Don't Be a Doormat | Set Healthy Boundaries

[@cameronboden]

This is a much more digestible way of looking at narcissism than the typical psychology videos on KZbin.

[@lighthouselillie3262]

@CB So true!

[@bikinggal1]

The same lesson can be said to mother's who give every last inch of themselves for their children and never filling their own cup!

[@gracesanity6314]

Wonderful. Churches, cults, so called spirituality is riddled with exhausted, guilt, ashamed into being responsible for others. co-dependents. Finally someone who speaks the truth. Self care is a priority.

[@NCardude]

I couldn't have said better myself. This statement is very on point! 🙏

[@sage9836]

@Dzsamila # Yeah, I left religions over abuse. I joke, but (seriously) "God understands."

[@danielpaulson8838]

Whew. Agreed. Religion. Abuse. Justification. Guilt. That is very asleep. Then, they often tell you that you just don't get it. The blind leading the blind. They won't likely wake up. You have to leave them behind. It's toxic to a true seeker.

[@ValerieDee123]

I don't even have a cup anymore. I'm so happy you said this. I'm getting a new cup

[@SarahMarie-j2n]

There is a lot of validity to this video & it's a wonderful & valuable lesson. That said, there is also an element that was not considered. Many disabilities are invisible, and some of them aren't even diagnosed and so some people genuinely do need support, yet are continually told to just keep doing everything by themselves, even if they've had no other choice & it's damaged them in significant ways over the years. It reinforces that they don't matter & that their needs don't matter, which causes further mental, emotional & physical damage. Every case is unique unto itself

[@voiceinthechaos]

If I had known this, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, time, and energy. I thought I was helping these people, but all I did was allow their dependence on me, which resulted in guilt trips and aggression when I even hinted at withdrawing a little. I learned the hard way, but I am glad that I did learn. Thank you so much for sharing these messages with us. Love and light from Germany.

[@imbolc8024]

yes, i relate with you, this is the kinda 'classes-lessons' (to me) that needs to be learned in schools in stead of so much nonsense there is thought♥

[@chrisguice139]

i heard a phrase that goes the greatest sin is to deny ones self.

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

so i'm doing the greatest sin? fck it! :O

[@waynemcleod6767]

There is some truth to that.

[@chrisguice139]

@@waynemcleod6767 Indeed. I speak from experience.

[@KyriosHeptagrammaton]

I'm not religious, but I have been thinking lately it's a crime against god to not live the life he set you on earth to live

[@susanshepard4688]

my answer to this problem is self isolation. over years it seems like theres more and more of this. its now gotten to the point that its "normal". I bow out and lead my own life away from anyone.

[@svenland6892]

Self isolation is not how we should be, but it is how we become... I believe, we are here to share with each other, but the world has become so bent on the "I" that everyone forgets about the "we" I feel so lost anymore because of the "I" in people. All day i see people bent over their phones getting a rush from the attention they receive from social media... It saddens my heart... (Bodhisattva) ( i find myself feeling the misery of the rest of the world) (carrying the world on my back, and feeling sorrow for others) (enlightenment is a hard journey) Self isolation is how i have lived for many years!!!

[@queesana]

I learned that self isolation is necessary for growth..

[@oldtruckersneverdie3916]

When we work on ourselves and work towards enlightenment.we help the whole world!

[@svenland6892]

@@oldtruckersneverdie3916 i think so Steve...

[@brooklynn52dee38]

Amazing to me how many takers seem to find the givers!

[@luwigi4630]

“Some of them want to use you Some of them want to get used by you Some of them want to abuse you Some of them want to be abused”

[@christinebuckingham8369]

@@luwigi4630 Great song by the Eurythmics.

[@user-rr5ex7lo6b]

Dun dun dun dun dun dun

[@Jamusictv]

Kindness is a choice. You choose to let people walk over you, just like you choose to set healthy boundaries.

