3 Things Nobody Tells You About Moderate Gender Dysphoria!

[@EmmettL]

My moderate dysphoria was most dangerous when I presented it to an uninformed psychologist who assumed inconsistent dysphoria meant I couldn't have been trans!

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear that, there is a lot of dogmatic approaches to GD and a lot of people go without support due to providers not spotting dysphoria.

[@nicolebaker8674]

I honestly don’t trust any providers or psychologists in general. People like Jordan Peterson run around abusing their credentials to gas light the whole community. He weaponizes psychology by diagnosing all of us as psychopaths when in fact most trans people are just hurt people hurting people.

[@RoyGoneMad]

This is exactly what happened to me! Because of the vast fluctuations of gender dysphoria along with my religious upbringing, it took me a long time to come out from my denial and repression. That’s why at first I came out to some people and myself as gender fluid, because I was too afraid for hormones and surgery, and I could hide behind a female identity whenever it was convenient. But then I realized I wasn’t comfortable with being a girl at all, and so I had to let go of fear. Finally, now, I’ve settled it to everyone and go by he/they pronouns and hopefully I can begin physically transitioning next year. Wish me luck❤

[@alexisvan222]

Similar here. Glad you didn't wait 60 years like I did. Best of all things to you!

[@liamthedevastator]

This happened to me starting from a young age. I didn't even know what transgender was despite going to school with a guy who was very obviously transmasc from grade 1 and lived as a boy despite everyone being confused. But even then my thoughts were "wow that's amazing" not "I can do that too". From the moment I realized that I wanted a female body my dysphoria was intense and wavered on and off for weeks at a time, eventually settling into months between dysphoric episodes. Then it became weeks, then days, and honestly I've thought about it every day for almost 5 years. I have regrets, anger, but mostly intense self-loathing for everything that I hold myself to the fire for. All that pain and suffering, it was all my fault (according to myself) and did it to myself, I could've easily been better. The truth is as you say. I was hurting and didn't even know where to look. Thank you for this video, it really is a beautiful appeal to our injured selves to be brave and seek a better life. Thanks again Dr Z.

[@krydala7650]

I feel like I'm at that point where I need someone to tell me if being trans is what this is or not. And I'm trying to get to a specialist but I've been on a wait list for months now. And while these months went by, I had exactly that experience, some days it was fine, other days it was most definitely not fine. The past few days I've been basically living in what I call my "comfort hoodie" because I can't see my chest in that thing, it falls in a way that makes me look more like a guy. But at the same time because I'm fine some days I feel like a massive fraud. Like I'm somehow not allowed to take up space in that therapists office, take up their time, because surely there's other people who are actually sure about who they are and need that place more. And both options if I do manage to get in with that therapist terrify me. If they say "nope not trans" then I don't know what the hell is wrong with me and I wasted someone's time for nothing but if they say I am trans.. yeah.. well...guess I got a whole other slew of problems coming my way. Either way I'm feeling massively stuck. But this video helped a bit to make me not feel like I shouldn't see a therapist. That they actually are there to help with figuring things out and you don't need to be 100% sure before you can see a specialist.

[@ma-sa1986]

It’s hard when you do accept yourself as transgender and begin transitioning but have no support from friends/family and no one to talk to except a therapist who gets paid to listen. Sorry to sound cynical, but this is what I’ve been dealing with in my 9 months on hormones. I ALWAYS dreamt of the progress that I have made physically, but without someone to be supportive and encouraging or even acknowledging me, it’s really hard to do yourself. For me, this is what has lead to the self-loathing that I’m currently dealing with, I am happy and proud of how far I have come and the progress that I have made, but since no one is supportive of me it makes things harder and has been putting me in to a dark place of self-loathing and self hate. I think when people ask you to confirm if they are transgender or not (even though they know), they are just wanting that acceptance and validation.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear of your struggles and can understand teh cynical part as well. Reaching out to have support in form of groups and friendship can greatly help.

