DOPE CONVERSATIONS: Step-Father Ordered to Continue Maintaining Step-Kids Amidst Divorce

[@Penuelism]

A right to parental care extends to a step parent, a court said in ruling that a stepfather had to pay interim maintenance pending divorce proceedings from the children’s mother. www.iol.co.za/pretoria-news/news/stepdad-to-pay-maintenance-cc69b6ae-755a-4752-83f6-089014f0c347

[@Dijo_Vu]

No man should have to maintain a child that isn’t his, I love the way Nosisi presented a different perspective she’s so reasonable and considerate… i love this setup as well

[@mokhalinyakallolekhasi7235]

when I see Nosisi nje I expect a DOPE conversation!

[@Penuelism]

Tjovitjo 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@sihlemaqina8545]

I was raised by a step father. That man owed me nothing Bro. Nothing at all. I'm was not his responsibility at all. I was my mother's responsibility alone. The man was doing me a favor because he had a good heart. Just the facts guys.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@@sihlemaqina8545 Yes he had.If a Man marriage a Woman with Children by defold you became responsible for her and the children upkeep.

[@AA-xs8mv]

​@@nyashamahleko7007you are talking nonsense 😅

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@@AA-xs8mv Why do Man deal with single mothers,if there don't want to be responsible for the Children.

[@Prince-fb2rg]

Love this lady,. Very mature, calm, articulate and not out there to fight nje

[@Kamoho_Letuka]

This woman is very articulate, I like how she intellectually tackles this topic segment by segment! Good work Penuel my brother as well.

[@Penuelism]

@@Kamoho_Letuka Nosisi is amazing 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@tearyb]

My sister in law worked at a private boarding school. She would tell me that the majority of those kids were from wealthy broken homes, and most of them had emotional and mental issues. Most of them were on Ritalin. So sad.

[@Penuelism]

@@tearyb That's really tragic 💔

[@kholofelomatabane6174]

I admire this lady's mind,so brilliant and articulate her mind so well.

[@thabohlalele3125]

My favourite segment of the channel ..Penson o kae kanti 🔥

[@Penuelism]

@@thabohlalele3125 Thank you for constant generosity 🙏🏽 I'll bring Penson back just for you.

[@lumkanonku1334]

I can barely remember my parents divorce and i grew up raised on both sides. Ended up going to boarding school for 4years and that was the best time tbh. Unfortunately my mother lost everything and in matric i was forced to leave and go to a public school, my dad couldnt afford to fully take on the fees and other costs alone. Anyway that place really shaped me.😊

[@Penuelism]

@lumkanonku1334 thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏽❤️

[@mphotoniamosotho3545]

I always enjoy these parental conversations, Penuel seems exhausted though☹️ The amount of times he said "I'm tired." Thank you for an amazing chat as always 👊🏾❤

[@Penuelism]

@mphotoniamosotho3545 I'd had a long day and that was my 3rd filming session that day... from Sandton to Centurion to Newtown. I apologize for not being in my best form 🙏🏽

[@sibongisenisakhele3114]

Thoroughly enjoy listening to Nosisi's perspectives. What a gem!

[@ananias2580]

What a dope conversation. Very wholesome, informative, debatable views without any animosity, building on each other's points, adding value for the audience. Absolutely loved it. Keep it up Pen, and ofcourse Nosisi

[@NelsonBK-t2j]

as a man just avoid marrying a lady with kids

[@mealways7626]

Love your way of reasoning so much Nosisi❤

[@portiaramabulana643]

Thanks P, love your guest, she's very insightful, very demure

[@Nkabi_ZA]

So basically the woman is going to get double maintenance,from the real dad and step dad.. This is bullshit

[@Penuelism]

@@Nkabi_ZA that's correct.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

Why not.

[@theemapsmash]

​​@@nyashamahleko7007 it's not fair for the man to support kids that are not his considering the kids have a supportive dad even if they didn't have a supportive dad he shldnt be forced, unless the man wants to support. I'm talking abt a situation where the woman man and man broke up.

[@francafrancescopetrarch6206]

@@Penuelism THISLAW IS BULLSHIT, SO BASICALLY - THE MAN WILL NOW FEED THE WOMAN, HER CHILD AND HER BOYFRIEND?

