This isn't therapy, it's self help. And self help is a scam used on people who need therapy.

Thanks for sharing. Your audio is really low, btw. I've got you turned up to Max and it's still hard to hear you.

Another GEM 💎 Thank you!!

Thank you! This is a great tool for my routines and spiritual practices as a "thriver" of C-PTSD. Addressing "What is the least I can do?" I've done so much self-help and developmental trauma work, I had to do a digital detox and draw a boundary to overdoing all the KZbin survivor videos which are often derivative and redundant. Your channel is only one of two that addresses my thriver work as I see it. Does it make sense to you that I'm individuating from therapy?

Thank you so much for this 🙏💫

Thank you for these very insightful videos. I’m having a hard time understanding how to be goal oriented to one thing at a time. I’m aiming to increase my weights in my workouts, but it’s just fun - I go at whatever pace I want. Sometimes I have to make myself work out, but I do it bc I know I’ll feel better afterwards and in middle age I can no longer get away with not exercising without unpleasant consequences. So that’s one goal. I’m also preparing and training for a new career which needs to happen asap as I got laid off, and work on that a little bit daily. I have a couple of overdue tax returns that I’m also trying to work on daily. 30 min minimum for each of those. Meanwhile, I’m trying to be a bit more efficient with my daily commitments (part time work from home, care of family, etc) and finish early enough to have time off before bed in the sane way you advocate for. I don’t really feel like I can do the ‘leave the other four things as optional and freeform’ with this situation. The workouts are sort of self supporting at this point, but I do not leave them as optional. The career and tax returns are both urgent and time sensitive. The fourth thing is important for the people I live with and my own well being. All are things I tend to procrastinate on, so in my understanding that makes them good candidates for the 30 minutes goal oriented work. Even limiting my goal oriented work to these few things still does feel a little overwhelming. But I don’t see how I can do less (by making only one of them the goal, the others optional). All I can think of to do is try for a few 30 minutes sessions daily, looking forward to when I’ll be in less of a crunch in the future thanks to my hard work now, and make sure to give myself those regular breaks and kind self- talk. If you see this, I’m wondering if you have any thoughts on this. Many lives must be this complex or more, with things folks can’t let drop. Thank you.

Dissociation, emotional numbness, aphantasia, amnesia caused due to psychiatric medicines to me, I suffer a lot

I added an incredibly cringe memory to my already long list yesterday (so it's still very fresh) and currently spiraling out of control and can't stop replaying it in my head

Every man wants to be able to fuck everything that walks if they choose to. Plain and simple.

The idea that there should be balance between planned 'I have to dos' sessions and 'I want to dos' sessions is very unique. It's a simple way to start shifting procrastination mindset of have-to-do to proactive mindset of want-to-do.

I've expelled many introjects over the recent weeks. I guess what you try to say in this video is that the introjects that are causing undesirable and maladaptive behaviour are supporting what prof Vaknin describes as the shared fantasy (with the narcissist), specifically in relation to the victim's role or the processes in that support this fantasy. If you identify the fantasy and your role in it, and compare it with how things should be in a healthy family, you will see the introjects that hold you back.

Great video! Very well-explained, and compelling...and USEFUL! :-) Thanks for shedding light on such an important topic!

Thank you for this!!you have explained it perfectly

I'm going through a heartbreak, he had started ghosting me and so i broke up with him. I needed this, my exams are in a few weeks time. Its so hard to focus.

I have high self-esteem due to academic and work achievements but I'm a chronic procrastination since childhood. So, I don't understand your hypothesis.

Great video! Could be shorter for better impact. Thanks!

In middle school, I was always second place to a classmate who was self-possessed and cared for. We ran track and ran for office. Looking back, I think I was an over-achiever because I was doing schoolwork and activities while constantly carrying the burden of traumatic stress, neglect, and cognitive dissonance. I’ll give myself a trophy for my resilience.

To be human provides win-some lose-some situations. To support presumed ego provides the perception of increasingly prevalent no-win situations. To dismantle presumed ego provides the perception of increasingly prevalent no-lose situations.

