Shadow Work Explained And How to Drop the Inner Critic

[@stevenhoog1]

we tend to judge our worst with other peoples public best and come up short ...bc we know us and unwittingly think their public persona is ALL of them when its not. They go away feeling bad about themselves bc they know THEIR dark parts and unwittingly compare themselves with YOU'RE public persona, thinking you have it all together when they feel like they are falling apart. not everyone, but some.

[@stevenhoog1]

YES DENIS RULE 1- NOTHING YOU SEE HEAR ets MEANS ANYTHING AND HAS NO VALUE. this is a true fact whether you believe it or not. Rule 2- IT IS YOU WHO GIVE MEANING to everything you see. It is YOU who decide what value and importance anything you see means to you. EVERYTHING in and of itself is completely neutral UNTIL YOU DECIDE THE VALUE and meaning and importance it has for you. EXAMPLE your car is meaningless to me but if you are picking me up for a job interview your car has become very valuable to me and has more meaning to me. MY extra warm coats are meaningless to you but very meaningful to me and if we were roomates and lived in Illinois my coats would be very meaningful to you when i give you one to wear in sub zero temperature. I'm sure there are better examples but everything is neutral until YOU CHOOSE ALL THE MEANING ANYTHING has for you. This way YOU choose your mood bc its not based on externals and do not allow anyone to fuck with your ZEN. Do not take anything personally. Nothing anyone says or does is because of you it's because of them. You don't shit what other people eat so why should you drink the poison coming out of their mouth. Don't drink their poison bc its coming from inside them and they are referring to how they see themselves and has nothing to do with you. They are projecting their unconscious beliefs about themselves onto you. They are telling the whole world about who THEY are but projecting it on you,,,,don't buy into it don't drink their poison. The best thing to do is SAY NOTHING and walk away.

[@angelmossucco]

Wow!!! Anytime we pick up an aspect of another’s persona from the environment rather than being our authentic self, we adopt the shadow as our subconscious way of being.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Love that!

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Hope you found this video helpful. Thanks for watching and, as always, any feedback or comments feel free to share here. Take care, David.

[@sukioo0oo144]

Very helpful. Thank you!

[@PrimordialAngels]

Omg the little drawings are so cute haha ♡ Dr. David you are just simply amazing!! Thank you so much for all of your videos, old and new! They have helped me so much and have become such a source of comfort in my life 🌩🌈

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thank you so much 😀

[@sangeethsushmakonumuri8298]

Thank you for all your work, Dr.David. It is extremely helpful. Listening to your videos automatically calmed me and brought my anxiety down by a lot. I had forgotten how to have a calm nervous system and be my usual fun self. Your videos and teachings are helping me get there. I guess I stopped feeling helpless each time I watch your video and understand that the tools/insight you are sharing are the right guidance to solve my issues. I have a long way to go but this is a hopeful and positive start. I know there is way to no longer feel left behind or feel not good enough and beat myself up over not fulfilling my expectations of myself. I appreciate you. Happy Holidays!

[@micaelat3734]

Getting rid of the inner critic? The inner critic has a function: it is the quality controller. It won't like it if you try to get rid of it. Like any other part of the human mind it wants to be acknowledged and valued. The problem is not that it is there but that it tries to evaluate things too soon. I certainly agree with you that we need more compassion towards ourselves. After all, research on academic procrastination has already shown that students who were most forgiving about their past procrastination were much more likely to not procrastinate on their next assignment. So the idea is not to get rid of the inner critic but to transform it into an inner voice that is more encouraging and more matter-of-fact in pointing out areas of improvement at the appropriate time.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Yes Michaela, thinking of it as a transformation is a better way to conceive of it that a 'getting rid of'. After all, the inner critic is simply trying to help, even if it's not in a very adaptive manner.

[@agenericboringhomosapien8108]

I think it really epends where you stand on the spectrum of how often you listen to the inner critic. If it's just sometimes, and not too harsh then it would help to "transform" it. But if you are on the extreme side of the spectrum where that inner critic has become you more than just being a critic, then you can't transform it. If it's too harsh to even argue with it, ift's the only voice you hear in your head even after doing excellent at something, you are still not enough. So the best possible way would be to downright drop it. There is no point of fighting with a dirty thing with logic and rationality, it'll only result in you being getting muddy with it.

