Dr. Gabor Maté on Attachment vs. Authenticity | The Tim Ferriss Show

Watch the full interview here: • Dr. Gabor Maté - The M... | Brought to you by Tommy John premium underwear tommyjohn.com/tim, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement athleticgreens.com/tim, and ButcherBox premium meats delivered to your door butcherbox.com/tim.
Resources from the episode: tim.blog/2022/09/07/dr-gabor-...
Dr. Gabor Maté (@DrGaborMate) is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics that includes addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection, and Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It. He has also coauthored Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in nearly thirty languages.
His new book is The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Il....
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About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 700 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.
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[@flochfitness]

There’s a difference between reacting and responding to a situation. Some people think they are being "authentic" by expressing the way they feel to their partner, but that person hasn't taken the time to bring their energy down, self-reflect, and reassess (take inventory and become present and see themselves). They are based on old patterns and self-beliefs (ego). It sounds something like this, "I get really pissed off when you make us late for dinner." Yes, this is authentic, but it's reacting to the way you feel through an old pattern. It's not bad or good, but what is the result? Are you actually heard? Are you setting up your partner up for success to see, hear, and follow through for you? Do you think winning the argument is the partner suffering? Because realistically (I know this from experience) you are accusing your partner of something. And the only way they can respond is to defend themselves. An argument ensues.

[@martinucristi]

So good to hear Gabor Mate call out "professionals" like Jordan Peterson and their very damaging ideas!

[@rickvugts3706]

Sounds so true. We've sacrificed our authenticity as children in order to survive and get love from our parents, and now we don't know who we are because we supressed that authenticity.

[@cocoandrobin]

I experienced re-occurring nightmares and was terrified at night from age 5 to maybe 8. I used to drag my duvet into my parents room and set up a little bed on the floor at the end of their bed. I had to be very silent because if I woke them they would sternly send me back to my room. Instead of being loving and doing what their gut told them, they listened to the advice of our local doctor. I have spent my entire life scared of everything, I tiptoe around people trying my best to please them for fear of rejection.

[@marilynwilliams9320]

So good! What a fabulously simple and profound question- “What does it mean literally to depress something.” 💯🙌🏻

[@alkistielenivictoratou721]

Non violent communication of Rosenberg has anwears for all this and its so simple to understand but still quite difficult to implement.

[@jamiepoist3492]

Really powerful ‘stuff’ - thank you both again. Makes me want to join the good Dr. and his son, Daniel later this fall to discuss childhood trauma further. I don’t think my Mother would travel, ‘bummed’ (but understand why) it isn’t an hybrid offering. Take care and stay well 🙏💜✨♾

[@jasond626]

Deep.. but very powerful.. be good to have tools to help with things (to undepress the depression etc)

[@thehumblewolf]

Been following since 2010, love your content, get into mixed reality Tim! You would love its potential for growth!

[@cavalorosa2]

Great people ever! Thanks honourable Tim!

[@muhammadeisa1459]

So enlightening

[@themachismomatrix5236]

Incredible intel!

[@amycuaresma]

In many situations, we tend to prioritize the approval of others over self-acceptance. This pattern is often observed in both personal life and when working with individuals dealing with addiction and people-pleasing tendencies. However, it's important to find a balance.

[@vernerhynds]

People in the comment section misinterpreting the point as per usual. Dr. Gabor Maté is fundamentally right on many highly complex spatial awareness levels. Basically abusive parental figures have a role to play in the stress and mental issues we develop. Society doesn't want to look at it because it shows society is sick and the individual is not to blame. Dr. Peterson would rather the individual was to blame as then it excuses the behaviour of ignoring his real schizophrenic patients as opposed to treating them with compassionate curiosity. Never mind the fact it is his job to and he is highly paid to not slander neglect or defame. Dr. Gabor was actually being "polite" and demonstrating restraint in his response to what he knows is a dangerous and damaging lie by people highly paid to regurgitate it. He is not saying anger excuses poor behaviour, he is simply saying anger ought not to be punished but understood. I am incredibly angry at incompetent psychological services, and it is entirely justified, even by their own standards and definitions. One moment they say it is okay to open up about mental issues, or emotional issues, but the next moment they discard you for really doing so authentically.

[@susunque2245]

Makes sense 🤔think I'll subscribe 👍

[@writer1986]

There are lots of advice out there that don't sit well with me, such as put your baby in their own room and let them cry themselves to sleep. In the days when it truly took a village to raise a child, the family slept in one room together. I co-slept with my two before moving them into their own cribs (still in the room with me). As a family we have a nightly routine, and my children sleep through the night. Honestly, my relationship with my children is beautiful, and I credit it to putting their needs before mine, including not listening to everything doctors tell me.

[@brinta19]

So basically, if you have to choose between Authenticity and Attachment, Choose You please ppl. Choose You.

[@user-sr5kj6ej9z]

4:40

[@TheNalimo]

I very much agree with Gabor. Jordan Peterson is a lot of flaws in his way of viewing the world and the advice he gives.

[@Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

My take on this is this: