NARCISSISTIC MOMS: SIGNS OF NARCISSISM IN MOTHERS/WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN MOM IS NARCISSISTIC

[@ollie3791]

“She’s a fake bitch” I think that at least once a day about my mom🙂

[@antoinettecollins8079]

💯💯😂

[@joecaner]

If they moo like a cow and chews their cud like a cow, they're a cow.

[@LittleLulubee]

YES!!! 🙄🙄 She’s a FRAUD, and a BACKSTABBING LIAR 😤😤

[@JaseekaRawr]

😆😆 Let's form a trauma circle, we're all VALID & SHE CAN KICK ROCKS 😆😤🥺

[@LittleLulubee]

@@JaseekaRawr YES 💪💪

[@jewlzn7130]

I always thought it was trauma. But I now see that it is my narcissistic mother. Feeling unlovable, ugly and stupid. Being constantly criticized and never having developed a health sense of self.

[@BobbiGail]

And still being criticized... with peppered moments of JUST a FEW compliments over time ...to keep things confusing. Veiled blame and passive aggressiveness to add to the mix.

[@ryanbarker3978]

One often makes you prone to the other.

[@jadewilson9630]

💯

[@sarimaaret6845]

It WAS and IS trauma. Being raised by a narcissistic mother (or father) is traumatizing and can cause huge trauma in a child.

[@Sallypants100]

I hear ya, trying to get to a place of self-acceptance is a full time job for me. I hope you find some peace because you deserve it, you are worthy ❤️

[@michaelOB1986]

your comments about the buying cards for them hit home. I literally spend 20 minutes every mothers day and birthday trying to find the right card because most of them when I read them feels like a lie.

[@lorendarezzo6148]

Me too!!!!!

[@Psych333]

Don’t give her one next time. Give a box of chocolates and do it with confidence and a stern look on your face. I never give cards to my mother. When we tell lies even through other people’s words (like those on cards), we are doing what we do not want to do. Doing what you don’t want to do will hurt your body. Be free, my friends! Do not worry what they think. EVER. Put yourself first.

[@mmmnope7999]

SAAAME!!! I can't even tell people I love them with words bc it was always a lie when I had to say it growing up.

[@Funnyinnithaha]

I’ve never given a card to any family since leaving my parent’s home at 18. It feels like a lie, and I’m too self-aware for that.

[@ChildofGod-Manja]

I spent much more than 20min. I feel beyond stupid sometimes.

[@Winterlandzzz]

No longer celebrate mother's day or any day that put toxic ppl on a pedestal. Quality Content 🌻💗

[@rfeyman3682]

I hear you. One year my friend sent me a mother's day card and she wrote, "You are a wonderful and caring person. You had a wonderful mother, even if that mother was you." 😭

[@tzukhi]

@@rfeyman3682 the sweetest!!! Beautiful

[@deynierose]

last year on mothers day, my mom was freaking out over nothing and she was like, "you didn't even do anything for mothers day!!.." mothers day was still 2 whole weeks out. So glad i don't have to acknowledge any of her holidays anymore. May was "mothers month" (insert eye roll emoji)

[@greener9115]

Same here

[@ladennayoung2939]

Hmmmmmm. Yeah. Society tends to put mother's especially on a pedestal. Yes. GOD commands us to honor our parents but it doesn't mean that they can abuse us.

[@lourdezmunoz3562]

I grew up with narcissistic parents. They're marriage was extremely toxic. Being the oldest child I was always put in the middle of their fights. They would tell me about the sexual affairs of the other parent to appear as the victim when I was literally 11 years old. My mother and father were promiscuous people, had issues with alcohol and violence. Although my father passed away, I couldn't cry for him, I was relieved because the drama would be over. But my mother who is still alive, manages to keep the drama going. Honestly at my core, I carry a deep resentment for my parents, and because of my mother I have contemplated suicide many times. She has literally ruined my life.

[@outdoorfr3ak]

Man isn't it wild to be the oldest in a messed up family dynamic. I'm 8 years old getting complained to about my dad who's paying for everything. As I turn 30 I'm realizing how badly my at home life was.

[@nimanixo]

I can relate I’m still living with them and I’m realising more and more each day the way they have acted from a child to now has affected me and not in a good way I really can’t wait to move out soon

[@ChildofGod-Manja]

It is good to know that there are other people like that out there. We have to keep trying to live and love and be honest..

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

😢

[@Tearsofasilentheart]

Mine too! Literally made me feel dead inside.

[@antoinettecollins8079]

Thank you. I moved 1000 miles away because I was surrounded by narcissists. (My mom, brother, sister and ex boyfriend) I felt like I was going crazy. Thank you for putting it in perspective.

[@roqiatariq9908]

Same:(((((

[@EMILY4DAYS]

I moved 2500 miles away 15 years ago, and I have zero regrets. It's sometimes the only option for people. I know it's not the norm, and you're not alone.

[@ToxicFreeTV]

do you feel better being away?

[@edwardgorecki7728]

My mother, father and uncle are all narcissists they gang up on people yet slag each other off to us it’s disgusting they are so bitter and can’t go a moment without being negative and putting someone down etc

[@eileenstehr7680]

Wish I would have moved a far far away!!

[@Vector-X777]

I am a narcissist because of my narcissistic mother. On the other hand though, I recognize that I am one and do NOT want to be one. Now that I am in my 30's I have chilled out a lot. I put God first and everything falls into place. I hope everyone is well. Peace be with you.

[@miriamllamas224]

I thought narcissists can't recognise the traits of themselves. Now I'm wondering if I'm one as well.

[@Vector-X777]

@miriamllamas224 If you are self aware, you will realize it.

[@milliedamus888]

Thank you! 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️😂😂 You make it easy for me to acknowledge it.

[@SueBolton0]

I think that it would happen as children we role model our parents; but at some point, you become self aware and see what you are doing is narcissistic; so traits rather than NPD, so you work on your own narcissism that you picked up through having parents like that.

[@YouSoCute2000]

The fact that you are self aware speaks volumes! 💖🫂

[@shukriaapso8404]

The worse part is we attract narcissistic partners due to them. We wonder why, but the reason is as kid we relate love to mothers, because naturally we love our mother, so we keep falling in love with people like - her 😢

[@NthQldGirl]

This is exactly what I connected to having a narcissist mother we find people who thinks loves us and we unknowingly think love is whatever the way our mother treated us so we find toxic partner with similar behaviours like our mother's....😢

[@spicydragonroll88-wd2jl]

This is how I knew she was one.. smh

[@shukriaapso8404]

@spicydragonroll88-wd2jl exactly, which made me realize that I am actually now grateful for experience with narcissistic partners. It has led me to realizing I was traumatized entire childhood and later. So that I get to approach it now from now and heal my inner child ❤️

[@Goodnesswithros]

True just because homes were hell people tend to choose hells

[@anamosity_soso]

Yes, that is so true!!! 😢

[@jamlunar440]

I am a daughter of a mother with many of these traits. I did not marry a narcissist but I have discovered over the years that most of my close friends are narcissist.