[@mimyflores1111]

I used to make friends based on me being the therapist and the caregiver, they only search for me for comfort and to feel better....and I felt drained after meeting them. Two years ago I develop anxiety disorder and panic attaks, being in treatment I realized how exausted I was to always "have to" fulfill everyone's needs and expectations. For my own health I have to put boundaries and even break some "friendships" that "demand" the attention I used to give. It was not easy, but it was healthy for them and for me. Now, I'm healing, being my own friend and willing to develop real friendships. Thank you for your videos.

[@jilligain3409]

Wish I learned this back in my younger days! Also, to the ppl who take advantage of others, why be like that? Why find someone who’s kind & giving, and then label them as someone easy to walk all over & set out to take advantage of them? Don’t you realize that makes you a POS 😡

[@tamde696]

Thank you. Experienced and very important to have boundaries. You will end up losing yourself if not.

[@ImanNuru0781]

Empathetic, compassionate and awakened people usually have those problems. Especially some people take advantage of it. I personally found peace in investing my love to animals, plants, trees and nature. We can't absolutely and completely isolate ourselves but we can find something to soothe our struggles. Its vital to put our needs than others. It is not a bad thing , and I agree everything you said. 💙

[@africaart]

*USERS* love "people pleasers". They would use your own irrational guilt to drain you up (via manipulation).

[@lamaelcharif1523]

I just recognised myself acting in a toxic way with someone. Thank you for explaining so clearly how to set boundaries with others and why. Sometimes when someone is so kind and loving, you just become greedy i guess. Or we think so highly of them. We put them on a pedestal. As if they are our savior.

[@tequilachanel7312]

After years of being a doormat and people pleasing I’ve finally got it

[@sandybeebe9149]

Some people ignore boundaries .When you enforce them by way of legal means They get very angry and seek revenge .Those who favor and spend time with this individual will eventually understand why I no longer wanted them in my home to spite what they are told about the imperfections of others .

[@Brandon1111Rogers]

To who ever is reading this my all your endeavors spread love and light !!! 🙏🙌🤲☮❤☀️🔮💫

[@traceyg2703]

I never realized I was such a sitting duck for being manipulated into "parenting" another adult until it had already happened. I was able to extract myself from the situation, but not without a lot of resistance from the other person, plus the guilt and grief over letting it go on my part. Establishing healthier boundaries in the first place, ( as stated here ), is such a valuable lesson.

[@Diana-gt1rv]

This is absolutely true. The best help is giving help to self help, without sacrificing yourself.

[@tammymansfield2169]

I was in a 6-year relationship like this that ended and he is still using these tactics on me. I established boundaries last night and I am sticking to them. Thank you for the encouragement and strength continue with my self-worth

[@Azhagusuryaa2696]

Good choice.

[@lighthouselillie3262]

Every change is going to bring something better... 😊 Lots of love 💜🙏🍀🌻

[@danielpaulson8838]

Best wishes, Tammy. I hope all is going well. Six years is a lot of time to practice. Often without resolve, it appears in future relationship choices too.

[@devlevine2782]

I struggled with this up until a few weeks ago. I had a bout with sciatica my nextdoor neighbor was making ignoring boundaries and kept demanding to know my landline number using manipulation trying to get it. Her not taking no, not respecting the boundary of stop texting, calling until I recovered from a kidney transplant, the loss of my spouse and sciatica had to take desperate measures and then and only then was I able to get her out of my life. People take being nice and kind as weakness and youre a pushover.

[@krish.5823]

I feel like crap for telling my now x boyfriend that "I can't do it alone, get a job". This was to help with home repairs, small bills, his clothes and things. He walked out while saying that I need Jesus. I haven't seen or heard from him since May 2020.

[@seekinglight1111]

Thank you for this. I like your gentle spirit. I too, always become the doormat for others. I am working on this aspect of myself.

[@悪魔の幽霊-t4z]

I wish you have a podcast. I like to listen to you while cooking. I have a bad stress these days. Your voice is calming and beautiful.

