The Capacity to be ALONE is the Capacity to LOVE

"Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love." -Erich Fromm. In this video I explain the meaning of this quote, and why it's so important to embrace aloneness in order to love more deeply and authentically.
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Background Music:
"Still" by Those of Willow
(Creative Commons Attribution)
#relationships #codependency #loneliness

[@urbansetter1]

Painful stuff. Takes years to learn self love when you come from trauma. I am getting there.

[@susanvandenbergh7276]

Indeed, but keep up the good work and thank, congratulate and bless yourself 100 times per day and also look at yourself in a mirror and say: I deeply, profoundly love, accept, appreciate and trust myself. And never beat yourself up for anything ! Love, courage and blessings, Susan

[@urbansetter1]

@@susanvandenbergh7276 Thank you for your kind words. I needed the encouragement. I hope you love yourself. Best in your life.

[@drew-shourd]

...especially when your parents parents parents had no clue, so naturally your parents parents and your parents knew nothing of this insight (I speak about my own family btw).....I am sooooooooo blessed to hear these things and MORE importantly share these videos with friends and family....this gentleman takes pieces of Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Shamanism and more and calmly lays them out. in a peaceful format....so brilliant this cat is....

[@thirumalkumartv1461]

God bless🙏

[@oneness1119]

Im going through it too with abusive family. You're not alone

[@pointless8675]

7:57 _Your happiness is no one else's responsibility, and as long as you put that responsibility on someone else, not only is that selfish and unfair, but it's going to lead to disappointment every time._

[@Memegirl716]

So true. This is why I’m single until I learn to fully accept all of this. We are taught by movies, society, family toxic traits. It’s easier said then done sooo I think I will just marry myself. Because I’m fine with myself lol

[@patriciaking7892]

Goddess, you're very wise👍.

[@susanmoran5226]

I think I will marry myself too. Lol.

[@Memegirl716]

@@em6855 love is love. So I feel if they have good character go for it.

[@Memegirl716]

@@patriciaking7892 thank you love

[@nigelfoley6200]

I think you've made a very wise decision Goddess, I've been happily married to myself for 5 years now lol.

[@Apanthertrappedinadogsworld]

I just came across your channel yesterday and I am finding a lot of comfort in your words. Thank you so much

[@ashleyswain276]

I feel the same.

[@SlumDawgSaint]

Ya good stuff

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

Yea, his words are like opium ;)

[@longstoryshort8657]

I am so thankful for his channel It's been helping me immensely

[@marciahenriquez4605]

Spiritual people love to be alone! It is needed for keeping a good balance in their lives, people that love themselves don't beg love, they give love because they are happy to share what they have.

[@sigrid3553]

Beautiful comment! ❤Thanks, I so much agree!

[@gracesanity6314]

Yes. We are so programmed by family, society, movies, songs, to be miserable. Tough stuff truth. Tough to live the truth of what you say, but its sanity. Thank you.

[@drew-shourd]

The most beautiful of blossoms, grows threw the worst of environments" - d.s. ...which is why the lotus blossom has been so highly regarded to many ancient civilizations....ancient Egyptian and much more....

[@DOLFINOWOLF]

Grace.... great name btw;) PROGRAMED.... our ego our fears our unconscious hopes dreams ideas & Beliefs get TANGLED up with THEIR ego THEIR fears THEIR Unconscious HOPES DREAMS IDEAS & BELIEFS..... " i " find at 63 that the REASON a Sage is Wise 🦉 is due to LACK of OTHERS and in doing so one Avoids " THEIRs " so that You Can POLISH YOURself;) & noTangleMENTs;) I've never been More-HERE & in-Touch with my Deep Inner Self..... The Silence after 45 years of sharing space / being married is UNBELIEVABLY PHENOMENAL..... I can actually FEEL MySELF be more-connected to ME and it's Awesome... Now I did have to cut my moms sister brother daughter & son off BUT the SHANGRI-LA I've now Discovered is LIMITLESS......👍👍👍👍🦉

[@betterapproachtolife.motiv3265]

Truth is the hardest thing to live .. but brings the most joy

[@semayildirimesquire3213]

Your wisdom is gold. Your voice so soothing💜 You calmed my spirit this morning. Thank you for being a blessing to all of us.

[@pollyholly1000]

People are removed from your life when you're ready to find out who you really are. True happiness is found in acceptance of what is. ♥️

[@dianethomas7149]

It took me until the age of 50 that I understood this! Self worth is an inside job! Thank you!

