WATCH OUT! What to expect in a break up with a narcissist

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is brave, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.

[@radumataca1342]

😂 true indeed.

[@realhealing7802]

Exactly! I have been struggling for years. After decades of abuse, it's going to take time for me to heal.

[@dancingriverwonderful9786]

thank you for you're empowering words really touch me !!!!

[@mckaughnbrown5969]

Indeed! 💯 percent! It is hard but when you come out if the woods you will be stronger for it

[@Indy__isnt_it]

Face first flat on the ground. It's the slowest, longest drawn out process depending on their level of protest, retaliation, manipulation. And for a man who acted slower than a sloth in all 35 years of marriage, Never graduated from Mayberry RFD or This Old House, although he never picked up a tool to attempt a project. While I grew spiritually and intellectually (I tried hard!) He grew more stagnant than nasty swamp land. I have been at this process since 8.28.21 #GabbyPetitoSavedMe 💜 Once his final switch was flipped, he came at me like rapid fire. His little toy cap gun became a machine gun in comparison. He knows my weak points and threw them at me ALL AT ONCE. Buried me in paper work, banking issues, using my deposits for bills, but failed to include this fact on his affidavit in court. Left off one of his income sources, oh I forgoooot. Dumb ass. He's so much worse than a POS 💩 As soon as court proceedings are done I will close that final email I keep active to get through the house sale and court crap. That's our only contact. And so many boundaries in place before that. You CANNOT BE A FRIEND IN THE END. AFTER A 35 year marriage, life w/o him is traumatic when he is your worst ENEMY mostly, but can also comfort you more than anyone. DON'T LET THAT GET YOU TO REACH OUT. IT NEVER GOES NICELY, no matter how hard you try to work with their traits, the lies are more than anyone deserves. Never taught or learned self love/care, abused at home starting at 15 the years continued til 17, got married entirely too young, he wandered too far. Then comes the one in a uniform walking his doberman after work. I watched everyday, eventually we were together over 40 years, married for 35, future faked the entire time. Gaslit, just totally disgusted at his total disregard for the marriage vows, but, oh, I don't believe in YOUR God, I've got my own beliefs, he sits ABOVE GOD. They are a bold breed!

[@LetLoveRule17]

It’s like a death. She is not who I thought she was. I’m grieving a person who never existed. My love was real but for nobody. What a crazy feeling. And I do not miss the real her. She gave me nothing. What the hell did I just do with years and years of my life? What was that about? I’m so sad and confused, but I am thankful to at least be through the past couple of weeks. 🙏Thank God for Dr Ramani!

[@sperez3275]

I suggest watching Ram Das. He’s not a doctor or anything, but the lectures he has online have shifted my perspective and sparked some great insights for me while going through the first initial, unbearable months after my breakup.

[@mpdissorder]

This is exactly how it feels. It’s the hardest part for me too. My mind can’t process that the person I loved wasn’t real. So I miss a concept, a mask, not a person. It’s devastating.

[@donnagriffis4871]

Hope by now you are doing better… 🙏 I am just trying to get my guts up… I get the grieving thing your post got my attention.

[@Life_with_Anaghha]

Transform this love for all people around you! Thanks to Dr. Ramani, many minds are waking up to the harsh realities of the extent that human minds can go. But for the survivors, this realisation should not just stop at coming out and having regrets, but transforming the love we had for such people to spread around our surroundings. Dr. Ramani can or may be she has already, do a video on how to cope after coming out of narcissistic relationships. Ways to heal. Her way of talking itself gives a lot of hope! 🙏🏼

[@Kule02]

I'm going through a breakup after spending 8 years married to a narcissist. What hurts the most is that over those years, there were so many red flags and times where I felt like I was at the end of my tether, but I never left. I think the hard part is that the good times were really good and the bad times were really bad, but we hold onto those few good times and tell ourselves that if the narcissist was always like that, everything would be so perfect.

[@angel201025]

I think it's harder to break up with the narc... because they get in your head, make you think you're in the wrong ... make you second guess yourself ... it's highly stressful

[@samanthamansi1184]

Definitely

[@gwenjohn8673]

Yes

[@jarinasoto9657]

Completely agree. It’s horrific.

[@catbishop206]

Please talk to a counselor or friend. You need a new sounding board, to recalibrate yourself after their damage. Blessings to you. In the mean time, keep watching Ramanis videos!! You've got this!

[@rashellaavalos-senteno860]

It is so stressful!

[@justaviyah]

You can't win... you can only bow out gracefully... and follow the peace

[@harbyarby1347]

Oooooo, I love that: “follow the peace”. Yes!

[@doristravis2484]

That is the whole truth right there

[@angelacurry3555]

Anen

[@angel201025]

💯

[@ehdimattia]

Amen… It’s totally sucks that there’s no closure and there’s no way to win in this losing game.

[@Noname-cm9hn]

Leaving was easier emotionally when I realized that what I wanted first and foremost, was to leave the person I've become throughout this relationship. This „me“ was the one I wanted to leave because I wanted to find the Self I was before…

[@helen9412]

That’s powerful! Well said

[@bernesemuir8022]

Yes another level spoken here ! Yes agree

[@tonyconnor5691]

That's how I felt, I said to her you start arguments over nothing and that she brings out the worst in me,

[@nicoleknott1015]

Yes this resonates with me.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Well said "me too"

[@kathleenroyalty1201]

I felt safer letting him leave. Because then he could tell himself it was his move. As long as he feels like he won, then I won’t feel like I have to sleep with one eye open or constantly watch my back.

[@angelacurry3555]

I agree. As hard as it is. I feel bad for the next person. I damn sure don't envy them. If he heals and become non-narcissitic, God bless them both. Freedom and peace of mind is worth not being with them.

[@TheDonnahae]

How did you do that? Make them break up with you instead of you breaking up with them?

[@groovymovie84]

@@TheDonnahae it's confusing. I stayed with my narc ex because they threatened to kill themself if I would leave them. They also pulled the "flying monkeys" with my friends with lies like what Dr. R said. I realized those were toxic friends too. I finally got the ghosting era of most narcs and called them out for it! They said "lose my number, I'm blocking you too!" They won their battle, but I assure you that I'm healing and they are unhappy about everything.

[@tinaw.5538]

How did you get them to leave you? That would definitely be safer after 25 years of abuse.

[@tanvinator]

So so so so right. I’m feeling safe doing that too

[@Hannah-hu3eu]

It’s so dangerous when the person that hurts you emotionally, then heals you emotionally, so it feels impossible to break up. Probably the most mental mess I have ever experienced.

[@tetetete.]

Agreed! When the only person you want comfort from is the one who hurt you in the first place - that just messes up my entire being.

[@Emma-ee6mc]

I left my Nac ex after 4.5 years abuse ,I have my personal stuff in his house .I asked him to ship back to me ,which he promised would do ,but eventually he did not.he blocked me everywhere ,so I can not talk to him to discuss about the shipment . So I send him emails telling him that I want peacefully end this relationship and move on ,if he can not ship back my stuff now ,tell me about his plan and date I will accept,but he kept ignoring . I send a lot of mails ,I was so angry that he could bully me in this way,cause we are not in same country ,I can not call the police or find a lawyer to help me . The only thing I can do is contact his colleagues or family to help . Does it make me narcissist? I don’t want get back to him . He blcoked me everywhere ,and show up anytime he wants to talk and block again when he does not want . He said he need me confirm the shipment information ,that’s why he did not ship . But I send him mail already ,he said it was too many mails that he wont read and then block me again . I am soooo angry and feel powerless ,I don’t want to contact his company ,but I feel like I have no other option than doing it .he is using this shipment playing and insulting me .

[@debbiealden5515]

I gave told my narc to move out, now says he's hurt his back! Told him 11 days ago to leave. When do I get on at him to go? Needing help

[@julietaperazza]

@@debbiealden5515are you ok?