[@cakepudding3220]

My “mother” used to accuse me of being jealous of her and her body after 5 children, diabetes and weight issues. She used to think she looked like Jennifer Lopez and get angry at me being slim. And tried to get me scales to weigh myself when I never had weight issues

[@kameshiam1674]

My mom thinks she's pretty like Patty Labelle 🙄

[@LittleLulubee]

Narc mothers always feel threatened by, and jealous of, their daughters. We make them feel INFERIOR 🙄🙄 It brings out their shame and self-hatred, so they try to put us down.

[@HiHi-xn5yd]

Omg same. My mom thinks I’m jealous of her too when there is really nothing to be jealous of 😂

[@di_kid00]

Talk about projecting her own insecurities on her children. Trying to shame you into feeling bad about your body. Glad you’re able to see the truth of what she tried to do.

[@EMILY4DAYS]

My mom is sick like this too. We don't talk anymore.

[@brnrik500]

I am 56 & i have been in the dark & feeling like everything was my bad all my life!!! Thank God & this family here!!!

[@KingMark33]

I popped a pimple on my face and it left an bad blemish. In front of everyone, my mom loudly says to me “what’s wrong with your face, did somebody beat you up?”Then she stared at it with a disgusting look on her face. I was so upset and thinking to myself, why is she being so mean and why did she say that so loud in front of everyone.

[@leona2222]

My sister will announce any female problems I have in public and then laugh

[@sue7621]

@@leona2222🙀😘❤️💜❤️

[@JessicaDault-ov9gr]

that's how my mom is too it's like wtf

[@abbyb764]

I woke up one morning to make breakfast and my mother said “have you looked at your face, stop eating so much” with disgust on her face … I wasn’t even big or even been big in my life.. I always had an eating disorder being underweight and finally when they put me on medication…I was able to eat and then she made me feel guilty for eating

[@MamaTthaOG]

My mom did things like that all the time. She always embarrassed me and made me feel bad, ugly, and like a failure, I could do nothing right, still can’t. I always wanted to please her, but never could, never have and never will. I don’t try to anymore, but deep down I will always wish that I could, and that she would just love me unconditionally, but I do know, at this point, and at our ages, and with how much I’ve tried talking to her about it, it will never change. She won’t change. She’s not quite as bad as she used to be, but she’s in her mid 70s now and isn’t in great health. 🙏💔🙏

[@elisabethzosaustin7442]

LOL the Mother’s Day card thing 😂😭 me to a T, just standing in the isle feeling guilty like “well I can’t be rude and get a card that just says happy Mother’s Day, there has to be SOMETHING nice on it” then reading all of the cards with all the nice things written in them like “yeah I’m not getting that, none of that is true to her, she is never that nice and has never done these things.”

[@thereseward2591]

As a child I recognized that my narcissistic mother would not take care of me. I was born fiercely independent. To survive I told myself “I don't need my mother to care about me.” Wrong. As my siblings strives to get my mother to take care of them - I found substitute families with my best friends whose mothers took me under their wings. Still not the same and I live with unhealed trauma.

[@jbb8261]

My mom was naked around me until I moved out in my twenties despite me begging her not to do that. I have children of my own now. My son is TWO and I give him the respect of not being naked around him

[@platoquemado]

Sooooo many of my friends and my siblings friends saw WAY more of my mother than they wanted or needed too bc she loved to wear short nightties or a bathrobe with nothing underneath. It was so gnarly and embarrassing.....

[@anamosity_soso]

My dad did that too, and my much is running around in just underwear which makes me so uncomfortable. 😢

[@signedaleo1263]

Yes wtf is reason for that that like really ?

[@jbb8261]

@@signedaleo1263 they had a time in their life when their boundaries weren’t respected, usually. And it also comes from a grand sense of entitlement. My mom would accuse ME of being weird for having a problem with it and then gaslight me by saying it isn’t anything I haven’t seen before since we’re both women They are sick people

[@heathere244]

Oh my god. The card thing. I thought I was the only one. Totally relate to this. 😢😮

[@lorendarezzo6148]

Yessssss!

[@Tearsofasilentheart]

She never liked a card with mother on it. It had to be mum 😳😳😳

[@Scarzkira]

My parents would treat me horribly and when I would try to explain to them how hurtful it was, they would ignore me and say loudly to each other, "do you think she's on her period?" "Must be." "She better have an early night." "No dinner." And I would get sent to bed. I wasn't allowed to close my door either; I always felt like I was in a prison. My life is infinitely better now I've moved away.

[@familylifetoo9541]

Sounds awful really I'm glad you found your own place.

[@hugoperez2993]

i am glad youre doing better

[@kellyimath]

Wow, the Mother’s Day card shopping scenario! Ugh 100% my experience

[@claireerodriguez3533]

My mom is now 78 years old and both my sister and I are now really starting to come to the very difficult realization of just how much a narcissist my mom is:/

[@tzukhi]

Sadly ..They will be that monster till the end of their days. Some people should not have childrens. Like my Mothr and your. “Birth” Mothr better said

[@karmasutra4774]

My mom is about that age, and she was very controlling and very critical of me at very important times in my life. When I needed her, the most, she was the most hateful towards me and that was during my divorce. She lost a daughter when we were teens so I try to give her slack and think she might have started changing at that time. It kind of killed her personality and just killed her as a person, but she has been critical and just not excepting of my lifestyle or my cousins lifestyle and hates her to. She's just hateful towards a lot of people and I feel like she's just getting worse as she gets older. Good luck with yours… I don't have any siblings, so it's gonna be difficult dealing with her on my own, but at least I can make my own decisions with whatever needs to be done down the road.

[@brooklyniron1999]

My mother is so fake. I despise, pity and dread her simultaneously. I am the Scapegoat. About to go no contact. no Mother’s Day card ever again.

[@tzukhi]

Yup. Mothr thinks she’s perfect, and the center of the universe. She never acted like a mother, acted more like a really envious “frienemy” And to top it off i’m her only child and she was a single Mothr . Who btw also said she wanted to have a boy not a girl. She didn’t even had a bame for me, she was 100% sure i was going to be a boy. My whole life did everything and anything she asked. She ruined my childhood , she ruined my life , she ruined Me .

[@rayecaters2u]

You're not ruined. Traumatized, but not ruined. Take back your power and live the rest of your life for yourself. ❤

[@tzukhi]

@@rayecaters2u thank you , it’s not that easy. I’m currently living with her and possibly will be stuck here for a while. Thank You for your motivation tho 🥺💚

[@AzazelsWings]

@@tzukhi I'm so sorry, honey. That's rough, just keep reminding yourself that she is sick. Literally. I know it hurts, you're not alone. Big hugs.

[@LuisRayLewis]

This is my mom. My dad paid for everything and she didn’t work for 10+ years and still talked bad about him. He passed away and she looks to us to take care of her. I have no respect for her

[@debbiehopper5288]

Wow, that's tough....make sure you have good friends.