[@darinjames3313]

YES......Owner of a lonely Heart......Much better than a owner of a broken ❤.......WE came here alone.....WE leave that way too......Im learning more about being alone, year after year now. I ve learned I cant trust or depend on anyONE but me......and the stuff that gave me life.....The Universe shows me daily that Im really never alone. I truly want for nothing anymore but to have peace until I go back to where I came from...Materialism no longer matters....and superficial relationships are meaningless. So for now.....I look to my Body-Mind & Spirit to get me through this thing WE call life on 🌎.......Thank you Brother for creating these videos.....in the hopes of peace within......and then on 🌎....

[@carolmoore1038]

He's not at all saying you have to live without love or that you shouldn't Trust or shouldn't be in love. He's talking about how the fear of being alone prevents that. You will know you've reached a place of emotional maturity when you can give love and not be afraid how it's going to turn out, not be hurt if it doesn't work out the way that you want. And then what you need to do is find someone else who has emotional maturity that wants to give you love. That it's beautiful. Take it from someone who lived through many years of hurt and is now had 17 years of joy

[@darinjames3313]

@@numberone6266 its ok to feel alone. Its part of the process. Its where we find the depths of who we are....For some, its just temporary, until we find our place. For others, alone is their place. Im slowly entering again...I ve had several questions answered!!!.....ALL ALONE.........with Spirit.....You will too Sweetheart.....Take good care of your Body-Mind & Spirit......Adios

[@samantha5600]

Add to this being in abusive relationships. Its so important to become self actualized and feel whole, alone. I can now see all the ways I have contributed to codependency but I no longer NEED someone to validate my existence. All the love to those of you working on this. ❤

[@sigrid3553]

Thank you, I send you love ❤

[@akhileshmagal]

This topic is a very tricky one. You rightly say love is all about giving without expecting anything in return. But what if our partner doesn't share the same ethic. What if you see that the partner is a constant taker, without any consideration for you and your well being? One may continue to 'love' the partner, but choose to separate because a relationship entails a shared agreement to 'be there for the other'. Think of it this way: Most parents love their children unconditionally - yes - but they expect the children to behave themselves - contribute around the house - study well and so on. Love is unconditional only when there is no 'other person'. Example: I love Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Love is conditional in the world (people, relationships, events). Example: I love my parents, but I expect to be treated right. Be careful of this 'unconditional love' business - it might do more harm than good to you. It might mislead you to believe that one has to constantly give, accept and be emotionally abused. Standing up for yourself and saying no is also self love.

[@rajashreechadha6]

Nobody other than God can truly love you unconditionally. Those who have a sense of God--spiritually from within--not organised religion pushed from the outside--such people have an easier time and are indeed blessed. But all of us seek His love, we are just looking for it in the wrong place. At some time in life, we are guided to the right direction. All those people who are watching this video are being guided by a higher power, whether the know it or not.

[@thepowerofyourtrueself4794]

Yes, I understand your issue here, as I used to give unconditionally to other people with my acts of kindness and majority were taken for granted not giving anything back, only thinking of their own selfish interests and when I needed their help with something they would turn their back on me - I had to learn to set some boundaries around myself and expect equal energy exchange, meaning you just don't give and give and give without actually thinking of your own needs, otherwise it becomes abuse, but, I understand what the author of the videos was trying to say and its overall message and its value. Best wishes for the future 🙏❤

[@thabangnukeri6622]

I found this at a time I needed to hear it.

[@lumb.2565]

It took so much heart break and pain to realize this 😔 I got married because I was pressured by my family, I was unhappy and afraid to leave. Now 24 years later I have realised that it's ok to leave, to be alone, to be free of judgement. Started divorce procedure and I am happy to finally be Me.

[@patriciaking7892]

Lum b, you're not alone👍.

[@aagyapalsingh3575]

Stay strong ❤️

[@kimkilgore148]

#staystrong

[@MegaJae]

You are not alone dear

[@Borinquena1973]

It gets easier and better. You are reborn.

[@sunshinecompany1]

I hear you...🙂have been living like a hermit for almost 3 yrs now...overcoming fear of being alone. I have used relationships along with many other things to distract myself from unhealed pain.🙄 tired of running...and facing it was horrible... But not as bad as I thought it would be! I did NOT get permanently swallowed up by a big back abyss!😉

[@jkphsgme8b]

I’m so glad to hear this Susan. I am beginning to embark on this alone journey as well. There are still days where I feel utter terror at the thought.

[@sunshinecompany1]

@@jkphsgme8b sometimes I can only sit with it a few seconds before I have to distract myself...other times longer...and that's ok 🙂 learning new skills takes practice...it gets easier and easier!!🦋 be a kind and nurturing friend to yourself 💘

[@paulahensley5164]

I’m a traveling nurse - spending a lot of time alone. I think of it more as solitude. Thank you. ❤️

[@Bobapenguine]

Hope you're warm and safe ✨🌸

[@rosamorales-sanchez6801]

I decided today to start a new path forward in life to be alone and learn to love life unconditionally. Time to heal. Good luck to everyone who is taking this journey in life. We will find the inner peace in ourselves. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@sigrid3553]

❤

[@SKRithvik]

This is probably the best video on KZbin man !