[@jtowensbyiii6018]

They never healed you, that is a lie

[@laetitia-joy]

Your videos are life saving. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I’ve been listening to you for more than 2 years and it gave me the courage to file for a divorce after a 22 years marriage. You gave me the knowledge, awareness and strength to work on my wounds and set myself free. I am forever grateful to you, Dr Ramani 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@angelascarborough6505]

Im so happy you got out

[@laetitia-joy]

@@angelascarborough6505 🙏🏻🤗

[@lucylocket1159]

❤

[@ColdBloodedReaper]

How did you get past the pain of rhe heartbreak

[@-.-E-.-]

Beautiful said! I agree! Dr. Ramani is amazing!

[@ENDOPLAGUE]

So the best weapon anyone can have against a narcissist is not to care. Don't care about their tactics, don't care about their gaslighting and don't care about them. It's not to say we should treat others like this but to protect your own sanity, you have to with them.

[@shaysmith2125]

So true...Im finally free and not looking back

[@AMVideos117]

Do you know what I just have to say? I pray for all the men and women out there that are in a narcissistic relationship. It’s all enough that you know when you’re bright you’re intelligent but you’re running out of money you have nowhere to go. And then they suck the life energy out of you. Their moods change from overly sweet to why are you bringing up some thing Because you’re arguing. You can’t tell him you’re tired because Lord knows they’re tired I have seen my face aged 10 years in the last two months. I just wish we all could hold each other‘s hands and get through this together. It’s a very sad world we live in and the narcissist really making it incredibly difficult. I cry every day not because I’m just miserable because I’ve kind of lost my way. And I hope whether you believe in God or spirit whatever that you can be strong don’t let the narcissist take who you are away from you.

[@richardpace4772]

Amen, WC.....

[@aliceroberts1980]

I cry a lot too and I’m lost too I know this doesn’t mean much there just words but I hope you feel better and that you know that your a good person and stronger than most people Thank you for your comment it means a lot to know I’m not alone in these feelings God bless you or may the universe bless you with happiness❤️

[@AMVideos117]

@@aliceroberts1980 I really appreciate you writing me back. It means a lot to me. I think the more we talk to each other the better we can move forward. But I do miss having friends to be around. I feel so isolated. And he’s constantly going back-and-forth and emotion. He’s just not stable typical narcissist. I hope that you will be strong and then we can all be strong together. I think this is the only way we can overcome it. Blessings.

[@fritz194]

Lost my way... thats the part which hurts most... we are separated now for 2 years and still fight divorce. I have a new girlfriend - and its so different in so many ways... I lost my way... and started to dream somebody elses dream until he destroyed me.... But I feel this being-me moments get more frequent... if you survived such relationship you are a strong person with strong personality... every bit of yourself you reclaim will be a weapon of defense and you will never end up in such situation.

[@GoldienOC]

Oh I hear you!! I left a door open for transparent honesty at all times. He was so angered by this because he didn't want to say what his true feelings were or what he was planning unbeknownst to me. He wanted it in secret. Yet, It was all happening under my nose. I can't believe I let another narcissist into my inner circle. I feel terribly stupid about it, and sad.

[@motherearth6064]

Stalked me 10 yrs, 3 restraining orders, got me fired from 3 jobs, I made 2 cross country moves, he harassed my parents & friends. Been divorced close to 20yrs I don’t think I’ll ever remarry. God help anyone that gets mixed up with these people.

[@teralecole316]

These creatures are possessed by demons. Normal healthy human beings are not heartless in the way these creatures are. C’mon… a creature who possesses a personality disorder that goes in cycles with the sole purpose to hurt others and leave a trail of destruction behind. That’s a demon. If they left you consider yourself blessed. I feel for the unsuspecting new supply thinking they met someone special. I was once that manipulated person thinking I finally met my Prince. I’m still in shock that I came across a demon. It’s unbelievable how hateful they are. I’ve never seen someone “love” me and hate me with such fierce speed. Not a normal person and never a normal breakup.

[@josicordova1802]

I cannot express how accurate this is.. it is EXACTLY what I am going through.. it’s utterly disgusting

[@aceanyconcept337]

Very true. It is so hard to trust anyone once you have been through this and the psychological damage is massive.

[@sandrakippert9470]

I had an ex narc who placed an ad on craigslist with my name/email saying my secret fantasy is to have two men break into my apartment and rape me. It wasn't an original idea, at the time in the news a woman was murdered because an ex did that to her. I had to have him arrested, the detective said he seemed like such a nice guy. NEVER underestimate the evil of a narcissist. Voice of experience here.

[@405OKCShiningOn]

yes, ghey ops and doxxing. its real.

[@kuunami]

Wow, how did it turn out after calling the police?

[@sandrakippert9470]

@@kuunami I got a restraining order, he was arrested and went to court. He's a coward, so that scared him, he never thought I would do that.

[@sandrakippert9470]

@@snn2913 He sent me link, I went no contact, he said he would take it down if I talked to him, I talked to the police instead.

[@smnkm4ehfer]

Jesus, even with CnC play, you still make plans FIRST not just randomly break into a home lol. The people that respond to ads like that without 1st making contact and planning need to be locked up too because they have no sense.

[@shellshelly5552]

I broke up with a narcissistic husband after 46 years, horrifying. Next narcissist I broke up with after six years, not as bad. I will NEVER ignore a “few” red flags ever again. Counseling has been EXTREMELY valuable!! THANK YOU Dr. Ramani, you’re amazing. I bought your fabulous book. “Should I go or should I stay.”

[@dm3144]

👍❤️🦋😢

[@loves_all_races]

46+16=62 😢

[@wendeezy456]

​@@loves_all_races where's the 16 from? Or do you mean 6?

[@lindab926]

I’ve been married to mine 45, going on 46, years. Trying to plan my escape.

[@Hellpaso_Zombie_bicycle_club]

​@@lindab926 ill be your exit plan. Lol

[@chaleorta]

I left my narcissistic gf, we dated for about 5 months. The first 2 months were amazing. After that she started to devalue me and insult and silent treatment, and pretty much ignore me like I wasn't there. I did some research on what possibly be going on. I felt the discard was coming. So I wasn't going to let her just trash me like that. I literally was shaking when I told her we were done. The words just struggled to come out of me. But I felt like a heavy weight came off from me. Because I finally stood up to her from her emotional abuse. I'm sure she had someone else already because she is the type of narc that loves validation and supply. This short relationship gave me so much pain, emotionally, mentally and physically. But now I can heal and detect red flags if I ever date again.

[@bulletsunderpressure]

It took you everything to leave. It's like betraying your own skin. I'm going to have to do the same soon. You are a inspiration to me. Thank you man.

[@mkargetlam1]

I can understand your situation considering I went through the same thing. All she said was "Okay" to me saying we should stop seeing each other. That's when I knew she already had someone else in her backup supply.

[@ranbymonkeys2384]

The worst should have happened after the breakup. If she left your life your lucky. If you were dealing with a "real" one then you are dealing with a bunch of sj** right now.

[@sarahhan1867]

Post breakup hoovering through means of stalking and spam calling/messaging/emailing is SCARY. What’s crazier is they can do all that and still think they’re the victim.

[@foden850]

Going through this now very scary

[@cs.8821]

Maybe it's because you are the Narcissist

[@MsGoodforthesoul]

I’m a month into this phase.