[@CW86149]

I've always just been realizing this with my mother. I never wanted to admit it because it feels wrong to complain about my mother, especially since she was a single mother. It feels like a crime to talk badly about her. I feel like I'm betraying my mother just by talking about all of it. I used to talk about it when I was younger about my mother's treatment of me, and people would think I was lying, and I couldn't figure out why. I was just talking about it because I thought it was normal when it came to how people parent their kids. It was always about her, and how I should be grateful because she was a single mother and my mother was forced to have me because she got pregnant from a one night stand. She's blamed me for it my whole life. She'd shame me for him being my dad.

[@LittleLulubee]

So sorry 🌸 That was SO WRONG for her to put any blame on an innocent child!

[@whatevernice3452]

Your mother being a "single mother" is not an excuse to treat you that way. And I also thought it was normal to air out dirty laundry. My mother is also a single mother, but I've hated how she treated me from birth up 'til I've cut ties with her. I hate how others would think you're lying, even though you were telling the truth. I sometimes wonder about those folks who would believe your mother over you, because others would blame me too. 😔

[@janecourtenay3676]

Sending hugs 💓💓💓

[@jadewilson9630]

Exactly same as me

[@jackiejansen7594]

They are careful about their ‘mask’ out in the world, so people do think you are the liar. That you are an ingrate. It’s so frustrating. Through out my life when I would run into my Mother’s acquaintances (she has no real friendships)my first thought was always, and still is ‘what bad things have you been told about me by my mother that are not true.’ We are not liars. They are.

[@story7088]

I remember noticing and being perplexed by my moms demand to always get attention from around preschool age.

[@bradbradford8576]

I think it's important to bring up how narcissists can be very good at appearing as if they care, but it's always for their own reasons. It's to be perceived as a good parent or some other selfish endeavor. They can even do genuinely nice things to establish how nice they are. Don't confuse it with them genuinely caring for you. They either want your admiration, someone else's admiration for being so giving, or there's some expectation they'll benefit from attached to it.

[@battle_beanz]

This right here

[@Butterfly-ye7bs]

Exactly!

[@ItsNicola]

My mom couldn’t get a plumber to come to the house because she told every one how to do their job to the point that they all just refused to come back. My mom has no experience in plumbing and barely finished high school but is convinced that she is more knowledgeable than anyone in any subject (regardless of subject or experience).

[@anamosity_soso]

Yeah, my mum is exactly like that too 😂

[@Butterfly2B]

I had to laugh when you mentioned the dilemma with the Mother's Day card! That is exactly what I would think and do on Mother's Day and felt guilt about it but secretly wished I had a mom like some beautiful cards would write about.

[@jackiewebb8610]

I’m 64, one sis 67 one 71. We are all 3 dealing with PTSD thanks to our mother who recently died. We’ve been working on “us” for years but it has exploded since her death. We all thought we had dealt with it but your videos have shown us we have so much more work to do. How about a video Regarding recovering from NPD abuse in the aged? Love your work!!

[@WarriorConstance]

Yes!!! Brainwashing is REAL!!!!! I figured it out at 55. Just wrong! To have a child only to torture them their entire lives!! We are wired like that so we'll never truly understand...

[@Bishops73ForensicPsych]

Yes! Great topic to cover.

[@ibelieveinaccuracy.fact-ch5942]

Except you are not ‘aged’ - just wiser………and young at heart - the only thing that matters - but yes a series for those who are wiser would be good? Maybe it’s not different?

[@URFUTUREUK]

Congrats on her dying. Mine has years to go yet.

[@ScentualBeauty]

Yep...me standing in the card aisle, trying to find an appropriate mother's day card 😬You nailed it!!!

[@ginanacole566]

I flat out just stopped celebrating it years ago

[@hisnewlife3543]

I have a rule about mothers day. If I raised myself, mothers day gives me great anxiety and pain, I have never had a good experience with her, then she doesn't get a mothers day card and I am not going to be pressured by society into having a fake relationship with my abuser. End of.

[@kissangel471]

@@hisnewlife3543 this!! ending contact with those who have hurt us so badly is the only way to go

[@cody2.o718]

I hate standing in the card isles for 40 minutes to an hour trying to pick a card that does not give her credit she doesn’t deserve. I just buy flowers and let it go! She bought to lose that too.

[@katieking8830]

I remember crying and wishing I could send her a card as I passed the Mother’s Day cards, but all the sentiments written in them were lies!

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

I used to work with a vulnerable covert narcissist for years and I used to believe she was a friend until it became clear she wasn't and I went no contact (we work from home). She called her twin 40+ year old daughters "the girls" and went to their house every day to "clean" while they were at work. She went through all their private things with a fine tune comb. She has no boundaries. She keeps them dependent upon her and does everything she can to keep them children and beholden to her.

[@Rainbow-m3w]

I interesting...my narcissist mom always looked thrru my stuff too, as a young teen, I stopped writing and stopped creative processes because of it. She still looks thru my stuff when I vist and thru all guests suitcases even. If she finds something she doesn't like she tells everyone and that justifies her behavior and reasoning. Luckily I went back to art as an adult when I moved out. She always told me to leave her house. And This is MY house so she could invade and control all space.

[@yeahyeahyeah307]

I attracted so many narcissists in my life. I was attracting them since I was raised by a narcissistic mom. All my boyfriends and close friends were narcissists. I put an end to that 4 years ago. I am now 41 (female), happily single, have the joy and peace of God, discovering my true value, Christ Esteem, and am very careful who I allow in my inner space.

[@grantgall0042]

Great presentation! I am a male only child raised by single mother. You were spot on with everything for my experience with her. Spread the knowledge. I did adopt some of her BPD traits that I have since corrected. I still have CPTSD but doing pretty good now. Might be positive to add that overcoming the experience gives you super powers in the world 😎

[@Userhandle7384]

What super powers..? This makes me hopeful….

[@grantgall0042]

@@Userhandle7384 After I stopped lying, I could see right through others lies. Can function under stress well and can deal with crazy people without going crazy 😎

[@SafePastures]

Yes! The narcissistic fleas are a problem. I too have done the work and corrected those. We don't realize that our behavior is bad because that has been our " normal" . It takes a lot of interspection to recognize our own toxicity and correct it. And the super powers!!! Oh boy, do those of us with narc parents have them. It's like a reward. Glad you're healing and becoming whole.

[@grantgall0042]

@@SafePastures glad you made it through 😎👍

[@lauren.solomon1997]

This sounds like my mom, I froze as a kid and now I notice narcissist traits in myself. I have been filling myself with books like “the drama of the gifted child” and “the narcissistic style” and “children or alcoholism” from my college library. That CEO comment hit me! Yes I have wanted to be one since I was little more to just be the best but I think I just wanted to be enough and safe with my parents.

[@ABa-ve3ul]

Do you have any links to these books? 🙏

[@Here_Today_]

I got my mother a card and never sent it. Two weeks before Mother’s Day, she stated those that don’t call her enough aren’t considered family; I don’t call her much at all.

[@katiecarpenter6814]

She totally hit the nail on the head when she talked about getting mom a Mother's Day card!

[@rfeyman3682]

So frustrated. I have been in therapy for a long time but one day I said something to the effect like I couldn't do something and my best friend was like, "Well why not?" I didn't have a good answer right away as there was nothing concrete in the way. Not long after I visited my narcissistic mother and I was blown away by the number of times she said, "We don't like something or we do like something." The enmeshment is insane! Now I am questioning everything and trying to identify what is truly me and what is my mother's programming.

[@goldieh7121]

Ugh, the card isle. You so nailed how I feel every time, for both of my parents. I think my mom is more BPD, but my dad is a definite narcissist. My parents see themselves as much better than other parents because they never called us names. But, the dirty looks and often being called selfish was bad enough. My dad would walk around "accidentally" naked or in his underwear in his room, across from mine, then he would act like he didn't realize what he was doing. There was a lot of sexually inappropriate behavior, such as acting proud that people were staring at me when I was going through puberty.

[@glcn9102]

Thats weird or not

[@universaltruth2025]

My father used to walk through the house naked in the morning when I was a teenager. I was always revolted by it.

[@KingMark33]

I remember showing my mom a video about enmeshment and how it’s harmful for your children. She watched a couple minutes of it and turned it off. She couldn’t stand to hear that her ways were harmful. She’d rather be right, than be a healthy mom for her children. The message I got from her doing that was “I’d rather not be wrong than know what it means to be a healthy parent”. She just didn’t care. She heard with her own ears that the stuff she does, is extremely harmful for her kids growing up…and all she cared about was justifying her behavior, even lying about the things she’s done, just so she didn’t have to accept that she was wrong. I’m moving to Bali and never looking back. I can’t deal with this level of delusion. She knows she’s harmful but won’t change her behavior because that would be her accepting that she wasn’t the best parent.

[@tionnatiara06]

I flew. As soon as I turned 18 I went to school out of state and never went back. I feel so much guilt for leaving my little brother behind. And now I can see he’s having a really tough time.

[@pinkyredux4965]

I am very concerned about picking up NPD traits. I don’t want my kids to have to heal from being raised by me. I identified with many of those feelings you expressed in the beginning. Thank you for your time and insight. 🙏💚

[@Kristen10-22]

If your super concerned like me we don’t have NPD

[@WarriorConstance]

Imo you can't get out of a relationship with a narcissist without picking up traits. It's a survival tactic! My alcoholic dad raged daily. If you want to survive that, you have to stay one step ahead of them. Stay aware of yourself and your actions! 24/7! A narcissist doesn't have the ability to self reflect. Why would they? In their minds they do nothing wrong. Ever. Why would they when EVERYTHING is ALWAYS someone else's fault. Be self aware and always working on being a better person. That's all you can do. EDUCATE EDUCATE EDUCATE about cluster B disorders. Knowledge is power ❤️

[@reginaarnone4845]

My mom was a covert narc who scapegoated me when I was around 10. I moved out of her house at 18 in 1973. I spent 30 years in therapy off and on. For me I had to walk through all the pain she caused me to liberate myself from the prison I was in. I grieved the loss of my mother and my family. I'm free and happy and have no guilt or shame. It was the best investment I ever made in myself. I'm not sure how you can recover from that abuse without doing the work.

[@pinkyredux4965]

@@reginaarnone4845 I have a very similar story. And you are so on the nose, therapy and doing the inner work is key. I didn’t discover the toxicity I was entrenched in until the age of 37 and have 3 years of therapy/work under my belt and feel I still have a long ways to go but I’m invested in my health for the 1st time in my life and that does feel good. Thank you so much for sharing, what a shitty club to belong to but I’m glad we aren’t alone. Thank you for sharing. 🌻

[@empresszoe9351]

The fact that you are concerned means you're on the right track.

[@darthlaurel]

I realized at 6 that I was on my own. I started feeling sorry for my dad because of what she was like. My brother and I joke and fight about which one of us was adopted. XD I think she had a rough childhood, and at a certain level I think she tried to do a better job than her parents did. But even into adulthood she treated me disrespectfully. At 48 I finally had had enough and never spoke to her again until a few days before she died, and then only because my brother asked me to come to hospice to be with him.

[@JenPurple2022]

4:56 “Inability to be mindful for a child’s own thought and mention and invalidate it.” Growing up I have always have to pretend/fake to be someone else to pacify/please her 6:04 Lack of boundaries, walking around naked and claiming it is my house I can do whatever I want - so true 7:26 Controlling and manipulative 8:06 Inflated self 10:08 Constant attention seeking, so bizarre and crazy, so embarrassing, dictating others, relating herself to someone on TV 10:53 Jealousy taking my clothes … wow so true

[@reannahjones3158]

Hello Dr. Kim Sage, I am 30 and I just recently discovered that my mother is a narcissist. It took a very long time to get to this place, for so many reasons. My mother didn't end up raising me, but I'd visit her almost every other weekend, as a child. My dad's parent's raised me. His mother disliked my mother very much. I never understood why. It was hard to see past my grandmother's rage towards my mother. Especially since it was often directed at me. As a child, I couldn't help but notice how much attention my mother wanted from everyone. She'd take hours to put on her makeup and I'd often tell her that she didn't need makeup. She'd respond with a, "yes I do" and sit in front of the mirror for hours, getting ready, before we left the house. I saw her insecurity behind closed doors and her fake confidence in front of everyone. She was wearing a mask in public. I found it odd that she wouldn't try to make anything about me, ever, or my brother. To be quite honest, it made me angry. I often times felt like I was talking to a brick wall because she had no advice or input, except for, "you really shouldn't feel that way." I didn't realize it was her inability to empathize with me. I could be angry that I didn't get to have a closer relationship with her, but I'm not. As a matter of fact, I am grateful because my issues would've probably been worse had that happened. My mother always has cared more about her physical appearance than spending time with me. It came from my grandmother in angry words. I needed to see it, for myself, to realize what was actually happening. As a child, I just felt sorry for her and like my grandma didn't care about her. I think that my mother deserves to be loved. I just know that I cannot give that to her. I have tried and every single time, I become re-wounded. It's very difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist who does not want to get help. She continues to point the finger at me. Even told me I've always been angry. I finally told her it was because she doesn't accept me for who I am. The last time I saw her, she told me that she just wanted to see my happy, silly self. It's hard to see the good intention there when you've been ignored and rejected for your emotions and personality by your biological mother your whole life. Watching your video definitely confirmed some of her narcissistic traits. I like what you said about learning how to develop healthy relationships with other people who feel safe. I had a narcissistic boyfriend for 7.5 years (I wonder why). XD My dad's father was also a narcissist, which is probably why my dad ended up with my mother. Thankfully, I'm in a healthier relationship with someone who has the ability to empathize. One of my ongoing challenges is knowing how to let my guard down and be openly empathic, again, without feeling uncertain about doing so. I have, personally, found that narcissists like to take advantage of empathic people.