[@karensmithsmith1688]

My cup is empty now .I will now rest . So I can refill my cup Thank you for your advice 😔

[@yogagirl33]

I got attacked yesterday by someone that I put up boundaries with around dog sitting. Thank you so much. I really needed this. ☯️

[@crios8307]

Personally, i say i had a plentyful childhood, but still a rough time due to some bullying amd mobbing from my classmates. Now i am finally getting up. In this time, a person approaches me with kindness, but soon starts to talk to me about their problems: i switch into the "psychologist" friend and encourage them to get help, but they still comes back to me only to complain. I start to get angry and resentful at them (which is very hard to do) amd realize "this is not what friendship is supposed to be". So, i am starting to take steps back: i know i did more than in should have, and it s my fault if this person comes back to me for that, but now i know they have professional help and i can come back to be a simple friend. Only one bad habit remains, but i sinverely hope they understand when to remove from their friends. Be aware, friends.

[@perrismccracken]

Damn this is such great wisdom. I'm gonna have to rewatch and take notes.

[@sandrarudolflensvelt3529]

You are an excellent teacher 🦋. I was in this position for many years in my life. I burnt out last year. It was very sad and frightning but the best thing that could happen to me now looking back on it. It s very scaring to set bounderies specially when your anxious, has low self esteem and handling with depression. But it is possible! Just be aware of your behaviour and take small small steps. Its getting easier all the time. Dont let anyone intimidate you. If they make stupid comments or accuse you of something throw it back in there face immediately . Then they know how it feels. Love from Sweden and take care 💜

[@raniyuna2930]

People should learn not to feel victim if they give more. It's own decision to give. If we feel then bad because we did what they wanted...it wasn't pure act. We expected something in back for it.🙏🏻🌸❤

[@sweet69aw1]

This is the life lesson i needed to learn, and i did.

[@princefiggy]

Your videos have helped me so much. Please keep making these videos. You can help the world immeasurably. I send these to everyone I can. Please, don't stop

[@monadelgado8338]

I really needed to hear this i often feel like I always have the responsibility to help others all the time

[@ivananderson141]

I hate it when you so much for someone without being asked and when you complain about it to them they say NO ONE ASKED YOU TO 😨

[@robmcafe]

Thanks for being so generous with your learning, thoughts and wisdom.

[@newcruiser]

I thank Nada´s wisdom but I thank maybe more to the guys who invented the internet, computers and so on that allow us to be in touch with his wisdom. It is like the customs guard who asked Lao-Tse to write his wisdom. Thanks to the guard we have the Tao Te King. So that is how we can prove everything is related in some way. Amazing !.

[@adalunabienestar]

I sin, sometimes, of being a "too good person" with the rest and putting their needs before my own, as you say in the video. Your words help a lot to redirect the focus of attention to yourself on a healthy way and on what really matters. Thank you for your time.

[@wetwerd2003]

Thank you. Thx u so much. I did exactly what u preach, I cut all neg selfish crazy ppl out my life

[@lisapadilla896]

I love this. Ive been having issues with a co-worker that wants me to always be there right by her side and im trying to help her find it with in herself to figure things out for herself. Thank you for this video

[@mysmartieteevee3036]

One of your best talks. Something a lot of chronic unhealthy "givers" can relate to

[@pouspathompson4991]

Such a beautiful explanation Nada. I wish I had realise these thoughts years ago. It is so easy to be just a giver for peace sake. Bless you. 🙌

[@egonrhoodie2745]

I have to set boundaries it's destroying my soul!!!! Blessings and positive energy and super white light 😇🙏❤️💖🎊💕🎉💡

[@MasterNinjaXz]

I've always been such a compassionate and selfless person that I end up burning myself up in the process. Being stepped on, I was the butt of every joke. It's so hard to try and find the medium of standing to for yourself without being overcome by those emotions too.

[@shachijain6202]

This was very helpful. Your videos opens a completely new perspective and that’s beautiful.

[@marshalltrimble383]

Thank you so much for your wise and heart filled words❤️ namaste 🙏

[@Melospizia]

I left a relationship like this two years ago, it’s taken me a long time to build myself back up. I’m learning about healthy boundaries now. I allow myself to give the burden of caring for someone over to Spirit. In this way I can feel like I know they’re still being cared for and I don’t have to be the one responsible for their well-being. It’s a relief!