[@Sicksidemarie]

I’m going through this right now :(

[@vickyaart]

Me too, it's been a month since i blocked him all over the social media eventhough he finds a way to reach me out. But we have to be firm and stand our ground that enough is enough. We have the right live a normal life. Everyday of narc free day is a progress. Godspeed

[@eagleeye2300]

I absolutely guarantee (from my experience,) that after committing to the relationship and getting married...he, (and his demons,) could absolutely NOT handle or allow me to be happy. The person I married acted normal, kind and happy until we were married...And then the truth of who (and what) that being was started to come out. It was a massive combination of his jealousy towards me, his demons pitching a fit because they weren't being fed in aberrated behavior, his subconscious fear that I'd end up leaving, (so he took control and made it happen first...) And a HUGE part of it-- which took me a long time to understand-- He enjoyed psychologically traumatizing me as often as possible. The saddest element of all is that he has zero willingness to look at the fact that he wanted (and wants) to punish me for the severe damage that was perpetrated on him during childhood by his entire family. (These were completely sick people). He will not, cannot see that he idolizes them, and attempts to punish me. I had to leave before I had a total nervous breakdown. I am a strong person and it has taken YEARS for me to even regain a semblance of normalcy. Narcissistic individuals are capable of perpetrating MASSIVE damage to your psyche.They intentionally want to break your Spirit. It is impossible for them to change. In fact they do not believe there is ANYTHING wrong with them AT ALL. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault. Their false self...Their massive obese ego's -- control them utterly. It is their survival factor, they believe their delusions. They will NEVER, EVER CHANGE. Never.

[@aliceroberts1980]

This is my husband a 100% his whole family are sociopaths or narcissists same thing I guess right now what you just wrote is exactly when I am living

[@cavgrey8]

Seriously the ink dried on the marriage certificate. Hours later it began. Four years of being able to conceal the real personality. It was transactional.

[@Lacezilla9597]

I had to double check to make sure I wasn’t the one who wrote this….I can see now that stbx has always hated me and blamed me for his horrible childhood.

[@shanellem6310]

This was my husband as well, exactly. He had me questioning my own sanity. Once I learned about narcissism, everything became clear. I can now see his patterns & manipulations and I know how to respond to them. We've been separated now for 4 months and I will be filing for divorce. He is still trying to exert control over me because we have a child together & he's still trying to get access to me. He was happy as hell when I first moved out, for a full 2 weeks he was nice as pie. Then, he had the nerve to ask for a key to my apt. Mind you, he's never been there, nor do I plan on inviting him. Anyway, I said "No. Why do you want a key?" He actually said, "So that we can have s**." Uh, no Sir. Not gonna happen- ever again. I don't understand how he could fix his mouth to even say that. The dust & entitlement is really strong with this one. Anyway, I fully expect things to get worse before they get better. I refuse to allow him to interrupt my peace. I have been firm on my boundaries & won't let up at all. My kids are happy & thriving. I enjoy my peace & am just happy to be breathing without his toxicity. Now, I need to protect our son. I aim on doing just that. Lesson learned- I will always follow my instincts.

[@mimiescyberandstockcorner-4975]

This is my story to a T. I am getting out now. I am also lerning as much as I can to not make the same mistake ever again, see and act up on the red flags!

[@lt827]

I believe it is harder when the narcissist is the one who discards you. First they dump all their criticism and blame you for everything and then they typically insist on getting the last word and walk away. You are not given any opportunity to defend yourself and then the narcissist walks away victorious that they have externalized all their problems on the target.

[@Ariannauk1]

You have to be one step ahead of them when I realised what I was dealing with I went grey rock thanks to Dr Ramani and he tried every trick in the book to engage and make a row throwing out extremely unfair and false statements I held firm and replied I’m sorry you feel that way or you are entitled to your feeling but I remember it differently but let’s not argue, or simply yeh I understand or ok lol it drove him nuts and he got more and more mean and his true self could be seen more and more as it went on, eventually he ended a long marriage via voicemail my son rang to say bye because he wanted to and he was laughing laughing it was very bizarre he kept saying sorry to him and laughing like a hyena my son was nine 🙄 and that was that he thought that it was demeaning to do that and he thought he had the last laugh but he didn’t I set it up and I wanted the discard because I had studied and knew that was the easiest way to get rid of him for good after years and years of the same toxic cycle of abuse.

[@jayjaydubful]

Yes yes yes. I just experienced exactly this

[@tularashi1586]

I went thru this Wednesday now I used that for no contact now this malignant poodle turd is stalking but I'm going be fine no going BAC to abuse that bald head dog can drag me on FB IG ion care I don't see it I'm out that mess he need to go on with his flocc of bald headed pigeons

[@SugaSuga008]

It’s tough but as long as you can finally get away and heal. Sometimes, you need the narcissist to dump you because most times if they don’t you’ll still be in that miserable relationship with them. It’s really hard to leave a narcissist idk why it is😮‍💨 Them leaving you can sometimes be an eye opening for some.

[@robertfisher710]

Or they get caught in their lies and then tell you we was not together or we ain't together we be so blind sided and confused it hurts like hell and they leave come back leave come back and evertime they do it we fall right back in and it repeats it's self but there is a God

[@annettebaggett]

It was the most hurtful breakup.. it happened again and again for 23 years. I must be a slow learner, or hopeful. Thanks to these videos , I have learned what was happening. This last break-up a year and half ago was my last. I cannot explain how liberated I feel after learning about this disorder that I had never ever known about. What helped is knowing he has been doing this long before I came along. And will continue with every new supply moving forward. That gave me peace. At first I thought I must be the problem... I know better now. He still Hoover's on occasion, but I don't respond. He turned his children against me. It's gaslighting. He wanted me to contact him about it. I did nothing. He is blocked so now he has no way to watch me, or know about my life. I win. There wasn't much of a relationship with his kids after all , or they wouldn't let him sway their minds. Ironically, he was a lousy father to his children, and an even worse grandparent. Takeaway, leave it ALL in the past. Look forward!!

[@PoliticalWonderland]

The only time u can win in these relationships is to not have the relationship anymore. The only win possible is to leave and best revenge is to have a great life.

[@annettebaggett]

@@PoliticalWonderland yes ma'am.. just glow up ! That's the win.

[@lorithrall9847]

Knowing the reality of the fall out kept me in cement. 10 years. He had a side piece the whole time and I ignored it. I had so much shame. Thankfully he left me. But it’s no picnic.

[@laurajones5352]

I think hope is the last thing to die in these relationships. I was addicted to hopium and the happy ever after. The only takeaway is you see how truly damaged they are and there is no hope of happiness for them.

[@finnsya8054]

I think it was harder to break up with the narcissist because of the trauma bond. It got to the point where I would have welcomed being "dumped" by him. Unfortunately, I had to do it, and it was TOUGH!

[@thiccachuu3770]

Mine dumped me and he came back n found out he was doing some sneaky things with another girl so I dumped him litreally today 😂

[@percival-hz5zj]

That's where I am now. I've only just accepted tonight that he is a narcissist.

[@windysmith7367]

I fell for him BIG time. I had always reached out to him after the silent treatments, and other bad behaviors to attempt to make up and make it work. This time, I told him I was leaving during a discussion and before leaving he went into a narcissistic rage which left me traumatized. I have been no contact for 3 months but it’s been a struggle. I think he counted on me coming back. I also blocked him so don’t know if he has tried to reach out. He did leave some of my things on my front porch (no note). I took that as a Hoover and didn’t respond to him. My heart was broken and the reality is that he was never real and he never cared about me. There was no ‘us’.

[@Lisa-kg8po]

I’m so sorry. So much heartbreak and unbelievable sadness you must have gone through 💔 My heart is breaking because my relationship seems like it’s ending but I don’t want to go because I love him even though it’s so toxic. Are you doing better now, a year later? I hope your heart is healed ❤

[@eph2vv89only1way]

I know I have commented this before, but I know people who are on the brink but have doubts may need to hear it. When leaving an abuser seems hard, think of how hard not leaving has been

[@GloriaHeld]

❤

[@aussiechick00]

Flying Monkeys still believe I’m too hard on my narcissists by holding them accountable for their actions

[@RyanR-r3l]

you're going to have that who cares what they think they are nobody

[@BaileyBunyard]

How do you know? Do you talk to them? I don't care how close we were if they were a flying monkey; they had no access to me.

