How narcissists make YOUR CHRONIC ILLNESS worse

[@JanHickling-v6x]

I had a heart attack, and he wouldn't call 911. That's when I woke up and realized he didn't have my back. I told him to leave 2 months after I recovered. I have been no contact for 21 months

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤thank God for that

[@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266]

Oh my goodness!..thank God for that...never let him back, ever pls!...they suck the good life out of you❤❤❤️‍🩹🤗

[@sweetthang4970]

You did good. My dad(82)is a narc&when my mom(75)was having a stroke, he wouldn’t take her to the hospital until he showered&shaved. She ended up driving herself.

[@JanHickling-v6x]

@sweetthang4970 omg...that's terrifying to hear. Love ❤️ and healing light ✨️ to you and your mom

[@charissadupage479]

Thank you for putting this out there. It's something you don't think anyone would do. Even a narcissist, you would think an emergency would shake some empathy into them.

[@Unseen000]

It’s is already tough when you’re feeling sick, but it’s even worse when you have people dismiss your pain and gaslight you saying that “it’s all in your head.” They’ll even call you lazy. They make it very difficult for you to recover and they’re the real disease.

[@AlonzoJohnson-l4m]

No get help

[@patrickbinford590]

General guidelines Gaslighting: bad. Constructive criticism or emotional support (with mutually understood humour): good. Empathy: human.

[@sybilizzard4926]

Yep, and you'll often find when something like that happens to them, they want sympathy.

[@yuu_miran]

Exactly.

[@jillr759]

You can respond it is in my head. It’s my brain in protection mode.

[@mohammednasir3156]

People only see the decisions you made, not the choice you had.

[@privateprivate8366]

Sooo true! I know in my situation, people feel, “Oh no, Hun. You MADE THE DECISION to leave your family.” No, I chose to live. Staying with my family was certain death.

[@astrologymemphis]

My husband wouldn't call 911 for me while I was having a massive heart attack because he thought I was faking it. I couldn't call because I didn't have a phone ( for six years ).

[@MaureenWHamblin]

Wooowww!! 👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿

[@jenniferwaidelich642]

Then, you have to defend your decisions to everyone instead of being supported and starting the healing process.

[@privateprivate8366]

@ and they want you in defense mode, as much as any narcissist or flying idiot.

[@christelleny]

Even if you don't "start" with a chronic illness, you WILL develop one (or several). Endure stress long enough and your body WILL shut down. Autoimmune conditions, chronic conditions (including Lyme Disease), cancer, organ failure. The sooner you leave, the better. I left four years ago (after 20+ years) and I'm finally getting my health back (to the extent it's possible). It's not too late to start repairing the damage. ❤

[@ashlieperry2273]

This!! Abuse causes damage to the vagus nerve.The vagus nerve affects everything in the body. When it gets damaged, everything can go with it.

[@privateprivate8366]

@@christelleny yes, that’s why, although I’m on vacation, all of it which was to be spent cleaning out my deceased, narcissistic mother’s hoarder home, I can’t be there everyday. I feel it will be affect my physical and mental health. I need a vacation, without even dealing with this. But, to be there, seeing what she did, building a possible history in my mind, feeling the rage she probably felt because life didn’t go her way, the absolute filth in there, working in the cold. I know it gets worse before it gets better. But, for me, just goes to show that, whether she’s dead or alive, every year, every holiday season, is simply worse. Most would say to just sell, but, I’m also pushed into this, by the economy and needing to escape my rental apartment. So, her issues have been compounded, by what else is going on, including wondering if my former sister will come flying out of nowhere, with a weapon. Vacation. Enough to kill you.

[@MaureenWHamblin]

So proud of you for leaving x

[@shelbyh40]

so true. I was diagnosed w/ MS 20 yrs ago and I chalked most of it up to being the people pleaser for my very dysfunctional childhood. thought I had it all figured out. 2024 I spent being treated, successfully :) for Breast cancer. I was having such terrible side effects, so lethargic, nauseaus, etc. and all the while, my 'closest' friend and sister in law of 30 yrs became so rotten to me. My brain started clicking, like - wth is wrong w/ her? Sent her the I deserve better message and closed the door on that relatoinship. I instantly stopped having so many side effects and experienced joy. Then started watching videos and realized that all these years I was practically living with a self rightious type narc. All the passive aggressive comments, the ghosting when I did something they didn't like - all of it flooded into my awareness. I was suppressing anger towards her, to be the 'better person.' Such crap. Now I feel amazing. Im not sick to my stomach waiting around to see how I pissed her off today. very funny that all of a sudden her and her hubby started butt dialing my cell phone. So i blocked them completely from every part of my life, social media, cell phone. Life is sweet and I feel so great. Thanks @DoctorRamani for helping all of us become aware.

[@seasonsstarsstudios]

I notice my iron deficiency anemia’s much less awful when my narcissistic father is gone. The stress of his presence is slowly killing me and it did the same to my mother. The difference is, her leaving him is a divorce. If I leave him it’s “parental abandonment” and he’ll make sure to stop it.

[@sushmayen]

We're always highly anxious and in tense state walking on eggshells eventually leading us to chronic illness

[@denisedevoto5703]

I truly believe my ME is from my family of origin and my ex.