[@Morwa330]

I still don't understand men who chose to marry women with kids. You just invite problems in your life nje

[@ImVictor10]

Baby Daddy is tapping that again.Thanks for stepping in Sir

[@FutBrix1096]

You cant be responsible for your step kids.. They NOT your kids full stop.

[@simonboyane1140]

If this case doesn't open the eyes of simps out there, then I don't know what will.

[@sibongisenisakhele3114]

I wanted to go to boarding school. My mother said no. Thought it was unfair at the time but in retrospect, I am grateful. Now that I'm a mom, I share the same my preference. I want to see my child face-to-face, talk to each other, listen to their stories and attend to their needs (and wants). However, if I am pressed to place my child in boarding school, I will. So, I understand that our contexts are varied.

[@TshepangMoletsane-l7g]

That is crazy. I would take that lady out. I am not supporting step kids!

[@kearam2012]

I'm hearing Pen not in a discussion but in a "defending a man mode." I'm a divorced woman whom my pride would Never allow a man to take care of my daughter no matter how happy the relationship is. So I think this woman should let this man go with his money. It's his afterall.

[@Penuelism]

@@kearam2012 Not defending a man... frustrated that this man is being expected to maintain kids that already have a father who maintains them. His crime is that he's rich and upgraded their lives... to me, that's unfair.

[@bongumusasokhulu260]

​@@Penuelismwe moving towards the distractive states and Europe system which demonise man who do the right thing and while we seeing this on the sidelines as unmarried man then there is zero benefit to marry a women who has kids of which is sad as umalume we try and do our part to raise kids without present fathers for one reason or other 😢😢😢😢

[@AA-xs8mv]

​@@PenuelismExactly 💯

[@tumibaloyi2915]

The law is unfair there unless in the same ruling they provided for visitation, but also, if the (step) father does not want the responsibility... Because being given all the responsibilities without authority is insane.

[@NkosinathiMasango012]

If the court ruled that the step father is the one best suited to live with the kids, will the mother be willing to pay maintenance?

[@Penuelism]

@@NkosinathiMasango012 Ishuuuu 🙆🏽‍♂️🙆🏽‍♂️🙆🏽‍♂️🔥🔥🔥

[@tearyb]

It appears to me that a certain sector of our society just go around jumping in and out of relationships and bringing children into these unstable relationships with no regard for their future well being.

[@stephentsilo4813]

The law in our country sides with woman. If we were to reverse the situation and it was the guy complaining about his kids saying that, the lady took them from poverty to riches they got used to the life style that the lady had introduced them to, most would have said that the guy is a parasite he must be ashamed to be even wanting more after she had supported him and his kids for 8 years. Where will be the emotional well being of the guys kids.

[@Penuelism]

@@stephentsilo4813 These are hard facts. Women lose their marbles when men want spousal maintenance upon divorce. Very biased.

[@musicismusic633]

This lady was fighting a losing battle, well done PEN.

[@NosisiNgakane-bq9ye]

Why do you say that?

[@siyabongadlamini2904]

Beautiful conversation 😊

[@charmonedi5891]

We loooooove Nosisi🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎

[@sinethembangcobo1378]

Been waiting for the next Dope Conversation to drop!🥳

[@vusimuzimbatha3823]

Dope convo .., layered convo , but nicely unpacked

[@panseryesthatisall9180]

It's a stupid precedent that the court set here. These decisions will influence the relationship of our sons and daughters as a consequence because people will adjust themselves accordingly upstream.

[@MzamoMehlomakhulu]

What has this country come too I'm really traumatized at this but fine let them pay it GOD will remember him one day

[@blessingtsotetsi7940]

Nosisi guys!! You can feel her dope energy through the screen.

[@tearyb]

Where is the children’s biological father. He should be maintaining.

[@Incognito-s3l]

Really love Nosisi ❤❤

[@sihlemaqina8545]

Guys...but where is the Baby daddy? The kids are not mine. At all.

