STOP Ignoring These 10 RED FLAGS of Narcissism

[@kateskeys]

There's a lot of shrinks on KZbin. Daniel Fox is head and shoulders above them. Thanks for all your hard work Dr. Fox.! YOU ROCK!

[@annikaswelt383]

Right, lets call it shrink tube

[@mistydenslow846]

Mental health facilitators.

[@kathyborthwick6738LakotaEmoji]

Amén Amén Amén ✨☀️✨

[@sayusayme7729]

So much confusion on narcissism, thank you for clarifying.

[@MrShOrT4500]

Why they are called shrinks if they make people grow?

[@whitewings2363]

Yes, I realized I am very narcissistic while not having the disorder. As I have aged and grown I have reflected and stopped being so selfish. I used to be so full of myself. Life and reality has humbled me. Not sure if anyone is going to read this but if you're wondering if you might be a narcissist maybe it will clear the landscape. 1. I used to lie when I felt bad about myself. I'd lie about stories or achievements. But around 20 I stopped because I realized I wasn't really connecting with others and I found some friends who loved me for myself and I didn't feel I needed to impress them. (Find your tribe and be authentic) if you choose friends over admiration, you're gonna be alright. Keep going. 2. I used to have a real lazy streak. (Still struggle with procrastination) part of this was not taking treatment for my adhd, but it was also because I didn't realize the confidence you can gain from just being able to be stable for yourself, and if you can, being stable for someone else feels amazing. Knowing that you have something to offer someone by way of employment or providing for a love one feels really fulfilling. 3. Arrogance: I was really into activism and I used to be very religious in my early 20s. At some point I realized that activism isn't a bad thing per se, but I can do so much more good by just investing in my own little circle of influence. Taking care of my health, yard, relationships, and car make a difference. It may seem small but you'll notice that once you start dealing with your own chaos, you don't have the time to try to morality to anyone else, and if people do bring a problem to you, you'll be full of compassion and empathy for your brother or sister. As far as the religious stuff, don't be proud. We are all lost in the woods and slowly walking out. It's super confusing and encourage those who are trying and loving. 4. Stop trying to impress other people. This one is hard. especially if you were denied attention as a kid. I know it hurts and you think that being an impressive man or woman will make everything better. It won't. It's never ending. Do things because you enjoy them. Do things because they interest you. Find out who you really are without all the pomp. Do what you love and you will love being alone. 5. No one else can soothe your pain. They can hold you. They can encourage you. They can understand. But you are the only person who can heal your pain. Don't expect others to read your mind, to know what you need, or to be able to save you from disappointment. They can't. Dig in and face the pain. Work through those old wounds. 6. This one is part of healing. Revise your self-description. If you've changed, forgive yourself and update the way you see yourself. Stop shaming yourself cause you were bad. . cause you're not anymore. You did the work. You changed for the sake of love for your fellow man and woman, for your family, for your lover, for yourself. A bonus of this is that you will love the unlovable. You will feel compassion for the self-aware narcissist. You'll see them try and you'll celebrate their efforts and their victories. You'll understand their disappointment when they fail. Gratitude: no longer feeling like you deserve better, you will being to be so grateful for any opportunity or any relationship. You'll cherish the people who choose to love the broken and narcissistic you. You'll be grateful for your job, your health, and everything. You'll stop thinking about where you should be by now, and start thinking about how far you could have sank. 7. This is the last thing I've noticed about myself and maybe everyone's journey is different but maybe this is you too. You will have difficultly containing your empathy once you stop blocking it. You will be more observant to the feelings of others. You'll see the good and the bad. You might cry a lot. Sometimes I start out with tears for someone else, then they turn into tears for my own pain, then joy for how far I have come from that constant pain. Please don't give up. Don't get so sad that you think there isn't hope. There is. It takes time and you might be alone for most of it but be diligent and you can recover your true self. You'll never be perfect. But you can be connected. I promise that average can feel really great. It's gonna be ok. And eventually it's gonna be better than ok.

[@scotte9748]

Thank you for writing all this

[@frankeg3]

@whitewings2363, those "pages from your life journal" were inspiring. For issues and challenges other than NP/NPD as well. Glad you shared them here with us. - Oh yes, let's keep slowly walking out of the woods...

[@englishmadcow7461]

Your honesty and reflection has me in tears. Thank you for sharing.

[@frostyib3365]

I am expecting the same things, so glad a fellow one in christ has shared this

[@violetagatdula1972]

@whitewings2363, I am just curious and if I may ask, when did you realize that you are narcissistic and did you undergo counseling to slowly changing your behavior? Or the grace of God plays an important role in changing your character. Thanks.

[@mssattitude]

The pet the kitty comparsion is genius. This describes their needs just perfectly.

[@LarjoskiFlyingAway]

I can’t believe how amazingly accurate this is. My partner knew something wasn’t right with his emotions but he could never explain what it was, but he constantly is seeking happiness even at age 61. Unfortunately his happiness is the attention of many women.

[@shelchicago8997]

Thank you for the refresher course on narcissism. You can’t over-educate us about this topic!

[@spikesayen7254]

I have been in a tumultuous 8-yr relationship with a person with NPD and I have BPD. We are currently broken up (again!) But, with your help I finally understand our issues and it helps me see why we don't belong together at all. Not just his issues but how and why I react the way I do. It gives me strength and helps me not blame myself. It isn't love at all...just a Trauma Bond. This is all part of a cycle. Understanding makes it less painful. Thank you, Dr.Fox!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Spike Sayen, you deserve better

[@truthh8597]

Bpd and npd people attract one another

[@justinporter2117]

The person with npd will literally yell at you and be a pos to you, when you're trying to help. I fucking hate people that play the mental health card

[@drina4706]

I hope that you are doing well!!!

[@drina4706]

@@truthh8597 Yeah because a lot of BPD sufferers are empaths. They just give and give and give.

[@KurtAnderson812]

After watching this I’m trying to decide if everyone I’ve ever dated is a narcissist or if it’s me.

[@Mirandajane84]

Lol it is always both people contributing to the relationship. But people have wounds that keep attracting the same kind of person over and over until the wounds are healed.