[@ryanlocati5695]

Yes exactly. Self perpetuating cycle.

[@DamonvanDerSalm]

The only chronic problem I have is hypertension. I'm sure when I finally leave this relationship my hypertension will magically resolve.

[@Lea-xt5sg]

Exactly 😢

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

Sounds familiar😔

[@jeanie5074]

Headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks, asthma, etc

[@jillr759]

Sounds similar to mast cell activation syndrome. H1 and H2 blockers are OTC and help so much!

[@WithAnEss]

Chronic pain and illness forced me into early retirement. The narc said, "I want a partner not a dependent". Leaving the relationship lifted about 30 % of pain from my body. It is truly amazing how environment plays a factor with health.

[@cynthiave5221]

I retired early too.🎉😊 Best decision to lower stress per no more hour long drive on fwy and dead end job and not feeling appreciated.

[@MaureenWHamblin]

So proud of you for leaving and I’m glad that 30% of the pain is gone x

[@WakeupAmerica777]

@@MaureenWHamblinYou will heal 100% in JESUS Name I pray. Amen.

[@hawkspirals3483]

i had something similar after my stroke she said"I didnt sign up for this

[@WakeupAmerica777]

@ “In sickness and in health.” I’m so sorry. Narc’s are the devil incarnate. I pray you heal. God bless you! Merry Christmas!🎄

[@FeatherWolfGraphicDesign]

The stress they put me through made it all much worse.

[@ryanlocati5695]

Exactly.

[@OofWillis]

Thank you for acknowledging this. I am in tears. I finally feel seen.

[@palapalak.8907]

Absolutely. I was In hospital 2 weeks from stress and infections. Horrible. Now hes gone. HEALTHY!!!

[@jillr759]

May you now begin your long road to recovery! Now it’s time for all about you!

[@leilagomulka5690]

So true . The body doesn’t lie, as they say…

[@jeanie5074]

@@leilagomulka5690 as it says..

[@leilagomulka5690]

@ yes. My spiritual director shared this truth with me.

[@26pinkpixie]

I ended up with six autoimmune diseases. All of my specialists agree it is from “prolonged exposure to physical and/or emotional trauma”. It’s no joke.

[@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266]

When you stay in a toxic, emotionally abusive environment and your health is not at its best....Your health will deteriorate rapidly...Period! I walked away and went No Contact in spite of the hoovering, pull and push backs...I quietly walked away and stayed away...I was above 115kg Obese, after 8 mths, I began to find myself again ..my health improved vastly and I am now at 85kg without doing much but walking and being stress free. So stay away for your own well being. You're a God sent.❤❤❤🤗 Thank you for saving me Dr Ramani.

[@jeanie5074]

@@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266 Yes, Dr. Ramani is a God-sent. Praying for all people in abusive relationships and situations that are hindered and sickly, because of a narcissistic a**hole in their lives. Answer #1; get away from them, pray, plan, and prepare for the best way to do it, especially, if you have small children that depend on you 🛟

[@Alison-o9d]

I am so glad for you! You need your body and mind to begin your full self journey. The anxiety had pulled me so low. Exercise and finding happy people and things to do saved me. ❤🥰

[@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266]

@Alison-o9d That's it, that's great...I am very happy you found yourself again💞❤️‍🩹😀🤗..we keep moving forward✊🏾....I had to battle suicide, anxiety, binge eating, self loathing, self blame, getting stuck and hopelessness because of all I've endured and allowed time and time again...until I left✊🏾💪🏾😌... Asking for help and engaging with healthy supportive friends and healthy families plus listening to Dr.Ranani helped and saved me. I am here today because of all their help.

[@Alison-o9d]

Also, thank you Dr. Ramani. And finding the right meds for life. You do you!

[@PlumbTuckeredOut]

When I was 8 years old I dove into a shallow swimming pool and felt incredible PAIN. My parents dismissed my pain as "attention seeking". They told my pediatrician that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I led a life of incredible pain and depression. When I was 18 I began seeking medical help but I had convinced myself I was "attention seeking" now. In fact I had multiple compression fractures in my spine. My mother had died but my father continued to insist "You're a big baby!" By the time I was 24 I was totally disabled. Now at 58 I have multiple medical issues all as a result of living in intense pain since childhood. Worse than the pain however, is the distrust I have in myself and all medical professionals. I am often too fearful to seek any kind of medical help. The damage done by the dive into the pool could have been worse but the damage done by my narcissistic parents destroyed my life and any opportunity I could have had. Being sick or injured is difficult enough but having others mock your experience causes far more damage than any kind of physical injury.

[@kaycarle8361]

That's such an intense story

[@jon2lis2]

I am so SORRY for all your pain -you did NOT deserve it!!

[@Mvssie]

I have a very similar experience to you. I'm so sorry.

