Don't Look Frumpy Over 40 || Beware These 5 Frump Factors!

[@cactusrose9601]

Darlin’ Kay, I have a tip to add to yours: many retirees can’t afford higher quality clothing, and I’m one of them. I’m in the choir at church, in front of the entire parish, & I like to look nice, so what I do is go to the Goodwill used clothing shops in the more wealthy areas in town. I find loads of excellent condition items from Chico’s, Ralph Lauren & other brands, some of which still have tags! Half my wardrobe is from Goodwill, & I call this a victory!! Thx for your hard work.

[@sandrah4358]

Goodwill is also a good choice for the planet! When we purchase from Goodwill we prevent the manufacturing of too many items!! This is a great tip! Shopping resale at Goodwill also provides jobs in the community! Plus shopping resale is “anti-frump” because all the YOUNG KIDS are doing it! Also, as a side note, church resale shops also get BEAUTIFUL clothes donated with tags still on too! Great way to look sharp and support the planet, people and philanthropy!

[@elisebrown3813]

Awesome suggestion! I like Vincent De Paul. Thrifting in upscale neighborhoods is fun!

[@isbythesea]

Accessorizing and matching different pieces makes a big difference, a pair of shoes can make or break an outfit, hairstyling is paramount. Shorter styles are flattering to a more mature woman. Cleaner more natural makeup is a good choice as well. And being well groomed, manicures add something very important.

[@noreenconstantine4612]

Clothing at goodwill and Salvation Army are much higher quality in the past 10 years. I always dress classy, except when I'm painting, or tired 😅

[@sherrylbainbridge4033]

Dear Cactus Rose, have you ever been to a high quality resale shop? Rich women drop off their clothes and you can find amazing items for inexpensive prices! Plus they even have sales! Try that, being a retiree on a budget is no excuse for not looking good.

[@3poocheskky]

I am surprised that you didn’t mention a well fit bra. That made the biggest change for me. Thanks for reminding me about standing tall with confidence.

[@popsicletoes77]

SO true. I love going to Soma, the ladies will measure you personally and really help you get just the right bra for your figure. While a little pricey, they are excellent quality and worth it. Keeping the girls perky really feels and looks great! I couldn't believe the difference!

[@kam0406]

Oh yes! I have a large bust for my size and can’t believe how much a difference a minimizer bra with wide side and back band made! No back fat and the bra pulled the girls front and center, making me look at least 10 pounds slimmer! It also helps shirts fit so much better! Bras are important- and one that is adjusted properly to pull everything up is important! I see a lot of ladies whose boobs are too low and they could easily correct this with the proper bra and strap adjustments!

[@quotechew]

A fresh new bra does wonders for the back, neck, breathing, and appearance

[@lisaware9697]

Yes! Being fitted for a bra changed my world! 😁😁

[@toneyrose8465]

Kay, I wished you would have addressed bra wearing, too. So many of my friends look frumpy, because they have given in to saggy breasts. That causes their clothing to become ill-fitting, increasing the “frump-factor!” 😊

[@2atthemill190]

There is a good Ted Talk about this. I have seen so many who need to buy new underpinnings.

[@barbiec4312]

This is so true. Get those girls up! They don’t have to be pushed up like a young girl, but you always look fresher and slimmer with lifted breasts.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

That is definitely a factor and I have indeed mentioned that other times. I was just really trying to keep this list to five. But you are absolutely right.

[@terryhenderson424]

Under pinnings including tights or the other to helps us have a firmer aesthetic and also pant slips.

[@monamorgan8614]

I was going to say under garments too. A bad fitting bra ages us fast. Get fitted by a professional at least every two years, we lose most muscle in our chest area which make us look “Frumpy”👍🏻

[@Bebe.B.]

WOW! When you show the 2 different hairstyles on yourself you can REALLY see how a hairstyle can make you look vibrant and stylish or frumpy. That was an amazing way to show your point.

[@annegreen2394]

This is good Kay, thank you. I agree . I have number 6 for you. I agree about wearing no more than two colors but to add to that, leave the patterned and floral print material for throw pillows. Solid colors can show off a beautiful necklace and face without distraction. Spruce it up with earrings and a scarf. A colorful scarf should not be big and puffy, too much going on near the face. One more thing about shoes. If orthotics need to be worn, I find the most comfortable style of shoe are ankle boots. One size larger fits your own insoles and also gives more of a secure feel when walking than a low cut shoe. A couple pair of chelsea boots with different heels like one with a low dressy heel and one lug sole are stylish and comfortable. I hope this helps. I'm almost 66 and am just suggesting what I do to get through the day...... with confidence. :)

[@janeclarkson8471]

The SMILE can take off 10 years and you look happy. It actually can change your own mood! Usually if you smile at someone, they do smile back. Your whole demeanour changes upward! I'm 75 from and in, the U.K. 🇬🇧🙏🏻 Kay. You're delightful. A few tips for my age group wouldn't go amiss. Have a great day xx🤗👌

[@geowil2493]

I couldn't agree more that a smile is the best way to dress your face. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder. 😊

[@martinkent333]

I smile and people actually think I am simple minded. Looking like simpleton must be nice. Most folks don't want to appear too happy because it irritates people and infantlizes the smiler. But don't frown and when it's ok, then smile away.

[@greenbrain8725]

The issue with older women is that along with our changing bodies, we also change our outlook on fashion. We tend to go more with comfort and relinquish our obsession with looks. We accept our thinning hair, our double chins, our larger bellies. We no longer want to “torture” ourselves with tight bras. Some of us embrace the “frump” with simpler linen clothes that flow, comfortable shoes, and happily abandon the tyrannical fashion demands of society and the marketplace.

[@marymoore3625]

speak for yourself ;-)

[@justgranny9601]

@@marymoore3625 They were

[@kathleenholt6008]

I agree. We soon find that nobody is looking anyway. It takes too much energy to dress to impress other people.

[@leighburville2717]

@kathleenholt6008 I'm 83 years old and I frankly am tired of seeing old people giving up on themselves and embracing the look that says looks don't matter. I challenge every woman who has given up on their looks to take my free class on pepping your life up without breaking a sweat or breaking the bank. The whole nation needs to prep a bit, stand-up straighter, pep up your looks, raise up your drooping girls. This entire nation is going to the slobs because all ages are just plain sloppy. Be a good example and stop the trend. Get a better bra, stop the old lady haircut of the 1970s, buy some cute running shoes, cute active wear, a cute coat, a sweet dress. Now smile; and dive into life again! Ten little changes totaling less than $100 a year can keep the demon of quitting away and the pill doctor away too. Defeat leads to depression and depression leads to sickness. Quitting on your image is just plain dangerous.

[@dailybread300]

@@leighburville2717great attitude!🙂💕

[@krisdoor6905]

Great video! As a 69 year old retiree who moved recently to a small town in the Mid West, my style is more casual than when I was a trial lawyer. I follow several stylists on You Tube, and all say shoes can make or break an outfit. You are the first and only to recognize that some of us simply can’t wear cute, stylish shoes anymore. Thanks for “giving permission” to wear what shoes we must, and focus on all our other style elements. 👍

[@nanasloves]

Amen Kris!!! I’m so sad I can’t find stylish shoes for my wide feet.

[@lisaschooler9992]

Agreed! I’ve been wearing pretty much Easy Spirit mules OR Clark’s loafers for 3 years due to a bunion on one foot. I get tired of hearing about shoes all of the time, and I’m only in my mid 50s. Prior health Insurance denied my request for surgery twice, I have changed recently so maybe someday I can do at least a 2” wedge occasionally:).

[@cactusrose9601]

Amen!!

[@moonbaby8743]

@@nanasloves i get it!! Have you looked at Vionic shoes. I now have wider feet, and need arch support or wear orthotics. They have really cute shoes.

[@nanasloves]

@@moonbaby8743 I have but it’s been a while . I’ll check them out again! I have a Tailors bunion, it’s the baby toe, and I’m wondering if that’s why I have a hard time, it’s usually regular bunions that shoe maker think about. Thanks!