[@Borinquena1973]

Want to love this video a million times!

[@elisabethn7962]

Took me 50 years. I got it now and am much happier. Been alone for three years and love it and have more peace.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Self love just isn’t a realistic prospect for me. Instead I focus on self acceptance. Also I have found that being lonely doesn’t mean you are alone. For 5 years I have been single and not lonely, unlike the last 4 years of my marriage. I reflect on how my childhood traumas and onwards have afflicted my relationships and I focus on fixing myself into a better man.

[@martins8761]

You are describing attachment theory. Namely the anxious-avoidant trap. I suggest everyone resonating with this learn attachment theory. It is easy to understand and fascinating.

[@mayurgarde1511]

Listening you is very peaceful, all worries & fears go way while watching the video...

[@kr9664]

Thank you for these great insights. Much appreciated :)

[@heidiholmes1549]

I suffer from abandonment issues. One of other things. 14 years ago I had cancer and went through treatment. Which led to my awakening. I had so many toxic people in my life. A lot of people that I loved me hurt me in very traumatic ways. I realized that I was giving so much to people with expectations. It came from a place of low self esteem and trauma from my childhood. Right now I'm trying to live on my own. It hasn't been easy. Especially with Covid. I seperated from my husband because I realized that I married him for the wrong reasons. There are some toxic things between us. I'm in serious trauma recovery program. Everything you said is so true. I'm trying to get through this lesson as best as I can. Thank you for your much needed wisdom. 🙏

[@RR-qu2oz]

Love and blessings ⭐

[@Lynne-28]

☀️🍀Love & Light🍀☀️

[@michaelshelden6597]

This is extremely vital in parenthood when cultivating holistically healthy and happy children. I suffered greatly due to the fact that someone such as my mother who was rarely shown love from family due to losing her parents at t years old and being raised by her siblings and was considered a burden. So it is a cycle that we keep passing down from generation to generation. It has affected every level of my life experience and still processing and transmuting in order to be a healthy self reliable person that is capable of becoming my true self and not allowing it to carry over into future generations. That what a lot of us our doing during our path to awakening. No one's to blame but best believe that you're responsible for healing and ending the cycle especially if it's effecting your life as well as the lives of others negatively! I can see a book in the making brother. Thanks for your light!

[@danny-li6io]

That makes a lot of sense to me. I have had a similar experience with my father since early childhood. I have always harbored feelings of inadequacy and that I am a nuisance, or as he might say, “ a liability, not an asset”. It takes a long time to confront and overcome these feelings. I don’t have children, but I applaud you for trying to heal and overcome AND break that cycle in your lineage!

[@michaelshelden6597]

@@danny-li6io yeah its a very challenging responsibility but we are not what we were told and almost everything we are subject to was created to keep us distracted and powerless. Such as alcohol nicotine and the worst one sugar. Because we feed it to our kids and it affects them in their early years of growth. Sugar is one molecule away from mimicking cocaine. That a idea of why its addictive and no surprise of why it's in 98% of food and beverage products. We live in a world that id like to label so people can get an better understanding but I know how powerful words are and my intentions aren't to add any more fear into the collective. Hope you over and thanks for sharing your story. God bless you that his son is here to assist the warriors of the light. 🙏

[@mmgibson1]

I now feel reassured that it is quite okay for me to live alone and not be "in a relationship" with the big holidays about to descend upon us. I did already know that I was in the crowd of those that are authentic spiritually, but there are times when I am under such bombardment wherever I go about the whole Norman Rockwell fireplace scene with your loved ones during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's eve that I have to be reminded that I am doing all right by myself.

[@susanmoran5226]

You are doing right. The family around the tree thing for many is overrated. Normally , around this time of year I go on a retreat to a Buddhist monastery. It's great being with all those other single people. Happy to be single. Norman Rockwell, painted idealist paintings, some are very nice. But they are too perfect sometimes. Enjoy your freedom . Fly free little bird.

[@MC-dz8be]

I love you so much for making sense of the confusion i feel for getting and giving in relationships. I need to fully love myself without conditions before i expect to be with someone else, thank you for instilling that in me with more clarity and understanding

[@carolmoore1038]

This is true totally, but also we can't continue to attempt to have relationships with people who are not at that point ready able willing to give love we often get involved with people not deserving. And I'm not saying it's not okay to love those people we should love everyone, but if you give everything of yourself to someone who's going to give you nothing that is not a healthy relationship. It sounds like you're already in the place where you're ready to give love, what you need to do is find a partner who is emotionally mature town and we'll give love returns your romantic love and can give the way that you do. Then you're in a healthy relationship.

[@MC-dz8be]

@@carolmoore1038 oh for sure, I feel like true love starts with yourself first. It's not always there so I do all that I can to find a balance of changing what I can and accepting what I can't. But no matter what I will always care for myself as if I were an adult looking after a child and I think being in a relationship is no different. I just have to be honest with them and hopefully they are willing to give and work with me as much as I do for them. All and all relationships are meant to help me understand myself more like starting a business you take the risk because you think you have something to offer which could really benefit others and yourself. Otherwise keep trying to refine it until you know how much your worth and know that you won't settle or sell for less than it's worth to make it.

[@planetmchanic6299]

You don't have to look for love when it's where your coming from.

[@wanderingneone]

spot on I rather be completely alone, then being in a lonely relationship :-)

[@marklawson2871]

Your mini satsangs are so lovely. 🙏

[@Diana-gt1rv]

This is so true! You have to embrace and enjoy being alone with yourself and accept yourself as you are before being able to love somebody else. Love is about giving without seeking something in return. This authentic or unconditional love is the best basis for a happy and long lasting relationship. I myself was lucky to have found unconditional love which is such a wonderful thing. 🥰

[@aileenpetrie7176]

Some painful insights into how I act in relationship. Always fearful.

[@sidharthratnam2979]

You say love is about giving and not thinking what you are getting in return. But in another video you implied that if the other person doesn't invests as much as we do then it's a lopsided relationship. I am confused how do I balance out both these contradictory definitions of healthy love ?

[@neptuneamaru5649]

I think there's a big distinction between love and maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. You can love someone even when the relationship is one-sided and detrimental to your well being. If someone doesn't take into account your needs and wants but only wants you to considers theirs then you'll burn yourself out because you want have any of your needs fulfilled. Which goes back to loving and accepting yourself and understanding your needs and wants in a romantic relationship. You'll do nice things for them simply out of appreciation of them not out of desperation to keep them with you or attached to you and vice versa. But if the other person doesn't take into account your needs/wants you will begin to feel unfulfilled. Hope this helps

[@ashleyswain276]

🧐

[@alanamartin7]

Very helpful. I agree completely. Thanks for sharing!

[@AwakenInsight]

You are most welcome. I'm glad you found it helpful and I'm happy to be of service.

[@rajashreechadha6]

So so true. After finding my spiritual path after 25 years of being in an abusive marriage I just love being alone. That's because God has always been with me, my internal conversations are with Him. And His love is absolutely beautiful and unconditional. Thankyou for your wisdom and each of us comes to this point of inner peace sometime on their journey through life. Or in another lifetime...

[@johnbolter4369]

I needed to hear this . Thank you 🙏

[@anabracika3822]

Really get, what you are saying. Thank you

[@starzintheskyz4477]

I have friends that I love dearly and I go out of my way for them all the time not ever to expect anything in return except to want to go out and do things with me or even chat on the phone, but it makes me feel like I'm not valued because they don't reciprocate in return. Is that too much to ask for is a friend who reciprocates the friendship? So when should I know to let go of a friendship for people who don't put in effort for me,?

[@ChristiansPrayingTogether]

Many gratitudes for this helpful talk ❤️ I agree 100% - thank you 😊

[@alasam957]

You are amazing 💖🙏🏻

[@AliClaire72]

This is me.. 🙁working on my self, learning to love myself

[@jonjones9789]

Very good video.... well done.... god bless you

[@vxidwvlkxr]

As a recovering codependent and SLD, I think I will probably never have a healthy, loving and happy relationship. I'm sharply anti-social and yet I absolutely despise being alone, regardless of the fact that I spend the vast majority of my time alone anyway. I definitely don't "love" myself, I simply don't know how. The way I generally don't love the human species as a whole probably plays a sizable factor in that. I simply can't imagine loving someone like myself and quite honestly I don't think I will ever reach that point where I'll be able to look in the mirror and say, honestly, "I love YOU, man in the mirror.", it all just sounds like wishful thinking. Without someone, I feel empty. Even with someone, that much doesn't change by very much if at all. I am simply existentially miserable, with no light at the end in sight. But as cold as the nights are in my bed by my self, I would rather be alone than be with someone who plays with my heart and my head, someone who wants to play with me and then discard me. And, going further than that, I would above all probably just rather to euthanize myself so I don't have to fuckin' ruminate and worry about any of it anymore. I'm so fucking tired.