[@eileenmcchrystal8471]

I cried for you

[@lorihenrytaylor4438]

I've had 15 back surgeries - my narc mother made my life a living hell throughout. I could not understand why my chronic pain made her so angry - this makes sense.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

As a person struggling with mental health since I was a teenager & "raised" by a single mother (I'm a posthumous child), my heart really aches for you. I have been in psych wards like 7 - 9 times. She was opposing me taking any medication until they put me in one for the first time (I was around 15/16 at the time). After I turned 18, I inherited some money after an aunt from my father's side which I didn't even know I had and my mother tried to put me in a conservatorship during that time despite kicking me out of the house perviously. She no longer wanted to manage my life and finances after I ran out of all the money though and case eventually got dismissed. She even tried to force me to sign some documents so that a small trust fund I had after my father would be transfered to her bank account instead of mine when I was finally of a age too and a social worker literally had to tell her in person that it was illegal for my mom to give it a rest...

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

The most frustrating thing is that the rest of my famiy seems to have a very selective memory... They hold any mistake or any bad thing I did over me for years but whenever I bring up any of the atroctities my mom did to me, I'm always hit with "you only have one mother". Actually, I don't. I think of her as a complete stranger rather than a family member now.

[@Deeper-i4r]

You just described my life…. My heart literally broke

[@frankkazimir9173]

This is absolutely true that narcissistic abusers make us sicker. I've experienced this and am still experiencing it. When I get away from my abusers, I get almost %100 better. When they come back into my life, I get sicker. I can't seem to fully escape them. Money is the key to escape. Financial deprivation keeps me trapped in this nightmarish cycle. Lack of high-quality financial opportunities keeps me trapped.

[@jeanie5074]

@@frankkazimir9173 so, who is in control?

[@Vixinaful]

PRAY! Start praying and get in contact with God, ask him to help you with finances after you've formed a relationship with him.

[@PCAGA2298]

Same

[@a.m.126]

And the collective will in the opression theme.There must be opression otherwise they cannot keep up the sunny side.I hope you will get out.

[@meredithmarcus993]

yup.

[@LibertyWithin]

My relationship with my mother ended last year after I went into anaphylactic shock (never happened before) following a decade of chronic illness. My body was already exhausted before I ended up in the hospital and I essentially slept for 3 weeks afterward. I had brain fog so bad that I couldn't communicate and relied on my fiance to handle just about everything. My mother knew how much pain I was in and that I was barely functioning, but me not being able to text her back apparently meant that I hated her and was trying to hurt her on purpose. Once I was somewhat recovered and finally able to communicate again, I reached out to her and everything fell apart. She froze me out and then pretended like I'd made up the hospital visit and accused me of trying to manipulate her. Every time I tried to explain what happened, she interrupted and moved the conversation in a different direction until I was completely lost and the extra stress was making my brain fuzzy again. I tried to bring the conversation back to the beginning and pointed out that my body was recovering from trauma, meaning the anaphylaxis and other things related to the chronic illness, and she got defensive and cut in, telling me to "get over it." (I later realized she thought I meant her abuse from my childhood.) The dismissal hurt and I realized that I was never going to be able to get through to her. I walked away, which enraged her, and she ended up breaking into my house to hurl her favorite insults at me. I kicked her out of the house and haven't spoken to her since and my health has done a 180. Pain went from a daily, consistent 7 to an occasional 2. It's amazing how much constant stress wears us down...

[@jillr759]

Since age 20 (now 63) I get anaphylactic syndrome with no physical connection. Mast cell activation is one of my dx.

[@ryanlocati5695]

I have been experiencing a very similar thing ! I have been having anaphylactic episodes recently and and just exiting a nightmare family scenario not unlike yours. I have been making leaps and bounds in my health and haven’t had anything serious since my delusional parents are cut out!

[@ryanlocati5695]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, you are stronger than anyone realizes. The fact you have gone thru and can talk about and not become your mother is a miracle. Keep going you deserve all the happiness and love in this world. ❤

[@MaureenWHamblin]

So proud of you!! You never deserved any of that!!

[@bels4116]

"Relationship does not mean support " wow how true that is! I needed surgery and it was booked in for January 2020. I cancelled it because I knew he wouldn't look after me. ( and when covid hit I was so thankful I cancelled, what a nightmare that would have been. ) thankfully, I left the narc I was married to for 25yrs . So know I have the care in place so I can go ahead with the surgery. Dr Ramani you are truly brilliant.

[@ElisabethBowell]

It is so refreshing to watch your videos because unfortunately there just aren’t many in your line of work that are so knowledgeable in this topic. You truly get it.

[@RachelWilliams-qq3bd]

When I became ill with a chronic illness, My Narcissistic mother became more demanding for my time, became more vunerable and needy. She would try and trump any cause for concern that I had. I was making myself sicker by increasingly helping her. Her contempt of me escalated and I went no contact and I feel alot more at peace and I am able to manage my illness better.

[@MaureenWHamblin]

Well done for going NC and prioritising yourself x

[@RachelWilliams-qq3bd]

@@MaureenWHamblin Thank you x

[@Gretagarbo830]

Dr. Ramani...at 10:17, you tapped into a very important fact. This has been my reality time and time again. It's like a bad joke. Recently, I had a procedure done at the hospital. I was dreading it and anxious. They had me prepped and in a waiting cubicle with the curtains drawn. I thought "I'll try to center myself, relax, take deep breaths..." the next thing I know, the nurse is proudly coming in the room with my Covert Narcissistic husband in tow where she had gone out of her way to bring me the "support" of my husband. He sat in a chair that was above my head (not next to me or where I could even see him.). He played on his phone and kept sighing loudly (he was bored and being "put out.) then he said sarcastically, "Fun, fun, fun!" I was laying there pondering what in the hell I had done to deserve this. Also, what I could do to educate, and enlighten the system. The nurse might get have asked me if I wanted him in there before she brought him in. They should not assume this is a good thing. I do realize that unless you've experienced it, it's almost impossible to wrap your head around. With any medical situation, you are always at your MOST vulnerable. It seems like this would be a valuable thing to discuss.