[@MA-iu5hu]

I love your polite and non judgmental approach to fashion advice

[@elizabethwhitehouse7752]

Hi Kay, thank you for your tips, but as an 80 year old, who most people think is 20 years younger, I don’t feel that my wardrobe “makes” me, I am what I am, I am happy with my life, I have reasonable health, I exercise regularly and am friendly and unbiased, never consider my, or other peoples dress sense, after all, it’s the personality, not the clothes that “maketh the man”,

[@patriciabridges6735]

Great reply!

[@lindablum3226]

Posture is soooo important. I was sitting on the dock with my granddaughter, and my daughter asked us to turn for a picture. Before she took the photo, she said ‘posture, mom’. I straightened up before the click, and the photo turned out great. I can imagine what she saw before coaching me, as I’ve seen many pics of myself slouchy. I’m thankful she spoke up!! I try to remind myself often… posture!

[@RC-eb5hq]

For motivation on good posture, watch old movies... REALLY old black and white movies when people had class and dressed with style. They all had good posture and looked fabulous!

[@harmoniabalanza]

yes, this is true. But remember, you were on the dock with your granddaughter. That's the important thing!

[@francesskobieranda7312]

​@@harmoniabalanzai

[@buzoff4642]

Good posture says self-respect. I suspect posture and direct eye contact's been the reason I've gotten more than a few jobs.

[@carlaeskelsen]

​@harmoniabalanza 🏆🏆🏆

[@arlenerivera6631]

Great advice. Thank you for not following the crowd and telling us how to look younger. I like the idea of looking confident and put-together as a "mature" woman. I survived and I'm proud of it and your hints show me more of how to show it on the outside.

[@cheriealver7924]

I found freedom in styling from a modern stylist who said black does not look good on every woman and finding our neutral will make us modern and more attractive. Gray, camel and navy are some good alternatives to black and are seen on styleboards everywhere. I was freed when I changed to navy! I don't look good in black but am pleased to note that navy is a much nicer choice for my skin tone. I want all women to feel pretty about themselves. I have mobility issues. I cannot not wear pricey regular brands. Prior to where I now am, I did just that. The good news is that orthopedic brand shoes are coming out with cuter booties and Mary Jane's. And tennis shoes. Some people have severe crippling extremely painful feet and are barely able to walk. They have selected the most attractive shoes they can find. It takes research. Let us remind them we are are proud of their choices and how beautiful their entire fashion looks are. To tell them to ignore their feet is to say to ignore a part of who they are. My feet are a part of me. I feel the same even though I can't wear the shoes I wish I could. Believe me I do not feel frumpy! I find the best shoes for me feet so that I can walk with my walker or canes. I want to feel pretty in my outfits. I choose the nicest shoes for my feet. I live in California and follow fashion influencers from all over. Color is on trend. I think it's fun to see an older woman in bright color clothes because after the pandemic it's fun. We must not get too serious about it. I think if you have too many classics you can get frumpy fast. Get some fun pieces that aren't traditional to modernize your look. You will look years younger. Really. One classic piece is enough for an outfit otherwise it can be too dated sometimes. Life is short. Take a risk. There is room on our beautiful planet for more uniqueness. We are all loved and blessed most highly by being just who we are. Have the most lively day! My neutral accessory is leopard. It goes with everything I think. Used wisely. Like a headband or sunglasses. Hairdos? My hair is thinning too much on top to lift. Can't create layers on the sides. I think the straight parted hair isn't flattering on everyone and I'm happy more styles based on thickness texture wave and curl and shape of faces and preferences are coming back. Soft waves flatter around an aging face. I'd like to have them but my hair isn't growing. So the little I have is pulled back in a tiny bun. The look may be 'unflattering' but is the aging woman's face? It's time for women to appreciate the beauty of aging in a positive light. Our elder women deserve our respect about their lovely appearance. I am 71 an feel like it is a joy to be alive and part of gracing our experience is to accept that women are a positive important feature. Wear all your aspects and charms my lovelies with the knowledge that there are no rules and "If you want it, have it." I send healing prayers to all of you in need of them and unconditional love. May the angels shower you with light beams.

[@patriciastewart2537]

Cherie Alver, I add body to my hair with the vegetable dye Punky Colors Mix the shades for a "natural " brown shade. Blue and Flame Orange makes :BROWN! Comfortable cute affordable shoes. $$$$ Ugg boots, or $ Walmart Mukluk boots. Not tight anywhere. Easy to put on and kick off. Posture...( mobility!)....I have recovered my mobility this year. It took a year. I was using two canes to walk slowly while moaning in pain one year ago. I now use them to maintain always good straight posture. No pain!

[@lafrancehannele6884]

@@patriciastewart2537 Motion is lotion! My mother jogged and walked till age 85. She just died 2 years ago. She loved those thin matching jogging suits and always looked younger by 10 years. She was 99 when she past and just slowly slowed down. She did the splits still at 85 and had her hair freely moving. Very youthful lady! She is my example. Never took more than a calcium pill, did not go grey and could wear anything and look good. I am a senior with blond natural wavy hair with no grey at all. People think I am years younger, then my eye exam revealed, that we cannot fool mother nature! Fun channel to visit, because we still want to matter!

[@ElleH123-w7w]

Yes to navy!

[@judylongcore5076]

Cherish, Love all the advice you are giving. You are loving presence wherever you go. Blessings to you.

[@sally3570]

I’m blown away by the difference in hair styles!!! Thank you for demonstrating it!!! You look 10-15 years younger with your current hair style!!! ❤️

[@sarahbazeley9591]

I’m not sure about the hair style tips. I’m 45, and thin flat hair below the ear is aging 🥺 and height on the crown is a bit dated….

[@galadethlaernis6266]

@sarahbazeley9591 I understand. I think she is making a point between her style and the other style which definitely does make her look very frumpy and dated and not in a good way. She doesn't have a teased high top at all. I think she is making a comparison and it's a pretty good one. The dated frumpy look that is sort of like a triangle is not flattering at all. It makes her face look chunky too. My hair is 100% different than hers very wavy with a curl. I could never wear my hair like hers but I do take the advice.... I'm working on making it not look like a triangle LOL .A well-known hairdresser on here specializes in updating hairstyles to make one look their very best & flattering... all different hair types and mostly 40 to 50 and up. He goes into complete detail because he is a hair stylist... shows before and afters and it's amazing. He has said similar things also.

[@Patriot0417]

I actually like the hairstyle that was criticized better than the one that was praised.

[@lisathomas8912]

All great tips - thanks so much! My main goals at 60 are comfort and beauty. The minute we older ladies say “modern,” we date ourselves and automatically sound and feel older. I’ve dressed well all my life, but frankly with my frumpy body I can’t expect to look as chic as I did when I was 25. I do feel Ive learned enough over the years, however, to move with the times and be true to myself as well. If I look frumpy, so be it. Chances are I won’t feel fabulous, but sometimes I do, in spite of what fashions may dictate. What’s important is our confidence and how we feel inside. Whatever you do, own it!

[@lisalu910]

You have a point there, and it is ironic. Using the word "modern" makes you sound anything BUT! I think the term now is "on trend."

[@marcicox5549]

So true; another pet peeve of mine is those our age that dress like their children...some can pull it off; good for them, but others try too hard. I think she covered this well in the outfit selection tips. You can accessorize with some contemp pieces but too much is a bit, well for lack of a better word "frumpy."

[@donnacarraway9182]

Thank you Kay! So timely for me as I am a 72 year old (in body not mind!) who has to meet a new doctor today (my dr. of many years moved to New Zealand! Too far to drive!) Because of a strange phone call from her office yesterday it sounds like she wants to re-invent the wheel and I have been struggling with how to present myself to her so that she takes me seriously. Your suggestions are all right on point and will help me give her the impression of a smart, together woman, not an old thing that she can push around. I will dress for success and hold my head up high as I explain my well refined medical situation! Thank you!!