[@freiwieinvogel]

Would you consider seeking help from a professional? Would you consider the possibility of a chemical imbalance in your brain preventing you from operating correctly, as a well tuned machine? Would you put the effort to fix what there’s to fix in order to operate correctly so you can become a beautiful man you can fall in love with? You are the only responsible for your life and to live better you shall take action. Do not seek the light at the end of the tunnel, become it. I wish you to succeed! You will if you have the will! I know because I have been there 🙏

[@wendyboeree7873]

Truth bombs here! Thank you for this video

[@shortycareface9678]

You perfectly described the conditions of the time before my relationship ended. Only now I can see this. I never believed I would fall into the trap of a co-dependent relationship, but I did. Maybe partially because it is idealized in general society, but I think we both moved too much into fear in the end. Now I am glad to have the opportunity to work on myself independently of a partner.

[@prayerworks11]

I like your teachings. There isnt any God or religion.

[@derealratos6332]

Lok

[@elenol1310]

Hahah, welcome to spirituality! Not religion

[@esotericsolitaire]

So many people cannot be alone with their own thoughts. It is too painful for them.

[@sunshinecompany1]

I have forced myself to be alone for almost 3 yrs...terrifying 🙄 but relationships are just more distractions from myself and unhealed baggage 😉

[@esotericsolitaire]

@@sunshinecompany1 yes, we have to have unencumbered time to self reflect and heal.

[@carolmoore1038]

Yes what were really talking about here can be called emotional maturity. And you can't have emotional maturity until you have faced yourself your life your past your own demons and dealt with them. Because if you don't you're just going to act on repressed emotions. You may not even know why you behave the way you do sometimes. Once you do that you're in a place where you're capable of being in a relationship, but then it's also key and he did mention this, to choose a partner who is also emotionally mature. If you are both emotionally mature, and you both have loved you're going to be so busy trying to give to one another and that you don't worry about taking and you don't have to worry about it because you're going to be giving to each other. if one or more of you has not reached that point your focus is on what you need because you are not filling your own needs. You are perfect putting the burden of them on someone else which is unfair.

[@esotericsolitaire]

@@carolmoore1038 we must all eventually do our shadow work to attain new levels. Unfortunately, most people long for justification of their dark sides.

[@baileeleann6409]

i wonder if it’s a possibility to heal in the same place you’ve attained trauma if you can learn to love freely without fear again.

[@nazarethforest8313]

With all due respect I have for your videos, I take the liberty... Not always we are giving 'to have something in return'... giving is a wonderful joy! However there is no garantee to 'have (sincere) love' not even from our own mothers... I comprehend and praise your point, I actually follow you with interest, but love has an 'undiscovered' component beyond our new, constant spiritual/mental necessity to dissect feelings. We are all afraid of not being 'loved'. I am not bringing co-dependence here to the table, of course we all welcome to know the difference between 'these things'.. but love is kin to death, it holds a mystery of its own, for we never know when our turn is going to come, hence the fear for love is the fear for death as it realizes the - unknown- in all of us... Let's seek patience and understanding in those who don't know how to love, or receive love... I am afraid they are most of us! 💙🦋🌹

[@johndouglas708]

I agree. Compassion is the key factor here. Compassion towards self and knowing we are not all zen monk and totally self reliant. We are social animals after all. There are relatively few people in the world who have it together and love themselves completely.💚

[@carolmoore1038]

I agree with you 99%, I don't necessarily look at romantic love is a big mystery. But then I differentiate between infatuation, and love. I'm going to bring up an old movie or play call Fiddler on the Roof. Since the people in that movie have arranged marriages and one daughter wants to marry who she loves, the main character wonders if his wife even loves him so he asks her do you love me and she says for 25 years I washed your shorts cook your meals cleaned up after you He officer again yes but do you love me? he's missing the point, what is wife is saying is that she hasn't been doing this all these years because she had to oh, she's doing it because she's come to love him. They raised a family together sacrificed for one another put the children before themselves, and somewhere along the way they came to a place of real love not infatuation. This theoretical couple actually has the relationship we all think we're looking for. after years of going about it all wrong, I learned the things the man in this video is saying, and now for 17 years I've been in a mature, respectful, caring relationship. and it didn't come about because we were Starstruck and it didn't come easy or without work. but the point is we're both emotionally mature, we started from a place of deep caring and actually liking each other and despite the fact that we sometimes hate each other we never stopped loving each other. Love is an action. Not a starry-eyed Feeling although the two are not mutually exclusive. love is when you care more about that other person than you do yourself. Which can become very unhealthy if you have chosen a partner who is not emotionally mature and loving. once a happily married couple who had their 50th Anniversary when I ask their advice, they told me a good marriage is a decision to keep falling back in love again. and they told me if you're doing what you're supposed to do it'll happen because you'll sacrifice for each other. They told me it's a commitment but not just to stay together, but to do what's right. still I saw unhealthy relationships, and I realized with these two people had that the unhealthy relationships did not is that they're both emotionally mature. that's actually the rare commodity, emotionally immature people. Unfortunately our society does not teach emotional maturity anymore, but it still teaches Cinderella.