[@dlzzthefish]

Wow I get it! My N partner always hovers behind me or near me but not where I can see him 🤮. Having a medical procedure, yes these N’s make you physically sick, is a cozy escape from the N - you actually have caregivers there just for you, who understand what you’re experiencing and have sympathy and whom you can trust to take care of you!

[@YogaNidra_808]

I hadn’t realized that this is why I always feel like I’m “faking” even when I’ve been hospitalized. I keep thinking I’m probably not that ill and I’m making too big a deal. When I was on medical leave, I struggled every day not to be angry at myself for not being able to work. This is huge. Thank you, Dr. Ramani

[@TorgerVedeler]

Here’s a tale of two friends. Friend #1 was a narcissist. He was a lot of fun when I was healthy, but when I got really sick, his help started becoming more and more strained. Finally it broke and he decided that he was going to shame me into getting better. Now, he’s not a medical professional and he also enjoys good health himself, so quite frankly he had no idea what he was doing. His support became commands and an unspoken shame he pushed on me for being sick. Finally the friendship snapped and he went after me like a pit bull. I decided to go no contact, but I’m still feeling the trauma. Friend #2 is a combat vet who walks with a cane after having his leg nearly blown off and who has been through hell. From him I have had unconditional love and support. He knows what it is like to be hurt. He cares and checks in on me. And when I told him what friend #1 had done, he told me to drop the

[@Gymnanigains]

This has been my experience. After ending an 8-year relationship with a narcissist, my Lupus went into remission and the things I was able to accomplish that I couldn’t before were outstanding. So many thanks to Dr. Wallace in LA for seeing the issue and telling me to change my life. 💛

[@ryanlocati5695]

Good for you!

[@MaureenWHamblin]

Delighted for you. Well done for leaving!

[@audbaltzersenrameckers8832]

Fibromyalgi, fatigue and my stomach bloating around toxic people, anxiety and it goes on an on. At least I know more what triggers what now. ❤ Thank you for bringing up this topic ✨️

[@davydavy5300]

Your body of work is truly brilliant. A genuine breakthrough. And the fact, you don't victim blame sets you apart from the rest. I've learned so much from listening to your videos. Thanks for all your great work!

[@LEO91968]

Just been through all of this with my 82 year old narcissistic mother. I'm 56. I've had severe chronic illness for the last few years; and, I was also my mother's caregiver. She didn't believe I was sick. The doctors couldn't find anything. Now I've been diagnosed with a lot of serious issues that will require surgery. I'm not her caregiver anymore. She doesn't care. She's never sorry. I tried very hard to take care of her. It was only after I saw how little she cared about me that I was able to let go in order to take care of my own illness. Thank you!!! Your videos have really helped me get through this!!!❤

[@maryellenyork2819]

After my divorce, people were shocked at and commented on how quickly I changed. Then they were shocked to realize I finally had the freedom to be myself. It is sad how people do not or cannot believe an abused person. ("I know him. He would never do that." Ha!)

[@deborahrobinson6553]

A narc loves kicking you when you are down. They make a big show they are SO good and SO helpful for taking care of you. All smoke. They will eventually kick you all the way to the curb, if you can no longer serve them. My heart goes out to those suffering even more because of these cruel jerks.

[@billsbullets]

I have scleroderma and my caregiver/spouse had just gave up caring. Left after 25 years because I was taking care of everyone in the home but myself. Yes I am getting healthier just in the past 6 weeks. Gaining weight depression is subsiding. I so needed this video. 🙏

[@jeanie5074]

It’s now time to take care of yourself ❤️

[@flightmama3191]

Extra weight is due 2 NOT FEELING SAFE ❤🎉❤ It's not Ur fault and when U T feeling safe it comes off NATURALLY 🎉❤🎉 DON'T TAKE THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, DR. RAMANI KNOWS HER STUFF 🎉🎉🎉

[@bhaveshshah456]

Same here.

[@katsato3118]

As a person with systemic scleroderma myself this is one of the most difficult. I'm sorry for what you went through. Most of us aren't strong enough to leave but somehow find the strength to manage everything else alone that's expected, accept our own care that is. Even in the scleroderma support group I've found when asking for advice many people just say "it's hard on them too", but it's not the way they think, it's hard because they hate that were sick, not perfect or may need the most basic things from them. I hope you're getting the support you need.

[@billsbullets]

@@jeanie5074 one day at a time.

[@kryssysmith1486]

Growing up in my family, I developed an eating disorder at a very young age. It worsened over three years, yet no one acknowledged I was unwell. Looking back, I realize they never truly cared.

[@winonahdrake6931]

I'm sorry you had to live through that. One of my siblings developed an eating disorder and our parents were furious when she let them know about it. They didn't want anyone else to know because made them look bad. That's the opposite, and equally cruel, reaction.