[@triciac1019]

How did your appt. go? That is an issue with getting a new doctor. Us olders will have that issue of having to get a new doctor. Mine retired that I had for 20 years. My one after that retired. My new ones seems good.

[@valeriebrowning3622]

I too am 72. I too am looking for a doctor who will address my "issues"/ concerns. Is it my imagination or maybe the area I live in?...the older I get it seems as though doctors just don't want to be "bothered" with me. Do they prefer wealthy Boomers as opposed to Medicare Boomers?. I can't understand why they don't care about my health and well being as much as I do. Kay, I LOVE all the wisdom you share, in such a sweet, caring way. I admit I took the opportunity to reply to a "dotor forum"..I hope you don't mind. I'm looking forward to viewing more from you and all your admirers as well. One last thing..Would you please address "How to get started". Two closets, two dressers, two shoe bags full of old, Ill fitting, faded stuff, I'm still wearing , all needs to go. How do I begin ? Thanks and God Bless you Kay.

[@kimberlyperrotis8962]

I never have “done” my hair routinely, aside from shampooing and drying. My arm gets too sore holding a curling iron or putting in hot rollers, I get burns, and it takes well over an hour. But the main reason is that I suck at doing hair! I might go to my stylist for a special-occasion do, but I long ago decided no-fuss is best for my daily toilette. Keeping my hair around shoulder length helps, too. My consolation is that most French women wear natural hairstyles, too, and they always look great.

[@rosemaryparrotta3619]

Dear Kay...Thank you for your gracious way of encouraging us mature women to be relevant and purposeful. You are a true blessing. I just turned 60 and I have learned so much these past few years from you. Thank you so much!

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Lovely! I’m so glad you liked it. Thanks for sharing. 🥰

[@Off_the_clock_astrophysicist]

When I was in middle school, we had a music teacher who taught us to constantly keep a small smile on our face. Well, she tried anyway. Obviously the vast majority of the kids made fun of her, but what she said made so much sense to me that I started practicing. It has become second nature. Pre-pandemic (when I was out in public without a mask), I often had random strangers waving at me, saying hello, smiling at me, or approaching me for directions. Once, I was even enlisted at the grocery store to help pick out avocados (which I don't know much about). I think it's the small smile.

[@shirleybrooks6546]

I always told my daughter even at a very young age that a lady is never fully dressed without her smile.

[@bernadettem750]

A smiling face is always welcoming! However, I know someone who must have heard this smiling tip. She pastes a big smile on her face constantly…she is a sweet and loving person, however, that constant smile is so unnerving…not natural at all.

[@SueKnapp]

I always try to have a small smile on my face…usually because of my own vanity, but you know it helps with mood too. Great tip!

[@wb5408]

I teach classes on Zoom. I told my kids "Always smile a little, in case Zoom freezes." :D

[@tanja3921]

It reminds me of a six hour flight where the older flight attendant was constantly smiling. She didn't say many words during the trip, but her completely natural and incomparably beautiful smile said all the more. All absolutely magical, divinely natural 😊 This was about 25 years ago, I will never forget her beauty 😍

[@lisamurphy3291]

Hey, Kay! I just wanted to say that I found the format of your videos really helpful, especially the video-within-a-video approach. The examples you demonstrated, both the positive and negative together, made it so much easier to understand the points you were making, and really drove it home. Seeing is believing! Thanks so much!!😊

[@roxannebernard9258]

Loved every single tip, and you illustrated it so well! I too fall in the “major foot problems but love pretty shoes” category (crushed my heel jumping off a ladder). My sister and I just got home from a Danube cruise and spent a lot of time in outdoor cafes watching the fashion parade of beautifully dressed European women, then trying to figure out how we could spot American women instantly. I took ballet lessons for almost 35 years, and you are the first person I’ve heard speak about how posture goes a very long way to a youthful vibe!

[@lizannewhitlow1085]

Posture. Ballet. ✊🏻✊🏻

[@PrincessHVHHDSSS]

Thanks to ballet training as a little girl, also, I still have correct posture. I strut, I prance, I twirl. Never have my mouth gaping open like a cod fish. Never slouching. 🌷 Excellent posture goes a very long way, for lifetime good health. Absolutely. 🕊🌿🌳🌲🍀🌱🌴🌾

[@paulinerichardson138]

So after ballet what did you do ?I'm a Silver Swan but I know I need to look for an alternative one day.?

[@roxannebernard9258]

@@paulinerichardson138 I do strength training in a gym now and weight bearing exercise because I have osteoporosis.

[@alicepersons2823]

Yes! I cringe when I see Americans abroad wearing athletic wear, ugly gym shoes, looking sloppy and awful. Europeans know how to be casual but stylish.

[@trishagritton4498]

This is the first time I’ve seen one of your videos. I loved it!! I’m 41 but DeFiNiTeLY needed your tips on how to avoid the frump! My very favorite thing was the last one minute of the video. Thank you for the reminder that life is a gift, and each day we’re alive God has a purpose for it. That is truly something to smile about. God know us and loves us. 💗 Trying to remember that always is probably the best tip to fight the frump. It will help me look positive, at peace, and approachable. You’re darling. Thanks for the video, for being you, and sharing your talents with the world. ❤️

[@TrishBell1]

Being sympathetic to women with feet issues is a HUGE missing link in the fashion industry. Thank you for researching the great brands that don't scream FRUMPY!

[@EBM1966]

Thank you for this content. Shoes being the whole outfit together and I cannot tell you how many people I see with old lady shoes. I made my daughters promise that they would never allow me to wear ugly old lady shoes.

[@fritula6200]

A very, very good point... very clever observation!! Thanks..

[@kathySewItBegins]

I have had a torn Achilles, plantar fasciitis, a ganglion cyst, arthritis in my knee. Comfortable flats are the only thing I can wear. Plus it’s impossible to buy shoes for my size 11 1/2 feet in my town.

[@latteoatmeal7807]

so agree Trish, I've had feet issues since young, so I know how limited the selctions are, nothing has changed on that in over 20years.

[@sonyabernhardt7508]

Prone scapular retraction exercises ten reps daily

[@feliciasampson8032]

Posture is so important...for our appearance and to improve alignment and balance...and reduce fall risks!

[@joanneb3803]

I recently cut my hair from a below shoulder length to a pixie. I have gotten so many compliments on it! When I watched this video, I realized that your tip on hair was spot on! You’ve got a new subscriber.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Thank you so much! 🥰

[@lynnc.5840]

Excellent video!! I would humbly add one more tip that is similar to not wearing too many colors in an outfit as we get older. I think another way to avoid looking frumpy is to tone down one's makeup. I am 73 now but when I was your age, Kay, I had a friend who was 9 years older than me. I never saw her without her makeup on which always included a bright lipstick, rouge or blusher, and blue eye shadow (her eyes were crystal blue). One day I dropped in on her unexpectedly and she had not yet put on any makeup. I was amazed at how fresh and much younger she looked without full makeup! I think it is more flattering when a mature woman tones down and pares back the colors she wears on her face as well as the colors in outfits. Thank you for all your spot-on advice.

[@maryokeefe5351]

Very true. Same with lipstick shades. Going for a makeup application every few years is helpful.

[@cynthiajohnston424]

@@maryokeefe5351 Agree ! As we age , our skin tone changes & also hair color . Subtle makeup updates are easy & inexpensive ways to lighten 'n brighten our faces - along w/ good dental care / whitening & a smile !

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

I completely agree with you. Thanks so much for sharing. 😘

[@marthatassi293]

This was very timely! I know I need to up my game and this gave me a game plan. I'm making an appointment to get my shaggy and unruly curls cut into a flattering style as soon as the salon opens. You're right that God has a plan for us, and it's not for us to let ourselves go and give up on ourselves.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Wonderful. Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed it. 💕

[@rosiehelminiak2947]

Also, I think clothes that are the right size help. I just went shopping for jeans yesterday and the ladies were soooo helpful in showing me how slimmer fit pants were more flattering even though I'm not at an ideal weight. Too much fabric is not a good thing!

