but I decided to hold my nose and tell him anyway. I can’t even remember the snarky remark he made. Then later when I was texting the good news to close friends and family, he made a snarky comment about me doing that. He’s my cousin, and will be out of here as soon as I find a place he can afford whether he likes it or not! I cannot wait for him to be gone! My father acted the same way when in 5th grade I got straight A’s the first time and showed him my report card, or any works of art I did when I was an art major. Fortunately my mom was not like that.

[@kimapel1528]

The enablers are almost as bad to deal with as the narcissist!

[@Nesi-r8j]

I can't express my gratitude with words ❤️🙏🏻, thank you mam❤

[@MsPowerfull23]

Wow!!! The Pollyanna enabler 😮😮😮. Thanks once again.

[@XInfantryman]

I told my wife she is a narcissist, and I swear on the Bible she threatened to divorce me. She got all mad and went into a bedroom and closed the door.