[@kryssysmith1486]

@@winonahdrake6931 I told somebody in the family system before I broke contact, "I tried to k!@# myself and you did ABOSULUTY nothing. Thanks. (Rolling eyes sarcastically.)

[@tash4122]

My son was 3 days old and he got sick . They kept him alive on machines . Husband and I didn’t tell his parents due to us needing to focus on our baby boy as no one knew what was wrong . 2 weeks later they told us our son needed a kidney transplant , once we knew we told the in-laws . They flipped out !!!!!!! How dare we not tell them immediately the day he was admitted to hospital , completely unacceptable behaviour from us , they have never forgot that . Next they said they have no money to contribute to SITUATION . We didn’t need /want money . we were in a teaching hospital , and my family would be cared for . There was no empathy or compassion for the 2 week old baby . I WILL NEVER FORGET . We went no contact 2 months later , and 20 years later the father in law has passed last weekend . Not going to that clown fest !

[@RootBound505]

Reality Check: you definitely played a role in this

[@WakeupAmerica777]

The body keeps the score. But praise God by His stripes we are healed. After 30 years on my way to healing and restoring all that my body and mind went through. God bless you all!❤️

[@paradiseacres9724]

I just realized it has been a while since I have felt the horrid stress and emotional trauma I lived in for over 20 years! I left 4 months ago, and after the initial stress of being alone in a town where I knew no one, it has eased into a happy, peaceful life. I pray my autoimmune condition gets better in this new life I have built!!

[@jacquelinehawkes5579]

Thank you So Very much Dr Ramani Am still suffering after 55years of marrage, I hope to be free one day.

[@DM-mj1ng]

My mother, who has severe NPD, enjoys sharing my confidential illnesses with the whole world. She has made it so much worse for me. But that’s not nearly as bad as when I had to have surgery for cancer. She made the entire experience about herself.

[@PCAGA2298]

OMG my mother did this too when I first got sick with chronic illness. Told all her neighbors everything about me. !

[@winonahdrake6931]

I stopped telling my mother anything personal as soon as I didn't need anything from her. She stopped contacting me when she got nothing to turn into gossip or drama between family members. I started sleeping better as soon as I had moved out. If you can cut contact, I encourage you to.

[@peteywheatstraw4970]

Love how when I confronted my mother about her sharing things I'd told her privately "You never told me not to say anything" thus it was my fault. These people!

[@winonahdrake6931]

@@peteywheatstraw4970 You shouldn't have to tell her what not to do. She should have asked you. The fact that it matters how they affect other with their action is alien to someone with no empathy.

[@scottessery100]

I’ve fibromyalgia and ibs at Christmas when I’m suffering due to family and work stress .. I have no voice I’m still expected to clean tidy care for the children and still prioritise their needs

[@blu-r7h]

You could have been speaking my story especially the last 9 months. My body reacted as I listened. I think it is the grief and someone articulating almost word for word what I've been going through and knowing I am not alone. Thanks!

[@katie195]

I could never understand why, when visiting my sister for a week ,!I’d have to sleep a day or two before I could function because I was exhausted. My narc gave me so much stress - I couldn’t breathe for weeks at a time, stomach upset, exhaustion and depression … at least I know now. When she was hospitalized for 3 months I left and stayed with her -,within days I felt better and my head cleared…. Narcs are evil energy vampires,

[@LeslieTix]

Having lupus and working full time... he told me what a disappointment I was since I can't go and do like I used to... knew at that moment that he just wants a mommy figure to take care of him, so he can do nothing

[@katethegreatfromanotherstate]

Shes right. I was with a covert narcissist when I came ill with cancer. We had a great rlshp prior. He stepped up during the acute period, and could not sustain the sincerity. Burned out and blamed me for not trying harder or getting back to work sooner or being more positive xyz, anything to deflect responsibility. Probably the worst pain Ive ever felt deep down. Not to mention, when life is all gravy you dont know youre carrying a relationship alone. U get ill and they expect u to maintain that one sidedness while they are not caring for you. Youd have to find a whole new support even if you stay.

[@shaund9759]

This is SOOOOO spot on!!! I was always so perplexed as to why MY health issues would ever be an issue for the narc. I just couldn’t get my brain to think that way so as usual I thought it was just something I was making up.

[@tarahcotta]

I literally got out of a relationship with someone recently, whom I think is a narcissist, and after years of chronic fatigue, pain, and heart palpitations, even scary abnormal blood tests... and as soon as I got out, everything started getting better. I even lost weight that just wouldn't go away for years despite actually eating correctly and working out 3x a week. Leave your toxic relationships.

[@kimberleyhartley6631]

Dr. Ramani thank you for this awareness. While I am not chronically ill, I do know from having a healthcare professional background that narcissists with knowledge of this can create a simulation of concealment it to where you even do not know you are coming or going. There is no excuse for this insidious behavior.

[@ryanlocati5695]

This is me. Omg. It goes SO deep. Thanks for speaking about this.

[@monongahelacats]

My ex left me because he thought I was faking neuropathy to get out of going to work. I was only worth my paycheck to him.

[@jillr759]

Whew he left. You’re now on the long road to recovery.