[@harmoniabalanza]

The young girls are not afraid to show fat, which is not a great idea in my mind. Lose weight. But at least fat doesn't make you look old (in and of itself, LOL). Too skinny is just as bad. But just love life and you'll be fine.

[@MichellesHandmadeCreations]

I'm so happy you pointed out how to wear the classics still. I recently bought some very classic twin sets from Talbots - something I'd wanted foever, but couldn't afford until recently. I can still wear the shells and the cardigans, but not necessarily together to be more updated. WOW! What a difference it made changing out your shoes and handbag for something more up to date with your classic cardigan and bow-tie blouse. I can't quite tell, but it looks like you also changed to a slightly longer and more fitted pant. Looks great! How we carry ourselves is a huge factor in how we look. So much so that my mom showed me a tip for how to stand up straight when I was a pre-teen. I still do it now at 66 years old. Lean your back against a flat wall, with your feet about 10' away from the wall and about shoulder width apart. Bend your knees, while pushing your shoulders back against the wall. Do not lift your shoulders, but push them back. Then, while keeping your shoulders back, hipbone pulled back, slowly straighten your legs. Before you walk away, make sure your lower back is touching the wall (accomplished by pulling your hip bone back) so that you can't fit your hand behind your back. Pull your ribcase off your hips too (straighten your spine)! Now, step away from the wall, keeping those shoulders back. Your bust will look more perky and your waist will appear slimmer, because poor posture makes your belly stick out and your bust isn't hanging down in front of your waist. Of course, you'll want to make sure your foundtions fit properly or possibly negate the great healthier look of your new good posture. You'll also have the added bonus of being able to breath better!

[@CQ-pf1jj]

Here's another tip: As our faces age we tend to get more jowly along our jaw line. I received a tip from a woman about not emphasizing that area when I was shopping for earrings. She said as she aged she started wearing small/shorter earrings that end higher up on her face because earrings longer than 1/2 inch tend to end at or near the jaw line. Earrings just naturally draw attention to the face and when the bottom of the earrings end at or below the jaw line, the eye is drawn there, especially if the earrings are a dangle or has some movement to them.

[@elenalissone910]

I didn't agree with one of the looks, in that cardigan sweaters will always make you look frumpy. The black pants were un flattering with the high heels. kay, you're a hoot and very enjoyable to listen to. Please keep up the good work.

[@MustardSeedish]

I'm so glad you mentioned the hair. I've been struggling with top hair loss and I've heard conflicting things about not having too much body on the crown to give movement. I like the way your hair is styled because it looks natural. Thank you for these tips.

[@debbiesanders2634]

That was wonderful Kay! I’m 70 years old and a choir director for my community. I see recordings of our performances and the one thing I notice is my posture! With everything else I have to remember, it’s hard to add that to the list. But for my December holiday show I am going to try to focus on it! Thanks so much for all the tips. They were excellent and you delivered them with grace, as always. God bless you!

[@starbrightblue4936]

Practice some yoga type stretches for shoulders and abs. That helps so much in making us mindful is good posture

[@pattyamato8758]

I thought of yoga, too. Practicing yoga regularly leads to good posture becoming more automatic- you don't even have to think about it

[@Hedgeaboutme]

A stretch to help posture. Do daily. Stand in a narrow doorway, put elbows on doorframe at about shoulder height and lean forward. This stretches the chest and helps to soften those muscles so your shoulders are less likely to roll forward and in.

[@chiaralistica]

When you are conducting, observe the vocalists' posture. You must keep good posture to have your full column of air to sing. Look how they all stand tall as a reminder. Good posture will even improve your conducting skills.

[@roxannegordon2854]

@@chiaralistica There's no way a chorus can sing out with proper diction and projection unless they are standing straight up, music held up high with feet planted on the floor. Once the music is well rehearsal, it can be held a bit lower. Never try to sing looking down for a long period of time.

[@flowerpower3618]

Great tips! My tip is - Because I am short 5’3” I work very hard to stay slim. It makes such a difference . Also avoiding boxy clothing rather than slim line

[@dreamscape405]

I'm just the opposite. I'm 5'11", and the thinner I get, the older I look. I need that extra fat in my face to fill it out, for a more youthful look. I'm not overweight, but am toned, voluptuous with distinct curves. Genetics plays a big role in how we age too.

[@AKayfabe]

you aren’t short to me! I’m 5’0

[@edennis8578]

​@@dreamscape405 Jill St. John once said something similar. She said that she has to maintain a certain amount of body fat, because when she gets too thin, her face looks gaunt.

[@Patriot0417]

​@@AKayfabeI used to be 5'0". Now I'm maybe 4'10", so yes, height makes a big difference! And I CANNOT wear heels!

[@lesliekernan8924]

Agree with everyone of your suggestions. I’m so happy to try your shoe suggestions!!! The only thing I would add is wearing the right color for you. I think it makes a huge difference. Some colors light you up and some remove any color in your face. Love your channel.

[@strlslvr987]

Great video! I agree that our presence is so important!! I looked so much older 15 years ago when I had low self confidence and wanted to hide from the world. Now even if I'm just going to the grocery store I carry myself in like I just won an Oscar!! And I look so much better in photos now because of it. Thanks for the tips

[@julio-zh3cm]

First time watching one of your videos. Thanks for all of these tips. I would like to offer one more, which I picked up from the TV show 'What Not to Wear', and that is to wear clothes that fit. Everyone looks frumpy with clothes that are too big or just don't fit your body type. Well fitting clothes make such a difference!

[@conniegrant6010]

Thank you Kay for the tips and encouragement I also am 58 years old. I have a 15 year old high school freshman. I don’t need to look like the 40 something moms but sometimes I need a little advice on how to look like the mom and not the grandma. Have a wonderful day.

[@flowerpower3618]

Just be you. You are blessed to be a mama at any age.

[@StylewithSerena]

I will be in your shoes in 6 years. I'm 52 and have a 9 yr old 4th grader :)

[@laurad.kelley8902]

I highly value the encouragement that I receive from hearing about other moms that gave birth after 40 so I just wanted to say "hi"🙋‍♀️ I'll be 43 in two months and I have a five month old baby girl:) She's my first baby too:)

[@carolferguson]

My momma had me in her 40’s. Poor thing wore heals into her 80’s. & panty hose. And I think a slip & girdle. I do not want to be tortured by fashion.

[@mimiwhite1963]

I have never been one of those women who does her hair. I have always hated hair spray. But I recognize that hair you are talking about. I am not a fan of black outfits, it can really wash out older women. Of course it looks great on others. I think the number one anti aging thing any woman can do is exercise. I exercise every day. I mix between pilates and yoga flows. And walk! Barre work outs are great too. I have MS and I am 60 and I still set my fitness goals.

[@cherylbrown4883]

I"m a master stylist and an agree with all of these. At 60, like myself you don't want to look like you are trying too hard, but still with it. It truly is an art form. Nice clip!

[@ler5299]

You should do some videos.

[@ilovesunvalley]

I just LOVE your positivity and your very practical Suggestions. I’m 58 too I’m loving your perspective on everything. And your JOY shines through….❤🎉

[@brendahubbs6313]

Hi Kay! Your videos are always so thoughtful. I just had my 70th birthday, and do not plan to ever be frumpy! You hit on so many good points and I am pleased that posture was among them. It makes such a difference. I appreciate that you are so gracious regarding women’s individual challenges. Thank you!

[@amymccarthy7157]

Thank you for another great video! I totally agree that adding modern footwear is one of the easiest ways to update your classic wardrobe. Also, proper posture and a smile makes everything look better.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Wonderful. Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed it. 💕

[@carolwright2703]

This was great advice, and I love that it was delivered in such a kind and compassionate way! The hair advice was especially helpful. One other thing that I think can make us look frumpy is wearing clothes that are too oversized. That's the case for me anyway. Hope you have a wonderful week, Kay! Your positivity is so uplifting. :)

[@lu_re7198]

Yes! And the slouchy “oversized” boxy look has been trending for almost 3 years. It has got to go!