[@Bob-zh6dw]

I think it's harder being dumped by the narc because the feeling of rejection comes into play

[@MrTwinkieeater]

I think it's also important to tell yourself you didn't stand a chance with these people. Nothing matters to them. NOTHING. Even when they discard you, they'll tell you they respect you and never acknowledge how they talked to you or anything they did that affected your feelings.

[@jayjaydubful]

Yes. The yearning for justice will never be satisfied

[@huey4363]

P.S. The last time he did speak to me he was INCREDIBLY insensitive & when he tried to connect after that he acted like nothing ever happened.

[@justadream6650]

i did it today 🎉 i feel relieved and guilty at the same time. so glad to have a good support system. for the first time in a long time i'm actually excited for the future

[@FOELONGLIVEMydawgs]

Congrats

[@justadream6650]

@@FOELONGLIVEMydawgs thanks, so crazy thats its already been half a year

[@meganlumley3719]

Dr.Ramani! Were you watching through my window or something?!?! You just described the end of my marriage 10 years ago to a T! I ended the relationship and he will never stop punishing me for doing so. My lawyer told me that my ex is the worst ex he has ever had to deal with. Our marriage counselor congratulated me on my escape. Lucky me. Sigh. However, I have never regretted walking away, not even for a minute. We had been together for 17 years and I had loved him deeply, but I haven't missed him, not for a single second. He continues to cause me stress but I am so proud of myself for my escape and recovery. I have you to thank for much of that!

[@chrisrendino1529]

This video made me feel sorry for my husband’s ex-wife for the first time. He did exactly what you said to her. And then me.

[@tlove6932]

I think that a Narcissistic breakup is way WORSE. With a Narcissist, one is not dealing with a reasonable or rational person. NARCS lack EMPATHY, meaning no "low blow" is ever too low & as you stated, NOTHING is Sacred to Narcissists. Always love your heart, your style & of NOT sugar-coating the Trauma & severe Abuse these Narcissists inflict upon their victims. Heaven Bless you beautiful Sister 🤗🌹💞💟💫

[@windysmith7367]

So true

[@elle_sanchez]

In my instance it would’ve been so much easier for the narcissist I was involved with to have left me. In fact I would find myself wishing he would have left me for someone he had cheated on me with. I eventually had to leave him because I knew I did not want to live like that for the rest of my life and I didn’t want our children being raised in that toxic environment thinking that was ‘normal’. Upon leaving, I had to endure being badly beaten and choked to the point of nearly losing my life. It has been 30 years since I left and it is one of the BEST things I’ve ever done for me and my children. Thank God I had a strong family support system during that very scary time in my life. As Dr Ramani stated, please be careful if you are with an abusive narcissist and decide to leave.

[@maevebutler4641]

@aLison, I am so sorry that you went through such awful violence, I totally agree that when your exit plan is taking place , above all else & especially if you have previously experienced violence , that you exit very safely/ seek out outreach workers from shelters to accompany you leaving/accompany you to Court, stay safe everyone So glad you have found happiness , freedom & joy in your peaceful, happy home It's the very least that you deserve Wishing you many blessings Thank you Dr.Ramini for your excellent video

[@elle_sanchez]

@@maevebutler4641 … thank you for your kind words! Although it was an incredibly awful experience to have endured, I learned a lot from it and it has actually helped me in establishing boundaries with any and all people in my life.

[@sheberry8597]

Wow. Thank you. My ex is smart enough not to hit me. Had me on the floor pregnant once, and later tried to convince me that the baby had been born and was in the swing. He threatened to put a buck in my head on a call right after he had left my home being so kind (Dr. Jekyll). Thankfully, I had my cousin on the phone call as well, and she was 😳. God told me to be still, so I didn't provoke him by filling a restraining order. I consulted with more than one attorney to hear their advice and learn my options, and I was still like God told me. I honestly think my ex is scared as shit to see me in a courtroom because of something else he did and his lifestyle. One day at a time had helped me stir clear from him.

[@tori2040]

One of the reasons why it's hard to heal from this type of relationship is because they don't give you distance to heal. If you have children with them they will do whatever it takes to interact with you.

[@aliyafichtner8843]

Or even try the best they can to alienate your kids from you. Or even take the kids away from you. I’m dealing with the same. And never could I ever thought that it could go on even years after I left!

[@zarahmclauren1459]

@@aliyafichtner8843 same.

[@heydeanie]

Even if u don't have kids w them, they weasel in with your parents, siblings, friends .. to become so entwined, u can't break free...like the human equivalent of poison ivy. .

[@allanapolinske8271]

THIS!!!!!! Going on 8 years with my husband’s narcissist ex!

[@danitajminer3279]

Ya know. . . It's an old Massaginist view that women trap men with a pregnancy. My situation in 1995, married 8 years, and i was talked into having a family by my daughter's father. At the time, we were doing well , but he was beginning an affair, I questioned him about the affair and he denied it, continued it throughout the pregnancy and left 9 days after she was born. When I asked him "why in the world did you want us to have a child?" I would have Gladly given him a divorce and sent him on his merry way, his response, yall sit down for this. . . " I knew I was leaving, and I didn't want you to be alone."

[@kimjhanp]

My final straw with my narcissistic ex was after having a miscarriage he didn’t ask if I needed medicine or how I was feeling he called me on the phone while I was in pain to fuss about his son that’s a celebrity. The topic of fame and his son was more important than me just miscarrying our child. After years of verbal abuse, mistreatment and him ignoring me during conversations that was the final straw.

[@LoLoKelz]

That happened to me! I had never been pregnant before, then finally at 37 years old I got pregnant! I was so happy and so excited. Unfortunately after 13 weeks I had an incredibly painful miscarriage that cause way more pain and mental anguish then I ever thought it would. I still cry when I think about it and that happened 3 years ago. Guess what he did? He pretended like he cared when I called him on the phone from the hospital and then… Crickets. He didn’t even stop by to see me for 3 whole weeks. I went through the entire miscarriage and the entire recovery process all by myself and had no idea why he wouldn’t want to be there for. After all it was OUR baby. It wasn’t even on his radar. He couldn’t of cared less. I’m sure he was relieved and happy I lost the baby because he needs to always be number 1. Having a baby would of made him number 2 and there’s no way he could deal with that. I’m happy to say I just ended things and went no contact this week after 4 whole years together (this past Thursday was our 4 year anniversary). I even blocked his number. Since then he has showed up at my house 4 times (I only blocked him yesterday morning), keeps creating new online phone numbers to call me on since I keep blocking each new one he tries, then he comes back and bangs on my front door and then comes to the back of my apartment and bangs on my bedroom window. I can’t even walk my dog right now because I don’t know when he’ll come back and I don’t want to be cornered and forced into a conversation with him. Gotta be honest, I’m a little scared about what comes next. Now that he can’t just walk in the door (I had the locks changed on Tuesday of this week) and he can’t reach me by phone or text, even on these extra burner numbers he’s coming up with, he is REALLY freaking out. It’s scary when you don’t know what they are capable of… Please wish me luck and safety getting through this.

[@cassr6965]

@@LoLoKelzI was so sorry reading your comment. Sending you all the luck and most importantly your safety 🙏

[@WinterWarlock261]

I was raised by a single-parent covert narcissistic mother who never bothered to teach things like "boundaries" (or more accurately, she is allowed to have them but nobody else is). I have learned a LOT of toxic things from her that I've spent a lifetime trying to unlearn and try to learn healthy alternatives and new things like: boundaries (what are those??). I've had to learn a lot on my own over the past several years. Things I imagine a "healthy" parent would teach their child, but I can only imagine since I have no clue what a "healthy" parent would actually teach a child. I have no point of reference to go by. Just my own life experiences, which is DEFINITELY not the definition of "healthy" (whatever that is). I have learned to avoid relationships because I've known too many narcissists in my life. It is like I keep running into them, one after another, after another. Now I just avoid everyone and keep to myself. I'm tired of dealing with narcissists. There are too many of them. What is this "healthy relationship" thing you speak of? Never heard of it. Nope. No clue what it is. (Sadly, I can't tell if I'm being sarcastic or not)

[@erikavaleries]

I relate to this exactly. I just had a narcissistic life coach for narcissistic abuse!!