[@Cantfindme3]

I had a similar experience. I tried so hard to keep working but as my hours and paycheck decreased, he got angrier and angrier. I even had third degree burns on my dominant hand at one point, and he went to Vegas while I continued through the burn and worked… with no help with our dog. Got told I’m dramatic and crazy if I panicked while switching my bandages. Never offered to help. He eventually left me because I became “too boring,” because I couldn’t keep up anymore. Couldn’t help enough with rent, so he decided I wasn’t worth it.

[@monongahelacats]

@ I’m so very sorry you had to experience this.

[@amiravonhayden]

Absolutely. After my back procedure went wrong, spending month after month disabled and in constant agony- ask for help from anyone with narc traits, they will make it all about them. Passive aggressive comments, implying youre not doing enough- when I needed genuine help in living hell.

[@leethompson452]

Thanks!

[@AdrianaBalan-yg2vv]

Exactly. I asked for divorce after 26 years of marriage and 4 years after my official Parkinson diagnosis.

[@DorkThink]

I wrote an email last week to my entire family explaining all of the reasons my body can no longer do the big family holidays. It's taken me 20 years to get that brave. The response was exactly as I expected: the one sibling I am close to responded appropriately. The entire rest of the family that supports the narcissist in the dynamic could care less and the narcissist told me I "rebuff" them ALL of the time. I can say that despite my illness, I will DEFINITELY enjoy my holidays and birthdays much much more from now on!

[@santitarodriguez3774]

Thank you so much for speaking about all you said. It bothers me when a Provider assumes. Really, I would hope that more persons would listen and follow your recommendations. All you mentioned was talking about my health situations. Once more, thank you. Blessings. Amen 🙏🏽

[@moniquejackson7741]

So Brilliant, and Blessed Validation. It's no coincidence that in my multi-generational narcissistic family, half of my siblings, including myself, have different auto-immune disorders. "Relationship does not mean support". They don't step up when you're sick. You have an uncanny way of hitting all the important parts in a very clear and usable manner, Dr. Ramani.

[@katsato3118]

Systemic Scleroderma, I do most everything alone accept finances at this point. It's never enough. I'm drowning spiritually and emotionally. Too tired to put in to words but you've put it perfectly. My heart and lungs are scarring as it's affected them, I'm on oxygen and even now it doesn't register the gravity of the situation, but they grab for sympathy from others as if they care for me in any capacity. I hate myself for letting this happen.

[@PROVERBS31WAM]

Be gracious to yourself and start making a plan. You have more strength than you realize.

[@jusi1993]

Dr ramani I stopped talking to my dad a year ago after getting your book and my life improved 1000% My mom is struggling with an autoimmune disorder and I sent this to her. She said she would watch it. Thank you

[@ArtofSkwiggerton]

I'm in the middle of returning to cancer treatment after divorce. I didn't realize how badly I was neglected by the abuser until I started going to mesothelioma support groups. I had major surgery in March of this year, and was having to do a lot of things very early. I hurt his feelings by vocalist my pain, and he withheld care from me the very next day. I wasn't even 24 hours out of being discharged.

[@jeanie5074]

@@ArtofSkwiggerton who’s feelings did you hurt? The doctor’s or your husband?

[@ArtofSkwiggerton]

@jeanie5074 husband

[@ArtofSkwiggerton]

@jeanie5074 i don't know if my response went through, but it was my husband whose feelings were hurt. He wanted me to lower expectations in care when I needed him more than I did for my hysterectomy.

[@ashanein]

My mother tried to control my care. I was never sick enough for her or well enough.

[@estrela3889]

Dr.Ramani, thank you so much for addressing the gaslight from health providers and for your suggestion for them at the end of the video! Dealing with chronic illness in a narcissistic relationship, then going to therapy in order to address there the psycho-emotinal level of it but then being as well gaslit by the therapist...!!!! Yeap, we are survivors indeed.

[@annstar2793]

Made my chronic health issues worse and created some new ones that are even worse than I could have imagined. Never again.

[@robynm2037]

I suffered from migraines from the age of 3. since I cut off my narcissistic mother 15 years ago, I have not had a single migraine.

[@kathyhamilton5911]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ADDRESSING THIS ISSUE!!!

[@bhaveshshah456]

Thank you Madam. It seems to me that you have helped me come out from psychological slavery and mental shackles. My health has seen a dramatic improvement over the last one week. I could laugh very freely and naturally.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Acute anxiety 😪

[@ubidiboo2068]

never ends, some of us are born guilty!

[@battlecat6766]

When I spoke to my ‘dad’ about being diagnosed with fibromyalgia the first thing he asked was ‘are you sure you’re not making a big thing about it kid?’ I asked what he knew about fibromyalgia, he said nothing, I asked if he knew how it affected me, again nothing. So I put on a smile and distanced myself. Since then he made it all about him and made me the villain and so be it. Ill be the villain my ‘fathers’ narrative because I know the truth and saw the real person underneath and I don’t deserve that. No one does. I hope you have the love and support you deserve

[@gche9961]

Thank you Dr Ramani. Not being believed by my family added so much more to the stress of the illness than not being believed by the health care professionals. I was just so hopping mad and hurt 😢

[@ForceVGeneral]

This helped a lot after getting myself out of my narcissistic relationship with Family. It’s been rough.. but I’m better now and have a much stronger understanding of my life after watching your videos. Taking care of myself is my best option. 👍

[@House_of_the_Who]

I've struggled with chronic illness growing up but after my mother molested me everything got worse. IBS, chronic fatigue, muscle tension, etc. Flare ups happen as I process things somatically but my health has been slowly improving since I went no contact with my family. Narcissistic minded individuals will absolutely destroy your health and vitality. If you can leave, you absolutely must.