[@Megan-Steel]

Pretty much had moderate all my life with it shifting to severe on occasion for short periods, but your correct, the inconsistency was enough for me to just shrug it off as some mental thing caused by whatever and just push through it. Your also correct that my self esteem and self worth took a hell of a beating over the decades. AND I did exactly what you said, I finally went to a therapist to tell me what I already knew. She wouldn't tell me though, instead after a couple sessions asked if I had considered taking hormones and suggested they may be beneficial. Well, they where. After a couple days, my brain finally felt like it was working right for the first time in my life, I finally had mental clarity and any remaining doubts or denial faded away. I mean, how could I feel this good mentally if my brain wasn't wired to run on the opposite hormones all along. Do I have regrets? Yeah, some. But I spent 50yrs simply not knowing why I would have the feelings I did, and in all honesty, was too afraid to tell another soul about them. So if I had known earlier would I have done something about it, probably, but then my life would have been drastically different and except for my mental health consequences that I now need to sort out, I'm otherwise satisfied with my achievements. So I cant say I would actually want to change how things turned out. But I do want to change how I move forward.

[@Sommyie]

So happy for you!

[@thatgoodstuff1986]

Despite bingeing a massive amount of trans related content for months I was in denial for a long time, but I finally got through it. I'm hopefully going to get the call to talk with some specialists and get my hormones soon! I really hope the wait isn't long 😅

[@DRZPHD]

Wishing you all the best.

[@ashleblow8896]

I have been off and on hormones for years for this very reason. Some times I’m fine and I can “ignore” it, other times it comes back with a vengeance … and I’m like girl I thought I put you away. Thank you for this.

[@robynrox]

This was me. The pressure did build up rapidly within me over a period of months in my late 40s. I was obsessing over transgender content on the net, and I bought some books about it. I got therapy and I did conclude that I had to do something about it, and I did. I didn't do the micro-steps thing when I determined for myself that I was trans; I went all in and pursued what I think people call aggressive transition. Maybe it's because I transitioned aggressively that I don't have any regrets. Whilst it's true that I could have transitioned earlier in life, I wouldn't have been me in that case. And as a software engineer, I see a lot of parallels with what you say - if I'm trying to fix a bug, it's far easier if the bug consistently shows itself than if it's hard to reproduce, which is very similar to the severe vs moderate cases that you talk about.

[@Raven-Sophia53]

You hit the nail right on the head for me. I could not ignore it when I turned 52. Now 2 years into transtion I have lots of regrets now. So anyone reading this Dr.Z. is right on the money. So, question to you, Dr.Z, how do you learn to let go of the regret??

[@kendrajune6719]

Moderate gender dysphoria... You have just described me 100% I am 59 and I knew I had confusion in my 20s and early 30s without really knowing what it was. But it fluctuated where it would be absent for months at a time. Then, in my later 30s, 40s and into my 50s it would be absent for literally years at a time. Suddenly at 56, it returned with a vengeance. This is when I became conscious and aware that it was GD and I finally was able to take steps to address it. I went through a period of what I would say was severe GD where I began to explore my identity, began therapy, created my trans dentity, shared with my wife, kids and brother, and presented as female in limited social situations. I can say I was extremely comfortable with myself for about a year, and was formulating a plan for some level of transition. And then, poof... I've gone back to moderate, where I am still aware of my dysphoria but I have lost all real desire to take action or to transition. I have not presented as female in over a year, and not sure when or if I ever will. But, here's where you hit the nail on the head... I think about, maybe it is even fear, that it will suddenly be present again and that I will regret having lost that time. My therapist retired last year, and I have not taken steps to find a new one. Watching this video has reminded me that I really need to deal with this and resume therapy. I have been following you for a couple of years now and just want to thank you for the help you have provided me. 🥰

[@Mark_T]

I am in a marriage and I am a parent. This alone keeps me from addressing my GD. The collateral damage :-(

[@DRZPHD]

I encouarge you to think about the collateral damage to your health and well being.

[@pleasantthinking9186]

I completely understand. I am in the exact same situation as you. The struggle is painful.

[@EpisodicalSandy]

As a parent and a husband I can tell you that after coming out to my wife around 6 weeks ago, she is now thankful that I did so. She says it forced her to wake up from this loop of self imposed expectations.