[@danwilkinson2797]

I believe this can go both ways when two people drain each other in different ways. The Buddha say right speak can also mean saying what needs to be heard even if it invokes anger or similar. Some people can become violent when confronted and often they do believe they are a victim and in a way they are a victim of blind kindness. Just my thoughts on this. Thanks for this wonderful helpful video.

[@jzhz5269]

Beautiful message.😊

[@ioanabadea2367]

Thank you, I could feel you were present while filming your message and this helps the most

[@lorimazzola6872]

Thank you so much for such an eloquent explanation exactly what I needed! Namaste

[@deepak8586]

all those 11 dislikes from the people who couldn't understand other people's boundaries!

[@leonardomatei7700]

Reminding here that some people might think they are kind and generous, but in reality, they do things for others because they want others to like them. Lack of affection brings the fear of not bearing someone else disliking you. Try to be as honest as you can with yourself and realize if you are actually as nice as you think, or you just trying to cover up some deeper issue.

[@ip9117]

The heart /love is an overflowing cup,and each one deserves a share...I have had a very big burn out myself because of giving (too?) much. Anyway bumped (crashed) on to a big wall! But you know what ? I discoverd there is an endless source/ flow of continuing love, for each one of us. Regardless for who ever you are or what you've been gone or going through. Thats the truth /life without question.

[@SayPennita]

I have an issue on the other end. A person needs to leave and stick to it. Understanding it makes someone sad and not identifying someone sadness as manipulation. Its hard to make decisions sometimes but we can't forfeit the responsibility of our decisions when we make them. There is a reason a doormat may not be trustworthy. There is something really to address the issue of people pleasing and dishonesty that comes. there is a level of something like codependency and a lack of self worth, fear of confrontation. Ive never met a doormat self included that was confident, honest and transparent.

[@jodilynnsmithers2850]

I learned no matter how much I give materially or of my time while not even getting five hrs sleep....it will never be enough and now I have enemies because I don't do hundred dollar giveaways anymore

[@jzhz5269]

This is easier said then done.💞

[@newcruiser]

Then start as soon as possible. This phrase helped me to start: "Focus on where you wanto to go, not on what you fear".

[@spexi513]

Relate big time. However, sometimes I think that because I can be soooo people-pleasing I occasionally get in situations where I expect the same, when in reality nobody asked me to give so much. Yes, I’ve definitely been taken advantage of manyyyy times, but I also think at times I’m even selfish in my selflessness, as if I get validation from it & then my expectations soar. Not trying to make excuses for abusers, just sincerely saying.... it’s often me abusing my damn self .

[@candicemariebeadco]

Love this channel!

[@waynemcleod6767]

Agree with what you say. Compassion and kindness to yourself first, and then to others next.

[@joydeepbhattacharjee3849]

I think there is a path between both trying to give and taking care of oneself. That is by being critical and challenging the demands of everyone, including oneself. By constantly not being satisfied with what people say at first and pushing everyone I believe everyone eventually finds a solution that can cater to everyones needs.

[@monicaramirez51015]

Turned my phone on to find this Piece of GOLDEN TRUTH!!!!! Thank You 🙏 Universe for reminding me that I do not need anyone to do for me what I AM capable of doing for myself and that is EVERYTHING because I AM a Divine Child of God!!!!! And thank you 🙏 for showing me that Adults Are very capable of Calling on their Universe for help!!!! All Power is Within!!!! Namaste 🙏

[@whitemountainash]

Great job and great words!

[@alanamartin7]

Great video! Thanks for sharing!

[@shaktiveda7041]

Great wisdom, thank you! Namaste

[@ljane3440]

Wow 😮 😭 this hits me deep. I thank you very much for this video for your presence for your wisdom

[@aggiesart6]

I just become calm only from your voice💗🍀

[@yazminmedrano5676]

beautifuly said! helped me understand myself and how to approach situations like this more ❤️

[@kathrynbresser3991]

My own son has told me for years I am a door mat.