[@nazarethforest8313]

@@carolmoore1038 Just a quick 'reframing' if I may: I said 'Love and Death holds a mystery (we never know when they will' call us') I did not mention 'romantic love' in particular albeit included in the equation... Thank you for your kind, sincere response, it is always good to exchange in clarity and respect Blessings to you🙏

[@Wotan-Born]

Completely accurate

[@DOLFINOWOLF]

ÑAmÂSTë;) *NADA* !!!! Exceptionally BADASS EXCELLENT Braughhhhhhhhh 👍👍👍✌️ it's my 4th vid and GOTTA Tell ya Brother.... On Point !!! On the Mark ‼️ & I personally feel already that an Award of some kind due to the LEVEL and Subject Matter.... * * ✓ I've been at this a while Nada, and my conclusion, at 63;) is that the more Loss, Betrayals, and Life-Pain...... the sweeter your Life 💕..... SOUNDS insane but I HAD to cut my mother:( my sister:( my brother 🥺 my daughter 😵 my son😭 and I have 1 childhood friend...aside from that..... .I've "DISCOVERED" a peace / calmness / UNDERSTANDING about me that I've never knew could EXIST........ *π°∆∆∆ CK it.... WHEN a bone 🦴 breaks in your body it Hurts and it's a Bad thing BUT.... before THAT BROKEN BONE breaks again you have to break ALL the other bones in your Body.... The healing creates SOMETHING that Strengthen s. Our Soul !!! 👍👍👍🌄🌄👍

[@oct10sky]

While there are many truths in this video, love without receiving something in return is not something that you should be preaching. I spent years giving (without expecting anything in return) until I was emptied out of emotion. Yes, you should give without expecting something in return. But to stay in a relationship where the person just takes and doesn’t give back...heartbreak waiting to happen.

[@kathleensmith644]

Then you were not giving without the expectation of receiving something back.

[@Lightknight1991]

Thank you infinitely beautiful soul! ❤️❤️❤️

[@thepowerofyourtrueself4794]

So valuable the message of "self love and acceptance of self company and finding inner strength from it" - I would only add, that based on my own painful experiences, "giving unconditionally" in a relationship or to other people in general needs to be balanced, otherwise it becomes an abuse. I used to give and give and give unconditionally, which was often taken for granted by self interest and when I needed their help, majority would turn their backs on me - I realised that you do need to think of your own needs, you cannot just putting others above yourself and neglecting yourself in the process whether its emotional or physical. That does not mean you are insecure and needy, but you love yourself fully and from that space you deserve equall energy exchange, you give unconditional love, but you also deserve to receive that unconditional love from another, you don’t want to become someone who "people pleasing" having no regards for its own needs.

[@cliffnielsen5380]

I love you Brother ❤ 🙏 Thank you! I so needed to hear your healing wisdom and guidance this morning. Peace

[@brendangolledge8312]

I was in a relationship once with a woman who was insecure like this. She was incredibly nice most of the time, but on a fairly regular basis would do totally crazy things that stressed me out. She was also very accusing when I failed to meet one of her unspoken expectations. I felt forced to break up with her eventually. If she had just been chill, I would have been totally happy with her. Edit: I tried to teach her some stuff about humility which I found personally useful, but I think she could not understand the difference between humility and insecurity, and it made her even crazier.

[@claudiomagalhaes1248]

You are amazing! Thank you very much for spending your time into service!!!

[@ioanaimocanu]

I wonder if anyone will ever read this, but I disagree. If you can't count on a partner to soothe you when you're feeling in need of comforting, what's that relationship even for? To me, the perspective expressed in this video is ultimately selfish, no different from "Everyone for themselves". It leads to an "enlightened" world of single or "polyamorous" people. People who have been hurt and who force themselves to learn that they "don't need" others. People who have been convinced that seeking love is a moral fault, a sign of a deficiency. We run away from neediness because we don't want to deal with imperfections. We want a perfect partner so we don't have to give anything. But giving is bonding. Bonding is real love. Companionship without a true bond is just friendship. It can be a profound friendship, but it isn't love. Why are some people extra needy? Because their parents didn't soothe them growing up. Because they were neglected. And anyone would jump to say those aren't acts of love. To reinvent love without neediness, stated exactly in your words, is to be okay alone and to therefore acknowledge that your partner should also be okay alone. There's a certain imperviousness that is incompatible with a deep bond. To live life this way is to abandon hope of transcendent unity with another being. Loving is being able to comfort, soothe and heal; to create a bond that defies dying. To reassure someone that no matter what, they have a home, and that home is together. Yes, not being needy is more enjoyable for the other. So is a candy bar instead of a salad. But it's not real food, and it's not real love. It's a lonely life. Maybe with companionship... But always as an individual of one, and never fully merged with someone. Anyhoo. I'd love to see a video on how to help needy people and how to be a present partner.