This is transcendent. Exactly what I need in my C-PTSD recovery process, and rare. Thank you.

that was absolutely excellent no ifs no buts no maybes clear & concise. i always used to say "no reaction no response to myself"when i went on to Sertraline PTSD OCD depressive medication it reduced the anxiety to the flashbacks but i still felt like a puppet on a string to them they were controlling me. i am gald you did that video

"getting out of ego" is what people ask for when they're avoiding pain.

Thank you David for all the amazing videos. Really helpful

This helped me so much. Thank you so much.

Amazing as always David! 👏👏👏

How do I stop self-sabotaging myself? The issue is that I feel like I don’t deserve anything. This mindset affects every aspect of my life. For example, my exams are coming up, and everything seems to be falling into place as I prepare. But then, a thought creeps in: I don’t deserve this. This makes me feel like there’s no pleasure or reward in the process-it all starts to feel monotonous and boring. As a result, I slack off, regret it, and end up punishing myself through self-sabotage, making things worse. On top of this, I also struggle with OCD. It makes me feel like I don’t have control over my life. For instance, I genuinely want to score well, but some part of me believes I don’t deserve to succeed. This fear leads to thoughts like, What if I don’t complete my paper on time or don’t study well? Unfortunately, these thoughts sometimes turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. Another layer of this is ego. When I see my friends not studying, I sometimes feel superior for putting in the effort. During exams, if I finish a question faster than others, I slow down out of ego. This backfires because I end up missing questions and regret it later. When the results come, the regretful side of me resurfaces, saying I should have worked harder, that I deserved full marks. It’s an endless cycle of regret, self-doubt, and punishment. I also feel anxious when things in my life are going well. It’s like I’m waiting for something to go wrong, and it ruins my peace. My questions: 1. How do I overcome self-sabotage? 2. Regarding social media and mobile usage: I know I should limit it because it’s a major distraction. When I start watching videos, I lose control and can’t stop, leaving me unsatisfied. People often say balance is key and suggest using it as a reward, but that approach hasn’t worked for me. Should I completely eliminate it? Or is there another way to manage it?

Very helpful as always, thank you doc! Please keep doing videos, your channel will definitely blow up one random day

Thank you. I'll try 😆

So glad I just found you

Thank you for your insights and work to educate the many bruised hearts in the world! It’s helping. 🙏🦋

For all those people out there, I've found an effective way to cheer up the traumatized fearful inner child, & calm down the angry protector & integrate the 2 in a holistic simple way, that is easy & affective & you can do for yourself at home, is by doing voice recording on your phone & then playing it back to yourself. An intermediate perspective with a calm soothing voice telling your inner child & parent how both parts can calm down & be kind & empathetic & compassionate & everything will be ok is fine, simple & affective, as part of calmly reparenting yourself in a calm way.

Very nicely put with a great, non-judgemental vibe. I will start applying the “relationship with myself” perspective on making schedules for myself 🙏 it should be quite liberating to operate at that level of self-acceptance

Thank you for sharing. This is precisely what I have been struggling with. You captured the essence of my daily chronic suffering. I kept trying to quit severe porn addiction since I was 12 years old for the last 9 years at this point. And yes damned if I let go of control and damned If I try to let go of the addiction. Of course addiction is more nuanced problem but the way I keep viewing this problem from the light that I ought to solve this on my own and now I am noticing how most of my overthinking this problem like it is unsolvable is really coming from what you described as the egoic thinking

I know that this is a five years old video, but I really really thank you for your lecture. It will help me, and I will carry your idea from now. I had been a severe procrastinator, and it hurt my life a lot. Now I become better person since my worst time, paying back my debts, and doing serious effort consistently for my profession for two years, being a happier person. However, still I am struggle to deal with anxiety and procrastination. I felt like, “Even my knowledge and professional skill have changed a lot, my old inner self stays there. I am insecure than others. I will fell off from my path if I can get a nicer job.” Okay, I will take seriously my future self with more care. Again, thank you very much Dr. Maloney.

Thanks! I get a gist that to get out of ego, identifying it and surrender would be a way. But can you elaborate a bit more on how to get out of ego.

Jokes make me laugh but they are hollow with no lift from them at all.