[@inathi1329]

I'm of the view that you don't have a need for an inner critic even in a healthier sense. If this work of integrating the shadow and reinterpreting the persona leads to who you were when you were born, then you return to the point where you operate based on impulses that are driven by your own well being. The way you operated as a child. There's no need for a voice when you are living from your authentic self. That has been my experience.

[@vijayvijay4123]

According to Peter Michaelson inner critic is a glitch in human consciousness. An evolutionary defect. It's aided by inner passivity and it occurs in a spectrum

[@JohnM...]

Brilliant! Just...brilliant! Made me cry with realisation about how I've been beating my own authentic self up all these years.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thank you John 🙏

[@jhendo.2618]

Damn bro you just broke that down so good dawg this shit just helped me in so many ways thank you so much im definiteley subscribed

[@dhanaazm7897]

This is the most amazing explanation of shadow. Thank you. ❤

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

You are so welcome!

[@denisduarte5740]

Awesome video. However, couldn't you make another video explaining exactly HOW we can choose happiness over criticism? I ask this because, for me, the real puzzle lies in HOW to make this choice. Maybe there's something about this that I'm not seeing. When we question our "Persona and Shadow" are we "choosing" happiness? Or is the choice to be happy something else that has nothing to do with the questioning part? How do we chose, thats my doubt.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Hi Denis. It's mostly about questioning and dropping the Persona. That's the part of the psyche we've been conditioned to be attached to. Dropping it is not straight forward. Unlike the Shadow, which needs to be dropped, the Persona needs to be reinterpreted. I'll make future videos on this going forward.

[@mayfair10]

@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy - This is the journey I've been on and it's freeing but can also feel disorienting as all my old moorings are being shaken and taken down. I'm in that in between space trying to figure out how to build my authentic house after the tear down. Dissociation and confusion about goals (or sense of no goals as everything continues to shift). I'm so grateful for your channel. You have a real gift. Thank you!

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Beautiful. Thank you Diane.

[@agenericboringhomosapien8108]

@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Like how to reinterpret the Persona?

[@TassieJake]

Jake hits Dennis on head with stick.... "Not how, just be" 😊😊👍

[@serenidoh8574]

This channel absolutely deserve more views! your way of explaining things is relaxing🥰🥰

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thank you so much!

[@deepamehta1110]

Incredible video. Thank you 🙏

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

My pleasure!

[@nattlo3107]

great insights!!!!!!

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Very welcome!

[@RizminaFathi-wx9go]

I am greatful for this content 🙏

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Most welcome 🙏

[@cksanaa]

I love it this video !! I am a therapist and I love your work thank you 🙏

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

So glad! Great to hear my work resonates with another therapist. Deeply appreciate your kind words.

[@SebastianLis]

Great. Waiting for the next video

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thanks for watching!

[@jyotivyas9286]

Beautiful 👌💐😊Doctor....

[@claudiasbarra1882]

Thank you so much for this. ❤

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

You're so welcome!

[@moveordievision]

truth

[@annaalcyone6469]

There are many ways to go about it. 🎉

[@oyahassan2765]

I thought you explained this really well, loved the diagram and how you break it down. However I work with complex trauma where clients have dissociated parts, younger older etc, how can this be modified and worked with clients who have dissociated personalities?

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Hi Oya. You could say that everything in the shadow is a dissociated part. The easiest way I have with clients is to examine projections. What is rejected will always be projected.

[@neetaarora7908]

Very well told.

[@KateGladstone]

If it’s “a fear of choice,” why does my inner critic hate me even more when I DON’T make a choice than when I make any choice (even if I make a choice that the inner critic opposes)?

[@crinoid88]

where are the other videos of this series?

[@jamesprez7296]

Great explanation. How do we do the work to get out of the shadow and persona to get to real authentic happiness??

[@amandagarcia9022]

This was lovely…

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thank you Amanda 🙏

[@vijayvijay4123]

Have you read Peter Michaelson book about inner passivity. ? I think Edmund Bergler who Peter follows is more direct, not worrying about being politically correct, when he says psychic masochism is an universal phenomenon due to the helpless nature of human infant 👶🏼. It's the fourth narcissistic injury according to one analyst.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Thanks for the recommendations. I will check them out.

[@steveseabrook7659]

This is really interesting and thought-provoking, thank you. But I am really intrigued, why does the inner critic fear choice? - I look forward to more of your videos, thank you.

[@vijayvijay4123]

Because once choice to happiness is made the inner critic mind set perishes. So it fears autonomy for its self preservation.

[@kellyshader2347]

I've recently started researching shadow work and found your videos. I'm struggling to identify the order of the videos that are geared to shadow work. Can you provide the list of videos in the order they should be watched

[@Speakup111]

Can you make the same video without the music?

[@dariocline]

Is there any research backing shadow work? If so, could you please cite them because I would love to look further into this

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Writings on shadow work are more theoretical than empirical. Jung is a very good place to read if you haven't already.

[@meganblanks2179]

Content is excellent music is distracting.

[@STAR-LIGHT.1111]

I don't know about you, but I can still learn to understand and change an unmotivated thought. But I have a voice that goes by itself as if someone is talking to me in my head that complains to me all day long it's painful have I sponged up all the hatred and suffering? Who recognizes this.. and is this normal?

[@melihdd6314]

That was helpful but I cannot articulate exactly why :) Thanks.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Glad it helped!

[@KateGladstone]

So I’m supposed to choose to listen to the “happy voice,” eh? I’ve tried and tried to hear a “happy voice”: and I appear not to HAVE one, and I’m unable to build one.

[@Vigilant723]

How do u know you are actually choosing happiness if u are used to living in shadow choosing persona… how do u know happiness if u haven’t actually been choosing it

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Usually a sense of lightness or freedom is a good sign of choosing other than the Persona/shadow.

[@angelmossucco]

At some point in the video you say that we can be in a mindset that we have no choice at all. But for most of our developmental stage we do not have any choice and the false self or the persona develops during that time period. In other words, isn’t it true that during this stage of life when we are developing, we have no choice but to be completely dependent upon how others treat us accept or reject us based on whether we fit into their paradigm (if they are unhealthy), and that our False persona develops in order to survive the unsafety of our own authenticity in the face of unhealthy caregivers who seek compliance over acceptance of their children but that this persona (attached to the shadow its worst aspect( sometimes outlasts that stage of dependence? And that that is what the work is… The recognizing what about us is true and what about us we came to believe because of the need to survive rather than to be authentic self in an environment that was unsafe during our developmental period. Put another way, it seems that people who grew up in the household in which the authentic self was not mirrored are more likely to grab onto the persona of someone who seems popular or successful in popular culture and to therefore create both a persona and a shadow self that differ from the authentic self thereby leading an inauthentic life in which the true self is submerged and therefore emerges through traumatic triggers

[@axi271]

So what you're saying is that depression is a choice?

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

No, I would never say that. No one would ever consciously or deliberately choose depression.

[@carlinatrevizo177]

Im still confused. How do I drop my inner critic ?

[@annaalcyone6469]

Inner critique is just a protector. Find out what is it protecting for you? ❤

[@TassieJake]

I'm bi-polar..... Skip the first 2.15. because I do know I pick critic. I can't help it. I have too meditate an hour sometimes to get to piss off the critic hahaha

[@Jules-740]

Whats with the creepy music?

[@sophiafake-virus2456]

Popular, successful, attractive people are better, they are loved. Unpopular, unsuccessful, unattractive people are alone, cold, lonely, unloved.

[@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Hi Sophia. It often appears that way. But if a person identifies with the label of 'popular' or 'successful;' in an Egoic way, they will live with fear and anxiety (the prospect of losing it).

[@sophiafake-virus2456]

@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy You are theorising, I'm living it.

[@sophiafake-virus2456]

Just so much chin music

[@mindroam]

Eh not very helpful