[@tsokho_tube]

Men should stay away from women who have kids or they should make contract how things will go imagine be told I didn't ask you to do that 😢😂😂

[@tearyb]

Nosisi u right. Don’t try to replace the real parent. This worked with my kids when I hooked up with my partner 34 yrs ago after both our recent divorces. My partner made it clear to my kids that he is not their father, you have your father and I won’t replace him.. 34 yrs later, the relationship between my children , grandchildren and my partner are that of a father and grandfather. My children never referred to him as dad, but by his name. The grandkids refer to him as grandpa, bcos his been there all their life.

[@neothegeneral1]

In African culture we are not allowed to call our elders by their first names. You should have let your kids call your partner by isduko/isithakazelo/clan name otherwise e.g. they could have said babu Jabulani or ntate Jabulani or Mr. Jabaulani!

[@NosisiNgakane-bq9ye]

Thank you for this. 34 years is enough life experience for me to appreciate the sound advice.

[@Bingley33]

Mature lady!

[@FutBrix1096]

Its financial trauma, she wants the money.. Qha!!!

[@boipelommileng]

It's what's best for the children. Maintaining the lifestyle HE got them accustomed to. Much like alimony, the woman and the child are adopted by this man, according to you, Pen. The law is there to create structure even when we're in our feelings. When we marry, we must think of such scenarios, prenups tlheng.

[@Penuelism]

@boipelommileng The children have a biological father that is maintaining them. Alimony is normally for the wife... not her kids... as far as I know.

[@boipelommileng]

Alimony is for the wife, true. I'm just mentioning it in likeness. He's simply maintaining the lifestyle for now, and he can't just pull the rug from under them like that. Marrying for love, excitement, and all the good feelings gets us here. When feelings turn bad, it's a disaster. I get why you say marriage in this day and age makes no sense.

[@gracetuswa5953]

I think this government is not helping in fixing broken families but creating this matter further because men or women will not date anyone with kids. Therefore, u can be a single mother or father for life

[@Penuelism]

@@gracetuswa5953 This is true.

[@TshepoMavimbela]

Nosisi is so dope man 🔥

[@AllatOnce-s8k]

DOPE CONVERSATIONS lets goooo!!!

[@damn7696]

As a child of divorce, I opted to go to boarding school because home became a hostile place. Even though I was going through it in school, it was much better than being in an environment where both parents are constantly bleeding (emotionally) on me. I believe it was the best call, and I'm grateful that my parent for agreeing to what learnt now was a painful decision for them to make! Keep up the great conversations!

[@Penuelism]

@@damn7696 Thank you for sharing this... I appreciate the personal experience 🙏🏽

[@petergarrett4385]

😂 lol Pen you si so funny and factual.

[@sphamandlamakoba7032]

Kunzima ukuba indoda emzansi, as gents we are on our own... sisodwa.

[@simonboyane1140]

We are the fools of the world 😢.

[@geemakae3749]

Fireeeeee Duo love the show pen

[@sihlemaqina8545]

Crossing over the line is not the only objective. The objective is to prevent something similar from re-occurring. To show faults in reasoning and unskill..so we don't have to have this chat again.

[@sunset9880]

Hearing pen describe my situation so accurate is wild... I felt some type of betrayal when she chose her feelings over our relationship because of pregnancy...

[@theemapsmash]

How did she choose her feelings bcoz of pregnancy? Pregnancy can cause moodiness due to hormones, were u being supportive?

[@richardsegami8429]

Judge DM Thulare gave this judgement including the stepfather case Motsepe v Khoza😂😂😂 that's interesting... Family law is insane especially when there is traditional marriage involved 😂

[@botlebybotle2253]

Lol I've never seen Pen so emotional in a conversation. Hope for your healing Pen. Valid points but esh poor Nosisi

[@navu1961]

Where is the biological father in all this? The kids will have double maintenance, from the biological father and the step daddy!

[@Spokenasafool]

The black pen is now becoming intelligent, after this realization that anyone that makes decisions that does not sustain life is stupid....😅😅😅😅#spokenasafool

[@koketsommusi8374]

She forgot to say to say we see love as Hollywood bet 😂😂😂😂

[@siyabongadlamini2904]

Dr uma ifatundai say it's not about The children or the father n mother it's wats best for the community

[@MzamoMehlomakhulu]

Western cape again

[@robbylebotha]

The lady is right, whilst "pending divorce proceedings" the man sadly has to continue paying what he was paying for. Unfortunately this means the womans lawyers will strectch the divorce for years so the man will have to pay their upkeep, his lawyers fees and her lawyer fees for all those months or years. The psychological and financial damage this can do to the man, no one cares. The danger here is he may either consider deleting himself or hiring inkabi and everyone will pretend to be suprised. And after all that she may claim half his money or alimony. Its insane men still get marriage, it fails all measures or risk assemssment and courst can override your anti-nup/pre-nup. You would have to be a fool, literally. Marriage is beautiful, very beautiful. But how it becomes weaponised is not. Women are celebrated for leaving an unhappy or abusive marriage, men are punished.

[@Penuelism]

@@robbylebotha Fully agreed with all your points... very painful indeed. Men still go in like idiots, then get hammered on the other side, for trying to be good men.

[@MindfulReflections101]

Men are being attacked in the whole world 😢😢😢😢. It's insane what's happening. We are the only ones to save ourselves on this one, because no one is coming for to save us😅.

[@sihlemaqina8545]

Never...dakiwe leya judge. I would collapse my finances on purpose through dodgy accounting and file for bankruptcy.. no gonna honor that judgement..dakiwe

[@XSMAYONGO9]

Akukho ndlovu yasindwa umboko wayo, umuntu akathathe izingane zibuyele kuyise wazo nomjita ahambe nemali yakhe finish.

[@lindokuhledlangalala9094]

You owe us two eps this week. You didn’t drop last week

[@Penuelism]

@@lindokuhledlangalala9094 🙆🏽‍♂️🙆🏽‍♂️🙆🏽‍♂️

[@boipelommileng]

When I see aus' Nosisi❤I run

[@Alpha_Female_Group]

Love losisi uNosisi😅❤

[@GontseMelesi]

Another Dope conversation! In all honesty we need to change the narrative of these conversations, too often the narrative is in favour of the side of the woman despite facts or the lack there of. The scales are always biased untoward the favour or the woman's side and we need to unpack some of the unjustified actions of our female counterparts.

[@Ato995]

Nosisi 😊 kwani Experience -Live after Birth literally got me through varsity❤❤❤

[@NosisiNgakane-bq9ye]

AMAZING!!!🥰🥰🥰 You know the essence of this creative life is to live authentically. I hope i add value to your life in this new iteration of my existence.

[@ngubanezukiswa4557]

Funny how im the kud if the father who feels like a visitor ekhaya but step mom's kids have now somehow became the " actual kids" i don't think step parents should resume maintenance kanti where's their father?

[@petetshepo]

Penuel is cooking...😂 100%

[@NkosinathiMasango012]

Practically speaking this law will also affect other women negatively. Realistically speaking, the step dad finds a new partner, and I doubt this new lady will be fine with the fact that the guy is maintaining kids that are not his. This guys mother and sisters will be enraged by this also. My point is other women in the guys life will not accept this decision.

[@5thdimensio284]

I wonder how they felt when he got married to a single mother. I wonder how many childless women he overlooked.

[@NkosinathiMasango012]

@5thdimensio284 I'm sure they were not impressed. And also the fact that she didn't want to mother his children, but she's fine with him fathering hers. And to be honest, most women have that expectation, that you must accept her and her kids, but shes not willing to do the same. There's alot of double standards here. If this was about the children, she should've also mothered his kids.

[@thamsanqazulu3801]

They married into the accrual system, it's not man's money, it's their Money therefore with half the money they made , she would be able to provide private schooling and holidays.😊😊😊

[@robbylebotha]

The beauty standard from the perspective of men, has not changed, but from the perspective of women it has. Men still think a woman without make up or weaves is beautiful, but women do not because they compete amoungst each other and outdo each other by those alterations. No man on this earth has a standard of what eyebrows, lashes or countouring is for woman, thats a standard women put on themselves.