[@xoxobutterfly]

The beginning of your video was on point...I barely realized my mom was a narcissist and I'm 30 years old. I'm suffering mentally so bad 😞

[@dobbs9771]

I do therapy, read books, watch WONDERFUL people like you on KZbin who state things so accurately... yet I STILL have a hard time believing that she is a narcissist. I struggle with this so much. I could highlight most a book on covert narcissism yet in the end not believe it - maybe it was me? Maybe it wasn't as bad as I am making it? But my body and experience state otherwise. Is this a common thing for this "abuse" - which it is hard to even say that word! I'm so thankful for this channel, I just found it and have watched several - so clear and understandable... I just wish I could realize this is what it was and stop feeling like I am "bad" or need to "figure it out". figure "her" out. Also, this picture is my husband... I am a 38 year old mom to two young kids (4 and 6). I am currently low contact with her, as in, I stopped really calling and she rarely texts. Which is great, but then I struggle with my kids not having a grandma.... (because that's always been MY job to arrange their relationship). Do you have advice on grandkids and what you recommend parents of narcissist do with their kids? It's been a hard shift from going above for her to be in their lives, to now not. I'm getting to the point where I am OK that they don't have a relationship, but I constantly fear her evil coming back masked as the "best grandma in the world". Thank you so much if anyone reads this!!!

[@spacolie6667]

i've been struggling hard with my mental health lately & isolating pretty bad, to the point where i no longer feel close enough to my friends to confide in them about what i'm going thru. so i've attempted to reach out to my mom for support & guidance a few times now & always end up regretting it. i bring up feelings of utter hopelessness, she tells me how her life is so hard too bc she barely paid all her bills this month & has so many errands to run on her days off. i tell her i'm struggling with getting my mental health in check enough to hold down a job due to several medication changes recently, she tells me that people at her work always ask how i'm doing & she "wishes she could tell them something good" & "why am i the only one at work with a kid who is always going thru something or coming off medications?" 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ i'm far enough along in my healing journey to not take it to heart anymore bc i know it's a HER problem & that normal, healthy, mothers are concerned with helping their children, not trying to prove to them that HER problems are always worse, or feeling sorry for herself/her reputation bc her child hasn't accomplished what SHE believes they should have by this point in life. still hurts, but she comes from the generation of "we don't acknowledge mental health issues" so she has basically no education on why what she's doing/saying is wrong. her mother is an even more extreme narcissist than her, so i try to look at it thru that lens & not take anything she says too personally. i can't say i don't crave that genuine mother/daughter bond after nearly every conversation with her tho.

[@AzazelsWings]

Oh man.... I'm sorry so so sorry. I know this won't give you a real mom and it's not much, but know you're not alone and you matter a lot. You matter to me. Growing up with " her sickness" and having it affect my whole life and make me the lifelong "burden on someone" makes me wish I could be all yalls mom. 😔

[@bretteumont657]

Best thing I ever did was to stay away from my mother we didn’t talk for years. The other thing I can say is to succeed at anything you do. That was my way of showing my parents that I was good and I could survive. Ironically I’m the golden child now but rarely see or talk to to them. I have a family of my own. And put all my attention to them

[@AshlyRa]

Omg this paragraph seems like it's written by me I am going to the same situation you said above word by word she caring about what her colleagues thing, my mom even told me to stop my medications, it's helping me and I have improved a lot and she can see it and hates it. Dealing with outsiders as narcissists is easy I feel compared to my mum and the grandma part same she is an overt my mom is a covert narc. I don't know when I will feel good sometimes I know it takes time but it hurts a lot. But yeah I am still happy that atlest I have the answers and can grow from it. And I feel you girl we got this...

[@JonMorlow]

That's 80 to 90 percent my life story, effin christ

[@kaystephens2672]

It's like they're living in some fantasy life isn't it. You just wish they could snap put of it.

[@natalyfurlong5327]

Never felt so heard she literally convinced me I was crazy for thinking she wasn’t normal keep up the good work

[@Vicky-by2hq]

“Don’t tell why it’s OK”. My mom justifies all her wrong doings and any poison she spews on people.

[@krystashafer3506]

My mom would say “I’m helping you”

[@carmenhayes8680]

All of what you are saying is so true for me! My life has been hell because of it!

[@AzazelsWings]

My mother .... oh how much I wish and have yearned for ... a mom. I never really had toys, just a bedroom. My brother and I were not allowed to be children,there was never play dates or friends over anything like that,that could have made her house not look perfect. I had a stuffed monkey that was my comfort My only friend pretty much my only toy really, one day she made me leave him at home when I went to daycare "so she could wash him, cause he was dirty". When I returned she had thrown him in the trash, making sure it was pick up day so when I tried to retrieve him he would be gone... I sat by the trash can and wailed my heart broken. I was 4 or 5 and in my 40s now I still have heartache for my monkey. She made me believe my grandparents and other family didn't like or want me like the other kids. She would tell me to stop bringing home "that trash" when I'd pick her flowers. That she was thinner at my age. I could go on and on, but it only makes my heart hurt. I'm so very sorry for all of you, that had to experience life the way you have, I would hug all of you if I could. Thank you for sharing your stories and helping me (and others) find somewhere to belong in a sense. Much love

[@cakepudding3220]

My “mother” did the same thing. Told me at 8 O had to give all my teddies to my cousin who admitted she didn’t want my teddies. I’m 27 and still to this day think about my teddies. It was really special to me

[@salmaria9747]

I'm so so sorry that you went through that. Throwing away your only stuffed animal that you loved was so cruel and evil.

[@Rainbow-m3w]

That is sick. I hope you have lots of monkeys now and you play animal land with your own kids for hours.

[@wildheart295]

I definitely can relate to what you went through and I am so sorry you had your monkey taken like that 😢 My mother would get rid of my dolls and whatever else she didn't want me to have. Everything I had was from my grandparents because she rarely ever gave me anything. I'm in my 50s now and she still tells me that I don't need anything but yet she buys whatever she wants for herself. I've always wanted a "real" loving caring mom. I have never felt love from her 😢😢

[@Groovytunes96]

I'm so sorry you went through that, it made me teary hearing about your toy monkey. What she did was cruel and I can relate. I still have very painful memories now.

[@shannontara]

@12:00 “We know that at the core we have a lack of empathy and that they are not going to be there for us when we really need them. There’s going to be this sort of shaming and blaming when we feel bad and we need their empathy. It’s always about what we did wrong, what we didn’t do enough, what we could do differently…” This is my mother to a T. In moments of stress, distress, or anxiety, she always blames me and makes me feel even worse. I finally learned not to confide in her or go to her with my problems. I recently realized that my mother has many narcissistic traits and am at the point where I am in need of building healthy relationships elsewhere. Thank you for the information, it is helpful in my journey of acceptance and healing. I want to confront her with this newfound knowledge that she is a narcissist, but I am not sure it would do any good as she is very sensitive to criticism and often plays the victim, so for now I am going to focus on healing myself. Also, I feel that I should love, respect, and honor her as my parent, so I aim to do that while trying to protect myself from being affected by her ways. I realize that she likely is the way she is from her own upbringing and past traumas.

[@lauratheexplorer6390]

I have one (a narc Mum) but I didn’t really figure it out until I was 30. I’m 31 now so I’m a year into this narcissism discovery. I think it took such a long time because she’s very covert. But she’s relentless. I’ve developed an autoimmune like disease called Fibromyalgia. This started to show with symptoms of pain, fatigue & anxiety at 12. I remember puberty was an extra stressful time. She’s got a very sex-negative attitude. I took on a lot of shame from her about my sexuality. Because now I understand that it was a threat to her. I’m also gay & that took me an extra 10 years to finally accept it. After coming out as bisexual to her. Her response was she was disappointed. She’s come round more nowadays. I think she may have been sexually abused in some way. Because she always had a strange attitude towards sex & sexuality. I recreated the relationship with a girlfriend of 2 years. At first I figured out my ex was narcissistic & that lead me to figure out my Mum was this way. And why I showed up in that relationship as a codependent people pleaser. I was very ashamed about it & blamed myself. But being raised the way I did. I couldn’t have shown up any other way. So it makes sense.

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you for sharing -I am so sorry for your experiences, and it's so true that we do the best we can, given our stories. I love that you are expressing some grace for yourself and hope you will continue to do so💕🙏🏻

[@WarriorConstance]

The body keeps score. This book will enlighten you. I didn't figure this out until I was 55 years old!!! You got Lots of life left!!! Good luck ❤️

[@LittleLulubee]

My family always shamed me for my sexuality, too. BOTH parents and BOTH siblings. They always judged me. I came out to them as bisexual, too. My mom thought people who dated the opposite sex were “confused”. Right, it’s decades later and I guess I’m still “confused” 🙄🙄

[@missamelie17]

I am so sorry your experienced this. How are you doing today? My Mom was ashamed, angered & dare I say disgusted with me because my incredible partner was of a different race. I was told I could never live in our hometown with my choices & I wasn't living in reality. After this incredibly hurtful encounter I never felt safe to broach topics regarding my relationships & sexuality. It has taken me decades to even begin to grasp the idea she could be narcissistic.

[@janecourtenay3676]

I cut all contact at 63yrs of age. Have never looked back and did not shed a single tear when I heard she had died (months later) from relatives overseas. I am having trouble feeling forgiveness.

[@ChildofGod-Manja]

I have actively worked on forgiveness for 20years. I think the only possibility for forgiveness is if we see the big picture. We see ourselves, others and their patterns in the light of love that was meant for us.. (I'm sorry for my english, I cannot explain it better).

[@Bakeroo]

I'd recommend listening to Dr Ramani on forgiveness. She doesn't think it helps in narcasistic relationships. Whatever, works for you but don't feel obliged. Wishing you all the best from the UK 🇬🇧😊

[@ginanacole566]

Thanks to your videos I have found the piece that was missing. I 100 percent had figured out my mom had BPD but now I see that she also had many, many narcissistic traits. Thank you for the validation.

[@ABa-ve3ul]

Many of toxic mothers have both NPD and BPD

[@clairehayward1078]

my brother is definitely the golden child.

[@blueskiesforever114]

Yes! Always! About her! It’s sickening .. even in old age, she is still just as toxic as ever.she’s stolen from us, to supply her hoarding addiction .. I’m ready to go no contact

[@keishajay389]

I promised that my kids won't have to deal with what I been through

[@organicsunshine9853]

Thanks for clearing things up. I can relate to everything! Walking around without pants well into my adulthood, not identifying with Mother’s Day nice cards because I don’t see that person, and even taking a measuring tape to my body parts (as a young teenager) and comparing mine to hers. Always belittling me and my curiosity, saying “what kind of a stupid question is that?” I developed an eating disorder as a teen. Thankfully, getting out of that toxic house, into college, and surrounded by positive & educated people helped turn my life around. ❤

[@kimberlybartow5084]

The Mother's Day card thing really hit me because this is so me trying to buy a card for my mom. When I was 21 wad blessed to find a wonderful therapist for the 1st time in my life and was diagnosed CPTSD an eating disorder and was the scapegoat child of a narcissistic mother. I thank God every day that I met that man my therapist who saved my life. I made it my goal to read as many books as I could on the subject and try to learn coping mechanisms. I am 42 now and While it has been a lifelong struggle dealing with this -the therapy and the coping mechanisms and just learning about it and feeling validated for the 1st time in my entire life really helped me. I just want anyone who is reading this today to understand that you are worth it and you are lovable ❤ and the more you learn about this (if this is something that you're dealing with) you will see that knowledge is power and there's a sense of freedom you will gain from truly understanding yourself your abuser and what you need to do to break the cycle of generational trauma.

[@annieb5619]

My mother is big into charity , giving hopes and love to others . Even in a 1000 years I would never thought of my mom as a narc . But when I realize all these trauma wounds , low self esteem , emotional imbalances that caused by her , by putting me down for working at a bar to make a living and to support her , while being criticized by her for not being married at the age at 31 with a decent man , i know my mom is a narc . And it is so painful to accept this . I have always had this deep love for my mother , all the sacrifice she always claims she did for me , yet it is conditioned . She always asks for things in return . It is always about her . Her happiness , her reputation , her mood , her need . I’m glad I finally accept that she is a narc and begin on my own healing journey . Hope the future will plan out for me and my sister .

[@katealison6087]

The choosing of the mother's day card rang so true. It's hard to find one that doesn't have verses in that you know aren't true. A dilemma. I usually manage to find one that's blank inside then I just write that I hope she has a good mother's day and leave it at that. I also send a bunch of flowers, none of which means I have to get too involved. It's handy that I'm 400 miles away! I compare that to the beautiful cards I get from my son on mother's day, complete with a lovely handwritten note. As much as I've been able to I've broken the chain.

[@nameeralaraji1223]

We are tested.. there is no accidents..rather than pit my ego against my wifes ego... i rather accept her thereby free myself from the dynamic... my wife constantly for 23 years rejected me withholding love.. which in the end prompted me to look within to start loving myself .. she did a great service

[@jammyjay917]

Omg....just this. I don't particularly like Mother's Day because most of the cards says how wonderful and special they are, but I feel I can't give her a card like that because that is not how I feel....I don't think she is wonderful at all... I have always had to please her on Mother's Day, but I always felt it was never enough...I always had to please her every day when I was a child or else she put the guilt trip on me. I ended up being a people pleaser through out my life until the last few years... I can see what she's doing now and I try to keep my distance or see her in small doses.... She brings me down, is negative and never supports me...if I was upset over anything, she never supported me, I had complete silence when I shed tears....I find it disgraceful... As a result it was hard for me getting through life, lack of self confidence....I am getting there now thankfully. I'm happily married for 28 years and have 2 sons of my own and I would never treat them the way she did to me... She always talks about her things, and has no interest into my life.... The last few years I have been poorly but not once has she asked me how I am... I believe in self care, look after ourselves...we don't need negative family or friends around us....be happy doing what you want to do 💖💖 Thank you for this... We think our Mum's should be there for us, but a lot us haven't got their support, love or understanding...

[@KarleesK9Services]

I'm definitely the scapegoat. Thank you for this. I'm trying to discern whether this applies to my Mother.