[@aliceroberts1980]

Yeah, this is my life

[@travellpc191]

Oh wow, this is me. You are definitely not alone. ❤

[@EphemeralProductions]

I feel EXACTLY like you do about it!!! That’s partly why i haven’t had a relationship in 20 years!!

[@Atheistbatman]

U r OK U have a sense of Self and introspection Normal isn’t a specific thing. I’m crazy as H but I’m normalish… I learned one thing from my narc mom….No one is going to love you as much as you….no one can.

[@shamekabailey4697]

Trying to mentally process what happens in these relationships is a horrible process. You no longer trust YOU on every level. I literally have had a headache, heightened anxiety and a gapping hole on my soul. This is literally a fight to keep your sanity when leaving these people. Even after leaving, and blocking him, still I am getting calls from unknown numbers and leaving threatening and devaluing vmails. This is one of the worst, painful, and mind blowing experiences I will never wish any man or woman to go through.

[@rahtaja]

It's much harder when you leave the narcissist, they will not stop harassing you, stalking you, even harassing your new partner and telling them lies about you.

[@RoadLessTravelled-o2p]

I've had both, it's better to be the one who cuts them off because it means that your healing has already started. If you are breaking up with them, you already know the truth, so I think it's better.

[@switchbackimage5966]

Theft of time... is the worst.

[@juliomartinez6979]

It’s harder to be broken up with because you’re not expecting it. If you break up with them it shows you had time to prepare.

[@TheKingwalker22]

Can you believe this information is free? She must really love her work. It's rare to hear this on a popular site

[@abbycollazo2651]

I feel like it's harder when the narcissist breaks up with you. I broke up with mine, I discarded him cold turkey. I needed to heal and after some time felt great about it. I'm not sure I would have felt the same way if he discarded me. But like you said, it's a blessing either way. And I count my blessings and gained my sanity every single day.

[@kathleenroyalty1201]

I immediately put all my personal things in storage to prevent damage. And it took 2 years for him to leave. I was so happy to have my things back. Paintings my mom did, Christmas ornaments my children made, etc.

[@livingnow7017]

After my ex fiance left me, he contacted my sister, who lives out of state and has never met him...to tell her horrible things about me! She is very smart and didn't take the bate! She also had divorced a narcissistic man, many years ago, so new what he was trying to do! Crazy the extent they will go to, to try and make themselves look good and make you look bad!

[@brittniepatten5549]

My sons father did the same exact crap. Went through my FB and started sending messages to all of my out of state family. How embarrassing whether the crap he was saying was true or not just him doing that alone is embarrassing!

[@cjc363636]

In narcissistic friendships, after a long chill in the friendship, I'd get an addict like craving for the 'love bombing' part. This has been going on over the decades, since high school. That's the hard part to not fall into again. And recognize - you will NEVER be their most important thing. No matter how fun the shower of attention in a love bombing is. It's a lie.

[@Gyle.3559]

it's one of those things. Just take it easy, you will be fine.

[@angelacurry3555]

That last sentence is the hardest thing for me to accept. How I thought we had a genuine love connection all these years. to accept.

[@GoldienOC]

I had no idea he would tantrum out the door and discard me! I was devastated. I had no idea of 'The Why' when he did it. I've figured it out now, and it's just as you said Dr Ramani, there was someone else that gave him the courage to cut and run. I've dealt with the flying monkeys, hoovering, and shunning by some of our collective friends. It's been terribly painful. Problem is he lives so close to me, I don't want to go out for fear I'll see him. I really despise him and want nothing to do with him ever again. When I am done. I am done. I'm so grateful it happened looking back. He was not the man I wanted him to be.

[@chrisrendino1529]

He discarded me on NYE. The first day was brutal. I keep watching videos and doing yoga. I’m starting to feel free.

[@sandracaezza7234]

Dr. Ramani you are soooo right about the loss of identity. My grief is the loss of her ( me). I’ll find her again.

[@riyajacob2909]

Blessings to you...peace!

[@elainechurch519]

I think you are amazing! It's been three weeks since I kicked my narc out. And I'm growing stronger every day. No more gaslighting or brawls on the kitchen or living room floor. There will never be another gun that goes off between us and by the grace of God braises my stomach and hits the mattress. No more sad birthdays and holidays. And as far as the smear campaign, I'm confident with who I am. People know the character I possess. He's just an idiot that couldn't control the best thing he ever had. And once he tried to sabotage my book and all my hard work, I realized I made the right decision. Thank you again. ❤

[@ewaczarnecka2618]

I don’t know you, but i love you. I am in the process of leaving my violent abuser right now. Your story gives me strength. Thank you. Sending you love 💕.

[@melissasue4257]

I set my boundaries (which resulted in me moving out and going grey rock) and waited 5 years for him to file for divorce. I think it was the best way. He thinks he’s the victim of course and when he broke the news to me about filing, he said “we are just toxic”. I’m on the countdown of two weeks to complete freedom. Take care everyone. Each situation is different. This worked for mine. 5 years seems like a long time but it gave me time to heal, recover financially, and break that trauma bond. Thank you Dr. Ramani. ❤️

[@helen9412]

Wow you waited 5 years!? I’m assuming there were prob kids involved too. How did you heal while still w him? Want that hard

[@melissasue4257]

@@helen9412 I didn’t live with him during the five years but had contact with him in the beginning. I had severe PTSD from the abuse but didn’t really know it at first. Little by little I realized the truth of our relationship. To be honest I had never heard of narcissistic behavior. He definitely follows the path of a covert narcissist. He was riddled with depression and always blaming me for it. Those of us who have lived through this know how this goes. After one terrible night of hell I made my plans to get out. my counselor advised me, if possible, to let him end the relationship. He finally did in October 2022. The divorce will be final in February 2023. I’m praying he doesn’t change his mind or try to Hoover me back. He’s been quiet except to text my daughter but, so far that’s it. This has been a harrowing experience. But, I have such peace now. I get up everyday looking forward to my day. One day at a time. ❤️

[@helen9412]

@@melissasue4257 good for you! I know that had to be and still is difficult, but I’m happy you now have peace. These definitely aren’t normal people. Mine has bad depression too and ptsd. I’ll be good when i get to other side where you are. Thanks for responding wish you the best

[@melissasue4257]

@@helen9412 thank you! Wishing you the best too.

[@maryn4336]

Your situation gives me hope. This is after 40 plus years of marriage. I am listening to Dr Ramani and a couple of others, reading comments and trying to plan for my “escape to freedom”. I had no idea he was a narcissist as I had never looked into it until recently. I am creating my plan, but it is costly for counseling and attorney, and will take time, so I understand the 5 year wait. I feel like I am in my own prison. He is covert/passive aggressive and at times I feel like I am the narcissist. More so because of my explosive anger that has twice reared it’s ugly head in the past few months. I won’t allow that to happen again. Working on “grey rocking” as it seems to help. I am so very tired and mentally/physically drained. I stayed because of family and always convinced myself “It’s not so bad, he doesn’t ever physically abuse me so it’s better to keep the family together.” and so, I kept going. Now I am just a shell of who I was. Thank you Doctor Ramani and everyone who posts here. Have a blessed day. Stay safe.❤

[@karlasilis-cruz528]

My narrcissistic boyfriend of 6 yrs dumped me around Christmas time. I wasnt expecting it and didnt see it coming! Im still trying to recover from the shock and the unexpected breakup! I want to thank you Dr. Ramani for this video! I find this information helpful to understand why narrcissistic people do what they do! Now, i have to be very careful before i get into another relationship!