[@Allisonshinebright]

I do know. I really do. I even told my new therapist that I needed to hear that during our first session, but she wouldn’t say it. I’m not sure why that external validation felt so important, because you are right. I already know. I’ve never felt more understood or seen than I did after watching this video, Dr Z. I have been so frustrated seeing some people leap into action after their egg cracks, headless of the consequences. I on the other side of the spectrum, find excuses to delay, many of which you touched on in this video. Moderate dysphoria has made it easier for me to lie to myself, to delay action, and continues to cause me to second guess that any of what I’ve been struggling with since I was a child is even real. The truth is, my marriage is falling apart because I am holding this in. I’m so worried that coming out will split my family a part, when in actuality it’s this closeting that is killing us through a thousand little cuts. I am guarded. I’m distracted. I have issues with physical intimacy. It’s bad. The very thing I’m afraid that revealing will destroy my marriage is already doing so by slowly rotting out the foundation. Thank you for posting this. I wish you were my therapist!

[@KCwatchesTV]

I've been living with moderate gender dysphoria for about 7 years. I worked hard to bury those feelings because I knew that my spouse at the time would not accept them. Even after we separated it was hard to come to terms with. I tried socially transitioning and changing my presentation three years ago but it didn't last for long...I didn't feel ready and I convinced myself that I was only a little bit gender non conforming and that my desire to live as a different gender would go away if I focused on other things. I just kept a few small habits going as a way to manage my gender dysphoria, including painting my nails more frequently and also shaving my legs (quietly). But those other aspects still stared at me in the mirror from time to time. I told myself that it couldn't really be dysphoria because it wasn't as bad as the stories I heard from other trans people.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150-b9t]

I'm both trans and disabled, and I've had this experience with symptoms of physical ailments as well. They would be bad one day and seemingly fine the next. Since I obviously have to push through the pain to get through the day, I conditioned myself to ignore it because maybe it'll go away. This led me to not seek medical attention until it had blown up into a huge problem. On top of that, my dysphoria manifested as other things, such as social anxiety, OCD, and depression, making it so easy to ignore or deflect that I was convinced I couldn't possibly be dysphoric. I didn't figure out how bad it was until after I'd come out and looked back over my life. The irony is that, for how readily I ignored it, the dysphoria was far worse than I thought.

[@MiddleAgedMartianDog]

Oh this pain in my back and shooting down my leg isn’t that bad… sure now I can’t sit down or stand up or walk but I am sure it will just pass… see all better now I was right not to seek medical attention. Rinse and repeat for chronic fatigue syndrome, dysphoria, depression, anxiety…

[@alexisvan222]

OCD here too, making me reexamine dysphoria to prove it's real.

[@miyahollands6136]

I lived with moderate dysphoria for years, I realised when I was in my 20's that I wasn't happy with the cards I was delt. but it wasn't until my late 40s before my egg exploded (no it didn't crack, there wasn't much left). I was a pressure cooker for years, denying it and using coping methods to, as a valve, to relive the pressure whenever it spiked. Live with self-loathing and depression for long enough and that state of mind becomes normal. Familiarity breeds contempt! when I reached my braking point, and finally became honest with myself that I was indeed trans, I did consider my next steps. am I too old to transition was a question high up on my list, and all of my doubters also used that argument to try to convince me to just except it and try and get on with life. But, I knew that I have tried to do just that for years and it hasn't worked. I nearly ended it, and they all wanted me to try to berry it yet again. I knew the strategy had to change! so, to all those who have been trying to put it off and deny its apart of you, know this. I was fully expecting me to regret not doing it earlier, and I had a plan if that happen. but looking back to how I used to live my life, I know I would have regretted not starting!

[@1Adventurerider]

You somehow are able to talk to issues that I am experiencing at the times that you release your videos. 18:03. I've been dealing with moderate GD for over 45 years but was suppressing it. I finally came out felt good for a while but the self loathing became intensely overwhelming. Now I feel stuck as a hybrid trying to avoid the pain of going backward in transition or avoiding the pain of moving forward with transitioning. I am stuck in the vicious loop of self loathing.

[@Jakie_8]

❤ Thanks dr Z. This made me cry. I feel like you know more about me than i knew about myself.

[@Timid-tg]

Thank you Dr Z I have had Gender Dyspdoria all my life. Moderate severe all your videos have been so helpful! With your help and my therapist now for a year and you my guardian Angel for I believe 3 to4 years. This week I have had an annual exam with my Primary care physician an have had blood work drawn. I too return on 12/14 to discuss Hormone Therapy. Iam so excited you were a major part of that Thank you so much Hugs Barbra

[@DRZPHD]

Wishing you all the best!