[@stretchmarks1025]

It is ok to not be perfect. Allow yourself to be who or what you are. If there is an area in your life where you'd like to focus your awareness on then do so at your own pace. Instead of working towards being perfect, work towards a healthy balance. You define what the balance is. First step is to become aware of the issue. This is the hardest and first step and it's why it takes so long. The rest will come so long as you maintain awareness and breathing

[@theseedoflife5825]

So have I... I love all you people 💕

[@elizabethcheney4599]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you

[@harmoniclivechromatic7698]

the moral of the video......dont take other people for granted

[@vivekamar99]

Or rather, "don't allow yourself to be taken for granted"

[@addiecranfeild8023]

This video is excellent you are so inspirational. Thank you so very much for your kindness and wisdom. Addie

[@NBM9055]

I love listening to you. It's calming and educating... I have improved alot in the past several years. However being an empath, makes it much more difficult NOT to fall back into the well... I now take it day by day and chance by chance. Some I catch amd stop myself and some I repeate being my kind self.... I must admit, my best night sleeps are those where I stopped caring about everyone all together 😍

[@inspiredchange5573]

It's totally ok if I am happy ,it's ok to seek my happiness, I can help others better when Im happy, if IAm sad too that doesnt help the others.

[@adityaanand4439]

Wow..you help me and others taking the power back from others : ).. lots of love..

[@neranderthal]

I realised that working in customer service does this to me, and looking at everyone else’s feed on social media... our energy is sacred, sometimes life can be so demanding we neglect ourselves.

[@leekendrick1060]

On time message I love it!❤️

[@andrewsomers1909]

Thank you sir..this video well help endless amounts of people 👏

[@therawwarriorwithin6971]

The harsh truth, rule number one, never be number two the heart will never speak but you must listen to it to know.

[@rishmareadings]

Shalom🙏🏽 thank you 🥰

[@PmR760]

Thank you for your wisdom :)

[@northwoodshaman]

Ahaha I stilll loveeee the intro song to this bro🙏🏻 puts me in a trance

[@LaNereNere]

Kindness has to stop when the person is taking advantage of it. Kindness has to stop when myself is not taken care of.

[@valeriejoyce5407]

Thank You ✨💜✨

[@khushabu_art]

Thank you 😌🙂

[@akila3572]

This is priceless.

[@Jo-ph9zo]

I used to be this person. I was not aware of my behavior since everyone around me enabled it and I normalized due to not learning healthy boundaries as a child.

[@mikematthews8573]

Wish favor and healing for yourself and those you love friends family and especially those who feel angry confused or lost!🧙‍♂️

[@reggiemunch]

I believe that these individuals know what they're doing. I feel it's a derivative of laziness and not being autonomous. People have tendencies to think since it is covert that it's not visible. I'm very kind and giving all under the umbrella of logic.These are predator type spirits seeking to feed off your hard earned effort. There's a necessity of balance needed for these contrived peasants.

[@jodilynnsmithers2850]

Contrived peasants I like that descriptive word

[@negarbazjou2029]

Thank you 🙏

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

I have a question for you dear sir. How do I find appropriate boundaries of respecting self while respecting the 20 year marriage? Also how does one redraw the boundaries once we discover that we set them in the wrong place to start with? I was a doormat when we met... But now I refuse to be. But I struggle with where I should draw my lines as being in an already established relationship and marriage with four kids. I cannot afford mental health systems at this time to help me find appropriate marital boundaries. So I'm asking for any suggestions in the meantime.

[@KyriosHeptagrammaton]

The most caring thing you can do is allow them to stand on their own two feet.

[@karennaturallyartby]

What a great message!! Thank you

[@tayogreatajibade3830]

Thanks much appreciated

[@Obsidiansarah]

this video was very informative and enlightening and all the good adjectives in the world thank you❤️

[@sage9836]

When he mentioned stirting up conflict, wind shook the leaves.

[@jzhz5269]

Balance always takes money.

[@lifesymphony2024]

Never. Whatever i have done to anyone, i just did it out of concern and love for them. Once i realise i am taken for granted or misused, i don't give the affection again. For me, my affection is PRICELESS and TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VALUABLE. I can't afford to waste it on wrong people. I am a follower of the quote, NEVER WASTE FEELINGS ON WRONG PEOPLE"