[@Ellenweiss1]

Wow......this insight is so powerful for me. I realize the dynamic that happened at the end of my last relationship. And although....I'm sure that no matter what kind of behavior I might have displayed that he would have left. But I can more understand some of his behaviors. And also realize how unconscious my panic and insecurity were toward the end. And realizing that this was a general panic and insecurity....and not all about him. Thank you for your videos! I just found you recently and I think they are some of the most honest and insightful here on youtube....so wonderful and appreciated!!

[@deborahbarry9421]

Your words are so true. I know many people I have come across on my path are terribly afraid of being alone for any length of time. They asked me why I am not lonely while being alone, I simply tell them I enjoy my own company, she is wise, she is funny, she is creative, always trying to fill her time productively. And this is what I love about myself. So I tell them what the old monk once said, make a friend of yourself and you will never be alone...These words are true namaste

[@peternall6566]

Hello :0) I am a subscriber and love surviver and a big fan of your work. I have to be honest and say that some of what you are talking about in this video isnt how everyone feels.. I'm open to anyone wanting to debate my thoughts. Lots of love Pete xxx

[@candicemariebeadco]

Thank you! ♡

[@whyareyoulikethis557]

I cried while I listened to you. You made me realize how many problems I have.😔

[@mayfernig5094]

don't worry be happy me too. Your not in this alone.

[@Borinquena1973]

Realizing it is amazing! Denying it is a problem. At least we can work on improving.

[@whyareyoulikethis557]

@@Borinquena1973 Aman 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@ikawinner960]

I already alone 19 years, but before six year I stop to work because of the age of pension in my Country, I was very busy all the years and then I don’t file lonely, I have no time for that And suddenly I weak up and need to finding the meaning of every day, and it’s hard, because I don’t want bosses again, and I can’t do art all the day, and my grandchildren are big now So I find my self after helping all my family around, and I find my self , with much time to spend So it is not easy at all, because I used to be busy all my day, 12 hours a day, and sudden emptiness

[@Ange-144]

Only just found your you tube channel and I think you’re an amazing teacher .. I love listening to your wisdom . Thank you 😊❤️

[@SantaCruzHappy1]

I am 61 and been single for three years. The first time in my life I am not looking for a partner. I am so happy and feel so FREE. I love who I am. I am still learning a lot about myself and am cleaning my own house.

[@rbheiss]

I don't understand anybody being afraid of being alone. There was a time in my life when I might have thought I could understand that idea because of the garbage in - garbage out sort of thing being pumped into my being by love songs and all. Ultimately though we ought to be at peace with how God created us and understand that we don't need anyone else to validate our worth. If somebody says something positive about our existence that is good but we shouldn't seek that sort of thing as a definition of our validity. Perhaps it can be a bit of evidence to ourselves that we must be doing something right and yet we shouldn't lean on that sort of a thought or feeling process. It was said a long time ago that it is not good for the man to be alone and I get that. But when you get right down to it none of us are alone really even if we consider ourselves solitary. There is God firstly. Then there are things we need to subsist on that are brought to most of us on earth by other human beings who work, whether from a supermarket, or a tool, or transportation of some kind, or a host of other things. Take this video for example which I am responding to after only watching up to the 1:47 minute mark. He's talking about the capacity to be alone as being the capacity to love. Yet those thoughts are posted in video format via computer to the entire planet. To be truly alone one would have such thoughts and keep them private. I was thinking about Thoreau earlier and his quest to get away and live deliberately, which he did. But for some reason there arose a need for him to continue creating and emerge from his isolation in order to share what he had experienced. He wasn't afraid of being alone at the beginning but toward the end of that journey he was missing something. I'm not proposing a grand theory here and really have no answers to an interesting question or three the title of this video brings to my being. I can only say that as one who walks alone these days these quick thoughts above consist of input I felt moved to add which means that I too, like Thoreau, feel a need to reach out in the midst of my solitary life. That leaves me with yet another question. Why? Take care, Rolland

[@maysaraali5772]

so grateful to come across this channel! thanks god!

[@lauramazoch4552]

Love your knowledge. Being alone reveals so much in ourselves. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve sabotaged many relationships and realize it. It’s hard to deal with the fear and resolve it. I recognize I even sabotage my own healing...lol. It really is crazy but at least I’m aware.

[@fernandovalter5118]

Fucking wise! I needed to hear this on spot! Thank you so much!

[@PeaceDayCortez]

Thank you I really needed this!