[@Timid-tg]

Thank-you Dr Z love you Hugs and kisses Barbra

[@SophiaSan-e2n]

Love Doc’s work, her personality, the way she explains and understands the psychological complications is rare, I personally haven’t come across anyone with such patients and core understanding. Dear brave doc plz come visit our family when you come to Australia. We wish you all the best from depth of our hearts. You have saved many and we are hope you save many many many more . Best wishes n regards

[@DRZPHD]

That’s beautiful and thank you for the invitation!

[@daisyb5646]

Yet another excellent analytical video, that really resonated with me. In my case, the mental block is that I am so in love with my wife that I just cannot destroy her reality or life. I love her more than my life.

[@madeline_alice]

what i’m not clear on is the role that repression of dysphoria through dissociation, distraction and deadening through substances? my dysphoria was moderate, coming and going, until i decide to do something when it seemed like the alternatives was going to unaliving. after making the choice to go forward it became severe and has responded amazing well to medical transition. i have regret at my start at just after 50, but the joy of moving forward in transition makes it hardyl a care. ❤

[@Allisonshinebright]

I think the only reason I have two kids today is because of my repression and moderate/fluctuating dysphoria. I certainly have no regrets about that part of my journey.

[@ivanmoreno3935]

You are an amazing therapist 🙏

[@liquidintegrity]

This is very honest video, I can totally relate with it.. ❤ thank you Dr. Z

[@dkoning5888]

Thank you for sharing. (Not meaning to sound sarcastic) Currently feeling incredibly anxious like I dug myself in to a hole I can't get out of.

[@AW-sx8hm]

I'll have to watch this further at a later moment because it's past midnight for me now but I can kind of see why moderate dysphoria could be worse than severe. I am nearly 35 and I've been debating with myself for over 20 years whether or not I should trans my gender and this background noise has been crippling for my mental, physical and even professional wellbeing. And now I've been on HRT for about 3 months and it's just... gone. Amazing relief.

[@richfaulkner6418]

Your videos are soo fantastic and I appreciate each and every one ❤ this video is helping tremendously.

[@LanaPks]

I have been living with moderate dysphoria for 40+ years, which became severe after family trauma was lumped on top of it. After waiting 3 years for an NHS psychology assessment I have now been denied diagnosis due to my doubts and fears 😢. It may be back to DIY for me. The UK NHS is still very gatekeepy and I'd urge anyone about to go though the assessment to only express absolute certainty otherwise they may be denied care. If only I could have been assessed by Dr Z as am she would fully understand me! Hoping they may still make a special case for.... never going back!

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Sexual orientation also fluctuates, especially when the family disapproves.

[@HansLemurson]

When I was figuring out my fluctuating feelings last winter, and trying to decide what I might need to do about it, the line from the song "Surface Pressure" from Encanto kept going through my head: *"Pressure like a **_drip drip drip_** that'll never stop, woah-oh..."*

[@GregJohnson-u4k]

All my life didn't know what it was till Bruce Gener did it seeing therapist two years and bouncing back and forth and confusion go to group in Rochester Mn thanks Dr.Z I cried my brains out at my brother's house he doesn't understand the pain this caused my care coordinator and mental health worker family is making me even more confused thank you so much

[@RowanWiccae]

Severe Gender Dysphoria is definitely like a Migraine, you can't ignore it, you can't will it away, you HAVE to address it and treat it (however way works best for you). Moderate Gender Dysphoria, I've come to learn, is more like chronic pain. Some days it's so severe it's crippling, some days it's just dull enough that you are functional. Sometimes the pain isn't there but symptoms are and those are the days that trip you up the most cause ur not sure if it's gonna get bad or stay like this a little longer. But it's always there, even at the lowest level, a minor dull ache, it's always there, it never fully leaves even if ur not technically thinking about it at the time. and it'll ALWAYS come back again if not properly treated.

[@maartenvandijke2590]

Tank you, now I understand my self a lot bether. I really din't now about this. I think I will helps me in my transition- to go on. No moor doubts.

[@MilyssaLeigh]

This is me. My GD has always been moderate and it's allowed me to block it and live in denial most of my life. Now that I'm transitioning and expressing myself I still have my periods of doubt and regret.