[@Oe1234]

@@mysticallymary sigh, this is what my xhusband did too.

[@Denise11Schultz]

1. I want to thank all those people who have left, thank you for still connecting with the community here, to share that it can be done. 2. From Dr. Ramani, I’ve learned to check out potential counselors and advisers to see if they have clarity about narcissism. Because if they don’t, it’s not a match for me. Thanks, all. 🙏🕊

[@brandycandelaria7759]

Currently, as of two days ago, we are finally getting a divorce. And your videos come on at the right time for me. He is discarding me

[@kristinat8298]

I was in fear of breaking up because of the backlash. He would reach out to my friends, jobs, exes and trash me to anyone that would listen. The threats made me stay. I finally broke up with him and am ready to take legal action. It's horrible

[@GM-wp3yy]

I feel it's more difficult to be left by one, if you don't know what a narcissist is yet. Because you're still living in the mindset that everything going wrong is your fault and you are so busy putting all your energy and mind power into doing what they want, when they want, even guessing what they might want next so you can do it before they yell at you. Then one day they have a new list of complaints (many that are confusing and not correct) and then leave with no option to work it out. Then your mind is spinning trying to understand what you did so wrong and why all the things you did for them already mean nothing to them. On top of that, they tell everyone who knows you that they had to leave because of how terrible you were etc and never acknowledge anything they did wrong or could have done better. It's all your fault. The only thing that saved my sanity was learning was a narcissist is. It set me free from continuing to play their game of, keep trying even while we aren't together because if I just do this better or that better then maybe we'll be together again. People think you're dumb for falling for it but if you're used to being around normal people who aren't playing tricks, you don't know what you don't know. Nowadays I'm happy to say I'm healed and see my past as a lesson learned. I'm commenting here to help anyone who might be going through what I went through, to validate the pain of not understanding psychological abuse yet and having people treat you like there's something wrong with you for not "getting it" that nothing you do will ever make this person see your point of view or care how badly they hurt you .. and most importantly, it's not your fault. It's just who they are.

[@johnwells8163]

You are so spot on! I also think it is harder to to left by one. I left mine but got hoovered back in. I came back thinking it was my fault and that she was right(even thou I left her because I knew she was a narc) when I came back that was a mistake. I knew it but I couldn't leave. she had me. The part where you said one day they have a new list of complaints many which are confusing an incorrect(is so true) Now she left me for her coworker and I was still hopping for her to come back to me. She left my mind spinning(as you said) trying to understand what it was I did so wrong. Why the things I did before meant nothing now

[@maruja2023]

I recently went through this unaware that he’s a narcissist. I remember being so confused when he broke up with me out of nowhere and blamed me for pushing him to make that decision. I felt guilty and ashamed but these videos have helped me identify so many things that happened during my relationship for which I kept blaming myself. I’m grateful that I found this information and also that I got out of that toxic relationship before more damage was done. I’m in my healing process right now and it’s a bumpy road but I know I’ll come out stronger and smarter after this experience.

[@angelacurry3555]

Your testimony is spot on. I think only those who have been through it understand. Godspeed.

[@teralecole316]

These creatures are possessed by demons. Normal healthy human beings are not heartless in the way these creatures are. C’mon… a creature who possesses a personality disorder that goes in cycles with the sole purpose to hurt others and leave a trail of destruction behind. That’s a demon. If they left, consider yourself blessed. I feel for the unsuspecting new supply thinking they met someone special. I was once that manipulated person thinking I finally met my Prince. I’m still in shock that I came across a demon. It’s unbelievable how hateful they are. I’ve never seen hate so close to me.

[@etherealdeal1792]

Thank u. Going through it now 💜💔

[@littlesparrow7645]

I love this woman. I’m not sure how but she gets every little detail of being in a narcissistic abusive, gaslighting relationship, but she breaks it down so eloquently. I love this woman for the support that she is giving so many of us that are going through it. It is not an easy road but Dr. Ramani helps me every day. Sometimes I think I won’t even be able to survive but then I listen to her and I think I have a chance.

[@Jessecraft1954]

I had to break up with them. It was something I had to do. They were jealous and threatened by me because they are antisocial and I didn't choose their way. They didn't even let me know my mom died. I found out after her funeral. Someone who lives near them left a note on my door. I had been waiting on my mom to answer my letter. I don't want these two x siblings even near me. It's been two years. I am very indifferent towards them. I am saving money to relocate. I don't want them to know where and I want to live in a place where no one has ever heard of these liars and thieves. DNA doesn't spell family. Thank you for teaching me about narcissism. It is live changing and life saving. I stopped drinking when I cut these two siblings out of my life. I'm doing fantastic today!

[@user-tn6ur4ls7t]

It doesn’t matter who does the breaking up they’re crazy no matter what

[@cherrybacon3319]

It was harder fir ME to break up with him, especially when I took the bait and he STILL made me feel my reasons for leaving were my fault. 🍒

[@riyajacob2909]

Walking away is comparatively easy and better than Staying with them.💗🙏🏼. Now that I am healing,all unhealthy relationships are falling away.It feels painful but I know that,m healing.

[@robertsimmons2025]

This is spot on information. Yes it is so very hard to brake up with the narcissist. Because. Ive been trauma bonded with my narcissist for over 7 years now. Im 1 year no contact and still it’s hard to get passed the hurt. I had to get help from a lawyer to get past that she discarded me. But its the best thing I’ve ever done for me. To move on with your life once again. To be free from their abuse and the lies and cheating. You can count on them lying and cheating on you regardless of what you think or say. Yes it does hurt. Yes it does make you feel like crap. But its all about your helping yourself get out of a abusive relationship with your narcissist. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me better understand what im going through. And how to heal my heart.

[@colombianminxfitnessreviews]

Yesterday he broke up with me telling me he needed to work on himself. About 3 hours later he was already starting fights at bars again, picking up women, and he had the nerve to still call me to use me to give him a ride home as a “friend.” Unreal. I blocked him knowing now all I ever would be to him would be an Uber or back up supply. Hurts so bad though.

[@JANAMizik]

It’s harder when you break up. They don’t want to ever feel like what’s happening isn’t under their control

[@AR-zn1uy]

It's so hard to accept that i was in love with someone that never even existed. To find out she was cheating the whole time for money from an old rich man. The worst part is she wasn't even good-looking and i genuinely loved the person i thought she was. That person never existed. It was all a lie. Im so lucky god heard my prayers, and she has no ties to me. No child, no money owed. Nothing. She can now have her sugar daddy and leech off her weak ex at the same time. I feel so dumb for falling for it. I still wish her the best and trul pray she heals and changes but i doubt it.

[@m_d_l_a3208]

It’s harder when the narcissist breaks up with you. After all the manipulation, it’s like one last kick to the heart after they were done playing with your head organ, brain.

[@ladyluna3236]

I'm am breaking up with the narcissist and it is horrible HOWEVER I think I'd feel worse if he left me. At least this way I feel like I have some sort of control of my life.

[@caraelsenoldenburg8848]

The hardest was the slow cuts of devaluation and your attempt to try harder, at the high trauma bond - then with no notice…be discarded. He did this on my daughters death anniversary. Thank goodness for strong therapists and people like you. Thank you 🫶

[@MissMe1111]

I am SO SORRY this happened to you! I can sincerely empathize. I kept some of my son's ashes in a sandwich bag for a few months because I felt my ex would somehow prevent me from having them upon our divorce. Today those ashes are all I have of him. My ex even went as far as to "discard" my son's handprints/footprints & baby clothes. (my son died as a newborn) There are honestly no words to describe the heinousness of these behaviors and the people who freely exhibit them.