[@pinkkmatcha]

When you look at the people who raised you and you see narcissism (it usually is more than one in a family unit), you can rest assured that you're at least twice as likely or more on average to date narcissists in the future. From childhood, your brain is mapping itself out and deciding what is normal and how to act. Your childhood blueprints your future. I've dated many, many narcissists or those with those tendencies. Best course of action: work on you and what you deserve, work on your self worth and realize that what you may have been taught is acceptable behavior is actually less than you deserve if not abusive. Good luck. :)

[@bruh-kj1qw]

Lamina Odol I relate so much to that my dad was narcissistic and I end up falling in love with people who have traits similar to my dad, anger and narcissistic traits. Which is weird to say since they are my parents, 😳

[@xy4669]

@@pinkkmatcha i think that applies to myself, but how do you rewire yourself? because indeed i always attract these people in my life, strangely, other people do not seem as interesting to me

[@annikaswelt383]

Kurt, exactly👍👍

[@tidepodmusical4173]

My narc always told grandiose stories about himself. In every situation he was the hero, the humble man, the one who helped people. But when I needed him the most, he was never emotionally available. He never helped me in any ways that I needed, and he never asked me questions about how I was feeling with the intention of helping me or encouraging me. When he did say something nice, it was always really fake and empty and it always felt like he was saying that because he thought he SHOULD say it rather than saying it because he actually felt that way. He was there with kind SOUNDING words, but his words were never backed by any action, and I was too scared to say anything out of fear that he would “leave me.” How I wish I had said something sooner.

[@shiellacuenco1420]

experiencing same situation now. I am preparing to get courage to discard him, I'm just looking for the right word to tell him I'm done with him. Really exhausting relationship, it affects me emotionally badly.

[@rebeccascaturro9778]

On day 28 of trying to break free. Because of my codependency and tramua bonding due to the NPD abuse I probably wouldn't have even tried, but the cheating involved now and probably more incidents then I want to know about. I thought I could stay he makes me feel so guilty. How did you do it?

[@caroldreamer]

I relate so much. Whenever my ex-husband complimented me, it felt more like he was bragging about how he scored an awesome wife, and not that he actually liked anything about me. If I didn't play the part and gush about how flattered I was for the compliment, he'd EXPLODE. By the time we divorced, I felt like "outside me" had nothing in common with "inside me" because I always had to perform for him.

[@damsel72]

I definitely freak out and self shame when I make a mistake. I’m learning that it’s ok…to screw up. I don’t like to see others in pain, and have no desire to belittle or manipulate another. I have a lot of empathy, thank god, lol. So glad I found your channel- wonderful.

[@OliveJuice]

10:21 This part really stood out to me and resolved a lot of confusion about why my NPD ex-boyfriend always chose him enabling friends and family and even strangers over me most of the time. It's because they expected less from him and rarely held him accountable, unlike me. It helps to explain why he walked out on me, only telling me that he had once he was halfway across the country. Thanks so much for this information!

[@CynthiaAva]

Same thing I experienced. You are not alone.

[@bs6342]

This was brilliant. As a clinician I am surrounded by this on a daily basis. Well explained 🙂

[@Muthafukinhippy]

Damn so this is norma?

[@Muthafukinhippy]

I think i should reach out life

[@giraffe116]

@@Muthafukinhippy yes for many people

[@ad6417]

Your colleagues?

[@A10011]

Relatively common in clinicians and scientists I believe.@@ad6417

[@livewithabula976]

Currently going through a divorce with a narcissist 😩😩😩😩. All along I thought I was crazy but there is an actual diagnosis for his behavior 😒.

[@tracy2630]

Me too. Hopefully your not codependent. It's a nightmare.

[@dp0004]

The more you learn about the mental states around you, and inside you, it is necessary to recover. There is a name for the events, outside & inside. Give it a name and you can deal with it. Co-dependency can need attention too. Identify what these feelings mean and name them. You can then find a different way through to the other side.

[@handefabbro]

You will thank God, believe me!

[@Renae12234]

Right

[@Tenebrarium]

Hope no kids involved, it was hell for me and the families involved.

[@sarahs3970]

I'm interested in self-selecting out of bad relationships and how to safely do so.

[@gailthomas7761]

Brilliant clear explanation. Choice is power. 20yrs of marriage with a diagnosed NPD husband that ended with his psychotic break was my journey. I'm obviously co dependant and a survivor. If only we had You Tube and you!!! Years ago. Thank you and grateful to you for explaining what I could never understand.

[@victoriasage7]

Yes so glad we have this info now!

[@Nebulousss]

how did he get his diagnosis? my bf is so selfish that he refuses to go to a neurologyst/psychologyst/psychiatry... He's like he's better than that, he doesn't need help, he don't trust what they could say about him because they don't really know him. He (of course) refuses to go to couple's therapy together. I'm just doomed to keep struggling with this 😔 We've been 13 years together. I do love him, not everything is bad, but when things are bad, they're *really bad* ...

[@danield.287]

One of the best explanations I’ve seen on internet. Thank you for this great video.

[@vpxc]

Maybe the first educational video content on this I've seen which portrays narcissists in a way that feels sympathetic but realistic and not dramatic. So much content in this genre seems interested in portraying narcissists only as extremely pitiful or outright monstrous (sometimes both).

[@azilelaufer9831]

I feel the same way. Especially the videos with headlines such as „ how to break the narc“ „ make the narc suffer“… it’s terrible

[@becky977]

Yo...my ex boyfriend scored 10/10 and met all the other requirements. I've done more research too and he meets everything. Thank you so much for breaking it down so perfectly.

[@ajw7971]

Your videos were recommended to me by a fellow survivor of narcissistic abuse. I really enjoyed this video and I think I will be listening to this one again, there were a few elements which were new to me, but which made perfect sense to me with my experience (narc mother and spouse, possibly also adult child) of these people. Keep up the good work!

[@liljerseygirl249]

I feel terrible that a human lives with so much inner pain, so sad. But, I know we have to stay away from them to save ourself. Thank you for your videos.

[@jakeyonland8233]

I can be really humble on the surface as a narcissist because my behaviour has generally improved over time but the humility breaks down when I'm presented with tougher and more real situations.