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Thank you so much. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. 😊

[@teribunker5223]

I CONSTANTLY make sure I smile!

[@AKayfabe]

lol I have been wearing way oversized clothes since I was about 16. I’m 46 now. I think that is just my style.

[@joanforest2434]

I’m 74 years old. If I look frumpy I don’t give a sh#&. I dress to be comfortable.

[@PilatesbyGina]

I def agree with monochromatic outfits. I just turned 50 and have noticed patterns of any sort just aren’t flattering for me anymore. These tips are so fabulous!! I’m a new subscriber and anxious to learn more!

[@MegInASheathDress]

Agreed. I only wear neutrals now and my best colors are navy blue and charcoal gray instead of black. No prints and NO bright colors. Even my pashmina is a neutral color. You don't need "splashes of color." Minimalist wardrobe is the way to go. I've been wearing the same dress every day since jan. 1. Might do it again in 2024 but with a different dress!😂

[@kdcraft89]

I've been wearing mostly monochromatic outfits for decades. It made dressing for work and travel so much easier. I did my "colors" long ago and got rid of those that didn't suit my skin tone. Huge difference and my clothes then made me feel happy. I'm an artist so sensitive to color. Only recently I've started to wear more prints, but in moderation.

[@carlaeskelsen]

I'm approaching my 70s and have discovered the joys of tie dye!!! 🌈 The more color, the better! I'm gradually replacing my duo/monochrome wardrobe with rich, watercolor palette clothing, and I'm having the time of my life! Getting dressed every day is like starting a new painting! So fun!

[@ecwalsh9685]

I love listening to you. You are so encouraging, warm, and cheerful.

[@janetdand2704]

This was a very good video. I always appreciate how kind you are when giving advice. As someone who has terrible feet, I always feel bad that my footwear is sometimes frumpy. But now I realize, accenting the other four items takes the focus away from my feet! Thanks for always including all of us in your advice!

[@nancyinthegarden3160]

I always notice the outfit and realize that feet hurt at our age but if we try with a nice outfit the shoes don’t matter except to help the person feel better. We all have gotten fed up with wearing heels at weddings and now it’s the trend to bring flat shoes so we can dance comfortably. So just do you and don’t worry about your feet. I have 9 flat feet and I know people look at them but they’ve carried me 67 years of walking my walks. I have beautiful legs so look away and leave me with my happy flat feet. So, see we all have something that others find bothersome to them if they want to be critical. Be confident with yourself and to hell with anyone disapproving. We don’t require disapproval to thrive in our feee years

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Thank you so much. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. 😊

[@mswtaz94]

I wish that actually worked. I had terrible foot problems for a couple after a surgery. I could only wear Birkenstocks. I knew I looked crazy. A lady at church told me she knew something had to be wrong because of the shoes. I had on expensive clothes and they made the shoes really stand out like sore thumbs. She did tell me after I could wear shoes again lol.

[@AsclepiasCorridor]

I’m not yet 40, but have started to look closer to my age than I did a few years ago - and I’m so pleased! All of a sudden I don’t look ridiculous in those timeless clothes I’ve coveted for years. So, given a rather rapid wardrobe change is in process, it’s great to see tips I can incorporate into that, both now and in the future. Thanks!

[@trishferrer8209]

I just got to the part where you mentioned Paul Green loafers, a brand I have never heard of. I paused the video, and looked that up, and saw loafers for $375.00. OMG. Lol I cannot imagine.... But I do love your tips, and I'm enjoying this video. I do have joint issues, knee replacement, hip and foot issues, but just wow on that price!

[@carlaeskelsen]

Yeah, and honestly, pretty frumpy. I think I'll stick to my healthy Keens. My feet will thank me, and I think they're fun and fresh. And they fed my inner kindergartner! 😆😆

[@stella-gx8ne]

Paul Greene has been around forever Great investment for years

[@Ace-1525]

A tip I've picked up along the way: If you're interested in the clothes from a certain catalog or see an outfit you really like, check out your wardrobe first! Odds are, you likely already have an outfit similar to the one trying to be sold to you, or at the very least a couple of the core pieces. Also, it helps to decide if you really want that scarf or those earrings or some other item; if it wouldn't go with the rest of your clothes, is it worth the investment?

[@maggiev4456]

Your hair tip is fantastic. The "before and after" really illustrates how modernizing your hairstyle avoids the frumpy look. Overall, great tips beautifully illustrated. Thanks, Kay!

[@leeannlowery5064]

I appreciate the intention of your hairstyle comment. You have beautiful hair! However, there is no way to wear my flat, fine, thinning hair in a modern way. It must be short and, if I work at it, I can get some height with layers…for about 10 minutes. I don’t have the facial features for those cute, super short cuts. Not attractive on me. I found my answer in wigs! These are not your grandmother’s wigs. They take 30 seconds to put on and take 10 years off my face. I have a variety of styles and they are so much fun to wear. I learned a lot about wigs from KZbin (Taz’s wig closet) before I bought my first one. I started with something similar in color and style to my own hair on its best day. I get compliments all the time and most women are shocked when I tell them it’s a wig. Just offering a ray of hope for those of us who are struggling with hair loss or thinning and are painfully aware of how grumpy it can look. Thanks for all your recommendations!

[@rustyferrel]

Wigs❣️ That’s what I’ll look into.

[@nancyoyer4680]

Thank you for your compassionate observations! I feel encouraged and though I do have a back problem I try to dress to not have it show so much. But your suggestion to smile, which I think I mostly do, is great. To put oneself together as nicely as possible, and then focus on a loving attitude toward others - which usually results in a smile, a word of encouragement or compliment, from the heart. My prayer is that God would use me in any way He wants and even though I'm growing older, He still has a plan! And more and more, I don't want to miss an opportunity He gives. You reminded me of that in your sweet understanding of some of our challenges. He is not finished with us yet, and we don't have to be frumpy while He's working with us!! God bless you and much love, Nancy Oyer (from Berkeley, CA, can you believe it?!)

[@nancycook7802]

I loved this video, Kay! Very good pointers and I like the way you modeled the frumpies so it was easy to visualize your points. I need to work on my hair after looking at the frumpy example. I’m letting my hair grow a little longer and then I’m going to ask my hairdresser to de-frump it. I love the way you are wearing your hair. I think one of the most important things to make us feel young is positivity and a genuine smile and laugh.

[@MarkfonzY]

As a commercial photographer I can say amen to all these points. Especially the posture / smile / presence -- no matter what you have to wear or look like you always look better when you have great presence. Glad I found you -- good stuff.

[@Kap199]

So true about posture! I work on my posture with upper back strengthening, Pilates, etc. But as Kay says, we have to practice! I try to practice good posture as much as possible, but one thing that really helps is, if I notice someone out & about with a slump, I use their bad posture as a positive reminder to improve my own posture right then & there (and not to think negative things about the other person). Also, good reminder to make a habit of a pleasant expression!

[@kimberlyperrotis8962]

I hate to say shop, shop, shop, but adding a few updated items each season is essential for staying modern and current-looking.

[@maryokeefe5351]

So true.

[@angiemoreland4366]

Love the video! I have taken your advice on so many things! I’m 60 and a mother of 17 yo twins so I don’t want to look old. I especially needed hair advice as I’ve also gone to a simpler style. Thank you for keeping us looking great!

[@flowerpower3618]

Wow, that’s amazing .

[@StylewithSerena]

Hi Angie. So you had your twins at 43? I had my son at 43. He's now 9. Guess there are a few of us old moms here!

[@cindycornwall6581]

I'm 61 and mother to 19 year old twins. On one hand, it "keeps you young" and on another, the teen years wear you out in your 50's, lol. Not that I was ever a "styling" person, but I have become a bit more complacent since the pandemic. Also, being shorter and somewhat overweight adds to the challenge by having fit issues, both bra fit and length/width of top. Another factor is how much money one has to spend on wardrobe, makeup, hair etc. I just aim for looking respectable and not too dated.

[@trinleywangmo]

@@cindycornwall6581 Kay's advice about layering the same color goes a long way to hide our changes as we gain/lose weight over time. I have immune issues and sometimes gain 20-30 lbs in a short amount of time (and lose it, too, almost nearly as rapidly, thanks to a malfunctioning, untreatable thyroid and stress), so I had to learn this the hard way. Still, there's so much I can still learn here!

[@anhpam9205]

Kay, this was fun to watch. I've just turned 65, lead a simple life, generally wear casual, sporty clothes, and I don't often get dressed really up unless there's a special occasion. So it's easy to fall into the frumpy zone. I do try to look my best when I go shopping or to a leisure activity like a concert, lecture, play, appointments, etc. My hair is naturally grey, cut into a pixie style. I do have shoe troubles so don't wear the most stylish but try to not look too dowdy; no high heels ever... I appreciated and was amused by your use of the word shlumpy- it's Yiddish. As it sounds, so it is and is best avoided in public, for sure. Thanks for your friendly tips and manner.

[@cathiecurran]

noooo schlumpy is my new favourite word!!! i'm going to use it every opportunity i get

[@marinazagrai1623]

Anhpam...make sure you don't even look at typical matronly wear, you know the brands that have elasticized waists and containing mostly polyester. An item of clothing that has crips tailoring will add to your age. Remember you dress for you, husbands will notice only if it doesn't fit so he will tell you.

[@nanah2689]

I learned this tip on an exercise video several years ago... shoulders over hips. I've practiced this since and it does make a difference . Especially when walking. It takes more energy to walk with good posture and so beneficial. Thank you for your tips.

[@JP-lu9ed]

Good for balance too.

[@whbbrd]

Good pointers. I particularly agree with over-accessorizing. Some older women I know have the whole matchy-matchy costume jewelry sets (earrings, bracelets, necklaces) AND a bright silk scarf around the neck. When you pair that with overdone makeup, oh boy. (That's a whole other issue. Underdoing it is looks more youthful than overdoing it!)

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Good insight. Thanks so much for sharing. 💕

[@bronwenthompson9794]

Great simple advice and very easy to implement. I especially loved the advice on posture, which is so important. Thank you for being a shining light and guiding us through the best years of our lives 🙏

[@CharReiter7]

Thank you so much for this video Kay. I've worked, from a very young age, in jobs that required a uniform. I've worked a lot of hours and didn't make time to be fashionable. I'll be retiring soon and realize I have no idea how to really dress at this age! Your advice is so helpful and inspiring! I'm looking forward to looking my best! Thank you again.

[@cantrice5994]

What a great video! Im 44, a lot of things your saying my mom touched on. She went to be with the lord 2020 and I miss her every day. She was the most stylish women I knew. We both loved fashion and loved to thrift. Thanks for making this one your such a sweet soul... and I’m also Kay!💕

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Lovely! I’m so glad you liked it. Thanks for sharing. 🥰

[@janareidy4195]

You were mentioning putting a smile on your face and years ago someone gave me an excellent suggestion for looking more pleasant and the suggestion is just to think the word smile in your mind and your countenance will look more pleasant naturally

[@tracykirkleyrealestate]

Thank you for this! I was out shopping today and had a sweater in my hand . . . and asked my friend if she thought it would make me look frumpy. She made a face . . . and that is all I needed to know. Style is not one of my strong suits . . .but I picked up a couple of tips from this to really help . . . such as staying with just a couple of colors and making sure not to be "totally" classic with what you have on. Thanks again. Very timely and helpful!

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

I’m so glad to hear this was helpful. It really is the little things that can make a big difference. 😉

[@chrysvest4746]

I completely agree with especially the posture and facial expressions. My mother in law always had what I called “resting grumpy face”. She wasn’t necessary in a bad mood, but her face said that. I constantly fight against that and my posture as well. It really is the #1 thing aging us.

[@triciac1019]

Boy I know I tend to be that way. It's hard not to have that face when I am hurting. I try to remember to smile.

[@bernadettem750]

Why do we continue to try to be someone we’re not? Can we just love eachother as we truly are? Is that possible?

[@coyotech55]

I notice that I get a much better reaction from people I run into when I'm out, if for some reason I look less grouchy than normal. 🙂

[@harmoniabalanza]

Maybe not, but your whole life shows in your face.

[@GardengalAAA]

You’re born with your face. Resting bitch face is not something we ask for and I can’t stand people who tell me “smile” as if I belong in a straight jacket like I have to have a smile plastered on my face. Respect.

[@yellowfuchsia1]

My friend's mum is in her nineties and recently lost a lot of hair due to ill health. Her hairdresser gave her a spiky pixie cut that looks great and really boosted her confidence. She is on the mend now and hopefully her hair will grow back.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Bless her! Thanks so much for sharing. 😊

[@gialollobrigida1713]

I think hair can be overrated-meaning, there’s so many wonderful wigs out there 😊

[@alisonbryant5160]

Thank you for the reminder about smiling and facial expressions. Years ago when my husband was a youth minister, one of the sweet teenage guys in our group asked us why the older ladies at church didn't like him. We asked him what gave him the idea that they don't like him. He said that whenever he was around them, they were always frowning at him. Even though we knew all of these precious ladies and knew this was a misperception on his part, we could see what he was talking about. Smiling makes such a difference.

[@marshaspears9142]

My personal mantra when I step out of my car: Put a twinkle in my eye, a spring in my step, and a smile on my lips. It is amazing how much better I feel before I get to the business entrance.

[@Magpieme98]

You really spoke to me with #4! I absolutely love my classic pieces and in the past, I was afraid to add modern elements because I thought it would look like I’m trying too hard. But I’ve recently realised it’s ok to throw in some modern pieces! Thanks for reinforcing my thought. Mary in Florida 🌺

[@jerrigomez5869]

Thank you Kay. I am 58 also and sometimes I think a factor that may age me may be my walk. My pace has slowed considerably probably in large part because I'm retired and happy not to have to hurry so much. Really enjoy your videos.

[@anitaclemens2609]

Oh Kay, I so agree with you about it all. But the posture thing is so important. I have belonged to the same tennis/swim/exercise club for the last 22 years. Now that I am semi-retired, I go in the morning, as soon as I get up. I see women my age (68) looking at the ground as they walk to and from the club. They do not smile, they do not say Hello, they do not pull their shoulder back and stand tall. I am flabbergasted at it. I have known some of these people for 22 years and they still do not greet me or anyone else. My mother used to say, posture is everything. And small talk and a smile goes a long way. They look like life has defeated them and they have given up. All very grumpy. And frumpy. When I walk by, I always say Hello even if they do not answer me. I stand tall, always remember to hold my head up high and I smile at people. That goes a long way. And when you go to a public place you should say Hello and Goodbye to the people who help run the establishment. Some of these women are just so rude, like their mothers never taught them manners or how to be in this world. And they all come from upper middle-class families, they are all well-educated, I just don't get it. I am just floored by it all. But I live in the Boston area, so I just chuck it up to unfriendly Bostonians (or rather New Englanders), even though I am from here too. Thanks Kay, keep up the good work. I always appreciate your work and commitment to us.

[@catherinemyers7419]

🦋 you really never know what another person might be going through … and compassion rather than judgement or criticism is a wonderful personal quality 🦋

[@anitaclemens2609]

@@catherinemyers7419 ​ I agree with you up to a point, but this is different from an occasional heart ache and tragedy. These women are very unfriendly and unsmiling and rude. I was speaking to another women who was born in Ireland and she observed the same behavior in these women we work out with every day. She can't understand this "no greeting" thing. I sometimes watch people come into the club. They never acknowledge the people at the desk and they never say Goodbye when they leave. Or Thank you, when the desk people do something for them. Even young people behave like this. It is an epidemic of bad manners and grumpiness. The other day I was in cycle class and since I always sit by the door I always say Good Morning to everyone that enters and passes me by. I said Good Morning to this one women (who is there every time I am there and doesn't sit too far from me) and she looked at me like I have a nerve talking to her. I have seen her for the last 22 years. She stared at me and then went over to another women said hello and started talking, they were obviously friends. So around here I guess you are not suppose to say anything to anyone, just walk by everyone with your head down keeping your eyes on the ground. But I cannot and will not do that. I will keep smiling and greeting people as long as I have breath left in me. No hardship explains poor behavior and bad manners, lots of people have sadness in their life and go on with life. I mean this behavior is every day for the last 22 years. It is very grumpy and frumpy in older women, who should know better.

[@jenniferwatson6094]

Oh Kay you made me cry. Your words and manner were so gracious and encouraging. I am recovering from very recent hip replacement surgery and know that I have to make a real effort to ‘get up and at ‘‘em again ‘. I found your five points very helpful and realised where and how I was going wrong with my choices. Particularly hair , but all areas really. Thank you for all you do and the wise advice.😊

[@theadley774]

Jennifer, I want to wish you a strong recovery! I went through the same thing last year, it does take while and doing the PT can be tough sometimes but it is so worth the effort. In the beginning, I was wondering if I would ever be able to put my own socks on again...I'm happy to say I can! It did take a while though. Don't give up it will get a little better every day, just commit to doing those exercises. Wishing you all the best...Trudy

[@jenniferwatson6094]

Thank you Trudy for your kind words of encouragement. You certainly know the challenges. I am determined to do all the exercises etc to achieve mobility again.😊

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Bless your heart. I hope you have a speedy recovery. ❤

[@myjeevie]

@@jenniferwatson6094 Wishing you renewed health and happiness. So glad you watched this fun video with the rest of us!

[@amyadrescher9837]

Thanks for mentioning posture. I teach Pilates to the 50+ age group and it makes such a difference!

[@jwo1998]

I’ve just started Pilates reformer and even after a few sessions it is already making a difference. 🙌

[@kellyyork3898]

I have curly hair, and I have asked my hair stylist for fullness from crown to temple with layering. When it’s windy or rains ( and it rains most of the time in Georgia, or the humidity is so high here that it might as well be raining ), the “fullness from the crown to the temples” look, on me, frizzes/curles up and sticks out whenever I go outside, so that I look like that guy on the Three Stooges. No amount of oil or hair products prevents this. Although most people do not have curly hair, perhaps you could have a hair stylist visit with you on one of your KZbin videos to discuss how older women with curly or very wavy hair, in tropical climates, can tame their hair in constant humidity and rain…and still look less “frumpy”. Thanks for your videos.

[@pappyone6062]

Kelly York look at some videos of people with curly hair. Jamie Paige is a makeup artist with a makeup channel. She is quite young (about 30) with gorgeous hair. She has had quite a long journey dealing with and learning how to deal with her curly hair. She has several videos talking about it. It will be worth your time. Good luck. I love curly hair. Mine is straight.

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

We’re definitely all unique when it comes to hair. The main thing is to find a style you can somewhat easily handle and that looks good on you. I do think that if you have unique hair concerns sometimes that means finding that one style and just sticking with it. Your best bet may just be finding a good hairdresser and sometimes we need to branch out and find a new one. So don’t worry about my tips on this topic. They don’t apply to you. Instead work on finding a good hairdresser who can help you find a modern style for you. Or give the stylist you have now permission to try some new things.

[@karahorner2103]

I should have read the comments before commenting...lol, this is my problem too!

[@maryellenrioux2494]

Yes yes yes! Im a curly hair and it has been a trial my entire life...

[@deirdreb5112]

Love the pointers! Very helpful on paring down yet keeping it modern. Just adding a smile and standing tall makes such a difference, and it makes you feel better too.

[@conniepleasantnails]

Whew…I am on major frump mode today. I have a terrible cold so I did a few things to help me feel better. Took a hot shower this morning, moisturized my face with 49 layers of cream & mask, put on a cute matching lounge set & I pulled out my new Kate Spade slippers. Tomorrow I’m going to find the energy to manicure/pedicure my nails. 💅🏼 I really loved this video, the one thing I tend not to do for myself is keep a cute haircut. I am working on changing that. Thank you Kay for your kind words ❤🎃

[@christinajamianjohnson5083]

Kay, your advice on trying to have a pleasant expression is so important! When I started substitute teaching I decided the elementary students were already missing their reg teacher and did not need to be looking at a grumpy faced substitute! My own kids,when little, would often sound depressed that they had a substitute teacher that was grouchy. I trained myself to always try and keep that small smile on my face. Plus, at 74, it makes mouth wrinkles less noticeable 😉. Guess what? I was always one of the favorite subs. I try to tell my 34 yr old daughter ,also a teacher, to get rid of her ( so called) natural RBF. She says it’s hard! Maybe by the time she’s 40 she’ll get it 😂

[@kendramott]

Thanks for this. I am 71 and still work at a part time job. I already work hard on my posture through exercise routines and also my mental/spiritual health through prayer and Bible study. I have a short, stylish pixie haircut and I don’t over do make up. However I have noticed that my clothing choices have become random and I sometimes end up in a “frumpy “ outfit. Thanks for the reminders about shoes and color choices. I’m gonna work on that. Blessings…

[@michellehamric6856]

You totally cracked me up today, Kay!! But everything you said is so true. I actually know some women who have definitely fallen into the "frumpy" category at mid 50's! Thanks for the reminder to add something current and to stand straight and confident.

[@allsquaredup9717]

My husband officiated at a wedding this last weekend. It was a beautiful setting, I loved my dress, my shoes, my fancy sweater - everything but my hair. For some reason I felt frumpy! And now looking back at the photos I see that you nailed the reason, I had too much curl and volume around my neck. So here is a fun challenge - show us how you achieve your relevant and modern style on one side of your head and show us how you also got that ROUNDED look on the other. It would be so educational, if you could do it without laughing.

[@bonniepapso9299]

I am also guilty of the Paige Boy curled under look. Lol! We must defeat the frump!!!

[@judys5767]

@@bonniepapso9299 The pageboy is the only style I can wear because my hair is thin and has no body and much of the time it looks frumpy. No one understands.

[@victoriamccombs8690]

Thinning shears along that area and flat iron :)

[@gloglos100]

Those loafers are lovely. I bought superb Italian loafers from Jcrew which sadly no longer does them. They look classic and assured. I worthem, then foun the latest version had narrower toe box. No. I never ever wore old curled hair and I am 80, I never wore daggy looks.

[@gloglos100]

Monochromatic dressing is the french way I have always worn that and not black. Not pastel. Always wear clothes that fit. Natural fabrics, movement.

[@sylvestercoffee7212]

You made me laugh so much especially when talking about our natural face. Yes I too have noticed that sad ,tired look on my face and of course I don't like it. A long time ago I heard or read that just putting a smile on one's face can take ten years off. I think it is true and anyway this world could use a few more smiling faces!!!

[@cynthiarouse]

Proper fit is everything. Proper fit, proper cut, proper shape and the right size. I made a video a few months ago and the jacket I wore was a size or two, too big. I've lost weight and don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe, so I thought I can still make it work. Wrong. If clothes are either too big or too small, it makes you look larger. Make sure your fit and cut suits you before you wear on camera or out....a flattering color works wonders. Belts really help when you're slimming into a 'new you' transition. Eventually, though, you have to tailor professionally or buy a new wardrobe. Can you imagine the cost? I've had many garments tailored or even recut/restyled. ; - )

[@mttartaruga]

For an easy, inexpensive shoe solution, try adding a running shoe type insole. I have to purchase my shoes a half size larger. For those of us with wide feet, there are very good 3/4 length insoles available. It works wonders for foot, hip and knee issues.