[@isaiahgideon5290]

Funny enough I'm doing llb 4th year Botswana(UB) Our jurisprudence lecturer gave us that case as an assignment to find theories that are for or against the ruling I'm failing to apply myself bcaz I'm angry as a man My issue becomes when does it stop,what happens when she gets married again ,do the kids have 3 maintenance? From the natural father,the ex-stepdad and now the stepdad ,,, how is that possible.. nah fuck this shit

[@NobodyXSomebody]

As you get up to represent your male client: "Your honor....fuck this shit"😂😂😂 It's actually impressive how greedy and cold blooded women can be and also how much the system enables this behavior. And how they can mask greed and immorality with "nobility" (all of that "think about the kids" bs). I wouldn't be surprised if she never loved him in the first place. Just some beta provider role type of husband. I also wouldn't be surprised if she was screwing other men the entire time.

[@fionasmith6686]

Haiii this is bullshit. The stepfather shouldn't be expected to pay for school fees.

[@Akha141]

I believe kids come after the dad in a healthy setting, mom before the kids, dad before the kids... Only in unstable circumstances are the kids top priority

[@Penuelism]

@@Akha141 This is an interesting theory.

[@cradle8948]

Totally agree... Formular for an Experiment(One that is reacting noneplosively)...progressively The Primary input first then the Reactant ingredient then lastly the products This is a formular for an healthy experience

[@ConfusedBlockGame-fz7lm]

Never

[@fionasmith6686]

Haii the stepdad got an unfair ruling here. He shouldnt be obligated to continue with maintenance.

[@Spokenasafool]

Please to say you are doing what's is best for the children, dont you think the divorce has more effect and anything else is a result of it. So if you want to do anything for the kids stop or prevent the divorce from happening.....#spokenasafool

[@thabothouch0074]

Its not easy to be honest with ladies, try to raise that will get married out of property ul see 🤣🤣

[@tebogomaphefomodiba4232]

Penuel sounds like wa jolega no wonder they keep on giving him babies. 🤔🤭

[@tebogomaphefomodiba4232]

I love that movie Captain Fantastic. It's very emotional.

[@Penuelism]

Yey... 👀👀👀

[@sonwaboluqhide5905]

Ey Penuel your guest is so biased and it's so sickening. She is such a hypocrite like most of the women. Anything that benefits the females is okay with her with total disregard for a man's benefit and emotions. How does a man become obliged to take care of other men's children. Women will never agree to take care of children who are not theirs, they all would cry foul and unfairness. In this situation I'm sure some men would rather kill the woman and her children so as to save his hard earned money, let them die than eat my money by force despite the fact that they don't have the right to his financial support.

[@aobakweCup326D]

If you are smart ................🤣🤣🤣Pen.

[@MzamoMehlomakhulu]

Pan please give us a number we can call to share our thoughts too not a landline please

[@AdminRosslyn]

😂

[@theegproductions5455]

It's fair he knew what he was getting himself into😂kids must not pay for the sins of the parents pay up😂😂😂

[@Incognito-s3l]

When we get into the relationship, Adopt the kids. If thats a problem, then the relationship ends with immediate effect. This should apply to both parties irrespective who brings in a child to the marriage.

[@ntuthukozuma]

Akuvele kuyekwe, shame

[@Incognito-s3l]

@@ntuthukozuma 😂 😂

[@Roseofnomansland201]

​@@ntuthukozuma😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@thandomvimbi1558]

Ngase kuyekwe never, what about the biological parents of the child? What role will they play in their kids life? So immediately we meet you cut ties with previous child biological parents?

[@Penuelism]

@@Incognito-s3l the kids have biological parents and grandparents, and aunts and uncles. The kids are not in the wilderness... they are not orphans.

[@FrankMokhine-j5d]

Kids should be given to a man when there is divorce. Stats shows children raised by their fathers turn out well more than those raised by single mothers.

[@lekis5975]

You lie

[@Kat-A-Pilla]

This case is simple. The lady was in it the relationship for the money and lifestyle hence it's fine that the guy can leave the marriage but the money must stay.

[@5thdimensio284]

I wonder why that couldn’t marry a woman without kids.

[@Kat-A-Pilla]

@@5thdimensio284 women without kids Re scarce at their age. He would have to go for 20 year olds in varsity