[@pamhalula5503]

You are dead on! My soon to be ex would even argue that his son suffered anxiety more than anyone ..I guess his son being an extension of him made the suffering somehow his. Thank you for doing what you do. Narcissistic abuse is life changing.

[@lou-annbest1318]

My mother used to say she " suffered more than her wildest dreams" . She is much more grandiose in her old age because she has no responsibilities and gets waited on hand and foot by my brother .

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

Outstanding. You are so calm and collected. A very emotional subject treated with composure, logic and empathy. Fantastic.

[@busterbeagle2167]

Pardon me Dr at your ping-pong sound effects are spot on and very impressive

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@busterbeagle2167]

@@DrDanielFox I’ve had bad experiences in therapy, so I’m always reluctant, but I learned stuff about myself and my spouse by watching a couple of your videos

[@justjess4083]

Oh my goodness. This is the best video I have seen on the subject. I have consumed so much content trying to heal from a toxic relationship. Thank you for this explanation.

[@anthonybendana9420]

Mannn I won’t lie I am Narcissistic selfish and controlled by anger Bc of a dark passed... and i can’t do it nomo I see I hurt ppl and I didn’t care but now I do I wanna change so happy I watched dis to fully understand

[@OpinionOfAGem]

The one that I recently dated seemed like he would lose his temper if scenarios did not play out the way he expected. Like he had played something out in his mind and when it didn’t come to fruition then it was the end of the world. It was constantly mentally draining. Starting to feel relieved to be discarded.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

OpinionOfAGem, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist!

[@OpinionOfAGem]

@@lioydwilliams1850 no one deserves it.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

@@OpinionOfAGem Yeah.I am Lioyd from the States.You?

[@lioydwilliams1850]

@@OpinionOfAGem which country are you from?

[@superpoodlehead]

🎉 This is thee best, no-nonsense description of narcissistic personality disorder and traits. So clear, so succinct and understandable, I feel confident in believing that my ex is a full blown narcissist. I’ve wondered for years. I’m still recovering from his emotional, mental and sexual abuse. There’s no help for him. He’s got 8 out of 10 for sure. Thank you for the validation.

[@judebyers8075]

Thank you, back in the 60s and 70s I was at the hands of someone you just described. 3 very young kids who just lost there Dad, Mother brought him home from a casino in a big flash car and never left. I was diagnosed with BPD and CPTS. He’s the cruelest man I have ever met. Thank you for explaining Nacissism to me, I just thought he is evil.

[@motowngirl5891]

He is evil

[@principetnomusic]

This is so me! Struggled with my emotions and self-control since childhood and only as an adult do I realise it's NPD.

[@principetnomusic]

@@justinporter2117 That is the easy way out, I want personal connections

[@drina4706]

I hope that you are working on yourself. And doing well.

[@davidsommerville2213]

I’m on a journey to understand. My father has many traits of the Class B personality disorders. He was misdiagnosed as a special category of Bipolar 2 where the manic cycle is expressed as rage. Indeed, rage is a huge part of his personality, but he’s not bipolar. He has lots of traits of class B personality disorders. I see a few of these in myself, but I pale in comparison to him. Children of such people are the ones who really pay for the parent’s disorder.

[@pavla2055]

Having been raised by N parents , father ONarc - laughably full of himself (and violent) and mother a CNarc - this one took some time to figure out because of the hidden and undermining - surely the example of horrid behaviour has rubbed off on me although I don't think I'm narcissistic by nature . Their scapegoating , raging , attention demanding ways turned me into an avoidant type with some borderline features. I went no contact with them more than 2 decades ago - couldn't take the rage and drama anymore . Three of my siblings remained connected - the ones that were never scapegoated - and prefer to deny the violence and totally screwed up things that went on behind closed doors ever happened . Maintaining 'the BIG FAKE' for public display is all consuming as it was for the parents . Jeckyl and Hyde personalities - street angel , home devil - and all that are certainly applicable here . Of course I went on to marry a CNarc like my mother and he had an ONarc mother who mercifully died a few years ago . Some days I just feel like giving up . I'm so sick of this type of behaviour but really don't expect to ever escape it .

[@amber40494]

Wow, my family as well! I left the narc husband and live in peace now.

[@raekaskie1521]

And just like every other disorder, you cannot hide behind your diagnosis and use it to justify actions that negatively affect others. Just as I can not say "I'm sorry but I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD)" to excuse it. The better way to approach it is "I am sorry, I probably did this because of factors of my ASD but I never ment for it to affect you this way. I will do better in the future to fix this and make sure it won't happen again".

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your insight! It's important to have these conversations about accountability and understanding our actions in relation to our experiences.

[@beerninja21]

Could you please do a video on how the facets of BPD such as extreme intensity of our emotions leads to more as opposed to less narcissistic behavior? I have BPD but find that as my moods shift, a normal attention seeking behavior for example morphs into covert narcissistic traits and makes those traits much more aggravated and intense. Entitlement, flip flopping self esteem, insecurities, implosive or explosive overreacting, etc that are seen in BPD becomes much more intensified to the point that it borders or matches narcissistic traits WITHOUT the comorbidity of NPD itself. Could you please explain this strange volatile shifting and how it can lead oneself or others to believe they actually have NPD when Borderline traits are the actual cause? I'm not sure if that makes sense

[@lowonlife_highondeath]

Omg, same. BPD with (what I'm assuming are) possible covert NPD traits when situations are difficult. 😞

[@Hinatafan4ever666]

Same here! You explained this perfectly for me.

[@gjln5424]

I read that co-morbidity is quite significant between BDP and covert narcissism (especially among male BDP). Apparently anywhere from 25% to 40% of BDP sufferers also have NDP.

[@racheluwa6386]

Hi Ireland. Thanks for articulating that so well. I have a friend that a care about dearly that fits that description. I've been doing research for, well honestly months to try and understand what is going on and finally have boiled it down to this. My friend thinks their issues of not being able to maintain close relationships are about their BPD but from the other side I kind of feel the issues of why it's difficult to be close friends has to do with their covert narcissistic tendencies more than anything. I found this article which to me explained a lot but am just curious if you think it's something you could relate to? When I read it I felt like the clouds parted in the sky and the sun shone and everything made sense finally! But does having this information help at all or did you aleady know it? I'm trying to figure out if it's something I can share with them or not. Anyway, regardless putting the article here in case it helps anyone with a better understanding. www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/understanding-narcissism/202007/do-narcissists-have-memory-problems-or-are-they-just-liars

[@Emmy_555]

@@racheluwa6386 Thank you very much for this article!

[@Shortkonner]

I have BPD. And I have a family member that is narcissistic. Thank you for the information. He's about hard to handle man. Educate me! I'm sharing this with his mother.

[@spacecityhtx1617]

16:00 - 16:45 had to listen several times perfect summation

[@le_th_]

Solid video with spot-on insights. Very well done. Thank you for sharing your knowledge so succinctly!.

[@stellabella5269]

Thank you Dr. Fox, that was a great explanation.

[@vishnuv5465]

Dr. fox , really you are an expert. Unlike other youtube channels, you explained narcissism with examples and details. Superb.

[@mastervestor]

Thanks for the excellent explanation. Took me over 20 years of marriage to understand this, with loads of help from counselors. My ex qualifies on pretty much all 10 points. Add jealousy to that list too - the (infamous) green eyed monster that wakes up whenever someone else gets attention, kudos, etc. Her behavior once almost left me stranded several hundred miles away from home. When I tried to discuss that with her, she merely shrugged her shoulders and said that she didn't think that might happen. Oh well! I've been free of her for over a decade now and much happier.

[@drina4706]

I encountered a lot of manipulation and callousness. It's like running into a wall; it's brutal. I shut down or cry. I am hoping that by being more educated I can call it out and/or leave the situation/relationship. Better boundaries means a better life.

[@VladTheImpaler-k9z]

I deal with these types damn near everyday but I don't put too much energy into that nonsense because it can be draining! They always running they mouths, jumping to conclusions with no facts or sense of understanding, end up looking stupid and still have the nerve to continue with the same pattern of behavior as if they've done nothing wrong. Those types of people are the main reason I stay mostly to myself because they'll mess up everything without a care in the world!!! "Take heed & always pay attention!"

[@DrDanielFox]

It can be tough dealing with that negativity, but it's great that you're able to let it roll off your back!

[@VladTheImpaler-k9z]

@@DrDanielFox It's either let it roll or them people got a permanent place for you (literally)!

[@Greencandy525]

When you KNOW you GO!! These people drive you bananas and they don't get better.

[@carlw5360]

Omg, my brother literally has all of these signs. Mind blowing stuff here, my mom doesn't care nor understand because she doesn't challenge his inferiority complex but I do. I've called him out on his bullshit and disrespect multiple times or done things that inconvenient him slightly and he freaks out wayyyy more than the average person. My mom is too understanding of him and that just grooms his self confidence. He also has absolutely no empathy for others and only cares about himself and projects that constantly.

[@LjesusOsavesVmeE]

Very well presented video! A very complex subject presented in a simple understandable manner. Love your videos!

[@trudehunnicutt1318]

I have the ultimate example of narcissism. A few years ago I was suicidal. I had told my x-sister in law (my brothers 1st wife) about how I was feeling. Her response to me was "if that's what u really want 2 do, just don't do it at my house". That person is Patty Quigley of Henderson Nevada. If u come in contact with her, run fast & run far. She is evil personified.

[@staceystrukel1917]

Damn! Calling her name out😂 I love it! These monsters need to be identified.

[@moongoddess5858]

That sounds more like antisocial personality disorder.

[@Itsuser_1234]

Nah you messed up. You need to realize that when people don’t like you and don’t want anything to do with you. I hate people who bring up that topic.

[@guillep2k]

So I recognize some of those toxic behaviors in myself and I feel terrible about it. I'm 50 and with years of therapy on myself and I know I bring pain to others when I behave like that and that kills me. I cannot control it; it's beyond me. I've been afraid of myself for the last few years and I see no escape. I feel betrayed by myself, trapped in myself, and I see no exit door. I don't know if this is one of those "my pain is way bigger than yours" thing but I can assure you it's terrifying.

[@annpimentel5198]

I am the way, the truth, and the life. John 14:6. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. My peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:26-27. Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7. God bless!

[@kevinlentz7604]

35 years going through it now,very eye opening

[@Hinatafan4ever666]

Thank you for expanding on this. I exhibit traits of vulnerable/covert narcissism on occasion.

[@Hinatafan4ever666]

I'm still having issues understanding how much of each I have in myself. I feel like lately I have a lot of these issues. A few years ago, I didn't have many of them at all... I don't understand how they could develop so quickly. I have had head injuries. I'm just confused.

[@veldc8730]

Thank you Dr. Fox, I'm learning so much from you. It's essential to invest time in arming ourselves with this knowledge to be able to live a better life and maybe even to be able to protect someone if needed.

[@murphy903]

I have a family member who can't sit down and play a card game like Uno, Sorry!, or Phase 10. Why? He can't stand losing. Ever! I found it hard to believe at first, but, I did come to the conclusion that he really feels this way. Startling, to say the least.

[@sarahsera7950]

It's interesting that I've noticed BPD and NPD can get together and wondering how common it actually is.

[@nvaranavage]

When I first moved out after getting married I was working as an elementary music teacher in the area I had moved to. Things were going well in the beginning and then I noticed how I was being treated in the job. I was told I wasn't dressing like the other teachers, so i changed how I dressed to match the women who were my age - being the music teacher I got to see how every single teacher dressed (this was at least $200 in clothing items), I was then told I was dressing in clothes they "felt" were too tight (this confused me as I was emulating what I saw other teachers MY AGE wearing) and I bought the clothes a size larger so they weren't tight on me, so yet again I go back and spent another $200 on new clothes.......again..........I was then asked to put together my curriculum for the year with help from another teacher in the county (this teacher was on the other end of the county I worked in; an hour from the school I worked at, so that meant a two hour drive). The day I was supposed to meet with the teacher I broke a tooth and was bleeding on my way to that school, I had to turn around and meet my dentist for emergency surgery.......once I got out from surgery was when i was able to get into the email to let the teacher know that I had to deal with a serious emergency to which she responded letting me know that was glad everything worked out, and that she hoped we could reschedule.......apparently before she and I discussed my situation she had informed my principal that I was a no-show and had not contacted her.......so I got reprimanded for that as well (now you may say well, that was your fault for not contacting her on the way to your appointment, which is true, however I was in panic mode, bleeding from my mouth while driving, and I had no access to email as that was the only form of communication I was given by my principal, on top of this at the time smartphones did not come free with phone plans, in fact this was when data wasn't even free - it was an extra cost; so what did my husband do?! We spent another ~$400 on a smartphone, with regular plan, with data added, which brought our monthly cost in our phone bill up to almost $130, because at the time the company also had to charge us a fee for my husband to keep his phone that did not have a camera on it (a work restriction where he worked at the time)......Heres where things get dicey.........I was late by two months on my curriculum because I was trying so hard to please all these people (by the way my principal and vice-principal wanted me to do everything differently, so not only was I doing the work, but I was also doing double the workload for no reason - I will get to that......so yet again as you can see I was trying again in another aspect of the job to do what I was asked)......after I turned the curriculum in (which I modeled after several seasoned teachers at the school - I informed the school board of that fact, and gave them those teachers names in case they wanted to confirm my story) they never spoke to me again until after Jan. 1......to which they told me I could either resign my post or they would turn in the paperwork stating that they were not going to renew my contract.........so I decided, you know, I'm done at this point......I no longer care.......so I told them yes, I would resign my post that minute (I still had to finish teaching that year), I later discovered like three months later that the vice-principal (whom I do not think liked me from the start, thats okay, because the feeling was mutual, I could tell in the way he spoke down to me) marked up my curriculum (the school board office showed it to me, it wasn't given back to me at the school), putting notes in it that he didn't understand why rhythm was an on-going concept being taught over the whole school year, and as new rhythms were introduced they were added to the repertoire, same idea with note reading, and recorder playing (so confusion set in again as the date he marked on it with his red pen was only a week after I gave it to him - that was in mid-November, and the school board told me it was given to them at the same time as my resignation paperwork, which I signed like two months later)......in essence he basically told the school board I was a crap teacher by marking it up the way he did and gave it to them, basically telling them they wanted nothing to do with me. When I was asked by the school board if I wanted to plead my case about my experience, not only did I explain what happened to me I had the receipts to back it up. I'm giving back story - when my parents kept pressuring me to spill the beans about me losing my job and I told them three times politely that I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, because it was still a fresh, bad experience and I wasn't mentally prepared to deal with it, they turned around and told me "I don't understand why you can't talk to us like an adult, why do you have to be such a child about it?!" Because after the fourth time I blew up at them and told them to stop asking me.......so I ask your viewers......is that really a healthy relationship with your parents?! I think not........After that i stopped talking to them about anything important, because it was always about them telling me how I should handle parenting my children, that they way I'm doing it is wrong, and that if I'm going to act like a "child" when they only want to have a "conversation" then I shouldn't bother being a parent......I'm ADHD who has done extensive research in the subject because my eldest is ADHD and I vowed that I was going to be a supportive parent for him, rather than a toxic one - with that said, I have noticed that as he has gotten older I have fallen into the trap of being my parents, and I am now trying to find better ways to deal with his unwillingness to help himself, his unwillingness to cooperate at home, and get him out of Stage 1 and into Stage 2 more frequently (check out Dr. Paul Jenkins, if you aren't familiar with his Control chart - it was eye-opening). Sorry, after having watched this video it brought this experience back to the forefront of my mind, almost like a PTSD episode - like I was living it all over again.......

[@jamesmurray8669]

Thanks for your video it's was very helpful and informative God bless you 🙏

[@SuperHamsters777]

In reference to the 9th trait: impaired empathic ability, I believe it is not only caused by relativity, but can also be from a sort of sadism(or perhaps Schadenfreude) coming from the same place as the cold aggression mentioned in the earlier trait.

[@prasanthiakula211]

Awesome content Dr. Fox. Happy to know the reasons behind the complex behaviors of the people which are not easy to understand without these studies. Thanks a lot for all your videos. Please keep posting more videos and I see it is helping many people to know if there have any such traits or they can make sure to be aware of such personalities.

[@marybethphillips4925]

Loved the part about the "narcissistic wound" !

[@jeffwatkins1845]

Strange to me on the subject of Cluster B, narcs, borderlines, and so forth that I've only heard Sam Vaknin mention it's relation to mood, just recently.. despite having watched the pro's and amateurs talking about it all for a couple years now. Or idk, I may be ignorant of the full course of treatment which you use. But wow.. having transcended what I called Grudge Self or Ugly Ego in childhood, I think happiness/sadness is massively part of the problem. Narcs especially are the wounded inner child.. so that resolving that seems paramount, alongside of encouraging and developing a strong pursuit of happiness.

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

I like the way you share vital info in a respectful way ..thank you

[@dr.hugosperber4473]

Brilliant and clear lecture on the core aspects of that disorder! Thanks

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@yourconnection9303]

I sincerely hope you will continue to always reach more people every day by sharing your knowledge and wisdom to help educate others on how to recognize and handle a narcissist. This is another important way which will help heal the emotional and mental wounded individuals. The more healthy mindsets, the more we can build unity in our world. Thank you so very much for your contribution....

[@williamjohns9322]

Great video Dr Fox, clearly explained. Thank you

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@lou-annbest1318]

I would love to see a video about how to handle when others self select out of my life. I have borderline traits and notice others distancing from me because of my trouble moderating my emotions and other interpersonal challenges like paranoid ideation. Perhaps you could combine the 2 into one video ? Much love to you Dr. FOX... I appreciate your insight

[@patriciafirestone3889]

Thank you for this clear informative analysis of this disorder.

[@dannymercer3553]

DR Vox is there any way to contact you to ask a question? I need a few questions answered from an expert and i’ve been reaching out in my area (Amarillo) And no one seems to want to communicate.

[@4lex4lex]

Will you address a video on bpd eye-for-an-eye mentality Talionic impulse - the switch and strong need to get even

[@W3Slots]

Yep, just broke up with mine after almost 3 years. She won’t change despite her saying she will. I’m over it

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience, it takes courage to move on from a relationship that isn't working.

[@idivine8]

I figured my husband was a narcissist after we separated. Now we are getting a divorce. He moved in with another woman right away. Thank you for this informative video.

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you found it helpful. I wish you well.

[@tinalouise2203]

can you make a video for people who are partners/family of people with npd? like you say it's bad to react with fear, it feeds into npd. but what can someone do, if their SO is experiencing a narcissistic wound, and they want to help their SO in a way that doesn't feed into the SO's npd?

[@annikaswelt383]

I believe its normal to avoid pain. When does this avoidance makes you narcissistic?

[@ta3970]

Unbelievably accurate as always. I have been married to one of these individuals for decades. I dont think I will ever be free. The statistics aren't in my favor.

[@MrThekingofrock97]

I work alone with 3 coworkers on a remote work site. Our team lead has mental issues you have explained. The lead is a golden boy in the company, and because we work at a remote site without supervision, he writes the narrative. To our company, whatever he says is happening at work is reality. He seemed offended by the high salary of a lesser experienced new hire, I watched him break this man down mentally. He tries his hardest to schedule his week so as to not be able to see his kids. Eventually got his pay cut about 25% by campaigning to our company his “lack of abilities”. Later on he laughed about all this. I am extremely worried about becoming a target of this person.

[@sonias9722]

What a sick person.. I think it's natural to be pissed about a less experienced person's salary to be honest, but it's insane to make his innocent kids suffer for this. I'm curious, how did it go with the work situation?

[@MrThekingofrock97]

@@sonias9722 new hire got pushed out the door, lead tech was under investigation by Human Resources for workplace harassment. It was a pretty open and shut case but the company swept it under the rug because of his status in the company

[@bhhNC]

Yes and wow. My wife and I have been learning through why we both have attracted troubled people/ex's and your instruction here is very helpful, particularly b/c we recognize that we both fall on the spectrum to some extent ... we're musicians and artists and it can be a fine line, I know, between healthy pride in one's work and basking in flattery when it comes. I'm a retired middle school teacher and saw quite a few children of hardcore narcissists during my 25 yrs being with them 5 days a week. Teachers necessarily need to be able to read nuances, and it always broke my heart to see a normal kid, convinced by a parent that they were - in fact - socially above others, struggle to walk that line with sweet kids who were off-limits. We've gone to churches that seemingly manufacture narcissism through demanding and rewarding what I call 'brand loyalty', and overtly not loving neighbors who don't choose the same pigeonholes. And don't bring up any instructive Scripture. Hell, no. I could go on ...

[@spacecityhtx1617]

Dr. Fox not only has some of the best personality disorder analysis videos, he also does the best table tennis sound effect ever 😁

[@LaGrossePaulik]

Thank you, this is really clear and helpful. We hear so many things about this subject.

[@jennifermarie1230]

Been with my husband 25 years. Hes a narcissist and alcoholic. I couldn't take it anymore so myself and our 19 year old twins recently got an apt without him. Both my parents were diagnosed with cancer the end of last year and NEVER once did he ask how im feeling!! NO EMPATHY!! We been together so long im sad of course but i dont miss the yelling and verbal abuse. Ive tried n tried. Asked him to go to family counseling Several times. He just Does what he wants!! Theres been things done and said especially the last 4-5 years that are unforgivable!! He was Alwayss selfish but as the alcoholism got worse the narcissism did as well!! I just wish he would've changed!

[@franksullivan1873]

I kinda like narcissistic people,they are actually pretty funny as long as you are laughing with them.

[@humaali2742]

I always knew my Mum had narcissist traits, growing up she was cruel and bullied me till I would cry, never showed empathy or love and was evil behind closed doors but never was grandiose. After watching this video Iv realised she is in fact covert! She uses any sort of bad thing in her life for sympathy and uses very minor illnesses to get attention from others. I’m so glad I’m not crazy there’s a name for someone like this! I was married to a grandiose narc and I have to say my mums abuse was unmatched! Covert narcs are crafty and worse. I have bpd and currently go to therapy and take medication and practice mindfulness every minuted of everyday because I don’t ever want my children to grow up with parents like I did or end up in a relationship like I did.

[@JT-ss6si]

3:26 Is this for example when my mother forcefully inquires about what i did with my money, and i reply with: "I don't have to explain anything to you. Stop right there." And closed my door. She went on a smear campaign already to two other people about me and how horrible i am. Even goes to the point of speaking loudly in the kitchen on the phone saying: "I DONT NEED TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ANYONE. HE JUST BETTER NOT ASK ME FOR MONEY. I DONT EXPLAIN MYSELF." It was almost sounded like a defensive mirroring of what i said earlier. Is this a form of Narcissistic injury that she is suffering? Since i made a boundary by not telling her what i did with my cash? I have been living with her for almost 40 years of my life. And she is controlling and possessive. Her boyfriend is extremely passive-aggressive, never shows rage or extreme emotion. Just passively conforms to her. Would he be considered her flying monkey as well? Now that i think about it? I purposely texted him and told him that i saw her slandering me to someone else, and he ran back and told her. I overheard her saying, "Next time he texts you, ignore him." And he kept replying, "Ok. Ok." Like a puppet.

[@stefanijalukic0]

Wow I relate to you sooo much as your mum sounds so much like my mum!