[@dentrout9383]

I was in the hospital for an entire month not once did she even say anything or come to me while I'm having an autologous stem cell transplant. The first thing that she says to me when I got out was you didn't get me a birthday gift

[@sue7621]

🙀😘❤️💜❤️

[@MsCarringHeart]

My mom had them all. I learned to stand up for myself. I've been tokd I dijt have empty and now I understand why. As an adult I stand uo for myself and want be Manipulated and cut off toxic people. I was the one that was treated like I dont exist and those who did know I did I was the one that had to be the reason for..... always negative. These types if mothers even effects relations with siblings well into adulthood. I remember as a kid and tean years being brought to therapy for low self Esteem and my mom acting like a caring mom in public and a how different person at home. I am glad I did not end up like her and I found myself not tolerating forms of abouse.

[@angelanew72]

The Mother’s Day card, spot! My decor will never meet her expectations, there will always be something missing from a meal, I’ll never be a good enough hostess, be skinny enough or pretty enough.

[@PJAndersson733]

Definitely have a great repressed hate for my mother. I’ve lived in a constant state of anxiety because of her behavior like everyone else here. She won’t let me use the bathroom in peace. I stayed in edge always ready for her banging on the door or asking me to do something while I’m using the bathroom! Also coming in my bedroom, going through my things, walking in on me naked, undressed. I’m just learning to stop and eat instead of shoving food in my face like a dog, in a hurry to eat before she sees. 😢 My mother throws my things away, loses my belongings or moves them then when asked she is irritated by me asking where she put MY things. She’ll say, I don’t remember. Having to go replace everything for her to do it all over. Ruining clothes in laundry. Giving my things away to people in front of me, especially if it’s a child because she knows my soft spot for children. I always thought she did this out of ignorance. Or just being a flake. The other day she banged on the door while I was in the bathroom and I came out, calm and said yes? She was asking me about something stupid. I said, why are you asking me now? I’m using the bathroom. Her answer : because I have to do this NOW. I am doing this now. I said well I AM in the bathroom. Can you wait until I am done? She turned around quickly and huffed and puffed stomping away

[@salmaria9747]

Sounds exactly like my mom growing up!

[@kelseyla3120]

Wow we may have the same Mother! 😵‍💫

[@LilithBurton7]

I don't speak to her anymore, but she was just like this... It's good to know I'm not crazy and more people saw the same signs in their situation. These specifics were a reflection of her behavior and not my imagination.

[@allthegrace7251]

I swear we have the same mother ughhh 🤮 I hate her

[@bluecoffee8414]

@@PJAndersson733 Damn. Literally everything on that list. The bathroom thing. And the absolute compulsion to randomly move my things around. And constant, wild unpredictable mood swings. Rage. Sneering contempt. I was sent to boarding school and came back to find that she gave my DOG away.

[@kutup333]

Holy shit this is so spot on

[@Xplreli]

I was unsure at the beginning of the video but DANG did I check off every song box! I have avoided viewing my mom as the narcissist of the family because she was diagnosed bipolar but it’s starting to make more sense that there is more too the story. I always knew that my family system was a narcissistic one because of the clear golden child and scapegoat child labels that fit me and my sister. But this definitely opened my eyes a lot.

[@fairboxie]

@3:53 This is a perfect description. If I get a card that isn't effusive enough she'll be mad because I'm not giving her the love and respect she deserves. BUT my mother knows she's a shit mom so if I get a card that goes on and on about how great she is she'll know it's a lie and be pissed off too. There's no way to correctly thread the needle, she's gonna be mad either way.

[@lynnmoya7027]

Omg .... Thank you so much for the Mother's day card example. I do that ... For years I would feel such aggravating anxiety as Mother's day would approach and standing in a Hallmark store was torture for me.. I'm a mother now and I don't want gifts from my kids on mother's day, in fact, I rather they not acknowledge the day .. I know it confuses them but I tell them how my mother made that day conditional and I love them with or without gifts small or large gifts it don't matter so I rather them not give me anything cuz I know they love me. But I do remember being angry at my mother and saying " Hallmark needs to have a section that says how I feel on mother's day and it's not what the cards say now", I felt so awful after because my mother took that to whole different level of hurt and everyone had to know how I hurt her.. my mother has passed , it will be a year in November, and I am going through emotions like never before and learn that my siblings are experiencing the same but yet we can't comfort each other.. sad but our mother created that detachment with in our relationships with each other as we struggle with the hold she had on each of us. This leaves such an unclear ,open, empty , confused void in me. It hurts but I feel free, and I'm totally confused with that feeling .. That felt good to express . Thank you...

[@Truthseeker7771000]

I always felt not good enough, i always felt i don't measure up to her she seems better at life than me she seems to been a better mom an wife an I'm not all that great etc...she uplifts me an some how i still feel less than i feel she measures my success to her owns etc I froze now im thawing an im more edgy than ever now an yes been called a bytch but everyone has amnesia when its brought up..me an my brother just ungrateful because we got everything growing up smdh

[@lindabollea4768]

love that you’ve explained it in a more today type lingo . i’ve heard the same old descriptions of the narc mom but yours was wayyy more hip

[@MasonLeCompte]

I recommended your videos to my sister and she said she was already watching them. They are definitely helpful.

[@Luton-Mick]

My mother was just a means to an end, I just happened to enter this life via her rather like getting off an aircraft when you've reached your destination, after 46 years of dealing with it this is the level of my emotional attachment i have to that vile individual. She won't be missed that much I'm certain of.

[@lo-ul8nq]

Thank you, you've so right about everything. Its so true.i enjoy watching your videos. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am Empath and a single mother of my own children. I raised my children different from how i was raised. I am a 47 female who is the oldest of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. I been a Christian for over ten years. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it at all. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists are liars. Narcissists never loved us at all Narcissists dont care about you at all Narcissists are broken people Narcissists always act like they are the victim Narcissists are insecure people Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil Narcissists dont know how to Love at all Narcissists are fake and phony people

[@hermosareina1212]

This is my mom. She did so much mental damage. She’s emotionally unavailable and very jealous person.

[@VioletVoyage314]

Amazing video ♥️ my biological mother (adopted moms can come from anywhere!) was just like this with me and I’m a straight male who just wanted to have feelings. She never had a daughter and was from a family of all girls where she was the youngest and had a distant father. She always wanted a little girl and had three sons. She didn’t even have boys names picked out for the last two of us. She was heartbroken when she didn’t have a girl. I’m the middle son and the glue of the family. After I went no contact, the family blew up but my mother rather than take accountability would destroy everything. A very sick person. My other two brothers look like my father or someone else and they say I look just like my mom. It’s amazing how there’s so little support coming from this perspective for sons of narcissistic mothers. Anyway. Great content. I felt like you were describing her to a T. Fortunately now I practically feel almost 100% healed after many years. Love and healing to everyone out there who has been chronically abused. It gets better and takes time. At the end of the day better to go no contact and let your light shine completely I believe. ♥️♥️♥️

[@JOHNTHEWHISK]

Hi Kim. I cut out all contact with my highly narc mom a year ago, and I've been a lot better for it. Saying that, she still leaves me voice messages on my mobile every week, and i am forced to listen to the first three seconds in order to delete it. So she gets at me that way. Recently, she left me a very sappy voicemail where she sang happy birthday with her voice cracking as she always does when she's faking tears. sickening. she left this message THREE WEEKS before my actual birthday which was also an attempt to guilt trip and manipulate. look at me, i've got dementia now. no, she doesn't. grotesque display. why can't she just respect that i want nothing more to do with her.

