Dr Z Answers Your Questions: Resistance, Coping w/GD, Imposter, Orchiechtomy & Gender Fluid Surgery!

[@fiamedknuff]

After I accepted myself as a trans woman, I immediately threw away all my men's clothing and bought women's clothing as replacements. However, I guess all of my women's clothing fits into the "casual femme" category, e.g. sweaters, leggings, etc, giving a more unisex or androgynous look. I am not yet comfortable wearing more distinct female clothing like dresses and skirts as I am absolutely terrified about looking like a "man in a dress". I also don't intend to use any makeup until I am farther along in the transition. At this time, I am more comfortable coming across as an "effeminate gay man" in public than obviously trans gender. I crossed dressed as young child, but never as an adult, but the first time I put on leggings a few months ago I was absolutely taken away by how right it felt. I don't think I have worn anything as comfortable and gender affirming as leggings.

[@lindsaybelderson7735]

I'm similar, it took me several years to try certain items that I worried would make me too obvious, I am also mindful of not being seen to be "trying too hard" especially in world where cisgender women don't dress quite as in a distinctly different way so much, these days.

[@DRZPHD]

Thats totally totally legit and in fact I would suggest the same to you. Stay in your comfort zone but do notice when you need to push envelope just a bit more. A bit more does not have to be a dress or makeup if you are not there yet, it can be gettin your ears pierced or getting your nails done.

[@fiamedknuff]

@@DRZPHD Three months later: I'm now wearing pretty dresses in public all the time. 🙂

[@kentalwinweaver]

It takes time, I think. I dream of a time in my future when I am wearing my bra and do not even think about it. A time when I do not care whether my band or straps show through my outer clothing. My coworkers don't care they moved her from L.A. and have seen it all before. Others in the group do not even speak English, they have an extensive community here, and I should be able to have the same.

[@fiamedknuff]

@kentalwinweaver It's now over a year later. I now dress like every other woman my age and I don't think twice about it. It has become the new normal for me and I'm just living my life.

[@danone2414]

For all the transfemes and ladies like the one of the first question. We see you, you are not a man putting on a costume. There is a BIG difference between a man in a costume, a cross-dresser, a drag and an actual woman/femme who is trans. I luv you sisters🤍 Love, one of your brothers

[@DRZPHD]

You are awesome!!!!

[@LairAstro]

I recently started counseling, it really helps. I used to be worried that I'm not actually trans but after finally telling someone these feelings these feelings still haven't gone away so I definitely don't think it's just in my head anymore. They also helped with giving me resources to actually start transition through a doctor, it's harder where I live since it's a really conservative area in the middle of nowhere but helpful people still do exist.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear you reached out for help and got needed support.

[@Kira-zm7vy]

I'm in the same boat I think. Rather small town in an incredibly conservative state. This is where most of my fears are originating from I believe. I keep hearing this 'if you think your faking it there's a really good chance that you are not' Cis people don't have these thoughts and feelings that persist throughout their lives, or so I'm told

[@Genevieve111]

@@Kira-zm7vy True... if one isn't Trans, then the thought wouldn't even enter their head... 😊👍 As soon as I put all the pieces together, I knew 110% that I am TransFem...

[@Kira-zm7vy]

@@Genevieve111 Same here. I'm a bit slow I guess. I've always known I think. Just didn't have the words for it. And I put it away, or tried to at least, for decades. So much wasted time and potential 😪. Missed out on life basically. Feels like I've been sleep walking through the last 20 or so years of my life. I really want to go hyper femme as it's called I guess. Just too damn old for all that now 😒 😠.

[@Genevieve111]

@@Kira-zm7vy It's never too late Kira... I'm 59, no spring chicken... I feel so cheated out of knowing who I was all those years. Society lied to us... 😠 I'm so glad that kids and young adults have the InterWeb to learn the Truth. They won't be wasting their lives away trying to be someone they are not just for the sake of societal utopia... You and I may not have many years left in this world... but I'm going to be Happy with what time I have left. I don't have anyone to answer to... I'll do whatever it takes to be the Woman I was always ment to be... 💕

[@robynrox]

Time for me to post a question! I am trans male-to-female, on hormones, and I no longer really look male or female (e.g. I have well-developed breasts and full male pattern baldness). I'm not hyper-feminine; I restrict use of makeup to special occasions. I wear a wig, mostly, when I am outside, and if I am seen, I am not usually misgendered, even when talking. I get misgendered on the phone a lot, though, and the cause is obvious - my voice has been affected by testosterone. I have had therapy for this, and it hasn't worked, and that's because I do not have sufficient motivation to practise modifying my voice. It's also the case that my dysphoria doesn't really extend to my voice, but I do get annoyed when being called Mr X over the phone. How can I develop the motivation needed to practise changing my voice? I do feel the need to do that for personal safety, if for no other reason.