[@trinleywangmo]

Frumpy is my middle name meanwhile, after a few rough years. I really enjoyed this video! Thanks for all the helpful tips!

[@deborahbrewer8918]

I agree with your last point. The other day I had to make Quick stop at the store. I knew my attire wasn't the greatest. So as I went in the store, I lifted my shoulders up and back, lifted my head, put a smile on my face and it was amazing how good I felt about myself and I encouraged others to smile back. I don't think they noticed my outfit!

[@cathyadams4570]

Hi Kay, what a wonderful video. The comment about the Talbots catalogue had me smiling and chuckling. That is so me! I will say that I wear large earrings and makeup. I am a cancer endurer and my hair is very slowly regrowing from treatment. It has made it to a short pixie stage and my stylist told me point blank to wear more makeup and jewelry. I did and it improved my style alot. I get tons of compliments. Without the makeup and jewelry I look tired and frumpy. I also think that a bit of color is good for us aging ladies. I am 69 1/2. Have you done a video about what trendy pieces/accessories can be added to a wardrobe? That would be helpful as I'm not sure what is trendy now. I know the "combat boots" are on trend but I cannot bring myself to wear them. Thanks for an entertaining and enlightening video!

[@juliashaw1]

Hi Kay, I love your tips, and the comments below. In my 60s, I go for fake eyelashes to distract from my wrinkles! ...and stand further from the mirror.! Also, I breathe deep to help stay upbeat! ...and sometimes play 'clear all negative energy' on youtube!

[@denisecoughlan8739]

All very good pointers Kay. I am certainly guilty of most of them. Some changes to be made with me. I'm on it!!

[@wannaduckfin]

Excellent instructions! Proportion is critical. If you are wearing baggier on the lower half, you just wear fitted on top half and vice versa.

[@Stephanie-rf9xs]

Great advice! I am a petite short waisted person who is “well endowed” so I wear loosely fitting blouses or shirts with closer fitting pants or skirts. If I wear loose top to bottom I look like a refrigerator box! Again, thank you for your excellent advice!

[@DressedforMyDaywithKayHarms]

Thanks so much for watching! 🥰

[@starbrightblue4936]

Really good video! Soo true especially the posture tip. I would add the keeping jewelry current style. So many older women wear big clunky pieces when smaller delicate pieces are current. Add also too many at once. As for shoes updated sneakers help to not look frumpy too.

[@maryokeefe5351]

Excellent points.

[@dianedavis5867]

Good Morning Kay! Great tips today! Your videos are such a great inspiration with helping women look our best no matter what age we are. I have one more thing to add to the frump factor and that is make-up. I think it is so important not to overdo it with harsh lipstick, blush, etc.

[@sherlhoeppner2392]

Wearing NO makeup screams FRUMP. Wear dress clothes with dress shoes. Tennis shoes only look good w/jeans or shorts or sports clothing. Also, don't wear patterned shoes-- shoes should always be the same color/ value as your pants or skirt, shoes should always go DARKER if you don't have the same color.

[@alirochford1639]

Good lord. I'm speechless! To me, the thing that defines youthfulness is attitude. Modern women have long since shrugged off the idea that we have to look or present ourselves a certain way in order to be acceptable. I nearly choked on my tea when I found out that you and I are the same age, because to me this video belongs in the dark ages! I guess we're all different. You do you, and I shall continue to be happy with me. I wish you well.

[@Robinbiird]

I am 35. I had my third baby a year and a half ago. I struggle to put effort into how I look (like, at ALL) even though I want to be a blessing to my husband and children by looking nice and also to feel better/more energized by being dressed nicely/more put together (even when I am home most of the day and cooking and cleaning and caring for my baby). I really appreciate your encouragement to stand up straight and smile became the Lord has good work for me today. I actually started to cry, haha. It was just exactly the encouragement I needed. So thank you! And thank you for all the other advice. I know my husband would love for me to dress a little more nicely- he doesn’t say so at all and he is so encouraging and appreciative of my work for the kids and for him, but I want to bless him and I want to know how to dress even for my daughters’ sake so that as they grow I can help them!! Of course they will wear different clothes than I do, but I want to learn more about this so we can wade through the millions of styles and clothing options (so many of which are awful) with wisdom.

[@michellelansky4490]

You are the type of person whos wonderful to listen to on any topic. Warm friendly personality.....perfect to listen to in the morning.

[@home_editor_18chriseldagar12]

I loved this video, Kay as I do all of them, but the part about the hair made me LOL! Also, the shoes really resonated with me bc I’ve suffered severe Rheumatoid Arthritis since the age of 23 and it all began with my feet and though through a fused ankle surgery in my right ankle in my early 30’s they’ve really done well, I am now battling some knee issues in my right knee at 56 and I happen to LOVE shoes!!! Oh, Lordy do I love shoes and bags, and GOOD ones! Haha! But you’re absolutely right about it being better to have 3-6 GOOD pairs vs a closet full of “less than” pairs! It is amazing what a good pair of shoes can do for our entire body! Thank you for all you do, my friend! You are such a blessing in so many ways! Hugs!

[@laceygreenwood]

It's great that you are encouraging people to fight against frumpiness! Our society degrades us with hideous fashions that are so unbecoming, and are especially degrading on old people who don't know how to dress -- not that they look any better on the young. We don't have to be overly concerned about our looks, nor do we need expensive clothes, but we certainly should take a few minutes every day to look presentable and decent and are a good influence to others. We are created in the image of God, and He says we are to glorify Him in both our soul and body, which belong to Him. This includes our outward appearance. How we look on the outside can reflect a little what is on the inside. Proper clothing restores a measure of our dignity as human beings. However, it can become a snare if we put too much emphasis on our outward appearance and forget about our inward man (our souls). My wardrobe has been from Thrift stores and Value Villages for decades, and I've always had very nice clothing, shoes, and purses -- not always a perfect pick, but things worked well enough, and I am thankful.

[@enadiedericks2006]

Ones well being can change so quickly! My feet have also gone alien on me for the last year. Though I think it's been coming for many years. But now I need to wear orthotics ( I'm sò grateful for this) but unfortunately I'm mostly in some degree of pain. This really has influenced my joyful energetic and happy countenance negatively. My youthful-for-my-age posture has been replaced by the reality of painful lower extremities. Going shopping is last on my list of necessities. I can add though -my hair is freshly cut and my nails are serviced and that really makes a difference, though I tend to give less attention to styling slightly (I need to return to my usual 5-10 minute routine) BUT watching your video now while my feet are up and resting on a large desk, I am inspired in upping my appearance at least a bit as has been my habit through all my life as my mamma taught me. Even though Voltaren has almost become my body cream. 😃 But wider shoes with a spacious toe box has become a necessity for me. It's a non negotiable. So, thank you very much for your practical tips. 🏅

[@carlaeskelsen]

I love, love, love my Keen shoes. I have them in boots, sandals and Sunday dress shoes. Not everyone wants Mary Janes with rubber toes, but I adore them. They make my inner kindergartner happy, and my feet are So Much Healthier!!!! I wear Birkenstocks and fancy wool socks, too. My feet thank me every day, and I definitely do not look frumpy. If people make fun of cute healthy footwear (like Birkies and Crocs) they need a new vision Rx that filters out judginess. Just sayin. ✌🏼

[@muriellecurcio1494]

These are very good suggestions, Kay. I can identify with each one. Sometimes while dressing for my day, I am aware of the frump, but I don’t always know what to do to improve my look. Thank you for taking the time to explain each point with kindness and practicality. God bless you.

[@juliafisher5844]

You hit the nail on the head imo with posture and energy .. if you can be aware as much as possible to be more taller and cheerier you'll attract people towards you ...

[@justmestacyd]

Loved the hair tip! Never really thought about that. My hair care line has something for 'root lift' and something for 'smoothing'. Sounds like the perfect match!