[@caraelsenoldenburg8848]

@@MissMe1111 sending you love, light and healing as well..please know you aren’t alone. We belong to some clubs we never signed up for / Bereaved mom and survivor of so much more. The dues are too high and no perks to the membership, other than learning to love ourselves again, and to keep moving forward. 🫶

[@MissMe1111]

@@caraelsenoldenburg8848 ❤ Very True. Thank you

[@wendolinemercadorojano3830]

I'm not even in a narcissistic relationship, but I feel really fearful somehow after watching this video xD. To be fair, though, a family member who is not a romantic partner is a narcissist, and I broke away from them a few years ago. Even though we still live in the same house, the emotional distance between us is like a sea. And after I showed them that I was not at all concerned about losing them or the advantages that being with them afforded me, they finally started to treat me with respect. But I'm afraid that, in the process of freeing myself from the abuse and control they imposed on me, I became a lot like them, argumentative and entitled and unwilling to listen to others in an attempt to defend myself and not be pulled back into this abusive relationship by my own empathy and kindness. Thank you for this info, though, I'll try to live my life ethically.

[@KommSpaeterWieder]

My breakups with my narcs were so messy. I was on off with the one for 5 years and he had other girls all of the time. And I am still struggling with my recent one. When I started the conversation he was like ugh was is it now and he didn't even care and blocked me off everywhere almost instantly. I tried to reach out for a month until he replied and tried to come back. Told me all the things I wanted to hear, apologized and all that stuff but the change didn't lasted so I left him again. Ever since he has been shit talking me and ignoring me and telling everyone that he will sue me for reaching out to him. I still can't believe he treated me like that and threw me away like I was nothing and still feels entitled to feel like he is in the right. It's still so hard to accept that we will not come back and will not change no matter how much I did for him or will do. I also still have the feeling of being a mistake and everything he wanted me to believe. I feel guilty but I am also full of anger because of the disrespect

[@pedrosanchez4035]

What astonishes me is that people talk in the plural.

[@owleyes4085]

I found myself being pushed into rage I'm not proud of it but the constant gaslighting and manipulation made me almost get violent. the beginning of this video scares me.

[@PenninkJacob]

"keep moving forward, keep healing"❤❤❤

[@wesmeyer4491]

Well, that answers questions I had, so thank you Dr. Ramani. What I've learned from my life journey..so far...has been..what life is throwing at me, facing it is the best option. The most scarey and painful often hold the most valuable gifts of self awareness. I've had trauma thrown at me since I was five, and some really life threatening issues along the way. Listening to your posts about toxicity, I realize I have done very well...I'm not medicating to cope anymore, I'm in therapy talking through issues. One thing I realize I haven't done yet is honestly, grieve the breaking away from a toxic partner. I invested my heart and soul into the relationship, and eventually, thankfully realized, it would never be enough. So I need to address that. My hope for others struggling with toxic relationships...don't give up on yourself...what we work through here, we don't take with us into the next life...and part of my journey has been finding that truth. .so again..Dr...thank you..God Bless.

[@allieyates557]

I'm only 12 minutes in and I'm literally going through SO much of what you've mentioned already. I filed for divorce in October 2022 and he's been trying to make my life HELL! We went to mediation and got within 10 minutes of settling and he pulled it ALL back. So now we have to go to court and I'm fully expecting him to try to smear my name. It's been such a difficult time but seeing him act this way validates this decision as being the necessary move.

[@shannonmccarty2614]

I left and then came back! You describe my life to the T! Now I finally see what’s going on 😢

[@marcelagarcia3727]

I lived both circumstances with the same narcissistic bf. Both were very difficult, but him leaving was by far the most painful, unsettling and wounding break up.

[@TheNaturallycool]

Please leave and heal. It’s so peaceful on the other side. You literally have to ghost and start over and ignore what you hear. It’s rough at first.

[@rashiawalton9541]

It's hard to break up and being broken up by a narcissist. Its hard to break up because you know you did everything you could and invested so much. You remember the good times and the empath always wants to give the benefit of the doubt. Its also hard to be broken up with because their reasoning is not valid. You feel the need to defend yourself

[@mckaughnbrown5969]

💯 spot on! Especially when you said they can go from seductive to rage and sometimes all in the same text or moment in time. I have been broke up with my narcissist and thank God every day i did but It was difficult to decide to do but i finally had enough abuse that the fear of staying the same far outweighed the fear of change. I finally made a successful trip through the 3rd and very last Hoover and going back. Its been 6 months and i no longer miss or want him or dream of him or blame myself. What a liberating moment this is and i made the decision to put myself first and left and stuck to it and i have a new found respect and confidence in myself now! I only wish i had done it sooner now but better later than never. I knew this person for 20 years but time invested doesn’t always mean love or that we should stay. He was a war veteran and blamed a lot on PTSD and i made excuses because of that but afterwards i was the one left with PTSD. The relationship was hard enough and the leaving was bad, as he name called and tried to instill shame but I didn’t give in this time. There is hope if you leave them. My world has color in it again. I feel good and I look forward to my future now🌞 p.s. you are right: BLOCK, BLOCK BLOCK ALL CONTACT IF YOU’RE ABLE TO OR AT LEAST WHAT YOUR ABLE TO BLOCK🙏🏽 It will not be easy but it will be worth it!

[@HalfGodHalfDevil2018]

Dr Ramani, you don't know what this video means to me. I'm going through a divorce with a narcissist and it is hell. I watched this whole video and you are spot on. I appreciate you, you are beautiful on the inside and out, a truth teller and warrior. How you go through all of this with the people you help is amazing and I respect you a great deal. Thank you for your content.

[@gche9961]

Thank you Dr Ramani for telling the hard truth about leaving this kind of relationship. It is nightmarishly difficult! But if you stay strong and weather it, there’s so much joy and peace to be had after surviving the hurricane of the breakup. I know. I lived it. I survived it with the help of God. I’m in my right mind too, healing and happy.

[@kwajcarol]

Wow !!! You covered a LOT in this video. I need to listen again . Thank you !

[@harbyarby1347]

I am so grateful for your wisdom and that you share it with us! Yes, indeed watch out!

[@jonahchristopher9759]

Dr Ramani you are a beautiful human being. Thank you for putting this content out. You are healing broken souls. At the very least you are giving people a way out of terrible relationships. My family just got away from our narcissist of 20 years. A very harsh and vindictive person and it has been hard and the damage that has been inflicted is indescribable. But we feel we have a way to move on thanks to you.

[@jeannahand8778]

I had to get a TRO, my son had to call 911, had to go to catalyst for help. He would go into rages at me and the cursing and swearing, slamming things, throwing this near me. Then he started to get physically aggressive with my son. And I would ask him over and over to leave and he would rage even more. The only way I could get him out of my home was a TRO. I did dismiss it because I couldn’t afford an attorney. Now I’m waiting to see if he responds to the divorce papers. This is something that keeps me awake at night. We don’t have any assets together , we were only married for 15 months. Thankfully we kept money separate and all accounts. But he is inherently evil, vindictive and deceitful. I’m praying for this to just be easy but I believe it will not.

[@sandracaezza7234]

Yes on therapy. Just speaking yesterday, the therapist spoke just a few words. He’s an addict and a liar. I have been a person that journals on occasion. Looking back on those , how many times have I done the breaking up ? Time to look at my reasons for returning to this person ! Fear of abandon? I ask myself abandon of what ? Not honesty, not authentic personality. I’ve been leaving this time for awhile. I deserve more.

[@TheRater3]

The permanent discard was hard for me emotionally, but after hearing how they are if you are the one to leave makes me glad he left me

[@lt827]

Not letting them have power over you afterwards is tough but so important. In my case, the narcissist wants there to be no contact but still insists on sniping at me, needling me. It is so hard but not responding or reacting is the only way to stay sane. All she wants to do is humiliate me and punish me. It's difficult to not even be able to defend myself but I have learned that everything I do will be turned against me.