[@steveg3767]

I could sure use some honest advice and feedback. Long story short, I have been married to someone who has narcissistic traits. About 2 months ago we attended our 19th marriage counseling session together. At that session I told my wife that somehow our marriage needs to drastically get better quickly, or I feel we need pull the plug and end our marriage since we have been going to marriage counseling for far longer than we probably should have been going; and not much, if anything, has improved. Part of me was hopeful that this was going to be the warning shot and my wife would finally hear me; that she would finally understand that I am done with the narcissistic type of behavior, done with the mean comments, the high level of control, and being made out to feel like I am never doing the right thing, never doing it quickly enough, etc. Unfortunately, the few weeks after that counselling sessions things did not improve, they actually seemed worse. For example, one morning I started her car so it was warm for her when she left for work (which I do for her quite often). I wasn’t looking for a pat on the back, but she very rudely said “oh, thank you so much for everything you do”. One day I went and bought a shovel and salt and cleaned the ice from the sidewalk. Instead of getting any type of thanks or appreciation, she told me that it is so interesting that I had time to go to Dollar General (which is about 3 miles from our house) and buy a new shovel and salt. I got criticized for doing laundry and putting in on ‘her side’ of the bed and not having it moved off of the bed so she could lay down at night without having to touch laundry. I got criticized for having the space heater on in the living room. I got criticized for eating all the lasagna; when in fact I put it in a Tupperware container so she could take it in her lunch. I got questioned on going for a walk along the river. It was just relentless verbal attacks. By no means am I a perfect husband, I am far from it, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but I have always tried to be loving and supportive and take care of her and our kids. I have dealt with this type of narcissistic behavior for a very long time. Just another example, I recently learned why I was in severe pain for a couple of days this past summer; I was passing a 6mm kidney stone. While I was in pain, I got in a hot bath to try and alleviate some of the pain. I recall vividly her making a mean comment that I was in the bath while she was doing something for the kids. I have agonized over the decision for many months, and probably years now, but about 5 weeks ago I asked for divorce and have been moved out since that time. She said it wasn’t fair and that I blindsided her, even though we have attended those 19 marriage counseling sessions together; I reluctantly agreed to separation for now. For the last five weeks, I have been buried in loving texts, pictures of our kids and of some fun memories in the past, she sent me the wedding song that we danced too, she has been sending me quotes from the bible, she asked that I listen to various books on making marriages work, etc; she asked that I meet with our Deacon at church and attend a church marriage weekend retreat. She has buried me in a variety of ‘tactics’ to try and get me back home; she has thrown our vows in my face multiple times and said that I am destroying the kids by moving out. I have been holding strong and have not caved by moving back in; recently she has been all over the board with her comments and emotions. Seems silly talking about, but we own a car and a truck. For the last 5 weeks I have drove the truck and she has had the car. A couple of days ago she said she wants the truck, which is no problem, but I asked her why; she said she doesn’t need to answer why, she just wants it. She said she plans on keeping the truck for a few weeks since its not fair that I got to drive it for a few weeks (I don’t know the intentions of this, other than some form of power play, or maybe knowing if she has the truck, I won’t be able to use it to do things I enjoy). She also seems to be getting controlling with the kids; she told me that I am the one who decided to leave them, so its not fair for me to ever get both of our kids overnight while she is alone, since she didn’t decide to leave. I reminded her that I didn’t leave the kids, that I only left her. Shortly after making these types of comments, she follows up with a load of very nice loving texts. This is all extremely hard for me, because she occasionally acts nice and says she is willing to try and change, but seems all over the place with her comments and emotions; I’m afraid I will fall back into the trap. I worry greatly about our kids, I feel she is subjecting them to a ton of sadness and possibly emotional manipulation, with the intentions being of playing the victim card in front of the kids and trying to make them feel bad for her and make me out to look like the bad guy (she told me she is always crying in front of the kids…and even yesterday when I saw her she cried multiple times in front of the kids). Even though I asked for divorce, I still do not wish her unhappiness; I just want everyone to get along and be nice and supportive with everyone. To make matters even more frustrating, yesterday she told me she was offered a job in Michigan (about 5 hours from where we currently live in Ohio). I am settled here in Ohio now, have a good job here, etc. I am happy for her that she was offered the job, I know that is more what she wants to do versus her current job, so that part makes me happy; but come on, wanting to relocate now while we are separated. I feel like she is doing everything she can to try and make things difficult for me, especially with our 2 kids. Random place to insert this comment….but I just thought it was odd; she claims to want the marriage to work, but considering uprooting to Michigan. I manage all of our finances, yesterday she said she wants all of our bank account log in information. Which is fine, no problem, it is both of our money; I just thought it was a little odd. Not sure the intentions behind it. Maybe just wanting to see how much is there, if I have been taking any, what I have spent money on; who knows?! Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

[@nancybotwin4868]

2 years later...I gotta know...how did this all play out?

[@NEO_RKX]

These videos helped me realized I was raised by MAJOR Narcs. And even as a child, I always disagreed with their frame of thinking, now I know exactly what it was. I just thought it was a form of manipulation, but it’s deeper than that.

[@joannamcpherson8860]

Thanks for all the info. I always knew I was raised differently, but I do believe I was raise by narcissist. Trying to figure out how to best navigate that relationship while protecting my kids. It’s hard. Trying to not to cut ties. It’s hard.

[@deanarush9527]

I have lived with my narcissist boyfriend for two years and I am just now realizing that he has a personality disorder...my question is what to do from here? He has such control over my life I don't know how to make an exit plan...he has every single component. I am so relieved I ran across you!

[@rebeccascaturro9778]

Did you escape ? And how?

[@lindavasquez6842]

Get the hell out!!!!!!

[@amber40494]

Such clarity! Thanks dr. Fox!

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome.

[@andreagibson1332]

Another great eye opening video!!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Andrea Gibson,your pretty smile can make the news!

[@hodasakr2011]

Hey thanks for the input great video

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful!