Thank you❤

If you are surrounded by narcisists, they will put you in this dammed of you do, damned if you don't place so you are at odds with yourself. They are trying to create cognitive dissonance so you get tired and give in to their wims.

How does your nervous system make you feel it's unsafe to start a task? I'm trying to figure out why i stay in "frozen" mode, not fight or flight. I love your posts and really feel that the answer is here for me somehow. I'm asking for a session with you for Christmas!

Thanks! Tremendously helpful. I need to remember this lesson.

I‘m afraid they are gonna hurt me emotionally and abuse my emotions

Just a reminder, you are not just another KZbin channel people watch for fun. You are one of the few channels that provide real value to its audience.

Rambling? That must be the introject talking 😂. Super helpful content.

Wow. I really needed this and didn't even know it. Thank you. ♥

Hi David You are yet a gift from God. Can you make more videos on addiction

Another great take!

Thank you for the reminder it's much appreciated

I have just been focusing on this today. I've been trying to relax my nervous system initially without giving myself lots of tasks. Actually, I started to assign no tasks to myself; there's no to-do list. It's just that I'm learning to relax first and then take action in a flow state. I give myself some guilt-free time to get into that mode, and I definitely agree that's more helpful in the long run.

Thank you for explaining this so simply, I’m just like sitting here having one revelation after another, I’m stupefied how could I have not seen this? Five years ago my brother committed suicide. I think it wounded my protector because I feel this tremendous guilt that I should’ve saved him because that’s what I do right I fix everybody and I think I got flipped if that makes any sense , I literally sat in my purple robe for three years here, but not here. I also lost my sister that year, i used to be so strong and independent. I was a Parentified by both of my meth attic parents ever since I can remember I was always on my own until my brother came along and then I took care of him and my parents and I always told myself other people have it so much worse don’t be a baby, I’m strong but I guess these things have a funny way of catching up with you. Thank you so much again.

Im quite guilty of not giving myself time to relax. Glad for the reminder

I often feel impure and as though all my progress is ruined whenever I use my mobile phone excessively. I’ve tried balancing my usage, but it doesn’t work because I end up using my phone more out of guilt, creating a cycle of frustration and self-punishment. This inconsistency affects my focus, productivity, and mental well-being. Since my exams are approaching, I can’t afford to start with a progressive overload approach to build new habits slowly-I need to start studying seriously right away. However, I don’t have the habit of disciplined studying, and this adds to my stress. How can I break this cycle, manage my guilt, and build a consistent study routine under these circumstances? I'm facing burn out. I was a good student till my class 9th and currently I'm in my second year of graduation. The regrets of not performing well has been compounding over the years and I have just realised that I have burnt out. Many people on youtube talk about how they completely removed social media, etc. Even I want to do that. But there are lots of strategies and techniques in the KZbin. Some say that we should study for 30 mins and give 5 mins break , where you can use insta and scroll but it shouldn't exceed. Some say to work in 4 hours block. I was following everything. But I burnt out. I am having exams coming up really soon. Having many deadlines to meet, but may be to punish myself I started scrolling KZbin and this just ruin my plan to be consistent. So out of guilt wasted more time. Please answer, were you fully consistent? Didn't you slack off sometimes and how did you deal? Should I use insta, doom scroll youtube or completely avoid all of them? Everything is overwhelming me now and my mental health is worsening. I feel my progress has become zero and I'll have start again ... And I have been wasting years. I'm never consistent. I never complete what I start. Some life changing incidents happen , the person the decides to change and it works, right? In my case, many such incidents took place. I tried changing myself; but I knowingly went back to my old habits even when I was consistent. I feared what if I break my consistency and then when I felt that there isn't much satisfaction, felt bored...then I myself ruined everything. (I don't only watch funny, ASMR videos; but I'm also so much addicted to the self improvement videos, therapy videos, podcasts, etc. I'm always scrolling....maybe looking out for a video that'll change my entire life. I know that something like this doesn't exist, but I'm not able to get out of this loop. There are lots of advices on what to follow and what not to do ? I'm overwhelmed and confused. I don't trust myself. I know what I should be doing but I want some other person to say it . I don't trust myself.