[@d1jal]

Broke up with them on Friday and I heard they were already back on dating apps on Sunday. They just continue to prove the type of person they are

[@amandaparsons4939]

You amaze me in the knowledge and clear understanding you have for this personality type and the relationships that form with them. You are spot on with everything you say and describe all the way down to the for instances. You understand it better than me and I've been in a narcissistic marriage for 24yrs. The ups and downs the physical and verbal abuse, the lying and cheating and never a solid answer. I've been discarded more times than I can count only to be drawn back in after life shattering heart brokenness and betrayal. I can't believe I'm still here to even continue this horrible life I chose with him. I'm such an optimistic, happy, loving want to enjoy life person inside but I definitely do not get to live that way. Stuck between adult children telling me to leave and not look back but also hving young very young (3mo old and 3yr old) children to hv to navigate coparenting with him. I'm literally miserable inside and hv no idea what my next move will be. Never did I ever in my wildest nightmares did I see my life turning out like this. I hv No one to talk to and no one who understands. I'm in the fight of my life and I'm alone. And I have a very strong faith in the Lord Jesus Christ but still find no clear answers or direction. Your video's and a few other ppl I watch are the only thing keeping me sain holding it together. Thank you for your clear devotion to your calling and understanding of this kind of relationship. Believe me you know exactly how it works. Thank you from one broken an lost human😞

[@afshanqureshi7739]

I am literally sitting here weeping having read your comment 😭 It's as though you have written the story of my 27 year marriage and described the unbearable pain of having endured the suffering inflicted on myself and my children. It took me 27 years and it was my adult children who forced me to choose between him or them. And I never thought I could be strong enough to take that step and I was terrified. Two years ago, after another verbally abusive situation where I physically felt I would die if I continued living with him, I finally called the police for help. It has been the hardest time of my life since I was able to get Non-molestation and Occupation Orders against him and I completely blocked him in every way from my life so that my judgement would not be clouded by his contact to try and enter my life one way or another. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter had been accumulating video recordings of his violent outbursts and foul language towards me for years with a view to document his behaviour to explain why she had stabbed him - that is how miserable my children had been 😔 I am fighting to survive every single day because I am fighting against him about everything but when I feel like I can't carry on, I watch those videos and I'm quickly pulled back to reality and am outraged that I allowed someone to treat me and my children in this way. Trust me, I've been through every emotion Dr Ramani describes and there are times when I think I will give up but eventually I get through that and then move onto the next emotion. I am struggling with my health, financially and emotionally and have sometimes wondered what it was all for but honestly, when I lie in bed at night I ask myself how long I would have survived if the cycle had continued. Then I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to breathe again. My dearest sister, I wish I could come and take you away from all the fear snd hurt. You will one day find the strength when you least expect it and you will have enough of being disrespected and you will know you need to take that step. I am always here if you need someone to talk to ❤️

[@amandaparsons4939]

Thank you so much Afshan❤your reply as well brought tears streaming down my face. I'm so sorry for your long road of hell too. It's just so hard to believe that someone can be so cruel and harsh and not care what it does to you. Knowing the love that you have and still don't want them to hurt or suffer at your hands but learning that ur just a piece of property is almost unbearable 😣 ...I'm worried it's not worth getting out as I have a brand new baby to share which will devastate me to part frm for any length of time. He does not physically abuse me anymore, that stopped four years ago right before I got pregnant with our toddler, but the rages, and temper, and volatile language and games hv left me cold towards him but in his absence I feel lost, alone, and just wanting him back. I do love him, I hv a huge compassionate heart and just want my family complete and hv a good life together ❤ I don't know what the future holds but I will tread the water enuf to keep my head above. I will pray for you and hope you find happiness and health and thank you so much for your comment❤

[@michaelmorrison6540]

Jesus does not want for you or your children to live in the abuse and oppression of a demonic narcissist. Reach out to your church leadership and congregation immediately. They will help you summon the courage and hope that Christ has put in your heart. - Michael, Your Brother In Christ

[@dinab7852]

Dr.Ramani is my favorite expert on Narcissism on KZbin. I watch her videos a lot to help me deal with my narcissistic husband.

[@dm3144]

Another great video Dr. Ramani!🎉 I have watched quite a few videos about leaving the narcissist, and my narcissist is my daughter😮 However, the similarities are right in line. All the things you mention a couple goes through, I went through with my daughter. Flying monkeys, gaslighting, discard, new supply, etc. She even wanted all of my money, my bank account info, to help me😂 i’m so glad I got out! You have help save my life and I am forever grateful. I’m off all my meds, I can see clear as day, I was basically drugged! your resources gave me the opportunity to see clear as day what the heck was going on. No contact for one year🎉😊👍 Thank you thank you thank you❤ 🦋SURVIVOR🦋

[@heatherlaine3082]

It’s so funny and kinda sad with the predictability how when Dr. Ramani acts out how a narc may act or what they will say and it’s almost exactly what my ex would do. Like was she in the room with us? 😅

[@kristinemajchrzak5222]

You’ll never be abandoned if we all look in the mirror 😊

[@c3909]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@ginger_84vreshkova36]

This is my the best decision ever to walk away:) Thank you for the best advices ever

[@letamorgan6819]

Dr ramani thank you for your in depth and wise videos. You helped me leave toxic relationship. And im still overcomeing the ruminating. Your videos help me get it out of my head..

[@monarehayem5263]

God knows how my 25 years passed and I did not kill him or die from pain . After listening to you I started to realise this .I am stronger than before after divorce . Wish Social media was existed that time . 😊❤

[@Momma_Pitbull]

Thank you Thank you Thank you for everything you are doing.Your videos, especially this one, have been and continue to be like a floodlight to a darkness I've lived in for decades.

[@GabrielleP310]

I have experienced both‼️ Being brokened up by a narcissist was REALLY painful especially when they immediately block you so you can’t have closure or have time to talk it out together‼️ -I recently broke up/walked away from a recent woman who I was dating for only 2 months. Getting to express what I had wanted to say to her through text was an amazing closure for me‼️ Thank you so much Dr. Ramani, you make such a difference in this world‼️❤️‼️❤️

[@Leilajudith910]

Thank you for this content. My ex is also in the mental health field, which makes the manipulation, gaslighting and betrayal feel so much worse. Saying that I feel like my “psychological insides have been turned inside out” is exactly right. Thank you for the validation during this heartache.

[@ifoxfirei]

My ex was too. Looking back, the mind games really mess with you.

[@clairevandenberg8204]

Thank you for giving me the language to deal with this effectively. I went to the police after a particularly scary and physical episode with a narcissist. They couldn’t protect me because I was pushed, not punched, even though suddenly I was crippled by pain. The doctor at ER said you have no broken bones. What I did experience was strain to every muscle in my body and torn ligaments. I live with the physical aftermath years later. So please protect yourself when you go. Also understand that if you are too frightened to file an order of protection because the narcissist ( former partner ) might go after you it only gives them more power. So be extra careful.

[@luciadavis9787]

Thank you for your videos Dr Ramani This one was just what I needed to hear today, it is a hard thing to do and I am so happy I left my narcissistic ex husband. He ticks every box you mentioned in making sure he would punish me through our divorce and separation. Your ability to reassure me that I am the healthy one and everything I am feeling is as you explain. Thank you thank you 🙏

[@seanj11421]

I had reached my limit.. She packed my clothes and left them near the door. She didn’t say get out, even though the clothes being packed spoke volume. I took my things, feeling completed depleted. Felt like I failed to repair the engagement.. I knew if I didn’t leave, I’d still probably be still stuck. Needless to say, she blamed me for leaving. As scripted, I was to blame. But that was probably the bravest thing I did to save her and save me. I’ll always love her. I tied my future to her. Tied my dreams to her. Tied everything to her. Detaching from her is a task within itself. But it was for the best. I wish her well, but I deserve more than the bare minimum.