[@irenewatson]

I think after 8years of a neighbour with covert narcissism,I have experienced all 10 behaviours. When really stressed becomes psychopathic and takes it out on pets,property and us.I have had my pets reduced to 1 who today,I had to give away to keep them safe. Histrionic rage is about being accused of painting their garden and them turning the dial to off the scale.Making multiple complaints about another neighbour and then befriending them and telling them it was me.The fallout from that was mega as she appears to be a quiet shy little old lady but in effect is a master manipulator in triangulation., Pathological lying,whatever her truth is at 9am can be changed to completely the opposite within hours, depending on how she is feeling. I have had more smear campaigns than any political party.My home is larger with ever changing gardens, I like to be creative.This leads to hate,rage and envy as they see this as you competing against them,they must be number 1 in control and receiving all the admiration.They use their large family as enablers,which means identifying the most easily manipulated males to persuade them that she is always the victim and holds regular pity me parties when they know I am home alone and this leads to threats of violence.I am currently 6mths no contact but in order to hoover me she has again befriended/manipulated the neighbour used previously and he is now leaving out cat food even though he has no cat and says my cat has damaged a fish in the pond (near the cat food!)he has no proof so I refused to pay him.Having a narcissist in the midst of a small group leads to drama and chaos,beware.Almost forgot to mention,they do like to embed themselves with someone in authority so they can persuade them to turn up in full uniform on a working day ,with a complaint made up on a whim and then go round to give you a chat/scare.This back fired really badly for them as we were in our back garden at the time and overheard.Sufficient to say those concerned now have to look elsewhere for work. Meantime I have taken incidents to the Anti Social behaviour unit who due to the volume and the outcomes,realise who is the problem. I wish my husband had, as he decided to go round to try to destress things.For his trouble,the narcissist got right up into his face,wanting him to push them away,instead he put his hands up to avoid that.They then nodded to an enabler who pressed the record button on mobile and started shouting into it as if they were being attacked.My husband left without saying a word.Next day they took it to the Anti Social but as it was only their voice on the tape it was thrown out.Recently the narcissist threw a large dead rat from her property in at us. Always have cctv and back we go to the Anti social. I am wondering what else is there left to do to us.Oh yes,we do get a lot of hand written envelopes with a leaflet saying,do you want to move.Trouble is our boundary keeps changing as they have taken over part of it while we were out.Apparently you can't sell with an on going boundary complaint.Could it be they want to keep us for fuel! Lastly,I had an untroubled first year as I was allocated to have her elderly husband around to look after as they were all too busy.A friend warned me after 7 months, that if he had a fall,I would be sued by them,another set up.I quickly disengaged and he was put in hospital where he passed away and they sued the hospital, and lost. Nothing surprises me anymore, other than the fact I'm still ok,I think.

[@truella1305]

I have a couple of colleagues like that at work. And although their behaviour is generally well-known, only a couple of us tend to get the heat from them (unexpected fits of rage, obsessive monitoring of our professional trajectory, active scheming etc). I wonder if this is how they are born or how to deal with them.

[@icomplain2006]

Whew, this explains a lot about the relationship I just ended. Wild!

[@jsuarez2369]

This was so GOOD!! Thank you Dr Fox - I leaned so much, very interesting and insightful.

[@holdmie4ever]

Thanks for these inputs doc. Im sharing this video to a friend in need...More power to you...

[@Corina-dq2my]

I hear so many misconceptions about NPD. Like people confuse the trait of narcissism with NPD. Like he said, there is a difference between narcissism and NPD. Only a small percentage of adults have NPD. Most of those adults with NPD are undiagnosed. They have a large but fragile ego, and we all have an ego, but people who have NPD have a very strong drive to protect and validate the ego, that never really shuts off. They have very specific traits and characteristics. And due to how they think, and the traits of the disorder, they tend to behave in certain ways. Many people also misinterpret what many of those traits actually mean.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's important to understand the distinctions between narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Awareness is key!

[@spirulina3924]

it wasn’t confusing at all, thank you Sir I appreciate you making this video 🙏

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@PhoenixtheII]

Sounds like a LOT of people to me... sigh, ... *crawls back into my cave again*

[@CynthiaAva]

Exactly. Same here. We are surrounded.

[@monk3110]

The thing is you aren’t. Very few people are narcissistic

[@jonbraid2520]

Don't leave them because they are worse after you leave them! 13 years of misery together is better than 3 years of suicidal thoughts at least I still had my kids and family. I divorced my narcissist ex wife, I have lost my 2 wonderful children who deserve better than cold blood from their self obsessed lazy Mother. Lost a fortune in the divorce due to her lies, she wouldn't corporate with solicitors and she provided no financial information, I have lost my entire family due to her damaging, parasitic behaviour, mind control and lies, gone from a £300k house to not being able to get a mortgage, she lies convincingly to friends, family, solicitors, police, social services, courts, child maintenance, every single thing is deception and non stop harassment, phonecalls, emails, of everybody involved to bombard them and force her one sided agenda and she will not give up on anything until everyone gives into her. Every time I stand up for my children, myself and fight for the truth against her absolutely ludicrous lies and fantasies I always somehow end up falling flat on my face from greater and greater heights. Nobody cares and I lose evey time I stand up to her because she will say anything, she will always have the last and louder word. 3 years since I left her because I realised she is a narcissist and there is no curing that, nobody else wants to understand or see it apart from very few people who have experienced and researched it themselves. Nobody deserves this mental cruelty. This game will only end for her when I kill myself that is a victory for her and she would celebrate if did.

[@paulbrierley2133]

My father has all 10 characteristics and has made our family life hell since before I was born.... but its our fault he says!

[@poleary]

Thank you, this came at a great time for me. Hope I can use this to have more faith in the relationships I've self selected out of.

[@lilis182]

Yes please ! To self select / relationship video. Thankyou so much for all you do. You understand so clearly and help immensely .

[@risingeagle6332]

Can you explain why most doctors, counselors and therapist do not recognize people with this disorder? Why do the therapist and counselors focus on the person who is the non-narcissist and often gaslight this person while supporting the narcissist? I had to figure out what I was dealing with on my own; it took many years to figure out my wife is a Covert Narcissist. The DSM is useless as far helping the non-narcissist in a relationship with a narcissist. I was diagnosed for many things, because of emotional distress by being around a narcissist for years. I ended up being trauma bonded. I figured out who I was dealing with after she left suddenly. I got stuck in a 32 year marriage of madness. I seriously thought it was me. I ended up being placed on medicines that I did not need. My narcissist ex was trying to get branded as insane. She almost succeeded. Why do therapist not recognize these people? I went to about 30 professionals for help and spent $1000’s only to find out byway of KZbin, who I had inadvertently married in 1987. Most therapist and doctors, from what I can see, are not trained to recognize the narcissist at all. Why is this?🤔

[@PONYHEAVEN]

Thanks bigtime for have us read with the listening. Your east German fans love it!

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad you enjoy it!