[@Aseser-8]

You have the gift of speech. Your words resonate with me and I’m glad I could listen

[@cathyglascock1370]

Better to be alone than in bad company...... George Washington I think

[@lisagouldson8373]

i have come from Trauma & i have come a long way from the chains of pain i am creating a safe space 💯❤️🥰

[@sandybeebe9149]

I LOVE MY ALONE ..I am grateful for my space and my privacy. Its peaceful and quiet . No arguments, no expectations , no demands. Alone I can be my self. impress myself ...

[@ElmoKnowsWhereYouLive5150]

It's unbelievably refreshing to see an american man so in touch with things on this level. #namaste

[@billyonzee50]

This is soo true, funny how it has taken me all this long to realise this.

[@MFMc2]

I think what keeps us stuck in unhealthy relationships is our fear of the unknown..we put others before our own happiness even knowing this we are still frozen to begin the journey to freedom..these videos are balm to those who need a jolt in the right direction..so thanks a million for helping us see we do matter and it's our job to make the first move which I do feel is the most difficult

[@melissamattair8189]

Wow! I watch these type videos all the time.Waiting on someone else's words, to reach me.This video made me see how defective I am.Thank you

[@sacredheart2456]

❤️🙏✝️......Merci! Thank you!💚🌄

[@edwintepuendikum3527]

Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom 🙏🏿🙌🏿

[@1980kebab]

It's as though you speak from personal experience. You have just described my life. I'm now 40. It took losing my 'soul mate' for me to finally see the truth. A year spent alone, reflecting, exploring, being up and then being down, has finally lead me to a place of inner peace and an abundance of deep and meaningful connections. Everything you said is absolutely spot on. The fear of being alone caused me to bounce from one destructive relationship to another- not anymore. Yes, I'm still single, but that's ok. It's an opportunity, a gift, to be able to understand myself better with the knowledge that he will arrive in my life exactly when he's meant to. I won't have to beg, chase, convince or buy the true love of another. It'll be the most natural and equal connection with an unconditional love, understanding and respect for one another. 🙏 Thank you. 🙌

[@chea331]

Hello again Awaken Insight. What's your background? Your story? I had a moment a few days ago that I believe is the true beginning to what you are describing. Self love and an actual conversation with myself about 'our' relationship, that is, me living my entire life with no guarantee except to live forever with me..... the one person that I always neglected. I'd like to change that. Your words resonate. I'm hoping that I'm in a pivotal moment. Thank you for your insight and energy. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

[@Lucy2086]

🌹❤️

[@michaelshelden6597]

This might rattle a few cages but needs to be faced in order to change the types of relationships you cultivate in life on every area of your life.

[@geoffreyjones2872]

You really nailed it.Thankyou.This was very helpful.

[@ioodyssey3740]

Like when your brain is full and you can not comprehend any more.

[@letusallbeindigos1910]

You are a very wise dude and closely resemble a young Tommy Chong.

[@jordansaintemarie]

The ability to be PRESENT with oneself precludes the ability to be present with another

[@sanutthomas1841]

Thank you ❤

[@revertingthemoldways]

I really do love and appreciate the universe for sending these beautiful angelic beings/ guru/teachers my way. You all have no idea how blessed I am to encounter you all. You all genuinely dont know how much love I have for you

[@wk3960]

🙏🙏🙏 TQ

[@SpliffyMeister]

Well said!

[@Roadshome]

I wish I could give you more than just one like.

[@zirconk9994]

You're absolutely right. Sometimes in life we do make decisions out of fear to avoid loneliness. But you don't know that you're actually putting yourself in hell.

[@lacypierce6487]

One question though. Isolation has basically been a devil I’ve known since childhood-partly due to being an only child. For me, being alone is basically both a sanctuary and a struggle. Also until recently when it was mirrored back to me, I’ve been very radically independent. I even at one point believed that reliance on others was a weakness. How can it reflect an ability to love when it’s conflicted like that?

[@dinaibrahim4022]

I definitely agree. However, what if we want to test 'am complete, in utter self-love with me' theory, imagine loving an apartment with everything provided for you except for love from other people ie partner/community? No, it won't work. I know spiritually we don't say 'we need love' since we are acting out lack, but there is a blind aspect in here that's not addressing who we truly are, beings who crave love. Also, the very issue of many people having not self-love is because they were denied love in their early childhood. I do understand that we need to bypass this process because love can be tormenting, however, love will always be necessary.

[@karen.island3697]

Just found your channel and I’m so happy about that! This video was absolutely incredible. My gratitude for your beautiful messages. 💜🙏 🌍

[@Lindsay4182]

I needed to see this video. Wow. Is KZbin algorithms our new therapies? Lol beautiful advice.

[@carlgregory9776]

Great insights!