[@Genevieve111]

@Grandma Jane's Cache I'm in the same boat as you where my voice is concerned... I'm a 59 y/o widow... would love to find a CIS gender woman companion, but, like you, at this point in my life, and being Trans, I highly doubt it will happen... I don't try to 'pass', I just try to be the best 'me' as I possibly can. So my voice, which is somewhat masculine sounding... will just have to stay the way it is...

[@Genevieve111]

@Grandma Jane's Cache True... howerver finding a Cis woman that would be obliging would be like looking for the proverbial 'needle in the haystack'... I truly hope that I find someone, but not holding my breath... 😊👍

[@Genevieve111]

@Grandma Jane's Cache My late Wife and I met by chance... wasn't looking for a relationship at the time but we became good friends and eventually... Soulmates... Yes, my SIL recently remarked to me... "Ya gotta get out of the barn..." 😄👍 So true... I don't get out enough. I've tried over the last year... but it never works out. Maybe one day I'll be sent another angel... 💕

[@DRZPHD]

Great question. Will answer in Q&A.

[@Kira-zm7vy]

DR Z! Love this new Q&A series! So many people out there are asking things that I too am concerned or wondering about. I'm 42 soon and I feel the exact same way as the person who asked that first question. So whoever you are thanks for asking it. You took the words right out of my mouth. I think this series of videos will be a great help to many of us here. Questions are being asked that I didn't even know I wanted an answer to.

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear. I personally love Q&A from content creators I like because I too often learn things I never thought about.

[@mx.lucyfur]

For coping strategies, I lean into the "Noticing and Naming" often found in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Instead of framing thoughts like, "I'm dsyphoric today" or "I'll never get there!" step back mentally and frame it something like, "I notice I am having thoughts about dysphoria" or "I notice I'm experiencing frustration." Step back into that part of your mind that doesn't get tangled up in your thoughts but, rather, just notices the thoughts are happening. Distractions can be useful, but if they're used with a control agenda they can lead to frustration because they only work as long as we are using them in an attempt to control our thoughts. Detaching from our thoughts and noticing they are not are actual self can help "drop the struggle" as they say. My favorite quote in relation to this is, "Keep your front door and your back door open. Let your thoughts come and go. Just don't stop to serve them tea." This is where mindfulness and present-focus practices can help ground us in the here and now rather than getting swept up in rumination and spiraling thoughts about our dysphoria or worries about the future. I also often talk with folks about looking at what they want to move toward rather than what they want to move away from. Not wanting dysphoria, while understandable, is a very broad and somewhat nebulous goal. It's kind of like taking a writing class and saying, "I don't want to be bad at writing." So what does the aspiring writer want? To get better at natural-sounding dialogue? To expand their descriptive vocabulary? In the case of dysphoria, what are all of the things that the individual wants for themself that will help address it? This can help create a sense of forward-thinking *toward* something rather than *away* from something. In the case of the questioner who will have to wait two or more years to really connect with help in moving toward things, what are things within their power now? Can they explore their presentation? Can they work on mannerisms? What are the things they can do that are achievable baby steps that help them feel empowered in that they are doing something to move forward, even if small?

[@DRZPHD]

Fantastic suggestions! Thank you for sharing.

[@nathanbernards]

These are so unbelievably helpful, thank you so much😊

[@mpv9866]

Wow, thanks so much Dr Z and enquiring folks! This is so informative and helpful, it answers many questions ive had for quite a while, as well as a few I hadn't come to realize I would have eventually. This is really such a wonderful series that equally informs and inspires and also prompts great dialogues and more knowledge and experiences shared in the comments. A recent personal epiphany I was brought to is due to the significant overlap between between people on the autistic spectrum with NB and transfolk. Have you made any videos or posts regarding this topic on your site or here that I have yet to discover? Thanks again, and in advance!

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear the Q&A Series are helpful. I personally love making them. No I have not primarily because I have very limited experience with individuals who have autism and GD. I know it is statistically quite common, however, I personally had perhaps 1-3 clients in my career. I try to stick to content that I am very familiar with and have had a long standing clinical access to.

[@gmotz9689]

An at home IPL device can also do wonders to address dark colored facial hair at an even lower price point. Yes, it's not nearly as quick and effective as laser but still...