[@hawkspirals3483]

she WAS my chronic illness

[@maitreyiseraph]

It is so desperately tormenting to always have the thought in the back of your mind that no one will believe what you say about your own experience and feelings. - I have learned SOOOOO much from you, Dr. Ramani. ❤

[@melissawolf215]

My parents created such a toxic situation that it resulted in seizures, draconian and unnecessary medical tests, and being on anti-seizure medication for 46 years. I've haven't had a seizure in 26 years and live with a loving caring spouse in a deeply supportive environment so I am trying to get off anti-seizure medication slowly and surely. I also recently created extremely limited contact with my mother. I realized that if I am in contact with her she will make me sick, there will be a good chance that I'll never get off anti-seizure medications, and that her toxicity could kill me. She's dangerous medically and financially. Thank you for posting this video. You cleared up so much for me.

[@danlee4706]

Very pertinent issue for all narc victims. I know when I have a chronic, even fatal disease, I will do the absolute best to not let anyone in my family know. I know what the repercussions would be.

[@jeanie5074]

@@danlee4706 just don’t be around them anymore, or pay the price w/your own health, and wellbeing.

[@lesabrydson2526]

I developed chronic anxiety and depression and fatigue caused by being connected to narcissist husband 👿😡😢. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🤲❤️

[@CindyRussi.]

Are you still with them? Or what are you’re doing to get better. I’m in the same situation. I have chronic fatigue along with anxiety.

[@ColleenC-n5v]

Your insight and compassionate true-seeing ripples outward in healing connective circles as when you skip a stone into the water. One revelatory ring begets another until we begin to see the engulfing narcissistic circle that has been surrounding us-holding us back and sinking us to the bottom of the pond-of-despond. God bless everyone who continues to suffer via this toxic drowning. The ongoing gift of your educative channel is that you are teaching us how to swim and safely help us enable our own selves to reach the shore. Because of the important work you share with us, we will be better able to navigate the hurting selfish Scrooge(s) who threaten to steal our Christmas. Dr. Ramani, I hereby bedub you ‘ Most Benevolent Slayer of Grinches’……🎄🎁❤🎄🎁❤🎄🎁❤🎄🎁❤

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

In my opinion no body understands this like Doctor Ramani. She is heaven sent. God Bless her💖💖💖

[@suzannebell51]

This is the issue that finally gave me the impetus to leave a 30 year relationship. I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - my spirit was crushed and my body was shutting down. I realised if I left it any longer my health issues would get too severe to leave. Pleased to say I'm much healthier and happier now on my own

[@shelchel9168]

The narcissist I’ve had in experience with made the people closest to them ill. Both their mother and their partner were sick when around them, and then I became unwell too. I’ve distanced myself and I’m nowhere near as unwell as I was in the past. Thank you for talking about this!

[@hugatree7373]

The abuse I suffered was the way my husband was nicer to me when I was sick. It built his narcissistic headgame into thinking I needed him and couldn't make it without him. It validated, in his mind, that he was better than me because he didn't need the medical help I needed. The healthier I was the worse he treated me.The sicker I was the better he treated me. He had this horrible way of treating me like he was in control because I couldn't be in control because I was weak. After a 3 week psychological hospital stay I finally began to see how his ways were killing me. After 42 years of marriage and abuse I finally braved leaving him. I am slowly working at taking care of myself and starting to get better.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I remember this my narc father would get all over my mom. She was in a large amount of pain. Absolutely correct no one is allowed to heal on their own time! Narcs suck! 🤬

[@Rachel2428]

@DrRamani and Team, I’m so grateful for your wisdom, knowledge and for caring about victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse! 🙏 This video is SO important, you mastered what it is like to be chronically ill and dependent only on the narc - it’s a nightmare! This video is also an eye opening to the healthcare community out there , who is simply oblivious ( intentionally or unintentionally) to the fact that, one of the possible reasons their patients don’t get better /stable once both their diagnostic and treatment are right, might be the existence of abuse at home! AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME VIDEO ! THANK YOU for addressing this situation with such wisdom and expertise! Thank you for giving voice to us !

[@ashlieperry2273]

I have a genetic condition that leaves me susceptible and at risk for a TON of illnesses. I was diagnosed as ASD really young and my dad decided to raise me as of I didn't. He thought he could scream and beat the Autism out of me. I'd only ever known narcissistic type abuse until I was 36. (I'll be 38 next month) I've been diagnosed with about 15 chronic conditions. I am the "poster child" for this video... Thank you, Dr. Ramani for making this more well-known and validating something I always knew to be true.

[@vanessaviolet74]

I remember going to the hospital for a lumbar puncture and my narc husband (at the time - now ex) screamed abuse at me the whole journey. He knew I was scared about this procedure and the outcome, they try and tip you right over the edge. Thank you Dr Ramani for raising these points. People do assume that if you're in a relationship, you have support - It could be the very opposite.

[@marinaBSNRN]

Yep, they keep triggering the stress response cycle that cause surges of adrenaline and cortisol that mess with one's immune system and hinder healing.

[@allisonboley6225]

My dad once accused me of faking the exact same condition he has and genetically passed onto me. I don’t know why I never realized before this video that it was just about power.

[@sherylhunter4040]

I ALLREADY had excruciating pain constantly stiffness anxiety panic attacks. Now it’s a HORRIBLE horrible nightmare. Everything is BAD. Now I’m SO SICKLY

[@angelawade1445]

I love this purple chair. It reminds me of your purple dress.

[@hugmc]

Death by a thousand cuts is the narcissist, when I learned peace and good health, if I spend any length off time in a narcissists company my body physically and mentally starts frantically breaking down. Thank God I understand now took me a lifetime learning ❤thanks

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.

[@dlzzthefish]

You’re right Dr R! I know for a fact my covert Narc partner is causing me to be sicker physically! Diagnosed with UColitis in my 20’s, the string of narc relationships I’ve had always made it worse including now with my covert narc partner. Thank heavens for you Dr R & others like you on KZbin where I’ve finally learned what the heck is going wrong in my relationships -I’m a co-dependent enabler who gets lured in by narcs (like my mother). Current 10yr partner has convinced me to quit all my jobs to be with him all the time, he’s retired, stop going to my 12 step groups where I made friends, made me give up my car to drive his, convinced me to give up my rental to move in with him to save money so I could be with him more, the list goes on and on. I’m isolated, financially dependent & depressed & even sicker with a new ulcer and heart problems. What a mess I’m in!! How will I ever get out???

[@Marcella-e1o]

Thank you always doc ramani. You have said exactly what happens. I’ve had several visits to emergency room and each time I’m abused mentally and emotionally by my husband at home. He also withdrew food, didn’t tell anyone I was going thru something. I managed to get a tablet and sent messages to my daughter in another state. I was also on medication for pain. Today if I go into hospital all my friends know and I recuperate at my daughters home.

[@KimSB12]

😿 Thank you for making this video. It describes so much of my current "life" with ME/CFS. In the next few months I'll find out if my early retirement was approved, I pray it is so I can get away from her, my "mother". The woman who doesn't believe in my illness, who has called me useless, and makes me feel like a burden. I know my health will improve once I can have some physical distance, I distanced myself psychologically years ago at least... as much as is possible.

[@yaminiayachitam]

Narcissists make it look like its your fault that you are sick, but if they get sick, its someone else's fault. Because you didnt put up with their controlling behavior, or someone jinxed their health by commenting how healthy they are.

[@dianamatthews5965]

Thank you very much for shining a light on a lot of things that don't seem to make sense.

[@KW-mz4pn]

Let’s be honest Dr…the US healthcare industry has fallen from grace A LOT…as an MSN, RN X 30 years…that’s my assessment. Good video…thank you!

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

Dr Ramani, Oh how I wish you could teach this to our Health Care Providers, especially here in Australia. Listen to your clients....... I had CA Lung, asked for another night in hospital because I had to go home to a Mr Gunna........ the Dr looked at the nurses, asking what's that? I said I will be expected to go home cook, clean, shop etc I'm already struggling with recovery Yep I drove myself to hydrotherapy Appointments Nobody checked about my supports Shame

[@karenkuske5567]

Thank you Dr.Ramani for this video!❤ I have been thru this chronic illness and it’s the worst experience ever. Walked away from the marriage chronically ill…with nothing. Rebuilding is hard but my body feels better on my own…even with disability.

[@Nasa87ve]

Thank you for this video! My mother tries to make me depend on her again, when my chronic illness is flaring. My eyes opened the last time, when she bought me bread and just gave me a couple of slices and took the rest home to keep in her freezer. I had to call her to ask for more bread to eat. I would need her for such a basic need. This situation made me speak up again. I should have known already. She also talks to people about my health problems to get more attention. She told people she wishes I could walk again... But I am still able to walk a little.

[@HigoIndico]

I just had a memory today, where my mom told me about taking her friend into hospital because of pain. I realized a little anger bursting inside me, because my pain was dismissed for my whole childhood and I just had to "suck it up". At the same time she was helping people, who she just met in art school, understanding their pain but not mine. I don't remember going to the doctor for any of my pain related symptoms, like ever. Only for my asthma getting so bad that it had to be diagnosed and medicated, and my knee not getting better without a surgery - after being dislocated the second time. I'm still learning to tell myself, that it's okay to seek help. My chronic issues don't show anywhere though, in my record or in my face/voice, so I have hard time being believed in the doctors office.

[@dawngramates4142]

You have described my life!!! Even my daughter living next door, and she shows signs of narcissistic tendencies.

[@vermilliongecko]

This makes sense to me. I developed a chronic illness when I was 17, and my narcissistic sister told me it was all in my head. As my sister's control on my family and our parents increased, my illness worsened. I have put my foot down and limited my contract with her to almost nothing; my health depends on it.