[@SinaLaJuanaLewis]

Is there a way to truly get over this. While listening to this I really understand but now how do I go forward 😭

[@AmandaAlexander-jp2ym]

For me it's how my mom hadn't been there for me when I truly needed someone and was in the hospital and couldn't beg any louder than I did.... And the way she used that against me and uses the smear campaign to my siblings because when my sister asked me "where's mom?" My response was "idk she hasn't responded" "doesn't seem to care"... Since that hurt my mother's feelings now none of my siblings talk to me...

[@AmandaAlexander-jp2ym]

And she calls me crazy they all call me unhinged and have diagnosed me all because of calling out to obvious.... Like she messaged me "what sizes do you wear? I wanna get you a coat and shoes for Christmas" and I said "well you haven't checked on me or cared about anything I've said and wrote me off for more than 6 months. I don't need a coat" and then she said "this is why I don't, because it always ends like this" that's a cop out and a lie.

[@Chahlie]

I very firmly told my 'mother' the other day that it was her responsibility to have given us guidance, to have sat us down and told us what was right and wrong, given us life skills. The whole family is so screwed up. Now that she is old it's my job to guide her and let her know how to be an adult, finally. She refuses to grow up, but it doesn't mean I can't be healthy. I (as the scapegoat) have finally got to the point in my recovery where I don't have to hide anymore. It's like being liberated. And yes "why are you doing this to me?" "I may as well just kill myself then" Sorry mom, but it's time you grew up and accept that you have to act like an adult. And stop triangulating for Pete's sake! The 'B' word still sets me off as it was so frequently used at me, even when I was quite little.

[@DrKimSage]

So sorry you had this experience, and no child should be called this word. Love that you are setting boundaries and honoring yourself though! Great example!!👏🙏🏻

[@ABa-ve3ul]

Everyone who had a narcissistic mother needs to mourn the loss of never having a mother - but an enemy instead

[@ABa-ve3ul]

Omg all this sounds soo familiar. Like most of the comments show how similar these narcissistic self-centered empathy-depleted toxic mothers are that were never real mothers, never protected their daughters or gave them the guidance & love that normal mothers did. Just empathy-less empty souls. All in all unforgivable

[@Butterflyyyy9]

Smart they expect you to take care of them when they supposedly she be taking care of their child. We're not responsible for a parent it's the other way around period

[@anubhutirauthan2431]

Oh god! I have the same experience with my mother...she never taught me basic life skills and its more about her public image in front of her relatives...and she dosen't wanna grow up

[@johnkowalski5756]

As a 60 year old man, two brothers and one sister, I can attest to this video. My father was married to our morher for 50 years. The last 10 years of his life were absolutely miserable. Our mother is (still alive at 82 and getting aaround!) Is the classic narcissist. She made everone's life a living hell with the result that none of the siblings including myself see her now. This has been the case for the last 3 years.

[@Annenigmatic]

Mother's Day card hack: Fancy, modern, bespoke-style cards often have simpler sentiments inside & your mom will still be pleased because the card itself is beautiful & expensive. The "Papyrus" brand excels at this! Good luck 💗

[@katieking8830]

In high school I made my mom a homemade Mother’s Day card with pen and watercolor; it was beautiful, spent hours doing it. I wish I had it now, it was farmable! I gave it to her and later that day I found it in the trash! I cried and left it there!

[@melissaproper3182]

I have just come to the realization that my mom exhibited many of these traits while trying to heal from narcissistic relationships ( a 21 -yr marriage and a 10- yr relationship after that). Blows my mind...

[@AlexandrakS2]

you said there's 3 responses to the narcissistic mother: fight, flee or freeze by trying to be someone else and hidding feelings. I tried all at some point already and it failed in diferent ways. Nowadays i'm on therapy and on my no-contact era (the flee scenario) and by far it's the best of them (at least in my case and opinion) but the trauma is still horrible and I call it somewhat flawed because even taking every precaution my mother still keeps hunting me, trying to find and contact me back. Just sharing this to illustrate how to a narcissistic mother nothing ever is good enough and there isnt an action that is going to heal her or make her stop the bull5h*t. You can try anything but in the end, you are on your own

[@Capt1021]

Spot On! Thank You 🙏🏾

[@itz_kale7791]

I hate picking out that mother's day card and honoring a mom who kicks us in the emotional, psychological, and physical face. A complete contrast to what a mother should be. I recently moved 1,000 miles away and went no contact. She is a very jealous person and she's managed to win over family members to her way of thinking about me. She's affected my relationship with immediate and extended family. All her disappointment in life and everything she hates about herself she put on me . Everything she loves about herself she put on my 2 younger brothers. She is a manipulator at it's finest. They will never change. Do not waste more than half your life like I have, waiting for an approval you're never going to get. Move away from them now! Thank you Dr. Kim.

[@lynettegriffiths6386]

Wow, this is the only video I found that perfectly describes what it's like.

[@jcimsn8464]

Pray I can forgive my hateful, cruel mother. I am not recovered and doubt I can.

[@sammyrnaj]

You hit the nail on the head with your opening statements & froze me in my tracks. It doesn't apply to their daughters, but to their sons, more intensely because of their heightened expectations from men, generally.

[@zulfikarkhawlah]

i have narcistic maternal envy mother, she only attack daughter, and I am the only daughter of 4 siblings. Nobody understands me. I always hide behind my big brother if there's any humiliation attack and emotional abuse. Thank God, my husband is not narcistic, and i found that some of my close friends are victims of narcistic abuse.

[@LonoAurora97]

Im 39yo. I just moved my mother in over a year ago. I had to come here because I dont feel like myself anymore and all these flashbacks of my childhood are coming back. I came here just to verify my mother is a narcissist. I remember why I stayed far far away from her.

[@sssskimmy1]

My mom and dad curse me out while I'm cooking. It's mentally challenging. She's also obsessed with my relationships.

[@dominiquecollins5932]

I didn't check yet, but do we have the types of Narcissistic moms? this video is so good! I love it to learn more feels like someone else understands!!!

[@spicydragonroll88-wd2jl]

Out of three sisters mom never mentioned me to her boss.. she never mentioned when I had a child at 19.. she got upset and held the kids gifts when I and the kids were not feeling well and didnt want to travel to her home for Christmas Day 🙄 the kids didnt get their gifts until after New Years

[@amandalynn2557]

Wow this is my exact experience. I'm in my 30s with children of my own now and I am suddenly realizing how abnormal my childhood (even into adulthood) has been. I'm currently receiving the silent treatment from both of my parents who have narc PD. This is so eye opening.

[@mikaylawirth-pastor2824]

Literally confirmed everything I already knew.. especially the mothers day card one I'm always buying a very generic card bc I can't relate to the emotional ones on the cards 😅

[@nerdeartist]

I’m moving back with my narcissist mother with my husband and toddler. I’m worried and scared of living with her again 😢