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@taniasanchez2313]

your videos have helped me so much! i've been exploring the possibility of me being trans after having a huge gender crisis a few months back. it's been really scary and confusing but i'm almost certain i want to socially, and possibly medically transition in the future. accepting myself for who i am just as a being has been a really hard process. if you're so kind as to wisely share any advice that you have at all, i would greatly appreciate it! :) from a spiraling queer individual lol alejandra (she/they)

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. I am happy to help, can you please let me know your direct question? And since I dont re-check comments, please email to [e-mail]

[@Rising_Pho3nix_23]

Question: How can I break through the back-and-forth of SRS? I've been on the fence as to whether or not to get bottom surgery. I've been thinking about it for nearly a year and I can't decide either way. It doesn't particularly bother me what I have now, but I do get excited by imagining myself with the other type. I've seen people who have had vaginoplasty and they said they felt better than they expected. I'm also early in on my transition (9 months), so like you said in this video, I haven't reaped many rewards yet on my transition so far. How can I break through the fence and pick a side? This isn't the sort of thing you can say "oops" about. But I also spent 33 years avoiding transition and I'm mad at myself for waiting so long.

[@DRZPHD]

Great question, will answer in my Q&A series.

[@vanessaherandshe7518]

ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy I would suggest to talk to your therapist on this little fun thing. using metaphors to invoke and deal with emotions , behaviors ,and feelings.

[@DRZPHD]

Great tip.

[@sarahlemley4448]

To help with orchie question, it is very much harder to get one as cis (presenting at least) . Took me over a year to talk doc into it. Second, had I to do it over again, I would not. My surgeon for gcs had to work around lots of scar tissue to get results he would be proud of. Just something to think about. That being said, it was a good holdover until gcs.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@jetbuilder]

Thank you for your videos. They have helped a lot in my transition. I've been accidently misgendered by people who met me after I transitioned? They first met me as a woman who uses she/her. I've been on HRT for 10 months and I don't fully pass. I get called she/her maybe 25%of the time by people in public.It's still extremely frustrating getting even accidentally misgendered by people who have known I'm trans and use she/her from the moment we met. It makes me feel really dysphoric because, apparently, I'm still seen as a man to people even though they know I'm trans. It feels even more invalidating because they know. How do I handle those situations and feelings?

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I have added it to the Q&A series.

[@AspenSenaSenaAspen]

I got breast implants a name change and hormones now I’m focused on ffs and then another breast augmentation

[@DRZPHD]

Wishing you all the best

[@fiamedknuff]

It's funny, but I always thought my life experience was unique. However, after watching a significant number of Dr Z's informational videos I now realize that I am just a stereotype.

[@DRZPHD]

It is common to think your challenges are different but I feel it's a good thing in knowing you are not alone.

[@vanessaherandshe7518]

For those that need little steps. Wearing woman's sneakers can be lots of fun.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@joydeepsen1484]

Ma'am I always identify myself as a woman, I always used to dress like a female. My age is 22. Ma'am when I was 15 years old , first watch a porn and i always identify myself as a woman, i feel i have a vagina and sex with a man. I don't watch gay porn videos as I don't identify myself as a male . Ma'am It is Normal for the gender dysphoric person to identify as a female in porn videos and feel I have a vagina and sex with a man

[@fiamedknuff]

Ever since I first discovered sexuality, erotica, and learned to masturbate, I always saw myself as the woman in the scenes and never as the man. I also now realize that the way I have always masturbated is very similar to the way cis women does it. I basically have used my penis as an oversized clitoris to obtain self-pleasure instead of doing it like most men does it.

[@joydeepsen1484]

@@fiamedknuff Thank you ma'am for your reply, i also have a similar feelings 🤗♥️

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. That is a common experience, yes.

[@joydeepsen1484]

@@DRZPHD Thank you ma'am 🤗♥️

[@joydeepsen1484]

@@DRZPHD ma'am even in my imagination when I masturbate imagine I sex with my crush and i have a vagina. Ma'am is this also normal.

[@Rising_Pho3nix_23]

Here's a huge 🫂for the 2nd post. We're here for you.

[@DRZPHD]

Love the support you give others.

[@SpiritoftheWoods863]

Great questions, and feedback from Dr Z as always! I have found meditation using a very popular App since 2015 to be immensely helpful for all facets of life including being trans/dysphoria. There is still resistance though unfortunately, but it is getting better. Also, being high femme, I sometimes feel like it is dirty word and something to be ashamed of. Maybe it's just my perception of it. I tried being more casual femme, but it's just not me, so now I wear what I want with no excuses and feel the better for it. That, and "Dropping out" of mainstream society that is really scary these days. Why should one care about what a group of people think when I don't like where society is at, and where it is going. So much hate, violence, disregard for personal health, the environment..I could go on but won't! Whew! 🤓🏳️‍⚧️🇨🇦

[@DRZPHD]

Great ideas, thanks for sharing.