[@aaronmeeks1155]

I've dealt with this for the past 40 years, and probably will the next 40 if I live that long. At least through these videos, now i know what these feelings are and what they mean .

[@clara_cross]

This video is quite literally my story. I would keep swinging back and forth between severe gender dysphoria on one end and being perfectly fine with my assigned gender on the other. And this inconsistency was one of many reasons that led me to conclude that I wasn't "really" trans. I was told that "real" trans people are very loudly, and vehemently, and vocally insistent from as soon as they can talk that they're not the sex people think they are and that they never deviate from that one iota; that they are 110% confident 110% of the time about who and what they are. I know now that this is absolutely RUBBISH, but in the '00s, how the heck was I supposed to know that that was a lie, right? This confusion went on for twenty years, torturing me and confusing me, as it gradually shifted into just flat-out severe gender dysphoria more and more and I HAD to do something about it. Now, at age 36, I'm over a year on hormones and I'm filled with so much insurmountable regret. Not regret for transitioning-that's the best thing I ever did-but regret for NOT transitioning twenty years ago. As a consequence, I will never have closure on my youth for as long as I live, and that's something I have to carry and cope with for the rest of my life. It's done so much damage to me. But my transition is something I can hold onto moving into the future. I don't believe, though, that I'll ever be able to let go of the youth I never got to have. And that destroys me inside.

[@paulclark5324]

OMG, thank you Dr Z I have been on HRT for five years and i’ve been unable to commit to bottom surgery because of moderate dysphoria I would make appointments while I had dysphoria and cancel them when dysphoria was gone, thinking I must be crazy it’s been a vicious cycle. I thought I was the only one that felt this way. It’s good to know that I am not alone. Thank you for this video and thanks for all of the comments.❤

[@newbeginning3568]

I'm so scared listening to this, i relate … i just, im all alone and can’t even comfortably make a decision

[@DRZPHD]

Start with very small tiny steps, even talking to someone is a step.

[@newbeginning3568]

@ thank you, all i have now safety is online. I would crush my family if i came out, i even fear a lot of the procedures etc, but i have to thank you Dr Z Phd for yr work and empathy to the community ❤️🙏🏻 you are such a guide and safe figure for us

[@SC-jh9qp]

This is my situation exactly.

[@TWAM1968]

Hi

[@TWAM1968]

Most think I not transgender but I have been transgender from my crib

[@MakeKasprzak]

Oh...

[@RavenheartArts]

*CW for brief mentions of physical harm Yes! Sometimes im fine with being a girl, in the way that sometimes it just doesnt bother me all that much. Ive never had much of an attachment to pronouns so being referred to as she/her doesnt usually bother me. I have more dysphoria from my chest than anything else. Id thought that maybe its from other things, like my childhood trauma making my mindset a lot younger than my physical body, or even just having a more nonhuman way of viewing myself and the world. But i realised something recently. I never feel "good" presenting myself as a girl. Sometimes i can tolerate or feel neutral about it but its never anything more than that. On the other hand, when i present more masculine or get mistaken for being a guy, i feel pretty good! Wearing "boys'" clothes makes me feel strong and confident, which is something i find very difficult to feel otherwise. The other issue is that there are times when im uncomfortable being addressed as a guy, but in those cases i think its more because of the discomfort of change. I know I'd feel so amazing being mistaken as a guy on the street by strangers ill never see again. Its a feeling that ive never experienced irl before. How id love to overhear someone saying "oh, what a nice young man" in reference to me. Ive never felt that way imagining it from the other gender. Being called a young woman or lady makes me want to tear my skin off. Sometimes when im doubting myself in my feelings and whether im really trans or not, i almost unconsciously think to myself how much easier all of this inner conflict would be if i had just been born as a boy. I wouldnt be struggling so much with going out in public, making friends, talking to people. I could introduce myself and not feel ashamed of my name or voice. I could wear what i want to important events, straighten up my back, and feel proud of myself for once. Feel good to just exist in the world. A lot of the time i would like to just run away, get the surgeries and maybe the hormones, and pretend ive looked that way my entire life. I wouldnt, ive got people i love and who support me here, and i wouldnt abandon them for anything. Its just so hard to make that jump, y'know? *Not intended to be a vent, i just wanted to contribute since i relate to this video a lot